Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Resilience and Redemption: Shane's Journey to Sobriety

Episode Date: July 24, 2024

In this episode of the podcast, we have Shane, who reflects on a loving childhood that took a dark turn due to severe bullying in middle school, leading him to drink alcohol for the first time, from experimenting with alcohol and drugs in his adolescence to facing severe addiction in his adult years, including an impactful self-intervention and multiple arrests. Shane's breaking point came in 2011 when he faced serious legal consequences and ultimately found redemption through a faith-based rehabilitation program and the support of his family. Now dedicated to helping others, Shane underscores the importance of community, purpose, and addressing underlying traumas in the journey to recovery. ------------ Sober Motivation on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sobermotivation/ Shane on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/silverladder/

Welcome to Season 3 of the Subur Motivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week is my guests and I share incredible, inspiring, and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible one story at a time. Let's go. How's it going, everyone? Welcome back to another episode. If it's summer, wherever you're at, I hope you're enjoying it.

Because where I am, it goes quick. So, I heard this quote last week, though, I wanted to share it with all of you. Ever since I heard it, it's stuck with me. Every now and then I'll get a quote that I see or I hear scrolling through reels or whatever it is. And it'll just really hit home. Some of the quotes I've heard before, but it just seems like wherever I'm out in my life, they hit different. It goes like this. The magic you're looking for is in the work you're avoiding.

And I think that can ring so true for sobriety. For this journey, I'll call free life, whatever it is for you. recovery is that it's not always enjoyable at first, right? That wasn't my experience anyway. I mean, here I am getting sober. I relied on the substances to bring me joy or so I thought and to just help me forget about everything else that was going on in my life. And then when I decided to get sober, all of that other stuff that was going on in my

life was still there. I mean, there was obviously less consequences and less chaos early on that the alcohol and drugs bring into our lives. but there was still a lot of stuff that had to be worked through. And I hear sometimes, too, that people get sober and it's just not enjoyable, right? We hit this identity crisis. I mean, who are we? We've been relying on something for so long.

And it's not rare to hear 10, 20, 30 years of somebody's life that they were drinking alcohol. And then here you are turning over a new rock and working on living a different way and not having alcohol to lean on when the emotions get heavy. So it can be a bit rough. But it just hit me that that just can relate so much to our journey of sobriety is that the work we're avoiding. And that's why I think like the initial part is, yeah, we quit drinking. And then after that, what's next so that we can create a life that we just don't need to drink anymore? You know, maybe back to how it used to be.

I mean, think before you ever had your first drink. Did you ever think of it? I never did. Before I had my first drink, I never thought when I was a young boy that, oh, I would just love to have a drink. I never thought about it. That only started once I had a drink. And not to say that in my life, I've gotten back to a spot where I never want to, but it

makes a whole lot less sense to me in today's world to start drinking alcohol again because of all the damaging effects and how it just doesn't improve my life at all. and there's just no benefit for me personally to drink alcohol. But it takes some time to get there. And I think while you're working through the process, this may be something that you could look at with your own life about what's some of the work that I'm avoiding to really embrace maybe a new way of life for you.

So I wanted to put that out there for everybody. Incredible episode. As always, guys, thank you for all the support. All the reviews on Apple are incredible. We got a lot more stories. coming up. Let me tell you that. We have a ton of stories coming up. A ton of incredible people. I was on vacation for a week, two weeks ago, and got a lot of emails and a lot of requests. So I'm doing my best to keep up with everything over here. But as always, thank you guys for sticking with me.

In this episode of the podcast, we have Shane, who reflects on a loving childhood that took a dark turn due to severe bullying in middle school, leading him to drink alcohol for the first time. from experimenting with alcohol and drugs in his adolescent years to facing severe addiction as an adult, including an impactful self-intervention and multiple arrests. Shane's breaking point came in 2011 when he faced serious legal consequences and ultimately found redemption through a faith-based rehabilitation program and a support of his family. Now dedicated to helping others, Shane underscores the importance of community, purpose, and addressing underlying traumas in the journey to recover.

And I want to give everybody a heads up that an attempted suicide is part of Shane's story. And this is Shane's story on the sober motivation podcast. Now let's get to the episode. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got Shane with us. How are you? I'm doing great. Thank you for having me here.

Awesome. Thank you so much for jumping on this show here and being willing to share your story with all of us. Thank you for giving me the opportunity. Of course. So what was it like for you growing up? You know, my story actually starts pretty differently from a lot of people who have stories that end like mine. Childhood was amazing and fantastic. I grew up in Phoenix, Arizona, in a loving home with two incredible, wonderful parents.

I had aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents. We had a very close extended family. I did well in school. I played sports. I was in Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts. Went on countless camping trips with my dad. And things were actually. fantastic. I didn't have a lot of the risk factors that a lot of people have, but everything for me

changed right around middle school. And middle school can be a tough time for a lot of people. I was a scared, awkward kid. I desperately wanted to be liked. I wanted to fit in. I wanted to feel like I belonged. And I very much did not feel like I belonged there. And I started going through some vicious bullying at the hands of my classmates. And I don't mean normal day-to-day conflicts that kids have. I mean, this was an ongoing thing that intensified over time from certain individuals. And it made me, I mean, question all kinds of things about myself. It made me not like myself. It made me ask if I had value or worth.

And that era for me is where things really started taking a turn for me. I desperately begged my parents to not have to go to school. I started faking illnesses and injuries. And then eventually the stress took enough of a toll. I actually did get physically sick pretty frequently as a result of that. So things were great right up until junior high school. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that with us.

