Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Michelle got into the mommy wine culture, until she lost her brother and her alcohol consumption became life or death.

Episode Date: January 19, 2024

In this episode of the Sober Motivation Podcast, Michelle courageously shares her battle with alcohol. Growing up in a small town in Delaware, Michelle had a seemingly 'normal' life.   Although initially, her consumption was socially oriented, as her environment and stress levels changed, she found herself caught up in mommy wine culture and her alcohol dependence grew, increasing after the death of her brother Mickey. Consumed with grief and facing multiple personal challenges, her alcohol consumption escalated to a dangerous level, causing her to seek help eventually. Through her stay at rehab and firm commitment, she reclaimed control of her life, emphasizing the importance of readiness, taking small steps towards sobriety, and drawing strength from personal tragedies.  --------------- Check out the NEW SoberBuddy Platform- https://community.yoursoberbuddy.com Connect with Michelle on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/belmontlegends/ Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sobermotivation/

Welcome back to season three of the Suburmotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety is possible one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode of the podcast, we have Michelle, who courageously shares her battle with alcohol. Growing up in a small town in Delaware, Michelle had a seamlessly normal life. Although initially her consumption was social, as her environment and stress levels changed, she found herself caught up in the mommy wine culture and her dependence on alcohol grew.

Increasing after the death of her brother Mickey, consumed with grief and facing multiple personal challenges, her alcohol consumption escalated to a dangerous level, causing her to seek help eventually. Through her stay at rehab and a firm commitment, she reclaimed control of her life, emphasizing the importance of readiness, taking small steps towards sobriety,

and drawing strength from personal tragedies. And this is Michelle's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. How's it going, everyone out there, Brad here. Wow, what an incredible story you're about to hear. I definitely shed some tears while going through and editing this episode. Thank you so much, Michelle, for being willing to share your story of what you went through and what things are like now. I hope you guys are enjoying the podcast. Got a lot more incredible episodes to come.

So stay tuned. If you guys are looking for any extra support or want to join some support groups, some support meetings, be sure to check us out on Sober Buddy. We have a brand new platform launching shortly, and we also have part of it already launched. So you can check that out. I'll drop the link to that in the show notes, but it's community. Your Soberbuddy.com. I hope to see guys over there soon.

I host three groups per week myself, and we had a massive amount of milestones in our meeting this morning and it's just incredible to see the progress that people make. Now let's get to the show. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got a fan of the show and my new friend Michelle with us. How are you? I'm good. Thank you. Awesome. Thank you so much for being willing to share your story on the podcast. What was it like for you growing up? I had a pretty typical childhood. I grew up in Delaware, small town in Delaware, born and raised there. I went to a Catholic school my whole life where I graduated with 34 students, but I think small school, small town environment has allowed me to maintain friendships from second grade. Best friends were made, and I still

have those friendships today. Friendships are really important to me, so I make a lot of effort in keeping in touch with people. My mom was a nurse. She was an emergency room nurse for 35 years. And my dad was in sales, local politics in our towns. And I had an older brother, Mickey. So it was just the two of us. He was about four years older. And my parents had a big socialite. I remember my house always being filled with people. My friends were always welcome. It was kind of a house that a lot of people gathered at It was a fun childhood. And I feel it's important to say my dad was his role in sales was he was worked for a liquor distributor. And then he was also at one point when I said he was in politics, he was actually the head of the Alcohol Beverage Control Commission of the state of Delaware, which, you know, ironic that alcohol has always been a part of my life.

And therefore it wasn't really a big deal. and then it became such a big part of my life. So when I look back to my childhood, I think, God, it was always there. I feel like I had a pretty normal childhood. My parents were loving. And it really wasn't until I'd say that my brother became a teenager, that there started becoming a lot more tension in our house. I think really with my dad, I don't think he could handle being the parent of

teenagers. And so while my child, it was kind of fun and free, and it started becoming a little bit more stressful as I got older and as I became a teenager because my father really became this hardass, if you will. That's the only way I can describe it, like with my brother. And I think for me, it put me in this role of protector, even though I was younger than my brother. So I think that was really kind of where things started, if you will, spiraling a little bit out of control in my childhood was because my father's relationship with my older brother was, there was just a ton of turmoil. So, I mean, if my brother's curfew was, you know, midnight, my father would start watching his clock at like quarter of waiting for Mickey to come home. And if he wasn't home on time, you could just see the rage. start building and building in my dad. So anyway, that is when it just became an environment where

