Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - John Mabry lost everything due to his addiction and getting sober for himself changed everything.

Episode Date: April 12, 2023

John Mabry was in a car accident which resulted in the loss of his leg and his addiction began. John had a ton of success with acting, education but always struggled with feeling  insecure, broken and unfixable and John believed that. John attended many rehabs and would go on to lose his brother to an overdose and many more things in his life. John would find a way out but he had to get sober for himself. This is John’s story on the sober motivation podcast. ------------ Follow John on Instagram Follow Sober Motivation on Instagram Download SoberBuddy Check out SoberLink

Welcome back to season two of the Subur Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week is my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. John Mabry was in a car accident which resulted in the loss of his leg and his addiction began. John had a ton of success with acting, education, but always struggled with feeling insecure, broken and unfixable. And this was something that John believed was true for his life.

John attended many rehabs and would go on to lose his brother to an overdose and many more things in his life. John would find a way out, but he had to decide to get sober for himself. This is John's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. This episode of the Sober Motivation podcast is brought to us by Sober Buddy. Sober Buddy is an incredible community that you can access from your phone. Be sure to grab the app today and connect with the community and check out one or all 10 of the live support groups we host inside of the app

every single week that are based on different topics and helps us connect with each other and with other people that are on the same journey so that we don't feel alone and we can get support when we need it from those who might understand best. Download the app today, yoursoberbuddy.com, and come and join me for one or all three of my groups that I host per week. See you there soon. This episode is also brought to us by Soberling.

It's hard to find the motivation to get sober when you're in the trenches of addiction. It's easy to say I'll stop tomorrow or I'll cut back tonight. What's harder is putting action behind those words. That's why I've teamed up with Soberling. Soberlinks remote alcohol monitoring system was specifically designed to help in your recovery, not just some breathalyzer you buy at the store, small enough to fit in your pocket and discreet enough to use in public. Soberlinks devices combine facial recognition, tamper detection, and real-time results, so friends and family know instantly that you're sober and working towards your recovery goals.

Visit soberlink.com slash recover to sign up and receive $50 off Your device. This was an incredible episode with John. Look, I mostly took the back seat on this one. John shared his story. We just created a safe place and a safe environment for John to feel comfortable, and I hope he did. Check this out.

Now let's get to the show. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got John Mabry with us. How are you doing today? I'm doing wonderful. Thank you so much for having me, Brad. Of course, buddy. we usually start to show is just to kick things off. What was it like for you growing up?

Man, I'll tell you what. So the overall kind of crux of the message that I share on the socials and all is disconnection. I have found through my 20 plus years of in and out of chronic pain, mental health issues, anxiety, depression, all that stuff. It all leads back to disconnection. And this was brought up to me through an experiment called the Rat Park Experiment. Have you heard of that? Yeah. So folks who have it, they put a rat inside of a cage by itself and they give a water laced with heroin or cocaine. Every single time a rat's in a cage by itself and goes for the drug-laced water compulsibly until it kills itself.

So they thought there's chemical hook in the drug. Well, they did the experiment decades later. They built rat part in this huge table with all these rats to play with, tunnels to scamper down, loads of sex, everything a rat about how would want. They gave them the same water options, water or water laced with heroin or cocaine.

Not one rat ever used the drug-laced water compulsively and not one of them ever overdose. And it led the scientists and psychologists to believe that it was disconnection. And I could totally relate to that. I was disconnected early on in my life through ear surgeries. And I didn't know this until later. I had multiple traumas later in my adulthood and had a trauma therapist come back and say, I've been to multiple treatment centers.

And she said, you know, let's go back. What happened to you as a child? I said, nothing. I had a great childhood, you know, loving family, loving supportive family. I grew up in San Antonio, Texas and had everything I needed, everything provided for me. Essentially was kind of a spoiled kid. And she said, I'm sure you had a great childhood. What happened? I was like, what are you talking about? Like, it was fine. She said, I'm sure it's great. What happened? And I really started thinking about. I said, well, I had these ear surgeries as a kid. That wasn't a big deal. She's like, interesting. Well, you know, let's start with that.

Because I was guaranteed that's where your problem started. And so I'd been to multiple treatment centers, spent tens of thousands of dollars on therapies and whatnot. And I'm sitting in this cold red brick office of hers. And my life's been reduced to white piece of paper and crayons. And she said, all right, I want you to draw what you remember for childhood. And so really what came out of that, long story short, is I had six ear surgeries as a child, just ear infections. Nothing major. But it progressed into more and more infections.

It led to me having to fly out of state for a eardrum transplant. and the three bones, my left ear are prosthetic bones. And so I internalized that. I had all the sport I needed, all the love, but I internalized it all as I'm defective, I'm broken, I'm insecure, I'm unfixable, something's wrong with me. And so on a cellular level, I felt and believed that.

I'm just different and I'm unfixable. And I described to her in my senior year in high school, at senior prom, I was awarded superlatives for class clown, most outgoing, most school spirited, best personality. She was like, interesting because over here, you're saying you felt insecure, broken, unfixable. And I was like, oh, man. So my coping mechanism for dealing with all those feelings that I couldn't express or share

or really identify at the time was to cover up and make, you know, be the funny guy and miss her personality. And so that was kind of a driving force for me. It's just so crazy. Go back childhood. So a girl just reached out to me on social media the other day. I had seen her 30, 35 years. She was in my youth group in church.

And she said, hey, I've seen the new stuff you've been putting out on social media about disconnection and getting reconnected. And she said, I just want to say, I have a story. I remember, we were going around sharing prayer requests in high school, and everybody, we all had teenage angst and stuff. Teenagers always got something going on. Everybody in the room had a prayer request or something that they were struggling with. And she said, I just thought it was really cool how it got to you and you were always so positive

because you said nothing was bothering you and you were fine and you were grateful. And so I had to message her back the other day and you have no idea what a lie that was. You have no idea how much I was covering up by just saying, everything's fine. Everything's fine. And so if you're listening, if you're a listener out there, that's something that you can relate to. You know, stay tuned. and we'll talk through how you can deal with those. So, yeah, as childhood, it was me and my older brother, my parents, great family environment,

and high school came easy to me, moved on to college, went to Bailey University in Waco, Texas. And that came pretty easy to me as well. I did kind of the party frat thing, nothing too out of the ordinary, just kind of do what everybody else was doing. Life was manageable. And, man, I had put myself at a really good position in my senior year in college. I was a social chair of my fraternity, so I was, you know, Mr. Socialite on campus. I got a full-ride scholarship. I was doing communications major.

