Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Progressively, alcohol (wine) took over Megan's life, and sobriety was the ultimate power move.

Episode Date: May 3, 2024

In this episode, my friend Megan Wilcox shares her life story, emphasizing the struggle with her self-worth, addiction, and eventually finding sobriety. Growing up, her parents divorced, and Megan faced difficulties fitting in and experienced anxiety from a young age. Her journey into addiction began with gambling and escalated into daily wine drinking. After having her two sons, her marriage was struggling, and the divorce process began. Megan struggled more and more with alcohol. The turning point came after a low moment during the Christmas season, leading her to seek help. With over 3.5 years sober, this is Megan, AKA the Sobahsistah’s story on the Sober Motivation Podcast. ------------ Follow Megan on IG: https://www.instagram.com/sobahsistahs/ Donate to support the show: https://buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivation Follow me on IG: https://www.instagram.com/sobermotivation/

Welcome back to season three of the Suburmotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode, my friend Megan shares her life story, emphasizing the struggle with her self-worth, addiction, and eventually finding sobriety. Growing up, her parents divorced, and Megan faced difficulties fitting in and experienced anxiety from a young age.

Her journey into addiction began with gambling and escalated into daily wine drinking. After having her two sons, her marriage was struggling and the divorce process began, and Megan struggled more and more with alcohol. The turning point for Megan came after a low moment during the Christmas season, leading her to seek help with over three and a half years sober. This is Megan, aka the sober sister story on the sober motivation podcast. How's it going, everyone? Welcome back to another episode.

Brad here, and I just want to let you know. If you've been listening to the podcast for a bit, Megan's story was number two, but let me tell you, this episode is completely different. You'll be able to identify like I did the growth that Megan has made since we recorded that first episode and maybe the little bit of progress that I have made as well on the other end of this microphone.

I hope you guys enjoy this episode as much as I did. Now let's get to it. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got Megan with us. Megan, how are you? I'm excellent, Brad. How are you? I'm well.

Or should we say the Soba sister? Hey, I go by both these days. I'll take both. Yeah. Hey, it's incredible. We've been friends for a while now through this virtual world. And you were our second guest, I believe, on the podcast. That was in November, December, of 22.

And it's great to have you back to share your story. give us an update on how things have been. Yeah, I'm excited to be back. I can't believe it's been that long since you started this. But I'm excited and hopefully I'll bring something new to this episode for everybody. Oh, for sure, 100% you will. What was it like for you growing up? It was pretty good, actually.

The worst thing that happened really was my parents divorcing when I was 14. But otherwise, before that, there's nothing really that stands out. But I was devastated when my parents divorced. And right around that time as well, my sister became a teen mom. So with all of that going on, and I was the middle child, it definitely was a hard time for me. We had to sell our house. I had to move, had to change schools. And so I changed schools going from 9th grade, 10th grade was the first year in a new school, in a new town that I probably didn't fit in.

I feel like a lot of the people maybe had more money in that town. and I was living in an apartment complex. And so I never feel like really fit in definitely once we moved and I had to change schools. Yeah, no, that's tough. I remember, too, when I was like six years old, we moved from Canada all the way to Waco, Texas. And my mom was a single parent at that time. She was 16 when she had twins. My brother and I, my dad was 17, and he wasn't really in the picture.

And we lived in an apartment complex, two-bedroom. My brother and I had bunk beds. And yeah, I'm with you a little bit earlier in the story than you there. But where did you grow up? And you have a brother as well and a sister, right? Yeah. So I actually grew up right outside of Buffalo, New York. And I'm the middle.

And then I have a younger brother who's three years younger than me and an older sister who's three years older than me. And actually my siblings and I'm so freaking blessed because I do have really amazing siblings and parents. And so there's really not anything there that's too crazy or anything. But my brother and I definitely, we were always, I would say maybe a little bit more close because my sister was older and she was off doing her own thing. And so I grew up really close with my brother, just running around our neighborhood and all of that. I mean, so different than kids these days when we grew up or when I grew up in the 90s,

I guess you could say. I'm 41 officially now. But yeah, I wonder why we're so maybe so close still today is that we all live in a different state. My siblings, and I'm in Boston, my brother's in New Mexico, and my sister's still in New York. So maybe that's why I get along with my family because I don't never see them. That could be it. Yeah, so things are full. So, like, did you do sports or anything? How did you do with school and with relationships and everything like that? So I feel like I dabbled in every sport, but I never really excelled at any. anything too much. As a kid, though, I really was, I was afraid of everything. I was a kind of a hypochondri action. I always thought like something was wrong or I was going to die. I was afraid of

groups of like older kids. If they were walking and I was outside, I would be thought, I don't know, I was just very scared of everything. I even watched the fireworks inside from my house on the 4th of July because it scared me. I was afraid of elevators. I was afraid of literally everything. Like, thinking back, I was just a big ball of anxiety. And so I constantly had stomach aches. I constantly was trying to figure out why I had stomach aches or things like that. But I think I just was a really nervous anxiety-ridden kid. Yeah. No, I can relate with you on that too. I was always uncomfortable with things. So at 14, your parents do have a divorce. And it's been a while since we've had someone on this show share that story. But before that, we had a lot of people

in over 150 episodes. We've had a lot of people who shared that in the dynamics there and how it might have changed things for them. So did you go to live with your mom then? Yeah. So sometimes it's a little like fuzzy for me. And I would say my parents pretty much, it was a more, I guess you could say amicable divorce. They did a good job at hiding it from us. anything that they may have been dealing with behind the scenes, which I think is really amazing. And so I did go live with my mom and I would maybe see my dad every other weekend, I guess. And my dad ended up, maybe like a year later, he ended up meeting my stepmom and she had younger kids. So my dad had moved in with them. And it was actually like our friend

from down the street. Like it was our kids, we went to school with mom who are, they're still married now, like over 20 years later. And so my dad moved in there with her and her kids, and then I was out with my mom in the apartment complex, just with her. And she worked a lot. My mom's a nurse. And so she would work second shift a lot, three to 11. And so it would just be my brother and I. But what really, I think, where it took a turn for the worst, for me, was my mom, when I was just graduating high school, she took a position doing a travel nurse position. in Boston and left. And I was pretty devastated. So I think she left the day of my graduation from high school. And so I had nowhere to live. I had nowhere to go. And I ended up living with my

sister for a while. And then I went to Buffalo State for one semester, which I totally failed. I did horrible. I remember going there too. And everybody had their families dropping them off and all excited. And they had the mini fridge and all their sheets. and all the things that they needed. And I remember my dad just rolled up, dropped me off, and left. And I just was there with no one there and no supplies or anything. I think my godmother had bought me all the things I needed to maybe get started. So I just remember feeling really alone and nobody cared.

