Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Jen Hirst struggled with alcohol and Adderall for years before she surrendered.

Episode Date: November 17, 2022

Jen Hirst wasn't instantly hooked on alcohol, her use was progressive but the idea that it could help her avoid feelings was something she learned early on. In this episode, Jens shares her honest truth about how alcohol was in control of her life for too long.  Jen had one thing holding her back from getting sober and once she shared this secret sobriety became so possible for her life.  Check out Jen here: Follow on Instagram Soberlink: More Info SoberBuddy:Download SoberBuddy here  

Welcome to Season 1 of the Subur Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible one story at a time. Let's go. Jen wasn't instantly hooked on alcohol. Her alcohol use was progressive, but the idea that it could help her avoid feelings was something she learned early on in life. In this episode, Jen shares her honest truth about how alcohol was in control of her life. for too long. Jen had one thing holding her back from getting sober. And once she shared this secret,

sobriety became so possible for her life. Jen has been sober since April 24th, 2013, and this is her story. We need to talk about alcohol recovery in the workplace. Talking about sobriety and proving it to your employer can be so difficult. And our friends at Soberlink want to help. If you need a reliable way to present documented proof of sobriety to a boss or loved one, Soberlink can help. Soberlink is a high-tech portable breathalyzer system that uses facial recognition technology to verify identity, has unique sensors to ensure that no other air sources are being used, and sends results directly to your specified contacts. So there is no questioning whether or not you took the test or whether or not you altered the reporting.

This is why Soberlink's remote alcohol monitoring system is considered the gold standard. Being in recovery from alcohol does not define the future of your career. Let Soberlink help. Learn more about Soberlink and request. an exclusive $50 off promo code by visiting soberlink.com slash recover. Welcome back to episode A to the Sober Motivation podcast. We've got Jen Hurst here today. She has an incredible story that we're going to dig into shortly.

Jen, how are you doing today? I am good. How are you? I am doing well. I'm so excited to have you on the podcast today. Can't wait to share your story. Why don't you start us? off with the beginning. What was it like for you growing up? Yeah. I really like to share my story

with the intention that no one is off limits when it comes to alcohol. It can happen to anyone and looks are very deceiving. So many times in my before and afters, you see someone who's smiling, who has her stuff together, who looks like she has a great life and I'm smiling. And you would never know what I was going on in the inside. So many of us, hide it out of fear for me of being rejected. So we try to go through this by ourselves. And that can be a really freaking scary place because we start saying things to ourselves of what's wrong with me. Like, why can't I do this? And you try to figure it out for yourself. And that's not really motivating to change. And the one thing that we learn coming into sobriety is that we cannot and

should not do this by ourselves. We need other people. And I tried for. so many years because my ego was too big. I had such a big ego and my pride and I carried way too much and cared way too much of what other people would think and put my value in their opinion. If they think of this, if they knew this about me, what would they think? So if I could just get this thing without anyone knowing how much I'm struggling, I'll be good. And no one would know. And it almost killed me. If I could maintain my image that I had my shit together, everything would be all right. So as a girl who grew up in a great home, I got good grades. I was an overachiever. I loved art. I lived in a perfectionist family. So outside appearances were very important to us.

I felt like my parents always tried to one up their friends all the time of, well, my kid did this. and she does basketball and she does this. So our motto was to look good on the outside to impress other people, which is why I didn't share about my sobriety until four years into it. I kept it a secret because of out what other's opinions would think. And rather, for me, I rejected getting help as to what was going on out of fear of what other people would think. So growing up, I always felt something was wrong with me. like I had to become someone else because who I was wasn't enough.

So I kept seeking, okay, if I achieve this, if I get good grades, if I do well in basketball, then I'm going to receive praise. And so that guided me to be an overachiever. And so I had normal drinking, quote unquote, normal drinking growing up. I had my first drink at 15. My parents rarely drank. They had alcohol, but they would have a beer or two and be like, oh, that's pushing the you know, let's just keep it at one. So they always had this stash. And so I, it wasn't until I, my second

boyfriend wanted to go on a break that it planted a seed within me. That said, and I was living with some guys at the time. I was a junior in college. And like I said, I wasn't addicted right from the start. I started drinking at 15 off and on, parties, whatever. And so from that point, the roommate said, here, take this Adderall and you're going to feel amazing. You are not even going to think about him because at that time when you're going through heartbreak, I know at 2021, you're like, my life is over. I don't know what to do with myself. So much heart palpitations, anxiety. What does my life look like? I don't know what's going to happen. So at that point, I was desperate. So I said, what the hell? I'm just going to do it. And so I did it. I felt amazing

