Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Matt J. struggled with alcohol for years and was confused as he never hit a ”rock bottom”

Episode Date: April 24, 2023

Matt J. joined the show this week. Matt was confused for years about giving up alcohol because he never hit what some may call rock bottom, but deep down, Matt knew something had to change. Matt describes his childhood as terrible, and alcohol would help him fit in during social situations. Everything began to change when Matt attended his first AA meeting, raised his hand, and said, I am an alcoholic. Matt has not had a drink of alcohol in nine years, and this is Matt’s story on the sober motivation podcast. ------- Follow Matt J on Instagram here Follow Sobermotivation on Instagram here Check out SoberBuddy App Check out Soberlink Donate here to support the podcast

Welcome back to season two of the Subur Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week is my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. Matt Jay joined the show this week. Matt was confused for years about giving up alcohol because he never hit what some may call rock bottom. But deep down Matt knew something had to change.

Matt describes his story. childhood as terrible. And alcohol would help him fit in during social situations. Everything began to change when Matt attended his first AA meeting, raising his hand and saying, I am an alcoholic. Matt has not had a drink of alcohol in nine years. And this is Matt's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. The Sober Buddy app.

This community is one of the most supportive I've ever seen. Starting with the meeting hosts who lead with support, kindness, and understanding, when someone follows the community rallies to help support and encourage. People from all different countries who show up as strangers leave as friends. It is a true example of community and connection. What makes somebody special is everyone is working on the same mission. To get another day sober, so we can live our best lives and to provide a safe place, so no one feels they have to do it alone.

Come and check us out on the Sober Buddy app, your Soberbuddy.com or your favorite app store, and join me for one or all three of my support groups I host per week inside of the app. Hope to see you there soon. It's hard to find the motivation to get sober when you're in the trenches of addiction. It's easy to say I'll stop tomorrow or I'll cut back tonight. What's harder is putting action behind those words. That's why I've teamed up with Soberlink. Soberlink's remote alcohol monitoring system was specifically designed to help you

in your recovery, not just some breathalyzer you buy at the store. Small enough to fit in your pocket and discreet enough to use in public. Soberlink devices combine facial recognition, tamper detection, and real-time results so friends and family know instantly that you're sober and working towards your recovery goals. Visit soberlink.com slash recover to sign up and receive $50 off of your device. Before we start this episode, I want to give a huge shout out to Mike. Mike, thanks for all the support with the show, everything you're doing, all the kind messages. And I want to give another shout out to Liz.

Liz, huge congrats on two months sober. Thank you for the email. Thank you for the support. Thank you for the kind words. And I'm rooting for you. Now let's get to the show. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got Matt with us.

Matt, how are you? Brad. I'm great. How are you? I'm good, man. Thanks for reaching out. And I'm happy that we could jump on here and share it. Absolutely. Where do you need me to begin here? Yeah. Why don't we start off at the beginning? What was it like for you growing up?

It sucked. You know, I was listening to a previous podcast and one of the people you were interviewing is saying, you know, the childhood was great, everything was great. And I'm screaming back at my iPhone saying, well, my childhood sucked. Everything was awful growing up. My father beat my mom. So we moved very early on and were dirt poor, living in the second floor of a two family house in a very poor neighborhood. And when you're young, you don't really know the difference, but I remember going with mom to get food stamps every week. Her complaining that my father wasn't providing any type of child support. So the family was very open with how awful my father was. He was barely part of my life. He lived in New Jersey. I lived in Western Massachusetts. And I found out later that he was drinking about a jug of gallow a day.

And I didn't ever want to be like him. In my childhood, because I'm an only child with a single mom, I was just shuffled. off place to place, friends house, family house. I was looking back at my childhood. I'm like, I was never stable. Yeah, I was home sometimes during the school week, but I was never home on the weekends. I don't know if my mother was trying to hide me from the reality or she needed time away, but I was just shifted from person to person, house to house, all through childhood. It wasn't a great time going in school. When I moved to a new town, I lived in the poor end of a very wealthy town. And that didn't go well for me, living in the core end. I was mercilessly picked on, bullied in high school. When I went to college, I just could not wait to get away. I wanted to get as far away as I possibly could to restart my life. Now, I started drinking, I guess late for most people. I think I was 16 or 17 when I got my first bottle of booze. And when I was that age, you sort of got what you could get. I remember the first few times I drank, it was 40 ounces, 40s or whatever the big thing of private stock was.

Like really just gross, nasty stuff. Whatever we could pay a homeless guy to get in downtown Springfield to get a bottle of whatever the stuff was. And I'm pretty sure I was an alcoholic from the get-go that I remember when I first could find the buzz, I remember thinking I can't understand what anybody would drink one beer. What's the point? So at that point, I'm thinking I probably was an alcoholic at that point and didn't even know it. When I got to school, in the college that I went to, there were no really house parties in this town.

At the time, it was kind of a commuter school, and I lived on campus. So you could get into the bars with a college ID in the mid-90s, which is a bad idea. All those bars are long gone because a bunch of high school kids also could get in. So slowly, those bars died out, but it was very easy to get alcohol as long as you had a wad full of cash. And I was uncomfortable in my own skin in a new town, away from home. And I wanted to impress people. And the way I could do that was to drink. And that would let my inhibitions down.

