Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Overcoming Hidden Struggles: Tiffany's Journey to Sobriety

Episode Date: July 19, 2024

In this heartfelt episode of the Podcast, we have Tiffany, who opens up about her upbringing in a strict Christian home in the Midwest, where she was the eldest of six in a bustling family environment. Sharing her journey from a care-free childhood to battling perfectionism, and the emotional challenges she faced, Tiffany provides an honest recount of how alcohol and substance use became a coping mechanism. Despite several lows, including a stroke scare and a difficult first marriage, she found strength in her family, therapy, and her faith to embrace sobriety. Tiffany underscores the importance of community support, therapy, and self-worth as vital elements in her recovery process. Her story offers hope and a message that it's possible to rebuild a healthy, authentic life away from the shadows of addiction. ----------------- Support the show: www.buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivation Tiffany's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tiffany_epiphany0911/   00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome 00:18 Tiffany's Childhood Memories 02:45 School Life and Teenage Years 07:16 College and Early Adulthood 09:38 Marriage and Motherhood 14:31 Struggles with Alcohol and Drugs 27:25 Health Crisis and Reflection 29:49 The Struggle with Moderation 30:56 Family Vacation and High Bottom 32:24 The Turning Point: Family Intervention 33:06 The Importance of Sharing and Support 40:08 Building a Supportive Community 54:07 The Role of Therapy in Recovery 56:13 Final Thoughts and Reflections

Welcome back to season three of the Suburmotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. Before we jump into this episode, I want to give a huge shout out to my friend Liz, who just crossed over 500 days without a drink of alcohol. Huge congrats, my friend. You might recognize Liz.

as she shared her story, which feels like many, many moons ago here on a podcast. If you're out there somewhere, just know, we're always rooting for you. Keep it up, Liz. In this heartfelt episode of the podcast, we have Tiffany who opens up about her upbringing in a strict Christian home in the Midwest, where she was the eldest of six in a bustling family environment, sharing her journey from a carefree childhood to battling perfectionism and the emotional challenges she faced. Tiffany provides an honest recount of how alcohol and substance use became a coping mechanism.

Despite several lows, including a stroke scare and a difficult first marriage, she found strength in her family therapy and her faith to embrace sobriety. Tiffany underscores the importance of community support, therapy, and self-forth as vital elements in her recovery process. Her story offers hope and a message that it's possible to rebuild a healthy, authentic life away from the shadows of addiction. And this is Tiffany's story on the Suburmotivation podcast. Hey, how is it going out there, everyone? If you've been following along, thank you so much.

I have just landed back from vacation a couple days ago, getting this new episode up and running. As always, guys, thank you so much for all the notes, the messages. Everybody that checks out to buy me a coffee page, If you want to support the podcast, that would be incredible. Head over to buy me a coffee.com slash sober motivation. I'll drop that in the show notes below as well. But this is an incredible story.

Hold on to your hats and let's get right into it. Welcome back to another episode of the sober motivation podcast. Today we've got Tiffany with us. Tiffany, how are you? I'm doing well. Good stuff. Thank you for reaching out to me. Thank you for being a longtime listener of the show

and be willing to share your story. It's just incredible. I'm glad to be here. So what was it like for you growing up? I grew up in a really strict Christian home in a rural area in the Midwest. Really small town vibes, like population 5 to 600. I mean, it was so small that we had three nearby towns that bust our small towns to larger middle school and high school because our little.

towns were so small. And like when I was growing up, I played in the cornfields, played with other kids that my mom had in her daycare. And I had my siblings and I was the oldest of six. I had a little brother who did pass away. He was still born. And then we later adopted my two brothers and which you'd never know that my brothers were adopted. They just really fit right into our family. But being the oldest of all of my siblings, I just carried that weight of like wanting to be the role model. My dad just was the authoritarian of the family and my mom just was the caretaker of the family. And then when my mom also had a home daycare, so there was just kids running around everywhere all the time. And then they also had foster children.

So I always had foster siblings. And I think that was like naturally why I ended up wanting to. to be an educator as I grew up to because my mom had the home daycare and then I was the oldest of all my siblings. And then we had the foster children as well. But yeah, just a wonderful childhood. My parents didn't drink growing up. And we always went to church growing up. And I just, I have really fond memories of my childhood. And it was a really great fun, fun childhood. Yeah. Wow. It sounds like a busy one at that with. all the kids and siblings.

Yes. Yeah. And I just, I loved, I loved that role that I had, but in looking back and in doing the work, you know, in therapy, as we say now, it makes sense in why I am the way I am today, just in having played that role as I was growing up. Like I always, and no, nothing like what my parents, like, made me do, but I just like naturally took on that role of just having the kids running around the house and with my siblings and also the others running around the house. Yeah. How did things in school look like for you? You're leaving

the small town for the to go to school then? Yeah. So I had a lot of friends and actually as I grew older, I had a really tight-knit group of friends. We called ourselves the crazy eight. So like when we grew up in middle school and high school, we had a lot of just. good, wholesome fun. And looking back, we probably, nowadays we would have gotten trouble, but like we would go around and eat TPR coaches houses. And we never really got in trouble, per se. Like, we just had good, wholesome fun. And I think maybe my friends that I had that we were all really great friends, they may have been drinking, but I just never really knew. But like, when I was in high school, I never drank. Like, I just, I didn't because of the strict.

rules that I had in my house. I never wanted to drink or anything. I recall at one time when I was around 15, 16 years old, one of my really close friends and I, we did drink a wine cooler. And if my parents listened to this now, they're going to hear this story, but I chipped my front tooth. And it scared me to death. I was like so scared. And I never told my parents like how I chipped my tooth, but it scared me so bad. I didn't want to drink anymore. And so when I got older, like around my senior year, I think it was like our graduation party. We, I did drink. Like, that was the first time I really drank. And now I know it makes sense that I like drank to, to relieve the pressures, so to speak. Like, I really wanted to let loose and it felt good, like to

actually not have to feel anything. And that was my first taste of alcohol. Like, I was, it just I didn't feel anything. And I remember they else, like everybody at the party was like, tips flopping like a fish because I like drank to like excess. And from then on like I, that's the way I've always drank. Like I never understood why people could just drink one. It didn't make sense.

