Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Rachel started drinking and using drugs at 14 and it would be a roller coaster ride until she committed to trying Dry January.

Episode Date: December 29, 2022

Rachel started drinking and using drugs at 14. The substances helped keep her distracted from the internal pain different life events caused. The alcohol and drug use would carry on for many years and Rachel found herself lost in this great big world. The pandemic was a blessing. Rachel is forever grateful for her painful journey of addiction because her alcohol-free life would not mean anywhere near as much without the struggle beforehand. Rachel has been sober since January 3 2021 and this is her story on the sober motivation podcast. Rachel is the host of the Soberincentralpark on IG. Follow Rachel on Instagram (Soberincentralpark) Download the SoberBuddy app More info about United Recovery Project Follow Sobermotivation on Instagram

Join me, Brad, each week is my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible. One story at a time. Let's go. Rachel started drinking and using drugs at age 14. The substances helped keep her distracted from the internal pain, different life events had caused her. The alcohol and drug use would carry on for many years, and Rachel found herself lost in this great big world. The pandemic was a blessing.

Rachel was forever grateful for her painful journey of addiction because her alcohol-free life would not mean anywhere near as much without the struggle beforehand. Rachel has been sober since January 3rd, 2021, and this is her story on the Sober Motivation podcast. If you still haven't had a chance to check out the Sober Buddy app, I highly encourage it. We have an incredibly thriving recovery community

building on the app every single day. There is the private communities that you can get involved with. There's daily live Zoom support groups that you can also join. And there's a live feed where you can post what's going on with you and how you're doing.

You can also check out the sober motivation group where I post up some cool memes and just help people get through the day and get another day sober. So if you haven't had a chance to check out the new updates to the sober buddy app, do so in your favorite. favorite app store. Just search Your Sober Buddy or go on the web, your Soberbuddy.com. And I'll see you over there.

Getting help for addiction is never an easy thing to do. And picking the right place to get help makes it even more overwhelming. That's why I've decided to partner with the United Recovery Project. I've had a chance to get to know some of the incredible people working at the United Recovery Project over the years. And that is why this partnership makes so much sense. The United Recovery Project has a top-notch treatment facility and program. I truly believe in Brian Elzate, who is the co-founder and CEO and has 14 years clean. The properties themselves are beautiful with tons of amenities and activities. But most importantly, it's the level of care they offer.

It's exactly what you would hope a family would receive and the staff who most of which are in recovery themselves truly care. It's really apparent that they do their absolute best to create custom treatment plans to meet everyone's individual needs. If your loved one is struggling, reach out to them directly at 833-551-0077 or check them out on the web at u-r-Precovery.com. Now let's get to the show. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. We've got my friend Rachel who runs a cool Instagram called Sober in Central Park.

How are you doing today? I'm great. I'm great. Happy to be here. Awesome. Thank you. And what we usually do is we just start off at the beginning to give everybody a foundation for how things were for you growing up. Sure. So growing up, it was interesting for me. We moved around a lot as a kid. I'm the oldest of three kids in my family. And we went from Boston to New Jersey to Pittsburgh, back to New Jersey. It was like every few years we were

moving around. And now I do know that that actually is pretty traumatic for children when you're in fifth grade, seventh grade, always being the new kid. So that's kind of how my childhood, that was the, you know, I didn't have a consistency at all, really, throughout my childhood. My parents, you know, I didn't have a, it was a good childhood. My parents, you know, are great parents. They got divorced when I was 14. And, right when they got divorced, that's really when everything started for me in terms of alcohol, drugs, just getting in trouble and just like being a troublemaker. I mean, I guess actually the troublemaker part started before the drugs and the alcohol,

but, you know, the divorce really was the like thing that ignited everything for me. So at 14. So for troublemaker stuff, yeah, I hear that story a lot. And I can definitely relate with my own story too with like there was a lot of red flags before I got into sort of addiction with like just defiant behavior, acting out behavior, didn't fit in. So how did you first get involved with with the drinking or the other stuff? So I do think that actually in another reality, if we hadn't moved around so much, I'm not sure I would have ended up on this path that I was in. But we moved to Connecticut when I was going into eighth grade.

and I just immediately got in with the fast quote unquote crowd. And then when my parents divorced, I really was trying to like find a way to numb the pain that I was in. You know, my dad and I really didn't get along for most of my childhood. We just kind of clashed personality-wise. So when I found older kids that were already drinking and we're smoking weed, I was like, I want to try that. I wanted.