I'm naturally an introvert. naturally really, really shy. And I can come out of my shell when I'm drinking. So therefore, it reinforces the whole thing of how could I ever not drink? How am I ever going to meet a girl? How am I ever going to make friends? Because I can't get past the shyness wall. People will think I'm boring. People will think that I'm uninteresting and the only way to be interesting and funny and a character is to drink. Now, I didn't realize until after I got sober. That was a jerk most the time. When I thought it was funny, I wasn't. I was just a jerk. So I almost failed out of school the first one and a half years. I ended up getting on academic probation. And this is a recurring

thing with me where the only thing I had no control over and I couldn't drive my will into was alcohol. I could drive my will into anything I wanted when I wanted to do that. So I was a 17 GPA. I think this was first semester of junior year. And I got thrown into a meeting with the Christian brother and he said, you know, you're an academic probation. You got to drop a major and you have to at least get a two zero to stay in college. Now, some of you will get there. You might even do really well and get like a two or something. And I looked around the room and I'm like, these people are not like me. What am I doing here? To hell with you, brother so and so. I am going to get on the dean's list. And the rest of the way, I missed the dean's list every single semester by 0.1. I turned it around. I was fat. I was out of

shape. I started walking. I started running. I did the opposite of everything. I did, I went to class. I did the work. I did the reading. I went to study groups. I put all this energy into, I am going to stay in school and I'm going to show everybody that I'm not a putt, that I can get this done and I overachieved. This is kind of story in my life. Now, could I get the drinking under control? No. I don't think I really knew Well, this is funny. I say I don't know I had a problem, but I did because I was always questioning my drinking. I don't know anybody who's a normal drinker who questions their drinking. Like my wife has like one drink maybe once a year, once every other year or something. She never questions her drinking. The only thing she ever questions is, boy, I really would like, we went on to brunch this weekend. Boy, I really would like that mimosa. I have that mimosa. I'm going to get a headache. I'm going to be tired.

maybe I'll have like half a, like she drank it, but I don't even think she drank a quarter of a glass. Even to this point, I look at that as alcohol abuse. Like how can you possibly stop at like a quarter? Yeah, well, it's an interesting thing too because I was thinking that too as a recent, right? I never thought I had a problem with gambling, right? If we look at other things that we could be addicted to, quote unquote, never thought like, oh, I have a problem with gambling. I bought four scratch tickets.

And when I went to the convenience store, I never had an itch to get more. So it's good you bring it up that if somebody is saying, well, maybe there's something here. Like, I think the odds are pretty good that probably is something there if it's something we're thinking about, right? So I'm happy you brought that up. And I haven't had a drink in over nine years. And we went to this brunch. And part of the brunch was you get two alcoholic beverages. And I didn't want to drink.

But I'm looking at that and I'm saying, am I wasting my money not getting this alcohol? Like, if I don't get it, I'm a sucker. I'm leaving money on the table by not getting it. And I'm looking at that. I'm like, wow, my mindset is still at that point. I'm still pretty sick. I still need to keep treating this one day at a time and then I chuckled at it. But I took test after test after test.

I googled stuff around alcoholism tests. And I tried these things for years every single way I possibly could to pass them. And I never could. And my mindset was, man, the medical establishment is ridiculous with alcohol. They think you should never have to drink any alcohol when in reality is people who drink don't really drink that much. They may drink one drink a week, one drink a month. That's actually the norm. People like us who are drinking like fiends are the exceptions to the rule. So after college, I continued drinking. The thing that really screwed me up is if I went out because I was so

afraid of a DUI, I could have one beer. I could have one drink and go home. How could I have a problem if I could do that? Now on the inside, if I had one drink, I was dying. It felt like wearing a wool sweater on the inside. And always going through my mind was, should I have another drink? Can I have another drink? Is it okay to order another drink? Maybe I shouldn't have another drink. Where would I be on a BAC level? I bring out my smartphone and say, okay, here's what my weight is. Here's how fast I drink it. This is where I think my BAC level is. If I drink the next one real slow, that would be okay, or maybe it wouldn't be okay. And there was always this gerbil wheel going in my head whenever I had a drink, when I could control it.

And then there were some times where no matter what I did, I was six beers deep. And I don't even know where the hell I got to that point to get six beers deep. And I love the phrase, I don't remember where I heard this. Could be somewhere in the big book. It could be somewhere else. But the best test for alcoholism is, if you control it, can you enjoy it? Well, for me, no, I was miserable. If you enjoy it, can you control it?

Absolutely not. Once I enjoyed it, a six-pack was gone in a very short order. And I didn't drink Bud Light because that. That stuff was too weak. So I felt if I drank a light beer, I would drink more. So to control my drinking, I would drink a higher alcohol beer, which will allow me to drink less amount, which is some sick thinking. Now, when I drank wine because I was a big wine connoisseur, that I had a hell of a time

controlling. Like stopping at one bottle was really, really hard. And I wasn't an alcoholic because I had a subscription of wine spectator, which was, I was an expensive luxury. So I was learning about wine. And I was studying good breeder. Rams and I had all of the Spigal and Riedel wine glasses. So, you know, an alcoholic wouldn't have a tuned wine glass to Cabernet and then to Merlot and then to whites. What I'm doing is I am enjoying

