Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Quitting Alcohol And Getting Sober Changed Everything for Madeline, Pete and Mary Updates.

Episode Date: April 8, 2025

Inspiring Sobriety Journeys with Madeline, Pete, and Mary. Madeline discusses her sober travels and community support, Pete shares his 13-year sobriety journey and career progress, and Mary talks about her retreats and the healing power of nature. They all emphasize the importance of community, personal growth, and not giving up. Support the Show  buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivation Follow the Guests: Madeline: https://www.instagram.com/happiestsober/ Pete: https://www.instagram.com/pete_sousa/ Mary: https://www.instagram.com/marytilson/ 00:00 Introduction and Guest Lineup 00:24 Support and Donations 00:53 Catching Up with Madeline 01:16 Madeline's Sobriety Journey 02:15 Building Sobriety Skills 03:51 Personal Growth in Sobriety 10:47 Trusting the Process 15:50 Reflecting on Sobriety 28:54 Interview with Pete 37:39 A Memorable Encounter in the Rain 39:06 Life Lessons from KFC and Recovery 41:12 Career Progress and Personal Growth 45:20 The Power of Vulnerability and Connection 52:25 Mary's Journey and the Impact of Nature 01:09:47 Concluding Thoughts and Future Plans

Welcome back to another update episode, three guests today. Madeline, Pete and Mary. Incredible stories, a lot of great things, a lot of sobriety time too from these guests as well. So that's awesome. That's encouraging. I want to mention to everybody, thank you for following along with the update series. We'll have a regular story episode coming up next and then we'll get back to some more updates. If you're enjoying the podcast and you've been able to get something out of it,

please consider dropping some donations over at buy me a coffee dot com slash sober motivation all of this is a ton of fun but don't be fooled that it's not a ton of work it is i love doing it i love making the connections i love putting the show together any support helps it all goes a long way i'll drop that link down on the show notes below now let's get to these updates welcome back everyone to this segment of the podcast here we got madeline with us today, how are you? Hi, I'm good. How are you? Yeah, I'm great. I mean, we're finally getting some nice weather here and thank God. I know. After yesterday craziness, I have a whiplash, but I will take it. 100%. So it's been a while since we caught up on the show. Just give us a

update of where things are at for you now, how you're doing. And if there's anything that kind of stands out that you've learned, you know, since we connected last time. Oh my gosh, I was trying to think back, I feel like it was like 2023 when I came on your show. I feel like I had just gotten back from hosting my first trip to Costa Rica. So since, yeah, right?

So, yeah, a couple years, just about a couple of years now have passed, which is crazy. But yeah, so since then, oh my gosh, what have I been up to? I've been running my community, the happiest sober hub. I've also done another

sober trip to Croatia. last year and then I'm in the process of planning or like launching my next sober trip, which will be to Portugal this year. So lots of traveling. And yeah, just doing what I'm doing in the sober community. Yeah, which is great. I mean, the communities too are great places for people to plug in and get support and make friends too. I find that on that thing there too, I find the communities. And maybe you can relate to this too is a great sort of medium ground for people to start to work on their skills. And this sort of like a bridge from getting sober, not drinking anymore, join a virtual community, learn some skills and then translate that in your real life,

you know, after three months or two months or six months. Do you notice that too? And then people, you know, say like they start meeting people in their communities and they start furthering their connections. I think it helps people build a lot of confidence in what they're doing. 100%. 100%. And it's, I always find it cool to see, too, how like sober, like sober tools or things that we learn in our sobriety apply to so many different areas of life. Like whenever we're talking about like personal growth or like mindset and all that kind of stuff, I'm always like, oh, just like with getting sober, this thing translates too. Yeah. Well, 100%. A lot of the different tools. I mean, that's sort of like what everybody talks about in the beginning is the

big mountain to climb about not drinking. And then sort of the other stuff unravels. You know, some people share a story about things get harder before they get better to. Everybody's a little bit different. But I think what they're referring to just from the conversations is that they're starting to feel their emotions again. They're starting to hit differently. And we're just a little bit unsure maybe of how to work through all of that stuff. What has the experience been for you? Like over the years as you stay sober for how long now? Just about four and a half years now. Yeah. So four and a half years. I mean, when you reflect back and think on, you know, call it the last three years. Yeah. What really stands out to you? Is there anything from that time frame of like

there's levels to this and there's more to work on and more to learn? And what are your thoughts? A hundred percent. So it's something that I've been talking about, a lot too as I've gotten further in my sobriety is that yeah like in the beginning it's so all consuming you're just trying to not drink you're just trying to get to a year you're just trying to like change your habits and then the less and less you start to like think about drinking when you get to a place where sobriety becomes your normal then it becomes just about like living your life right and there's always absolutely work to be done it was actually um my mom who's been sober for over 40 years. She hosts meetings in my community and she was telling me,

somebody asked her recently, like, at 40 plus years sober, do you feel like you ever get complacent? And her answer was like, she doesn't have to think about sobriety, but in terms of complacency, what she thinks of sobriety now is just that she's always on this process of like evolution and personal growth. And like, that's what sobriety is. And so I think that, something that's helpful to remember is that like sobriety gets easier, but life is always going to be life. And so it becomes like at first sobriety is hard because you're trying not to drink. And then it gets easier in terms of, you know, you can get through things without drinking, but then life is going to happen. And so for me, like, I feel like I've done a lot of

self work over the last, especially over the last year, to be honest. I like have been, I found a really great therapist. And I've been. really consistently going to therapy. I also, last summer, got on medication for anxiety. So that was something that I really started struggling with in year three. I started struggling with some really bad anxiety. And so I was able to address that and get on medication. And I feel like, yeah, there have been so many things that I've uncovered about myself that I've been working on. I really struggle with like things out of my control and trying to kind of. So a bunch of things like that is is what I'm,

what I've been really working on and and learning about myself. But I think of it as such a privilege because if I was still drinking, head in the sand, making problems worse, not addressing anything. And so yeah, in sobriety, we do get to do that work on ourselves. And I think we're really lucky for that. Yeah, well, 100%. We have that awareness.

And that's one of the things. That's kind of like one of the silent things I feel about drinking is that lack of awareness about where we can maybe improve or the growth or our accountability in different situations. Like I always played the victim of things like, oh, the world is out to get me. How could this happen to me or me, blah, blah, blah, and not come up with anything that was solution-based or allowed me to move forward. I really love that too about, you know, plugging in to different things because when people

get started on this journey. I think there are some people anyway, they're so quick to, hey, Brad, what do I need to work on? What do I need to do? I usually say is like things will rise to the surface. Like there's no need to rush all of the healing process that comes with it. First, we need to get the foundational pieces of this together, right? Where are you going to get support? How are you going to start working through like those layers of the foundational pieces? And then, you know, kind of get to the next level on things. And I feel like the sobriety, like you just mentioned there, creates some space in our life to where we have the capacity, the willingness, the openness, the openness to have a look at other things too. When we're ready, though, and I love how you're

saying really in the last year, because it can be a lot too, I think, if we just, you know, we get 90 days and then we want to jump into, you know, making everything different in our life and figure it everything out can be a lot for somebody kind of newer to things. So that's great. Yeah. I love what you just said. That's really helpful to remember because I think there's such this, like when we get sober, we were like, especially because we're like all or nothing like addictive personalities. It's like, oh my God, now I'm sober. Let me change everything else and do all my work. And it's okay if you're in those early process, like the early process to just be like, let me just get some sober time under my belt and do what I need to do to, to, you know,

get to a solid place. And then, yes, more will be revealed. Like, you'll be in that place of self-awareness and clarity where if things come up for you, you'll be able to identify them and be like, okay, like, now let me, let me work through this. Yeah. And develop, I think that confidence, too, to like ask for help, right? Like, I think that, I mean, that's a common trend, right? is we were silently fighting our own battles of the shame and the guilt was just piling on, right? That we're the only one who's struggling with this. We can't talk with anybody. What if people knew how heavy would that be? Would they think differently of me? All these kind of thoughts that we have in our own head that just keep us stuck and keep us trying to.

