Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Nikki knew giving up alcohol was the right decision long before she did it.

Episode Date: July 31, 2024

In this episode of the Sober Motivation Podcast, Nikki recounts her journey of sobriety, beginning from her early experiences with alcohol in Sydney, Australia, where the legal drinking age is 18 and societal pressure to drink is high. She describes her youthful experimentation and eventual reliance on drinking during a difficult breakup, leading to a period of drinking alone. Nikki shares the challenges she faced in the alcohol-centric film industry and how societal expectations made it difficult to quit. Despite several stints of sobriety, during the lockdowns she first attempted to cut back on alcohol, finding initial success before societal pressures tempted her back. In 2021, Nikki quit drinking for good, supported by a non-drinking friend and a personal realization about her health and happiness. Nikki's story sheds light on the internal battles and societal pressures that make sobriety challenging, and she offers her insights and lessons learned for those on similar paths. ----------- Follow Nikki on IG: https://www.instagram.com/vanillathickshakee/

Welcome back to season three of the Suburmotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety is possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode of the podcast, Nikki recounts her journey of sobriety, beginning from her early experiences with alcohol in Sydney, Australia, where the legal drinking age is 18 and societal pressure to drink is high. She describes her youthful experimentation and eventual reliance

on drinking during a difficult breakup, leading to a period of drinking alone. Nikki shares the challenges she faced in the alcohol-centric film industry and how societal expectations made it difficult to quit. Despite several stints of sobriety during the lockdowns is when Nikki attempted to cut back on alcohol, finding initial success before societal pressures tempted her back. In 2021, Nikki decided to quit drinking for good, supported by a non-drinking friend and a personal realization about her health and happiness. Nikki's story sheds light on the internal battles and the societal pressures that make sobriety challenging.

And she offers her insights and lessons learned for those on a similar path. And this is Nikki's story on a sober motivation podcast. Before we get into this episode, I heard this quote the other day, and I want to share with you guys. It's kind of titled Find the Others. And it's Timothy Leary. And here it goes. Admit it, you're not like them.

You're not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them. Watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes. But it seems that the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider. Watching the normal people as they go through their automatic existence. For every time you say club passwords like,

Have a nice day and weather's awful today, eh? You yearn inside to say forbidden things like, tell me something that makes you cry, or what do you think deja vu is for? Face it, you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator, but what if that girl in the elevator and the bald man walking past your cubicle at work are thinking the same thing? Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected.

Find the others. And I thought that was just incredible and to relate it to sobriety is we take a big risk with getting sober in the sense that our social circles might shrink a lot smaller or for some people might have to start completely over. And I think this quote here anyway, what I get from it really just pushes us to step outside of ourselves, outside of the box. Take a chance on what could be instead of always relying on what was and always about the negative outcomes of something. So go out there and take a chance on something. Now let's get to this episode. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got Nikki with us.

How are you? Good, thanks, how are you? I'm great. Thank you for jumping on here and be willing to share your story with all of us. My pleasure. So what was it like for you growing up? I grew up in Sydney, Australia. And for those who don't know, Australia, the legal drinking age is 18. And I had one sister, your younger sister.

And grew up in your average kind of family, mom, dad, younger sister, nothing crazy. I was a pretty good upbringing. nothing terrible ever happened in my life. It was pretty cruisy, so I feel like I was pretty blessed because of that. I never have anything really negative to say about my upbringing. I think I had a pretty good childhood. But as I was saying, like, the legal drinking age is 18 in Australia, and it's very common in Australia to start drinking quite young. And also just around drinking in Australia. If you don't drink, there's a lot of stigma against why you don't drink. I had my first drink when I was 15.

The group that I hung around had a lot of friends who were a lot older and had access to alcohol. We would, not that we were drinking like a lot, it was probably only maybe four, four or five drinks, which in Australia is really not that many drinks. And we would go to someone's house and have a couple of drinks. And at the start, I never really loved. I love just a taste of alcohol. I mean, I still never did. It was definitely always about socializing and all my friends are doing it, so I'm going to do it as well. And then by the time I hit 18,