learning about something. In the end, I'm drinking fermented grape juice and I'm getting loaded no matter what. But wine was especially hard. I could have beer and I had some control wine, no control at all. And at the end, I was drinking scotch. Again, I was a classy guy because it was makers mark. It was the good stuff. And I was almost subconsciously begging people to tell me you need to stop, because it was so embarrassing to me that somebody would tell me you got to stop drinking. That probably would have shaken me up, but nobody did. And a lot of the reason was I learned how to hide it. My wife would go to bed, I'd crack open some booze. I learned to at the end buy boxed wine. And the trick with boxed wine is you have one glass and I'd hit it in plain sight. What I learned to be

sneaky with is don't go and sneak something. Walk right in front of people while you're talking to them and pour another glass while you're looking them in the eye. And if you're doing it purposeful, nobody notices. So I would just routinely fill up my glass. I only had one glass of wine because I was just topping it off over and over again so it didn't look like I was over drinking. I knew all of these tricks. These are not the things that non-alcoholics do. They finish their glass and then they walk away. me, I'm finding ways to drink more and hide it so nobody tells me you have a problem. I saw a show, it was switched at birth. It was one of these on ABC Family where the main character was in recovery and she dates

some guy and he hands her a glass of wine. And the look on her face is of, I should not take this. And then she drinks it and her face changes. And I looked at that. I'm like, oh my God, I have the same problem. It was so clear to me in that moment. I have the same problem. I could identify with this woman.

and the thing that is my least of my problems is drinking. That makes sense. It really is about if I want to stop drinking, the stopping drinking is the least of my problems. Everything has to change. I remember that screaming through my head. And then at that moment, it felt like I was on fire.

And that fire did not go out for weeks. Like every moment of every day when I was awake, I thought of nothing but alcohol and how I was depriving myself from it. There was no thought of AA at that point. It just was, I got to stop drinking. And I was afraid to tell my therapist about this for two reasons. One, he was going to say, you're being silly, you don't have a problem, which was going to make me think I'm overreacting.

Or two, he's going to say, you do have a problem, and I couldn't handle that. And then he did something I didn't expect. He just asked questions, and he didn't really tell me anything. And he said, you ever thought of going to an AA meeting? My answer, of course, is no, I'm not going there, because that's like a bunch of homeless guys and trench coats at the bottom of a cellar in a church with an incandescent light bulb swinging around where everybody has lost all that it is a place of desperation and depression. I don't want to be around that. You said, well, why don't you go? You can figure this out for yourself. There's no harm

and going to a meeting. Just check it out. And it will be really uncomfortable. And about the first nine times you go, it's going to be really uncomfortable. Why don't you go? Why don't you go check it out? So being a good student of business, I got all dressed up for my first AA meeting. I got a buttoned shirt, slacks, I wear dress shirts, dress shoes. Because when you go to a meeting, you have to look the part. I never had like an AA book. I went right to the website and I'm looking through. I'm like, hmm, how do we do this? They're open meetings. They're closed meetings. Oh, there's a beginner meeting. That must be like AA orientation. Like whoever is the manager of AA gives you whatever your onboarding materials are and teaches you how to do this. This is what my thought process is. I'm terrified

going to this first meeting. And I went in by. by myself, I walked down the basement and to say I was overdressed was an understatement. I walked in and the beginners meeting was around a bunch of sober houses. So these were newly sober people living in sober houses. I went to this meeting and it was all about people who were relapsing repeatedly. And I'm just listening and I'm like, oh my God, what have I gotten myself into? But I did raise my hand and the words came out that I'm an alcoholic And I just said, this is my first meeting. I've never been to an AA meeting.

I'm really nervous. And that was it. And I was excited at the end because I knew how to do the Lord's Prayer. I'm like, all right, I got one thing I know how to do really, really, really, really well. And so I did that. And to my surprise, a bunch of people called me over. They gave me my first book. I shouldn't say my first, well, I have books lying around.

But this is the book I use still to this day. And they were nice to me. And they talked to me. And that was totally unexpected that people took an interest in me. And at first I thought, boy, I must be off. charming that people would want to talk to me immediately. And I learned later, no, that's what they do with new people. They take care of you. I didn't continue going to that meeting. It just was not for me, but I did find a men's meeting that I immediately made my home group. And I went to that meeting for

years. I sat down. Again, it was at a church. I went in the wrong entrance. And boy, I hope listening to this, you can identify. Because I sat in the parking lot five minutes. Should I go in? Should I not go in? Should I go in? Should I go in? enough of a victory that I drove here. I'm like, I got it going. And I went into the wrong entrance. It's one of these churches with a gym and all these rooms and stuff. So I think I walked like through the gym while they're playing a basketball game. And then I heard people talk. And so I just walked into that room and it's a Boy Scout meeting. And they're all looking at me. And I didn't know what to say. I'm like, where's the AA meeting? Like the Boy Scouts, like they're going to throw me out of this place. So I just looked at them and I just ran out. And I follow where I heard some more voices and I found the

meeting. And I wasn't sure it was a meeting because everybody was having fun. There was laughter. It was talking. There was socializing. It looked like a reception. And I had to look around. I'm like, I don't think I'm in the right place because everybody's happy here. These look like normal people.

