Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - John hated alcohol and swore it would never take over his life, but it did.

Episode Date: April 5, 2024

In this episode, we have John, who shares his deeply personal journey through childhood challenges, struggles with self-esteem and self-confidence, his battle with alcohol addiction, and eventually finding sobriety. Growing up in a family grappling with addiction, John's early experiences shaped his relationship with alcohol, which became a coping mechanism during his teenage years that carried into adulthood. Despite early signs of his struggle, the loss of his father and the responsibilities that followed further complicated his path.  The turning point in John's story comes with his decision to seek treatment, triggered by another trip to the hospital. His journey toward recovery is proof of the power of seeking help and the significance of a supportive community in overcoming addiction. John emphasizes the importance of trust, sharing his insights on how sobriety has transformed his life and relationships. Now, he strives to be a source of hope and support for others facing similar battles, highlighting that change is possible at any age.   Sign up for April 10th Meeting and others: https://yoursoberbuddy.com/free-zoom-meetings/ FREE Trial Link to join SoberBuddy: https://community.yoursoberbuddy.com/plans/368200?bundle_token=8d76ca38d63813200c6c1f46cb3bdbed&utm_source=manual Follow John on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sobersinkiller/   00:00 Welcome to Season Three: Unveiling Sobriety Stories 00:24 John's Journey: From Childhood to Sobriety 00:38 The Early Signs: Growing Up with Addiction 02:37 High School Struggles: Acne, Fitting In, and Early Drinking 04:21 College Days: The Start of a Deeper Relationship with Alcohol 13:42 Post-College Life: Realizations and Responsibilities 19:34 Marriage, Parenthood, and the Turning Point 21:48 The Journey to Sobriety Begins 22:28 The Realization and Struggle with Sobriety 24:28 A Second Chance at Sobriety 27:42 The Impact of Family and Age on Recovery 28:49 Embracing Recovery and the Path Forward 35:18 The Power of Community in Sobriety 40:05 Final Reflections and Encouragement

Welcome back to Season 3 of the Suburmotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety is possible one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode, we have John, who shares his deeply personal journey through childhood challenges, struggles with self-esteem and self-confidence, his battle with alcohol addiction, and eventually finding sobriety. Growing up in a family that struggled with addiction, John's early and, experiences shaped his relationship with alcohol, which became a coping mechanism during his teenage years

that carried into adulthood. Despite early signs of his struggle, the loss of his father, and the responsibilities that followed further complicated his path. The turning point in John's story came with his decision to seek treatment for the second time, triggered by yet another trip to the hospital. His journey towards recovery is proof of the power of seeking help in the significance of a supportive community and overcoming addiction. John emphasizes the importance of trust, sharing his insights on how sobriety has transformed his life and relationships. Now he strives to be a source of hope and support for others facing similar battles,

highlighting the change is possible at any age. And this is John's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. Hey, everyone, how's it going? Brad here. Thanks for checking out another episode. Hey, before we start, if you've yet to leave a review on Apple, or Spotify. I never really asked that. Please do that. It would be incredible for new people that are checking out the show and they see the reviews and they're like, oh, maybe this is one I'll check out and give it a shot. That would mean a lot. Also, I'm doing another event that you all

are welcome to attend with the sober buddy community on April 10th, 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, and we have other events too scheduled in there. I'll drop the link where you can get signed up with that down in the show notes below. That's at 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. time, but even better than that, we've been having some incredible support meetings inside of this sober buddy app with the community. These people are incredible. A lot of them are listeners and fans of the show, so it's awesome when people join and we get to meet, we get to chat, we get to talk, and it's just really incredible. It's really helping people get more day sober. It's really helping them feel like they belong with part of something and being part of a community.

as we all know, connection is the opposite of addiction. We have to get connected somewhere. So I'll also drop the link where you can enjoy a 30-day trial to the Suburbody app. That's going to get you 40 meetings over the span of that month. Get you plugged into a 24-7 chat community. Also, there's some really other cool things coming soon, and I'm just telling you, if you're looking for a place to call home, a place where you can meet other people who have been through this and are struggling

and are doing well. We have people all the way from their first day sober all the way up to years sober. So we come together, we support each other, we help each other out. And that's what it's all about. Getting another day, feeling good about it, and really living our best life.

