Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Megan from sobahsistahs shares her struggle with alcohol.

Episode Date: October 24, 2022

On this week's episode: For most of her life, Megan felt something was missing she refers to this as a black hole. Megan felt so hopeless and alone struggling with alcohol. Find out how Megan was able to get sober, Regain hope, and discover her purpose in life. Megan got a gift that keeps on giving on December 26, 2020.  Check out sober link here: www.soberlink.com/recover   Grab your free sober sober tracker app from SoberBuddy: www.soberbuddy.app.link/motivation   Follow Megan @sobahsistahs

Welcome to Season 1 of the Sober Motivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible one story at a time. Let's go. For most of her life, Megan felt something was missing. She refers to this as a black hole. Megan felt so hopeless and so alone struggling with alcohol. She felt that she was the only one.

Find out how Megan was able to get sober, regain hope, and discover her purpose in life. On December 26, 2020, Megan got a gift that keeps on giving. We need to talk about alcohol recovery in the workplace. Talking about sobriety and proving it to your employer can be so difficult. And our friends at Soberlink want to help. If you need a reliable way to present documented proof of sobriety to a boss or loved one, Soberlink can help. Soberlink is a high-tech portable breathalizer system that uses facial recognition. technology to verify identity, has unique sensors to ensure that no other air sources are being

used, and sends results directly to your specified contacts. So there is no questioning whether or not you took the test or whether or not you altered the reporting. This is why Soberlink's remote alcohol monitoring system is considered the gold standard. Being in recovery from alcohol does not define the future of your career. Let Soberlink help. Learn more about Soberlink and request an exclusive $50 off promo code by visiting Soberlink. com slash recover. Welcome back, everyone, to episode two of the Sober Motivation podcast. So happy to have my good friend, Megan, from Soba Sisters, with us here today.

Megan, how are you? Hey, Brad. I'm doing great. How about you? I'm doing well myself. Before we get started, I just wanted to say thank you and let you know how grateful I am that you take the time out of your day to join us here on episode two of the podcast. What do you say we jump right in?

All right. Oh, gosh. Where do I begin? It's been a crazy last couple of years for sure. I feel like I've had an addictive personality my whole life. I've always had, I don't know if anyone can relate to this. I've always had this like this black hole in me. And I don't know where it came from.

I really did have a great childhood. I have wonderful parents. I'm close with my sister and brother. But somehow I have this. this black hole and I spent years in my early years trying to fill this hole with things like shopping, toxic, super unhealthy relationships, even gambling when I was like 18 years old. I was totally hooked on gambling, spending every penny I made waitressing to try to chase that that high and to fill some void. And then fast forward years down the road and that I ended up using alcohol to

try to fill that void. And it did not go too well. Hence I guess why I'm here today. I can relate to 110% on that, Megan. When I was growing up, I always felt like something was missing as well, like a low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and always this emptiness inside. I just constantly felt like an outsider. How would you describe this black hole to a stranger? I'm also wondering, what did it feel like? Yeah. So, I mean, just like you said, too, like for me, it was like a low self-worth, low confidence. And yeah, just feeling different, feeling like I didn't fit in. I was always somewhere in the middle. Like, you know, I had friends, but I never had a whole tons, like tons of friends. I always just had a couple. I mean, they were really good friends. Thankfully, I just felt like I didn't

fit in. And so for some reason, I got that fulfillment out of gambling or, drinking and now it's just so nice to be you know to be on the other side of things that I'm finding I'm filling that hole with things that just make me happy but it's been a process to learn how to do that I hear you on that so much of the stuff that you just went over really hits home with me and I'm sure it will for others because I've heard this story a lot Megan before we get too far into this how many days sober do you have right now have you checked in with your sober buddy tracker recently? Of course.

I'm logging into that all the time. But I believe in somewhere around 670 days today was actually December 26 of 2020. That was what I would consider my rock bottom moment. So you got sober a day after Christmas. The holidays were always a big struggle for me. But one heck of a late Christmas present you gave yourself. Exactly. So holidays were always tough for me since my divorce, especially if I didn't have my kids.

So this particular year of 2020, I didn't have my kids and I drank a bottle of wine or whatever it was that night. Passed out as I usually would and woke up at 3 a.m. You know, like sweating, head pounding, just staring at the ceiling thinking like, what is it wrong with me? Why do I keep doing this? I did this again and just like beating myself. up and you know asking to the universe somebody just please help me like take me out of this misery I can't do this another day and that's when I had looked up that night meetings to go to a you know I had never been to a meeting I thought about it now we're in the middle of COVID so there's nothing

in person and so that's when everything changed I started going to Zoom meetings after that night gotcha gotcha why don't you take us back to when alcohol entered your life and then when it became a problem for you. All right. Yeah. So I definitely drank in my 20s. It was more of a binge drinking thing. I could go days, sometimes weeks, without drinking. I didn't obsess about it. I didn't think about it on the days that I wasn't drinking. But when I did drink, I put myself in bad situations, whether it be driving or going out to bars by myself and meeting up with people, going home with people that I didn't know. Just nothing, nothing good happened from my drinking. But I feel like it was sort of typical for, you know, in my 20s.

