Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Jen called it quits with alcohol after a near death experience and is living her best life ever since. 🔥

Episode Date: June 15, 2023

In this episode, we shine a spotlight on Jen, a remarkable individual who, since May 15, 2022, has bravely battled her way out of the clutches of self-destruction. From a harrowing journey of drinking herself to the edge, Jen found the strength within to embark on a path of sobriety. Join us as we explore her inspiring transformation, offering hope to all those seeking redemption and a chance to embrace life anew. Get ready to be inspired as we illuminate the incredible journey from darkness to light with Jen as our guide.    

Welcome back to season two of the Subur Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week is my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode, we shine a spotlight on Jen, a remarkable individual who since May 15th, 2020, has bravely battled her way out of the clutches of self-destruction. From a harrowing journey of drinking herself to the edge, Jen found the strength within to embark on a path of sobriety.

Join us as we explore her inspiring transformation, offering hope to all those seeking redemption and a chance to embrace a new life. Get ready to be inspired as we illuminate the incredible journey from darkness to light with Jen as our guide. This is Jen's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. The Sober Buddy app. This community is one of the most supportive I've ever seen.

Starting with the meeting hosts who lead with support, kindness, and understanding, when someone falls, the community rallies to help support and encourage. People from all different countries who show up as strangers leave as friends. It is a true example of community and connection. What makes sober buddies special is everyone is working on the same mission to get another day sober so we can live our best lives. It's a provide a safe place so no one feels they have to do it alone. Check out the app today or head over to your soberbuddy.com and come and join us for some of our live support groups.

It's hard to find the motivation to get sober when you're in the trenches of addiction. It's easy to say I'll stop tomorrow or I'll cut back tonight. What's harder is putting action behind those words. That's why I've teamed up with Soberlink. Soberlink's remote alcohol monitoring system was specifically designed to help in your recovery. not just some breathalyzer you buy at the store. Small enough to fit in your pocket and discreet enough to use in public. Soberlink devices combine facial recognition, tamper detection, and real-time results

so friends and family know instantly that you're sober and working towards your recovery goals. Visit soberlink.com slash recover to sign up and receive $50 off your device. Welcome back to another episode of the sober motivation podcast. Today we've got Jen with us. Jen, how are you? I'm doing great. How are you? I'm well. I'm good. It's 10 a.m. here. We're rocking and rolling on this Tuesday. Well, how we start every show, Jen, is we just go back a little bit in time and share with us. What was it like for you growing up?

Yeah. As far as my childhood goes, I feel like it was pretty normal within the scope of things. I come from kind of a broken family, divorce. I was born in Germany originally, and I moved to the States. My father was in the military, so we jumped around a lot. And it was definitely an interesting time because my mother was from Germany, and she was not used to the states, especially a place like Arkansas. So it was culture shock for her and didn't end up working out with my dad. So divorce, we moved around all over the country. We moved to Canada, and then we had stepparents enter into the picture, which I think that's where I started having troubles as a kid.

Living with my mom, it was just easy. She was a single mom. She was great, perfect in every sense that I can think of. And then we had different authority figures come in and trying to keep us disciplined, which we weren't used to, and keep things routine. So that's when I started moving back and forth between parents. And I don't want to clown too much on my dad, but he wasn't the greatest person to live with. He was very volatile.

I would even go as far as saying narcissistic, toxic. He was very strict. Even at the age of 16, I wasn't allowed to wear makeup or have magazines in the house. I was grounded a lot for really ridiculous things, and that eventually made me start hiding into myself because I just felt like I couldn't trust being around him as myself. So, yeah, I definitely started developing some depression by the time I was, I'd say, 15, and that's when really I started hanging around the wrong crowd. Now, I didn't start drinking until I was about 21.

but I wasn't exactly with the right people who helped motivate me be a better person, like what you would want in friends. So I didn't care much about school. I would skip school quite a bit. All of the friends that I had were drinking. And even at 16, 17 years old, I would say half of my friends were already alcoholics. So I was introduced to it probably not as early as a lot. of people in their childhood as my parents didn't really drink much. But around that time, 16, 17,

