Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Michelle Smith discovered that alcohol provided an escape from all of life’s responsibilities and it took her to a very dark place.

Episode Date: February 20, 2024

Michelle Smith (recoveryisthenewblack) who shares openly about her late-onset addiction to alcohol and turbulent journey to sobriety. Growing up in a household filled with alcoholism, she focused on academics and her career before gradually slipping into alcohol dependency due to life's pressures. Following multiple hospital visits, rehab stays and a significant personal realization, she committed to sobriety in 2016. We also explore the societal stigma of addiction, the challenges of early recovery, and the power of connection, community, and constant personal work on the road to recovery.  The episode underscores that addiction does not discriminate and recovery is possible for everyone willing to take the necessary steps. This is Michelle Smith’s story on the sober motivation podcast. ------------------ Follow Michelle on IG: https://www.instagram.com/recoveryisthenewblack/ FREE 30- Day Trial to SoberBuddy: https://community.yoursoberbuddy.com/plans/368200?bundle_token=8d76ca38d63813200c6c1f46cb3bdbed&utm_source=manual Donate the support the show: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivation Follow Me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sobermotivation/   00:14 Introduction: Michelle's Struggle with Addiction 00:47 The Sober Motivation Podcast and Sober Buddy App 01:50 Michelle's Childhood and School Life 05:08 Michelle's College Life and Career Path 10:26 Michelle's Journey into Alcoholism 18:38 Michelle's Road to Recovery 23:40 The Million Dollar Question: How to Get Sober? 25:11 The Power of Decision: Choosing Sobriety 26:05 The Struggle: Society's Perception of Addiction 27:19 The Turning Point: Realizing the Need for Change 28:29 The Journey: From Addiction to Recovery 28:53 The Importance of Support: Building Your Dream Team 29:28 The Stigma: Breaking the Silence Around Addiction 34:54 The Reality: Addiction Doesn't Discriminate 36:23 The Commitment: Embracing Sobriety 39:36 The Transformation: From Shame to Empowerment 43:18 The Impact: Sharing the Journey to Inspire Others 48:30 The Message: Keep Fighting for Your Recovery 49:22 Conclusion: The Power of Sharing Your Story    

Welcome back to Season 3 of the Suburmotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode, we have Michelle, who shares openly about her late-onset addiction to alcohol and turbulent journey to sobriety. Growing up in a household filled with alcoholism, she focused on academics and her career before gradually slipping into alcohol dependency due to life's pressures.

Following multiple hospital visits, rehab stays, and a significant personal realization, she made a commitment to sobriety in 2016. We also explore the societal stigma of addiction, the challenges of early recovery, and the power of connection, community, and a constant personal work on the road to recovery. The episode underscores that addiction does not discriminate, and recovery as possible for everyone willing to take the necessary steps. And this is Michelle Smith's story on the Sobermotivation podcast.

Welcome back to the podcast, everyone. Thank you so much for tuning into yet another episode. My goodness, these things are adding up, aren't they? I just looked at the roster and we've got 12 more interviews scheduled all for the next two weeks. So hang on. Things are going to go fast. I want to say a huge thank you to everybody. We are about 13,000 downloads away from reaching 1 million downloads.

I never thought that I would ever say that, but definitely not in just over a year. So I didn't do all the downloads. You guys did. Thank you so much for that. And to celebrate that, I did it at 500,000 downloads. I'm going to do an eight hours straight Instagram Liveathon where I'll bring on previous guests and also a few of you listeners if you want. I can bring you on Instagram Live. We can talk about the podcast, talk about your journey, whatever you like. Send me an email if you want to

be included in that. But I'm going to bring on 24 to 30 guests, eight hours straight on Instagram live. So make sure you're following over at Sober Motivation so you can get the updates and get notified when that is all going to go down. I'll start sending it up here in the next week because we're going to hit that milestone. I also want to make you. mention a huge thank you to everybody who took advantage of the free 30-day trial on the Sober Buddy app. It's been incredible to meet those of you who joined in, joined in the support groups, joined in the chat, and are really just getting so much help and so much support and offering so much to those already in the Sober Buddy community. So I'm going to throw it out there once more.

If you want to join us on the Sober Buddy app in the show notes of this episode, I'll drop a link where you can get a free 30-day trial. Check it out for 30 days. That's access to 40 support meetings. I host three meetings inside of the app every single week, and I would love to meet you, love to see you there, love to hear where you're out on your journey, and love to help support you to get to where you're going.

There's also an incredible supportive community chat. There's all kinds of groups. There's other podcast stuff in there, listening library. There's so much, and there's so much more to come. So here's your opportunity to check. Check it out. 30 days free. Come and join Sober Buddy.

Check it out. See if it's going to help you out. See if it's for you. And the feedback from people that are part of Sober Buddy is just blown me away. It's incredible. People are changing their lives. Got a couple people just celebrating a year sober. It brings a smile to my face.

I hope to see you all there soon. Now let's get to this episode. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got Michelle with us. Thank you so much for being. here on the podcast. Hello, thanks for having me. Of course. Well, how we start all the episodes is what was it like for you growing up? What it was like for me growing up, you know, from perspective from people looking from the outside in, I would say that people thought that I had a very good childhood.

