Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Luc tried to moderate his alcohol use only to find out that was not possible for him.

Episode Date: March 1, 2023

Moderation only got Luc so far.  The shame and guilt kept piling on due to his constant struggle with alcohol and cocaine. One day Luc heard something  that would change his direction in life and help him begin his sober journey. After 5 years of staying sober quietly Luc shared he was celebrating 5 years sober on Linkedin and his post went viral. Luc is a light in this world and an example of what is truly possible. This is Luc’s story on the sober motivation podcast. Grab Luc's Free Guide: Click Here Follow Luc aka @marathon2sobriety on Instagram Follow Sober Motivation on Instagram Support the show: Click here

Welcome back to season two of the Subur Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week is my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. Moderation only got Luke so far. The shaming guilt kept piling on due to his constant struggle with alcohol and cocaine. One day Luke heard something that would change his direction in life and help him begin his sober journey.

Luke is a light in this world and an example of what is truly possible. This is Luke's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. If you are looking for community and connection on your recovery journey, be sure to check out the Sober Buddy app. On the Sober Buddy app, we have 10 live support groups every single week. Also on the weekends, we have member-led meetups, a great place to connect and get to know each other. Also check out the private groups where you can join and share your thoughts on the different topics.

Connect with others in the news feed. Add friends. Connect with people to help you out. One of the hardest parts about recovery is feeling that we're all alone and we're the only ones going through it. You're not. Join us on the Sober Buddy app. Grab it in the app store. Your Soberbuddy.com.

Welcome to the first ever episode of the SoberMorty. observation podcast. Today I've got my buddy Luke with us. Luke, how are you doing? Hey, Brad, I'm doing amazing. How are you? I am well. I'm well and I'm ready to kick things off here. So what was it like for you growing up? So Brad, thanks for having me. I guess your first guest. That's pretty cool. Thanks for giving me the nod. I really appreciate it. So my journey was definitely not easy. It was complicated journey for sure like many others. But for me, I really found that, you know, where I'm at today, maybe I'll start there. I've never been more confident in who I am, who I'm not. I'm not trying to people please anymore. I found myself. In this journey, I truly found myself,

and it's been the most rewarding, most empowering thing that I've ever done. And I feel really proud of that. And it's something that I don't take for granted. I continue putting in work because I know that you can't get complacent here. So I'm feeling really good about where I'm at now. But I wasn't always like that. I struggled a lot. You know, a lot of different stages of my drinking that brought me a lot of pain. But if I would just summarize my drinking is that I never drank alone, ever in any stages of my life. High school, university, after university, I never drank alone.

I never craved alcohol. What I did struggle with was when to stop. That moderation thing, it was not possible with me. And once I got introduced to drugs, cocaine, things really accelerated for me. me and really got, you know, I was not on a good path, not a good trajectory, and things were really not going well. And I'm just so thankful that I was able to recognize that, put the work in, and catch myself before it got out of control. Like, it was pretty close to out of control, but I always kept the job. I never lost my job and that kind of stuff. But I'm just happy that

I figured it out when I did. Yeah, that's the truth. So what was it like growing up for you? Where did you grow up? So I grew up in Toronto, just north of Toronto. I came from a very loving household, two parents, a brother, and we had a lot of love growing up. So I never really had maybe the trauma. Like, yeah, I had some stuff happen in my life, but nothing really stood out as very, that would give me a reason to really feel like I needed to escape. Having said that my father who struggled a lot with alcohol, so I'm half Italian. My dad was from Italy, his whole family Italian, my mom's side, French-Canadian, so very social family. My father struggled with alcohol and it was tough. Like, he was a great dad, an amazing man, but he struggled. So I had that in

me and I just, I unfortunately had that thing where I just not able to moderate, not able to control my drinking and it was a tough journey for me. Yeah, that whole moderation thing and not being able to maybe do it. Did that start from the first time you drank? Yeah, I mean, like if I think about when I was starting to drink, right, the different phases of our drinking career that I like to say is trying to fit in. So, you know, your kid, you're young, you're trying to fit in. When you're getting into your 20s, you're kind of finding yourself. So I had created this image that I thought that I needed to maintain, which was being this loud, confident person, life of the party, you could say. And that image that I thought I had to maintain, that's what got me into a lot of trouble. Because I was

constantly trying to make people like me. Like I was people pleasing for so long. And I knew after university, I was living on my own in the city, I knew that I was struggling, especially with the drugs like I mentioned. But because I was able to keep a job, because I was able to get my shit together for Monday morning, because I worked so hard,

I thought I deserved it and I thought it wasn't that bad. So I told myself it wasn't that bad. But then obviously he get to see what's going on. You're like, okay, this isn't good. So I was very open to putting in work. Saw a therapist for years and we were trying to moderate my drinking. Like I never wanted to be sober. Who wanted to be sober?

So I wanted to moderate and I did that for a while and that it worked sometimes, but it didn't work sometimes. And it was something that I knew wasn't good. And then after years of moderation or trying with a while, therapist. I had another bad episode around the Christmas time, 2016. I got sober 2016 end of December. So just a few days before that, I saw another therapist and he looked at me the way or spoke to me the way no one had ever spoken to me up until that point. He looked at me in the eyes and said, Luke, after getting to each other, he says, you can never be drinking again.