I didn't really want to be there very often. And a lot of fights were breaking out between my mother and my father. And every night I can kind of remember into my childhood that I was listening to a lot of arguing going on. And I think at that point, my brother started probably doing more drugs and drinking. And I personally really was not drinking at that point or turning to drugs or alcohol. I really didn't do that in high school at all. It was just kind of realizing that my home life wasn't a really pleasant place to be when I was young. But then as time went on, I think in any household, you kind of think that's just the way it is. We kind of work through things. And as I got older, we would still come back as a family unit. We would all be together. We would all do things together.

but there was always still this underlying tension and strife within my house because my father and my brother just could not get along. And it resulted in physical altercation, fighting back when they were younger. And so it never really was a happy place after that as even today. Like even into as I'm an adult with adult children, it's still not a happy place. and my parents are still married and never got divorced. In my opinion, they should have years ago, but they stayed together and it was definitely not for the good of the children.

So when I got married, I'm kind of jumping straight ahead into, I think, where my own relationship with alcohol started, I guess, taking a turn for the worse. I mean, I can think back to when I was in college and I never, I mean, I drank, and I would have those moments where I didn't remember how I got home or one drink was good, but two drinks was better, and three drinks will probably be even better. And then I would lose my governor completely. And that was kind of my relationship with alcohol in college. But I kind of felt like everybody was doing it, so I didn't feel like I had a problem. And then if I fast forward to my 30s, now I'm married, I still would have occasions where I drank too much. Jeff with my husband, was starting to recognize it a little bit more. In my 30s, we started talking about, well, why don't you try this? Like all the rules that people start putting in place with their alcohol consumption, don't drink before we go out. No more pre-gaming. You don't need that glass of wine while

you're putting on your makeup. Let's just get to the party and have a drink there. It was just constantly setting these little rules for myself. And on all the books that I've read, Drinking a Love Affair, or all of them, it's, I feel like all of us women kind of follow the same pattern where we keep putting these rules in place and they never stick. It's like maybe for a little while and then it would always kind of go back to that one night where I would just have way too much to drink and wake up with the guilt and what did I say and looking at Jeff's face and just knowing he was disappointed and it was just this like constant cycle. So at that point I started talking to a therapist and saying that I would like to get a little bit more control over my drinking.

As I was preparing to talk with you, a couple of things that I was trying to analyze for myself is I really feel like I was part of that whole mommy wine culture too. Like, again, once I had children, we were all by three or four o'clock, all the moms in my neighborhood outside of Boston. It was a great neighborhood. Like we were all drinking. Like at three or four o'clock in the afternoon, we were pulling our kids in wagons and meeting in driveways and drinking, having a one or two glasses of wine and going home and cooking dinner and

having another glass of wine. And when I think about those years, I feel like I almost was like in a constant state of being buzzed with the kids because all of us moms were drinking when with no real negative side effect other than, well, it's progressive and then ultimately it was a bad side effect. So I think that's when I started, when I really think of my history, that's when it just clearly started escalating more. So then when I was in my 40s, I opened a business. It was a retail business. That was 2014. And I had teenagers at home. And I think that I just, as a way to deal with the stress of running a business, again, really without thinking it was that much of a problem, I just, I definitely started drinking more.

And I would have a drink at work, like around 3 o'clock, 3 or 4 o'clock, especially on a Friday at the end of her long work week. You know, the women that work there, we would have a drink. And it was like, oh, this is nice. Let's sit out front and watch the cars go by and have a glass of wine. And then it started to be every night that I would do that, not just Fridays. And then just before I knew it, it was sometimes I would have a drink at home at noon before I went to the store. It was just crazy that you start to think that's okay. And it's so not okay.

I mean, the employees started noticing that I was coming to work and they could tell that I had a drink. And it's just so embarrassing to think that I was this businesswoman and I had people that looked up to me and thought I was doing so well and years into running this business. I was walking a tightrope like I was trying to run a successful business. which by all accounts it was, but I was also drinking and going to start making serious mistakes with it. I mean, drinking when I was dealing with customers and just totally unacceptable behavior in being a business owner. Yeah, it's so much stuff to unpack there, if we could for a minute, from your childhood to it. It sounds like things started out with somewhat of stability

and then when things kind of clicked between your father and your brother, created some instability and maybe a little bit of chaos too in the home, which kind of stirred things up and you being a little bit younger, you kind of take on some of that. I think when we're younger, too, at least for me, I didn't know how to channel stuff. So I would kind of hold it all in. I didn't know how to really talk with people and stuff that was going on at home to.

I didn't necessarily want to leave my folks out to dry. Not that stuff was anything too wide. but I didn't want to go around and I just wasn't raised like that, right? It was kind of raised. We'll deal with this. We'll figure this out. And a lot of the times when I reflect back and things for me at the home, we're fairly good. If there was any, there was any problems.