Yeah. Now I'm with you. I'm with you on that. It's so interesting, right? Because you do hear that mix, right? Childhood, everything there was pretty good. I mean, there was obviously that pressure that wasn't intentionally put on you, but stepping up in helping out around the house, especially with everything going on, right? That's maybe the role that you sunk into.

And then you have that first drink, right? And it lifts the weight off your shoulders and the expectations and maybe insecurities that are going on in life. And I think it's really tough too. I'm only guessing here, but you want things to always work out. But sometimes things don't always work out. And when you're being that leader and that role model, it's that pressure of always getting things right and always doing the next right thing. And it's my goodness. I mean, but when you're going through it, were you connecting the dots on that?

Because when I look back at my earlier years, you know, through middle school, high school, I was going through a lot of stuff emotionally. But I wasn't able to really connect the dots until, you know, looking back at it now. It's obvious. I wasn't really at the time. Like when I was going through middle school and high school, like I was never. like an overachiever at the time. Like I always wanted to perform well and perform at a high level, but I was just always mediocre.

Because like in our small school, you could play every sport you wanted to. Like you could be in every single club because it was so small. And so I did. And so I was never like the best at anything. I was always just mediocre at everything. And I was okay with that because I was just having fun. But I always wanted to do well.

And I was okay with just being, I was okay with being mediocre. And then it wasn't until I got out of high school that I really wanted to be like perfect and a high achiever. And I did, like once I was getting into my career, then that's when I wanted to do better and better and be a high achiever. I wanted to, I never wanted to let my dad down because like he always wanted me, you know, he always had high expectations. So in a way, I just never wanted to let my parents down. And that's where the perfectionism came into play. But yeah, I just, I think that having that weight on my shoulders was mostly, like, put on

myself. Yeah. Yeah. So after high school, where do you go after that? And this kind of starts off your drinking, too, at the end of high school there. Where do you go after that? So I went to a local college. And partly that was because I hurt some people close to me in ways that, like, wasn't expected.

And that was just because of my behavior. and I ended up staying closer to home. I went to school just 30 minutes away from home. Even though I was only 30 minutes away from home, I didn't visit my family very often. So that's like where I really started walking that line of I wanted to have a double life, so to speak. Like I had my party side and then I had the side that I would show to my parents.

And that's where the guilt and the shame started coming into play. But I went to a Baptist school where, like, I would sneak out and party, and I would meet the people who would want to party with me. And then I also met my now ex-husband. And I was introduced to what I called party favors, so the drugs, so to speak. And I would easily get hung over. And I also have frequent migraines, which is odd because. for somebody who gets migraines, you would think you would not want to drink and get hung over all the time because you get really serious migraines. But I would learn that if I did certain drugs like cocaine, then I could party and I wouldn't get it's hung over.

So there were certain drugs that I could do and partake in, and then I wouldn't feel sick later on. Yeah. Yeah. So interesting, you mentioned there with the shame starting to build. Right? Because now you're definitely going against the grain. And that's probably what it starts to weigh on you a little bit here. It sounds like. Yeah, for sure. And then, which also is why I didn't want to go home as often and visit my family because I would feel so guilty. But yeah, I just really felt that weighing on me. But then I would just keep going. Like the shame spiral would just keep going.

And then I would tell myself all those things, if as long as I only partied on the weekends, it would be okay. Or if I just did this on Friday nights, it would be okay. So, and then that would just keep going and going. I ended up marrying the boyfriend at the time. And then that was about 2003. And about a year after that, we ended up getting pregnant with my first son. So I stopped partying and drinking. and doing any drugs at all.

And in a sense, I always used to say at the time, like my son pretty much saved my life because I noticed at the time I didn't drink and partake in the drugs that I liked the same way that other people around me did. So, like, they had a shut off, and I didn't. Like, even now, as we get in further down my story, like, once I started drinking or if I wanted to have a drink or do anything else, like, I didn't stop.

And I'd be like, where's the next drink or where's the next line or where's the next, you know, whatever it was? And other people would be ready to go to bed. And I just never had that shut off. Let's just go hard into the paint all the time. And everybody else is like, well, what's Tiffany doing? She's still going. And I just, I never understood like why anybody else would want to stop.

So I don't know. Yeah. They're probably thinking on the other side, why in the heck are these other people wanting to keep going? We've had enough, right? We've had enough. Hey, I'm with you. I'm with you. I remember in college, too, I had a streak of getting into cocaine and I would, you know, pool our money together and, you know, get whatever.