And I had never had anybody talk to me like that. And frankly, I debated him in the moment. I was Like, are you crazy? Like, I'm half Italian, half French Canadian. Like, not drink. That's impossible. No. But when I went back to my car at the end of the session and I sat there by myself, I just started crying because I just knew that what he said, there was a lot of truth there.

So that's kind of when the light went on. That when I say light, I mean like I became more open-minded to the idea of not drinking again. That's when the magic. That's when the journey started. Yeah, wow. That's powerful. So it took you therapy sessions and meeting with different people for you to maybe finally hear that thing. I'm guessing though, like from what you shared there, you probably already had this suspicion that this was probably going to be a thing.

And I'm also wondering too, like when the cocaine started, was that something you were open with the therapist about to say like, hey, I've got the drinking thing. But then I've also got this was like, was there a talk of moderation of cocaine use to? No, because I don't think there is a moderation with cocaine. I mean, maybe some can. I definitely can't. But it was always the drinking was the gateway. I would have a few beers and it would never be enough. Those beers would never be enough because I knew what else was out there.

And in my mind, make me feel good, better. So it was always moderating the drinking because if I could moderate the drinking, I could moderate everything else or I wouldn't use at all, actually. So that was the kind of a game that I was playing. And it's a scary game. It's a dangerous game, that moderation thing, especially for me. So I knew that I had a problem, but I wasn't ready to truly acknowledge it. And it wasn't until that therapist said those things to me that I think I was finally ready.

I was at a point where I had been through enough stuff to know that things needed to change. I was ready. And it's like I came to a point where I had to. acknowledge that all those things, those bad, dark moments needed to happen for me to be to that point where I was ready. So I'm thankful for all those moments because it brought me to that point where I was open-minded and it brought me to that point now where I'm at now, you know, six plus years sober, just feeling really good about myself. Yeah, that's incredible. And huge congrats on the six years. I'm wondering too about what were you afraid of with giving up the

alcohol or were you? I was terrified of giving up the alcohol because I thought I was going to just lose myself because I had so much identity into this fun outgoing spontaneous person with a lot of friends, people pleasing that I thought that if I didn't drink I would lose all that. I would lose myself. I wouldn't be fun. I would be miserable. I wouldn't have any friends. I wouldn't do anything fun because everything I did was surround that alcohol, right? Like I think it's very common in our society to do a lot of things around alcohol, go to a baseball game, you're drinking, go for dinner, you're drinking, go golfing, you're drinking, go to a concert, you're drinking. Everything we do, a lot of what we do is around alcohol. So take, remove the alcohol, like, who am I? What am I going to be?

So it was very scary, very, very scary. But it's turned out, like where I'm at now, if I think about why I drank so much, why I use so much, if I just simplify it, if I wanted to feel good, I wanted to have that pep in my step. I wanted to be confident. What I found in sobriety is I found myself. I found that confidence. I found my voice. All those things I was looking for I found in sobriety.

Isn't I ironic? Isn't that crazy? And then the most amazing thing I've ever done for myself because of this, my best version of myself, and I can be the best version of myself for my wife, from my daughter, at work, all these things. And it's all because of my sobriety. It's an interesting thing there.

Everything you thought you were going to lose, you end up gaining, but it takes time. What was that process like for you and what was it like for you on that day where you finally decided enough was enough and you're going to do or try something different? That's when the things started being open-minded. So from there, my therapist suggested I do group therapy. So he had sent me to, in Toronto, Cam H, Center of Addiction of Mental Health. So I did some group therapy. And he strategically, I think, put me into people. people who were struggling with drugs pretty advanced.

So he put me in a group where I quickly realized that people in the group didn't have things like a phone, didn't have jobs. Because when I was sharing a tip or a best practice that I was doing, downloaded a nap to keep track of my sober days. And I thought that was cool. People in the room were looking at me. Like, you have a phone? Like, that's crazy.

So I kind of had that real eye-opening moment of what was very much possible for me, the path that I was on. So that's when really the work started. And, you know, Brad, I'll say, I didn't do it the right way. Yeah, it worked for me, but I made it harder on myself by doing it on my own. That's what I did. I, you know, I did a lot of therapy to kind of have that moment, two sessions of group therapy.

And then after that, I did it on my own. Like, I really didn't do much support. I didn't connect with any other sober people. I was kind of like a miserable, like a miserable sober person. Like I was certainly not recovered. I had it shifted my mindset. I was in a place of a lot of struggle. And I did that for five years.

Five years sober doing this pretty much more or less the same thing. And it wasn't until I hit my five-year mark that I started shifting and being proud of my sobriety and all that. But I know that's not the right way to do it. That's how I did it. They brought me to where I am today. Why did you do it that way? I think a lot of it was like ego. A lot of it was ego.

I looked at my sobriety like weakness. Like I was sober because I was weak. You know, I couldn't handle my booze. So that's not cool. You need to hide that. So I never talked about it. And by that I mean like my close family knew I was sober or working on my sobriety. My wife put her through a lot.