My whole thing, I thought this is how I would get sober. It's like I thought to myself, well, I created this mess. So I'm going to get myself out of it quietly, not tell anybody, You know, just kind of like water under the bridge, right? Like I'll just quietly sail off into the night, right? And leave this wreckage behind. And I won't have to answer any questions. And I'll just leave it behind. And like I tried that so many times.

It never worked. Things only really worked when I started sharing with other people that had been through the same thing. And I saw that they had got their life together. One of my earliest mentors, a fellow named Andy, when, you know, when me and Andy would connect, that I would get a little bit of inspiration that maybe, maybe I could figure it out if my buddy Andy figured it out. And I think that's really important too to like get it, get around people, you know,

and finding, finding people that can share sort of that inspiration, but also that insight. Interesting. We talked in the meeting, the community meeting last night about trusting the process. And it's just kind of been on my mind. We just talked about it yesterday. And I think it's a really important element of everything, right?

because we go into this and we want to know all the answers. We want to know the way forward. We want to know how everything works out every step of the way. But the reality is, like there's not a complete roadmap to how everything's going to go for everybody's different experiences and different life they bring to the table. What are some of your thoughts about, you know, the earlier days, maybe even now in some areas of your life about trusting the process of that things are going to work out if we keep showing up? You know, it's so funny that you asked this because I was actually thinking about something really similar this morning. And coming back to what I was saying about how like things that we learn in sobriety that help us stay sober can be really helpful in other areas of life as well. Because something that I always really like to say about being in early sobriety and maybe like future tripping or worrying about how you're going to get through certain things is I always say like you have to trust that the future version of you will be. be able to handle it when it gets here. Because if you're on like day one of sobriety and maybe you have like a wedding in six months that you're really nervous, like how am I going to get through that wedding

sober or anything that you could future trip about, you don't have your six month perspective yet. You only have your day one perspective. So you can't actually imagine that event from how you're going to feel when it gets here. But when it gets here, you'll have six more months under your belt and all the growth that comes with it. And so I always just think that's a really helpful thing to remember. And so even today, I was thinking about just reflecting on life stuff and the future and uncertainty not related to sobriety. And I was like, wait a second, that thing I always say about sobriety, like trust that the future version of you has it. Same goes for anything else. Like, you have to trust that like things are going to unfold. And everything you're dealing with right now

is setting you up to be ready for the next thing that's to come. And so I think that's always a really kind of comforting thought is to be like, okay, that's not something that I can or have to do today, but when it gets here, like the future version of me will be able to handle it. Just like I've gotten through every day that's gotten me to this point as well.

Yeah, wow, that's a really good way to shape it. It kind of reminds me of that quote or that thought of like we've survived every day up until now. Yeah. Even though things have been difficult, like we've made it to where we, are. So if we kind of refer to that, like, then we're going to be able to handle things that are to come as

well. And too, like the growth. I mean, six months and stuff. But that's a, I'm glad you brought it up, too, because that's a very real thing when it comes to this, right? I've got this birthday coming up. I've got the, we got wedding season coming up probably, right? We have all of this stuff. And it's like, how am I going to navigate these waters that are so unknown, that are so used to the drinking and, you know, everybody else is going to be or whatever it is, right? And it's kind of that thing. Like, let's just live in today. Let's do the best we can today. Show up and get support and keep growing. And then when those times come, we'll be prepared by what we do day after day. A hundred percent. Just like how there are so many things like that you can look at in hindsight from

today and be like, oh my gosh, I thought that that was like the worst thing in the world and now I see why that had to happen kind of thing. Like you can look with hindsight so you can trust that like when future times come, it'll be the same thing of like, oh, that like hard day I got through there, like taught me what I needed to learn to get through this now. Yeah. No, that's so true. I mean, some of my toughest days, you know, I mean, kind of at the end for me, it was,

it was difficult in the moment. It was like the toughest days of my life. But when I look back, I'm like, think it was the best thing that ever happened to me. going to jail for a year and being back in Canada and stuff. Like it was terrible at the time and I never could see a way out of it. But now when I look back, I'm like, man, like, thank goodness for that. It was a beautiful opportunity to just spend one year figuring out what I wanted for my life and what I did want for my life. And it was very quiet.

I mean, like, it's weird. It's weird. I do really well in structured environments. Yeah. I remember you saying that when you came on my podcast. Jails and rehabs. and hospitals, those are easy, breezy for me to do it in. You know, it's when all the other pieces of everything get going, it can get difficult.

But that's a beautiful way to put it. I mean, you just have to trust in that that if we keep putting one foot in front of the other. I mean, we tend to get ahead of ourselves too, right? You know, we tend to get ahead of ourselves. We just want to rush it. It's kind of like that other quote I see sometimes about we just want to skip the difficult parts to get to the good parts, but fail to realize that to feel the good. good and to feel the accomplishment and to be proud of ourselves,

we have to kind of go through a little bit of the mind. Yeah. Yeah, 100%. It's like the quote, too, that when you numb the bad, you also numb the good. Like, if you want to feel the full spectrum of your emotions, that has to include the hard ones as well. Yeah. And it's learning.

And that's like kind of maybe like the second, third, fourth or fifth or whatever stage of recovery in sobriety too is like the initial one is like, okay, we have to create some distance between us and our last drink. Because I'm a firm believer that the mat, as long as we're drinking, the magic can't happen. Yes. You can't get connected and have the awareness that we need, the clarity that we need to say, okay, you know what, this is kind of what's next for me. I couldn't anyway.

I obviously can't speak for everybody, but I couldn't. I could never, like I grew up and I never noticed that the birds were singing in the forest of the backyard. I never noticed how beautiful things were around me. It's crazy to think about, but I just. just lacked that gratitude in life. Sobriety has just reshaped my vision for all of that sort of stuff. Isn't that so good?

It's wild. I know. I love that. I've gotten really into like gratitude journaling over the last couple months. And that's something else that excites me too in reflecting on like being at this stage of my sobriety is that I feel like I'm like returning more and more back to who I was before I ever drank. it's like you learn so much.

So there's all the good parts of like having gotten sober and everything you learn from that, but also like kind of going back like when I was even like 12, 13, I loved reading self-help books. I loved reading like things on spirituality. And like I was like loved that stuff. And then of course as I started drinking, I totally disconnected from like so much of what I learned and so much of what I loved to learn. And even in like the last few months I've been making like I've been writing these monthly intentions and making little monthly challenges for myself that are like, okay, every day of April,

I'm going to meditate, then I'm going to get a journal, then I'm going to do this. And like it feels like this sort of like coming back to the real excitement I had for life before I ever started drinking and before that like took so much over my life. And so I think that's really cool to see is like you grow so much and then you also like reconnect back to old parts of yourself. Yeah, that's like the full circle type idea. Even thinking of that too, I relate to it sometimes, you know, because the question comes up all the time, rightfully so. Does it get any easier? Like, do things get any easier, you know, for somebody that's in the beginning?

And I always think about it, you know, like there was a time in my life where obviously before I drank and never thought about drinking. I never crossed my mind. And then there comes a time in our life. I don't know if you can relate to this or not, but there came a time in my life where I thought about drinking all the time. One of the first thoughts I had in the morning. I was never a morning drinker, but it was one of the first thoughts I had in the morning about I couldn't wait

till the day was over. I couldn't wait for the weekend or I just couldn't wait to get things going again. But then on this side of things, I feel like after a while, after some time, I'm not all the way back to where I don't think about drinking because I'm well aware of it. But it's pretty daggone close. It's pretty close to where I'm just like have just absolutely no interest and it has no appeal to me at all. And it's kind of like in a way I relate it to like before I ever knew anything.