And at the end of the night, everybody would fall asleep and there was stuff left. And I was like, this is the weirdest thing you guys are passed. And I mean, it was great for me. There more for me, but everybody else went to sleep. And I was like, this, I couldn't wrap my head around it. right in the world is going you guys are done we're not like I was just getting started well and I just I couldn't fall asleep so that's just like the difference of me like I could see other people I felt like they were doing the same thing I was doing and I'm like they're going

to sleep like how can they go to sleep and I can't go to sleep I just I never could understand that so then and at the time when I was doing it I'm like I either can't do it or I got to go hard and do it so that was just either or then like when I got pregnant with my son I'm like that's a great thing. Like, I'm so glad that I did get pregnant. And, but my husband then at the time, like, he just, he didn't stop. So I, it, the short of that marriage, it was not a very good marriage. It was emotionally draining. He, it was just very emotionally abusive, mentally abusive, and damaging to my self-esteem. We later had a daughter together as well. We later had a daughter together as well. It is hard for me to talk about, and it's another reason why I am in therapy now,

among other things, obviously, but we did end up getting divorced. But in the time that we were married, we moved several times, and I did pick up drinking a few times within that as well, but I never did pick up any different various drugs. I think part of that reason, is because I always had a good, stable job. And I ended up working in health care, child care, which is basically child care programs for hospital systems. And I was able to work my way up in those health care systems as from teacher through administration.

And I really valued that. Like I was very confident in those roles. And I just felt really great. about the viability in that, and I didn't ever want to compromise it. And they did random drug tests all the time, working for hospitals. They do those random drug tests. So I never wanted to compromise those roles. So I just knew, I mean, obviously they don't ever, I mean, you can drink when you want,

then they won't get you for that. I mean, unless you're drinking on the job. But so I think that I got caught up in what I knowing now, gray area drinking. And I never saw that as a problem because you can drink. And as long as I can stop, if I ever saw that I was having a problem with it, I can put it away. And then if I don't drink for a month or two or whatever, then I don't have a problem with alcohol. But over the course of that time, that's all I really had trouble with for about 10 years or so. And fast forward to about 2016 after this is post my divorce, I moved back home because I was a single mom

and I met my now husband. And so this gets into when I really, I started noticing that I really did have a problem with that gray area drinking. What's that look like for you? When you get to that spot where it's, you see it a little bit more, where you're getting honest with it. We get honest with ourselves a little bit. When you start questioning like moderation, and you hear this a lot, like on your podcast and other podcasts that I listen to, when you question, when you start to question your drinking. So anytime I believe when somebody actually has to Google, do I have a problem with drinking? Did you do that? Did you Google it? Yes. Yep, I did. And what did you find out? That I I can still drink.

If you can answer the question, however you'd like, you know, you can put in there, oh, I drink two or three a day or, you know, those are all subjective to how you want to answer them. But at the end of the day, if you're questioning, you're drinking, then you probably have a problem. I mean, that's the way I think. I mean, that's the way I see it now in hindsight, looking back over my career of drinking. Yeah, it's always interesting hearing that, right?

We go to Google, we type it in, do I have a problem? Or I think where a lot of people start, and I could be wrong on this, but I think a lot of people are like, am I an alcoholic? Yeah. And then it gives you, you'll probably land on a quiz or something. There's maybe 10 or 15 questions that, depending on how you answered it. I mean, it's a great point you bring up there. And I had somebody on the podcast, as many moons ago on the podcast. And it was almost like, yeah, we take this quiz, but we're not even honest.

with the quiz that's just between us and the quiz. And it's really hard to get down to the thing, right? It's almost like we're just protecting it. We probably know the answer. Well, we don't want to get to that spot to admit it because once we admit it, oh my goodness, we've got to do something about it. Yeah, I know my tire's leaking a little bit of air. You know, let it leak out a little bit slowly and I don't have to do anything about

it. And I can just keep going to the air and just fill it up a little bit here and there, knowing eventually, hey, it's not going to work forever. But it's a scary spot, right? It's so scary because this one thing, when I reflect back on my journey, this one thing that worked so well. Like when we go back to all of the earlier in your story where all of the rocks get lifted off our back, right? The weight is lifted off. We find that relief.

But it seems like so many people share a similar story. The further that we go down this journey, not only does it not offer the relief anymore. My goodness, it's adding rocks to the bag. Right. I mean, and it's like I hear so many people say, too, on your podcast. At first it was fun, and at first it did offer the release, but the further and further you get, it's not anymore. Yeah.

That's when the anxiety starts, and then the problems start, and then your depression. And, I mean, it just adds on and adds on. Yeah. So this is about 2016, and you're moving back. Yeah, I moved back closer to home. Because I had moved out of state to take on. a bigger job with a different health system. And that was, you know, around that time I'd gotten my divorce too. And it was just, it was too much being a single mom and working 50 plus hours

a week and taking all that on that. I just had to admit I couldn't do it. So then that's when I moved back home. Yeah. Closer to home. Gotcha. Okay. Yeah. You mentioned a great area drinking. Like paint me a little bit of a picture about what that routine looked like for you being in there. I wouldn't want to drink when I was home alone with my kids. So it would be just if they went to a sitter or if they were with grandparents or something like that, then I would. And as my story goes on, the same thing starts to happen. Like I was fine times, so even back in 2010 to 2016, that's, I would find times when I didn't have my kids to drink alone. Because that's also what you hear. Like, When I'm miserable or upset or stressed, I would find time to drink home alone.

Yeah. Yeah, it's a very relatable story, which once starts out as maybe a party or with other people. You hear it a lot, right? It's same for me. It's same for me. I started out partying and then it was just me. No, I didn't really have a lot of people around me that really wanted to do that all Saturday. Like, they were wanting to do other things.