So the second I smoked, drank, and was able to find a sense of numbing, I was like, oh, okay, I've been searching for this feeling. I've been trying to find a way to not, you know, to escape my reality. So, yeah, it really started the summer before ninth grade for me. And I would really have to say that it was hanging out with kids that were older than me, me wanting to fit in, not having, you know, trying to make new friends in a new place. And that's what I thought I should do to make the friends. And looking back, it seems really silly.

But when you're in eighth grade or ninth grade. For me, too, it was easier for me to connect with those people. Like, I felt like it was less effort to connect because we had that one thing in common. We were doing that. And then it was like this instant bond in a sense with people to connect with. Yeah. And moving around can be hard too. Like when I was younger, I was born in Canada, but when I was younger, we moved to Texas. And then it was, then we moved from Texas to North Carolina. And it is hard starting all over because you have those relationships. You have the environment

you're comfortable with. You know what to expect. And then move. And then you're kind of like trying to fit into a new, a new school, new friends. And then everybody already kind of had their friends and it was a really it was a really tough transition exactly and it was like the second i finally got comfortable somewhere we were moving and it was because you know my family they really originated in boston i mean i have a lot of roots in new york city but my parents both grew up in boston and they just kept trying to get back closer to our bigger family which i understand now as an adult you don't want to be far from your family with little kids but it is disruptive and it really does I think take a toll on the kids fitting in, finding friends.

And for me, I happened to fall into the wrong crowd. So how did things progress? What did things look like the next year and the next year? So my parents get divorced and I don't really have a good relationship with my dad for a while. And, you know, I think it was hard on my mom, everything that she went through. So she kind of just let me do whatever I wanted for a while. And in retrospect, I mean, I also was a pusher. I'd be like, I'm having a party. I want friends over. Don't tell me no. I would have parties. We would

like watch lost. We would have like lost parties. And I'd be like, all my friends are coming over. And we'd have a bottle of pop off. And we would finish the bottle of pop up on a like a Tuesday night. And then I'll go to school the next day. And I come from a family of like really high achievers. And I was the first child on both sides, all sides of my family. And they really expected me to go to a top tier. college, I started not going to school to high school. I was just like skip school. I didn't care. And I started failing my sophomore year in high school. So my mom, she was like, you're not, you're not going down on this route. And I'm so grateful for these chances that I got and I look back and I know I got a lot of second chances. And it's something to this day,

I still have a lot of gratitude for. But she sent me to boarding school in western Massachusetts, where I repeated my sophomore year and I got diagnosed with ADHD two months into being a boarding school. Most of the school had ADHD. And at the time back then as a female adolescent, it was a whole lot harder to get diagnosed than it is now. And the second I was put on ADHD medication, my whole life changed. I immediately was able to focus, get my work done Excel and I actually was like when my GPA went from like a 2.4 to a 4.5 or whatever it was like a while they gave me like an award for most improved GPA. My teachers were like, wait, you're not done. You just have really bad ADD and you weren't medicated. So that that was a huge thing in my life,

getting that ADHD diagnosis. And now it explains a lot for me why I like loved alcohol. Why I couldn't just have one, why it does something with your dopamine receptors. And I've now learned that actually about 25% of people in recovery are diagnosed with ADHD. And that's just the people who are diagnosed. So I was in boarding school. I do really well. I don't really drink because you get kicked out of boarding school if you get caught drinking or doing anything like that. Maybe on the weekends when I'd go home, I would party. But I ended up getting into my top. choice college. And that was like the goal. And I thought everything was fine. I'm good. I don't have any issues. And then I go to college. And that's where everything took a turn. I can relate with you on the

ADHD stuff because I had a diagnosis and I was prescribed adderol when I was in. It was so, it was so long ago. But yeah, probably like grade seven, grade eight. But I hated the way that I felt with the Adderall. I felt like I was shy. I felt I have a really hard time connecting with people. I just felt like I had blinders on. So part part of my story is I stopped taking the Adderall. I would pretend that I was taking the Adderall. And that's when things really got like in high school for me out of hand, suspensions and trouble and everything because I just wasn't focused at all or had any interest. But yeah, I mean, that definitely I see that for people. people. Yeah, no, and those are all pretty, I think, a standard, like, not side effects