I started seeing lives fall apart from drinking already. And I just told myself I was never going to be that person. I had a friend at 20 die from liver failure, which is insane. So I just made a promise myself, that's not going to be me. I'm going to be really careful about what I do or I'm just not going to drink at all. It's kind of hard looking. back on it now, it seems like it was just a very dark cloud my teenage years and early adulthood. My relationships were awful. I didn't know how to have healthy relationships. And because of my toxic relationship with my dad, I think that I sought out a lot of unhealthy relationships in men as well, especially older men. I always thought that I needed somebody to take care of me in a way

that my father couldn't or didn't. Yeah, I didn't go to college. I missed out on that opportunity. I don't know. I just spent a lot of time very depressed, no leads in life, hanging around the wrong people. And it just, it kind of got me nowhere, really. Yeah.

Jen, I'm with you. High school might have been the hardest four years of my life. Mm-hmm. You started out that whole thing with like it was fairly normal. But what I'm hearing is that it's only, a little bit of your story, but it seems like things were pretty busy. Like, I'm not here, obviously, to say it was normal or wasn't normal, but it seems like there was a lot of stuff that went on. Where did your mom live? Did she stay in Arkansas too? No. After her and my father

divorced, we were living in Arkansas. And then she met a man from Manitoba, Canada. I think that was like the first generation of online dating. So they ended up meeting, fell in love. They're still together to this day. I love that man like my father. And then that's when we ended up moving to Canada for a bit. She's still there. So. Yeah. A lot of back and forth though. And I guess you're right. I feel like my childhood was normal. I don't really know what to compare it to. I was happy a lot of the time, there were things like my mom would have to go to an abandoned chicken house and cut down wood just to keep us warm during the winter because my father was off doing whatever he was doing, not supporting us. And I guess my mom was just so great at making it

feel like it was normal. This is what everybody had to do. And maybe she was protecting us. I'm, that's what I like to think anyway. Yeah. But yeah, I guess childhood was pretty wild. Yeah, it sounds like there was a lot of moving parts for sure. I think most of us too, yeah, our parents do do a really good job in that role of what we see and what we take on. You know what I mean? Yeah. And then we feel like that's just kind of how maybe everybody's living, right? I don't know.

Like when I was growing up, I just didn't know that it was different for other people type thing. Absolutely. And you have two brothers? Is that right? I do have two brothers. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah, they're great. I live in Arkansas now. They've been here for quite a number of years. And I just moved here two years ago. And it's been great. I love being around family again.

That's awesome. Yeah. So are you going back to Germany or now? Are you staying in Arkansas? I haven't been back to Germany since I was a kid. But the plan is to go and meet some of my family out there. Once I get over my fear of flying. So. Yeah. That's a long fight, I'm sure. So after high school, you're not going to college. What do you do? What fills your time then after high school? And you said 21 is in and about the time where you got started on drinking.

That again, that's good. That's the legal drinking age in America. So that's good. Yes. Yeah. At 18 years old, I was supposed to go to college, but my dad had to co-sign on my student loans and he decided it wasn't worth this time. So in the end, I couldn't go to college. So I actually moved to Canada where my mom lived. And I lived there for a few years. And it was just, it was amazing.

I worked. I developed new friendships and actually learned how to be confident about myself, which was totally due. And just having that dark cloud lifted off of me for a number of years, I think made me being away from my father. And also, I just loved Canada. I lived in Winnipeg and I just love the culture and all of the things to do and hockey, of course. So it was really a great time. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, I'm up in Canada, so I'm with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's great. So that's kind of by about 21 is when I started drinking with friends socially. Like I said, I developed a lot of new friendships and the most popular thing to do was either have little parties at the house or find a club downtown to go to. And I remember my first night drinking. I got very, very sick. And I said, I'm never doing this again. And yeah, looking back on that now, wow, was I naive?