I was usually the one to cause them. But we just didn't talk about it. We just kind of tried to move on from it. I don't know if any of us really had the skills and stuff. And we tried the therapy route and we tried the psychiatrist and psychologist route. We tried all that stuff. My folks really did a ton of interventions. But I think it was really tough.

It was really hard. And then you touch on the thing, too, about the mommy wine culture. I mean, that's a big thing that's mainstream conversation for people right now is that when you mentioned there, you don't even really realize you're caught up into it until maybe you take a step back and get sober or put it down. And then you look back and see it for what it is kind of idea. That's like the thing I hear from a lot of people like, you just, every billboard is just marketing. and telling you in commercials, and this is going to make parenting easier.

Being a mom, being a dad, it's just going to make it all flow. It's going to make it all make sense. And then what we realize is it just made everything a lot tougher. So there's some really interesting subjects there, Michelle. I was trying to be really introspective to see. I analyzed myself a lot. Like, how did this happen to me?

And I mean, and then I understand how it happened. I look back to my childhood. I mean, I look back to the role that I put myself in. like this protector of my brother, who, by the way, Mickey was a successful businessman. Like, he had a wife. He had a beautiful home. He had money. He had toys. He had hobbies. He had all of this stuff. But there was just this bond between us because we had this tumultuous relationship with my dad. And so while all this is going on, while I have this with my brother and then my own kind of constant evaluations of my own relationship with alcohol, like in my 30s,

in my 40s, and my children starting to notice it more, my daughter's starting to get on my case about it more. And I'm kind of, everybody's getting on my nerves because they're getting on my case about my drinking. And so that started causing more problems with my marriage. I wasn't taking any responsibility really with my alcohol consumption, but it was getting bad. And I think the core that I, the thing that I mostly want to talk about is while all of that was going on and I had my own issues to deal with, what I then found out is my brother was a raging alcoholic and nobody knew. So when we realized what was happening to him, I went right back into, I have to fix it. I have to be there for him.

And it turned into me talking to him every day about his alcoholism. Like things happened where he got a DUI and that kind of exposed his alcoholism. And it took us all by surprise. None of us really knew how bad it was. But over the last seven years, that kind of became my role with trying to help Mickey. And so anyway, my. drinking, I stopped evaluating myself because I was kind of functioning going along. I knew my relationship with alcohol wasn't great, but it still wasn't getting in the way of things. It wasn't

affecting my life like it was affecting my brothers. So I helped Mickey go to rehab. When he didn't do well after rehab, I went down to his house and stayed with him for a while. His wife finally left him, which she should have. We don't hold any grudge. against why I still consider her my sister-in-law. We don't hold any grudge against her because she had to self-preserved. She had to do what she had to do. But just became this struggle with me to try to take care of my brother. And ultimately, Mickey died.

One day, we just hadn't heard from him in three days, and I would hear from him every day. And I just remember calling my mom, and I said, something has happened. And we sent police to his house and my brother was found dead in his garage. And he probably was there for about three days. And that was January 26th of 2022. And that just completely rocked my world. The crazy thing is I closed my business in December. Like I had decided to close a business. It was the right decision. I had it for 10 years. So I closed my business last December 31st. And then I'm like, yay, now I'm going to focus on me. And then January 26th, I find out Mickey died.

And I was the executor of his will because it was just the two of us. But I need to go back for a second because while Mickey was alive and while he was actively abusing alcohol, and my father, while it could have been an opportunity for him to kind of come in and support my brother, he turned his back on him completely. If he called my mom to talk, he would refer to my brother as the drunk. He would say, oh, is that the drunk on the phone? And I just could not fathom that a father would turn his back on a son who was screaming for help. He wanted to stop. He wanted to not be an alcoholic. But it was just so awful watching him be so taken under the control of alcohol. That was just brutal, watching him supper for those many years and thinking he had a handle on it, going to rehab twice, you know, coming out of it. And, you know, really, when he was honest, just kind of saying, I drank the minute I got out. Like he wouldn't, he would put on a. good show. But so that when the irony in all of that is when my brother died and I had to continue

closing my business. I had to become the executor of his will. I had to take care of his house. It was a four-bedroom, beautiful home, filled with his stuff. Diana's wife had already left. And the very thing that I did was I turned to alcohol. Like, it's crazy. So you would think that I would think, oh, this just killed my brother. And yet this is kind of where my story begins, like the worst of it begins was right after he died. I just started drinking like mass amounts of alcohol. My husband was in Florida, so he wasn't with me. And I was home alone most nights trying to deal with paperwork. I had closed my store. We were getting ready to sell her house. And I just decided that the best way to handle all of it was to drink. And I would do what I had to during the day,

work and get a ton of stuff done. And then by four o'clock, I would drink wine. If I didn't have wine, I would drink. If I didn't have vodka, I would drink. I didn't care. I was just drinking anything. And then I would usually fall asleep and I'd wake up. But then I started not feeling good when I woke up. So I started drinking earlier in the day. And I mean, I mean, And before I knew it, I had put myself into such a cycle that I was killing myself, is in retrospect. I was physically sick every day. I was standing over the sink, heaving into the sink.