or things that have things that kids do when you have ADHD as a teenager. I mean, I was always getting in trouble too. Like, yeah, I was at boarding school doing well academically, but I was running into the woods to smoke cigarettes. That was, we would center our whole day on running into the woods to smoke cigarettes and not get caught by the teachers. So I still think that there's a lot to be learned about ADHD, especially with females and adolescents. And just like recovery, no one, no one's journey is the same, right? And I think there's a lot of different medications out there that do work for people, but I do think there's an over-prescription problem that I saw firsthand at my boarding school because everyone lined up in the morning to get

their meds from the nurse and they would watch you swallow them. And that's how I thought it was. that's the that's the boarding school that's how they keep keep everybody in check is it oh yeah it is I mean really you have study hall from 8 to 10 p.m they make you do a sport every season you know it was a co-ed boarding school but you know it really opened my eyes to a lot of things that I would have probably not experienced if I if I hadn't gone and I grew up a lot faster I think too we were going when I when we would leave on the weekends we'd come to here to do New York City and we would go out to clubs and we'd go to bars and I was only 15, 16. So I had a fake ID, you know, that whole thing.

Yeah. And I thought I was so cool. Yeah. So it sounds like it did some good, it did some good stuff for you. Like it was a mix. It was a mixed bag. Did some good stuff for you. It saved my life for sure.

It definitely did because it gave me structure and it gave me a schedule. and it kept me in check. And when I look back to my college days, which were the total opposite, so then I go to college. And I went to Dartmouth College where half of my family went, and I was expected to go. And I go there, and there's no rules.

Like, I can do whatever I want. I, you know, so I made all my friends by, you know, drinking and finding shared commonality and partying. and I went crazy. I wanted to drink as much as I could, go to every single party. And that's really where. And then it was normalized.

Everyone else was doing it in my world. So I didn't think it was weird. But for me, being up in the middle of nowhere in New Hampshire with a massive drinking culture was really the beginning of the real alcohol problem that I had. So, I mean, I would black out. I would pass out everywhere. That was really my thing.

I would drink so much where I would just fall asleep. And it was scary because people would think I was literally dead. But people coined it the Rachel pass out. It was scary. Some bad things happened because of that. And looking back, I just, I didn't realize how much pain I was in at the time. That's a good point there at the end that you made too, because I was trying. I'm thinking that listening here and I'm like, well, you know, what was it that you were trying to

avoid in a sense to escape all the time? And you just kind of brought it up there at the end, pain of some sort, right? Yeah. I think I always, there was a lot of pain, I think, from feeling different. I always, I think because of my ADHD, I had really bad anxiety. I always felt different than everybody else. And I also, I had trauma from my childhood that I kind of just suppressed. And it took me years and years of therapy to really work through a lot of that, a lot of that stuff. There were sexual assault things that had happened to me. There were, you know, various traumatic experiences in my life that I just thought it was easier to pretend that it never happened than to actually confront it face on and deal with those emotions and process them

the right way instead of just like drinking them away every time I thought of anything that made me sad or anxious or whatever. So it was interesting when I stopped drinking when some random emotions would come up and I'm like, oh, I thought we were over that. I guess we're not. Yeah. Yeah, that's the thing with drinking, too, is that we just kind of shove, we just kind of push everything down for years too. So did you make it through college? Barely. It took me seven years to finish.

I ended up leaving twice. One was a, both were medical leaves on my own accord. But that was hard. And each time I left, it was harder to go back. And when I went back, I was significantly older than everyone else there. That was really hard and really lonely and dark. But yes, I did graduate. And honestly, the seven years of that experience, that was also kind of traumatic for me.

Like, it was so stressful. I didn't also realize the extent of my learning differences. I found out at the end of college that I actually have an audio processing learning thing. that goes, that actually goes hand in hand with ADHD, I now know. But I could have had a lot of accommodations that I didn't have. And it would have made my life so much easier. But because of my anxiety and all the drinking and party and I just didn't go to that one office that I should have gone to that could have got me a note taker and all of these

other things that probably would have helped me succeed. And I just didn't have them. But I did finish. That's good. In our life in general, when we're involved with the alcohol and the addiction, it's hard to ask for help even in other areas of our life. That's not that. Totally.

And it can be lonely. It can be really lonely. I will never forget that those last few months I was back at that school by myself. And that's when I started drinking alone. I don't think I had ever drank alone before I went back. for my final time up in New Hampshire there at Dartmouth. And I would go and I would buy Maker's Mark and I would just drink by myself. Like I didn't want to go to the Prats.