like any drug does. And I dyed my hair. I stayed up all night. I said, this is the amazing break, the most amazing breakup ever. And then it wore off and all the anxiety set in. So, but that planet is seed, that was the turning point where I had the idea, oh my gosh, I can take away any bad feeling or any hurt or any pain by drinking. Because drinking can do that same thing. then I don't have to feel anything. So again, it wasn't a drastic increase, but any moment that life got hard, I would drink. And then that led to doing things I regretted, sleeping with people that I didn't remember and putting myself in very dangerous situations. And I actually just realized this yesterday of the progression of my drinking. So this happened at about 2003. I got sober in 23.

In 2003, that was when I had the idea, I think something might be wrong. I began to question if I had a problem with my drinking because I was beginning to blackout, doing things I regret, like really embarrassing things. And then it progressed and it progressed and progressed to 2013 when I finally got sober. But in that period, it was a real 10-year progression, which for a lot of us, It is that slow, gradual process. And a lot of times it is an event that happens that for me, it started with pain. It started with heartbreak, which led to anxiety because I was drinking, which led me to try to self-medicate my anxiety by drinking because I thought, okay, I can just drink to relax. That's what I was fed from a very young age by seeing movie stars do it. Have a drink to relax. You break up with a boyfriend, have a drink, which skyrocketed my anxiety. And as an overachiever and a workaholic, I put so much pressure on myself. I was working full time.

The year leading up to my wedding, I always like to say that was really when my addiction ramped up. I was working full time. I had a freelance job designing for magazines full time. And then I was doing my wedding all by myself because I wanted it to be perfect. And if I wanted it to be perfect, it had to be my way. So I did not ask for help. I didn't do any of that. I did everything by myself. And to have fun, to relax, I would drink.

My husband or then the fiancé would go out. He would have fun and I'd be sitting at home working the whole time, trying to, again, prove myself and get everything done. So when people would come to my wedding, they'd see what amazing wedding it was. And then I would receive that praise that I was good enough. okay, this was a great, perfect wedding. And now I feel fulfilled. So year leading up to my wedding was also when I started to mix in Adderall too. And so I had this anxiety of how am I going to get all of this done and in the amount of time. So I started taking Adderall with alcohol and I was able to get everything done. I lost a lot of weight before the wedding. But in on my wedding day, it is such a hard day to look at because I was not there. I was drinking around the clock. I said, just get through it. I was taking Adderall and my anxiety was skyrocketing. So I started drinking in the mornings. I started drinking wine around the clock just to get through it. And so you see someone

smiling, but I was not mentally there. And I blacked out on my wedding. So it really, and I would like to say, I did my drinking in secret. My husband had no idea what I was doing. I was very good at hiding it and smiling and saying I was good. So I would wake up. I tried to cover up the fact that I was so hungover. I was so tired. I was so exhausted.

And he had no idea until a couple of days after our wedding when I finally collapsed. And I started drinking around the clock. I was so exhausted by work, work, work, drink, drink, that I just, I just stayed. in bed and drink the whole time. And so we had a really tough year after we got married because he had no idea what he was marrying into. And all of a sudden, I just let all the cats out of the bag. Here's everything. Congratulations. You married an alcoholic. And so, and I didn't even know if I was an alcoholic. The only thing back then, 10, 15, 13 years ago was AA. So began my year and a half process to getting help, to figuring out what this was.

Am I an alcoholic? I'm scared to go to AA, going into my first outpatient treatment, which was very nerve-wracking. And I started there because I was worried if I went to inpatient, I mean, my gosh, what happens there, that I was going to lose my job. But now that I think of it, I was going to lose my job anyway because I wasn't showing up for work. I was laid off eventually for not showing up. And it just completely took over my life. And it was a really, really tough year and a half. And I can get into what it took in that year and a half,

if you'd like me to elaborate. Of course. You jumped right into the story, your story. That's incredible. What did that 10 years look like for you when things were snowballing out of control? It depends on the season. The week leading up to my wedding, I was taking out or all. I was also, for a period, I was not drinking, but I was cross-addicting into exercise. So I'm very careful with how I exercise today because cross-addiction is a real thing. If you give up one thing, it's very easy

to cross-addict into something else. But I always was led back to the drink. So I would get up and I would go through the motions and then, you know, periods of trying to moderate, waking up and trying to run off what I drank to try to sweat it off and almost trying to punish myself for what I drank. And if I could sweat it off, then I could feel better and drink a lot of water filled with anxiety and then drinking because the cravings were so big that I didn't know what else to do. And I just wanted that feeling to go away. So in this period, these 10 years, and even before my wedding, I had, I went to a couple inpatient words or like psychiatric stays because of my anxiety and I was drinking.