I originally wanted to go into sports broadcasting or broadcasting of some sort. So I did video work for the Baylor Athletic teams. First year, I just got paid by the hour on a work study program to film football practices, football games, basketball games, things like that, things of that nature. In my senior year, I was offered a full scholarship to do video with a couple other guys. And I got the same scholarship that football players got. And so here comes my ego into play. Like, ha ha, I'm better than you.

I look what I got. So I literally had same scholarship football players got, books, fees, $550 a month stipend all this stuff. The depth by brandy school was great. I was dating one of the school's cheerleaders and she was named our fraternity sweetheart. And so life could not have been going any better. And I'd set up this cruise out of New Orleans. There's about 35 of us. Fraternity brothers, friends and girlfriends went on this cruise at New Orleans. This was March of 2000, so about 23 years ago. And we're coming back from the screws. And life was great. Couldn't have been going any better. And seven seconds just changed everything. Tire blows out. My friend's SUV. No drinking or

driving. Beautiful day out. Nobody's doing anything wrong. Tire blows out. going seven miles an hour on the interstate on I-45 outside of Houston. And the car just starts shaking by the late. And time just slows down. And I just saw my life flashed before my eyes like a movie reel. And the car hit the median, did a 180 and just started rolling. Witness reports say we rolled between six and 12 times. I was conscious the whole time.

Somehow my legs got out the window and I could see my legs even crushed. I'm trying to pull them in and do everything I could, but the force was just too great. So we roll across the median, miss oncoming traffic on the other side of the interstate, thankfully. we end up in a field on the other side of the interstate. Car comes to a stop upside down. And I'm thinking, oh man, the car's going to blow up, car's going to blow up. That's what happens in movies, right? So I tried to get out and I looked down.

My right foot was just kind of dangling at the end of my ankle. And I could see, as I tried to step down. I stepped onto my shin and I could see the bottom of my foot, just kind of wrap up. And I was like, oh, man, so I just threw myself out of the car, crawl as quick as I could. I look back and my three friends are still in the car. And I'm thinking, man, if this thing blows up,

and I'm sitting out here and not helping, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. So I said if it's blowing up, I'm going down with them. So I crawl back in, I get one friend out, and one friend was pinned in. She was unconscious, and then her boyfriend up front was tending to her. So two of us got out. First responders come in. We got the ambulances, fired trucks, all that stuff.

They have used the jaws of life to cut my friend Ashley out, the driver. They pull her out. Helicopter comes landing on the side of the interstate. I mean, it was seen from a war movie or something is what it felt like, you know, helicopters and all this stuff. I mean, it was just extremely traumatic. They take Ashley off. And unfortunately, her name was Ashley Furman, she passed away before they could get her to

hospital and she was just 19 years old. And I was always like to shout out her name, her family, who are great people, still keep in touch. So I ended up going to multiple hospitals and trying to kind of piece things back together and was under anesthetic 14 times that year and ended up going ahead and deciding to amputate my leg below the knee. So not only did I have this new trauma, but I compound that with the trauma as a child where I already felt effective and broken and insecure and I'm not good enough and I'm unfixable.

Now you put prosthetic leg on me and now I really have. really felt effective, broken, and secure. Man, I didn't know feelings. I didn't know how to connect with my intro. I never did. I always just breezed over and act like everything was fine. And so all of a sudden, they're painkillers. Get painkillers on top of the alcohol that I was already ingesting on a regular basis in college.

I get the painkillers. And I did not make for a healthy recipe coming out of that. So I had my leg amputated and I graduated six weeks after my amputation on the temporary prosthetic. And I was dead set on showing everybody I was fine. I was fine. I'm going to be okay. I end up going to graduate on a temporary process, get my diploma, and move out to San Diego and work on a master's in counseling.

Never really considered counseling, but through that year of all those surgeries and things that I went through, I was like, you know what, maybe I'm supposed to go help other people. Maybe that's the goal, and that's the purpose. And so move out from everything I knew in Texas, and I disconnected myself, going back to that theme of disconnection in my life. The trauma of the car accident was another form of disconnection. Then I go and leave everything I knew, all my friends, all my family, all my support in Texas, I move out to California. And I don't share this all the time, but I'll share it here. I feel comfortable with you. So I was awarded a pretty large settlement as a result of my car accident.

Young people may not know, but old people may know. It was a Firestone Ford Explorer rollover. So in 2000, it came out in the news in Congress that Firestone knew that tread was separating off their tires. Coupled with Ford Explorers were causing cars to roll and kill people. As a result of that, I was awarded a pretty sizable settlement. And I signed those settlement papers the day before I graduated college. So talk about a recipe for a disaster. take a kid who just feels very insecure about himself, defective broken, a lot of chronic physical pain, chronic emotional pain that I just didn't want to deal with or didn't know I had.

And give a bunch of money and a bunch of pain pills and alcohol and you send them to California. That didn't go so well. Things were somewhat manageable for a while. And I'm asking it by doing positive things. So working on a master's in counseling, I start working for a nonprofit. I based on San Diego, I still do work with them called the Challenged Athletes Foundation. And so we raise money to get people with physical disabilities, access to sports. And so here I am helping raise millions of dollars for an amazing organization.

And we support most elite disabled athletes in the world to help them get to the Paralympics. And so I was doing triathlons and was encouraged and motivated by these other people I'd surrounded myself with to go do things physically that I never thought how it could do, especially on a prosthetic. And then I end up the depression, anxiety sets in. The mental health stuff starts to decline a little bit. I couldn't focus. And so I'm going to my psychiatrist. And then I get on some adderol. That was another prescription pill that I quickly found that I could abuse.

and then there's marijuana, of course, out there. So what I would do is, again, not consciously, is I was just self-medicating, alcohol, pain, pills, Adderall, X, and marijuana. And so I would just rotate between these substances, kind of not to get caught. And I got married to a girl into a Baylor. She moves out to San Diego, and we dated and were engaged in separate states for two years. So she didn't really know what was going on until she moved in. And I think it was about six months into her marriage that she flew back to Chicago area,

just talked to her parents. It was like, something's not right. I just kept on my finger on it, but something's not right. And anybody who's listening that may have a loved one who's been going through substance use disorder or things like this, you probably could put your finger on it, but you know something's not right. And so luckily, her dad was like, look, you've got to do whatever you can. You can't just like bail on a marriage.