And then, yeah, then my mom was gone for that whole, it was supposed to just be for the summer. And she ended up ultimately moving to Boston. Oh, then she moved there to stay. Yeah. Yeah, so you mentioned you went to school there once and yeah, you just dropped off and here you go, Megan, figure it out, which is tough. How did it go for you? Yeah, it's funny because I don't think I've ever even really mentioned that on all the podcasts I've done. So now I'm like, oh, like you start thinking about it. You're like, that really actually had a huge impact on me and just feeling so on my own. So like I said, I didn't do well that first semester of college. And I just stopped going. Eventually I did go into a community college shortly there after that. But I remember, so my mom was supposed to just go for the summer and she decided to stay. I think she had maybe met some. somebody. And so my little brother moved there with her. He was still not even, maybe he was just getting in high school at that point. He moved to Boston with her. And so she would come home sometimes and I'd be like, oh, my mom's coming back to Buffalo to visit. And I feel like she would maybe go see a boyfriend or somebody else and not come see me. And I would end up in tears like half the

time. Like wanting to see my mom and spend time with her so much. And then just feeling like she didn't want to see me. And that really just maybe opened up all these like abandonment issues. And it was really tough for me. And that is, so I was around 19 at that point. And that is when I really started getting into the gambling thing and just getting really deep into that. I guess you could say around 19, 20 years old. Yeah. Walk us through that, though. How do you get into gambling and how does it, because we've talked before, obviously. So how does it impact you and you get brought right into it? Yeah, so I can see now how similar it is to any drinking or drugs or anything like that,

the feelings you get, that a boost of dopamine. And so I think it just fulfilled like a hole that I had inside me, the gambling where I would just be so excited. Oh, my God, I might win. I might be able to pay off my bills or whatever it might be. and then that drive home, I would just hate myself. Just what is wrong with you? I can't believe you just spent your car payment.

Now, how am I going to pay my car payment? I would go back, waitressing, make more money, come back. So it just sucked me right in. I was putting all the money that I was making waitressing right back into gambling, just trying to fill some void and try to fill that hole that I had inside of me. And it just sucks you right in. I don't know how it does it. But again, it's so similar to any addiction, really.

But it can get ugly really fast when you are spending all of your money that you need to live off of. Yeah. Well, definitely 100%. I mean, I think it plays on the same part of the brain, too, the reward system. It just messes up the reward system. You get this quick fix, right? You're walking into the casino and you feel like the weights just lifted off your shoulders, the bright lights, the smells and the sounds, right?

It's everything. And even when we reference it to alcohol, too, it's like before we have that first drink, it's just like, oh, your mouth is watering a little bit. It's a nice day out where we feel really alive. And then even at the beginning, it was like that. But for me, anyway, towards the end, the experience was so short-lived. And I can imagine the same thing, too, with gambling. And then you leave.

And it's like the next day when you're hungover. Oh, what did I do? What things didn't go according to plan? And you start setting limits, right? Because I've had people close to me that struggled with gambling. and you start set limits, I'm going to do 100 bucks, or I'm going to do 200 bucks, and you turn around, and they're at the ATM, cleaning the ATM out,

and then it just snowballs, and then you lose it all. They say the worst thing for somebody struggling with gambling is to actually win, because when you win once, if you hit a big win, then you're easier to convince yourself, or you are convinced that it's only a matter of time before you hit again, and it's just not true. But it's interesting. And then you mentioned there too, Megan,

in which I thought was a great thing is that you were trying to fill a void. I mean, looking back now, what was the void? What was causing the void? What was that for you? Yeah, I guess just a feeling of not feeling like I fit in or not feeling good enough.

And again, I don't really know where that, I'm sure it came from experiences that I went through as a child, but I also feel like I always felt that way. Like I felt that way before my parents' divorce. and my parents are really loving and everything like that and supportive. And so I don't, I feel like it wasn't necessarily like a lack of love. But they say that there's like big trauma and little trauma. And sometimes a little trauma that could carry with you could just be like you come home from school and you want to show your parent or your mom like a paper that you got an A on and you're like, mom, look at what I got. And that they're busy and they're like, yeah, okay, I'll look later. And they sort of blow you off. And those types of things can add up and just care. with you. So I don't know. And sometimes I wonder, did something happen to me and I just blocked out? But I did always have that feeling of just not fitting in or people pleasing and wanting people just to like me. And that I think definitely affected a lot of my life and my decisions and

just feeling not satisfied in life. Yeah. I hear you on that. And I can relate too. It was so strange growing up. My folks were incredible. They were loving and they were present and they didn't have any problems with substance use or anything like that. And I always look back and reflect on it. Well, why wasn't I able to accept a love from them? Because they were there at every turn. They supported me, gave me every opportunity to do well. And it was really strange how it played out. But I wasn't able to really connect the dots on that. I really wasn't able to feel the love from them. And I think when I really look back and another layer to it is that I just wasn't able to get to a point where I loved myself.

Enough, I had this that you bring up that stuff to, and I shared this story before on the show. I tried out for this eighth grade soccer team, right? And I was already getting in a lot of trouble then, and I wasn't really a very good soccer player. But the weird dynamics there is that everybody made the team except for me. So, like, they could have patted me on the back and tried to help me out. And at the time, I just brushed it off, eighth grade, right?

Like, I was already getting suspended and in trouble, and I thought maybe this could be something that I could get involved with and help me out. And I understood that well enough. Like I wasn't a good soccer player. But I thought maybe if everybody else made a team, I would, maybe I could get a little bit of a shot. And I remember my mom picking me up.

And it took every ounce of energy I had to hold in the tears from not making that team to tell my mom that like, hey, I told my mom like, no, I mean a bunch of people. These guys are great. Like everything, just all this stuff. That wasn't true. They were great. But there wasn't all these other people. that did make the team too.