I couldn't eat. I developed food aversions. I couldn't keep down food. I became my brother. I became what I sat across from when I was trying my hardest to help him. and he would be burping and just couldn't keep food down. And now I started doing the same thing. It was insanity, complete insanity.

And I actually didn't care. I kind of just thought, well, this is my right. I just lost my brother. I don't know how else to deal with this. I don't want to deal with it. I want to just go to sleep at night. I want to watch TV and then I want to fall asleep. And yeah, so it was just I've fully put myself on a path

where if I continued on that trajectory, I was going to end up exactly where he did. Well, first off, I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother. Thank you. It sounds anyway, you tried to do what you could, right? And it's not always a, we don't always get a story like that to see what it's like. Most of the time, we're kind of the ones that other people are trying to help. And going through that whole thing. I mean, what was that experience like for you when you give it your all to this?

and in within the outcome at hand. I mean, how tough was that for you? And I know you struggled with a lot of the grief and stuff afterwards, but while you're kind of in there with them. Yeah, that was brutal. I went to Al-Anon. My mother and I would talk every day. So we went through every emotion with my brother

when we were trying to, in quotes, fix it, like trying to be there for him. So I would love him to death. I'm here for you, Mickey. I'm here every day. talk to me. I would sit in my driveway, I'd come home from work, and I would sit in the driveway for two hours chatting with him. I would pull over on the side of the road and talk to him. I would get pissed at him. I would say, I don't care if a drink then. We don't care anymore. Do whatever you want.

Like, we went through every single emotion with him in cheerleader to anger, to acceptance, to every single thing that you're supposed to go through. He'd be better off dead. Like, things like that would come out of my mouth. This is no way for anybody to live. So when it ultimately happens, you are so filled with guilt. And I feel like that's partly why I wanted to be a part of this podcast because I felt like I have lived both sides of it, like having such immense love for the alcoholic, the addict, and wanting to fix them and wanting it to get better.

And so for me to say to people, don't give up on them, understand that your emotions, these highs and lows, the love, the anger, hatred that you feel sometimes is all very normal. But in the end, don't give up on them because I was a great sister. And yet I struggle with the awful guilt that I have because of every time that I got mad at them and said mean things because I thought, well, maybe it was more like. maybe I'll try this tactic if he knows that he can't call me anymore. But none of that works. So for the people that are listening, I just don't want them to give up on their loved ones. So yeah,

and I think for me, I was on this side of it. I was dealing with my husband saying, Michelle, you're an alcoholic. And like, no, I'm not. Like, I could quit any time like I was in denial. And I was pushing him away more and more because it was pissing me off that he wasn't leaving me alone to do what I want to do. And so his role was now what I was to my brother. It's just crazy how that, how it happened. Yeah, so when I'm living it, I mean, I felt a bit self-righteous, you know, when I talked to my brother, even though I was still drinking, you know, having problems with drinking too much on occasion. But I wasn't an alcoholic, so I could still sit there and preach to him and try to help him through it. Yeah.

It's definitely was living two sides of it. Yeah. I imagine, too, after a while being in the situation like that, and then you've got your own story. He's got his own story you're trying to help out with. That will wear a person down, it seems. Oh, yeah. I think that, again, when I look at my whole picture,

from my childhood, the abusive nature of that, to having my own issues with not really being able to regulate alcohol to having a brother that becomes an alcoholic. Yeah, there's all of this stuff. Like in all the while, I'm kind of hiding my own dirty secret with alcohol. And I guess when Mickey died, I don't know. I have gone to therapy. But when he died, it's just, I don't know. I was just like all in with it. I was just like, well, it wasn't a conscious effort. It was just it's a mystery to me. It's a mystery to me how I would get to that point where I started physically making myself sick and being okay with isolating myself. I was definitely isolating myself. I was canceling things. People wanted to come over because they knew I was grieving. I mean, they knew how close my brother and I were and I didn't want people over because I was drunk. I didn't want them to see me. I didn't want people to interrupt my drinking. I was doing risky things. I was doing risky things. I was. things. I was waking up with bruises and not remembering how I got them and just kind of really not