You've got to do absolutely everything you can. And so I was glad that he supported us in that way. But at the same time, it really didn't give my now ex-wife permission to step away if things were unsafe. And so she stuck around for 14 years in marriage before she had to bail. I blew that up. But out in San Diego, I ended up graduating in 2005 with my master's. And dude, this is crazy.

So I stumbled into acting and stunt work in L.A. using my leg. So my cousin's an actor. James Josh Henderson. Some people know, some people know. He had regular work for 20 years out in L.A. But he got cast as a soldier in a show called Over There. It was on FX in 2005. It was the first show about the war to come out.

So it was kind of controversial. And I don't think the audience that people were ready for it because they were seeing such real stuff about the war on CNN and on the news. And then there's a TV show about it. People are like, eh, this is, we're not going ready for this. Although it was really high quality production. It only lasted one season, but so he calls me up and goes, hey, man, can you take me through what you went through in your car accident to help me connect with my character?

This is the biggest role I've had yet. I'm the lead in this TV show, so I want to do the character justice. So I said, yeah, man, so we start talking about some of the stuff I went through. And I said, hey, what are they going to do for your leg shots? He said, I don't know, man. They're probably computer. I said, well, let me know if you need any help. A couple weeks later, he calls me back, and it's like, hey, they want to see you.

producers and director, they want to bring you up and take a look. So I was like, all right, so drive up to L.A. We have a similar look and build. So they took a look at me and said, all right, you're hired. You're our amputee consultant or what they called a technical consultant. So being a communication major, originally wanted to go into broadcasting, go into TV. I'm thinking, dude, this is awesome. So I moved to L.A., grab my ex-wife, kicking and screaming from San Diego in a nice situation there, take her up to L.A. where she did not want to be. And here I am on all these, you know, medication, self-medicating, and going into Hollywood. Again, I had a good recipe for success. But I ended up within the first month of working out there in LA, I'm in People Magazine and Access Hollywood and all these national media outlets are coming out doing stories on me and my cousin.

First cousins working together on this show about the war. I was able to promote the Challenge Athletes Foundation as a part of that and help raise some money that way. And so it was like, this is what I was supposed to be doing. It's my purpose. So the show just last, we did our 13 episodes there and it gets canned. And so I'm like, well, I'm in L.A. There's a niche in Hollywood for one-legged guys like me. So let's write this out.

So I started auditioning. ended up working on NCIS and ER, cold case, a horror flick called Blime. A lot of people didn't see, you know, some stuff that just went straight to DVD that they'd make it to theaters. But the one thing you might know is me from is super bad. I've got one scene and super bad, not even just one scene, have one word. And my scene is like in the first 10 minutes, I jog past Jonah Hill and my prosthetic. He's huffin and puffin and he's out of shape and can't run on a high school track,

P.E. scene. And I come jogging by Jonah Hill and my line is, Bousse. So here I am hanging out with Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill. and I'm getting invited to parties. I got Playboy Mansion with Adam Sandler, Bruce Willis, Emma Stone, all these A-Lister's ended up backstage at the S-Bs in 2005 and hanging out the Crown Royal Athlete Lounge

backstage at the S-Bs and meet Oprah and the Rock and Peyton Manning and all these people. And I'm going, man, you know, it doesn't get any better than this. Oh, at least you have the story. Funny story about the movie Superbad, we're riding in the band to set. And Jonah tells this story. He goes, yeah, so I've got this guy.

I've known for years. He lives in the hills. But back in the day, he lived in the valley. And he just smoked weed all day and didn't have much going for him. And he'd wake up every morning and he'd smoke a bowl. And his eyes would get bloodshot, getting, you know, red and bloodshot. And dawn on him after he already started getting high for the day. Oh, man, I forgot my contacts again.

So then he'd just be high all day, wouldn't care. He didn't have the motivation for get his contacts. So this happened day after day after day. And then one day he's sitting around, he's high and he's like, man, somebody could just deliver my contacts to me. That would be awesome. And that's the guy that came with 1,800 contacts. So now he's, you know, living the big life up in the hills.

And I was like, dude, that's hilarious. Other interesting stories in LA I've been stuck in a cab with Andy Dick on New Year's one time and he's like roping me like rubbing my leg, lick my cheek, trying to kiss me, you know. We're going out Kaylee Cuoco from Big Bang Theory.

So her and my cousin had thrown this big New Year's party and Andy Dick was there and me and my ex tried to grab a cab on Sunset. We're going to follow Kaylee and her Porsche and so we get in this cab and then Andy Dick jumps in at the last second. So we're like, hey, just follow that. We're in Porsche. So we're following Kaylee's Porsche going to her condo

after the party and Andy gets calling his phone. He was like, all right, change the plans. We're going up in the hills. He was like, I'm going, man, this guy's nuts, dude. I don't want to get stuck at some party in the hills with this guy. He thinks it was what kind of weird party thing he's going to take us to. I'm getting nervous going, man. And the thing is, in L.A., you can't get a cab to come get you if you're in the hills

because they're all shoveling people at the bars and stuff on sunset. For them to take 15, 20, 30 minutes to go up in the hills, pick somebody up, come down. It's just not worth their time. So once you're up there on New Year's, you can't get a cab to come get you. So I knew if we got out and we go into this party, like, we're stuck for the rest of the night. this cul-de-sac, Andy gets out and he ends the cabby like 20 bucks. And he's like, here's what owe you for the ride. Stick around for 10 minutes tops. We're going to have one drink and come right back. And I'm going, yeah, right. Who goes in to have one drink and 10 minutes and comes back?

