Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - In Jane's Life Alcohol Was Normalized. Could She Break The Cycle?

Episode Date: July 17, 2025

In this episode of the Sober Motivation Podcast, host Brad welcomes Jane, who shares her compelling journey of growing up surrounded by alcohol, struggling to fit in, and eventually becoming dependent on alcohol herself. She recounts her early experiences with alcohol, the impact of her father's drinking, and her own struggles with binge drinking and blackouts. Jane talks about her attempts to moderate her drinking, the escalation in her twenties and thirties, and the impact on her relationships and motherhood. Despite the normalization of drinking in her circle, Jane eventually seeks help, leading her to Alcoholics Anonymous and ultimately finding sobriety with the help of Naltrexone. Now over two years sober, Jane discusses how she changed her life, started a business, and is helping others, particularly the youth, navigate their own journeys with alcohol.   ----------- Jane's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/letsgetapedi/

Welcome back to season four of the Super Motivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We're here to show sorority as possible one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode of the podcast, we welcome Jane, who shares her journey of growing up surrounded by alcohol, struggling to fit in, and eventually becoming dependent on alcohol herself. She recounts her early experiences with alcohol, the impacts of others drinking, and her own struggles with binge drinking and blackouts.

Jane talks about her attempts to moderate her drinking, the escalation in her 20s and 30s, and the impact on her relationships and motherhood. And this is Jane's story on the sober motivation podcast. What's up, Brad here? Hope you guys are enjoying your summer. Thanks for checking out another episode, Incredible Story, Jane's story,

all the way from Australia. I want to give you a heads up when we were with Sober Buddy, we had meetings that anybody could join a couple times a month. I want to bring those back. The plan is with the sober motivation community now. So keep an eye on Instagram. And then when we do go live with that, where you can join the community and then attend those events that will be a couple times a month to start anyway to see how it goes.

But yeah, join Instagram. Keep an eye and an ear out for the podcast where I'll mention more of the details once everything gets finalized in launch. Let's get into Jane's story right now. Welcome back, everyone, to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. We've got Jane with us today. Jane, how are you? Good, thanks, Brad.

Excited to be here. Yeah, awesome. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to jump on here and share your story with all of us. Yeah, I'm glad to be here. So what was it like for you growing up? For me, growing up, alcohol was part of daily life. It was normal for drinking to happen in my household every night. And we just thought that was normal.

And it was very common for my dad to get home from work, being to a pub or club, not be able to walk or talk properly. And my mum would be upset. And my sisters and I would be. that go to our rooms or we would yell at him to go to bed. And it wasn't all bad. We've got those great childhood memories of, you know, we went on some really great family holidays and we had great time.

My sisters and I together and, you know, putting on shows with the cousins and all those things. but just looking back, alcohol did play a big part in those memories from childhood. Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing that too. If anyone can't tell from your accent there, where did you grow up? I grew up in the Southern Shire in Sydney. Okay. And yeah, we're right by the beach.

So, yeah, it's a lovely area to grow up. Yeah. Do you spend a lot of time at the beach growing up? I did, yeah. Yeah. That's nice. So you have all this other stuff kind of going on too. How was school and everything for you? And you mentioned sisters as well. Yeah. So I'm one of four, all girls. And I am number, yeah, I'm number two of the four. And so middle child, typical middle child, I've always felt like the black shape of the family. and I've never fit in. And, you know, a lot of that is probably in my head,

but I still feel that way. And growing up school, and I struggled to fit in at school as well. And I changed schools about year eight, and I was really lucky to find some beautiful friends very quickly. But yeah, I just always felt a bit out of place. And I didn't drink much during my teenage years at all. I kind of went through this bit of a born-again Christian phase

and went to youth group of Friday night. And so I think that was the saving grace for me. I kept me out of trouble. And, but yeah, I... The obsession with alcohol, though, was there from an early age. One memory in particular, it was our E10 formal, which is like a prom. And everyone was having an after party afterwards. And initially I was allowed to go.

and my parents had agreed to buy alcohol for me for that after party and I at the very last minute the venue had changed and I wasn't allowed to go ultimately and so I started walking to this party. I left the house and started walking. It was late at night. My parents had to follow me in their car trying to get me to come home. And I didn't want to go to the party. I just wanted to drink these drinks. And so, yeah, I just remember that story because the obsession of wanting to drink was there,

even though it didn't come. It didn't come until a bit later, but yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that was a prom like 17, 18. Yeah, 16. Oh, 16. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting too. Like I share a lot about it in my story too. A lot of the feelings that you talk about like being uncomfortable and having a hard time fitting in. You know, we moved a little bit too when I was growing up and that was challenging to start over. I, you know, some people I would think to myself, like, man, they're really, they make friends so easily.

And I felt like for some of my life, it was, it was such a challenge. It was so difficult to connect with other people and make friends and all that stuff. One thing I'm wondering, though, is over the years of doing the podcast, you know, there's been different stories, right? Parents kind of like that maybe aren't drinking and we don't see that at home. and then there are parents who are drinking a lot at home, and we see that at home. And I always find it kind of interesting where some people are like, they see the chaos, they see the destruction or everything going on, and they're like definitely not going to go down that road.

And then some people find themselves doing it. How did that, how did that look for you? Were you angry towards alcohol or kind of what it was causing in life or any thoughts there? Like I hated, I hated it when my parents had been drinking. I absolutely hated it. And but I didn't see any issue. Some, for some reason, it was, I think when I got into my, yeah, early 20s,

that's when, I don't know, it just was so normal for us to drink with our parents or, when, you know, my sisters and I would start when we'd hit that age and we'd start going out together. And that's how, you know, we really bonded when we were a bit older. And yeah, it's what everyone did. And so, yeah. Yeah, it's just crazy that we hated it. I hated it so much. And I ended up just like them, just like my dad.

