Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - James T. Lane went from headliner to homeless all before age 30. Now 18 years sober this is James T. Lane’s story.

Episode Date: June 27, 2023

James T. Lane’s journey from the housing projects at 5th and Washington to the grand stage was riddled with obstacles. Not only did he have to overcome a devastating Achilles tendon injury, but he also found himself spiralling into the depths of drug addiction and alcoholism. These trials tested Lane's resilience and determination, pushing him to the brink as he fought to make his mark on the world's biggest platform. This is the inspirational comeback story of the one and only James T Lane on the sober motivation podcast. Links 👇 👉 FREE SoberBuddy Zoom on "What is the WORK?" ✅ Click here to sign up Follow James on Instagram 💪 Donate to support the show 🤗 Follow SoberMotivation on Instagram 📲 More Information on SoberLink  

Welcome back to season two of the Subur Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week is my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. James T. Lane's journey from the housing projects at 5th in Washington to the grand stage was riddled with obstacles. Not only did he have to overcome a devastating Archilles tendon injury, but he also found himself spiring into the depths of drug addiction and alcoholism. These trials tested Lane's resilience and determination,

pushing him to the brink as he fought to make his mark on the world's biggest platform. This is the inspirational comeback story of the one and only James T. Lane on the Sober Motivation podcast. Oftentimes in recovery, we talk about doing the work. But what exactly is that? Join me in the entire Sober Buddy team as we put on this free event on Zoom, July 5th, 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. The good news is you're all invited for this free Zoom support meeting where we're going to go over exactly that. What does the journey of sobriety look like and how do I navigate it? What is the work?

Check us out by joining the link. I'll drop it in the show notes. Sign up on the calendar and you'll get the link in your ewe. inbox or message me over on Instagram at Sober Motivation. Mention the free Zoom and I will be happy to send you over to Link. Hope to see a few of you there. It's hard to find the motivation to get sober when you're in the trenches of addiction. It's easy to say I'll stop tomorrow or I'll cut back tonight.

What's harder is putting action behind those words. That's why I've teamed up with Sober Link. Soberlink's remote alcohol monitoring system was specifically designed to help in your recovery. not just some breathalyzer you buy at the store. Small enough to fit in your pocket and discreet enough to use in public. Soberlink devices combine facial recognition, tamper detection, and real-time results so friends and family know instantly that you're sober and working towards your recovery goals.

Visit soberlink.com slash recover to sign up and receive $50 off your device. How's it going, everyone? Before we jump into this week's episode, I wanted to share a few thoughts with you. Look, I think it's really important that we're active participants in our own recovery, own sobriety journey. You've got to get active. You've got to push yourself to get uncomfortable

and try and do things that you may not have done before and you just don't maybe feel like doing it. I had these thoughts from my early days, and it went like this. It's not going to get better by chance. You're not going to get better by counting on luck. The work you do is going to determine what your recovery, what your sobriety looks like. And of course, there's going to be some outliers, some people who maybe don't have to work as hard,

maybe who don't have to be as consistent. But I think for the majority of us, we really have to work really hard throughout this entire journey and maybe, maybe more at the beginning. And luck, if you do get lucky, is from hard work. And if you do get lucky enough to get her stay sober, it's because you showed up when you didn't want to over and over and over again. So a few things to think about. You got to get active in your own journey.

I remember early on going to all the meetings, going to all the groups and just sitting in the back and keeping my head down and just trying not to be noticed. I was just hoping nobody, nobody noticed me. And I was going and I felt like that was big progress for me. But if I could go back and do it again, I would have gotten involved from day one. And I sat back and I believed the thoughts I was having that I was different, that I wasn't that bad, that things were just going to miraculously get better,

that this would just be a season of my life that I would overcome randomly one day. and that was never the case. That type of thinking, not getting vulnerable, not being uncomfortable, not pushing myself, always ended me back up doing what I was doing before. And then I would blame it on other different things that didn't have anything to do with it. And when I really took a long, hard look in the mirror within, I realized that if I was going to get sober and I was going to stay sober, nobody was coming to save me nobody was going to do the work for me it would be people that would support

me along the way but they weren't there 24-7 to make sure i was doing the next right thing i had to take up that way of life and it took some time but once i figured that out things really started to change when i understood that that nobody was coming to save me and if this was going to be a part of my life and I was actually going to have a life, I was going to have to get up every day. And most importantly, get up on the hard days and put in the hard work when I least wanted to, when I wanted to do everything but that, those are the days where I just did what I had to do to get another day. Some days were prettier than others.