Fast forward, had my first time when I was 25. And I think that kind of saved me at that time, slowed me down. I went years really without drinking. And then I kind of discovered wine. I never was like a wine person before that. And I discovered, you know, being a mom is hard and wine's going to help me unwind at night. And next thing, you know, I'm drinking wine every night. and then I needed it. You know, I thought I could say like, all right, I'm not going to drink for

another week and I couldn't get past a few days. Then in 2017, I got divorced out of nowhere. It was, you know, one of the worst times of my life. And I really turned to alcohol to help me cope with my divorce, with my feelings of guilt for my kids that I was going to mess my kids up forever. And I I spent probably like at least three to four years in that cycle of drinking every single night that I wasn't working. I work overnights in a hospital in an emergency room. So those were three nights that I knew I wouldn't drink. But all the other nights, I definitely was drinking.

I was working my whole life schedule, my kids, everything around my drinking. I was really good at trying to keep all my priorities, my job, my kids, work that around, work my drinking around that. So on the outside, people probably didn't realize what I was, you know, really going through. Did anybody around you notice that this was becoming more and more of a problem? Or did anyone say anything to you about it? Maybe like one of my best friends because I would open up to her and be like, I really need to stop. Like, this is a problem. But honestly, I had reached out to my mom at one point. And my mom and I were pretty close. And I told her, like, I think I have a problem mom.

Like, I can't stop. I'm like, I'm totally depressed. I'm hopeless. I feel I should have so many reasons to feel happy in life. And I'm miserable every day. I take the kids to school. I come back. I get back into bed.

I go pick them up, get back into bed. And so I reached out to my mom and she, she sort of blew me off. And now she feels bad like looking back. Like, I'm sorry. I truly didn't know, you know, because I said, like, I think I need to go to rehab. I need to go somewhere and to break this, to get me out of here, to get me out of the spot.

I can't do this on my own. And yeah, my mom sort of just, I don't know if she didn't, you know, as a parent, we don't want to know our child's hurting or anything like that. Or if she just didn't realize how bad it was. And I think sometimes that's like with women and stuff is that on the outside, we're really good at making things look like that they're all right. And I live, you know, eight hours away from my family. I've lived away for 20 years. So they don't see me on a day-to-day basis. They just see maybe what they see on Facebook or something, you know?

So now my mom's like, I'm so sorry that I didn't listen to you more. But yeah, it's not her fault. But yeah, so I guess that's, but otherwise nobody knew and I didn't really tell anyone else, maybe until like right at the end. Yeah, that's something we talked about in the first episode with Luke and I is that not a lot of people knew because we were really, really good at hiding it, hiding what was actually going on. I mean, a big reason I did it for so long is the amount of shame that was involved. Oh, yes. I mean, so much shame. That was something I really struggled with for a long

time. And actually, I would say actually, there was someone who really noticed how alcohol affected me. And that was the relationship that I was in, you know, after my divorce, I was in a long-term relationship and I still am and he really saw it and he saw the worst of me. He saw how my personality completely changed when I was drinking. We would have such a great night out. We'd go to a nice dinner and by the end of the night I'd either be crying like about something that had upset me from like weeks prior and so I'd either end up crying picking a fight. I would get into bed and I would just fall asleep crying like, you know, it was just

So he definitely noticed it and now is like knows it's like night and day. I'm who I really am now that I'm not drinking. My relationship has completely changed. And I just, I feel like a whole person now finally at almost 40 years old for the first time in my life. You know what the scarier thing is? Some people never find that their entire life. I was just wondering too, though, is there any specific moments or things that happened where you were like enough is enough? Or was it an accumulation of things over time a certain way you felt?

Yeah, absolutely. I always say, too, like, it doesn't have to be something that happens. Sometimes it is. Sometimes, you know, you lose your job. You know, your husband leaves you or, you know, you get a DUI. There's something that happens that gets you to the point you need help. But for the majority of people, I feel like it's just a feeling. It's a feeling that one day, you're just like, I literally cannot do this another day. This can't be, this can't be it. This can't be my life. And for me, I feel like that was it. You know, I really was completely in a depression. I had told my little brother who was, you know, who really was such a big support for me, you know, especially in the beginning and at the end of my drinking. But I told him one day that I could see. how people end their lives, that that's literally how hopeless and, you know, that I had felt.

