Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - I Was Drinking Every Day — How Alcohol Took Over My Life | JB’s Sobriety Story

Episode Date: May 26, 2026

For years, JB thought he could manage his drinking.What started as binge drinking slowly turned into drinking every day, hiding alcohol, drinking on the way home, anxiety, shame, and feeling completely trapped inside the cycle.In this episode of the Sober Motivation Podcast, JB shares his full sobriety story — growing up in chaos, starting alcohol and cigarettes at a young age, struggling with addiction, daily drinking, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, and what finally pushed him to quit drinking alcohol for good.This is an honest conversation about alcohol addiction, recovery, sober living, mental health, anxiety, shame, fatherhood, and learning how to live life without alcohol.If you’re sober curious, struggling with daily drinking, trying to stop drinking alcohol, or looking for recovery motivation, this episode is for you.Topics covered: • daily drinking • alcohol addiction • sober motivation • quitting alcohol • sobriety journey • recovery community • anxiety and alcohol • shame and addiction • sober podcast • getting sober • alcohol recovery storyDownload the Sober Motivation app for daily meetings, community support, sober tracking, journaling, and connection with others living alcohol-free.JB on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bloodworthey/Sober Motivation Mobile App: https://apps.apple.com/app/sober-motivation-app/id6759266291Sober Motivation Website: https://www.sobermotivation.comSupport the Podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivationContact me anytime: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I've got a wife and I've got two small kids that eight months ago I was drinking the days away. And I was more focused on getting alcohol and drinking it and consuming it and being drunk than I was spending time with them. And I'll never get those days back. From binge drinking and hiding beers to daily drinking, panic, shame, and hundreds of failed attempts to quit. This episode is a real conversation about what it actually feels like when alcohol slowly takes over your life. but it's also about what happens when you finally stop trying to do it alone. And this is J.B.'s story on the sober motivation podcast. Welcome back to another episode of the sober motivation podcast.

Today we've got J.B. with us. J.B., how are you? I'm good, man. Good to be here. Yeah, I'm happy to have you here, dude. What was it like for you growing up? God, you know, I've been thinking about that question all week. It was, you know, interesting. It was hard for me. struggled a lot. I was born in Atlanta, grew up here. I live in Atlanta here,

outside of Atlanta in the suburbs. And I struggled a lot, man. I struggled emotionally in education, really. I always had a lot of friends. And but it just, it was a struggle. I grew up outside of Atlanta. And my parents were and are business owners. So I grew up really kind of well to do. We never struggled or lacked for like anything material, you know. The struggle was growing up in a house that, you know, I've shared before, that felt like I was inside of a boiling pot of water. And just the chaos and the loudness that came with that. I struggled a lot in school growing up. And I played sports. So that was like kind of a saving grace and did well in sports kind of my whole life.

And yeah, I actually ended up getting held back in eighth grade. Really? Well, what effect does that have on you, too, when you're growing up? And I know a lot in my story I share a lot too is like school is, that's kind of how you measured, man, for better or for worse. And if you don't kind of fall in line or do well, I know for me personally, it took a hit on my confidence, self-esteem, and I just stopped caring about doing well. But like, what impact did that have on you that you can remember of when you're younger? Yeah, you're right, man.

You know, I think I'm still figuring that out a lot of that. I started using and drinking when I was like, I mean, young, like 11. So I just never knew any other life. And I'm 35 now. So I never knew any other way to exist other than using substances. How at 11 years old does they get introduced to that or does that come into your life? Man. Well, I started smoking cigarettes when I was nine. And I've shared before that my mom, when I was like 10, found a Ziploc bag of used cigarette butts and knives in my room. And good Lord, you know, like, what a.

maniac this little kid is. And I don't know. I, when I was, when I was young like that, I grew up at the skate park at that age. And I don't, I don't remember if there was like a person or a particular instance that was like, hey, man, try this. Like, I just remember, like, I remember by 12, I was filling water bottles with different types of liquor from my parents liquor cabinet. And I was already smoking some weed and cigarettes. Yeah. So that you at the skate park too, like hanging out at the skate part. He probably an older crowd there as well. Older guy, older people, yeah. Maybe an influence like that indirectly maybe what people are doing or it's kind of like that thing when we're younger too.

It's that curiosity of the things we can't do become so exciting, right? Drinking, smoking cigarettes, smoking pot. It's like, that's the level up. That's the right of passage. But it is interesting too how that made so much sense for you. And I think what you shared before is probably checking some of those boxes for you. It feels like life, yeah, chaos at home, struggling in school. This is only my take and I could be completely off here. But it feels like life is pretty chaotic all around. Maybe your desire for a sense of control. I hear that in a lot of people's stories in one way or another is substances allowed us to control our emotions when everything else around us felt like we had little or no control of. I don't know if that

makes any sense or not. I think on a level, for me it almost feels like, because I never felt in control, whether I was drinking or smoking or skating or wrestling or whatever it was or at home, I never felt in control. I think the control aspect came from the decision to do it because it was different. You know, most kids, when they're 11, aren't smoking cigarettes and trying out liquor, right? It was this idea that I had to go and I had to go and get it or go and find it and then do it. Thank you, as always, for listening to the show. And I'm coming to you today with some exciting news that the sober motivation app is

officially live in the Apple App Store. This is more than just a tracker. The vision and mission behind the sober motivation app is to build a community. It's not all about getting sober, but about staying sober. So download the app and start journaling, tracking your sober time, getting some motivational quotes. Also, you can attend our virtual meetings that we host to a day. Head over to sobermotivation.com.

Download the app, and I'll see you on the inside. And yeah, maybe maybe that wasn't. Maybe the control was in the act, you know, and it was like my own independence, kind of. Yeah. You said your mom had found the cigarettes too when you were like nine there. But is anybody else picking up on that you're like into this stuff like early on or no? Not any like type of authority, I don't think. That's a big streak throughout my, throughout my story is.

there were so many things that when I look back on now, like, that were just, you know, I've worked in the area of like behavior therapy with kids on the spectrum. And so I've kind of always had this kind of ability to see things in people when they're struggling and stuff. But being trained in it, you get trained to look for certain things. And man, those red flags were there for me when I was a kid. And nobody came. You know, like nobody, nobody helped out. And it's just crazy. Like, I remember being in the middle school, and I'd get like a 30 on a math test, abysmal grades. And the answers would be like two squared. And I would write a two, and then I would draw a square. It was like, I didn't even understand what the answer was supposed to look like. And nobody stopped me and said, hey, what is this?

