Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Rachel Elizabeth shares her sobriety story on the sobermotivation podcast

Episode Date: November 24, 2022

Rachel Elizabeth never envisioned a sober life for herself. She began using substances early on in her life and she knew it was a problem. Rachel had many attempts at sobriety along the way. She struggled to listen to the suggestions and go all in on sobriety and after another relapse, something happened during a bender at motel six. Rachel gives back to the sober community in so many ways and it helps keep her sobriety going.  Rachel has been sober since April 6, 2018, and this is her story.    Download SoberBuddy: Click here SoberLink: More info here Follow Rachel Here: Instagram TikTok   Sobermotivation: Instagram

Welcome to Season 1 of the Sober Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. Rachel never envisioned a sober life for herself. She began using substances early on in her life and she knew it was a problem. Rachel had many attempts at sobriety along the way. She struggled to listen to the suggestions and go all in on sobriety.

And after another relapse, something happened during a bender at a motel 6. Rachel gives back to the sober community in so many ways, and it helps keep her sobriety going. Rachel has been sober since April 6, 2018. And this is her story. We need to talk about alcohol recovery in the workplace. Talking about sobriety and proving it to your employer can be so difficult, and our friends at Soberlink want to help. If you need a reliable way to present documented proof of sobriety to a boss or loved one,

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or Apple or your sober buddy.com. Now let's get to the show. Welcome back to the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got an incredible guest, Rachel. You might have seen her on TikTok, Instagram. She does hilarious comedy stuff. So extremely grateful to have you with us today. And why don't we get started with what it was like for you growing up?

Yeah, sure. So for me, I actually grew up in a very normal, you know, middle class family. My mom and dad were together when I was younger. You know, we didn't really have any major issues, I feel like, that I can remember. I don't remember a lot of my childhood, but from what I remember, family-wise and growing up wise, there was not a lot of trauma or toxicity. I mean, my parents fought. They ended up getting divorced way later.

but for me looking back on it now I from a young age always felt like very left out as a child like something was always just off with me and I don't really know how to explain it I just I felt like an outcast from a very young age I can remember being like in preschool and this like group of kids like didn't let me like play like polypockets or something with them and that was like the first like vivid memory I have of like feeling like I'm not like everyone else. house and that kind of just went on as like my childhood went on and I was I was always just kind of yeah just felt like even my family family wise I didn't really feel like a part of like my family like my brother my little brother is literally like a golden child um and I was always just

kind of like on the outside of everybody if that makes sense I will say my dad so I'm 31 I was born in 91 and my dad lost, we're from New York. And my dad used to work in New York City as like a sound editor engineer for like movies and TV and stuff. And then after 9-11, he got laid off. And he was, he went from like never being home and my mom taking care of me and my brother to like always being home. And my dad is very, very strict and like overbearing him and my mom never like agreed on parenting styles. So when he was all of a sudden like home, they were fighting on. the time. He implemented like all of these like crazy rules for me. Like I did really well in school and stuff as a kid and he would make me like sit after school and study for like two hours if I

didn't have homework and stuff like that, which made me feel even more so out of the loop. Like the kids are playing at the park and stuff. I had to like sit home do stuff like that. Yeah. And I was like I want to say like 10 or 11, him being that strict really took a a toll on me. Like at that age, you just want to hang out with your friends, you know? And I, like, wasn't allowed to hang out with my friends. Um, I wasn't allowed to like do sleepovers. My dad had this like calendar of like, you can go to the mall one time like a month or something like that. Something just, it was just very. And I know now he was trying to protect me and, and, and be a dad or whatever. I was their first child. And I truly believe that like the oldest child in the

family is like the test child, not blaming anything on my parents, but they, you know, I'm a parent now. and I'm weighing it out here. So I think that he was just doing the best he could to try to like protect me and keep me, you know, on track or whatever. But it really, really, really affected me and my mental health not being able to like do the things that

my friends were doing. I got like really depressed at like 10 or 11. I started acting out. You know, I just remember just feeling there's this like giant hole in me. And I was just, I didn't know how to deal with it, especially at that age, I would, like, sit in my room and, like, cry to, like, simple plan and