I didn't want to hang out with kids that were like a lot younger than me. But I still wanted to drink. And I do remember thinking like, is this a problem? Like why am I just drinking with me by myself every night? And I think that created some patterns. And I then took with me after I left school. What did you come up with when you kind of had that reflection on, is this a problem? I didn't care.

And I think that was all of my 20s. I didn't care if it was a problem. And I, okay, it's a problem. So what? I'm going to drink up the problem away. I just stopped caring about myself. I stopped caring about the future. I stopped caring about everything, really.

And that's a really scary place to be in. you know there was a lot of times where I just didn't I didn't want to keep going I would call my mom crying like every day just being like I don't want to do this anymore I don't I don't want to keep going on this journey I'm so unhappy just in with everything and that was for I felt like that for like 10 years and what did what did it look like throughout the 10 years so for those 10 years I would say that was like my whole 20s um and you know it was was very up and down. There was, there were some points that I was had $20 to my name because my parents had cut me off and I was deciding if I wanted to buy booze or gas for the dead. I actually now am very happy that I had those experiences because I realize how much the addiction had me. I was ponding, I pawning jewelry at one point. I, you know, was just in a really low vibrational date. And then I got to the city. I got, I left after I finished school and I got back to New York City. I actually spent a whole year without a job. I was so depressed, I could barely open my computer

and I could barely get out of bed. I would get out of bed to literally drink with my neighbor across the street and we'd go down to any of the bars in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, where I was living at the time and just get absolutely hammered, do a ton of blow and repeat the next day. So that's really what my 20s looked like, I would say, the whole time. I mean, I had jobs eventually. And then, you know, but I still partied that way. And I probably woke up with a hangover or almost every day of my 20. So you're doing cocaine too then.

Oh, yeah. After college? Oh, I did cocaine for the first time when I was 14, 15. It was very prevalent where I grew up. And it was easy to get. and, you know, I don't really talk about the drug use on my page on Instagram, but it was a big part of my life, too. The alcohol was really the last, you know, the most consistent drug of them all. But it was like a quote-unquote partier for a very long time, you know, everything, I went to a lot of raves, that kind of stuff.

You know, I was always just looking for an escape. And cocaine was so readily available. It was always big everywhere I went. Yeah. I always was the party. Yeah, I hear you on that. I mean, the alcohol and the cocaine, I feel like there's a big hand-in-hand type thing there. That was for me, too.

A lot of times when I would drink too, then I would get into the cocaine at the bars or at the parties. And you could always find it. I just remember just like you always find the people, see the people with it. Like you could figure it out once you got the routine down pat. And then it just made it. like just oh man it just like the hangovers are bad but like after the cocaine it just you just feel like just even so much more depressed and anxious than ever starting and then every day I'd wake up and be like that's it that you know it was fun it's done and then you it just like sticks around

oh yeah yep and then I mean I it got to a point with me where I was doing it almost every other day in college like we had so much of it I be I was friends with like the Jamaican drug lords of Hartford. I mean, it was like another level. You were connected. I was connected. So I could definitely get it pretty quickly. But it's also just everywhere in New York. There's, you know, people will make jokes. Like if you're waiting in line for the bathroom in a bar, it's because someone's doing cope in the bathroom. Like, it's very normalized in New York, too, which is kind of scary. But I luckily was stopped doing that at the end of my 20s because I realized it wasn't serving me and I realized I felt like grass and I didn't like it.

And I was like, why am I doing this to myself? But I think also because cocaine isn't legal and it's not like a socially acceptable thing, it's a lot of, it was easier to like stop doing me to tell people, oh, I'm not doing that anymore and have them respect that decision versus alcohol. So after your 20s, you give up the cocaine, which is good, huge congrats. But the alcohol, too, and you bring us some really good points there about socially acceptable. I feel like this is one of our biggest battles when it comes to alcohol. With the cocaine, with the other stuff, we know it's illegal.

You can get in a lot of trouble. And it's not readily available at the supermarket or convenience store. But the thing with alcohol is that it is. So how does that transition look for you? for me it was COVID when I when I stopped drinking right and I think that that had a big part in my ability to hibernate and really keep to myself and focus only on myself and not have to worry about all of the outside noise as much in the beginning and I really am grateful that I had those that time because like yesterday just being out in the city it really is everywhere I mean this is the holiday season to drink this party with this. I mean, everywhere you look,

there's alcohol. So it definitely makes it a lot harder to stop drinking. It makes it, it makes you feel like you're not in the norm. And I think that is bizarre. It is totally bizarre. But I would never have thought that way until I took a huge step back from it.