Some days didn't look that great. But I'm so grateful for that person. I was, which feels like so many moons ago now, that just didn't quit. So if you're struggling out there and you're wondering what the heck is all this for, how do I get this figured out, how do I start to live a better life? Maybe that'll be helpful. Maybe this upcoming story will be helpful. But oftentimes the solution is you just got to stick with it.

And I know that's the last thing we want to hear on those tough, hard to get through days. But what I realized as well looking back is a good night's sleep was a great restart. And the next day, I often felt a little bit better. A little bit better. And I believed a little bit more that I could go through and get another day. And it's not always that way too. I know that sounds very one day at a time.

And that sounds like it can be torturous. But look, things get incredibly better. But you got to get through the tough times first and put in the work. Let's get to the show. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got an incredible guest, James Lane. How are you? I'm good, Brad.

How are you? I'm well. I was just telling you, I just watch your sizzler reel for the triple threat. That's incredible. And I'm sure we'll talk a lot about that. But how we start every show? is what was it like for you growing up? Well, I'm from South Philadelphia

and, you know, a little black gay kid from the projects, you know, dancing to dance school, you know, which is real popular with the bullies. But, you know, but I just had a love for the arts. You know, it was like my first language, right? I could express myself. I was free. It got me away from the projects where I grew up,

you know, got me involved with some people who were going in the right direction. Philadelphia is a music. musical place, lots of arts, opportunities for young kids. But we moved into a very Italian neighborhood in South Philadelphia, so I got chased by those guys, too. The one thing that kind of like kept them away was I started to develop this kind of talent. And I became like, oh, that's the guy that dances.

Oh, that's the guy that sings. Oh, leave him alone. You know, he's going places. And that was kind of like a badge of honor. So it was early on that you had these talents. Oh, yeah, you know, from jump, you know. So I knew, you know, I mean, I grew up Michael Jackson. You know, everybody wanted to be Michael Jackson, right?

You know, it didn't matter what color you were. You wanted to do the things that he was doing, you know, and you wanted to be in the Pepsi commercials. So I figured out that was my ticket out really, really, really early. And I wasn't very good, Brad. I really wasn't. But what I had was this kind of like, look, I've got to find a way out of this situation and circumstance.

And I really like performing. So why don't I try that? that. So focus your energy. And then you move on. What was school and stuff like for you? Well, I went to a high school for the performing arts. It was a music school. I would dance at a local dance company after schools. And then I spent all of my summer vacations at a theater school in in upstate Pennsylvania where it was taught by Yale graduate students. And I just learned everything, everything that they had to learn. And I went there from the summer of eighth grade through the or 12th grade, I knew Brad that I wasn't going to be able to go to college unless it was a full ride.

It had to be a full ride. What I did was I applied to these colleges that were great in musical theater. And then right after my applications, which was around the time that computers were in classrooms, I would write letters to all of my schools saying like, hey, I just sent in an application. I'm James. I'm coming to audition. I really need money. And so that when I went to these auditions, they already knew who I was. So it was like, you know, I was like, you know, like working them so that I could really get, you know, really get known and set myself apart. And that led to full scholarships to a lot of different schools and I chose Carnegie Mellon. But by that time, you know, I had a really kind of heavy dose of like ego, Brad. Like I, you know, I'm the big man on

campus, number one. I've done all of this stuff by myself. Look how far I've come. And by the time I got to college, at Carnegie Mellon, they don't let you perform your freshman year. And it's a, it's a learning thing. But so much of my, my personality and, like, my self-esteem was wrapped up in my talent. And I felt, I felt like I was, you know, like when you lame a horse, I felt it was just me that they were doing that, too, which was not the case. But I eventually left Carnegie Mellon after my freshman year, full scholarship and left Brad. I went to Penn State and that was a better fit. But I left there too.

