Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Mike was hooked on alcohol for 30+ years. After a rollover drinking and driving accident Mike knew he has to get sober. But HOW?

Episode Date: September 8, 2023

Growing up was tough for Mike and started using alcohol to numb the pain and ease the negative noise between his ears. After several drinking and driving accidents, Mike reached out for help and began his sober journey. Every day Mike reaches back into the fire to help the next person with an ear or an idea. Mike drank alcohol since a teenager and giving it up seemed impossible but here we are sharing this story on the Sober Motivation Podcast with 10 months sober. Check out this amazing episode today ❤️ -------------- Follow Mike on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sobersavvy/ Follow Sober Motivation on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sobermotivation/ Donate to support the show here: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivation Check out more information on Sober Link: www.soberlink.com/recover

Welcome to Season 3 of the Subur Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible, inspiring, and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible one story at a time. Let's go. On today's episode, we've got Mike, aka Sober Savvy. Growing up was tough for Mike, and Mike was using alcohol to numb the pain and the negative noise between his ears.

After several drinking and driving accidents, Mike knew that something had to change. He was finally ready and admitted that he had a problem with alcohol that he was not going to be able to figure out himself. Mike reached out for help, and it changed everything. This is Mike's powerful and inspiring comeback story on the Sober Motivation podcast. Getting sober is a lifestyle change,

and sometimes a little technology can help. Imagine a breathalyzer that works like a habit tracker for sobriety. Soberlink helps you replace bad habits with healthy ones. Weighing less than a pound and as compact as a sunglass case, Soberlink devices have a built-in facial recognition, tamper detection, and advanced reporting, which is just another way of saying it'll keep you honest. On top of all that, results are sent instantly to loved ones to help you stay accountable. Go after your goals.

Visit soberlink.com slash recover to sign up and receive $50 off your device. Hey everyone, how's it going, Brad here? Before we jump into this incredible episode on the podcast, I just want to mention if you're in a position where you could support the show for the editing cost, head over to buy me a coffee.com slash sober motivation, drop a donation of any sort, and it would be much appreciated to keep things rocking.

But now let's jump into this incredible episode. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got my buddy Mike with us. Mike, how are you? I'm doing good, man. How about you? Yeah, I'm good, man. I'm glad that we could jump on here and share your story. Yeah, no, looking forward to it. Yeah, so how we start every show you're familiar with?

What was it like for you growing up? Growing up wasn't all roses and sunshine, but it wasn't terrible, but my mom had me, and she was 16. She was just a kid. My biological dad was never in the scene. She hooked up with the guy that I called dads before I was born and stuff, but I should have known I probably had a problem. because they told me stories when mom would drink quite a bit when she was pregnant with me. So they joked that, you know, they'd go to the tavern and mom had drink picture upon

pitcher of draft beer where they thought I'd going to be born with a draft picture in my hand when I came out. So that tells me something. Then, too, it was, you know, I was born in the early 70s. So things were pretty loose back then. And so when my parents, they were young, they'd have their friends over and stuff like that. So I was the cute little toddler that go around the room and get little sips out of everybody's beer. Eventually after an hour or so when they got tired of that and I got cut off.

My old man was one of those ones that he would always leave a bit in the bottom of his bottle of beer. He always kept his case by the fridge. And after they would send me on my way, they'd find me out by the case of beer by the fridge and all of the empties actually empty. So probably should have had an idea that's alcohol and me. didn't mix. But, you know, other than that, sort of a pretty early start, it was the first bunch of years growing up was pretty good. I moved around a lot as a kid. I don't know how many school systems I went through. I did a calculation at one point in my 30s that at the age of 38, I lived under 33 different roofs at that point. So, yeah, we moved around quite a bit, which sort

to disconnect at me from friend groups every few years as a kid. So every few years I was trying to get into a new friend group and make friends and all that stuff growing up as a kid. But we moved when I was five, we moved towns. When I was eight, we moved across the country. Even up there, we moved around a bit. I'd moved into a different province and back up there. And then we came back yeast. So there's a whole lot of moving around. I always seem to have to make new friends. And like I said, things sort of the most part were not too bad growing up, but it was very much a household of if you're upset or something, it's like if you want to cry, I'll give you something to cry about type business. And if anything ever happened, like whether I did something or

they did something, it was never something that we talked about. It was sort of swept under the rug, let it go and we just won't talk about it again. But you know, for the most part, it was not terrible, especially growing up. But once I get into being 14, 15 years old, that's when things started to change. I think my parents were going through some financial difficulties, certainly not making excuses for them, but they definitely could have done a better job with it. But once I started getting around that age, you know, I didn't really drink a whole lot. I drank a couple of times with buddies, we'd steal their parents' booze or whatever. Not a big deal, but, you know, just things started to get really weird at home and they were on my case about a lot of things just really hard on me

and got to the point where just the mental stress of what was going on with them when we were in the north as a hunter and I had a gun at the age of 14, 15 years old sitting on the edge of my bed with the barrel in my mouth and just because I couldn't deal with everything that was going on at home. I didn't do anything with it. It was only the once. So it certainly wasn't a common occurrence or anything like that. But you know, it sticks with you. As I get into high school, my first year of high school was pretty tumultuous with them. Then the abuse started. So it was physical abuse. Now, it wasn't terrible, no broken bones or anything like that about trying to dress it up. But, you know, there was physical abuse. And I got through 10th grade, start of 11th grade, and that summer

before it started to get worse. So anyway, I wouldn't talk to one of my guidance counselors. And I ended up having social services pull me out of the house. And when I got pulled out of the house, I put in a group home again. So now I had to move school systems, whole new sets of friends, everything else going on, trying to fit in.

