Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - I Never Hit Rock Bottom, But I Knew I Had to Quit Drinking | Mateja's Story

Episode Date: June 2, 2026

“I never got a DUI. I never got arrested. I never lost my job. So how could I possibly have a problem with alcohol?”Mateja didn’t drink until she was 21. She had a successful career, a good family, and from the outside looked like someone who had it all together. But behind the scenes, alcohol was becoming harder to ignore.In this episode, Mateja shares her journey through college drinking, restaurant culture, blackouts, anxiety, and the realization that you don’t have to hit rock bottom to quit drinking.We discuss high-functioning alcoholism, sober curiosity, recovery, AA, social pressure, anxiety, and what life looks like after alcohol.If you’ve ever wondered whether your drinking is “bad enough” to quit, this episode is for you.🎧 Listen now and discover what’s possible when alcohol is no longer running the show.Mateja on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mateja_violinistSober Motivation Mobile App: https://apps.apple.com/app/sober-motivation-app/id6759266291Sober Motivation Website: https://www.sobermotivation.comSupport the Podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivationContact me anytime: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm sitting there in this hotel room by myself on the ground in front of the little mini-fridge, just pouring this tequila down my throat that A, I don't even like, and B, I know is going to give me a reaction. And then I go back up to the restaurant, super drunk. She never got a DUI. She never got arrested. She never lost her job. So how could she possibly have a problem with alcohol? And this is Matea's story on the Super Motivation podcast.

Thank you again for tuning into another episode. so don't forget to subscribe or follow the show wherever you listen. Now let's get to Matea's story. Welcome back to another episode of the Subur Motivation podcast. Today we've got Mateo with us. How are you? I'm doing great. How are you, Brad? I'm good. I'm happy to connect and hear your story here on the podcast. I'm so excited. So what was it like for you growing up? So I had a great childhood. I grew up in Gross Point, Michigan, which is very small, very wealthy suburb of Detroit. My parents both worked very hard. My mother was a high-powered attorney, just tough as nails, and my dad worked in construction. And I have a twin sister who I historically sometimes get along with, sometimes not.

And a large part of the anxiety that I experienced growing up was because of her, because she eventually was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which is just one of the most devastating diagnoses because unless there's proper medication, it can be very hard to have a normal life. And she struggled a lot. She ended up in a mental institution, our senior year. And I think it was like one or two months. I don't remember how much, but it was a lot of drama. It was hard, especially for my mother. She had a lot of pride in the way that she raised us. And this was just not her fault. You know, it was not anybody's fault, but my sister to this day still struggles with addiction. You know, it used to be a lot worse. And there was an overdose that she had in college where

her friends just left her foaming at the mouth and called the police because they were afraid to get in trouble. And she survived. It's just been a constant rollercoaster. And so growing up, I was the opposite. I really wanted to be by the book, follow the rules. I was involved in, music, in orchestra, and in choir. And that kind of kept me out of trouble, too, because I was always having these after-school rehearsals and concerts to get ready for. So I never got into anything crazy until college. Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing that. You must have listened to an episode or two, because you knew exactly. I listened to hundreds. Hundreds of episodes. Well, thank you for listening. And, you know, it's interesting. And since you've listened, you will already

know. Like this is kind of how it can play out sometimes. It's a good childhood. Some people have one where it might be more of a struggle, but either or doesn't make us immune to potentially leaning into alcohol as life goes on. What's that like growing up? I mean, you mentioned your mom there to a high-powered attorney. I'm only guessing here, but that might come with expectations to do well. I mean, was that a thing or no? It was and it wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't. I will say that when I made the decision that I wanted to major in music as a violinist, my parents were both extremely supportive, but of course there were some comments made of how is she going to make any money, you know, because it's very competitive to really make

it in music full time. It's almost impossible. And, you know, at the age of 18, I thought, oh, it's no big deal. And I started to learn how true that was, but I remember one of the things that my mom said to me was, which is crazy looking back, but this is, seemed normal at the time. She said, well, you know, if you're going to major in music, I would recommend that you marry a rich husband. And it was like whispered in my ear all the time. And, you know, it's just one of those things where she obviously is very wealthy. You know, as a lawyer, she made a lot of money and she worked very hard and she wanted the same for me. But it didn't really turn out that way. And so it led to complications. But I've always been close to.

with her regardless. Yeah, yeah. So do you do any drinking in high school or before college or no? Not at all. Actually, the story of my first drink is really funny because my mom threw me a 21st birthday party. I had moved to Florida for college. And I went to University of Miami, which is the biggest party school in the country,

honestly. And I just did not want to break the law. I still had my values. And so I wanted to do something big for my birthday. and we had maybe like 15 people. My mom came down from Michigan. She planned the party. It was beautiful.

But she told the people at the restaurant, she said, please, water down all of her drinks because my daughter's never drank before. I don't need her getting messy. Just water them all down. And so at midnight, when I turned 21, we all took a shot and it was a pink shot to match my dress, of course.

My mom, she has an eye for details. And so there's actually a video of me taking this shot And my first reaction after I put it down was, damn, but I mean, there was probably this much alcohol. So this was just the start. Yeah. And that was when you turned 21 to celebrate your party. I mean, anything before we move forward, is there anything up until this point that, you know, kind of stands out as a red flag or anything for, you know, maybe the rest of the story? Or this kind of what you shared is, is everything there?

Yeah. So nothing really started happening until I started drinking and patterns started to emerge. And it kind of went from there. So after I turned 21, I would drink socially with my friends. And another part of being a musician is that we have to practice a lot. We have sometimes aches and pains. You're stuck in a practice room by yourself for hours. It can be monotonous.

And so when we would have performances or auditions, we would always love to go party afterwards. And so it was sort of a cultural thing. You know, we would have a concert and then we would go drink. And it was just normal. Everybody drank. At this time, I did not know a single person that didn't drink. And so I just thought, cool, I'm going to join the fun. And it got to the point where, you know, I had started going to therapy later on in college.

