Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Pete Sousa was hooked from his first drink and that was just the beginning. 🤔

Episode Date: June 23, 2023

Pete, whose journey to sobriety has been nothing short of remarkable. Since November 7th, 2011, Pete has embraced a sober lifestyle. In the past, Pete found himself walking a fine line, managing to keep things together on the surface while battling inner demons. However, as time went on, the inevitable would happen, and his life would unravel. But then something changed. Pete made the courageous decision to face his addiction head-on and embark on a path of sobriety. Since that powerful moment in 2011, everything has shifted for him. Pete's commitment to staying sober has opened up a world of possibilities and allowed him to truly transform his life. Remember, sobriety is not just about abstaining from substances; it's about embracing a new way of life and unlocking the limitless potential within. So sit back, buckle up, relax, and get ready to be inspired by Pete's remarkable journey on the Sober Motivation Podcast. ---------------- Check out Pete on Instagram Check out Sobermotivation on IG Donate the Support the show Download the SoberBuddy App Check out Soberlink    Stay Grateful my friends.

Welcome back to season two of the Subur Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week is my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. Pete, whose journey to sobriety has been nothing short of remarkable. Since November 7, 2011, Pete has embraced the sober lifestyle. In the past, Pete found himself walking a fine line, managing to keep things together. on the surface while battling inner demons.

However, as time went on, the inevitable would happen, and his life would unravel. But then something changed. Pete made the courageous decision to face his addiction head on and embark on a path of sobriety. Since that powerful moment in 2011, everything is shifted for him. Pete's commitment to stay sober has opened up a world of possibilities and allowed him to truly transform his life. Remember, sobriety is not just about abstaining from substances.

It's about embracing a new way of it. of life and unlocking the limitless potential within. So sit back, buckle up, relax, and get ready to be inspired by Pete's remarkable journey on the Sober Motivation podcast. The Sober Buddy app. This community is one of the most supportive I've ever seen. Starting with the meeting hosts who lead with support, kindness, and understanding, when someone falls, the community rallies to help support and encourage.

People from all different countries who show up as strangers leave as friends. It is a true example of community and connection. What makes sober buddies special is everyone is working on the same mission to get another day sober so we can live our best lives and to provide a safe place so no one feels they have to do it alone. Check out the app today or head over to your soberbuddy.com and come and join us for some of our live support groups. It's hard to find the motivation to get sober when you're in the trenches of addiction.

It's easy to say I'll stop tomorrow or I'll cut back tonight. What's harder is putting action behind those words. That's why I've teamed up with Soberlink. Soberlink's remote alcohol monitoring system was specifically designed to help in your recovery, not just some breathalyzer you buy at the store. Small enough to fit in your pocket and discreet enough to use in public. Soberlink devices combined facial recognition, tamper detection, and real-time results so friends and family know instantly

that you're sober and working towards your recovery goals. Visit soberlink.com slash recover to sign up and receive $50 off your device. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got my buddy Pete with us. Pete, how are you? I'm actually fantastic, Brad. And, you know, it sounds cliche, but I've been following you forever. So the fact that you invited me on this show, it means a lot.

So I appreciate it. Dude, it's my pleasure. All my pleasure, man. I'm so happy to have you. First question, we start every show with Pete. What was it like for you growing up? Born on third base thought I hit a triple. I've heard somebody say that in a meeting once.

I grew up in a nice area outside of Philadelphia. It was not far at all in Philadelphia, if you're familiar with Philadelphia or, I guess, college basketball now. I was on those immersions a bit of a power. I grew up in the shadows of campus. Life was good. My parents provided a really nice, cool. Bozy upbringing. For me, I was the third of three boys. The one interesting part of my story, are very interesting, and it's a theme really is I'm from a family of alcoholics. I mean,

I've heard people say it, it didn't run in my family. It galloped. Everybody on my father's side, the Sousa side, either you were an alcoholic who was in jail or was in trouble with the law constantly, or you were an alcoholic who kept the job, which in that case, you weren't so bad, right because you had a job and you could sort of justify it or you died of this thing some earlier than others but i was very fortunate dude i have no qualms about my upbringing i was born into i think i was predisposed a lot of people have different opinions all this stuff the moment alcohol touched my lips dude it was my first spiritual experience for sure how was school and everything for you when did you start playing basketball you must have played basketball well i played basketball and

football, I love having this conversation with you because you and I talked earlier, so I feel like connection. I went to grade school, a Catholic grade school outside of Philly called St. Thomas to Council, and that was my first interaction with trucks, not like I was smoking weed on the corner waiting for the bus, but I grew up in the mid to late 80s, but I was part of that generation, that first generation of, okay, let's medicate these kids that are super hyperactive. And so I was prescribed, riddle and Adderall. And I can remember. of Brad, like you mentioned school. My first experience being on something, my mom would give it to me in the morning, the Ritalin, and I would take it. And then in the afternoon, I would go to the principal's

office, Sister Marie Heenan, and I would get my second dose of Ritalin. And I'm telling you, that turned me on. Like, I would get done either taking it at home and get to school or the second time I would take it at lunch. Two things happened that forever really changed me. Look, back. I had no clue to it's done. One, I became kind of the placebo effect. Okay, I'm not good enough in my own skin. I need to put something in my body to be like everybody else. And two, it works, man. I like the way I felt. I mean, I don't remember taking it every day. Like, it's not like, you know, Goodfellas or whatever. Like, I was like a little kid, like, pop and riddle and nonstop. But I was definitely like, okay, this works. I like the way I feel.