Now let's get to John's episode. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got John with this. John, how are you? I'm good, Brad. How are you, bud? I'm well, man. Thanks for being willing to jump on here

and share your story with all of us. Thank you so much for having me. So what was it like for you growing up? Yeah, and you know, I've watched a couple of these podcasts of yours, and I was giving this some thought. And you don't know that you're being brought up different. The first time I knew our house was a little bit different when I spent the night at a friend's house for the first time. You know, I had a mom that struggled with addiction and was in and out of facilities. So she was gone a lot.

Dad worked in town. there was at the early stages of just me and my two brothers. And again, I didn't really know that things were all that different. It really took until I did spend the night, right? And then seeing how the dynamics of the place where I went to spend the night, see how those dynamics were compared to the dynamics of my house, that's where I understood that things were just a little bit different in my house, right? And I expect that they're a little different everywhere,

but just probably a little more abnormal than most. and with the addiction in the family and dad struggled with some stuff as well. And you don't know what you don't know. And it was a lot of fending for ourselves. And I'm the oldest of four now. And my sister came along a little bit later. But I didn't know. I thought we were living like everybody else lived.

We were probably at this station, lower middle class, probably just lower middle class. and in a very small suburb outside of Houston, Texas. I guess I would say that I saw something really at a young age. I saw something like a book or something I read. And they were like I was spying and it said at war with self. And when I read that, I think I was third, fourth grade at war with self. That made sense to me because I always felt like I was battling myself, even as a youngster. And that just seemed to make sense to me.

And I've always been in my head. How do things look like for you with your school life? Everything went pretty good until about late middle school and then into high school. Got acne real, real bad, right? And really affected my self-confidence and in a way that's really hard to understand unless you really have bad acne. And the people that tell you it's really not that bad or the people that don't have bad. acne and it can really weigh on you. It definitely weighed on me. And red hair, I'm pale, and I now have all this acne. And so I'm different and not really feel like I fit in. And frankly,

very embarrassed of acne. It definitely affected my early ages. And at that time, in the 70s, there's not a whole lot of treatment, really, for acne like there is nowadays. And so I dealt with that. had friends, no issue there, played sports. It decent. Not a ton of parental involvement because of the aforementioned things with mom being gone a lot and dad working in town. So we're on our own, for the most part, getting rides to and getting rides back. For the most part, early high school was awkward to begin with, right? It's already awkward.

And then you throw in things like that and it can be tough. And you're just trying to fit in. And I just did the best I did good with that. Yeah. No, so true. I can relate to you with that. I was just trying to fit in for so long. Just trying to fit in and be just find a group of people that would accept me and you have a place with a group of people.

And where do you go after high school then? I went off to school and about three hours away. And it's funny. I remember going to the dorm the first day. When you go to a dorm, the first day of college, you're there the second you can get there. And it's really what I remember about going. Leaving the house that morning, I have a daughter that was 26 now. I can remember when we took her to college.

That experience was a whole lot different than my experience. My experience was I got up. I drove and there wasn't a big going away party or anything like that was. It's just like I got up. I drove away and just went and really was fairly mature in as far as taking care of the house, taking care of the brothers. We all pitched in. It wasn't on me.

But you get to college and you find out really, you're still fairly immature as a person. But I can't remember this kind of tell you where my head is and walking down the dorm and I've never been there. And I go by this dorm room and the door's open. I look at it and there's a guy sitting on the ground. It's like eight the morning. This guy's drinking a, he's drinking a cold beer, eight o'clock in the morning. And I go, Bath is going to be my friend. I mean, that guy will be my friend.

And it's the alcohol, right? I see the alcohol and I go, he's going to be my buddy. He's drinking early in the morning. He's drinking a beer. And to this day, he's one of my best friends. And it's crazy. And, you know, and really, I guess maybe going back just a bit to high school with the alcohol, we're kind of, you know, set the same.

historical of it, give it a little more background. You know, for my 16th birthday, I got a case of beer. That was what my dad gave me. And alcohol was never taboo in our house. It was always there. I really wasn't that big of a beer drinker when I started high school. But then I remember we'd go out or go to a party and I remember when I get a couple of beers in, all of a sudden that acne wasn't there.

And it wasn't as pronounced, right? And not quite as pale anymore. And I found it was the social lubricant. It made me feel like I was fitting in better. And I wasn't thinking, they're looking at me constantly. They're constant. I'm just thinking, this is fun. I like it.

And it's a nice escape, but it helps me get away. But, you know, that goes on through high school. No real problems in high school. Silly getting caught with alcohol on campus or things like that. But no, no run-ins with a law. or anything like that. And that was fine, go to college and I'm away for the first time. And another thing to add to some of the things I was going through, both my parents smoked.

