Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Mailinn narrowly escaped death from alcoholism. Now sobriety has become a way of life for her.

Episode Date: February 2, 2024

Mailinn Hamre began drinking at the age of 13, and by the time she turned 18, things took a dramatic turn as it became the legal age to purchase beer in Norway. Initially, she started drinking to fit in with her friends, and the consequences of her actions didn't become apparent until some time had passed. She found herself becoming dependent on the escape that alcohol provided. As the years went by, her situation worsened, and she ended up consuming up to 17 litres of beer or 4 litres of vodka per day. She mentioned feeling that her body was deteriorating, and her doctor confirmed this grim reality by simply wishing her well and stating that there was no need for another appointment the following year, as her prognosis was bleak. The thought of a life without alcohol was unimaginable for her. After enduring many months of illness, Mailinn was placed into a coma that lasted for three months. Today, we celebrate a true miracle on the show, as she has been three years sober. ------------------- Follow Mailinn on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/soyli91/ Donate to support the show: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivation Check out SoberBuddy: https://www.yoursoberbuddy.com Follow Sober Motivation on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sobermotivation/ 00:12 Malin's Struggle with Alcohol Addiction 01:04 Celebrating Malin's Sobriety 01:13 Behind the Scenes of the Podcast 02:04 Shoutout to Sober Buddy Community 03:11 Interview with Malin Begins 03:43 Malin's Childhood and Family Background 05:03 Malin's Early Drinking Experiences 09:03 The Progression of Malin's Addiction 16:04 Malin's Realization and Acceptance of Her Alcoholism 17:34 The Impact of Alcohol on Malin's Health 23:17 Struggling with Addiction: A Personal Journey 24:23 The Turning Point: A Near-Death Experience 25:21 The Harsh Reality: Paralysis and Hospitalization 31:26 The Road to Recovery: Physical Therapy and Visitors 36:53 The Power of Perspective: Reflecting on the Past 39:04 The Joy of Sobriety: Embracing a Second Chance 42:00 The Future: Helping Others and Celebrating Life 47:25 Final Thoughts: The Power of Resilience

Welcome to Season 3 of the Suburmotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible, inspiring, and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible one story at a time. Let's go. Malin started drinking at 13 years old and at 18 things blew up as she was then legal age to purchase beer in Norway. At first it was to keep up with friends and the consequences took a bit of time to sit in,

but she was hooked on the escape alcohol provided. After some years, things progressed, and she found herself drinking up to 17 liters of beer or 4 liters of vodka per day. She didn't go anywhere without alcohol. She mentioned her body was giving out, and her doctor confirmed this by wishing her well and saying there was no need for another appointment next year,

as she would not make it. A life without alcohol was something she could not even imagine. After many months of sickness, Malen was put into a coma and that lasted three months. Today, we celebrate a true miracle. She has three years sober. This is Malin's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. Welcome back, everyone, Brad here for another incredible episode. Right before we get into it, I want to mention thank you for all the new reviews on the podcast.

That's incredible. And if you haven't had a chance to review it yet on Apple or Spotify, please do that. show some love on that. And if you enjoy the podcast and it brings joy or value or something positive to your life, please consider donating. I'll drop the link in the show notes below, but you can donate to support the show at buy me a coffee.com slash sober motivation. It's a one-man show.

Honestly, I do everything from booking the guest, obviously recording the episodes, editing the episodes, and also cutting up some video clips. to do some promotion on Instagram. So any help would be appreciated. And if you can't, then you just want to kick it

and listen to the show. You're always welcome. I also want to give a big shout out to Sober Buddy with a brand new incredible platform, the mobile app, the brand new mobile app on Apple App Store is live. Sober Buddy community.

I had a meeting this morning. I host a meeting on Monday mornings, Wednesday evenings, and Friday mornings. So I start my week and kind of end my week. with this everybody community and it was just incredible. I was fired up. Everybody is just doing well.

And even those that might be going through the struggle, they keep showing up, they keep asking questions, they keep doing the best they can. And it's just incredible to be a part of something like that, a part of a community that's working together to improve their lives is just something incredibly powerful. So if you could use some support, some community connection and you want to come and hang out on Monday, Friday or Wednesday, and we also have other incredible hosts that do meetings in between those times. Head over to your soberbody.com or search sober buddy community in the Apple App Store,

download the app. Free trial is there, and I hope to see you in a meeting soon. All right, let's get to the show. Welcome back to another episode of the Suburmotivation podcast all the way from Norway. We've got my friend Mylan. How are you? Hi, I'm great. How are you? I'm good. Thank you for jumping on here to do this.