So I always kind of share that story with people like, hey, maybe people can relate to that. Maybe they can't. But it rarely ever crosses my mind. And if I do see it, I don't attach the benefits that I once used to attach to it. Like I used to attach that it was something that was improving my life. Now I see it clear as day that it just brings absolutely no value to my life. It wrecks havoc on it. And it wrecks havoc on a lot of people that I love today.

And it's kind of teach their own, you know, about making changes. But yeah, it's that shift, right? You experience any shift like that? Oh, for sure. I think, too, like the does it get easier question. I think it's that like sobriety from my experience just becomes normal life. And life has ups and downs. So like life might get hard.

But in my earlier sobriety, if I had a hard day, then I also felt like sobriety was hard because I was like, oh, I'm having this bad day and I wish I could drink and like all of those thoughts would come up. Whereas it's like now, of course I have bad days. But I never equate it to sobriety feeling hard. And I never think I wish I could drink to get through this bad day. It's like I'm fully just have learned to get through the ups and downs of life without feeling like I need a drink. And another thing too is I actually have and I don't feel like I get many of these anymore.

But I have a sober first coming up next week because I'm going to like an all inclusive resort. And I haven't done that sober yet. I've done a lot of traveling, but not like just an all inclusive resort beach vacations. vibes. And I used to go to all inclusives and obviously be like, get my money's worth in alcohol and be drunk the whole time. And if this was earlier in my sobriety, I would be so stressed about this. I would be like, oh, I'm going to feel so left out. Is it going to be fun without drinking? Whereas now I've never done it sober, but I'm literally like, oh my God, I'm so excited to do this sober. Like, I'm so excited to be on a beach and I'm going to like love waking up and having my mornings. And like no part of me is

feeling anxious about FOMO or wanting to drink while I'm there. It's actually the opposite where I feel really grateful that I get to go do it and not be drunk the whole time. So, yeah, absolutely those shifts happen. And I think it becomes something that at first is hard. And then it's something that you're like, oh, thank God. Like you realize just how much better everything is sober. And so even things you haven't done yet, it's like, I have enough experience to know that it's going to be great because I've done so many things sober that I'm like, thank God, I'm not drinking for this. Yeah.

No, that's so true. Yeah, for the all-inclusives. Yeah, I mean, you just, so many people come back from their vacations, too. I hear it all the time. And myself included, like, man, I mean, it feels like a vacation. It's not, you're starting in the morning early. I mean, we might not stay up all night, but you know what I mean? You're staying up to a good time, but you're present all the time.

You're focused. You're engaged. And you're just really enjoying. and sort of that experience too, right? And I think for me, it was really important for me in the early days to detach from how other people were drinking and doing things compared to how I was, you know, because I would go to these things and I would see everybody, you know, drinking. But the reality was I didn't know their entire story.

Maybe that's what they did for a year and they're having a blast, but maybe they didn't drink the rest of the year or, you know, maybe they're just letting off some steam. The problem with me was every time I tried to sew. over up and then if I went on a vacation or a weekend away, I would, you know, give myself the hall pass to have a few drinks, right? But I told myself not when you get back, you're not drinking anymore. I couldn't wait to get back so that I could drink the way I wanted to drink, not around people. So it never really worked, you know? It always kind of annoyed me towards the

tail end to really drink around people because I was like, I just want to drink the way I want to drink. I don't want to wait for my buddy to finish his beer so that he gets me another one in the fridge. Right. Yeah, he's too slow. Oh, my God. How good, like, how good is that memory as just like our own reminder, especially when you're doing that comparison of when you said like you'd be watching other people drink and remind yourself like, well, I don't know their whole story. And I think that's such an important one because it's so easy to be watching people drinking and going like, oh, they're having so much fun. But like I always like to say when I was drinking, I looked on the outside.

outside, like I was having a freaking blast. Like I was what you would call like a quote, fun drunk most of the time. But nobody watching me from the outside would have known that I was waking up hating myself in a shame spiral so anxious, struggling so much. And it's like, you might be comparing yourself to somebody who's actually struggling with their drinking for all you know, even if they maybe look like a normal drinker because you can't tell from the outside. You only know your truth. And that's the only one you need to know. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. We have. have no idea sort of what role it plays in other people's lives. I think that's kind of like

the mirror I had to really put up against myself in the early days of like, hey, everybody else has got their own thing going on, but you can't keep sizing up what you're doing with everybody else, right? You don't know the full stories. And plus it just creates havoc for my life. It pretty much did from the beginning and I just ignored it. Right. Come on, you know. And then that kind of wears out. But I was thinking that too. Back to the other thing, right, about like, do things get easier? You know, and I always kind of mention this too. I think there's a little bit of a mix, right?

Things get easier. But we also develop tools so that they feel easier. You know, so it's like when we come into sobriety, a lot of people, I'm like, you literally picture being a construction worker. I'm showing up on my first day at the job. Only thing in my box is a hammer. I'm only going to get so far, right? But as we go along, we fill the bag.

or the box up with more and more tools. So then the jobs are going to get easier. We're going to get more efficient. We're going to improve. Like we're going to do a better job all around. Right. So there's a part of it. The farther we get away,

I think is that, yeah, I mean, it's easier. It's not right in our face all the time. But then there's also that other part. It's like, hey, we're actively working on building tools, connecting community, asking for help, asking, getting support, giving other people support, going to therapy, you know, doing all these other things that are going to improve our overall confidence that we can really,

you truly make all this happen. That's such a great metaphor, the construction. And I love that. It's so true. Like, we just develop this emotional resilience where you just know at first, sitting with like a hard feeling or sitting with really wanting to drink and trying to not drink through it is so hard because you're just not used to feeling that anymore. You're used to numbing.

You're used to drinking. And so at first it's so hard. But then with time, you do develop this resilience where you know, like even if life gets harder, there's a hard moment, you know and trust that you can get through it because you've done it so many times and you do have the tools. Thinking about wrapping up here, is there anything for people to take away from something, you know, that you feel like you've learned you could pass on to others? Oh my gosh.

Something I've learned. Yeah, I mean, just to coming back to like trusting in the future version of you and to trusting in the fact that you are capable of doing things that feel impossible to you right now. And you don't have to like zoom out and be like, how am I going to do all of these things sober? Because you really just have to take it one day at a time. But the more days you get under your belt, the more you're just going to be slowly proving to yourself of all the things that you can do. And so I think just to really remember that how it feels in the beginning isn't how it's going to feel forever. you get to grow with this process

and then it'll get to the place where you can look back and be like, oh my God, I never would have imagined I could have done this or I never would have imagined that it could feel this way. And so you can just keep absolutely, I guess that's the theme of this episode is to just trust the process and to trust yourself, to trust that you're capable of doing hard things

and getting through things sober. And life really does transform in sobriety. It's such an incredible thing to do for ourselves. So keep freaking going. Yeah, no, I second that too. It's wild just to kind of look back and see, you know, I'm sure you can relate to like just how things change, right? And not always like what's around us,

but I think a lot of what I notice is what's within, you know, just the way I see things, right? Like just see things more optimistic and that there's a lot more opportunity. And I feel like a lot more opportunities we're open to and available to. And things really seem to, you know, come together, right? You hear people all the time, right? sobriety, getting new jobs, new relationships, new opportunities, helping people. And it's like, man, you know, like that stuff is great.

And it's coming because of saying goodbye to one thing and putting some work in. Yes, 100%. And like the interchange that is really where it's at. The rest is a bonus. And it often does happen because the outer world tends to mirror the inner world. But the interchanges in how different you feel emotionally, internally, your relationship with yourself, how you feel about yourself. That's one of the best shifts that comes with it, I think.

Yeah. Well, thank you so much for jumping on here. Congrats with everything. Thank you for having me. Thanks. Another huge shout out to Madeline, aka Happy is Sober. Thank you so much for jumping on the show. Giving us an update and sharing a lot of insight with us.