We've been together since 2011. Half my time I was struggling with addiction. So she's been through a lot. But that moment of being together it just kind of made it all worth it for me. But yeah, doing it on my own is definitely not the way to do it. At the same time, I don't want to go back. I wouldn't go back because it brought me here.

And I'm happy where I'm at. But that's the other thing that was making me so open to sharing is that I want people to, you know, maybe learn from my mistakes. Like I made it harder on myself than I think it needed to be. I just want other people to kind of learn my mistakes. Yeah, on your own too. Yeah, it can be tough, right? because then you feel like you're the only one,

not only struggling with this, but then you're the only one who's not drinking. And then it just kind of fuels all the other stuff. So I think it's incredible. What changed after five years, though, that you decided to share this more publicly? Yeah, I was scared, terrified.

I was terrified of sharing publicly still, even at that point. But I just, something about, I don't know, the anniversary of the five years, Mark, I took a moment. I was like, look, just be proud of yourself for a second. Like, that's pretty awesome. And then I was like, you know what? I think I'm ready to share and to let people know. And up until that moment, I was very much a private person, all my social media account. Everything I did was very, very private. But then I was like, okay, I want to share. I want to let people

know. I want to really make them noise. And I couldn't think of another scarier way to do it than to do it on LinkedIn. At the time, I was working in a corporate company, corporate sales, tech sales. And I was like, let's share this on LinkedIn. Let's make it a public post. 90% of my colleagues had no idea I was sober. And then they see this like, holy smokes, Luke, I had no idea. And it just was scary, but it just was the most liberating experience that I've done. It's just I felt so relieved that it was just out there and I just felt so much better. And like truly in that moment or those days to come, I was like, wow, I found this other voice inside of me that I never knew existed.

I was just proud of myself, went through an identity shift and all that. And that's where I'm at today. Yeah, wow, that's incredible. Yeah, extremely brave to put it out there, especially on LinkedIn, more seen as a professional type platform, right, with people that you might be getting jobs and all that type stuff from. So that's incredible. What was the response like?

Was it as daunting as you maybe saw it was going to be? Or was it positive? It was, for the most part, very positive. It really was. I was getting a lot of messages, a lot of people reaching out, had been shared quite a bit. It made me realize that this is a pretty big topic, a topic that not a lot of people talk about,

especially in that time where I didn't know this sober Instagram, the sober TikTok, the sober community online existed. Like I had no idea. I wasn't following anybody. Bradd one of the first accounts I ever followed. But I didn't even know you existed. I didn't even know this was a thing.

And then once that happened and, you know, someone reached out to share my story. So I did my first podcast and I was nervous as heck to do that. And then slowly but surely I started like leaning in a little bit more. And then I was like, holy smokes, look at this community that's out there. I had no idea. And, you know, as soon as I saw it, a couple of key accounts, saw you, Brad,

sober motivation. It just made me feel not so alone. And it made me feel like, hey, we're lifting each other up. And I felt safe. And I felt inspired. And I was just ready. Okay. I want to share it because I know I'm hoping,

well, I saw from the first post so many people reaching out. And I just had a feeling that I could help a couple other people and break that stigma. Like that's our goal. That's our purpose. And just to show people that, hey, you don't need alcohol. you don't need substance to have a fun life, a fulfilled life, a life of meaning and purpose. Yeah. I'm on this mission, just like you, Brad.

Yeah, no, I love that. You know, and I think there's a part of healing that comes along with it as well for us individually, a part where we're not living in this secret anymore. Because the addiction wants us to live in this secret thing. Don't tell anybody. Be ashamed of where we ended up. Be ashamed that we can't handle our booze or handle other stuff, that we can't handle life and it wants to keep us in that place because as long as we live there of being ashamed

of it, we're not going to ask for help. We're not going to lean into stuff. We're not going to put it out there. And then it just really beats the shit out of us one on one. And we just don't stand a chance. With you sharing your story, I think you're really going against the narrative in a sense that you believe, the ego part, feeling the shame of being somebody who struggles with this. I've had the privilege to see you grow for a while now, and it's truly incredible, like the stuff that I'm seeing, you know,

you put out in the positivity and the encouragement, you know, so I think that I think there's a big part that we do for other people, but I also think there's a part for ourselves to say, like, enough is enough. The way I look at it too is like, as far as I know,

Luke, we get one shot here on planet Earth, as far as I know. And at the end of the day, all of this stuff will be great, It's cool stuff. It's fun stuff. We're hopefully making a difference.

But it's not really going to matter how it looks for us at the end of the day. What's going to be left behind is did it help other people when we're long gone? Can that be passed down through people? And can we send a message out there that like this stuff can stop and then we can live better lives. And I think that what you're doing is exactly that. But it's not always easy. It's hard, right? Because even in sobriety, we still do.

do struggle, right? Life is life. Yeah, sometimes it's hard to open out this positive, you know, uplifting type thing, you know, and sometimes it just really is hard. It is Brett. It is very hard. But like you touched on, right? I find that the more I share, the more I talk about my struggles and the more I'm vulnerable and just not afraid to open up, the more free I feel, the better I feel, the more connected to my own journey and struggles, I feel. Look, I love helping people. Like you said, that legacy that we're leaving behind, that that's very meaningful to me, absolutely.