You know, like, how'd you get there until college? Then I really succeeded, so. Yeah. What was it that helped you maybe fly under the radar a bit? I don't know, to be honest. I don't know. I had behavior outbursts in school, and I had the obvious kind of, like, formal classroom-type education that wasn't working out. And I don't know.

I don't know. I just did fly under the radar. are. Yeah. Yeah. And your parents were busy with their business or businesses. Yeah. You have siblings? Yep. Yep. I got one like blood brother, like younger brother. And then I have four younger stepbrothers. So we've been together for a long time. And I've known him since, since my youngest brother, he, I've known him since he was probably four. Okay. So yeah, we've been together a long time. And yeah, so I'd just say I got five brothers, but yeah. Yeah. And you guys all lived together growing up? Partly. Yeah. If we were all, you know, I kind of split, split time between

my mom and my dad's house, week on, week off kind of deal. So I was at my mom's, I was a big group of us eating 10 pounds of pot roast for dinner and just crazy. Yeah. So when did your parents separate then? Or were they, was that since you were born? No, I think I was 12. Oh, okay. Yeah, 12. And I don't know. It's hard to put, it's hard to put any amount of impetus on that and like how that split affected me because I remember at the time when it happened that I was relieved because then the fighting would stop.

You know, the yelling and the screaming would stop. Yeah. But, yeah, about 12, 12, 13. Yeah. I mean, how is that too? Because I feel like a lot of people that come on the show talk about struggles at home and sort of chaos there. Or I think really, I remember my buddy Jason shared it. I felt like it was so well. He just never knew what he was going to come home to. And I think that did something to his nervous system, right, to where he felt like maybe the protector of his siblings. and he just, it was really, there was really a lack of safety for him.

I think hindsight we realize this stuff now when we're going through it. I don't know if we pick up on it in that terminology anyway, but he felt so unsafe. And that's maybe what kind of drew him into alcohol or the escape of all of those feelings. What do you think about that time in your life, too, how that impacted you of it, but maybe not really realizing it at the time or maybe you did? Yeah, I think my whole life, the constant that I think back on is like a shot out nervous system. Until I got sober, I mean, not totally until I got sober, really until college and I was in an environment surrounded by people who really loved me for me and got into yoga and really started getting back in nature and treating myself well. Did I even realize how chaotic and how just crazy that whole situation was?

You know what I mean? Yeah, it's like the feels like anyway, the fight or flight response, maybe 24-7, right? Is it a tough place, tough place to live? Where do things go for you like through high school? How does that look? High school was wild. I was a wrestler in high school at a pretty high level. And so I had this, when I look back,

on it, this crazy kind of dichotomy of like a high level athlete, but I was also partying and using all the time. Like I was able to cut 20, 25 pounds a week and also drink on the weekends, like after my matches, grab a case of beer and meet up with friends and party Saturday night and Sunday. And it was just, man, high school was, was when I was growing up, I, until I was probably 23 or 24 or 25, I never, I didn't have the expectation that I would live past like 19 or 20. I thought I would be in the ground or in prison. We just had this big group of friends and we just, I mean, for me anyway, I lived hard and fast. You know, that whole like 2000s motto, like live fast, die young, man, I embraced it.

And that's what I really felt like I was doing. You know, it was, it was just, I got my foot on that gas pedal and just pushed it all the way down and didn't let up for a long time. Yeah. How are you feeling about yourself throughout this time in your life? That's a good question. You know, I have, I have a lot of outward confidence. And through this time period, I had a lot of that too. I was good looking. I was fit. I was in shape. I was in a good area. But internally, a lot of imposter

syndrome, I think. And I think a lot of that stems from when I was younger. People always told me, they're like, Josh, you're smart. You know, what's going on? And I'm like, I don't know, I can't do it. And that was a pretty big pattern where people would tell me one thing. But like you said earlier, school is kind of how we're how we're measured almost as kids and it didn't do well for me. I didn't get my first A in an academic class until senior year took algebra for like 10 years straight because I couldn't nail that down. Yeah. Yeah.

So yeah. And that's tough. I mean, that's really tough, especially when we're just kind of growing up. You know, it's already kind of feel like you're a little bit behind or a lot behind. I know I sure is like, like, yeah. Like, what are you going to do, right? I mean, the world is, you got to have this, you got to do this. And without it, doomed.

You're in big trouble. So you kind of do the other stuff, acting out, I guess, behavioral stuff. Relatable to me, too, man. I mean, we were always getting in trouble, always, always party and always get in trouble. It didn't see. When I look back on it, though, like, first time I got arrested, I was 16. But outside of that, it wasn't, like, I don't know, I think people looked at it like teenage boys. Like, you're going to, it's got to be a little bit of reckless.

Let's just try to minimize maybe the consequences of it all. I look back now and I was just looking for a place to belong. I kind of draw up all of the trouble I got into. It was usually for the acceptance of somebody else. It was just to be able to fit in because it wasn't the sports for me. It wasn't the school for me. So this was what checked a box? Like does that make a whole heck of a lot of sense in my life now?

Not really. But at the time, it did. And I ended up with a lot of problems. trouble, you know, get suspended from school and failing stuff and getting in trouble with, yeah, with the police. And it was reckless, but I always thought I would outgrow it. Like, of course, this is my life right now, but it's not going to be it forever. So I'm going to flip a switch one day and, and I'll wake up to real life. And it took a bit more false to get there. How did things go for you after this span of high school? Yeah, I thought the same thing.

too. Like I'd wake up one day and this would all get figured out. And then I woke up one day and I was 34 and was starting to forget my life. I was, I started drinking. I started drinking consistently in my 20s. And I did that partly because of a job I had. I was I was working for a after college. I went to work. Great job at the time. I started working for a mobile canning company. out of Asheville. So we drive around to these amazing breweries with a canning machine on our truck. And we'd pull up and hook up to their tanks and can all their beer. And then we'd leave.

