Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Luke Didn’t Know Who He Was Without Alcohol to 7 Years Sober

Episode Date: May 20, 2026

Luke spent 14 years selling alcohol while it was slowly killing him. Three rounds of rehab. Hospital visits. Drinking in the morning. On December 30, 2018, he had his last drink.In this follow-up, Luke walks Brad through what changed in the seven years since. The scene with his daughter screaming "Dad, don't go" as he drove away in tears. The AA foundation that carried him through year three. The therapist who leaned in and asked the one question nobody had ever asked him: what about you?You'll hear about: working in the liquor industry while drinking yourself to death; getting sober as a divorced dad; outgrowing AA without losing the gratitude; the daily self-care pillars that hold long-term sobriety together; what 7 years alcohol-free actually feels like.Connect with Luke on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dadonthemockSober Motivation Mobile App: https://apps.apple.com/app/sober-motivation-app/id6759266291Sober Motivation Website: https://www.sobermotivation.comSupport the Podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivationContact me anytime: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Brad, all of these things were like my reasons, my justifiable right to drink for that way that I wanted to consume alcohol. And it was with malicious self-harm. That was the only way I knew how to drink was just to crack one. And it didn't stop until I was down and out. And up until the point that I was in adulthood and then in a failed marriage with children and drinking in the morning, hospital visits and three rounds of rehab. Finally, December 30th of 2018 was the day that I had finally said, that's it. I've had enough because at that point, it was fatal. That's where I was going. I wouldn't be here today if I continued the drink. I firmly believe that. And it was the only

thing that I knew. That was my solution to all my problems up until the point that it became such a problem that it was life-threatening. Welcome back to another follow-up episode on the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got my good buddy, Luke, how are you? Yo, Brad, doing good, man. How are you making out? Yeah, man, I'm glad to connect. I feel like we've been chatting back and forth for, I don't know, six months or so.

Yeah, we're here, man. Yeah, and now it's amazing that the connections that we've had, you and I hop on and stay in touch on a regular basis. And this is something that I've kept saying, when are we going to hit the record button? So I appreciate you having me. It's good to be back. Yeah, 100%, man.

For anybody who didn't catch your first episode where you shared your story up into that point, give us a quick cliff notes of what things were like for you. Yeah, of course. If I was going to bullet point where my journey of alcohol took me, it was definitely, I grew up in Southern Rhode Island. I started drinking at a very young age from 10 years old. And that went right through my teenage years, messing around. with different types of drugs by the time I was 13, 14, but alcohol really was always that thing

that I just kept coming back to it. I'm like, all right, when am I going to get that next drink? I never drank to just have a couple. I always drank with purpose. Thank you, as always, for listening to the show. And I'm coming to you today with some exciting news that the sober motivation app is officially live in the Apple App Store. This is more than just a tracker. The vision and mission behind the sober motivation app is to build a community. It's not all about getting sober, but about staying sober. With hosting meetings, hundreds of meetings over the last three years virtually and working with people trying to get and stay sober for 15 years, in my own recovery journey of 16 years, there's a few things that I know

really matter and really make this work for people. And that's the quality of your relationships that you build with people that are on the same path. That's what this is all. about. So download the app and start journaling, tracking your sober time, getting some motivational quotes. Also, you can attend our virtual meetings that we host to a day. Head over to sobermotivation.com, download the app, and I'll see you on the inside. And through the teenage years, and I got my first DUI when I was 18 or 19 years old, second one, almost 21. That resulted in a car accident. I got myself in a decent amount of trouble. Thankfully, nobody got hurt. And then the big part of my stories that really with alcohol, I think, is that I was a former liquor consultant for 14 years and had a very successful sales career doing it.

But the whole time in that industry, I was 100% just always just slowly and surely burying myself with booze, multiple company trips, relationships never worked. And the relationship with myself was the one that I just couldn't piece together. Parents getting divorced from a young age, a brother who passed away when he was 28 and I was 26. And Brad, all of these things were like my reasons, my justifiable right to drink for the way that I wanted to consume alcohol. And it was with malicious self-harm. That was the only way I knew how to drink was just to crack one and it didn't stop until I was down and out. And up until the point that I was in adulthood and then in a failed marriage with children and drinking in the morning, hospital visits, and three rounds of rehab, finally, December 30th of 2018 was the day that I had finally said, that's it. I've had enough because at that point, it was fatal. That's where I was going. I wouldn't be here today if I continued the drink. I firmly believe that. And it was, it was. the only thing that I knew. I was just, that's, that was my solution to all my problems up until