And I didn't know how I smelled until I got to college. And everything I owned smells like an astray. You just lived in it all your life. And I'm thinking, just great. That's all I need is something else to worry about smelling all the time. But no, college was a normal thing. I was clearly drinking more than most other people. I did a little bit different.

I was more interested in the drinking aspect of college. We went to a fraternity toga party, I think, like within the first week or so. And this was a couple of years after Animal House, so that's still big. And I go to this party, and the Togo, I'm thinking unbelievable. Animal House was right. This is, I mean, college is just like Animal House. And it was and it was fun, but I, you know, I've always drank different, right? I've just always done it different.

I've always known I've done it different. And even then it would be drinking probably a little bit more than I should have. Then a lot of nights just lonely walking around campus, just lonely. And as we can get, the drink is my solution. I still have to deal with me. I still have to deal with my thinking. And the drinking is a solution to that to cover some of these. things up. So I'd say fairly normal. I'm on a text thread to this day with nine guys I went to

school with. And we communicate every day, which to me is crazy that 40 plus years later, we're still communicating. So everything about schools, that was just fine. It was good. The grades were not good. They were not good at all. Everything else was good. The party was good, right, John? It was. It was. It's interesting. You say there, too, that you always picked up on the fact that that you drank different, right? That's interesting that you were able to pick up on that even early on, right? Identify that at least that things were different for you. What do you coin that up to? And a lot of that's with the benefit of hindsight, right? A lot of it, things make more sense as you mature and you learn more and you're able to reflect and think

about things. And they talk about if you're not careful in life, you'll become the things you hate. And for the most part, I got away from all those things. I didn't like. Both my parents smoked, right? And I was never going to smoke and I never had. Right. I couldn't. I had to make coffee in this old percolator for my dad every single morning throwing grounds out. And I've had maybe a half a cup of coffee in my life, right? Maybe. And I despise the alcohol around the house when my folks were in it and obviously taking my mom away and we'll get to it eventually. But my father died at 49 years old when I was 27. And so it had taken a lot of stuff from me, right? And so I was cognizance of it. I was not going to let it get away. I knew at some point I wanted to get

married and I wanted to have a family. And I didn't want my kids or a kid, as it turned out to be, to go through that, right? And it turns out. she had to go through it. And I was watching it. And I never wanted to be the dad that came home and had two scotchers or something like. I never, ever wanted to be that guy. I remember probably, I'm probably 23, 24 when there's a paper, one of the local newspapers in town. And it had, this is back when your information is newspapers and it had a little square column and it,

And it's like three questions, do you this, do you that? Is this the result? And I remember all three questions saying yes to them, 23, 24, 25. I remember saying yes to those. And it says if you do have that problem, call this number, right? And I never did call the number. I knew I had a problem. And I don't know that I knew it was a problem.

Again, I knew I had something, right? And I mean, I was young. I played a lot of sports and a lot of rec leagues and a lot of basketball and a lot of softball. And drinking was just part of what we did. It's, and the happy hours and things like that. But it seems like other people were able to take a day off here and there, right? And like we've been going out pretty hard. I'm going to shut it down for a while.

I was just never that guy. I just never shut it down. And I just always wanted it to keep going, right? I just wanted it to keep going. I wish that it wouldn't have turned the way it did. And I'm sure most people that get into this are not looking to get into this. Again, I was cognizant of what I did not want to be. And I pretty much came exactly what I did not want to be, what I resented and what I frankly despised.

Yeah. That's interesting as well because I was. talk with somebody else. This is a long time ago on the show. They shared stories similar, right? They had grown up with folks that were heavy into drinking. They had a really bad experience with it, so on and so forth. And I pitched that question, too, about why, what's the reason why we end up following in these footsteps, too? And their response was that that's just what they had known, even though it wasn't what they wanted to become or to be. It's just what they had known, what they were maybe comfortable with. I think, too, we get, I don't know if you can relate to this,

but we get comfortable with the chaos in a strange sense, right? I reflect back on my story and I'm like, man, I was, when I first got sober, it was really uncomfortable because there wasn't the chaos. And I had to catch myself at times trying to create chaos to feel comfortable. That's a really interesting thing. And where do you go from here then? This is also different, right, than the times we're living in now. I mean, for some of our younger listeners, I mean, a newspaper, what are those things anymore?