And so that's, you know, part of it is when I realized I'm, this is, you know, this is not the way to live. So I would say that. I would also say I noticed like my moods. I thought for sure I had some diagnosis of a mental disorder because my moods were all over the place. I would have like really high, high days and then I would be really low. I was just in my moods were completely unpredictable. And just emotionally and mentally I was just completely beat down for sure. So for me, that was my rock bottom, was just not wanting to, you know, live, you know, really, ultimately. Megan, while you were sharing that, I could really feel it over here on my end.

you were in a really dark place. And I got to say, I'm so proud of you for where you're at today. I was also wondering, did you ever struggle with a lot of anxiety? Oh my gosh, yes, definitely. And I thought I was just like an anxious person. And I do have like a little bit of social anxiety and like for sure. I think that that at some point would the alcohol would help me, what I thought would help to me. But just the day-to-day, daily anxiety was like constant.

at one point I was having to take I was taking Xanax but then I got hooked on that because that can be like addictive and then I couldn't fall asleep without that and then I was trying to like have a drink and with Xanax and and so I didn't know what my baseline was because I was like either drinking or trying to take something to take the edge off so I didn't even know what my normal felt like but anxiety for sure like the anxiety the next day you know checking my phone God who did I text what did I say what did I post on social media? and I don't have to go delete it all or delete my phone without like not even wanting to read the messages.

Yeah, I really was like the queen of blackouts. It just made me think of that. I would have full-blown conversations with friends, family for hours sometimes at night when I was drinking and literally not remember it. And the scary part about blackouts is that we can look like we're totally with it. And we could have what seemed to be pretty normal conversations with people. and they don't realize that we're totally in like a blackout state. And so that scared me because I was missing like whole chunks of the evening and that I wasn't

remembering. And that, that definitely scared me. Yeah, that's definitely scary stuff. It seems like over time our tolerance for risk increases the longer we stay in this cycle. I remember too, I had some similar experience of mixing alcohol with Xanax and blacking out twice. And it was really scary, but at the time, not scary enough for me to get sober. Megan, I know I said it before, but I've got to say it again. I'm so proud of you for getting sober because your story, you were headed downhill and downhill fast.

Yeah, you and me both. I mean, it's crazy, like, just thinking back and that now it's, like, going to be approaching two years in December. And I'm like, wow, this is, this is crazy. It really is. You ever pinch yourself to be sure that this is an all a big dream? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, definitely. But I know I'm in real life because now I feel like I eat, sleep, and breathe, sobriety, you know, just probably the obsessive, addictive personality in me.

I'm just, I'm obsessed with sobriety. I'm obsessed with helping people. I feel like I'm on this mission now to help, especially women out there to just help them realize and give them the strength and courage that they can do this. You know, if I, if I can do it, that anybody can. So. Megan, that's the truth right there. And that's what I think the message that you send with your social media, with everything you do with Soba sisters,

is that you want to let people know that they're not alone. Because you and I know how that feels. We felt alone for so long and that we were the only one struggling in the way we were struggling. And that is what keeps people stuck. And that's what kept me stuck for so long. So I think it's amazing. You're sharing your story real and raw, and I really appreciate it.

I really feel like it's going to be helpful for people because somebody's going to listen to this podcast who's right in that same place, who is stuck, who is hopeless, who feels like they're alone and there's no way out. And this right here is the story of somebody who found a way out. So again, Megan, thank you. Oh, my pleasure. I mean, sometimes I am like, oh my God, I can't believe I share all the stuff. Like when I go back and look at just some of my before and after pictures that are just like horrendous. And then I'm like, why was I taking pictures of myself like in these dark, dark times? But I'm so glad I did because now I can see like the true transformation of you can see in my eyes. Like there's like nobody home. And then you compare it to now and it's like, oh, I'm alive.

And like you said about feeling alone, that's, that was. was what held me back too. I thought I was the only one struggling with this. Like I thought it was the only single mom that was like sitting on her couch, drinking wine, crying, feeling so depressed. And when I went on my first zoo meeting, there was like 200 women on this call. And that was why it was a game changer. I was like, oh my God. Like, I am not the only one that is dealing with this. And so I went back and I went back and then in October of 2021, I started hosting my own meetings for women because I just, I knew how much they helped me and completely changed my life. And now I've been doing these meetings for over a year now. And I know, you know, in my heart that they're changing women's

lives and that women are getting sober from from my meetings and from the community that I've created. That is so incredible. What about meetings, about groups, about community, do you feel helps people change and helps people move forward? At sober motivation, we love sober buddy, the little blue fluffy guy. If you're on Instagram or Facebook, you might have seen them. Download the free app today and start tracking your sober days. I think it's particularly with my meetings, and I'm sure like all of them, but that we all have something. in common. I mean, we're all from all over the world, really. There's a lot of people in the U.S.,

but there's Canada, there's the UK, there's Ireland, Scotland. We just had India, like, there's just women from all over. So despite any of our backgrounds, some have kids, some don't, all different professions. But at the end of the day, we all have this commonality and makes us feel like not alone and that, you know, we just pump each other up, we empower each other, and we just share different experiences. Like, for me, you know, I had to be. I had to feel like, just one of my first sober vacation to Cabo, Mexico. And I share that with the girls in the group. And then when they have a trip coming up, I'm like, listen, you can do it. Here's what you do. And I'll give them my tips or what work. So I think just having the meetings and just talking

about real life situations that come up, because let's face it, we're the outsiders for not drinking alcohol. So I think coming to these meetings and just reassuring each other that like what we're doing, it's the right thing. And that it's okay. And that it's okay. And then. that we're still fun and that life is just so much better than going back to the other, to going back to drinking. That's the truth there, Megan. 110%. I had another question for you, though, to switch up things here for a second.