And I went to Europe. It's funny, I left on a Friday from Penn State to New York City. There was a newspaper called Backstage. And I saw that there was an audition in New York City for the European Tour of Fame. And I said, I told my friends, if I don't come back Monday, I got the job. And that's what happened. And so there I was the fall of 1997, I want to say, in Zurich, Switzerland, you know, Berlin, Germany, you know, Paris, France.

Talk about a culture shock. But like the culture shock that where it was like there was no longer, the color of my skin wasn't an issue. You know, it was like, you know, there were buildings older than my whole country. I felt like I could really be myself in Europe. And I loved it there and did about six months over there, came back to the States, went back to school a little bit, then finally decided to leave when that European tour became a national tour of Fain, the musical. Yeah. Wow. So you're all over the place there.

So when, so I mean, this is, you know, obviously a sobriety podcast, what we talk about on here. when does the drugs and alcohol enter your life? Well, I had had a drink before, but it was something like truth or dare. Somebody dared you to drink. But I never did anything consistently. I was on that national tour that I just finished talking about. And I had graduated to playing the lead role. And I went up for a leap, Brad, and I popped my Achilles tendon.

And that's a major, major, major, major injury for somebody who is in the performing arts. You know, it's devastating. I had a lot of time on my hands. And so I had, I still had it in my apartment back at Penn State. And I went back there in March of 2000 to get surgery and recuperate. And I had a lot of time on my hands. And my friend said, hey, you know, we're going to Washington, D.C. Gay Pride. Why don't you, would you like to try ecstasy?

And I was like, okay, I've never tried anything like that before. But like, hey, it's pride. I'm gay. Let's do it. And Brad, baby, it was like the lights had turned on inside of me. And I had never felt anything like that before. You know, there had been a lot of, you know, there was abuse when I was in high school, sexual abuse.

I wasn't comfortable. the skin I was in, like, you know, I thought black people got a fair, you know, didn't get a fair shake in this world. I was, I was really having troubles being out and gay, you know, with what the world was seeing me as. You know, so ecstasy erased all of that stuff. It was the escape that I needed. And I said to myself, I remember, oh, my goodness, I want to be, I want to feel like this all the time. I didn't know. See, when I think of addiction or alcoholism. I remember my uncle Sonny who had the shakes, right? And he sat in one spot and was shitting in buckets in his third floor bedroom. That's that's the alcoholic, right? Or I remember

the drug addicts from the projects, that didn't look like the fabulous gay clubs, you know, party life designer drugs that I was doing. So the disassociation was real. Stop me. That's going to happen to me. But, you know, now that I know that it's a family disease and like it's the disease that I have, doesn't matter what it looks like. That was in June of 2000 where I started that. And then I would spend all of my workman's compensation check on getting high. Like I'd buy a whole bunch of pills or I'd spend $100 at the grocery store and then the rest was like partying. And alcohol was like, like if I didn't have any pills or if I didn't have any a lot of money to buy that, I would drink. You know, I'd drink beer. And then by the end of that fall, my job called

and I had healed well, and I went back out on tour. So now, Brad, I had a pocket full of money and the United States of America to ruin. And like I, you know, every city that we went to, I always got there first. I always knew where the cop man was, you know. And my tour life would be, you know, I'd get paid on Thursdays. It was gone by Saturday mornings. My meals were eaten at 7-Eleven, you know, like hot dogs or potato chips and a juice. drink and then suffering through the week, I'd leave the city with a huge, huge hotel bill,

and then my check would be short because my company manager would have to pay the bill. And that just went on and on and on and on. And this is a tour where when I first got involved with this company, I was like the golden boy, Brad. Like, like, this is the guy. He came from Europe. He's great. By the end of that tour, they were like, get out of here.

we never want to see you again. You know, terrible. By the end of the tour, I was so bad with money, I was shipping $100 bills home and overnight express packages, just so that I can get the money out of my hands, because I was going to spend it. Well, within two weeks of going home, a week and a half, that money was spent, you know, on drugs and alcohol.