The cat's going to be gone, right? So he starts walking up to meet his buddy at the end of driveway. Show my ex back in the car and I was like, dude, just get out of here. What? I go, go, go get out of here. And so he like feels off. Andy's running back. And he goes, hey, don't leave me out here. They're like, screw you, buddy. Anyway, I had some interesting experiences out there. It's good stories for the kids. But all along just felt completely lost, completely alone. I mean, terrified. I'm showing up at auditions. I had popped a bunch of pills just so I could, like, get through an audition, because, man, I couldn't feel my feelings. And that's what acting is all about is being truthful in imaginary circumstances. That's what

acting is. And I couldn't be truthful to save my life. And so I bet you I could have gotten a lot more roles if I was sober, if I was willing to connect with my feelings and just connect with my true self. And I did everything I possibly could to not do that for as long as I could. And things just got progressively worse, like they do. So it was about not too long after this Playboy mentioned experience. I got a call at my brother. So my brother was three and a half who was older than me, my best friend, and he struggled with substance use disorder as well.

And as a family, we didn't talk about it. We knew we had problems. He had to live with my parents for a little while, and he was brilliant. I mean, he got his MBA from Georgetown. He was top of his class, University, Texas undergrad. Super, super smart. But he had been traumatized as a kid. We didn't know it at the time.

And we didn't want to talk about it. My brother's death is one of the reasons why I want to share my story so that other people don't have to go through it. If you talk about your problems, If you talk about what's going on, if you bring it to light, you got hope. And so for my brother, we didn't talk about it. And we knew he had problems. And he had sobered up for like a year and a half.

And one night he bought cocaine. And I got a call that he didn't show up for work on a particular Monday. I had been in Vegas for a job and I've flown back on Sunday. And I get a call on like 530 on Monday afternoon from his girlfriend. She was like, hey, have you talked to Matt? Since you got back in town? I said, no, I talked to him. She said, yeah, his boss just called.

And said, he didn't show for work. Yeah, it wasn't like him. Yeah, he struggled with his issues, but he was reliable. And so I drive over to his house. He lives in Beverly Hills. Drive over the hills. And he was in a house with four or five other guys. They all rented a room, this five-story place with an elevator and stuff.

And so I go up to his room, checks his door, and his door was locked. And I called his car was there. So I knew his car was there. So that wasn't right. And call his cell phone. And I could hear cell phone ringing on the other side of the door. No answer. I kicked in the door.

Didn't know what to do. Just literally just with my prosthetic leg, with this one trauma I already had in my life that I hadn't dealt with. On top of my ear trauma. And I kick in this. door and, you know, wood sweaters all over the place. And I found my brother, he'd been dead for three days from an overdose. When I sat back and looked at it, he was tucked away in the hills, tucked away in the Hollywood Hills. Who doesn't want to live in L.A. and Beverly Hills and live that lifestyle. And he was alone and isolated and traumatized. And he never talked about it.

And it freaking killed him. One of the worst memories I have is, you know, I had to call my parents and tell him. And they had to fly out. And we had to go through his stuff, go through his room. And And essentially 90% of his stuff ended up in the dumpster, ended up in the trash out front of his house. And one of the worst memories I have is he hit his face on the bed frame on the way down when he passed. So there's a little blood stand on the carpet. Seeing my mom scrub the blood out of the carpet from her dead firstborn son, you know, that's where addiction wants to take us. Addiction unaddressed, feelings unaddressed. And you may not have substance use disorder, but may have other compulsive addictive behaviors.

And it may not physically kill you, but you may be spiritually. sick or spiritually dead. So I encourage folks, please, if this is the day that you need to reach out for hell, this is the day where you're like, you know what, I'm into something that's too big for me that I need help. You reach out for help today and you get connected. We couldn't get out of L.A. soon enough. The goal was get the heck out of here. This is not where I need to be. And so we moved to Nashville. We've been here 14 years. And the thing is that just brought me with me. I brought all my crap with me and struggled with a few jobs. Do you know who Dave Ramsey is? So he's a total money makeover. He gets people out of debt. It's a big Christian guy. He's here in the

Nashville area. And that was a really prestigious job to be able to get. His interview process at the time was seven interviews because he says in his training programs, every time I hate hiring crazy people because they waste my time, they waste my resources and they take away from the mission I'm trying to help people. So every time I hire a crazy person, I put a new level of interviewing it. And me being the actor, my entire life of acting like everything was fine, I went through the seven interview process and had everybody fooled. And here I am calling churches on behalf of a Christian organization that's here to really help people. And I'm calling churches on behalf of Dave Ramsey

with vodka at my desk and popping pills. I got called into his office one day. It was my manager's manager, HR, a day. And I'm sitting in his office, I'm going, uh-oh, this isn't good. You know, stomach drops. You know, you're like, oh. Again, kind of like my car accident.

Like, life just slowed down. Everything just kind of slowed down. And you're like, oh, this is not about to happen. But I absolutely needed that to happen. I needed somebody that I respected and looked up to because I wasn't listening to my family members. I wasn't listening to my ex-wife when they were saying, hey, I think you need help. I think you need help. No, I don't. No, I don't. I got this under control. I got this. It's not

that bad. Lying about myself for so many years. And so to have Dave just sit right across the table from me and say, look, you obviously have some problems. And I can't help you with that. But what I'm going to do is I'm going to let you go so that you need. So that was 2011. And that was the first time, you know, I raised my hand. It was like, man, I can't do this. I need help. And ended up in treatment out in Arizona. I thought, hey, man, if I pay for the nice treatment center, I'm going to get sober quicker in London. That makes sense to me, not knowing anything about recovery. So if you go out there, I enter this trauma track, this trauma program. Where did you go there in Arizona? Meadows?

Sierra Tucson. Oh, okay. Sierra Tucson, yeah. I just had a question for you out here. All right, before you jump forward here. Is that cool? Absolutely. Yeah, it's Waco, too.

It's a small world. I lived in Waco for a bit, too, when I was younger. My stepdad went to Baylor. He's a huge, hardcore. I mean, the sports there. It's a serious business. But I'm wondering, too, is you're going through all of the this stuff, right? The thing with your brother and everything else beforehand that you're not

really looking after. So you get the pain medication and you're drinking and you're doing all the other stuff too. Like was the pain medication always something that you had prescribed because of the injury? Or were you taking other risks in you to keep this going? Oh, so. See, I was lucky because I had money, right? I had financial resources. I was able to go to doc. And this was before doctors were regulating. They had the, you know, national registry and things of being able to track. So I was doctor shopping. I could go make a doctor appointment. I could go make a doctor appointment. and get an adult from this doctor, go make another doctor, get an oral from that doctor, get pain pills from here and here and here.