I'm good now. I'm turned on. And I think those, were early indications of where I was headed. But at school, I was a good athlete. I was awkward, starting out, you know, tall, lanky kid, a lot of insecurities. I played basketball. I love basketball. I grew into my body because I'm six, six. And I grew into my body and started to play football. And that's where I achieved, like, success in high school. And that really opened doors for me as far as being, like, popular. You know, I use the air quotes, but accepted. I was lucky. those two older brothers I mentioned, sort of paved the way for me in high school socially, which again led to more entitlement.

I didn't have to work too hard at being good at football. I started to lift weights when I saw that that was a bit of an issue. I was thinner because I played defensive line. But the first consequence, you talk about school, I was going to play in a high school all-star game in Philadelphia. I had gotten a scholarship to the University of Richmond, which is where I was going to school. And I go to play this all-star game, and I've been partying with my friends, but this is the first big consequence.

I was taking a lot of prescription drugs. I was taking the Adderall. I loved it. So I'm taking that before I play. I'm playing good on the Adderall. I mentioned prescription drugs. I discovered my mom's medicine cabinet. She was not an addict.

And she had a lot of old prescriptions in there. And I can remember taking this stuff, just loving it, flying into high school, you know, just lit up like a Christmas tree on Viking it in or Perkisad. And nobody knew about me. And I was a good athlete, and nobody really messed with me. I'd go to play in this All-Star game. I've been partying for a long time, you know, as far as being a young kid, six months straight, probably. And there's something wrong with my heart.

They tell me, I'm taking a physical to play in this all-star game. I'm like, I can't clear you to play. This doctor says, you've got to go see a cardiologist. And then we'll decide if you can play, if your health is up to it. And I went to see the cardiologist, and the cardiologist discovered that I had cardiomyopathy, which like two things happened that day. Well, a couple things. One, he said, you can't play football anymore.

There's no way you have the same thing that Hank Gab, there's the bad. basketball player who died, Reggie Lewis, like these guys had died suddenly. It was becoming a bit of an epidemic because the testing for it was getting better. And so no doctor is going to sign off on me to play football. So my dreams were kind of ripped away from me. Richmond kept my scholarship.

I still went to school there and worked with the football team. But the number one thing I remember, looking back through a sober lens, is the doctor said you could have gotten this one or two weights. You could have gotten it through, you know, you had a virus. It's called viral cardiomyopathy. there was all kinds of stuff going on in your body.

You had a virus. Your body was fighting the virus for months. The virus goes away. Your body becomes so accustomed to fattening something that attacks your organs. And in this case, it attacked your heart. Or it could have happened, like a variation like that could have happened coupled with drug and alcohol abuse. And I remember being like, I'll go with the virus. Thank you very much.

Like I was like, no way is anybody going to get in the way of me in this liquid. I remember I was more scared. about losing the opportunity to drink alcohol than I was about losing out on my career in sports, which is even to this day, sort of jarring for me to say, but it also makes sense knowing the makeup of who I am. Yeah. So the doctor mentioned that to you, and the first thing you're probably thinking is there's no way that this cat is getting out of the bag on this one, not this early. No way. It started. Exactly. And I was still in that phase, if you can remember, where this was a gift.

it hadn't turned on me. Well, actually, see, I'm insane. I'm not going to walk. It obviously had turned on physically, right? But at the same time, I was really enjoying it. It was my favorite hobby. It had superseded sports. I used to like to write.

I used to like to do stuff like this, like stuff on camera or like whatever. But I was like, this is my number one priority. And everything else can't go to the wayside. So what happens after this? So you end up in college and how does that look for? I go to college and I'm afraid of taking the hard drugs. So I stay off those for a little bit. And I'm affiliated with the football team.

They have me working with the team. I'm basically charting plays for the defensive coordinator during games. I'm watching games film. They did a good job of keeping me integrated and really keeping me on the tracks. I mean, the football team, the guy that coach there, this guy Jim Reed, just an amazing coach to honor my scholarship. After that, he did not have to do that. But they knew something was up with me. Like he would call me like, yeah, Boston accent.

Like, you're a social butterfly. They knew that something was up with me, you know? I got in trouble with the police. They thought we were selling marijuana. We weren't just smoking the shit at it. And they were like hot on us. They were like, you guys are selling drugs. We're not selling drugs.

We just go through this stuff like you could believe. Because we were driving to East Carolina and coming back with like ounces of marijuana. I was drinking all the time. I was drunk all the time. You know, school was in, right? Because I was in college, but it was out. I mean, I was away from my parents.

I could party. as much as I wanted to. And it was weird because it was more entitlement in a sense where, you know, the coaches on the football team, nobody went to class for me. It wasn't like I went to play, you know, USC where they were like, oh, you're a football player. Let's make sure you do great. No, but the football coaches and everybody, they do a good job of keeping you on track.

You know, they don't want you to fail out. They want to see you do well. And I kind of like greased through college. I graduated all time. And, you know, I was seen as somewhat of. productive guy because, again, this thing hasn't totally turned over here. I was getting by for a long time on a handshake and a wink and a smile. And that was just fine with me because I like just getting by as long as I can get high.