It makes me feel really good. I'm thinking about the younger generation. I'm thinking about my daughter, kind of showing that path or being that example. Like, that's really cool. But at the same time, I need to be selfish too. Like, the more I've shared, the more I've talked and all these things, it's the better I feel, too.

Like this sobriety thing, right? we talked about this before, the road to recovery is always under construction, right? You know, I'm six years sober. I'm still consciously, deliberately, intentionally thinking about my sobriety every single day. And that's a fact, and that's okay. And, you know, some days are easier than others.

But I know that the more I'm connected with other people, sharing my story, listening to their story, just surrounding myself with other sober people, like-minded people, people who are, you know, just all about self-improvement. Because that's what this journey is. If you just simplify it, you just, it's a self-improvement. It's, you're just trying to be the best version of yourself. That's it.

You want to be the best version and you want to feel good. And it's just really rewarding, feels really good to surround yourself with people just who are doing that same thing. Yeah, that's true. They always say, I mean, one of the most famous maybe motivational or inspirational quotes or sayings of all time is show me your five closest people and I'll show you your future. It goes something like that. And I think that's so true, right? Is that we have to get, we have to surround ourselves with people and they don't necessarily have to be like in sobriety, but just

positive people that are doing good and feeling good. And then that's help bring us to the next level. Hold us accountable to do the work. Totally, Brad. Absolutely. And that's, and that's part of what's kind of push me to do, this newfound path that I'm on, this recovery coaching thing that I'm doing now is that I want to do exactly that. I want to be that mentor, that coach to support people as they're thinking about undertaking this new thing to help them, challenge them, support them, get them to think a little bit differently and to show that, hey, you can do this too. It takes work. It's not easy, but it is absolutely worth it. It's hard because it's special. If it was easy, you can snap your fingers and get sober.

it wouldn't be what it is. It's special because you have to put the work in. There's no shortcuts. Yeah, that's the truth. What would you say were some of your challenges early on on your journey? My challenges, I think at first, were to find my voice in social situations because that's where I drank the most. So that's where I struggled the most at first is I just didn't know how to act.

I didn't know how to be fun because I put so much. pressure myself to be this certain way, this fun person that when I took away the, I just felt awkward in those moments. I was in my head a lot. So I struggled a lot with how to socialize. I also struggled with my confidence. I struggled with my confidence a lot at first. Because I felt in a way sorry for myself, like I was sober because it's the bad thing. I had a bit of shame still in me. And I hadn't healed. I hadn't forgiven myself. So I was still caring a lot of shame with me. I wasn't in a good place in my sobri. You think, yeah, you're going to get sober. You're going to be like all rosy and everything's going to be great. And a lot of people are like that

at first. And that's amazing. I give them so much credit. But I wasn't like that. And I struggled a lot with that. Yeah. A lot to unpack there. How did you begin to work through some of these things? Time. Time helped me a lot. And having that close support circle that actually gives a shit what you're doing. Like my wife, you know, is my rock and she's been with me from the beginning, like through all the struggle. So she helped me a lot

in the sense that even in the social situation, she would help be my decoy. Because I didn't necessarily know how to tell people what to tell them. So I just lied. I just avoided the conversation that I was sober. I never wanted to talk about it. So I would just make up excuses

why I wasn't drinking and all these different things because I was, again, I wasn't ready to be open and share. other than my close circle, like my close friends, but like colleague that work, friends of friends, you know, big events, no one knew I was sober. So I think what helped me was my wife, my circle, of course. But another thing that helped me a lot was that two and a half years into my sobriety,

I found another passion, I found something else that gave me a lot of self-confidence, gave me a lot of routine, gave me a lot of structure in my life. And it grounded me. I never knew that this passion existed or this hobby was even a thing and that was running. Like I fell and I got into running and I hated running growing up in school and all that. But I was introduced to running through a really close friend. And to me, like where I look now with running is that running is my therapy. That's my therapy.

And, you know, that's helped me so much. It's been my running. Yeah, I love that. I see you out there running. I'm wondering too, though, were you able to be honest with your wife about how you're were feeling like really, really honest about it when you first started? Yeah, I think I was being really honest with her. But at the same time, I don't think I was being really honest with myself either.

So what I was telling her was probably the same thing I was telling myself, which was a dumbed down version of how it was actually feeling. But I think just at that time, being as open as I thought I was with her, it helped a lot. because I felt that she was rooting for me and she was really by my side. And I felt less alone when I would just be more open with her. It helped me. But I think the biggest change, like I said, it starts within yourself. So when I started truly acknowledging, truly seeing how the pain I was causing myself,

the situations I was putting myself in, all those things, is when I started to focus on those small things that I was doing that were making me feel good. Like those small wins, those small, I was building momentum. So the early days, I was, again, not doing it right, doing it on my own. But once they started building momentum, starting to feeling good, started celebrating small wins. It made a difference in time. Yeah, it's nice to have somebody too. But I like how you put that too about you were being as honest as you were honest with yourself.

