Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Renee lost her daughter Sabrina to addiction. Renee joined the podcast to share their stories and her message to anyone struggling to get or stay sober.

Episode Date: May 3, 2023

Renee lost her daughter, Sabrina, to Endocarditis due to substance use on November 30, 2019. Sabrina struggled for many years with substance use, and Renee joined the show to share Sabrina's story and a powerful message for anyone struggling not to give up. Renee can’t go back and save her daughter, but she hopes to help others by sharing their story. This is Sabrina and Renee’s story on the sober motivation podcast. ------------ Check out Renee on TikTok Gofund Me Page  Check out Sober Motivation on Instagram Check out the SoberBuddy App Check out Soberlink More information On Palm Beach Recovery Center's

Welcome back to season two of the Subur Motivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week is my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. Renee lost her daughter, Sabrina, to endocarditis due to substance use on November 30th, 2019. Sabrina struggled for many years with substances, and Renee joined the show to share Sabrina's story and a powerful message for anyone struggling, and the message is, just don't give up.

Renee can't go back and save her daughter, but she hopes to help others by sharing their story. This is Sabrina and Renee's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. The Sober Buddy app. This community is one of the most supportive I've ever seen. Starting with the meeting hosts who lead with support, kindness, and understanding. When someone falls, the community rallies to help support and encourage. People from all different countries who show up as strangers leave as friends.

It is a true example of community and connection. What makes sober buddies special is everyone is working on the same mission to get another day sober so we can live our best lives and to provide a safe place so no one feels they have to do it alone. Check out the app today or head over to your soberbuddy.com. and come and join us for some of our live support groups. It's hard to find the motivation to get sober when you're in the trenches of addiction. It's easy to say I'll stop tomorrow or I'll cut back tonight.

What's harder is putting action behind those words. That's why I've teamed up with Soberlink. Soberlink's remote alcohol monitoring system was specifically designed to help in your recovery, not just some breathalyzer you buy at the store. Small enough to fit in your pocket and discreet enough to use in public. Soberlink devices combine facial recognition, tamper detection, and real-time results so friends and family know instantly that you're sober and working towards your recovery goals. Visit soberlink.com slash recover to sign up and receive $50 off your device. Are you a loved one struggling with alcoholism or substance use disorder?

Palm Beach Recovery Centers can help. Their inpatient medical detox and residential facility provides personalized treatment, to help you get back on track. Their experienced staff is here to support you every step of the way. For more information, visit their website, Palm Beach Recovery Centers.com. Hey, everyone, how's it going? Brad here. I just want to give you a heads up.

This is a heavy episode, an emotional episode. It was a very hard story to hear. It's very close to home. I've known a lot of people. who aren't here with this anymore because of addiction. And I feel that this was a story that we need to hear because this is the reality for so many people. And I'm so inspired by Renee's ability to join us on the show

and share her and Sabrina and Eric's story in hopes to help somebody not have the same ending. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. We've got Renee with us today. Thank you for joining us. How are you doing? I'm okay. Well, this is a little bit of a different story than what we normally share on the podcast. So why don't you get us started off and what it was like for you and Sabrina, your daughter, growing up?

Okay. I guess to kind of start off. I was 16 when I got pregnant with my first child, which was my oldest son. And the father was 16 as well, so we were young. And then about two years after we had our son, Sabrina, I had a miscarriage. I lost a child in between my son and Sabrina. And Sabrina became my rainbow baby. I'm sorry. I get emotional. Sabrina was a really smart, witty child.

Carrie, loving. She always showed more care for other kids. She took care of them. Even as a small child, she loved to show mommy instincts, I guess she would say, because she loved to take care of her sister and her brothers through life. I always called her their little mini mom. But with that being said, after Sabrina, I had my other daughter and my youngest son. Through life, through the years, their dad was very abusive.

To me and my oldest son, not to the rest, not to Sabrina or my other two. And, you know, Sabrina would always try to make the situation better. She'd always try to calm the situation. And I stayed because, like I said, I was young, you know, to the point I had four children. I didn't have family that I could fall back on. I didn't have friends. I could fall back on. You know, who was going to let a woman with four children come?