I've seen your story on Instagram here and there and it's just incredible and I reached out to you and I'm so happy that you said yes to sharing it with us. Yeah, I'm really excited. I've never done anything like this. So I'm happy to help others suck in this. Yeah. So how we start every show is what was it like for you growing up? I grew up in a two parents' households. I have two brothers. They are one and three years. older than me. My parents had a really unhealthy relationship, so we were actually pretty relieved when they divorced. I was 14 at the time. My father remarried and he moved out of Norway, actually. He moved to Greece. And yeah, we have great contact with our mother. We all live

around the same place. And it was a lot of addiction in my family, especially on my father's side. We lost many people to addiction. But it was chaotic at times. Yeah. Yeah, I hear you on that. Yeah, and we've talked on the show a lot before about divorce, you know, the people who share the story of addiction that's very common theme. What's it like in Norway growing up? Like you go to school, obviously, and do you play any sports or anything like that? How did you do in school?

Did you have a bunch of friends and stuff like that? Or what was it like? I had a bunch of friends. It's the same friends I have now. My best friend we met when we were five. I did play football, soccer, soccer in San Francisco. For many years, actually, I come from a kind of like a small, very small town where everyone knows everyone.

It's not allowed to do here or it wasn't when I was a teenager. So we started to party pretty early. The first time I partied with my, just three of my girlfriends, we were actually 12 years old because it was literally nothing to do. So the party seat started pretty early. But yeah, I love living in Norway in general. We have a great health care system, which I've needed. I've had a happy childhood.

It's just been a little chaotic. Yeah. But I've had amazing friends, and I still have the same friends and an amazing family. Yeah, that's beautiful. When you say a small town, how many people live in this town you grew up in? Really, it's not in a town. It's like a village. I live an hour away from the second largest city in Norway, but right here where I live,

We are like 6,000 people maybe. Okay, gotcha. Okay. And you're still there. You still live in the same place you grew up in? Yes, not in the same house. My friends, they built me an apartment, so I live here. But yeah, it's the same place.

I want to move closer to the city when I start studying next year, hopefully. But for now, I live here and I have all my friends and family around me. Yeah, beautiful. So you brought it up. I mean, this is a sobriety podcast, and we know that that's going to be part of the story here. But at 12 years old, you start kind of partying. Is that drinking alcohol or what does that look like for you at 12? Yeah. We met in our trailer and we were four girlfriends and we're just going to try it out. It was exciting. So we got some older people to buy it for us and it was

just us and it was actually a pretty fun, a fun evening. But it started there and then my friends and everyone just kept on drinking. And then when we were 14, it really escalated where we were partying a lot on weekends, like home parties. We obviously wasn't old enough to go to a bar. We had a lot of home parties. Gotcha. What are the rules there in Norway to buy and go to bars? It's pretty strict and that really gave me anxiety in the later years. We have alcohol is only allowed to buy during the day. We have this restriction. You can buy it from 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. 6 p.m. on Saturdays and on Sundays, it's close. You can buy alcohol except in bars and pubs. And it's 18 years old. So you have to be to buy it. Okay. Gotcha. And 20 for the hard liquor.

Oh, there's a different age for hard liquor. Yeah, because we sell beers and stuff in the grocery store, but we actually have an apartment for hard liquor. It's not allowed to be sold in grocery stores. Oh, okay. Gotcha. Does that keep a lot of people from getting it or prevent People from getting it? No, I think they just stress out a bit more because this hard liquor building, it closes way earlier than the beer sale. So on Saturdays, the hard liquor actually closes at 3 p.m. And in weekdays, it's 6 p.m.

Okay. What's it like there? The culture overall. Like, I mean, I'm in Canada and I taught with a lot of people in the UK, a lot of people in the U.S., Australia. I mean, everybody shares the same kind of story. I mean, it's just normalized. It's everywhere.

Yeah, it's literally everywhere. Yeah, absolutely. Well, especially in this small place that I'm living, it's nonstop partying for many people. And in the city as well, you really could notice that when it was COVID and everything was closed, the bars and stuff. And the town was just deserted.

And then when they opened back up, the liquor sale, it was full of people back in the city. So we really noticed the digress. No, that's interesting. Did they actually close? of stores, like you couldn't buy the liquor? Yeah, I was in Comat's time, thankfully. But they did close for a while, the stores, and then there were home deliveries, and it

was really much harder to get the alcohol. And the bars and pubs that they were closed. Yeah. Okay. All right. Let's back up here a little bit. I was just interested about that in a sense, right? Because the thing with alcohol was even here, people couldn't wrap their head around it,

why they weren't closed in the stores that sold the alcohol. Well, I mean, because you can die. If you're addicted, alcohol, and you don't have it, the majority of the population, I feel like they didn't understand that connection because they were just like, oh, well, all the other stores are closed? Why are those stores not closed? So that was just interesting to me. But so we'll go back. So you're starting out of 14th. You mentioned things are starting to take off here when it comes to drinking.

Like, you're still going to school and doing what you need to do in that sense and you're drinking. When do the consequences start for you? Do they start young? Well, yeah, I'm not that young. I was my third year on high school. Then I really noticed a change in my drinking habits. And I was aware of it. I'm just like, put it back.