caring. It's just, it is what it is. I'm grieving. I'm allowed to do this. Yeah. So after that came down, you're closing up your business. You're looking after everything for that. And then you're kind of full throttle into this thing, right? There's the different stages too, I think that take place, right? And I think most people eventually hit this acceptance stage where we just kind of have this conversation with ourselves that this is the way my life is and it's the way it might kind of always be. And it's a weird sort of thing. But I personally just kind of became okay with it for a bit until I didn't. Yeah. I mean, I think before, I feel like there's before Mickey died and there's after Mickey died. That's kind of how I now look at my relationship with alcohol. Before Mickey died, there was definitely an

escalation with it. There was being in my 20s, having that occasional too much to drink, being in my 30s, and that was when we started addressing it more, being in my 40s, and then like having a business. And that's when I cringe thinking about it. Like, I cringe thinking that these women, it was mostly women that worked for me, them addressing it. Like Michelle, what are you doing? We can tell you've been drinking. And I'm like, I'm fine. And I mean, again, it's so embarrassing that I didn't care. And then I would come home and Jeff would say lie. I mean, but it was so obvious.

I mean, there's no way. And I just think he started just shaking his head like, what the heck. So that started driving us apart. And I would talk to my friends and I'd say everybody's on my case. And they're like, well, are you drinking too much? I'm like, no, I'm not drinking too much. And they're like, well, why are they bugging you about it? And I'm like, I don't know.

They're like, they just need to leave you alone. I mean, and I would lie to my friends. and like, why is he on your case about it? And it's just, but I knew what I was doing was completely wrong, but I'll come down to I wasn't ready to quit. I wasn't ready to give it up. So you start moderating or pretending to moderate. I remember somebody saying,

it's just easier to quit than moderate, and I just wasn't ready. And I just kind of kept slipping back to having those bad nights where I drank too much. And I mean, there are bad things leading up to, prior to Mickey passing away, like one day I drove home, I drove two hours and I had been drinking earlier in the day and I drove home. I probably was not in a condition to drive and I hit something with my car and like one of those big orange dividers in the road and I scraped my car up. And when I got home, Jeff could tell that I had been drinking and I was, I just need to fess up and I said I'd need to show you

something and I showed him my car and again I think at that moment that was kind of the beginning of the end at that point. This was maybe a year before Mickey passed away and that's when I think Jeff was really clearly concerned and then I started making promises. I know he's you can kill somebody, you can get hurt. What are you doing? I'm like, oh, I know I'm not. But even that wasn't enough. I still continued drinking and kind of getting away with it. But I would wake up and I'm wondering if other people were late to this. I would wake up, but three o'clock in the morning or four o'clock in the morning, and I would think, something bad's going to happen. Something bad is going to happen. And I would pray to God, help me through this. Like, I'm going to fall down the steps. I'm going to knock my

teeth out. I'm going to break an arm. Like I just, I kept thinking something bad's going to happen. And knock on wood, nothing that bad ever happened yet. They say put yet, put the back on the end of that. I didn't fall down the steps yet. I didn't knock my teeth out yet. I didn't hurt somebody yet. But all the while, I was hurting my children, my husband. Yeah. So in, in yourself as well. Sometimes we put our, we leave ourselves out of the mix. I mean, I think we do a lot of damage to ourselves. And we really create a lot of distance there too. When did you end up calling it quits? So in this period of six months after Mickey died, so January, I had mentioned that we, I closed my business and then we put our house up for sale, which was the only home that I ever lived in. My children were born there. I loved my house. I love my neighborhood. But Jeff was really driving that to move. So there was a lot of resentment towards him about moving. So yeah, I was experiencing the closing of my business, the death of my brother, and moving out of my home all at the same time. And so again, that was like, of course, some

drinking. What do you all expect from me? And even people on the outside are like, Michelle, God, you have so much going on. Like, I was constantly getting hall passes because of what I was going through. And Jeff was not here. We had gotten a place, an apartment in Florida. So I was really, and I mean, he didn't want to be around me. I know that. I didn't want to be around him. And I was grieving the loss of Mick. And nobody could really help me through that. I had a ton of paperwork to do because we couldn't find his will. That was. was a mess. But anyway, it was, we sold our house, and the night that I called it quits, I was on a bender. We have a place up north, and I was with my little dog, and I took him down

to a park, and I was in a golf cart. And when I came home, I passed out. And when I woke up, and nothing bad happened to my dog, thank God. But when I woke up, I was very disoriented and I was like, where's my phone? And I could not find my phone. And I was in my house and my husband was on a business trip. And I started screaming at the top of my lungs, where is my FN phone? And I just kept screaming it over and over a lunatic at the top of my lungs. And my neighbors heard me.