I wouldn't really say that I had a problem. Well, that's kind of hard to say. I didn't have a very serious issue with alcohol until I hit about 26. So there were a few years in there where it was just social. It was something to do on the weekends with friends, and I didn't really think twice about it. I didn't think I was doing it too much. But that changed. That definitely changed, and very quickly, very quickly.

So after that, I moved, I left Canada, and I met a man who I fell in love with, and we decided that we were going to move to Arizona, which is where I was for a few years, about five years. And that's when my drinking started. He was definitely an alcoholic. He was drinking beer every night. And I just started picking up little bottles of Captain Morgan. And I would drink just, I think it was a half pint. I would finish that off one night. And I started liking the feeling of it. I was so far from home for the first time in my life, so far from my mom and friends, that I definitely fell into a depressive state. And that was just kind of the only thing that I had to do.

I didn't have friends around. I didn't have my family. So it just became common for me to grab a bottle and just drink it by myself at nighttime. And I think that's where the problem really started. So you met this fella there and then you left Canada. What did you live down there? He was from the U.S. then?

Yes, he was from the U.S. His family was originally from Arizona. That's where he grew up. So we decided we moved there. And I ended up loving Arizona. It's a fantastic state. It's beautiful. It's got a piece of my heart.

But I didn't treat it like I should have. The five years that I was there, it was just an absolute disaster of a time. Yeah. And what's that 26 to 31? Those five years? Yeah, about that. So you start out with just picking up the, the bottles and maybe fend off the depression a little bit, right?

Yeah, yeah. The voices, does it progress from there? Yeah, it did. In fact, it was about 2015 where I had my first panic attack and I decided that I needed to quit drinking. Even though I was only drinking once a week, I just realized it was time to maybe just push off. They could be creating these panic attacks.

So I actually quit for three months. And then in that time, I broke up with my boyfriend and eventually ended up meeting another man who's now my husband. And he was an alcoholic at the time. So then that just became really a common place for us. We would get together whenever we hung out or went on dates, we would have drinks. And I definitely felt more comfortable around him having drinks. I was just a nervous shell of a person and definitely at that time I was using it for confidence. So, yeah, our relationship was literally based off of drinking just right from the get-go, first date and on until last year.

And from there, it was drinking every weekend. Then it was, okay, well, he's having a drink at nighttime after work. I feel comfortable having a drink as well. So I would mix vodka. I would either drink vodka or Captain Morgan, and I would just have mixed drinks and just a couple of night, and that was fine. But then, of course, that's never enough. You're going to want more and more as you build up that tolerance.

And I would say by 2017, I had lost my job. They were moving on with somebody else. And I had at that point probably five miscarriages with my husband. And I was just in a very dark place. And I had another panic attack for the first time in a couple of years. And my husband said, well, why don't you just have a drink right now? It was about 12 in the afternoon. He said, why don't you have a drink?

It's going to make you feel better. I said, okay, I'm going to have a drink. And it made me feel better. And then that is the day that I started drinking earlier, earlier, earlier until it was from 4 o'clock in the morning until midnight where I drank. constantly. So that was that was the big shift. And pretty soon after that, he was, he ended up in the ICU. They found a mass on his brain. And it wasn't cancerous, but we didn't know that for probably about a month. And that was when I started sneaking drinks wherever I went. I would take a

a fanta bottle of orange soda, and I would pour half of it out and fill up the rest with alcohol to take with me to the hospital because I felt like I needed it to cope. So he's in the hospital in ICU. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm sneaking drinks because I can't handle it. And then that was the big moment where I felt like everything started to fall apart from there. And of course, like I said, it wasn't cancer, but he did have to have three surgeries. And man, each surgery, it just, it was worse and worse for me because he had to rely on me. And by that point, I wasn't working. I was becoming a recluse because I didn't want people to know that I was drinking as much as I was. So it was better to just be at home and hide it than go out and be an absolute

mess or a panic-riddled person. because I didn't have a drink. When I was taking him to his surgeries, I would drink during his surgery, and then I would have to be in charge of driving him home. And I would just put it off as much as possible. Or there was even one time where he was, it was maybe a day after his surgery. I tried to get him to drive home because I was so, I was having panic attacks.