I always took stuff that was prescribed. So I was not going to the street to get it or going online. But that was only because I had financial means to do so. Yeah. If you think money's going to solve your problem, people, it's not. What I found is it just magnifies who you already are, you know, who you really are. And for me, it was a lying, cheating, stealing. If I couldn't get pills, yeah, I would resort to stealing.

And so I would steal prescription medications from other people. But it never went to the street, thankfully. And this is in 2011, you're heading to this program. I'm just picturing here, right? If you say you throw a bunch of cash at it, you got the massage tables. They got a pool triangis. You punctured. Yeah, pool volleyball every day.

I couldn't wait for the pool volleyball. I mean, it's great. And the thing is out there is they don't want to tell you what you really need to hear because they don't want you to leave because they're getting so much money from you, right? So they're going to meet every possible need you can. If you're uncomfortable, they're going to try to accommodate because they don't want you to leave. There were some people out there that, you know, recognize if I said their names, but I thought I was like, you know, hey man, I'm back in the scene. You know, hey, if I'm going to do rehab, I'm going to do it right.

Man, it's crazy. So step one and the, you know, 12 steps into the group and my little trauma group. And it was maybe 10, 12 questions, maybe it took me an hour to present. But all just surface level work. I think I drank three days later, three days after I got out. And I was there for 45 days. This wasn't just a third out for, you know, good 45 days. And it did not dawn on me that I like I could never drink again.

I just thought I just needed to stop for a little while. while and then I can manage it. So I get out and I go to an IOP program and I'm going through the six week IOP program about a month into it. They were like, hey, could you bring your wife in? I think we should have a conversation. I was like, they're going to say how good I'm doing. I can leave early. Like he doesn't need to finish the program. He's doing great. They call us in. They're like, we think John needs more help. And it was like a shock, especially my action. What? We just spend a bunch of money and 45 day. He was away from me and the kids. We just had our second baby and she's nursing and take care of the kids on her own, terrified of what's going to happen.

me and I get out and going to IOP, supposed to be doing my thing. And they come in and like, I think it needs more help. She said, what? What's going on? And I didn't know, man. You know, it's freaking lying to myself. In the group that therapists could see it, I would just say what I knew they wanted me to say. That's what I've done my whole life. It's such to break out of that. Me too. Multiple treatment centers in 10 years before I pieced it all together. They said, we recommend this program here in Tennessee area outside Nashville. It was essentially rehab for big boys, is what they called it. It's a little more intense than what you experienced at Sierra Tucson. It's like, okay, all right, maybe I need some more intense. Dude,

it was intense. So step one at Sierra Tucson was, you know, you pay a bunch of money. Step one was, you know, an hour's worth of questions and work. Out here, I paid barely anything. It was very cheap. And I get in there. It was just a men's program. Step one, it was 70 questions. It took me 12 hours to present step one over the course of three days. And this is kind of group they would sit you, we're in this room in a circle, and they had this table in the middle with this stuffed rattlesnake and his fangs are looking at you. And the counselor's on the other side of that, and all the guys are around.

So you started going through the questions, and the other guys and the counselors would go, hey, on number 17, you said this. On number 19, you're saying this. What the F are you lying about, man? Like, what? And they're like, well, you said this over here, now you're saying this.

You understand that you're contradicting yourself? I was like, what? No, I'm telling you the truth. They're like, no, you're not. You're lying to yourself. You're not see it? So, man, I got through step one, exhausted.

And I moved on to step two. And so I answered those questions several days. I was in here of this program for 45 days. And I started answering questions in step two. The counselor just throws his book down at this one point. He just throws his book down. He goes, look, I'm going to tell you this because nobody out there is going to tell you, but need to hear it.

And I'm telling you this out of love. He goes, all you are is a crippled effing drunk. And it was like, what? You can't call me that. Like, you know who I am? You know who I know. And he goes, dude, you're done for the day. Get out of here.

I don't want to see you for the rest of the day. And I just went to my room just sobbing. And, man, I needed to hear that. Did it sink in? No, but it was the first step of the reality of my truth that I needed to hear that somebody else, me being in support groups, me having other people reflect back to me what I'm saying and what I'm feeling, what I'm making, absolutely, you know, needed that. And I'm grateful for that experience. But I got out of that, went to another IOP program, sober for a little bit, started drinking again, probably a year and a half go by, another rehab center. I end up five rehab centers in seven years. kicked out of the house multiple times. After one of the rehab centers, the ex-wife's like, you're not coming home. So the treatment center was like, hey, we got this silver living house in the Nashville. area that we put people in and I said, all right, I'll just do whatever you tell me to do, do this place. They had multiple dwellings.

I wouldn't even call them houses. They were shoddy buildings that should have been condemned. And I got put in the mold infested double wide trailer with a roommate named Beaver. And I'm like, man, this is what my life's been reduced to. I got a guiding beaver I'm living with in this mold infested trailer. You could see the ground. There's holes in the floor. You can see the ground outside.

Did that stick? Did it keep me from go back? No. Again, five re-reups under seven years, three silver living houses. And I'll tell you what, man. What's crazy, one of the treatment centers I went to, well, say this, even after everything was going well, for a while, I had gotten hold of some Xanax, and I started taking that. I go in for a prosthetic appointment, and I pass out in the prosthetic appointment, and I wake up to my

ex-wife and two children there to pick me up. My prosthetic guy had to call my emergency contact and say, John's not well. He's fading in and out of consciousness in our office. We think you should come pick him up. She takes me to the hospital. She literally thought I was going to die. She didn't know what I took, how much I took, and she was mentally preparing herself for my husband's dead. this is going to be his last day. While I was in the room, somebody came walking by on the floor

and heard that there was a guy with addiction. She was there to just see a friend having a baby. She was, oh, by the way, I worked for this treatment center based in Nashville. We have several treatment centers around the country. You should send them to our Dallas facility. That would be the best place for him. Next day, I want a flight to Dallas. I have no idea where I was going. I think I was still out of it high. I show up at this treatment center in Dallas. It had such a great experience with this company and the treatment center and found out while I was there that they're based in Nashville. So I came out and I walked in with a resume after I'd been out about a month. Living at a friend's house again, was kicked out of the house, couldn't live there.