which is when I was able to buy alcohol, I was still in my final year of school. So I was able to buy alcohol for my friends who were not 18, which is definitely not looking back on it. It was obviously not very illegal, for one. was never great, but yeah, I turned 18 quite early as well. A lot of the people in my year turned 18. Halfway through the year, I turned 18 at the very start. So I was able to be the supplier of alcohol in my year as well. And during that final year, I actually went through a really bad breakup and lost a couple friends as well. And to not necessarily get back at them, but just show that I'm like, oh, I'm doing better than you. I was able to go out drinking and

go to clubs, I would start going out to clubs on a weekend and posting photos being like, look, I can go out drinking and I'm forgetting about you. I don't care about you when really I did care a lot. And it was just a way to really deal emotionally with that really hard time in my life. And I mean, everyone, I mean, it's high school. So everything is heightened. A breakup, which you would have maybe now is not as, you know, we were only dating for maybe two years, which in high school is like forever and was really emotional when that all happened. So I really started to dive into alcohol a lot. And then that kind of spiraled to me drinking in my room, just not going anywhere,

just at home, having a couple drinks, actually doing shops as well, which just looking back on it. And I'm like, what a really sad image of me, just sitting in my room doing shots by myself, just thinking back on that now I'm like wow that's I can't even believe that's the point that it got to is what I was doing shots by myself in my room and then after I graduated high school then I got into film school at this point I was still not as abusing it as much I went through a stage where I was really abusing it and then it faded down a little bit almost when I started film school it was like a fresh new start and I was like okay let's make some new friends

float with some new guys, get over that period of my life. And the film industry, as you probably know, is actually very, like, alcohol-oriented as well. And at film school, in the middle of cloud, like in between classes, all of us would head down to the pub, have a couple drinks. Still, I was never really a big fan of the taste of alcohol and always try and pick the sweetest drink possible. I could never, I hated wine, I hated beer, and I'd always go. for a vodka or something with some kind of sugary drink, which I think didn't really help the hangovers the next day either. It was really bad. But yeah, just the constant, like, in-between drinks, probably like we were drinking maybe, I want to say, four times a week.

And whether that was in-between classes or after classes, we'd stay back. Because where our film school was located, there was about, like, six or seven bars just down the street. And, yeah, Not that we were like binge drinking, but we were definitely having a couple and then going to class a little bit buzzed. But like everyone was doing it and that's the film industry and that's how it works. And I guess it's like with college anywhere in the world, alcohol is a big part of it. It's like a bonding thing and being like, why have to fit in and make new friends? So they're all drinking. So I'm going to drink as well.

Then like eventually I got a job in the film industry. And at that point, during that time, that transition from like film school to like working, I was still on the fence about whether if this is something that I enjoy. I think my brain was like, yes, this is what everyone enjoys. You have to enjoy it as well. Like, you're just overthinking it. Like, you definitely enjoy it. And I was almost like trying to convince myself that this is a fun thing to do when, obviously,

look back on it now and I'm like, I was not having fun. Obviously, you get a little bit buzzed and you're happy for a little bit, but then not even just the next morning, it would get to 10.30. I hate this. I don't want to do this anymore. And I think going into working, I was like, oh, maybe I'll cut back a little bit. But again, the film industry is very alcohol-orientated. And although we weren't in-between classes, getting drinks. We would go have a pub lunch and people would maybe get a drink or the most common one was like after work drinks or like a work event. And work would supply beer and wine and the two things that I'm like, I don't really enjoy drinking that. And people like, you just have to drink it. Like suck it up. That's how it is. If you want to network with people

and you want to talk to people, you're going to have to have a glass of wine in your head. I'm like, what, but why? Like, why do I need a glass of wine in my hand just to succeed in my job? But being 22 at the time, I'm like, I really want to make a career for myself. So I would literally do anything. And I would swallow my pride a little bit and be like, okay, I'll, like, sip on a little glass of wine and just feel sick the whole night. I'm like, why am I doing this to myself? And I remember one time I, so I want to write scripts, that's where I want to go in the film industry. And I remember I managed to get a producer to come and meet up with me at a pub. He suggested going to a pub because that's where all the meetings are. And we went and we met up at a pub and I got him to read my script. 22 year old

man, what's he going to say? This is exciting. I'm going to drive there, get a park, get there early. and like he arrives and he goes, oh, let me buy you a drink. And I'm like, oh, I'm actually driving. I'm not drinking. And he's, oh, that's no good. That's no good. Leave your car. Just leave your car here.