the point that it became such a problem that it was life threatening. Thanks for sharing that too, man. I see the chalkboard in the background, the seven, say seven, yeah, sober. Yeah. I like it, man. It's almost the same font as the sober motivation sober part. It looks like. Yeah, it's funny because even my kids, they saw this year, I erased the six. I threw up to seven and that's one of the things and parts of the story, I think, is that my children really see it. They know that dad is sober, and they've seen what the example of a sober individual is because I show up to my best abilities as a father. And that was job one, was removing alcohol. I'm very fortunate that my kids have never seen me drunk. Yeah. And so, you know, and God willing, never will. Yeah. I think I remember

I remember vaguely the end to where you were talking about in your story where you'd went to treatment and then there was this thing. I'm having flashes of you in a car, being emotional and maybe thinking I got a shoulder for my kids. Yeah, that was the real eye opener. It was actually, I was sober at that time, Brad, and it was after I had chosen to really do it this time. And I don't know how much time I had under my belt, but at that point, I was in the throes of divorce, clawing some form of parental rights. And that's not an easy thing for a guy to do, especially in the circumstances. And at the time, that certainly made sense because I needed to really get my head on straight. And while I did have some parental rights that particular day, I'm dropping my daughter off.

and I hand her off to my former wife at the time. And when she was like, dad, don't go, don't go, she's screaming. Like, she did not want me to leave. And of course, and I'm driving away. And I was a puddle. I was an absolute puddle of a man at that point. And driving down the highway with tears in my eyes at that time, I just realized that this is it.

This is it. This is the opportunity that you have to really show up. and become the version of yourself that you need to be for your kids. And then it took me a long time to realize that I need to do that for myself, too, because at first I feel like, man, I better just do this for my kids. And through an extensive process from a few years in the AA program to then discovering more about therapeutic care, understanding what relationships with myself and others look like,

and working on my role as a parent. And those are the things that slowly but incrementally I started to peel back and look really hard at myself. And that's one of the bravest things I think we can do when we choose ourselves in sobriety is first the alcohol is gone. And then that question, that two-word question, now what? Yeah. That's a big one. That's the million dollar question. Yeah.

I think a lot of people hit that crossroads of alcohol played such a vital role in their life. whether you realize it or not, it intertwined and weaved itself into kids' birthday parties or going out to dinner or just hanging out and watching a game. For everybody, it looks a little bit different, but it intertwines itself in so many areas of life. So then, and for you, for your work, I had another person who was into the liquor sale business and, like, drinking. I mean, she said she didn't really drink on the weekend because they were drinking all

during the week with different events and hanging out. And that was, that was like the thing to do. So you have that element of things and all of this stuff that came before. So it really only makes sense about like, who is Luke without this? Yeah. And that's one of the things. You got to sit in that discomfort. And you're like, wait a second, who am I?

Because prior in that role, you're right. It wasn't just, it was my social life was alcohol. My work life was alcohol. Everything, I'm going to family events, alcohol. And so when did I take a day off from drinking? And I would say most of the time, that didn't happen. It was seven days a week, 12 months a year. And if I took a day off, it was because I was so hurting that my body just couldn't take anymore.

And that, yeah, that realization of like, wait a second, now what? Because my social anxiety that I had to go out in public, oh, I can't knock down a couple of drinks now to go out and go to a family member's house. can't knock down a couple of drinks. And who are we when we remove the boots? It's a very difficult thing to face. And then you have to figure out how to get comfortable in social situations again. So I kept my head down for a while.

I had to keep my head down for a while to really look at myself and do the work. Yeah. So, yeah. I even think, too, like for me, it's being okay when I'm uncomfortable. Sometimes I go places like, I mean hockey games, right?

Everybody, not everybody, but a lot of people are drinking, getting edgy towards the end of the game, right? And you see kind of the madness. It could be a little bit uncomfortable or different things. But it's being okay with being uncomfortable. Like I don't need to run or escape. Like this is okay. But before in my life when I was drinking using substances, I felt so threatened by that. I wanted to make control of how I felt and alcohol gave me the illusion that I could change the way I felt.

like it worked pretty good for a bit. And then I think that most people's stories, well, I mean, the novelty wears off. Right, right. Yeah, absolutely. And then you look at it from this point of clarity as a sober individual when you go out and see the social acceptance of alcohol and substance. And I know that for me, it took me a while to be really comfortable to be out there in that environment.