And they were terrified. They thought I was being murdered or something. And they came over. And they knocked on my door. And I was totally trashed. I'm sure I'd look like a lunatic. They had heard me screaming in my house for a good 20 minutes. And I think they were terror.

They were scared. They didn't know what was going on. And they called my husband. And I got on the phone. I was just like, hi. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm like, I'm, fine, I'm fine. Michelle, you're not fine. And he was at a very important business meeting. I could tell

his voice was shaking. And I was like, this is it. And that night I called my mom and I said, I need help. And it was how people talk about surrendering or just getting something. It was just something. I just remember thinking it wasn't even the embarrassment of it all because I didn't care. Like I felt safe with those neighbors. I was totally. totally screaming for help. And my, a good friend came over. I can't remember how she knew to come over. I don't know if somebody called her, but she came over. And she, I think she was just like, what has happened? What happened in the, I think she was in disbelief. And I just was like, I just need help. Like, I am so sad over my brother. And I wasn't sure.

if I even wanted to live, I couldn't even figure it out because at that point, I mean, in retrospect, I was slowly killing myself. And my mother's great, I think, because she's a nurse. And I just said, Mom, I need help. And she said, what's going on, Michelle? And I said, I want to go to rehab. And I said, I want to go to the same place that he went to. And that was it. And that night, I quit drinking and never had another drink. I woke up the next day. and I had to pack up my stuff. And part of what was happening at that point, too, is I was, that was leading up to the weekend that I had to go to my brother's house and we had sold it.

And I had to clear everything out. And I think I wasn't really thinking about it, but I think that's why I really went on a bender because I knew what I was about to deal with. And I knew that the emotion was going to be enormous. And so the next day I had to drive seven. hours to Delaware. And I just was on autopilot. My girlfriends, my best friends came over. They knew I was going to rehab in 10 days. And we sat there at my brother's kitchen table. And they were just like, Michelle, how to get to this? And I was just like, I don't know. And we were laughing and talking.

And I just said to them, are you guys going to still like me? And they both meet my girlfriend from my childhood and they both started laughing. They go, I think we'll like you better. And it was, I mean, I had just, it was my brother. Like I always go back to saying he's my higher power. And that was June 26th. So it was exactly six months to the day of his death that I had my last drink. And I didn't even realize that was the date until I called my mom. And I actually went back and looked on the calendar to see when that was. And so we went through the process of clearing out his house. And the day that we walked out of Mickey's house and locked the door and I was never going to walk in it again,

I went straight from his garage to my mother's car. And she drove me straight to rehab. And we did it speak that entire drive. I called my children, and they all knew what I was doing. and they were like, we're so proud of you, mom. And of course, I get there to the rehab and I was like, all right, this isn't really what I meant to do. This is way more than I needed people. I'm like, I don't think I'm staying.

I'm like, I think I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm more like a canyon ranch. I think I just need to go like to a spa. I don't need this actually. And the counselors there were like, why don't you just give it a day? And that night I met a group of women. that were just like me. And everybody's story was like different that led them to that point.

And I felt like I belonged there. And it was the best decision I've ever made for myself. It was spiritual. I got counseling. You could do yoga. Like it was just everything that they offered. I thought for the next 30 days, I'm taking advantage of everything that they offer here.

And I'm going to work on me. I'm going to work on my grief. I'm going to work on everything. And it was the best. And I've been sober since. And I'm so grateful. People ask me all the time, has it been hard for you? And I'm like, it hasn't.

And I said, I wish, I know people struggle with it. And I said, but I 100% believe it's Mickey. And he gives me signs all the time. And I thank him every day. I feel like I don't want to say that he had to die for me to live, but I'm definitely living my best life. I wish he were here every day. But I just hope, I just hope people who struggle with it, struggle with alcohol, who

turn to it, I just, I wish they could understand that on the other side, it is so much better without it so much better. Yeah, thank you so much for sharing all that. It's almost interesting too, where you go into rehab and then all of a sudden it's a common thread, right, that we kind of forget about how everything was before. But you stick it out, you learn so much. I mean, rehab's an incredible opportunity to build a foundation for a new life or at least to have 30 days away from maybe the chaos of the life out there. It's a protected place where you connect with other people. and I'm so happy that you gave that a shot and just to hear all things are.

Yeah, and I think a lot of times we get stuck on what we're giving up, but we're really gaining everything by removing alcohol from our life. And sometimes we get stuck on what we're giving up and there's really nothing to give up, everything to gain here. So true.