It'll be fine. I'll still buy you a drink. And I'm like, no, I don't really want to leave my car here. And he's like, you've got a drink. That's like how are we going to chat through this if you're not having a drink. I feel weird having a drink. And I think it's quite funny. I don't know if that's like a common thing around the world,

but it's definitely in Australia. If you tell someone, like, oh, I'm not going to drink. Like, it's almost like they're offended. And they're like, what do you mean? No, not drinking. Like, I can't have a drink. If you're not having a drink, I'm like, why can't you have a drink? If I'm not drinking.

Like, why is it such a big deal that I'm not having a drink? Does that really affect your night that badly? And I said to him, I'm like, oh, look, I'm not drinking. And he's, look, this is really not great. If you really want to make it in this industry, like, you have to have a drink. Like, this is where all your meetings have. This is where all your networking happens. It happens in a pub.

And if you're not participating, like, it's a bad look. And I really took me back a little bit because during that time, I was really, I was in that back and forth about whether I, is this something that I want to continue doing? It doesn't make me feel good. And that's why I would drive everywhere because I'm like, I don't want to drink. Maybe that's my excuse for not drinking is that I'm driving. So I don't want to have any alcohols.

But I still found myself with the struggle of not fully committing to what my true self was saying to my, like, my heart was telling me, like, looking back, my heart was really being like, this is not good, you shouldn't be doing this. It's not something you enjoy. It's really not benefiting you, like, health-wise. either you're waking up feeling crappy the next day and your whole weekends wasted, which obviously is very common thing. But, you know, I still was like, no, my career is number one. I will do literally anything at this point to try and succeed.

So you mentioned you never really enjoyed it. I mean, what was keeping you going back? You had to have it for your career. Were you able to fit in social situations without drinking, like to get to talk with people and be a part of that stuff? Or would it really help you like that. So I did have a couple like stints where I didn't drink and I was always like, oh, the thing that I hated the most was like the questions. Like, why aren't you drinking? Why are you drinking? And I think I didn't really have an issue, like a huge issue like hanging out and not drinking. I think the thing that affected me the most was the questions. I hated the questions, like, why aren't you drinking? Or you're boring. Why aren't you drinking? That's so

boring. That was the thing that I hated the most. And that was the reason why I would either cave and be like, okay, yeah, I'll drink tonight. Or, yeah, the career thing as well, like, I think in the film industry, it's really about who you know and forming those bonds. And the last thing I wanted to do was like upset anyone, which is crazy thinking about, I don't want to upset you. So I'm going to put like alcohol into my body, which is, yeah, nuts. But I wouldn't say like I needed it to have a conversation. I'm quite chatty as it is. So really me.

Like people used to say my personality's already drunk. So when you add alcohol on top of that, I'm a bit like, and I was always someone like about 10.30, I'm like, oh, I need to go to bed. Crafts really hard because I just go, like, straight away when I have alcohol. So it sounds like, too, from the beginning, you were questioning or close to the beginning, you were questioning what gave you that idea? Because correct me if I'm wrong here, you haven't really experienced any big consequences or maybe any at all, or at least that you haven't shared.

But that's usually what most of us have happened. And then we consider maybe changing, but you from the beginning. didn't really enjoy it. It was bad about. Yeah, like, I never really, I think, like, the worst part of my drinking was, like, when I was at that 18 stage during that year. And I look back and I definitely was depressed at that time. And, yeah, look, yeah, you're right.

I never really had a big event that happened. That was like, nope, I don't want to drink Timmy Moll. There was one night that was probably the closest I would say to an event where, I think it was like New Year's. I think it might have been after 2020 when I quit. I quit for a little bit in 2020 and then came back to it. And it was like New Year's Eve and I got really drunk. But because I hadn't been drinking like in 2020, it hit me so much more because my tolerance

for it was like so much like lower. And I just remember saying some like really like inappropriate things to people. and even just something that have in my past, which I'm not really ready to talk about, but I started like openly talking about that. And I'm like, that's something that's really sacred to me that I haven't publicly spoken about. And then having alcohol, I've just floated it out to a whole room of people, whether they were listening or not, I'm not sure I was out of my mind at the time. And I guess that kind of moment was a big one for me being like, okay,

I don't want to say things that I don't, I want to keep close to my chest. And that was the bigger moment, I guess. But you're right, not like a huge moment in my life where I was like, no, no more. It was just like a constant back and forth throughout my entire life. Yeah, really interesting there because I've been hearing a lot more stories like this, right? Because something on the outside might not be happening. But I think there's a lot of people, you might relate to this. You might not.