So I noticed that weekends for me just meant partying. And my schoolwork suffered, of course, that year, the most important one. We had this thing in Norway when we are graduates from high school. I don't know how to explain this tradition, but the month of May, we all dress up in this outfit. and we basically drink for a month to celebrate of getting through high school. It's called Rousse. That really made a difference for me and just kept going from there. In 2011, I was highly aware of my drinking because I read back in some of my journals.

I'm actually writing like, you need to stop, you need to not party this notch, you have to have a sober weekend. And then I can just see from my journals that it just escalated and it was weekdays. you know, it was just a couple of beers. And then, yeah, it got worse and worse. Yeah, progressive. Did you have a lot of sober weekends, like since you started at 12, 14? Yeah, I did.

I did have a lot of sober weekends, but not so many after I turned 18. Then I don't think sober weekends, it was fair. Because then I could buy it by myself. I could actually go out on the town and not only be on home parties. so it escalated when I turned 18 and then it just kept going. Yeah. What are you doing outside of the drinking with your life after high school? I worked at a bakery and my plan was to reduce some subjects.

I needed to improve my score or my grade. So I was just working for a year and then I was going to do that. But then I had planned to do more with that. I already had a pretty big alcohol problem then. So it got delayed and then I couldn't work anymore. I couldn't study. And so I started seeing a psychologist that said, so that was what I was doing, trying to get better. Yeah.

So my 20s is just a dark chapter. How old are you now? I'm 31. I'll be 32 next Friday. Okay. Oh, happy early birthday. 32. Thank you.

I'm looking forward to it. Yeah. That's incredible. So walk me through if you don't mind. Like, what did this look like for you? Because I think everybody is a little bit different. A lot of people might be a little bit the same. But like, what did a day in your life look like in your 20s there

when you were really struggling with this thing? Well, I got in newspapers here in Norway for a reason. I drank an abnormal amount of alcohol, and no one could actually see it. They knew it, but I didn't act any differently. But I actually converted some because we use leaders here. Do you use gallons, I think? Leaders.

Leaders. Oh, great. So I drank cream 12 to 17 liters of beer every day or 3 to 4 liters of vodka or my worst. And then everyone was telling me when I was in treatment, I had this addiction psychologist and everyone kept telling me that they had never met anyone who drank as much as I did. They basically didn't know how to treat me. I felt when I actually was trying to get help and I committed myself to a Rios facility, but they couldn't give me the medication that I needed because they had these rules to follow

and they didn't help me at all. So I just couldn't handle it. And the psychologist kept telling me that they wish they could give me more, but they couldn't because it's against the law, even though I drank and a normal mouse. Yeah. So would you go through terrible withdraws if you didn't have it or did you even let yourself get to that point? You did.

I did. I started like crazy, hallucinating and it was bad. I was really scared for my life several points there, and it was just unbearable. I did have some sober periods, and it lasted a week and then three weeks, but not a lot during the seven years that I drank. And I had this liver doctor that I went to every year, and he just got more and more depressed. Yeah, everyone just kept telling me that I was going to die. I wasn't going to see 30. And again, a lot of weight because I drank a lot of beer.

I mean, this might be a little bit of a silly question. What did you feel the need to have so much beer for? I just developed this insane tolerance. I saw on TV like this alcoholic that drank eight beers a day, and I was like, oh, my God, that would have been so much cheaper. I live in Norway. It's not cheap to drink. But I just need more and more to actually function.

I could have withdrawals. My blood alcohol level got under, we'll say three here. It's a deadly limit. But I started to shake way before I was actually sober. I just had a ridiculous tolerance for alcohol and just kept growing. So by the end there, I actually drank four liters of vodka a day. If I drank vodka or up to 30 and 30, I have 17 liters of beer. Is your mom around at this time, like in your 20s there?

Yeah. Was she noticing? Yes, she did. You lived with her? Yeah, I did. Yeah, okay. So she noticed purely and then my brothers found out and as I said, I live in a small place. So it didn't really take that long before everyone knew.

And just kept escalating at the start of all this. They tried to, of course, get me help and try to get me out of it. And then they realized eventually they just had to accept me for the disease and all. So they stood by me all those years. They knew that wherever I came, alcohol came with me. They really adjusted extremely. I have really great friends and family. Yeah.

They were, of course, very worried about me. Yeah, because four liters. And you said it's expensive too, right? Yeah, ridiculous. Now, if you're going to have a beer out on the town, I try to not because that's just ridiculous. It's equivalent to $10 for one beer out on the town. Crazy. Yeah, no, it is for sure.

So do you consider yourself an alcoholic or no? Oh, yes, yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, definitely. Yes, absolutely. I actually realized it pretty early. Actually, I was like, yes, I know I am. This is not usually how people behave around alcohol.

So I realized it actually back in 2011. I had totally forgotten about this until I read through my journals. But then I had these long discussions with myself that I had not partying every weekend. But yeah, I knew. I was very honest when people asked me questions. It was so much better when I didn't answer your high days, you know, less stressful, you know, with the living hell. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just sitting here just thinking I'm so proud of you for where you've come.