And those type of events kept happening where I felt like I was just a dollar or a quarter short. It was like for so long, the last one to get picked in gym class and be matched up with the teacher. All these different events. And at the time, it's funny. And sometimes other people was just a big running joke. But I think it over time, like you mentioned there, I think these situations added up to

where I was questioning my worthiness as a person. Am I actually worthy of love? them, I actually worthy of opportunities. It really built up, but then we have all these uncomfortable feelings. We get into the gambling or we get into drinking and doing drugs. And then there's no growth that happens in that phase. So where do you go from here, Megan? If you can relate to that or if you have any other thoughts on the gambling too that you wanted to mention. Yeah. Well, oh gosh, that just makes me just think more. My kids are nine and 14 now. And I'm seeing a lot of similarities in my younger son about the not feeling worthiness, not feeling worthy, and just like

that people don't like me or people don't want me in the, just all the stuff that's not true. And it's, oh, God, I just hope that it, that he doesn't feel like that forever. And I do my best to build him up. But that just just breaks my heart as a mom. But so what I basically did to get away from the gambling, because at this point now I'm just spending a lot of my money. I'm not drinking isn't really an issue. I had already dabbled a little bit in drinking, but stopped. I was blacking out. That was in high school. Around 15 was when I got drunk for the first time. But then I stopped with that. So drinking is not an issue. Never tried drugs or anything. It's just it was all the gambling. And my mom asked me to move

to Boston. She said, why don't you come move to Boston? We'll get you away from that. And I figured, all right, maybe then we can reconnect and rekindle things. And so I packed up everything I owned. And my Chevy Cavalier and quit my job at Uncle Joe's diner where I was waitressing for years and broke up with a boyfriend. I had been dating, probably not a healthy relationship. And I drove January 1st. I think it was 2003. Yeah. So about 20 years ago. And I moved to Boston to get away from the gambling. So I didn't really address it. I didn't call it an addiction at the time or gambling. addiction. I just basically removed myself from the situation and moved away and didn't deal with it. And then soon thereafter, I started working at a bar pretty much the next day. I've always been a

really hard worker. I've always had multiple jobs and stayed at places for a long time. But that day I moved to Boston, I got a job at the halfway cafe, which it was a bar at the end of my street. And I started working there. And all that comes with working in a bar. Yeah, that's interesting, the halfway cafe. There's one by this fishing hole in town. It's out in the middle of nowhere. This place is called Glenn Morris. The only thing there is a halfway cafe.

Oh, my God. It's the funny, it's such a funny restaurant because my buddy and I, we went fishing one day, and then we went up there to a halfway cafe, and the guy that owns the place, he does the whatever, the serving or whatever for the meals and stuff, and the guy is priceless. And we ordered a couple burgers, and a little funny stories, Do you want the works? I looked at my buddy, I was like, what the heck is the works?

And then he rhymed it off and everything. But it was actually, that's funny, a small world, halfway cafe. Right, I know. But it was a great place. So you move here with your mom. It's really interesting too there on the gambling thing, right, where you're able to move away, but you mentioned there too. You didn't work on anything necessarily about it, right?

And it's so interesting, right, because I think a lot of times in addiction we hear about people with that. Some spaces refer to it as a geographical cure or something moving away or I'll move here or I'll move there. And I got this thing. When I was in rehab, when I was 17, we used to get a focus every week, something to focus on from the counselors and the treatment team. And I got this one that said, wherever you go, there you are. You're only fooling yourself. And it just, I mean, talking about being called out.

And this is a couple months after I was in rehab. I was like, I'm doing well and yeah, look at me. And then I was just like, wow. And it was a, and then the whole week you'd have to work on that. So that was what your conversations were based around. And it really opened up my eyes to that simple thing is that we can change our environments. And like things may work out for a little bit. But usually if we don't get into the nitty gritty about what's going on internally,

then it's probably more likely than not that we'll end up maybe right back to where we were in some way or another. So you get the job at the bar. That was your thing. You broke this young man's heart by moving away from Buffalo now to Boston. And how does this all unfold? So I feel like it unfolds normal at first. But then I do remember there was just a lot of like after shift drinks. And then I start just drinking more and more. It becomes like the regular thing. I'm very like infiltrated in the scene there with the regular. the people that are sitting at the bar every day. I'm probably getting attention from customers, from men, and it felt like good at first. And I was just definitely drinking more than ever. And I just seemed to go from zero to 100 where it's like I'm having drinks and then I'm blacked out or just making really horrible decisions, driving, um, putting, you know, like not safe situations as far as with guys. And I would even go out by myself a lot of times. I would go out

where I would meet people. There was this place called the last drop right outside of Boston. And so everything closed at one, but this place was open to two. So then I would go by myself and I would just hang out. And then I would go back to like people's house parties. And I remember waking up one of those mornings. And I went there and I definitely hooked up with somebody that I didn't know at this party and I woke up like where the heck am I? How did I get here? I literally remember looking through their mail to see what the address was of where I was. And at this point, like, I'm obviously must have had a cell phone. I mean, this was like 20 years ago. And because I was probably like 22 at the time. And I just remember like calling one of my friends saying,

can you come pick me up? This is the address where I'm at. I mean, I wasn't really near my house at all. and just things like that started happening more and more as my drinking really just started to ramp up. And that was definitely more binge drinking. It was vodka, beer, or like my main things, which is beer is beer. It's just so gross. But so, so yeah, it was not good. And I'm just so lucky, though, that nothing super like insane happened as far as like looking that I didn't get a DUI, that I didn't hurt somebody or kill somebody or myself with driving.

And it's more like now that I'm looking back at how horrible that was. Like in the time when it's happening, I guess I was just like ignoring it. Yeah, no, that's a good point too, because I was thinking about that the other day. When I was talking with somebody and you got to go through and you can have a flashback of thinking of what things were like. And I was just like, honestly, when I was going through it, I wasn't even thinking it was outside of the, Norm. I didn't think it was like anything to just rinse and repeat every single day, the same stuff. But when you get wrapped up in it, it's really hard to see how things are playing out. And you're already getting at 22. You're already getting into some of those risky things that go on, right? And you're ending up in places and blacking out too at 22.

But I mean, that's an indicator, I think, in a sense, right? If we're experiencing that stuff at 22, blacking out, a lot of people go through it. But I think there's a lot of people too who go through it that are like, all right, I'm going to take my foot off the gas a little bit here and see what's actually going on. Yeah, but I think the people I was hanging out with, that's what they were doing too. So yeah, it seems like this is the normal thing to do. Again, I'm living with my mom now at this point and my little brother, but she was working a lot. So she was still a nurse working as a nurse night shift. But I do remember also like drinking in that house and there was like these crazy stairs that wrapped around in the ball and down those stairs at least like big high heels on and then just like falling down them like hurting my

knees not like obviously super injuring myself but and then going out from there so I you know like it just must have been just like pre-drinking at home and it's just so crazy looking back and things did come to I guess you could say a abrupt halt when I did get pregnant with my son soon after but one thing too before I guess we'll go to that part of my life but I did notice I was putting myself in these relationships with men like a lot of times like older and just like wanting that attention and then you know just having experiences with these people that didn't really care about me I didn't care about myself but I would do whatever because I wanted to like the validation or the reciprocation love not love but just the attention.

from men and I would just do whatever to get them to like me, even if they weren't anyone like that I really liked. So like, looking back at that, I wish I wasn't like that in my early 20s. I wish I had more respect for myself, but I do now. Yes, I was going to ask that, too. Like, what is it like saying that stuff out loud now with how things used to be? I think it more comes with time of me being sober that I'm able to like say those things out loud. Even probably the last podcast episode that we did, I just wasn't willing to really look at those things. It was very like surface when I would share my story like, oh yeah, I drank here and there. But now I'm like, no, it was really freaking bad.