So it would just be an isolated thing. And that's when I think it, yeah, I mean, it gets really tough because then you by yourself, you're not reaching out for help and it just becomes so easy to, you know, reach for another drink. So 2016, how do things look like moving forward from there for you? That's after I had moved back closer to home. I was able to get a job back at the same place I had worked at previously. And life actually looked really great. Things I turned back around. And I loved my job. It was actually my favorite. position I had ever worked in health care, child care. My kids were driving and doing pretty good. Fast forward about another year or so, and I met my now husband. We began dating, and he has two kids of his own as well. So we began dating, and we ended up getting married and have a beautiful blended family now. And we got married in 2019. So we have four kids together. and just, yeah, we're just living our life and everything seemed to be going really well. My son ended up turning 16 in the time that we got married.

And also, as you know, around that time, the pandemic happened. So 2020, pandemic happened. And there was also a very, a very stressful time with one of our, neighbors. They had very aggressive dogs and their dogs kept running at us and trying to attack us, which was, it sounds really crazy and bizarre, but they literally, they were chasing after our kids, they attacked our chickens, attacked our dog. And in a sense, I felt like a prisoner in our own home, so to speak, because you had the pandemic, you had hospital politics. I was working for the hospital. And then as far as my son, once he started driving, he had a very rebellious streak

come about him. And this is where I get a little bit emotional because it was hard for me when that started happening because in a sense I saw a little bit of me, I think. And I could not, and I couldn't control, so to speak. I couldn't control, so to speak. I couldn't control his actions. And at the time, when I wanted to control it, because you know you can't control another person, but I mean, that's in a sense what I was trying to do. I felt my everything out of control with the pandemic and work and the things happening with our neighbors. And then I know now through the therapy that I've been through because of what I went through with my ex and the things that I saw with my son, I was experiencing what they called PTSD and complex PTSD because

of that rebellious nature and the things, how he was talking to me, I spiraled. And it's a big reason why I want to tell my story, because therapy is so important so you can get at the root of what's going on. Because if you can get to the root of what's going on with you, then you might not even react in the way that you do. And I just started numbing out. I started numbing even more so than I ever used to. And some of my actions that I was doing were the very actions that I was trying to, I didn't want to condone in my son. So the gray, this is where the gray area drinking that I talk about actually turned to problematic drinking. And I wasn't just drinking a little bit. I was like hiding my drinking.

I was literally drinking in my closet and trying to hide it from my husband. So this is like 2020 to 20, 22. Did it, did the drinking cause friction in your relationships? Yes. Yeah, I, my husband has a job in which he would be gone for 24 to 30 hours. And so that's where I would, I would wait. See, and that's where I question my drinking in a way that I'm like, oh, I don't have that bad of a problem because I can go a day or two without drinking. But when you're hiding it and not telling others, that's a serious problem.

And I would drink to such excess that I would get, like, sick. And I would wait for him to be gone so that I knew I could drink more to numb out because I was so stressed out and felt so out of control. and I would hide the bottles and hide things from other people. And then came the shame spiral and guilty feelings because I'm like, I am, at this point, I mean, I'm a woman of faith and I would go to church and I wouldn't want anybody to know how bad it was and how bad my guilt is. And I'm just trying to be this picture perfect person and picture perfect mom and wife while I'm hiding. my bottles and hiding what I'm doing.

Yeah. I had someone recently on the show talked about soul pressure, and I never heard that before. Soul pressure. Just about going against everything that we know is right or that we believe it's right. Yeah. You know, like I think living that,

you even mentioned it too when you went to college there was like two different lives in a sense, right? The party life and then what you showed your folks, your parents. And then also now it sounds like that's come back around, right? So you've got this outward perception. And it's so hard in those spots to ask for help. You know what I mean?

I reflect back, right, when I was really struggling. And I'm like, man, why didn't you just ask these people for help or share with people? Because they wouldn't have been. And of course, there's a handful of people that are going to be rude and judgmental. But there's so many more people out there that would have talked with me or just listen through it. You know what I mean? And I prevented myself from the story that I made up between my own ears that I wasn't worthy of reaching out to people or I wasn't worthy of putting this on my parents. Or I had to get this figured out myself. I could not let anybody know about this secret way that I was living or how I was dealing with life. And I find it really keeps us going for a little bit longer. And right. I mean, you're saying it there too, right? When your husband's home, I'm just thinking here. You're able to. keep things together. You're still going to work. You're doing what you need to do, checking those

boxes we hear people often share about. And then it really becomes, you know, this cycle like you touched on. Yeah, it's a terrible cycle. And another thing, I was in so much pain. And some of it was like self-inflicted pain, no doubt, because I suffer from migraines and the way in which I was drinking too. I know I was doing that to myself as well, but being so filled with anxiety, I ended up going to my doctor and telling him. And so I was put on anxiety medication. He also gave me sleep aids, and then he gave me muscle relaxers because I was in such pain. So that's another part of my story as well is during that 2021 to 22 period, I learned that if I took the medications while I was drinking, it helped numb even more. So then there was that, that it just, it was a very

vicious cycle of the pain medications and the anxiety meds. And, I mean, it got, it was so bad that I would run out of my medications and then I had some friends that were some close friends that I would contact at times and be like, I'm out of my pain meds because I'm in such pain and then they would give me some pain medications like tramadol and stuff. And I mean, I then would get so shameful about that as well. So if you fast forward a little bit to 2022, like the January of 2022, this is where my story gets even more heavy because I'm in a lot of pain. And as I mentioned before, I get really heavy migraines. I actually thought I was having a migraine.