Because, you know, oftentimes you hear a story and then I'm looking at you now when you're smiling and you're telling us. And I'm like, my goodness, I'm just so happy that you were able to find a way out of this. but I know that the story does take a little bit more of a turn down the road from here. But yeah, it's interesting because in 2011 you knew you were an alcoholic, quote, unquote. I always hear two different sides of that, right? Some people openly admit it that it is what it is but are not moving in the direction of changing it, but just kind of like accepted it. Do you feel like you just accepted it?

I'm an alcoholic and this is the way I'll go out like this? No, not as first. I actually did go to see a psychologist who wants to work. week for seven years, for all the time that I was drinking. And at the start of this, I had hope, because when I started to drink dairy from the moment I woke up, I had this surgery. I got my tonsils grimled. And then I noticed that I could stop drinking for actually for a month. So then I was kind of like back to, oh, maybe it's not such a big deal because I could quit. But that was actually the last time I could. And then I did set in a way. I was thinking, okay, I'm in my early

20s. I'm going to survive this, you know, it's just a phase. Like as the yet went on, then I could actually feel my body dying. And my doctor, he told me literally every time I saw him, he told me that you will not live to see her. You will be dead long before that. And I was like, yeah, no. He said best so many times, you know, I'm still alive, and I just kept trying to ignore the danger of it, even though I knew it and I could feel it. But the last three years, I was just like a walking dead. I didn't have any energy in 2019. I actually sat on the couch, and whenever I had to go to the toilet, which was often because I drank insanely. I actually sat in the couch just crying because I didn't have the energy to actually stand up. I hadn't brushed my hair. I had to.

year or so because I actually had to lift my arms. It was hell on earth. We realized. Yeah, looking back, I mean, did you have any awareness that this is what alcohol could do? No, I was thinking about it a lot because one side of my family in particular, they have had struggles with addiction. We're not that many left. I had this weird, so embarrassing to look back on, but I was like, oh, that's never going

to happen to me. I mean, I didn't really think much of it and what it. actually did to people and how it could absolutely take control of your life because I was like I can't be an addict. When it started, I was thinking that I was too young, you know, who was ever heard of a 20-year-old female alcoholic? You know, they are like 70-year-old men. I was comforting myself. Yeah, no, I didn't think of alcohol in that way at all before it happened to me. Wow, yeah, but that is so true. Yeah, I mean, stepping back, we have these pictures in our minds or our experiences about who looks like this or who fits in that box, you know.

And really at the end of the day, it's like our neighbors. It's our friends, our family. Those are the people who are struggling. It's not just people that we think that we see in the movies and all that type stuff. Yeah. My goodness, I thought I knew some of your story and I'm realizing really quick here that I don't know any of it. Yeah. I haven't shared this much.

Yeah. Which I really appreciate you doing it because that's a really powerful part of it all. Is that this thing can do. get anybody. It doesn't matter where you come from. It doesn't matter what things look like for you, what status you have, what race we are, anything. It can really grab hold of anybody because it doesn't care. And some people want to argue that to say, well, it's not going to for some people. But here's the thing is when you go to the store and you go and you buy that box of beer or that vodka, they don't ask you where you work, what race you are. It doesn't matter.

Anybody can get it. And if you can get it, then you can get hooked up. it. Yeah. I was thinking the same thing when people have often told me that I got this because of my jeans and whatever. And I'm like, you know, it can happen to you too. Like you don't have to come from an addiction family, you know. It can grab a hold of you too as well. And they're like, oh, no, I'm in control and I just used to for fun and whatever. And I can see warning sides on people around me and they don't admit that it's there. I don't know if they literally don't know or if they just try to fool themselves. Yeah, it's more powerful than people think.

Yeah. Like a lot more. For sure. And it does sound like you got to a really, really tough place. And you mentioned, too, like you felt like you were dying, right? Is that what you said earlier? I could feel my body dying. I actually went as far as to write letters to all my loved ones that they would find when I was dead.

It wasn't their fault and that's I love them and everything. I hid them under my bed because I knew when they would clean out my apartment and they would find it. I didn't want to die. I wanted to live more than anything. I wanted to quit drinking. I prayed and I prayed and I just, it was really horrible. But I knew I was going to die. When I had my last checkup, before everything, my liver doctor's office, he actually told me that he was always surprised when I was there, but he just told me that I know we have this standing appointment every fall, but I won't see you next year.

And I think you know this. And I was like, yes, I do. I could feel that my body wasn't going to survive another year. Six months after that appointment, I was in a coma. Wow. Okay, before we jump into that, though, I wanted just to mention something on what you shared there. I mean, for sure, that's really heavy stuff. And I do appreciate you for sharing that because that's really heavy.

But I think that's where it can lead us, right? Everybody's going to have their different sort of ending to the addiction. But I think that's the toughest spot to be in. it was for me anyway. I wanted nothing more than to quit, but I just couldn't quit. And everybody around you looks at you. Like, I had people that were supportive and I'd people that were judgmental. And even the supportive people, I don't think that they could quite wrap their head around. Why can you not just shut this thing down? And I would talk with them and say, I want nothing more than to do that. Trust me, I don't want to live this way, but I just can't do it. And I just wanted to shed light on that.

