Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Myles Sexton shares about the journey to getting sober and showing up in the world to make a difference

Episode Date: January 5, 2023

Myles Sexton has had many ups and downs in life.  Myles is a work in progress and understood that alcohol and other substances were preventing growth. Myles was diagnosed with HIV in 2017 and felt it was time to fully commit to living a sober life. Myles is making a massive difference in this world and I am forever grateful for this interview. This is Myles's story on the sober motivation podcast.  Follow Myles on Instagram Follow me on Sobermotivation IG Download the SoberBuddy App Check out United Recovery Project

Welcome back to season two of the Subur Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week is my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. Miles Sexton has had many ups and downs in life. Miles is a work in progress and understood that alcohol and other substances were preventing growth. Miles was diagnosed with HIV in 2007. and felt it was time to fully commit to living a sober life.

This is Miles' story on the Sober Motivation podcast. Before we jump right into today's episode, I want to let you know about what's going on with the Sober Buddy app. I'm really enjoying the three groups that I'm hosting per week, and we have two groups every day, support groups. If you're struggling or you just want to connect with other people that are on the similar journey that you're, on. These groups are being so helpful for everyone involved. Also on the app, we have private

communities. Also, you can connect with other members of the app and share on the news feed. But the groups are just incredible. So if you need some support, you want to get connected to other people that are on this same journey. Download the app today and try it out. Getting help for addiction is never an easy thing to do. And picking the right place to get help makes it even more overwhelming. That's why I've decided to partner with the United Recovery Project. I've had a chance to get to know some of the incredible people working at the United Recovery Project over the years, and that is why this partnership makes so much sense. The United Recovery Project has a top-notch treatment facility and program. I truly believe in Brian Elzate, who is the co-founder and CEO and has

14 years clean. The properties themselves are beautiful with tons of amenities and activities, but most importantly, it's the level of care they offer. It's exactly. It's exactly. It's exactly what you would hope a family would receive and the staff who most of which are in recovery themselves truly care. It's really apparent that they do their absolute best to create custom treatment plans to meet everyone's individual needs. If your loved one is struggling, reach out to them directly at 833-551-0077 or check them out on the web at URPRecovery.com.

Now let's get to the show. welcome back everybody to another episode of the sober motivation podcast. We have my friend Miles here with us today, and we're just going to hear about the sober journey. How are you doing today? I'm so good. Thank you so much for having me. Of course. Of course.

Why don't we get started with the beginning? What was it like for you growing up? My gosh. So I am from a tiny, tiny, tiny little town in Nova Scotia. Like literally the population is under probably 2000. it's so small. There's like a pizza shop and a home hardware, and that's about it. So, yeah, I mean, I feel like when you grow up in a small town, I think that there is a certain,

I think, like, way, maybe a way of life or like a way of teaching, you know, that I feel like, for me anyway, alcohol and substances were almost like this like ride of passage into adulthood at that point in my life. So what was it like for you in the small town? What's growing up in a small town like? everybody knows everybody type thing. Yes, definitely. I mean, it was definitely interesting, though, because, like, you know, I think there's,

there's some beauty in small towns. I now move, I, like, recently left Toronto, actually, and I live in a small town again. And, you know, there's something beautiful about the quiet and, you know, the serenity of, like, the nature and that I appreciate so much about small towns. But I think I was growing up as, like, a queer individual. I think that that was challenging, I think, at times when, when you're growing up in a small town because, you know, everyone sort of knows your business. I felt like for me anyway, my sexuality was sort of told to me before I could even understand who I was, you know, at that point in my life.

So what was school and stuff like for you, your relationships with your family and everything like that early on? For me, I felt like I guess I put a wall or a barrier up just because I'd never really felt comfortable being who I was. I think I hid a lot of, a lot of parts of myself, I think at that time growing up just too just because I like was confused and I grew up without like television or the internet so like I didn't really have a lot of reference points of like you know people outside of I think the gender norm and so yeah so I think that that that was that was a bit like challenging I think at times for me but you know I was lucky I think to have a pretty open minded family I think that they've tried the best they could I think with with me and you know allowed me to kind of live my life

I think how how I wanted to. You know, I was always obsessed with different things as a kid. I was going through phases where I was like super into like reptiles and amphibians and wanting to collect them in the in the rivers and the woods. And like they'd let me keep them in the house. And, you know, and then my love of Lord of the Rings sort of like took over from there. And, you know,

so they were always like really supportive with whatever. Like they kind of just like let me use my imagination and got behind it. So yeah, I guess in that regard, I felt really lucky. Okay. Gotcha. interesting stuff, how we, how we click on to certain things at certain time.