And my therapist said something to me in a session that now seems like a red flag. But at the time I brushed it off, which was every week, I want you to keep track of the amount of drinks you have per day. And at the end of the week, add up the number and bring it to me for our next session. And so we did this probably for two or three months. And he would make comments when the drinks were on the higher end. He said, you know, I noticed you had like a lot of drinks this week. What do you think is going on with that? And my answer was always the same. Oh, well, I'm a social person. I love to socialize. And every time I go out, I drink. And every time I socialized, I drink. And I just brushed it off. And I think the therapist could tell because at this time,

I'm only 22, I was in no way ready to think about cutting back or quitting or think maybe this is an issue. I was just having the time of my life, in my opinion. Yeah, going through college too. And you mentioned there, I think, is similar to so many people's stories, is there's nobody around us really not drinking. Yeah. So it doesn't, I think looking back, the hindsight of it all is thinking, okay, you know, maybe there were people that probably weren't drinking, maybe not in our group or, you know, friend group or maybe they weren't drinking as much. But at the time, it just like, it just keeps going.

And it almost feels like a right of passage or maybe a growing up or just connecting with other people in college too. You know, we're out leaving the nest a little bit. So let's check all of that out. So nothing, you know, nothing that you're picking up on, you know, through this time. No consequences or anything, you know. Not at all.

I finished college and I went on to go to grad school, which is actually when things ramped up, because when I went to grad school, I went to Florida International University, which is in the same area, but I stayed off campus. So I had my first apartment. And because I had a scholarship for my master's degree, my mom paid for the apartment. That was the deal. I would pay for the school. She'd pay for my place. So it worked out. And this is where things got a lot worse because I started working at a restaurant. I'd never had to work through college, thankfully, because of, you know, my mom. I was very lucky. And so I started working at the restaurant. And if you think musicians love to party, the restaurant is just a whole different dimension. Like, it was so insidious. I mean,

every night, there's an opportunity to go out and do something. And honestly, in Miami specifically, which is where we'd go out very often, we'd just go into the city, you can literally drink 24 if people are into drugs, which some of my friends were, you can find it everywhere. I mean, there's nightclubs in Miami that are open from 10 p.m. until 12 p.m. the next day. And I would do that sometimes. I got into the club scene and I had actually started dating somebody that was into science. And he was a nerd, but he like me also really loved to party. And so at one point, I must have been about 25. or so, he had introduced me to, you know, drugs. And when I say drugs, he did the crazy stuff, in my opinion at the time. I was like, I'm not touching it, like cocaine and things like that and LSD.

And I was like, let me just try ecstasy because, you know, I trusted him and he tested everything. He was a scientist. So he knew how to make sure there was no other stuff in there. So I remember the first time I tried it, I was just like, wow. I felt. like I had come alive in a way that alcohol didn't necessarily do, but it was just something different. And I remember staying out at the club until 12 p.m. the next day, and I wasn't even tired. And it was weird. You know, I did not end up being a drugs person. I had some experiences, but I kept with the drinking and, you know, we ended up having a pretty rough breakup. We were actually supposed to get married. And then I started to notice things.

when I moved in with him that were not normal. He was medicated for ADHD and he would start abusing the medication. And so at this time, it's around 2020 and the pharmacies have not caught on to what people are doing. So the workaround, which I didn't realize that I was just upon in the game, but the workaround was that he would tell me, hey, I ran out of my prescription, but I needed to get out of bed in the morning. So can you just? drive 20 minutes down the road and they'll fill it there. So I would actually fill his prescription down the road or outside of town so that they didn't know that he was filling it so often. And at a certain point, it just got to the point where, like, he never wanted to be around me.

He always wanted to be using a substance. And I was just uncomfortable. And I just, I broke up with him. I ended up moving in with my best friend, CJ, who was still my best friend. And that's when the drinking just got totally out of control because all of my friends at the restaurant, they were my crew at this point. Like, they were my besties. And we would go out every single night and I would just not keep track of how much I drank. I would start maybe by keeping track, but then it would just escalate. And I said, oh, well, I'm going through a breakup. It's fine. And one of the most powerful things that I remember is it was not very long after the breakup. I had been drinking heavily. I was mixing liquor and wine and not eating enough, just not paying attention.

So at the end of the night, I was like, oh my God, I can't get home. So someone from the restaurant, this guy that I considered a close friend at the time said, okay, well, do you want me to drive you to C.J's house? Do you want to sleep at my place? Like, what do you want to do? And I said, well, you know, you're doing me a favor, so we'll just do whatever is easier for you. He said, it's easier to go to my place. I said, okay, no problem. So I remember he stopped to get me some water, and we went to his place, and his roommate was asleep. It was probably like two in the morning or something. And so we get to his place, and I just go lay down in the bed. I just want to sleep it off and just feel better. And he grabbed my tank top and ripped it in half and, like, aggressively put his hands on me.

And I was terrified. I did not want anything like that. I thought this was someone I could trust. I was 108 pounds at the time, really drunk, like, totally helpless. And I remember trying to push him off. And I remember saying, no, stop. And he just didn't listen. So I'm terrified. I'm like, oh, my God, like, you know, praying to God, please don't let anything happen to me. And God listened because he wasn't able to rape me. But unfortunately, other things happened that I did not consent to. And my plan was just, okay, when he's done with all of this, let me just sleep. And in the morning, I can go back to CJ's house and just forget it all happened. So the next morning, I go back to my friend's house. I get ready to go to work. And when I get to the restaurant, he's there.

And this was insane because the first thing he says when he sees me is, oh, so do you remember everything that happened last night? And I said, yes, of course I remember. And he just didn't say anything. You know, like he knew what he had done was wrong, but he didn't say anything. So I remember just weighing my options like, okay, either I go to the police as someone who was drunk, not a reliable narrator, and I blow up my entire friend group, or I just try to find another way to deal with this. And at the time, I genuinely thought it was my fault for being drunk. And so I just sort of acted like nothing happened. I kept spending time with him. I kept my friend group together. And I told CJ, like three months later, and he said, that's terrible. And I said, I know.