Was there anything specific that happened for this shift to take place? Nothing. And that's one thing that it's important for me to specify. You know, it's not bullying if I were to do something to provoke those things, you know, in educating parents and youth on. bullying over the last decade or so. I made it clear to parents. You know, if your child is poking the beehives, so to speak, and they get heat back, that's not necessarily bullying. I was trying to live my life. I was trying to be friends with everybody. I was just trying to do my schoolwork and

have fun at recess and play sports and things like that. And so there was nothing I did to provoke it, but what it involved was lies, rumors, physical threats, and then actually physical violence at certain times just all kinds of horrible lies made up about me and constant just ridicule. And, you know, when you're that young and you don't have this self-identity and self-confidence that you have as an adult, those words of your peers can absolutely tear you down. Yeah, no, 110%. I can relate to that too because I was born in Canada and I moved all the way to Waco, Texas. And, uh, that's a change. Yeah, it was. huge change and I mean a lot of the things are the same but there was a big big culture shift and I always

remember I always like for my earlier school years always had one friend it was like one other awkward friend I would say that I had and if you saw us apart you would never think that the two of us would be able to connect and I struggled with that too though because I moved in and everybody had already kind of maybe had their friend groups, you know, from going to like grade one, grade two, grade three. And then when I come into on the scene in grade four and five, everybody was already kind of plugged in. And it was really hard to already with moving and a lot of other things going on. It was really hard to plug in and definitely experience from that, that bullying and being excluded. I think that was like one of the things that really hit the hardest, being the

last picked in gym class, having to always pair up with the teacher, you know, all of those things, right? At the time, it's like, I right, it is what it is. I kind of just shook it off and smiled. And you know, this is just kind of my circumstance. Whatever is kind of a funny running joke, right? But when I look back, like it's hurtful. It's hurtful to not feel like you're a part of the team in a sense. So throughout this time, right? I mean, I'm just kind of picturing it here. It would be ideal for you to have an escape from all of this. And it's almost interesting too, right? Your story there. And a lot of people share that. A lot of when we had over. 160 stories here on the podcast. And I would say it's close to an even 50-50 split of things

were incredibly great growing up. And then other people share maybe a different story and, you know, still struggle with this stuff, right? So it really goes to show that even if growing up is great, we have a lot of love and a lot of great stuff going on. Like, we can still get wrapped up in this entire addiction thing. So how do things progress for you from here? Well, eventually, that bullying, you know, and that need to fit in, that need to feel accepted, led to me trying alcohol for the first time. I was willing to do anything at that age to get what I thought was friendship. I started doing ridiculous stuff in class to try to make people laugh. One weekend, I had a friend over from class, standover at my parents' house, and we stole alcohol that

belonged to my parents, and we drank it because I thought, if we do this, I'm going to impress this kid. And if we do this, he's going to go tell his friends when we go back to school on Monday. And that's how I'm going to get in. They're going to think I'm cool that. I'm going to make my reputation at that point. So we stole the alcohol that belonging to my parents and we drank it. And I thought I found an answer. I remember thinking, wow, I feel a lot better right now. The things that were weighing on me, the things I was carrying around, that burden didn't feel so heavy at that moment. And being a junior high kid, I didn't understand that I had just opened the door to an even greater problem. Well, nobody found out. Like, we didn't get caught by my parents. You know, we didn't

get caught telling other kids about it at school the next week. And so when there wasn't an immediate consequence that happened to me and it made me feel better, I thought, wow, they warned us about this all the time. There was so much anti-alcohol messaging in my school and on TV and whatever. And I'm like, We just did this and the world didn't end. And actually, I feel better by this. And in that inexperience, I didn't realize I had just taken the first step down a path that was going to put me somewhere I had never imagined I would go. Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting, too, you bring it up.

Did you have the Dare program? We did. We absolutely did. And I remember it very well. And I remember them having us take these pledges and sign these sheets and things. things like that. And we had police officers come and tell us all manner of things. And, uh, yeah, I remember that very, very well. Yeah. No, same here. I remember it too. I think at that point, though, for me anyway, it was so hard to relate because you see all this stuff, you hear all

these stories. But I mean, when you're in, you know, grade seven, grade eight, grade nine, I mean, it was so hard for me to wrap my head around that that could ever be my life. Like, I got the stories. I respected the stories. I, I, I, I, I, I, understood the concept and the content of it, but not, not me because I didn't, yeah, it was just like, I couldn't connect those dots at the time. So I mean, you find this escape in alcohol and I can relate with you in another sense too. I mean, I feel like, you know, so this is a lot of my story. I wasn't being accepted for doing what I needed to do. So then I started to be that, you know, kind of class clown guy getting in trouble acting up, just trying to get attention in different ways,

which was a whole other storm, but it was almost like either be ignored and forgotten about or act this way and get seen and deal with the consequences from the school, the administrators and my parents as well, like wondering, what the heck is going on? Why are you getting in trouble in school suspension?

I mean, I remember in grade six and seven, as middle school started, I would get in school suspension and be the only person sitting in there. And I would like occasionally think to myself, like, what in the heck is going on here? But it was like for that little bit of attention.

It feels good in the moment and you're not thinking as a kid that age, you're not thinking about five minutes from now, let alone how is this going to affect me a year, five years, 10, 20 down the road. If it lightens your load just for that moment, kids are very, you know, present focused. And, you know, you'll keep going back to it because you're getting that hit of dopamine,

you're getting that acceptance. And so knowing what I know now, I look back and I go, well, of course I did that because no one pulled me aside and explained to me. You know, do you understand where this can lead? Yeah. So you have your first drink. I mean, it offers you some relief, it sounds like. How did things move forward from there? Things really moved forward for me in high school and college. In high school, it got pretty easy to find alcohol. I had friends that had fake IDs. Some of them had older siblings who would buy for us. Some of my friends' parents would buy alcohol for us. And so it became a much more frequent thing. As a matter of fact, I got caught in my junior year of high school, a kid at school who got in trouble, let the administration

know that I had a bottle of Jack Daniels in my closet at home. It was one of those things where if you tell us what you know about other students, you're going to get less. of a suspension. It's similar to what sometimes happens with law enforcement. And I got in-school suspension, just like you were talking about. This was me in high school a little bit later. And that wasn't enough to get me to stop. You know, what really would have helped at that time is somebody having a conversation with me and, you know, sitting down and being like, this is really starting to affect you. And because prior to that, I got really great grades up to and including junior high school. So, you know, junior year, I was drinking a lot more frequently,

tried marijuana for the first time. And then as a college freshman, I was using smoking weed about, probably about every day, just about every day, drinking alcohol pretty frequently. And that lowered inhibition from those substances opened a door for me that I had a really hard time closing. I ended up getting some opioid painkillers from someone that lived in my dorm who had a sports injury and had had surgery and got prescribed opioid painkillers. Now, this was the 90s, so it's not like now where they'll just prescribe you three to five days and you got to keep coming back to get it refilled. This is like a 30, 60, 90 day prescription. And I said, you know what, I'll buy that off you because he didn't like how it made him feel. And so I knew exactly how they made me feel.