But now that I see it from a different lens, it's that it's that transition that I've moved from the yang to the gang. I'm over here and I'm like, wait a second, you look over and you're like, everyone's on their own path, some people drink and safety. I know that I can't. But the question that I really had to ask myself is, was I ever truly really conscious of what I was doing? And the fact was, no, I was numb. I was numb to really living a true life because everything came with masking feelings and preparing for how I was going to deal with being out in the world because I didn't know any other way. I had no other clue how to do it any other way. I wasn't comfortable to do it any other way. And now it's amazing to live a life free of that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that crutch of alcohol.

Because now, like, I, I, I can't even imagine what consuming booze or, or snow or anything like that that crept in there, any of that would be like. Yeah. How do you, how do you make that change, though? I mean, I know seven years, all of this doesn't happen overnight, but what are some of the first steps you kind of, you kind of take maybe in year one, two, three about like, who am I? What? Yeah. And how do you get comfortable with yourself? Sure. I mean, the first step for me was certainly in the program of AA. And I have to say that that was like the 100% foundation of what I needed to start with. And that program, I think, is an

amazing tool for those that that choose it and choose it for life. I always, a major debt of gratitude to Alcoholics Anonymous because it gave me the foundations and principles to expand from there. And that's the one thing that I do say. And to some people are like, if you leave the AA, then that could be a major problem.

And that's everyone, everyone is on their own individual path there. For me, I no longer participate in the program of AA, but I wouldn't have had that root and foundational sobriety without it. So for me, that was 100% the same.

start. It was the relatable conversations that I had within that community. And after a few years of being in that program, for me personally, I had to kind of say, I think I need to actually look within myself. And that's when I really transitioned to therapy and other avenues of therapy. So at the tail end, I was in AA, I was seeing a therapist, and then nothing against the AA program. I think it was really in time to take a hard look in the mirror at myself because I wasn't getting what I needed from the program. Valcala Synonymous anymore. And I felt like there were so many layers to peel back on. The number one question was, why did I drink in the first place?

and what were the trauma-related scenarios that might have happened throughout childhood into adulthood that I needed to take a real hard look at. And that's what AA could not do for me. And that's very brave to look hard at yourself and ask that one question. Why was I drinking in this way in the first place? Yeah, that is maybe the million dollar question number two. How did therapy help you out sort of getting to the bottom or working through navigating, healing, everything up into that point? Yeah, there were, when I really started diving in with this gentleman in therapy,

I started looking at particular traumas and things that happened from childhood through adulthood. And when you face those things head on, you really look back and you go, shit, I never dealt with this. I never dealt with particular things in my childhood levels of physical, emotional abuse. These are things that I sincerely encountered, the loss of a sibling with a very interesting relationship dynamic and past relationships. And then you start to realize that there were certain things that you engaged in, different relationship dynamics that you engaged in that were really toxic. and you look at your own behavioral patterns from a lens that really makes you look at yourself to say, okay, one of the things that I really dove deep on was attachment theory. And if people that are in the sober community don't know what that is, they talk about different types.

Do you have an anxious attachment? Do you have an avoidant attachment? You have a secure attachment. And for me, I came to the realization that I was anxious, and avoidant. I had real issues with things such as fear of abandonment. I had real things that happened to me from levels of abuse that I thought were normal because when you grow up from such a young childhood and you think that this is how life is, you never fully recover from that until you dive into it. You look at that shit head on and you go, you know what? This actually isn't supposed to be what it's like growing up as a child or into adulthood, into 20s, so on and so forth.

And you also have to ask yourself, how did I participate in those things? And look at the versions of yourself that we're not capable of showing up at a capacity to be the man that I really desired to become. And I think it takes a lot of guts for us to look at ourselves in that fashion and to say, you know what, I don't like the me that I was. Let me understand that and understand how I can progress with that, whether that's in your, when I say relationships, I'm not just talking about the person you're dating. I'm talking about your relationship with self-care, your relationship with your parents, siblings, keeping a tight circle of friends in a community. How do you parent

your relationships with your children? And those are all behavioral patterns, I think, that are difficult to address when we first remove alcohol because all of these feelings and things come up and our brain starts to remember and recall all the fucked up stuff that maybe we've encountered and didn't want to face head on. So we numbed it with alcohol and drugs or whatever. Yeah. And then it comes out in different ways, maybe years later or in these other relationships that we have or that we start too. I think you're right, man. Man, it does take a lot to get past that. I just drank because it's what I like to do.