And I'm just lucky that things didn't go a different way. And I think I did just keep escaping by some really great situations that could have been. bad or could have just ended everything for me. But yeah, I mean, I guess it feels good in validating that I'm on the right path. I clearly am not somebody who can drink. Sometimes when I would share my story, I'd be like, well, it was after my divorce. It's sort of where I started, but it's, no, it wasn't. It was definitely in my 20s before I had my son at 25. I think that saved me, was having my getting pregnant with my son when I was 25. Yeah, because things were picking up speed. And I mean, they often do, right? I don't think you're alone. I'm not alone in that aspect of

things as they start to pick up speed with. I think every time we cross a line, and that can relate to this in my life, every time I cross that line, that non-negotiable line I set in my life, I'm never going to do that. Second, I did that, I was just up against the next one. The next thing I said I would never do. I just became really close to that. And eventually, I went over that one. But every time I did it, it became easier and easier to cross the lines, to take this thing to the next level. And it took years for it all to unfold, but that's what it was like. And the amount of risk that I was bringing into my life just kept getting bigger and bigger. But it was so interesting how things just picked up speed every time I was like,

I never was going to be doing that. I was never going to be this. And then before we know it, it's, man, we're doing everything. And then it's just, well, we may as well run with it because at that time, also associated ourselves with other people that are doing it. So it just looks normal. Right. Right. It just looks normal to show up to the bar. And I did those jobs too. I used to be the kitchen guy working at Red Robin and Little Caesars and Burger King. That's my jam, right? A chef. You know, Brad, actually, this is something again that I don't

know if I've ever shared this with anybody. But I really want to, now that I'm here and I'm opening up this stuff. And I want to talk more about the reality of the crap I was doing. And so when I was around 21, 22, there was this customer I had that would come in. And he would always kind of be flirtatious with me. He was definitely older, like probably 20 years older at the time. And he was into gambling. And so he would always, so we didn't have casinos around us here in Boston, but there was one in Foxwoods, which is about an hour and a half ride up in Connecticut. And so he said, oh, if you want to come up to the casino with me, I'll get a room, I'll give you some gambling money. And of course me, my gut was telling me, like, this is not a good idea. Don't do this.

And the person was married as well. So like, oh, God, looking back, that's even more horrible of me. But just your values just go out the window. And especially when there's drinking involved. So I got enticed and was like, all right, I'm going to go up there. I'll get gambling money and stuff. So I go up there and I did. I got some money for gambling. I remember having espresso martinis. And then I remember being like in the room and just being like, okay, I don't want to do anything with this person at all. And now I've like, obviously this is the impression I've given. And so nothing happened and ended up staying there and I slept and nothing happened. But I was like, this is so ridiculous that I even put myself in this situation. But part of it for me was like the gambling.

Like, yes, I'll get up there. And it'll be fun. And this person just wants to be my friend. Like the lies I told myself. And thankfully, nothing like that did happen. But I mean, I'm freaking lucky that it didn't. And so those types of things were definitely happening more. And shortly thereafter, I ended up meeting my ex-husband.

in a bar, of course, where I've met pretty much anybody I've ever dated in my life was I met them in a bar. And very soon into meeting him, I was pregnant with my first son, who is now almost 15. So that pretty much put the cabosh on my partying life. And I was really good for a while after that. Yeah. That's so cool, the part there with your son about,

so when he was born or when you found out, It was going to be born. It was just easy for you just to flip that switch. A lot of people share maybe something like that being pregnant. It was really no problem to stop. I mean, I'm sure there are people too. I don't want to take anything away from that. That there are people too that probably is a struggle. But yeah, what was that like? Yeah, I think maybe because I wasn't a daily drinker at that point, it was more of like weekend warrior or binge drinking on the weekends or here and there. So for me, it wasn't, oh, God, I didn't have that daily where I ended up having at the end where it was like that daily obsession. I could go days without thinking about it. I wasn't thinking about when was my next drink when I was in that realm. And so when I had my son, I was really excited about it. And so I just fell into that role of being mom and just putting all of my time and energy into him, which I did do for quite a few years. Yeah. Did you stay home with them then for a few years? Yeah. So at that point, I was bartending, but I was also working in one of my customers. I was like, I need a job. I can't bartend forever. So I had started working for an electronics company. And so I did do that. And I started to work from home for a while after I had my son. But it was so freaking hard, like having a baby trying to work from home. And so ultimately, I ended up not doing that. And I did go back to bar. attending. I would work sometimes. My husband at the time worked a lot and really wanted me to stay home

and not work. And I don't know how I really felt about that. But I did. I would say was a state home mom in my older son's younger years. And then when he was two, I went back to school and I went to got accepted into radiology school. Wow. Yeah. Incredible. So how do things go? I mean, when you're staying at home there, are you drinking? it all during this time or it's still not really entered back into the picture? No, not. No, I think I had not discovered wine yet at that point because it wasn't until I really discovered wine. Yeah, no, I had not, I hadn't just, I had never even really drank wine either. As I said, in my younger, I called it like my devil juice was vodka, which would just make me like,

woo, crazy. And so I really wouldn't keep vodka in our house. So I wasn't drinking in his zero to two, I would say. Like if anything, it was when we went out to dinner or a special occasion, maybe I would just have a few. And so when I got into X-ray school, I had to put him into daycare full-time because it was full-time school for over two years. And I think I started then with drinking some wine at home, but it only started as a glass of wine and then I would fall asleep. And so it was sort of, it seems like a slow progression to build me up to the point. Meanwhile, during this time, I'm not super happy in my relationship. And I felt very alone. I didn't have any family around.