And then we do the next thing. And that I think probably was when the alcohol really kicked up. Because by that time, I was out of the drug phase, the drug addiction phase, which was kind of after high school. we this area that I was in just got flooded with opiates and you know and I had tried opiates in high school and just kind of continued after high school and that turned into really hardcore drug use and I was able to come out of that thank God and how did you do that man I you know I think the moment was uh I was up at like 3 a.m on like a Wednesday and I was itchy and I went to my bathroom and I saw like a little mark on my face that I'd been

scratching at and it just scared the shit out of me because I knew I had a little mark on my arm when I knew that if I continued doing this that and by this time I had a handful of friends that had passed away and overdosed and had been succumbed to that kind of life and knew that if I continued down that. That's where I was headed. And there was something about being up at 3 a.m. itching that I was just like, oh, no, this has got to stop. And so thankfully, I was able to just kind of nip that in the bud right then and there. And still drank, but it really wasn't a problem my drinking until I was 28 or 29. And that canning job I had as part of like the quality test, We'd get like a beer that came down the line and we'd drink it.

7 a.m. Make sure it tastes good. Make sure everything's good. You got the carbonation right and all that. And I did that job for a year. And the daily drinking hadn't started. And I definitely, I didn't crave the alcohol at that point. But I can say with confidence that the habit of drinking early, that's definitely

where that pin came from. And it's not that job's fault either. Like, that's me, right? Like, I used the idea that we would be in this job and taste test a beer early as an excuse later to, oh, yeah, well, here's a leftover beer. Let me just throw that back, right, on a Thursday morning when I wake up.

Yeah. What about the progression to sort of get to this, point too because that's always so interesting to me is like for some time you mentioned there it wasn't necessarily a problem like hey maybe you were drinking more than you wanted to or but it wasn't doesn't sound like it anyway that it was causing huge friction in your life leading up to this but that's always so interesting to me is because there's a lot of people that are in that spot right now that like we believe it could never get any worse like it can't go from here so what was that that like you ever have any thoughts like before this job of like hey i need to cut cut back drinking

quit anybody mentioned anything anything like that or not really no there's definitely definitely red flags in there i was when i when i say that the drinking wasn't a problem yet that's i think i i say that because it wasn't a daily thing for me i wasn't relying on it to live my life okay but through college and even in high school I was a binge drinker and so when I would drink I would just go all in and there were times where I mean I would I would drink and drive and I remember one time leaving a party and I woke up behind the wheel and my car was off the road on the shoulder heading for a telephone pole and I just kind of got it back on the road and kept going home that wasn't a regular occurrence but it was regular enough that when I look back now, I'm like, oh, my God.

Yeah. I mean, lucky to be here. Yeah. 100% of that statement. So there were always, and just when I drank, I drank way too much all the time. When I was kind of surrounded by people, that's just kind of how we partied, right? We partied hard. And that's, but yeah, so maybe I think in the moment it was hard for me to relate that to see.

it for what it was. And that's just kind of how it went, man. Yeah. And I think that that's another thing to highlight there too is the people that we surround ourselves with are doing the same thing. So we don't notice that there's a different way to live or that everybody doesn't drink this way. I mean, I thought when I was going through college, like everybody did this. Everybody drank like this. And when I look at it now, I'm like, no, everybody was not doing this with the recklessness of it. And it's interesting too. You point out sort of that one incident behind the wheel there. And I just think of people who aren't going to struggle with this or don't struggle with this. Being in a situation like that, like that feels like would be a massive wake-up call.

And I'm only guessing here too, but there was probably a lot of things that happened like that. I sure as heck no in my life there was. There was a lot of things that I should have been like, okay something's this ain't right but i just i don't know i never really as naive as it sounds i never really coined it up to the alcohol it was just a one-off night this is what everybody does it's all good i made it out okay i never really looked in the mirror and i don't know that anybody else really mentioned it early on for me that hey dude that was really pushing it um and i think that's because i hung out with people that just co-sign the bullshit all the time it just just wasn't a big deal. It was kind of cool. It was, it's really strange looking back.

Yeah. My friend group, I love, I love these people. I do. They're good people. I think that for me, it was, because I had people that would tell me later, right? Like the morning after, like Josh, you drank way too much, man, you got to, you got to watch it. Right. And then we'd laugh about it and we talk because we're all here. We're all okay. Everything's, everybody's okay, it's all good, nothing tragic happened. Yeah. You know, I think at this time, we were just living the college life, right? We were having a great time around good people and, and like I said, it wasn't every single

day. It was kind of a weekend thing, right? We'd get together and party and do these things, but that doesn't make it okay either, right? And since then, I've had a handful of friends in that group who have gotten sober, and that's really my first AA meeting was with one of these friends, and he was over at a couple of my house. He was about a year sober in like 2019. And we were hanging out and I'd been drinking. And I'm like, hey, you know, you want to go to the AA meeting up up the street? Like,

you need to go. And he's like, yeah, we'll go. And then we talked to another friend. And he's like, yeah, we got Josh here. You know, we're going to the AA meeting. And my other buddy's like, oh, this is your first meeting, Josh. And I was like, oh, well, this meeting ate for me. This is for him. This is, I'm just going as a support friend, you know? And, uh, That was my first AA meeting in like 2018. And that was the first time I'd been in anything like that. Yeah. And yeah.