I like to taste a bit or I was a whiskey collector. Or I just loved going to wineries. I think it does take a lot of brewery to look below the surface to really try to understand what is going on there. What is healing and moving forward look like so we can show up as our best self? I mean, this is sort of like what we talk about a lot on the podcast. I mean, just quitting drinking. it's just like opening the front door of a house.

Like that is the first step that you have to do that part of the whole process because nothing else can happen until you do. Right. But then here are all of the other things that come next or could come next if you choose for them to. How did all of this help you with self-compassion? Because vaguely remembering too how hard you were on yourself with your life and how things were. I mean, how did understanding some of this stuff help you maybe with that? element if it did it all. Oh, absolutely. Because once I started looking at these unresolved wounds of

trauma, fears of abandonment, having codependent relationships, because that's what, in my opinion, drinking with others is. You've got this codependency, and the catalyst for getting together with those individuals is drinking. You're getting together for one purpose so you can drink and, well, let's all have fun together. But if there wasn't alcohol, would you still spend time with these individuals. That's a different question. But to answer yours on the topic of self-love, compassion, I remember sitting in a room with the same therapist I referenced earlier. This guy's an older gentleman. And I was now at the time, I was struggling in a relationship after my marriage. And I sat there and it really opened my eyes because I was in this relationship or I was just

trying to keep this woman happy. I felt like I was doing everything I possibly could. And I said, man, I said, I just want her to be happy. And he leaned across the table and he looked at me and he goes, Hey, Luke, what about you? And it just was like, bang. Like, wait a second. I've never had anyone asked me that question. What about you? Why don't you deserve to be happy? And I thought about it. And I said, you know what? This is absolutely right. I don't think of myself. very much. And maybe I don't think very highly of myself because I'm trying to please someone that simply is not happy with themselves and I'm just taking the brunt of it. Not to say that person's a bad person, but what I did realize was, holy shit, that's not my job. My job is to

take care of myself. And if I'm showing up for the best version of myself, then that's something that's going to be an appropriate exchange of energy with the right individual. And slowly but surely, I started to do work that outgrew that individual. And then I realized it was time for me to walk away because it wasn't in alignment. And that's a form of self-care that I came to realize. It doesn't mean that it's my job to make relationships work now that I'm sober. I also thought because I was a divorced father with two young kids had been to rehab three times. I didn't feel like there was a level of value within myself to go out into the world. What I know now is a sober individual as exponential value because you've chosen yourself,

you're willing to do the work, you're done checking out, and now you can progress to show up and be a living amends to the people that you choose to have in your life. You know, you don't owe anybody anything. There's plenty of people out there, but the right people will find you when you're doing the right things. And it starts with saying, I choose myself and I love myself. And I'm just going to keep growing and getting better. That's powerful stuff. Yeah.

Yeah, that is 100%. Any guess, I mean, I know you have your own personal experience, but maybe in general, too. why those of us that find ourselves in these situations with being alcoholics or problem drinkers or whatever it is, however we draw it up, why is coming home to ourselves feel so difficult? Because you hear that a lot, right? Like sometimes it's like, I'm going to get sober for my kids and like, yeah, I think that's a good place to start, but is that going to last in the long run? It seems like we have a really hard time like what you just mentioned there, right?

valuing ourselves enough to make the decision to go down this path or to do the work that is incredibly difficult or uncomfortable at times. Any thoughts there? I can't speak for others, Brad, of course. And just, yeah, so I definitely will just stick to what I understand for myself and potentially what I've viewed in others is maybe we're just trying to, maybe the alcohol gave us the courage to connect. But real authentic connections with others comes from doing that without substance. And why others do have those difficulties with self-care and self-love, I think it's everyone's own individual journey. So it's tough for me to paint any one class of, let's just say, us as a sober individual, now sober individuals as a whole, or anyone who's

drank in the past as a whole. But I think everyone's doing it for their own reasons. And I think at the end of the day, we as humans as tribal animals and that's what we are. We're pack animals. So we crave connection. And if it makes it easier to have this sober, this alcohol to be this lubricant to connect with others, it kind of gets you in this level of comfort. Yeah, I don't know. I'm not sure how to answer the question, Brad, because I I think that's every, it's, that's like the anomaly. Who fucking knows? Like, but for me, I had to look at, like, that's why I mentioned attachment theory.