just be very dramatic and, like, depressed at that age. And eventually I started, you know, like at school, kids, I think 11 or 12 kids started, like, smoking weed and, like, drinking and and stuff like that. And then, um, I had actually rewind for a second. So I had already, like, started self-harming and stuff when I was like 11, 11 or 12. My parents like had me like in therapy and they were trying to figure out what's going on. They put me on Prozac at like 11. Um, because I felt, I just felt everything so deeply. It was, I can vividly remember it now, but I'm so opposite now, like after so many years of like numbing and going through all the things I've gone through. I'm like the opposite now. Yeah, that was really tough at that age to like to feel like that. Just feel so

helpless and out of the loop and just not a part of anything. And then so I had started like self-harming. It was like my teacher like saw my arms at school and called my parents. And then, you know, middle school is when stuff really like took off for me because I started like running away with my friend and smoking, drinking, hanging out with older people. My parents like sent me to like a adolescent psych ward for a little bit. That was tight. Love to. Love it. that. Where was that in New York? Yeah. So it was four wins in New York in Westchester. And I actually ended up like it felt like now looking, it was like a rehab situation. I was like, these are my people. You know, I got there and I was like, these are my people. This is like what

I've been looking for, you know. And I actually really enjoyed that experience. I'm being sarcastic. It was, it was interesting. And then I got out and it kind of just, you know, still. progressed from there. My parents after middle school. So where I grew up, I grew up in an inner city and I was probably, I was not hanging out with the best people. It was a little rough, the area that I grew up in. And my parents took me at middle school. Like I said, I was out here just really, I thought I was like a gangster. I was just really unsmother shit. And so my parents took me out of my public middle school and then sent me to Catholic school, like 45 minutes away. whereas so like I went from like a school where I was like the only white person and then I went to like all white school basically. So I was like, whoa, first of all I would I had my own like, you know, cultural, um, identity crisis when I was younger because I just didn't, you know, know, know, like I was literally like one of the only white people where I grew up. So and then I went to Catholic school and like that was just like a major eye opening experience. But these like white white rich kids like also.

party, you know, like a lot harder than they did even more like from my public school. So and my parents kind of like opened up a little bit after that. Like I was in therapy and, you know, I was like, I can't not, you know, be stuck in the house all the time. It's affecting my mental health, whatever. And then when I went to Catholic school, I think what they thought is like, oh, these little Catholic kids are way more safe for her to hang out with. So they started letting me do a little bit more. But it was actually like partying all the time. So smoke and drinking still. years went by and like I always knew that I was different from my friends because like they when I started smoking and drinking I wanted to do it all the time like all immediately as soon as I felt different like I wanted to do I wanted to feel like that all the time and like my friends were not like that like I needed to smoke like especially like I would wait all week during school if we weren't doing stuff right until the weekend and like when I have plans of my friends and my brain was like so obsessed and focused on that the entire week, just like weight counting down the days and the hours and whatever

until I could get like, you know, until I could get messed up or whatever. So I knew pretty much from the jump of like when I started using substances that I was like, I was reacted differently than my friends did. Fast forward like a couple years of like normal partying, whatever. I met my children's father when I was like 15. And he was already, I think he had like, like, like been kicked out of school or something. He was probably not the best person to be around. And his mom was the complete opposite of my parents. Like she was like the cool mom.

She let everyone party at the house. She used to like call my parents and lie and be like, this is Jessica's mom. She can stay over here or whatever. And that's when I started exploring harder drugs, you know, like the ecstasy. That was like the first thing that I got like, I was like heavily addicted to.

Like I, when I started doing like the E-Pills back in like 2000, you know, six, 2007, whatever it was. I would literally, I remember this one time we couldn't get anything because we would do that like every weekend. You know, I would do it as much as I could. I remember one weekend we couldn't get anything. And I like, I literally had a meltdown like a toddler. Like I'm not kidding you. And people were like, what the fuck is like, what is wrong with her?

You know what I'm saying? And I felt like I'm like, why am I like this? Like, why is this? I felt like I was going to die if I couldn't get what I needed. So these are all just things that made me like realize. Like I never really had a denial problem that like I was different or I was an addict because of the way that just like my brain fired off when it came to using. But so that night when we couldn't get those e-pills, I was introduced to oxycon. The oxicon 80s. And at first I like I, so I snorted that that night when we couldn't get the e-pills. And like I puked like immediately. And I was. like, what the fuck is this? But also I, like, I felt so sick, but I also, like, loved it. And then from that point on, like, there was no, it was that. And I ran, we ran pretty hard with that. I had zero idea what those pills were. Like, I didn't know, um, you know, you get sick from obviates. I didn't know. I was very uneducated. I was just like, I want to be, I don't want to feel anything. And this feels great. And I can function. You know what I'm saying? Like, I wasn't rolling

face. So I could do this all the time and no one would really know. Um, So, yeah, we went pretty hard with that. I was in high school. I remember when one day, like, I hadn't had any, and I went into school, and I thought I had the flu. And I sat in bed, like, I felt so sick. I went to school. I walked home from school because I was just, like, so sick.