and then I just did not say anything to anyone for years. Wow. Yeah, I feel like I've not the same story, but similar stories on the podcast where this happens and then internalize it in maybe one way or another of ways that I personally don't understand, but I can see how this is going to cause some friction and maybe make leaning into drinking for the numbing effect

or the avoidance effect become, even more of a thing. Are you surprised at all where you're at with your drinking throughout all of this? And you touched on the restaurant too, and we can circle back to that maybe after. But are you surprised at like, hey, maybe I'm drinking too much or, you know, what's going on here? It's ramping up. It seems like quite a bit. Yeah. So I actually, you know, even though I was in therapy, because of how immature I was, even though at this time I'm 27, you know, I'm using therapy to gossip about people and to try and spill the tea to have someone to talk to with no consequences because they're not allowed to tell anyone unless I want to hurt myself or others, which I did

not. And so I'm not using therapy in the right way. I'm using alcohol to relieve stress. And even though consequences are starting to happen, I still ignore it because this is just a habit that I built. And I remember in the restaurant, and I'm still friends with her to this day, my friend Jennifer, we had a lot in common because we're both Christian. We both believe in God. And we both grew up very sheltered and very much rule followers. And we both kind of had our awakening at the same time with alcohol and with, you know, maybe I don't want to be a good girl anymore. And so even her, she said something to me like, you know, I don't think you should drink so much. Maybe you should be careful. And it got to the point where it kept going and going. And eventually,

a lot of times my friends would start not inviting me out because it got to the point where I was always having to be carried out of the bars and clubs every single time I would get out of control. They would have to babysit me. And then, you know, people that are normies, as we say, that just want to have fun and let loose are like, oh my God, Mattaya's vomiting again. Or, oh, my God, we have to drag Matea out again, who's going to get her home? And I became a burden. But even then, I just didn't know any better. But what's interesting is that as time went on, there was something that happened that made me cut back. And this was actually, after being single for two years after this previous guy, I met somebody else. And this was the first person that I was really close to that did not drink or smoke or do drugs. And I remember thinking, wow, like, if I want him to stay with me, I need to cut back. because if I drink like this around him, I can't hide behind everyone else drinking. It's just us, too. I need to cut back. And I did. But the obsession in my mind was still there. And a story that I think about now is that

two months into the relationship with this new guy, my mother had to have brain surgery. And it went great. Everything went fine. But she ended up getting it done at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. So she purchased these first class tickets for my sister and I to go with her, to support her, to make sure she was okay. And I remember, of course, first class, you get free alcohol. And I was so excited because I was all stressed out. I'm like, my mom's having surgery in the morning. Let me just have a drink and forget about it. So I'm having this drink, and it's a really short flight. And like, when I'm halfway done with the drink, the flight attendant comes up to me and says, ma'am, you know, you need to give that to me because we're landing the plane. And I was furious. I'm like, this is first class. Like, how dare she?

And I remember texting my boyfriend at the time saying, this is ridiculous. Like, I'm trying to finish my drink. And she took it away from me to land the plane. And it's wild now thinking about it because I should be worrying about my mom and, like, making sure we get to the hotel. But I'm so obsessed with this wasted half a cup of alcohol that it's all I can think about. And when he texted me back and just said, L-O-L, I got even more mad. I said, what's wrong with you? You should be angry, too. And he pretended to be angry, to be nice to me. But things just kept happening. And about a year later, I had played the violin for a very fancy hotel in West Palm Beach. And it's like a four-star hotel. And I played for one of their events. And for whatever reason, they said, well, you know, we don't really have a budget to pay you cash. But would you take a free room? I'm like, sure, I'll

bring my boyfriend, we'll have a good little staycation. So we went there, and I don't know if they still do it, but this was in 2023. Everyone who checks in, that's over the age of 21, gets a free drink. So there were these two mixed drinks with tequila. And of course, I'm still a good girl. And I say, oh, he doesn't drink, just give me one. He looks at me like I'm crazy and it's like, just take them both. Who cares? I'm like, okay. So I drink one, which is important because historically speaking at this time, I already know that I actually have an allergic reaction to tequila. Like, it makes my face swell up. I don't feel good. But again, the obsession, I didn't want to waste the drink. So I had it. And later that night, we're at dinner at this beautiful rooftop restaurant,

you know, relaxing. And of course, I order a fancy cocktail because he's paying for it. So why not? And I remember we had ordered our entrees. And I said to him, hey, would you mind just staying here for like 10 to 15 minutes? Because I just remembered that we're leaving tomorrow morning. and I don't like to drink in the mornings, and I just can't waste that other drink. So what if I just go to the hotel and just chug it? And he said, okay, sure. So I go to the hotel room, and I'm sitting there in this hotel room by myself on the ground in front of the little mini fridge, just pouring this tequila down my throat that A, I don't even like, and B, I know is going to give me a reaction.

And then I go back up to the restaurant, super drunk, and I still finish my cocktail because I'm like, I can't waste that. So now I see it for what it is, but at the time, I thought it was just vacation. I'm having extra fun, you know? Yeah. Yeah, it seems like when we're going through it, there's always maybe an excuse we believe in, right? Like it's vacation or I've worked hard or, you know, we've heard all kinds on the show over the years. And we've probably all, you know, said some of our own to maybe excuse the behavior in one way or another that it's okay to continue. Thinking about the restaurant, though, so you pop into the restaurant, I experience the same thing.

The restaurants, a sense of community. It's like the work hours make real good sense to be able to go out and to party. And everybody's kind of, well, not everybody, but well, for me, not everybody was doing it, a big majority, you know, 90% or something. I also found out for me too. I was introduced to people that were older. Like when I was like 18, 19, 20, maybe doing this restaurant thing, there were some people that maybe in their 40s, right? It had been kind of carrying on and, you know,

veterans are more experienced in sort of partying. How did you find that, that experience? Yeah, so I think it was just like, you know, I felt like at the time that all of the people at the restaurant were like my family because I worked so many hours and so many holidays and nights and weekends that there was definitely a time over a period of probably six months where I actually spent more time at the restaurant than I did at home. And so it sort of became this place where I could find everything I wanted. Oh, if I want a vent, I have Jennifer. If I want to just go get wasted, I know who's going to be at every single party.