I also got a DWI in 2005 for drinking on New Year's Day, classic. But that wasn't enough to wake me up. That wasn't enough. It got me nervous. It was like a little mini intervention, but I wasn't done. towards the end, it was honestly just drinking to try to feel normal, to try to get my shakes to go away. I had very severe withdrawal symptoms. And the only thing that would make it go away is if I drank. And I remember a week or a month after we got married, I waited until the last

possible second to get my driver's license. Because when you get married, I got to change your name and got to get your picture taken. I'm like, oh, crap, because I have, I'm swollen. My eyes are so puffy. I looked like crap. And so I waited for the last possible day. I went into the DMV and I tried to fill out my application. And I couldn't do it because my hands were shaking so bad. So I went home. I drank.

I filled out my application so my shakes would stop. And then I went back and I took my picture and was able to submit it. And so that is what my drinking looked like. I also tried to go on. went on Naltrexone. I went on antibuse. I drank on antibuse. And this is like the really the not so good stuff. I tried to manage and moderate my drinking by switching to other forms of alcohol like mouthwash because I thought, well, I don't feel shame walking into Target and buying mouthwash because mouthwash has alcohol in it if you buy the stuff that's not

alcohol free. And so that was my drink of choice for the last year. And I even dabbled into rubbing alcohol. I mean, all of this stuff, like rubbing alcohol, which is lethal, which I had to go to the hospital, throwing up in all this stuff, it was me trying to manage something that I couldn't do. And I was trying to fight it and prove to myself, I could do anything. And I did all of this stuff in school, but I could not get a handle on my drinking. And I would beat myself up. And when I beat myself up, I drank. And it was this vicious cycle that we get ourselves involved in is this habit cycle, this habit loop of drinking something, having to create anxiety, feeling the aftermath. And what do we do when we feel shame and regret? What helps? Well, we drink again because we, that is hard to feel. And so, yeah, that's what my drinking looked like in that year and a half. And I was going into outpatient. I finally went into inpatient. eight months after I admitted that I had a problem and went to Hazleton. I did that twice.

I did a 30-day stay. I went back for the extended care program. But that wasn't enough. And I always say when you're wanting to get sober, you've got to have two things, is you have to really want it. Like you have to want it, not your family, not your mother, not your friends. You got to really want it. And you have to be ready.

and I really wanted to get sober. I was scared, but at the same time, I wasn't ready. I still had that thought of, I'm still going to drink one more time, just one more time. And from there, I was still deadling into Adderall as well. And it took me getting my second DWI in February of 2013 with an open bottle and all of this stuff. And I was kicked out of my house from my husband because he said, good boundary. He was quite honestly done with me because after someone goes to treatment twice and does all this stuff and that didn't work, my family didn't really know what to do with me.

They're like, well, I thought this was supposed to work with her. Why can't she get it? And I didn't know why either, but actually thinking back, I knew exactly why I couldn't get sober. And that was honesty. I was not honest to my husband about me taking Adderall. I was continuing to take Adderall on and off. I could take it or leave it, but it helped to make me feel better for the drinking. And I knew if I could not get this secret out, it was keeping me stuck. I was going to continue to drink. And I knew that. I thought he was going to leave me. I had all these made up scenarios that he was going to throw and mess up our entire apartment. he was going to say, I cannot believe you lied to me like this.

And by that point, I had said, I got to do this. And I told him. And it took me, it was April 23rd, 2013 was when I had my last drink. I was living with my parents. Don't remember. I somehow smuggled some mouthwash into my dad's office and blacked out. And they took me to detox for the second time. And it was there that I came to after.

almost a few months of really, really testing my health, of really feeling that my health was deteriorating, of mixing Adderall with alcohol where I was literally on my parents' bed, my childhood bed, Googling cardiac arrest because I was feeling numb in my hands. I couldn't, my heart was beating out of my chest. And I've had panic attacks before, but this was something different where I was literally thinking, I'm going to have heart failure soon if I don't get this. And it got me really scared. And so in detox, that was where I came to.