And I was through that bottle very rapidly, ended up going to him and going, hey, do you think you can get a refill? He got a refill. He got another refill. And he got another refill. And as you probably know, with opioids, it does not take very long for that dependency to begin. That opened the floodgates. And I ended up a few years after college. I somehow graduated.

I don't know how being someone who was not only struggling with alcohol, smoking weed, and struggling with pills, I became someone that was using cocaine, crystal meth, and heroin. Drugs that I told everyone that would listen, oh, I'm never going to do those things. I'm not like those people. And there I was struggling with three drugs, I swore to myself I was never going to do. And that began an absolute chaotic period in my life, probably the ugliest 10 years of my entire life shortly after college. Yeah, interesting. Yeah, I mean, we hear all the stories too, right, about how, you know, overprescription and just the awareness wasn't there for how dangerous this stuff was. So you get plugged into this stuff. I mean, what do these painkillers do when it comes onto the scene? I mean, for me, I have a big story of being addicted to the painkillers as well. I mean, it definitely, you know, to keep it short and sweet. I think for me, it killed the pain, the emotional pain that I was feeling and being uncomfortable and I feel like you're floating on a cloud, right? Until you don't anyway until that that dependency kicks in. What was the experience for you when they,

when they entered your life? You know, that to me, that is where I started having significant issues. And I was married at the time. And, you know, this overuse, I mean, and a significant overuse of opioid painkillers started leading to behavioral changes in me, mood swings, outbursts, turning into somebody that people were like, who are you? Like, where did the guy that we know go. It resulted in absenteeism from work because I would rather be out there getting high than going to work or sometimes depending on what substances I had been using if I ran out and I was going through those initial withdrawal symptoms, I couldn't compose myself enough to go into work. So my marriage is affected. My relationships are affected. I'm getting fired from job after job because of absenteeism.

Eventually, I just quit applying for jobs because I'm like, you know, I just don't care anymore. I didn't care about anything but that next high. And this is the point where a lot of people would look at their life and say, wow, like, everything's falling apart. And as a matter of fact, I had some people pull me aside at that point and sit me down a couple different people and say, I'm worried about you. And this was coming from a really well-intentioned place, a place of love. and I did the old addict trick of turning it around on them and being like, are you accusing me of using drugs? How dare you? Or are you telling me how to live my life? You're going to judge me. And I made it like they were doing something wrong,

which so many people that hear this story that are in recovery going to be like, yeah, that sounds familiar. And so bridges were burned, jobs were gone, marriage was damaged. And then eventually I ended up emptying an account with thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars on it that my wife and I had worked to save. And when it was gone on drugs and alcohol, I had nothing left to show for it but increasing health problems. And by that, I mean alcohol poisoning that had happened multiple times and drug overdoses, including one overdose that was on fentanyl, cocaine, and alcohol, and is probably the closest that I ever came to dying. And not only was that not enough to get me to stop,

five minutes after I came back from what felt like dying, I used more of those same drugs because I had a little bit left at that point. That is the insanity of addiction. Yeah, wow, that's so true. So when was this? Like, what year? How old were you then? This was 2005, and I had just turned 30,

and I remember that number standing out to me. because part of what drove me into this using cycle was the shame and this guilt of failing to live up to my potential. I knew what I was capable of being and I knew that I was nowhere near that. And I remember looking at that age 30. I'm supposed to be established by now. I'm supposed to have a career where I've laid down a foundation. I'm supposed to have money in the bank. I'm supposed to be this guy that everybody thought I was going to be and I thought I was going to be.

and that was part of what really fueled it is I really didn't like who I was and I felt so guilty and I felt shameful and I didn't like myself. As you know, well, how do I deal with it? I'm going to go get high today. And I know that it's not going to fix it, but for the next couple hours, it's going to make me not care about it. And you just then balloon that problem. But again, the addict mind, man, as long as I'm going to be okay for these next couple hours, I'll worry about it later.

Yeah, true, 110%. So going back to when you graduated college, what did you get into as far as work? Did you start a job after college? I did. So my degree is communications with an emphasis on journalism. I ended up going into jobs working for local TV stations as an overnight assignment editor.

I worked in broadcasting. I worked in journalism. I wrote for a competitor of the Associated Press, a National Newswire service, covering the music and entertainment industry, which I loved. And again, with alcoholism becoming what it was at that point, I ended up walking away from that job and worked in marketing, PR, advertising, broadcasting, journalism.

What the problem was is I was never fully there. And the biggest example of this is I had wanted to have my own radio show since I was a kid. I used to do pretend radio shows recording into a break. box back in the 80s. And I got handed my own syndicated two-hour show, pre-recorded and mailed out to affiliates on the East Coast in the Pacific Northwest. I was handed this by the former host who was moving into television. Everything I wanted was there. And I would get the shows in late. I would do them half-hearted. There were times that they wouldn't get recorded. And there was a couple times I recorded the show under the influence. And so I worked, but I didn't really truly work.