So next up, we're going to jump over and hear from Pete, the host of the payoff with Pete. Pete podcast. Pete lives by Rule 62. If you know, you know. Now let's get to it. Welcome back, everybody, reconnecting here with my buddy Pete. Pete, thanks for joining. How are you? Man, honestly, I'm great. I'm talking to you. And I say it to you offline. I'll say it to you online. I love what you're doing. I love what you've done. And to be a part of the sober motivation family is a big deal to me. So anytime you call, I'm there. That's the truth, man. You always have been. Well, I appreciate it, Pete. I really do.

I still remember a while back to you came and joined us in the sober buddy community, too, to share your story. And it was great, man. A lot of, a lot of good stuff. Sorry? I'm doing it again soon, too. I got the invite. So we got to get on the same page as that. I can't wait. Yeah, man. So true. 13 years now for you, sober. Huge congrats on that, too. That's incredible. What are you learning, man, throughout last time we connected to.

I know we chatted a little bit before here, but what do you learn it about yourself in the process? And two, last time we connected you, you brought that to my attention again to your brother had just passed. And that was really sudden for you. And, you know, working through that on this side of things, you know, two things for us to start there with. Yeah, you and I talked. I think it was June of 2022. And, you know, my brother died in May. And so it was like, it was the time he was sober.

He died of 51 and he was sober more than 10 years. And, you know, it was, he was somebody who I looked at as like, not only a big brother, but sort of like a spiritual giant. He was a therapist in Hermosa Beach outside L.A. or in L.A., however you look at it. And, you know, he was like a spiritual guide for me. And losing him was devastating. but at the same time, it was also like, when stuff in my life happens to me that is devastating, there's only one place I go. And that's further into recovery. That's all I've known. And that's all he would have wanted. And so when that happened, that was a challenge, obviously. But it was kind of like, God, this is not the best comparison. But like a lot of us, when COVID hit, people that were sober at the time, I know a lot of people that got sober during COVID, but we knew exactly what to do and where to go.

You know, like that was a difficult time for a lot of people on the planet. But if you were sober, you sort of had the keys or the answers to the test. You know, for me, I'm a 12-step guy, dive into recovery, find a meeting, find somebody to talk to an alcoholic who you can be authentic with. And I did that. I used that same method to move through my brother's passing almost stronger. And, you know, now I'm the type of person who, I've always been this type of person, but I just hadn't tapped into it because I was so screwed up. You know, I can help people that have gone through a situation like that. It's like, I don't know if you've had this happen to you, but, you know, when I was just a few years sober or a year sober, if you go to enough meetings, you end up at the meeting where the person shows up in a suit and tie.

And they said, yeah, I just buried my father today. And this is where I need to be. And that kind of stuff. That's why recovery is so awesome because I learned from you guys. how to behave and handle a situation like that. So I just did what I saw other people come before me do. Yeah, but it was a huge hurdle, but also I still get to celebrate him and carry him, you know, Kevin Sousa.

And yeah, I got the tattoo right here, KLS. You know, that's my guy. He's always with me. Yeah, man. What a beautiful way to honor things to. And I mean that you guys shared this sober path too. I remember when you shared your story, you have another brother as well, right? Yeah, my other brother, Michael is sober, and Michael and I spoke this morning.

We're both like, you know, big time sense of humor, a lot of blue comedy between the two of us. I don't know how funny other people would find it, but he and I are extremely close. And, you know, I go back to Kevin. My one thing about Kevin and his story is Friday, I remember, and this is like, for people who get sober and you have, or if you have addicts and alcoholics in your life who aren't sober yet, you know, I had tried so many times and failed, if that's the word you want to put on it. But I remember Kevin was, he was like, look, I'm, T-Tort was treating me like I was, I was dead, you know, for him to move on, right? And I remember I called him from rehab.

I was so excited. I had like a week and I was finally going to do it. And he was like, dude, call me when you get 90 days. And I was like, you know, but that was like, that was the tough love that needed at the time. And I've noticed this in recovery that if you're following the right path, you get. what you need from everybody. You get the hard-ass people in AA who tell you if you drink, you're going to die, or if you don't come to meetings, you're going to die. And then you get the people like Brad or my brother Kevin or like me who are a little more laid back, right, and who

are going to root you on no matter what. And if you continue to walk the path, you get just what you need. And you get off the debate squad and you welcome it all in, and you take the truth from it all and apply it to your journey. And it took me a while to do that, by the way. Yeah, no, same here, man. I had explained to me pretty straightforward, man. My best thinking ended me up in my worst situations. So I've got to rely on some other people's ideas at some point. And dude, I needed to hear that from you today. You know what I mean? Like that's because that's the truth. That's why we stay close or we need to stay close. Yeah. And I love that too that you, you know, I mean, you had sort of, you know, that idea to plug more and lean in more to community into connection.

And I think that's what this is all about, man. Even connecting with you today, like, I feel better already, man. Connecting with other people that are on it, it just feels better, man. It feels good. It goes back to my story. So when I got sober, I had nothing, dude. I had burned. And I had had a career and had some stuff that going for me.

I burned it all to the ground, right? So I could continue to snort things and take things and drink alcohol. It's that my whole life was based around that. And, you know, I never thought I was going to be able to feel those feelings again, that freedom that I got from alcohol and drugs, right? And then I got sober and I went to treatment. And then they told me, you need to go somewhere else, bro. You're not ready to reengage in society quite yet. And that was magical for me because I was like, all right, okay, what do you got?

And they were like, you're going to go to a recovery house and you're going to work in a fast food place. And all that stuff was going on. And even now today, if I pictured someone else having to go through that, I'd be like, man, that blow. But when I was in there, I started to share with people exactly what was going on with me. And that sharing like we're doing now gave me this feeling that alcohol and drugs had given me. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, this is going to work. And that's connection. What we're feeling today is what it's all about, dude, connecting with people.

And it's not the first, I'm not always dying to connect with people. I've got a disease in my brain that tells me I don't have a problem. you know like you said your best thinking so it tells me i'm okay and that's because it wants me back as a paying customer and if i can approach it that way and remember that then it can make me vigilant and that vigilance lets me experience these amazing gifts yeah so true well said man and uh i remember from the podcast to the fast food story man i can't remember the exact details but i know i can tell you at me pal yeah working the drive-thru a kfc in my my 30s being absolutely terrified.

The line would get so long and I wouldn't know how to work to register. And I would fight a flight. I'd run to the bathroom. They'd be like, dude, we got 15 people in mine. I'd be like, oh, we're right back, you know. And now, you know, I've told you the story. I can't believe it. I get to call games for ESPN.

And sometimes take my, and it's kind of like a little too cool. It's like a little too glory, like look where I've come from. But sometimes it is a good reminder that I have my, it says Big Pete, my nameplate that I made for myself at KFC after I started to get into a rhythm and understand like it's all good I got a sponsor I'm going to meetings I'm working um I was just at some point I was just happy to be a KFC in love and life with gratitude but I take that pin and I put it on like the broadcast desk and I still see that sometimes I'm like oh yeah that's right you know and I got one story for you I'm not going to it won't take too long but it brings me to the recovery house this is the beauty of A.A

But it was in Bella, Maryland, working at the KFC. I'm sober now, obviously, living in the recovery house. I was walking home from KFC one day. It was pouring rain, right? And the recovery house had rules. You couldn't get in a car with anybody else that wasn't in the house or wasn't your sponsor. But there was a guy who was like a guy, like maybe you're my age now, you know, a good, a contributing member of society who was sober. And he pulls up to me, he'd seen me in meetings.

And he pulls up to me in like this really nice car, it's expensive car. He's like, come on, man, get in. It's pouring rain. I'll give you a ride. And I'm like, no, no, no. Like, I can't get a ride from anybody else. I got my KFC uniform on, you know, I'm in my 30s. It's pouring rain.