And come to find out, I actually, I was laying in bed and I was so sick, I couldn't even get to the toilet to throw up. I was crawling to the toilet. And after a couple of days of that, my husband and my mom, mom finally took me to the ER and I had suffered a stroke. So our local hospital put me in an ambulance and took me to a larger hospital. And I had to have stints put in my right crotid artery. And while we were at the hospital, at this point, my husband, he knows he, I had told him all the struggles that I was having. So he knew, you know, that it was,

a pretty big struggle. And we asked the doctors in the hospital if it could have been alcohol or alcohol related. And that in the hospital, they had even told us that no, it was probably due to stress. And I was sent home and I was given two weeks to rest up after I had the stints put in. And then I was at home that two weeks later and I felt it again. And this time I knew what it felt like. And it dropped me my knees and I had suffered two more strokes. So then I was sent back to the hospital again. Wow. And so they said it wasn't the alcohol. I mean, when you look back at it, I mean, what are your thoughts on that? I mean, it didn't help, right? It didn't help. And this is a big, this is hard for me because I have spent the last two years researching, asking doctors,

talking to my neurologist, trying to figure out if my strokes were alcohol-related. And now my neurologist, he just told me months and months ago, he looked me in my eyes and he said, stop trying to find the why. He said, you're an anomaly, which is a miracle. He said, you are alive and you're a miracle. So stop trying to find the why, regardless of if it's alcohol, you're healthy and you're alive. So I finally resorted to, regardless of the why, alcohol is no good. I've done all the research. I know what I did to my body.

I know what I did to myself if it was alcohol, if it wasn't. And I'm not going to put it back on my body now. Yeah, no. That's great. I mean, yeah, sometimes there's not all those answers, right? So you go home for two weeks. And, I mean, are you done drinking at this point? No.

Sadly, no. So I had family medical leave. leave. I couldn't go back to work for a while. Once I did go back to work, I still didn't feel right. I mean, I was still suffering migraines. I was back on that moderation. Like, I would go and I can look back in my journals and see, like, I would make it to 30 days and then I would, you know, have a drink for a holiday or, you know, what I could make it for a long period of time, like 30 days or whatever. and then it came up to the summertime of 2022. And then we had a family vacation.

My entire hearty side of my family went to Mexico. And this is where I hear people talk about high bottoms. Like I had rock bottoms. And then this is a high bottom. I think like it's an all-inclusive Mexico vacation. Like we went to Mexico. I'm like, I'm going to have some drinks. And I had also, before that even, my boss at the time pulled me into our office

and she told me that I was basically a burden to the leadership team. I had been gone so much with my migraines. I had been, you know, been a hardship to them. And I think because of my like perfectionism and all, everything I've been through in my life, like I just wanted to succeed and I wanted to, like, I'd put so much into my work. That to hear that, I felt like, what's the point? I just had strokes. I just had, like, had all this happen.

And you're telling me that I'm a burden to. the leadership team. And I'm like, I went home and I told my husband about it. And that Monday I told him, I told her that I've put my notice in. So then a week later, we went to Mexico. And I think when I was in Mexico, I'm thinking, I'm just going to go all out. I'm going to drink the drinks and have fun. And it was the most miserable vacation I've ever been on.

All my family was having a wonderful time and I was just, I was miserable. And I came home after that and my family, they noticed and they basically had a, it was a family intervention. And it was that August of 2022 that I decided that I was going to stop drinking after that. I still, after August, I still had one more slip. So my sober date is September, September 11th, 2022. But even from then, like, I had that one slip and ever since September 11th, 2020, that's my sober date. Wow, great job. Great job.

I'm wondering back in the story there a little bit because I know a lot of us struggle with mentioning it to other people, talking with other people. And I think that's really like one of the very first steps for this whole process is sharing with another person, whether it be a partner, husband, wife, grandparents, whoever it is. I mean, what was that conversation like with your husband? Because you mentioned before you went at the hospital, he already had an idea of what you were struggling with. It was hard for my husband because he's like, I call him, he's like one of those unicorn normies. Like he doesn't have a struggle, which is also now a wonderful thing because he's been like my biggest support. And he, like, he's a take it or leave it drinker. Like he doesn't have to even, like he could have a beer and not even finish it. But in this whole journey for me, like, he's been my biggest supporter.

When I first stopped, I've always had anxiety. Alcohol was like the fuel to the fire. But when I first stopped, he, oh, he, like, held me when I was having anxiety. So when I first told him, he would try to, it's, he'll, he would tell me, maybe you could just drink something different or maybe we need to put water between your drinks. Like he didn't want to believe it almost. Like he just didn't understand it. So it was hard for him to understand that part of it. Now he gets it because he's seen all that, all the phases of like through the whole time we've been married and the struggle that I have. So yeah. And then my sister actually has been my biggest supporter and we're actually on the sober journey together. She helped me.

Like, I would call her every single day. And she'd talk me through a lot of stuff, like when I was going through all the emotional rollercoaster. She was my biggest supporter. Wow, that's beautiful. Yeah. Yeah, and that's the thing, right? It's having other people around us, too. I mean, I think that's a very real thing.