And I think that it's really true too that you have to be ready. And I think the challenge is, how do we help people to get to that point when they are ready. Because we both know, until you're ready, it's not going to happen. I mean, my brother is a perfect example. He wasn't an alcoholic.

Everybody on your show will say, I wasn't drinking out of a paper bag under a bridge. I mean, neither was my brother. Like, he was handsome. He was smart. He had friends. He had hobbies. And he hated who he was. But he just couldn't.

He wasn't ready. to quit. And I just want people to get the help. Go, I don't know, if a 30 day or a 90 day, if something helps you. It's just you do learn so much. You'll meet other people. And I think that it's such a good time in this world to be quitting because it's a movement. A lot of people are. And I feel like I've been inspirational to so many people that I've met. People are always curious. Oh, you don't drink anymore. And I initially was like, I don't need to tell anybody that I went to rehab. I mean, it's nobody's business. That's my story.

And then as time went on, I even became proud that I did that. I was like, oh, if this helps somebody, then I want them to know that this person who had a business and seemed to be okay. And I know, I mean, I needed help. And I'm proud to tell people that I went to rehab and that my experience with, it was the greatest place for me to be. It's so true. That is kind of the million dollar question there, Michelle, is if you can't do it until you're ready, how can we help people be ready? And it's, I don't know. I don't know if I have the exact answer. I definitely don't. I know I don't. And I think that what we can do is if we're supporting people or we're supporting ourselves or we're trying to get to a place, you always got to

start small. I think you've got to start small. If you're listening to the show and you're considering and getting sober, alcohol is becoming more of a problem or other stuff's becoming more of a problem. Listening to the show is a good step, reading some books, getting involved around people. And it sounds like from your story, and I can relate to that part too, hearing other people's stories and knowing I wasn't the only one going through this, changed the game completely. Because I felt like when I was on my own, living on my brother's floor, doing the song and dance every single day, I thought I was the only one living like that. and that I was the only person that there was no hope, that I was never going to find a way out. But once I ended up meeting other people who were down and out as well, we were kind of down and out together for a little bit, but it felt like something.

There was some hope there. And then you start to meet people who crawled their way out of that life. And then you really get inspired to say, hey, if they can do it, like maybe I can do it. But that is the big thing, right? Because the tough part about is it's not working until someone's ready is the tragic story. The tragedy behind that is because I remember I used to work at this treatment center. And I worked with teenagers 16 to 19. And when the fentanyl hit the streets, we started getting phone calls about people dying on McDonald's toilets.

And it wasn't the exact same scenario you went through. But I worked with a lot of these young guys for six months. They lived at the facility. And I was close with them. I knew their family. I knew them really well and then you get a phone call and you can't help but think. Geez, could I have done something more? Could I have said something different?

Could I have keeps you up at night? Kept me up at night anyway. And it's a really tough spot to be in that honestly I don't have all the answers for. And I think it's incredible just to have the conversation. And I think you can start before you're ready. I think that's the thing is you can start with some stuff. I used to go to meetings. I used to sit in the back of the 12-step meetings and I would be late and I would leave early.

I never wanted to talk to anybody, but it wore on me a little bit. I heard a few things here and there. And when I was to that place where I wanted to make a move and change my life, I kind of had some idea of where to kind of get started. So I think people start before they're ready. But it's a really tough thing, right? It's a really tough thing because I don't think it can be hammered. In fact, I know it can't be hammered into somebody because I've been a part of programs

that tried to do such a thing, to hammer it into people, to force it into people. And it just didn't seem to stick. It didn't seem to take hold until the individual was willing to show up and go through the challenges that are involved with changing everything about life, really. I don't know if any of that makes any sense for you, but those are kind of my few thoughts on it. What I notice is that even when I quit drinking and the people that knew that I went to rehab, like only a handful of people knew. Because it was kind of like rush, rush, take care of Mickey's house, and then they had a date for me to go. And then I went. And I think now, like, people were wondering, will she have fun?

Will she be the same person? And what ends up happening, and if people can just get there, everything is better. Like, my life is so much better. So as a result, I was just happier. I was just a happier person because my every single aspect of my life improved. Once I removed alcohol from the equation, my relationship with my daughter is exactly where it should be. I'm there for her. She can rely on me.

My son's different. He always say he's like a Labrador puppy. I mean, he was always kind of like happy go lucky. So he was never really getting on my case. But he's proud of me. I think you're a badass mom. I'm so proud of you. My husband, like our relationship's never been better.