I was well-traveled, had a nice home, had everything I really needed. And although that was true, there was a lot of secrets and there was a lot of trauma that was happening inside of the house. I saw a lot of behaviors that were tied to a really long family history of alcohol disorder, alcoholics, so to speak, I would come home from school and my evening was dictated on how my father was going to behave. And what I mean by that is if he was drinking or under the influence or drunk, I would literally find myself hiding in my closet. And if he was sober, then it was going to be a good night. And so me being that product of my own environment of it being very unstable, very unsteady of not knowing how things were going to play out, I noticed really

started to take a toll on me not only physically, but mentally. And I ended up in the nurse's office a lot from anxiety and stress and depression, not knowing when you're a kiddo what that really is, But knowing that that did play a huge role in my life as though my anxiety and depression continued to evolve into adulthood. But, you know, I had that perfect example of what not to be. And I think it ultimately empowered me to do other things later in life. But essentially beyond that, my basic needs were taking care of. But I think it's really important to remember that no family is perfect, leave it to Beaver

moments that there's always something going on behind the scenes. Yeah, that's the truth for sure. What were things like for you in school? I excelled. I didn't really have an option. It was you are going to do really well. You're going to go to a private school. You are going to get straight A's.

You're going to go to an elite college. If you're going to college and if you're going to have a great career, it's which one? And how fast can we get you through so that you can excel in life? Yeah. So that was something that. that your folks valued was education and career. Absolutely. And just Excel, shine, and just to keep moving forward, not as much time for play.

It's business. There's things that need to be done. It's okay to have and be a kid at certain levels. But, you know, I felt like I grew up really fast. And I feel like I kind of missed out on some of my childhood. It had an impact on you, the pressure. Yes, oftentimes very, very intense. And you don't have an option.

You just got to keep going and you got to keep pursuing. suing and it's that whole perfectionist and that whole people pleasing mentality that really stuck with me has it serves its purpose in certain capacities in life. But when you have this expectation that you're always going to strive for, it hurts to fall down from that soapbox that you're not always going to be able to reach the expectations that are completely unrealistic for yourself all of the time. Yeah, for sure. So I guess my next question is, What was college like? I'm not going to ask if you went to college because I feel like I already know the answer. What was that experience like for you? And what were you pursuing? I went in with

a business mentality of doing economics, doing all the smart, nerdy things that people wanted me to do. And I'm not interested in doing peg stands. I'm not interested in this whole fraternity lifestyle. I want to get into school. I want to get done with school and build this life in this whole cookie cutter system of how life is supposed to be. And so I found myself hating business. I hate numbers. It's just not my thing. And I started taking some education courses and some psychology courses. And I thought, you know, I really want to help people. I really love that my family, they're physicians, but I have no interest in working with the body or having surgery. Like operations don't sound fun to me. And so I'm like, I can help people in a different way. So I went like the education route of just like

Children's literature. I want to be a school teacher. I think that that is something that I can do really well. And it's still a form of helping people. And along the lines in doing that, I started taking psychology courses and criminology courses. And I was absolutely sold on the brain, how people operate, why we do what we do. And I actually graduated in three years because I was absolutely sold on the brain, how people operate, why we do. And I actually graduated in three years. Because I was, was so freaking stoked and excited about utilizing the tools that I had learned to really make an impact on this world. I kept my head down. I kept myself really focused on let's just do this because I'm very concrete. It's that whole black or white. I'm going to either party and self-destruct or I need to keep my nose in a book in the library, get in, get out, get on with my life. And that was the path that I chose was I majored in psychology and was super excited to get out there into the world and really try to advocate for women that were dealing with and going through like domestic violence situations and homelessness situations, which led me into working long term within the

Department of Corrections. So college was good. It was quick. It was done. Yeah. And you just hit the books hard. There was no partying for you. No, because I knew that yeah. If I did, was just not going to be a good thing. I had seen other family members and just my peers in that circle. You know, a lot of times we have this memo, right? That's what we do in college. We go and we party and we do these things. And I just knew that I wasn't going to get in there and get out if I started to dabble in things that were going to distract me from my goal, which was to just get my degree and head on. Yeah.

It's interesting that your story there because I feel like over all the stories I've heard, that's one of the first times

a lot of people get introduced. But with your story here, it's definitely not the case for everybody. So I'm glad you bring that to us.

Oh, it's definitely unique in the sense that, yeah, I'm glad that I waited, though. I'm glad that I didn't davele

into anything in that because my story would be a lot different today, but super grateful for that education for sure. And I can relate not with the college part, but with high school too. I never got into anything in high school. And a lot of people too, I taught with a 12, 13, 14, 15 and I was never

around anything at that age. So yeah, it definitely can creep up. So what do things look like after? So you get into the Department of Corrections. That must be an interesting sort of career in itself, right? Yes. I absolutely love it. I have been trained as, you know, being a certified alcohol and drug counselor and just really developing startup programs within different states in the Pacific Northwest and creating these startups of co-occurring disorder programs. So mental health and substance abuse programs. And it's like 90% of the inmates get out of custody. Rehabilitation has always been such a huge piece of, it's a passion of mine, really.