your experience this internal battle that's just not making a whole lot of sense, right? It involves a ton of anxiety, maybe sadness. Maybe with your career wrapped in there too about what direction am I going to go? How am I going to make this work? It's a very confusing place, 22, 23 to be in. I mean, did you experience some stuff like internally, mental health-wise? I mean, did you find it had an impact on any of that stuff or no? Yeah, I think when I was drinking, I always was like, I tended to then understand.

start reflecting on bad things. Like, whenever I used to drink or get drunk, I would tend to always, like, lead to either one or two ways. I would be overly happy and, like, cheaper and fun and everything's great, still feel bad the next day. Or, like, on multiple occasions, like, it would end in me, like, crying over something, like, whether it was something that happened or something, like, something silly that probably doesn't deserve my tears. And alcohol did make me entirely emotional to a point where I would end the night in tears. And like, why am I doing this? Why am I putting myself in this emotional roller coaster consistently? Yeah, it's a very big back and forth throughout my entire life, looking back on it, because there was so many stints where I was like,

no, okay, cool, I'm going to have a break. I'm going to drive. This is going to be like a little break from it. But I would always return to it. And I think, like, a big part of it was the social stigma in Australia. It's, if you don't drink, like there is something wrong with you. It's very like un-Australian to not drink because like alcohol is so rooted in our culture and just from a young age as well. It's like alcohol is how you have fun, how you socialise, how you do this and then adding my career in the film industry with how much alcohols evolved in that. It's just constant battle of me. My heart being like, okay, yep, you really don't enjoy this. You should stop drinking and then your head being like,

you're never going to be able to do what you want to do in life if you don't or you're not going to be able to fit in if you're not drinking and I like that was always really hard for me that back and forth. Luckily I finally got to that point where I was like yep I'm stepping down. I'm making sure that I don't have alcohol again and I think I was lucky because at that point in my career I had established myself enough to feel like I can say no and I have enough experience I guess to be like, yep, like I'm good at what I do. And if you're going to hire me, you're going to hire me for me, not because, and no one's going to tell me otherwise that I can't do this because I'm not drinking. Yeah. You think having employees who weren't drinking, I mean,

would be ideal. I mean, show up on time, while rested, like maybe go the extra mile. It's interesting, but I mean, it's like when I used to work in the restaurants, I was like, restaurants are all about drinking. And then I taught with people who work in office buildings. They said, oh, we had a full bar, free beer. You could drink all day in the office building. Then you talk to the car salesman guy. And he says, oh, man, the car sales industry is loaded with this. And then hearing from you, I mean, it's everywhere. It's everywhere. It's, yeah, I mean, it is discouraging, especially when you're starting out and trying to build a name for yourself, right? You want to make this all work out. And then if you're getting this feedback from people who have been around it a bit longer, I can

imagine anyway. It's awfully confusing for you that want to try to move this forward. But I also think there's something really special to stand on your own two feet and be confident in the decision that you're making in letting the chips fall where they may. So you stop drinking in 2021. What does 2020 look like for you? So 2020 when COVID hit, that was my initial kind of point where I'm like, okay, I'm going to take a step back from alcohol. In my brain, it was the person. perfect time because you literally stop at home. I wanted to focus on, we were lucky enough, we had our own home gym. My husband's a personal trainer, so we had a bunch of equipment in the living room. Let's not go into that. But I was like, okay, I'm going to focus on my health more,

find a different outlet and not have to be, not necessarily reliant, but I don't have to put myself in situations where I have to drink because we're literally locked in our houses. And it was really great. I saw some really great benefits from it. Like my skin cleared up. I had a lot of skin issues when I was drinking. And then I found that my skin cleared up. I just felt better. It was easier to train. I started actually drinking coffee a little bit more. And I don't know whether if I replaced alcohol with coffee. But I always loved coffee though. So I don't know if it's a little bit different, but I did find that my coffee intake went up. I don't know if that's just because we were in lockdown and there was nothing else to do except like Uber eats a coffee.