He used to get on my nerves all the time. And I'm like, he got on my nerves because I was not happy. with myself. And he was pulling away. And I mean, it's so obvious to me now. So I just wish people, so when we say, how can we help people get to that point when they know they're ready? I agree with what you said is we, maybe we are all, we're taking these steps towards it. We're taking these steps to get ready. Like my journey to get ready to completely abstain, it could have been a 10-year journey because it started with the process of me evaluating it, knowing there's a problem, starting to read books, listening to things, going to out,

and on. And thinking on doing that for my brother, when in my heart, I knew I was also doing it for myself. And I don't know that it has to be a rock bottom. I don't know if it has to be, like, for me, like, I guess my rock bottom was that night that I was screaming in my house. But all of it happens for a reason. Like, I thank God every day. I didn't hurt myself. I thank God I didn't hurt anybody else. Glad I didn't get put in jail. I think about that all the time. Like, this could have been so much worse. And so every night that I prayed to God, like, something bad's going to happen. I mean, and I still wake up sometimes now and I think, I am so glad I never have to say that to myself again. Like, I am in control whether that happens or not because I don't drink.

Like, that's all within my control. The hiding stuff, the hiring bottles, hiding stuff. Like, I still sometimes think, oh, Jeff's going to go to the house first. Did I leave anything out? Did I leave anything out? I'm like, no, I didn't leave anything out because I don't drink anymore. Like, I'm not hiding anything. You know, the line and all that is just gone.

Yeah, I mean, what a relief it is, right? To not, it's almost like the couple lives. I mean, maybe even branch up branch into three different lives at some point, right? You're doing a lot of stuff, right? Helping your brother there at one point and trying to keep your own stuff under control and being a business owner. I mean, there's a lot of things you are juggling at different points there kind of leading up to this. And I love how you put that. I don't think it's the thing everybody wants to hear, right?

but maybe 10 years in the making, right? Maybe 10 years of things, of experiences to kind of get to that point. That is a very common thing, I think, when it comes to alcohol because it's a progression. And it's not always boom out of the gate. It's not like other stuff where it's just like can be boom and you're right at it. I mean, this can be slow and steady. Everybody's going to share it a little bit differently, their experience with it, but it can be maintained for decades at a time.

and everybody not experienced those massive consequences. But one thing I think that we avoid for a long time when we struggle with alcohol is the consequences to ourselves, how we feel our mental health, how we're thinking about things and our relationships seem to really take a heavy toll. Look, Michelle, I appreciate you so much for jumping on here and sharing your story. It's been incredible. I've really enjoyed it and it's not easy to do that. So I want to definitely say thank you.

signing off here, is there any thoughts that you want to leave everybody with today? Oh, gosh, I should have thought about it a little more. I mean, I think just kind of going back to what I said is it's so much better on the other side. And I remember having one, a friend of mine who gave up alcohol. And she had a concern for me. And she said, I just hope if you ever face a tragedy like that in your life that you don't turn to alcohol. And I thought that it will be the last thing I do because I now feel so much more equipped to handle a tragedy in my life or whatever it's thrown at me because I don't have alcohol in my life. Does that make sense? So I just don't want people to turn to it in bad times. And you don't need it for good times either. You'll get back to who you are at your core and give it time. Don't give up. on your sobriety. Like, just definitely take it one day at a time. Think of who your higher power is.

Think of a loved one who's passed, somebody who cared about you, like whatever spiritualness you can pull to help you. It's just so much better to have a clear mind and face life's challenges, good times, bad times with being sober. You remember it. You enjoy it more. I just, I wish that for everybody, really. It's so much better. Yeah, awesome. I second. that it's incredible. Thank you again so much for sharing your story on the podcast. Thank you very much. And I really enjoy your podcast and thank you for everything that you do. I know you are, you're helping people. I am a perfect example. I listen to all the stories and it's great. Well, there it is. Another incredible episode on the podcast. I can't say it enough, but so grateful

for everybody that shares their story, so grateful for Michelle to share her story and her experience and what she's been through. My goodness, it's been a lot. But to where she's at now is incredible. You know, the joy that she's feeling in her life and that everybody around is proud of her and she's really living her best life right now. It just makes me really happy that, you know,

we're able to get ahead of this thing, that we're able to recover and that we could put that message out there that you don't have to hit a bottom. You can get out of this at any time. You don't have to, lose everything. You can make the changes now.

But I want to thank all of you for the continued support making this show possible. Thank you all for listening. If you want to be on the show, we're having a lot of people who listen to the show on the show. So if you want to, send me an email. And I would love to set up a time for us to chat and do a recording. That's pretty much it for now. But as always, thank you guys. And if you need some extra help, some extra support on your journey,

check us out at Sober Buddy. I'll drop Michelle's contact information for Instagram down on the show notes if you were able to connect with any of this or you want to send a message to her. I'll drop that information down in the show notes so that you can do just that.