Why do you think alcohol companies target moms so much? Yeah, that's, and I didn't realize this until I had read a book. You know, I read the book, Quit Like a Woman. and she really talks about that in this book. And then I realized that there's people like in the advertising rooms that are like, how can we suck moms into alcohol? How can we make it look like so enticing for them and that this is the best thing and that they deserve it? Like, that's literally somebody's job is to suck us all in.

And I was like so angered. I was like so pissed by the end of like reading that part of the book. And I think they do it because it's an easy sell. we're all stressed. Moms are trying to do a million things, especially when the pandemic hit. We were homeschooling our kids. We were still trying to, you know, I was still working. I was working in a hospital. I was single mom was trying to do the homeschool thing. And I was stressed out. And so when they say like, this wine's going to relax you, I bought it and I ate it up. And I was like, okay, I need this to unwind after a hard day. And so, I mean, the mommy wine

culture thing. And it's definitely, it's real. And, It wasn't there years ago like it is now. I mean, they even say like binge drinking among women with kids under the age of five increased 323% during the pandemic. I mean, that's what, you know, I know everybody and a lot of people who drink increase their drinking, but moms in particular were drinking more than ever. And now they're pretty much women were neck and neck with men where it used to be a big divide. like men always drink, you know, traditionally drink more than women.

Now we're we're head to head. So they did a great job of sucking women into that it's, you know, a glamorous thing to drink. Yeah, I hear you on that. Even with the ads everywhere, they almost create a culture that you feel like you're missing out on something if you're not consuming alcohol. And then everybody is in. all the ads partying, having a good time, everything looks wonderful, but they don't share the end of the story. And that it's a great way to de-stress and relax after a long day.

You earned it. Everything like that. When I think back, though, I had some good times that involved alcohol and drugs. And then it was good until it wasn't good until I couldn't stop until it was chaos. What was it like for you? Was there ever a time where like it served a purpose that was somewhat good, I guess? And then you crossed that line and it didn't anymore? I honestly, I feel like it was not good from the beginning.

I feel like I just, I just couldn't handle it. You know, I don't know when to say handle it because it's can anybody handle it? But I definitely, it would just make me behave in ways that I would not normally. You know, maybe out of 10 times there would be one time that like I drank and it was normal drinking where I'm like, oh, I'm going to have, but I obsessed over it, like, where I was like, I'm only going to have two. But no, I feel like my drinking just was some of my worst moments, actually, all my worst moments in my life involved alcohol. So, yeah, it just, I don't know if I ever. And honestly, sometimes I say, like, I did what I had to do at one point because I really was

after my divorce just in such a lonely place. And wine turned into my companion. It turned into my friend. I didn't have anybody else at the time. So that was my thing. I'd get sushi, a bottle of wine when the kids went to bed and I would sit there. And then that was my go-to for a while. So it wasn't really helping me. But at the time, you know, I thought it was. Yeah, it's just that one thing that we can always count on that we know is going to be there 100% of the time. But I feel like it just comes with so much downside. But it takes us a little while to see through that. But I mean, I can also relate with you that it definitely played its role, drugs and alcohol

in my life and got me through dark times and took me out of reality when I needed it, maybe most. Did you view alcohol as always being a problem in your life? Or was there a certain age where you were like, yeah, this is definitely a problem? I know. Honestly, it probably wasn't until I was like 37. And it wasn't until I started reading books on, you know, other people's stories, listening to podcasts, getting on, you know, following certain Instagram accounts before I had mine. I didn't, like, in my younger years, I knew it wasn't good.

I knew it definitely, you know, put me in bad situations. But I was never like, I have a problem. Like, you know, I thought that there, I didn't realize there's a whole spectrum of problems or a whole spectrum of drinking problems. problems. And it really wasn't until I learned about I actually had gotten a new therapist. And she had mentioned possible me going on medication, which I had already done 100 days on my own. And she mentioned going on Naltrexone, which I immediately had shot down. I was like, I'm not that bad. I, you know, but I went to the website. I researched it. And I learned about alcohol use disorder, which I had never heard that term. I just heard of an alcoholic or a normal drinker. didn't know that there was this other term that's sort of like a newer term. And when I learned that and I said, that's what I have. That is me. Like, then I realized at least I could explain, you know, what was going on with me. You said one thing there that really stood out to me. Understanding. I think it's so important just to get that understanding of exactly what is going on

with like your own personal situation that can maybe help you get started. I know for me having a better understanding of what was going on helped me make better decisions moving forward in the beginning. Once you know, you know. Is that something people say? Yeah, once you know, you can't unknow it. I always say that too. And I did read that somewhere. Once you know it and you put this information in your head and you're learning about what alcohol really is, you can't unknow it.