And all of us in this group home were coming from various trouble paths. And living in there, and after a couple months, I started timed out of the group home just based on the system that's here. I couldn't go home because of the situation with my parents

and didn't want to go home because of the situation with my parents. situation with what Guards. So just barely 16 years old, I ended up getting an apartment with, I worked as a Tim Hortons, met a couple of people through there. They were a few years older and ended up being a roommate in apartment with these guys. So these guys are a couple years older. They're sort of more to the drinking scene. I'm trying to fit in. So I started doing it. Nothing too crazy, but started drinking at a young age. I was trying to go to school, but I really wasn't because the amount I was working trying to pay rent and stuff like that.

Eventually, my old man called me up and mom wanted me to come home. And they were trying to do everything they could to get me home so I could try and finish school. Again, another sort of warning sign that I only realized years later is my biggest thing in agreeing to move home is says, I'm still going to drink. And you're not going to say anything about this. never mind the abuse, never mind not wanting to get kids or anything like that. My biggest concern was being able to drink. So anyway, move back home.

Things with them were fine. But again, we never talked about anything. It didn't happen again, but never discussed. Everybody gone with their day. I started getting, again, back out to the school I was at, even sort of new group of friends because I had been taken out of the school. So got in with a different crowd. And right from there is really kind of when it started.

It was more of the weekend drinking and partying on weekends and stuff like that. And again, trying to impress people like, oh, I can do this. I can do that. It was just a steady stream. And, you know, summers had come around and there was a resort town here. So I'd move out there by myself in the summer. We're just partying. We're drinking.

Just sort of continued on and continued on and continued on all through high school. And I got a fake idea. I'm going to the bars with my friends because they're older. So instead of just doing it on weekends, now we're going out a couple nights through the week, going to school, hung over. It was just the big cycle. Yeah, basically the story of my life was drinking for really into my early 20s. And, you know, it was pretty heavy four or five days a week.

We're at the bars. Would have been there more except didn't have the money to go that often. And didn't really sort of slow down. with it until I met my first wife. So I kind of dialed it back when we got the other. I still drank, but I wasn't quite as often. Still drink on the weekend. Still get drunk.

Mike, before you carry on to that, I'm hearing a bit of a theme here, which you've probably picked up on now. Hindsight's off in 2020, right? You have this abuse at home. You have this other stuff going on. You're trying to fit in. You had the incident with the rifle too,

where you're sad, you're depressed. That's heavy stuff. Yeah. Really heavy stuff. And you're not looking after anything, right? I mean, for better, not to say it's not right that you're not. I mean, I think when we're younger, man, I can relate not to the situations that you've been in,

but some of those feelings. And I had no idea personally what the heck was going on or even how to articulate anything with other people. I thought at times everybody was going through this. Like nobody knew how to fit in. Everybody struggled with self-esteem and confidence and insecurities and being uncomfortable in their own skin. I thought at some points of my early teenage years that everybody was there. And then other times I was aware that like, no, everybody's not there. But I didn't know how to share that with anybody, nor did I feel comfortable.

But I hear that I can relate with you on that sense of having a lot of stuff going on, but not sharing it with anybody and just pushing it down. Yeah, I mean, this train was headed one way and one way only. You were looking for a way out, a way to quiet the noise, maybe between your ears and alcohol, like for me, it was a solution in that sense. Yeah, no, absolutely. And even it's ironic that the stuff that I don't, as I've gotten sober, it's the stuff that comes back, the stuff that I haven't remembered in 30, 40 years.

And even us just sitting here talking like, as I mentioned, like nothing was ever talked about. There was a problem at home. It was swept under the rug. Nobody dealt with anything. I was never given the skills or taught how to deal with your. emotions or anything like that. And sitting here talking, I now remember when I was in this group home, they set up

family counseling so that I could sit down with my parents in a room, with the counselor there to try and mediate this stuff. I remember going to two sessions and my parents never showed up the other one. And that's the first time I'm remembering that since 1989. Wow. How do you feel in a moment like that when that's your folks, right? And you're trying to make sense of all of this, right? I don't know at the time if you're trying to make things better, but you're trying to come to some resolution if there's possible.

Your folks who you, I think naturally we look up to in a sense, we want to anyway, and they just decide not to show up. Like, it's not important. Mike, you're not important for us to show up. How the heck do you feel about that, like in the moment? I was never taught how to deal with anything. That's where the occasions I could have alcohol at that age, like when I was for a, for you first starting out drinking. He just numbed it. Quiet the noise and getting the attention of drinking with these people who were older.

Like I was almost like entertainment, hey, look at the young guy. You know, he's drinking and stuff like that, right? So I was getting the approval that I was seeking. Definitely not in a healthy way for sure. Yeah, that's a very important thing to connect the dots with too on, right? I mean, as humans, I think we're going to get it. We're going to get noticed, especially like with my story. I was going to get noticed.

The problem was is it wasn't in healthy. ways. No. It was in very destructive ways to get noticed. And then even sharing this now, I'm just reflecting on like all the in-school suspensions and out-of-school suspensions and getting arrested. And it wasn't even that I was like this bad guy. It was like the deep, deep thing there was I just wanted to be noticed by my peers and like the people that I wanted attention from. This is kind of what they were excited about was like criminal activity and being a clown at school and doing pranks and stuff. And then I would always be the fall guy because I wanted people to like me. So for sure, like, I will take the blame for everything here. You guys go about your way,

will still be buddies. Because one time I told the truth about stuff and then I got excluded from an entire friend group that I thought were my friends because I didn't take 110% of the blame for something, which I didn't even do. But that's one of the story. But it wanted to fit in, right? And then it creates that cycle of looking for all the answers and maybe the wrong places. So where do you go from here? So you mentioned too, you met your first wife. Yeah. Oh, I got to say too, Mikey.