That's why I mentioned therapy, because I had to really understand for myself why I didn't love myself in a way that I deserved. I drank in many days, there were days that I did not want to wake up. I didn't care if I did. And there were days that I hoped that I didn't. And that's very real. That's not a very real thing to face when you go, there was a point in my life that regardless of the people that I know who do love me, my family members, knowing that I have children, it's such a terrible substance that we put in our body that it got me to the point that

I had days where I just didn't care if I, if I woke up the next morning. And that's what I had to face. I had to face that realization that I had value in this world. And for a long time, I didn't know what my value was. I didn't know who I was and I didn't know what I could bring to the table. Now I see it on a daily basis, you know. Yeah. So glad we're headed in this direction here naturally because I think that

for me anyway so relatable to why I think I leaned into the substance, right? It was easy, cheap connection for one. And I don't know exactly when it was. I mean, I think I was born probably not knowing any stuff, but probably loved myself or didn't know any better at the time. And then I think somewhere along the line, I don't know if I could point it up as to the world or to my interactions, but I think there was things that happened to where it started to chip away at maybe my identity or who I was or maybe that I was too much or maybe that I

wasn't, I was sort of a square peg in a round hole. I wasn't able to do well here or do well there. So then you're less than. And if you don't do well in school, then you're less than. And if you're not good at sports, you're less than. And I don't think anybody directly told me that, but I think I read between the lines a little bit when I was younger. And then you end up in this spot to where the connection becomes, for me anyway, it became so important. I was willing to sacrifice what I knew was right and wrong, just to have a place to belong kind of going back to your pack creature idea. And that caused me a lot of problems in life.

And then that further chipped away at the block of self-worth, bow, do I love myself? I think if we peel back the layers and we keep it really, really simple, if we truly loved ourselves, would it match up with drinking poison or doing some of the other things? Like it just, that really just doesn't match up. And I know there'll be people who say they do love themselves

and they have a casual drink and that's cool. Like, I'm not here to debate that, but I think for myself, once that slid, man, it became easier and easier to cross over the lines in the sand, right? I'll never do that. I'll never do that. And then I find myself just jumping over, one, the next one becomes easier and easier.

But you make such an incredible point there, man, is we have to figure out how to love ourselves and really work on that, find out what the obstacles are in the way of that, what's preventing us. And maybe look back. I look back in my life and kind of identified those areas in life to where I feel like I just dropped down a little bit, chip off the block, chip off the block. But like that wasn't everything. Like when I was younger, my self-esteem and confidence and everything was just destroyed.

But I thought it would be forever, but it's not going to be forever with hard work. Yeah, absolutely. It's funny because something that you just said to me really jumped out to me. And I think about this because you referenced the people that say, all right, well, I love myself, but I still have a drink or two. So I guess the real question there would be for the folks that do drink, that are our drinkers, I know it's probably not our audience we're speaking to here, but you had a hard day, all right? And you're going to, all right, I'm going to have a glass of wine.

So, but did you first sit with why you had a hard day? That's a real question for the people who do consume alcohol. Did you actually sit with the hard stuff and look at, Did you feel it in your body? Did you do breath work? Did you go to do yoga? Did you go for a run? Did you go to the gym?

This is why I had a hard day. Because if your reason for drinking is because of it you had a hard day, then you are 100% checking out from that feeling. And I think that's a valid point for us all to recognize even for anyone because you're seeing such a movement in people choosing a path of sobriety. Yeah. And I think you could probably plug in so many things, right? Whether it be a drink or whether it be a phone or whether it be, I'm like in this process of this phone thing. Every time I'm uncomfortable, I'm like, my phone, my phone.

I become consciously aware of this of like I'm looking for that distraction or that dopamine or just that escape. And like, is it going to be as damaging as alcohol? Probably not. But it's still something I've become aware of that, hey, this is what I'm doing. now it's like, now that I'm aware of it, it can kind of drive you a little bit crazy because now you know you got to do something different, which is good. But I'm thinking to myself, hey, check in for a few minutes. Like, is this something that actually is important? Or are you looking to avoid

something here that is uncomfortable in the moment? So yeah, I think you could plug in sort of whatever, a lot of different things into that. Looking back too, I mean, seven years is a long time to kind of remember the amount of days. I don't know off the top of my head how many days that would be. But I think that there can be this perception out there, Luke, that I mean, obviously you quit drinking and your life just keeps blowing up, right?