If I feel like doing drugs occasionally, I know who has them, you know? And so it just got into every aspect of my life. And I think a big important thing to remember, too, is that for the majority of my restaurant career. You know, after this breakup, I was single. And you're treated differently when you're a single female at the restaurant. Because another thing I'll say is that they not only celebrate and encourage this binge drinking and this use of drugs, but sexual harassment. You know, I would have guys coming up to me, just grabbing me at the club that I thought were my friends from the restaurant. And I thought it was funny. I would just be like, ha, ha, nope, I'm going to say no to you,

you and you and I'll say yes to you. You know, and I think it was sort of like a power trip as well because I almost got my own level of drunk on, oh, I can make him really want me and I can say no, and I can say yes to him and everybody else can leave me alone. And the only problem with that way of thinking is that I wasn't actually in control. I had the illusion of control because I believed that this was something that I wanted. But when I look back on it, everything spiraled out of control. My friends that I did hook up with, our friendship blew up in our faces and it ended badly and people treated us like trash at work. And so it's like these things that I thought that I wanted that I thought were helping me, were harming me in so many ways. And Jennifer was the only person

that saw that, but I ignored her because my priorities were just, Matea wants this, Mattaya wants that. How can I get this? How can I get that? And everybody else was just off to the side collateral damage, not really on my mind. Yeah, even mentioning that part there too, where do you feel like that came into your life or into the picture of things? Like, was that just starting at the restaurant? I think the restaurant was a big part of it because when I was in school, you know, everything was filtered through this classroom environment. And especially for my master's degree, I was a commuter. And so I didn't really party with these people. I saw them during the day. I went home at night or I would go to the restaurant and that was it.

And I started to just integrate with everyone because, you know, we all had something in common, which was at the time we were all really into partying. We were all young and we could party for a long time regardless of if there were drugs or not. And I just think that in my mind, the common ground of having fun was my escape from reality. I didn't have to think about the fact that I had canceled my wedding to this previous guy that I didn't know when I was going to meet someone again, I could just escape and have fun and just not think so much. Yeah. And I think that makes a lot of sense, too.

It's a distraction. I mean, alcohol is just a great distraction. Everything we get wrapped up into is a distraction of maybe not achieving our goals or maybe not moving towards them or, you know, that's single life too in the restaurants too. And maybe the extra attention that, you know, that kind of provide unwanted at, times and in maybe a different way, you know, at other times too, gives maybe a sense of purpose. Where do you go from there?

I mean, did you experience a lot of blackouts too? I mean, you're mentioning these Miami clubs from 10 till lunchtime the next day. That is that's a long stretch. Were you blacking out at all or no? I was. I would say that when things were at their worst, it was probably the very start of COVID. you know, once things opens back up again, we would always go out because, you know, again, it was a reason to celebrate, oh, we're back at work, cool, let's go party again, because the

world has gone crazy and now we can be with our friends again, we can have physical touch, we can have that connection. And that was just always what we did. It was either a party at someone's house or going out. And so, you know, another memory this triggers for me is one of those nights that I had to be carried out of the club. I remember we all worked the next day. And we could do that, of course, because we wouldn't have to be at work till 4 p.m. So if you stay out till 5, you're fine. Sleep it off. Come to work anyway. And I remember when I got to work, I looked at one of my friends that was out that night. I said, hey, did I do anything terrible last night? He said, no, you're good. You didn't, you know, you didn't kiss anyone, so you're good. But now it's like,

okay, so I didn't kiss anyone. But is the bar really this low? You know, know. And looking back on it, I think I only remember like 20% of what happened. And at the time, I thought it was cool and fun and great. And now I see that it's really not because that level of panic and anxiety, like having to ask someone, what did I do? And it's interesting because when I first started getting back into dating, like during COVID later on, I had gone on a date with someone and he asked me, what do you do for fun? And I said, I like to go to the clubs and the bars with my friends. I told, and this was a first date, and I told him about how there was a night where I didn't remember most of what happened and I had to get carried out. And I said, yeah, and it was so much

fun. And he looked at me like I was insane. He's like, I don't know about fun, but okay. And again, it's like these alarm bells were just going off, but I just wasn't ready to hear it. I didn't want the party to stop. I thought that if I didn't drink, that the fun would stop. Yeah. You mentioned that too, just had me curious, too, about. what was the fear or the apprehension on the other side of things of a life without drinking? Because you didn't drink until you were 21. Things were okay. I'm only guessing here, but you probably weren't waking up and saying,

yeah, I can't wait to party at 17 or 16 or, you know, I'm going to miss this so much because it hadn't been introduced to your life. It's interesting how alcohol creeps its way in to where there was a time, I think, for most of us, where we didn't think of alcohol. You just woke up and you went about your life and you never were just like, oh, I can't wait to drink. We never started.

And then there becomes this other phase in life where it's like, oh man, a life without alcohol, what the heck would even be the point that feels just, we kind of get into believing that, you know? And it's interesting kind of how that happens because it's not something that I think that most of us are aware of. You know, that there was like, we're drinking, drinking, things are okay, right?

it's not bad and then we're drinking, drinking. And now it's like a life without this. Oh my gosh, I'm not interested. Yeah, I mean, I feel like a big part of it is that even if you go watch TV and it goes to a commercial break, oh, this is the new healthy seltzer. It's low calorie. You can have it on the beach. And, you know, they celebrate day drinking, especially in Florida.

Oh, have brunch on the beach, two for one margaritas. And so it's like it's so ingrained into our everyday life and normalized. that, you know, you actually are surprised if you meet someone that doesn't drink, or at least when we're deep in it, we are surprised and sometimes even weirded out. I remember meeting people that didn't drink, and I was like, oh, that's weird. You know, I wasn't going to say it to their face, but I always thought that strange. Like, what about when you have a baby shower or a wedding or a barbecue? Alcohol is just always there.

It's accessible. It's affordable. And in my opinion, at the time, it was just fun. Like it was fun to have a reason to drink. It was fun to do it with other people. And I just thought it was so great. Yeah. It almost makes me wonder.

Like, because you bring up such a good point that I've really leaned on recently to kind of answer that question I mentioned because I'm like, I'm curious for myself. I'm curious for the millions of people who seem to start out drinking, don't have anything major happen in their life that they can identify. but find themselves really struggling, but giving it up feels like, I can't do that. Like, where does that shift take place? And it kind of makes me wonder, too, like, why do, you know, I'll use they in air quotes, because I don't really know who they would even be. But why do they want us drinking so much? You know, I mean, I know there's money involved, right?