Mike is a good old Canadian boy, guys. If you didn't know, and now I know where your love of Tim Hortons comes from because that was your first gig. I mean, my first job was BK Lounge, Burger King. Yep. And I have a special place in my heart for Burger King. I have to say the service from Burger King in the area where I live is to be kind of. and to be grateful.

It needs a little bit of improvement. But back where I grew up in the States there, yeah, it was my first job. And I have this special place in my hearts. And I understand your special place and your heart for Tim Orins. Yeah, probably said the age of 21 or so. That's probably where I work. So yeah.

Love it. That's when they just had coffee, right? That was before now you go in there. And they had coffee and donuts. The 10 bits have always been big. But now they have so much stuff. Yeah, there was no sandwiches and all that shit back then. But back then now,

Now you're going and everything's in the computer and everything you ordered, right? Like we as remember everything off the top of our heads. Oh, yeah, and of our head. Imagine, okay, now that you say that, but we're going to move forward with the story here after this. But, okay, I go into Tim Horton sometimes, maybe a year or two ago. People in there, if they mess up their coffee, they're the most disrespect for rude people that I've ever seen in my life. Imagine nowadays, if you had to remember it all and you messed up people's coffee, what happened? because it's so busy, right?

People are moving so fast. Mike, you might not even make it through a shift if you forgot a couple of people's coffee. I mean, they might have you all back. Yeah. Roughing you up, man. But yeah, that's cool, man. But yeah, so you meet your first wife here. You're talking about like in your 20s?

I was 23 when we mess. I had moved into this duplex with five other people, right? So she was on the roommates. Anyway, and I kind of calmed down once we dated. Like basically from the age of 16 to right up until I met her, It was party, party, party, drink. You know, it didn't get a whole lot into drugs at that point. It was mainly just drinking.

Actually, I should say actually before that, there was sort of a period, but it was just like weed and hash and stuff. Like it wasn't anything hard or anything like that. But then that ended. And again, it was just picked up with the drinking. But yeah, so we kind of mess young, stupid, in love. We were dating for three weeks and we got engaged. Three months later, we got marriage. So yeah, no, like I said, I always did everything to the extreme.

So you know what? Going to get married, engage, boom, do it. Anyway, we ended married for nine years total. It was what it was. We were young. Had no business getting married, but we did. Again, wasn't terrible. Basically, the long and the shore of it is most times I couldn't do anything right.

Like, I always had to be her way, blah, blah, blah. But again, I didn't drink a whole lot when I was home with her. I ended up traveling a lot for work. I was in the construction industry. But when we were out on the road, it was all drink all the time. Like you do your 12-hour shift, you hit the bar, the strip bar, whatever. You go back to the room, you get four-hour sleep, and you're back up 630 morning on site and your eyes again. Like that construction road lifestyle, there was a lot of drinking and a lot of party and that happened fast.

But then when I went home, you know, I basically almost dialed it back. to nothing because I was trying to hide. The nine years that we were married, because I worked for this company when we met, the nine years we were married, I was basically on the road two full years total. So there was a lot of time, but that's where I would drink. That's where I would go out, everything like that. Now, the marriage ended. What nothing to do with my drink and anything like that. It's a whole other thing that I won't get into. But she basically went back up to Ontario, which is where she was from. I stayed here. We had, you know, our son was about 18 months old when we split up. So when the marriage ended, two things happened. I was mourning sort of the loss of

the marriage to a certain degree and more so not having access to my son because they were in a different province. It's not like they were just across town. But then it was, well, she can't tell me what to do anymore. I'm going to show her. I'm going to drink when I want, how I want. And it was more of a big fuck you to her in my mind, which being here today, I know, was one of the dumbest things I could ever do. And basically, once I got divorced, that would be just about 20 years ago that I got divorced or separated and then got divorced. And up until I quit drinking almost 10 months ago, I probably drank every day. Now, every day wouldn't be a full on bender, but I can quite easily say that I drank every day. For 20 years? For 20 years. I was in the hospital

for three weeks last summer and buddy stuck me in a beer one day, but other than that, pretty safe to say that there would be very few days in the run of a year. In the run of a year, I'd probably count the number of days on one hand that I wouldn't have had at least a drink. wake up, hungover as fuck. That's all I did. We used to say, what fucks you, fixes you? And just get up, get back on the horse, go from there. I mean, I always drank, and when I would go out with friends or we'd have an event or whatever,

yeah, I'd get loaded, like blackout drunk, couldn't remember, fall down, do whatever. After my ex-wife and I splitz, and that's when I really started drinking, started dating another woman a short time later. I moved in with her, and she was nearer nurse. And she worked a lot of late overnight shifts and stuff like that. So I'd be getting home alone. And what would I do? Drink. Why not?

No one's around. I can do whatever I want to do. And that's in the start when it was getting bad. Went to a bar after work. One Friday night, stayed till midnight or whatever. And driving home, I drove my car off an embankment. The car was upside down. I was in the car overnight because I'm sort of off the beaten path.

It was a fisherman going to work in the morning that found me. And he called the ambulance and stuff like that. Anyway, I was in the ICU for five days. And because my girlfriend was an ER nurse, I knew all the air nurses, the doctors, everybody. So when the cops came and they wanted the blood sample, because they all knew me, nobody would take the sample. So I was never charged with DUI. So I write off my car. I'm in the ICU for five days.

No repercussions from this. Okay, okay. Hold on a second. You're Mike. How old are you at this time? This is when you met this ER nurse. So like 26, 27? I would have been mid-30s. Okay.

Yeah, it would have been like 31 when my wife and I separated. Be starting dating with a couple of years. Yes, I was somewhere around 33 when I have this accident. So you're at the bar. Now I'm just guessing. It was probably not your first rodeo. And you flip over the car, but you're stuck. You're what?

You're sleeping in the car? like you're locked out or something? The car was totaled. I was just unconscious hanging up upside down in the car until the paramedics and fire department got there to get me out. And then when they tried the hospital, I was in ICU for five days. Mike, you're flashing light, man. Your siren like, hey, what's going on here? You know what, though?

It's interesting, right? Because I've had situations, not that identical situation, but I had situations happen that I kind of look back. And I'm like, hey, I got off. not Scott-free, but I got off with minimal consequences. And I'm always wondering, like, if they would have seen through my BS and held me accountable at that point in time, would it have changed the course? And I mean, it's kind of like a what-if thing going back. But I always think of that because a lot of people, they get frantic.

When someone they know gets an impaired driving or has an incident like this or gets arrested and they're like, oh, my goodness, everything is over. And my response is often like, maybe this is what is needed, some accountability for the recklessness of the situation. So that happens, man. Like, walk me through that for a second, though, because you're not necessarily held accountable via police. But, I mean, you're a smart guy. You're well aware, in a sense, right, of what the heck happened here that you're lucky to escape this and still be here today. What the heck were you thinking?

Were you not thinking like, oh, my goodness. I should probably not drink and drive at least. Yeah, you would think that would be the thought process, but it wasn't. Like after getting home from the hospital, like, you know, within, let's say probably the same day, I'm drinking beer with my painkillers for the pain. And the woman I was with at the time, you know, she had a lot of her own issues and use of alcohol and drugs and stuff like that. So there wasn't a healthy relationship where she would say, hey, you need to slow down, you need the smart enough. There was no conversation about it.

It was just like, okay, thank God I'm alive. Let's just keep going. And then to add to the stupidity, a couple of years after that, I ditch my vehicle and I'm arrested for impaired this time. And same like I ended up having to go to jail, but I didn't write off a vehicle or anything like that. I wasn't injured, anything like that. But off, do my weekends in jail. Same thing. Come home.

And there was no connecting the dots in my house. head that, okay, you should stop drinking. There just wasn't. So that was the first time I was actually charged, but God knows, because we lived out in the country. So it's not like I was in town, I get a cab, and where we live is rural, so there's not a lot of transas or anything like that, and just filled with bad decisions. I just really kept drinking. And drinking every day, again, no major consequences for us, continued along. Eventually, her and I broke up, and surprisingly enough, nothing to do with alcohol use on my heart at all. When you say that, though, Mike, say you were sober.

Mm-hmm. Would you have been able to keep maybe things going if everybody was sober involved there? If I had been sober, I would have got out of the relationship a lot of stuff. Fair enough. I'll certainly be the first one to admit when I fucked up or something's my fault. But I can say that when the relationships ended, it wasn't because of me or something I did with drinking, surprisingly. But it is what it is. Anyway, just continuing on.

So we broke up a couple months after that. I met the wonderful woman who is my wife now, who has the patience of the saint. And things are good, right? We're having a good time. Everything's good. I'm still drinking every day. But wife's rolling along. The only time we ever had any issues in our relationship is what I would drink.

Usually it revolved around me driving when I shouldn't go and where she would get upset with me and absolutely rightfully so, no question whatsoever. But there was never any abuse, verbal or emotional or anything like that, but I would continue to drink. Now, my wife, she rarely drinks at all, which is grace. But yellow just my drinking progressed over the years. It got to the point where even before I quit drinking, sort of the fights were happening more often about how much I drank or she could say,

well, I mark in my phone in the calendar every night that you, and she said, He's like, you want to know how many days you weren't drunk over? And I just kept sloughing it off again because I was never taught how to deal with anything. I just kept bearing it. If there's no consequences, if there was consequences, deal with the consequences, move on. Like, yeah, should have known that this was an issue. Long story short, 20 years drinking every day. At this point, one DUI, but two accidents are not accidents, but results of impaired driving.

though I've done it multiple times, numerous times over the years. And I'll fast forward to last October. And end of October, my wife's working. Friday after work, I stopped for beers. And one beer turns into 15. And driving home, five minutes from home, rolled my truck. And walked away without so much as a scratch. Not a scratch, not a bruise.

trucks roll. RCP come, get me out. Do you want to go to the hospital? I said, no, I'm fine. Go with them. Everything. Cooperate with them fully. Yeah, it is what it is.

I've been drinking. Didn't try to hide anything. Didn't try and do anything like that. So later that night, they dropped me off home. My wife had just gotten home from work. Of course, there's a huge fight over this. Again, rightfully so.

She's upset with me. And I just said, I don't want to fucking deal with. this right now. And how she didn't kick me out right there, I have no idea. Woke up in the morning, my first instinct was, holy fuck, I need a beer. But I was like, no, she's still home. She's pissed off. If I have a beer, I'm never going to hear at the end of it. So I held off and the more, I kind of like, no, I shouldn't have the beer out. Because even in leading up to this, I know you and I have talked before, but like I know if I was driving home and I was driving

home when I had too much to drink. And the next morning I'm driving work. I'm like, okay, today I am not going to drink at lunchtime. I'm going to just do my day, come home. If I want some beers in the evening, great, do that. By 11 o'clock in the morning, I'm looking for an excuse to go to a meeting downtown so I can stop at a restaurant or bar and have a beer at lunch. So in my mind, I knew that I shouldn't be drinking as much as I did. And I definitely knew I shouldn't be driving when I was drinking, but soon as I would have that one beer, my decision making just went to shit. Oh, I have one beer. Well, maybe I'll have three. And then I'll stop on the way home. And it wouldn't be a stop. You know, usually it was two bars I would stop at, you know,