Yeah, you've got that personality, even interacting with you a couple of times. I can see that that would work really well for you. The gift and the curse, dude. Yeah, to keep it going on and not have this be such a blaring out there problem to where everybody's running and everybody's mentioning to you. So you graduate college, which is incredible. These stories like yours, Pete, and so many people on the show, it blows me away that throughout all this addiction that you and so many other people are able to keep it together to like go to college. And I'm just thinking, I was in college for like two semesters and I'm on academic probation and I can't keep it together. And I'm just like complete failure.

I mean, that's a whole other story. But I mean, that you're able to do that. I mean, that's incredible. But you have mentioned a few times that it hasn't necessarily turned on you yet. When does that take place? Like, are we close to that now? Or what happened? Yeah, we're getting pretty close.

I got to, it's funny, man, I talk about, again, the entitlement. I fell ass backwards into a great job in New York City. I was working for a sports agent and a football scouting service pretty much right out of college. I mean, I worked in Philly for a little while. I was doing just a shitload of ecstasy. I could feel myself getting dumber. I was really obsessed with getting screwed up. I mean, it was like all week long.

I was like, when am I going to get my next hit of ecstasy? What club were we going to this weekend? and oh, by the way, we can do it tonight if we want. It was out of control. So basically throwing a lifeline. I got a job in New York and I'm reinvigorated by this job because I like it. And that's typical of myself and a lot of other addicts that I come in contact with. Like, you give me a job or an opportunity, but even when I'm an active addiction.

And there was a period of time where I'll show up and kick ass for three months, for four months, maybe five, six, seven months. Sooner or later, dude, fucking the junkie is going to show up. I'm going to steal your shit. I'm going to help you look for it after I steal. it. I'm going to burn down your shorehouse. You know what I mean? I'm going to crash your car, all that stuff. I can up front look pretty good. But eventually, you know, the junkie is showing up. And that's what happened with this opportunity. I get this job in New York. I'm living on the Upper East Side. At the time, I had a great girlfriend. And we'd been together through college and we're

together after college. And I had started to do a couple of times. I did Coke a couple of times. And I was to the point where that was it for me, my bread and butter, alcohol and Coke. and I got a drug dealer's phone number. It was incredible. Like, again, I'm living in New York. Yeah, I didn't know anything about these guys just showing up, ringing your doorbell and giving you whatever you needed. I remember the first time I really got drugs off a cocaine dealer in New York.

It was like, you reminded me when I was a kid and I played TechMobile, and I faked six so I could play Tecmo Bowl, the video game the whole next day. It was like, I was such a passion and loves for this stuff. And the cocaine was the same thing. I was like, I'm going to do this all the time for the rest of my life. And so that quickly led to, I lose that job. I go back home. I'm living back with my parents.

And the job was a kick-ass job. So people were like, wow, Pete's doing great. And then, you know, I flashed it down the toilet because all I can think about is alcohol and drugs. I go back home to live with my parents. And that's my first experience with recovery because, you know, my parents are doing everything they can, right? But, you know, they go to sleep at some point.

And so then I'm going to take their car and drive to the city of Philadelphia and try to get What I do? Try to get drugs. And one time, they went to bed, and so I took my dad's car. I lived in the suburbs of Philly, or my parents lived. I didn't live anywhere. I was like, you know, the couch service. So I was staying with them. I'm driving to the city to try to get to the drug dealer, and I drive up on a

media, and I call the police. I'm like, yeah, I'm going somewhere. I'm on this media, and I need people to help me get off. And they're like, dude, you're coming with us, now. Your night is wrapped up because I was intoxicated, you know? And so I got a DUI. And the reason I bring that up is that was my first experience with recovery, with AA. I went to a meeting the next morning because it was like, you know how they say I have back

problems. I have people on my back. No way shape, performance I ready to stop. But I did go to meetings that I had great experiences with people in the rooms of recovery for about three months. And then, you know, man, and I see it happen with people. And it's so scary because like, by the grace of God, I made it back. But I just couldn't.

Something happened where I wasn't ready or nobody else. fall up on my own and the circumstances presented by the universe, right? I just was not ready. And I was still hanging out with some old buddies who weren't like junkies. They were just smoking weed and playing video games. And I had to be a part of that. So one night, I had passed around a joint. I started to smoke.

And, you know, I didn't drink for nine months, but it was only a matter of time. Yeah. And what year was this when all this stuff came about? It's a ballpark. 2009 notes. I'm great with like dates and shit like that. There was October of two. 2002, I got this DUI.

So that's when I started. I was probably 26, 25 or 26. I got the job in New York when I was 22. So I did that for about three years. I came back home, bottomed out. So in my first AA meeting, you know, I tell people this, dude. I went to a meeting in 2002 with the hope of getting sober. I didn't have a year sober until 2012, a year straight, right?

You know, Sam Kinnison used to say the joke. I have everybody come up on stage. I'm 90 days sober. People will clap and then he'd be like, not all together though. And that's like, you know, how is that guy? And I cleaned it up long enough where I kind of got myself back in the game.

I started to get other jobs and opportunities. But it wasn't long before I just completely imploded. So I get sober, right? And then I start to smoke weeds. So I kind of get like, A.A. has worked. I know it works, by the way. That was kind of a magical instance where I took that and put in my back pocket.