So that's kind of, that's one piece of the puzzle, but it kind of leaves me with a lot of curiosity about yeah, every commercial, every sporting event, literally everything you do, everywhere you go, it's like, hey, there it is. But that also makes me wonder about how it's working on the subconscious at the same time. We're seeing, I don't know, 100, 200, 300 signals per day that alcohol equals fun, it's glamorous,

there's good-looking people, you always get the girl, you always win this, you win the championship, you celebrate that, you close the deal. I think we see so many of those signals on a daily basis that we're convinced without even maybe realizing it. But it's so not true. We only know that now on this side of things. I don't know if you have any thoughts on that random tangent there. So I think it's very relatable because it's just like, you know, if you take a group of people between 20 to 30 years old and let's just say single people. And you put them in a room and you're like, here, all the alcohol is free. Maybe there's one, maybe two of them that won't drink it. But when it's

available, we're taught, oh, you know, let's take advantage. And I think that was just a big part of it for me as well is that especially going along with the restaurant industry and being single and having a lot of friends, I wouldn't always pay for my drinks. It's not like I had to go out. And if I wanted six drinks, I had to pay for them all. No, they would just be handed to me. And again, it's like the nature of the disease where it's like someone's going to tell you, hey, have another and I'm not going to say no. And it brings me to another really interesting story, which is that, fast forward a couple years. You know, it's 2025. I have gotten super serious with this guy. And at this point, it's September of 2025, and it's two months before we're going to get married. And I had just gotten a brand new job.

I was really excited because it was so much more money. It was more in line with what I enjoy. And my previous job, I had been there for over a year. So I had made friends with these people. I had built relationships, and I said, you know, it would be a great idea. If the day before, my last day at work, we all go out, try to get everybody to come, and we just go to this little bar down the street and we have fun. And I remember using the exact words, you guys are going to see the real Matea. And they had no idea what they were in for, of course, because they've only ever seen me professional in the light of day. And I just remember even that night before going, I was talking to my mom on the phone. I said, yeah, you know, I'm only going to have one drink because even though I only

have one day left, I work with them, it's probably best to tone it down. But of course, the best laid plans and I get there and one of my friends is there early and everybody else is late. So we're just waiting. And I remember the server came to our table and said, oh, we have a special. You know, you can have a cocktail for the same price. You can make it a double. And just like that, I was sucked in. I said, yep, I'll do it. And it gets so much worse because people around me are drinking. And I get very drunk. I start telling inappropriate stories of when I worked at the restaurant and when I was single. And I remember thriving off people's reactions. Like some of these people were looking at me like, Matea, I thought you were so innocent. What? You know, and I loved it. I loved

the attention. I loved seeing how shocked I could make them. And then I would say, oh, you think that story's shocking? Let me tell you this one. And one of my friends, who was more drunk than me, probably, said to me, hey, if you want another one, I'll buy it. I said, sure. So a night where I was supposed to have one drink turned into four. And I had to get a lift home because I couldn't drive. And I remember talking to my fiance at the time. I was still drunk. I was so excited. I wanted to tell him all about it. And he said, Mattia, you are not acting like someone that's about to get married. You're not acting like a wife. You're just not acting in accordance with family values. And I don't even know if we should get married. And it was heart stopping. Like, I was still

physically drunk, but in my mind, I just immediately sobered up. And I was like, oh, my God, am I really that bad? It was so scary. And was this the person who didn't drink? Yeah. So, you know, even more so. It's, it was just out of control. And, well, I'm sure a lot of people are probably wondering, well, why did I keep drinking for another four months? And I think the easiest answer to that is, what we talked about earlier with society because I thought, how can I have my wedding and my bachelor's party and my rehearsal dinner and my day after brunch without drinking? It just seems like something that I was supposed to do that I was expected to do. And, you know, even my backstrette party, it wasn't really a party. It was just me and my mom. She took me to an expensive restaurant.

I got a fancy cocktail and then went to the bar and took the shot where you put your hands on your back and you just grab it. And she took a video and I sent it to my friends and everyone had a good reaction. They said, oh, my God, that's hilarious. Oh, that girl looks jealous of you. Look at that. And it was just still so celebrated. And I think that, you know, I was still just not ready to accept the fact that it was giving me more pain than satisfaction.

Yeah, to where things flipped over. Did your mom know that you were struggling at all? The thing is, ironically, she didn't know it was so bad because, you know, at this time, I was living with my fiance and then my husband, and she would hang out with me, but we would sometimes hang out during the day when there wasn't an opportunity for drinking or at other times. And I remember Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year's Eve were difficult because my sister was in town. I don't really get along with her. So at that time, I felt that I had to drink to deal with it. And there was a

specific night, actually, January of 2026, it was my mom's birthday celebration. So it's myself, my mom, my twin sister, and her boyfriend. And we all go to dinner. And I'm the only one drinking. I ordered a cocktail, which became my last cocktail ever, which I didn't know was going to be, but it was. And the first thing that my mom said when the cocktail hit the table was, Mattia, why do you have to have a cocktail every time we go out? And immediately, I said, because it's fun. But then a couple days later, I'm sitting at my cubicle at work, like a Monday morning. And I'm like, hmm, is it really fun, though? Like, what if I didn't drink? Could I still have fun? And what's so crazy about this is I never planned that I was going to quit. I never had anything planned out. I never had

this day is going to be the day. And ironically, like 30 minutes before I made the decision, I was texting my mom like, hey, there's this wine tasting. You want to go with me? And she's like, no, I'm working. But if you want to go, I don't think you should go because the tickets are expensive. It's probably not worth it. And something just hit me like 30 minutes later. Like I had called the liquor store. I said, is it true that you guys are sold out? They're like, yeah, but we'll call you if anything changes. And I remember just sitting there. And I just had this thought, like, screw this. I'm done with alcohol. And I kind of replayed all these things that had happened. And what my my mom said was jumping out of me. Why do you always have to have a cocktail? And I was like,

you know what? I'm done. And I remember I texted a few people right away and every single person was like, good for you. So I just discovered this whole new way of life. And it's been great ever since. Yeah. And that's interesting you bring it up because I, like, I hear it so much on the show. Like people are not necessarily planning when they're quitting. I mean, there are some, there's a handful, but like I feel like the vast majority of stories that I've heard and stuff are people that they didn't really plan it. All of the planning and all of the everything before, like they didn't really achieve their goal. Like it is possible for sure. But it was like those quiet moments with ourselves, maybe reflecting back of yeah, maybe just for you, I think

breaking down that lie we believe that like it's fun, right? It's fun. I mean, on the other side of joy and we have to drink to be able to unlock this fun in life. But like what you mentioned there too and some of the stories you shared and I mean, the time we have here is like we can't hear the entire story. But I'm sure that there's a lot of times you reflect back on and ask yourself, was that actually fun or was I just intoxicated? Exactly. And I just feel like, you know, because of the nature of alcohol, it's like it's accessible.