And when they say it's a decision for many people, it was a decision. And I blew a 0.38. I don't remember how I got there. I came to in a hospital. And it was from that moment on that I said, and I surrendered and said, that's it. I'm done. And I have no idea what's going to happen. but I know if I continue to drink, I'm going to kill myself.

And I felt that. And from that moment, but I knew I still had to have that conversation with my husband. And so getting the courage to say that my parents didn't want me in their house anymore. So calling home with shelters, all of this stuff that you had no idea that this would happen. I kept saying that would not happen to me. Yet those things started to happen to me. I lost my job. I lost my car.

I lost my home. I lost all of this stuff. And so from that moment on, I said, I gave up the outcome. My husband didn't want to talk to me. I said, I'm just going to do the next right thing. I have no idea what's going to happen. I know I have a million bills to pay. I have no money.

But as long as I don't drink, everything's going to be okay. And I'll be okay. And I've lived by that ever since. Yeah. Wow. That's powerful. Is there anything that happened specifically in that detox that got you to a place where you were willing to surrender? And I don't think it's just one thing.

I think it was the accumulation of everything. And when people ask me, what did it take? And I keep saying it took many years of me trying to fight it. It took going into inpatient. It took fighting. It took feeling like crap. It took all of this stuff. And that's why there's such importance in your journey, no matter where you will.

are that it's leading you to something amazing. And I didn't know it yet. I kept beating myself up, but it's actually the key to practicing, implementing a new habit of not drinking. You got to fall and I fell hard and I got it. I had to push it. And there weren't the tools that they are today. I wish I would have known then what I know now of of it. But I also am grateful for the way that it did happen in the way that it happened. And it was just in that detox where when they said I blew a point three, it wasn't that I blew that that was high. It was the fact that I'd been doing that for almost two years. And how many other times had I cheated death and put myself in these situations? And many times, I didn't drink to just have fun. I'd drink to black out in the end. And that was my

goal. I didn't want to feel. I didn't want anything. And so from that moment forward, I had a lot of stuff to clean up. I had many things. And so I always say to people, just focus on the next right thing. You start cleaning up your past one thing at a time. So I had to get honest with my husband about Adderall, which he was very supportive about. He just said, okay, are you done? I said, yes. He's like, all right, then we're good. Eighty-five percent of the things that we worry about never even happen. And it is all in our heads. People are a lot more supportive if you're just honest with them. So I did that and I visualized my life before I went into my last inpatient of I knew I had to go into inpatient for court purposes and I wanted to.

I fully support inpatient. It's an amazing, it was an amazing experience. And I saw what my life could be like. And we, we didn't say anything to each other. We went through a really beautiful neighborhood. and I just, it gave me the motivation to think of what was possible. I didn't know if him and I were going to make it, but I knew this was my only choice. And I wanted to get sober. And I didn't want to drink anymore. I was so exhausted from what I was doing that I said, I don't know what's going to happen, but I got to trust this.

And now it's so freaking cool to say that dream became a reality. I saw my two kids in that vision, and I have two kids. I didn't see the chickens or the rooster, but some things you don't expect. And you don't know something until you try. I never expected myself to live in the country. But here I am and I freaking love it. So crazy. You never know until you try something.

So I had to clean, you know, court dates, house arrest, pay my lawyer. I had to pay for in-treatment. So inpatient treatment. And so I put $2,700 on my credit card, rode my bike to meetings, rode my bike to treatment, got a simple job at a printing shop to get back in the game. And slowly but surely, actually not even slowly but quickly, my life started to get better. And I just kept showing up. And granted, my husband and I had to, I had to learn how to earn his trust again.

He was so tired of me saying, I'm sorry. I promise this time is different that the last time I just shut up. And I showed him through my actions that this is, this was it for me. And I meant it that time. And it's, I rebuilt his trust one day at a time. And I, within four months, I got a job back in my field. Within four months, I became pregnant, which was something I never thought was possible based on what I put my body through. I, Within seven months, I was promoted and we got a house and all of this stuff kept happening as long as I didn't drink. So there's that quote where alcohol is like giving up everything for one thing and sobriety is giving up one thing for everything. And it's so freaking true.

There is no feeling that you have to drink over. There's no feeling that I always say to myself, you're not going to die. I will not die from feeling something. I will not die from speaking on this podcast. It's uncomfortable, but I'm not going to die. So you do never have to drink over something and nothing ever, ever requires a drink. But trust the process. Take it every 24 hours and just know that the journey that you're on, there's meaning in that. There's meaning and you falling and picking yourself back up. Now, that's super powerful.