I had nowhere to go, didn't know what to do. So I just struggled through it all. And through the years, you know, after seeing all the abuse and experience in the mental and verbal abuse, now he did do mental and verbal abuse to the other kids. He did it to all of us. I finally got out of it. But when I did get out of it, it was very difficult. And the day I finally got out of it, their dad had backed the truck up.

And I say this because all this. pertains to the issue at hand that happened back and struck up and was spinning mud all over us on the front porch and Sabrina ran out there and said, Dad, I'll go with you if you'll just leave. I'll go with you. Like I said, she tried to always take the fire away from the pit. She left with him and then he came back and brought her back finally. And I was finally able to, about maybe about a week later, finally able to escape away from there with all my children. And after I finally left him at this point, Sabrina was 13. Shortly after that, I had found out that Sabrina was experimenting

in what a lot of kids were experimenting in school, which was, they called them Skittles. I don't know if you know what I'm talking about or if anybody's ever heard of it, but it was a little sugar or peel for patients that are diabetic for colds and stuff. And not only that, he was also doing aerosol, like keyboard cleaner and stuff, and their dad's girlfriend at that point in time, her daughter is the one that got her doing that stuff and I found stuff and I was even allowing her daughter to stay with me because I didn't know this was going on and then I found out from somebody and happened to go searching the room and found I couldn't tell you I mean bottles of those things and the skittles boxes and then she lived with me

you know and she's still young and he was too and I was trying to take care of the situation and trying to abuse it as well and did everything I could possibly do to stop it and then I found out she was pregnant with my grandson Ryan and at that point time her and Eric were doing okay they were doing good then everything after Ryan was born started getting erratic again but it was getting worse and there was just a lot of things I noticed things of them both wearing long sleep shirts when it was hot you know like doing things to try to cover their body up but they were also doing just weird things staying up nodding off not really nodding off as bad when they were snorting on but she would be wide open through the house at night and doing things and staying up at night. And I was like,

why are you doing this? I don't understand what's going on. And then her attitude started getting really bad and his did too. And there was a lot of arguing and fussing going on. And so her and him would stay with me half the time and then go to his mom and dad's and stay. And it got so bad that I finally got her and convinced her to make an appointment to try to get some help. How old are they at this time and when their son was born? About, I think she was 20. Yeah, she was 20s. When we went to the doctor, I went with her.

She wanted me to go, you know, because I tried to stay positive and stay as a positive person to her and let her always know that I loved her and that I was there for whatever came. So we went to the doctor, went in there, and he looked at her and he says, Franny says, I want you to take your coat off. She says, why? And it was warm outside. He said, why the hell you got a coat on? He was like, you know, very forward.

Why the hell you got a coat on? You know, it's hot outside. Why would you be wearing a coat? And I said, I said the same thing. I don't know why she keeps wearing all these hot clothes and long-sleeved shirts. And he said, you're fixing a seam, Mom. I had no idea what I was about to see. And she took her coat off.

I literally almost fell in the floor. I had never seen such in my life the markings on her arms. And it was at that time that I realized and found out that she was an IV drug use. We discussed it. And I told him, I said, I knew she was acting different. I knew something was wrong. And I said, it's like somebody else moved into her body. Like it's not her.

And he said, oh, no, Mom. They ain't nobody moved in there. That body's been bought. It's owned. You know, and he started explaining to me what it does and how the very first time, he looked at me. And he said, you know how that feeling was when you had your children, when you first gave birth to them?

Yeah, he said, it's the most wonderful feeling in the world. And I said, it is the happiest I've ever been. Every time, you know, I've had my children. And he said, okay, imagine that times 10 million. He said, the effect it gives them is an unbelievable feeling the first time. He said, but the problem is that they'll never find that same high. And I was like, so what happens? He said, it's just up to her.

Right now she's got to decide what she wants to do. Help, you know, herself or stay an addict. So I don't remember what he prescribed her that day. And I don't know if it was suboxin or not or what it was, but she told me she was going to do better. you know, that her son meant the world to. And I know he did, like, and even through this, I want people to understand. I know a lot of addicts

turn their backs on their children, but So Brent and Eric never turned their back on their son. And I can say that. I don't say that because I love them and who they were, but I say that because it's the truth. But anyway, I found out from both of them, I sat and talked to them, and I wanted to know where, why, you know, what made you decide to do this?