Like when you're in it, you don't understand, I feel like, how bizarre it is, how art society, pushes it on up at every turn. Everywhere, exactly. I kind of see it like when you're part of it,

it's like when you see that new car, that white Honda Civic, and then you see a white Honda Civic everywhere. When you're part of it, then it's just everywhere and you're in there. But once you, yeah, once you take that step back

and you get a better understanding of what's going on, oh my goodness, does it ever like just make sense? When you get sober, you know, one of the big challenges people have when they get sober is that there's so much time.

It's like you basically double the time you have alive, like in a sense, not technically, but you have so much more time to do stuff. And that's a big struggle for people. What was that like for you, though? Because you're in the pandemic. You're getting sober. How did you deal with like being bored? And when did you, when exactly did you get sober?

So, and I totally agree with everything you just said, by the way. Like I remember a whole weekend that I didn't leave my couch. And I would just like drink and watch TV. and had a hangover. But for the spare time, yes. So I got sober January 3rd, 2021. I did dry January. But I couldn't commit, of course,

starting on the first of the month, but the third of the month. So yes, it was still COVID, but I needed to do something. I was going to go crazy sitting in my apartment and I was with my ex at the time. Well, we were together. But the relationship was like spiraling over.

And we lived, a small apartment with my dog. So every time I was bored or really wanting a drink or something, I would just go out and start walking. And I also was at the health, unhealthiest point of my entire life. I weighed a hundred pounds more than I do now. I didn't want to move my body. So I just forced myself to get out and start walking. And that turned into me going to Central Park, even in the freezing cold, I would put on two pairs of pants, put on George, my dog's little jacket. We'd go to Central Park. But Central Park's huge.

And even though I've lived in New York a long time, I didn't know my way around all of Central Park. Like I knew a few areas. So we would just go to the park and turn around and come home. And as I got further into the journey of being alcohol-free, I started to feel more confident. And I started to step out of my comfort zone a little bit more. And as I did that, we started exploring the park more. And eventually that led to my dog George and I doing this huge like six mile loop in Central Park, where he's running around off leash, which is allowed before 9 a.m.

And it became our thing. And then we started going every single morning. And that took up a lot of time. And it got me moving my body. and I literally walked off the way and that that's kind of where I came up with sober in Central Park because I was literally sober in Central Park every day. I love that.

What were your biggest challenges early on? Like after the third, you said you wanted to do dry January. What came up for you? What challenges? I had a lot of my friends at the time we would just go out and drink. That was our whole foundation of our friendship.

Because in New York, you'll see a lot of people leave in their late 20s, early 30s. They move out of the city and start families. And so a lot of my friends, that had happened, especially during COVID. A lot of people left. And the people that were still there were just drinking buddies. So I was going out to bars. Sometimes, like sometimes, I mean, not a lot. But I was doing.

And I found myself sitting around like, drinking pineapple sodas, watching people get drunk. And I just realized, oh my gosh, I don't have anything in common with these people except for drinking. And I kind of, I had to stop being friends with people. I mean, it just, it wasn't like a conversation. It just was like a natural, you know, a natural growing apart. But I think being, I was lonely for a while because I ended my relationship.

I had my ex move out of my apartment, which was a lot. And that was at my like 100, maybe 100 days. So I had a lot, I felt pretty alone for a while. And that is not a great feeling. It, you never want to feel alone. And that's kind of what led me to create sober and Central Park. So I was searching for community. And I was searching for connection and people who just understood what I was going through.

And I found it through the sober city movement. People like Michelle, sober in Los Angeles and Alex over in Seattle. And now I have like a million friends on Instagram. And it's like so amazing and it's the best thing. And yeah, I mean, it's really that connection and community and the time. The connection and community is so good because when we do get sober, we do like realize that we don't have anything or much in common with people that we've been hanging out with.

It's like one thing surrounds us. But I mean, that's just like the alcohol just grabs us. And then, you know, for a lot of people I hear on the stories here too, it just becomes the one thing that's intertwined in every part of. of life. Like, we were doing a story yesterday and the guest shared too. Like he didn't go to a restaurant if they didn't serve alcohol. He wouldn't go to a party.