Then once we, because we went through kind of two lockdowns in Australia, after the first lockdown, when we all started to go back to work and things started opening up again, I was, oh, I've done, I think at this point it was like seven months of not drinking. Oh, I was like, oh, should I keep going? Should I not have any alcohol any, or I was really like unsure because, you know, we started going to events again. And I remember the first couple events I went to when I was still not drinking. They're like, oh, you stop drinking. That's really great that you did that in COVID because a lot of people did it in coat.

Like they did stop drinking. And they're like, oh, but you're going to start again. You're going to come out with us. You're going to come to the bar, you know, have a drink. And I'm like, I don't know. Like, I've done so long already. Is it worth getting rid of that? that streak, I guess.

And eventually I did. I think I really, really drag it. There was maybe, maybe like seven or eight events in between when I actually stopped drinking in 2021. And when I first stopped and did that seven months stint, but it was really hard in the office going back because everyone was like, oh, okay, lockdowns made you boring. I'm like, okay, I'm still the same person. I haven't changed, like an alien hasn't come down and taken over my body. Like, I'm not,

I'm literally the same person. I just, I'm not drinking alcohol. And it's interesting, like that office in particular that I worked in at the time, it was very, let's go in the pub, have a drink. It was very, like, alcohol-orientated and snack-oriented. They always had, like, lots of sugary snacks all the time, always snacks. Anyway, it's a whole other thing. impossible if you wanted to lose weight. Like I did really well in COVID because I wasn't snacking all the time and then go back into the office and it's like alcohol, snacks, just like everything you're trying to avoid.

And I remember one day, really specifically, it sticks out to me. Half our team started like walking away. Like it was during lunchtime and we're like, oh, like, where are you guys going? Like, oh, we're going down to the pub for a feed. I'm like, where's my invite? They're like, oh, you don't drink. I'm like, I can get a steak, I can get a chicken sannie. Like, why can't I come and hang out with you?

Like, even though I'm not drinking, it was almost like, oh, she doesn't want to come to the pub with us anymore because she doesn't drink. So therefore, we're just going to stop inviting you. And that was really hard because I just found it just continued to progress. I'd start getting invited to lesser events, even events that weren't even work-related, whereas previously I'd been invited to maybe a houseworm. or, I don't know, like a birthday or things like that.

And then when they found out that I wasn't drinking, I stopped getting those invites, which was really, really hard. And I think that's why I was like, oh, I guess I could start again. I feel like I'm losing, which I look back on and there weren't my friends. There were just colleagues at the time. I felt like I was losing them. So I was like, okay, why not? I'll just have one drink.

I'll just have one drink. and all of a sudden, oh, it made them happy. So, like, I can start getting invited to events again because, oh, it's fine. Nicky's can have a drink now. Let's invite her. And it's just so crazy to think that that's the reason that I started drinking. And I'd thrown away. I know I've heard people talk about this on this podcast before about, like, throwing away a streak.

And obviously, I was, like, looking back and like, damn, I could have had that extra eight months, nine months on my, like, of not drinking, and I threw it away, but I think I almost needed it as to really cement being like, no, this is not for you. Like, alcohol and you don't belong together. This is enough. And it's actually just reminded me of something as well. One of the guys who originally when I told them, who I used to work with, and I told him I wasn't drinking anymore and was like, he was on my lines being like, oh, you're so boring. What do you mean you don't drink anymore. You're not going to come to lunch with us. It's funny recently because I'm coming up on three years of not drinking now. I remember I think when I posted my two years, he messaged me

and was like, wow, like this is really awesome. I'm super like proud of you. I wish I could do something like this. And it's funny seeing that now when like how he treated me then to turn around to be like, oh, like I wish I could do this. And I think he did for a while. I know that now his wife. doesn't drink and I think he also has taken a step back from alcohol. But yeah, just to have that, that one person be like, oh, you're so boring now that you don't drink to then message you, like, once I hit my two year being like, oh, this is actually so awesome. Like, not that I needed validation, but it was, yeah, this was the right thing for me to do. And although it was really hard, like, quitting when I did because of like the work environment that I was in, like, it was beneficial for me.