What did you think of it? Man, it was intense. Yeah. Yeah, I think there was a guy there who he talked about being 25 years sober or something. And he started crying and his son had been in an accident that day. And he was saying, how do I stay? sober and I was like, oh, man, you know, that's not me. Like, I don't, I just need to, I just need to not drink so much. And I'll be, I don't need this. This is a lot. Yeah. And thinking back on it,

I, um, I just wasn't ready. Wasn't ready for it. I think, and even back then, I wasn't daily drinking. It was still kind of more binge, but it was, yeah, I just felt like at the time that, no, I don't need this. I'm going to figure this out. Right. It was that. figure it out type thing, right? I'm going to wake up one day and this is just going to be better. Yeah. It's so interesting too. Like we'll do whatever it takes to protect the alcohol. Like whatever it takes. I mean, we're going to, of course, we're going to figure it out. Like, I mean, there's probably nothing sounds better at the time of like, hey, drink without consequence without all of the other disastrous stuff. Like that sounds like a win-win when you're

wrapped up in it. It stuck out to me too, how you mentioned like in this sort of phase of your life too, how it wasn't a problem because you were just binge drinking. And like the problem was when it sounds like you're hinting towards anyway, the daily drinking. I think that can be a confusing place for people. I hear it so often, right? Like I don't have a problem because I can go four days or maybe I can even go 30 days without drinking. So when I show up to work and I pay my bills and I do what I need to do, Like am I on top of the mountain achieving all of my goals? Maybe not, but I'm getting by. I'm doing okay.

And that sounds like probably that spot you were kind of stuck in, right? Like maybe this isn't a problem. It doesn't look like it does on TV. I haven't gotten in a bunch of trouble. Confusing spot to be. Yeah, it was. And it held me back, man, for a long time. Because I just, I knew, call it 2018.

I knew that my drinking was problematic, but I wasn't drinking daily. And I just knew that when I drank, I tended to drink too much. And I tended to get in fights with whoever was around, right? I tended to pop off when my mouth would say something stupid and I'd take it too far. But it wasn't, yeah, that image that we have of these people who, like, are living in the gutter, a bridge or lost their family and got to drink alcohol at 8 a.m. to get through the day. That's kind of what I think I was leaning on to continue the drinking. Because again, it was, it was tried to do everything but take away this one thing. Try to try to limit, try to moderate.

And moderation for me, even back then, I don't think I ever thought of it as moderation. It was management. Yeah. And even back then, I never got 30 days. I never even tried to get 30 days. It was just like I just got to manage this, right? Yeah, which is exhausting. Oh, so exhausting. It's like trying to make it all work. I know people that are maybe newer like this might seem kind of out there.

But let me tell you, man, it's so easier. It's so much easier to not drink at all than try to figure this out about six cans of beer. How much do I buy? When do I start? Do I eat or not? How do I hide it? And the list goes on and on. How much can I drink before so I don't feel like a bag of shit tomorrow, but I would always just have more, man.

I was like, yeah, it's going to be this. And then I'd have another one, make a billion excuses for that and just keep it going until I passed out. That was like the routine. You brought it up to like drinking every day. Was that sort of a line in the sand for you for your life too? Like as long as I'm not drinking, I'll never get to that point, right? Because I don't think anybody wakes up one day and they're like, yeah, shit, man. I'm just going to start drinking every day.

It's what I've always wanted to do for my life. I think a lot of us believe like, well, that could never happen for me. There's no way. Like, did you think that that was a possibility for you? You know, I've been thinking about that a lot because I've heard you say that. And, man, this is going to sound insane. When I was a kid and I was in middle school at the DARE program, they were talking about cigarettes and drugs and alcohol.

And I remember, I don't remember who it was, but I least. over to a friend of mine at the time, you know, as a kid. And I was like, you know what? I bet I could do that. Like, I bet I could do that. And I think I can get out the other side. And I didn't think about that until way, way, way later. But this idea that unless, for me, I think I thought that it's not a problem unless it's a problem.

And for me, that problem line probably was the daily. drinking. Because if you're not drinking daily, well, then you're all right. But the truth is, that's just not true. I had, I mean, I had a lot of problems in my life that revolved around drinking alcohol. And that was the common denominator, right? Like, it just wasn't until I just felt so sick and so overwhelmed by my daily existence and daily drinking that I realized that I realized, oh, this needs to stop and it needs to stop now. When did you start drinking every day? Like we're kind of up to the 2018, 2019 mark.

Is that when things shifted for you? I think it was, yeah, probably around 2020 and 2021. I'm a big introvert. And so when COVID hit, I'm like, oh, great. This is awesome, you know. But honestly, I'm human too. And we all need that social connection. Right. And so on one hand, I don't know how much COVID played into the escalation of my drinking. I'm sure it did because then I could go to the store. The less people were out. I could kind of do my own private thing and bring it home and not have to worry. I had the excuse personally of, oh, I don't have to go out. I can't go out to the bar and meet up with my friends. Like I get to stay home and drink. You know, I get to do this on my own because social situations.

they, I don't typically like to be around a big bunch of people. And so that kind of just gave me like a green card to do that. And the other thing was my son was born. And at the time, it was, I mean, we didn't, nobody, nobody knows what they're doing with baby number one. And it just, we were, the financial struggles were there. My wife had a, had a hard pregnancy. And I was, I say I was trying to do my best to support her, but how well, can you do that when you're really drinking?

So there was a lot of stress around that. Financial stuff and there's a new baby. I mean, your nervous system's kind of shot once that baby gets here because they're sleeping two hours a night. And I just leaned into alcohol. I didn't know what else to do. I mean, well, let me correct that. I knew what else I could do is lean into my wife and lean into the people that loved me.

And I didn't feel like I could do that. I just felt like I needed to do it on my own. And alcohol, when I drank, I got energy. So when it was like 8, 9, 10 o'clock at night and I've had a hard day and the baby's up, well, like, all right, well, let me run across the store and get a couple beers and I'll get those and I'll come back and I'm up till 2 a.m. And then I can be up with the baby. Babe, you can sleep, you know, I got it.

Don't worry, you know. Meanwhile, I'm getting two hours of sleep a night drinking every day. And that's just kind of, it just kind of folded into that before I know it. my life and I was I was really struggling. Yeah. What's your wife thinking about where you're at during this stretch? She realizing like the thing that things are picking up speed or or are you just kind of keeping this on the low? She knew because there was a point where the daily drinking had started, but then it went a step further and it was daily drinking and driving because what I would do is get it on my way home.