This can't possibly. And it was. And the speaker or the chair, I think he's sober now like 45 years. But he told my story. That's how I knew I really had a problem. And I was going to stick with this because he started speaking to set off the meeting and he said, I could drink two beers and stop. But I was a.

miserable when I did it. And that's all I needed to hear. I'm like, somebody like me, you don't have to be fall down drunk, lose it all, 20D wise, going to rehab. It's not about how much alcohol you were drinking and how low you felt. It's when alcohol gets in the body. What does it do to you? And to me, it made me a mess. And it took me going to AA and starting reading the book to figure out the answer to why don't I think about alcohol when I'm not drinking? And why is it that I can't stop when I am drinking and learning about that allergy? I'm like, oh my God, this makes total sense. I can't believe this.

And that was kind of my step. Go into meetings, I couldn't understand relapse. It was baffling to me when there's a whole bunch of people I came in with. And I'm like, all right, we're going to go through this together for the rest of our lives. And then they all relapsed. And I'm like, I couldn't understand that. And I heard somebody else speak who had been 30 years. He's like, when I got sober, I couldn't understand that.

Like that was an option. I thought when you came in here, now it's no longer an option. You're just not going to do it. Because for me, it was so hard for that first time to meet people and say it's my first meeting, I'm an alcoholic. And going through that process was so painful. I was never going to be a first timer again because I never wanted to live through that pain. And matter of fact, if I were to relapse, I feel like I'm one of those people who'd never come back because it would be so painful. So it's just easier keep doing this. It's a lot easier just to stay sober than to go out. So it's just took me a while that people had to pull me aside when I was so baffled to say, this happens all the time. It's okay. You need to keep doing what you're doing. Or I heard the phrase one time, he got drunk so we could stay sober. And I'm like, that's a awful thing to say. I'm like, no, it's not. Are you sober? Yep. What did you learn from this person relapsing? I learned there were a bunch of triggers ahead of time that caused them to start drinking. Yep. Are you going to do that? No, I'm not. And you learned a lesson there. So I just immediately got involved because I'm ambitious. By nature, I'm ambitious. So I wanted to be like,

like the greatest person in the history of AA at first. I now know that it's not like work. Like I'm happy being an average person in AA. You are like the greatest AA person if you stayed sober today. That's the goal. That's it. So I wish I'm very shy by nature and I heard somebody speak saying, hey, if you're shy, you get to meet people by being like a door greeter or make coffee. So I started being a door greeter wherever they had that and it was uncomfortable, but I sure got to know people and I got out of my own skin because everybody hugs you. That was the strangest thing when I started getting hugs from people. Like, why are you hugging me? I don't want to touch you. And I kind of learned it's just the thing. And you know, you do four or five weeks at a meeting and you get

there early and you see everybody and everybody gives you a hug. You get to know people real fast. And people get to know you by that third time they walk by. Hey, you're Matt, right? You're a new guy. Ah, that's great. I'm glad you're here. And those little things, you get to know people real fast. I got voluntold to do district work. I did GSR district work for, I don't know, my first five or six years. I was an assistant GSR. Then I was a GSR for a number of years. Then I did like four years of a two-year commitment as a treasurer. And this was sort of my thing. Like I could go in there and use my outside skills to help the groups as a whole. I found like being the treasurer, that was fun for me. I hated it up. But like after four years, it's like, dude, I love doing this. And I know you won't tell me to

stop doing it. Somebody's got to take this. Like, I got to do something else. Somebody gotten sick in my home group and they needed a local treasurer. So I stepped up for that. I go, okay, this is my opportunity to get out of my district treasurer role to do something with the group. I will tell you being a group treasurer is so much harder than being a district treasurer because there's like systems in a bank account and it's just harder being the group guy. Yeah. Responsible for that group. I'm wondering too if it's all right to ask here, Matt. I'm wondering you went to that first meeting, right? And you raised your hand and you're saying, I'm an alcoholic, right? You're announcing this to the group. How do you come to a conclusion like that? Maybe

early on in the journey, right? Yeah, I think I knew. I knew that if I couldn't drink safely, if I felt a burning inside when I had alcohol, I'm probably an alcoholic. And I think part of it in that meeting was I wanted to belong. I heard everybody else saying it, but the words came out real easy. I will say for the first year, I'm not sure I believed that. And I didn't believe it because I heard people talking about, you know, I came in, I was bleeding from my mouth, bleeding from my ears, bleeding everywhere. Like, that wasn't me. So I don't have. have as bad of a story as you, but I feel comfortable being here. I like being here. I can identify what you're saying. So even if I don't think I'm as bad as you, or I'm questioning, am I overreacting,

I know that I'm comfortable here. There's no downside to stop drinking. So I'm going to keep saying I'm an alcoholic and I'm going to keep coming to this. And eventually took me a few years to really accept that. When I thought it was a real high bottom person, I wasn't. I just was different. Nobody caught me. I didn't have DUI, but I should have. And I did lose jobs, not directly associated with drinking, but indirectly in my behaviors. So it was just sort of like I faked it for the first year or so. Yeah. I kept coming because I liked being there.

Fake it until you make it, right? Right. Yeah. That's what I had to do that so many times. I'm also wondering too, right? So you go to your meeting and it's not really a big, maybe a problem and other people around you aren't saying, Matt, you got to quit. Matt, you got to quit.