Like for me personally, that was the hardest place to be is that I wanted nothing more to get sober. But for a few years, I just couldn't do it. Agreed. I absolutely agree. They wanted to understand the people around me, but they didn't have an addiction. So I tried to like comparative that if I had oxygen sank and alcohol in front of me, I would actually drink until I passed out. I would choose alcohol over oxygen. And I tried to explain how it would like, but, you know, they can't.

understand it because they haven't felt that on their body. But they did know, eventually that is, they did understand that it was not a choice for me, that I wanted out every single minute of a day for years. You know, the first year, it was whatever, but after the first year, I just, I wanted out and I would do almost anything to get out of it, but I couldn't. Yeah, it was really my biggest wish. So I never ever take this for granted. Yeah, no, I'm with you.

I'm with you on that. So moving forward into the story. So 2019, where are we at now? About 2020? Because you're going to go into this when you went into a coma here. Lead us up to that, you know, a week before that. What did things look like? What was that all about?

Well, I can go a month before because it's kind of relevant. I knew I was going to die, you know? I was just so surprised every day when I actually woke up. Then I started one day to notice that my legs were really weak. Like they couldn't carry me. And I was like, okay, that's just the alcoholism, you know, killing me. So it's just probably how it starts. Actually, I didn't go to the doctor or anything until I was almost completely paralyzed in the legs.

And then I went to my doctor's office and he, of course, sent me to the hospital. And at the hospital, they took away my alcohol. So I discharged myself against medical advice. So this will happen again. I got more and more paralyzed. But sent back to the hospital, they did the same, took away my alcohol, so I left against medical advice. And then the last time, this is a crucial moment. I collapsed at home because it was reaching my lungs and my organs were shutting down.

The first thing, when I wake up at the hospital, there's this doctor in front of me and he says, no one on this floor nurses or doctors is going to comments on your drinking. You do you. You can have as much beer in here as you want. Just do not leave the hospital because you won't come back. And then I stayed because he didn't take my alcohol away. And I was in a coma a few hours later. So he saved my life because I would have left if he wouldn't have said that. And I was in a wheelchair. I had people actually helping me because I couldn't walk at this point. So I had to wheel myself out of the hospital. I had a mother and a friend who helped me. But they didn't know. what to do, you know. But yeah, that doctor really saved my life. And they was on my brother's birthday, which made it all more depressing. I couldn't talk because my lungs were shutting down, so I just kept coughing, this horrible cough, and I was so tired. I couldn't handle all the coughing, so I actually asked them to put me in a coma. I couldn't live like this anymore. And then my mother took her phone to my ear, so I couldn't try to wish my brother a happy birthday. And I just coughed

in the phone, and he was like, yeah, I know what you're trying to say, and I love you. And that last time I talked to him. I was in a coma, really, shortly after. Wow. Your mom's there with you, though? She was with me, but this was March 19, 2020. So I was three months in the hospital with no visitors because of COVID. But months four, they could visit me again. But yes, she was with me. At the time, we were actually in quarantine when I was put in a coma. And then she had to leave because COVID. So she had to wait for her. calls every day. Almost the first thing they told her every day when they were going to give her an update was that my fever wouldn't break. It didn't break for two months. I got prednisone and that saved my life. But they told her like in every phone call that her liver is horrible, but she's not a candidate for a transplant. It's her liver dies. She dies. So that was really hard for her to hear. They told her so often and she was like, yeah, I get it.

Yeah, wow. Did they mention to you that they were going to put you in a coma? Yeah, they did. The timeline here in 2020. I remember everything from my alcoholism, like everything. But the last few months, it's really weird in my head. But the timeline, because when I got in a coma, my world started for me. This is a world of my own. I lived in for years. I had a lot of snowed. And so I have a little hard time facing everything. But they did tell me that they considered putting me in a coma and that it's nothing. improved and I actually begged them to put me in a coma because I couldn't handle it anymore. I was so wee. And my body just kept on coughing and I was like, it was too much.

I didn't have any energy and then my body just kept coughing and it was horrible. Yeah. Wow. That was for three months? Four months. Four months. Wow. Yeah.

The last month I could have visitors though. So fourth month was just heaven on earth. small sheep. That's beautiful. And your mom and your brothers and friends came to visit you? Yeah. First all, I woke up and I had hallucinated so much. I was absolutely sure that I was like 45 and I had no idea where I was. I had a lot of delirium and it was just so unreal. And then they proceed to tell me that I tents had visitors because of this pandemic that is named after a beer. And I was like, Of course my brain would make that up because it's a corona. It's a beer.

Of course my brain would make something like that up. I was like, yeah, sure. I had this TV in the ceiling because I was paralyzed. I couldn't talk. So just later and then watch this TV. And on the news, they were like, yeah, people are fighting over toilet paper. And I was like, yeah, sure, they are. Like, this is not happening.

