Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Rising from Rock Bottoms: Justin’s Journey to Sobriety

Episode Date: August 26, 2023

In this episode, we feature Justin, who wrestled with addiction from a very young age. At the age of 13, drug and alcohol use became a means of escape from the daily madness at home. Little did Justin know at the time, that this would evolve into a way of life for him for many years, and he came to realize that rock bottoms had basements. Justin endured a state of mind filled with hopelessness, surpassing even experiences of homelessness, being stabbed, and grappling with addiction. Justin's turning point came when he was rescued by a Pasco County sheriff’s officer, marking the beginning of his journey to reclaim his life. Join us as we jump into Justin's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. ----------------- Connect with Justin (the hope shot) here : https://linktr.ee/thehopeshot Check out Sober Motivation on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sobermotivation/ Support the Podcast or check out the Sober Motivation 30 Day Journal: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivation More information on SoberLink: https://soberlink.com/recover  

Welcome to Season 3 of the Suburmotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week is my guests and I share incredible, inspiring, and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode, we have Justin, who struggled with addiction from a very young age. At 13 years old, drug and alcohol use was a means of escape from the daily madness at home. Little did Justin know at the time.

this would become a way of life for him for many years, and he discovered that rock bottoms had basements. Justin experienced a hopeless state of mind that trumped being homeless, stabbed, and addicted. Justin was rescued by a Pascoe County Sheriff's Officer and began to dig his way out. This is Justin's story on the Super Motivation podcast. