Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Jenna, a mother of six, knew alcohol was a problem since she started at 14 years old; she could never have just one.

Episode Date: April 9, 2024

In this episode, we are joined by Jenna, who shares her story from childhood as a 4.0 student who excelled in sports. And at 14 everything changed when alcohol became involved in her life.  She discusses the impact of her mother’s hidden struggle with alcohol, and how her pursuit of athletic and academic excellence masked deeper issues of loneliness and the need for acceptance. Jenna's story dives into her spiral into heavier drinking and partying during her teenage years, leading to dropping out of high school, multiple jobs, and eventually motherhood at a young age. She describes facing the reality of her mother’s deteriorating health due to alcohol, and her journey towards sobriety, sparked by a desire to change, therapy, and the sober community. Jenna emphasizes the importance of wanting sobriety, the role of fitness and social media in her recovery, and now a mother of 6 and over 500 days sober and living a more fulfilling life without alcohol. This is Jenn’s story on the Sober Motivation podcast. Connect with Jenna on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jennaraneamiller/ Support the Podcast here: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivation Sign up for free sober buddy meetings: https://yoursoberbuddy.com/free-zoom-meetings/ Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sobermotivation/ 00:00 Welcome to Season Three: Unveiling Sobriety Stories 00:14 Jenna's Journey: From Childhood to Sobriety 04:19 The Turning Point: High School and the Spiral of Addiction 10:03 A New Chapter: Motherhood, Moving, and the Struggle with Alcohol 11:16 The Bartending Years: Navigating Work, Motherhood, and Alcohol 18:07 Seeking Change: The Move and the Battle with Alcoholism 20:17 The Harsh Reality of Alcohol: Mental Health and Seeking Help 21:48 The Struggle with Isolation and Alcohol 23:28 Finding a New Path: Entrepreneurship and Fitness 24:28 A Wake-Up Call: Family Health Crisis 25:59 The Journey to Sobriety: Therapy and Support 29:04 The Power of Sharing and Connecting 40:29 Reflections on Sobriety and Personal Growth    

Welcome back to season three of the Suburmotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode, we're joined by Jenna, who shares her story from childhood as a 4.0 student who excelled in sports. And at 14, everything changed when alcohol became involved in her life. She discusses the impact of her mother's hidden struggle with alcohol and how, her pursuit of athletic and academic excellence, mask, deeper issues of loneliness, and the need for

acceptance. Jenna's story dives into her spiral into heavy drinking and partying during her teenage years, leading to dropping out of high school, multiple jobs, and eventually motherhood at a young age. She describes facing the reality of her mother's deteriorating health due to alcohol and her journey towards sobriety sparked by a desire to change, therapy, and the sober community. Jenna emphasizes the importance of wanting to get sober, the role of fitness and social media in her recovery, and now a mother of six and over 500 days sober and living a more fulfilled life without alcohol. This is Jenna's story on the sober motivation podcast. Hey, how's it going everybody releasing this episode on Tuesday, April 9th? I hope everybody who got to check out

the solar eclipse enjoyed it in that it was everything and more than you imagine. I just want to drop a quick mention here to check out the buy me a coffee.com slash sober motivation for the page to get involved with donating to support the podcast. If you're enjoying the podcast, you want to contribute in any way. That's the place to do it. So that's buy me a coffee.com slash sober motivation. And it's greatly appreciated. It really helps me cover some of the costs of running the podcast.

It's me that does everything from scheduling the shows, recording the shows, editing the shows, doing the intros, doing the outros, promoting it, video clips. It's a lot. I really enjoy doing it. So that is why I keep doing it. And to hear that it's helped so many people makes it all so worth it. So we're going to keep rocking. This is an incredible story.

I also want to mention if you're checking out the episode today, Tuesday, April 9th, or in the early hours of Wednesday, I'm hosting a free group with the sober buddy community that I would love for you to join. I'll drop the link to sign up for that in the show notes. but that's going to be happening Wednesday, April 10th at 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. We're going to be talking about barriers that we face on the journey of sobriety. So I'd love to have you guys there. Check the show notes for that link. Now let's get to this episode. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast.

Today we've got Jenna with us. How are you? Good. Thanks so much. I'm happy to be here. Awesome. So let's get started. What was it like for you growing up? Okay, so I feel like a lot of my childhood, unfortunately, I don't remember a ton of. And I think a lot of people could probably relate to that. As I grew up, I always questioned it. Is this normal that I don't remember a ton of my childhood? Do I just have a bad memory?

Like, I just clicked it as like a bad memory. So I would say like up until the sixth grade, there's very little. that I remember. And I've learned which this will be later in my story through therapy, that there's probably a reason for that. And there was probably a lot of trauma involved. But I feel like there was a lot of things that was avoiding in my life as a child. I remember friends being super important, even at a young age. Like, I was always with a friend. My parents divorced when I was like six. I made me remember like a glimpse here in there of my own age. my dad being around in my childhood, but then he worked at a state all the time. So even after they

divorced, I didn't have my dad around much. And I later learned that did affect me, even though I didn't realize it at the time. I didn't think it at the time. So single mom, she worked a lot. I remember just being jealous of the friends that I had whose mom's didn't work and they were just there all the time. And all of the school activities. And so those things affected me. I remember the action of stuff. But so going into, let's say, 6th grade, that's where I start to remember more things about my life.

And at that point, I was like a perfect student. You could say if you talk to my peers, that maybe I was like more on the popular side. But from the outside looking in, I'm sure I looked great. I was like star athlete, star student, teacher's pet, had all these friends. But like, really, I was always so insecure. I felt different.

I felt like other girls I would look at and I was thinking like they were so confident. And maybe they weren't. But there were things here and there that were just different about me than maybe what you would have thought about me growing up. And I think a lot of it had to do with my whole life was just a little different than maybe could have been, right? So I didn't know it at the time, but come to find out my mom was an alcoholic her whole life. Like, I don't remember her dream.

So I was a kid. I mean, I don't know if she hid it or like I just didn't. I don't remember it being a problem about how could I at 10 years older? I don't know. Whatever. So major into sports, all through middle school, 4.0 student, like just all the respect. team and all these things, I really excelled in basketball. And that was like my thing. Like I played basketball every, all the time. Like three teams at once I'd be on at times. Like it was just

my life. And I think looking back now, it was like an escape from something that I didn't know I was escaping from. But I think what kept me out of the house more, get me busy. Like I just wanted to be, I think I wanted to be out of the house. There was a point where I thought about living with my dad. He was living in Hawaii, which was states away. So I grew up in Washington State. Anyway, so there was things going on that I don't recall with my mom. I also had an eating disorder in middle school, but just things now that like with my therapist, we look, go over it. Okay, yeah, there were things happening. There were issues, whatever. I want to say I was 14 or bone nose 14, doing the math, right?

I started hanging out with like older kids and a totally different crowd. And I'll be the first person ever to not excuse mistakes that I made along the way. But there was just, this is a pivotal moment in my life. At 14, I just went into high school, having all of a sudden, changed like the whole trajectory of my life due to starting to drink alcohol. And it started. There was like a sleepover and we snuck into, I know it wasn't my idea. And I remember feeling guilty after it the first time. And this could have even honestly been when I was 13. I can't remember. But then 14 is when the drinking really started. And I always thought I had such a strict mom.

But no, she wasn't always strict. There was. so much inconsistency. And so that was probably due to her alcoholism. And if she had a boyfriend, she'd be in a better mood or if her friends were over, then she would allow me to go out and do more stuff with friends. And somehow we got away with going out and partying and drinking alcohol at 14 years old, which saying it out loud now and thinking about it, where I have kids who are 19, 20, I mean, 15. I can't even. imagine how crazy it was, right? Because we weren't just like having a couple of years. We were drinking our ball to get drunk and it became instantly, I think, a problem for me. Like it was like,

I have a really addictive personality and I think that's how like basketball was for me. Right? When I was younger, I was addicted to it. Then tried alcohol for the first time and it was addiction right away. And so I go into my freshman year and all these honors. classes, all the volleyball team, on the basketball team. And I'm literally like a different person. And I always lived in so much regret. Like, why did I do this? I had a lot going for me. I wanted to play college basketball. Like, I went into freshman year. I started skipping school, being late, constantly always just having tardies and absences. And at this point, I don't remember my mom's hand in all of this. I don't remember getting in trouble for having all these tardies and

absences, but it was not good. And I would fall asleep in class. And I couldn't keep up with the honors English because I just, I wasn't that person anymore. And it's really sad. But I started to hate basketball. I started to hate volleyball. I remember showing up to a practice like under the influence. And I think that's when I'm. right there. Okay, this is like the last. I'm not going to keep doing this. I chose out well over the sports right then.

So I was hanging out with the different crowd. It was really a big deal. It was a big deal. Everyone was noticing the whole community. My coaches, like I ran into one of my old basketball coaches, and I had a cigarette in my hands. And I just remember, oh, man, he did so much for me for three years of my life. and I just let him down, like major.

So anyway, I knew all throughout, I think, that it just wasn't me, but I was doing it. I kept doing it. That turned into, I barely even finished sophomore year, so I had an older boyfriend. He graduated, and I tried going back in my junior year, and that was too cool for school. I was just over it, like the partying,

and had took over my life. I was working, so I had jobs that were keeping me responsible in that aspect. But, oh, and I forgot to mention it, Ellen varsity as a freshman for basketball. And I just threw it in the garbage, right? So that, I've literally lived with Gil from that up until I got a therapist in the past couple years. Anyway, so dropped out of high school. Yeah. Like 16.

things were really starting to change the dynamic with my mom. Like it was a parent that she was also partying. And so she was probably at a loss with what to do with me. And so then partying became something we had in COVID and maybe we could do together. And I hate this part of my story because I'm a mom of six kids and I just can't even fathom the thought. But here I am. I've been blaming myself all these years, but I moved out. Like, I was almost 17.

Dropped out high school. Moved out. I'm on my own, literally just living with friends here and there. I probably lived in six different houses over the course of a year and a half or something. Like, I even lived at one of my boss's houses at once one time. And I remember there, I think, like having a reality check, what am I doing? And all along, there were some drugs here and there. But thankfully, those didn't take over my life and become an issue.

It was ultimately the alcohol. Like, I was blocking out all the time at that age. Just super crazy bad stuff. Then I got pregnant. And so pregnant at 18 with a guy I grew up with, but like we were just partying together. we tried moving it together and making it work. And I thankfully, I'm still a go-getter, but like I was an alcoholic. And I was a go-getter in my alcoholism, too.

I could drink more than it wasn't like I could ever just have a couple. But I worked and worked. I had three jobs. So there was still a part of me that was like, okay, I'm responsible. I was like excusing me. my alcoholism for being able to hold three jobs and have a child, which I think part of me was like lonely through all of this. Like I probably missed my mom. I probably wanted the baby because I was lonely. I probably there was like, I think loneliness is a lot of what I

contribute my alcoholism to. So anyway, he ended up being abusive and I excused his behavior a lot. So that was tough. And I finally left that situation. My daughter was about a year and a half. And I moved with my friend, my best friend, who had two kids an hour away. And we were just going to start a whole new life. And it was good. There was a lot of good about that.

But we literally lived a block from a local bar, a block from the liquor store, and got jobs as bartenders. So we traded babysitting and traded shifts off and on. Her and I, my best friend, so it worked out perfectly, but all we did was drink in our downtime. And so we could drink at work, and it was just always, that's all we did. That was our lives.

So again, not making excuses for myself, but like I think just being around it and somebody having a problem, with it, it just is, it doesn't work. Yeah, I just want to go back for a little bit, give you a break here for a second. Great job so far. I'm just thinking because I've heard this story a few times where parents struggle with drinking and then the kids take on this role of maybe an overachiever or perfectionist or something like that. Is that something you can relate to because you're doing all these other things and excelling in all these other areas? Is that something you felt like you had to make up for that?

Yeah, so I didn't know it at the time, but with my therapist and just piecing my puzzle together with her and where there's a lot I don't remember, but where she could gauge, I'm guessing, maybe this was the case and this is why. So I think with my like 4.0s and my like selling in sports and stuff, I think that's what that was. I think that was me maybe searching for what I needed from my mom that I wasn't getting,

maybe the attention, the praise, the whatever. And it is a little confusing. What was the flip of my story? But then again, I think I could have then thought, oh, this is an easier way to get attention and

whatever. So I think I changed that way. It's just, okay, I can party and still get attention. I don't have to work so hard. Yeah. What did your mom think about when you moved out of the house? Did she mention anything to you? Or did like, did anybody pick up on the drinking being a problem either like early on? Yeah. I mean, she didn't want me to go. It's, I guess this is kind of part of my story. That's hard to share because she'd been, you know, doing more than just drinking. And so I think there was part of me that was just,

I don't want to be around you and what you're doing. And that's what made it so easy to leave. I had a really bad phone call with her. And then I just was like, I'm moving out. And I just packed my stuff and left. And so it was like about a good four, five years even, but until we rekindled our relationship from that point. Oh, okay.

Yeah. So you get the job, the service industry. And yeah, you're right. A lot of people share about that experience. I've had that experience like that too. You know, you get wrapped up in that. And I mean, it's there all the time. And it's overlooked, right?

You mentioned drinking on the job and stuff like that. It's not an uncommon thing. There's a lot of places where you can do that and it's accepted and people can buy you drinks while you're working and wild looking at it all play out, right? Looking back on it all. So you get into that and you have a child at 18 too. So there's a lot that goes with that, right? and then you're doing this, moving with your friend.

How are you feeling like with your mental health? I mean, do you have any thoughts, too, during this period? You're doing this bartending thing for a while. Hey, this is something I should probably look at giving up. I mean, is any of that coming into things? Yeah, so at this point, not so much. Like, there's always been a part of me that loves fitness. So there was still times, I would get a gym membership and literally go, like, at 1 a.m.

after a bartending shift, but it just wasn't consistent, like it is now that I'm sober, but there were parts of me, I think, that knew it was a problem that wanted to quit, or I think maybe I added some of the group of people I hung out with maybe had those feeling more than they did, but I think I was just like, this is literally my life. That's what all my friends do. That's my job. At this point, not to mention, I grew up, like, where, I think now I'm so thankful that times are changing with alcohol and I feel like the sober movement is there. And like my 20 year old, she has no desire to drink alcohol. You know what I mean?

I think the way I grew up, everybody was going to do it and everybody wanted to do it. And you looked forward to turning 21 so you can drink legally. And maybe it's just different in different areas where we live. but it was just normal where I was. And then where I was bartending, it seemed like that's why everybody did. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I mean, you hear that a lot too. Yeah. It's extremely normalized too. And for a lot of people, too, it's like that excitement for 21, but even in your story, starting at 14 with it, right? So, I mean, having a ton of experience prior to even being 21.

But yeah, it's a common theme. It seems like in everybody's story, it's just all around. I mean, family gatherings or here or, there and then there's something about some people share about they just wanted to grow up. We just get that phase in our life where we just want to be an adult, right? I remember telling my parents, I just can't wait to be 18 and move out. And then you do and you're just like, oh, man, I was so wrong about all of this, about growing up

so fast. I should have listened to my folks. They said, don't rush this whole thing. And I think we got into that, right? We wanted to grow up. We wanted to be adults. And we thought it, we didn't realize what was to come, right? Well, yeah, it is, it was so common.

And it is really inspiring. It seems with a lot of younger generation of people that I know, and you mentioned your daughter there too, is they're not as interested. I mean, I'll call it. And it was a right of passage for us. It was a way to get involved with connection and a way to connect with people and community and feel older than we were. That's what it was for me.

I feel like I was grown and I was far from that. So you do this bartending job. Yeah. So you do this bartending job for a couple years, five years, I think. I think you mentioned there. I mean, how old are you now and where do things go from there for you? Okay. So I'm 25 and, yeah, the bartending just was a lot.

But I finally met somebody who's my husband now and he lived in a different state. So anyway, we met and we were together and actually we got married five months. later. So pretty quick, but I literally packed up my military life and moved like 14 hours away. So that I think in my head, I know that I really wanted to quit my drinking then. And he would drink and stuff, but he wasn't an apricolic like me at the time. So I moved to a new state. I literally think that I probably felt, oh, all my problems are going to be solved. Like, I'm not going to be an alcoholic anymore. I'm, you know, getting married. So things are going to change. And where we live is a really small town. And it's actually a very religious town. And I didn't grow up going to church or anything.

But I thought, okay, maybe like I would check it out. Maybe that could help me get better. My hopes for quitting drinking when I got married and moved to a. new state didn't shop in like I wished they would. I couldn't quit drinking at that point. That's when I realized that it was an actual problem. I didn't want to quit drinking. So here I am. A little alone, I literally know nobody and my husband works full time plus. And so I started drinking by myself. And that quickly turned into not being proud. of what I was doing. It wasn't the same.

It didn't hit the same. It wasn't like being at the bar. I'd go from a bartender being 100% social to having no friends, no nothing. I was missing my old friends. I was sort of like, what did I do? Like maybe this was the wrong choice, blah, blah, blah. And that kind of went on for years. I ended up having two miscarriages, which didn't help me mental health state.

But then I got pregnant with twins. In between twins, I just started drinking as soon as I could. After nursing, I was able always to get so early during pregnancy. But I always would start right after my pregnancy. So I was like, okay, why are you doing this? So then I started to think I had anxiety. And I went to the doctor and I actually got all like depression and anxiety medication, which was probably all stemmed from my drinking.

Like, I honestly think that anxiety, alcohol, exasperates it, makes it worse. And so I went through that. And then I even went through, like, suicidal things. I would be drinking and just have, like, suicidal thoughts. And here I am, like, a mom. I've got two babies and just questioning, like, why am I doing this? Like I knew that the alcohol was not doing me any good. But I was like drinking a half a box of white by myself at home,

just being in a moment depressed. And it was not good. So that went on for years, literally. Did you ever, like when you mentioned there, you couldn't quit. Were you trying to quit? Did you try to put some days together? Did you ask for help or did you try to Google anything? A lot of the start there, right?

Yeah. Yeah. So I never asked for help. Another part of me, like with Malina, not having any friends is I got really isolated. Like, I felt like I didn't. Like, it even was hard to talk to my old restaurant where I used to live or my mom on the phone because I would just miss them in which I could actually see them. So I think I would Google stuff and I would try to go like, I could probably even go like a week at that time.

There were times that I didn't drink, but it was more or less a problem, like, daily, I would say. And then I feel like there's a big gap, but this just played out, like, for years. I had two more babies. And I think all along, like, there were times in these years that I thought I was thinking of what I could do to work when all my kids would just go. I'm just to stay at home more. And I'm lonely again. So the loneliness was real. And I would say like the alcohol was my best friend.

I would literally say those words out loud. But there were times still where I was trying to figure out like what I could do with an entrepreneur and I would have thoughts. Okay. My story is so crazy and someday I'm going to get better and maybe I could be like a drug counselor or something like that. It was like I saw a different me eventually. But I just felt so far disconnected from that. One year I decided I was going to train for a half marathon and I quit for a year and trained. I did that.

Then I just went back down to drinking after that. So then after I had my last lady, I knew it was my last. That's when social media became a part of my life and I became an entrepreneur there. And it gave me like the connection, the people, the friends that like I had been missing all along. Like it felt, oh my gosh, I'm making new friends. and it was all on white and I was okay with that. But fitness became a part of my story. And so for four years, I was like, okay, am I just going to drink for the rest of my life

or am I actually going to quit so I could get actually good results from the fitness I'm doing? Because I would trick and workout hungover and stuff. Like, it was working out was so important to me, but I would reward myself after the workout was drinking. And so it was a cycle that was going along. not healthy. So then I'm really into the social media and I'm feeling a little bit better. My mom gets sick. And so my mom has alcoholic dementia and cirrhosis of the liver.

And so again, me not really realizing how much drinking had affected my mom's life. It came to and that was huge and you would think that maybe that would be scary enough to get me to stop drinking right away. It was a really traumatic event because she like got sick overnight. It seemed like I lived states away from her so I didn't see her every day. But when I did see her, it was like she had aged 20 years in a year and a half. And it was really scary and really hard. and it gave me like the idea

of okay you've got to quit drinking like you're going to end up just like that if you don't quit drinking and scaring myself into it like that or being hardly myself didn't work that wasn't what I needed

like I needed some other way of healing and so a year or so went by and alcohol had gotten to the point where it was affecting my marriage as well. And my husband wasn't much of a drinker. He started drinking more than normal. And I ended up hating alcohol because of that more than I enjoyed it anymore.

It was all like a chore. It was almost like I started with social media. I started to see that there was a different way of life. And I didn't have to sit here and be depressed and just drink by myself all the time. and I was working online and just trying to like eventually find something that was going to finally help me get out of my habit of drinking all the time. And I finally got a therapist. So she's like my best friend. I look forward to talking to her every week.