So I was just thinking that it was not real. I was still in a coma. I didn't actually understand that I had woken up for quite some time, actually. Wow. Yeah. And so how do you feel when you wake up? Like, do you think about drinking when you wake up or no? Actually, yes, I did, but I thought I was still in a coma.

So I was like, this world that I woke up to, I thought I was hallucinating. So I was like wondering what was happening with my real body since it was obviously not it. And I was like, okay, maybe I wake up and I'm sober. Or maybe I'm dead and this is my purgatory, just horrible time. The time works very differently. Like, I was transferred to the neighbor hospital. And actually, I just stayed there for about a week on the ICU there, two months on the other ICU.

But this ICU actually sounds like 10 years to me because I woke up in different rooms and places and I lived in these worlds very hard to explain. I had a lot of hallucinations and delirium. I didn't actually understand that it was real until my fourth month. Yeah, but I was really trying to wake up and I was trying to get my physical therapist to throw me out the window, actually. Just, I didn't want to tell myself. I just want to, you know, when you fall in a dream, you wake up and I want to wake up.

But they didn't understand that, of course. And I was super heavy at this time. I weighed 165 kilos, like 363 pounds. They can just throw me out of the window. I don't think they actually would have done it. I hope not. My goodness, you're about to turn the corner here. I hope they don't just did.

That's it out the window. Yeah, so then where do you go from there? I went out of the hospital, Tena stress is now just amazing physical rehab facility because I was paralyzed and I was going to learn how to walk in stuff. And then my first say there, they told me that the rules were that you could have two visitors, the same once during your entire stay. But since I've been in the hospital for three months, they made an exception for me, so I could have different visitors every day. But the first people that came in, it was my mother, my brother, and my best friend. And I hadn't seen them for, it was three

months, but for me, it was 15 years in my head. I lived through a lot of weird jets and a lot of years in my hallucinations. When I actually saw them again, it was just, I had no words. It's just so so lonely. I was paralyzed for three months and I couldn't talk because I had this tube in my throat. So I just made it for three months and I couldn't tell them how I felt when the physical therapists touched me and tried to get me to sit up on the bed. I couldn't tell them that it was these excruciating nerve pains and I couldn't scream or anything. So it was just very claustrophobic. So I got through this. We have silly and then they unplugged my tube I had in my throat. and the tube I had in my nose and on my chest and everything.

They just unplugged everything. And I had a little one on my wrist. And I could talk again. And then I got visitors. And then I could actually go outside because they had this beautiful viewing Darden from my room. So my visitors, my mom, my brother and my best friend, they wheeled me outside in the fresh air. And it was like magic. But I still had this feeling that I was.

in a coma, you know, somewhere. But it was the first time I actually hoped that it was real life. I didn't dream it, you know. I loved it there. They were just amazing people and I had physical therapy every day and I had my visitors and it slowly like came to me that I'm actually sober, you know. This is my four months sober and it's just unreal to me. I didn't dare to believe it, I think. Then I talked to my aunts. She's one of my closest relatives. We have always had this special bond and she was going to visit me the next day. This was a Thursday. And then she died that night and my brain got straight back into like, it's not real. This is my hallucination. And then I just wished for the opposite. I wish that I was still in coma somewhere because I

couldn't deal. And this was actually the first time I had to deal with something sober in years. And I was still so confused and it was really out of the body. I think I blacked out. Yeah, it was horrible. It was absolutely horrible. It still is. I did get to know that I talked to her on the phone the night before she got to know that I survived and that I was sober. Mama day goes by without me missing her. Yeah. Was that important to her for you to get sober? Has she mentioned it to you before? Yeah, but she was really understanding and that side of the family had a lot of addiction. It was very, you know, normalized. and I really looked like them. And yeah, she wanted me to quit.

She wanted me to survive. She got to know that at least, but she should have been here with me. Yeah. I'm sorry for that. Sorry for your loss with her. Thank you. Yeah, so you're doing the physical therapy

because, yeah, you're still paralyzed, right? How long does that last for? I learned to walk with health. I had this tall walker in the hospital. I learned my first sets back in the hospital a few days before I was transferred to the rehab facility, but then I really started at the rehab presently. So I could walk with help.

Yeah. So it just gradually got better. I'm still in physical therapy because it's a lot of things I can't do yet. Like, I can't even believe that I used to jump like easily. It's insane to me. But yeah, I love it. Yeah. So you got that whole side of the physical therapy stuff.

How have you been able to stay sober and not drink? I had played so hard on the second chance and it was just extremely disguised, but I had not even a little cravings after what I've been through. I remember the reason, actually, I have these before videos of me walking at the hospital is because it wasn't sad then that I was going to do this before after stuff. I asked them to film me walking and I could see the pain in my eyes because if I ever thought about it, drinking again, I would have these videos to look back on and see the cost of glances. Luckily, I haven't needed it. I'm just so beyond happy that I got a second chance and I would never ever worth it. I really want to help people in the same situation as I was and I just have to believe that this is why I was given this second chance when everyone was telling me that I

was going to die. I lost the weight along the way. And when you're in the ICU in Norway, They write you these journals from your stay there because you usually hallucinates and stuff so that you can get perspective and stuff. And they take photos of you. You can see your entire stay and they write how your day and day and then. So I had these journals from the hospital. And they really helped me a lot, which is why they do this to get perspective on things. And I really could have seen what I actually went through. And that has helped me a lot.