The consequences are not really there. You're not feeling good about it. What does your wife say? What do other people around you say, like, do you talk with them? Like, hey, I'm going to a meetings and like, what could possibly be a reaction? Because, yeah, tell us about that. Boy, that was the hardest conversation, the one to have my wife. I really thought through, I could go to these meetings and not tell my wife. I would just say I'm going out for work or I'm going somewhere.

I would hide it. That was my first thought. But then I'm like, I can't do that. So I pulled her aside and I just said, the only thing is I have a problem with my health. I think I have a problem drinking. And her reaction was, I don't think you had a chance. My father was an alcoholic. My mother had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

My stepfather drank. There were so many people who were alcoholics and had a bad relationship with alcohol, and that's all I saw. And her thought was there was no shot for you to miss this one. So I understand. I had to tell some other people who were surprised. Now, she told me afterwards, after her mother passed away, her mother passed away shortly before I stopped drinking.

And apparently in private, my mother-in-law told her multiple times he's got a drinking problem or I'm concerned about him and my wife brushed it off. But she was right and I'm like, I wish Roda had said something. It probably would have got me in here sooner. Then again, I get it. You get in when you get in. Yeah. And that's the thing. I got in at 38.

That's a hell of a lot earlier than a lot of other people. Later than some, it's earlier than others. So I had a lot of disbelief from other people that they just didn't see it because it was a hider. I hit it or I would force myself to stop. And I think that was the issue. Yeah. No, that's beautiful. It's nice to have that support so close to home.

But yeah, it's a confusing spot to be in. And like you mentioned before, you could have one. And on the outside, it wouldn't necessarily look like you were going through that internal struggle and be like, oh, yeah, Matt can just have one. And he drove home and everything was good. So it's like that. And there's a lot of people I talk to and a lot of people I know, they're right there about life is not necessarily falling apart.

But my experience, too, is that this is progressive. The longer you stick around, your risky behaviors, you know, tend to go up the stair steps. Like, you'll end up taking more risks. And I like how you mentioned, too, about the DUI, the impaired there is that you weren't caught. You know what I mean? That's kind of my story, too. Like, I had driven.

I mean, I don't even want to get into the stories because they're bad. But, you know, I never was caught for it. But I should have been many times. But it's tough to be in that little spot, though, Matt. I hear you on that where you can kind of figure it out. But I loved your email you sent over to and you mentioned it before in the episode. If I controlled it, I never enjoyed it. If I enjoyed it, I could never control it.

And that's sort of the switch that happens when we take that first sip, right? You speak of is when you take that first sip, it changes. Everything changes right then and there. I mean, that's incredibly powerful. Like going through all of this, I mean, what was this doing for you? And I think we probably covered it a bit early on in your story, right, of stuff was going on. but like, what was it doing for you to help you get through life or deal with life? Or was that even a part of your story?

What problem was this solving for you might be a question? It made me feel like an adult. It made me feel like I was growing up. It wasn't smaller than I was participating with everybody else. I got the secret handshake by drinking, even when I drank by myself. And if I gave that up, I had a period of time where I gave up drinking for about 10 months back in 2001. But it was white knuckling it. It was like I had to.

pee and I just was crossing my legs a certain way so I didn't go for months and that was not sustainable and I started drinking again. I think a lot of it was in public. It allowed me to be social in public when I felt uncomfortable. So it alleviated discomfort. In private, well, it allowed me to do something when I was bored. If I had no one around and I had no place to go, I still could feel like I was in a party environment because I was having a beer. It was a Friday night. This is the thing I should do. This is the thing that people do on the weekends. They have a drink. And I wasn't drinking every night.

When I was in the pattern of drinking, I was. And then I could stop and that was a lot of pain. But I think it was just, it was boredom. It was alleviation from how I feel. I have a lot of anxiety. I always thought I had depression. I don't think I have depression. I have anxiety.

I get anxious as hell. And alcohol does not help that. That's the thing I noticed towards the end is when I was coming down from alcohol, I was anxious as hell. Like it was uncontrollable that anxiety. I think it was just a lot of different things. Loneliness, boredom. I felt too good.

I felt too bad. But in public it was how am I going to get around in public without a drink? Because I don't know how to deal with people. I can relate to so many of those, like maybe insecurities growing up about not being good enough and not fitting in and still, even still struggling with that. I love in your story where you mentioned too, where you saw in that movie about the alcohol, not necessarily being the problem, right? this tends to be, for me anyway, it was a solution to all the other internal stuff that was going on that I was unable to look at in the alcohol in the beginning. It works so dang good. I mean, I remember that first party I went to and they had the Everclear and the cooler and the fruit

and everything. I said, what is this? Like, you know, I was 18 years old. And I said, what is all this stuff? And I was just so sick. But, you know, for a couple hours that night before the sickness set in, I was on top of the world. For once I fit in. For once I could talk to girls. For once, People were like, I don't know if it was laughing at me or laughing with me, but I enjoyed it because, like you mentioned, too, I was being noticed. And I don't remember a bunch of other, you know, events or stuff like that in my life. But I remember that one pretty clearly, even though it obviously ended up in a mess. But I love that you brought that up, you know, because I got stuck for so long and I was into drugs and everything too. But I got stuck for so long that if I removed that from my life, some magic would happen in my life would just get better and I would stay out of jail and stop getting. arrested and stopped ruining relationships. But then when I look back now, I'm like, I sobered up all the time. Like I had days here and there. My life didn't get better because of that, right? So that's powerful. I think in the end, I realized that alcohol was the solution, but I didn't have another solution to my problems. So if alcohol is the only muscle I know how to flex, what the hell do I do