Other people not understanding it or especially what you mentioned, the unicorn there. Yeah. People don't get it. Don't get it. Yeah. It's one of those things. If you know, you know, but if you don't. And it's like that it's, I think what those people don't understand is that it's that mental obsession that starts once the alcohol enters the body.

Once we drink it, it's that the wheels get turning. And it's just like that constant nag of more and then trying to get that relief, trying to get back to that place that it once was. And other people I envision, they just have a. drink, they leave some in the bottle, they go on with their life. And I'm like, that's so strange, but it's just so much different for us, right? Yeah, it is. And I mean, I wanted, it's crazy because I wanted it to be different for me. I think that's why I tried for so long, because I thought I could moderate, or I thought I could stop for a while, or I thought I could just drink on holidays. But for me, and especially now, it's like, really not even worth it. Like, I've been sober for so long now. I don't

even know why I'd want to put it in my body, as I'd just rather not. Yeah. I feel so much better and so much healthier. Oh, for sure, 110%. What, it's an interesting point you make there about you tried to make it work, right? My goodness. You know, I'm just thinking there's going to be so many people listen to this episode that are just trying to hang on, just trying to hang on, trying to make it work.

And what point and what thought process? where you going through, when you just realized and sort of, I don't know how it all played out, but maybe admitted to yourself that I've tried it all. It's just not going to work out, and I've got to do something different. I realize that I don't have to be perfect, and I don't have to get it all figured out. And I don't know. I just taking one day at a time and maybe even like that slip that I had, like I beat myself up for that for so long.

And it's okay. Like, just take the, it's so cliche, the one step at a time, the one day at a time and all that. It is the most cliche thing that everybody always says, but it is so true. And I just kept doing that, like, every day, just kept getting up and doing it over and over. And I'm not naive to think, like, I really had a really special thing in my life where I got to take a step back. Like, I left my job. I had some time. I had space to heal, like mentally, physically, spiritually.

I had that space and I like think my, I will think my husband for that until the day I die. Not everybody gets that. But if you don't have that, like just taking one step at a time, one minute at a time and just doing it. Yeah. No, I mean, it is. It's the one day of time is probably the most common thing. But I think that's because of the importance of it is about. It becomes overwhelming, right?

You know, some people, it's 10, 20 years of a certain behavior of drinking or whatever it is, right? And then to try to make a shift or a change and our life and our identity might be wrapped up in it. It can be very overwhelming. But the only way to do it is you can't think about a year from now because I think a lot of people get stuck in, how am I going to do the wedding? How am I going to have my own wedding? How am I going to do the vacation? Got to just worry about today and let the vacations and the weddings and the barbecues.

and all that other stuff, the holidays, you figure that out on the day that it happens, but we have to really just take this thing, you know, oftentimes in the beginning, one step at a time, an hour at a time, figure it out. I love, though, how much you plugged into, you leaned into the relationship, it sounds like with your sister, with your husband,

and maybe there's more. And I think that's an incredible part of this process is getting vulnerable, letting other people in, maybe for the first time, what we're really thinking or struggling with or how we're feeling. I think that's really cool because to do that, you have to risk it all for that connection. I mean,

you put it all out there for people to reach back out or maybe not reach back out in some situations. You know, I mean, your experiences were great, but I think other people, there's a mix sometimes, right? But I think that is such a vital part of this whole thing.

You know, I know we go through the shame the guilt and at times we don't want to tell anybody. We just, we were secretly struggling. We want to secretly figure this out. And I'm sure that works for some people, but a majority of people that I've heard from, sharing with other people and letting people in to help us, to support us, to be proud of us. I think it really makes a huge difference. That's really cool. I love that. I love that part of your journey. Yeah. I definitely think community is one of the most important pieces of it. I felt alone for so long. And then when I first started my sobriety

journey, I still felt alone and had my family. But I felt besides for my sister who understood, I had the podcast and I had the Facebook groups and stuff, but I felt like really alone personally, like in my little small town. And so most recently, a friend and I, like we've started a little group in our hometown trying to connect with other people like right here near us. And that's really helped me in knowing I'm not alone. There are other people that are just, you know, like me or similar to me that might be on a sobriety journey just like I am. Because connection is so important. I don't want people that may be struggling with similar things like I am to feel like I did when I was, you know, struggling so much with anxiety or any of those thoughts that I had.

I'm not any good or I'm never going to get out of this because, I mean, people talk about that pink cloud. I didn't have a pink cloud. I felt so lost because I didn't have a job and I didn't have, you know, all these things. And yeah, I had family members cheering me on, but I'd still felt like I was worthless and I didn't have, like you mentioned identity. I'd lost my sense of identity. And I just think that there's others out there that may be feeling the same way. And you mentioned the community. It's so vital to have that sense of community because we can all connect in that way. Yeah.

I love that. And we have a lot of different people join us on Sober Buddy and for the community meetings we host. And it was so interesting because we had this one person too who joined. I'll be vague on the details. But when you first start out and you do it all by yourself and you do it with just your family, hey, it's great. It's really good. But I think, too, it can be a lot for everybody involved, especially without understanding. And that's why I think that it's so important. And not that people close to us don't want to help us. Of course they do. They want to do whatever they can.