And then I would just drink it on the way home. And it was always beer. It wasn't liquor, which, I mean, that sound, I use that as an excuse too, right? Like, oh, well, it's not liquor. This is just beer. It's only 9%. Right. Well, that doesn't really matter if you're drinking seven of them a night.

So she knew, yeah, she knew that it was starting to pick up. But she was so stressed herself being a stay-at-home mom with a new baby. And I think she was just trying to. to do everything she could to get through the day too. She didn't lean into alcohol, but I did. Yeah. How are you feeling about yourself throughout this stretch? I mean, you're definitely probably realizing like, hey, I'm digging myself quite the whole here.

But maybe we also tell ourselves, too, hey, we're going to turn a page, right? Life is going to eventually the pressure is going to ease up. I think we know with experience too. I mean, life is interesting like that. It usually keeps the pressure on. Yeah. But how are you feeling about yourself? the conversations like too, between your ears?

Getting steadily darker, to be honest. The more I leaned into alcohol, when I look back now, the more I leaned into alcohol, the worse everything got. At the time, I just thought I used alcohol like a tool. It was my number one tool. It was a painkiller, quote unquote, helped me sleep, quote unquote, help me get through social situations, right? I now know all that to be false.

But at the time, it's what I used. And what was going on between my ears was shame. You know, because it was beer, I think a lot of people gave it a pass. And I hid a lot of it, too. I would go and I'd pick up two on the way home. And I'd get home and, well, I already drank them. So as far as anybody was concerned, I got nothing going on, right? So then I'd go out for the second round.

Well, that was two more. Then I'd bring those home. And by the end of the week, I had 15 cans in the floorboard of my truck that I'd have to put in a bag and then dump in the recycling can to make a huge racket that my neighbors might hear. And just the madness. Yeah. I mean, a lot of people, too, share when they get into, like, hiding it that really, it seems like shoots the shame through the roof. Because we know, like, I mean, I don't think we're that delusional that. that we're not noticing it,

but it's like hiding things and sneaking around. It's just so against, I think, what we know is right, and it really builds up. Yeah, 100%. The first time it culminated was I'd been drinking for, I don't know how many days straight, and my nervous system was just shot.

By this point, I had two kids at home. One was a baby, and one was young, And I had a suicide scare. And I found myself at the gas station with a firearm in my hand really thinking about this, drunk. And I knew I've had a lot of friends pass away through the years. And so suicide is something that's pretty close to home for me. And so I knew that usually, like I forget the stat, within two hours or 30 minutes, the decision's made.

And then it happens, right? Nobody knows. And so I knew I knew that I didn't want to let that happen, even though I knew I was sitting here contemplating this. And so I called my brother and he walked me through it and he stayed on the phone with me all night. And so after that, I told my wife that, okay, I'm going to get this controlled and I'm going to figure it out. And it's going to be okay, right? I'm really sorry and it's going to be okay. Well, I kept drinking.

Kept drinking for a year and a half after that. And what that did, though, is that was the first time I kind of got sober curious. And I remember the first time I popped on a sober podcast and the host said something along the lines of like, you know, we're going to talk about drunk math today. And if you've ever thought about how many drinks you're going to have this afternoon or how many you had yesterday or how much money you're going to spend, he's like, welcome to. And I think it was sobriety uncensored, Daniel Pazard. Patterson. And I just went, oh, shit, you know, oh, man, here I go. And so that started the journey into sober life and being sober and being alcohol-free. And like I said, I mean, I spent the next year and a half with hundreds of day ones, you know, I don't think I made it,

I don't think I made it three days until, you know, seven and a half months ago, 227 days. now. I didn't make it three days before that. Yeah. Wow. What was that process like for you too? Because I feel like that's familiar for a lot of people, right? Like you try and you don't achieve your goal and then you got to get back up and that whole cycle. Like what was that? That was, yeah, it was, it turned into daily drinking and it turned into daily drinking to such a point that, man, I mean, my hangovers were lasting, you know, two, three days at a time. I, I started, my short-term memory started to fizz out a little bit. My coordination started to get off a little bit.

And it just became so overwhelming that, I mean, it was either, I really felt like I got to a fork in the road. And I didn't have a decision. Nobody gave me an ultimatum. I didn't have any outside legal consequence waiting for me, nothing like that. It was me looking at my situation going, Josh, what are you doing? You know, like, you got to get this.

You got to do something. Because if you continue, this turns into liquor and this turns into a deathbed, you know. That's, I knew that that's where this was going. Yeah. And I just was, you know, like you hear it on these podcasts, I was so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired that I knew I had to do something. And so by the time, I think I listened to sobriety uncensored for the second time through. and was still drinking. I saw this picture of this goofy guy on Spotify.

I'm like, man, who's this dude? What's going on here? And so I click it and it was your podcast. And I listened to a handful of that. And that's when I first heard about community. And something other than AA anyway. And so then I had to actually find a couple episodes that pointed me in the right direction. And that's when I found the sober motivation community man.

and hopped on my first meeting. And that first meeting was day one. It was the night of day one. And I was so hung over. I don't even know if I had my camera on. And I woke up sober the next day. And day two, I got on the meeting.

And I turned my camera on and felt like shit and felt terrible. But knew that I'd woken up sober. And I knew that I had something to look forward to in that meeting in the morning. And I shared and just, man, just kept coming back. Yeah. Every day. Strange guy with the podcast cover.

You know, it's interesting. I had somebody messaged me the other day, and I've heard this a bunch of times of, like, wondering how they found the podcast and stuff. And I'm like, it's so, it's so weird how it works. You kind of find what you need maybe. It's really interesting. I don't think it's on accident for people. Yeah. Your podcast was so different at the time because I'd listen to us.

sobriety uncensored and that was great. I'd listened to a couple others, the big names, Huberman and them. And they all, I mean, they, they were great for the info, but I had never heard anybody else's story, really, until I put on yours. And I started listening to it and I just started every single episode. It was like, oh, man, I know that feeling. Like, oh, I know that situation. Oh, man, I know this. I know that. And I think. something in that just clicked for me. Something in that just said, okay, this is, this is, this is a good place and let's try this community. And even with the community, man, I logged on a couple times and logged back out, you know, and never hit, never hit the commit button. What is behind that?