My thing was Star Wars growing up. Oh my gosh. Well, I had a Star Wars phase too. But I feel like I wasn't allowed to watch them. Like my parents were like, oh, they're too scary. You're going to have nightmares. And then like I felt like I missed the boat, you know, a bit of like I had to watch them when I was a teenager. And I'm like, what?

I'm like, they're not that bad. Yeah. So you're going through school and everything. When did alcohol or drugs get introduced? into your life? I mean, I feel like they were always around me, you know, like I just, I think whether it was my family or my friends or, you know, like, I feel like everyone was always like doing some type of substance use, you know, I think throughout growing up, for me, I think the first time

I drank, I think I was like 14. And I remember I was like at a campfire, I had a sleepover at like one of my friends' house. And, you know, and then they're like, these boys came and brought all of these like beers and we all ended up like drinking them for the first time and I think that yeah I think that was like my first time. What was it like for you? Was it something that you benefited from like early on or had any more interest in or was it just like you got sick and moved on with life? I mean that was sort of the thing it was it was interesting because I think I for myself I feel like I grew up with a lot of anxiety. I felt like because I was like suppressing who I was and I was, you know, trying not to let people really see the true person that I wanted to be.

You know, when I drank alcohol for the first time, it was almost liberating for me because it, like, it numbed so much, I think of, like, my own internalized dialogue and, like, those sort of, like, shame gremlins that, like, exist, I think, inside of all of us. So it really was, it was, like, this liberation. And I felt like I was, like, coming out of my shell and I didn't give a shit about, like, what people were, like, might think. about me, which it was interesting. It was sort of like I felt like it was giving me like a superpower or something, you know? For me, it was like, you know, I think that that at that time I thought

it was so positive, right? I was like, oh, this is an amazing thing. Like, I want to do it all the time. But I think that that's sort of like where substances, you know, and their pathways to addiction sort of like can stem from, right? Because I think that there is like this sort of high that you get from it, right? Yeah, for sure. I mean, I can relate to that. A little bit of a different scenario. but to that level of freedom. Yes. All of the insecurities, all of the worry, everything kind of faded away while we were in part of it. And for me too, I really felt like I was part of something.

Like I could. Totally. Included in stuff. And I was always an out, sort of an outcast growing up, had a really hard time building relationships, really hard time keeping relationships with, like in friendships with people. So I found that once I got involved with that stuff, then a lot of the barriers came down.

I was able to be this person that people enjoyed. And I wasn't that beforehand. Totally. Because sometimes I think like when, like especially growing up, I think it's often hard to find people that you have things in common with. I think that sort of celebration that's like focused around substance use is like it becomes that common thing that like everyone has in common. Right.

And like the party becomes that that past time. And I could see that even more. I grew up in a small town. not that's all, but I feel like that would be a way to maybe connect with other people as well, like on a different level, right? You have that one thing in common. And then how did things play out for you? Like at 14, you discovered this and like how.

And you mentioned too before that something that really struck me is that, you know, people didn't know who you were. When did you figure that out too? Is another question I'm wondering. My substance use, I think, just increased, like the further. along through my journey of school. And I think it's just because it, like, became harder and harder for me to suppress, I think, who I was, you know?

And I had a bit of like, I don't know, it was a bit of a traumatic, I think, experience for me because, like, my first, like, kind of sexual experience that I really had with anyone was, like, you know, it was something that, like, wasn't necessarily consensual, like, with someone else. And, you know, we were, like, you know, it was a guy that I went to, went to high school with. You know, we had been, like, drinking and we're, like, at my, like, you know, we were friends and we were at my cottage. And I sort of, like, had, like, woken up to him doing things to me. And so it was a bit of, like, it was a bit hard because it's like, I remember being in that moment and thinking to myself, like, oh, like, are we allowed to do this? Like, do people, like, you know, at the time I identified, you know, as male. And, you know, I was like, oh, like, do men do men do this together?