And I look back now all these years later and I think, wow, what if I had been laying that good foundation back then instead of doing what I was doing? But I'll say this about that. And my wife has brought this up to me. She said, you probably, though, would not have the level of empathy that you have now. And that level of empathy is what has allowed me in recent years to help people who are currently struggling with drugs and alcohol. That level of empathy is what has allowed me to intervene in suicides. So do I regret that I did those things? Absolutely. But is there a silver lining in that? There is. Yeah. That's so true. I mean, that empathy, to have that, you got to go through some stuff, right? To have to have that to that

max level. And when you go through it, then when people are struggling or they need somebody to understand where they're at, that's a superpower, I think, for a lot of us that go through this because we know what the struggle not only feels like, but what it looks like as well. So you're doing these jobs, right? So you're, I mean, in one way, things are going like for your career there. You're doing a lot of stuff, right? You have a lot of skills to bring to the table. The effort might not be there. The effort wasn't. It sounds like it, right? The effort wasn't there. And you meet your your wife at this time or, you know, you guys started dating or stuff. How did that look? I mean, I'm just thinking here, this picture that you're sharing, right? Meth, drinking is a problem,

pills, heroin, cocaine. How do you get a relationship started and how do you keep one going? We met each other during college. We met during a three to four month period of sobriety. There was a three to four month period where I quit drinking and using entirely, which I tried several times. I wanted to. All along through this story, I wanted to stop. And there were various points where I attempted to do it and it would last for a little while. And eventually, I would inevitably end up giving back in. She saw the real person. She saw who I am sober. And we fell in love together. And a few months into the relationship, I started drinking and using again. I started lying about it and covering it up. And I did a really good job of hiding it for a long time. And she,

She didn't understand what she was getting into because I was really dishonest about it. And that is one of my greatest regrets that I look back on now. This person that deserved nothing but love and happiness and I was being deceptive so early on, I hid it really well from her, from my parents, from my friends, until I could not hide it very well anymore. And we go back to that year 2005, when you asked earlier, when did this start falling apart when I turned 30? That's the year I look back on where everybody was starting to pick up on the fact.

Something is really wrong. There was drastic weight loss. There were all the jobs I lost, nosebleeds. I mean, giant pupils. People were picking up on it at that point. And she approached me out of love. She found a vial of cocaine in my pocket in the laundry and approached me out of love. And it's like, I'm worried about you.

And once again, I did that thing that was one of my tactics to keep people from having that conversation with me and I turned it around and I made it really uncomfortable and got angry, which was fueled by the drugs and alcohol, you know, where this person that loved me more than anything is like, I'm just trying to help you. And I denied. I said it was something else. And it fell apart at that point. But oddly enough, that was 2005. I didn't get sober for the final, really lengthy time until 2011. Yeah, okay. So you did have times where you were able to get sober.

What were you plugging into when the things worked? I mean, were you checking out meetings or was there something you were doing or just kind of figuring it out on your own? In late 2005, I went to treatment at a local facility. I actually sat my family down one day. I self-intervened. I was on a really bad Coke come down and I'm like, I need to. tell someone right now before I lose the nerve to do this. I picked up the phone. I could try to

call someone. They didn't answer. I tried again. They didn't answer. It took like six or seven phone calls. I'm like, I'm about to lose the nerve to say these words. I am an addict. I need help. Finally got someone on the phone. I think it may have been my dad. And I was like, I got to get these words out before I changed my mind on doing this. I ended up calling together a few family members and a few friends later that day. I mean, they loved me enough that a couple hours later, they're like, what do you need from us when we sat down and I told them everything. And I got into treatment in 2005 and went to treatment for 30 days, did really well, absolute all-star in treatment, but I feel like it's easy to be an all-star for those 30 days.

It's when you get back out and real life hits you in the face. I started doing meetings, I got a sponsor, I was working my steps, and I was sober for about nine months at that point. but my biggest enemy creeped up on me, and that was complacency. After about nine months, I was like, ah, you know, I can have a beer. And this is another thing. So many people are going to hear this and go, wow, does that sound familiar? You know what?

I can have a beer, like one or two, and I'm just going to leave it at that. And sure, I could do that for a day or two days, but on day three, it's going to become eight. Day five, it's going to become a case. And on day seven, after the case, I'm like, I think I remember my old dealer's phone number. and I'm off and running again. And so that time I actually got professional help and I was going to meetings. There were other various points between then and 2011 when it finally stuck that I tried cold turkey.

I tried so many different things on my own. And it would work for a month or a few months or whatever, but inevitably it would end up falling apart in almost every time. It was the combination of the stress of life and that complacency of I can have a drink. The thing that led to every relapse was I can have a drink. The thing that led to every relapse was, I can have a drink. I can't. Yeah, great point there because, yeah, so many people can relate to that, right?

I mean, what's the harm in one drink? Like, really, what's the harm in? You know, the wildest thing you bring up there is like on day one and two, it works out. I mean, when I go back to my story, like, I wasn't happy with it that I had to stop at one or two. But I could do it. Like, I could force myself to do it and just have no more. at the end of the day and go to bed or whatever, distract myself. But it's like once you let it back in, it just starts doing pushups again.

And it just starts wearing on you. And then I feel like every time we go into it about, you know, just this or try this or do that, we just, it's easier to say yes the next time. It's easier to say yes the next time. And then that snowball takes effect. And then it gets back to like sort of one thing I talk a lot about. And really for me, it wasn't even about the drugs or alcohol. I was struggling long before in my life with a lot of stuff before I ever picked up drugs and alcohol.

And it helped out when it did. But what happened towards the end is all the problems that it might have been helping me out with some point, it was creating a ton more problems. And the manageability and my ability to keep it all together, it was impossible. It was really impossible. But, I mean, it's great there in the story where, You reach out to your family. I mean, did this take them by surprise, or did your parents and your other family members have some idea that something was going on or had you talked with them before about it? My wife and my friends were all like, yeah, we knew. Like, it wasn't a surprise. They're like, you know, welcome. We're glad you're here. We're glad that you've caught up with what we've been saying to you for a long time. My parents, to this day, my mom says there's only one time I saw you that I knew you were under the infirm.

And I was under the influence around here multiple times. You know, I think part of it was maybe a little bit of denial on their part. When you love someone so much the way a parent loves a child, it is soul crushing to think that that kid that you brought into this world, that you love more than anything, could be struggling with drugs and alcohol. And sometimes it's easier. It's the safer, softer way to just pretend like that's not happening. You know, part of it's denial.