I thought I was going to die without having a drink. And I'm looking back on that now, I'm so disgusted by myself for those things. But that was just my addiction, just getting worse and worse. And it was for him too at the time as well. That's when we both really started hitting the bottle hard. Yeah. And that's 2017?

That was 2017 at the end of 2017. Yeah. Did you ever think, were you ever thinking like, hey, this is kind of turned into something that I is out of my hands? Should I go to a meeting? or something or get some help? Do they ever think that? I didn't. I think after that first panic attack where I had a drink and it made me feel better, I guess I'm a very good liar because I convinced myself that I actually needed alcohol and I needed alcohol to live and without alcohol I would die.

I honestly believed that up until my very last day drinking. I didn't want to get help. My husband and I, we both, at this point, his family knew that we had a problem, and they pointed it out often. But we both told each other like, why would we quit drinking? This is, we like it. It feels good. So I don't, not at least towards the end, I don't think I ever sat down and said, I need help. I was just so convinced I would die without it, which is very sad because that's not the truth, unfortunately. Yeah. Yeah. And then from this. there, after those three surgeries that he had, I know he went into kind of a depressive state,

and he lost this incredible job that he worked so hard for because he was drinking at work. And I know that was really devastating for him. He had been there for 10 years, and he moved up the chain, and it paid well, especially with me being a bum and not working at home and not contributing. So when he lost that job, we almost lost everything. We went into foreclosure and lost our house. We had both of our cars repode. We had credit card debt go to collections.

And we lost everything because of our addiction. Because of us, that was our responsibility. And so right when the pandemic hit, that's when they told us that we had a certain amount of time to get out of our home. and we had to move about 40 minutes outside of town and just live in this horrible shack of a place and the whole house was falling apart and we were drinking constantly and getting sick from drinking and it was just very, very, very dark place to be.

And I remember we had neighbors across the street from us in this little town and they were, They were meth heads and they had children. And I remember that gave me, I don't know, not a sense of purpose, but we just kind of came in and tried to take care of those kids the best that we could, even though we never called the cops, which we should have. But we were just so drunk all the time. And it's a very dark memory to look upon because you think you're doing the right thing.

But, yeah, we were just completely just involved. influenced by our addiction. You know, there were so much more things that we could have done to help. But, yeah, that was a very dark time. Try not to lose it over that. But thankfully, we didn't stay there too much longer. We decided, this was 2021 now, that we decided to move out to Arkansas, where my brothers live. And so we packed up everything that we could. And thanks to the very last stimulus check that we had, we were able to come out here and get a house and my husband

found a job. I found a job and it kind of felt like things were looking up, but we were still drinking a lot, like more than we ever have. I would say from 2021 to last

year, we were drinking half a handle a day. Like I would drink half a handle and he would drink half a handle. So we were going through a whole handle a day, which is very expensive as well as making us really extremely sick. But I felt like it was better because we were closer to family. I thought there was a chance that I could feel better. Maybe I would slow down my drinking because we did move to a dry county where you could not

buy liquor at all, not even beer. You had to drive out of town for that. So, but yeah, that did not deter us one little bit. We were on a mission to just always have alcohol in the house. And so we did, even if we had to drive an hour just to go get it. And then the summer of 2021, my brothers saw how much we were drinking. So they had an intervention with us. And that's the first time and last time we've ever had an intervention.

And my younger brother said, we see this is a. problem so I'm going to come in I'm going to help I'm going to control how much you're drinking and we're slowly going to wean you off of it and I was a mess but I said okay no it's you're right it's time to to eventually get sober but at the same time both of us didn't want that so that that weaning off did not last long it lasted about a week and and then we realized you know we can just go out and buy more alcohol so that's what we started doing I think we made it five days of drinking the bare minimum just to ward off the shakes and such. But it was just the whole week was riddled with panic attacks for me and anxiety attacks and senses of doom and whatnot.