You don't have to spend a lot of money. Sometimes you don't have to spend any money. And it's just like the people around us, you know, they don't see when we're going home vomiting. They don't see when we wake up the next morning a total mess looking like crap. They only see when we're there having fun and being a good time. And I think that's part of what kept it going for so long is that most of the people around me didn't think I had an issue. They just said, oh, Mattaya's really fun. You know, she's the life of the party.

If she's there, it'll be great. And the first time that I really found someone that was like me was, you know, about six days after I quit, I went to my first meeting. And somebody around my age that had 10 months at the time got up to speak. And I just felt this connection immediately because she said things that I had experienced, like, oh, I never got a DUI. I never got arrested. I always worked really hard.

I've always had a job. I have my life together. I pay my bills. And when I go out at night and party, my friends celebrate. me, they get around me, I have all this attention and I liked the attention. So I went up to her after the meeting. I said, thank you so much for saying that, because I feel the same. And, you know, I just quit. I just picked up this white chip. And that's really cool. And I remember, like, I started crying at some point. She was like, oh, do you need a hug? And I felt so awkward. I'm like, I don't know,

maybe. And she hugged me and, you know, got my number. And we still text every now and again. but that was the first big introduction for me that you don't have to be doing all of these things that you end up like drunk or crashing your car or like doing things that are so dangerous that you're in jail. You don't have to get there to know that it's an issue. And that's something that's really resonated for me a lot. Yeah, so glad you shared that too. I feel like I've had a lot of conversations with people, a story similar to yours, that maybe a decade ago, they would wonder if they actually could have a seat at the table. Like, is my sobriety valid because X, Y, and Z hasn't happened? So I think that that's an incredible point to hammer home. I mean, I think we can all

look back. You might relate to this or maybe not. That there were a lot of opportunities or situations in our life that could have went horribly the other way and we could have maybe found ourselves in some of those situations and we didn't yet but continuing on you know with drinking we put ourselves in a lot of you know harm's way of things as we continue so did you have any of that you know wondering you know when you're first starting this out and going to your first meeting like hey does this you know it doesn't really look like the movies like you know maybe the alcoholics in the movies, you know, how am I going to fit in and make sense of all this? Yeah, I mean, actually, it took me longer than four months before I was able to introduce myself

as an alcoholic because I remember I had started with a sponsor and I just didn't feel enough of a connection. So I got a new one somewhat recently, maybe a month ago, month and a half. And when I got my new sponsor, she mentioned it to me. She said, hey, I noticed that you never introduce yourself as an alcoholic. Can you explain why that is? I said, well, you know, I feel like people have been through worse. People have been hospitalized in institutions. They've had health scares. They've almost died. They've killed people with their cars or whatever. And that's not me. And I just feel like it's disrespectful to them and it invalidates their experience. She said, no, not at all because think about it this way. It's not about the number of drinks you have.

It's about when you have a drink, how does it make you feel? And, you know, are you actually able to stick to your plan of, I'm going to have this amount? And not only that, but like, what's the behavior? And I thought about it. And it really hit home for me because I'm like, wow, you know, my behavior that I thought was normal, like chugging tequila and I don't even like it. It's totally centered around alcohol and all of my obsession is centered around it. And so that's when I finally realized everything clicked into place like, okay, yeah, I am. alcoholic and, you know, I might not know as much as somebody who has 10 years, but I'll be celebrating five months in a couple weeks. And I feel like I've just come a long way to be able to understand,

you know, what I was really trying to escape from, which was anxiety and fear of not being accepted. But now I've learned that I can go do things and go places and not drink. And I'm so accepted. I started going back to church again and they have social events for people in their 20s and 30s. And every time I go to one of those events and I'm offered a drink and I say, no, I don't drink. Nobody asks me why. Nobody says that's weird. They just say, okay. And so I've learned that now, especially with like the sober culture becoming so prevalent on social media, we're finally talking about it.

We're finally saying, hey, sober life is better than drinking life. And it can be really amazing. Yeah. And that's so true. But I think that's one of our biggest worries. like when we're, you know, maybe when we quit drinking and we tell other people, my goodness, what are they going to think? Or they're going to think that, you know, this was this big horrible thing.

I don't know. My experience is that I've never had that reaction from anybody. Like, I don't know. I just think people are, yeah, I mean, people are good, but they're busy with their own lives. They're not really worried about what I'm drinking as much as I think they're worried about what I'm drinking. Nobody really cares. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And I think a big part of it is also that, you know, even if I've had some people ask me why, all I have to say is, oh, I had a problem with it, or I'm an alcoholic, or even saying, you know, it just wasn't serving me anymore. There's never any pushback. There's never anybody saying, oh, really? They just say, okay.

And so it's just like explaining anything else. Like if you're on a certain diet or you don't travel to certain places or you don't like certain food. And I think that's great because it's like. We're finally seeing it as something beneficial and healthy and really good instead of something that's strange or not normal. Because now I've actually been meeting so many people that don't drink, whether they identify as an alcoholic or not. There's more and more people making that choice. And it's becoming a whole movement. It's trending.

Like people are talking about it. And I think that the more we talk about it, the more we can tell people, hey, if you don't want to drink, that's your business. You don't have to worry about the rest of the world. Just do the right thing for you and everything else will happen. Yeah. And that's such a good point there too, like doing what's best for us. You brought up the other thing too, I think in your conversation with your sponsor about, you know, the amount of times you're drinking or how much you're drinking.