Actually, the last time that I drank was the last time I worked in that office. It was my going away party. And at that point, I think I'd done maybe another two months of not drinking. And I was like, oh, do I keep going? And I'm like, oh, it's my last day in this office. It will make everyone feel better and they'll be happy if I'm drinking. It won't make me feel good, but it will make them feel good. And because all they want to do it to celebrate you, because I worked in that office for five

years, they want to celebrate you, which is lovely, but their way of celebrating me is buying me drinks. And I got bought so many drinks that night. I couldn't even finish them. That's how many I got bought. And I was really real. I think it was probably one of the, not one of the drunkenest, but the drunks side had been like in that kind of period of time. And yeah, I think the next morning when I woke up, I was like, yeah, this, that's it. That's it for me. I don't want to, I don't want to drink anymore and just been alcohol-free ever since I know it was the best thing. That's incredible. Great job. I'm just thinking about the conversations that your co-workers there had with you and maybe other people too and not wanting to invite you to the pub and to lunch

because we hear this story quite often. And I think what it comes down to is other people are a little bit awkward and it paints a full picture thing, right? When your coworker reaches out to you after two years when he was the one making all the maybe jokes or saying this stuff anyway, it's hurtful at the time for sure about how you're boring now. You almost wonder, right, how many people are actually struggling that just aren't talking about it. And it's really hard to. I mean, that's really tough to work through.

But I think another tough thing to work through is if that's the reaction you're getting and you're working through it, what is somebody who's actually struggling? what feedback are they getting from the coworkers? And it's not just in your circle. This happens everywhere about, hey, like, you can't say anything if you're struggling. And it really puts people in a tough spot. Just thinking bigger picture here about because you're doing such a great job explaining it about what goes on. And I can only imagine for somebody else in that office.

I mean, if we look at the numbers about people who struggle with alcohol, there's probably a handful or more in that office. you probably weren't the only person. And it's really tough, I think, if somebody's struggling and those are the conversations that are going on, it's like, man, I'm struggling, but I'm definitely not going to ask for any help or say anything in this environment. And I think that sometimes people can be uncomfortable around us, sober people or us people not drinking, as well as us, we can be uncomfortable at times around people who

are drinking, right? Like, for me, I know if people are, sometimes I go to sporting events, hockey games, and like people are just act and reckless. That for me is just really uncomfortable because it's that unpredictability in my life that not that the rest of my life is predictable, but it's that thing you can't really get out of it if you're sitting four seats down.

But I thought that was really interesting the type of thing there that you shared about the office. And then especially with the one person contacting you with I wish I could do it. I have a, it's not just like him as well. I've actually had a, when I did post my two years, like two years of being so.

I had a lot of people reach out to me being like, wow, this is really amazing. I wish I could do this. And I'm like, oh, I can't. Like, I know it's not, oh, it's so easy because every story is different. But it's, again, I think it's a big part of it is the social element. And in Australia in particular, if you don't drink, you're a boring person. And you're, it's, you're un-Australian if you don't drink.

That's a big thing that I hear a lot is that you're un-Australian if you don't have alcohol. But yeah, I get a lot of messages, actually, whenever I post anything about me not being, not drinking, I do get a lot of people reaching out, being like, oh, wow, like that's amazing. I wish I could do that. And to them I say, I'm here. I can help you. Anyway, reach out. There's so many places, like, particularly on Instagram, I've found now, like, going in and searching for people who support people, other people trying to quit alcohol. There are support groups out there.

and I think I almost wish like maybe I'd found one earlier because I did it on my own. I didn't really, I didn't even really think that like pages like yours, for example, like existed or where there is actually like a lot of people there to help you out. And I think maybe if I'd found it earlier, maybe I wouldn't have broken that eight month streak. And you can always be like, oh, maybe this, maybe if this happened. But, you know, it is so good to see like so many. people online that are there to help. Yeah, so true. And it's almost too, you went back to that with your seven-month streak and then you restarted that over. But, I mean, there's very few stories

that you hear that it works out. Everything works out the first time. It's like that trial and error. It's like collecting data. And I think it was what you said. Like you in one way or another, a strange way, maybe you needed that last thing to figure out that things weren't going to be any different. That's what we get convinced of at times, right? We quit drinking for a bit and then we go back to it and we believe this idea, right? This make-believe idea that it's going to be different. I'm going to figure it out this time. I'm going to enjoy it. Oh, I'm going to make so many friends and all this stuff. And then when we get back out there, we start drinking again. Yeah, maybe the first time goes out right. But what happens 99.9% of the time is people end up back in

the same spot or often a worse off spot because now we feel bad that we just started over after whatever it is, three months, two months, wherever. So I like the way you put a spin on that because you could have just thrown it all away and it just felt bad about it all and been like, man, I waste it all that. But you look at it, hey, maybe that's just a good thing I had to learn and get back on it. And now you're here. What are some lessons that you've taken away from your journey of not drinking that you could share with this? I think like lesson-wise, I feel like I'm too young to give someone a lesson.

but I think something that really helped me is like my best friends also doesn't drink. And we started hanging out. It was probably around 20. It was 2021. Yeah, 21, I think we started hanging out. And it was, because she was actually with me on the last day that I drank. I think we'd been hanging out for six months at the time. And she also didn't drink.