if I get rid of the alcohol? That's where whatever your path of recovery is, that's what you're really working on. If it's 12 steps, there's 12 steps are the things that find you new solutions so you don't need it. However you do it, there's usually some type of path where you create a new solution so that you can let go of the alcohol. But that was the thing up front of like, what am I going to do? And that's where the kind of one day at a time is like just do that every day and then, you know, the rest will come, right? It's like time. None of us really want to wait around for things to happen. But, you know, sometimes it does take time. I agree. That one day at a time is so helpful. I will tell you early on, the book Living Sober was my guidebook. The AA book is pretty

meaty. And it's hard when you're new. But you can grab Living Sober and read five pages and get relief. I mean, it's just no matter what your path is, I recommend that book. Because in five pages, it will give you something to either take your mind off of it or something that will tell you, all right, this is how you're going to get through the next 30 minutes. Sometimes I just need to get through the next 30 minutes. And once I get through that time, I'm good for the day. So, small. And I think a message I'd love to give people is just because you're not at the bottom doesn't mean you can't stop early. Why not stop a little bit early if you think you have a problem and get past this and then think about the things that you can achieve in life. There's no border

of you can't stop drinking until you cross this threshold. If you're questioning it, stop now. And I think this is one of these times that is the most sober friendly time than I could ever think of it. If anything, it's a lot cooler to be sober. There are sober bars that are out there, whole bars that serve nothing but like non-alcoholic drinks. This is like the best time ever. It's almost like you're a rock star now if you stop drinking. So take advantage of the time before it goes away.

Be a rock star like Matt. Let's go. Oh. No, I mean, it's so true. Right. It's becoming, you know, more and more of a thing, right? Like, I mean, for health, a lot of people I'm noticing too are maybe taking their health more seriously and they're realizing like hey they're in this spot where they're questioning like hey maybe

there's a problem and then you have all the information coming out about how it's really bad for our health and moderation is not even really safe for health and there's all these different studies being done stuff being looked into and I think maybe it's giving people a little extra push to just see what it's like right like I'm always talking to people like go 30 days without and see what it's like for you if you're kind of in that sober curious maybe spot about you know what it's going to be And if that really terrifies you, if that just scares you to your core, look at that too. Because, you know, I mean, that's kind of maybe a red flag or something like that, that, hey, if that's really, really worrisome to how you're going to go 30 days, like, you know,

have a look at it. My wife is my example of the non-drinker. And I don't understand her at all. But if you're like my wife and you can have the mimosa at brunch and it doesn't look like you've drank anything and you leave it on the table or your thing is the. mental hiccup you have is I really would like a sip, but even if I have like half a sip, I'm going to get a headache. I'm going to be sleepy today. There are things I want to do. I don't know about that. If you have that mindset, you don't have a problem. I mean, she doesn't

think about what she drinks. I've seen her go years without drinking. She removed all the alcohol from the house. It's no big deal to her, but it's a big deal for me to the point that I'm telling you, I watch what she drinks when she drinks and I put down the excuses that she has. And I can't I cannot understand them. I still don't understand people not having this alcoholic mindset. I guess I have to accept that people can have a glass and it not fire off the engine, but that's her. So if you're like her, which most people are, no, you don't have a problem.

So you don't think this way. But if you're listening to this podcast and you're questioning some things, yeah, giving it up for 30 days, what do you have to lose? You'll save some money. You might even lose a little bit of weight. You'll feel better. You'll sleep better. That's always a baffle, right?

about how, yeah, you see people like leave stuff behind. I saw something recently about people leaving stuff behind it is like that alcohol abuse thing, right? It's just, yeah, it's a different way. But I mean, it's so true. But I mean, that was something I had to like kind of really understand for myself, right? And still have to be reminded of myself is that different for me. And that's okay that I'm reacting different to this, you know?

And this is kind of the way I choose to live. Maybe this is how I have to live to now like I consciously make this decision every single morning to live this way and feel better and improve my relationships and just have a shot at life before I definitely was just coasting, you know, just coasting through and just causing, you know, like a tornado. I wouldn't say coasting. It was like a tornado everywhere I went. It was just a disaster. So yeah, and I just find it so much easier. Once you make the decision that you're done and you give it a bit of time, it's so much easier just to not do it. Becomes more predictable. That's one thing I really enjoy about it. I mean, obviously I can't control much around me and everything and there's

other forces at play. But my life becomes more predictable and just is so healing. I've had work parties at the casino, which are about an hour away from where I live. And first of all, whoever came up with like a two drink ticket thing needs to go to Alon. I'm like, what do you think you're going to do giving people two drinks? You're just setting off the alcoholic doing that. So yeah, give out my drink tickets. I don't need these. Who wants them? I see everybody getting loaded. And I put my arms up the air I go, yes, this isn't me. I can drive home an hour from the casino so I can sleep in my own bed and I feel fine. And tomorrow morning when we have that meeting, I'm going to look around and they're going to be hurting and I'm going to be just fine. There's a level of superiority in that. But it is such a rush for me of like, I am not beholden to the bottle anymore at an open bar. I can just have a soda. I've learned how to talk to people or not talk to anybody at all if I'm not comfortable and then I leave. The change. The change. The change. I'm, are not on me the way they used to be. I feel free in those situations. And that's a better high than getting drunk that I don't have to do what everybody else is doing. Yeah, no, so true. So