Like the stock market over time, massive returns. What's the reality of it? Because life, I look at it this way, right? When you do get sober, say you don't have kids and then you're two years sober and you do have kids or maybe you get married, maybe you buy a house or maybe you start a new job. There's always these different seasons in life

that pose different sort of challenges. What are your thoughts on that, too, about things that you've been through and maybe things you've added to your tool belt as you've went along? Yeah, I mean, so that's a wonderful segue into a topic because, well, I won't go into too, too much of, like, the personal struggles I've had in the past year. You and I have spoken about these personally, and I will say that 2025 into 2026 have tested me in,

in ways that I 100% in the past would have had every excuse. I would have drank if someone cut me off in traffic. But I had an excuse at any time. But the tools for me in the toolbox that I have, and this is where I am now, is I rise extremely early. I do breathwork. I meditate. I get outdoors. I spend time with my kids. I drop the phone, like you said, that, It's like that one thing. It's like, okay, yes, we have them. We look at them. But I'm looking at it with purpose for a reason to check something and then put it away because that's what alcohol was. It was a distraction for me. So developing these pillars of self-care, whether it's journaling, breath work, time at the gym, time with family. There's a long list of healthy things that we can integrate in our life.

but it was slowly and surely stacking them. The other thing that I do is I'm very aware of what I put into my body. I do not drink coffee, and that's my choice. I used to try to drink a mushroom coffee for the longest time. Now I drink either a Yerba-Mate tea. So I have to watch my levels of cortisol. How stress can spike in my life, especially with my parenting, my co-parenting dynamic, life stressors, the level of self-care for me has become religious for me.

I have to do it. I have to do it. If I'm not exercising, I feel it. If I'm not hydrating properly, I feel it. If I'm not doing breathwork, meditation. I start my day very early, so by the time my kids even rise, I've already had a couple hours of self-care. And it took me a long time to get there.

It's not overnight. This is year seven, I'd say the first three years. It was AA coffee and ice cream. And that's like, I mean, but if you're always slowly but surely focusing on incremental growth, then you're on the right path. And some days, that might just be just to rest. You simply may say, I need to rest today because I've had too much. But sitting with those feelings is something that recently I've really learned to integrate into my life on a daily basis.

what happened. I think an important question because there's something to be said for being optimistic and sometimes overly optimistic and positive and the mantras and reflecting on the good things in your day. But one of the things that I've started to do on a daily basis is reflect what upset me and how did that make me feel. And then to actually sit and say, where did I feel that in my body and to work through it because for me might sound a little weird, but I have to clear that energy out. I have to clear that energy out because I don't want to stack that and carry that into time with my kids or into time with the people that I love. So that's why I make sure that I'm carving out time for levels of self-care that have become pillars of wellness for me.

Yeah, and a long list of them there too, but you make a really good point is 1% better every day. Like all of this stuff doesn't come overnight for somebody too. But just do a little something, pick some things that somebody else wants to try and then you, yeah, you plug it in. And I love the reflecting part. I mean, I think I do that without even realizing it every day. It's just reflecting on the day and what went well, what can I work on. but from a place of compassion too and realizing things take time nothing changes overnight i i think sometimes we get into this right and we're like all right i quit drinking i'm ready to just get after it

i want everything to change right six months come on after a year it's like everything should be changed and some things don't rise to the surface until later time especially with some people i hear them talk a lot about traumatic events that maybe they've stored away and they forgot about and maybe it's not until year two and they see this or they experience that and it's like oh wow now that's kind of come to the surface in one way or another but i think some sort of you think what we were drinking right i don't know what it was for you man i wasn't there but i woke up every day man it just tried to make it to my first stop on time yeah and then to switch things up to have like a morning routine set yourself up for a good day the best you can i think like makes all the difference other than just

rolling out of bed and going to work or whatever it is. Oh, 100%. And yeah, so that's the one thing that you had just touched on too that I love is that when you, at least, all right, I'll speak for myself. When I first got sober, I was going to, this was going to happen, I was going to take on the world in so many different ways. And the fact is, you are, but it might not happen as fast as you wanted it to. And things are going to evolve and things are going to change. And all the things that you thought you were going to do it at six months of sobriety might not, are going to be different when you hit year one. They're going to be different when you hit year two. And eventually you come to settling into yourself and settling into your body and looking at yourself. There was a guy that

that I actually worked with in a coaching session, a wonderful guy. And he said the same thing that I felt at year three, he goes, I don't know who I am. I don't know who I am. Because in the very similar fashion, I've been drinking for decades. So that's the one thing that I've noticed is that it's life's work, it's slow incremental growth. It takes time. So be patient with yourself. And that goes back to that self-compassion, to that level of self-care. It's like, I never thought, like, I should give myself a but I actually have done that. It sounds like, it sounds a little crazy,

but I've done it. You have to embrace yourself and it took me some time to do that. Yeah, it's also too when I think you mentioned after three years there too and I think that's a reality for a lot of people might be three years. Everybody's probably going to be a little bit different, right,

to when they kind of come to that, who am I? Yeah. I think it can be viewed as sort of Negative thing, maybe. I think it's a beautiful, freaking thing. I think it's like an opportunity to go on a quest that most people never even, I'm guessing here, but I think a lot of people don't even ever get to that point.