He's like, dude, get in the fucking car. I'm going to drive you home. So we get in the car and the guy looks at me where he's wearing life like a loose shirt, right? Sober dude. And he turns to me, he goes, man, I fucking promise it gets better. I was like, and he was dead on, dude. Like, it gets so much. better but early on we can be like man this is is this worth it like it's worth it dude you know

yeah stick around yeah that's great he was wearing life like a loose t-shirt that's it man that's that's what when i practice this thing the right way that's what i can do yeah that's awesome man did you get in trouble for getting a ride back to the home or what i don't think so but i there was a couple times where i remember one time i left a meeting early and the guy who ran the house saw me leave the meeting early. And I worked at KFC and they would take my KFC money and they put it in an escrow account. So we could get, we get like 20% of it. And they put it the, you know, your KFC and escrow.

I've never been two things that we've combined together. But there I was. And I had skipped a meeting. So I went to get my weekly stipend that was going to be $50. And they gave me, I looked in the envelope and it was just 20. I'm like, $20 for a whole week. And they were like, yeah, we're going to withhold the 30 because you left the meeting early. And the guy looked at me, he goes, hey, man, you don't smoke, do you?

I was like, no. He goes, you can make it last. I was like, man, 20 bucks for a week. Yeah. But so I did get in trouble when I didn't follow the rules. Yeah. I mean, when we look back to it was like those were hard, you know, hard times maybe here or there. But it's exactly what we needed.

Dude, it was a brat, but that's why I started this. It was some of the most beautiful times I've ever had in my life. I caught fire in that recovery house. I caught fire at that KFC. I learned esteemable acts and learning to show up at a job where you have no idea how to work to register or to communicate or work with other people. That was what I needed, like you said. It taught me how to learn something. It taught me how to do stuff without being drunk or high, just regular actions.

And that job gave me incredible self-esteem approach the right way. I remember this one kid, Zach, great kid. He wasn't in the program or anything. He showed up like 20, 45 minutes late one day. And I was like, oh, how dare you? You know, I was dialed in, dude. I was KFC all the way. One other thing we chatted about, too, which I think kind of ties into trusting the process.

I mean, I think everything that we've kind of chatted about, too, does is about sticking around and waiting for things to change. but I mean, you gave me a little update on your career and stuff too. Like bring us up to speed with that, man. I'm always inspired by that. Yeah, I mean, look, you know, I mentioned like, you know, the depths of where it took me. I certainly am qualified to be in this program to be on your program. And I had a clean slate and a full heart. And, you know, the stuff like the KFC and the magic of recovery enabled me to believe in myself.

and live a life or work towards a life beyond my wildest dreams. The last time I was on with you, I was like, I was like a freelance employee for ESPN. I always wanted to call games, the broadcast games, play by play. And, you know, when you and I had talked, I had just finished up a season where I'd done like, probably like 10 or 11 basketball games for ESPN for the big network. And I was like on the cusp. And, you know, following that summer in all, August, I got a phone call, and they were like, hey, we want to sign you to a contract. We want you to call

X amount of games, you know, which keeps you busy, right? Like, for me particularly, football season, and especially basketball, I'm a couple days a week calling a game, you know, national TV or ESPN Plus, but it's all, you know, I called the Big 12, you know, bigger conferences, and I worked late into the season. I called the NIT up until. about a week ago for ESPN. And it's, it's amazing. And that's why I love talking to you about it, because it wasn't overnight, dude.

Like, I got out of the recovery house. You know, I worked in a kitchen in New York City while I was living in Jersey City. All I did was go to meetings. That's all I did. And work with my sponsor and do what the big book told me to do, what my sponsor told me to do.

And then I got a job in the NBA Development League, doing play-by-play for a team in Massachusetts. I lived in a red roof in for like a year and then I broke her to deal where I could live in a Lakeinta for the next year while I called the games. This is in Springfield, Massachusetts. And then I had made amends with folks when it was time to make amends to them as my sponsor directed me, whose bridges, you know, I had considered burned and were gone forever. And I then did some of those relationships. And then I got opportunities working I did public relations in the NBA.

I started to do a little bit of broadcasting here and there in the MBA. I did local news. I'm dyslexic. I can barely read. It was a disaster. I did local news. I was living in Northeast Louisiana and Monroe. And I could barely read the teleprompter, dude.

People would like email the station like, dude, what's with this guy? So I had to learn all that stuff, you know? And I had to handle disappointment, embarrassment. And I just stuck close to the program, trusted God, and making the right decisions, brought me to Central Texas where I live now. And all kinds of opportunities because I just kept doing the right stuff started to sprout up for me. Again, dude. And I love talking to you about this because I can bring out all the slogans and refresh my own brain. But, like, you know, God rewards honest effort, not wishful thinking.

That's what my sponsor now tells me. You know, and like, I've got to do my part and turn the rest over. And that has been a recipe for me to continue to make progress. And I can get caught up in, do I have everything I want? You know, that's not what this is about. I sometimes become attached to who I am as a personality, as a broadcaster. You know, if I call a game and people will shit on me online because they think I did a bad job or I said something wrong. I can easily get lost in that.

And that's not where my value is. My value is with you. My value is helping the alcoholic who's trying to get sober or is trying to say sober. You know, I had a dude text me this morning. Like, I'm having trouble with my relationship with God. And I was wrestling and tossing and turning. And it was like a texting. And I just called him.

I was like, dude, Reese, you got one job today. Take it easy on yourself. You know, and those are the conversations that give me juice. or when I call somebody else in the program and tell them what's going on with me. That's who I am, you know, not some broadcaster, not some other BS, but I can get caught up and all that. Yeah. Interesting. You mentioned that there, too.

Take it easy on yourself, right? I mean, I feel like a vast majority of us are just really hard on ourselves, no matter how things go, right? You hear this story a lot, too. People have a slip or they're committed to not drinking, then they drink again, and then it's like their old world is falling apart. And I get one aspect of it, but the other aspect is we can't go back and, change what we did. We got to find a way to kind of get going. How have you been able to work on that over these last, you know, 13 years about not being so hard on yourself and showing yourself some grace and love and all that throughout the process? We got to, I don't say you, I need to,

got to flush the shame and the nonsense that comes into my head, that dark passenger that loves to go with me wherever I travel, that tells me I'm not good enough. that tells me I can't do it. That's a lie. That's the same lie that told me I needed alcohol and drugs to be this type of person or to do what I wanted to do. It's the biggest fucking lie I ever told myself. And it set me back and almost killed me. And that same lie will sometimes come to life in my head and I've got to give it to God.

Or if it's talked to another alcoholic about it or somebody else in recovery. or a therapist and let them know exactly what I'm thinking take that put it here and be like that's crazy because when people share that stuff with you in a meeting I don't want to be like I have a pretty good sense of humor I can laugh at all this shit I think it's funny I mean I think rule 62 and the program dude don't take yourself too seriously like that's that's a huge part of it so I think when you have those thoughts and allow them to be what they are thoughts and say get the fuck out of here part of my language. I haven't swear on Brad, but yeah.

That's okay, man. It's a safe space. Yeah, no, I mean, I love that, yeah, because that's what keeps us stuck, right? We put a ceiling on our progress, plus the shame and the guilt of things. Yeah, putting that to rest and being able to move forward. And I think that our connections elsewhere make that so possible, especially when we see people. I mean, you can only believe the story for so long. If you surround yourself with people that are doing it, it's like, okay, you know, maybe I can't too, right?

There's a little bit of hope that gets kind of sparked up. Yeah. Just thinking here, Pete, of wrapping things up, man. Appreciate chatting with you as always. Anything you want to leave us with today, man? I'm thinking back to 13 years, incredible. I mean, one day at a time, obviously, but I'm just thinking back. I mean, if you could pull out one lesson that would be helpful for those people listening.

I got with us, man. It'd be great. I will say, I was lucky enough. You know, I have a podcast that I do about sobriety. It's called The Payoff of Pete, Stories of Subriety. One of the first shows I did. I do it at this company called Rogue Media. That's where I have my show every day.