Part of it's you want to think good things about that person. And so my parents and my aunt and my uncle who were there as well were a little surprised, but the rest of the people were not necessarily very surprised. Yeah. Interesting there too, because I feel like, you know, I thought I had a lot of people fooled with everything. And then when I'm saying, I need help for all this, it's like, my goodness, thank goodness. Like, yes, we're getting there.

It was interesting, too, you bring that up, right? Because parent, you know, loves children. I've got three children and I mean, of course, they're everything. They're literally everything. And when I talk with my mom too, because there was a ton of interventions and rehab and counselors and therapies and everything over the year, I mean, you pretty much name it. We've probably done it, tried it. And I think what was most hurtful for her just talking with her over the years was that,

well, me struggling was one, right? Like you mentioned there. The other part was that I wouldn't talk to her about it, that I wouldn't be honest about it. because her stance in my stepdad's stance was that we'll do anything we can to help you. And they were like that for a long time until they're not. I think that's probably the progression that most family members are going to take, right? If you're kind of doing this back and forth stuff and with the dishonesty after a while, they're like, hey, you know, I mean, we'll help you to a certain extent.

But you're on your own for a lot of this other things, right? We're not going to finance this destruction anymore in a sense. And I think that was really hurtful that I was struggling. It was one, but the other one was too that, yeah, I mean, we were close. And I wouldn't talk to them about it. And it kind of goes back to that thing you mentioned about the shame. And like I had every opportunity growing up in life to do well. And my parents are just incredible, you know, incredible show up at, you know, at a moment's notice for anything.

And here I was, you know, carrying around all this guilt and shame about like, man, I've like completely let them down. Like I would just think to myself, man, if they only knew, you know, the pickle I was in or how this thing progressed. And like when I look back and I always suggest to people, talk with somebody about it, even if you're struggling, you know, find a safe person that you can talk to because not saying it would have changed the outcome for me, but I was on my own for so long. Just dealing with this thing quietly, trying to figure.

it out and I think that probably carried it on maybe longer than it needed to if I would have just been like, I don't have anything figured out. I'm really in this thing because like even when you mentioned, I mean, progression for me was always the drinking and I had a phase of cocaine and then I was on the pills, you know, in 2007, 2008. And shortly after that, they dry it up. They dried up. And me and everybody I knew anyway, we went to doing heroin. And that was just just a progression. And of course, I'm with you there too. Like, I mean, this guy sitting in fifth grade, get, you know, signing my dare pledge. And, you know, I was never really the greatest student. But I kind of found my own and went to college. And I got kicked out of college, but I still went.

And I had all my problems, but that was never supposed to be part of the plan. I was kind of young, 20, 22, trying to figure it out, right? Partying a lot. Meeting girls. Just trying to live it up, right? We had this idea that if you, if you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space. And then as things go forward, I think you could probably relate in your story. You just end up in a place where you just never, never saw it coming. So you have this, you have this self-intervention and you go to the rehab. And I mean, another great point, man, about rehab. A lot of people share that, right? 30 days is incredible. But, you know, after 30 days, you go back to often what was, you know, Like the outside world doesn't really change very much in 30 days.

When you get these nine months under your belt, and then where do you go from there? I mean, you mentioned too, you mean, it's one more beer. It all kind of starts over again, right? It absolutely started all over again. That's exactly the right way to put it. The floodgates open once again, and I was right back to where I had been before. Any substance you could name at that point, I was using it. And that was, you know, in late 2005, and that continued.

on until late 2011. And late 2011, November, I remember, it was right around Thanksgiving. And it was exactly one month after I had had another birthday. For some reason, it was always between my birthday and Christmas, things always intensified. Winters were really hard for me. The holidays were really hard for me. And, you know, what was already an excessive amount of, of drugs and alcohol became even more. And I reached a point where I was like, I'm never going to

come back from this. I have wasted too much time. I'm in my mid-30s. I've created so much damage that I'm never going to repair that, whether it's physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, emotionally, vocationally, whatever. I have damaged so many relationships. I have, it's over. I'm done now. And I was just tired and I was so run down and eventually reached a crescendo where under the influence of drugs and alcohol on November 28, 2011, everything built up to a bursting point. I had lost six or seven family members. They had died in the previous two years. And I hadn't mourned for them or grieved for them correctly. I just started numbing it with more and more and more drugs and alcohol. I hadn't had a job in years for any real amount of time. I was thousands of

dollars in debt at this point. No longer did I empty that bank account to zero. It's now a minus. I now owe people money. And I came to a place where I hated myself and I don't think anyone should ever hate themselves. Yes, I needed to quit lying. I needed to ask for help. I needed to admit I had a significant problem, but I don't think anyone should hate themselves. But I remember that last night when I went and bought my alcohol for that evening, thinking to myself, I've created too much damage to ever repair. I'm going to die probably sooner rather than later. And it is what it is. I don't care. I don't care. I'm going to ride this train until it crashes. And that night, under the influence of alcohol and all the stresses and the pressure and the loss and the defeat

and the failure of the prior 20 years, it reached a crescendo. And, you know, and it reached a crescendo. I lost control and I hurt people and I hurt people that didn't deserve it. And I don't mean proverbially, because as you can hear through my story, I've been proverbially, emotionally hurting people through this entire story, physically harming people, becoming violent. And later that night, I remembered realizing very briefly what I had done. I was in blackout. And so I remember little individual snapshots like still frames from that evening. And I remember when it hit me what it was that I had done.

