Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Mark says he was an alcoholic from his first drink and that one was too many and a thousand was never enough.

Episode Date: July 20, 2023

In this week’s episode, we have Mark, who says he was an alcoholic from his first drink, and that was just the beginning of the journey he would share with alcohol. Mark expressed that he had to be ready to get and accept help. Everything changed when getting sober became his idea after being fired from another job. Mark took a chance on himself and is now 10 years sober. Don’t miss his amazing story and great insight into what has helped him string together 10 years of sobriety. ------------- Check out Mark on IG HERE Follow Sober Motivation on IG HERE Download the SoberBuddy App HERE Learn more about SoberLink HERE

Welcome to Season 3 of the Subur Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week is my guests and I share incredible, inspiring, and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible one story at a time. Let's go. On this week's episode, we have Mark, who says he was an alcoholic from his first drink, and that was just the beginning of the journey he would share with alcohol. Mark expressed that he had to be ready to get and accept help.

Everything changed when getting sober became his idea, following being fired from yet another job. Mark took a chance on himself and is now 10 years sober. Don't miss his amazing story and great insight into what has helped him string together 10 years. This is Mark's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. Hey, everyone, it's Brad here. Hopefully your day is going well. Thank you so much for the support, continued support on the podcast. It's been incredible. Be sure to share it with a couple of friends if you find it might be helpful for them.

Thank you for all the reviews and everything else. Look, this week's episode, the audio is not the best. We did what we could. We learned from it. But Mark's story was so powerful. I wanted to share it anyway. So I hope you enjoyed this episode and have a lot of good takeaways. And look, if you're struggling on your journey, sometimes the only thing to do is hang on for another day.

if you feel like you tried a lot of stuff, you went to your meetings, you talked to your therapist, you talked to your friends and your support network. Sometimes you just got to hang in there and things will be better tomorrow. I want to give a big huge shout out to Sober Buddy.

Look, we're having a ton of fun over there supporting each other on the journey. If you could use some community and connection on your journey because you're tired of doing this alone and it's not working out, download the app and come and join us. We have 10 plus support groups per week live. they're all through Zoom.

You can plug into the community right there on the app. You can get some support and meet some incredible people. That's what it's all about. If that's not your thing and you want to use the free sobriety tracker, download the app, track your sober days, have some fun with that, share it on social media. But I really hope to see you in a group soon. So head over to your Soberbuddy.com or your favorite app store.

Your Sober Buddy, the blue fluffy character, download the app, or check out the free tracker. It's up to you. Getting sober is a lifestyle change, and sometimes a little technology can help. Imagine a breathalyzer that works like a habit tracker for sobriety. Soberlink helps you replace bad habits with healthy ones.

Weighing less than a pound and as compact as a sunglass case, Soberlink devices have a built-in facial recognition, tamper detection, and advanced reporting, which is just another way of saying it'll keep you honest. On top of all that, results are sent instantly. to love ones to help you stay accountable. Go after your goals. Visit soberlink.com slash recover

to sign up and receive $50 off your device. One last thing before we jump into Mark's incredible episode. I want to give a huge shout out to Mike, aka Sober Savvy on Instagram. Mike has been supporting the show since day one, I think. Mike's got over eight months sober. Mike is an extremely supportive human to other people who are on the journey.

Mike is an incredible member of the sober buddy community that just helps out and supports everybody. I mean, a true real-life superhero. Thanks, Mike. Welcome back, everyone, to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast today. We've got Mark with us, Mark. How are you doing? Doing great. Good.

Happy to hear it. Glad we could connect here because I feel like we started talking many, many moons ago. Yeah, yeah. Probably still one of my downfalls is procrastination. So, yeah, well, I'm glad we could make it work. How we start every show, Mark, is what was it like for you growing up? I just think I had a kind of a crazy upbringing. My parents of course when I was really young, I grew up on a family golf course.

So my mom lived on a house. It was on a golf course of my grandpa own. So I basically grew up playing golf and had the country club lifestyle growing up as a kid. but it also meant free reign to kind of do as I wished. Yeah, I hear you on that. What the heck is the country club golf lifestyle like? Well, it was a small little nine hole golf course, but I got to kind of spend my summers slowing in the pool and playing golf, basically.