And I'm like, oh, this helps so much to have. someone who also doesn't drink, who you can hang out with, and it's happy to do things that don't involve alcohol. And I know it's not everyone gets that luxury of having, like, friends that don't drink. They have to, they feel like they have to do it on their own, or they feel like they only have people online that they can talk to that, don't have anyone in person. And I feel like finding someone in person and her, like, being, like, one of my best friends really helped. And I think that if you can, like, maybe go out and I'm sure there's, like, groups that you can go to and just trying to find someone in person. I feel like that helps so much

because one of the reasons why I would drink so much is a couple of the friends I had at film school. It's like, all they want to do is drink and they're the kind of people that would constantly buy your alcohols. Oh, I've had four, not have eight. And those kind of people, who you surround yourself is such an important thing. And I think if you, don't have someone that believes in like what you want, like actually like accept you for not drinking. I think that's something that is hard if you don't have that support. So trying to find someone like that, I would say is like a really helpful tool.

Yeah. I love that. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. 100%. And that would be because you're going to enjoy different activities. That's the thing is when you do quit drinking, you're not really going to find yourself at the nightclubs

or the bars in necessarily plugged in Thrasian. and up till 2 in the morning, that's usually a thing in the past. Like 9, 10 o'clock, I'm trying to find my way to bed shortly around that time. And most people do. 7.38. Yeah, exactly. So you have to find different people that are going to be like, for me, up early and people who want to do different things, go for a walk, get a coffee. What do you want to do? Do you want to check out the flea market? You want to just wander around the Apple store. Like, you have to find people that are going to be wanting to do different adventures. And I think that's super important to get, connect with people. And I love that too, how people who respect your boundaries, people who respect

and appreciate what you're doing in your life. And you had a lot of people in different situations who were questioning, what's this whole decision you're making when you knew in your heart it was the right one to continue with? So what's it like like the first day? I mean, the first couple weeks, you already had seven months too. So you already had a lot of experience. And you had some other time not drinking too. So was it just like picking up where you left off before? Yeah, I think it definitely felt different though that when I actually decided it was almost like, it's almost like that when I actually did stop drinking officially, it was almost like a weight lifted off. Like I and I became sure of myself and I'm like, this is part of who I am now.

I'm accepting this as part of my personality. Like I can put it in my Instagram bio that you know what? I don't drink. Like, I'm ready to make it public and anyone who comes to me, I'll tell them I don't drink. And yeah, I think, I don't know like necessarily like why it was different. I think it was just the right time and I felt like it was, I felt like it was the right up. I felt like it was, this was it. And it was like a, I sound so corny when I say it. I was trying not to say it, but like a light switch being like, yeah, like this. is it. Like, I've really made the decision and now I've accepted this, not just like on the, like outside, but I've accepted it on the inside as well. But even saying that, so I had my,

I was pregnant in 2020, like I had my son in 23 in May and like now I'm breastfeeding. And I even just still catch myself when people like, oh, do you want to have a drink? And I'm like, oh, oh, I'm actually breastfeeding. Like, and using that as an excuse. And it's almost like instinctive. Like I don't mean to do it. But sometimes. I was still making a different excuse to why I don't drink. Or, like, I'm pregnant, or I'm breastfeeding, or I'm driving. And I think, I'm like, why did I do that? I already have it in my bio that I don't drink.

Like, why am I, like, all of a sudden, still making excuses? And it's funny that it's still, even now, like, I've done it. I did it probably six months ago. And I'm like, why am we still doing it? And it is definitely the un-Australian thing and people, the questions, which I hated when I was not drinking, the questions. And I still, I don't want to say I struggle because I don't, I've, once I fully accepted it myself that I was not drinking, I was like, I haven't really

craved alcohol at all. The one thing that I like would probably miss is like a margarita. That was my go-to drink near the end. But I found really great non-alcoholic versions. There's plenty of places in the city that do that now, which is really nice. We just had some nice non-alcoholic drinks on my birthday. But yeah, that's, that is interesting too. Yeah,

it's always that, especially new people. If you meet new people, like what? You know, I mean, it's still tough, right?