And I remember thinking to myself, okay, that's it. I'm just going to accelerate this process. And I went down the hallway and I locked myself in a spare bedroom and I attempted to end my own life. And while I was in there, 911 was being called. And a few minutes later, I walked out my front door and I was greeted in my front courtyard by six Phoenix police officers. I was arrested, I was handcuffed, I was charged with multiple felonies, and if I had been convicted of everything I was charged with, I was looking at doing about three to five years in the Arizona Department of Corrections in state prison. And I woke up the next day in Durango Jail, part of the

Maricopa County Jail system, the notorious Sheriff Joe Arpaio's system. And I remember sitting there and thinking, it's all gone. It's all gone. The people I love, this is going to be their breaking. point where they are officially 100% done with me. And I remember thinking to myself, how did I get here? And I had nothing but time to sit in that cell and trace it back. And I traced it back to that first drink in junior high. As innocent, as harmless as I told myself that was at the time, if I'm being honest with myself and with you, that's what opened that door. That's what started me down that path. And so a few days later, I'm in my cell. I'm sweating. I'm shaking. I'm shaking. I'm I'm vomiting. I'm going through withdrawals, which are bad anywhere. They were particularly bad

in the Maricopa County Jail system. And I had a realization, and the realization was you knew you may never get those people back in your life. And you have to understand that if they don't take you back. You have to respect that because of the way you've acted. But you owe it to them and you owe it to yourself and anyone that's ever invested time or love in you or saw potential in you to get it right from here on out. And I made myself a promise at that moment to make my faith, my family, and my recovery, my priorities. And as someone who had been breaking promises for a very, very long time, I finally made a promise and I finally kept it. That's where it all came crashing down, November 28, 2011. So I count the 29th as my recovery date.

Wow. Thank you for sharing that. Is that the first time that you were arrested throughout your life? No, I was arrested the exact same calendar day, November 28th, three years prior. As I mentioned to you when I started telling this section of the story, things got even worse for me around the holidays. November 28th, I don't know what it is about that date. There's no calendar significance to me. But three years prior, I had been arrested for under the influence behaving violently for criminal damage on my own home. for losing control. There's a moment where most people, that first arrest a few years prior, there's an opportunity gift wrapped and handed to me by life to take and go, okay, I get it. I should

probably stop. And again, that wasn't enough to get me to stop. And people who have not faced these struggles hear all these opportunities where I could have quit and should have quit. And they don't understand it. But those in recovery know how damaged your thinking is by drugs, and alcohol. And you can have something right there in front of your face that the rest of the world is saying you, do you not see this? And you're missing it entirely. So yeah, I had been arrested one time prior three years before. Yeah. So you mentioned something there too that stood out to me, if you're being honest with yourself and you reflect back to that first drink in junior high. And you said that it opened the door. Like, what in a sense did it open the door to for you?

becoming less afraid of drugs and alcohol, becoming more curious about drugs and alcohol. I didn't wake up one day randomly just doing heroin out of nowhere. I got there one choice at a time, one step at a time, and one decision at a time. And it was like this stair step progression. Every substance led to something a little bit more dangerous and a little bit more intense. And it began with alcohol. and when alcohol didn't create an immediate catastrophe in my life, I started going,

I wonder what else is not as dangerous as I've been told it is? Because I was waiting for an instant consequence. You know, you're a kid. We talked earlier when you're in junior high, you live in that very moment, the present. Well, when a lightning bolt didn't come down and hit me because I stole alcohol and drank it, I thought, shoot, this is not a big deal.

What about this other thing? And when I went and did that other thing? and there was no immediate consequence. I continued on with that progression. What I didn't understand is there is a consequence. There is a price to pay for every negative or unhealthy decision we make in life, but they don't always happen right away. We don't always notice them right away.

And sometimes they show up years later and they catch back up with us. And that's one of the things in what I do now for a living, using my experience to help others, that's a big point that I make when I talk to youth, is what I just said about consequences and unhealthy choices. Yeah, I can't relate to that 110%. Yeah. When I ended up getting sober, it was I had sold drugs to an undercover police officer, three occasions.

And it kind of brings me back in your story, too, of that need for acceptance. And when I really examined that whole situation and what the heck was going on there, and that wasn't even really what I was doing. Like I wasn't a drug dealer or anything like that. But I wanted this guy to like me. I wanted this guy to like Ms. Older guy. I wanted him to like me in that. And he's the one who set up the deal with this undercover police officer, three occasions.

And it took a couple years for that to catch up for me. They were looking for me for a while and I was moving around and I was living on couches and my brother's floor and I didn't drive or have an address or anything. but I'll never forget that day. I was actually living in Canada before that and I was taking a flight from Toronto back to Raleigh, North Carolina, visit my family and stuff. And as soon as I got off the plane, they were there waiting.

And I would spend the next year, the next year in jail. And actually, to make a long story short, I got deported back to Canada after that. And it was, you know, looking back, it was probably the best thing to ever happen in my life. I didn't enjoy it at the time.

in the beginning, but it was the ultimate accountability. It was, I was saying, you know what, the way I looked at it after a couple weeks is like, you can live like this and in this life, because I was already a convicted felon at that point. I convicted felon at 18 years old, and I had other charges from when I was 16, and convictions and misdemeanor charges.

So that was kind of where I was heading, where I was. I wasn't headed there anymore. I kind of was there, right? And here's this middle class guy from Canada. You know, in Waco, Texas and then North Carolina, every opportunity, you know, my mom's a nurse. And here I am, man, you know, making the paper with all of this stuff. It was unbelievable, man, at the time. Still is even talking about it to think that's where things ended up.

I mean, what about this kind of this arrest, too, for you? You know, because I think those are times in our lives where we might get a time to briefly reflect. And it's kind of like things may be going, this fast motion of like the previous 30 years or 20 years of whatever it was. And it all kind of comes to head right there. And I think like you said there, right, you've got an opportunity here to make a choice. What does it look like for you going forward, you know, from that night of November 28th when you get that arrest? I mean, moving forward from there. This is the part of this story that I really like because it involves a lot of.