No idea. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. It's kind of an interesting thing, sort of the way it plays out sometimes. But at another point you made there, too, is just being normalized, right? In, you know, a lot of cultures and a lot of countries and everything, too. What's the drinking age where you can start drinking, you know, legally in Australia? It's 18. 18, yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, that's different than, you know, the U.S., 21, Canada.

Most places are 19. I think there's some that are 18, too. Yeah, and it's you're here at 18, it's like you have the the thumbs up to get this drug, basically, which probably back then. I don't know if anybody even would have mentioned to it as such. Yeah. You know? No, I remember I probably learned a little bit in year when I was 13 during high school. but yeah and no idea yeah no idea what it was going to do yeah so you get started so i mean it's kind of around 18 that you get started with drinking too i mean what was yeah started

started every now and again it wasn't until probably 19 20 i'll go out a little bit but i was actually pretty good with my alcohol at that point. I would have my odd going out, blacking out moments, but I was pretty good until about early 20s. And during that time, I started developing all these new friendships. And it was because of alcohol. I thought that was where, yeah, I feel like I, people started to like me because of when I was drinking, because I was fun and I was kind of known for, that I was known as that girl. They would go out and have a good time. And, yeah, if British Spears was coming on, I was known for,

doing a few lap dances, going around the pole. And it was, yeah, I had this persona around my drinking. And slowly I would, yeah, so at the beginning, at the beginning of my drinking, I would be out until the end. I was always that person out until the bar closed. But then as time went on, I was one of the first to leave because I was usually that drunk. I couldn't, yeah, I would always either be kicked out or I would just have to make the decision to leave.

And, yeah, putting, yeah, I was going out, blacking out on a regular basis, four to five times a week. Yeah. to afford being able to go out that much. And yeah, it was just crazy. I would wake up, hung over, and then do it all over again. I mean, I could handle it because I was a bit younger. but and there were some good times but it was very surface the friendships around then you know I wanted to go out with those people that would drink like me and and and yeah so I put myself in some really unsafe situations yeah I'll wake up no memory of what it happened or I would do things that I would regret and I, I, towards my probably, my mid-20s was where

I just became very selfish and I would just go out and not really think about, think about the consequences, even though it had happened every weekend. You know, the same thing would happen every weekend. I would go out, blackout. And it was as if I expected people to look after me. You know, and I would, all of a sudden, one night I woke up in a gutter at a local petrol station. And no bag, no shoes, no phone.

And I had to get a cab home, and I had a few, there were a few hours. that I have no idea what had happened. And I got home, had to try to find money to pay the cab driver. My parents then had to drive me to the police station to try to find my belongings. And then I blamed the friends that I was with. Like, why didn't you look after me? Yeah. And then those relationships were basically from that moment.

when ultimately I should have been looking after myself and not putting myself in that situation and then yeah I continue to do go out again like still go out yeah even with that stuff coming up yeah I'm wondering too outside of the drinking in the bars and stuff what's the what are you doing for the rest of your days are you working or school or anything after high school Yeah, I was working. I went straight into full-time work. I've always been in the financial planning, wealth management, insurance industries. And alcohol is a big part of that culture, that workplace culture. And yeah, I remember when I was about 19, I had this job.

about one of the big banks and he yeah my boss one night and I remember at work function a few weeks later he was really concerned because we had some big um executives coming to this event and and I was the main person he was worried about and I ended up being the best behaved out of everyone and there were other people that were all over the place that night, not me, but that was just the start. And anyway, there have been lots of instances over the years, my drinking, just getting a bit out of hand at workplace events. Most recently was just over two and, it was two and a half years ago,

just before I came to my first AA meeting, had a work Christmas party. And that was getting to the stage where I wasn't able to control my drinking. And because all the drinking was done at home, and then on those rare nights where I was actually going out, I wasn't able to control it anymore. And yeah, so, that I don't remember much from the end of that night.

And I was falling over in front of all my work colleagues and just ridiculous. Did you ever, like if you go back in the story, were there any times where you were like, oh, you know, look at all of this, these situations that I'm kind of in, like maybe in your mid-20s that, maybe this is something to look at or talk with anybody or did anybody say anything to you? There was, no, there was, my moment I remember is my, I'd gone to New York for a holiday and I

actually broke my foot and I was in a boot. So I'd come back to Sydney. That first night, I got back to Sydney. I was in my. boot and couldn't really walk properly and I went to the local bar that night and I was living with my parents and it's and one of the girls that I was really good friends with that worked at that bar which is why I went there so much was she said to me or someone else from there said to me like what are you doing here Shouldn't you be at home? And I think that was one of the last times I went there.

But I was just so embarrassed. But it was the truth. Yeah. Like, why am I here? I just got back. I've got this boot on. Yeah. I can't really walk properly.

And, yeah. And that was my early 20s. Yeah. So it was a long time ago. And so things kept progressing. Yeah. Things kept progressing too. I mean, which you know, you hear a lot too, right? What was the alcohol doing for you too? Because like part of me things too is with sort of the consequences that are coming up in life that it's got to be providing something that helps us make sense of this to kind of continue going on because I think, right, people who aren't don't necessarily have a problem or or things are not a problem for them. I think everybody who drinks has probably had one night where things went bananas in a sense,

right? But I think that they're going to maybe look at things differently. And then I think people like me, when things go sideways, I might make adjustments for a day or two, but I get back to, you know, what works, right, which is drink a lot. you know, any thoughts for you there? Yeah, for me, I think it just helped me feel like I fit in. And it was very much part of my identity. Alcohol just became such a big part of my identity.