powerful. Well, I'm wondering here, Matt, if people were to take one thing away from your story, from your message, what would you like for that to be? The message is you don't have to wait until your fall down drunk. You don't have to wait until your life has fallen apart because it eventually will. You can get a jump on this if you think you're going too early and you can have an amazing life and elevate your life. I think that's more of the message. Now, having said that, after a while, if you think you're going in too early, you're going to find you're probably going in right at the right time. But if you feel like I can't relate to this, I haven't had all of those things, nah, you're fine. It's okay to stop. And then you'll find that your life will be better

anyways. Yeah, there's going to be tons of benefits either way. And it's interesting too. You mentioned before like if you're listening to this podcast and you're in this spot if you're listening to this podcast something's up you know like it's a sober motivation podcast of sharing sober stories if you're kind of at that spot too like you know something's probably up right like something to probably look at i don't know there's coincidences probably but for you to land on this show it was actually i was talking with one lady who she landed on the show and she was watching something on amazon tv it's a stranger story. And then she was struggling, like she's in and out of this cycle. And when she woke up in the morning, the podcast was playing on her TV or something. I'm like, I don't even know how that's possible.

But I was like, and then she reached out to me and she's like, yeah, like this is too weird. And I'm like, yeah, I mean, might be something. I don't know. But it was kind of a thing, right? Rod, how does that feel when people, like you're doing a podcast and then people reach out to you say either they've helped or they ask for help. How does that feel that you have this podcast out there and people ask you for help or just say, oh, thank you. Thank you so much. It feels really good because it's a lot of work. You know, it feels good to have it be helpful for people.

But what I really enjoy, you know, I'll take some of the credit for it because I do a lot of the work. But I really enjoy when people who listen to the show, reach out to the guests on the show. Then I had John on recently and John sent me a message and John used to do a big podcast, all kinds of stuff. And then he said, the podcast we launched. He said, I never received so many messages from people. And I'm thinking, you know what?

That's what this is all about. Because there is a part of me doing this podcast to help other people. There's a part of me doing this podcast to help myself. And there's another part of doing this podcast to help people like you. Share your story. Have a voice. You know, knock down the walls about like, hey, we're just people out here. Just trying to live our best life.

You know, that's kind of how I started the whole sober motivation platform with sharing sober stories. And this goes back, I mean, this goes back like five or six years. That was the whole thing. It's like, people wanted to share their stories. And I'm like, we've overcome. come so much. Let's share these stories and let's, because what you mentioned too is that's a big key that unlocks the door. You mentioned there. You went to that meeting. The speaker had 45 years or 30

years you shared too there, but he shared your story. And when you hear your story, a couple things can happen, right? You're like, oh yeah, I'm in the right place. And oh, yeah, I can do this. But it's great. You know, I mean, it's been incredible. Yeah, I have my own podcast and mine is probably a rounding error compared to yours. If you find my podcast in the rankings, look up and you'll find sober motivation. But when I'm feeling bad about my own performance, that's when I get an email from somebody randomly that I made a difference. And it'd be like, I'm in England and you made a difference. I'm like, how the hell did you find me? How did you find this? And it's baffling to me, like, really, when I'm just talking into a mic, I just feel like nobody's listening. And then you hear that

you made a difference. And first, it makes me feel bad because I'm like, I got into ego here. I'm trying I boost numbers. And then I realize the real purpose in doing this is, no, somebody's getting helped here. And that that sets me straight. Yeah. Such a good feeling. But it's wild when that happens. It is. Yeah. And it kind of comes at the right time at times too. Because doing this and being a creator and making all this stuff, right, you get stuck in your own head a lot. I do anyway. Not come on head. You know, is this good? Is this what people are going to enjoy? And that's sort of like that's every day for me. Yeah. And that's what we're constantly working on. And if I feel like when I get there, you know, somebody will come and in some way, shape, or form and they'll say,

you know what, like, thanks for doing that. Or it always comes at the right time. It is the strangest thing. But, you know, it does feel good to have people and it feels good to help people. And, you know, I know what it's like. And I know you know what it's like, too, for. Yeah. Be alone to be the only one that's struggling to feel like my story, you know, and everybody

has their own story. And I appreciate that. But our stories are a lot of like, too. Yeah. It's a little different, but we're not unique. We're more the same. Exactly. And I think when we can hear that, we can relate with other people on that level,

that it might just help make sense. And I think your story's incredible to where, like, the bottom didn't completely fall out of your life. And you were still able to kind of raise your hand and say, I don't have everything figured out. I think that's really cool to do, you know. I thought I had such a normal and milk toast story until I did a speaking commitment. It was in this town, West Hartford, which is a really wealthy town. And some woman with, like, her Chanel bag came up to me really well put together. And this is, think about your really wealthy hoity-toity, upper class, one percent town.

And that was this woman, well put together, beautiful dress. And she's like, dear, how awful for you. What are you talking about? The mental anguish you must have been in. That was horrible to hear. And I never thought of it that way. Really? You think that?