of grace, not just mercy, but grace. There's a quote that says, justice is getting what you deserve, mercy is not getting what you deserve, and grace is getting what you don't deserve, meaning that good thing. Not only are you not getting that horrible thing that you have earned, something good's going to happen for you, and that's grace. When I bailed out of jail, I was not allowed to move back to my house, and my parents are like, you ain't moving in with us. So I moved into a place in Phoenix called the Phoenix Dream Center. It is a place where people who are survivors of human trafficking, ex-gang members, people who have been homeless, people who are in recovery, can move in and learn to live their lives sober with integrity and it's faith-based. And it was my faith that I needed to pour

myself back into. It in a lot of aspects is tougher than jail. In jail, you can lay in your cell all day. At the Dream Center, we were up every day at 4 a.m. on the bus by 4.15. Run through. a workout by a former pro rugby star back to the dream center all day long your day is scheduled classes maintenance labor homeless outreach church all these things rinse and repeat every day four a m to 11 p.m. lights out at 11 p.m. and you start again the next day while I was there and I was pouring myself back into what had been my foundation I was not drinking and I was not using I was reflecting on my behavior like you said sometimes you get the chance to do in jail I had pulling plenty of time to do that in the Dream Center as well. I had charges hanging over my head,

but you know what? I was finally starting to laugh again. I was starting to have hope again. I was beginning to gain back my self-respect. And I started to gain back slowly over time other people's trust. I lived in the Dream Center for around 60 days or so. And then eventually the judge in my case said, I don't normally do this in cases like this. Your wife has been writing me letters and calling me, and she wants you to be allowed to move back home. She has been apparently hearing word from other people that you have drastically changed, and this is real, and it finally took this time, and she wants you to come back home. So I moved back home, eventually ended up having my sentencing coming up. I was looking at a presumptive sentence of probably at least a year or more.

Because of the people that wrote letters and spoke on my behalf, not only was I not. sentenced to prison or jail. I was given two years supervised probation. Well, I was also given a permanent felony, which makes my university degree virtually worthless and my years of corporate experience, as you know, having a felony. So I was so grateful for this fresh start. I was clean and sober. I was working on restoring my marriage. I was giving the chance to prove that I had truly changed this time. But jobs were turning me down. Forget doing anything related to my degree. I couldn't get a job doing unskilled warehouse labor because they're like, we don't hire felons. Well, I found a local organization called Not My Kid. And what they are is a youth mental health

nonprofit that does prevention programs in schools. A guy who heard my story told me, go apply there. He said, do you have any public speaking experience? I said, oh, I have a ton. He said, do you have a story to tell about your recovery? I said, oh, do I ever? He said, go apply there. They won't hire you till you're a year sober. That's part of their requirements. But they will give you a chance. They hired me at a year sober right around the time not my kid hired me. My daughter, Anna Grace, was born. So these incredible things are happening all at once. And when nobody else gave me a chance, they gave me a chance. And they sent me into schools to share my addiction and recovery story, not just telling war stories, but talking about what do I do differently today so that I don't

use drugs and alcohol. How do I handle the stresses of life? How can you handle the stresses of life? Giving kids resources and tools and knowledge and inspiration and motivation. So that started with me being a part-time speaker going and talking to kids on substance use. Within three months, I was made full-time staff. And then eventually I became the organization's communication manager, communications coordinator, manager of parent and faculty education, prevention specialists, and then eventually the public information officer. All told, I ended up doing over 600 speaking engagements for the organization throughout the United States, got to do over 150 TV interviews on behavioral health topics, got to be on the Today Show, Good Day, New York, Kansas City Live.

And most importantly, I got to use my experiences and the knowledge that I gained through those experiences, to help kids not go down that same path, to help kids who had already started using drugs and alcohol, and to intervene and prevent suicides. And suicide prevention is another topic that I speak on today as part of my LLC, Silver Ladder. So I was with not my kid for nine years. I did that. I left about two years ago, and I'm continuing doing the same things, mental health education and support. Wow, love that, man. And it's such important work,

and I think about a lot of the messages that I heard growing up. I mean, we always had people come into the high school and, you know, share the stories about how bad it got. But we talked about it before. It's true. If you're not there, and even if you started early in the journey,

I mean, it's terribly hard to connect. And you mentioned it too, right? I only thought till Friday night. So it was great that these things take time and in the snowball, you know, really picks up speed, but I mean, I can never relate with it. And, you know, what I was thinking about is that putting stuff out there for people that if you do get stuck in this, how in the heck can we raise our hands a little bit sooner? Once we see the, a lot of people say writing on the wall. Once we see that, right, once you get that first arrest or you start to experience those consequences to let people know that, hey, you know what?

A lot of us are out there. We've been through this. You know, drugs and alcohol aside, we're good people. And we can do a lot of good, but this one thing has gotten in our way. And it's okay if it's gotten in your way. And, you know, when I reflect back and I don't remember every conversation or every seminar that we held in the gym, but I think it was always hammered. Don't do it.

You know, you see the egg hitting the frying pan. Just don't do it. And I mean, that's great. A lot of people, they're never going to go down this path. and it's going to be gravy that's going to hit home. It scared them straight. It worked. It connected with them.

And then I'm thinking there's going to be guys like us, right? We heard all those things. And years later, here we are. And we've really, really struggled reaching out for that help. You know, I think that's such an important mission out there is to let people know that, you know, you can't turn it around. And two, I'm with you, man. And they can be in a convicted felon.

I remember, you know, my early days, 18, I'm a. I'm applying at Bojangles. I'm applying at Burger King. I'm applying at McDonald's. And right on the paperwork, you convicted felon, okay, check this box. And you sit around and you put out 50 resumes and you wait for the phone to ring. And on the other hand, I've got my probation officer who's like, okay, well, you got to start doing jail weekends. And you have to pay, you know, I have to pay $60 a week to be on probation.

And here, you can't get a job. And I know things have changed a lot since then. I think I hear a lot of people share the, you know, here's a list of organizations that are higher people and, you know, so I think that's really good. But it's tough. But I mean, what a great opportunity that you had there. You've brought up here throughout the episode, sometimes about faith. I mean, what is that all about?

You know, for me, I try to emulate Jesus Christ. That's my higher power. I know different people have different higher powers. and I didn't come on here to preach. But for me, I look at that as the blueprint of how do I want to conduct myself and how do I want to treat other people? The amount of forgiveness and mercy and grace that I've been shown, if I've been given that amount of forgiveness and grace

and I don't then give that to other people, I'm a hypocrite at that point. And so part of why I moved from not my kid, which I was solely doing prevention then, into doing my own thing now, where I'm still doing some prevention, but meeting more so meeting people where they're at who are already down that path a little bit, is wanting to let these people know, even if you've made mistakes, even if you are addicted right now, even if you are struggling with these things, you still have value and worth as a person.