And I stayed in bed. I thought I had the flu. I stayed in bed for a week. And I detox. And then towards the end of that week, I talked to my boyfriend. And he was like, oh, you're probably going through withdrawals. And I was like, what is that? What do you mean?

And then he explained that to me like when you don't have, if you're taking this like that and you don't have it, then you get sick and you go through withdrawals. And I was like, okay, well, I'm never doing that again. But I continue to use. And then I just made sure instead of like not touching it again, I went back to touching it. But I was like, okay, I'm not. I'm just never going to not have it. And then things progressed from there. Eventually those, you know, were turned into different type of pills that you couldn't. We couldn't abuse the way that we wanted to. my one of my ex-boyfriends who was now deceased from this disease had introduced me we couldn't I couldn't get like pills or something one time then he introduced me to heroin so um I started doing that yeah I was just for 10 years opiates really took me on a ride for you know about a decade over a decade and in that time I wanted to be sober like a lot of the time there was always a part of the time. There was always a part of of me in my brain, like from the beginning that like half of me wanted to be sober, so bad. Like I was willing at, I went to treatment. My first treatment, I went to, how old was I? My first meeting I went to, I think I was like 17 or something like that. Like I was introduced

to the rooms around like 17. And I love, I immediately fell in love with it, but I wasn't willing to like do the things that like I knew that those were my people. I felt accepted right away. Like, I knew that that was a place that I could go, but I also wasn't ready to stop and do the things that I needed to do for a while. So I think I went to my first treatment center when I was 20. I still wasn't ready to get sober than I would do the meetings. I was like, I would go to the meetings and just think that the meetings would be enough, you know, like I didn't have to do any work. Like I didn't. And I could still live the exact way that I was living and not mess up. but obviously I'm very hardheaded.

It took me a while to get it. So yeah, I tried all in that time. I would continuously go to meetings. I would detox myself at home. I went to treatment and it's kind of jumbled. I'm sorry. I know it's like all over the place because my brain is a little scattered when I think about it. I have like huge chunks of like my addiction that I don't even have like no recollection of.

So I went to treatment in 2013. I went to Crossroads in Antigua. It's like Eric Clapton's rehab. My mom, like, wrote him a note, like a desperation note, begging to get me into treatment. Treatment is expensive. We never had the funds to do that. So I got into there, like, on a scholarship. And it was, like, one of the nicest, most beautiful places I've ever been in my life.

And I went there and I was, like, serious. I, like, really, really wanted to be sober. Like, I was done or I thought I was done. And I went to treatment. I got out. I was, like, sober for, like, 90 days, I think. I, like, went to IOP. I was going to meetings.

I still didn't work the steps, but I was like, I was really heavy. I brought a bunch of, like, people from my IOP into meetings and I was really trying to, like, do the thing. I met, like, a normal dude, and he, you know, he was a normie, and he tried to convince me that I wasn't like the other people that I was, like going to meetings with or whatever. He was like, you're not like that. Like, you could, you could probably drink. You could probably, you know, just like do this normally or whatever. And I was like, okay, stay less. Let's try it or whatever.

I started like going out at 90 days. That's how I celebrated my 90 days sober by going out and getting drunk, which for me, because it's like, I was a drug addict. That was like alcohol is not my problem. Like that's fine. Whatever. So yeah, I ended up going out on my 90 days and celebrating with drinking, which also led to cocaine and like everything else. And then within a few months like that, I did that like normal partying thing, I think maybe for like a month or two before I went back to the opiates and back into the whole cycle of, you know, what I was doing. I ended up getting that boyfriend. He also was like normal for his whole life and he ended up getting addicted to opiates and doing heroin and all kinds of shit later. So that turned out great. Time just went by like that.