She goes, oh, my gosh, that sounded like it was awful how you were thinking about alcohol. I'm like, oh, wow, I guess I got something here that can connect with people. I just thought it was a normal story. And this woman came up horrified to me. Like, okay, I guess we all got something. Yeah, and that's so true. And I've always kind of, I'll post some celebrity stories too, right, Matt on different platforms, right?

And the comment is it's not frequent, but it comes up, right? Oh, must be nice to have all the money to all the fancy rehabs. And when I hear that, I mean, it is what it is. People have their own experience. I'm not there to argue with people or convince people otherwise. But what comes up in my mind is two things, right? Somebody like with your story where the bottom hasn't completely fallen out. Or somebody with all the money and all the gas men around.

them to really keep this show going until they're six feet under. They could keep it going. They're not going to necessarily need work and they'll find new relationships. They have everybody enabling. And I'm thinking two very tough spots to be in. You know, is one easier to get sober? Probably not. They're both going to pose their own challenges.

But, you know, that is where the story you're sharing too. It's like, man, I can relate and it just really hits home because I felt like that before. I knew there was something up. I was never really a denial person. I knew when I first started doing prescription pain pills and cocaine and drinking alcohol, I knew within a month, this was a serious problem. I was losing stuff already. You know, I was losing stuff.

I was changing the way I felt. My depression was fired up, anxiety. I knew. It was no denial. But I poured on more and more to try to quiet that voice down of like, because I wanted to quit for a long time. I just didn't know how. I can relate so much for that stage.

And then I probably went to maybe a next stage of things where started to lose more and more consequences from life and ended up in prison for a year and ended up deported from the U.S. and, you know, starting over from scratch with a cardboard box, you know, but long of story, short guys, you don't have to get there. That's a pretty incredible thing, Brad, that you went from jail to a cardboard box and you have family now and you have a home and you have a wildly successful Instagram page and podcast. Now, that's not going to happen for everybody, but if you haven't lost at all, think about what's possible that if you can get to that depth of you're in the gutter and you look up and see the gutter to success.

What's not possible? I think that's inspiring when I hear that stuff. Yeah. No, everything is it. I mean, that's one of the beautiful gifts. And what I enjoy about this whole journey of recovery is that I can do everything. I can't do it all at once. That kills me sometimes.

I want to do everything like today. Let's go. Me too. Let's get it all done. But it's so possible I can literally pivot and go in any direction I want because I've got that confidence because I know every day when I wake up, I'm going to wake up 110%. I'm still going to struggle.

I don't have everything figured out. Like, that's ever going to be a thing for me personally. And that's okay because I got a lot more figured out today. And I have a lot more opportunities and just completely changed over the years. You know, so like, yeah, like you said, to kind of hammer that home, it's like, yeah, check out what's possible. I mean, just imagine. Think about your best days and you go out there, you go to work and you're in your relationships

and you're rocking it. And then think about the days where you're hung over and you're not rocking it. Just imagine if you were. were just rocking and rolling five out of seven days because it's humans, you know, you're going to go in slump sometimes. But five out of seven, it's just endless possibilities. So, but look, Matt, this has been incredible. Thank you so much. Man, everybody just out your podcast. What's the podcast called that you do? Podcast is called the Sober Friends Podcast. You can find us at the website is sober friendspod.com or an Instagram at Sober Friends Pod. We kind of sit around and kind of talk like

we're sitting around a coffee table. A lot of times we just talk about a topic. Sometimes we'll have on some guests who tell their short stories, but it is just a little bit of a meeting in your pocket. That's so cool. Love that. And I've seen the poster you have for it. And I don't know,

I could be completely wrong here. I probably am, but it reminds me of King of the Hill for some reason. That's funny that you said that. There's a guy who does some animation for Barstool Sports, and I reached out to him. And he's so if you've seen like some of the, older avatars and some of the barstool people. He's done that. So I made a connection with him a long

time ago. So I said what I wanted to do, it's funny you said that. What I wanted to do is I was looking at the Super Friends poster. I'm like, that's what I'm kind of looking for is like that Superman and all them together. And it kind of came out like King of the Hill. Either way, it's fine with me. It works. Oh, like yeah, whatever is going to help people remember it and find you, right? Yeah, absolutely. Cool. Well, thank you, Matt. Anything you want to mention before we sign off here? I think the only thing to mention is you don't have to wait until the bitter end. And now is the best time to get sober. If you feel as though, man, I should have done this 10 years ago. You can't go back to the past. Like, you can't plant that tree 20 years ago. Second best day is today.

Yeah, I love that. Another incredible episode with Matt there. I'm not sure how many people actually make it to the end of the show and listen to me rambling at the end, but I'm just full of gratitude today. extremely grateful for all the kind messages that I've got from people enjoying the show that it's making a difference. I never envisioned in my life to really make a difference for people. You know, the history that I had and what I lived by in the story I told myself was just to exist. So I'm happy that with the story shared here that it's being helpful.

And I just hope that you don't feel alone on your journey, that we're all going through something and that this is so possible for you and you got this. So thank you, everybody, for the support. If you haven't left a review yet, go ahead and drop a review. And if you want to support the show to help cover some of the editing costs, be sure to check out the link, buy me a coffee.com slash sober motivation. And thank you. Again, honestly, thank you so much.

Let's go out there and have a great week. Thank you.