So now I'm like raising my son. He's at work all the time. I felt like not really interested in me and that everything I did was wrong to like how I folded laundry or how I did laundry or how I put the Tupperware away was wrong. It was very hypercritical. And that was just like the last thing that someone like, someone like, like me that is sensitive, whatever need. And so it's sort of like this perfect storm. I was in this relationship where I feel like I just wasn't feeling loved or validated or anything. And so then my drinking slowly starts to ramp up more and more up into the point where my older son was five,

I got pregnant. So at this point, we're actually not even married, even though had my first son, I was pregnant with my second son. We weren't even engaged or married. And that always upset me too. Why am I not good enough? Why is he not asking me to marry him and everything? And so finally, when I got pregnant with my second son, we did get engaged in Napa, which was just funny to me, that I got engaged in wine country. And I was five months pregnant at our wedding, which really, I invited no friends, nobody was very small, it was just me, 10 people, our immediate family. And then very shortly after is the demise of our relationship after we got married. And I started drinking wine at home out of loneliness and sadness and boredom and was really drinking a lot in the last year, especially leading up to our divorce.

Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing all that. I was interested too back in the time after you had your first son and you're doing the stay at home, thing. It poses a bunch of challenges too, but it does keep you really busy, right? And then I'm thinking back to all the other stuff that we've went through here about all the stuff that you've struggled with outside of drinking, stuff that maybe drinking is helping you in a way avoid or deal with or whatever. And then you take your drinking away, how are you feeling about all the other stuff? And that time in life, I know it's very busy, right? So I don't even know if there was much time to really consider the other stuff, but it sounds like it, through what you shared there, as it came back around,

not feeling good enough and in the relationship is exposing it. But it sounds like just from hearing your story here, that's been maybe around for a while. So I was wondering about like those couple of years, how you were able to keep that rocking. Yeah, I started getting into spending money, emotional shopping, money that I didn't have, racking up. Yeah, I didn't even mentioned that. Meanwhile, during a lot of this, because I had no real access to money. I wasn't on the bank account. I wasn't working. I didn't have my own money. So I started racking up credit cards, either just buying stuff for myself, buying stuff for my son, food, whatever it might be. And I had eventually racked up. I kept consolidating loans, racking them up. And probably at the end,

I filed bankruptcy before my divorce on my own. And I had $80,000 in credit card debt. So pretty much can see now I might not have been drinking, but I was totally spending as another way to fill this emptiness that I had inside of me. I wasn't feeling fulfilled in my relationship and I wasn't really able to go home and see my family at all. And I just found another outlet, I guess, or another way to self-soothe or cope emotionally looking back now. Yeah. Did you ever throughout any of this stuff, have a look at it from going from gambling to drinking there for a bit? And then now for spending, did you ever think about what's the motive behind this stuff? Or is it just like, all right, just keep going? It's better than maybe the gambling was. Yeah. Yes and no. I mean, again, very surface level, but I was trying to get therapy and had the same therapist for many years. And looking back, I feel like it was almost.

a waste because she had never been married. She had never been in a toxic controlling relationship. She had never dealt with alcohol problems or anything like that. And so I think I wasn't really getting any actionable items, but I must have been somewhat aware because I was doing therapy. I was trying to figure things out on my own, but just, but not digging like real deep. Like I think until you're really ready to be like, God, this is me. It's like you're just spinning your wheels. So it wasn't for me. Meanwhile, too, on the outside, I mean, I was very involved with my son. On the outside, things looked great, even like with Facebook and all that, like how sometimes

people with the most beautiful family and the most beautiful photos that they post, like, life must just be so good. And we had just posted photos of we were in Disney together. And on the outside, what I was portraying was that I was happy and life was good. but inside I was still just searching, just feeling such a void, feeling so alone and lonely. And I didn't like my own company. I think that was it. I was uncomfortable in my own skin.

Yeah. Oh, I can definitely relate to you on that. Not at that point in time in my life, but I can definitely relate on that to, it's a tough thing to grasp, right? Because when you're in that spot, you're not really, like you mentioned there, you're not ready to really move forward. you're not really ready to pull the band-aid off. Like it should be, you just want to ease in. And you're not really ready to do that. Then it's really hard to move forward.

Because I would meet with people and they would give me the opportunity to be honest about, hey, what am I thinking? What am I feeling? And it's not even that I didn't want to. I literally just didn't have the emotional capacity to do that in the early days of therapy. Or people would ask me stuff. And I was like, I've no idea. I don't know.

I wasn't able to really tap into that. I wasn't being honest and it kept me stuck for a while and it sounds like maybe in your spot there too like you were trying to plug into some stuff but what you mentioned there too is until you're really ready to peel this onion back I mean you can talk to whoever and whoever can talk to us we've got to do that responsibility and I think in my life too I played the victim a lot it's their fault it's that fault oh it's the bank's fault I've got $500 an overdraft well you cash the check with no money at the bank machine these this is what it costs to do it and they're like yeah you're lucky that we're not calling the police on this one. But it was everybody else's fault. Oh, I thought I, and then it wasn't until I sort of that responsibility and that accountability in my life. For me anyway, I was like, dude, you got yourself here. You've had some things in life that haven't been the greatest, maybe compared to what some people go through. My life was great. It was incredible, but maybe some of the things weren't the best, but those ultimately came down to my choices were just building things up. Right. Well, that's interesting. You say about your choice.

too and like looking back I wish I would have just followed my intuition and really followed what I was feeling and thinking instead of putting other people's feelings and all that before me because I wouldn't have stayed in relationships longer than I should have which then in turn you're not living with your authentic self and aligned with what you want in your values and so you're gonna turn to other things and that's what one of the biggest things for people who turn to drinking as a unhealthy coping mechanism. is that they're unfulfilled in the areas of their life. And so I wasn't being fulfilled in my relationship from the get-go, but I just kept trying to make it work. I had a child with, but all this while, I'm just not being true to myself, not living up with my values, probably having emotional affairs and things like that, just looking for someone to freaking love me, which is just, again, so cringy to look back. Because at this point where I'm at now, at 41, I would not, you know, have stayed and I would not have just allowed me to behave in certain ways and other people to treat me certain ways. But you have to just get to that point

where you're strong enough to stand up for yourself. Speaking of Facebook, too, so I saw this memory come up, which I've been looking back and just seeing this trail. So I posted, it was 11 years ago. And it was a picture of two bottles of wine, my cheap wine that I would drink, my menagerie twas, that was the name of it, was $7.49 and $49 a bottle there with a bag of tortilla chips. And it said, all I need, would you expect anything else from me? And at that point, my drinking of wine wasn't nightly, but it was starting to creep in. So that was 11 years ago this year. So I guess that show. So it was about like five years or so of me drinking wine. in an unhealthy way, if there's such a thing. Yeah, that's, yeah, the Facebook memories are, they'll wake up a little bit from time to time.