But oh, in that 90 days that I was sober, I went to, I took a dental assistant course and I got a job as a dental assistant. It's amazing how much you can get done in such a short window of like sober time compared to like being an active addiction like literally three months and I like I achieved a lot in that three months. So I started dental assisting full time and I did that for a while and I was for most of that job like I worked that job like six, seven years I think. And for most of that job, I was in my active addiction in the beginning. I wasn't but I started using pretty quickly after that because I had a job and I was taking care of my kid and like doing all the things. I was very functional on the outside and a lot of people didn't know what I was doing. I was really good at

hiding it. And that kept me like that kept me out a lot longer than I probably should have been. But anyway, so a couple years went by. I was just using working, doing, you know, doing all of that. I overdosed. I had like a near fatal overdose in Memorial Day of 2017. That was like a wake up. call. That was like my first overdose. But it was a wake-up call, but I like still didn't stop using. I still was getting high after that. But it was kind of like, there was all of these things that like added up to me finally getting sober. So that happened. I tried to stay sober that time. I couldn't. I decided that like I was going to detox myself. but my brain, my like super rational addict brain was like, okay, since we're going to be detoxing from opiates and you're going to be sick and stuff, like let's find something else, another drug

that we can do to like counteract that feeling shitty or whatever. So my brain was like, oh, let's smoke crack because you don't, we don't like uppers. So like let's try that route. So which seemed like such a great idea. at the time. Like, I really was like, this, this is fire. And this is going to work so well. That's how delusional I was. So I ended up trying to smoke crack as I was detoxing, but like that come down for crack literally made me want to off myself. So I ended up doing my drug choice with crack. And then for like six months, I went on like a nonstop 24 seven run of like doing both of those. And then all of a

sudden like like I was very functional on opiates and um when I started when I added the crack and the uppers to the mix I all of a sudden you know I wasn't sleeping I wasn't showing up to work on time like my I couldn't sit for more than five minutes without like you know getting up and going to smoke like it just wasn't I couldn't even sit through like one dental assistant patient everything just started getting bad pretty quickly and then so yeah like I did like six months of that and I just got to the point where I was like, I was done. Like I really just didn't, I didn't even want to be alive. I was so miserable, but I didn't know how to like, I didn't know how to ask for help.

And I didn't know what to do. By the grace of God, my old IOP counselor had like reached out to me on Facebook. We always stayed in contact. He was like making like a documentary about addiction and stuff like that. And he knew I was out here running. And he reached out to me at exactly like the right time. And he was like, hey, kid, like, how are you doing? and I was like, I don't want to be alive right now.

Like, and I told him, like, what the deal was. And he asked me if I wanted to go to treatment. And prior to this, I was always like, I cannot leave my kid. I cannot leave my job. I cannot, you know, like I had all these excuses as to why I couldn't go away to get help. But that, at that point, I was so desperate to, like, not feel how I was feeling. And I was so over it that I, I agreed. And so he got me into.

treatment. He had connections to recovery unplugged, which is like the treatment center that I went to, and I was supposed to go to Florida but they didn't have any beds in Florida. So he was like, how do you feel about going to Austin, Texas? And I was like, do I somebody, a cowboy hat and like boots and shit? Like, you know, I was like,

uh, I guess. I would much rather be at the beach, but I guess. So I got on, you know, I took a flight to Austin and I went to detox and I went to treatment and that's still, unfortunately, that that first round of treatment here in Austin was not it for me. So I met a boy in rehab. I got into a rehab romance in rehab, which is, you know,

I highly suggest people don't do that. It's usually not the best way to go. And everything was fine for about two months. I think I got to like 60 days. And I was working. I was, I started working the steps and I started doing the things. But like I wasn't. willing to give up that one part of like listening the suggestion of like not being in a relationship that early in recovery and like um still being shady in little areas and then all of a sudden at like 60 days i got hit with a major craving like out of nowhere and because i wasn't you know working my program how i was supposed to and stuff i i had no defense against it and i like literally nothing i had the best day ever i can vividly remember i was sitting in a meeting and my brain was like

go, you're going to go high. Like, that's how quickly it happened. And I just wasn't doing the right things that I needed to be doing. So I just had no defense. And I, nothing could stop. Like, no one could stop me. I didn't tell anyone, obviously, because I just had already made my mind up. And I was down here in Austin. I was like, oh, I've never done meth before. So like, let's try that. We have to exhaust that option. And so I went out down here for like seven days. the last day I was in a motel six by myself, like pulling my body hairs out with tweezers. No one would hang out with me. No one would answer my calls, you know, because I was out here being crazy.