It's like if they're going to get released, we don't want this recidivism rate to continue to be high. they're going to be our neighbors. Let's teach them. Let's educate them. Let's have them get their GED and college diploma. Whatever they need to do in there to get right. Psychotropic medication, you know, teach them about relapse prevention and dialectical behavioral therapy and just really see these women and men shine because we're all capable of making mistakes. I just haven't always been caught for it. So it has been such a humbling experience to learn from some amazing human beings and really instill hope and belief and just inspiration in them because they give it back to me just as much. And so people think I'm crazy for being so dedicated and loyal and passionate about working in the criminal justice system. But you know what? It doesn't discriminate. And I could have been there so many damn times myself. So I've been doing that for over two decades now. And I don't think I'll ever stop. Wow. That's incredible. This is a sober podcast. So there's got to be a part of that to your story. When did you start drinking and the other

stuff? Yes. I started drinking. I always hate to say like the whole mommy wine culture, right? Because I am an alcoholic and I can't blame anything or anyone on why I chose to pick up and how I became an alcoholic. But I think looking back, all of social media, media, the movies, just everything and how we normalized alcohol, especially in our culture, I had a really big, like, hardship within a small period of time where it seems like, oh, okay, your life seems pretty good. You seem privileged. You have this. You have that. Why would you let your life just go to shambles? And when you have so many things that happen all at the same time, when you lose your mom as you're becoming a mom, you start to have strokes one after another.

your husband's a boys to war. I'm not dealing with bereavement, grief, and loss. I am defined by my career. And now I am staying at home with my kids temporarily, trying to figure this whole motherhood thing out and what my value and role as a human being is at that season in my life. And I worked so hard to get to the point of where I was.

And I had everything I had dreamed and worked so hard for. and I found myself in that season of life, literally wanting to escape all of it. And I couldn't figure it out. And, you know, it came to me that I was finally diagnosed with postpartum depression. And society, when you lose people, they don't bat an eye at your grieving, Michelle. You just lost your mother. It's okay to have a shot by the burial site. And so these little hints and messages of motherhood is really hard in drinking help.

Why don't we go have a glass of wine? And when I would start to hear these messages, for some reason, I was open to the idea of, how can a mimosa hurt me? How can a glass of wine randomly hurt me? Well, when I start doing that, I'm not using my coping tools. I'm not going to therapy. I'm not taking my antidepressant. You know, I'm not getting out and seeing the sunshine. This chemical started to do everything, all the hard work and emotional work for me. And when you continue to keep reaching for that external solution to that internal problem, you create dependence, right? And eventually it was one of those things that I didn't have a reason to stop drinking yet, right?

We always talk about these yet. And eventually years and years and years of alcohol misuse, it leads to this point where now I'm starting to have reasons that I shouldn't probably be drinking. and my relationship with alcohol is becoming problematic. But now I've got a tolerance. Now I've got a dependency. And now I know I need to stop, but I can't stop. And my life started to slowly crumble from that point of really, you know, how you hear about hangovers. And I'm going to call in sick to work.

And all these things and these boundaries that we set for ourselves will be like, okay, well, if it gets to this point, we'll stop. But our bar and our boundaries just keep getting. pushed further and further down the road. And I got to the place where I literally was chugging, let's just say, a random average day within a two-hour span of time. I was drinking, three bottles of wine, popping pills, literally breaking into my kid's piggy bank so I could run to the liquor store or the nearest gas station to go get more. Like, it didn't even matter if I had a shoe on or if I was trying to drive my car or it was just insanity. The things that I was doing and the way that I was

behaving was completely going against everything and I had ever believed in and wanted my life to be. And that's the crazy part of addiction is that we do some crazy things when we are under the influence. And my life just got so, so crazy where I just, you know, instead of going to jail in lieu of jail, which I knew wasn't going to be a punishment for me because I know the judges. I can book myself into intake. That wasn't going to be the thing that was going to make or break me. It was continuously in lieu of jail going to these hospitals and having my own personal team of chemical dependency professionals trying to save my own life when half of my body is drowning in alcohol. And the threat of my kids being taken away is literally present.

in that very moment. And no one imagines their life to ever be like that. Not an innocent glass of, you know, that's never going to happen, right? No one's, that's just too far away. And it's my reality. And I know for me, if I pick up again, that will become my reality. My one drink, that one choice that I have and that decision I have, I give it away when I take that first drink.