And The Pizza is a show, just so you know if you ever want to check it out. And Thomas Henderson was of Hollywood Henderson from the Cowboys was a guest I had early on. And I remember he just said, there's always hope. I gave him an opportunity you just gave me. And there's always hope for an addict, right, that's struggling. And it made me reflect back. Dude, I didn't have a pot to piss in, a window to throw it out of. I could not stop.

drinking and taking drugs. I wanted to, and I couldn't stop. And something happened. Well, I know what happened. I surrendered. I was given the gift of desperation when I surrendered, and my whole life started to change. And I can tell you, from 2002, when I went to my first meeting, I didn't have a year sober until 2012. It took me 10 years to get a year. And when I tell you, people thought that I was absolutely hopeless. That's what they thought about me. And now if you were to meet me, if I'm playing things the right way,

you would never know that I struggle with addiction. I don't bring it up unless I can help you with it. It's certainly not anything I run from. I kind of wear it like a badge of honor now when it comes up. But there's always hope. Like if you are watching this today and you drank last night or you're fucked up right now and you think you're never going to stop, that is a lie.

You can stop. And I want people to know that. Yeah. No, that's so true. There always is, man. You grow a beard like Brad. I'm like I'm working on, you know? Are you getting a big beard? Well, I'm excited to see it, man. Well, I'm engaged. My fiance likes the beard. So, you know, look, and it's the off-season. I can go a little grizzly at him. So we'll see, we'll see what we can do here. She's the boss, man. Yeah. Well, are there tight rules, man, when you're working? You have to be clean-shaven and all that stuff?

Look, a little behind the curtain. I'm getting up there in years. But squandered, not. Not that up there. I'm in my 40s. But this is where the disease gets in my head. I wasted a lot of times doing alcohol and drugs. So, and this is like, I'll share this with my sober community. I want to reflect as young as I possibly can when I'm on camera. So if I can cut the hair and shave the beard, maybe they'll think I'm a little younger than I am. And maybe they'll think I got more time to go. And if that's what works, that's what works. But yeah, you got to play the game a little bit too, right? Yeah, you got to play the part, man. I remember that too. I was selling cars at one time. And, you know, deep in the midst of things, man. And that one of the rules was you had to be clean shaven. So I would always show up without being shaving. And the boss would come over and give me a razor, man. And that would be the start of my day, man.

He'd say you got to go and shave that beard off. Yeah, I could care. At that point in my life, I could have cared less about the job and the beard. But I stuck around for a bunch of different reasons, I guess. But yeah, man. Well, that's good, dude. Pete, always great connecting with you, man. Love the energy, man.

and just the message you put out there. And yeah, check out Pete's show too. Check it out. Yeah. Yeah. Are you still recording episodes? Yeah. I literally just started to do another payoff because basketball season I was just

underwater and I was like, I'm going to give it a respite. So I think to say a sabbatical is that's a little too highbrow for me, but I took a little break and now my first episode coming back is going to drop here tomorrow. So yeah, we're back at it, baby. Okay. Cool. Yeah. All right, man.

Well, we'll check it out. Thanks, Pete. Bradman, I appreciate you, brother. Anytime. You know I'm here. Love it, man. Thanks again, Pete. Incredible.

Thanks for jumping on and sharing. Love the energy that Pete brings to the table. Next up, we've got Mary. I've known Mary for a while. Had a lot of interaction over the years. It's an incredible story to see where she's at today with all the retreats and adventures and everything in between. So plug in for this episode and I'll see you at the end.

Welcome back. we have Mary with us. Mary, how are you? I'm doing well. How are you, Brad? I'm good. I'm so happy that we could jump on here and connect. I remember a while ago, like, I'm torrible with dates, so in time frames, but you had jumped into the suburb motivation community and shared some of your story with everybody, and I know it had a big impact on people. So it's always great to connect with you and just to hear how things are changing. And since you came on the podcast, how do you feel things are going for you? And what does life look like? Yeah, well, thank you for having me back.

And thank you for inviting me to come and talk to your community. I'm always so inspired about all the work that you're doing. And I've just met some really, really great people through being on your podcast and then connecting with them afterwards and also showing up for that meeting. So thank you for that. And yeah, I was trying to think of how long it's been since we last spoke. But I think the thing that stands out to me most now is, as I told you before we hit record, I just finished grad school.

So I feel like that feels like a huge sense of relief and something I'm really excited about, but also, you know, looking forward to having some more time and energy to put into other projects that I'm working on too. Yeah, that's huge. I mean, to me, anyway, that's like one of the most terrifying things, school and everything. But, I mean, that's incredible to go back and, you know, to finish that up. And then you mentioned too now you're back in Colorado too. And I know retreats and I wanted to dive into that a little bit big for you.

Do you call them retreats? Yes. Okay. Some of them are more adventures now, now that I'm getting more into like the hiking. You know, we call them expeditions, journeys, adventures, but whatever you want to call it. Okay. Perfect. Yeah.

I mean, I was just wondering sort of like, you know, that whole experience, right, being outside and being connected to nature, a lot of people share that that's really helpful for them to stay grounded and stay plugged in on that level. I mean, it was that like kind of. anything to do with bringing these to people and having sort of that background for it all? Oh, absolutely. I went on my first yoga retreat as a guest in my first year of sobriety, and that was a huge transition time for me. This was in 2014, and I was in my early 20s, and I, at that time, I really was in this mindset of there is no way that I'm going to be able to

live a fulfilling life and have meaningful, fun connections with people. people if I'm not drinking or partying, doing drugs. And I remember going to this retreat. And first of all, there was no substances allowed to be present. So it was like a non-issue. But just, you know, being completely immersed in nature, it was a very, you know, simplistic approach to living. So we were living in little grass huts. You know, I'd wake up and I could hear roosters outside of my window. And I just remembered feeling this incredible sense of peace and calm from being in that environment. And, you know, on top of that with retreats, it's like you're not only in an environment in nature where that, you know, naturally makes you feel more grounded and connected to yourself,

but you're surrounded with other people that are there with that same intention. And so there was just this level of presence and, yeah, like the mindfulness that was kind of woven through all the different activities. I think that was something that was so powerful for me. And it really shifted my perspective on like how you can approach your life. and, you know, that, like, I think nature, too, offers up a lot of natural highs, like, you know, the little simple joys that you experience, whether it's moving your body or just noticing the beauty all around you. So I just think there's so much about being in nature that's huge for people

in recovery. Yeah, I agree with you. It's like my favorite place to be is to go for a walk and connect. It's so interesting that when I look back and when I was really struggling, it's so weird to even think of it, but like when I'm honest with myself, I didn't even realize the beauty of anything around me. I wasn't picking up on it or aware of it or anything at all. Now it's like the simplest of things. I can get a little bit emotional with it. I'm just like, oh my gosh, I'm alive, right? As opposed to before I feel like I just overlooked a lot of the important stuff. It's so true. I feel the same way. And I remember I used to feel like I needed to do something before to go enjoy it. It's like, oh, let's get done.

drinks and watch the sunset or let's, you know, get high and go drive up to the top of the mountain and look at the view. But yeah, that was something that really jumped out to me too. And, you know, one of the things that I'm super interested in, and I think is a huge inspiration behind my retreats because it's had such a big effect on me is just that experience of awe and of just like watching a sunrise. And it's like, it just kind of like disrupts like all the automatic like day-to-day routine that we have. And you're just kind of consumed by the moment. And yeah, that's something that I think is really interesting because I recently read this book by Dr. Keltner, and he's actually a Berkeley scientist who studies

awe. Because, you know, like, it's one of those things that's like, you think about the goosebumps, and it's kind of hard to, like, understand what's happening. It feels almost like an ethereal spiritual experience, but to actually understand what it's really doing to us. And, you know, they found that like when people are actually consciously focusing on watching the sunrise or appreciating the beauty of nature, we like program our brain to be more aware and notice those things more. And so it's like for me, I find the more that I appreciate the simple things like a sunrise, the more I'm like going after those things and noticing like the birds or the flowers starting to bloom in the spring.