And I was so desperate to get back into treatment. So I called the rehab that I had just come out of. I called Recovery Unplug, and I begged them to take me back. Like, I begged them. My parents didn't know, like, that I had relapsed. I had to tell them that. and they had just paid for my treatment and I like, you know, fucked up and had to go back. But this time I was, I was so, the thing that was different is like when I was in the motel

six on that last day, I still had drugs. I still had money. Like, I could have kept going if I wanted to, but I was so done. Like, I was so done. At that point, I knew, like, I was like, this is it. Like, I don't, I don't want to do this shit anymore. I had never been to the point where I hadn't finished the shit that I had. You know, I went into to, I drove to the detox. I had my car down here and I, I drove to the detox and I literally handed them my, my, my, I didn't even want to do it, you know? So, um, for me, that was a brand new thing because I had never experienced that.

I was just so desperate to not feel like that anymore. And then I went into treatment again and I was willing, I put myself on a boy band. And I was willing to like, really. really worked the steps, like finally, like, do everything that was suggested of me and that people had been telling me for literal years, like, hey, just follow a suggestion. And you would think that, like, my hard ass head would get it. But no, it took me that long to finally, finally get it. And then, yeah, so I've started working the steps. I did, I did treatment. I did sober living in Oxford for like seven months. And then I got my own place,

got all the way through the steps, got a good sponsor, started sponsoring other women. And yeah, now here I am four and a half years later and still sober, which is wild. Yeah, wow, incredible story. I feel like this really hits home with me because a lot of people that I've done interviews with, they're older than I am. And the landscape was different, but the story you share in line, a lot of it is the same as my story. Like I didn't fit in. I always felt like an outcast, ADHD early on in life, problems in school, strict stepdad,

went to treatment. My parents sent me to treatment when I was 17, you know, for a one-year program, wilderness program in Knoxville, Tennessee. Started with the pills, graduated to the heroin, tried to keep everything together. And it just didn't. And then I went on methadone for a bit and then got off of that. And that was a whole other experience. this is an incredible story.

I can, I'm just sitting here listening. I'm trying to see if it's my story over there. It's like this is, a lot of this is same stuff, same sort of route I went, but I'm definitely proud of you for, for doing it.

But I mean, I think your story too, it shares a lot about how many times it takes. A lot of, a lot of people want to get this right the first time. And it is a touchy subject because of the overdose, the fentanyl and stuff now. So it could be,

you know, every time someone decides, to use it could be the last which is tragic but it sometimes does take a few tries so what was it like for you though i want to rewind a little bit back that motel six so what went on with you during that time at the motel six that you were like able to get to this point that you never got to before i don't even really know i can't really put it into words i mean on that run I had been around things. Like just in that week, I had been around a lot of things that I had never been around

in my whole entire active addiction back in New York. You know, like, I'm talking there was, there was just a lot during that time that I had never been exposed to like in front of my face. And I think really just like the loneliness by the end of it and realizing that like nobody, there was no one to even party with me. You know, no one wanted to be around me. Like, even people that were getting high did not want to be around me because I was being, I was just like, I was out there.

So I think just that realizing that like it wasn't working for me anymore, like I didn't enjoy the whole, I, I, from the first time of that, that relapse, that set that like week relapse from the first day, I didn't enjoy it. Like I was doing it, but I kept, I'm like, okay, maybe I need to do it this way. I feel like at a certain point when I had gotten that 60 days before I relapse, I had like, but I had experienced some sort of spiritual, you know, like what sobriety could look like and how happy I could be and like laughter again and feeling all of these things that I hadn't felt in so long. And I know now that like I needed that. But I think that once you experience

a certain facet of like being sober, using again after that, it's never going to be the same. if that makes sense. Like I tried. I tried to enjoy every, for, for literally seven full day straight because I didn't sleep that entire time. I was trying to use to, like, figure out how I could use and enjoy it and feel how like I used to feel. And it just, it was miserable.