And it's been like two years we've been working together now. So literally one month after meeting with her, so four or five times. is my sobriety date. I told her I wanted to get sober and just having someone to talk to for one hour a week was enough for her to help me believe that more in myself that like I was

higher than the alcohol exactly what I needed. And I'm well over 500 days sober now since then in the beginning of my sobriety podcast. like this, like hearing other people's stories really helped me because I was stuck in just this little bubble of thinking, am I the only mom who drinks at home by herself or who can't just have six white clouds? She has 12 or am I, like, I questioned myself a lot. And it just made me feel

like, no, you're not the only one. And we all have a story. And I think, think what's cool, if somebody can just drink on occasion and not drink for a few months or have one and not even two. I think if you can do that, fine, but I could never. I couldn't from the beginning and all the way up until the end. I could never do that, which I just know that I can never go back because it took over my whole entire life. I would think about it every day, like when I could drink. So anyway, the podcast helped me. I ran some books. Like the alcohol experiment was one of them, quit like a woman is another one. And at first it felt really silly. I was like, okay, this is weird. I went like night and day here. I'm this big cute drinker.

And now I'm just like listening to things that might help me. And it felt funny. And it It wasn't easy at first. Luckily, I didn't get, I wasn't like, if you Google what could happen in sobriety and stuff, a lot of scary things come up like that you might get really sick and stuff like that. None of that happened to me. I wasn't just a casual drinker. So thankfully, like, you can't believe everything that you read on the internet, but. No, not at all.

Yeah. Yeah. curious there to see what your husband thought about all of this. And I mean, it sounds like too, when you go to this therapy session, right, someone else is helping you develop the belief in yourself that you could have a life without alcohol, super important. And I think there's another thing that has to happen for us to we've got to get honest with ourselves about, hey, we have a problem.

Like, I've got a serious problem with this because it's really easy to look in all the different directions and say, this reason I don't or this is another reason I don't. or a lot of people too that are moms and get sucked into this mommy wine culture. Everybody's doing it. You see it everywhere. It's hard to be a mom. You have six kids too. So that's a lot of work.

I have three. I'm just over here thinking, my goodness. If I doubled that, I would be in serious trouble. So it's hard, right? And there's a lot of stress. And you're isolated too. And that's the one thing that I don't think that we necessarily realize enough. It's, oh, we are home with the kids.

It's beautiful. And of course it is. I looked after my first daughter. I stayed home with her. And it was incredible, but I went through in a little bit of a different way. But the same thing, right, is you're just going through that routine. You're waking up and you're making the buffet at three different breakfasts and then lunch and you're doing the nap.

You do it all over and it's really hard to get connected with other people. And you do get in that stage of repetition and isolation and then you can feel alone. And that's where alcohol wants us, right? Because if there's nobody else telling us that, hey, something is up here. You should have a look at this. then it's got us right where it wants us alone. And we just beat ourselves up. And then the cycle just continues.

So what did your husband think about all this? Like when did you mention it to him? And what did it look like leading up to it? You had those four to five sessions with your therapist there. And what does it look like when you're like, hey, this is my last day or I'm calling it quits after this? Two questions. Go ahead. Luckily, he was to the same point with his drinking.

So I don't know how. we luckily have to think about it, but I don't know how it would have worked or what it would have looked like if he didn't quit drinking too. So we actually... Oh, wow. Also, yeah.

So... Wow. And I think, like I said, I'm lucky that I don't know what it's like because it doesn't feel like I would want to start drinking if he did again,

but it feels scary. It feels like it's a much healthier. I don't know. Like, my mom and her husband and her latter year, like, he would be on probation and have to quit. And I'd be like, Mom, how can you drink in front of him? Don't you feel bad? So luckily, he did it his own way, and I did it my own way. And thankfully, we don't drink. But like he said, as far as being a stay-at-home mom, like, it's exactly what I wanted. I thought, oh, my gosh, the white picket fence and the family

And I love babies. I love my kids. But it can be so isolating. And I think just for people who maybe are hesitant to even comment on posts on social media, because I know there's so many out there that still don't, like maybe they're scrolling, but they don't connect. Because when I started like five, six years ago, I had never posted for anything. Like you got to start somewhere.

But now it's like my. their connection as a moment helps me not feel lonely. And not only do I get to help other people, other women, they help me. Like by me sharing what I share on social media, it helps me so much to not feel like that loneliness. And I think I felt most of my life, really. Yeah. It's also the interesting thing too, right?

Because loneliness is a thing that I experienced a lot of that too growing up. but I could be in crowds but still felt lonely. And people had a really hard time understanding that. How can you be with all these people and have this loving family and have all these opportunities but still feel completely alone? And that's what I struggled with for so long. And that's like what alcohol took away because it was just like, oh, I'll just wash that away.