And I didn't know any, I didn't know any other way to just connect with people. I found it was a really great way to connect with other people. And, yeah, I developed, yeah, a lot of friendships based on my drinking. Yeah. And, yeah. Yeah. And, I mean, that's a very relatable story. Is there anything you could put a finger on too, maybe from life or, you know, before this point of drinking that put such maybe an emphasis on

fitting in or belonging. You know what I mean? Because I relate to that really well. You know, I think to some of us, it's more important than maybe others or, you know, different. But I find that, you know, my story too, that was really important to, even with consequences, it was more important to fit in and deal with the consequences. Was there anything that stands out to you for that about fitting in and belonging and having a community of people was like just so high on the list?

for me I think because I I always struggled with fitting in growing up and I always struggled I always was yeah I always felt like I always felt like everyone liked my sisters more than me and so when I was finally in my 20s

developing these friendships I felt like people actually started to like me. And now over time, now that I'm doing work on myself, I know that I really, my self-esteem really played a big part in a lot of my drinking and my behaviors and yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, that makes a lot of sense.

Thanks for sharing that with us. So where do you go here? Like, I mean, mid-20s, how does life? looked like kind of pushing forward from there mid 20s I was still a bit all over the place in my working life and I was very I just I'd been I've I'd been unclear my whole life on what direction to go in yeah so I've always continued throughout very unclear very all over the place in my working life. And but so at 25 I met my now ex-husband and he was my very first boyfriend.

And he also grew up thinking that alcohol was just a normal part of daily life. And so when we was started today, our relationship very much revolved around alcohol. and yeah because he was my first boyfriend I wanted to do the be at home cooking dinner do all those things and we yeah we'll drink it home together and we would have a bottle of one each from the very beginning of our relationship so two bottles a night and we thought that was normal. And I didn't think it was much at all. I didn't even think that was much. And it wasn't until I started having conversations with girlfriends about how much I would drink a night. And they would say, why can't you just share a bottle? Why do you have to have a bottle each? And I'd be like,

oh, I guess we could try. But like, why would we share a bottle? That was my thought. Like, who wants to just share a bottle? And yeah, because even around my family, it was very normal for us to drink a few bottles and wine together. And, you know, my sister and I would say, like, I don't understand people that can't just drink a bowl of all the wine. And yeah, so it just progressed. You know, I was still going out, blacking out, most times that I'll go out.

And I was now drinking a lot more at home in this relationship. And I would usually say to my husband, or I would say to my parents when I was living with them still. I would say, I promise I'm not going to have a big night. I'm only going to have one or two. And I would even sometimes off the drive, rarely, off to drive. And then as soon as I would have that first drink, it all changed. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not until I heard the first drink does the damage. I heard that for like, I had that for, I heard that for, maybe a year before it actually I realized what all those times

that I said that. I'm not going to have a big night tonight. And I truly meant those words when I said them. Yeah. And it just all changed. It all, yeah, I'll have that first drink.

Yeah, no, I can relate to you on that. Yeah. Yeah, it changes things fast. Do your parents ever say anything to you about, about the drinking because you meant you were living with them for a bit too right they're out here we kind of mentioned like did they say anything about drinking or no i mean it wasn't it was an it was an issue because it was happening regularly just going out blacking out hungover but my other sisters did it too not to the maybe not to the extent yeah that i did it but it was kind of

just that's just how it was. Yeah. When did you? Oh, sorry, go ahead. No, yeah. I think that's, yeah. Yeah. So it's just kind of what was around.

Yeah, I mean, it's, um, yeah, it's kind of what's around. I mean, I think on purpose, too, we surround ourselves with people who drink like we do, because we don't want anybody who, who's falling behind or who's going to make it seem like we're in the spotlight, too, about, hey, we're having, you know, this much and somebody's not. When did, do, when, if ever, do. do you pick up on that maybe there's more to the drinking than just I enjoy doing it. You know, sometimes I hear that from people and I get really curious because it's like, I just like to drink.

It's like, but this is after they shared all the consequences they've experienced. And I'm like, I think there's more there. But was there any time when you were like, hey, I wonder if there's something else, some other reason behind drinking other than just going out and partying? No, not until I was about 30, maybe. I started working at this wealth management firm, and everyone was very much high performing and into their fitness, wake up really early, go on the gym, long hours at work.

And it wasn't until I started working there that I questioned my drinking because when I used to, like I said to a guy that I worked with, I drink a bottle of wine and I, like that was, it wasn't, I just thought that was normal. And he seems, he was, oh, that seemed like a lot. And it wasn't until, and other people that work there didn't drink like me. one person that didn't even drink. And I thought, oh, maybe I'm not.

Maybe this isn't normal what I'm doing. And it wasn't until I started working there that I, yeah, questioned it. Yeah. It was kind of like, yeah, maybe getting out of the bubble, like the social circle you were in. And you mentioned it to other people. And it's like, yeah, maybe everybody's not living this way. I mean, when you're in it, though, you do. I hear it all the time, right?

It's what everybody does. I thought that, too, like when I was in college, this is what everybody does. But when I look back at it now, no, not everybody. Even in college, not everybody was drinking. And there was definitely not everybody who's drinking the way that I did. You know, so it's kind of like that hindsight's 2020. But at the time, it's, you know, we don't always see it, though. So did this, what kind of gets your wheels turning in the direction of,

how things were going too, because now it sounds like, too, you're still going out a bit, but it's shifting a little bit. So that whole sense of like a go out, party, belong, have community connect with other people. That sounds like it's still there a little bit, but now the drinking at home starts, which is a very common trend. And then now maybe it's checking different boxes for us too, because we're not really going out and, you know, maybe the club and bar scene and everything as much. Did things start to change for you in, you know, after you turn 30? all or no? Yeah, I, so we moved from where we were living in Sydney to down south in a city called Bollong, um, to afford to buy a house down that way. And so all of a sudden we're

very isolated. We're away from our families and our support networks. And we're drinking, like yeah we're just drinking at home basically and then it became more of a rare occurrence for me to go out and drink and and yeah as time went on so got married and that was one of the biggest things I was actually concerned of in the lead up to our wedding was me not remembering the wedding day I was that was a thought in my head in my head I was like, I just want to be able to remember my wedding day, but I was so worried about my drinking that I wouldn't remember because at that, yeah, I just, I knew I, I just had an issue. And so the night before the wedding, I drank way too much.