Between what we thought was like cool to put out there, and then when you look back, it's, man, I mean, some of the stuff, I have one picture that popped up a while back. My buddy, we are at this OAR concert, and this is years ago, and I couldn't even stand up. My buddy, he was a lot bigger than I was, and he's just holding me up, just like a t'clock. teddy bear. And I'm just like, man, this is what we used to do, though. We used to go to the show and

it'd be so great. You don't even remember the show. Like, we'd wait months for these couple bands we like to smaller bands come to town. Can't wait for this show. He has to be cool with all our high school buddies. And then after it's like, yeah, I mean, yeah, that was so cool. But like, we didn't remember it. Nobody remembered it. Right. Yeah. After people got taken out by the cops because they were just blacked out. Yeah, Facebook memories. When I was around like 18, I went to a Dave Matthews concert, and I didn't even make it into the concert because I was like, drank too much in the parking lot and was blacked out. I didn't even make it in. I listened from the parking lot. But it's just, yeah, but more again. Like you just triggered that memory and you just forget about all that stuff sometimes. Yeah. And Dave Matthews would have been a great one to see. So you go into this and things are starting to creep up, right? You mentioned that you're hinting towards or mentioning this slow burn. And I think that's a story of a lot of people. share, even though it was, if you look at your story, I mean, you're blacking out in high school. You said at 15. So like in some aspects in this part of your life, yeah, it's definitely a slow burn to

like becoming every day or progressing. But it's also, hey, there were probably some red flags maybe back then to be blacking out and in your 20s. And then you have your son and then you have your other son too, right? Yeah. Yeah. And in between that, like in between my two kids when I went back to radiology school. I graduated with highest honors in my class. I have the highest grades. I excelled. I did great when I was in x-ray school. But somehow, again, I was slowly dying inside mentally and just people wouldn't notice it. Did you ever talk with people? Like other than that therapist, anybody, a friend or your mom or anybody that I came struggling, your ex-husband there too as well, just to say, hey, this is not what it appears to be. Yeah, I definitely, I have, and I still have a core group of three best friends

from childhood. I'm so grateful for that. And I would tell, like, they know I've always struggled with not feeling good enough and not having self-love and just my own things. I definitely would open up. And if I tried to open up with my ex-husband, it would just be like, you're fine. It's all in your head type of thing. So, yeah, so I tried to do that there, but that didn't work. Yeah, I'd say in my mom, I would definitely be open because now at this point, we did rekindle our relationship and it's great and all of that. But yeah, I just, I don't know. I definitely tried to open up about it, but only with certain people. Yeah, and I mean, too, if you're not fully aware of how big the problem is too, it might be hard to maybe get help on that too, right?

When I did that, I picked and chose what I was willing to share, right? there was other stuff that I was just so ashamed of sharing with anybody. And I probably would have benefited from sharing it, but I just felt nobody was going to be able to relate to this. So, like, I'll share with them a little bit. But for me, I wasn't willing to at the beginning share everything. And I think, too, I was always all over the place. One day, I would feel like so low. And I'd be like, oh, my God, my life's just not how I wanted to be. And then the next day, be like, everything's fine. And so I think sometimes people didn't know how to help me. And I still, to this day, I'm sort of like that. And I do think it's part of, that's just my mental health. It's so much better these days,

but I was one day, it'd be one thing, then the next day would be fine. And so it all depended on what day it was in all of that, too. So I think that definitely played a big part. And then when my second son was born, when he was a month old, I got really sick, I guess you could say, and where I couldn't really walk, I couldn't move my hands. I was so tired. My knees were throbbing. And I was at the time, so let's see if he's nine, so I was like 31-ish, then I was diagnosed with lupus, so shortly after my first son was born. And so that definitely took another toll of feeling just so sick and fatigued and in pain and I feel like in my relationship too, just not validated in it and not really taken seriously. I remember one day saying,

Can you not go to work today, please? I can't do this. And he was like, sorry, it's a Friday night. It's busy and went in and went to work. And so I'm just used to just taking care of myself and not asking for help because I feel like the times I have, just people weren't there for me for the most part. So that's why I'm just used to doing everything on my own, I guess. Yeah. And it adds up, right?

Every time that you reach out, as you were talking about this on the sober buddy meeting about this relationship. that's in my life and it's that fear of rejection right because you've been rejected over and over again it's what do you want to feel do you want to feel the pain of the rejection or do you just want to internalize it and just feel it within ourselves so it's like it weighs in both aspects and then we just try to work through it ourselves and just avoid asking for the help that we need the key thing i found about that as a solution is the right people having the right people in our lives can really make that process a lot better and a lot easier, right? When we find the right people that are going to be willing to help, it's like always that thing, right? You bring up that

example about work. You see all the time, if we were gone today, the job would have a new hire in tomorrow, but we'll sacrifice everything and more to get to that job in the relationships in our lives that matter most. It's interesting. And it's not just an isolated incident here. I mean, it's something we've all probably done in one way, shape, or form, right? Yeah. So you get into this and you get into things pick up speed here in a little bit, right? Yeah. So now they go.

Yeah. So now my son's about to my younger son. And I'm definitely drinking every night. I'm very just not feeling loved or anything in my relationship. And I'm drinking more with like moms in the town. So now I'm like, I am meeting friends in town. my kids are in school age and all that. So now there's a lot of mom's night out or playdates that have drinking involved.

And it's totally normal. It's a snow day and the kids don't have school. So let's start drinking at 11. And that becomes very normal. And then I have to make sure I have my wine and I'll make sure that's a priority that I have it. And I filed bankruptcy in 2016, which was a big blow to myself that I had did this and it was embarrassing. And then right shortly thereafter, we got divorced. I wanted to go to therapy, and I showed up by myself.

And I filed for divorce the next day when I showed up by myself. And I remember that therapist told me, you can't give someone a personality transplant. And I realize you just can't change people. You can't make people want to be with you or make you feel loved or whatever it might be. and things really got difficult after our divorce. And I was drinking. We lived together for another year. So I was sleeping in my son's race car bed with him every night for a year, drinking.

And then eventually we did move out and I got my own place and he stayed in the house. So he still lives in the family house. And I have an apartment still. So it's been eight years since then. But for the first three to four, I was drinking. every night that I wasn't working. I work overnight. So I would work Friday, Saturday, Sunday, like all overnights, and then I would drink most of those nights and just work it in around taking care of the kids, work it in around when I had to drive them, then I wouldn't start until after.