Like, explain that to me because I see that a lot with people. And I'm sure it happens in other things too, right? People are going to go to rehab and last minute they don't go or go to a meeting and last minute or sign up for the community and then shift. Like what are you, what's going through your, your mind in that moment? For me, it was, it was the management. Up until, up until I hit commit and then got on that first meeting that night, I thought that I could manage this thing. And again, not moderate, because for me, it was never about moderation.

It was about management. And by the time I hit commit and got on that first meeting, I had spent, oh, Oh, yeah. Well, and then here's the end of the story. So I'll get to that in a sec. But I couldn't manage it. I couldn't manage it. And that culminated in an experience that was so unexpected and shocking to me that it gave me a push to say like, okay, this is you're done now. And that was I'd been drinking every day for however long. And I had had this tattoo idea. for years getting this thing on my leg and having it come up the ribs and it was going to be petroglyphs like rock art okay i love history and i love that stuff and so i'd spent years coming up with this idea and so my wife's like babe i want you to go and get it you know i want you to go get it i think it'll help you feel better i'm like okay great and i man i knew going i'm like i don't need to do this i feel fucking terrible but i go in i'm like you know what i'll do it

So I meet with the tattoo artist I like. We talk about this idea. I come in for the appointment. And I spend five and a half hours getting five tattoos at once as part of this, the beginning of this piece. And Brad, when I tell you that I've never experienced panic like this before in my life, I mean that. Because when I got up out of the chair and saw these things on my body, because it's petroglyphs. and petroglyphs kind of look like children's drawings, you know, a little bit. And when they're not on rock, they really look like children's drawings.

And so I'm looking at these things on my body that look like my four-year-old drew them. And they're big and they're red and I just panic. I mean, utter panic like I've never felt before. And I knew I had to quit drinking. And I didn't. I continued on for another week. I think I got two days and then drank again and then three days and then drank again. And then by that last time, that was October 6th.

And October 7th, I just meant, I'm done. I can't do this anymore. This tattoo is fresh. I got to live with this thing now. I'm looking at it every day in the mirror. I'm in a panic for like a week. And I just, I got to change my life. And I got to do it now.

You know, I'm out of time. And I started thinking about that. And man, I have lived quite a reckless, exciting kind of life. And it was only a matter of time before I got pulled over or gotten a car accident or caused my family to leave me because I'm such a raging asshole when I drink. And I knew something had to change right then. Yeah. I had mentioned earlier, too, about your first AA meeting and not necessarily

feeling ready or being ready at that time. I think it's hindsight, we have that a unique ability to connect the dots. And it sounds like too, there was a point there where you did make the connection to alcohol being or causing problems in your life as to where before it was just like everything else was sort of the problem. I think that that's an essential part too because we want to protect the alcohol. You go back to like, hey, you're signing up and then you're not following through, like, I'm so curious about that. I wonder if we fear that it's going to work. And we're so afraid of what the fuck life might look like. Like, it's not that it's not going to work. It's that, hey, I plug into this. This could work. But the unknown is so scary.

And I'm so afraid of what my life would look like without alcohol or what people will think or what I'm going to do on a Friday night or what am I going to do at the next sporting a better concert, that we just subconsciously convince ourselves that, nah, no, I'll do it another day. What was it like for you? You hit it on the head, man. I was terrified. My main tool of coping with everyday life without that, what's going to happen? You know, one thing I've realized being sober is I think I have quite a bit of underlying kind of anxiety about life and people and all these different things and I was terrified that if I took alcohol away, because at this point, alcohol is my main thing. If I took that away, what's that going to look like? What am I going to do? You know,

back when I was drinking, you wake up that next morning with such intense anxiety, right? Call it anxiety. And I was so afraid that every day would feel like that because I had spent so long drinking, that that, if you can even call that as sober, that was the only kind of reference I had for not being actively drunk. And I was so terrified that that's what sobriety was going to feel like. And I also knew that even if it didn't, that if this thing worked, how would my life change? How would my friend groups change? How would my relationships change? And I didn't want to face it. You know, I was just content at the moment, content to stay in my toxic little spider web cocoon, you know, because it's not comfortable.

But a comfortable hell is better than an uncomfortable future sometimes. Yeah, and that's so true. It's familiar. Yeah. And I mean, that's sort of the human nature to all of this, right, is we just do what is familiar. And that will always be our default unless we decide or choose to do something else. That's why I think community helps so much

is because we can learn from others' experiences, plus we have a place that we can share. It's an opportunity to do things differently. It doesn't have to be perfect, but it's sort of taking that first step. I mean, there's so many people out there and there's probably going to be people who listen to this episode, and we've all been there, I think, in one way or another,

that are so afraid to take that first step. Like, what if it doesn't work out? What are people going to think of me? What if it does work out? Like, who will I be? But I think that that's, for me anyway, that's the most beautiful thing about this whole journey. It's not quitting drinking, it's not getting sober. Like, who am I in this world of however many people?

Like, who actually am I other than who I pretended to be for all of those years that I really wasn't happy with? And that's been a really cool part of sort of the journey to figure it out. It's exciting, man. And it is for me anyway. What changes for you? I mean, you plug in. You're struggling at the beginning. I mean, I think anybody who's drinking every day for years and then decides to get sober,

I mean, the nervous system is on fire and the withdrawal symptoms are kicking in. I mean, how do you stick with it? And what are you learning in the early days about yourself? One thing I learned really quickly was, for me, how important community was. and it was probably day two or day three. And I just, I remember that these meetings, 9 a.m. and 8 p.m., they were consistent. And I knew that if I could make it to that meeting, I'd be okay. And there was something about sharing and putting it out there.

And, you know, the sober motivation community is amazing. So there's, it's full of support and love. And it just made all the difference. I mean, all the difference. You know, all those times I tried the hundreds and thousands of day ones and, oh, well, I won't drink till 8 p.m. Or I won't drink. I'll only drink the weekends and all the different things we tried.