And I ended up being really hung over on the wedding day. So I didn't actually have to worry because I couldn't. couldn't get drunk anyway. But, yeah, like the fact that I was, you know, I should have, all these things happened. And I didn't even think, or maybe, you know, I should stop. Yeah. And what were your thoughts at this? What were your thoughts in this point in your life about somebody who doesn't drink?

You mentioned the one guy at the job, but did you know anybody who didn't drink or no? Not really. And I thought it was people that didn't drink were a bit strange. Of course. Boring. I would say boring. And now I'm like, oh, God, like, I'm the sad one, really. And, and, yeah, just.

So you have, but you have that too for your wedding day to where you're hungover for your wedding day, right? But, I mean, not drinking for it. But, yeah, I mean, I think all of these things add up, right? I think all of the, you know, everything too, right? All of the stuff happens that we don't feel good about and we promise ourselves, you know, I'm just going to have two tonight, one tomorrow. I'm not drinking that day. I mean, you do all of that, I think over a decade or, you know, 15 years or whatever.

I mean, you lose trust in yourself. We don't have any confidence in our ability to follow through and to do stuff. And I think, you know, I've heard in a lot of stories, too, that this can kind of bleed into other areas of our life, right? Whether it be our career, whether it be our relationships. you know, this not trusting ourselves to kind of follow through with what we say we're going to do, what we're going to commit to, I think really can just can really rough us up self-esteem wise too, you know, with this.

Yeah, I've never met my full potential because of my drinking. You know, I would do sign up for university degrees and I would be at home, have an assignment at you and I need a glass of red wine to because I thought that would make it easier for the thoughts to come for the answers to help me write this assignment and it would just make everything worse because as soon as I don't have that drink I would want another one and yeah just was I've never been able to fulfill yeah my potential but yeah like over over the course of my relationship with my ex-husband, you know, we would have, do the gradualize,

the try to limit our drinking. We're not going to drink during the week just on the weekends. And it wouldn't last long. And we would always try to reduce our drinking, but it just would always end up back to every night. And here was a shift worker, so the issue was the night. they were nights he wouldn't drink because he'd be at work and I'd be at home alone and I'd be

drinking yeah and so when he had nights at home he also wanted to drink but then I say no no no we're not drinking tonight and it was all based it was all it was all on my terms yeah yeah what would you guys do on the nights you weren't drinking watch movie or go to bed early or? I can't even remember. We would probably watch TV, just watch TV. And yeah, when now then I'm sober, I'm like, there's so much we could have been doing. I think that type of moderation thing, I mean, I think we all, I think a lot of us.

I don't know if everybody does because I'm talking to everybody, but I think a lot of us go through it in one way or another. Maybe it looks different. but the hamster wheel of that, I, like, I don't know. Part of me is like it's much worse than just going all the way and just drinking whenever you want because when you try to put boundaries up, you know, against something that is so resistant to boundaries, it's just like the mind games and everything is just, I feel like it becomes even more of a full-time job.

Now we're not hung over every morning, but we're also just like going on this back and forth about limiting ourselves and the reality is like it's, I don't know if you've experienced this, but it's so much easier on this side of things just to not drink at all. Of course, there's challenges and hard days and moments, you know, in the beginning and wherever that it's like, oh my gosh, I really want to drink. But if we make it through 20 minutes or an hour of the day of wanting to drink and just don't, it's like the mind is clear again to go and do whatever else. So that it's just very relatable here, I think, for a lot of people of trying to, make sense of it. And I would say that's like a massive red flag because people who don't

struggle with this, I don't know that it's necessarily like that they're looking at putting up you know, all of these rules that we just end up breaking. I mean, we'll be honest here. I know, I did anyway. Ended up breaking them. And, you know, and I think every time we have, I don't know if you relate to this or not, but a lot of people share it. And I can relate to when we have stints of sobriety where we're not drinking, say we do 30 days or we do 10 days or five days, whatever it is, and then go back to drinking, the snowball seems to pick up speed a little bit. Every time we do that, it seems harder to get back up, but it also feels like things go a little bit lower. I don't know. Was that your experience or not? Yeah, we did it for a chance. I don't

remember but it makes me think of so I um so when it progress my drinking to then when I started having my pregnancies and so I had it about a year after we got married I had a miscarriage at about eight weeks and my drinking really, my drinking escalated after that miscarriage and I was gone from limiting myself, which it was hard at that point to limit myself to a bowl of wine. And I always struggled with just drinking a bowl of wine. But after the miscarriage, I was drinking at least bowl and a half of wine a night. And I, I, then soon after fell pregnant with my first child

and she was actually born two weeks before the first COVID lockdown and my husband and I always said she was she saved us because we both knew our drinking would have been really bad during lockdown if she wasn't around because I was still breastfeeding and, you know, the nights were terrible, waking up a few times. And so, but as soon as I reduced or stopped breastfeeding, my drinking would just

escalate straight away. So it was this as if, it was as if I'd been drinking that whole time throughout my pregnancy or whatever, and I'd been getting worse. But yeah, it was as soon as I stop breastfeeding my drinking had gotten even worse to before I got pregnant with her. Yeah. What about when you were pregnant? Was that an easy transition from drinking to not drinking or how did that go? It was okay. It was okay.