You won't even enjoy drinking really anymore because it's, you know, like it's a total toxic poison. It's ethanol. all. It's the same thing they used to fuel rockets with. Like when you start thinking about it, like the poison it is, it changes it all. And they say too, like curiosity is one of the most important factors like in the beginning to starting a journey, getting curious about it. What is it? Why is it doing this to me? And learning. And from there, I feel like it'll get better. That's kind of where I started. I started with learning about it, reading the books, listening to podcasts. and then the meetings.

I took a sobriety course online. There was a lot of things, you know, medication. I did end up taking medication for a while. That was helpful for me. And so it's been a process, you know, and sometimes people ask me like, well, how did you do it? What do I do? Where do I, you know, and I'm like, okay, I usually will say start reading, start learning.

But there's been a million things that I've done to get to where I am. But it's possible for sure. There's so much help out there. Yeah, I hear you on that one. I've been asked that a lot of times over the years as like, what was it that made you change? And the best thing I can say for that is a lot of interventions over time. Rehab, detox, meetings, counseling, therapy, psychiatrist appointments, medication, so many different interventions.

And everything kind of came to a head, I guess, when I spent a year in preemptive. prison that I kind of made the decision up there that I didn't want to live like that anymore. So I was going to give recovery like this one more try. And that's the time that it actually stuck. So I'm definitely grateful for that because where I was headed was in the opposite, complete opposite direction of where I should have been headed. So yeah, I'm with you on that one. I don't know that there's like a one thing.

could put a finger on and be like that was it. It was an accumulation of things like they say, sick and tired of being sick and tired. Absolutely. And I feel like for me too was I had spent years trying to do the moderation thing. And I'm like that kind of was part of my journey because that's research I was doing. I was experimenting. And my experiments, the end result every time was that alcohol was just it didn't serve any purpose in my life. It didn't align with who I thought I was. I thought I was otherwise a really healthy person, you know. So I think all those years that I was trying to make rules on my drinking, like only on the weekends, only half a bottle. I would have water, you know, water in between. I had all these like rules to try to like keep it in my life.

And then eventually I did hit that realization that it's, it's a little easier. And it's just better to be like I'm not drinking at all than to try to do the opposite to try to moderate. Well, that's the truth. Do you feel like the attempt to moderate your drinking was a necessary part of your process? Yeah, I do because then I think you'd be always wondering, can I go back and drink normally or, you know, so now I'm like, no, I already tried to do that. It did not work. And it just left me obsessing over it. I was literally thinking about it 24-7 that it took up so much brain space. So now, so yeah, I do feel like for me, it was kind of, you know, part of my journey. And really at the end of the day, I wouldn't change anything because I feel like it was just a

snowball to get me to where I needed to be to finally just be like, all right, I'm walking away. Yeah, true, true. I feel like sometimes we have to hit, it has to get hard. Like we have to, it has to get tough. And for me, and it sounds like for YouTube, not for everybody. It's obviously isn't a requirement for sobriety that things have to get hard like this. But for me, I kind of had to be, my back had to be up against the wall for me to make a decision to try something to do something different. But I mean, I tried the moderation too. And with alcohol, with drugs, like, I tried so hard just to keep everything around. Like, I'm just going to do this much heroin. And, you know, I spend $300 and I'm going to space this out over a week.

And I look at my stash a couple days later. And we're not going to last the whole week here. We're running short already. And we've got no more money. So I used to try that stuff. It never worked. Same thing as you. I'm kind of glad I tried that.

So that way, like it just closes off that door. It's like, well, you already know that doesn't work. So like you already have that information. Yeah. And like what we don't know. you know, we can't, I didn't know that stuff. So I had to learn it, I guess, the hard way. And so, yeah, I feel like I'm not saying, go try to moderate and wait until you fail.

Everybody's journey's different, you know, clearly. At the end of the day, we're way more alike than we think we are. That's the truth. Sober is cool. I got another question here for you. What was your biggest challenge early on in your sobriety? challenge. I guess just was getting past that first month. What do I do now at night? I mean, this was such a big part of my life. Like, what do I do in the evening? And how do I not, how do I get past

day three? Because I had gotten to day three for like a million times. So I need to know, like, what can I do to get past that? And so for me, it was like I just had to change my whole routine. I had to, you know, I started doing like adult coloring at night. I started doing hot sleepy time tea, taking baths, just stuff that I never did, like self-care stuff that I didn't take the time to do. And I had to start doing that. Go for walks. I had to just get outside any time I was having like an anxious feeling. So I feel like, yeah, just getting navigating that first month for me was one of definitely like a hurdle.