Now, if you're listening to this in thinking why I can put it in my back pocket and go out and drink, like you might die and you could die. I can't believe I did, to be honest with you. I have a hard problem and I was addicted to cocaine, codeine, clonovan, and alcohol. But somehow I showed up here alive. But what happened before I got here alive was I got jobs in the NBA. Like I got jobs with the Charlotte Hornets. I got job Philadelphia 76ers. I stayed in sports. I'm doing public relations. And those jobs are cool. You're working in an NBA front office. You're a liaison between the front office and the players in the media. So you're constantly working with players. You're traveling

with the team. You know, you're flying on private planes and you're staying in nice hotels. That was not me. I mean, I was America's guest, dude. You know, I was always down for a free ride. It's not like I had a bunch of money in the bank. But I was able to glom onto that identity. And I really thought my shit didn't stink. And so I rode that bus till the wheels came off. And again, with these jobs, I showed up on fire ready to work. And then it all came down, like not to kind of wrap up the whole, like, what it was like thing. I was out of control. I was doing drinking and doing cocaine every day if I could afford it. I had become basically unemployable. I was clinging to this one last job. And actually, I got a lifeline to work for the

Hornets to do radio. I did public relations for the Hornets and the Sixers. The Sixers let me go. They eliminated by position, but they were really just looking to eliminate me because I was not showing up for work anymore. It's so good for them. But I would always, you know, take those situations be like, oh, I got screwed. There was a recession. I got laid off. Oh, hey, come work for us. In Charlotte, we liked you. Come do radio for us. You know, my last experience. And I say this just because it's an interesting story. And I'm sharing my story. And it's worth mention because I think about it. You know, I was doing radio for the Hornets. And they were the Bobcats at the time. They had finding me at the playoffs. Michael Jordan owns the team. And I had

been on like a vendor on drugs. And I showed up to do radio. I was doing the halftime show for the Hornets. And I showed up on drugs. And Michael Jordan walked by me. It was. was a day game because he wanted to get to his seat, which was right by the bench, and he put his hand on my shoulder. And I just jumped. I was like a cat, you know, I was like, because I was so keyed up. And he kind of was like, yeah, he was cool. He just like went to his seat. But I thought to myself, even then, like the greatest basketball player in the history of the world, this is what I've always wanted to do, broadcasting for sports. I'm doing it. And all I want is to get out of here and have Bacatan. I need out of this place or off the planet. So a moment that should have been one of the

most fruitful in my life was one of the worst, most fearful. And shortly after that, I was back home with my parents and now I'm in my 30s. And I'm trying to stop. I started to go to meetings. Again, kind of like the back problems. And this guy who had a year sober, I was like, hey, will you be my temporary response? She said, sure. So he's like, I'll pick you up tonight.

We'll go to a meeting. I'm like, great. I was literally thinking I can sit next to this guy and be like, high or drunk. Once again, we're sitting at a meeting and then whatever. So he calls me, all right, I'm a motorist. you up, he picks me up, takes me to a restaurant. He's like, we're going to have dinner. I'm like, shit, dude, I got to sit across from this guy for an hour and, like, have

conversation, maybe more than that. And the guy told me his story. And his story included, going to rehab. And it was his experience, right? He just looked at me, he goes, I think you should go to rehab. And I remember, dude, it was one of those things. It's like it says in the big book, right, some of our literature and recovery, you kind of let the alcoholic think it's his own idea, getting sober.

He said to me, I think you should go to rehab. instantly my magnificent manipulating mind was like hmm that's one trick I haven't tried I was like man this would be pretty good but also I remember God opening up my final window like halfway and it was at that moment that I just fucking rolled over rolled through that window to the other side and I'd be lying if I told you I didn't drink again I was like okay I came up to my parents with hands on my hips like I'm going to go to rehab I have a great idea they're like thank God oh my god they're get out of here you know and they wanted to see me live my parents were incredible. And I was like, give me a week. And then I went down to Charlotte

party for another weekend. And then November 6th, 2011, I checked into Karen Treatment Center. And then November 7, 2011, that's my surprise. I didn't think. So it was touch and go, dude. And I go back to that moment of my friend Matt. By the way, Matt is the greatest. He would tell you himself, and I'm not saying this last name. Matt was a guy who changed my life, and he has problems staying sober now. He's kind of in and out. Now, there's a guy who had one year who saved my life and he has trouble getting the day. Like that personifies sobriety to me and how it's fleeting this thing is. Yeah, no, I'm with you on that. Sure. Huge congrats still on November 7th, too. What was that experience for you when you go to rehab, right? Because up to this point, I mean,

you're talking about entitlement. You've had these incredible opportunities. I mean, at times you're on top of the world, the other times, not so much. Like, how do you go into rehab and maybe get some willingness to do things a bit different, or did you? Well, I know I got to rehab and I didn't realize how spent I was and how done I was. And I don't think most people do. You get so wrapped up in this vicious cycle and that's all you know. So your whole world, everybody in it, which by me time was like a thimble, you know, I was like, I'm one of my pinky finger. I mean, my phone rang, dude, and young Gizi used to play, which I love young Jesus. I had no money. I think my parents were my cell phone bill. But I got young, I mean, that's insanity. I still think of some kind of

baller, you know, young Jeezy's playing with my phone rings. Like I was off like crazy, right? So I got to rehab and that cycle was broken for me. And I needed the walls. I needed the 24-hour people there. Hey, you can't leave. Because I'm kind of a rule follower because I'm kind of scared of confrontation. So I was usually having to be on drugs or drunk to break rules, right? I mean, my first rule breaking would be, okay, I'm going to drink. But then once I got going with that, I was an outlaw. It was tough. But I was a scary little kid.