And it was a friend of Eric's that he had known for years, and they had went over to his house, And apparently this boy's mother and his sister was on it too, and their mother is the one that introduced her own children to it, her own children. And so they convinced Sabrina and Eric just do this. And I think that was around about maybe Ryan was a year and a half old. But anyway, they convinced and the mother convinced them. I mean, if she could convince her own children to, of course she convinced the friends to do it as well. What was it they were doing?

They were taking opanas and roxies, which were opiates, and they would melt them down and put them in a needle or a needle. Anyway, she convinced them to do it, and they tried it. And that was the day that they became addicts, because after that, all they did was chased and chased and chased. And if I could tell you the times at 2 o'clock in the morning, 3 o'clock, that I would get a call. I need you come get me. I'm in this area, and I would. And, you know, a lot of people call that enabling, but I don't call that enabling because, I mean,

and if I had to go back to do it again, I would do it again. Because I lost her, so therefore I would go back and do all of that over because that's me being a mother and protecting my child, not enabling, but taking her out of an environment that she's asking you to get her away from. And you never know if going and picking them up is that time that will be, that will change for them. And so I did that for quite a few years. I would go pick her up now.

She stayed with me. I didn't allow her to do any kind of drugs in my home. If I did find out, you know, there would be repercussions. And I would throw it away. I would do whatever I had to do to get rid of it because I wasn't going to leave that around my house. Now, did I feed her? Yes. Did I clothe her?

Yes. Did I make sure she got a bath every day? Yes. She's still my child. You know, that's what I would do anyway. If she wasn't an addict, I would have still done that for her. So anyway, she got sick. Well, she got, but let's see.

I think it was 17, 2017. She got an infection in her leg. And she came one morning on Easter, and she couldn't walk. Her knee down was swollen really big, and she was in absolute pain. And so I took her to the hospital. And when I took her to the hospital, she had blood infection. And they had to rush her to Charlotte, North Carolina. And they got her there, and they didn't know if they were going to have to amputate her leg,

which was due to an abscess from IV drug usage in that area. So she was in there for a while. At that time, they also did a scan of her chest to check her for endocarditis. They thought she had it, but then they did one where they went down her throat, and they came back and said, no, that she did not have it. That was a shadow at that point. It was not endocarditis. And she was in there for about a week, week and a half,

and they finally got the infection in her leg, you know, situated, went in there and cleaned it out and it healed. So she did not lose her leg, but she was at very high risk at that point of having her leg amputated from her knee down. Okay, so then forward and on 2018. My kid's father passed away June of 2018. He was 44 years old. He went to sleep and didn't wake up. We do not know why, but we all pretty much think we know. And there's a whole big story behind that for what his girlfriend did that prevented us from knowing.

But anyway, so that was on June the 12th of 18. 17 days later, I was rushing my daughter to the hospital subpran. Then she was very, very sick, very sick. So they had to rush her to the Pinehurst and get her in ICU. And that's when they did the test. And that's when she was first diagnosed with endocarditis. It was bad, but at that point in time, it was to the fact that they, could give her antibiotics.

Vacamacin, one of the strongest antibiotics, you know, and stuff. And she had the blood infection again. So she stayed in there about four weeks and then did antibiotics after she got out. Sabrina wasn't ready to stop yet, then, either. And I think with her being an addict and losing their father, even though what we went through in life, you still love your parents, you know, just like we still love our children. She wasn't ready to quit at that point in time. And with the loss of her father, that triggered a lot in her.

So it continued on. So then around September of the same year, she ended up back in the hospital. Endocarditis was back and it was worse. So she stayed another four weeks. And she still wasn't ready. Even though she knew what it was and what it can do, she still wasn't ready. And that's what's sad is that these drugs that, you know, they have such a hold on them. It's unbelievable.

And Sabrina was one of my strongest minded children, a child who could not have a shot. She couldn't stand shot, says the child, would run from you and fight you before she would let you give her a shot. And this, she ended up on IB drugs. So anyway, at that point, she was trying. She was trying. After a few weeks after she got out, she said, you know, I got to do better. So she decided I'm going to do better. And she would cry, tell me, Mama, I don't want to live like this. I want to be sober. And I would try. My kids would try. We'd all tried to give her the love that We felt she needed, and I'm one that always expresses, no matter if they're an addict or not, you argue, always tell them you love them because you just don't know. So regardless of how much we love them and the love we show, I know that it does turn them away from something that's got a hold of them.