And he was like, oh, yeah, like, it's fine. Just don't tell anyone. For me, like, that was just like, it triggered a lot of, like, thoughts and emotions, I think, within my own self because it was like the first time that I, a part of me felt like it was, like, it was like escaping from, like, you know, the sort of confines of what I put my, my true self in. And I was like, this feels right. But also it was the scenario that was like a bit wrong to be just because it wasn't

consensual. And, you know, so I don't know. kind of like made me fall deeper, I think, like, within my own sort of my own depression and my own just how I was dealing with, like, suppressing who I was, you know? So, like, I felt like I then started, like, smoking a lot of weed and getting involved in people who, you know, I don't know, it's like, they were like more like the party group of my high school, you know? And, and so it's just, like, it's kind of sad that for me, like, instead of actually, like, dealing with the emotions of, like what I was going through. I just like chose to constantly like numb and suppress and

suppress and tell honestly I couldn't do it anymore. I literally tried to kill myself and that was sort of this like awakening I guess when I survived my suicide attempt that I was like why why did I let this like thoughts and opinions of other people make me reach this point in my life where I was like ready to take like you know what that I was ready to take my life. So that was sort of like a big eye opener and, you know, I sort of came through that, but I didn't necessarily stop my substance use because I created this, I guess, script in my mind of like how to cope with pain, you know, so it kind of had these like resurgence again throughout my life. How we perceive to deal with the pain and with struggles becomes with the escape. Yes. When was it that you went through the story

you just shared? Like, was that in high school or? Yeah, it was, I probably was like 15, 15 or 16, I think, like, I think it was the summer between 15 and 16 that that happened. But then, like, coming out of it, it really, like, inspired me to, like, be who I was. You know, I remember showing up for my, like, last year of high school, kind of, like, middle fingers up. I had, like, dyed my hair and was wearing the clothes that I wanted to wear. And I had a ton of eye makeup on, you know, it was very much the epitome of, like, the early 2000s emo kid. I don't know. Simple plan days.

exactly and exactly totally i was taking back sunday and like it was just like that that was sort of it and like everyone was like oh who's this like new kid at our school and like oh fuck that's miles because like you know it was just such a drastic shift you know i think and like me coming from this like preppy curly hair blonde kid to like you know such another extremes but you know i don't know, but I felt liberated, I guess, coming out of that fully anyway. So it kind of gave you that chance you felt to be yourself to show up as how felt on the inside. I just, I don't know. I felt like I wasted so many years of my life, not being that person.

So it was like I was, I guess, trying to catch up for a last time, I suppose. No better, no better way to do it than all in, right? Totally. So you have your last year high school. How do things? Where do you go after? that? So I end up finishing high school early, so I only had to do like a half year, which was great. I was a bit, I don't know, I guess I was smart. So like I kind of arranged all of

my classes so that I could get all my credit so I didn't have to do the final year. And then I basically like finished Christmas break and then I moved right away to Halifax, like Nova Scotia. I like got myself like I was living in this like older lady. I was like like her house and I just sort of like rented a room from her and was just like, okay, I'm going to like try living in a city that's like so different from my town. And just basically, I just wanted to figure out who I was. You know, I had no idea. I ended up like going to make up school. So that was sort of one thing that I got on board. And I ended up getting signed with like a modeling agency at the time too. So there was like a lot kind of going on of like, I guess the direction that I wanted to sort of go in,

I think with my career because, you know, I think for myself, I think at the time, I really, one of the big other things I really struggled with. I think it was just not having someone to identify with. I guess like I wanted to really see that representation, I think, in the world. So the sort of, I guess why modeling kind of always attracted me because you, I think like models or actors or actresses, like you see them so much in news and in magazines and on TV. And I'm like, I want to see myself there, you know, like how do I make that happen? And so I guess it sort of ignited a bit of a mission for me because I think I just felt so, so alone and isolated that it kind of motivated me to be like, okay, I want to be a spokesperson, like, for people who are non-binary and like, let's see what happens. And it seems like I'm looking at things from a very far distance here, but it seems like you're on that track or you've accomplished that or you're working on it.