because I only had two beers at each bar. But in my mind, well, I only had two beers. Like, I wouldn't add beers at lunch, beers first after work stop and the beers up the second after work stuff. Like my full life, everything was planned around alcohol. I wouldn't go to an event that didn't have alcohol. I wouldn't go to a restaurant that wasn't licensed, even if it was for breakfast. And here, they can't start serving alcohol until 9 a.m. So if we were going in for breakfast, deliberately, I wouldn't say anything, but I would make sure we didn't get there until after 9. So that when I walked in the door at 9 a.m., I could have beer. Like absolutely everything. Every event, whether it was somebody's birthday, Super Bowl parties, no matter what it was, I always thought I'd

going for the event. I wasn't going for the fucking event. I didn't care about the event because I get fucking blacked out drunk. There was no enjoying the event. The Super Bowl after I got sober is the first time in 20 years I can remember seeing the halftime show and not having to check my phone the next day for the score to see who won the goddamn game. Like, it's just all consuming.

And I'd have the moments of clarity, usually early in the morning that I shouldn't. But within a few hours, that was gone to shit. And right back to the bar. Yeah. Well, you often hear, too, that I know it was my story and a lot of other people's story, too, is you wake up every day. Every day for however long and every morning, we make this commitment, this packed with ourselves, this deal. The day is it. I'm taking a break.

I'm done. Like, I'm done. And some people make that deal for 10 years or five years. or a year or whatever, but it's just, that's the insanity of the addiction in what alcohol does, you know, because I didn't set out on a journey to get this thing hooked in, man, but it was progressive, it was sneaky, it was consistent. And I think anything, you know, you mentioned you could count on one hand, the amount of days you took off, no matter what it is, if you do something every single day, like that is just

going to be ingrained in you, right? I mean, your brain is going to shift up to the only way you're getting any dopamine in your life as if you're drinking alcohol. And without it, you just kind of feel, ah, you can't get those big spikes. But the thing that comes along with it is that you get the big spikes. And then in the morning, you get that big low. It's a roller coaster ride. But yeah, man, I mean, when was the first time throughout all of that, though, through

the 20 years, Mike? Did you ever have a thought of like, I got to do something about this? I mean, I would have that thought various times over the years. but the thought only became consistent probably the last two years. The last two years that I would have that argument with myself on my work in the morning. On a consistent day like multiple times a week, like before that it might be once or twice a month. The regular argument in fight in my mind was probably, you know, leading up. And I never at any point considered I wouldn't classify as super curious.

I would always say, yeah, I'll moderate. I didn't moderate shit. There's absolutely no way I can moderate. What were those conversations like? Like pretend we're cruising right now with our Tim Hortons and we're heading into work. What would that conversation with yourself be like? My conversation would be like, you got to stop doing this. You have a good job.

You have a home. You have a loving wife. Like, don't fuck this up. You don't want to go to jail again for impaired driving. You don't want to get in an accident. accident again and God forbid I hurt somebody else. Like I was aware of all this. But at the time, a few hours had passed and I knew that bar was open or I knew the liquor store was open. It just completely vaporized. And all I could think about was getting a beer. Yeah. If I didn't hear all of your

story growing up. And when I say all, I mean what you shared. I'm sure there's a lot more to it, right? Yeah. If I didn't hear that, my next question would be like, what the heck were you hiding from? What were you on the run from? Why did alcohol become such a powerful thing for you? But hearing your story, I think looking back, I mean, just what you shared, we can kind of connect the dots that there was some trauma that you experienced a lot, little. I don't know where, you know, to put it on the scale of things, but a lot of stuff happened, right? And then this worked and it worked. It worked to keep things quiet, keep things, quote unquote, manageable, maybe, maybe not. At times it did, at times didn't. You know, that's what I think some people get confused with alcohol. I mean,

in my story, man, it served a purpose. It had a place and a purpose, and it wasn't terrible from the beginning. Like, it was okay in the beginning. And I was able to connect with people. And it was like a sense of community with my friends that I didn't have before because I was kind of like the outcast, loner type guy. But then it just took over, man. Then I just got to the spot where you ended up getting where it was like, yeah, I just can't live like this anymore. I'm just waking up every morning feeling like trash. And what scared crap out of me was that I would make those packs. And I could accomplish a lot of things in life.

I was able to accomplish a lot of things. But this was the one thing. And you'll hear a lot of people talk about this is like the one thing that we just couldn't figure out. You know what I mean? You got the good job. You've got the wife. You've got this life. But there's this one thing you wake up every day and you're like, enough is enough.

And we can't shut it down. So you get in that last accident there, that last fiasco. go there. You get arrested for this one. And then, okay, what happens after that? I mean, is that your last night drinking? Or are you drinking after that too? No, before that accident, it's the last drink I've taken. And get up that next morning, like, I said, I wanted a beer, but I didn't. And thankfully, my wife was home because if my wife hadn't been home, I probably would just get up, went to the freight, got a beer and continued on with my day. Obviously, things are pretty quiet around the house with conversations that are surrounding all of this.

And I had thought at this point, I knew I put the truck on its roof. I didn't think the damage was that bad. That's what I was telling myself in my head. I'm like, well, God, I walked away from it. I didn't even have a brew, so it can't be that bad. Yeah, it's on its roof, whatever. And she took me out to the impound so I get like all the personal effects out of the truck. And I saw the truck.

And how I walked away from that really finally hit home. Like I had enough close calls like the other acts, just other dumb shit while drinking. How I never ended up with any sort of serious injury or hurt anybody else or whatever like that just completely. When I saw this truck that day forward, maybe it was just time. Maybe the two years of conversations coupled with seeing the truck. I honestly don't know what it was, but finally it clicked. that I can't drink, plain and simple. What did the truck look like?