So anyway, she ended up back in the hospital in December and it was very, very, very bad. And this is all of 18, it was very bad. They got her to the hospital, life lure her to Duke. and they told us that it was like a couple days before they took her to Duke, but they told us that she had to have surgery. There was no waiting. There was no sit back that it had to be done and it had to be done immediately, and that's when they took her to Duke.

And we get there, and this first surgery, she did have a wonderful heart doctor there. Like, she was awesome. And she told us, you know, she may not make it through the surgery. It was pretty bad, but she was going to do her best. So we sat there on the 29th of December they did her surgery. I think we went to the hospital of 27th, 29th end of surgery. We sat there and we waited for, they said seven hours, it took about eight hours, you know, and I thought that was the hardest part.

Sitting there wondering if my daughter was going to make it out of surgery, but she did. And the doctor came and talked to us and told us it was worse than what they anticipated, that there was also a yeast that had grown on her heart, not only under endocarditis, but a yeast that had grown over the part of your heart that fires the electrical. So they had to put a pacemaker, start of a pacemaker, which they wired it, but they had to wire her right and left chambers because her heart could not do any functions by itself. It had to be run completely by a pacemaker. I think they said she had four or five wires coming from through there, but she had that open heart surgery. About two weeks later, they opened her back up.

She had two open heart surgery, or her chest opened up twice in like two weeks. first one was to do that, oh, they had to open her back up and go back in there and correctly wire the permanent pacemaker to her. And where they put her pacemaker was not the normal place that you could put one like kind of up here in the chest area. Hers was down underneath her breast at her stomach area. It was huge. So anyway, she had that done and about a week later, they had to do the surgery on the mouth or teeth because endocratitis is also well known, really well known to get be caused from your teeth. That's where the number one infection, where it used to be known to be caused from, now it's, I'll be drug usage. So they had to pull several teeth. We was in there from

December 27th to February 2nd. She was in the hospital. And at that point in time, spread was ready. She wanted to be sober. She wanted to be better. I stayed with her. I stayed with my daughter. I was there with her through every bit of it. And we came home February 2nd. And she did great. She was the best. I'd seen her in a long time. She was my daughter. She was the person that I knew was always living there. She did good. And around April, I think about the second week of April, she became, about the first week of April, she became sick again. And in between this, we were going to appointments at Duke and Raleigh and, you know, seeing heart doctors and get EKGs, testing her pacemaker. And I kept asking them why her pacemaker was going so low,

because even at home I had to test it and stand her pacemaker so that it would send to them. And like, it never would get over 80 to 90 over 65, 70. It would always stay real low and ask them to me, you know, why? I don't understand because it was supposed to keep it beating the way a normal heart would. So she got sick again in April and she laid on the couch for about a week. And I begged her, let me take you back. No, Mom, I don't want to go. I don't want to go again.

I said, please let me take you're sick. She wouldn't eat, she wouldn't drink. And at that point in time, I had to go to work some, so my neighbor would come over every morning and take care of her. But she was like a baby at night. I'd have to get up in the middle of the night. Give her medication. Make sure her heartbeat was okay.

Check her blood pressure. But she finally got so sick that I checked her blood pressure one day, and it was 60 over 50, something like that. It was real, extremely low. And I called the ambulance, and they took her. And I went up there, and we got the Pinehurst, and they didn't expect her to make it because she was already gray.

And I know people say, well, why don't you call the ambulance sooner? Because she wouldn't go. She'd have told them no. And they can't make you go. Anyway, you know, we had her up there, and she was put back in the hospital again, and they did an X-ray, and her endocarditis was back. Now, mind you, they told us that Duke, the severity of hers, and she was still on antibiotics and was going to have to take them for the rest of her life,

that she could get that endocarditis back, because she had 30 spots in her lungs laying dormant. of infection that had already flicked off before the surgery and were laying dormant in her body. And that those could at any time put it back into full force and it did. When she checked

in back to the hospital, my daughter was sober. Her test results they checked her blood immediately. So they had to send her back to Duke. We went back to Duke after they realized, you know, or made sure she was okay, she was going to make it. And they did the test again over

chest there and looked over it. Only to have this other doctor to come in there and look at my daughter and tell me her, my husband, all of us, that he would not do another surgery. All she needed at that point was her valves cleaned off. That's it. That's it.