I started playing golf at a very young age, probably five or six. By the time I was seven or eight years old, I was jabbing a golf cart and playing nine holes of golf by myself, you know? Yeah, that's all right. Yeah, wasn't too bad until I found the old alcohol. I was going to say because that alcohol engulfing can go hand in hand quite a bit, right? Right? So I had a lot of role models to look up to.

A lot of golfers that were members at the golf course and watching them play golf and partaking the golf, the 19th hole, if you will, afterwards. Yeah. So when did you start drinking? Oh, well, I think I was 13 years old. I only had my first drank. Yeah, they spiral pretty much under control by the time I was at high school, unfortunately. But 17 or 18, I was a daily drinker. How does that look when you're 17 and 18 daily drinker when you're in high school?

Looking back on it, it looked pretty straight up. But at the time, man, seeing like the norm. Honestly, I always hung out with people that drank. So if you didn't drink, I wasn't hanging out with you. So to me became the norm for me. It was a period when I was like 17 that I passed out like 65 days in a row, like blacked out. Do not remember going to bed.

And honestly, it was still dark. It didn't seem abnormal to me at the time. Because I had found an escape. What I was escaping from, not really sure. At the time, I wasn't sure. Looking back on it, it was what you've probably. I heard other people talking about. You know, I had a hole in here that I was trying to fill with alcohol. And ultimately, it was the never-ending holes. And alcohol never felt it, you know,

so years and years and years of drinking and realized that finally that that hole was never going to be filled with alcohol. Yeah, no, you hear that a lot. That big hole we're trying to fill, right, of insecurities or being uncomfortable in our own skin and different stuff like that. I'm with you, too. When I was younger, I had no idea how to connect the dots between looking to escape. I was just trying to fit in. I thought it was just trying to, you know, be normal. And then those are the people you start hanging out with. So then if other people outside of that circle, like my parents would mention stuff or other friends that say, hey, well, maybe something's up. It's like, well, it's really hard when you're younger because you're hanging out with all those

people that are doing it. And it's like, well, I don't know. There's a bunch of us doing it. It's not just me. What I found out later is that a lot of those buddies that I used, used to run with, they packed it in after college or stuff like that. They kind of moved on with their life. And there I was, unable to do so. So who were you living with? Because you said your parents had a divorce. So where were you staying? I was living in my mom's house on the golf course. So honestly, she was busy and I was out busy doing my own thing. And ultimately, I had more freedom than I should have at that age. But honestly, my grades weren't horrible. They weren't in the tank. I was A, B, some Cs here and there, D every once a while,

which the most part, I was a decent student. I didn't get a lot of trouble early on until maybe senior year. Up high school got a little bit of trouble here and there, but nothing abnormal that other kids weren't, you know, all getting in the same amount of trouble. And I hit it very well. Hid my alcoholism, looking back on it, and I was an alcoholic from my very first drink.

And we hear that a lot. People that are sober, they look at back on. to go in like, ever since I took my first night, I couldn't wait to have another one. And one was never enough. But, you know, for me, just like you said, my mom and my parents thought it was at phase and thought eventually I went to grow out a bit. It was one of these things. And you're right. Like, everybody else went off the college and I continued to just do my thing. You know, I ended up going to a golf scholarship to a four-year college. And I quit after the the first six months of school because drinking was more important.

Looking back, I didn't say if it's tired. College wasn't for me. Well, no, it wasn't for me because drinking was more important. That's why college wasn't for me. So I ended up giving up a golf scholarship to go back to junior college and pretend to be going to school there when reality I was, I was just working and drink it. Yeah.

What were you doing working? Oh. I think at that time, I actually, believe it or not, I worked at my dad bought a liquor store. Oh, wow, Mark. I didn't have a chance in hell. You grew up in a golf course with a full bar right across the street, and then my dad bought a liquor store,

which seemed like the perfect job for somebody like me who liked to drink. But, you know, ultimately, that wasn't the best job in the world for me either. And he and I had a falling out because I couldn't come to work on time, believe it or not. So he and I parted ways with that whole business. they're supposed to be handed down to me here and all this stuff, and ultimately I struck that away, I guess, if you will. And then I got into doing construction work and kind of the manual labor-type jobs, bounced around for those for several years,

and then ended up moving to Florida when I was about 23, something at the time. Wait, and where were you at before Florida? City of Missouri. Oh, okay. And what brings you to Florida? My family had a beach house. I came down. I was a construction worker. Came down to do some work on it and happened to come down during spring break.