He wouldn't go out to eat at a place with another couple on a date with his wife if they weren't serving it. Wouldn't go here. Wouldn't do that. So, yeah, I mean, it becomes for us too. Like, I feel like a lot of people I knew, that's what it was based on. But I felt like, I feel like too, looking back, that's what I based a lot of my relationships on too and I kind of it is what it is now but I'm like man like wow like that's what everything

yeah yeah no I relate to that guy because I was the same way I would not going anywhere if there was no alcohol like I kind of centered you know I wasn't like drinking out of a mug during the day like I never did that but if I was going to an event they better be serving alcohol or I'm not going like and i kind of would like look forward to all events because it was an excuse to drink even with my family i mean where i'm like oh yes an excuse to just like drink during the day or drink whatever and not have to feel shame for it and then yeah and then once it's already there you you kind of feel like you're fitting in because other people are doing it i always found that i just did it a little bit more but not not everybody picked up on it was always a great it was always a

great event to be a part of something where other people were kind of going to outside the normal, right? Maybe they're being encouraged outside of the five o'clock hour to do it. Then I was like, home run. Like, because now I'm just going to slide right in with, you know, what I'm doing. And it'll just kind of all fit together for this one thing. So other people might be listening that are struggling to get or stay sober. I'm just wondering from your own experience, what's some advice you would have for them? So I always say you need to find replacement. That is the biggest thing, I think, especially starting out. And so I chose, so for me, I chose tea as my replacement drink because I am, I'm also a fast drinker. I love to have like a

million like sodas. I've been to have a soda, a tea, and a water sitting right here. So I picked tea. I had never been a tea drinker. And I was like, you know what? Every time I want to drink, I'm just going to make a cup of tea. I'm going to try tons of different flavors. And let's go from there. And it actually really worked because by the time I was done making the tea, letting it like not be piping hot and finishing the drink, I didn't want the alcohol anymore. Like the craving had passed. So replacement drinks, like things to do with your time. Like I did the walking in Central Park, but also a creative passion, a creative hobby. Like explore things you might never have tried when you were drinking.

You want to replace the people, some people in your life. you're going to want to set healthy boundaries and make space for new people to come in that you might identify with more. You need that community, that support, find an online support group, do A, A, whatever works for you. But find that support because I think that really is one of the most important parts too. Yeah. I love all of that. That's all. That's all incredible. And I hear a lot of people that share that this type of stuff helps them, the connection, you know, getting something else to stuff to do with your time. You know what I'm thinking, though. So you went through all of this stuff, right? And it was, for years, it was a mess for what it was, right? And then we always

look at, we always look at what's helping us to stay sober. And these, not to take anything away from it, but it's simple stuff, right? Have a T, connect with people and stuff. And I, I can't help but wonder like for my own journey too i'm like why didn't i try this stuff sooner do you think there's something about this that had to take its course for you to get a play to a place where you were able to be open to the simple ideas maybe 100% and i now thinking back i'm grateful that i went through all of those experiences and had the journey i did because without those negative experiences and all that time, quote, well, literally wasted, but also and wasted, I go pun intended. Without all of that time wasted, I wouldn't appreciate the beauty of the

alcohol-free life and the beauty of my journey now. It wouldn't have the same, you know, importance to me. And I think that, you know, all of 2020, I drank a lot. Like, 2021, of COVID was where I stopped. But I lost my job. I left New York City. I thought that being able to eat whatever I wanted, drink whatever I wanted, not have to have the responsibilities of work and just kind of do nothing

wouldn't make me finally happy. And when that didn't make me happy, and I was just as miserable as before, like maybe a little bit less stressed, I was like, how do I get to the place of being, waking up, feeling happy, wanting to take care of myself wanting to work exercise and wanting to eat healthy and step out of my comfort zone. And I really had like a come to Jesus moment where I was like the people that have that,

they're not drinking the way I am. And I realized that six months before I stopped. And then it took me like six months to really say, okay, I'm just going to do it for 30 days. And then I think that was also key, not telling myself that I was going to do it for. forever telling myself, this is only going to be a 30-day thing, and then let's re-evaluate the end of those 30 days. But I'll tell you, someone with ADD and anxiety, the decrease in anxiety that I felt after just 30 days and that feeling in my chest that kind of was slowly going down, that was enough for me to know I wasn't about to have a drink after 30 days. I wanted to see