Like that's where you were at the time. And then as time went on, the conversation may have changed as you developed into this incredible, sober human runner. What does running do for you? Because we hear a lot, right? Physical exercise and that stuff. Like it's just so powerful. What specifically does running do for you

that helps you on this journey? Yeah. Yeah. So it doesn't have to be running, right? But for me, it is running. So for me, it just puts me in that clear head space or I just have an opportunity to process things that are happening in my life,

like in my day, that kind of stuff. So it just gives me an opportunity to pause. That's what it does. Running gives me an opportunity to disconnect. I don't run with my phone.

I'm in my own head. And at the same time, it gives me an opportunity to like set goals for myself. I know it sounds a little crazy, but I love setting goals for myself. I love doing hard things. I like to do hard things

because it challenges me and I know that's where I grow. So running that for I look at it. It's, look, I'm not a professional runner, far, far, from it, but I just like that I can set goals for myself that, you know, not the world needs to know what my goals are, but I have these goals and I'm working towards it. And it's like a one day at a time thing. Same thing with my sobriety. It's a one day at a time thing. And I find that's why

the two go so well together because they're both hard. They're both one day at a time. Both of them no shortcuts. Like there's no shortcuts in running. There's no shortcuts in sobriety. You need to put the work in. The other thing I love so much is that the community, it's like, Like the sober community can't get enough of it. Everyone's kind of room for each other, pushing each other. No judgment, right? You meet someone who's in recovery or in sobriety. You have an instant connection with them.

I get you, you get me. You're doing your best. I'm doing my best. And I find the same is true with runners. Doesn't matter if you're running a 5K, if you're run, walk, or you're doing marathons. You're outside. You're putting your shoes on.

You're out there getting better. And I want to associate myself with people that are like that. Yeah, that's incredible. I always look at it too, the exercise and different activities. My problem was, one of my problems was is my mind was constantly going. And I find when I do exercise, when I do a little thing or I do something I enjoy a hobby of some sort, it turns off the voices for a little bit of like you're not good enough. And this is why I won't work out and this is why you shouldn't do that and do this.

And I find when I get engaged with something that I enjoy a hobby of some sort, like the voices turn off. That was a big thing of why I was drinking, why I was using drugs is because my mind just wouldn't stop beating me up 24-7 about how I wasn't good enough was like a big conversation that I would have in my mind every single day because of everything that I had built throughout my life and the trauma that everything built up. That's just after a while what I believed. Hey, you're just not good enough. So you got to get out of here, man.

You got to escape yourself because you're... Yep. It's not good enough. So that's interesting. That negative self-talk is the worst thing that we could do for ourselves. Like the way we talk to ourselves is the most important thing. Because our mindset is everything. If our mindset is not in the right place, it's going to make everything harder, especially hard things like sobriety and saying no. And changing the narrative, going against the grain,

standing up for what you believe in, not just, jumping on the people pleasing train, doing what's important to you, saying no and standing strong. It is hard. It's really, really hard. But look, that's what growth is all about, doing hard things and pushing through persevering. That's where the growth is. You do easy things all the time. You're not growing.

You're not challenging yourself. But like sobriety, it's not just about growing. It's about doing what's important to you. And all I can speak of is for me, I needed it. Unfortunately, there's no other option for me. You know, I don't demonize alcohol. I have nothing against alcohol. 99% of my friends, my close friends, still drink.

My wife still drinks. I'm nothing against that. This is my thing. This is my journey. This is my struggle. So I'm focusing on me. And that's what it's all about. Focusing on you, doing what's important to you.

Because most people like me, you've been on autopilot. I was on autopilot. You know, hard day at work, drink. Going on friends drink. Bad day at work, drink. come home drink doesn't matter just that's what I did social situations oh let's drink drink drink drink you know yeah even drink we didn't even think even on good days

right and that's where I think a lot of people get it confused it was just it was just an everyday thing well I mean my story it was like I mean I was doing something every day and it wasn't about a lot of people are like well what's going on what's so bad it's like absolutely nothing other than I like am addicted to heroin cocaine and you know drinking a 24 keystone light for 12 bucks we bought a food lion. Other than that, you know, things were all right.

But there was no requirement. Like I got to a place in life where there was no requirement. I wasn't required to lose a job to escape. I wasn't required to have a bad day or it was just every day. I had to get out of myself. I couldn't handle to be myself. And it didn't, like, it wasn't always that way. You know, this is a progression, right?

You know, Sherrick gets progressive and then as you go, it damages more. areas of your life and the longer you hang on to it, it will damage more areas of your life is usually how it goes. It's not always, nothing's always. But it's an interesting thing. That progression thing is that's where I feel like a lot of people might get confused about once this gets a hold of you, it really doesn't matter about good day, bad day, this or that. You know, it just kind of becomes what we're doing, right? But I mean, for you, it's interesting because you're saying you never drank alone and you were more of this like binge drinkers. Is that correct?

Yeah, I was an alcohol use disorder. I identify with that. I relate to that a lot. Like when I started, I had a hard time stopping because why would I stop having so much fun? And I know I'm a zero, 100 kind of person. If I'm going to do something, I'm going to go all in, right? So that's what I did with my drinking. It's like, why would I stop at two when I can have three?