And my life is too good to go back to that ever. ever again. Yeah, I hear you on that. Just to relate there, I heard this one thing. The only drink I can say no to is the first one. I heard that somewhere on the interverse. But no, a lot of stuff to unpacked there. So what was your stance though before all of this, before it went downhill? Were you like a normal drinker or were you against drinking? And then all these things happened and you started drinking then? Yeah. I've never been a person that's anti-drinking. I just evolved into a person that is pro-sobriety. But, you know, when I started to have these seasons in my life that started to become fard, I was dabbling in it. But of course, it was controlled at first. It was,

I'm just going to have one because I'm breastfeeding or I have a responsibility or a good, you know, a really important meeting that I have to be at tomorrow morning and on point. So my stance was, of course, like every good person, I'm only going to have one or two because I don't want to drink and drive. I don't want to become an alcoholic like my father. And so I had all of these rules and boundaries. But eventually they get adjusted and we justify our consumption and behavior. denial. It's a real freaking thing. And people would start to say, Michelle, I think you're drinking a little too much or where did that extra bottle go? And I was very resentful. I was very much like, you do, you don't worry about me. I'm not asking. I'm grieving. I've hurt. This isn't hurting

anybody because that's what we do, right? It's this is like this whole selfish disease of, you know, I'm not hurting anybody. And it's like, you are. You're hurting people. and people love you enough to not co-sign on your self-destructive behavior. There was lots of rules and rules being broken and boundaries being crossed, that whole game of moderation and that Russian roulette and hamster wheel of looking for that third door because society says that everything that we do is surrounded around alcohol. It's so normalized. I don't want to be the person that can't control it.

But in all actuality, there's a ton of people who either choose not to consume it or can't control it either. And so these conversations like we're having right now that we're not this weirdo that just is a quitter that can't handle their booze. Like there's nothing good about the damn stuff anyway, right? It's not adding value to anybody's life. It's taking away our ability to use our natural coping tools. and it damages our mental and physical and spiritual health. It's just I'm a person that shows up as a better version of who I am when I'm sober. Yeah, beautifully said.

I mean, very insightful, but I'm just kind of curious to know how you're able to get to this place, like of where you're at now, where looking back, hindsight's always 20-20. We can see where things went astray, but like how have you been able to get to this place where you're comfortable and confident with where you're at and you can make that choice every day. Like you said, it's like you have the power to say no to the first drink. And anything after that, you're not in control. You lose your ability. You've given that up, right?

For me, we talk about these rock bottom moments or these epiphanies or when you surrendered, you know, what was this aha moment? And I think for me, it was the reality that I will. never be and live to my fullest potential if alcohol has a place in my life. And I was so sick of waking up and looking at myself and hating myself and shaming myself and being disgusted with the person that I am that I wanted to someday like myself enough and that reflection in the mirror to someday love that person again. And it wasn't the first, second, third, fourth time being in the hospital. It wasn't losing all of these jobs. It wasn't that, wow, that crazy thing. It was literally,

I'm done. It's going to be so hard, but I am making, it's just a non-negotiable at this point. I'm off the hamster wheel. I'm declaring myself a non-drinker. Every freaking day is going to be really, really hard and we're going to take it as it comes. This has no purpose in my life. It's done. And once I made that decision, I started to find sober people. I took down all of a decor and all of the magnets and the glasses. We have so much decor. We glorify it. We're like walking billboards. And so I just started to go into restaurants, not see all the people who were drinking, but to see all the people who are living a sober life. Connect with clean and sober people who are doing similar things as me that birds of a feather flock together. Michelle, if you're not going to drink and you're going to be doing activities that are fun and adventurous, those people aren't going to be drinking either. And so I said no to everything for a long period of time so I could say yes later. And I kind of feel like I went into hiding and just stayed really connected to my program, attended my meetings, did therapy, just really got to the root of

why were you starting to drink in the first place? Because that stuff needed to be healed. I needed to do that work because if I didn't, I would go back to what I know. That was my biggest thing was just sitting in the discomfort and learning to sit in the stillness because you're never alone when you're with yourself. And I needed to relearn how to honor and to love myself and to sit with distress and discomfort and know that it's not going to last forever and that a drink is not required. It's not going to change anything except for make the situation worse. And every day that I was able to honor my promise to myself, my confidence rose because I kept that promise to myself and that felt good. And I knew I had a really long way to go. But you know every day,

every hour that you're not drinking, you're flexing a muscle, you're utilizing a tool and a skill. And you're becoming a better version of yourself. And there's not a person that I haven't met that doesn't increase their confidence by not using and by keeping that promise to themselves. And it's like to sit here and say that I would ever be living a lifestyle that I would be happy and proud of by not ingesting my alert altering chemicals. I would say you were crazy. But it's like stuff's hard and it's supposed to be hard. Life's not all about sunshines and rainbows.

You know, we have this idea that everybody's supposed to be happy all the time. And it's like, no, enjoy the happiness and the joy and the bliss, but also be prepared and surround yourself around people when hardship happens, but you're going to be okay. You know, fellowship is a huge piece of my story in the 12 steps because if it was without them, I know I'd still be drinking and I'd probably be dead to be completely honest with you. A lot of stuff there. I think for me too, when I was struggling with this, I was confused in a sense.

I thought that the alcohol was the problem. And I think I really related to a lot of stuff you said is because I figured if I just quit that, then everything would be good. And I was doing other drugs too, but I figured if I just took that out, I would be okay. And what I quickly found out is I sobered up a hundred times. And my life was still extremely unmanageable and was a mess and chaos. And I didn't know how to do a lot of basic stuff. And I kind of heard that.