None of them even remotely came close to working until I did the one thing. You know, you want to be sober. You just got to do one thing. Don't drink. That's it. Don't drink. But I realized quickly that I didn't want to just be sober. I wanted to live a different life.

And the only way I could do that was by participating in the success of my own future. That I couldn't just wait for it to happen. I had to turn on my camera. I had to start sharing. And I had to open up. I had to really open up, which is something that I don't think I did for a long time. You know, I had to really get honest, both with the people in the community and share honestly, but also with myself.

And I had to come to grips with, when I put alcohol down, that doesn't solve all the problems. Like, that might help you sleep better and it might help you wake up clearer and it might help you lose some weight, but I figured out that, oh, man, I can still be kind of a wreck sometimes.

I got to get my own emotions in check. And without sobriety, I never would have found that. But now, seven plus months, that's what I'm really working for. forward to. So. Yeah. And you're doing an incredible job, J.B. I must say, man. I think, too, it's interesting. And I wonder, you know, I mean, you try hundreds of times, right? You mentioned. And I don't think that's a story unique to you or unique to me. And things don't work out. And maybe we convince ourselves like, man, we've tried so many times. The solution to this or the

path forward has to be so complicated and so complex. Maybe I'm missing something. Maybe it's another book or maybe it's another podcaster. And I don't think it really is. I don't think it is any of that stuff. I think that it's so simple that we can just believe, like, is it that it's got to be more than that? I did it. I tried a hundred times and I didn't achieve my goal.

But I think when you just peeled the layers of the onion back, I mean, it is the first step is not drinking. And then sort of the lights, it gives an opportunity for the lights to come on, some clarity to come back, some confidence. But maybe most importantly, it gives you some frigging, I'm in your life to actually have a look at it.

I mean, when you're drinking every day and you're worrying about getting to the store and how many you're going to get and how you're going to keep it hidden and then waking up and you start every day with this anxiety, man, I mean, it's just, the nervous system is just like I mentioned before on fire and there's just no bandwidth left to achieve goals or read books or have deep conversations or hold space or feel safe. And those are requirements to sort of healing and moving forward. And I mean, you plugged in from day one, dude. And I mean, you're experiencing all the benefits of doing that, you know?

Yeah. I am, man. It's, I mean, it's really been, it's really been quite a thing. Truly, I mean, this, the sober motivation community is really special. It's, it's really, really special. And for me, sober motivation, like, that's, that's what worked, right? A.A. A.A. is great for people that like it.

I'm all about it. Like, and at the end of the day, too. Like, if you got a white knucklet for six months on your own, then do that. If you need to go into AA three times a day, do that. If you need to pop on sober. Like, if you need to hike a mountain, whatever it is, do it. And don't wait because it's not going to get any better. One thing that I think really helped click all this actually is,

I heard you say on one of your episodes that this is a progressive disease. And I had never heard that before. All the podcasts I'd listened to and things, I'd never heard that. And I just got to thinking in that moment about my own situation about, oh, my God, this is progressing and this is progressing fast. And I need to put a stop to this before I can't. You know, and by the time I quit, alcohol had got its hooks in me. And I couldn't manage it anymore, you know. And I knew the last thing, the only thing I could do was put it down and not drink again.

you know, that was it. And what are your thoughts on that being easier than trying to manage? It's easier now. And I'll say this, for anybody out there that's listening to this, that's debating or thinking, and it's hard for a minute. Putting the alcohol down and not drinking is hard for a minute. But it gets better. And it gets easier, the more you do it.

It's just like going to the gym and using muscles. It is. and it gets more familiar and more comfortable. And then you kind of come to this point where you're more comfortable in sobriety than you ever were in your active addiction, drinking. You know, I was never comfortable drinking. I always felt bad. In sobriety, I feel good. And I'm good with that.

And it just took a little bit of time. And everything that people say is true, right? When you hear sober people talk, like it gets easier. Stack the days one day at a time. but just don't pick it up, right? All these things are true. And for me, I just had to lean into trusting the process and trusting that these people were telling the truth.

And they were. And they did. Yeah. And now you're here telling the truth, you know? Yeah. Speaking that truth, baby. Yeah. I mean, you're kind of heading towards wrapping up.

I mean, what do you think is maybe the coolest thing you've gotten back or the most important thing you've gotten back into your life? that really makes all of this so worth it? I'll say for one, I have a whole new friend group in the community, right? It's kind of like my social hour. So that's really cool. But really the most important thing, I think, is my relationship with my family. You know, I've got a wife and I've got two small kids that eight months ago I was drinking the days away.

And I was more focused on getting alcohol and drinking it and consuming it and being drunk. than I was spending time with them. And I'll never get those days back. And thank God it was only for relatively short amount of time. But now I get to sit with them and I get to see my kids like funny little things they do. And I get to joke with my wife. And like I get to live in these moments that are so precious and are so unique that will never happen again, you know, and I get to experience that and I get to be in it. And I never could

have done that with drinking. I thought I could. Definitely thought I could. But no, man, it's not even close. Yeah. And when you're in it, yeah, it can feel like you're showing up and maybe you are physically, but how much are we sort of present for the moments and appreciate things or maybe the level of gratitude we feel. Where do you fall on the list of like if that's relatable of getting yourself back? Or maybe for the first time starting or beginning to discover who you are, what you like to do and feel good about the choices you're making? That's huge, man.

That's huge. I mean, I started drinking and using when I was so young. I didn't know another way to live. But now I'm 35 and I got grown up responsibilities and I got things I got to take care for. I'm like, oh, what's this feeling I'm getting? Like, I'm learning how to, I'm learning how to be a real boy. I'm a real boy. I'm learning how to live, man.

And it's, it's, it's a crazy thing to experience. When, when I get to share that with my kids, because my kids are so funny, they're little, they say funny things. But I just, I get to sit here and, and just, and I kind of get to do it with them. Because as I'm explaining to my son about, like, well, buddy, I know you're upset and I know you're mad, but that doesn't mean that you have to do something about it. You can sit with it and it's okay. Let's do that together. What he doesn't know is that I'm also doing that for the first time. Right. And so for him, it's just me and him sitting there kind of working through it. And yeah, man, it's, it's, it's special. But honestly,

more than that for me, what I'm going through personally and with my family and this development and this big learning curve is sacred. It feels like something sacred. I don't know how else to describe it. Yeah, man, that's powerful, dude. For anybody who's listening, J.B., that might be considering really going after this or that's maybe on the journey that's struggling,

I mean, what would you send out there to them? Talk to somebody. Come on the app. Get on the app. Talk to us. I don't know how much, I don't really want to give advice, because I'm going to tell you the same thing.