And you read these three questions about if you're struggling to a little questionnaire to reach out for us, you answer yes to all of these. And even at that time, you have a sense that something's up here, that life would probably be different or better or whatever without drinking alcohol, but it's hard to put it down. And then the other thing you mentioned is that things being normalized. It's just normal to go out, do sports after you play, after you do you work out, everything. It's like, have a drink, right? Have a drink. can socialize and everything. So where do you go from there in your life? Like after college then 24, 25, like what do things look like for you then? Yeah. And so at that point in time,

things are going pretty good. I'm at my kind of first job, right? And things are good. I'm not thinking about the future. I don't really know what I have planned. And I'm not sure I still do, if I'm being honest. And I guess where it went, went would be my father. And you mentioned the chaos and our house was chaotic. It was just people coming and going and not like sinister elements. All our friends and all our buddies. And let's be honest, you could drink at our house.

And when the 70s was in 70s and into the 80s, it's a different time in America. Right. As long as the parent watching things. And the most part, you're not really even thinking about drinking and driving at this point. right. And I remember going to prom in high school and we went to champagne parties before we even went to the prom. So, I mean, you're picking a date up and going to drink and parents know you're driving and just different times. But we fell on some tough times with the economy in the early 80s and, you know, in America was rough. My dad was a civil engineer.

Kind of work slowed way up. and things got really tight. My parents separated. I'm not in the house anymore, but we're still that. And my dad called me over on a Saturday. It was actually really late July. And my dad called me over on Saturday. And I walked in and he's at the kitchen table and we sit down.

And he said, he was just like, Bubba, I want to talk to you about some stuff. And I'm not thinking anything. my dad's 49 years old, right? So we went over some things, some very personal things, kind of some things that succession type things, like what happens if and things that he expected of me and were certain things to happen. And I'm just like, yeah, dad, whatever.

I mean, sure, yeah, I mean. And a couple days later on August 2nd, my sister calls me frantically and tells me to get over to the house and my apartment wasn't that far and get over to the house and I come in and my dad's in his chair and I can see that he's had a very serious event and he's already paralyzed on one side and I go down there and get on my knees and we're able to talk for just a bit right and you know I still not really thinking things the ambulance comes my sister's 14 so I'm trying to deal with her not seeing a lot of stuff that's going on.

You know, she'd saw a lot of it before we all got there or I got there at that point. And they took him to the hospital and I get over there. Several hours later, the doctor comes to me and he goes, I'm just going to be honest with you. This does not look good. It's just not really good. And how about we watch him for the night and if something happens, we'll call you. But just go to go home and put some thought into. to some things. It's not really good right now. And so I went home and it was just me and alone.

And I've done a lot of reflecting on this and I've done a really try to deep dive back to that one night, which was at that point was the worst night of my life, right? Because I knew what was going to happen. I knew, I knew being there. And I've often looked back to to see if on that worst night of my life, if I drank, right? What did I do when life really needed? me, what did I do? And I didn't drink that night. And I went to the hospital the next morning talking to some folks. And then the doctor said, hey, listen, we're going to take, we need to take him off support and we're going to see if we're going to see what happens. And, but you know, you need to sign some paperwork. And I said, what is this paperwork? And he goes, you need sign this paperwork

so we can take your dad off life support. And that was pretty heavy. And I, I knew, what I had to do. My dad had always told me his wishes and I knew what I had to do. To this day, that's the hardest thing I've ever done. And I signed that piece of paper. And I was just raining down on top of this paper, right? And signed it. They went in and he told me, he goes, we're going to let him go for a minute. If something happens, we'll fire it back up. But if nothing happens in a minute, we're just going to let it go. And so me and my brothers went in and he was on life support, so there was no communication with him. We just talked over him for a little bit, left, and the doctor came out a couple minutes later and said he's gone.

And then it's just now it's on, right? Now I have to because one of the things I said I would do was take custody of my 14-year-old sister. And so now all of a sudden from within a week talking about, yeah, I'll do that. And in a week later, it's a reality. And I'm trying to do a funeral. I'm trying to plan all this stuff. And as they say in certain circles of recovery, life got real lifey. And I just had to move on and really, I'd say put my life on hold for a few years, trying

to get my sister out of high school, me and my, one of my brothers moved in with us. And our goal was to get our sister out of high school. And then we did. And but at that point, just keep going. And I'll fast forward. I'll meet somebody in our New Year's Eve, 1994, in November of 95, we're married. And a couple of years, about a year or so later, our daughter comes. And in 1998, our daughter came.