Totally. I mean, it's definitely always a work in progress. But, you know, it's been, it's been an incredible like 12 years. years that I've been working in my field and just, you know, it's just amazing. I mean, I'm so excited to build a like, you know, last year I won like the CAFA award for digital influencer of the year. And, you know, that was surreal, like just getting to model for like, Jean-Bault Gautier and brands like Canada Goose. You know, I just never saw myself reflected in, you know, I think brands like that. So it's like super cool to be able to like see that now. That's awesome. And I think that you're paving the way as well. Totally. That's what I wanted. I want to inspire like the younger generation, right?

I just, I think when you do feel alone and isolated, I think it causes a lot of these like emotions to come up and it causes people to create unhealthy scripts, whether that can be with like alcohol or substances or, you know, really anything, you know, sex. I think another really big one. So yeah, I want to help fight against that. And it's another part of it too is using sort of your pain,

your story to help other people, help other people not, maybe not have to go through what you did. Totally. Or at least like allow them to like bounce back a little quicker. You know, it's, I think that is. Like I think a lot of the time we think that we're, we're defined by our trauma, you know, and that this trauma has like power over us. But I don't know. I completely disagree.

I think like we, I think we have the power to reclaim our power. from like what's happened and we can decide whether we want to like take that energy and make something like positive and good from it or you know we can allow it to bring us down and you know i think that it takes a lot of like internalized like reflexing and education and healing to get to that point but i think it is possible and i want to share that story of hope I think with other people. No, definitely possible. What was most helpful on your journey to get to that understanding of things?

There was a lot of series of events, you know, like I, I think once I moved to Toronto when I was 19, you know, there was this like, unfortunately, like was sexually assaulted twice. I lost a partner to suicide. It was just, you know, and then I was diagnosed with HIV and it was like one thing after another, you know, that just sort of like happened in my life. And I was like, geez, can I get a break? Like, I just felt like I was getting like knocked down over and over and over again. And substances, I think, were something that really allowed me to, like, numb, I think, what I was feeling. But when I was diagnosed with HIV, it was sort of like, I guess, kind of going back to my suicide attempt. It was just like that thing that really, like, made me realize that, like, I needed to cut, you know, this out for my life and find new ways of kind of rewriting my scripts.

I think that I've created to deal with pain. So I think like the biggest thing that's helped me. I mean, I'm not just being queer. I never really found like a safe space. And so like I felt like I've always been sort of on my own. So reading a lot of books, I think have been like a really big thing for me. I really love like the naked mind if you've ever read it or the unexpected joys of being sober is like another incredible book.

Bernays, Brown's books on like the gifts of the imperfection, which just really talk about shame or just like, I think all really, like, helpful things that just like thought provoked, you know, I think within our own selves. But I think like the biggest thing for me was just how do I rewrite the scripts that I've created? So when I'm sad or I'm feeling anxious or, you know, I'm feeling any sort of thing. Like what am I, what are my actions in those moments? Am I, instead of drinking, am I going to go for a run? Or am I going to cook a nice meal or learn a new recipe. I've just had to sort of train myself, figure out other things to do instead of substance use. I think that that's been like the most helpful thing I think for me and also just

understanding your own boundaries. I think a lot of the time we allow other people to really like impose I think their opinions or their pressure onto us and I think it's really important to like be comfortable enough with yourself in order to say no and be like I, sorry I can't attend this party because I feel like there could be a potential that I could relapse, you know, or if there's going to be substances there. And yeah, I feel like those are the three main ones. Yeah. No, those are incredible.

Those are really incredible. I'm a big fan of that as well, changing our perception of the whole thing. When it becomes alcohol, changing maybe the stories that we grew up on and just looking at things honestly, looking at things, a good, honest look. And I found out for me too, you start to, you start to see that it's just not a solution for stuff. And it just, like you mentioned a few times, it just bottles stuff up. You just push it down further and further and nothing gets solved type deal.