That's one of the things that I really love about recovery about sobriety is that it provides opportunity for us. Because when I was drinking and drugging and running around in the chaos and stuff, no opportunity came my way for one. And if it did, you know, a few things that did, I could not handle them. I got a job one time at a fast food restaurant. I had so much anxiety for this job. I never even showed up for this job. Now I just say yes to everything. And that's a little bit of a different problem.

But are you a people, pleaser. Yeah, yeah. Always. Always. You know, it's a work in progress. Even this many years later into my recovery,

there's still stuff to work on. But I'm like at a place and have been at a place where I can work on this stuff and make a different for the stuff, not just run and hide and put everything away in a closet or in the basement and then never deal with it. That was one of the hard. parts for me when I was doing stuff, when I was out there, was never dealing with anything. So like you say, when you do get sober, then you have a lot of stuff to deal with.

And I was kind of lucky in a sense. I got really lucky, actually. Everybody might not consider this luck, but I was living up in Canada. That's where I'm at now. And I lived here for a year and I was getting my life straightened out. And I went back to visit my family in North Carolina. When I got off the airplane, I was arrested for some charges that I had from previous years. So it was like six felonies.

And I was already a convicted felon when I was 18. I already had a ton of charges, probation, everything else, all the good stuff. And this stuff caught up with me. And I had no idea. Long story short, I sold drugs to an informant. A buddy of mine set me up. And yeah, I mean, it was what it was. So I spent a year in prison.

And when I got out of prison, I never really got out. Well, I did get out, but not in the United States. I got out in Canada. They put me on a U.S. Marshals picked me up, put me on a plane, and I got a one-way ticket back to Canada where I was born. And I lived in the U.S. for like 17, 18 years. And it was the start that it was the start over that I needed in my life because I just got out of prison after a year.

I had nothing. But it was so beautiful. It was like the best thing. And it was, you know, just kind of relating to your story where you have to start to clean up that mess and you have to figure it out. I got lucky, you know, with that in a sense. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I needed that accountability in my life. And I needed, even though we talked before this, I hit so many rock bottoms.

So many rock bottoms. That was the one I needed to wear. I was going to have to start over. I didn't know anybody. I didn't have a job. I just had the clothes on my back, really. My grandparents took me in. It was incredible.

Yeah, I just was thinking about that when you were sharing about all this stuff we had to clean up. And now, you know, now I have a lifetime ban from the U.S. For now because of that stuff. So. I don't know if I can get into Canada either for like DWIs. And so I'm like, I have to look into that. But I'm like, I don't think I'm allowed into Canada. So we will never probably meet each other based on our past.

You know what? One day we will. One day. I'll be back. Yes. I'll be back. We're also come up to Canada. I'm in Minnesota. So I'll see if I can come up there, if I can cross the border and see. But I so agree with you is that that's where. And I used to hear like, oh, I'm a grateful alcoholic. And I said, how can you be grateful about this? But man. And Rich Ruhl said this, you are, have an incredible opportunity based on all of these things. what it's done for you is giving you so much freaking strength because I measure every single hard thing that's come after your sobriety or your prison. I did a day in jail and that was very humbling four months pregnant. And every single hard thing, I'm like, okay, let's do it. I've done the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And if I can do this, I can do that.

Pushing a baby out, no problem. Just give me an epidural. That'd be great. If I can't, I'll get through it. I'll get through it. I'm not going to die. I can do it. And every single thing I face, I can do it. Because, and that's where you can find, wow, because if we didn't go through that, we would not be at the positions that we are today. Now, it's led me to my career as a sober coach. Who would have freaking knew? It's led me to figure out and gain clarity of why I do that. I do. the things I do of reparenting myself from my childhood and figuring out ways to do it better and giving myself some compassion for doing what I knew best at the time that I was, at the age that I was with the tools that I had. And that's where I can find some grace in it.