Fresh out of a relationship. After about three or four days of work, my uncle said, okay, we're down. Let's go home. And I said, have fun. I'm staying. So then I moved to Florida and got here and decided that building houses wasn't going to be really cool to do in Florida. I was a little bit too hot. So I thought I'd work on boats.

So I got a job at a yacht sales company working on the service side and working on yachts at the time. And I worked my way up pretty quickly, though. Coming from the Midwest, I found out in Florida, it was pretty easy to be oppressive, show up on time, and work your ass off. You could move up the ladder pretty quickly. So within six or eight months, I was the parts manager. And then within a couple years, I was the service manager for a yacht sales company. and I ended up having my seven or eight guys working for me, and it was living the life until they found out that I was no longer employable

because of my alcoholism. So therefore, then I got fired from that job, and that's actually what changed my life. And the day I got fired, I was in my boss's office at the time, and he fired me, and I literally felt like an ambitle of it, list it off my chest. I could breathe. And I was like, I'll go to rehab. And why I couldn't have thought of that like the day before or 10 years prior to that, right? I was done digging my own grave. And so I went into rehab actually three days later. And that was a little over 10 years ago.

Wow. I haven't had it since. Wow. That's incredible. Was that your first time at some sort of intervention to get help or the drinking? Yeah, yeah. And, you know, it was funny because, you know, I knew I was an alcoholic probably from the first time I took a drink, like I said earlier. But when I was like 22 or 23 in my head, I had this fantasy. I'm going to drink total about 35 and then I'm going to have to probably quit at some point. Well, I was 36 actually when I quit drinking, but I never fathom it would have to be because I went to rehab. I just thought I would finally grow up and like become an adult at that point. Ultimately, it was at 36 years old is when I needed to get help and that's when I went in. And I'm glad I never went in a day earlier than that because it wouldn't have worked. I've seen it too many times since I've been sober and too many times before that, that it's not going to work until you're ready.

And until I was done, it wouldn't have mattered. I could have went to 10 rehabs. I watched multiple people go to multiple rehabs. And until you're ready to stop, that's what it worked. Yeah, no, I'm with you. Yeah, there has to be that willingness there, right? Because it's not easy to do it. So, yeah, what about it?

I mean, what were there specifics there at that point in time in your life at 36 when your boss sat you down? He fired you. What did he fire you? Did he say that you have a problem with booze or was it because of the behaviors? Like, you're laid and you're not reliable. I think a week earlier, I had a bottle of wine blow up in a company vehicle. That may have been their side, right?

It was a long time coming. The one thing about it, I was never like an angry drunk. Like I was respectful, but I wasn't horrible to be around. It wasn't like the complete outcast. I think I got away with a lot of things for a lot of years. Just because I was funny and cool to be around and everything else, I think people just put up with me for a lot longer than they should have, which I think probably is part of a lot about all this problem is the enablement

And the second chances, better chances, four chances that we're given and the empty promises that we may over and over do not only ourselves, but to other people that just go unfulfilled. Yeah, so what was it when he sat you down there? What happened with your thoughts or something about like, hey, I'm going to take this serious and go to rehab? Because you'd lost jobs before, right, because of drinking. So it definitely wasn't losing a job. It was probably a couple different things kind of hit at the right time.

I don't know. Yeah. At the end there, it was horrible. For the last six months until I got fired, I was drinking every morning before work on the drive to work just to get rid of the chase. And honestly, at the very end there, I was just a skeleton. I didn't care if I died or if I got fired.

I knew one of the two was going to happen. It didn't matter to me really which one at the end. It didn't really matter at all. and luckily I got fired and I was like that was enough I had been telling myself that enough for the last couple weeks that it was like

okay here's your sign like you knew one of these was going to happen you're lucky to be alive now go do something about it and it's so funny looking back on it like why could that have not happened years ago

when it took me getting to that very end point where I wasn't suicidal by any means, but I wasn't afraid to die in it. I was afraid of taking my own life for a very, very crazy reason because I honestly was afraid I would never have another drink. And that's the insanity of alcoholism, right? I wasn't afraid to die, but I was afraid to kill myself

because then I would never have another drink. I didn't know if there was drinks in hell or heaven or wherever the hell I was going, right? Instead, I would stay here in my own insanity and hope things got better, even though I was doing nothing to try to change it. Yeah, that's deep, man. That's deep, Mark. But it's a tough spot to be in.