Exactly. And it does. It has long-term effects. It is. It's like a toxin, whether it's a mental, the mental suppression or the physical toxin of substances, you know, it's not a healthy way. I think to deal with our emotions. And part of that, it's hard.

It's hard when we don't grow up in a society that allows us to express our emotions. I mean, especially like, you know, for people who identify as men, you know, it's like how many times I'm sure you've heard beat me, you know, man up in your life. It's so, it's this toxic masculinity is just like it's so frustrating, you know? And, you know, and I think even especially for men, it's like how much more can you drink? How, you know, like, it's like that's like this dominant alpha. kind of thing that goes on, you know, like at parties and it's just like, it's so silly. I just like, I want to break that down and why can't we change the way that we like focus, you know, our past times, you know, around things that could be fun.

Why not go for a hike or, you know, go skating or just do something else other than sit around and drink? I think there's more to life than that. Oh, for sure. Yeah, it becomes a competition that like who can feel the way. worst the next day. Totally. That's where it ends up. So I'm wondering too, though, throughout this, a lot of stuff went on that you shared with this. And I'm sure there's a lot more stuff that went on. Was this progressive for you? The drinking in anything else that you were doing? Were you also doing

drugs as well? Yeah. I feel like I was doing everything. Being in the fashion industry, like alcohol is something that's like free all of the time. Before the pandemic, I could have drank every single day for free if I wanted to. Like there's always an event that alcohol is being served at for free. It was just like the pressure, I think, of the work part of my life, pressuring me into drinking all the time. Because if I didn't have something in my hand, I was like shamed for not drinking. So that was always like really hard. And then, you know, and then I think just like going through emotionally all of these traumas that I experienced. It just sort of pushed me like further and further, I think, into my own addiction.

You know, it was like I noticed that as soon as I started feeling a little something, like I wanted. Like I wanted to like dive right in, you know, right into it and be like, oh, I can't wait. I just need to drink or I need to, you know, smoke weed or I really loved like MDMA. It was like another one that I loved a lot, you know, because it was just like such a different type of high, you know. And so I just found myself like going into these sort of these patterns again, you know, and they just got worse and worse. And until, you know, I really had my big epiphany when I became positive. where would you put yourself like on a spectrum like an alcoholic problem just alcohol free wanted to be healthier where it's it's interesting that you ask this because i i've always struggled i think with

even calling myself an addict you know and it's so i don't know why i have because i think there's there's so much preconceived stigma i think around around this which which is like super messed up and I think we need to change how people perceive, you know, someone who uses alcohol or substance use. You know, so I definitely, I just think in general, I think I had a substance use problem. You know, I think as soon as it becomes something that you are craving or you feel that you need or you can't be comfortable without,

I think that that is an addiction, you know, regardless of how mild or like, you know, people who are just like, oh, I'm a social drinker. I roll my eyes so hard about this. I'm like, okay, stop trying to justify this for yourself. I think that's a great point, too, that I think everybody has their own, their own place with where they're comfortable with. It doesn't, you don't have to hit a bottom or the end of the road before you can make a

decision that you just want to do something different. I think that's exactly. And I don't want to say that like, you know, for me, like on top of everything that I was going through and like what was happening with my substance use, I still had a very busy, fully functioning career. I never stopped. I was, you know, literally flying all over the world for work and I had to keep functioning and I had to keep pushing through. Like, my substance use never stopped me from doing what I was doing, you know? I had to keep pushing through in order to like, trying to become this person that I wanted to be. So, you know, I never had that rock bottom in terms of

just the addiction affecting me so much, but I still think that it was like still very there and very present, you know. I had a bunch of rock bottoms, but I never really got sober after one. When I really got sober was the internal rock bottom, where I knew that if I continued on this road, I would live with no purpose and die with no purpose. And I would probably, if there is ever such a thing where you look back at your life, I would look back at what I did. I don't know if I would call it a life, but I'd look back at the journey and maybe wonder

if I did something a little bit different if I could have been. made a difference. And that's kind of what spooked me to want to try. I never set out on a journey to get sober, though. I set out on a journey to stop the suffering, to stop the pain, to stop the disappointment, to stop the guilt. And then a few months into that, I kind of realized that sobriety was getting sober was going to be the key to all of that. What a good realization. Now I think more than when I first started that are just making, wanting to make a different choice. wanting to like stop this thing and it tracks because the alcohol, the substance use of any sort is getting passed down from one generation to the next.