I, yeah, I was really, I had a massive night the night before I did my pregnancy test. Yeah. And because I was like one last hurrah. And, you know, that's even ridiculous. Like a normal person probably wouldn't do that. And but yeah, I think because of the miscarriage, I was just grateful to be pregnant. So I wasn't too resent to my husband for drinking or being designated driver.

but also towards the towards about 30 weeks I really was hard on him about drinking and I think a lot of that was because I was jealous that he was able to drink and I was kind of just trying to punish him and I would say to him I might need you to drive me to the hospital at any point and so you just need to not drink um or just have to and That he, yeah, it was, and I can see now I was doing that because not for the safety. It was just, you know, I was just being difficult because of my own issues with alcohol. Yeah. It's, you know, the last hurrah, I think you mentioned it there too.

You know, I mean, in, you know, I mean, a lot of people have those situations. too. And maybe you had more than one. I'm always curious, though, like, was it what you thought it would be? I think in my life when I had those, yeah, this is going to be it, you know, this massive, whatever. And I always kind of left, like, disappointed. Like, I thought that was going to be something special. And I don't think it ever was. No, definitely not. Yeah. Yeah. What did things look like from there for, you know, kind of from there forward too. I mean, your first time mom here coming up shortly in the story too. I mean, what was that experience like for you?

Yeah, first time, mom, I really enjoyed the newborn stage. It is a beautiful time. It's the later stage that I struggle with, the toddler and all those stages. But yeah, it was a beautiful time, especially with COVID. So we were just in it, we really were just in our own bubble. And it was very sad too, being, you know, not being able to see the family during that time. But, yeah, my drinking just started getting really bad. And I knew, I don't know whether before I got pregnant,

but I just knew I didn't want my kids to grow up thinking, it was normal to drink every night. And that is where it had changed from where I used to work, where that shift had happened, where I thought this isn't normal. And I just, yeah, I didn't want them to grow up thinking it was normal to drink every night, but I still couldn't stop. And what did you, did you try anything?

Like outside of just sheer willpower? Did you bring out? Yeah? So I really wanted to. wanted to stop. I really wanted to stop drinking. And so I went and saw a hypnotist. So she said, yeah, so she said she could make me stop drinking. And, but then in our session, before we started, she said, well, I can make you stop drinking or I can make you drink how you want to drink. Oh. So if you want to have one or two, I can make you have one or two. I can

make you have one or two. And I thought, well, perfect. Yeah, perfect. And I would obviously for that. And so, yeah, I saw her and I don't know if it worked.

I felt really relaxed and I think I was drinking, I think I was drinking like that night, the next day, but I was saying to my husband, you know, I'm definitely going to stop drinking. because of this. And but soon after I saw her, so I was probably, I should have seen her for at least three sessions. But after the first session, I pretty much feel pregnant with my second child soon after I saw her.

So I didn't, as soon as I was pregnant, I didn't have to worry about my drinking again. It wasn't even a thought when I was pregnant. Isn't that, like that is, that's interesting how. Yeah. When how that shift or whatever happens there, it's like, okay, I've got this thing where I'm thinking about it all the time drinking a bottle, bottle and a half a day and then get pregnant. And then, yeah, because I've heard that before. And then it kind of, you don't really think about it or changes maybe. Yeah.

And my husband would say, he would say to me, I don't have a problem with alcohol, me, because I could go nine months. without drinking and I went a few months without drinking in the lead up to our wedding but that was because I wanted to look good and so if I had things to work for like to a goal in a goal inside my baby's health inside I'm wanting to be healthy for the baby and wanted the baby to be healthy I could stop yeah but as soon as I had that second child my second daughter and as soon as I stopped breastfeeding, my drinking just got really bad straight away. Yeah, it picked up again.

Because I knew there were no other pregnancies after her. They were going to be no more children, so I had nothing to, yeah, think of trying to limit my drinking for. And I was really unhappy. in my relationship and I had been for a few years at that point and but I think the pregnancy is having those kids in yeah inside that it kind of helped me deal with what was going on around me but better yeah and so yeah as soon as I stop breastfeeding home, I just started drinking to cope.

Yeah. And I started drinking to blackout every night. Yeah. And I was still going to work, still going to work, full-time job, getting up. And every morning I would say, I'm not going to drink today. I'm not drinking today. and then two o'clock would come around and I'd be thinking like having the battle going to the bottle shop or not on my way home from work and then usually by five o'clock it was well what

bottle shop am I going to go to because I don't want to go to the one I went to yesterday. Yeah, did you go every day? Did you go to the shop every day? Yeah. Yeah. Because I didn't want to have the alcohol in the house because I was, because I was, I would say every day I'm not going to drink. So I didn't want to have the alcohol in the house.

And we could never have, if there was alcohol in the house, we would drink it. So we could never have these special bottles of wine hanging around. Yeah. They wouldn't last. And, yeah, I never understood those people that had like, had like a fridgeful. I know, a fridge full, like wine or. So it was kind of like your way to limit, you know, some way to limit, right? If you get one bottle, you go home.

I mean, by the time you've done that, everything might be closed or it doesn't make any sense to go forward with more. So it was like kind of the limit. And then tomorrow, of course, you're quitting. So there's no need to buy any more. Yeah, I mean, I did that for an entire year and went to the Wednesday store and bought alcohol every day. And I was like, yeah, I'm quitting tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah, it was the same as cigarettes.

because I was, I haven't smoked for 10 years, but when I tried to quit, I used to break up my cigarettes the night before. Like the night, when I would go to bed, I'd break up my cigarettes, and then I'll go by a packer the next day. Yeah. But, yeah, with the alcohol at that point,

so we just, we had moved again to a different area, a bit closer to our families. And this, new house was in walking distance to three bottle shops, which was an issue. And so, yeah, and when I used to go to the bottle shop in the beginning, you know, I just buy a bottle of wine or two bottles for me and my husband. Yeah. But those last few months, I just didn't even care. And I would I would start

just buying two bottles for myself and then I would start buying three bottles for myself every day and

yeah I just knew I wasn't going to be able to just drink one so I just made sure I was a pan yeah

at that point in your life too what do you what do you put on it that's kind of fueling, you know, the increase or things, right? Like what's kind of going on? Because, you know, maybe some of the other stuff that kickstarted all of this, you know, maybe it's there still. Maybe it's not there. Maybe there's other stuff that's come up.