But the knowledge maybe isn't there. The experience and understanding maybe isn't there. And that's why I'm always big to suggest, you know, find a community of people who understand sort of the journey that we're either going to embark on or the journey that we're on. And also the other beautiful thing, like we talked in the beginning, beginning about you starting to show with a friend. The other beautiful thing is further down the road, you get to reach back into the fire if you choose and help out maybe a few people out of what they're going through. And then it's really, you know what I mean? I think it's really cool to be in a position to be able to do that and put yourself out there. I'm really curious about this date,

September 11th, the 22. I mean, what changed on this day as opposed to ones prior? So my husband went to a motorcross, the motorcross of nations. He's big into dirt bike racing and everything. And he wanted me to go with him. And I was in one of my really low spots and just feeling worse list. You know, I didn't have a job. And I feel like I'm pulling everybody down all my family members. As much as like we were talking, as much as all my family was helping me and

my sister-in-laws were taking me to. lunch and my sister was checking on me. Everybody was like constantly check on me. That was great, but it was also overwhelming. So sometimes I just wanted everybody to go away. And so he wanted me to do that with him, but I was like, no, I just need to be alone. And I also want him to be able to have fun because since he is a normie, he can drink or whatever. But that probably wasn't the best idea because he left. And when he left, I did my closet drinking. So that was my slip. And then when he came back, I told him and I was like, yeah, no more. That was it.

I had my big come to Jesus talk with him. And that was my last drink after that. Wow. Let me know if this rings home at all. And it might not. But I think about the times that I went back to it, I'd get sober for a little bit. Right. And then I'd work it up in my mind.

That next one, the next time I drank, was going to be similar to the first time I drank. And I was going to feel the relief. and I worked it up in my head. And then when I started drinking again, what I realized quickly is it was terrible. It was nothing like it. Like I had just bought a losing lottery ticket yet again where I thought I was going to win.

I bought a $100 lottery ticket just for an example and I was so excited to win just to be let down. Again, for how many time I lost track. Did you have any experience like that about sort of how you worked it up between your ears maybe just didn't come to life that last time. Oh yeah. Yeah, because I'm thinking, you know, I just thought maybe if I just have one more drink, one more time, this would be the last time, because I would do that too. Oh, I just, this will be my last drink and then I'll be done. But then that last time, it was

terrible and I felt so sick and so just, I just felt awful about myself. Yeah, it's never any good. But yeah, it's so, I just remember that clearly, right? Just working myself. bump going against everything I knew that I wanted to do and just thought it was just going to be that relief. And then I just remember, I was like, gosh, it just didn't. What a scam. Yeah. I got robbed. I got robbed. It wasn't, it's not what it was made out to be, you know? And I was just like, at that point, I didn't know my last drink was going to be my last drink. Like, I hadn't planned it that way, but I just woke up the next day and I was like, I'm going to give it another crack. I'm just going to try it again.

And, you know, the days just add up, right? And then here you are. That's great. I mean, I appreciate you so much for sharing it. How have things changed since, you know, you decided to really give this thing everything you got? I feel like my relationships are more authentic. I feel like I can be more authentic and real. I don't have to hide anything at all.

I definitely, you mentioned identity earlier. I always placed my identity in like my career or in my role or who I was is like my career or what I was doing. But now like my identity is in Christ. And so I think that is a big thing for me. I don't have to be perfect. I can just be me. And that's good. That's, I mean, I don't have to worry about that.

I am just, if I'm, I'm happy with who I am, I'm happy in every day, but also, if I'm not, that's okay too. Like, I can just be, I can just be. And just like being, going on this podcast, too, like, that just fills me with joy, a little bit of nervousness. But I also think that's cool, too, like sharing our struggles. and being real is just a great way to live life. Like helping others, just that really gives me hope that we can help other people. And I'm loving that.

I'm loving that aspect of life. Yeah, wow, that's beautiful. And that big H word too, hope. You know, because I feel like when we go through it, we've lost that. We lose that along the way. Yeah, we do. And my goal and hope is that we can give that to others. Give hope to the hopeless. Because I think back to, and this is, I get emotional when I start thinking about it, just when I was back to drinking in my closet and hiding those bottles in my closet, that's not who I was. That was the alcohol. Because alcohol does not discriminate at all. And I have and had a beautiful, wonderful life of a wonderful husband that loved me. And we had to have a wonderful

blended family, and it still came after me. So I just hope that we can give that hope to the hopeless. Yeah, no, we can and we just did. But you just did. It's another word, too, that you've mentioned a few times throughout this episode that I picked up on, and I can relate to it 110%. It's like worthiness, feeling worthy of whatever it may be in life. I mean, is that something that you've been able to incorporate in your life, I mean, flipping things around of how you may have felt, you know, for previous years. Yeah, for sure. I mean, definitely as I was younger and growing older, finding that the worthiness in myself, self-worth for sure was something that I struggled with. Some of that, just in my previous marriage, when you hear words repeatedly spoken into

you, you begin to believe it. So definitely speaking that, the truth into myself, that I am, I'm worthy of love and worthy of life. That's definitely something that I feel like myself and others need to value. Yeah. Awesome. Just thinking about the one person out there who's still struggling or maybe somebody who's got some time too, but it's just not making sense today, maybe when they listen to this episode, right? I think we've all been there. And I love how you put in your share there about, you know, days are good. Most days are good. But there's also those days that we're struggling too, even living sober, right? It's still a struggle. What would you say to somebody that's in that spot? To get plugged in for sure. There's a reason why. There's a reason

why there's the Sover Buddy app. There's a reason why there's celebrate recovery. I mean, there's all, there's safety and numbers for sure. Like everybody preaches it, teaches it, says it, but it is so true. Like, it's helpful to get plugged in some way, shape, or form. It may take a little bit to find where you fit in, but getting plugged in is really important. For me, journaling is huge. Like I have stacks and stacks of journals that I've been keeping over the years, but just writing your thoughts because sometimes just getting it out and writing it out helps a lot. And then get active and get moving for me was like super, super helpful. And that's just what I did from day one. And I can't say that enough, really. Like, I know that there may be days you just want to,

if you're just starting on your sobriety journey, like you might be. You might be. might need to just sleep and you might need to just lay and even cry. Like, crying is fine because I did a lot of that at first, too, because of the emotions. But getting active and getting moving and walking with that earbud in your ear and listening to the podcast. That's just, I mean, I can't say that enough either. Yeah. What about hearing other people's stories helped you out? It made me feel like I wasn't alone. Like, I, Because I did feel alone for so long. And the thing is, maybe there's some of my friends that they're struggling to and they just aren't talking about it.