You hear so many people's stories and it starts like this. My father was an alcoholic. His father was an alcoholic or, you know, different people in the family. I think it's very courageous for people to, you know, stop without like yourself, you're sharing. I don't know what's harder.

Is it or what's easier? And I don't even know if it matters, but somebody who hits a rock bottom, has little or no options, or somebody who could probably carry on for the next 10 years and maybe not have any big serious consequences and could still show up. I think both of them are hard in their own ways,

but I think it's great that you're able to look at things. How did you feel on the inside about things? Because you don't have any necessarily big external type bottoms from what I'm hearing, but how did you feel about the substance use internally? I think I enjoyed it a lot in the moment, but like I feel like it was like the next day. It was that was always like when everything just came fluttering back, you know? And it was like I felt like I was lower than what I was before I did it every single time. You know, and it became this whole like psychological thing, you know?

And I think I just like I became tired of constantly like compartmentalizing. I think like parts of myself, like, and what, and what part of myself I allowed access to. And I just think that it made me miserable, you know, like, I was just like, I really, like, I wasn't happy. I didn't, I looked at the world and, like, all of these amazing things were happening for me, but I couldn't be happy for myself. You know, it was like, I just, I was so fixated, I think, on, like, my own pain and trauma inside that I kind of missed so much of it, you know, and also didn't allow me to, like,

fully feel it. I think when you're numbing, you lose a lot of your senses, you know, and even though, like, you know, you're, you might be using. Yeah, that's great. And I think that's so, like, an important part, too, to where we can, we have, everything on the outside looks pretty good. Yeah. On the inside where there's a big, there's a big internal struggle going on that we're

kind of dealing with every day. So when did you get sober? So 2017 in February was when I, like, was my first, was my last attempt, I guess, at getting sober. I definitely like leading up to being diagnosed with HIV. I tried so many times to just cut out alcohol specifically, you know. I just felt like it kept coming back into my life just because of the social pressure. And I feel like I failed a lot of times of like removing it. But after February 2017, I was, that was it.

Incredible. Huge congrats, by the way. Thank you. What happened on that day? Why was that the day? That was the day I found out that I was HIV positive. And I just, I knew like just based off of everything that I sort of had went through that if I didn't get sober, there was no way that I was going to make it through becoming

positive. You know, I think that there's so much shame and stigma around HIV and AIDS that, you know, I just, I had this like overwhelming, just kind of way. of emotions that I was like didn't even know who I was anymore and I was just I was afraid I was afraid to face the world again I think I needed to have a clear mind in order to like properly process I think through that and also just processed through everything that I else I was suppressing because I think it was just like amplifying my diagnosis I was like you know what I need to get sober I need to figure how to do it I need to sit with my emotions and I need to like find

a way to reclaim my power over them again. That was sort of the conversation, I guess. I guess I had with myself. What were the first steps that you took? I think like the biggest one was like having conversations. I think with the people around me. I think I really needed their support. And, you know, I think when I was sharing my HIV status,

I also was like having conversations around me not wanting to drink and not to do any sort of drugs. I think that was like I really needed to create like a bit of a support. system because to be honest, I felt like I wouldn't be able to do it on my own. That was like, I think, one of the hardest things. And then I think it also was just unpacking. You know, I started going therapy. I started reading a lot. Like, it was just, I needed to get like external help to, like, whether it was from books or from my therapist, because I didn't feel like I could do it, like, all in my own. And I think sometimes you need to admit that. I'm sure there's people who out there

who have gotten sober completely on their own. But I think it takes a lot. of courage to be vulnerable to ask for help. And I definitely like really struggled with that. I'm a very independent, proud person. And I do not like asking for help from anyone. I really had to swallow. I think a lot of my own ego, I think, in that moment, even just ask my friends for help. Because, you know, I was, I was afraid and I was ashamed to do it. So yeah, I think with your career and everything, like you've made it really far in doing what you love. And now asking for help for all this stuff. Yeah, the vulnerability part is hard. It's saying like, I don't have it all figured out. And a lot of stuff in your life, you did have figured out. So that's- Totally. And I think, too,