And then once I did start stringing it together some days and gaining some confidence and feeling alive again, then it, you know, things got a little bit easier. The self-care stuff is so important. Do you feel like most days you were just trying to not drink? Yeah, I didn't do much anything. I didn't do anything else, like, besides what I had to do in my life, which my responsibilities, which was go to work or take care of the kids. Otherwise, I just retreated to myself and I slept a lot. I went to bed early, like many nights so that I would just sleep through the time that I would want to drink. I would take naps because sometimes people will say, they'll be like, I'm so tired. Is that normal? I'm like, yeah. Because what you're trying to do and to try to sustain

this, it takes a lot of work. And it takes a lot of energy, mentally, physically. And so, yes, you know, I napped, I slept. Yeah, that was just that, but I did it. I think it's okay, like not go out. Don't worry about calling people. Don't worry about just whatever you need to do to not drink. Do that. Exactly.

I think that's the most important thing early on is to get comfortable with this new way to live. And you don't need to take on everything all at once. Don't need to get a gym membership. Don't need to start eating healthy. don't need to start a new diet, don't need to start all these new relationships. All we need to do is stay sober for right now, get support,

try to be involved with the community if that's possible, and just do this thing one day at a time, figure it out one day at a time. You don't have to figure it out for the rest of your life right when you start. I just was thinking about the first episode with Luke, where he said it scares the shit out of him, saying he's not going to drink for the rest of his life.

Absolutely. Yeah, I always say that. Yeah, don't start a new diet. Don't be starting because you're just going to set yourself up for failure. Focus on this one thing and that's not drinking. And that's it. That's all you need to worry about right now. The other stuff, you can start eating like you can get on a, you know, whatever.

If you want to start eating extra good and going to the gym, you can do that eventually. Take it easy. You go simple. Just go for walks and just don't drink for sure. Yeah, that's exactly it. One question here, if that's okay. If you could go back and talk to your younger self, what would you say? Oh, my God.

I would just, honestly, I'd give her a huge hug and tell her that she's worth, worthy, and that she's amazing. Because I just think I didn't love myself. I didn't even want to look in the mirror, especially at the end. And so I know I just somehow, for some reason, was always just hurting inside. So I would tell myself, yeah, just to be nice to myself and that I'm great. And then I would tell her to stay away from alcohol. There you go.

There you go. That's a million dollar advice. I wanted to back up here for a second. You got sober on December 26 of 2020. What happened on that Christmas day or that Christmas Eve that led you into the direction of sobriety about really going after this thing. Yeah, it's funny because I have two Christmas stories and one actually came a couple years before this. So Christmas is like totally a sensitive time for me. But there was one year, it was the year I was going through going through my divorce and we had

went out as a family actually. We went out and we came home. I decided to go out and to drink more and I drank and passed out for the whole night and I woke up to somewhere else. And I woke up to my phone with all these missed calls like where are you it's christmas morning so i was like driving home as fast as i could probably shouldn't have been driving and i did make it home in time but barely and i didn't get to do you know get to do the presents and um well i was there for them to open it but i was so hungover that i didn't even you know participate or i had like one eye open was you know my kids were two and seven at the time and i beat myself up for that for years so then ironically fast forward a few years later 2020, December 26th, that was the night, you know, I drank, I was alone. So I didn't, I don't have

family around here. So I was alone on the holidays. Didn't have my kids. And I drank that night by myself, which was pretty typical. I, I love drinking by myself. And I woke up in the middle of the night after I passed out. And that's when I just was like, some, please help me. I, you know, I really was like calling out and I was crying. And actually that night is the night when I had looked up the meetings to go to. Finally, I had joined. like an online group, but I never went to the meeting. So I looked up to find what a meeting was. And then at the time, I also found a scholarship I won to a sobriety course with the luckiest club, which the book, We Are the luckiest. I feel like changed my life. I even got to meet the author.

So I've won the scholarship that night. I found the email. And I was like, oh, my God. So now I'm crying happy tears because I just felt hope. And honestly, and that's why I feel like I want to give that same feeling to people. So I try to give that feeling. of hope that, hey, I'm, I care and I'm going to help you to get sober. And then I totally understand you. That was, yeah, that was that was that night Christmas. So now I'm like, every year of Christmas definitely brings, you know, it's like a special time for me because I know where I, where I came from. That year, you got the gift that keeps on giving. You also said in there that you enjoyed drinking alone. Was that just so nobody had any rules for you?

Yeah. See, I always think about that too. Like if I lived with someone, like, I don't have another adult. So I had nobody checking on me being like, um, that's your fourth glass of wine or you look like you're blacked out or whatever it was. I had nobody to, I could just no one to judge me nothing. And so yeah,

like I really just at the end, I lived on my couch. That was my spot. I had like a whole spot in the corner. I had this little thing that I put my like wine in. And at the end, I just didn't even really care to be going out and socializing with people. because if I did, then people would see me active pool.