In the note you sent me there, you had mentioned a relationship of some sort, I think. I'm looking at my notes, but were you in a relationship throughout this time in your life? I joke about it now, but my first wife left, and I didn't realize she left until, like, a year after she was gone. Because I was in the knee-deep in my alcoholism, and I quit. We've got another relationship, right a year after that. You hear about with alcoholics. We kind of have our little straightening up points where everything's going good and we clean up our act a little bit.

Well, I had to act right because I had a new girl, you know. We had gotten married in 2011 and basically from the time we got married until 2013, when I got sober, that was just two years of pure hell for her and for me because it was the last two years of the drinking. So it was by far the worst passing out just, I mean, insane. So she basically was there with me when I got fired and helped me get into rehab. And I had a lot to figure out at that point. When I went into rehab, it was, you know, is she going to be there when I get out of here?

I had a choice too. And she and I laugh about this still to this day. We're still married now. We have a nine-year-old daughter. We laugh about it because she's like, I didn't know if I was going to stay with your ass. Like, I had to know if you were worth staying with. And I said, well, same goes for you. Like, I had a choice too.

I could have got sober and said, I don't want to stay with you. Like, it wasn't just about your choice. We both had choices. And we laugh about that today because reality of it is, she didn't think about that. She thought it was all her choice of getting rid of me because I'm the alcoholic. But ultimately, we both chose with each other. And about six months after I got sober, we found out we were impregnant, which that's pretty humbling, six months sober, on suit stamps, no job, and now we got a baby on the way.

Wow. And our big joke was we were trying to get, I didn't know, I mean, get sober, thinking that would fix the problem. Like, maybe that would get me to stay sober and say God, that didn't happen, because I know now that that wouldn't have done anything. It would have just destroyed that young girl. A kid wouldn't have kept me sober. I know that now, but then it seemed like that would have been the smart thing to do. Well, it's every kid, and then, you know, that don't straighten me up. But now that wouldn't have worked. Our big joke now is like, you know,

thank God my swimmers couldn't swim the right way because that would have been hell for that little kid. And now my biggest, most proud thing I can say I've ever done my life is that my daughter's never seen me take a break. All the accomplishments, everything else I've ever had in life, None of them told a candle that accomplishment. And back on wood, she'll never see me take a drink. So we'll see.

Wow, that's powerful. That's so powerful. And yet, that's what I was wondering, too, is there's somebody else in the picture for when you went into rehab and everything and to have someone else's support. But them to be unsure and you to be unsure of where things are going to go from here, right? That first day you check into rehab. I mean, that's terrifying. I think it can be both, right?

It can be a relief, but it can also be terrifying. because you've mentioned before about you had to have drink in the morning for the withdraws, the withdrawal from alcohol can be a lot. It can be so dangerous and it can be a lot. So what was that experience like? Where do you go from there? Six months later, you have your daughter and everything. Like that's, wow, man. You were wasting any time, Mark. No, I mean, the whole ride to rehab, like we had to stop twice. It was about an hour drive. We had to stop two different gas stations to get me more beer for the whole ride there just because they said keep feeding them because they were afraid.

of withdrawals and everything else. So after I got there, like, I think it was two days. I slept for like, they after they put me under, whatever the hell they put me under, but like I slept for like 48 hours. I was completely dehydrated, absolutely, and just for help. My liver enzymes were like,

they're supposed to be, I don't know what the hell, under 80 or something. Mine would like at 2,000, something crazy. And I'm like, of course, they don't tell you anything. I'm just going through this going, Oh, my God, I went, show us to say a little bit. Oh, God, it was just elevated because I just got there, right?

Like, they were back down within three or four days, but that was enough to freak me out for a couple days. Then we got out of rehab. After 28 days, luckily, my former job, their insurance paid for it, even though they let me go. So that was a blessing in and of itself. But then we got out of rehab and had to realize, okay, well, Got no money, no job, and what the hell are we going to do now? Yeah. Make a baby.