And your story there when you're sharing is that you had all that other stuff to work on. That's what I say. A lot of people, too, they reach out, right? this question, it's a million dollar question, Michelle, and I'm sure you've heard it a million times as well. How do you get sober? And I started to think about that because over the years, right? And I used to work at a treatment center for six years and I worked outpatient clinic and I worked with everybody. Everybody wants to know how do you get sober? I think it's a great question. There's a lot of different things. There's a huge list. I've written it down countless times. There's 40 different

things somebody can do right now. What I find to be a better question I tend to ask people is what are you willing to do. And what I'm getting from your story is like you were willing to go to therapy. You're willing to go to meetings. You're willing to sit with yourself. You were willing to say, this is going to be really hard. It's going to suck. But I'm going to stick with it and make that a non-negotiable part of my life. And I don't know if do you think people get kind of caught up there with like looking for that quick way out or that easy way out of something? Or do you see people get hung up on the substance as being the problem and if I remove that my life just 10 xes. I think both. I think it's not that drinking problem. It's a thinking problem. And it's like,

if you take away the drugs and the alcohol, you're still, everywhere you go there you are. You're still left with all the stuff that you have to work on. I think that's the million dollar question. And you're right. I've done that exact same thing a million times too. It's like, I want freedom. I want to be like you. Where do I start? How do I do this? And I really truly believe that like you have to work on your mindset. I want this. Why do you want this? Right? You have to believe that your life is going to be better without it. There's not that third door. I'm removing this from my life because I'm a better person. So let's get to work. Right. So it's making that non-negotiable. But you have to know that it is your decision that you're

not being influenced by the system, a judge, a probation officer. Like you can't want this for even your kids. You have to want this so bad that you're willing to sit in the hardest, iciest, darkest parts of your life and just know that it's going to be okay. I did this for my kids to start with, but I do it for me now. Like I was motivated until I had my own love for myself and I got to see and add up a couple hours in a couple days. Oh my God, this actually does. I'm going to be okay. But I think the world, there's that layer of glorifies excessive drinking. So it's not like smoking, right?

Like, oh, we're going to support you if you don't drink, like, raw, raw. It's you're an alcoholic and a drunk or you're a normie. Like there's no in between. And it's confusing because if we were supported the way I had cancer, I told everybody about it. But to tell them I'm an alcoholic, there was no way. hell I was ever going to share that information with people because the support would be completely different. It would be like, instead of bringing you meals and flowers, I'm going to lock up my medicine cabinet. It's like society is not on board to support people that are wanting to refrain

from utilizing a substance that's no good for them. And so I think it makes it that much harder about maybe if I just try harder, maybe if I set up these rules and restrict my drinking, maybe things will be different. And it never is. And so it's coming to that understanding and realization that it's never going to change unless you ditch the drugs. Yeah. And you said one of my favorite things there, wherever you go there you are. I was in rehab when I was 17 and I would just playing games and I just wasn't buying in and I would just acting like a clown and stuff. And we used to have these things called a focus. So you'd get this focus thing one time that was my focus. Wherever you go there you are. And that was your sort of thing to share on for the week.

So that's, I like that a lot. Because that's so true. And even with working with people, I saw it firsthand where at the treatment center, this was a six-month program where residents live there. And I saw it firsthand. There was no drugs. There was no alcohol there. And there were still behaviors that were, it wasn't the substance. But the stuff was still there. And if you knew, if they weren't there where this was probably going to lead, right? So other areas of our life have to improve after. And that's what I always say. Your first step is to sober up.

And even though it seems like it's going to be the most daunting and the hardest step, you'll probably soon find out like I did. Like, hey, this one was pretty easy. This was the one choice I make every day and maybe many, many times throughout the day. But start to clean up the tornado that I left behind was, you know, that was the real work. Absolutely. I know I went to treatment too and I don't know how many times you went. I went once, thought I was too good for it. I left, took me 30 days to relapse. You know, fourth of July happens and you get home and you think you're freaking cured because you racked up some time. And it all just snowballed from there. Once you pick back up, you're just off to the races. There's got to be a constant continuing care plan. Like you have to have people on board and who are going to support. you. I always like call it a dream team. That could be made up of trusted professionals and

psychiatrists and sponsors. It could be your best friend, but we all need people who are going to support us and root for us that we can fall back on that are going to hold us accountable and not accountable that is a, oh, leave me alone kind of thing. Don't police me, but who are going to honor and not co-sign on you doing things that aren't good for you. We all need that. And I think that's just so important. And I think society we just hide. Like, well, let's just not talk about that kind of stuff. Let's brush it under the rug. And you and I and all of us all know that the opposite of addiction, of connection and community and knowing you're not alone and sitting in rooms where no one's going to shame me because they've done it too. And knowing that I can let that out and

share that and release and bless that, I don't have to hold the weight of that anymore that is literally destroying my soul where I don't come from a place of shame anymore. I'm not a bad mom or a bad person. I'm just a person who had a really bad addiction. And she is a heck of a lot better when she's a sober person and makes that decision every single day. And so that shame and that guilt of doing that inner work, like you said, when you take those substances out of the equation, that's when the work begins. And the people who have been in recovery, and are doing programs and stuff, there's some badass people that are doing some work

that normal people wouldn't even ever think or entertain the idea of having to do because they haven't had to, right? It's pretty incredible. Yeah, no, it is. There's definitely a silver lining to it in a sense about that you kind of get that opportunity to live life to the fullest.