I'd be like, I was just doing the best I could and I didn't know better. But now I do know better so I can do better. And the more that I continue on this path, the more did I learn about myself and learn to like myself. Really? I was trying always to run away from who I was, drink to become someone else that they teach us. When reality, staying sober, staying present is a, like Brunee Brown says, is a freaking superpower. You are at an incredible advantage by staying present because now you have so much possibility ahead of you. You're not wasting another second, not being present for this one life we have. And so that is an incredible freaking opportunity for us. So that's where I can find, man, I wouldn't change a thing about my past

because it brought me to who I'm today. And I can safely say today that I like that person. I don't know exactly who she is, but every single day that I'm sober, I find out a little bit more about myself. I like living in the country. What? I like having chickens. I like cats. I hated cats before a year ago. I like them. They're like best ever. They're self-sufficient. They can go to the bathroom by themselves. But you never really know. I never really knew this stuff. Yeah, that's the truth. We definitely learn a lot more about ourselves. When was it that you moved down into the country, to live the country lifestyle? When was that? It was so great. I loved moving into our house with my six-month-old son because we looked at each other before we walked in the door. Oh, I'm going to start crying. He took my hand and he said, only happy memories here. Because every single place we had been to, we'd been through four places. There was bad memories of me drinking there. And we entered that house and had no bad memories from it. And now we moved here. We moved here.

here in the country and no bad memories here. And so that was a really big moment to not having to live in a space that reminded me of my drinking and the things I did. So. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Now I see I see from your Instagram stories, you said before you had the chickens and everything. I saw one one story as must have been last year, but the road washed out, like a lot of stuff is going on out there in the country. Yes. I mean, bears and deer. And yeah, we live right on the river. And we just moved out here last year and wraps around our house, which is absolutely beautiful. I mean, there's science behind walking in nature and having to calm you down. And so once I moved out here, I said, I am so much more relaxed. Well, yeah, I'm surrounded by nature and water.

and trees and all of this. So it does wonders for my anxiety. But yeah, we lived in the river and we had a really big snow. And just it was a peninsula, a Bermuda triangle of problems. And it flooded. And our house almost flooded. And it washed out the road to our place. But what do you do?

My husband, my handy husband, got the neighborhood together. Everyone called. I don't know how they even got my number. My daughter's teacher called me saying, can we help in the neighborhood banded together to help us stand big. I wasn't here. I was actually at she recovers in Miami. So I was trying to look for flights home, but actually it was for the better because in certain situations like that, I would act like Michael Scott and think, oh my God, we're going down. The ship's going down. We're going to freaking die. So it was better that I wasn't

there because my husband is very laid back. And he kept the kids calm because that doesn't do any good for my kids. So he was, yes, and that's where you just find the good out there is that in times like this, people come together and they're all there for you. So yeah. So we'll, we'll be prepared for next time if this happens. But worst flood in 27 years and we got it in our first years. So now we know what it's like. You're prepared now. We're prepared. That is another thing. Yeah. That is another thing to touch on too, though. People coming together to help support. But I also feel like too, since I've been in recovery, if people need help that I'm available to help people out too. And like I see you do a lot of stuff as well. So I think that's

like another beautiful gift of recovery instead of when we're in the addiction. It's so selfish. We're so about ourselves and how are we going to get our needs always met. And yeah, it's just nice to be available to help people. So the holidays are coming up. What would be some of the years? Your advice for people on staying sober throughout the holidays. Over the holidays, boundaries. Boundaries are going to be your friends. I'm actually having the women do that in my courses, setting aside three boundaries that you'd like to set for the holidays coming up, whether that's, do you want to go?

Trust your gut. Do you want to go? Do you want to host? Is there anything that you can take off your plate? I always say, and I, anything that requires longer than an hour trip, I always pack a cooler. So make sure you're stocked up. Today, get online and order if you'd like or decide what are you going to be drinking. What do you like to drink, non-alcoholic, of course, whether that's tea like I have today.

I would say get invest in some calming tea or something hot like hot cocoa. And why is it triggers your vagus nerve, which is an on. off switch for your, to create calm in your body. It's something to hold on to. Make sure you have something that you're holding on to. And what that does is it automates a boundary. If someone asks you for a drink, you already have something in your hands. And it's slow to sip and it's very comforting. And with these boundaries, a boundary can be, you know, get there late, leave early. Don't be afraid to duck out or set your intention. I can stay two hours and then I got to get home. and treating yourself of when you get home, sometimes there can be a letdown of, you know,

maybe having something waiting for you when you get home, of being like, oh, I got through that. And I'm going to either enjoy this, whether it's a warm bath, a hot shower, a book or a show, or maybe it's like your favorite chocolate cake. But also think about what you're going to say to people. And people get so worried about this, but don't overthink it. And you don't have to give a big explanation. If this is a new decision, a simple, no, thank you, I don't drink. No, thank you. I'm not drinking right now. If they ask why, then you can say, I really don't like the way alcohol makes me feel anymore.