Like I would, you know, one of the last times I went out of my birthday with friends and I definitely had drank too much. So then I was like, I'm just going to stay home. And then I don't have to worry about drinking and driving. I'm just going to drink at home. So yeah, drinking at home definitely alone was my go-to. Yeah, I hear that story a lot though. It starts out as a party and then you end up alone in the end by yourself.

By our sense. Yeah, exactly. Yep. Yeah. And definitely another thing, too, I just remember was I always thought like if I didn't drink in the morning that I didn't have a problem. And that helped me back from getting help because I didn't typically drink in the morning. But I will tell you towards the end, you know, when I was working in an emergency room, super stressful with the pandemic, you know, COVID and all of that, I would come home and I found myself, I do overnights. I found myself at 7 a.m. drinking wine, drinking a bottle of wine after my overnight shift to

like unwind. And that's when I was like, and so I did, I drank in the middle of a day as well on a Sunday when I had to go to work that night. And I was like miserable. I was like, what am I doing? So it was all these things that like happen like boom, boom, boom, like right after another. I was like, this, this is totally out of control now. And that was like another thing that, you know, it just escalated so quickly, you know, it wasn't good for a long time. And then all of a sudden, it escalated and I would work my drinking into like whatever I was doing. Even my mom came to visit once. I was like, mom, I drank so much the other night. She's like, what do you mean? You only had two glasses of wine at dinner. I was like, yeah, when we came home, I drank a bottle of wine. But I was hiding it from her. She was here staying at my house.

I would just go in and pour it and like she had no idea that I, you know, I was so once I feel like then you start hiding it from people and all of that. It's just, you know, it's just on another level. Yeah, we just end up doing whatever it takes just to keep everything going. And it becomes so draining over time because you're constantly trying to hide this or cover that up or make sure all the stories make sense. And it just becomes really exhausting. So, yeah, I'm glad you brought that up, though, because that is definitely shows that this is progressive. Like it just gets worse without. It just becomes worse and worse. So this is an amazing conversation.

I'm really enjoying it. Oh, thank you. Me too. I always enjoyed talking with you. I got another question here, though. So we touched on the Christmas, the Christmas story there. You know, that's another big thing, right? The holidays for people.

And I mean, we're not there yet. Don't get your presents and start wrapping them yet, people. But we will be there. And that is going to be big. I mean, two of the biggest days for drinking or in the top 10, it probably have to be the holiday Christmas, Christmas Eve, and probably New Year's. So I'm thinking it's going to be tough for a lot of people coming up, right? Because that's the thing.

Get together with family. Get together with people who don't necessarily have a problem with drinking. And they're probably going to be doing it. So, I mean, that's a really tough time. And we'll probably talk about that more closer to it. But definitely can see how you. struggled with those days and there there's no work right for most people there's no work so yeah and a lot of times i would try to work so that i would avoid being feeling alone but this particular year i

wasn't working and didn't have the kids so yeah it's just it's that overwhelming feeling of feeling lonely but i'll tell you this year i do have the kids but if i didn't i would do it much differently i wouldn't sit home by myself i would go do something you know i would uh not i know not i know not i know not that much is open on Christmas, but I would find something to do. And even if it wasn't with other people, I don't want to sit home. You know, I mean, it's okay to sit home. Don't get me wrong. But I feel like I would definitely be doing something different. And so I think, you know, I'll probably honestly host a meeting that night or something like that I do that a lot, especially if I have nothing to do and I'm feeling, I'm feeling a little alone. I'll just tell the girls in the group,

hey, does anyone want to get on a meeting? Most of the time, there'll be at least like 25 will show up and they're feeling exactly the same way. So that's, it's, you know, reach out if around the holidays, that that definitely is a hard time. And find meetings. There's so many online that you can find. You just have to look for it. They're not going to just show up on your Zoom. They have, you know, you got to go and look, search for it. Yeah, for sure. And I'm starting to see a lot more sober events, sober bars, like sober communities, people doing events and so, so much cool stuff like that. I'm sure they'll have stuff around the holidays too, which is, it's great just to connect with other people who are going through it as well. Like it's, it's not easy, especially early on.

And if you're looking for support, get connected to that type stuff. I have another question. What is your favorite drink now that you're in recovery? I would say honestly boring, but seltzer water, polar, if I want to just, whatever, by the easy stuff, I'll just, it's soda water. I drink at all. day long. But sometimes if I want to like fancy or drink, I'll splurge. And I get these v. Y, as they're called Vibe, and there's just like, you know, ashygawanda, just all natural like herbs and stuff in it. So it's all natural. And, you know, kids technically can have it. It's nothing that'll make you high or anything like that. So, but it's really, it's relaxing and it's just special. I'll put it in a

glass with ice. I tried to do the alcohol. I was never a beer drinker, so I don't do alcohol, you know, alcohol-free beer or anything. And I tried to do the non-alcoholic wine. And it just wasn't for me. I realized I had bought a bottle of it. And I opened it. And then I was looking at over on the counter and I was like, mm-mm, like this is the problem.