Why would I not do the drugs after three? Because I know it's going to make me feel even more, you know, a certain way. So that's what I was. That's what I did. Yeah. And the thing that made it, then I touched on a little bit, and I want to reemphasize it, is that I had a work hard, play hard mentality. So I worked really hard in tech sales for a long, long time.

And because I worked so hard, I thought I deserved it. Like, you worked hard all week. You deserve to really let loose this weekend and really go all out and go for a 48-hour bender. Like, you deserve it. You earned it. That's how my mind was. And I finally got to tell a lot of people that I'm working with, that I'm attracting, that are coming to me. They're also that work hard, play hard mentality.

And I can totally relate to that. But the way I reward myself for after a long day or good week is not the escape. I'm not looking to escape. That doesn't, that's no interest to me any, the escape. I want to be in the moment. That's the joy. I want to truly experience the smaller things in life, like moments with my daughter. moments with my family eating supper together and laughing, that's what I live for.

It's just those small moments. And it took me a long time to get here. But that to me gives me the greatest joy. What it does for me and what it does for my family and what it does for so many other areas in my life that trickle in to my life. And I'm just so grateful, but I cannot take it for granted. I cannot get complacent. It's easy to feel like, hey, I got this thing under control, right? Yeah.

So true. bit of that. I know you've been sober for a long time too. It's a lot longer than me. Do you still find that you're having to keep sharp? Of course, yeah. I mean, I'm always staying sharp and, you know, maybe it's changed over the years. Like, I'm staying sharp in a personal development, being present, being responsible type stuff. Those are all important things. Like, am I thinking about escaping today and drinking and using drugs? No. But is it a possibility, of course. I was living a life that I wouldn't make it back from. And maybe you share that story, too.

I know that for a fact. And people always ask, can't you just have one? Of course. I can have one. You can throw me in a jail cell and like nothing's going to happen. But what people don't understand is, and I made a little post about this a while back, is what happens for me, man, is the wheels start turning at 100 miles a minute. And I was never after one.

For me, it was never the beer. It was never the drugs. I was looking to get outside of myself and I found that a substance could do that for me. So it didn't matter about the Keystone Light or the heroin or the cocaine or the MDMA or the prescription pain pills. None of that stuff was ever my problem. As strange as that may sound, my problem was always myself. The way I thought I was not able to live life on life's terms.

So for me today, the question always becomes, how can you live life on life terms? And how can you be complete opposite of everything it was? Because at the end of my journey, I was living on the floor in my brother's bed. bedroom and I was doing a podcast with Dan Carey actually and he asked a really good question. He was like, Brad, did you ever think anything was wrong with where you were at? And I'm thinking back and I'm like, no. Like I thought, you know, being 21, 22, I had no job. I just lost my car to the police.

I was a convicted felon. I was unemployable. I had terrible relationships. We used to just drink by the pool every day. As long as I had 12 bucks in my pocket, I would get through the day. and I thought that was normal. I thought, when I look back, I had become comfortable

with burning my life to the ground and not amounting to anything. And that was just like what I did every day for years. And then when I look back at that, I'm like, man, that really, that terrifies me. That really, and, you know, I was lucky to make it out of that in one piece. So to your question, I guess,

of course I want to escape. I want to. It's hard sometimes. life. I have three kids, you know, bills, business, relationships. You know, all this stuff is still hard for me this many years later. I still have to actively work every day to keep on this track. I'm not a guy who gets everything easy for what I see in other people around me. For whatever reason, I have to work a lot harder than other people to get stuff. You know, it's like, I always got to be working harder. And that's okay because that develops a lot of character. And I had to work

really hard to get this whole stuff. But now I've built such a distance between the substances and where I'm at now that I'm well aware of, you know, what it looks like. And yeah, so I mean, I like to escape, not necessarily saying I want to, you know, use substances because I know deep down to that's not going to solve my problems. I did my research on that. And it did nothing but end me up in prison. I lost everything. I destroyed. every relationship I had. And at the end of it, I had about five pairs of clothes. That, I mean, like, that's all I had to my name at the end of it.

So I'm well aware, and I don't ever forget that of where this goes for me. I'm like you, Luke. I'm 110, buddy, and I'll burn down my life in three days. Not a problem. But, you know, if I decided to go back to it, it wouldn't take long. And I just have too much riding on this, you know, but not necessarily like the sober part. more for me I'm like as a human being how can I be the best human being today how can I get outside of myself and help someone else how can I be of service today how can I be patient today

those are all the things that keep me feeling good in loving myself and if I can keep that under wraps then I'm in a really good place but I just stay sober for today I just stay sober for today that's it the rest of my life I'm like gosh hopefully it comes it's not guaranteed. So why am I going to worry about a year from now or even tomorrow? And that was really completely changed my entire perspective about all of this stuff. Because when I first started, I struggled, man. I struggled big time.

I had a lot of the same story that you have about it. And what I used to tell myself is I'll get back into it tomorrow. Just get through today. You can escape tomorrow. And when tomorrow came, I felt a little bit better and I put it off for another day. And I put it off for another day. and then, you know, X amount of days later, here we are. That's so beautiful, Brad.