Back to Penn State, you know, same thing, no job. And then I moved to New York City right before September. 11. And as we, you know, the world fell apart during that time. But I moved to New York City and the world was falling apart and I got two major jobs. And I was like, well, I don't have a problem because who moves to New York City? It's like a book. It's like it's like a fairy tale. Who moves to New York City gets two major jobs and is like when the world's falling apart? Great, great, great denial. Well, I proceeded to lose both of those jobs. I was fired from the Lion King, you know, smoking, and had graduated to the real, you know, hard stuff was like smoking crack, you know, because it was on every corner and it was cheap.

I gotten fired from the Lion King. The other job was Cinderella of the National Tour of Cinderella, and I just left, you know, and just disappeared. And then my mother came to New York City to get me and to take me home to Philadelphia. Well, Philadelphia, being home, I was laid on the couch for about a week and a half. And then you start seeing the guy go here and doing all of that. And this is the neighborhood that I grew up in, but I didn't participate in any of that. But what I forgot was, Brad, that everybody knew who I was because I was the one who got out. I was the one who went successful.

So I would be in these places or in these crack houses or at the bar. And people would be like, ain't that the guy that got those shows and, you know, all of that. And so people were talking about me and all of that. But I'm just using and getting high and hanging out in crack houses. or heroin dens. And I remember one particular instance, my mother came home from work and she just hit her knees,

like fell to the floor. You know, and she just said, why are you doing this to yourself? You know, I know I rage, do better than this. You know,

what are you going to do? Now you're not doing, I wasn't singing, I wasn't hireable. You know, I had a chip tooth. I couldn't sing her dance anymore. And I just drug along the bottom

in Philadelphia for two years. You know, I was arrested for prostitution. and you're like on the corner prostitution like really bad like you know for five and ten dollars like doing shit my record got expunged later on but I dodged the warrant for a while

and then the warrant officer Brad the warrant officer was a guy I went to high school with and he said he called around in Philadelphia and he was like look you know there's a warrant out for James and the rest if you know where he is tell himself to tell him to turn himself in that's better than me going to his mom's house and like having to put the handcuffs on and stuff like that.

So I turned myself in and I got 50 hours of community for service and I had to do I could pay a fine. And Brad, I could not pay that fine. It was like $100 and I could not pay that fine. You know, and eventually when I could, I would go down the city hall and pay $7, $5, $10, $7. You know, I didn't, I had a, you know, I met a guy, but like, I wouldn't let him pay it because I had to pay it. I, it was a self-esteem kind of thing. It's like, I don't want, I don't, you know, I just didn't want him to pay it. But a few things happened that got me here, that one was that arrest, you know, the other one was, I was locked in a mental ward because the drugs and the alcohol weren't working. Like, the cocktail wasn't working. Like, like, I couldn't do, I had to. I had to. get a buzz on so the drugs, which were like terrible drugs, wouldn't drive me crazy, right?

And so whenever that combination happened in the wrong way, I would go loopy and crazy and think I'm hearing things. And it was just a bad situation. So I was in a mental ward for a while, talked my way out of there. But they gave me public assistant so I can have health insurance. And then the third thing that happened was my friend chef, who was a heroin addict. We were in a crack house and he died, he became catatonic. And I ran out of the crack house and was knocking on doors in South Philly at 2 a.m. That was never a welcome thing. You know, somebody could have shot me. Somebody answered and called the cops and he died in a hospital and instead of on the floor. But that still didn't wake me up. But the last kind of thing that happened was I was sitting in a park

in Penns Landing in Philadelphia. I used to go there in the mornings. Like if I was out all night, I would just go there in the mornings and to feel the sun just to kind of like feel something, Brad. I met this guy who he had pretty blue eyes and he was a lot older than I was, had a lot of daddy issues. But he liked me and I liked him. And, you know, we just struck up a relationship. But I would disappear. Like I'd be with him and then ask for money and disappear. And over and over and over again, I'd do that.