It's what are people going to think? What's it going to be? And you have this other stuff. Like, I get it. I get 100%. But I mean, I think it is really good.

And the thing, too, is we don't have to tell our story to everybody. I think some people get nervous when they first start to get sober. What am I going to tell everybody? How do I want to ask you? You don't have to tell everybody play by play. You tell people what you're comfortable with and leave it at that. You know, and the vast majority of people, I think if you share a little bit with them,

they're going to respect the decision. And there's always going to be people who don't and they just don't. And that's okay. It's no reflection on us. It's just their experience with alcohol and people not drinking alcohol. Honestly, I think it makes people really uncomfortable sometimes. And that's like for them to figure out. And we don't have to carry everybody else's baggage around with us.

But, hey, I've really enjoyed. enjoyed this, Nikki. Is there anything else that you want to share with us before we sign off? I really appreciate everyone, like online, like the online community, I guess, that I sound myself in. I feel it's inspiring to hear a lot of people's stories. And even just like using the word like sober, I was like, oh, do I deserve to use that word? Because I never really had an abusive relationship with, like, with alcohol. I did a little bit, but not a huge one. I'm always thinking, do I deserve to use that word? And hearing a lot of people's stories are quite similar to mine. And I'm like, you know what? Yes, I am like loud, proud, sorry,

but I feel like I deserve to use that word, as I know, like, a lot of people maybe use that word as like a way to be like, oh, they had a really hard, like, hard addiction. But I feel like listening to everyone's stories. And when I hear ones that are similar to mine, I'm like, okay, cool, I'm not, I'm not the only one I'm not just can still say like I'm sober and not have to have had a super extreme addiction to it, if that makes sense. Yeah. Did you ever message me that question or no? No, that wasn't you. So somebody's, yeah, somebody's messaged me that. Like, that shared a little bit in there like, yeah, does it fit? I mean, I think it's great.

Whatever you identify with and whatever you want to use to describe your journey, I mean, when you look up the word sober, I don't think it has the severity of the struggle in there. I think it's about the way you live and the way you move forward. And I mean, I'm always a big fan of too, like recovery too, about continuously working on things. For me, getting sober wasn't the ultimate solution. It gave me an opportunity to start to work on everything else in my life that I needed to keep. this thing going. But I love that. And it's also the spot where I'm envisioning you getting sober at and not drinking is a very difficult one because you can often convince yourself that I'm not that

bad. Look at everybody else. It's the same. I'm just doing what they're doing. Come on. So I think it's a very inspiring story that you were able to get ahead of this thing because hearing so many stories, I know that this thing is progressive. So because you had a control of it today, a lot of people share, they don't know exactly when they lost the handle on things and things really started to go downhill. And a lot of the stories start out this way. You've heard them. They start out this way in college. We start drinking, in drinking. We start getting into it becomes more frequent. And then further down the road, things pick up. I mean, kudos to you, honestly. Thanks. Thank you so much for sharing with this today. Thanks so much for having me.

Well, there it is, everyone, another incredible episode. Huge shout out to Nikki. Nikki has actually passed over three years. We recorded this episode a little while back. So huge shout out to that. I'll drop her Instagram username down on the show notes below. And I know she would love to hear from me. If you were able to connect with any part of her story. I think this is an incredible story because I think in Nikki's view there, she got off of the train rather early before things maybe got worse. Nobody really knows, I guess, if they're going to. And a lot of stories we hear that it's progressive, though, so there's always that chance. But I think a lot of times we always hear about it's never too late.

You're never too far down the road to really turn things around. And I think that it also goes to show that it's never too early. You're never too early in the process to make a decision about where you want your relationship with alcohol and how you want it to look. And to also realize throughout hearing these stories that things don't often get better. They just don't. maybe there's stories out there where they do, and we just don't hear them here on the show. But I feel comfortable saying for the vast majority of us, things are not going to look up if we keep alcohol, aka poison, in our lives.

Thank you, everyone, for the continued support. Be sure to drop a review on Apple or Spotify, and I'll see you on the next one.