So once we started drinking again after that, that's when we really, really, really started drinking from, I usually woke up at about 4 o'clock in the morning and I would drink all the way until midnight. when I fell asleep. And more so towards the end, I was drinking probably. Well, really, I was sleeping maybe two hours a day. I don't know how I managed that, but I was very sick. I would wake up in the morning and instantly have a panic attack. And I would think also to myself that I'm not going to last much longer than this. I'm going to die soon.

I can feel it. and I don't know what to do. I didn't want to reach out for help. I didn't want to quit drinking because I didn't remember life without it. And I was just so deep in it that I saw no exit. There's no way I was going to quit drinking. And I would tell myself every single day I'm not going to make it until the end of the year. And looking back on that now, it gets me because that is such a sad.

way to live your life, thinking that you're going to die soon. And also knowing that that girl that was saying those things, like there was a way out for her. She just didn't know it. And yeah, that's about the time that I got really, really, really sick and ended up in the hospital. I was drinking so much. I was not eating anymore. I was down to about 100 pounds. and I remember my last day of drinking was May 15, 2022. I was drinking screwdrivers all day. I was extremely wasted by the end of the day. And the next morning I woke up and I was sick.

I was puking. And I puked for about 22 hours straight. I couldn't keep anything down. And eventually I just, I woke up my husband and I said, I think I need to go to the hospital. my heart was beating fast all day too i thought i was having a heart attack which was terrifying and i got to the hospital about three o'clock in the morning and i remember asking the doctor if i was going to die because that's what it felt like and he said not today but we'll take care of you

and from there they did blood work and came back and said that i was extremely sick with pancreatitis my lipase was 1,200 when normally it should be about under 100 or so. So I was very sick. And they hospitalized me immediately. Thankfully got me on some medications to keep me from throwing up me more because that was exhausting. And I stayed for about five days while they watched me. And they had to monitor my heart because it was just going absolutely wild. They were talking about doing a surgery to release.

leave pressure around my pancreas because I wasn't getting better. My liver enzymes were, of course, really off the charts, and I had fatty liver disease, and I was malnourished. Again, I was 100 pounds, so they were filling me up with banana bags and giving me anti-seizure shots and all kinds of stuff, a whole cocktail of things, just to keep me sedated and safe. So that was the big turning point for me. I drank until I almost just about killed myself. Yeah, it's crazy. Thank you, Jen, for sharing that. You say that that it's crazy, but it's a hard place to get out of.

Once the alcohol gets its hooks in you, it's hard to get out of it. And it almost becomes that medicine, right? Mm-hmm. Or you, and it's so hard to envision a life. And not everybody that struggles with alcohol is going to end up at this point, But for a lot of people on any sort of scale, it's just really hard to envision a life without it. You know, because our identities just become wrapped up in it. It's fun.

It helps us relax. We believe these lies of doing something for us. So when you peel back the curtains a bit, it's all a big trick. It's just making you worse the whole time. That must have been so scary, though, because you're mentioning there to where, like, you don't know if you're going to make it. You know what I mean? That's kind of the madness. I'm so proud of you for getting out of this.

But that's kind of the madness I see is you're at one spot. You're thinking like this will be my last year. What is going to take you out? But it's like that wrestle that we just can't stop. You just couldn't stop. Right? Yeah. And I didn't want to die.

It was just I didn't know how to get out. But also part of me didn't want to. I didn't want to give up drinking because I really convinced myself. It was the only thing that would help me and make me feel better. And without that, who am I? Nothing. I'm nothing without alcohol.

I was so wrong about it, though. And it took almost losing my life to realize that. I am so blessed that it happened the way that it did because I don't think I don't think I could have done it any other way. I don't think I could have stood up and said, I need help. I'm going to rehab. that I just was not that person. It needed to happen this way for me to get sober.