That's an option, man. Yeah, you can do that for sure, man. So six months later, yeah, that's coming into the world. Where do you go from there? I reconnected with my father. We had kind of not really been as strange, but we had definitely grown apart because he saw where I was at with my alcoholism and everything. and it kind of bore us apart, but all of a sudden, once I made the decision to go rehab, we kind of reach and that didn't. He was a realtor up and back up in St. Louis, and so I actually took a trip up to

visit him and followed him around for a couple weeks, see if I wanted to get into real estate, and ultimately that's where I ended up landing, got my real estate license, and then started the real estate career. And it was a very slow going back in 2013. I was learning a lot of the a lot about myself, about life, about living sober, first time in 23, 24 years. So it was a very difficult time. It started. And so I only sold three houses in my first 18 months. That's not enough to do with anything. Like, and any kind of bills that are accumulating over time. So it was a very slow start. And the coolest thing is, here we are 10 years later. And my team, And I have sold over 300 homes, 350 homes in the last 18 months.

So it's been quite the journey in the real estate world. Wow. So you go from three in 18 months to 300. Yeah. Why didn't you quit, though, after you only did three in 18 months? My dad, like I said, it was cool because he was like my real estate coach in my corner that I didn't have to pay for that I couldn't afford. But he said, hey, here's what she and you to be.

be successful. You need to pick up the phone, make calls every day, try to find business. And I was dumb enough to listen and keep doing it over and over and over. And insane enough to think that something was going to change eventually. And after 18 months, it finally did. He was behind me pushing me just saying, keep doing what you're doing, it will come. Keep doing what you're doing. It will come. And it were like, after six or eight months, it sounded like a broken, flipping record for sure. And I'm like, yes, I hear you like when? When is it going to come?

This is getting ridiculous. But I was working burning both ends of the key in like I was working 16, 17 hours a day, grinding, show at houses, following up with online leads, just do it, everything I could possibly do. And I'd get a little bit of momentum and feel like something would fall apart. But ultimately what happened then after that first 18 months, then I sold like 40 houses in the next eight months. after that. But it was all that 18 months of building the pipeline that finally all like came to fruition. All the hard work started to pay off and then all of a sudden the momentum was there, the consistency was there and the work habit was ingrained in me. So therefore

it just kind of all took off after that. Yeah. That reminds me of the Chinese bamboo tree. I don't know if you ever heard of it before, but the Chinese bamboo tree in the first five years after you plant it, it doesn't break the surface. Then the next year, the following year, it grows 80 feet. So the big question always is, is like, is it the whole six years into which the bamboo tree grows 80 feet or is it just the last year? And it's just so important about,

and even in like sobriety and recovery and everything, you can always wrap up most stories back to that is about just sticking with it. A lot of times things might go our way, might not go our way. I mean, generally that's this life, but I think the people who just stick with it, just have faith in the unseen.

And what you don't already know, that if a mentor or a coach who's been through it before is telling you, keep at it because you'll see it. And then bang, bang, boom, your bamboo tree grows 80 and you start seeing some sales and you start having some success. And I'm wondering your thoughts on this, though,

because, you know, I've had tons of conversations over the years with people. Real estate, man. I mean, you obviously have the restaurant business, right? a lot of people struggle with addiction and restaurant business. Real estate, though, I'm seeing a lot of real estate. And I actually taught with somebody who's from EXP and was working on a project about agents struggling with addiction. What are your thoughts on that?

Do you see it as being like, hey, this is something that's in the field? Oh, yeah. The crazy part of what's real estate is, I mean, you could drink because you're having a great day or you could drink because the whole world falls apart. And that's so for noon. And ultimately, with being your own boss and kind of dictating your own hours, give people a lot of free time. And quite frankly, there's a lot of different ways to build business. And a lot of people choose to build business through the social aspect of being out and about

and mingling and hanging out with people. And for me, the crazy part is the real estate coach I have now, he's actually been sober 15 years. It's quite funny how I was told towards him once I've figured out what his background was. Yeah. And come to find out it had nothing to do with the fact that he's the number one real estate out to the world now.

But ultimately, how he got where he's at, he was on Skid Row 15 years ago and built a multi-million dollar business from the ground up, all because he quit his ass, right? And so it's kind of a similar story. So having a mentor, someone to look up to in the industry, who's also a recovery alcoholic is huge. You know, it's a big part of my recovery for sure.