You're not strange. You're not broken. You're not less of a person. And that's the message, you know, you think about what was it that maybe would have resonated with you at that time or with me? What it is it that we needed to hear? What I needed to hear was someone telling me what you're doing is not healthy and it's not serving you and you need to make better decisions. But you have value. You are not a horrible person because I couldn't get those two things separated in my mind. And I think when we meet people where they're at, you know, even people in the midst of it, separating that behavior from the person. Yeah, beautiful. I love that. Thank you so much for sharing it. I'm just wondering, too, as we head towards wrapping up, I mean, what's working for you today? And for somebody who's maybe started out on the journey or they're just struggling, right?

Because, I mean, like you even mentioned earlier, right, nine months, hey, great idea, have a beer. You know, you hear that a lot. What would you say to those people and what's working for you today? Don't wait until that moment of crisis and temptation to figure out what the plan is. If you don't have a plan at that point, you're more likely to fall into autopilot and go, yeah, I can have that beer. Know what the plan is in advance and have plan A, B, C, D, E, F-G. Have your phone full of phone numbers of people who are your support network. The kind of people that tell you, man, if it's 2 o'clock in the morning and it's a holiday and you're

tempted to drink or use, call me. I will help you. So you create that communication and support network. That is absolutely crucial, having people around you who have your back. Beyond that, I absolutely believe in finding a higher power, finding your higher power and pouring yourself into that as well. Number three, purpose. At the end of the day, we have to feel like what we did that day mattered. And that's probably with some of the jobs I did have in addition to drinking and using. I had jobs that paid well that I felt like I was supposed to want. But at the end of the day, I went home and I was like, does this really matter? What I'm doing now, I go to sleep and I say, what I did today mattered. It doesn't have to be your job that gives you purpose. It can be

going out and doing volunteer work or service work or helping other people who are struggling or something maybe I didn't even just name. But we have to feel like I am serving a purpose and I have value. So your support network, your higher power, your purpose. Beyond that, what works for me are healthy coping skills, resistance training, weightlifting, exercise, music, writing, art. You see behind me the records. I collect records. I've got 3,500 albums on vinyl, 3,300 CDs, and 80,000 MP3s. And what I've discovered is that when I'm at a record store and I'm flipping through a crater record's like, oh, I might find something cool. And I do. I get that dopamine hit, which I was looking for with drugs and alcohol. I get that natural dopamine release in a way

that's not harming me or harming someone else. So it's building that the foundation with those absolutely integral things that I mentioned at the beginning, but then finding what your healthy coping skills are as well. Take care of your body. Get sufficient sleep. Hydrate. Your diet is a big one. If you're off drugs and alcohol, but you're eating horrible food all the time and you're wondering, why do I feel horrible? Look at your diet. And so those are some of the biggest building blocks that I would recommend there, taking care of your spirit, your mind, your body. Yeah, thank you. Incredible list there.

Yeah. I don't know how many MP3s I've got. I've got Apple Music, so I got quite a few. That's awesome. Yeah, I get plugged into something, right, that you enjoy. I mean, that's it, right? You have to get plugged into something in people that can support you. And I always come back to this in so many different conversations, is that I think, me personally,

I think this is a lot less about drugs and alcohol than we think when we're first starting. You know, because you talk to that person that's new that's right now, that's front center, the drugs, the alcohol. And then you remove that. And it's like, all right, well, here I am. You just hit on one thing. I'd like to add one last thing if I could. You talked about what does that recovery plan look like?

How do you stay sober? How do you do this? And I named off multiple things, but you hit on one big, big thing that I failed to mention. And that's the fact that underneath the drinking and using, which are a symptom, there is usually something that is unheeled. If you have unheeled trauma, if you have things that have occurred to you in your past,

if you have anxiety or depression, or things that you have never gotten support or help for. You deserve healing. And that is where I advocate getting plugged into counseling or therapy. Do not fight that battle alone. And you set it and you're so right. It's not necessarily about the drugs and alcohol. It's about what is underneath that that spurred that on.

And so get professional help. Yeah, 110%. Because we always look back at the stories, right, about, A lot of people, I'm sure, in junior high, they had a beer. They had a shot. They had a drink. Like countless people did. But if we fast forward to their life 20 years later or 10 years later, they don't end up where it ended up for us.

And I think that that's extremely important that we got to dig a little bit further. Look, Shane, I appreciate you so much. Any closing thoughts before we sign off? I'm just going to echo the last thing I said one more time. If anybody hearing this is in the midst of it yourself right now, if you are struggling, if you are thinking about, can I get sober, is this possible? Is it too late? Am I too late in the game? If you still have a heartbeat and you're still breathing, it is not too late in the game. Do not fight your battles alone. Whatever you've done in the past, do not convince yourself

that you are past the point of making it happen. I have met people in their 50, and their 60s that tried and tried and tried and eventually something clicked for them. You have value and worth as a person. Speak up, even if it's just to a friend, don't fight your battles alone. Yeah, so powerful there. And I even think, too, you're never too early to shut it down, to quit. I'm hearing a lot of people that are getting ahead of this thing before it really takes a hold of them. And I think that's incredible.

I think that that is so inspiring and motivating on both ends to say, you know what? I'm recognizing this is impacting my life from preventing me from who I want to be, who I can be in my relationships, in my life. And I'm going to shut it down. I'm going to take a break and see what's really going on here. And like you said to people that are further down in their story that, yeah, man, you hear it all. It's so possible to really make a comeback. from this, get sober and live your best life. Thanks again, Shane.

Thank you. Well, there it is, everyone. Another incredible episode. As always, I'll drop Shane's contact information for his Instagram. Down in the show notes below, if you have yet to leave a review on Apple or Spotify, jump right over there. Leave a review.

Five stars, of course. And I'll see you on the next one.