So when they said, hey, you got to go to bed. I went to bed. And they said, you wake up. We got to be here at this time for this meeting. I would show up. And my life started to change. Dude, I started to participate. I started to open my mouth and be vulnerable.

And I started to like the way I felt when I did that. And I was like, whoa. And this guy came into the rehab and he put on the board, dude. Because I'm not that complicated of a guy. I'm really not. I'm just dumb enough to have gotten this. And little things along the way really gave me bursts. And this guy put three brains up on the board, you know, giving some presentation at rehab.

And one brain was like, okay, here's how your brain is right now. And it was totally like just charred out. You know, you just got here. You're on drugs. Let's say you're doing cocaine like all day longer than math or heroin. And then it said, okay, here's going to be your brain in six months. And it had started to kind of like clear up, free up a little bit, you know, towards that front. And the last slide was like 18 months.

And it was like normal. And I was like, wait a minute, dude. I was like, you're telling me like I can go to the movies and have like Reese's pieces and a big soda. And I'm going to feel like jazz and on fire. And the guy was like, yeah, dude. And I remember thinking, fuck it, I'm in. Like, I'm in because I already started.

Remember now, it's already starting to work, right? Like, I wouldn't be sober. I wouldn't be doing this stuff if it wasn't fun. And if I didn't feel good, I'd be still trying to get high somehow. Like, I literally turned it over. I was out of moves, really. And then by being out of moves, you know, I had the gift of desperation

and it changed my life. Yeah, no, that's powerful, man. And yeah, 18 months, yeah, things heal up, right? And you go to and have that big pop that you were dreaming of, right? Dude, I do it now. Yeah, exactly. And be comfortable in your own skin

because that was something I was confused with, too, at the beginning, is because I was always uncomfortable on edge and it felt like my skin was crawling all the time in uncomfortable situations. I was like, how was this ever going to go away? And the only thing that would help it was the drugs and the alcohol. So to me, it was confusing. I'm like, well, it doesn't make any sense.

That's what's helping me. And now, but it happens, right? That's what's supposed to get me out of all this shit. And now I'm back in it again. Like, what has happened? So back to the career, though, of being on TV and everything like that, right? So you're on set there and you're just thinking about your next drink. How do I get out of here?

Well, I was doing radio at that point in time. I hadn't done TV yet. But, yeah, I mean, I was in broadcast. and you could say some of the broadcasts were major. I don't know if confidence is the right word, but how do you force yourself to show up when maybe that's so far, like did it feel so far out of your comfort zone?

Well, I'll tell you, I was always a runner, so I still work out and run today. So what I would do was I would drink, if I could run before I went to work, I would feel cleared up. And honestly, those endorphins would make me feel pretty good. And I could perform for a little bit. But a lot of times,

the only way I was going to get through feeling the way I felt, was by drinking and using drugs, whether I was going into work or not. And that was just one of the most exhausting exercises I've ever tried to complete. I mean, you're a chemist trying to, oh, let me get just trying to do this on air. I remember one time a guy was like, man, one of the engineers was like, wow, you talk fast, man. You East Coast guys talk fast.

And I remember thinking like, yeah, East Coast guys. I was like so keyed up. And a lot of times, too, you are on the air and I was conscious about that. So I wouldn't get too loaded. So I would overshoot the mark with like speed and uppers. And it was just a nightmare. I mean, there were some games that was great. And then other games, it was often.

Yeah. And when did the riddling and stuff like, did you continue taking that throughout all? Whenever I could get my hands on it. Yeah, like I was dating a woman once. I remember she sent me 600 pills. She had a prescription and she went over to Australia. She's like, I don't use these. You know, we're in love.

I'm going to send these to you. And I was like, curing voices, dude. I mean, I was on a steady diet of that stuff for probably like two months. It didn't seem like a pretty long time, but I really started to lose it a little bit. So, yeah, I mean, I'd stop taking it like prescribed, but I'd still take it. It's so interesting, though, with the experience of that compared to the experience I had, because this is what threw me for a loop and we're going back here. But when I was in high school and I missed my first dose of Adderall, I woke up out of this shell

and I was like outgoing and I was funny. And obviously it brought a ton of consequences as things progressed. And I knew buddies in high school and they were interested. in buying the Adderall. I was that buddy. Yeah, but I never understood it because for me to take the Adderall was the worst, well, it was really bad. I really, really didn't like it.

But for them, it had some different effect. It was a superpower. It was like a superpower, but it always turned on me, you know? Yeah. I loved it, Brad. And it could also leave me that I could drink for as long as I wanted. I turned into a bit of a sloppy drunk because I drank all the time. So it could enable me to drink more.

But I came to the realization, and this is when I was in the grips, even in the throes, but I didn't care. Dude, you're always going to run out of this shit. Always. No matter who you are, superstars addicted to cocaine, heroin, whatever, you know, opioids. You eventually run out. I mean, forget dying because you overdose. What if you run out? That's just as bad.