And leave it at that. It's a simple statement that is honest. I always say don't lie with your line. and also don't judge someone for being curious about why you're not, because their curiosity might be an invitation of maybe something that they're struggling with. And just knowing that your presence, how you carry yourself, especially in your delivery, I always tell women for people to stand up straight, smile, be confident in how you say it, because that matters. If we're insecure about our decision, if we whisper it, people aren't going to take you seriously. So you stand tall, you stand confident, you put your shoulders back, you smile, and you say you keep it simple.

Do not over-explain. So I would say, pack something, pack whatever you want, what you're going to be drinking, overpack. Set those boundaries, figure out what you're going to say. I always say use your power of your breath. It's a one thing that goes with us, and it's a one thing that is always in our power. Be sure to pause and take a deep breath. And if you can before the holiday, that morning especially,

get a workout in. Get outside, go on a walk. That's going to give you a boost of confidence as well. And just know it's okay to feel uncomfortable. You do not have to hide from being uncomfortable and really think about what do I want to do. Do I want to go? If I want to go, I can show up late, leave early, and have something waiting for me when I get home and reach out for support. So there's always communities.

There's always meetings going on if you need that, if you'd like to check in. But you don't have to do it alone. Yeah, those are some amazing tips. I think just having a plan for wherever you're at in your journey, whatever you're comfortable with, having a plan. If you're going with a loved one, if you're going with somebody else that can be supportive, somebody that you could talk to, maybe having like a, what do they call them, like code words. Safe word.

Safety word. Yes. Safety word. If you need to leave, stuff like that. I think that just going in with a plan is really going to be helpful for you. And I love the drink idea. Packing a cooler. Oh, I do it every, and I pack snacks.

I pack water. I mean, things that in my cooler are groovy is my favorite, the groovy dry seco. I'll pack a kombucha. I'll make sure to bring my tea. I will bring water. I'll bring my pre-workout. I mean, all of this stuff. And it may be over the top, but you can never rely on someone to supply non-o-collec options

for you. But yes, like you said, plan ahead. And, and, you're going to do. do great. It's going to be great. There was something else I was going to say and I completely forgot. If I think of it, I'll let you know. But. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And you will do great for sure. Do you find now that you've been sober for a while that these gatherings and stuff get easier? Do people ask you questions still? Actually, and what I was going to say is, I just remembered, brain fart. Use the bathroom. I'm not saying like go to the bathroom all the time, but use

the bathroom to take breaks. Take breaks. Literally three deep, three to six deep breaths to calm your central nervous system and turn on your parasympathetic nervous system. That can do wonders to help calm you down. But yes, I do think it definitely gets better because I'm becoming more confident in my decision.

I don't really get. And I always wondered, why don't they ask me questions about it? I think they thought I didn't want to talk about it. but in deep inside, I wanted to shout it out. I wanted to talk about it. Why aren't they asking me about it? Well, maybe they don't feel comfortable asking me.

So I can't try to change someone else, but I've learned certain things that helped me of having that calming tea, being of service, playing with my kids, really thinking of, gosh, what did I like to do as a kid? And now that I have kids, how can I make this experience really fun for them of doing crafts with them and doing this and going sledding and making cookies and all of these things. And one of the things that we do with our kids is create a grateful list, a thankful list on the wall and having those experiences with my kits and learning to make adjustments along the way. Of course, it's so important just to be present for these different events, for the holidays,

for times with family. What does your life look like now in sobriety? Yeah, it's definitely changed. So I was, I lived in the sober closet for four years. I didn't come out about my sobriety until my fifth year. And everything changed. It didn't change rapidly, but I began doing breadcrumbs about it. And now talking openly, the more and more I talked, the more and more I received the message that this is something I need to tap into. So as of a couple months ago. I'm a full-time sober coach. So I run women's courses and teach them and guide them through this process. And I have us do it together because like I said in the beginning, the one thing that

we need is community and to know that we're not alone in this. And it also looks like I host Tuesday meetings for women who are sober, sober, curious, struggling in the long-term recovery for us to get together, have speakers on, teach. It looks like moving my body. I think one of my main superpowers is consistency. I know that moving my body helps to manage my anxiety and to help me process emotions in a healthier way. So it's something I'm very consistent about. I treat it as a non-negotiable because of how I feel after. And I do it in a set time. So I'm careful not to cross-addict. And I don't feel the need to cross-addict into that because I do feel fulfilled in my life today. I also go on outside walks, which I started doing last year when I began 75 hard and how much that made me feel, how good that makes you feel.