Like, I was very, like, the strategy that goes into drinking, what you think is, like, responsible is just, oh, my God, it's so exhausting. But I just remember still, like, blacking out. And it doesn't take me a lot to get to that point. And I guess I'm grateful that it doesn't, but be like a bottle of wine. And I would forget what the bedtime looked like or things like that. Or I'd rush my kids to bed so I could just enjoy my wine by myself, which just makes me so sad now. Obviously, I make it up for lost time. And I tried to moderate.

I tried to cut back. Meanwhile, even though we're divorced, it's worse than ever as far as our relationship and co-parenting. And I just drank to deal with that. I didn't, and the guilt of divorcing and that I did that to my kids, that they, you know, had divorced parents and they didn't have that normal life. It was really tough. And so I hit my rock bottom moment. And Christmas, I didn't have the kids that year.

I drank, it was a bottle of wine, nothing crazy. And I passed out and woke up at 3 a.m., just talking out loud to the universe. Like, somebody please help me. I can't do this anymore. And I started going to Zoom calls. I had looked up calls or AA meetings in my area, but now we're in COVID when there just wasn't anything in person. And I'm so thankful for virtual, I started going.

And it's, I've been going to Zoom calls ever since. Yeah. Wow. Beautiful. So it was the 26th of December? Yeah. Well, it was like that night. So I say the 26 is my sober date.

Yeah, and things picked up there pretty quick. Yeah, I mean, you're going through everything there, right? You're going through that with the divorce. You're going through that mom stuff about how is this going to look out, right? Is it going to mess things up for the kids? Did I do the right things? Maybe some of the things you were thinking, right? Could I have made this work? Man, that's tough, Megan. Yeah, and I thought about going back. And I was like, it'll just be better for them if I go back. And I just pretend that everything's great. because my older son struggled a lot. I mean, he was in our wedding when he was five years old. So he remembers a lot. As a family, we did do a lot. And so he struggled a lot with that. And so some nights, I was, should I just go back? But I knew I didn't want to. I was actually happier being on my own, but it took me a while to figure this all out. And meanwhile, after we divorced, I rekindled an old relationship. And but just probably was too soon after my own. divorce and I was like just throwing myself like whatever I just wanted the love and attention and we drank a lot together in the early parts of our relationship when I wasn't with he wasn't didn't come

around the kids or anything would be when they were with their dad and I would go hang out with him we'd go on the boat and it was a lot of drinking and so the drinking did just escalate after my divorce for a solid four years or so yeah well congratulations it was what three years ago Three and a half years ago. It's so weird. It is so weird. And obviously, it's so much more complicated than like when I went, started going to meetings. There's so many other things that have helped me. At one point, I did take Naltrexone. I had did a hundred days on my own, I guess you could say, with a community. And I did 100 days. And then I was like, I still am having cravings. I hadn't gotten enough tools yet. I hadn't dug deep enough. I just wasn't drinking. And so my psychologist, at the time had asked, so why don't you go see a psychiatrist? And I was taking an antidepressant, and it was helping now that I wasn't drinking. And so my psychiatrist had mentioned Naltrexone, and I immediately said, no, I'm not somebody who I still was in such denial of my problem. And I'm not someone who would need medication to help them with their drinking problem.

She said, why don't you just look it up? So I did. I went online when I got home and it said, you don't have to hit rock bottom to want a better life. And I was like, you know what? Why not? I'll take it temporarily, not forever. And the benefits to me outweigh the risks. And so I started taking it. And I took it for about five or six months. And it's a big part of my journey. That's why I'm just such an advocate for using medication if somebody needs it. Yeah. It's even so interesting, too, how you got into that spot too. And it's even a hundred days in, we can still be a little bit squirrely and talk ourselves out of more help, right? Whether it be medication or whether it be attending therapy or whether it be reading quit lip books or listening to podcasts or joining communities, we can really

talk ourselves out of some of the best things for us. I'm guilty as charged on that one. And you gave that a shot and that helped you with some of those other things. Because you mentioned there, too, the first maybe 100 days or so there, you're just not drinking. You're doing a little bit of community work, right? But you're just not drinking. And I always mentioned to people like the just not drinking part is great, but it's good. It becomes really tough because you're just up against yourself all the time. The only story that you have to go off of is your own because you're not interacting with a community of people. You don't have people that relate or understand or share about the same stuff that you're like, ah, aha, that's how I am. And you're just going off your own story and your own perception.

And when I struggled in that spot, I just went off my own BS. I was like, my own BS and I had to have other people around me for accountability. It was really helpful. So where do you go from there? I mean, three and a half years in, I mean, what's changed for you? Because this whole thing here, Megan, we're talking about there's this big theme. I don't know if you've realized it through this story here. But it comes down to your self-worth and loving yourself and being able to accept you for

who you are and for where you're going. And nothing really explosive maybe has happened in your life. I mean, I think a lot of stuff has happened here. but your words there. How do you start to patch up some of this stuff? Because I think when we get sober, we soon realize, too, really, when we first entered this, we think it's the drinking or we think it's the other stuff.

And then we dig a little bit deeper. Yeah, great question. Yeah, there is a theme there, huh? Just, yeah, not having that self-worth. And that is something that I struggled with, obviously, my whole life. And I do feel like it's still a work in progress, but I do love myself.

I have self-respect, self-love, my actions align with my values now. And I think, yes, a lot of it has to do with not drinking, but it's the work that I've done since then. One of the biggest things that helped me to is I started my Instagram, sober, at six months. I was six months sober and I just started it for accountability. I actually thought I was like one of the first few people to start an Instagram account. I didn't know there had been accounts for a long time before me. I was not a pioneer in that really. But at the time, I thought I was. But that creative outlet was huge for me, learning, making my own post, writing about it, journaling about it, helping other people, hearing that my story was helping.

That kept just compounding over time, all the different things that I was doing. And then I started doing the certifications and just building up myself worth, following through, learning to trust myself again. And then I think just getting honest with myself, I would still say things like, I don't say forever that I'm not going to drink, but now I do say forever. It's not going to be different if I go back. It will, I will end up hating myself again. I will end up where I was, if not worse. So I've learned a lot. I've learned a lot about addiction and alcohol and that alcohol is a highly addictive drug and it's not going to be different if I go back. So just all the things I think I've learned over time and try to just get rid of that guilt and shame. I've learned to

just build up my self-worth. Yeah, that's huge. And that's such an important part to it too, right? It's about learning, building stuff. And I love that you're sharing it on Instagram. And before that, I think, because we talked, you were a chef on Instagram. Yeah, I had, in COVID, because I was working, I was homeschooling the kids. I was working in a hospital here during COVID. It was crazy during that time. And I did start a food page. So I realized I really like that, the whole posting it and cooking and then sharing about it, sharing tips. And so I found like my groove. And then I had a group chat called Soba Sisters with three other, two other single moms in my town who were all trying to quit drinking.