All of your insecurities and everything that you're stressed about and worried about all the time. They all take care of all that until it didn't. I think as things progress, then we start to really wash down problems that alcohol is causing, and you mentioned it earlier too with the anxiety. A lot of people share that. And not that when we get sober that the anxiety goes away, but it just becomes much more manageable, it seems. And then when it does come about, we can identify it. Like, hey, this is the situation or this is what's bringing it up. But when we're drinking all the time, you wake up the next day, it's just automatic, overwhelming anxiety, that it doesn't go away. It just sticks around and it just destroys us.

Yeah, I think that's one part of getting sober too that is interesting. There were times, like, I would literally stop myself and feel like, wow, I am actually like feeling these feelings. And before, for most of my life, I would just drink these feelings away. And so I was able to recognize that and celebrate myself for not drinking in this moment, right? Those times, like, they don't come as often now because it's just part of being normal that I don't drink when I feel stressed out or whatever. But at first, it was actually pretty cool. I think you just have to, for one, my take on sioux are getting sober is if you don't want to do it, you're not going to do it. So when people reach out to me and ask, how did you do it?

I think the first thing is because I wanted to do it. Like I finally was to have the point where I was like, I can't do this anymore. And I hated the alcohol and what it was doing to my life. And so I wanted to do it. I think if you don't want to, you really got to be honest about it. And if you want to, you will. Just the same as getting healthy. And that's what I do is I work out every day.

And that's my thing is now I'm connecting these things for women to, like, how you can get sober and how you can and get in shape. It takes the same mindset. If you want to do it, you will. You just have to make the choice and make the decision and take the steps. And it's not necessarily easy, but my life literally just keeps getting better.

So much has happened for me since getting sober that it does make me sad at times where I think like all this could have happened like 20 years ago, like all this, but it's like a full circle. moment for me too with now that I'm like in the best shape of my life. I think I would have gotten there hadn't I started drinking alcohol when I did and never stop me. But I'm here now. That's all that matters, right? That's all we got to work with, right? Is here and now. Yeah,

it's so true, right? And it's not always the easiest thing to do to get sober. But when I look back it my journey my goodness keeping the train going with drinking and everything else there was nothing easy about that there was absolutely nothing easy about it to keep it going end up back in the same spot have to deal with all the consequences and the disappointment and everything else that goes along with it but it is so true i mean as wild as it is right it's so weird saying but you've got to do your own research about what it is right and i talk to people all the time some people it's two decades some people it's three, some people it's two years. But you've got to figure it out and get honest with yourself that, hey, it's not going to ever work out. If you end up in a spot where we've ended up,

it's not going to work out because there's many reasons to why other people start drinking at 14 and they don't have a negative relationship with it because there's a ton of people in that camp as well. And there's a lot of people in the camp to where they start at 14 and then it becomes a massive part of their life and causes a ton of destruction and in everything, right? And once you're part of that camp, I don't know if there's a way to just go back to this recreational thing, right? It's once we have one, it will more and we don't want to feel and we want to escape ourselves and just go into that thing, right? And then you do it for years and it just becomes the thing. And then you mention it with sobriety too, once you start doing that,

then that just becomes the norm. And people that are new, they always ask, right? Is it ever going get easier. It's ever going to be something I don't think about. Like, it's everywhere. So I don't think it's something you're never going to think about. I mean, if I drive two minutes either way from my house, I'm going to see something about it. So I'm going to obviously see it. That's going to make me think about it. But I think about it a lot differently. I don't think about it as this glamorous thing I'm going to romanticize about that, oh, that would be so great. It's like, no, dude, refer to your data that you have. This is not good for you. It brings absolutely nothing to your life that's going to benefit anybody. And I'm like, oh, yeah, that's right. That's why I don't drink.

You got to be honest, though. You got to get honest with ourselves about the destruction it's causing in our life. And for so long, I wheezzled away from the truth. I weaseled my way out of it and carried things on for a bit more. Yeah. And just didn't see a different life. It's hard to see it when you don't have it. When your life revolves around drinking, it is hard to see it not. But the only way you can see it is to do it and to get there. There's so many triggers,

like you mentioned that at the beginning. I don't call them triggers anymore, but like the commercials. And I'm like, why does alcohol splinter all these sports and have to be on every freaking football commercials? I hate that. But like country music, for example,

is my favorite. And I was literally like, how am I ever going to listen to my favorite music? Because it's all around drinking. And it reminds me of drinking or it reminds me that time we were drinking or whatever. And I'm totally able to listen to it. Just like normal. I love it. Just as much as I always did, I think at first, I didn't want to listen to it.