And my daughter started crying and said, please don't let me die. I have a little boy I want to be here for. And that doctor didn't care. I even asked him, I said, didn't you sign a hypocrite. It doesn't matter what I signed. don't have to do anything I don't want to do.

So this man took matters where I see a lot of people who have had endocritis and they've had at least two surgeries because sometimes it happens that way. But they denied my daughter that. And I truly feel like she would still be here. So I took her out of there after she was in there about a month. I took her out of there. And I wanted to go find somebody that would help my daughter. But by the time we got an appointment, got my daughter to see another heart doctor, it was too

late the infection had spread so quick. And at that point, that's all we could do. And this is my bank. She did turn back to it after. Because she was told she's just going to die. She's an addict. And I sometimes sit in my head and I think, if somebody told me that I was an addict, what would be the first thing I would do?

I would find something to stop the thoughts in my head. And that's normal for what an addict would do. October 17th and 19th, I was getting ready to take her to the hospital because her breathing and stuff was not doing good. You know, she was sick. I went outside because the heater of my car wasn't working well. I went outside to work on it a little bit to get it. It would come on because you could do something to make it work, so it would come on. And I went in the house, and her oxygen had gotten extremely bad.

And my neighbor had one of those oxygen finger things. And so we put it on her finger, and she kept going in and out, and I would yell at her. And I was only yelling at her to get her at her. attention to get her alert. And then time to find out when we put it on her favor, she didn't have, but her oxygen was 50. And so that was the day. She was rushed to the hospital. I went in behind her.

We got in the hospital, and they tried to get her oxygen with base thing and stuff, you know, trying to build it up. And they couldn't. They said they had an innovator. And my daughter looked at me, and I still see that. She had the biggest teacher, and she says, Mom, I can't do this. I see, yeah, you can't. You got this.

And that was the day my daughter went along. life sport and the life flew or do concord. And she was good for about two weeks. She would sit up in the bed. She would write to us. She danced while they were giving her a bath. But about two weeks into us when everything just turned wrong, she was even off, but almost off of it.

That one day we went in, she was almost off of it. They said, just to hear more, we can take her out off of this life sport. They were going to put a trache in. But then one day it all turned around. And she went into a coma about. four days prior with her eyes open looking at me. I still figured out out the nurse was giving her some kind of medication when that happened. And my daughter was looking at me with her eyes.

Four days my daughter late there with her eyes open. And I finally had to make a decision to pull because everything was going bad. Her blood pressure was getting to where you knew. You know, there was no more they could do with the blood pressure medicine. There was nothing more they could do with the oxygen. It had been turned all the way up. said that it was probably the highest they had had on the patient, and they were surprised that she was still okay with it.

So I had to pull her off and watch her take her last three breaths. And that's what addiction has done. It's what it done to my daughter, and that's not even to say what it's done to me, what it's done to our whole family. It has broke us into a part that I don't know will ever be made the way it was, because we were such a loving family. Like we argued, but we loved

hard for each other. And we still loved hard, but I think a lot pulls us back. I had a very bad mental breakdown. Very bad. And it's affecting me now. I'm not the same. I'm not okay. I struggle on a daily. But that's the greatest story.

Wow. Thank you so much for sharing that. I mean, it takes a lot of courage, I imagine, to share that. I just, I want anybody that's an addict to realize that it's not only them, their effect, it's the aftermath, and the aftermath is hell for the family. Because we love them. We do. That love don't stop. Yeah, so true. What would be your message to anybody who's struggling, whether it be addiction of any

kind? What would be your message to them if they're struggling to get or stay sober? Like, would you have anything for them? I have tried so hard to come up with something good, but there was a message that I've really took to and it's don't count. Oh my God, I can't think of it. I think I saw where you posted it. Don't count the days, make the days count. Yes, don't count the days, make the days count. Yes.