Things went fine. Everything's good. And I'm still drinking more than I should. I don't know that it hasn't got to where it's going to go. And I actually know, I'm fairly certain I know the night it turns. It was the night that my wife turned 40 and we're at a local steakhouse. And up until that night, for the most part, I'm just drinking beer, right? Because I told you, I don't want to be that scotch guy.

I don't want to be that guy. And that night, we're at the restaurant to celebrate my wife's birthday and a waiter walks by and he's got a little drink with a little, Lime in it and he walks by and he's our waiter and he comes back by and I goes, I did gin and tonic by any chance? And he goes, yeah, it's a gin and tonic. I go, you know what? I want one of those. I want one of those.

And like a good alcoholic, I had two of those, right? And come Monday, I bought a little thing of gin and would have a gin drink now and again. And two months later, it's a bigger bottle of gin and now it's just not weekends. see you know it's a handle. And Jen's went in the day and then our daughter goes off to college and that was, we only have one, one child and that, I just, I, that was just, it was devastating to me. It was the best day of her life getting to go to college. Just devastating to me and probably my wife.

And I was working out of the house. And I remember talking to a friend of mine, we were both going through the same problem. And this person had said, John, I'm having a problem. I'm having to get up and drink wine just so I can take the kids to school. I'm like, oh, no, you can't do that. You can't do that. We can't do that. And they're like, I know.

And before that, I had never done anything like that. But within about a week, I was day drinking, right? And it got real physical and it got away from me. And it got away pretty bad. and had several things happen. Ended up in a treatment facility. And really, if I'm being honest, anybody that's found in treatment probably initially thinks they're going to show us how to do it right.

What this is for it, they're going to show me how to drink like a normal person or at the very least. I'll at least know how to moderate, right? They will tame the beast for me. Or maybe they, if they'll make it real easy for me, like give me one pill, and I never drink again, I'll do that, right? But I'm not wanting to do a whole lot of work with it, right? And I went to treatment.

I loved it. I loved everything about it. I loved being sober. I loved the facility I was at. But I left that facility. And I had, with our in-laws house that night and saw a bottle of gin in the freezer, and I knew I was in trouble. And I hadn't been gone from a 30-day treatment for three hours and I already knew I was in

And I went about three and a half months. And right before Christmas of 2016, I started drinking again, and it got bad like overnight. And we were flying out on the 24th to Florida. And within one day, I'm yelling at my daughter in the airport. And I'm telling her, you're the reason I do this, right? And that starts about nine months of just a personal hell. just haunting, just completely haunted by there's nothing I can do. I don't know a way to get out of this.

Yeah. End is coming, right? And that's in 2016. What got the wheels turning for you to go to treatment the first time? Was there an intervention or? Yeah, there was a little mini one. I'm taking naps in the middle of the work week or the naps that nobody else takes because they're at work and they have an actual job.

But I'm drinking, you know, around the clock, right? And my wife came and got me out of one of those naps one day and said, come out to the garage is where I hung out, my garage. I go out there, my brother closest to me in age is sitting in the garage. And we start talking because I want my big brother back. And I said, let's go. I didn't fight it. It's one of those things.

And I'm sure a lot of people say it is you want it done, but you almost need somebody to do it for you, right? Because it's this pride thing. And my brother said what he said. And I said, let's go. And we went. And like I said, in three months, I'm drinking again. And go to Labor Day weekend, 2017.

And I had a spill. I think I sent you a picture of that. I had a spill up at my in-law's house. And I had to go get some stitches and things like that. and fell again the next week. And I'm going to the ER a little too often for my drinking. What they say? What they say?

Did they just patch you up? Or did they mention anything about the drinking? They would. And the hospital in front of my neighborhood, I think they were, I've been there several times. And it's almost like they're just, there's let's say in disdain,

but it's just like you again, kind of like. And we just ended up there one day. day and the doctor took my blood and when they take your blood, you're done. I mean, there's no lie in blood that kills all. And he came back and said something like, you have the equivalent of like 27 drinks in your body. And I'm saying, no, I don't have 27 drinks in my body. And he leaves. And I think I'll argue with my wife saying, no, I have like 24, but not 27. That's my thinking. I'm arguing that. My wife goes out in the hall and with the doctor and she comes back in and she

said you're going to this local treatment center. I just said, let's go. You know, took me to that treatment center. My last, that was September 30th, 2017, or 29th, and my last drink was in the parking lot of the treatment facility, 2017, September of 2017. And I just knew when I went in that time, it's the same thing. And it's what I tell some of the patients that I talked to today is that It's so easy to love sobriety and treating. It's just so easy, right? It's so easy to envision never drinking again in treatment. The problem is we have to come out of treatment.