And then finally, he had just had enough. And he said, I can't take it anymore. I don't know if you're going to disappear for good. And he said, you've got to get some help. So I went to the wedge. It was an outpatient center in Philadelphia. And I would go on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and I drink on the weekends or do drugs on the weekends. And then finally, in that outpatient center, there was a guy who was a drug dealer.

And he was talking about fear and shame and guilt. I had a lot of that. I didn't want to be black. I didn't want to be gay. And I definitely didn't want to be an addict. And I started talking about those things, like talking about the fears and talking about the shame and talking about the guilt. And the wonderful thing about the rooms, we don't discriminate. Race, religion, lack of religion, origin, sexual orientation.

It's just like, whoever you are, we don't care. Do you want to stay clean today? That's what we're, you know. And like, I realized that. And I'd never been in, and I'm in the arts. I'd never been in that welcoming a situation because even in the arts, there's discreet. There's a lot of homophobia in the in the in the fucking arts. You know, like you'd think, but like you'd be surprised. And then and that breeds a lot of internal homophobia and stuff like that. So, you know, the rooms were so welcoming though that those groups were so welcoming. And, you know, and so November 16th of 2004, it's my sober date. And I haven't found it necessary to drink or use drugs since. Wow. That's incredible. Thank you so much for sharing so much.

that it's an interesting point that you bring up though because things were you were so successful you were headed to where you wanted to head you were doing and i'm not overly familiar with the arts and stuff but to be part of the lion king cinderella these were probably big tasks that maybe people grew up with that goal in mind and you're there and and having that hard time but it does send that confusing message i can see that nothing's wrong like i'm where i'm where i'm where I wanted to be. Right, right, right, right. I mean, which really points to the fact that, like, it is something, you know,

you can't touch this disease. Like, it's not, it's not a thing. It's like it's an isom. It's inside of you. You know, it's like something that it's not touched. Yeah. Yeah, so powerful. You get sober in 2004 there.

And then what happens? Because your career and everything is kind of been stopped for a little bit, right? So then how do you, maybe, maybe that's part of your story you're going to tell us about. You get that fired back up. Like how do you, how does that look for you? Yeah. Well, it's so funny. So like, you know, crack keeps you real busy, right?

You don't eat a lot. So, so like when I got myself together, I was like eating. I eat, you know, and your body's like, what's going on? And you're like, things are like growing and like, I always say I had a cookie belly in the cookie butt. you know, I was just eating and sleeping because, you know, crack keeps you up. Crystal meth keeps you up, you know, and you're up at all hours of the night. And so as I'm developing this routine of regular eating, you know, I get a call like in January of 2005 and it's a stage manager friend and they were looking for somebody had dropped out

of the opera company of Philadelphia's production of IEDA in the dancing course. And they were like, there's an audition at 7 o'clock. I heard you're back on your feet. You should go. And I was like, oh, okay, okay. And I show up. And the auditions at 7 o'clock is only two people at the audition, me and another guy.

And we dance. And the choreographer goes, looks at me. And he says, very good. Rehearsal starts in 10 minutes. And I was back in it. And I was like, okay, okay. How do I do this thing that I hadn't danced in two years? Really? And so, Brad, I was literally dance. It felt like I was dancing myself back to life.