I started to realize that, like, wow, like you can have the biggest pile of cocaine in the world. At some point, that's going to go. away. You're going to be out of your freaking mind. And by the way, it's not going to be that much fun after. It's a complete alcohol and drugs is the biggest mind fuck that I ever, ever, ever, ever created. Yeah. What was the scariest thing about running out? I needed it. You know, when I ran out, I had become so addicted to the speed and the uppers that when I ran out, all I would do was I need to get more. I really did whatever I could to get more. I mean, I would wake up in the morning and I'm like, how am I going to get Adderall or cocaine and

alcohol or day. This was like towards the very end. And it was my life's work. It would become my life's work. Yeah. Was there any fear deeper? Like I know that's the initial level of, yeah, the withdrawals are going to set in, but is there any next level to it of like, hey, I might actually have to feel or look at where I'm out of my life if I can't distract for a bit of time? Yeah, there were relationships that had dissolved with women who were normal. And they would let me know on the way out, like, this is insane. Because you really give them a backstage pass, right? If you're with somebody all the time,

you can try to hide it as much as you can, but if you're a legit junkie, like somebody with a pulse and a pilot light on is going to be like, wow, like something's happening. At least that's my experience. Sometimes I've heard people say. Did you made a little bit, though, Pete, before you introduced them to the madness?

Or was it right? Well, yes, some people I would hide it from, but there were other people who would party with me a little bit. And I always tell people, You meet somebody who likes the party and do drugs like you do and you fall in love with that person. Like if you are already on the elevator down, you just got on the express. When you can look across from somebody who you care about and they're doing it and you're doing it and you're having a good time, part of the time, I mean, there's a lot of, okay, we can keep doing this.

For me, that led you a pretty fast implosion towards the end. I hear you. I'm with you on that. It was interesting, though, when I was doing all my stuff, there was only one other person. and I knew that was really into it. And I don't know if that was on purpose that I wasn't. There just wasn't other people doing that. Like other people would kind of go, right?

We would drink by the pool, have our beers. They would do a little bit of cocaine. They would literally go on their way and on with their life and show up to work and do cool stuff. And I can never do that. It was really weird. But I get what you're saying there, though. If you get wrapped up in it, yeah, I mean, two people,

I mean, you can run a lot faster in the wrong direction. Yeah, it's just two sick people. I mean, this guy, Father Bill, who used to run, Karen would say two sickies, don't make a wellie. It was pretty simple, but he was like, don't meet somebody in rehab and fall in love. Like right now, it's not the top, you know? Did you do that? No, you didn't do that.

No, I didn't. Okay. So in rehab, you're right. You were doing. Oh, listen to this. It gets better. So I get done. I realize in treatment, everybody is fighting, going to an extended care place.

I mean, it's like, you get to 15 days and all you hear about his guys being like, I can't go and I can't go, you know, all this bullshit about all the important stuff they had to do. when they were doing Coke all the time. So I remember I was thinking about, okay, I'm going to go back to my normal life, which was nothing. I had nothing. No job.

I had a girl I was dating at the time, an unsavory character like myself. I had no place to live. I had no money. And they're like, hey, dude, you should go somewhere else. This should not be your last stop on the like institutionalized recovery bus.

You should go to a playhouse, basically, a long-term care facility. And I remember, dude, Brad, I was like, I put up an argument for like a minute. I was like, all right, fuck it, I'll go. And that was the best decision I ever made in my entire life because now I'm thinking, I mean, the decision I made you go to rehab, I can't tell you there was no calculus to that.

It was the best break I ever got. That guy Matt told me that I was able to kind of feel God's grace and able to move forward with that. At this point in time, I'm actually kind of independent thinker. I'm still screwed up, but okay, I'll go. And then I went to this halfway house in Maryland outside of Baltimore. That's called Bel Air. and I was there for four months.

And it was like, you know, I show up. I open up the drawer. There's like an old SpaghettiOs bowl, like dried out. It's like in the top drawer where you put like, you know, your t-shirt stolen. I'm like, oh, wow. And then I go to bed the first night. There's like three dudes in my room. Yeah, I wasn't above some gangster shit, but this was crazy.

There were three guys in my room. One guy is snoring like a chain stall. The other guy's waking up in the middle of night, smoking cigarettes, talking to himself. And I'm like, I got to get out of here. And the next morning, I remember they would let us go to a resource center to find a job. And I remember I was typing my brother, Michael, an email. Like, I got to get out of here.

You got to come get me. The subject of the email was like, I have to get out of here. And this woman who was like patrolling, making sure that degenerates like me wasn't in this resource center just to use the internet. So we couldn't use internet. She was like, oh, yeah, sir, you have to go. So I get thrown out of the resource center. And eventually, dude, it started to work. I started to buy in.

I had a sponsor. I was doing step work. I was going to a shitload of meetings. What else you started to do? And more of that magic that I told you about earlier was happening. I was talking about recovery with other people in recovery. And I was loving it. And I was loving it.

And I was like, wow, this is awesome. I'm getting the juice that I got from alcohol and drugs. So I was loving it. And then they were like, you got to get a job, dude. You've been here for a month. You don't have a job. Everybody gets jobs. I was like, fuck, man.

I used to work in the MBA. You know, I was an announcer and I did public relations. I was like, I'm not getting the job. Finally, you're going to have to leave. So I don't try to get a job. You know, the people, like, sometimes I have, like, the mascots outside waving, like, the Statue of Liberty, especially called Liberty Tax. I was like, I'll get that job. I go in to get the job.

The guy's like, now we're not hiring right now. You can't get the job. I remember I was walking out. I was like, fuck, man, I can't get that job. And I remember I was leaving him. The guy was like, come back in a week. Like, they usually quit. It was like 35 degrees.

You know, I was like, oh, my God. So then after that, I got an interview at Kentucky Fried Chicken, which was. It was like a break. Dude, I would get interviews at Dick Sports and get shot down. This one kid worked at Hollisters. It might as well have been like he was working on the fucking Tonight Show. It was like, oh, my God. Marwan works at Hollister.