I mean, any thoughts on that? Yeah, it's definitely the, I did was just really struggling with parents. and my kids at that stage were, I think, three and nine months. And I was very unhappy in my relationship. I was just unhappy in my life in general. And to me, I know that what was feeling that was I was not living the life I wanted to live. I was not, I'd always just done what I thought I should do. I'd always kind of just followed the script of want to get married, want to have kids, when I have a house, why pick

a fence. Yeah. That was happiness. That was success. Yeah. In the eyes of everyone else. And I was absolutely miserable. Yeah. Oh, it's really tough when you get there and in things, that's not how we feel about it, right? You know, I think there's a lot of, yeah, I mean, a lot of stuff externally that we can tend to reach for, right, to feel like an internal void. You know, a lot of people talk about that when it comes to alcohol, right? Sort of a black hole or, you know, something kind of on the inside. And then we reach out to let it be alcohol or whatever it is, right, to sort of feel comfortable with life and everything going on. When do you turn this thing around, Jane?

I, a few months into drinking that way. I, well, I started seeing a psychologist, and he was the first person that I admitted to other than my husband that I thought I had an issue with alcohol. And I was honest with him about how much I was drinking. And what did he say? I mean, it's not a surprise, really. There are so many people in the community struggling with alcohol. Yeah. And, but, you know, it's obviously, it's just not safe for the kids.

It's not safe for me to be drinking that amount every night. And, and, yeah. How did it feel? How did you feel when you share with, there's kind of the first time, right? You share with somebody. Yeah. It felt, I did feel, I felt relieved. Yeah.

I felt like he, I could trust him. but yeah I felt that was the first step I needed to make yeah to start making changes no matter how long it took and yeah so from then I ended up I've been I started looking up AA so he suggested AA and I started looking it up there was one down the road from my from my house and I I one night I was desperate to just get through that night without drinking. And so I kind of had a blue with my husband about him wanting to go to the borsham, me not wanting to go.

Because again, it's all on my terms. Like on the nights that I didn't want to drink, he wasn't drinking either. But on the nights that he didn't want to drink, I wanted him to drink. And so, yeah. I went to a meeting. I had a blue with him, walked out the door, didn't tell him where I was going. And I walked in and there were only four other people in there. And I just felt at home straight away.

And I knew I was in the right place and I related to their shares. That night everyone shares. And yeah, I finally belonged somewhere. And did you share? I did share. Yeah. And I was able to just be completely honest. And no judgment.

Yeah. And yeah, but yeah. So from that night, everyone just said, just keep coming back 90 meetings and 90 days. And because I have kids and because my, husband was a shipworker, I couldn't get to face-to-face every night. And so someone was just doing the Zoom meetings. And so I tried to log into a Zoom and then I'll log out and go to the Borough Shop.

So I kept drinking for another six to seven months. and things just progressively got worse. And I started, at first I was my drinking had reduced, but then I started going to the bottle shop after meetings. And then I was avoiding meetings altogether in the end because I just hated getting up constant. for six months and saying I'm one or two days sober. And even though there was no judgment from anyone, it was just me.

I just couldn't, I just felt shame. And, and, yeah, so things are getting worse. It was very unsafe for the kids. And my husband didn't know what he was going to come home to, like. And so he didn't know what to do. so he told my mom and sisters about my drinking and they started to contact me to try to see how they could help me to stop and mom yeah we're looking at rehabs I was trying to avoid them to because of the girls because I was so little and

And so, yeah, my mom said, go to the GP and you need to tell them. So I went to the GP and it was nothing, it was like nothing she hadn't heard before. And I was honest with her about how much I was drinking and she said she had a few other women in the community that, patients of hers that were on Naltrexone, which she recommended to me. and so yeah she said you need to stop drinking for three days she said valium is an option if you can't stop drinking every three days and so yeah I well she said you know your husband needs come in to say he'll be with you for those three days if you are taking valium. So I thought, I'll just go without the valium.

I'm sure I'll be fine. And looking back, I should have taken the valium because those three days were absolute hell. The first day, first day, in the end, my family, they're all waiting for me to start these tablets. and I wasn't taking the tablets because I couldn't stop drinking because I just kept thinking it's the end this is the end and I just couldn't I just couldn't imagine my life without that last drink

or like continuing to drink and yeah in the end my little sister had to come over one night when my husband was at work to make sure I didn't drink and when I got to about 930 10 I said it's okay you can go I'm not going to drink and then the next day I went to work and on my way home went to a meeting and I was okay but the next day so my day three was an absolute nightmare and I had both my kids that day and I got them out of the house in the morning

and I was going absolutely insane in my head and just really wanted to drink knowing that this was the last day and got home that afternoon I was in all sorts and my little sister she came over again to just make sure I was okay and didn't drink

and that whole day I'd be messaging my husband saying I really want to drink. I'm really struggling today. I don't know how I'm going to make it through and he walked in the door an hour late from work with a case of beer and it did not go down well and I ended up running out the door, got in my car and started driving down a main road and wanted to end it all. And I was ready to just drive into oncoming traffic. And I just kept thinking of my little sister back at the house and the girls. And so I turned around and I went back, went back to the house. And then when I walked in the door, I got into my daughter's bed and just was in a ball in tears and my little sister had gone to try to find me and she came back to the

house and I said just go I said I'll be okay I said I'll go have a bath and I'll go to a meeting and when she left I went and poured a few of the beers down the sink and I lost it and then I went and had a bath for like an hour. And then I went to a meeting that night, which was at 8 o'clock, and went for an hour and a half, and I walked out the doors at 9.30, and my two sisters were standing next to my car, wanting to make sure I was okay. and so yeah

I just will never forget that moment of the support from my sisters I just knew in that moment that I made it I've survived today and the very next morning I took the tablet at 7 o'clock

and it took away my cravings and it doesn't happen for everyone that way A lot of people say naltrexone doesn't work for them, but there are a few of us that it does work for. So we are lucky. I think at that point, when I did take the naltrexone, I was desperate to stop.