And plus you kind of get a reset in a sense, a new opportunity at life to just head in the direction you want to. if you're willing to put in the work. The addiction, too, brings out, you know, a lot of stuff from childhood throughout life, different feelings, different emotions that you just kind of continue with it. But, I mean, it's all very interesting, too, with a lot of the stuff through society, too, how it's the commercials is everybody hanging out most of the time, good looking people, jumping off a boat, partying on a beach.

And it's just not the reality. You know, it just doesn't, maybe it starts there, but it definitely doesn't end there. And I know lots of people throughout the journey that, you know, that's not how things are going. So we definitely got swindled a bit here on this. At least I feel that way, Michelle. I totally concurred with you. It's like they always stop like the video or the movie or the commercial. It's like, okay, well, if we play the tape forward, that person is probably wrapping themselves around a telephone pole or hit a pregnant lady or ended up in custody.

It's like, show the reality of what this does to people. Again, it's not to blame anybody, but it's not, oh, well, you can just have, just have one or two and call it good. It's like, it doesn't work that way with an addictive chemical that eventually if you keep going back to it, I don't care how glorious your childhood was. How much money you have, how freaking famous you are. You're going to get addicted if you keep going back to an addictive substance, period. Yeah, very true. And the whole punchline, too, of drink responsibly I saw the other day at, I was just looking at the advertising that some of these companies are running on Facebook.

On their Facebook page, it says, drink responsibly. And it also has a disclaimer that you can't share the content with anybody who's under 21 years old. And I'm just thinking, I mean, this, not to blame, and I want to definitely emphasize that too, my problem is not anybody else's problem. Like, it's not saying that that's what caused anything. I don't think it helped. But it's just interesting that that's the messaging, like drink responsibly.

Like, I don't know maybe a handful of time. I was able to do that, but that never really resonated. I never thought before I was going to do this or to engage in this risky behavior, be like, oh, yeah, but I got a drink responsibly. I never once thought of that. Well, no, I mean, you sit there and you go to prom. People want to drink at prom, right? Then you're doing keg stands and fraternities, and then it's the mommy juice.

Like, there's always the drinking games and the kids go to sleep. Like, I'm sorry, but if it's 90 degrees out and you are mowing the lawn and you need a thirst quencher? Why are we told to go get a corona instead of a gatorade? Like, why are we drinking? We're drinking because of how it makes us feel. It's not because we're thirsty, right? I mean, I don't think I ever drank for, I acquired a taste to any booze. People said, what's your drug or choice? And I would say, what do you got? Like, that's where my addiction went. I can be drinking top shelf martinis for $30 a pop. I'm running down the street with one shoe to the gas station trying to get an airplane bottle of vodka or a boxed wine, like on pills, all the stuff. And it's like, it's complete insanity.

That's not glamorous boat life. You know, it's insane. And so, yeah, that drink responsibly, it's like, I think that's just their way of covering their bases and stuff. But if you really think about it, are we really consuming or enjoying an adult beverage because of anything other than it alters our state of reality and makes us relax and really just take off those rough layers of a stressful day. Maybe there's a different reason I don't know about, but, you know, when we start utilizing that tool and that way, it can become destructive. Yeah, 100%. I'm wondering, too, because your career, right? You had education and stuff. You're working with people, helping people maybe start their recovery journeys in a sense. And then I'm assuming here,

but silently on the side you're going through your own stuff. Did you ever think to yourself, Michelle, you should know better or something like that? 100%. And I think that's what kept me stuck even longer was professionals too. It's like the license are on the line, credentials, careers, names. I have to keep this even more under wrap because what's going to happen if it gets out? I deal with a lot of people that I work with and that I know that are don't. doctors, pilots, lawyers, school principals, nurses, there's a lot on the line in addition to

just losing their jobs. And we put people on pedestals. And it's like, of course, if the person from Southwest Airlines, we find out is an alcoholic, of course we don't want them flying airplane. So it's like they have to keep this more hush, hush with a disease that wants them to keep this hush, hush. And I did the same thing. It's like, I'm a freaking fraud. And the shame that I felt of knowing better, being educated, being a freaking hypocrite, and not knowing what to do and how to get myself out of this, I can be a textbook person and tell people what to do all day long. But when you start to have it yourself, it's a whole new freaking ballgame. I had no freaking clue what it was like to struggle with an addiction. It was easy for me to lecture on something

that I had been bought, but to experience it is a whole other level. Absolutely. Yeah. What was that first day for you? When did you get sober too? We didn't even mention that yet. Yes. So I woke up day of Thanksgiving, November 24th of 2016. And my sister told me, if you are drinking, Michelle, you're not welcome to Thanksgiving. And I was hung over like, you know what, just sick of the dog. And I made that promise to myself and I made that commitment to do whatever it took and to just stop getting in my own dang way and just accept the need for help. And I got through that day and I was like, wow, I just celebrated 24 hours and a holiday and hunkered down and did that 90 and got through Christmas. I mean, I know how I did it, but it was hard, right? It was like