Like, how could I work at Hollister? Hollister wouldn't hire me. So I got a job at KFC. And that was a huge part of my recovery because here I was. I thought I was this big shot. And now I'm in KFC. I mean, I can't work to register. I'm terrified.

There's long lines, fight or flight setting in. I'm like, I go to the bathroom. They're like, dude, we've got 25 people here. Like, what are you doing? I'm like this grown man running into the bathroom at KFC, just stalling, whatever, you know? And this woman who hired me, Sharika, passwaters. And this show is like, she hired me because she knew that I was in there at a recovery center because she too had been in the same situation.

So like, she saw me, she's like, why are you here? I was like, I'm family. She was like, okay, whatever. And so she gives me the opportunity. By the time I left KFC, I remember this one guy. I came through the drive-thru, this real, you know, people can be pricks to people that work at KFC

and McDonald's and shit like that. I worked in the service industry before this, but this was pronounced because I was older. I remember this one guy was like, hello, hello! You know, I got the headset on, I'm doing the whole deal.

I got my shirt on. It says the original, original. I got my name tag, Pete. Big Pete, actually. I made him put it. Once I was feeling myself with the recovery, and this guy's like, hello, hello? And I'm like, I'm sorry, sir.

One of the chickens got loose in the back. And the guy is like, You're chickens. You got chickens back there? I'm like, no, sir. We'll be with you in a moment. It's busy here in the kitchen. So recovery and all that stuff, it all started to happen for me.

Like, that was a microcosmo. I could work to register. And there's nothing I can't do in five seconds. You know, I'm laughing. I'm having fun. Okay. I can do this. I can live a sober life.

I can ask me girl out because I just worked at KFC and like, you know, there was just a lot of stuff. I thought I wasn't going to be able to do without alcohol and drugs. And it was a huge lie. Yeah, I was laughing pretty hard, Pete, during the whole case. I know what you're saying, too, I used to work at a Burger King and like, it's right. It's extremely reckless sometimes. So I'm with you on that. What happens after this?

You get the job. Now you're back into broadcasting and stuff. Like, what was a big pivotal moment when, and you might have already mentioned it, but when you knew this was for real, like when you really believed, like, I can string some time together here. Yeah, I get into debate to this with my sponsor a little bit because he went to a meeting. He went to a lot of meetings, and he relaxed. And he still loves to go to meetings, but he's like, you know, I don't know about meeting makers make it. For me, dude, I went to a meeting every day forever, it seemed like.

And if I could get to two, I went to two. I had the gift of unemployment to start it all along. Everything for me spawned out of meetings. I met my sponsor there, and we worked as steps. I learned how to practice prayer. I practiced faith. All that stuff for me started a meeting. So meetings was the central point.

After the halfway house, I lived in Hoboken, New Jersey with another sober guy. He's still sober today who I'm buddies with. I home a phone call. And I was going to a shitload of meetings in New York City and in Hoboken. And I started to believe in myself. So meetings enabled me to believe in myself again. Because through meetings and through work in a program, I was doing a steam of both shit. So I felt good about myself.

So a big pivotal moment for me was I was working in the kitchen, basically, in New York City. A job came up in what is now the NBA G League to do play by, play for the Brooklyn Nets G-League affiliate. And at the time, the guy who was the general manager of the Nets was this dude, Billy King. And Billy King, I would say he's a friend, distant friend. You know, we're not chipping on each other, but I like Billy. He was the GM when I was the Sixers. He was funny.

He was there for two GMs. At some point, you're getting fired. He was with Philly for like 10, 11 years. He finally got let go after I'd been there for like a month. So Billy didn't get to know how reckless I was. You know, he only saw the first month we talked about. So Billy had a good experience with me. He's the GM of the Brooklyn Nets.

This job comes up to be play-by-play announcer for their affiliate. And I just email because I'm feeling it, dude. I'm not emailing him. I'm not drunk emailing him. I'm like, hey, Billy, pizza, you know, whatever. I got a little bit of a demo. I'm pretty sure I told him I was sober because I was like, you know, hey, I'm sober. At that point I'm probably done like a year.

And I got that job. And through getting that job, I got a job back with the Hornets, doing radio for them again. I hosted like a digital pregame show. And I'm getting better at this broadcasting thing. And oh, by the way, when I'm back working for the Hornets, one game at this point I'm four years sober, before a game, this great guy, Buzz Peterson, who works for the Hornets in the front office.

He's one of Michael Jordan's best friends. Michael and Buzz are walking on the hallway before a game. And Buzz knew me, just to kind of talk and chat a little bit. Buzz was like, hey, Pete, what's going on? And here's Michael Jordan, who the last time I had been in close proximity to him. He put his hand on my shoulder and I was like, freaked out. I didn't know him or again I'd hang with him

But he was a good dude Like I never got any bad vibes from him Just a cool guy So Buzz said hey what's up Put his hand on my back And Michael's like hey what's up And put his hand on my back Now he didn't know my name

He just heard Buzz say And he knew He kind of recognized me But I was like Holy shit This works I was here with my hair on fire I went off the planet

That one time in the playoff game You know six seven years ago And now back With another chance I got a fucking new lease on life. And I earned it. I knew that I got the gift of desperation. I was sober, but I earned it through hard work, through going to meetings, through following suggestions. This was not like, hey, I'm lucky. I was like, no, no, I did the work. And through that, I got jobs in TV news.