About the time you hit the bricks, life comes back at you. They come back into your hard. And I'm going in there and I'm thinking, you just get me stopped. If you can get me stopped, right? because what the treatment facility did for me, Brad, is what I couldn't do for myself. The treatment center protected me from me. I couldn't do it.

I just couldn't. But just get me stopped. So it stopped. I come out and I find out that getting stopped was the easy part. And the hard part is living life without alcohol. And all these things I've done all these years with alcohol, now I've got to do them without. And that same overthinking brain is still that same overthinking brain.

And now I don't have a way to mute it. So that's where I get into recovery pretty hard. Yeah. I mean, that's what, yeah, that's what everybody talks about, right? Like a lot of us, too, stopped a lot of times. Like, not everybody is drinking every day, but it's that staying stop is where we've got to do the work to maintain that staying stop part. hearing all of this too this might be going back in things

but you shared the story with your dad is your mom around in your story here like years back there or are you guys connected or anything so my mom is 82 years young we'll go 83 in May

and my mom will be 25 years sober this year so that's that's a happy ending right there for my My mom, probably right about the same age. I was 55 when I went into the treatment center of the last time.

I'm 62 today. Probably about the same time in our lives. She got help and then I got help. So I'll see her this Sunday for Easter. So yeah. And so that ended up good, right? And to my mom's credit, she never ever got on me about all this stuff. I mean, she's worked the program and works a program.

And she knew until I wanted to do it, it wasn't going to happen. There's a lot of truth today. Yeah, that's incredible. Wow. What changed, I mean, when you went to the program the second time? Because you mentioned there, too, you're 55, 62 now. And we connected a little bit before the episode. I'm not obviously that age, but I think it is very easy.

And we talked about it just to have the thought of just riding this thing out maybe. Like, it go into treatment at your age. I'm sure it's common. really know, but, or it maybe is not as common as younger people, but I think it's incredible that you go back in there and give this thing another shot. And I mean, like, mention your thoughts on that a little bit about doing this at the age you did and how that was for you. Yeah. I mean, the treatment centers can be a young person's game, but I mean, there are people every week in the treatment center. I'm lucky to go into the treatment center.

three times a week, the one that, you know, the last where I went to. And but it's a lot of embarrassment and shame for somebody at that age, right? We're getting close to retiring and how did this happen? And I don't know, Brad, that I was thinking about age at that time, right? I was just, it's hard to explain, rather, how miserable I was. I think I said haunting a little while ago and I was just haunted by this. And even getting in there and doing the things I, I still really didn't know, right?

Because one thing about 55, that means you've drank for decades. And it's hard to see a life without alcohol. It's such a part of your life. And I think for people that don't have the problem, it's hard to understand how it can be a problem. And we keep going with it and not understand how physical this gets, right? I mean, it literally is oxygen at some point in times, right? So I don't know that I thought about it, but there's a man that came in the first week I was in there. And he had decades and decades of sobriety.

And I thought he was a fool. I'm like, why are you in here with, I think he had 35 years of sobriety at the time. What are you doing in here, right? Why would you be here? And same man came in following week, and I got to hear his story, and I then understood. And about that time, I heard what he said, and I go, I'm going to do this. I'm just going to do this, right? And their way works.

My way does not work. Clearly, these people that are coming in the treatment center are so doggone happy. And the things that are so tragic to me, they're laughing about, right? And I didn't understand. I just wasn't in on the joke yet, right? I didn't understand because I'm still thinking I'm the only guy in the world that feels the way I feel. But 55 years old, I didn't understand the happiness at some of the meetings. I didn't understand it.

I would put off by it. And I started reading some things. I started getting to understand that I drink because I essentially like the effect produced by alcohol, right? That's why I drink. I don't drink because the dog died, right? I don't drink because my dad died, right? those are excuses for me to do what I want to do. And I drink because I want to change the way I feel.

I often think about Pink Floyd's all comfortably numb. That's the state I wanted, comfortably numb. And that gentleman coming in there, I just said, I'm just going to do what they have. And so I did it. I started getting involved, something I never was going to do. I mean, I was never going to do.