like another part of this is that the initial sober part, I feel is pretty easy, right? We decide we're just not going to do one thing. What comes next? What comes next is the very hard, the healing So now we've got to do like what you said unpack. Now we have to unpack all of this stuff that we've been not looking after. Totally. However many years with therapists, with professionals, and with getting more information from books and support groups.

And definitely people, you know, on their own. So, I mean, I think that the sober part, I think can be done on your own. Like you can just decide one day.

But I think the healing journey is going to be best with, a group of people who understand and who can help you in our, you know, professionals doing that type stuff because that's totally. You need to put in the work, you know, like I think if you're going to make that decision, it's not something that's just going to like happen, you know, like, you need to put in the work so that you can have those conversations because, you know, I don't think I could identify like my triggers or like my scripts that I created without putting in the work, you know, because it taught me to identify it when it's happening, you know, like if they still happen, you know, like for me, like, I find the holidays are always super triggering for me,

like, emotionally. I can like now identify when I'm like, I can feel that I want to go have a drink or I want to do something, you know, like, so it's like being able to like identify it. So you can be like, okay, like, thanks, thank you, but that's not serving me joy. And I can now put it back to where it should be. Yeah, I think that that takes a lot of awareness. For sure. Yeah. And hard work too. I love that you for me, like for me, I work. hard at keeping the other stuff going. So it's important in the recovery journey to work as hard, if not harder to keep this life going. Do you feel that the substances were holding you back from being your true authentic self? 100%. Now being five years plus sober, I didn't realize like how

much like that also tapped into like other parts of my life. You know, I just, I think I was, I really struggled with my own identity that I wasn't also facing, you know, of just where did I fit in sort of like my community and like how did I want to identify, you know, like even just me being in relationships with, in a relationship with someone. I think that also really affected me there. And also just like within my career, you know, like, I've seen the most amount of growth in my career after I've been sober. And that's not from like a lack of like the amount of work that I'm putting in. I think it's just like how I'm showing up to the world. You know, I used to be like, even just how I was perceived because I was so like just sad and depressed inside that, you know, like all my images and the imagery that I would kind of put out there was like very dark and I would never smile. And I was like, you know, very serious and kind of angry all the time and, you know, very that sullander face. You know, after I became sober, it was like, I just, who is that person? You know, like, I'm not that person anymore. Like, I want to smile. I want to like make people feel joy and share joy. So I think it really like it really shifted a lot. And I think it changed the way that people perceived me. You know, I think people often looked at me as very like intimidating and, you know, had a resting bitch base and like were very like kind of kept me at a distance. And, you know, I think hopefully now people are a little bit more encouraged.

Yeah. You know, to want to chat. So. Yeah, no, I'm sure they are. Everything I've seen too, it just seems incredible things that you're doing in the, you know, everything, right? So I can't help but support it. And I appreciate you jumping on here too and sharing this stuff.

You know, it's not, it's not easy. I got to be honest. I have a lot of guests on here and we've done maybe 20 shows. Yes. Man, everybody shares this vulnerable story. Everybody makes it look so easy, but I just know it's not. I know it's not easy. No.

And everybody, you know, does a great job. No, I think it's like, even though it is a lot of the time, like going back to that, you know, that place of trauma. I think when we share these things. But, you know, I think if I think I'm in a place in my life where I'm strong enough to be able to, you know, like to be able to share it without it, I think affecting me too much. You know, it'll still like after this podcast, I'm going to like probably be turned into a vegetable. I'm going to play some video games.

I'm going to like completely decompress, you know, this. But that's my healthy way of, you know, like making a positive, I think, out of it. And giving back to myself, I think after we share things like this. And I also find too, because I've done a few podcasts and sharing stuff and it's tough. But I also find a sense of freedom that I'm out of place where I could possibly share something that might be helpful for other people. But every time I do it as well, it's helpful for me. I learned something new.