And when I think about that, it's like the opposite of addiction and substances where, you know, you have a little bit and you just want more and more and more. Like you're in more of a craving state. You need more of it in order to feel that same high. Whereas I feel like in nature, it's almost like the opposite where you just start to have like bigger feelings towards the smallest things. Yeah, that's so true.

So, I mean, we're more drawn to those things and it's doing something for us. Keeps us coming back from more to the nature and to everything else. I mean, interesting story. I don't know if I have all the details. for it, but I remember for one of your treats, there was someone who is headed to one of your retreats and on their way there, I think they plugged into the podcast and heard our interview. Yes. That was so, oh my gosh, I remember us talking after that because that was so incredible.

Like she was, yeah, when she was flying to Colorado and she had been listening to the episode. And that was one of the things that really, it's, it's an amazing thing about podcasting. isn't it, where I think we're having this conversation and you never know who's listening on the other side or, you know, how our stories relate to other people. But that was such a meaningful thing. And I remember, like, after that, I was just sitting with that being like, just like having such an appreciation for the impact that you're making too, because, like, the amount that you put out with your Instagram posts and the podcast.

And it's like when you meet someone face to face who's just heard the conversation, you realize how far reaching it is. So I have to say, like, I remember after that saying to you, like, you were doing such meaningful work. And I know it's a lot of work, but it's definitely reaching people. Yeah, that was so cool when it's, I love when people, like, even people that are in the community, too, like meet in person, you know, they get connected. Even people that are part of the sober motivation community or people that have connected

on podcasts or whatever it is, you know, because I believe, like, I mean, the sobriety part is fantastic, but I have like this deep-rooted belief that, like, like my job here on this planet is a connector. Oh, I see that other people, I could just have the vision of how people can connect and work together and where it makes sense. Like that's always like my thing.

So for that all to come together, I was like, that is the coolest thing ever, you know, and then you guys were connected and incredible. Yeah, that definitely is your calling because I have to say, like I don't want to say anyone by name,

even though I don't even think you in mind. But there's another person that listened to our episode. and, you know, sent me a DM afterwards. And we're great friends now, like talk regularly. And that's something I like to tell people, too, is like, you know, it's amazing with the sober community online. It becomes a doorway to real friendships. You know, you could, like, you underestimate just like,

it could be a random stranger that you're just DMing through Instagram. But I have had those kind of messages, those exchange that turn into real friendships. Sometimes they turn into partnerships where I'm like running retreats with people are doing projects together. So I always encourage people, like if you connect with someone, like either the message that they're putting out through their sober account or you hear an interview, like it is so worthwhile to just send a message. And, you know, of course there's a chance maybe they won't respond or whatever.

But there's also a chance that like there's a new friend on the other side, which I just think is so cool. Yeah. Well, it is. And I mean, we already have sort of like I always think of it too. like it's such a beautiful relationship to you know and friendship to begin because we're already on the same page you know yeah i don't have to go into it i don't drink and you know like if i want to share with why i don't drink and i don't have to go through all the awkwardness of what that can be

sometimes totally we're already here and i love having people in my life too that are working on you know not only the sobriety thing is cool and not like everybody i talk with and hang out with in my life is sober. It's not, it's not that at all. But I like to surround myself with people that are looking for ways to improve their life or ways to give back or ways to help as opposed to like people, maybe I used to hang out with. And I was one of them too. What's in it for me? Always what's in it for me, you know, and that's the way I was and that's how I surrounded myself with. That's who I surrounded myself with. So it's nice to, um, to have other people who are just like looking for ways to give back, ways to help out. We can work together, collaborate. Um, it just,

those connections too, like they can take off. Like you ever like not talk with an old friend for like five or 10 years? And then you talk with them again and it's like you just pick up right where you left off. I feel like it's it can be like that with other people that are on this journey where maybe you never known each other. But it's like where? Like goodness, where have you been my whole life? I totally agree.

It's incredible. And I think that speaks a lot too to when you lead with vulnerability. Like even if it's not that you're connecting with somebody else who's sober, but I think when you're willing to like own that part of yourself, you know, I found that too. It's just like, and especially since I've been, you know, speaking more openly and, you know, leading things related to sobriety, it's like I'll meet people and they'll ask me about what I do. And it kind of like our conversation starts off with this level of vulnerability where I feel like they might feel more open to talk about things that are potentially challenging for them to talk about too.

So but yeah, I totally agree with you with the recovery community in particular. Like when you go into a meeting, you could really like seemingly from the outside feel like you have nothing in common with someone. But at the same time, you share something like so deep with them. So I do love how that happens. Yeah. And for me, connections are everything. Thinking about, you know, since we connected last, which we don't have a time frame narrowed down. But has there been any challenges that have come up for you that you've had to work through, you know, since we connected?

Yeah, so when we first connected, I had just moved back to Colorado. And I think it's been a really interesting transition in general. I mean, I had been living in Southeast Asia for a while and traveling a lot and running retreats over there. And I think, yeah, just coming back to the states, I felt like I was kind of rebuilding in a big way. Like all of a sudden, you know, I went to school in Colorado, but I didn't have like a solid. friend group here. And so there was definitely like a level of kind of, I think I was having to practice what I help coach other people through, you know, is like as an adult, making new friends and starting to establish relationships within the community here. And one of the things that

has been really helpful with that is I started teaching yoga in person. So a lot of the stuff that I was doing was online before that, which has been really great because it means connecting with people from anywhere, but I also knew that I wanted to have more in-person connection and community here. And so I heard about the Phoenix when I first moved back to Colorado. And it took me a while to actually get involved, but I started teaching yoga with them. And so that's been really great. It's like one of those things. I always encourage people, like if you can get to one of these sober community meetups in the Phoenix is just one example. But it's just, just like we said before, the people are so warm and welcoming. And it never just ends at the yoga class.

It's like then the friends who came to my yoga class invited me to start doing rock climbing with them. And we went snowshoeing. I snowed for the first time, which was really funny. I mean, at one point I was like, I was trying to get like a selfie video and fell over because turning around with snowshoes is really not easy. But yeah, so that's been a big thing for me. And I host a monthly yoga and recovery workshop where we get to kind of dive a little bit deeper into the topic.

So yeah, I would say that's been, it's amazing to me. that it's been like almost three years that I've been back because I feel like it takes time to kind of get grounded in a new place and build meaningful relationships and all of that. So that's been a big part of it for me, I would say. Yeah. What's the connection to Colorado? So I went to school out here. I went to school at the University of Colorado in Boulder and my sister went here too.

And so my family was living in Chicago, but my parents ended up moving out here during the lockdowns and things like that and just to be more out in nature. And so for me, I'd lived in Southeast Asia for a while. I knew when I came back to the States that I would want to be somewhere in nature because I had spent so much time living in the jungle and by the beaches, I was like, well, I can't go back to a city. I think that'll be too much of a shock to the system. So, yeah, it was a perfect combination of being close to family and also close to the mountains.

Yeah. As weird as it sounds, I don't know if I could picture you in any other place other than kind of being out in the wild in a sense. I couldn't picture you in a city. Well, you should have known me in my past life. I mean, that's the thing that's so funny, isn't it? Like with recovery, I mean, when I think about myself when I was living in Chicago and working at an ad agency and, you know, taking the train to work and going out every single night for happy hour drinks and partying, I could have never imagined myself living in the mountains and hiking on a Sunday morning or, you know, all of the things that I do now.