I was not going to hang around you people. I was not going to go to the gatherings. I wasn't going to do it. Now my sobriety is 100% built on me doing everything. I swore I would never do. And I'm so fortunate to be able to give back. And part of talking to you and agreeing to doing this was the fact that I am 62, I'm sober.

I feel like I am at 62 years old, feel like I'm the best version of me that I've ever been. And I want to be a value add for the rest of my life. And I think I was a drain. I think I was a, you know, I think I was a net negative in life for a lot of people. And I want everybody to remember me in the latter part of my life, however long that is, right? And I want my wife to get up with any service I have. And I want her to say, John died sober or John died journal.

I want her to say it. because it's important to me. We face horrible odds. I think you're well aware of that. But if we do what we need to do, those odds, they go way up, right? And, you know, Brad, I always thought I was kind of a good guy, right? I've always had a pretty big heart.

It's a different kind of heart today, right? It comes without any expectations whatsoever. I don't want anybody to feel the way I felt ever again. And to know that there's people out there. And maybe there's a 55 year old or 50 year old out there and just embarrassed in no way. And I want to be somebody that people can come to and say, how do I do this? How do I do? And because somebody did that for me, right?

And I was invoice for all the help I got from all the guys and gals, you know, down here, Houston away, I could never repay it. I mean, how do you? We pay somebody for saving your life. Maybe there's a better version of me yet to come, you know. But right now, I don't love myself, but I'm liking a whole lot better than I used to, right? And I still have my flaws. And you know, and I still have that.

I think you and I were talking about my head is this big Zoom screen with 48 people talking. And, you know, that's my head. And I still have that. And, you know, I still have a lot of the same thoughts. that I've had all my life, right? I don't cover them up anymore. I tried to deal with them. My wife might say you need to deal with them a little bit more,

but I do try to, right? Yeah. Now, that's beautiful and having the opportunity to give back and to other people and having that experience where other people that came before you, you know, kind of put their hand back in the fire to help you out of it. We see how important it is to reach back and help the next one. And, I mean, that's the whole thing here is that we felt so,

bad in that place that we don't want anybody to have to feel like they're alone in it, you know? It's such a tough spot to be in, and then you get hooked in that cycle, and then it's just, time just flies, it just flies by and in letting people know the help. I mean, if someone's listening to this episode here, John, and they're struggling to either get or stay sober. What would you mention to them? Trust. You need to trust.

And sometimes I use this analogy with people new in sobriety, you know, in the program I'm involved with, all they want to do is help, right? If you walking off the street, they want to help. And I say, stand up, get on a 10-foot desk, put your back to us,

and just fall. Just fall. I promise you, we'll catch you. We'll catch you. And we'll set you up right, you know? And I don't see sobriety in myself, really.

I mean, I said I think I'm the best version. Yeah. But I don't really see sobriety in me. Like, things willing, I'll have seven years of sobriety this year. I get more satisfaction out seeing somebody get in 30 days than anything it's ever happened to me. And seeing somebody that I've watched, been fortunate enough to see from day one coming into a center. And to see that person get a year of sobriety, I can't be, it does things for me.

I can't ever express. And then also to see. what, you know, there's a, there's one that's been on our orbit for right at 11 months right now. And to see the family, a little three-person family, just to see this family come back together and just to see, I mean, I can't really talk about much more because I'll break down because it's just, I mean, there's nothing I could ever buy in the world that could give me the feeling I get and stuff. There's nothing that I could ever buy that would help get the feeling of me being able to see people change their life, change their narrative. And, you know, this person I'm

speaking about is young, right? And maybe the kids don't get caught up in this. And that means another generation of kids might not get. So really one person can turn into, we don't know, this will go on after we are gone. And so circle back. back to your question, fall back, trust us that we know the way and it will take you. I use symbolism a lot where I got this little turtle with a little turtle back, right? And, you know, we'll be the big turtle. For the time being, you be the little turtle and we'll carry you around so you can be the big turtle yourself.

I use that where I go in there because some of those symbolism really helps where words never can do it. And it'll be hard and like kind of the thing I go one day or day one. It's up to you decide. You know, you want to do it. We're there. And take that leap. And I'm not going to tell you it's going to be easy. I won't do that.