And that's what it's all about, man, like that literally one day at a time, not overthinking and just realizing that, you know, you're living in your best self, Brad. Like, I know I haven't known you for all that long, but I'm seeing what you're doing, seeing how you are, your aura, your positivity that you bring. That's so much to be proud of. And it gives you all the reason, like you said, to do one more day, like to do one more day. And when you look at it like that, It's not as daunting, not as scary.

It's not as depressing because I say the same thing too. I never say, I'm never going to drink again because that scares me. Like, why would I say that? So I don't say it. And I take it one day at a time. And that's what I plan to do tomorrow too, the same thing. Yeah, I wouldn't be where I am without it. You know, I mean, it was just the beginning of personal development for me.

But I had to get rid of sort of that plan B. I got to burn the boats per se. You hear that a lot. Burn the boats. And that was like what I had to do to move the next level. And I had all the opportunity throughout my life. I went to rehab for 12 months. I mean, I was in out of jail.

I've been seen a therapist ever since I could remember, psychiatrists, psychologists, learning centers. All throughout my probably grade school, I guess you could say, like grade one until 12. There might have been only one thing I learned. And the one thing I learned from this teacher, and I remember her. because she would give us five states.

Check this out, Luke. She would give us five states to remember for each week on the map of the United States. This is when I lived in the U.S. And you'd have to remember these, learn these five states. I mean, the easiest thing, Luke.

And like, that was a struggle for me. But she did teach us one thing, kiss. Keep it simple, stupid. And that stuck with me. That stuck with me. Even till today, keep things so simple

to where you can execute on them. I feel like some people want to accomplish things. They want to make this so complicated and set goals that are just so hard to do. And just keep it simple because if you accomplish a simple goal, that's 10x better than not accomplishing this more complicated thing that you've set yourself out for. So that has helped me a ton.

I have one more question for us to wrap this thing up. This has been a slice, buddy. My last question is, If somebody listening to this podcast is struggling to get or stay sober, what would you have for him? Great question, Brad. So let me rhyme off a few things. Let me rhyme off a few and then maybe we can pick one to talk about. Stay close to your why.

Know your triggers. Step boundaries. Growth mindset. Finding a hobby. Be proud. Reach out and connect. Celebrate and smile. I think I said a lot there.

Love that. I love how you ended it with a big smile. Smile. Because that's the thing, Brad, it's like this thing that we're on this journey, the self-improvement, the self-discovery, it's all about being happy and feeling good. And I really believe what you put out in the universe, you get back. If you smile to people, to strangers, they will smile back.

If you say hi to that clerk or you make eye contact and you ask them how their day was, it's the easiest thing in the world to do and it's going to bring you a lot. It's going to bring you a lot. And I know that's not very natural for a lot of people to push yourself and do those small things. But it really for me, that's what I do. But I'm not feeling good. I'm stressed like I'm not in a good place. I make human connection and I force myself.

So to kind of relate it to sobriety is regardless of where you're at, listening to this, Silly, listening to us today for a reason, continue being open-minded. Don't close doors. Be open.

And by that I mean, be open to continuing to educate yourself, to listen in, to podcasts, read books, be open-minded to try new things,

finding a new hobby, trying things you've never done before. Because look, if you're going to continue doing the same thing and expect a different result, isn't that what insanity is?

So in order to combat that you need to just try, see what works. There's no blueprint. What I talk about is maybe not relatable to you or it doesn't work for you. Same with what you said today, Brad. I mean, I'm sure a lot will relate to, but everyone's journey is their own journey. And the only way you really self-discover or you figure out what works for you is you figure out what doesn't. So you try things. And when you find something that's working, do it again or find ways to continue or maybe tweak it a little bit. That's the biggest thing. For me, that was the biggest thing.

Yeah, I love that. And I think it's also important to throw on top of there. I always think about food when I tried food as a kid. And then I was like, I hate that. And one thing I hated with a passion was tomatoes. But now, tomatoes, bacon sandwich, on burgers, it is my favorite thing. I think if you've tried something in the past and it didn't work out, maybe be honest with yourself because I was the kind of guy who was like,

I tried that and it didn't work. But when I reflected back, I tried it, but I didn't really try it. You know what I mean? I think different seasons of our life, we have different experiences. So just encouraging for anybody, like if you've tried therapy and your experience was it didn't work, or if you tried meetings and your experience was it didn't work, maybe just ask yourself, like, did you actually give this 100% or did you go in there with the idea that it didn't work? You know what I mean?

Because I think there's a lot of stuff because, you know, sometimes, people reach out to me and they're like, I've tried everything. And they probably have. A lot of people have been trying so many different things. And it's like, where do we go from here? You know, you've been to rehab seven times. You've been to detox nine times. You've been to 100 meetings.

You've been to all this stuff. You know, so it's like my thing is like, you know, did you really give this a shot? Because I went to like hundreds of meetings and I went to rehab and I did all that stuff. And I still ended up, you know, extremely addicted until I really gave. stuff, you know, that real good shot, that one, that shot to where I wasn't going to let it not work out. This had to work out. So I'm always hopefully encouraging that.