But when you see everybody else, it seems like they have it all together, you start to feel like there's what's wrong with me. But when you listen to the podcast and you listen to other people's stories, you realize that you're not alone. They're just, you can relate to others in a way that you never did before. And I mean, I listen to yours faithfully every week. And I mean, sober mom life, like all the, all those podcasts, I just, I had a routine of every day. I listen to all these, all the podcasts and I just walk. I mean, there's days I, my neighbors probably think I'm crazy because I would like just walk it out six plus miles a day, if not more. And sometimes I'd be crying.

Because they're so relatable and real. I'd be crying, just walking down the road. listening to all this podcast and audiobooks too, all the quitlet. Yeah. No, that's so true, right? Because you can hear a little bit of the stories and maybe stuff comes up to that we didn't even realize. You know, sometimes I hear these stories and I think, man, my goodness, I mean, I can relate to that too. And I haven't even really thought about it or, you know, just when people share the vulnerability.

It honestly always blows me away even with, you know, your story here about how people want to just really give back. want anybody to feel like they're alone and I'm huge like you mentioned there too on a community of something and I'm glad you brought up to Celebrate Recovery. I mean, my goodness, I've got some wild stories about Celebrity Recovery where I was in the stage of my journey where I just couldn't get it. I just couldn't get it. But, you know, always welcoming and always welcoming with, and I'm not going to get into the stories, but always welcoming me and meeting me where I was at, whether I was willing to make

changes are oftentimes not willing to in the beginning. And it's all about that. Finding your people to pick you up. Find good energy out there about people who pick you up who see things the way you do, who want the best for you. It's beautiful. Anything that we've missed, Tiffany. I feel like I've missed stuff already. I'm already thinking of things. Like, I forgot to say this, but that's okay. I know everybody's story has a lot of, I always say there's a lot of onions to my story. There's a lot of layers. But I know I've forgotten a few things. But I do want to say how important therapy is. And because I could not be like how far I am in my journey if it wasn't for my therapist. And EMDR therapy has been life saving for me. So if anybody is, you know, listening, when people

are listening to this, like therapy is really a great tool. And then my mentor was really great for me too, but I just think that's a really great resource to help with anybody who's going through recovery on a sobriety journey as well. Yeah. Thank you for bringing that to light there because it is. A lot of the times I think when I talk about it all the time on the show is we think about giving up drinking, right? Of course, at first, that's the big obstacle. That's like the big scary monster is just to cut that cycle out. But then after that, the emotions start to hit all the this stuff comes up, right? Maybe we actually are struggling with depression and anxiety and some other stuff that you brought up. And to have somebody professionally walk us through and I think therapists do a

great job at either listening, providing guidance or some real tangible takeaways that can help us get to the next level. And once we quit the drinking, we can start to dig into that stuff, right? When we're drinking and doing drugs and stuff, like it's really hard for any medication to take effect. It's really hard to plug into therapy at maybe a level that's really. really going to benefit us. And I think once we take away that one thing, we can really, and I mean, you're even listening to you're plugging into everything. I mean, you're doing walking, you're doing therapy, you're doing community, you're hanging out and podcasts. I mean, you know, a lot of times people who have, who struggle with addiction, you, I mean, I'm going

back the other way. That's another thing that we've heard like you, I was, I'm like addicted to sobriety. All in. I'm all in. You got to go all in, regardless of which way. you're going. So yeah. Yeah. That is so true. Yeah. Go all in and see where you land, right? Yeah. Beautiful. Yeah. I mean, that's it for me, unless you have anything else to wrap things up. I really appreciate you joining in sharing your story. No, I just want to thank you as well. It has been a full circle moment for me to have the opportunity to be on your podcast. I really appreciate it. Of course. Anytime. Thank you so much. Thank you. Well, there it is. everyone another incredible episode here on the podcast thank you tiffany so much for reaching out and be

willing to share your story with all of us and doing an incredible job at sharing your story well done thank you thank you be sure to check the show notes below for tiffany's instagram handle if you want to send her a note and just let her know thank you from all of us here at suburb motivation if you guys have been following along i mean we're at over 160 episodes i don't know who actually listens all the way till the end. Maybe there's a handful of you out there, but thank you so much. It really means the world. I mean, everybody listening and sharing the podcast with other people that are on the journey or people that might be interested in it really just pushes all these stories forward and just brings hope out there to people that things can change and things do change,

as long as we stick with it. The only way this isn't going to work out for you or for any of us is if we quit on the process. You have to stick with it. You have to keep going. Some days are good. Some days are great. And some days just suck. But staying sober is going to get you closer to that life that you want. All right, everyone. I'll see you on the next one. I'm out.