Like, it was like, oh, this thing, which was my first language, right? This thing that was so precious to me, I had, you know, forsaken for drugs. And I felt like it was, the dance was making me earn itself back. It was like, you want this. Okay, you got to pay attention to me. You got to do these things. And I tell you, like, every night I was on that stage, I was crying. I went in as like a replacement and the choreographer moved me to the front of the dance chorus. Like, it was like, I mean, because I think people just kind of like know that something else is so important to you. And, you know, and that led to like, you know, local regional theater productions in Philadelphia. I had lost my equity membership and that's the actors equity union.

I had lost the membership because I was, you know, I didn't pay my dues and was fired and stuff. And then I tried to get back in and they said, you can't get back in unless you are offered an equity contract. Like, I couldn't get in any other way. And I was so mad at that lady on the phone. And she said a little snotty too, Brad. She said, and I was like, well, at least that's the way I heard it. But, but, and I said to her, Brad, I said, well, I guess I just have to be offered an equity contract now, won't I?

And there was an audition in that same paper that I went and saw fame in, but backstage newspaper, there was an audition in New York City for the Broadway revival of a chorus line. And I said, I know a chorus line. I had done it in high school. It's Greg Burge, who was the star, played for. Richie Walters on Broadway and in the movie of a chorus line. Somebody I worshiped. I knew course line inside and out.

So I went to, I went up to New York City. It was, it was, I, you know, I was very self-conscious. I felt very, very afraid. So I get to the door of the audition and it's an open call, but then I read it a little closely and it's the open call for the Hispanic characters, Deannas and Paul's. I'm not Hispanic. So I was like, oh, my goodness, how could you do this? you messed up. And so I went to turn and around the corner comes Natalie Cortez, who I'd done

Cinderella with. And she said, James, I haven't seen you since then. And she said, so glad you're feeling better. You know, I heard that you were doing better. It word gets out. And I said, she said, what are you doing here? I said, well, I came up on the wrong day. And she said to me, James, she said, it's an open call. Just stay. Just like that with a hands up in the air. Just stay. And I stay. And I stay. And it led to my first Broadway show, the revival of a chorus line playing the Richie Paltors, the role that I've always looked up to a role that Greg Burge, who I used to sit at the screen and watch him like this, every move that he did. And I was now playing the role that I had watched. It was, it's, if it wasn't, if it wasn't for me knowing the reality, because I lived it, if somebody told me,

all of this was happening, you know, I would make a play about it. And I did. You know, like, it's so, it's so wonderfully like, like, like, I don't even know what the word is, but like, synchronistic, you know, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, um, And Kiss Me Kate, I did the revival of Kiss Me Kate. I just got finished of a stint of playing Billy Flynn in Chicago, the musical. So I went from playing in the chorus and now playing principal roles. My performance career has taken me to all around the world. And even I've appeared at Carnegie Hall twice as a singer, the New York City Pops.

I've worked in London on the West End. And now I get to do my own one-man show. about all of the shit and the sunshine that you just heard. Yeah, that's incredible. Would any of this be possible if it wasn't sobriety at the foundation of everything? Right, Brad. Absolutely not. That's that's the non-negotiable in the in the equation.

You know, I would not be here. I would not be doing anybody's one-man show. I would not have a career if it wasn't for me being sober a day to time. And Brad, It happens. It doesn't happen overnight. It happens over time. The hardest thing I remember doing a fourth and a fifth step, before I did a fourth and fifth step with my sponsor in Philadelphia, I remember somebody had wanted me to do the non-equity tour, sweet charity. And I wanted to do it. I wanted to get back there. My sponsor was like, you didn't do a fourth step. He said, if your dreams are as big as they say they are, do the work first. And it all will come. And I lie to you not, Brad, a week before my year of sobriety was when a chorus line happened. Wow.