Investing in things like calming tea and essential oils of reading sober books and podcasts like yours, it helps tremendously. Even as someone who's almost 10 years sober, I still get so much out of these. and it keeps me connected and it keeps me on this personal growth journey. I would say just try new things. And I always thought going into this that AA was my only option. And that was what I was taught. And that's what I did for many years until this whole sober movement came about. And I thought that I had to do this.

I had to do that. And I always felt there was something that didn't sit right with me. And I told myself, I don't think. I think I should be keeping this a secret. I think that's keeping this stigma alive is by not talking about it. And then I realized the things that really keep me sober, I can go to meetings in a different way. I can, I'm reaching out and talking with women all the time on Instagram of women who are needing help. I don't know what to do, helping them through this process. I move my body because just as getting sober is something, it's not just meetings. It's about

really freaking taking care of yourself, getting sleep. How much sleep are you getting? How much water are you drinking? How much caffeine are you having? What am I eating? How am I meditating? All of these things contribute to my sobriety today. And it's really this act of self-care of taking care of myself. So I don't get to that point. There's an acronym Halt. Am I hungry, angry, lonely, tired? Do I need to take a freaking nap. Do I need to get two hours of alone time as a mother of two? Like I just did, keep asking yourself, what do I want and what do I need right now? And then you just start to figure out what works for you. And all forms of sobriety are valid. Whatever works for you, whatever you need to do to stay sober, do it. And that is your path. There's no one way. So,

That's really what did it for me. And if I can give some advice is keep the labels out of it. You don't have to be bad enough to question your relationship with alcohol. You don't need to hit a rock bottom. You can just simply ask, what is this doing for me? Would my life be better if I didn't drink? And how is this serving me? Could I be willing to take a 30 day break to see how it feels? And if I can't do that, then I need to start asking questions. of why I can't and then seek out some help and support and accountability to do that. Yeah, those are all great questions for sure to get started with things. And that's why I find so much power and stories. Because when we hear a story, then we might be able to relate to it. And that's what the whole sober motivation movement is about with Instagram, with this podcast, with everything that we're working on doing is sharing people's stories to empower others, but also to empower them to share their story and get some recognition for the

progress that they've made. The power of hearing stories is that it made, that was so helpful for me too. As someone who came into treatment of two DWIs, I realized that it's nothing, there's nothing wrong with me. And it's nothing to be ashamed about. I kept saying there's something wrong with me. I got to fix this. I got to fix this.

And when I realized other people did the same thing. I realized I wasn't alone. And that began to what Brayne Brown says, shine light on my gremlins, on my shame gremlins. And I started to lesson and peel that onion of, okay, I'm not such a bad person. I'm not the only run.

And then we can find strength in sharing those stories. And you give it less power over you. So that's what that can do, because it's not just you. There's hundreds upon thousands upon millions of people who struggle with the same thing. You know, there came a point in my life too where I just had the cowboy really take an accountability for stuff. And I think that's so important in recovery to, you know, do that to say like, you know what? Like I got to make changes.

I got to make changes because so many times when I tried recovery before and sobriety, I wanted everybody around me to change. Well, it's this person. It's this person. It's that person and everything. I learned a lot of tools. I went to a 12-month residential program when I was 17, wilderness program, strange type program. But I did learn a lot then. But yeah, I mean, this has been incredible. That's all. What you said is, brings me back to Laura McGowan's sobriety reminders of it's not your fault, but it is your responsibility. And it's unfair that this is your thing, but this is your

thing. And it's never going to stop being your thing until you face it. And I'm so happy that I was able to talk to you today and share more and get to learn more about your story as well. Well, everyone, we're to the end of another episode. Thank you so much for all the support. So early on with the Sober Motivation podcast, Jen brought her A-game today an incredible, incredible interview. Can't thank her enough because she really brought some amazing stuff that is going to be helpful for so many people. and I just hope you enjoy Jen's incredible comeback story. Also, for the two of you out there who do not have Sober Buddy yet,

be sure to grab the app in your favorite app store. Just search Sober Buddy or go over to Your Soberbuddy.com. Grab the app, tracks your sober time down to the second. Also get engaged in the Sober Buddy challenges that will help you level up your life in recovery and get or stay sober. Until next time.