I'm like, I didn't even know that about myself. I forgot that story. Exactly. Always learning. So what's life like now for you in sobriety? How is everything? What are you working on? What are you most proud of?

my gosh, well, I mean, just like, I think for me now I'm working for myself full time, which has been so incredible and just life-changing. I left my full-time job like a year ago. And that's just, I don't know, it just allowed me to really like fully lean into, I think, what I want to do with my life and put out, I think, into the universe and into social media. I think this new part of myself that I think I haven't been able to like really share, I think, with everyone yet. And, you know, I have this amazing series that I've been doing called Sex Fluent and,

you know, in partnership with this amazing nonprofit and where we're like trying to create more awareness around, you know, sexual health, mental health, like harm reduction. It's been really amazing. So I'm very excited to really like see how that grows this year. I'm also launching a podcast this year too. So I'm very excited. It's going to be a bit like a bit different than just sobriety. But yeah, I'm really looking forward to that.

And my partner and I just recently purchased a house last summer. And so I'm really like also just excited about creating like a little, a little nest, you know, and just surrounding myself with things that bring me joy. You know, I've been living in Toronto for like the last 11 years. And I made the commitment last year to like leave Toronto to move to a small town again. And I think it's just exactly what I needed. You know, I think I didn't realize like how much my surroundings were affecting my own mental health. And also just like how triggering I think the city can be.

think for my own healing. So like removing myself from it has just been so amazing to like be in a place that just fills my cup all the time. And then when I go to the city, you know, it's like a vacation. Yeah, no, this has been great. This has been great. I can't thank you enough. Oh my gosh.

Well, thank you so much for having you. As soon as I saw you like send me a follow on Instagram. I was like, why? How am I not heard about this podcast? Like, this is amazing. Yeah. You probably were like, I wonder what's coming next. I want to end though if we can.

I want to end that if somebody is struggling to get or stay sober right now, from your own experience, what advice would you have for them? I think like the biggest thing I think like in that particular moment is just like not being hard on yourself. I think it's like I don't think anyone has like one path to sobriety. And I think it's like it's about, okay, this happened. have that conversation with yourself, break it down, digest it, sit with it. And then, like, see how, like, if you wanting to be sober is still something that you want to do, like, how can you try again to get there?

You know, and I think, I think that's just it. Like, I think so many people, like, I get, you know, DMs all the time where people are like, oh, you know, like, I've been sober for, like, a year. And then I drank last night. And I'm so, like, upset with myself. And I'm like, you know what? Like, these moments are such a great learning. I had so many years of like, you know, on and off between my relationship with substances that, you know,

but also like it taught me so much. And I think it like, it helped strengthen me. I think for new or for like for situations that would have happened in like that were going to happen in the future to maybe make a different choice. You know, so I think it's just just like having that conversation with it with yourself and not like letting it trigger more, I think like substance use. I love that. That's incredible. Yeah, I mean, finding out, you know, learning from each bump in the road and moving forward, you know, moving forward, a lot of time, too, I hear two people will fall off the wagon. Yes.

And I can relate to this 110% because when I would fall off, I'd be down on myself. I'd say, everybody down, I let myself down. Here we go again. And, but I think it's so important to just say that happened, but we have to get back at it. Like we got to get up and we got to get back at it and we'll figure this thing out. Yeah, exactly. Miles, thank you so much for taking some time out of your day to join us on the podcast. Thank you so much for having me. Wow, another incredible episode. Miles really opened up for us on the podcast.

Miles went through a lot of stuff, a lot of stuff for sure. And I can't be more thankful that Miles was willing to share all this stuff with us and hopes. Like was said in the podcast to help others maybe find their way out of the darkness sooner. Awesome. I know you all are going to love this. Be sure to give Miles a follow on Instagram as well. Miles Sexton. I really hope everybody is having an incredible new year. 2023 is here. And let's make it our best year. Our best year yet. Let's put in the work. Let's keep making changes.

Let's keep growing. Let's keep pushing ourselves. And as always, thank you. Thank you so much for the support with this podcast and the support with everything. Without you all, the listener, none of this is possible.