I don't think of alcohol in that way anymore. I think of it like this dental. I really hate being around us. I hate watching it. I really hate it. I'm just beyond happy to be sober. I can only imagine. I never really hang that close.

I don't think. I mean, maybe sometimes. But to be able to go from where you were, right? Because the addiction just enslaves us. Everything we do revolves around it. To get onto the other side to be able to feel good in the morning and wake up and do all this stuff and everything. Yeah, I mean, that truly is a second chance

where you have been able to turn things around from. Yeah, it really is. And I think that's rewards we get because I've talked about my friends about this, how grateful I am for that they don't even think about, you know? Like I can get up from the toilets with no help because my legs carry me now. And I can wake up and not create alcohol.

I usually got panic attacks when the time was close to eight or six. when the alcohol closed sale in Oli. And now it's just a Sunday, you know. I love Sundays now. And I actually have this here. It says the best gift in life is the second chance. And then I have a before in between and after a picture of me.

It's very motivational to have on my wall. Wow. That is incredible. Well, you're making the best of this. What's the plan to help others? And on top of that, what would you say if somebody is listening to the show? And they're stuck in any part of this, right? Because I think there's a spectrum here, right?

Things weren't like this when you first started. And people are going to find themselves at different places. What would you say to somebody who's like just starting out with it, exploring whether or not they got a problem or they should call it quits or what do you think? I wish I would know this back then. Just seek help before it gets sad. You know, I went thinking that, no, it's not that bad. I can't seek help yet.

They're going to think I'm an idiot because I'm. I don't have a problem, but just do it. It does matter. And this actually was amassed me the most about being sober. You know, I said everything because it's awesome. I had this voice when I was an active alcoholic. I want to quit more than anything. But then when I pictured my life without alcohol, something just happened in my brain.

Like, I couldn't picture it and how would I ever have fun again and all this weird stuff going on. And when I think back, those kind of thoughts now, It was just so, so clear to me that it was alcoholism talking, that those thoughts were absolutely fake. And I wish I had known that back then. I wish an addict had told me that, that these thoughts were just completely fake. It was just your alcoholism trying to get you to keep drinking, you know? Yeah, I really wish I had known that because I truly believed that my life would be less somehow if I managed to stop drinking, which is just completely the opposite. Yeah, that's what you're trying.

But we get stuck in that. And I think it relates to we feel like we're giving something up. But in reality, we're getting so much. We're gaining so much. Like it's like giving up, they say a lot too, that giving up one thing for everything. You know, like you just get so much back. Absolutely. Like you mentioned Sundays, your mornings, I mean, relationships, opportunities.

And ultimately that peace of mind, the peace of mind to where there's not something on your shoulder, 24-7, 365 that's just tapping you over and over and over again to just burn down and destroy your entire life. That feels good. Absolutely. And I thought about alcohol and how to get it 24 hours a day, like every minute. And I had to bring it everywhere and I couldn't eat at a restaurant where there wasn't selling alcohol like McDonald's or whatever. I always had to bring it and I always had to worry about having money for it. And when they closed and a year into my alcoholism, I became an aunt for the first time.

to my beautiful nephew. And it was just so sad to me and all of us that I couldn't be the ant I wanted to because of my energy. It was just not there. And then last year, both of my brothers had a girl each. So now I have three ants and babies. And I'm just the most committed ants. I'm almost like a stalker aunt. And I just am so involved in their lives.

And my nieces will never get to see that side of me. and that I'm healthy, that I looked completely different, you know, see how sick I was. And they will never experience the side of me, and you're so thrilled, I became a godmother to both of them. My nephew's baptism I couldn't attend, wasn't invited. They did always include me, both my friends and family, but I was in a vodka period at the time. So it's just I didn't have any energy and no business being there, really. Yeah. It's really bugged me a lot.

Yeah. All the things I missed my 20s. Yeah, no, but it sounds like, you know, you're moving forward, you're doing the best you can, right? Yeah, absolutely. I want to pay this back in whichever way I can. Actually, now in September, I've been invited back to the hospital to give a lecture in front of just hundreds of people, so I'm really nervous about everything. And of course, I said yes, because I spent three years, and I really prayed for years. I said that if I just get out of this, I will use my... my second chance to do whatever I can to help others with this.

And so next year, I'm hoping to get into nursing school. And then if my legs are where I want them to be. So now I'm going to give a lecture, you know, if I don't pass out. I call the old me a shoe. And I think she would be so proud of me. And I'm doing it for her, you know. The hopeless girl that she would never live to see 30. I really just want to help any way I can.