So as scary as it was, I'm glad it did happen. Yeah, wow. Did you mention it when you went into the hospital, or did they pick up on it? I did. I kind of had a feeling. So, and keep in mind these six to seven years that I was drinking, I actually stopped going to doctors because I was terrified of telling them of how much I drank. Another thing I failed to mention is this whole time I stopped taking care of myself,

obviously, and all of my front teeth started breaking, cracking. I never went to a dentist for that. I drank to help numb that pain because it was painful. I just refused any kind of doctor, dentists, therapist, because I was just scared. I was scared of having to admit that I had a problem. By the time I got to the hospital, I kind of had a feeling. It has something to do with my drinking. So I was very honest. I said, I am an alcoholic. Excuse me.

I am an alcoholic. And yeah, I feel like that might have something to do with this. And of course it did. Yeah. When you finally did that because you had the anxiety or whatever it was about mentioning to other people, when you finally said that, was the response, was it a response? What you expected? or was it a supportive one that people, they're like, we're going to look after you?

Or was it scary as you envisioned it to be to where someone was going to throw you up against the wall and say, you gotta quit drinking right now? That's exactly what I was expecting. Like just a couple of slaps across the face. What are you doing? But it was not that my doctor, the ER doctor just said, okay, well, thank you for telling me that. We're going to figure out what's going on with you.

And I think that's another reason why when he came in and told me, need to be hospitalized. I said, okay, let's do it. Because I could have gone home. I packed a drink in my purse to take with me to the hospital because I hadn't been able to drink all day. I was puking everything up. I thought when I go home after this, I need a drink for the car ride home. So I never ended up drinking that, thank goodness. But I definitely didn't go to the hospital thinking that I was going to stay. So I'm still a little surprised by myself that I agreed to in that moment. But I was, obviously, I was extremely sick.

And just getting there, telling somebody I'm an alcoholic and also having a little bit of medicine to calm me down, that made it a lot easier to make that decision. Yeah, that's incredible. So you stay in the hospital for five days. They help with the withdrawals and stuff. They give you some medication for that. Then what? Because a lot of people go to the hospital and a lot of people have serious consequences from their drinking.

And it doesn't necessarily at the time change. And you were right into this, Jen. Yeah. You were wrapped. You were right tied into this thing. I mean, what do you do after that that brings you to now? I think 370 days, right? Yeah.

As soon as I got out of the hospital, I don't remember much that first weekend because I was, I was very. have elisa dated during my stay and I went home as so. But the first day that I woke up, clear-minded, I'm home, I'm sober, I have to stay sober, I went to a doctor in town, and I explained everything. I sent all my paperwork because for about six months I've had to keep checking levels for my pancreas and liver and whatnot. I laid it all out on the table. I immediately went on antidepressants, and it was really, really great being able to talk to somebody and see a doctor. Again, I hadn't been to doctors in years, and I just, I knew in that moment I didn't want to lose

my life. Like right now, I had to start taking care of myself. So, yeah, I started with that doctor's visit. I got set up on medications, and I started sleeping at night, which was. new for me, like a whole eight hours, sometimes 10 hours I was sleeping. And I started spending more time with my family who for years, even the previous year that I had been there, I was so flaky with. I didn't want them to know my drinking was as big as it was. So I didn't hang out with them a lot. And they really, as soon as I got out of the hospital, they swooped in and just took me under

their wings. And for a good two weeks, they kept me busy every single day. They would take me out fishing. They would take me to the lake to go swimming. We did magnet fishing. We went for car rides. All of these things to fill up the day. Just because I think I was worried about feeling bored, because I know boredom can lead to drinking. So they really helped me with that. My husband, obviously, he was back at work and he didn't quit drinking until. last November. So he was six months behind me in that. And yeah, I think two weeks after I got out of the hospital, my brothers asked if I wanted to come sit on the radio with them one Friday morning. And I did. And like I told you earlier, I have not left since that gave me meaning right off the bat.