Like, I was miserable the entire time. And I think that that really was just like very eye opening to me. I was like, that this shit isn't working anymore. Like, I need to, there's got, there's got to be something else. and I've got to figure out another way to like live. Yeah. Once you get some sober time or some clean time and then you go back, it's difficult to enjoy because you've already experienced this thing's a better way

where you're able to deal with life on life's terms. And it's just so much easier than just running. Is there anything specific that you can put a finger on that you were looking to escape from? you know, I I really don't know I experienced once I started drinking and partying like way younger

I think that I was always just trying to escape like my own mind you know I think that really like my own brain just really fucked me up all the time. I'm a very like outgoing extroverted person but I am also

very much an introvert like and on the inside like I have really bad social anxiety and I always have and I'm really good at masking. I think when I was younger, just like being able to talk to people and connect with people. I felt like I couldn't connect with people if I wasn't. Like when I started drinking and smoking and stuff like that, that's what was like the first time where I was like, holy shit, I can connect with other people and I felt included. And I like, I felt like that being on the outside, I was finally like on the inside of something. Right. And now fast forward to now, me being in my.

active addiction and feeling a part of that. Now I'm very much like that with my sober people and my sober community and helping other people that are going through like what I've went through. And that's where I feel the most connected now. Yeah. That service part, that service part, giving back part, helping other people through it. This really fires us up, right? Yeah. I'm wondering too, though. So you've been sober since April 6th, 2018. April 6th. Yes. Yeah, huge congrats to on that, by the way. That's incredible. That is really, and you stayed in Texas now. I did. Yeah. So I decided I only knew really bad stuff in New York. And so I decided to make that decision.

The recovery community here in Austin is just something like I've never experienced. Like I said, I went to a lot of meetings back in New York. I did A, I did N.A was like, you know, where I mainly tried to get sober back in New York. But I also did A. and when I experienced what they have here, it was just different than anything I've ever experienced. And the recovery community and the relationships that I made were so important to me that I didn't want to even risk leaving. So I had my son moved down here. Like after I got a little bit of time and got my own place and stuff like that, I just had my son moved down here with me. That was the hardest part of being down here like without him. But I know that that was like so necessary for me to

like get my own shit together. And now like I have full custody of both my kids and I'm able to show up for them. Um, and be with them 24 seven and their, their dad is actually, unfortunately he, he was also like, um, sober for a while, but he relapsed down here in Austin and he's still like out. But I am able, because I'm sober, I'm able to like show up and, and be the parent, like an active parent, you know, so it's a, it's a beautiful thing. Yeah. That kind of leads into. one of the other questions I had here is how does the sobriety allow you to show up for the world? I can't show up, right?

So I never used to show up for anyone or anything when I was in my active addiction. I mean, on the outside, I did like the, you know, minimum basic things that I needed to do, especially with my kids. Like, I realized that like when my oldest was growing up, I was there, but I was not present. Like, because I was high the whole time, I was never. present and seeing the difference now of like how I can interact with my kids and be there and like really just mentally be present and and talk and like just show up and do the things that I need it like I need to do and then also not even just that not even just like the minimum but like

be able to show up for other people even heavier you know because I like to now at this point in my life. Like I'm living amends of being a piece of shit for so long. I like to, you know, go above and beyond and try to be of service wherever I can. So really, yeah, it's just changed completely what my life used to look like and what it looks like now, like showing up wise. Yeah, that's amazing. I find, too, the level emotionally that we can show up is just tenfold as opposed to

before we were never emotionally available to support anybody because we were just a mess. So I, for me, I think that's incredible. Yeah, 100%. So we're heading into the holiday season, right? We have Thanksgiving coming up for our American friends. And we have Christmas and we have New Year's. These are all big struggles for people because there's vacation, there's days off, there's people partying.

There's the FOMO too. You don't want to feel like you're missing out if you're early on with your sobriety. What advice would you give and what are you going to do and what have you done? for the last four and a half years to stay sober on these days. So I feel like for me and what I what I suggest of other people, like connection is number one, number one like top tier thing in my sobriety. And I think everyone, right, because like the, what's the cliche saying? Like the opposite of addiction is connection.

But that is so, it's literally so true. Like I said, most of my life, I felt very alone and on the outside, right? And there's a lot of people that just sit and feel like that and don't know that they have options to like get on meetings. And now with like all these Zoom meetings and stuff, there's 24 hour meetings. There's I host a meeting with another with another couple people like twice a week on Zoom. And I always tell everyone like you, if you don't even feel comfortable to like get on there and share like you can just listen and keep your, your mic and your camera off and you can just listen. And even just that, I think just hearing people that are. going through the same things as you can help so much.