So I'd go in and I said, look, I just came under the Treatment Center. It was the best treatment I'd gotten yet. I'd love to be a part of this thing. Can I lick stamps or answer phones? So they brought me on all the phones. One thing led to another. I started hosting a podcast for the company. I started travel to country.

They were paying me to go around to speak at colleges, universities. I developed a drug-free workplace training program. The state of Tennessee gives discounts to companies who do a drug-free workplace training program for an hour for their employees. They get discounts on their workers' comp premiums. So I was doing awesome work, right? Doing the Lord's work. But all along, again, it was self-serving. I was look at me. My ego was in the way. Look at me. Look what I can do. Look what I accomplished. So although I was doing good work and I was helping a lot of people. It really was. But I wasn't doing my own recovery work. I was using my work in recovery as my recovery. And I wasn't working the steps on a regular basis. I wasn't talking about my fears, my anxieties, about the job, my increased responsibilities, travel, time away from the family. And so all that stuff I was just pushing down and go and look at all the great. work I'm doing. I'm speaking on addiction panels and conferences in Florida and California. Yeah, the company was selling out to some new investors. And so they did this big round of layoffs.

And I was one of them. And they went to the company who's like, they're laying John off. Uh-oh. None of our jobs were safe. So there was actually, I think, the first job that I didn't lose because of my addiction. I actually got laid off for a legit reason, not because I blew the opportunity. And I started drinking again. And it led to divorce. Rightfully so. My ex said finally enough. And she stuck around for as long as she could. But so I lose my house, my wife, my kids, my job. And COVID hit. And that does not make for a good recipe for success. Completely disconnected from, you know, work and family, the support that I had. And I'm living on my own in an apartment for the first time of my life.

And man, I had never been so depressed. Never been so depressed. I put on 50 pounds, like seemingly overnight, just eating my way through my feelings. And I had all these court restrictions for my kids. I barely had access to them. I had to jump through all these hoops. I was literally drug tested every week for three years, breathalized every time before I was able to take my kids anywhere. And even with all those stipulations, COVID hit, I was disconnected, I was lonely, I was isolated, and I ended up drinking. My son smelled it on my breath, called his mom. And that was the last relapse I had about two and a half years ago.

And so, sorry, just kind of sadness is coming up. As a father, I want to do the best I can for my kids and care for them. And the court saw that I couldn't care for myself. I needed that structure. I needed people to tell me, you're not healthy, man. You can't be around your kids. You can't be around their kids and keep them safe. You can't even keep yourself safe, you know?

And as hard as I was to have my kids taken away from me again, and I had to go down back to four hours a week with supervision. My whole life I ran from structure, my whole life I ran from responsibility. And I finally committed to doing exactly what I was told to do and do that on a consistent basis. And things started to slowly, slowly change when I fully committed for myself. Because every single time I tried to get better, it was for the kids. Every time I tried to get better was for the ex-wife. It was for my parents. It was for somebody else.

And when all that was gone, I mean, God just said, I'm going to take your brother. I'm going to take your job. I'm going to take your wife. I'm going to take your house. I'm going to take your kids. Taking everything, man. And you're going to live an apartment by yourself. And you're going to have no other option but to turn to me.

So the sooner you can accept that, the better. And so after that last relapse and I was so messed up inside. And I called a friend up and had him come over. Let me tell you this guy. A friend of mine, he's a Navy SEAL for 20 years. And again, this is where I started to like finally hold myself accountable. Instead of telling somebody who I thought would just tell me what I needed here or wanted to hear, I could call somebody that was going to tell me the truth.

The counselor going, you're just a crippled eff and drunk, man. I was like, I need somebody to come over here and like, whip me in the shape. So I called buddy my Navy SEAL for 20 years, a member of SEAL Team 6. He was with the group that took down Vindlatan. So I called that guy over. He sits here in my living room, watching the football game. And he was like, dude, everybody loves a comeback story. You know that.

And I looked down and I was like, dude, I don't think I have another one in me. You know, I came back after my car wreck and my imputation, came back after my brother. and did all that work in the treatment industry and podcast and post and all that stuff. And I don't know if I have another one in me. And he goes, dude, you don't got to do it all at once. You just got to do it one step at a time. So you go, once you get out of piece paper. And all the knowledge, all the stuff that I had known and experienced in recovery and

12-step programs and rehab centers, I was again reduced to like that therapist who'd set me down with a crayon, piece of paper and crayon. Sometimes you just got to take it down to the most simplest things. And he said, get out a piece of paper and write down two things you can do today. All you got to do is two things today. And he goes, I suggest the first one you write down is take a show. Okay, all right. I can take shower today. I think I can do that. And he's like, what's the second thing you can do? And I said, I need to call my sponsor, tell him what's going on. You know,

I'd been lying to them or not, yeah, just not even talking to them. So started with two things, two simple things. And then I was able to take a step back and say, okay, let's not working. Although AA has helped me, I knew of this program, celebrate recovery. So Christ's Center, 12-step group. And I had aborted to church for a long time. I grew up in the church. And I just felt like maybe it didn't work for me. That God in the church wasn't big enough for my problems. I needed something else. And AA gave me a foundation and some structure, But when I got into Celebrate Recovery, what's great about that program is in AA, I work with Steps One-on-One-on with my sponsor.

Great. That works for millions of people for 85 years, 80-something years. But in Celebrity Recovery, you worked the 12 steps in a group. And so I signed up for a year-long men's step study. And so you work through the 12 steps. You can meet every week for two hours with a group of men who's me and nine other guys and you're going around each week and you're hearing this guy shared this story. This guy shared about this.