Because we're on a podcast here, but describe it for us. Yeah, well, just, you know, the roof was all crumpled in. The side was all dinged up. It was a write-off. I thought, yeah, it was on its roof, whatever. I don't know if I thought it gently landed on his roof, like on pillows or what the fuck. But anyway, when I saw the reality, like it finally, I hate that it took that much, but it finally clicked that I can't drink.

I shouldn't drink. I was finally willing to admit it. My wife had said for years, do you control the alcohol or is the alcohol control you? I was like, oh, why control? I'm in control. No, I was not in control. I wasn't even fucking close to being in control. And so anyway, she goes to work that morning after we get back from the impound.

I was like arguing myself in my head, do I drink? Do I not drink? So in the fridge upstairs, I don't know. I probably had a dozen beer. So pour them all out. And I was like, okay, that's good. You know, I did that. Now I'm not going to be tempted to drink anything.

But I also have had a full bar in my basement. And I had every liqueur and on the mat, like literally full bar. I could host whatever I wanted. Usually if I was getting down, if I had 24 or 30 beer in my bar fridge downstairs, I would consider that getting low. And I would stock up. Like I would always try and maintain 50 years. 60 beer. I was like, oh, well, you know, if people come over, nobody ever came over, I live in

the country. But that was the vendor. So even right after I poured the beer out, upstairs, like I knew I was coming to the conclusion that I can't drink. So I called the 1-800 number for the local provincial addiction facility and plain situation. And I said, I need help. I was just looking for any and every resource I could, whatever I could do to help me stop drinking, because I finally realized that I had to stop drinking. And they were very, very helpful on the fall. They gave me a whole list of things and EA schedule and meetings and everything else, which was great.

And, you know, they offered said, we have a mental health team that can come out to your health if you need help. I said, no, I said, I'm okay for now. I poured the bureau and this, you know, again, still piecing everything together because they am fucking hung over and probably still drunk to a certain degree. hung up with her. She was great. Called my best friend, explained everything to him, explained that I was looking for help. I had to quit drinking. And his first question was, when's your first meeting?

I was like, well, I said there's no, for whatever reason. And again, I live out in the country. The meeting out where I was was the night before. There was no other meetings. So there was one in the city the next day. He says, all right, I'll come out. I'll get you. I'm going to take you in the meeting.

I said, awesome. I appreciate that. Hung up from him. And then I remember, you know, I'm going through everything in my head. And, of course, I want to drink. And then I'm remembering all the beer that's in the basement. Luckily enough, because I, again, I played around that same argument in my head. Yeah, just one, right?

Yeah. First was like, no, I got to pour it out. And then it was, well, I'll just have one or two while I'm pouring it out. Yeah. Luckily, I thought to call that 1-800 number back. And I explained the situation. I got the same lady, very, very helpful. She said, do you want me to send the team out?

Now the team's two people. I said, yes, I said, I don't trust myself, go down to that basement and pour that bureau without having some. And she said, stay out of the basement, go outside, go for a walk, do whatever I do. The people will be there in an hour. So if I did exactly what she said, these people, it's like a mental health professional and a social worker, come into the house. They asked me through questions, just going through everything, explain the whole situation.

And again, for the first time in my life, I'm being honest about my alcohol use. Because I was never honest with anybody. Then Madrake was my wife where I would hide how much I was drinking or anybody I talked to. I would never admit other than my drinking buddies. And then we were comparing how much we were drinking. Anybody that really mattered and would have an opinion like doctors, anything, I would never admit how much I drank. It was the first time in my life, I was honest about how much I drank. And it's definitely when it started to change.

So they came out. They helped me pour everything out. And I even they were a little surprised on how much there was, but I'll pour it out. Get out of there next day. My buddy comes out. I go to my first day meeting. It really helped. I knew that's where I had to be.

And I had guys in there and I shared in the first meeting that I'm telling the story. And I rolled my truck and got arrested and all this stuff. And people out in the room, you know, one of the guys was cop. He said, like, your wife's not throwing you out. You're okay. You didn't hurt anybody. Like, just suck it up. Deal with what you're going to deal with.

Keep coming back to these meetings. And, you know, one of the guys said, me, he says, you know, nobody starts to only A because their life's all great. Like, nobody's just sitting there drinking by the pool saying, you know what? I should go to an AA meeting. That's what I should do. So put it in perspective. And I think it was when I was finally honest with myself that I just can't drink.

I do not have control over it is what it came down to. So because I had rolled my truck and I lost my license, of course, I wasn't able to get the meeting. So, you know, I lived in the city or worked in the city. So I would have either coworkers or friends or somebody pick me up at lunchtime and take me these meetings, which was great. I was very appreciative. I was able to get to two or three weeks. And again, then I could tell, like, if I was busy and I didn't get to a meeting, I could tell. Like, I would get anxious.

I would get, like, I needed the meetings. And probably about two months or so in, I started looking around. All of the pages I was following on social media were always all about drinking, like, whatever the names of them are and stuff like that was all about things. So I was starting to look at sober pages, trying to find things about sobriety, deleting the other drinking pages. And, you know, that's when I came across sober motivation in your podcast. I was looking all over for this up and there were so many pages geared towards women getting sober. But yours was the first one that I found. I can relate to this guy.

Like, it's a guy and he's talking about sobriety and everything you need to do and the shit that goes down and listening to these podcasts. Like, I've told you this different time, but like I have to thank you. Like your voice was the light in the dark for me. Even though I was sober, I was white knuckling my way through going to these AA meetings. Again, because of the travel thing, it was getting really, really hurt. I was kind of using up all my favors getting these meetings. And then listening to you talking about sober buddy. And all of a sudden I find sober buddy.