We were all drinking way too much, single moms like with the pandemic. So we had this group chat. And then I finally got sober. And I said, do you guys care if I use that name of our group chat? Soba Sisters, which is supposed to be a Boston accent. And they were like, sure. And so I did. And that it's just pretty funny that now it's like actually still seeing and I have a business on it and all the things like that I'm doing around it.

Who would have thought? And the rest is history. It's been incredible. And I think too, what you mentioned there is a creative outlet is you got on the Instagram and you've probably noticed the transition like I have over the years. At first you play it a little bit safe. Maybe you didn't. I don't know. I'm just saying at first we tend to play things a little bit safe, right?

I want to ease into this and see what people are going to think. And then as you go along, it can become a therapeutic in a sense. And not that you're getting therapy from fans or the people on the other side, but the opportunity to express your feelings and especially for somebody like you, somebody like me who we just didn't feel good enough to finally have people who connect with what we have to say, it feels nice to say that like for so long I lived in a bubble and I thought I was the only shy, anxious kid that didn't make. the soccer team, always got pick class and gym class. And then when you connect with your people,

you realize that you're not alone, but you also realize that narrative and story that we lived by for so long can be flipped. And we can be somebody completely different when I talk with people now about how my life was or show them pictures or this or that. People don't believe it. They don't believe it because you do make changes and you can become something completely different. But yeah, I mean, I love that. And maybe that was your experience too with just sharing on the different mediums about what things were like. Yeah, absolutely. And that people want to listen to you and that they're saying like, wow, this helped me or I thought I was alone or the only one that was dealing with this and you find out that it's not. So I mean, my Instagram definitely was the catalyst for so much of my change because it's led me to you, us connecting. And then to Sober Buddy. And now I've been with Sober. Sober Buddy for two years, actually, I think, yesterday. So it's just pretty cool.

Wow. Yeah, I had my anniversary with Sober Buddy two years. So all the things. And then that probably pushed me to start a podcast because you had started yours and just all the things. It's really, it's quite incredible. No, it definitely is. Yeah, even mentioning that sober buddy, two years. Congrats on that.

And that's been an incredible journey for the two of us as well as we went from not having our support meetings, to having our support meetings and getting to know, for me anyway, getting to meet people. I mean, you do the sober sister's community as well. So you have gotten to meet people, I throughout this journey I never really got to. But to be able to meet people and be a part of their story and I was sharing with everybody today. I know people that are starting out, they're so grateful for us that have been doing it for a little bit. But I'm telling you, we're probably just as grateful or even more grateful for the person with four days that gives us. the opportunity to be a part of their life. And it's an ultimate privilege to be able to be part

of people's lives who are working on this stuff and working through it. And it's just an incredible journey, but it's been nice to see things grow. And a lot of people from the podcast join in. And they love attending Megan's stuff as well. But I'm just thinking, Megan, there's somebody out there listening to the show. Odds are. And they're stuck in that spot where you were, like say on the 23rd December, the 21st of December leading up to that night that I think talking with you before really didn't look any different than any other night in a lot of ways. What was the difference there? What would you say to that person? Yeah, I think I was just sick of my own bull crap. And I remember thinking, this can't be life. There has to be more to this life

than doing this night after night, breaking promises to myself. And I was at that point. point personally where I didn't think anybody would care if I wasn't there anymore. And I had said that to my little brother that night. And I would just say when you're just, you're sick and tired of being sick and tired, that's enough. You don't have to hit rock bottom. You don't have to wait for everything to completely fall apart. If it's, if something inside of you is just saying, I don't want to do this, as much as I don't like myself, I don't want to keep hurting myself. and to reach out for help, send me a message, reach out to any of the sober Instagram accounts out there, join a community, even if you don't put your camera on, just join and see what it's all about

and see if it sparks something in you. But I think surrounding yourself with other people on this journey is one of the biggest things because otherwise you feel so alone and you're just going to keep going back. And so I'd say no one's too far gone. It's never too late. It doesn't matter what age you are or anything like that and that you are worthy even if you don't believe it. Yeah, that's so powerful too. And I mentioned the other day in one of the meetings there too. I think a big part of this whole thing is making a decision because I was in and out for so many times. I mean, I lost count of all the times. I think one of the most powerful things we can do is make a decision. Where do you want to be? Like, are you drinking or are you not drinking?

Not this maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe I'll do it next week. Like the decision right now, you got to make every day is, am I drinking today or am I not drinking? Right when you wake up, make that decision and whatever it is, you stick to it. It's not really for me to say what's wrong or right. I mean, I think everybody knows that they know the answer to that. And I heard another thing too, and what you made me think about it there is another thing. It's so simple, but it just hit me like a ton of bricks. Sober people are people who just tried one more time.

That's it. It's not about rock bottoms. It's not about losing this, DUIs, this or that. Sober people are people who just tried one more time. That's literally it. You're hearing these stories over and over again. It was another day. They gave it another shot.

And here we are with over three and a half years, Meg, an incredible story. And I appreciate you so much. Yeah. Thank you, Brad. Anything else that we left off that you want to mention before we sign off? I guess the last thing I did mention, join a community. Check out sober, buddy. It is awesome.

It's for men and women. And the other thing would be check out my retreats. If you are a woman who is alcohol-free and you're looking to meet other women and have a life-changing experience, which I don't use lightly, it truly is. I didn't travel until I was sober and I was 38 and I got my passport. And retreats are literally an investment in their life-changing. So I'd love to have you. So send me a message if you were interested in learning about my upcoming retreats to Vermont, to back to Bali for the third time, and to Costa Rica. Yeah, let's go. Incredible job. Thank you so much, Megan. Thank you. Well, there it is, everyone. Another incredible episode here on the podcast, Megan, aka the Soba Sister. Thank you so much, Megan for jumping on here and sharing your story with us. Megan and I, obviously, like we said in the intro, recorded as the second spot in the podcast, and that was well over a year ago. the growth and the clarity on Megan's struggles and how she shared her story this time is night and day. And that's the growth that happens with the recovery process.

So if you guys want to check her out, I'll drop her information for Instagram down on the show notes below. If you enjoyed this episode as much as I did, be sure to send her over a message and let her know. As always, everyone out there, you all are incredible. Thank you so much for the support. And I'll see you on the next. one.