how long I could go because the decrease in anxiety for me, I mean, I didn't know I could get to that kind of place. So now where I am, so with my anxiety, oh my God, it's what keeps me sober. That is what keeps me sober for sure. Yeah. I always say too, like giving up the alcohol, you can start to realize benefits like so quickly. That stuff you might have been like searching for. And the anxiety is a big one, or that you might have been searching for,

outside solutions for like so long and then just like not drinking and you're like wow it's like 50% better 80% better now or you know different stuff right so it's wild i mean i literally couldn't do i couldn't do stuff on my own i wouldn't go and walk around a mark a neighborhood by myself i had such bad anxiety that i had to bring someone with me i mean it was almost to a paranoia level sometimes. Now feeling so confident and being able to step out of my comfort zone and all of the things that came with not drinking where I was waking up feeling good, exercising, you know, just feeling clear-headed and wanting to eat well. I mean, that all came because I took the drinking out of the equation. And then, you know, obviously, when I was eight months in, I started

sober and central park. And that has now become a huge way where I connect with people and spend my time. It's a big time commitment. As you know, I'm sure. What is it, though, for people listening who don't know what is sober and central park? So sober and central park is my Instagram account where I just share my recovery. Really, I'm just trying to share what it's like to be on this sober journey. And, you know, I'll sometimes go. back into the past and talk about, you know, where I was on this day two years ago, three years ago. But I really want to show people that your life doesn't, it's not a social, a social ending to your life when you stop drinking. You can still have a lot of fun and actually

have more fun, most likely. I just really want to show people that it's possible to change your life. I always thought that I couldn't do it and that I was either too far gone. It was too late for me, you know, I had too much to lose. And it's not, all of that stuff wasn't, wasn't true. And it really is possible. And, you know, I want to spread that hope and, and show people, if I can do it, you can too. Yeah, that's beautiful. Yeah, I love that. I love all the stories. I love your personality that you bring into everything. It's very, like, fun. It's very exciting for people. And I believe that it does put that example out there that like this is possible and we can't have a good time,

uh, you know, doing this and stuff because that's a big fear for people. I bet you had some thought of that when you're like the dry January, my friend like, well, this is the, you know,

this is, this is over. It was fun, you know, but it's, you get, you get it back. You get that back.

You able to build connection. I remember spending, you know, just hundreds of dollars on concerts of shows to go and see this stuff and not remember anything. And I'm like, well, and I thought it was fun.

I'm like, well, how is that? What's fun about that to spend three, four hundred bucks on seeing somebody do an incredible performance and not remember any of it? Like, what fun that was. Totally. And that goes with everything we do, with birthdays, anniversaries, like everything in the entirety. They're like, okay, go to this really fun, awesome event, but then drink. So it's going to be blurry and you're not going to remember most part of it. Like, why do we do that?

Don't we want to remember these milestones and these. like events in our lives. And but you're right. Like I really didn't think, I thought like, oh, this is the end for me. Like my fun time was over. Goodbye to that person. But wow. I mean, last night, I was at a curious elixir launch in Brooklyn.

Actually, right where I used to live. And they have a clubhouse and they had music. And it was so nice, so fun, so chill. And there's no alcohol there. And I do think that talks kind of to the shift in our culture that we're seeing around alcohol. But wow, I mean, I had a blast and no alcohol needed. So, I mean, it does take a little time. So if you're listening to this though and you're like, why am I not having the fun yet?

Just give it a little time because it takes, you know, a little bit of time into your sobriety. But you get there. And once you get there, it's magic. Yeah, it's magical for sure. Well, we'll wrap things up there, but I appreciate you so much for coming on here and sharing your story and sharing all this great stuff. Thank you. Well, thank you so much for having me. And I've been a big fan already.

So I'm so happy to be here. Wow, another incredible episode. Huge shout out to Rachel for coming on the podcast and sharing her story with us. Look, this is going to drop right before New Year's Eve. It's a big day of. party. It's a big day of celebration and I just want to encourage everybody to stay sober. Stay on this journey. And if you're going to check out dry January to get your sober journey started or just to try things out, that's part of Rachel's story as well. That's where it's

all started for her. So rock on, get that started. And I hope to see all of you in the review section on your favorite podcasting platform dropping a beautiful. review for the podcast to help us get the word out there. Thank you so much for all your support. And I will talk to you in the new year.