And I can do these meetings from home and their Zoom meetings. And, you know, that was a combination of being probably 60 to 70 days. in and transitioning away from A.A. because I couldn't get to the meetings over to the sober buddy meeting. Like, sober buddy has been huge, huge. It was a complete game changer for my recovery. And it's where at 49 years old, I finally learned to talk about the things that were bothering me and the issues I have. And even if it's not me talking in the meetings, it's listening to the other people. And I use as much listening to the other people because parts of it, like to this day, I still listening to other people unlocks different things in my mind, that things I'd

forgotten about for 30, 40 years. And one of the best things that I found was Silver Buddy is my ability to give back to others in the community. And in AA, they talk about that as being of service. Like shortly after I got involved with Sober Buddy and started going to the meetings there, that's when I started being public on my social media that I had gotten sober. And, you know, I was very sparse at first, but I put a few things out there. And actually had a couple people from my real, I'd say, good for you. I've kind of been thinking about this too.

I kind of think I have a problem. And not that I wish them ill, but. for me to know that by me putting it out there, that it helped them either realize they need to get a handle on it in whichever fashion they chose to, like made me feel really good. And the more involved I got the sober buddy and the more I try and help others in the community of sober buddy and how we help each other. Like it's been a complete game changer, but it's about the communication, being vulnerable. and just the alcohol was the tip of the fucking iceberg.

It was all the emotional layers underneath the tip of the iceberg. That's the stuff that I'm finally dealing with, life's so much better. And whether it's sober buddy or it's an A meter, the only thing I can tell, like anybody that's out there struggling, reach out, ask for help and talk about what's going on. I won't say it's the only way, but I can't imagine any other way of, being able to get sober and improving the inequality of your life. Yeah.

Wow, that's so powerful. And especially because you spent so long avoiding it. And I think a lot of us do. We spend a lot of time avoiding looking at dealing with anything, right? We just continue to bury, bury, drink, do other stuff. And we don't ever look at it. And then when you quit drinking, that's where I think a lot of people get stuck, too, Mike. And I was like this for a bit.

I was like, if I just quit the drinking, if I just quit the drugs, my life is just miraculously going to get better. And then when I quit, I was like, oh, shit, my life kind of sucks a bit more now than it did. Like some things in my life were better, right? I wasn't going to jail. I wasn't missing rent. I wasn't missing my jobs. But emotions.

Whoa, dude, what the heck was that? What are those, you know? And that stuff was heavy. And that's why I think it's like the community aspect of things can help us so much with that piece because if we isolate and we're alone, then we're, we get like this sense of, oh, yeah, I can just have one. Or we have this idea of like, I'm the only one who's struggling and nobody understands. So I might as well just burn this ship to the ground type deal.

And we connect with other people. We realize we're not alone. We're not like some strange characters or something. We had stuff happened to us. Most people share this story. We had stuff happened to us when we were younger. And when we started to drink, it soothed our soul, man. It gave us a purpose. It worked. And we just kind of rocked with it. And with time, addiction starts. And then we just couldn't stop and we want to. We're going to wrap things up here soon. Dude, this has been incredible, man. And I got to say, I appreciate you. And I appreciate you being such a vital part of the sober buddy community for helping people, always welcoming new people, making people feel like they're a part of it, including people. That's what it's all about because like, yeah, we can have an app. And then we're,

can have sober buddy, but it's like a mall without stores. If you have a building a mall, but there's no stores in it, it's not really a mall. If you have a community, sober buddy, without good community, there's nothing different than everything else that's out there. So I've got to tell you, thank you for that because you do a great job and a great job to show up. I know you don't always want to show up. I mean, maybe you do, but I'm thinking like as being human, some days we want to do stuff and some days we don't, but you, I think, really try your best to show up, be consistent, and you're getting results because of that.

Yeah. And one of the things in a selfish way, like, yeah, I love to give back and I love to be of service, but, and same thing I'll tell people when I talk or I share anything, is I may be telling, you know, somebody's asking a question or they're struggling with something, as much as I may give them advice on how I've dealt with it. Yeah, I'm giving them.

them the advice, but I'm reaffirming that to myself. I'm telling yourself at the same time. And it helps because it's about the routine. It's about the consistency because the minute you stop showing up and you stop putting in the effort, it's going to be that one point where all of a sudden you're going to be able to justify having that one drink. And that's one of the biggest things I hold on to is I cannot have one. Because if I have one, it will be followed by 20. And maybe I'll have one today, but in a matter of days, I'll be right back to where I started. But that constant going to the meeting, even when you don't feel like, even when you're tired. And if you are that, sure, go to the meeting. You don't got to talk, but at least show up.

Listen, what else is saying? Because it doesn't matter if there's three people in the meeting or 20 people in the meeting. Every person that shares, I can at least take away and relate to at least part of what they're saying. I may not understand the whole situation, but I can definitely relate to different components of it. And it's just to keep, I'm an alcoholic. That's what it is. And it's also one of the reasons why I've gotten more and more out there on social media.

I'm not out there all the time, but I'm very open about I'm an alcoholic and I'm in recovery because you see it all over the place in the sober community, recover loud. I recover loudly so others don't suffer in silent. So people know it's okay to not drink. People know that you can recover. Yeah, there may be slips and trips along the way, but you got to keep moving forward. It is possible because when you're alone inside your own head, that's the absolute worst place you can be. Be part of the community, whatever that community is, participate, be invested, put in the work and just keep behind it every day.