Yeah. Would any of this be possible for you if you weren't able to be sober? No. I probably had a year left in me before something would have happened to me or who knows where I would have been in a mental state, I may have done something to myself at that point, you know, because it was dark. It was very, very dark, and I did not have a clue where that was or how to find it,

you know, and until I finally was done digging, then something started to change. And, you know, for our industry, there is a lot of people. There is a lot of drinking, you know, social aspect in the real estate world. Funny, too, is if you hang out with the right people, the top performers, there's a lot of people in the higher rankings of the real estate world now who've quit drinking altogether because they've got super focused on their fitness, super focused on their business and taking their business to the next level where they realized that drinking wasn't helping anything when there's really not much that it can't offer you besides maybe some

scent bags here and there. Yeah, no, so much truth to that. You know, I think even in general, people are waking up to that if you want to be more productive, more present, healthier, look better, feel better, that it doesn't have to be a problem. You don't have to share a story like Mark to be a quote unquote rock bottom place to like say, hey, enough is enough. I'm seeing a lot more people doing that. They're doing that. They're doing that.

They're saying like, hey, like, this is just not. I mean, we have studies out now that it's linked to seven types of cancer. You know, one bottle of wine is equivalent to 10 cigarettes. That's another study I read. But if you tell people like, hey, do you want to smoke a cigarette? Like, oh, my goodness. No. Why would you think I want to smoke a cigarette?

But it's like, well, what are we doing here? right? It all can cause the negative effects. So I'm glad you brought that out too, that people in the industry are like not necessarily alcoholics are struggling with drinking, but just making choices to improve their performance and like do better. That's incredible, man. Yeah, like I said, it's great. You know, when you hang around the right people, that part of it too is when you change your environment, you change your people, places and things like we all have heard, things start to change. And so hanging around with the right people, somebody dear to me in my recovery once told me, you know, it's hard to fly like an eagle when you're hanging around with a bunch of turkeys.

Really, that kind of goes hand in hand with when I was drinking. You know, if I'm hanging around the bottom of the barrel, it's easy to compare yourself to the bottom of the barrel. Go, I'm not as bad as that guy. I'm not as bad as that guy. But in reality, I was no better than any of them. And I was making myself out to feel that way, right? Just because I wasn't the guy living underneath a bridge, man, I wasn't that bad when in reality, their only difference was if I had a house to sleep any. But besides that, I was just equal with that guy, you know? Yeah, for sure. I'm happy you brought that up, right? Because, I mean, it suggested we change people, places and things that we're doing. What do you look for in people? Because you're talking a lot about the right people and hanging out

with the right people and that sounds like it's been really helpful for you. So I'm new to recovery and I'm looking for the right people. What do I look for in those people? What do you look for in those people that you want to spend time with? They have what you want. They have the long-term sobriety. They have the right core values, the right principles. They seek the words of recovery. And that was crucial to me was finding the people that were not only sober, but were happy sober. Because I had met a lot of miserable sober people in my life. I want to be happy, joyous, and free. I want to be able to, like, tell the next alcoholic.

I want to be able to help somebody else. The hand that was put out there for me, I want to be able to extend the hand to someone else. And a lot of that comes with hanging around with other alcoholics. And that was huge for me when I first got sober, was being around other people because I felt so alone before I quit drinking. That's part of the reason that I kept drinking because I didn't think anybody felt like I did. I didn't think anybody was as miserable as me. I didn't think anybody was going through the thoughts that I was going through and go into meetings and realize them that I was not, well, no other people just like me. As a matter of fact, there's a shit ton of people out there just like in realizing that and going,

oh my gosh, I'm not alone. That was freeing in and of itself. And knowing that these other people were having an impact of keeping me sober and that I had a responsibility of how other people get sober has been huge. Yeah, that's incredible. When you do make that realization somewhere along your journey that you're not the only one that's miserable and struggling with this stuff, I can relate to that 10010%. I remember I went to this celebrate recovery meeting and I was so messed up.

It's sort of like an embarrassing story in a sense because it was at a church and I couldn't stop doing cocaine and I was doing it during this meeting. They all knew what there was like six of us there, right, Mark? And they knew what I was doing. And they knew I was really struggling. I mean, obviously I was really in a bad spot, a really dark spot doing this.