And you're like, man, he's being bold. He's sharing that? He's sharing his infidelity on his wife. whoa dude yeah I got encouragement like oh these guys are really being real and so I was able to through the course of a year really kind of dialed down things that I was not working consistently in other program and I'll say what man I came out of that and I signed up for a second step setting I said I think I need even more work so I was able to get the drugs and alcohol under control but now I got other issues now I got control issues I have fear issues I have you know other secondary things that

need to be work on and they asked me the leadership asked me said hey we need a co-leader for the second step study would you be a co-leader what hold on a second. Like not too long ago, I can't function. They don't even let me out my kids. And now they're asking me to help lead other men through a step study for a year. Dude, if you consistently stay involved and do the work, things get better. And I'm here to tell you, hey, I get my kids a third of the time now, as opposed to five or 10 percent of the time. I get my kids a third of the time now. I am actively involved in two programs. I do AA and celebrate recovery. I take a meeting most Wednesdays to a treatment center, not too far from me for guys that are

really struggling. You get to share my story on a weekly basis. there, do the men's step study, I do Thursday celebrate recovery meetings, and every day I tune into an online AA meeting. If you haven't heard, it's a great resource, AAhomegroup.org. AAAahomgroup.org is a AA meeting that starts at the top of every hour, 24 hours a day. And I'd never see less than 100 people around the world on this meeting. I can listen to a meeting when, you know, it's 2 o'clock in the morning and I can't sleep. I can, within 30 seconds, click on that link on my phone, and I'm connected to an AA meeting. If I'm driving in my car, even I'm just going to run in some errands for 15 minutes.

I can tune in. And so, you know, I'm constantly being able to be fed. So A8Hongrub.org is a great resource that I've found. That's incredible. Wow. We have covered a lot of ground. I really appreciate you. Really opening up and being vulnerable with us here on the show to share your story.

There's one question I had. I know there's probably more to share. I'm just wondering, too, about what really kept you stuck? And I'm wondering what role shame played in keeping you stuck? Or was that even a thing to how you felt about yourself and how the work? to work through that. Great question. So yeah, shame was huge, man, because I was brought up in a well-meaning family and grew up in the church. My grandfather was a well-known pastor that came up with Billy Graham. He and Billy Graham came up the same time in Minnesota. And so he and Billy were

friends their entire careers and Billy Graham sent flowers to my grandfather's funeral. So I grew up in this family that should have it all together. And so being that I was the first person on either side of my family to go through a divorce, there was shame there. You know, my ex-wife, she's the first person to go through a divorce on either side of her family, so to break our family apart. I mean, I was bad. That was really hard to get over. And that's why I was eating and so depressed a few years ago living on my own. Just, yeah, that's shame.

And the way I got out of it was for over two years, I wanted to go back into public speaking. Once I was working in that first step study program and I was like, you know what, I'd love to go back in public speaking. Love to go back in public speaking. And God has just kept putting up roadblocks. Like, dude, no, you're not ready, no. And listen to this. So I work a part-time gig in Nashville. And I also invented a sock that managed just sweat inside prosthetics.

I did that in 2012, 2013, when I had a little bit of sobriety there. I've been in a sock that managed of sweat side prosthetics. Nobody's ever created a solution for sweat management inside prosthetics. It's a 3,000-year-old conundrum since the first Egyptian prosthetic toe, and I found a solution for it. And within a year, had worldwide distribution on this product. Elite athletes around the world use it to train against the Paralympics and all this stuff. So I don't know where I was going with that, but I guess just a ego kind of serving thing. So, yeah, so I've had some great jobs, with high-profile jobs.

I've had some success. And God opened up an opportunity for me to drive a petty cab in downtown Nashville. Go with me on this. So I drive downtown. It's an electric bike. You've got a three-seater cab on the back. And I work downtown and I drive drunk people around. If you haven't been to Nashville lately, it is not the Nashville was three or four years ago.

It's like Vegas and Bourbon Street combined. It's nuts. And so I get to drive people downtown and I get to share my story one ride at a time. That's where God was like slow the freak down. You've still got a story you can share. He gave me a job where I was outside. You know, my depression started to go down and my anxiety went down when I'm being of service to other people. I didn't just look at it as, well, I had to go drive a bike and drive idiots downtown.

I made a conscious effort to say, I'm going to go serve people. So I pick up people, drive them around. I put Christmas lights around my prosthetic leg. We're stupid clothes. I have like a cat onesie and a cowboy hat, a whistle. And, you know, the more stupid you act and look, the bigger tips you get. People ask, you know, hey, what happened to your leg? Oh, man, I got this crazy story, you know, and so I tell them real quick, you know, what happened to me.

And opens up all kinds of conversations. It's almost like petty cab confessionals. I think I want to hook up a camera like a GoPro and just give people's reactions. I put people crying on there. I had a girl was like, oh my gosh, I need to go back to therapy. You've encouraged me that, yeah, I need to go work on myself. I had people ask about 12-step AA meetings because of it. And so if you're out there and you're struggling and things aren't going the way you want them to,

again, going back to just take out a piece of paper and do two little small things today. For a job, I could manage a real job for a couple of years. I wasn't ready to do real work. God gave me an opportunity to go drive a pedicap. And that has helped me lose weight, get more out there and more confident. And just in the last two weeks, I've just started putting out stuff on social media. All the stuff that I've learned, I'm looking to go back into public speaking and looking for public speaking opportunities. So I've been putting out positive stuff on social media.

I couldn't do it without the help of many, many people because I was terrified because of that shame. What are people going to think of me when I was doing so well and I was social podcasts and I've worked in the treatment industry and I fell so far so fast? A fear of like, oh, I'm going to put myself out there and I'm going to screw it up. So there's that fear. There's the shame of what is my ex-wife and her family and her friend's going to think? oh, here's this idiot that lies and, you know, steals medications and who's going to listen to this guy? And I'll tell you what, in the two weeks that I've been putting out stuff every day, I've gotten some crazy messages, you know, crazy messages of people going, hey, man, I haven't seen you in a while,

I've seen what you've been putting out. It's really impactful. I've really needed to hear that message today. But I couldn't do it without the help of others. I literally had to have a buddy of mine that knows TikTok. I was terrified at TikTok. I didn't want to do it. So I had a buddy who knows TikTok come over and literally shoot the first seven or ten videos with me and post it for me. Because I couldn't like my body was like almost shaking because I was so terrified of like God's calling me to do this but I can't do it so I got support and literally had to bring a friend into my home and help me shoot a video post for me because I just couldn't do it on my own and stepping through that fear just at two weeks it's opened up so great conversations for people but reaching out for hell as part of that

I offer one-on-one connection calls so my whole message is based on disconnection or getting people reconnected all my messages are based on physical mental spiritual emotional reconnection and so as a part of that I offer one-on-one connection calls. So if anybody's listening out there, let's look me up on the socials, John Maybray. Feel free to reach out and kind of do one-on-one coaching, you know, life coaching kind of stuff, just based on my experience.