I think they just go with the flow, right? Let's just check that box. Let's do this. Let's do this. And like things look all right. But I think they're leaving a lot on the table. So when you come to that question of like, who am I? The beautiful thing is when you take alcohol to your life and you get sober, you've got the space to really figure this out.

Find out what you like. A lot of people share too when I got sober. One of the suggestions in rehab is like plug into some hobbies. And I would mention that the rehab I worked at people look around like, oh shit, I don't have any hobbies. There's nothing I enjoy to do. But I think that that's one of the things that alcohol really steals from us is joy. It's like to have fun, to feel joy, you drink first, and then everything else is going to be fun or joyful afterwards. that fades, that goes away.

So then when we quit drinking, it's like, yeah, what do we even like to do? But that journey to go on, I remember it so clearly. I mean, I'm still on the journey of seasons and life change and becoming a father and stuff. It's like, yeah, that all changes. That question comes up again and again. But I think for me, that journey to go on was really freaking cool, man. Really cool to figure out who was I behind this wild party animal troublemaker, high school drop out, college drop out, all of these failures in life. Like, that really wasn't who I was.

That was my best effort to have a purpose and to belong in the world. It wasn't like who Brad was. Right. So it'd be a good journey too. That brings me to like the thing about parts work. And that's part of a therapeutic setting that I'm currently I've been working on and involved in. and the reason I'm mentioning that is because, and this isn't like about multiple personality disorder, what parts work is, is it about the, like, what would little Brad think of that guy? Because there's a part of us. And when you just, what you just said, it's so true. I remember I was sitting in rehab and I was coloring.

I'm the therapeutic coloring book. And I was like, holy shit. When was the last time I picked up like a set of colored pencils and colored? The fact is, I think for me, I was healing the little kid within me that never got to fully develop because by the time I was 10 years old, I started seeking my dopamine hits from drinking. And then especially when you have kids, at first, sobriety with children seemed very hard. And then I began to play again. I began to play with them. I began to have fun.

And you feel the sun on your face and you're like, this is actually what living truly is supposed to be like. So for me, I'm just a big kid with bills and responsibilities. And I have children and I want to guide them to become exactly who they desire they want to be. But I also want to say like kids lead by example and to have parents that are sober, I think makes a big impact. on what their choices will be when they get older. And through that process, I've gotten to have a lot of fun too because my kids are 10 and 8 years old. And it's a blast. But when I first got sober, I didn't know how to sit in my own skin.

I didn't know how to have fun. I had to teach myself a little bit of being a bit of a kid again. Yeah. Man, that's so special, dude. I relate to that so much of being a kid. Like, my kids think that we're going bowling because they were. want to go bowling or the arcade because they want to go to the arcade but actually I want to go to the arcade. My wife's like, why do we have to go to the arcade? And I'm like, the kids really

want to go. She's like, you just want to go. So everyone's kind of catching on to my trick. But that is a that is so cool, man, as we kind of grow. And I love the way you drew that up. I mean, big kid with bills, man. I'm right there with you. That kind of stuff brings the most joy to my life, man, just to be present, whether it's with them or even with myself. I never used to be. able to stand my own company. It was just, I had to be doing something else. I just couldn't handle it, the thoughts and everything and just say, no, man, I would rather anything but this.

And I had this stretch of my drinking career where I would just go to bars by myself. Oh, yeah. Like I think back now. And I was just like, man, I, and there's, but there's other people in the world, like my, my wife, for example, like she won't go to a restaurant by herself. Like, even a takeout restaurant, like even McDonald's and order her food. And I was like, I love that. I love just going to a place, nobody keeping track, nobody saying, when are we going to go?