Yeah, I love that, man. our pain often becomes our purpose. Whether it's big, small, wherever we land on the spectrum there, our pain from addiction. And a lot of people like to share and like to stick their hand back out into the fire to help the next person because we didn't have that. I didn't have anybody in my life that was sober that was like, hey, this is possible.

Like I just kind of had to fall forward or fail forward and figure it out. But yeah, I think that's incredible. But what I'm wondering here, though, might before we wrap up, I want to take you all the way back. when you're at the impound lot, you're collecting your belongings. And you said it clicked for you. It all of a sudden clicked. There's a lot of people are waiting around for that moment, right?

Because that's what happens. A lot of people think, Mike, that you hit your first rock bottom. And then you're just like, oh, I'm sober now. What happens, though, often is that, like you mentioned, two years prior to that, you started having these thoughts. The seeds were planted. You knew that, hey, this is a big problem. Like, I don't want to do this anymore.

Two years prior. and then you have all this stuff on fold. And then you say, it clicked for me, right then and there. What did that feel like, though? Because, yeah, that's great, is that clicks, and now Mike's is sober, sober human and everything, but you have just got arrested for impaired, the trucks amass. And now you've completely realized that you're going to have to give up the one thing

in your life that you've depended on for 20 years to get you through the days and nights. and that's going to be gone. How do you feel in that moment? Can you remember that? Scared as fuck. Like just overwhelmed. And that's why one of the reasons when that clicked,

that's when I got home and I found that 1-800 number, I was willing to do anything because alcohol was such an all-consuming part of my life. And I only just realized it. Like, I realized it that morning. People pointed out. People could allude to us. I denied it. Denied, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny.

for all those years with evidence in front of me. And now that I'm out of this. And I've said this for a while now. It's like it's amazing how clearly I see that I had a problem. Like I could have nipped this in the bud and either gotten help or whatever 20 years ago, 30 years ago. But when you're in it, like I've had some not to take too much time. The first weekend I went to jail and I didn't get into a lot of this. But my best friend since high school, we've been friends for.

35 years. When I went through all my shit at home, like his family, I didn't live with them, but I was there quite a bit. I sort of adopted his parents. I would call his parents mom and dad. And his mom, she took cancer last year. We knew it was terminal. She went into palliative care after my accident, but she knew I was getting sober. And I went in to see her a few times in palliative before I went to jail. And, you know, it was. if it was just her and I loan for a few minutes and she, you know, would tell me like, Michael, don't you drink, stay doing what you're doing. And that first weekend, I was in jail, she died.

As hard as that was, she died. I mean, I knew it was coming, but it was so hard that she died. You also heard that I couldn't be there for my best friend. That his mother just died and I'm stuck in the fucking jail cell. And I can't talk to him until Monday. And that made me feel probably the smallest I've ever felt. is that I couldn't be there for that. And then a couple months after that,

my brother-in-law living out in Alberta died suddenly, 42 years old. And we had to deal with that. Thank God I was sober. I could be present for my wife. I could be there to support her as I could. Because if I had been drinking, I just would have been drunk

and not just because he died. I'd just be drunk. And then with him dying with an excuse, to get even more fucking drunk and be less help to her. But I was trying to go with this, those big events, I find it personally easier to focus on my sobriety and say, okay, you can't drink. You've had something major happen.

You would normally drink. You can't drink. It's a very easy conversation in my head. Every day, little shit, that's where the disease tries to trip you up and tries to trick you. Yeah, you can have just one. Yeah, you could do this. Yeah, you could do that. And that's the importance of consistently going to meetings, participating in groups,

whatever that platform is, do the work because it's that little everyday shit that's going to trip you up. I mean, the big stuff can too, but the big stuff's easier to focus on. You can focus and say, at least for me, obviously you can't speak for you, but for me, I can focus and say, okay, I can't. Not very easy, but logically I can put it together that I can't. It's the everyday stuff. That's the stuff that can trip you up if you're not paying attention and you're not put to

work in. Yeah. So true. In your guard is maybe not as raised, right? During the big situations, the big moments, you know, right, to manage this, I've got to stay sober. Lots going on. But like every single day, you know, that's why I just make it a conscious effort every

day. I just wake up and I just don't drink and I don't do drugs. That's who I am and that's my life. And it doesn't matter what happens that. I just don't do those things. There's a lot of other tools on the belt that we can take out. I'm not just running around with one hammer anymore. There's a lot of tools.

And same for you. But yeah, back to that thing. That's the tough part too, right? It's like, yeah, it's great when it does click that, oh, I got to make changes and get sober and all that stuff. But like what you said, it's very scary because then we lose that thing that we've depended on for however many years. Everybody's story's different. But look, Mike, this has been incredible, man. I really appreciate you coming on here.

I really appreciate you sharing your story, man. And it's been incredible just to connect and get to know you. Like over, I don't know, has it been like six months now? Yeah, I think longer. I think it was probably, yeah, seven months or so. Wow, man. That's incredible. And just to see your growth to virtually here is being a real pleasure, man.

So. Man, appreciate you and everybody at Sober, buddy, all the community, people that organize everything. Like I said, it's been definitely a game changer for me. Yeah, man. Beautiful. Wow, what an incredible episode. Huge shout out to Mike. Thank you so much for sharing your story on the podcast.

It's been incredible to get to know you over the last six or seven months. However long it's been, I appreciate you in everything you do for people that are struggling. Mike has a huge heart to help other people and in turn help himself. If you enjoy the episode and you want to reach out to Mike directly, which I highly suggest because. It's just nice to let people know you appreciate them sharing their story. Reach out to Mike on Instagram at Sober Savvy, S-A-V-V-Y. Let him know you appreciate him jumping on the show and sharing his story.

And I'll see you on the next one.