You know, even if you do fall back, pick back up. You know, keep moving forward. Because when you've already picked up, even if you fall back, you already know you can pick up. You know that where the strength is to go forward, to keep moving forward. You just got to keep on. And the strict is there.

And it didn't take a day to get that way. And it won't take a day to get better. It won't take a day to make everything okay. And I used to tell my daughter, Sabrina, it didn't take your day to get that. It won't take a day to get back. You got to give it time. It will be okay. And it will work out.

And just keep moving forward until your strength is gained. You just got to keep on moving forward. And find yourself again. Because yourself is still there. You might have lost it, but it's there. Yeah, so true, so powerful. Just to kind of keep at it if you've been able to figure it out. Were there any other things that Sabrina tried over the years?

I know you mentioned the one doctor's appointment that you went to. Were there other interventions maybe that she engaged with? While she was in the hospital, they would give her Suboxins. But they never offered her a program. When I seen this MAP program, it really, I had no idea there was a MAP program. program and to a TikTok. You know, those things weren't offered to her. Those things, they would say, oh, we'll give you suboxin.

But sobriety goes a lot further than just giving them a suboxin. There's a lot more that has to be addressed to get to sobriety. Mental health plays a big part on addiction. You know, I lost Eric, my son-in-law, or a little boy, you know, they had a little boy together. And, you know, and I've also lost the son-in-law that was just nine months prior to Eric from unaliving himself from alcohol addiction. So we've been faced with a lot of addiction. You know, we've had the endocarditis.

We've had the overdose with Eric that we're pretty sure. And then we've had the alcoholism and unaliven himself with David. To be faced with three different ways of an addiction and loss is a lot to take in a lot. Yeah. Well, and too, I'm just thinking it's not something you're ever prepared for to deal with the addiction in part to deal with how it plays out. It's tough. I can't even imagine any of it. I used to even share this post before I lost Sabrina. You say, you ever know what it's like to lose somebody before you ever really lose them and you lose them to addiction. And I used to

think that my loss of her through addiction hurt. But that don't hurt nowhere near completely losing her. You know, at least while she was here, I could still fight with her and fight by her side. Now she's gone. I can't do anything. can't do nothing. Why have you decided to share this story? I promised Sabrina when she was on life support. I whispered in her ear and I would look at her to tell her Sabrina, I'm going to help people that have addictions. Because Sabrina used to bring her friends and stuff, even the one, you know, they were addicts. But when they needed food or they needed clothes, she would bring them to me and say, Mom, can you help them with some food or can you help them with some clothes? And I would because

Sabrina had that kind of heart. You know, she cared. I want people to know because I want people to know because I don't want my daughter to be gone in vain. I want people to know. Yes, she was an addict, but she did try to fight through it. And yes, she lost her life, but that doesn't mean that I can't help others by letting them see reality. You know, there's not enough of reality seen in this world of addiction. They only talk and they only hear things, but they need to see it with their eyes. And understand this is what others are saying.

This is what families are seeing. And the ones who talk so much crap about addicts and degrade them need to understand that this could happen to them too. We didn't ask for it to happen. We never expected our children or loved ones to go through this. And so they need to understand that it doesn't pick a certain type of person. It doesn't care who you are, where you came from. It could happen. Yeah, that's so true.

But yeah, I did tell Sabrina that I was going to help addicts. And to me, that was a promise I made to hers. so I wanted. I tried to search and find a way to even help me. I needed it to help me too. And being able to talk about it and share her story. I don't do it to be mean. I don't do it for sympathy. I truly do it because I want to help. Yeah. What's helped you throughout this process with the healing journey? What's been helpful for you? I mean, sharing the story, I think you just mentioned it is helpful, right? That and my grandchildren. I have five of them who either don't have a mom and dad or don't have a mom or don't have a mom or don't.

have a dad because I have an older granddaughter who lost her mother to overdosed to two. Having to be here for them, help them, and hopefully maybe somewhere where I went wrong that I haven't figured out, I mean, I have figured out to an extent by staying in a position and a place that I shouldn't have with my kids. I want to try to help them make a better direction in their lives and maybe not make the same mistakes. Yeah, that's beautiful. You've mentioned a couple times throughout this that Sabrina had a big heart for helping other people. And where do you think she got that from? Me. If I have to say from me. Sounds like if I always taught my kids to love people no matter what, no matter, even if she would come home or any of my kids and say, hey,

this person was me to me and I said, well, maybe something's going on at home. Maybe try going at it from a different direction, you know, try to be their friend, try to make sure that there's not some issues going on because we had issues in our own home. You never know what somebody's going through. Yeah, something true. I saw a video on your TikTok there where it had a little question box and it said like for this year you would, I can't remember exactly what it said. But you had mentioned a headstone for Sabrina and for Eric. Has that happened yet?