Yeah. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect timing. We've got a few more minutes here. Take us into this new project, this triple threat. Well, you know, I met some characters out there, some characters. And, you know, Brad, addiction keeps.

you really, it keeps you in a four block radius. You know where the bar is. You know what a cop man is. And you know where the crackhead is in the den. I saw, triple threat is an opportunity to give voice to the voiceless. You know, so the folks that I met out there, I play like 20 characters on stage, in projection, in voicemail. And they're all people in my life during that time, during the four and a half years of my addiction. And, you know, you see a kid, you know, with lots, and lots of potential go through an injury and, you know, fall from grace and then slowly, painfully, breathlessly, and spiritually walk himself out, you know, of those spaces and places and get through to the other side and participate with a whole lot of grace. So, you know,

there is a bit of razzle-dazzle because I'm a Broadway guy, you know, but there's a, there's a huge story with a lot of heart that's very universal. Yeah, no, I just going back to the sizzle reel there. So it's so powerful. There's that little part there what I saw. One thing that took one thing that I liked is, and you mentioned a little bit more earlier in your story is that addiction can look like anything, but I don't know if any of us like set out on a journey.

I've never heard of anybody saying that this is what I want my life to look like. And so many of us maybe from the movies or from other experiences, this identity or this vision of what addiction is in that we'll never end up there. And then I find more times than not, we end up there or worse. Right. And that's that's also why triple threat is important because people who know me here in New York in my professional career, they see, they see these Broadway credits and they see this smile and they think, oh my goodness, this kid, he must have had and made. Look at all he's doing. And I was like, no, there's more to the story. And like this is humanity.

You know, a lot of people are suffering, you know, and you don't know what they look like. So it gives a peek behind the veil, you know, and what a life could really be, you know, struggling with. Yeah. So powerful. Do you feel like going through that four and a half years you mentioned about the addiction? Like there's something you took from that, the pain maybe that you experienced and that fired you up in any way to like really go after this stuff? Well, yeah. I, I, that's, that's a great question. What I know now is that, that I am loved and care for, you know, that, that, that, and, and, and, and what I need to do is love myself. That is first and foremost, you know, like the love of self, you know, then I have it to share with others. Then I can, then I can do things outside of myself.

but that core, it's like I've found a love for myself. Every morning I wake up and I say, hey, beautiful man, I love you. Because I got to be on my side first. Because the world is the world. It's a whole lot of things going on. But I can count on myself. And being in the trenches and coming through and getting through to the other side of that

has taught me that. It's like, oh, James, you know, you were given a grace moment and you took it. That means that you love yourself. And so whether I hit the notes, whether I stumble or make mistakes, you know, I know that I've got me to depend on. Wow. That's what it's all about. Yeah. Thank you so much for that.

Before we jump off here, how can we support you in Triple Threat and everything that you've got working and everything that you're doing? Well, thank you very much. Well, Triple Threat is playing now through July 30th. Theater Row. You can go to triple threat show.com and get tickets. You can follow me on Instagram at James T. Lane or you can follow the show on Instagram at triple threat underscore show. Yeah, yeah, those are the ways to do it. But come on and see the show. I mean, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's 75 minutes of like a story that you, you, it may not be you, but it's someone you love, you know, that is going through some stuff. So there's something for you.

Yeah. Incredible. Thank you so much for joining us today. And really, I really appreciate the vulnerability and just being an open book because all this stuff that you've went through, I guarantee there's somebody out there that, you know, that could be helpful or can relate and we can reduce the shame surrounding all of this. That's right. Well, another incredible episode in the books. Huge thank you to James for jumping on the podcast. and sharing his story with all of us. What incredible stuff he's doing now, and if you have a chance to check out this triple threat,

I've seen this sizzler, and I'm telling you, this is incredibly powerful. Like how one person could do all of this different stuff. I don't get it. I'm not familiar with the arts at all, but to be able to do all that sort of stuff and just what I saw was just truly incredible. I hope you're enjoying the show as much as I am.

Be sure if you are to drop a review on your favorite podcasting platform. Thank you everybody so much for all the kind messages and support. It's a lot of work putting together a show, especially two episodes a week, but there's nothing else I'd rather do to be honest with everybody

and your support helps so much and that it's helping you makes it even that much more worth it. I'll see you on the next one.