But yeah, I want to talk real quick though, because you brought up something that's like so interesting. What is your why for this journey? Yeah, I feel like the why is so important to be able to identify that and clearly, like, go to that quickly. For me, my why is my daughter, like by a mile. It's my daughters. I want to create this life for her,

give her all the opportunities in the world. I'm not worried about a dad who's not going to show up or not going to be consistent. So my why is her. I want her. I want to provide her the best life possible. And I want to be the best version of myself for her. I know if I drink and I go back to my old ways,

I'm just not going to be consistent. Like that's just a nice way to doubt, say, I'm just not going to be consistent. So that to me, that's my why. And that's all I need. And I see a picture of her. I have an, I said, you know, interact with her after school and morning dropping her off. That's life, man.

That's what I need. And that fulfills me in so many areas. Yeah. How about you? What's your wife, Brad? Yeah, I mean, on the same sense of that, too. You know, I mean, obviously the kids. But for me personally, it's got to be for myself because I was dead inside, man.

They say that this stuff kills us long before it kills us, kills our spirit. My spirit was dead, man. You know, I was a dim light. very dim light in this world and to live a life so far below what I'm capable of, that scares me to push myself and be like, the voices don't matter. It doesn't matter. None of that stuff matters. We mentioned before you get one shot.

None of your failures are going to be on your headstone or whatever, right? No mistakes are going to be placed on there. And this world is going to continue on. So my thing is just fail big, man. I mean, take the biggest risk that you possibly can and you, You fall so hard on your face that the only way to go is up. But that's one of my biggest wise is that I got a lot, but I don't want to live going through the motions.

I don't want this thing to pass me by. I never really thought about it before, you know, maybe the last six years, once I quit my job and sort of got into entrepreneurship and started pursuing something that actually meant something to me instead of just showing up to work, punching a clock, and going about my business. But I took a big risk.

Six years ago, my wife was pregnant. with our first child and I went into work. I've been working this job for six years and I just quit. My boss was even there. I printed up a resignation letter and, you know, we had a mortgage and car payments and, you know, obviously the bills and I had absolutely, I had no job. And I had no money. I think I might have had $2,000, you know, but that wouldn't have lasted, you know,

obviously long to pay bills. But throughout that, I took that sort of risk, you know, because I was not really complacent in my sobriety, but I was complacent in my life. That's what scares me most about the whole addiction. part is I see it all around me. And people like you mentioned, they work hard during the week and they get so fucked up on the weekends and they don't do anything else. They just feel like shit on Sunday, feel like shit on Saturday, don't pursue goals.

And you can meet them and talk with some of these folks a year later, Luke, and they're having the same conversation they were the last year. You know, bless them. I'm not trying to be judgmental for anybody. Everybody's journey is their own, but I can't live like that. because I know better now. You know, so to go back to that life, and that's my why, I guess, wrapped up in a short little few minutes.

But I'm extremely passionate about that, you know? I believe motivation can bring us here. But motivation isn't necessarily a factor on remaining sober. But what I believe is a factor is that I can't stay clean on yesterday's shower. So I can't expect to be motivated today and stay sober on Monday. I have to revisit this every single day. to why am I doing this? You know, why am I going through this struggle?

Because sometimes that's just what it is. And I have to be reminded myself of that every day. That's beautiful, Brad. That's so, I'm so well said. You're living your greater purpose right now. And that's bringing you a lot of joy. I can hear your voice. That's it right there, man.

That's the juice right there. You are on it. I love it. That's the goal right there. Yeah. So we'll delete the rest of the. episode and then we'll just put the juke in there. Yeah. Look, Luke, this has been incredible, man. And I appreciate you asking me some of the questions too. Of course, man. I know you're on a

journey of listening and getting people to talk. But what you do for the community, Brad, you're one of the first accounts I followed, just bring stories together. You give people a platform. You get people a voice. You make people feel comfortable, understood and not alone. And that is just such an amazing thing that you're doing, man. So, you know, thank you for what you've done for my journey, what you've done for my confidence. I'm a big fan of yours and I really appreciate everything you're doing. Yeah, thank you so much, buddy. It definitely means the world. Yeah, that the mission is being accomplished. But if you guys want to check out Luke, where's the best place to find you, Luke? So on Instagram, Marathon, numerical number two, sobriety. And for all your listeners for listening

today, I put together a guide on how to be the life of the party sober. It's a bit of a play on words. So if you go to Marathon numerical number two, sobriety.ca, and you sign up for my mailing list, I'll shoot you over a free guide on how to rock a party sober. But yeah, I'm loving this version of myself that I've created in sobriety. And I'm just continuing to, you know, feel good and take it one day at a time and help inspire and people along the way. Incredible, man.

Yeah, check out the free guide. I'm going to log off here and I'm getting the free guide. You're ready to go. Come playoff time. Live for the party. Let's go. Thank you, Luke. Appreciate it, Brad.

Luke actually kicked off the Subur Motivation podcast, but we had some technical difficulties as I was just starting out. So I wanted to bring Luke back on here so we could get the audio right. And he definitely shared a little bit more with us on this podcast episode. here. So I hope you all love it as much as I did. Be sure to check Luke out. He's incredible. And if you're enjoying the podcast, be sure to leave a review on your favorite podcasting platform. And I'll see you on the next one.