I'd have a master's in counseling, but I'm not a licensed therapist or anything, but I can offer my experience, strengthen hope based on my experiences if anybody's interested. Yeah, wow, beautiful. Love that. Yeah, that's the thing with shame, too, is I hear this story a lot, too.

A lot of us had every opportunity to succeed, and from the outside, you kind of get that perception from others about, like, what happened? How could this have happened? How did we, end up where we ended up. I did anyway. I kind of carried that along with me to say like, hey, people, that's like actually valid because I'm asking myself that exact same question. And I, you know, it took a while to develop an answer to say, well, how did I end up where I ended up,

right? But it was hard. I'm going to relate to 100% on the shame part because I just didn't feel good about myself and my choices. And I knew better, but I just couldn't do better. That makes any sense. Like I lost the power of, yeah, long time ago. I wasn't choosing to go to prison. I wasn't choosing to lose of everything, I was just stuck in this spot where I just couldn't stop. So I love your story, man. And I'm glad that you've kind of jumped in there head first when you've been ready here to share, you know, more of this story and more of your story with others. Well, thank you so much for the platform and the opportunity. I mean, sincerely, you're the first person I've reached out to to do a podcast interview in a few years. This is, you know,

be stepping into my fears and stepping through that shame and okay with the decisions I've made and be fully, fully, truly accepting of all my part in all my past and be willing to step through those fears. And so thank you for what you do and the opportunity you've given me here today. So thank you. Help me in my recoveries. Thank you. Of course. Yeah, same. I'm wondering too, though, about, you know, why not just sail into the sunset with this story and maybe do something else with your life? I thought about that. Well, and I started praying about it. That's the thing is I don't make good decisions on my own. I make rash. I make impulsive decisions. Historically, my whole life is impulsive decision based on fear. And so now I can sit back and start praying about things like, Lord, I don't know what to do next.

Can you please show me what I'm supposed to do next? And give that up on a regular basis. Talk about it to my sponsor. Talk about it to, you know, people in my support group. Hey, I'm thinking about doing this. And so for two years, I've literally talked about going back into speaking, but I kept looking for the signs. I kept saying roadblocks, roadblocks, roadblocks, you know, just you're not there yet.

So I was like, Lord, if I was supposed to do something different, I am open to that. Lord, if I'm supposed to, I'll do a pedicap. If you want me to drive a pedicab, I'll drive a pedicap. I'll drive a bike around for a little while, you know? So I guess I was open-minded and had an open heart to what God wanted for me. So if that was to do something completely different, that's fine. But just this calling in my spirit and my gut that said, no, no, no, no, you need to keep sharing. You need to keep going.

It's been terrifying in last few weeks, though we're doing it. And help one person that's worth it. That's the truth. Let's finish off with this question. If someone is struggling to get or stay sober, right now they're listening to the show. What would you have for that person? What would you say to them? Like, let's pretend they jumped on your, is it a petty cab or a penny cab?

Petty, like P-E-D-I. What a Rickshaw? You called a rickshaw to you. Okay. If they jumped on your... your bike and somebody was struggling to get or stay sober. What would you tell them? One, I give my phone number. I say, hey, I'm available if you need to talk. I'm a resource right here. And I would encourage them to get connected to some kind of support group. It was crazy if people look at support group,

like, I'm not going to use a support group. Guess what? Everybody listening right now is already a part of multiple support groups. You just don't know it. You're a part of a support group, maybe in your professional career. You have people, your coworkers and colleagues that help you reach your professional goals. That's a support group. Maybe you go to a church and there's a support group there. Maybe you have your drinking buddies where you're using buddies. That's a support group whether you know it or not. You know what I mean? Maybe you're part of a book club. Maybe your thing is gossiping and you just want to talk about other people because you think you're better than everybody else and you don't have any problems. And that's your support group is you get the group of friends

that all you do is just Mitch and complain about other people. That's a support group. So I encourage people to go get connected to a healthy support group. Maybe that's getting involved in a gym. Maybe that's a 12-step program. Maybe it's just a therapist. Again, give it them my phone number. Hey, when you get home, if you need help, give me a call. And just start with one thing. You don't need to go home and change your whole life all at once, but go get out a piece of paper and write down one or two things you can do differently today and just start slow. Awesome. Love that. Yeah, I'm a huge fan. I mean, support groups is one of the most effective tools that we have for staying sober, is getting connected with other people that through it. And it just provides it. When people share

their story, you mention it in your Celebrate Recovery Group. When people share their story and they're vulnerable about their share, that provides us the belief that we can do the same thing. And that's when the change happens when we start to open up, being willing to do that. Vulnerability is a great word. I think when we show vulnerability, we're putting a signal out to the world that we can't do this on our own. And it shows somebody else, oh my gosh, that guy can't do it on his own. Well, I can't do it on my own. And so when you're vulnerable and tell somebody what's really going on and that you're struggling, it shows somebody else that you're human and all of a sudden they're human and there's that connection. Beautiful. Well, thank you so much again,

John. Yeah, appreciate this. Such an honor to be a part of this with you. Thank you so much for what you do, keep it up. God bless you and your family. Thank you. Incredible, powerful episode. Huge thank you to John for sharing his story. Look, if you enjoyed John's story, be sure to find them on Instagram, show him some love, tell him you enjoyed it. I think it's just so important to let people know who are willing to come on here and share their story that we appreciate them, that we appreciate their stories, that we appreciate that they get vulnerable with us and share. I mean, John got choked up a few times during the episode because, you know, this stuff is very real. And going through addiction, we can lose a lot of stuff and we can hurt some people that really mean the world to us.

So be sure to jump out there and support John. Thank you, everybody. As always, if you're enjoying the show, be sure to leave a review on your favorite podcasting platform. Send me a message as well on Instagram at Sober Motivation. And I hope to see you on the next one.