And this guy, we'll call him John. John came up to me after the meeting. They knew what I was doing. And this was what he was struggling with too. and he invited me over to his pals. And like this fella had like a house, like a mansion house. He was big into like some computer stuff. I was just young.

I was like 19 and wanted to introduce me to his family and have dinner and stuff. And I was like, wow, you know, and he shared a little bit of a story. And that was the first time where I was like, that's my story, John. That's my story, dude. Poor me. I'm the only one going through it. It's never going to get better. That's the story I believe for myself.

And I didn't get sober after that. I wish the story had a happy ending. It took years after that. But that was one of the first seeds planted is when I heard my story and a lot of the other stuff, you mentioned it, I wanted what he had. He had his family and he had lost it all. And I saw this and I went back home and I lived on my brother's floor in his apartment. And I'm just thinking, like, could that be possible for me?

I believe that a grain of sand, Mark, that it could. And the seed grew. But I love all of that, man. That's what it's all about. And you mentioned, too, a ton about helping others. Yeah, and I buried a lot of people where it didn't work. Since then I've been sober, I've got people I'd know probably five or eight people that ended up going back out and ended up, they didn't make it.

And that's the reality of the other side of this thing. If it doesn't take and you don't get it, that is a true thing that can happen against the consequence of it, right? And so knowing that we have a duty and a responsibility to try to extend the the hand to other people and help them, whether they take that hand or not, that's important, obviously, but as long as I know I did the right thing and tried to help, that's all I can do. I can only extend the hand. I can't do anything more than that. And that was hard for me at first, where I had a lot of people I was trying to help get sobered. I can't want it for them more than

they wanted for themselves. That's a reality that parents need to understand for their kids and other loved ones that you can wish it all you want but until they want it from themselves nothing's going to change and that was a hard one to finally figure out yeah now I'm with you on that I used to work at a treatment center for six years

and I worked with teenagers 13 to like 19 and yeah I mean the funerals they live there for six months and a lot of these guys they did incredible work like you know six months living at a place whether you want to make changes

or not you probably are They're just incredible humans and like some of the most beautiful people I ever met. And then you get the phone call. It was just tragic. It was tragic in the circumstances once these new wave of drugs came in. It was a lot, man. And I had to leave that place, you know, after a while. It becomes a lot.

But yeah, I'm with you. They come to a place where you're willing to do something, whether it's go to rehab, whether it's go to a fellowship group, whether it's to get a therapist. Like, you've got to be at some point willing to save your own life. You have to. You have to show up when it's good, when it's bad, when it's not good, you know, no matter how it is. You've got to do it, but it is tough seeing it not work out for so many people. Because if you look at the numbers, I don't think anybody has any accurate nailed down numbers. But if you see the numbers that are out there and we just look at them for what they are, a lot of number you see is about 5% of people get a hold of it, you know, in their first year. And there's big percentage of people who relapse in their first year and stuff, right? So it's tough, man. And you got to want it for yourself. That's such a powerful message for people for sure.

Oh, yeah. And realizing that Rosvick has it along to them. And hopefully if it doesn't take this time, hopefully they'll remember enough to reach back out when it is time. And there's nothing better than seeing the light bulb go off. When somebody finally gets it and like, holy shit, their life starts changing. Like things start getting better in spite.

day by day, all of a sudden you start to see putting on makeup before they leave the house. And, you know, all of a sudden, they're tying their shoes and they're pulling their pants up and putting a belt on. I'm like, it's so little things like that. Implemental things, seeing that change in people that just is a true reflection of recovery at its finest. Yeah, just to see the lights turn on and people smile again, you know, and it feel good at themselves. Mark, let's pretend here really quick. Somebody's listening to the show, and they're really struggling to get sober. They're really struggling to stay sober.

What would you say to them? Don't give up. Don't give up before the miracle happens. I know like my dad said to me when they came to the real estate side of things, we're all going to stumble. We're all going to fall, but don't give up hope. know that you're not alone. There's others out there just like you, but you have to ask for help.

And once you can ask for help, admit there's a bad woman. That's when things started to change. That's when things changed for me. And I've seen it happen with so many others, but it was the fact that I decided to go into rehab. It wasn't because somebody else told me. It was because I made the decision, right? It was my choice.