a full-time job keeping yourself clean and sober. And those milestones of sober confidence was like Thanksgiving, Christmas. I think I can stretch this to New Year's. Wait, I just did New Year's. And now my sobriety date is 2016 and we're in 2017, like that momentum to keep going. And once I was able to keep those promises to myself, not only did I feel better, I was building a sense of community. and I was starting to have pride back. And I was proud of myself. And that just continued with a ripple effect of now that I've gotten so many days consecutive and I've made these promises and I feel good,

now I'm starting to experience this whole joyous gift of sobriety business that everyone talked about because this early sobriety, this wasn't fun. This emotional sobriety was exhausting, daunting, awful, and all I wanted to do was drink. But if you push through it and just believe in the process that it is going to be better, you get to go onto that other side and finally experience what the people are saying about this being so wonderful. Because there's nothing glorious about taking away my best friend, even though that best friend was killing me. It was still the hardest goodbye I ever made.

And to be completely honest, if I could drink, I would. Like, if I could escape once in a while, I would. But I escape in different ways now because it's not an option. My kids deserve a sober mom. I deserve to outlive both of my parents that died very, very young. And I was doing that to my kids. They were going to be an adult orphan just like I was. And how dare I do that?

That's selfish, you know, because I can't deal with life on life's terms. And I had to just get really honest and call myself out and just, You know what? This is a crutch. You don't get this tool. This isn't a tool anyway. It's self-destructive. So just had to just be angry and be upset and grieve it. And those days just kept piling up. And I mean, six years later, I'm talking about it openly having this almost like restricted ability to vocalize anything working in the criminal justice system, you know, with just safety protocols where it's like now I can actually recover out. out loud. I can actually say, I'm a shell and I'm an alcoholic and believe it without cringing for the first 90 days that I didn't believe it and I wanted to feel invisible. And I'm empowered by that. I'm proud to be where I am. I wouldn't have this platform and this reach to extend to other moms and women that so many people are dying because nobody's talking about this. I literally was on my deathbed multiple

times because I thought I was the only one struggling. And I had so much shame and discussed with myself that why can't I just figure out how to do this manageably? What a movement we're all doing by just talking and being vulnerable about the stuff that's just really hard. Because knowing that you're not alone is pretty dang powerful and inspiring for other people to say, okay, I'm going to give myself a little bit of grace today. It sounds like I'm not the only one struggling with this feeling emotion or drug. I love it. I love the platforms you have the way that you use your voice to inspire people and it just goes from again, this isn't like a class or a race or privilege or it's anonymous to famous. Like this disease does not discriminate and nobody is

ever immune. Even if I waited until my mid-30s to tap into drugs, I thought I passed the generational curse of my predisposition to alcoholism. No, I'm not that lucky. I'm not that privileged. I'm not that good at anything. Like, this will take anybody down at any period of their life. And we all need to be vigilant. It's never something that can't happen. And again, on the flip side, we have to be mindful that we can go right back to where we were if we don't stay connected and stay open to learning and being educated. people can get confident and cocky and say, oh, I've mastered this. I can go back or things will be different next time. Opportunities are just waiting to lurk in to take our sobriety and recovery away. So it's never one of those things that I've got this and I can just back off my programming and I'm going to be okay.

This is the condition we have for the rest of our life that needs and requires maintenance. And it's really important that people remember that, including myself. Yeah, so true there. Like so powerful, so true. And I look at it too. The maintenance is, for me anyway, it's different over time. At the beginning, it felt more like maybe a chore. Yeah.

Now it's more of a personal development journey for me personally to see like, what can I squeeze out of this thing called life? Like, what's left in there? Every single day is a new opportunity because I can show up without, I don't even want to get into everything it was for me. But I can show up and be available to have opportunity. and stuff. And I lived so long without hope and without opportunities and with just being depressed and being anxious and just being in a very bad, dark place. And now I get the opportunity every day to like still struggle as a human. I mean, I have three kids myself and stuff. For a guy like me, that's a lot. A guy like me for the life I lived before all this. That's

really a lot. You know, it's an extreme privilege. And I just feel so blessed and grateful to be able to wake up every day and like just what can we squeeze out of this thing today? And lived so long the complete opposite. My way of life was what can I just get from other people? What's in it for me? And now I don't even really ask that. The only thing I really ask what's in for me is maybe for supper. That's it. Other than that, I'm giving all day. Yeah. Giving everything. And that's incredible. I want to just wrap up with this here. This had just been incredible. Your story is so inspirational and your transparency and vulnerability. I know it's just been freeing for so many people to hear exactly what you're saying about, you're going to work,

you're talking this one way and this other stuff is going on. And then, yeah, that type of stuff furthers it plus people in different careers and different stuff don't necessarily want to bring this stuff out. And everything you said, too, is like there's windows of opportunity. I was talking a bunch of people, right? Because rock bottoms are going to happen, right? They're going to be different for everybody. What happened for me? And I hear maybe a little bit of it for you, too. it's like there was this window of opportunity. I don't even know if I can explain what exactly happened. Of course, in my life, there was a ton of interventions.