And just to let you know, I live in a very small town. It's about maybe 7,000 people. So it's not a very big radio station, but it's an amazing community. And I found a lot of like-minded people through the radio. And I don't know, just also it set up a routine for me as well, which to this day I still think is a huge part of my success in my recovery. I wake up at 3.30 every single morning. I'm at work by 450, 5 o'clock. I'm out at 9. And then the rest of the day, I have very specific. big things that I do to stay busy. And yeah, that routine was one of the biggest things as well. So it's full circle, right?

It's, yeah. Germany to Arkansas and Winnipeg to everybody back home. And now radio show, that's incredible. I know. It's crazy. Yeah. At what point did you sense this was for real? Like that you were going to be able to pull this off and not

that this wasn't just going to be. Because what happens oftentimes is when we start to feel better, and things get a bit better, then we get this idea of, well, it wasn't that bad. How were you able to, and also another question is how are you able to keep that away?

You know what I mean? Did you ever have that conversation? Jen, it wasn't that bad. You're all fixed up now. You're good. Your levels are good. You're on the medication.

Yeah. You have any thoughts like that? Yeah. Very, very few and far between. I think almost losing my life to the fact that I'm just so staunch in my decision to never drink again. But when I was drinking, I was again so depressed. I was in such a dark place where I wouldn't move from the couch for 12 hours at a time.

If not more, I was doing absolutely nothing with my life. My teeth were rotted out of my head. I had no confidence. I was just a shell of a person. So when I got out of the hospital, in those first two weeks, I was busy and I was doing things that I hadn't done before. Still a little sick at the time, but I was getting better. I started sleeping and I started eating again, which I didn't do very often. I was replacing meals with alcohol.

And the food was a big thing. I started loving food. And that made me feel really good and sleeping and hanging out with people and doing puzzles. I was like, I really like this. I spent a lot of time working on myself in those first few weeks and months that I started falling in love with myself. And I realized that I cannot do that if I'm drinking. I just proved to myself that I couldn't that alcohol hindered me from having a healthy relationship with myself and with others. So when I look at alcohol, even now, I just see a huge con list.

there's no pros to it. And also, another big thing was my older brother and his wife, they had had a baby in February of 2022, just a few months before I got sober. And I remember lying in that hospital bed sick, knowing I had to get sober thinking to myself, like, that baby is not going to have a drunk aunt because I feel like everybody has a drunk aunt. And yeah, no, it's not going to be me. So I was this little human that I know she's not my child, but she's my niece and I get to help raise her and I have to be a role model for this child. We are a very, very small family. So if not for me, do it for her. And eventually that just snowballed into, I come first all of the time. My recovery is number one because I don't exist

without it. I just keep reminding myself that if I started drinking right now, it probably wouldn't take me long before I just got worse than Morrison died. So, just remind myself that every single day. Can't ever do that again. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. And what a great motivation.

Yeah, for the kids there, they say it takes a diligence and it truly does. So it would be good that you're part of it. And the drunk aunt part that one got me. Yeah. Yeah. Don't be her. Another huge thing. Again, you know, I was learning to love myself.

and it was the first time in my life, even before I started drinking where I learned to put myself first, I finally went to the dentist and I got my teeth fix, which I could not do when I was drunk. There was no way you can drag me out of the house to go to the dentist.

I had eight teeth pulled from my head. And how I got the courage to do all of that, I have no idea. I was terrified of dentists, even sober. But I did it. And I did it because it was worth it. And of course, that has skyrocketed my confidence. I look at these things I've done in the past year and I go,

drunk gin would not have done any of those things. So I'm never going back. It's just not going to happen. This is who I am now. And I realize I can do big things and be anything in the world that I want to be. And that's a first for me. So I'm holding on to those things very, very dearly. Yeah.

This is incredible, Jen. Honestly, just listening to all of this stuff, I mean, in 370 days, you've accomplished and built more maybe than in the last 10 years, you know, with your... Oh, easily. You know, everything, right? 370 days. Sobriety. I feel like some people, when they first get started, they're like, I've only got seven

days. I've only got 10 days. But seven days, it's not 10 years, but it's a start and it's incredible. But so much can happen in so little time, as opposed to going seven days the other way. absolutely nothing changes. It's the same routine. It's the same disappointments. It's the same thing every day.