We are in the process. I've paid down on it. Just got to pay the rest of it because it ended up being a little more than what we anticipated because with Eric leaving to, you know, we had to include him and do the whole thing together. So it's a little bigger than what, you know, because there's two graves there, and we have to have something that's going to represent both graves. But I think we're like, right now on the GoFund Me, plus what some people have sent me, I think I'm about $500 short on it at this point. We're hoping it'll be down for Sabrina and Eric's anniversary date,

which both of hers is the 30th of November and his is the 28th. Wow, close together. Yeah. Depart, but they're close together. like my goodness. Yeah, almost three years to the date. Yeah, we'll see what we can do to help out. We're going to try to make that happen for you.

Thank you. I appreciate that. I think it's the least that we could do. Thank you. I appreciate that. I do. I truly do. And that's something that I'm so ready to see. I'm so ready to see it there.

Because I'll be honest with you, I don't go as much because since they made us take everything off the graves and won't let us put nothing on there, it's like I go to something empty and I don't like it. And I know that seems weird, but to me, to have something there with their picture on there, you know, their names, I feel like I'm there with them. Well, we've covered a lot of ground today, and I'm so grateful for you to come on and share this story. This isn't one we hear a lot. You know, I think that I'm only guessing here, I could be completely wrong, but I think that a story like this brings people involved so much pain. It's one that's not shared very often because it's hard to do, right?

So can I tell you one more thing that just I thought of you said you wanted to know what things that have helped me through this my healing when I get messages from the ones or I get comments of people who are in sobriety or I get messages from ones who say you know what today I was going to use and I've seen your video and I didn't use and I won't help that means so much to me that it does I cry when I read those I do I cry every time I get one to see those because I know. my daughter would be proud that her story is helping. Yeah, that's incredible of being able to help other people to get another day or maybe start their journey to kind of see, right? Because it's the story you share in Sabrina's story and Eric's story as well is, like you mentioned, too, it's very real for a lot of people. It could very well be anyone's story. And I won't lie.

It was almost my story with alcohol after I lost my daughter. I don't lie about that. I don't deny it. And it was something that I've turned to. And it was really bad at one point. But I was able with my kids that I have and my husband that they helped find me back. Well, I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of you in sharing this story.

Thank you so much. And I'm thankful that you let me share it. I'm thankful for the people who support me. Let me share it with them. Is there anything you would like to say before we sign off here? No, just thank you. Thank all my supporters. Thank everyone for being my backbone.

for helping me. Awesome. Love it. And keep strong. And if you feel the need to find your sobriety, you can. You will. Don't give up. Well, this is definitely a different story that we normally hear on the podcast.

Renee has so much courage. And I draw so much inspiration from her being willing to share this story. Because as you can hear in the episode, it's not an easy thing for her. to do. But her desire to help others is what attracted me to her story. Because this could have just happened and Renee could have just moved on with her life quietly and got the help that she needed, but she's reaching back into the fire in hopes to help somebody else have a different ending to their story. So I appreciate Renee so much and personally so inspired by, her strength, willingness to be vulnerable with us here on the podcast,

to share Sabrina's story, to share, Eric's story, to share this tragedy that their family had to go through with her losing her daughter and son-in-law and now helping to raise their son, Ryan. When launching this episode, the GoFundMe was about $140 away from reaching their goal of $1,500. I donated $250 because a follower on Instagram did as well, and I said I would match that donation.

So if you're in a position to help, I'll drop the link to the GoFundMe and the show notes, and you can check out Renee on TikTok. I'll drop her account on TikTok as well, where she shares videos and tries to inspire people to get sober. So I'll see you guys on the next one. Thank you for checking it out.