And then just recently, my play-by-play has really expanded. Like, I'm doing big games in the Big 12 for ESPN, football and basketball. You know, I'm still doing the news. I live in Central Texas. I live in Wake. I do some morning show here. I have a podcast here. I do it. about sobriety, the payoff of Pete, which is how I met you. You know, we're rocking a roll with, dude. And I still make a lot of meetings, as many as I can. You are a special guy to me already because both my brothers are sober. My brother Kevin just passed away.

He was like a light in California. He was many years sober. He was a therapist there. He did so much great shit through being sober. This thing, when we get sober, we can tap into our superpowers. You know, we can go back into being human, right? I don't lose our shit and really, hopefully we don't get drunk again. But it's a magical ride.

It works. It's not easy. I've had tragedy. Obviously, my brother just passed away, but you were the first podcast I did when I came back to Texas. You know, we were in California and saw him move on because of cancer and it happened fast. But, you know, I wasn't really ready to do that podcast that day with you. I was prepared, but I wasn't ready.

And talking to you and other alcoholic, it just was great. At a self. It's what my brother would have wanted me to do, you know, anytime. like that. So it's a great deal, man. It enables you to deal with just about, I can say everything after what just happened to me. We have a set of skills that we're able to use. And we can also help other people recover from this ship, but we can also, you know, have some success and have some fun. It's all good. Yeah. Wow, Pete. Thanks, man. That means a lot, buddy. And for you good people, Brad. Yeah. Well, you know, it takes one to no one, they say, right?

Incredible, man. It's kind of full circle, right? What I'm hearing, right, is everything you were there for Charlotte. Things didn't work out that time. And now you're back, which like, I'm just guessing here, but you probably never thought that would be part of the story. Just wrapping up here, what would you leave the audience with if somebody was struggling to get or stay sober? What would you tell them if you ran into them? There's always hope. Don't give up hope. Don't give up hope. It took me 12 years to get one year. And I wouldn't have to look far to find someone who would tell you that they thought I was completely hopeless in a dead man walking. And here I am.

I mean, literally don't give up hope. And, you know, the other thing I'll say, too, is this is a classic. But the way you feel right now, if you're hungover or you feel like you can't get it, you don't ever have to feel like that way again. You don't. And that's amazing because it's true, because I have literally walked it. That's the best part about sobriety, Brad. I'm not sitting here telling you what I think.

This is what I know. This is my story, just like you have yours. I'm a fucking expert on the shit. I'm a black belt on my own story. So it's something I do with confidence when I talk about recovery, including my story. And I'm so lucky. Dude, I'm so lucky that I got this thing. I literally am in the bonus round of life.

I try to have as much gratitude as I possibly can when I start to get down on myself. I'm grateful for the life that I have in the life that people around me. Some people never gave up on me. And it's because of them that I'm still alive. Yeah, beautiful. No, those are great things too. And I love the part that you mentioned there, 12 years to get the one year together. And this is just my perception.

I don't know what your thoughts are on this, but I feel like a lot of times when people are in that rinse and repeat cycle, they really beat themselves up and feel like it's just never going to make any sense or it's never going to work. But in my own story, every time I tried and maybe it didn't work out or I had a relapse, I learned a little something every time. And when the window opened up, I felt like I was ready just to rock and roll in a sense. And every time it kind of helped me out.

I personally just try to encourage people that things are not always going your way. It doesn't mean that you're a failure or that you'll never going to get it because a lot of us share this story like Pete does and like I do. I mean, we didn't have podcasts and all this stuff when I was trying to figure this stuff out. But if I was on one, there would be many startovers throughout it. Yeah, I mean, this woman who's in the recovery circle, Amy Dresner's her name. And she came on my podcast probably two years ago. And I remember she said, you know, the same thing you said, like, people get this idea that they're never going to get it, that they're never going to get it. And she was like, I am here to tell you that is not true because that was her story.

And it's like bullshit. Get that out of your mind. You are not terminally unique. You know, if I can get it, you can fucking get it. I promise. You know, I'm not over here splitting Adams, dude. I'm just putting one foot in front of the other. Yeah, beautiful.

Where can everybody find you at, Pete? Yeah, the podcast is on Rogue Media Network, and the podcast is called The Payoff with Pete. My Instagram and stuff, I'm not hard to find. You know, Pete Sue's on Instagram. If anybody ever has any questions or anything about recovery, like I'm 24-7 open for business, just like Brad is, which is pretty impressive, trying to keep pace with you,

because you really are incredible, how you carry the message and how you put these things out at such a quick, feverish pace. And I love it, man. I consume them and I appreciate what you're doing, dude. Thanks, buddy. Yeah, everybody go and check out, Pete. He's incredible.

He's doing some more play-by-play. I want to have another conversation with you another time about the play-by-play. Yeah, Brad to the Bastert. Yeah, thank you. Wow, that was nothing short of incredible. Be sure to go check Pete out. The payoff with Pete is the name of his podcast. He has some incredible guests.

And he himself is incredible, as we just heard. Send him a message on Instagram to let him know that you appreciate him coming on the podcast. and sharing his story, and if you can relate to any part of it, be sure to let them know and give them a big thank you. And to all of you, thank you so much for the support. Thank you for making all of this so possible. And thank you for helping me get these stories out there to the world and hopes that we can just bring some hope to somebody's life,

that they can to find a way out. I love what Pete ended there with, we're not that unique. We are, but we aren't. like if we can find a way out you