I mean, I could close the place down, walk home or stumble home. I mean, that was like my bread and butter. So then when I got sober and spent a lot more time alone, it was getting comfortable with the quiet, with myself, my own thoughts. Yeah. Yeah, that's one of the things that I think you've seen a lot of my stuff that I've shared on social media. and one of the things that I talk about a lot is choosing yourself and healthy forms of solitude because some of the best time in reflection that I have is, of course, those times where I'm either out hiking in the woods, walking the beach, sitting with your own thoughts takes a level of

discomfort in sobriety, especially when you're first really starting to dive in and do some serious work. and but yeah I think there's really something to be said for that autonomy and growth because especially in partnership too because as you said with being being married and wanting to do things on your own I think it's very nice to have those levels of autonomy because you want to be able to come back and talk about what you did for the day and that's where I mean sure there are different types of relationships and as I had mentioned before drinking is is a very codependent It's a codependent sport and then when it becomes an independent sport, which I hear what you're doing, that's when it got dangerous for me too. I used to go, walk into the bar, go shoot pool, drive home, hammered right down the street.

I was married and I would just go to escape. But a lot of my drinking was also done solo at home where I was safe behind closed doors. Because when I really wanted the drink, that's where I went. But I'd say now I love my solitude with healing because that's where I can really let myself think or not think. It's nice to be able to take your mind and have it be still when I first got so over. I couldn't slow those thoughts down. I think anyone in early sobriety can understand that. And I can assure anyone in early sobriety, that goes away.

That does go away. It takes time. It takes time. Yeah. Yeah. I got really plugged into fishing. That's what I used to do. It was like go fishing, try to find, go on this quest to try to find the best fishing spot.

But I didn't, I, people always ask me, did you catch anything? Like, they thought that was the ultimate goal. And for me, I could care less if I caught anything. I wasn't going to eat the fish anyway. It wasn't like I was getting dinner. I enjoyed the peace and quiet and the opportunity to reflect and sort of the motion and sort of maybe the chase was part of it, but trying to find that secret spot. It was just this odd little weird purpose because early sobriety for me was, was lonely. I didn't have any

friends or anything. I was in a whole new country that I hadn't lived in and I didn't really know anything. So I had to find something to do. So that's what I did. Thank you so much, Luke, for connecting again, man. Obviously, so proud of you. And I mean, all of your progress too was seven years. Everything else you mentioned as well, man. Like literally everything else. Anything you want to mention before we wrap things up? Well, I mean, I want to echo right back at you what you're saying to me, Brad, because what you do and I wouldn't be in this recover out loud movement, I think, if we hadn't

connected a couple of years back and there's something to be said for community and purpose. If I had one thing to leave people with today, I'd definitely have. have to say that when you first get sober, it's going to feel very uncomfortable. Society is going to look at you and possibly say, like, are you not drinking? Well, that's, that's kind of weird. And I remember saying, like, back to the people that would look at me and say, like, well, you're not, you're not drinking. That's not the person that I know. What's wrong with you?

And I think I had to come to the conclusion, like, fuck it. I've been weird my whole life. but what I wasn't was myself. And now I have an opportunity to really deep dive into who I am. And that's what sobriety kind of opens the door for to feel life again, to be able to sit with yourself. That journey led me to therapy, breathwork, mindfulness, becoming a better parent, healing our nervous system,

and learning how to become present in our own lives. That's really what it did for me. I'm still evolving. I'm still growing. That's life's work for me. And this is what hope sounds like from somebody who's lived it. Choose yourself even when it's uncomfortable. It's worth it.

Yeah, beautiful, man. It is, dude. And I mean, I can't think of one area in my life that hasn't gotten better since being sober. So if anybody's... Yeah. If anybody out there is feeling overwhelmed by all of it, like you just slow it down a little bit. Things don't change overnight. But going in the direction of just drinking and trying to figure that out, man, it's, it's,

I think if we could have figured it out, we would have figured it out. We're pretty slick, man. We're pretty slick. So if we would have found a way that would have made sense and didn't have the consequences and all of the mental health destruction that comes along with it, we would have figured it out long ago. And a lot more people are making this choice, man, which is great to see. Like, things are changing even probably for you, the landscape even seven years ago. It's probably like, wow, there's so many more conversations and opportunities for support

and so much cool stuff going on. Yeah, definitely. And one last thing to say, Brad, is I popped on and looked at the amount of accounts on Instagram that sober accounts that have dropped off recently. And that's the scary part, because some of those people aren't here today. So that's the reality of it. And thankfully, you and I had an opportunity to get it and to make that change. I think that's pretty impactful. It's it's opened my eyes. And there's not a day that was by that I'm not grateful for that one choice life began from there yeah well thanks again luke you got it man