I mean, where's the, is it relevant in getting to the spot where we decide that it's a problem? I mean, I don't think so. because it's interesting you watch maybe you've observed this or or maybe not i'm sure you have though you know normies right people who don't have a drinking problem alcohol like whatever however we want to tee it up they fall asleep like after a drink or two right i know somebody in my i know somebody in my life too that you know they'll have half a thing of wine they'll leave it in there and then like they're snoozing on the couch after dinner and i'm like i'm sitting there thinking like that is the strangest thing. I mean, I would just, I just couldn't quit because my mind would just be looking

for the next one and the next one. And that's just where my main focus went. And I'm not a normie, you know, but that's what I see their behavior as being is like they kind of emits a depressant, right? So it's supposed to slow down your nervous system. But there's some of us out there where especially I'm hearing from you. I mean, you're staying out until 12. It's not putting you to sleep. It's having the other effect. I hear a lot from people, moms especially, right? They start drinking when they start cooking because it's been a long day. Now it boost gives them energy, which is kind of like an early indicator red flag I heard on Huberman a while ago too. So you can see a big difference there and, you know, the behavior from and how it looks with drinking. Yeah, I mean,

my mom is a perfect textbook example. She'll have a glass of wine with dinner and she has no desire to have another. And I think that's great. For people that are like that, that's great. Keep doing you. But even then the stories I shared, it's like it felt like such a sin to me to waste alcohol. And my family would make fun of me because I would say, don't waste alcohol. Don't waste alcohol. But really, who cares? I mean, it's the same as like you're not full enough to eat your giant dessert at the cheesecake factory. You throw it away and you don't think about it. You know, And I think if we can normalize that too, like, okay, if you don't want to have another drink, why are people going to pressure you? Why are you going to have people saying, are you sure,

are you sure? Like, just accept that somebody's saying no, and that's it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think, well, drinking alone. I mean, people don't, well, most people, some people, they like to do that, but a lot of people don't, right? It's good to drink with other people. So it's like, hey, keep the party going. And I think it kind of co-signs them drinking too, right? Nobody really wants to drink a lot alone out in public. But if other people are doing it, it's human nature, I guess, right, just to kind of go with the flow. As you're going through all of this, too, I'm really curious about how you're feeling on the inside about yourself before you got sober. What did that look like? Yeah. So I think I started realizing that the drinking,

instead of easing my anxiety, it made it worse. And, you know, a perfect example is the going away party that I threw for myself. I remember the next day at work, people were giving me strange looks or like laughing, and I would laugh it off. But I'm like, wow, the way these people are looking at me, there's obviously a lot of truth to what was said about this is not okay, this isn't normal, and you should look at this. And it just thought me to thinking, like, if I can remove myself from, you know, being the life of the party in that moment and thinking that I'm cool and that I'm fun, if I remove myself and I think about, okay, what does life look like without alcohol? I can realize that our experiences are actually much stronger without it. I remember I went on my first sober

vacation a few months ago and I was like, wow, you know, I'm watching these people at the bar spend so much money on drinking. I'm watching them forget to put on sunscreen and get a sunburn and then they're probably hung over and dehydrated. The list piles up. Eventually, the list just piles up. and when I can go on vacation and just have a mock tail and be like, well, the calories I was spending on alcohol, now I can spend it on food or I can do something different. I can like go hiking on a vacation and not worry about dehydration. I can get myself home all the time. It's just a new freedom. And I think that's what a lot of people are starting to realize that when you put down the alcohol, you can be yourself 100% of the time. You can,

be your authentic self and you feel so much better. My anxiety has never been better than it is right now. And I don't need anything other than a therapist and medication. Like alcohol was just a distraction. And I finally got to that point where I realized it. Yeah. Thanks for sharing that too. I know for people starting out, you know, day one, day two, it can feel overwhelming, right? Because it's some people have been drinking for decades and that's all they know. Like that's just kind of they know their identity, their friend groups, it becomes ingrained in life. But I love that you brought all that stuff up because I think as scary as it is in the beginning, like, this is an opportunity to either reinvent ourselves or figure out who the heck we are. Like,

what do we actually enjoy? What else is there to our story? And it can really be an opportunity if looked at the right way to really embrace all of that, you know, the reinvention or who do we want to be or how do we want to spend their time or what hobbies or what relationships are important let's have some real conversations not these um my friends and i we thought we had such thoughtful you know deep conversations and you just look back on it now like i mean i don't know that we knew better at the time but it wasn't a whole heck of a lot to any of this stuff you feel like there was but there really wasn't as opposed to just grabbing a coffee with another person who's sober who's not hungover who's not just rushing things forward and you could really engage with something because your nervous system grows

and expands and you can hold space for uncomfortable conversations and hang in there maybe a little bit longer as to before. It would just go up in flames and I would anyway, I'd have to just get out of there. I couldn't handle anything below the surface very much. What have you learned about yourself too over the last five months? Yeah, so I'm hitting five months on June 5th, which is a few days away. So I think the main takeaways for me are just number one. It's almost like we have to forget everything we've told about what is an alcoholic. What does that look like?

And just blow it up and start over. That was the first big lesson for me. I would say other than that, it's just how can I give myself grace, give myself self-care? How can I actually relieve stress? Oh, I can go to the gym. I can call my mom if I'm having a bad day. And I think it's like, you learn these skills because when you see enough people that are living their lives this way, at least for me, it made me realize like, you know, the alcohol wasn't really relieving my stress. And there's so many great ways to do it that don't involve spending money and feeling bad and vomiting later and forgetting what I said. And I think that's been the key to it because as crazy as this sounds, I haven't really had true self-care maybe ever in my life and now it's like I'm making time to do all these things I'm going to try pickleball on