So yeah, connection for me is like essential and just being open and honest. Like if you are feeling any type of way, tell somebody, talk to somebody. There's a lot of resources that I think a lot of people don't realize that there are out there. And especially like I said with social media and the internet now, there is so much for people that are trying to recover or trying to get sober. And that's a big part of like what I love to use my page for is giving people, even just like, you know, posting statuses on Facebook like mental health check-ins and stuff like that where people can comment and then other people can comment to other people. And just that little interaction and connection, I feel like can make such a big difference. So I would say connection to others and during holiday season is probably number one.

Yeah, true. So true. Get connected to people that are like doing the same sober stuff. people that you can reach out to for help for support and people that understand that what you're going through in there sponsors mentors facebook pages and you're you're speaking about the facebook page and i know the ticot you're a huge celebrity here on ticot what started all of this i mean the comedy is priceless but what like where did this come from i have to hear this oh okay so it wasn't it kind of just fell in my lap i during quarantine

I had always said, and I like get me fun of now because I was that person. Like I literally, a memory comes up every year on my Facebook where I'm like, if I ever get a TikTok, punch me directly in the face. Like I was like so against it. Like all the like, whoa, like all the dances and stuff, like whatever. But then quarantine happened. And my oldest son, like he was very into like the TikToky dances and stuff like that. And I was like, I am so bored.

Like I need something to do. So I downloaded the app. and I just kind of started like the dancing and stuff didn't work out for me. So I just started getting on there and kind of talking about my life. I was a very new mom at the time. Like my youngest was a baby and we were all stuck in the house. It was just like I just got on there and started talking and I got a viral video. And then all of a sudden I have like 30,000 followers overnight.

And then it kind of just built from there. And then once I got to the point where I was comfortable enough to share about my sobriety and stuff like that, I think that it really started to grow. My content has definitely evolved from like what it was in the beginning to now. And I'm super grateful for that because I just, I've gotten more and more comfortable to be able to be open and like honest. And I've realized how many people it can help. I try to deflection through humor as they always used to tell me in rehab.

I just get in trouble every day. But I think that talking about certain things that can be hard to talk about, especially addiction, what it can do to just tear your life apart. and the seriousness of it mixed with like a little bit of humor, I think just takes like the sting out of it. But it can also open these conversations and educate people on, you know, on addiction and the stigma that's around it and everything like that. So yeah, I just kind of just fell on my lap and I'm very much now. I'm like, this was like all my higher power or God or whatever and everything happens for a reason because I'm very grateful to have the platform that I do and to be able to

help people. Like I said, the Zoom meeting that my friend Nikki and I do is like a, it's an open recovery meeting. So meaning like everyone, regardless of like what route of recovery they, they choose is welcome, which I don't feel like, and we were talking about that, I don't feel like there is a lot of places where you can go. Like, I know a lot of people on maintenance and MAT and, you know, stuff like that feel very judged when they go into 12 steps. There's just, I don't feel like that there was, there's a lot of places that everyone can go and be accepted. And so we've been doing this for the last, I think like six months now. And it's been a really beautiful thing to just like have everyone come in and just get some support and free of like any judgment.

And there's no. I do work with 12 step program myself. But I just think it's also really important to have a safe space that like anybody can feel like they can go, you know? Yeah. No, that's beautiful for sure. because there are those different things attached to different ways that people do find their recovery indefinitely. Like the way I look at it too and the way that, you know, everything I do and I try to put

out there is that, I mean, we're just trying to live better. And however that looks for somebody just trying to stay alive, have a better life, be present. And however that looks for somebody like I'm 110% behind it because I struggled for a long time with figuring this out just like you did. So if we can welcome people and have them involved with these conversations and have them listening to stuff, then maybe it'll click a little bit sooner. You know, I still think people have to take their own route and stuff.

But I do feel like, yeah, people that are on different medications, the MAP programs, that they should definitely be welcome. And I mean, their recovery is credible, that their recovery and it's very, like, a hard thing to do. And I was on the methadone for a year. And I didn't do anything for my recovery. So for people being willing to do stuff, that's, yeah. Yeah, that's super cool.