Therapists, Celebrate Recovery, 12-step, NAA, A-A, smart recovery, rehab, detox, psychiatrists, psychologists, you name it. There was a ton of intervention. But this one morning when I woke up, I had this vision of like the past five years of my life and destruction. And I kind of had this idea that I could make a difference or had to try. And it kind of made sense. So kind of hearing that too, maybe in a sense from your thing,

it's like you just woke up and you're like, today's the day kind of deal. Totally. And it's like exactly what you said from the first time I was drug into AA, drinking in the bathroom, you know, just to get my butt there, literally tell leaving inpatient treatment years later, I woke up and nothing was really that different. It was just the deliveries were pretty much the same, right? I was ready to hear it differently. I was ready to hear that message at that moment.

All of that added up. But the mindset, I am ready. I am committed. And when we get to that place, we are unstoppable, just as much as we would get our drug, right? The motivation and we were just off to the races. We can use that grit and determination to try for our recovery just as well, even better. and to share that with the world. And even if we didn't, what a disservice, right?

Because one sober person helping another person get sober is a freaking most beautiful gift I've ever seen anybody experience in their lifetime. And if we wouldn't have gotten sober and extended ourselves and given back in the way that we're doing, I mean, what a rad gift, right? We would be doing a disservice to other people. by not sharing our experiences and our vulnerabilities. And I can't hold that back from people because of my insecurity or my pride or my name. You know, it's like, no, saving a life and empowering people is way more important than somebody having dirt on me.

So put it all out there. And then once you put it all out there, nobody's got anything that they can say that you haven't already shared. Yeah, they'll try. You know what I mean? People try to get crafty. But I'm my own worst critic anyway in that. sense. I mean, other people can come up with whatever it is. Like, trust me, I've said it to myself, I've probably at one point in my life believed it. So like, we got to rock on for sure. But yeah,

I mean, it's so powerful. And you're right there. What's the purpose of the entire struggle if we don't share, you know, the good parts of it? I get a message today from a fella and he just celebrated one year. And he's like, anytime I struggled, I looked at the page. I've had the page for a while. So I get the chance to see people. Maybe I talk with him three years ago. And I don't have the and I don't like message people trying to change them and stuff. But they say, I'm struggling with this. And I'm like, you know, all right, I'm there to listen. And then they message, you know, three years later, hey, I got like 90 days sober.

And I'm like, oh, I have no idea who this person is. I feel so terrible. I look up in the conversation and I'm like, oh my gosh, you've got 90 days sober from this was your life. I'm like, wow, that's so cool. So it definitely makes a difference for people to have something to some stories or something that they can relate to that they're like, hey, if it's possible for Michelle, maybe just maybe I can give it a shot and try to figure something out.

Absolutely. Those are the best messages ever. And they're so important for people like you and I too, because sometimes we get into that rut, are we really making a different? If we're only seeing habitual relapse, where are the victories, right? And it's like, this isn't about us,

but just knowing that people take the minute to drop a message and just share that they have 90 days or two days, we are making a difference and that's important to both parties. So best messages ever. I'm so glad that you shared that. Yeah. No, it's so true. And I mean,

that's giving back and service and helping people and supporting people and not only in recovery, but for me it's so important just to be a good person. Volunteered at this stuff. Do stuff for Christmas for people that are less fortunate. Do little things like that, whether it be helping somebody trying to get sober or just helping another human being, I literally just have to do the complete opposite of what I used to do.

And if as long as I stay on that track, I'm in pretty good shape. But I want to wrap up things here. Is there anything that you want to end with? I just want to just reach out to anybody who is just really struggling. And in that darkest, darkest, deepest part of them of just feeling like there's no way out. I've been there. And all it takes is just really. reaching out to one person, following an Instagram, listening to a podcast, just keep freaking going.

If you can't stop thinking about sobriety and recovery and getting clean and sober, don't stop fighting for it because Brad and I both have told you guys, it's this one moment. If you don't give up, you're going to be successful. So keep fighting for what it is that you want because it's yours for the taking. Wow. Great way to end. And I can't say anything that's more powerful than that. So thank you.

Absolutely. Thanks for having me, Brad. Well, there it is, everyone. Another new episode. If you were able to connect or enjoyed this episode with Michelle at all, be sure to send her a message over on Instagram and let her know. Thank you. Her handle is Recovery is the New Black.

And I'll drop the link to that in the show notes below. And I'm going to do something I haven't done for a bit here on the show. But the first person to message me over on Instagram at Sober Motivation, saying that you finished. This episode, I'm going to let you pick something out of the Sober Motivation Shop and we'll get it sent right over to you just to say thank you. And if you haven't rated or reviewed the show, please do that on Apple or Spotify. It's really helping us get the message out there and share this with a couple of friends.

Maybe it's at your meeting, your friend group, your workplace, who knows? Share this podcast with some other people. Let's continue to grow this thing and let other people know that there's stories out there. There's people just like them who can do this thing and together we can do so much more. So the last thing is if you're really enjoying the podcast, this is only if you're really enjoying it. I'll drop the link below where you can donate to support the show or you can head over to buy me a coffee.com slash sober motivation. Support the show. Anything helps.

And I'll see you on the next one.