Sunday for the first time I'm making plans for more sober vacations you know I'm meeting new people constantly I'm getting out of the house I'm doing things by myself without alcohol and not feeling awkward I've learned how to do so many things in a new way you know even like doing a workout at the gym I feel better I feel more hydrated my sleep has never been better. I'm getting seven to nine hours asleep at night. I'm not waking up with anxiety or waking up to vomit. And life is really good. I'm just learning that my life is good and I don't need a substance. I have absolutely

no desire. I see other people drinking. I'm like, okay, and I move on. I don't have the obsession. I don't have the desire. And when I am getting out of the house, I'm having fun regardless. And I think that's the biggest thing for me. It's like, it's so freeing. Yeah. Oh, of course. Yeah, that is one of the big things. A lot of people talk about the peace, too. You know, kind of, I mean, life can be a little bit chaotic, sober, but probably a lot more chaotic while drinking. And now it's, that could be uncomfortable though for some people too, I think. When you get into it, it's like, we're used to sort of all the madness, all of the unknown. And then you get sober. And it's like, okay, well, you know, nothing's, nothing crazy is happening all of the time because we put ourselves in different situations. Heading to, it's wrapping up, I always find it so interesting looking back, you know, at the drinking days. And I think for me, really believing that it was benefiting my life, that there were some, there were good things coming of it. And I think now when I look back through hindsight and

reflect that that really just wasn't the case. I mean, it was taking or costing. And when I say costing, I don't mean, you know, dollars and cents. I mean mental health. I mean a toll on me and my relationships and any goals that I had or career or anything. It was really just costing me a fortune to keep it going for the short-term relief it seemed to turn into. You know, when I first started drinking, I would get a huge spike and euphoric, and that might last for two hours. Towards the end, though, I don't even know if I experienced that at all other than the warm-up,

other than getting it, other than planning it out. That seemed to be the most exciting thing, but when I would take that first six, it was instant disappointment because I just knew where it was headed. What do you think when you look back, you know, is where things are now? I mean, did you believe this was enhancing your life at some point and you have a different view now? Yeah, so I think that for the longest time, I just thought that it made me become a different person. And I thought that it was in a good way because, you know, obviously I did live a very sheltered life. I wasn't even super social until college. And it's just like, you know, being around people and drinking,

it's an attention thing. It's a pleasure thing. And the easiest way to say it is it's a quick dopamine hit. It's like if you go on Amazon and you buy yourself something cool, dopamine hit, you get the delivery, you open the box, dopamine hit. And taking a drink or taking a shot, it's the same thing. But now it's like, I get my dopamine hit from sharing at a meeting or from talking to you or from going on a walk and not feeling like I'm going to throw up because I had too much to drink. And so for me, it's just like flipping the scripts. Like, okay, what if alcohol is the problem here and I can get my dopamine hit in a healthy way? And so I feel like I was so conditioned by society and by the situations I was in that alcohol was my dopamine hit. And now I realize

it can be so many other things and so many beautiful things. So that's my conclusion now. And I have not been ever disappointed by sober life. I've not ever regretted it. And I'm going to keep going with it. Yeah. Yeah. Keep it rocking. And I mean, that's a lot. I think of the further research we have now, too, right? The changes to the brain. And if we're using it to relieve stress, the brain gets used in the simplest form of thing. The scientists can explain to you. The more detailed version. but the brain gets used to it. It's like, hey, you're stressed and this is what you've done for the last three years or four years. You've drank, like, that's what it's used to. That's craving. That's what it's calling for. But with time, you can switch that. When you're stressed,

now it might be a walk or might be playing some music or might be pickleball. That's exciting. You're going to love pickleball. For anybody out there, Matea, who is, you know, considering, right? Maybe I give this a try or maybe I'm struggling to do with things. What's been so helpful for you that you could send back out there to them. Yeah, I would say to anyone that's considering it, just do it. Like, don't say, oh, I'll do it next week. I'll only do it if this happens. Don't wait because you don't have to hit a rock bottom.

You don't have to go to jail. You can just say, hey, I don't think this is right for me. And if that's the case, if you're even having the shadow of a doubt, just try it. And I think a lot of people will be surprised at how quickly you can start to feel good again and making better choices and feeling more rested and just feeling better, it's just as simple as saying, hey, I'm going to try it, I'm going to go to a meeting, let me pick up some literature, let me watch a podcast,

and I think that people will be surprised at how quick you can get the momentum going and develop a passion for it. Yeah, and the feeling better part too. I mean, getting a big night's sleep. We know that that is so important to being human. And when we're drinking, you look at sort of the stuff out there. Like, it is completely ruined. And that is such an essential part of feeling good the next day in so many areas of life.

Well, thank you so much for jumping on here and sharing your story with us. Huge congrats, too, with everything. Any closing thoughts? Thanks for having me. I guess I would just say that, you know, keep doing what you're doing. I know that your podcast has helped me since day one, literally. And, you know, I never would have thought that I would come on. But I think it's so important to keep having people come on.

It doesn't have to fit a stereotype. Just keep spreading the message. And I think what you're doing is awesome. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for not only joining today, but, you know, also listening to the show. And I think you're so right. You know, when I first started the podcast, it was a little bit different because I didn't have any listeners. I didn't have any listeners that listened to the show to come on, right?

It was just me and my wife might have listened to two episodes to kind of keep me going. But it's been a really cool experience to have people that have gotten something out of the show related to some of the stories, be interested in jumping on and sharing their experience. And I just love that we're giving a platform that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. The wheels don't have to fall off. I think if you talk to most people, if they had a regret, in regret, and regret is a powerful word, but if they could maybe change something, you know, maybe have done it a little bit sooner. Some people say the timing, it took what it took. A lot of people say that,

but I do think that, you know, you don't need to wait for this to be a complete disaster. I think we're pretty insightful as humans. I think we know. I think we have an idea. If we're searching Google and stuff, like that, you know, people don't have a problem with this. They don't do that stuff. So I love stories like this, you know. I don't know, some people debate, you know, where's the, what's the more difficult place to come back from, you know, the bottom or the place where maybe you could have kept going for 20 years and maybe it never falls out. I think they're both equally difficult in their own way. So huge kudos to you. Thank you so much. Well, there it is another incredible episode here on the podcast.

Huge shout out to Matea. Thank you so much for jumping on here and sharing your story with all of us. All dropped Matea's contact information down in the show notes, description of this episode if you want to reach out and let her know. Thank you for coming on this show. And don't forget to follow, subscribe. It helps so much this podcast reach other people. When you just simply hit the follow or subscribe button on Apple, YouTube, or Spotify,

and I'll see you on the next one.