This is the path that I could see being a slippery slope in that I just, I don't need that, you know, I don't need to spend the money on that. And it just, I don't want to ever fall back into that habit. So for me, I don't really, not a big mock tail person. But yeah, to each his own, whatever works for people. Yeah, I'm with you 110% on that. Each person has to find out what works for them and what doesn't work for them. And if you want to try things, then try things.

And if you don't, then don't. Either way is perfectly good. Celser water. I enjoy the bubblies. Check those out. They're just delicious. You touched on earlier that you weren't. identifying as an alcoholic and you weren't drinking in the morning and you didn't fit this description

of what maybe mainstream thinks of an alcoholic, but you definitely still had a problem with alcohol. Do you believe that there are people or a lot of people or a few people that are stuck in that same place where they might not fit this picture of what they imagine an alcoholic is or somebody who has a problem with drinking alcohol, but they could still benefit from not drinking alcohol at all. Oh, my God. Yeah. Honestly, I think it's the majority of people that they fall into this middle category, this middle, you know, they call like gray area drinking, that they fall in this like middle category where it's not like super obvious. But honest, my advice would be is to follow your gut. If your gut and your intuition is saying like, this is not good, like I need to stop. Then that's,

That's it. That's all you need to know. It doesn't matter if anyone agrees with you because people will try to talk you out of it. It happens. Like that you'll tell a friend, hey, I think my drinking's a problem. Oh, you're fine. Everybody's doing it. That conversation happens all the time. I talk to people all the time. And so trust your gut. Yeah, I can relate to that. Everybody's doing it. Yes, the gray area drinking. My buddy sober Dave over in the UK talks about this a lot about it's not full thrott. all the way alcoholism that there's an area maybe before that that people could identify with. A lot of people are calling it gray area drinking. So it's an interesting idea. If somebody's listening to this podcast that's struggling to get sober or stay sober, what's one or two pieces of advice that you would give them? I would say to reach out, find connection.

We always hear connections the opposite of addiction. Honestly, it truly is. If it wasn't for my group, the meetings that I go to, I don't think I would still be sitting here today. That's what it was a game changer for me. So if you're, even if you're just thinking about it, still go to a meeting because most likely you're going to hear something that sounds just like you. You're going to see yourself and somebody else. And I think for sure that that would be where I would start. And also I would say like you're not alone. There's nothing wrong with you. You know, I I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought I was broken. I thought I was weak, but you're not. And then, yeah, that's what I would say. Thank you so much for that, Megan. I can feel it over here.

That's true experience speaking right there. A lot of that stuff you shared you did early on in your journey. Why don't you take a few minutes here and explain to us everything super cool that you're doing over at Soba Sisters on Instagram. Yeah, sure. I say the Stobas Sisters, it's a movement. We meet every Wednesday on Zoom at 3 p.m. and 8 p.m. Eastern time. But we meet more times than that, too. That's just the standard meetings. I'm always adding meetings in. We have a group chat that has, you know, 150 women on it, that there's always somebody there that's going to, that can help you, that will listen, that will, always, I always hear stories like, I almost drank this weekend, but I reached out to the group and they talk. And they talk. me out of it. I'm so glad I didn't. And so yeah, I'd say that. And then just Instagram. I love Instagram starting my page. Again, I think saved me just being talking about, it's like my diary. You mean, you guys hear everything about what I've gone through and how I've got to where I'm at today. So go follow me there. Say hi. I try to write back to everybody. Come to a meeting.

What's the Instagram account called again, Megan? Soba sisters. I'm in Boston, so sober, you know, wicked soba. That's kind of how people talk here. So it's S-O-B-A-H-Sistas. Love that. Incredible. Yeah, what you do over there is just amazing. The community is just wonderful. Everybody working together to support each other. It's just a beautiful thing that happens a lot on Instagram. Who would have thought, honestly? But it's time to wrap it up, Megan, and I appreciate you taking this time to meet with us today at Sober Motivation on the podcast, sharing your beautiful story. Well, thank you, Brad.

I appreciate you asking me. I'm honored to be the second guest on the Sober Motivation podcast. Thank you so much for everybody who checked out episode two. Thank you to everybody who also checked out Luke's episode. Both of them were incredible. Hope you love it. I'm hoping through sharing these stories of people who have always, overcome and people who are in sobriety that is going to start helping other people see what's

possible for them. That's the whole message behind the Sober Motivation Network is that we share stories to help others connect with them so that they can see what's possible for them. Until next time, thank you again.