Yeah. It's incredible how things change, you know, when we go through this process, I really look in. I think it and ask ourselves the question, like, what do we want? We become more aware of what we're looking for in life and what brings us joy and what helps us feel like we belong. Absolutely. And I think that was something that it's been really amazing to coming back here because I went to school in Boulder and don't live that far from where I lived when I was a student. But to me, when it was a nice day, that meant the rooftop bar. It meant going to happy hour on Pearl Street. It was like, that was an occasion for drinking. And it's almost as if I didn't even notice that the mountains were there or something that I could potentially, you know, like,

go out hiking or enjoy myself doing. I went on one hike in four years when I lived there. And I think my friends and I were just complaining the whole time. And it's just amazing to me. Like, I think that returning to a place that really gives you an opportunity to pause and reflect and just notice on notice how much has changed. And I think addiction made my life progressively smaller and smaller. And now in recovery, I'm just recognizing like removing substances from the picture. It's just, I think the mountains, there's, there's so many like metaphors within the mountains, I think, for recovery too. But, you know, just actually like taking the effort to go out on a hike and, you know, one step at a time, making your way at a time.

it's like that natural high that you get from being up there, it's, there's nothing that compares to it. And I think of it a lot as like, this is, it's amazing to me that when I was in that position then, like that was the high that I was chasing, that feeling. It was like, was just constantly looking for it in substances or partying or whatever the thing was. And it was just right there, you know? Yeah, it was right there in the background of things. Yeah, the backdrop to the parties. The backdrop. Yeah, that's kind of that. It's like one of those full circle moments, you know,

kind of in life back to to where, you know, that experience. It was a lot different for you last time. And now it's like changed completely on this side of things. Thinking about wrapping up here too. And I'm wondering like, what was one or a few of the most helpful things for you to kind of bust through, you know, maybe the beliefs we had around alcohol too. You know, I've been talking a lot with people about, you know, what we believed to be true, right? Fear missing out. How am I going to make friends? How am I going to do all this stuff? And then the other side, and we start to kind of break that down and say, yeah, you know, there wasn't much truth to a lot of that stuff I was worried about. But what are

a couple of things that really helped you make this change for your life? Yeah, well, I would say first and foremost would be asking for help. I mean, really, I was somebody that believed that I needed to do everything on my own. I never liked anyone to see any sort of vulnerability, no emotions, no crying. I always wanted to tough it out and do it by myself. So that was the most important step was just asking for help and plugging into community and being around people because, you know, you spoke about like the mindset, right? Like it's, I had this mindset of like, I can't do this.

Like my whole world that I had created was around, you know, going out and partying. And I thought, this is how. I connect with friends. This is how I'm going to date. This is how I network for work. Like, that was my whole world. And so I had to actually place myself in environments where I could repattern that thinking and prove myself wrong. And I think sometimes, you know, the reason that I really love mindfulness practices and meditation and anything that allows you to really like pause and become aware of your thoughts is to just notice like when you do have those thoughts to question them and potentially challenge them. And you.

If the belief was that I'm going to be alone if I, if I'm sober, I'm never going to have friends. I'm going to have a boring life. It's like, well, why not, you know, go and see if you can challenge that? Put yourself in a situation where you could be part of a community, join a sober motivation meeting and surround yourself with awesome people who are living great lives. You know, try an activity that's out of your comfort zone. So those were all of the things for me. Like I started doing the things that were not in my kind of normal, limited. you know, my normal at the time, but that very, like, limited perception of what a life could be

when I was so caught up in my addiction. And it just, it's like the evidence started to accumulate. I was like, wait a second. I actually can have a lot of fun. I can meet amazing people. I can have great friendships. In fact, they can run a lot deeper when there's not substances involved. So, yeah, I hope that. I hope that helps is a long-winded answer, but. Yeah. No, that's great. I mean, I think asking for help and getting connected too. I mean, I couldn't stray too far from that as two really important things to be able to do, right, and try new things and see what you're enjoying, but also who we're hanging out with, you know? Like, I had to take a good, hard look at that in my own life. One of my earliest mentors said, Brad, you're not a bad person, neither are the

people you hang out with. But when you guys get together, you guys are terrible together. Yeah. It's so true. It was like, you guys have the worst ideas. in the world. He was always pushing me to, like what you said, right, try to make new friends, but it's also, you know, it's also kind of getting over those internal fears of like, are people going to like me or is it going to work out? But then also coming to terms with everything might not work out, but it doesn't mean it failed. Because if you try to reach out and connect with somebody and maybe it doesn't go anywhere, like it's just getting you closer. My mom always says is everything that doesn't work out is just getting you closer to

when it will. So you got to go out there and find stuff that's not working out because you're going to get closer to what will work out. And you'll learn a little bit every time, right? Absolutely. And I think another thing, too, is recognizing for me that I was turning to alcohol and drugs for a reason, you know, and understanding what those reasons were and replacing them with new things, you know, so whether it's social anxiety or overwhelming emotions or feeling alone, you know, and replacing those with new things. And you can actually, I think that's part of the belief that like, I can't go on without this because it's filling such an important role in my life.

You know, like if we're dealing with really difficult emotions and that's what we've used in order to get through that, of course. It's like the thought of that being taken away feels like the hardest thing ever, as I'm sure you know. But just recognizing that there's other tools that are out there and finding people that can show us like what those are and help us bring them into our lives is super important. Yeah. Oh, 100%. I appreciate you coming on here. As you know, it's always great to see it. I always love what you're doing and everything you're about and that you're bringing people

together in the way of the retreats and stuff. Is there something coming up, right? Yes. Next week I leave for Nepal. We're doing a trip to Everest Base Camp. It's all people in recovery. So there's going to be 14 people coming out from the States. And then I'm co-hosting with my friend Oliver Brown, who's a mountaineer also in recovery and Carrie May, who started Chicago AF, a nonprofit in Chicago. And yeah, we're going to bring a group of people together. That's incredibly meaningful for me because I went there my first year of sobriety. And it was a huge perspective shifter for me that trip. So yeah, I can't even believe it's here. It feels kind of surreal. It's one of those things where I keep being like, is my passport

up to date. Do I have everything in place? Like, is anything going to happen that could ruin this trip? That is incredible. How long is it for? It's 12 days in total from start to finish. So we'll fly into Kathmandu and do a little bit, you know, people will be getting over their jet lag. We'll do a little bit of a city tour. And then we'll take helicopters into the Himalayas and we'll just be out hiking every day in the mountains. And, you know, as you go, you stop and stay overnight in these villages with tea houses. And so it's pretty cool because you've got, you know, travelers from all over the world who are hiking. Some of them are going to Everest Space Camp to set up to get ready to summit the mountains. So you cross paths with a lot of climbers from

all over the world. And yeah, it's just a really incredible experience. Wow, that sounds so cool. Well, I hope you have a blast. It's going to be a ton of fun. I can hear it. You'll have to come out for one of them in the future. I, you know, as long as we're not going up to the top. Yeah, no. There will be no summoning ever since this. We've been like joking about that enough because we've got a WhatsApp group going. But I actually didn't realize until going out there. I mean, that's a whole like people who are going there spend up to a month, you know, going to acclimatize. And so we're not going that far, but we're going to, we're going to go and see it. We're going to be at the base. That's cool. I told you before. I'm like, yeah,

one of my goals I would love to get out for one of these trips that you put on. So, It'll get there. We'll get there. All right. Thank you so much, Mary. Thank you. It was so nice to see you again. Wow.

Incredible ride. Three really, really cool people live in a sober life showing us that change does happen. Change can happen if we put forth the effort. Put in the work. And I really love the way that Pete ended his too. Like just don't give up hope. If things just are not going your way right now, just don't quit on yourself. Stick around.

Get plugged in. You're always welcome at the start. Subur Motivation community. Look, we didn't all get at our first try either. So just stay with it. And I'll call free a sober life is possible for you just as it is or it was for me. We can all make this happen for us. And if you're enjoying the show,

please consider heading over to buy me a coffee.com slash sober motivation, drop any donations, sign up for a membership. All kinds of opportunity over there. Putting this podcast together is. really one of my favorite things to do in the entire world. So any help to support the show is incredible to help cover some of the memberships and all that fun stuff. So I'll see you on the next one.