I'm going to tell everybody is get in the group, get in a meeting, start sharing. Come be a part of this thing because at the end of the day, alcohol, if left to its fullest extent, will take everything from you. It will. It'll take your life. It'll take your family. It'll take everything from you. And don't let it and do whatever you got to do. Come in the meeting and experience something different.

You know, that's what I would say. Go do something different. Come in the meeting and see it. Yeah, check something else out. It's interesting, too, you brought up sort of the big part of shame, which obviously I think is relatable to so many people's stories, right? I mean, the shame, I think, drives us into isolation. And then the alcohol just roughs us up time and time again because we're not reaching out.

We're not sharing. I mean, there's a stigma out there of, I think especially, I mean, for everybody, but maybe since we're talking here for men, right, and for dads, right? You're supposed to have it figured out. man. I mean, you're supposed to support the family and be strong and just push forward. And it can be tough to talk about things we're struggling with. And then the shame just sky rockets. But there's a quote, shame dies when stories are told in safe places. And I think that I've heard so many people be a part of groups and be a part of meetings and just have a place to talk about

stuff. Because you know what? Like what we've been through, the choices that we've made, other people probably have as well. You know, and it kind of goes to show that like, it's okay. Like we can move past this. We can heal. We can learn from things. But sharing it, I feel like cuts it in half,

like cuts that shame in half and can really give us a springboard to kind of move forward because being stuck like that on our own and feeling like we should know better or we should do, you know, we should be better. We should be able to control it or manage it. That's exhausting. And it's hard to deal with that alone. It is.

It was impossible for me. I mean, when I got on the community and when I started sharing, I mean, I realized that quickly that doing this alone was impossible. It just, it wasn't going to work. I couldn't do it. And to your point about the shame and people out there feeling it, what I want to say is it's okay. It's okay. I failed hundreds and hundreds of times. I made so many mistakes.

I can't even begin to say or count. And it's okay. You know, whatever, whatever happened, whatever is going on. Like you said, sharing and that light that we bring to it, it does. It cuts it in half because when you do that, I know in these meetings for me, whenever someone shares, there's always something I can relate to, always. And I think that's the case for a lot of people. You know, I think that's why it's so powerful.

Because for me, I couldn't do this alone. Alcohol won. I'll say that too. It won, man. I got beat. And I'm done with it. Right? I put it, I'm done. Hang up the gloves. Put up the shingles. Put up the hammer. Whatever you want to say. Like, I'm done with it, man. That's it. I'm on to something new. I'm going to let that thing keep on rolling, man. And the only thing I want to do is, is everything I can to limit the amount of people that have to suffer with this. You know, you don't have to suffer alone. Nobody does. And it's okay. We're all here. We've all been through it. And it gets better. It does. The first couple days are rough, but it's okay. You're going to wake up and little by little

you'll feel better and you'll get to a point where you look back and you're like, man, I got 10 days, I got 20 days, 100 days, you know, it's crazy. It goes fast too. You mentioned there too, you're kind of introverted too, which kind of brings me to the curiosity of myself. What inspired you to share your story with people and maybe you hinted on it in your previous. sentence there. I want to help. I want to help. You know, I think me being introverted, I lean into isolation. I get my energy, like my recovery is when I'm able to be alone in the quiet and kind of take some breaths and do my own thing alone. But when I added alcohol to it, it became something different. It became toxic. And I just, I want to help, man. And I hope whoever's

listening to this, can identify something that you relate to, and hit me up. Come in the community, man. I mean, I just, I want to help. I've shared before, like, if I had a billion dollars, man, I just want to be a philanthropist. Like, go build, like, water parks and roller coasters and treatment centers, you know, go make people's lives better. Yeah. And I think that comes from such a good place because you have that first-hand experience of

what it feels like trying to figure out all this. on your own and it's exhausting and just kind of surrendering asking for help can make all of the difference it feels like the scariest thing in the world but it's really it's all good you know like we all started there i think it can be overwhelming too right i'm at one day it's like dude that's the best day of your life like we all started there it's okay but i think people beat themselves up you know like i'm so early in this and it's like no like it's all good it's okay day one or day one thousand like It's all just a day, you know, just win the day. That's the mindset that helps me.

When I was outside of it, I remember hearing that, right? And I remember thinking like, oh, that's bullshit. Like these guys that got 10,000 days or 100, there's something else, right? Again, it's got to be more complicated than that. Then once I got into sobriety, I started hearing, we've all had the day one. We're all one step from the ditch, right? This is an active process. Some you got to participate in.

And we've all had day one. And we've all had day two and three and four and all the days. And it's all okay. It's all okay. Yeah, love it, man. Thank you, J.B., so much, dude. So happy to have connected with you on this and obviously been connecting for months, man. And it's always great to hear from you, dude.

Anything you want to share for closing? Don't do it alone. Don't do it alone. If you made it this far, don't turn it off. Come in the app. Come on, man. Yeah, it really changes it, man. And people, you know, it's interesting sort of what gets in the way, right?

Like, it is really interesting kind of what gets in the way of that next step. You know, and maybe that will kind of be the million dollar question is, you know, what is so uncomfortable about letting other people in, you know? It's all good, man. So, yeah, thanks again, J.B. Thank you, Brad. I appreciate you, man. Well, there it is another incredible episode here on the podcast. I'll drop J.B.'s contact information down in the show notes of this episode.

And I would love to see you check out the Sober Motivation app. I'm in there probably too much. But I'd love to see you guys come and hang out. Get some support with this whole thing. J.B.'s had an incredible experience with it all. And it's helped him get to where he's at today. And I'll see you on the next one.