And it's the first thing I think about every single morning. I know that I wasn't actually supposed to be here. You know, I'm turning third to next week and no one thought that was possible. So really, really blessed. I got to be honest, I'm taken back by your story. I'm so proud of you. Thank you so much. Yeah.

What day is your birthday? What day next week? It's on Friday first, September 1st. Okay. Yeah. Something you have to know about me because it's just the epidemi. of everything I am. I'm an extreme Christmas person.

And I always had been, like, borderline, crazy Christmas person. And when I couldn't feel that joy anymore for seven years, that was actually one of the worst things for me. I couldn't feel the Christmas spirits and it was just beyond horrible. And so when I got better and I was going to have my first Christmas sober in 2020, everything was so. So I couldn't really do the things I wanted to, like Christmas markets and whatever, they were closed, but that didn't matter at all because I was sober.

And it was my first Christmas sober and it was just magical. When I started decorating, I could just feel it again and it was incredible. So now, since I missed seven years of my beloved Christmas spirit, I started decorating and celebrating Christmas on my birthday, September 1st. Oh. Yeah, that's when Christmas starts for me. So it's last like four months. I've had a lot of comments about this, but everyone gets it. So I'm going to serve my family like gingerbread and whatnot when they come into cellarine.

Wow. But I don't go all out. I just start to like that ready. And then in October, then it's all out. October, it's done. It's everything Christmas. Yeah. Now, that's incredible.

Yeah, I love that. It never works for you, obviously, right? Like, that's beautiful. Yeah. That's incredible. That's also one of the things I'm doing for her because I just remember how depressed and hope that she felt around Christmas time. Because, you know, I remember.

that I used to love it. It's my favorite thing in my life, you know, and I just couldn't see it. So I'm doing it for her as well. We have a lot of Christmases to catch up on. No, for sure, for sure. Is there anything before we wrap this up that you'd like to leave everybody with?

Where can they find you if they want to reach out to you and say thank you or connect with you in any way too? Well, I have an Instagram. I'm very active on. I'm solely 91 is my username. You can reach me there. And the reason also I want to share my story is because I always told my psychologist that I wish that I had someone like on TV that was doing, I don't know how to put this, but worse than I did. So then if they got out of it, that I could too.

But it wasn't anyone worse than me. I was sold all over by doctors and psychologists. They had never, ever met anyone who drank his mother. They didn't really know what to do with me. So this is also one of the reasons I went public and I was in the newspapers here in Norway, because I want to be that person that I wanted to have for someone. You know, it was so bad in my case. And so when I can get out of it, like literally everyone, everyone can.

I hope to inspire people to do that because it really is not over until it's absolutely over. I was like a second away from dying and then I didn't. And now I'm sober and happy and just driving. So, yeah, so grateful. Well, you've inspired me today, my friend. Oh, thank you so much. It's been very fun doing this. You've done incredible to walk us through it.

It was, and I believe that your story is going to do exactly that to let other people know that they can get off of the train per se whenever they want to. And there's a lot of benefits if you do. And they don't have to ride this thing till the end or to the stop right before the end. You know, you can change your life and make something no matter where you're at. So thank you so much. And I'll drop your Instagram handle in the show notes for anybody who wants to give you a follow. And if you want to, too, you can check out some of the videos. The videos you've done are incredible to showcase your transformation and what you've been through.

Go and look at the videos, everybody, trust me. It'll really paint a bigger picture. It'll just connect you more with the story because this is just an audio show. Go over there and check out those videos because it's a miracle, truly. It'll truly paint a whole other picture. picture for you to kind of see this stuff in real life in that sense. But thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you so much for this opportunity. It's been very fun. Yeah. Wow. What an incredibly powerful episode on the podcast. Now, Malin is from Norway, so English is not her first language,

but I think she did incredibly well. It was a little bit of a tougher episode to get edited just because of the recording device that was used and stuff like that. But what an incredible story. My goodness. I mean, a coma for three months and a hospital for four waking up during a pandemic. I mean, how wild would that have been? Especially as she mentioned she couldn't talk. So just taking in information and not being able to say anything at first.

But where she's at now compared to where she was, I'm honestly blown away. If you look at her Instagram, like I said, I'll drop it in the show notes. You look at some of the videos of her going through stuff and having to learn how to walk again and do all those things that most of us just take for granted every single day. I know I do at times. To learn how to do all that, come out the other side and now be on a mission and a journey to help others. I mean, it's truly inspiring. Truly, truly inspiring.

So I hope you guys love this episode as much as I did. as always, if you're enjoying the show, drop a review on Apple or Spotify. If you're listening on Spotify, leave a comment. They have new comment section and polls. I try to put a poll on each episode so you can share your thoughts there or you can drop some feedback and stuff for the people to check it out. Since this is a rerun episode, the first time we recorded was in September.

And now our friends got over 1,400 days sober, incredibly powerful. Be sure to send her a message over on Instagram, let her know you appreciate this story, and keep sharing, my friend. Until next time. Let's go.