And I feel like that's so important to people. It may not be right now. Just know that when you're ready, there will be people there to help. Wow, that hits. Another buddy of mine, Pete on the podcast, he mentioned that alcoholic only gets sober when it's their idea. I never heard that. Have you heard that one before, Mark? No, I hadn't.

That's really good. I hadn't heard that either. But I'm thinking like, yeah, that is exactly what it was. What? Sounds like for your story. It sounds like for my story, too, because people had pressured me, right? I had therapists. I went to rehab two for a year. I had prison guards telling me, judges telling me, probation officer, my folks, your brother, people around me. And you got to do this. You know, you can do better. We believe in you and stuff. And I mean, everything just went in one year and out the other. I was just in full-blown denial. That anything was wrong. Like, I got a lot of stuff

going on, but I got the job at Little Caesars, I'm paying my $200 a month rent. And I'm I was just in that denial, man. It's like, well, I guess got kicked in the college. And I wasn't able to put two and two together until I was able to. Yeah, it's unbelievable. And when you come out of that fog, it's like being saved, thinking things we're going to change is just unbelievable. Yeah, I'm with you on that too, man.

I'm with you on that, yeah, all day because I mentioned earlier in the episode, too, I thought it would just be a season, right? And this summer would end and we'd flip the page and everything was going to work out. I was going to be a lawyer or a doctor or something someday. That's what I believed for a little bit. It was like, I'll figure it out. I wanted to be a radio guy for a bit, but I was the same, unemployable.

You know, I got fired from this job, fired from that job all over the place. You know, I just couldn't keep a job. I could never follow through of what I said I was going to do. I wanted to, though, Mark. I wanted to be able to do that. And I wanted to be able to show up and feel good and be good and do it good because I was a people pleaser. So I wanted everybody to pat me on the back and say,

a good job, you know, with making the pizzas or whatever it was I was doing at the time. But I always fell short because you mentioned another thing that I thought was incredible is that we were always able to put on a good show for a bit. Man, I was good at that. I could put a good show on for a bit. And then one of the most shameful things is when the bottom fell out and people would just be looking at me completely different to say, what the heck happened? Because this was not what I signed up for.

And then I'd be like, yeah, like I kept it together for a bit, but what you saw the last month or two months is not really what my life is like. I'm extremely addicted to drugs. I have absolutely no money at all. Things are pretty bad for me. So, yeah, it was tough, though. Yeah. Be seeing together little periods of sobriety. Like, I had that early on, but like at the end, there was no sobriety.

It was sheer of just absolute chaos. I mean, you know, I had by dealing with drugs over the years, and I quit doing the drugs. So, like, after the alcoholism spiraled out of control. But in my mind, it was justification. Hey, I'm no longer doing this. This is legal. I put all my focus here now. And, you know, ultimately the denial and the insanity of the whole thing is just crazy.

Yes, that's the truth. But this has been incredible, man. I appreciate you so much for jumping on here and sharing your story and your insights to stuff because it's 10 years is incredible. Well, thank you. Thank you for having me. Yeah, of course, man. And I hope that the real estate continues to be good for you and everything else.

I mean, you keep working at it, you know. Stick with the process, right? That's right. Is there anything you'd like to finish off with, though, for anybody listening? Any final thoughts for that? No, just don't give up hope. That's all I got. All right, man.

Thank you so much. I thank you. What is up, everybody? It's Brad here. Look, my apologies on the audio quality on this episode. I should have had Mark use a pair of headphones if he had them available, but we're learning just like in life, recovery and podcasting one day at a time, one story at a time, and we'll get better as we go. Thank you, everybody, for the continued support.

I really hope you enjoyed Mark's story. It's a really powerful story of a rock bottom and a comeback and now having success and real estate and life and family. relationships and giving back and helping out the next person in line that needs some help. It wasn't easy for Mark, but I think he would agree he's happy that he's on this journey and he's happy that he made that decision to go to rehab and to save his own life. So thank you again. And look, if you're enjoying this show, be sure to drop a review wherever you catch the show. You guys are not doing this.

So help me out here. and leave a review on Apple or Spotify. So that way, when new people check out the show and they're humming and hon, if they should check out this show, or one of the other 50 sober podcasts out there, they see your review, they connect with it, and they give it a shot. Look, enjoy your week, enjoy your weekend. I'll see you next week. I'm out.