I know even though I couldn't imagine my life without alcohol, I still was desperate to stop, which I think that's part of the reason why the tablets did work. Yeah. Wow, that's quite the journey for the last three days. And that was over two years ago, June 28th. Yeah. That's incredible too.

I mean, when you look back at this whole story here, Jane, of how things were, you know, and how things are now. I mean, does it surprise you at all that you were able to get out of that cycle and make those changes? It does. and it does. And I really just had to, I really had to just, yeah, to be honest, it is a miracle. Because I could have kept on that cycle for years.

Because ultimately it is so normal. You know, I could go to my family barbecue and drink two balls and wine. And now all about an eyelid. and or I remember has it changed at all i mean i'm wondering just with your experience of all of this and how you shared it i mean has it changed and i know that's not what necessarily why we do it but just wondering too if if anything else has woken up too about that or no within the family yeah or maybe even a little bit further out than that yeah i mean is it it has Yeah.

Since I've stopped, I feel like there is awareness. Yeah. With family about potentially their drinking. But other people have reached out to me. Yeah. And they are struggling too or have been struggling. And it's just so such a big part of the culture here. Yeah.

to drink and the whole coping with parenting, that's a massive issue. Yeah. It's so normal to just drink to cope with parenting. What do you know now that maybe could help somebody too if they're in that spot, right? A new mom or, you know, however it lands. Like, is there anything in the last couple years you've learned that maybe could have helped you out in those situations? What are your thoughts? for me it is for me it's the being able to get through daily life showing my girls they do not need to

they don't need alcohol to cope with daily life yeah and I think that is the most um powerful thing you can pass on to your children that they are enough just as they are. They don't need any of these other things to get through life. But it's just giving them the tools to get through it. And yeah. A lot of moms share too, like getting into the mommy wine culture and everything. Parenting is difficult.

But so drink, then lean into the drinking, right, to help. But like, I just heard all the stories. Drinking makes everything a heck of a lot worse. It makes it so much worse. But I think, as well, the other message is the first step I had to make was ask for help. Yeah. And I was lucky with the GP that I got, who I didn't even know well. Yeah.

I was lucky she suggested all these things to me that it was, you know, it was, it was, it was, nothing she hadn't heard before. but I've heard some nightmare stories as well of other women going to their GP saying I'm drinking a bottle or two a night and that GP is saying that's normal there's nothing wrong with that and that person has then progressed and made some bad decisions in their life

or another GP has said I drink the same amount so you don't have an issue. Yeah. And so, yeah. Just cut back or yeah. Yeah. So I got lucky.

You did. Yeah, it's interesting on that topic too. But this is like way off topic, but kind of on topic. There was an AI mental health chat bot that I guess some guy had talked to and he was, I think he was using meth or something. And it had suggested like cutting back. And everybody like went up in arms about this, about, you know, this is going if this is really bad.

And like, I mean, I'm not saying it's good or bad. I'm indifferent to it. But I think that I've heard the story you just shared countless times where people go to see their doctor and then everybody jumped on, you know, the chat about all of a sudden for, you know, it's a weird sort of thing. It kind of spit out. But yeah, that's the thing. What prevented you do you think for time to share with somebody to get help?

Because, I mean, I think that's a big barrier that a lot of us get stuck with, right, about sharing this with somebody else, but that can be like opening the door to like, hey, maybe we could do something here. And maybe, correct me if I'm wrong here, but maybe it doesn't end up being as scary as we thought it would be. Maybe it was, we get the right person. We share.

It's like, oh, my gosh, you know, I can take the backpack full of rocks off. I mean, what kind of held you back and what was your experience like? Part of it was that it was almost, even though, my dringy was getting really bad. It was also kind of acceptable and still. And though people didn't know what was going on behind

like closed doors, how bad it really was, you know, I would go to, I remember I went to I took the kids to a playground one morning and another mum said to me

because it was a bit rough getting my toddler to leave, the playground. And the mom said, make sure you go through the drive-through on the way home and get a bowl of champagne just to, you know, get through the afternoon. And this is at like 11 o'clock. Yeah. And that kind of, I don't know, that was another switch in my head that thought, okay, this is okay. It's, I can drink during the day to cope.

Yeah. So I can't remember what I was getting at that there, but. But just normalized, I think. Yeah, it's just normalized. Yeah. Like sometimes I think if you, if you have people around you, they're like, hey, you know, have a look at this, look at this, like something's going on. But if you have everybody around you, kind of saying, no, I mean, I don't think there's,

I don't think there's anything going on. I mean, look, you can take one month off. I mean, that's extremely confusing for people because I hear it all the time, right? I can take a month off. I don't drink every weekend. And, you know, I just are, but when I do, I binge and it, you know, and there's consequences and stuff. And I'm like, yeah, I mean, but it doesn't matter about frequency.