I will tell you to be worth it. I promise. Beautiful, man. Yeah, I love that. It's so worth it. It's just reflecting back. Well, you're sharing that there. I'm just reflecting back on things.

here, you know, flashbacks for how things used to be and how things have been and how things are now is just, it's a completely different, like for me anyway, I don't even recognize the person that I used to be. That way, it's so far I really have to dig deep even to, you know, get in contact with that person to see, you know, how things used to be. So, I mean, it's incredible. Sobriety is the pillar that changes everything and it's got to come first. And if it does, then other things in our life will improve and we'll start to see some benefits. But I'm with you too. You have to trust people and whatever circle it is and whether it's fellowship,

whether it's a therapist, whether it's a supportive community, you know, in your area or something online. You have to go out there and ask for help and just trust people that trust that, you know, that they found a way out and they can help you do the same thing. But it's so hard, I think, because sometimes we just say that so freely, but it's so hard to throw yourself out there and put the, the pride and the ego and everything aside that, hey, we tried everything and we just can't get it and I need some help. Rapping things up here, John, is there anything that we miss that you want to mention?

Yeah, I was just thinking, you know, the one thing I didn't know and I know it seems silly, I just didn't know that there were so many people out there just like me. And you hear it a lot, but I could be in a room of 100 people with a smile. on my face and feel like the loneliest guy in the world, you know, because I know nobody understands what I'm going through. And you come in and you hear people and you read some literature and you go, my gosh, the same thoughts I've had, they had 100 years ago, which means they had them 100 years before that. And I think it gets easier when you know you're not alone. And I have more friends that a man should have.

I have so many likewell friends, right? But there's things I couldn't talk. I could talk to them about it. They wouldn't understand it. I can talk to me and you. We didn't know each other. We talked there today, and we're speaking the same language immediately, right?

And it's almost like, you know, there's this commonality, right? And when you come in, your language, is no longer foreign. Your language, we know, we know. And it's funny to watch the new ones come in because it's always the same. And you won't believe what I was doing. Oh, we'll believe it, all right. We'll believe it, right? Because chances are we've done it. And I don't know, whatever. If you're in a recovery community with some time and some fellowship, you're not going to find a better group of people and you're can you will not you will not find another group of people that will help you period period period and i couldn't not drink it was impossible right i didn't want to

i think people who don't have a problem to understand i didn't want to drink i couldn't stand drinking hated drinking right but i could not right now It could pour over my head and it wouldn't do anything to me. It's not a solution for me. It's not a solution. It's never made anything better, never worked. It's never changed, right? And it's not going to change.

Again, if you're older and you're scared, I'm here. And I'll do whatever I can for whoever. I don't know that I have any more than that other than I've just, you know, so doggone happy that you and I were able to connect. maybe somebody will get something from this. Yeah, for sure, 100%. Well, thanks again, John. Brad, thank you so very much.

I really appreciate you and everything you do. Thank you. Well, there it is, guys. Another incredible episode here on the podcast. I'm going to drop John's Instagram. Yes, Instagram. He's just popped on it down in the show notes below so you can reach out to him if you want to share your thoughts

or just send him a thank you for coming on here and sharing his story. I think it's incredible to share everybody's story. I mean, every story hits a little bit different. Everybody's experience is the same, but a little bit different pieces and a little bit of a different journey to get where they got. I got this incredible message from actually, you know, what I consider a friend of mine, Phil. And he says on it, you make everyone you interact with feel like you're their best friend. You have a gift.

And I just was thinking of that. you know, for a second and I'm thinking about, you know, why is that? Why are relationships so important in my life? And I always reflect back to how lonely I felt and how worthless I felt. Well, I didn't even feel worthy of the space I took up in the world. With the addiction, I felt like I was the only one. I felt like nobody understood. I felt like I couldn't stop getting in trouble and that people weren't proud of me and I definitely wasn't proud of myself. And I don't know, I always kind of keep in touch with that way I used to live and how sad I was and how unmotivated I was and how I never saw a way out. So I really try to carry that forward in any interactions that I have

with people the best that I can that I know what it's like to be there. I know what it's like to not see a way out. I know what it's like to be down and out on your luck. and just not have any hope or for the future. And I'll never forget that. And I think that's one of the reasons why I keep doing this show, why I really enjoy hearing people's stories, and why I'm so happy for all of you that are either sober, working on getting sober,

and everybody else who just helps everybody. You know, at the end of the day, if we all help someone, we can make a big difference. On my own, I can't make a massive difference. difference. I can make a little difference, but my hope is here that if I can help somebody, hopefully they'll help somebody and they'll help somebody. And it's like that expression, each one, teach one. So I just thought that today, Phil, if you're listening, I appreciate you, buddy. And I'll see you on the next one.