And that's okay. And there will be things like that. But you just got to figure them out and keep moving in the right direction. get there. I never thought that I would have so much fun if I wasn't drinking and I have more fun now because I actually remember everything and I don't feel guilty and I don't wake up filling my crap and I feel good about myself and I feel like I'm finally confident and I think that alcohol made me feel confident when I was drinking and so I wasn't drinking. I was like, I felt like nothing. And now that's,

Oh, this is what it's like to full normal. It's so freeing. Yeah. Now, that's great too. I mean, because you get a lot of confidence, I think, too, when I was drinking, I thought I was confident, but it was just the, like, drug-induced confidence in a sense, right? It was just from drinking. It wasn't that I actually was.

I was able to, like, put on that mask that I was confident, but I really wasn't at all. Look, this has been incredible. Thank you so much for sharing your story with this. Your first podcast, right? You've incredible job. Thank you so much for having me. Of course. Before we sign off, is there anything that we missed that you'd like to mention?

I don't know. I think I pretty well covered it all. I just think that if there's a part of you that sees yourself getting sober, then that right there is all you need to embark on it, right? I just think I would have thoughts all the time throughout at least the past five years or so of my drinking was like, okay, someday, like, this isn't going to be the life for me. Someday I'm going to share my sobriety story. Like, I literally have manifested this, even when I was still drinking. Like, I have thought, okay, I have so much to share that can help somebody once I get sober.

Like, I knew that it would happen someday, right? So if you have any thoughts like that, that's all I mean to all. them too. Yeah, I love that. One question before we go. A lot of people message in there saying, wondering if they have a problem, what are your thoughts on that? I mean, if somebody's thinking, like, hey, maybe I have a problem. Because I always think, hey, if you're thinking you have a problem, you probably do. What are your thoughts on that? That's my first thought would be, if you're wondering, if you're questioning it, then it probably is a problem. If you're not happy with it, if it feels like the alcohol is stronger than you.

If you drink at times when you don't even want to really, but you just do because it's what you normally do. If you're questioning, if you're happy around alcohol, like if you're happy, it's how you feel in the mornings. Or I think any of those kinds of thoughts, those were all red flags for me that I knew, gosh, and if it gets bad to where you're embarrassed, over drinking or trying to hide it or as your kids are getting older, you really are hiding it

or feeling sometimes, yeah, it got like that for me. I didn't want my family to know I was drinking, so I was hiding it in that drinking in secret way a red flag of it being a problem. But I think ultimately, for me, even at 14, not being able to just have one drink and then stop. I never could do that. And I knew it. And I would also just be like, okay, if I have one, then I'm going to have six. So might as well get started. Then those right there, those are all big credit. Yeah, no, I'm with you on that too. Yeah. It's so many different things, right, that kind of go on in the process of things. But I think that there's some extremely powerful for us as individuals to get, like you mentioned earlier, get honest about really where we're at. And the sooner you can talk with somebody else about it, I think the better to. Because we'll talk ourselves out of the best ideas. We'll do it. We'll wake up the next day and it wasn't that bad and what's another one and then 10 more years go by. And we knew this so many moons before.

But also moving forward to we can't beat ourselves up for what was. We just have to build on what is and what's to come. And that's exactly what you're doing. So thank you so much. Yeah, it's pretty exciting too. You can just turn yourself into what you actually want to be. So it's all possible. I'm 39 now, so I quit when I was 38, so I drank for over half my life and now I'll never go back.

Awesome. Well, there it is, everyone. Another incredible episode here on the podcast. Be sure if you enjoyed this episode and you're able to connect with Jenna Story-Ital to send her a message on Instagram. I'll drop her contact information and the show notes below. I hope to see a few of you there Wednesday, April 10th, which is tomorrow. For this meeting, they were hosting. It's going to be great.

It's always a good time to have new people come and join in the Soberbody community. Everybody seems to get so much out of it. So I hope to see you guys there. And if you haven't left a review yet, jump on there on Apple and type up a written review. It takes like 30 seconds. You do have to scroll down a little bit when you go to the podcast page all the way down. And it has in the small writing, write a review. I don't know why they make it kind of hard to find.

but write a review and if you're on Spotify, all you have to do on there is just tap five stars. Of course, five stars. So I need everybody who's made it to this point in the episode to go on either Spotify or Apple Podcasts and leave a review. And I'll see you on the next one.