It doesn't matter about volume. How do you feel that this is fitting into your life? Do you feel like it's helping you reach your goals and be where you want to be? And I think a lot of us, when we kind of get honest with ourselves and look within, it's like, no, this is not helping any area of my life. How do things look like for you now? I'm just thinking towards wrapping up. It's been a quick hour and in 20 minutes.

So how do things look like for you now? What are some takeaways from, you know, just over two years? For me, life is, I still struggle with life. I still struggle with daily life. But my life is just so peaceful now. So I've made a lot of changes in my life within a month of getting sober. I left my marriage. And I just had so much clarity.

And I just couldn't deal with the reality anymore, sober. And I knew what I needed to do. And, you know, he is a great person. He's a great dad. But we just weren't right for each other. And, but I just had the clarity finally to not go back on my word once I made that decision. Yeah. Because a few times throughout the years, I made that decision to like,

which are we right for each other? We're not right for each other. Yeah. But then we'd just have a drink together. Yeah. And then I'd say it. Yeah. Yeah.

That's really interesting. I had another person on the podcast, too, about how she goes about things now. She knows right away if there's a connection, right? Whether it be a friendship or a relationship. And I feel like, you know, because I had not a marriage in a sense that was fueled by the drinking, but I've had. relationships or girlfriends or whatever in the past where, you know, I look back and I was like, man, I think if we weren't drinking, we could have potentially, like, I don't want to like beat

myself up over the past. I learned a lot and what, you know, I can't go back and change it. But I think with a sober mind and a sober heart going into things, I would have maybe saved both of us, myself and the other person sometime other than just drinking. And when stuff came up and when we had our arguments or fights, it was like, let's just have a drink. And then we forget about it and stuff. Yeah, so it's interesting, you know, sort of that perspective. Yeah. And so the first year was very up and down. I had being in an early spriti and plus separation. Yeah. So I was going through a lot, but I was able to just tick the next thing off the list because I was sober. And I did almost, so I stopped taking Naltrezone at about

seven months and then something triggered me at nine months and I almost relapsed and it was because I asked for help that I didn't relapse. I knew I even though I wanted to drink, I knew I really wanted to avoid relapsing and and so yeah the ultimate thing yeah I reached out to a few different even reached out to a rehab for relapse prevention. but because of the kids, I was trying to avoid it. And ultimately I ended up messaging my sister and said, I'm going to relapse, I need help. That's all I said to her.

And she was there for me that whole weekend to look after my kids so that I could get to meetings. And I started taking an altruxone again just in case. And so I took Naltrexone until I was just over a year sober. And now I feel absolutely fond of. man um yeah life for me yeah i still have my ups and downs like my mental health um but yeah i started a business last year called let's get a petty and it's started as self-care gift boxes for women going through life transitions um like divorce grief and it's you know i have

some, I have on my most recent gift box, the grief, the box for someone going through grief, the guide is very much tailored towards how to get through the emotions without numbing. And my ultimate purpose is to, I want to empower women to live their most authentic lives so they don't need to numb with alcohol. And that is where the business has now evolved, where I'm doing these teen talks at high schools, where I talk to teenage girls about the reality of alcohol, the negative impacts are numbing their emotions,

and where to go for support if they are struggling with someone at home with alcohol. and I also talked to them about living their most authentic lives and what that means and how they can have self-belief that they can do anything and that a successful life is a peaceful mind, a healthy body and a life they don't need to escape from. And, you know, that if they are struggling with someone at home and their parents drinking, that it's not okay.

And that there is support out there. And so I do talk about Al-Anon and I give them some other resources. And I am suggesting to all the high schools that they create a free support. support group once a week at lunchtime for the students affected by parents drinking. But also, that could also include the parents drinking drugs gambling, which is a massive issue too. Yeah. Yeah, because the Al-Anon thing, obviously, is not really available.

They could do the online, but, you know, that the students are probably not going to say, I want to go to an Eleanor meeting to their parents because of your drinking. So, you know, having this support group that is confidential safe space. Yeah, could be a good. That's cool. How many of these presentations have you done? Well, I've booked a few coming up, but I've done one. Wow.

So I've done my first one last month. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm reaching back in and helping other people too, right? Yeah. Yeah.

And it went really well and it really did give me that confirmation of that it is needed in the community. Yeah. A few things. They didn't ask questions because it was going into their recess. And so they all just wanted to get out of there. Yeah. But they did give me some. feedback and yeah one of them said what did you get out of today's talk and they

said it's not my fault for my dad drinking and one of them said what did you get out of today's talk that it is okay to ask for help and there were a few other comments in there about yeah them that I'm glad that my mom's not alone or Yeah, so there's definitely a lot of comments about drinking. Yeah, so yeah, it is common out there, I guess, you know? Yeah. It is really common too. Well, thank you so much, Jane, for jumping on here and sharing your story with us.

Any thoughts you have for closing here? thoughts for closing would be that just keep trying no matter how many times you may lapse or in this cycle ask for help and if I can do it you can do it and it's just And it's just my life is just so much better. Two years in, it's getting better and better each month. I just have this serenity that I couldn't have imagined. And it's all because, yeah, doing the work, but yeah, just being sober. I can put my head down on the pillow and go to sleep.

And that is the biggest gift. Yeah, that was beautiful. Yeah. It all starts with not drinking too. I feel like sometimes we want to get ahead of ourselves. We want everything to change. And the reality is that we got to quit drinking first step and then put in some effort and find a path that works for us. And things changed. Thanks so much for having me, Brad. Well, there it is. Another incredible episode here on the podcast. Jane, because of the time change from Canada to Australia, I think it was 3 a.m. for her to wake up and do the show. So much appreciated. Thank you, Jane. I'll drop the contact information of Instagram for Jane.

Down on the show notes below. Let her know what you thought of the episode. High five virtually and all that cool stuff. And I'll see you on the next one.