And I love the meetings. How can people find the meetings? I share on my stories on all of my social media platforms every week on the days that we do have the meeting on my story. There is the Zoom link and the password and the times, even for the different time zones, we've got all the, it's 7 p.m. Central time on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so like 8 p.m. Eastern. Okay, cool. Perfect. Yeah, because that can be really helpful for people, too, like over the holidays.

and just getting connected to other people that are on the same journey. Yeah. It's been a really awesome experience during the meeting. Yeah. And it's good. How does it help you too? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

It helps me, you know, a lot of the time, like I said, I do work with 12-step program. That's how I got sober, you know, and I continue to. But I have also, like, added other, I feel like at a certain point, you can kind of get, like, complacent with where you are in your recovery. and for me, I just, I needed something else. And this was exactly, this was exactly it. Like every single week when I get on there, it's just such a beautiful thing. The people that come on there that are struggling, the people that come on there and say how much it helps them.

And I'm like, you guys, I maybe everyone's, oh, thank you for starting the meeting. I'm like, this helps me so much as well, you know, being able to help other people and being able to, for me to have that connection. Like, I'm a single mom. I am home all of the time. And the only connection that I get is through my phone. Yeah, the meetings, the connection, everything. That's incredible stuff. One more thing for you here.

What was one of the biggest obstacles that you've overcome in your recovery? And how did you do so? For me, falling into old habits, isolating for me is like a major, major thing that I, even four and a half, like half years in, I constantly have. have to get myself out of myself. And like, like, and that's part of the reason that these meetings help me raise because I, I am just like, isolation is is so comfortable for me. And it's like my go to, right? And I believe that that's part of like my addiction and why I am the way that I am. Because I, I really struggle with that sometimes. And so really just making myself stay connected

to other people and making myself be of service is like crucial because when I'm not and I do get into my little points of isolation and stuff like my my brain reverts so quickly to like negative like I can just I can revert very very quickly if I'm not doing the things that I need to do and like staying connected and like I said for me helping other people and helping other people that are still in addiction and you know just being of service is really like the most important thing to me and not isolating, I think. Yeah, that's incredible. Yeah, it seems like for a lot of people, that's a thing to struggle with.

We got to, like, force ourselves. I'm the same way. I have to force myself sometimes to go for a walk or instead of driving the kid to school, walk to school, take the dog out, do different things, get a coffee with friends and stuff. This has been amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your story, being like so open and honest with us. Is there anything you want to close with? No, I just hope that if anyone listening is struggling or, you know,

looking for some connection, they just know that it's out there, come to my meeting or find some resources and just know that like recovery is possible, right? Like I for so long did not think that ever being sober was like a thing to me. Like when I thought about that when I was in my active addiction, I was like, there's no. There's literally no way. Like there is no way in. my life that I will be able to function without substances. It's just not a thing. And here I am and

my life is like more beautiful than it has ever been. I, you know, life still happens and I'm still human and I still go through the things. But the way that I am able to deal with stuff now compared to how I used to deal with it is so outrageously different. And it's just sobriety is a beautiful thing. So if you feel like you're stuck, just know that it's possible. And there are resources out there to help. Yeah, and that's the truth. I like to say there's probably more resources today in the world that we're in than there ever has been before that you can access for free on demand. And it's incredible. I think it's just that big, it's that big first step. It's even when you were sharing your story, it's that reaching out for help. It's that taking a chance on something.

It's believing that something else could be possible for your life because we get so ingrained in the cycle of just use, you know, feel terrible, go through withdrawal, use again, avoid ourselves, hang out with the wrong crew. And we get so deep into that and we're just like, I just don't believe anything else is possible for my life. And now look at where you're at. Incredible. Yeah. And it's possible for everybody too. So yeah, believe in yourselves, people. Yes. Well, there goes another great episode of the Subur Motivation podcast. Thank you for listening if you made it till the end. Thank you, thank you so much. Rachel did an amazing job sharing her story.

A lot of ups and downs, but now she's celebrating four and a half years sober, giving back to the community and really trying to make a difference in her own way. If you haven't checked out her TikTok or her Instagram, it is Rachel Elizabeth. Check it out. The stuff is really funny,

and she puts a great spin on the recovery stuff that she shares and I feel like it really connects with people and they really they really enjoy it so check that out if you're enjoying the podcast so far season one will be wrapping up soon please leave a review jump on wherever you get your podcast leave a review and let me know what you think until next time I'm out