Seven days, you know, this direction, like a lot can change, right? Exactly. Seven days is huge. You have seven days under your belt where you're getting farther and farther away from alcohol. That is always something to be proud of. I don't care if you're one day or 32 years, whatever it is. You should always be proud of that.

Yes. Look, Jen, this has been incredible. I got one question before we wrap things up, though. Someone listened to this show and they're struggling with this day in and day out cycle, this habit, this addiction, alcohol, maybe other substances too, because they can both play. All stuff can play a role. What would you tell them? I would tell them that I lived in the dark for a very long time and I believed that there was no. way out. There was no help. There was no beating this, this demon that clings to our back constantly.

But there is, there is this small light in the darkness that you can grab onto, hang on to, and just pull yourself out. There are so many people out there that know what it's like. When I was going through my addiction, I thought that I was the only one that felt this way. but it's so not true. There are just massive communities out there in person online that are there to help support you. There is help out there. And I really wish more people knew about that because addiction is something I don't see going away for a long time. But if we can start reaching out to those dark corners where people are suffering and help guide them out, I think we could beat it one day.

but ultimately I just want people to know that there is a way out. It doesn't matter how deep you are. There is absolutely 100% a way out. Yeah, I love that. I love that. It's so important because we do believe that when we're stuck in it, that we're the only one. And I think it's a great message to put forward that if you're struggling,

you're not alone. And if you're struggling that there's help out there for you. There's people who will help you and people have been through it. And there's some of the most incredible people you'll ever meet. Yes. Come on, right? Yeah. And then you fight through it and you fight for yourself and you get through the hard days.

And then one day you wake up and you tell yourself, I did it. And now I want to help other people because I don't want anybody to feel the way that I did where you think you're alone. Because you're not. You're never alone. There's always going to be somebody out there that can help. Yeah, beautiful. How can we, can we tune into the radio station anyway? You could.

Yeah. How would we do that? You can go to KDQN.net. You can live stream from there. Otherwise, we do every show live on Facebook in the mornings. Our Facebook is KDQN. Is this K-A-D-I? Oh, sorry, it's K as in kite, D as in Delta, Q as in quiet, and N as in nimble, whatever.

I don't know my codes. And it's KDQN 92.1. Okay, cool. I'd have to check it out sometimes. Yeah, we do love talking about Canada because all three of us miss it dearly a lot of days. Yeah, cool. Yeah.

That is awesome. Well, you know what? Thank you so much for doing this. And yeah, this is incredible. Thank you. This is the first time outside of the radio that I've got a little platform to talk about my life and recovery and stuff. So I appreciate this and I just appreciate what you're doing in general because I love hearing

people's success stories. It makes me feel so good. We just have that in common with so many people. It's just great. Yeah, same here. No, it's incredible. And I think that it just lets other people know who maybe are stuck in the darkness that, you know what, we've been there and they might not relate to all of our story, but maybe parts of

a story and maybe just a little bit of hope, a little seed, a little bit of inspiration that what we're able, Jen's able to come out of this spot, you can come out of your spot too. Absolutely. Yeah. Wow. Another incredible episode on the show. So grateful for Jen to come on here and really open herself up to sharing her story and what things look like for. There's more and more of these type stories that I'm hearing that I got to be honest for a while I really wasn't aware of. probably 10 years ago, I wasn't aware that stuff was taking people to the hospital. And now we've had a couple, a handful of stories about this is the reality. This is where it ends up.

So be sure to reach out to Jen. I'll put some contact info in the description of this episode. You can reach out to her. And I hope you're enjoying the show. And if you are, do me a huge favor. Leave a review on your favorite podcasting platform. Send me a note on Instagram or an email. Let me know your thoughts.

and if you want to see anything different. If you have any questions, you want me to bring on some other people and answer some more questions, let me know. I'll be more than happy to do that and add in some shorter episodes. And I'll hope to see you on the next.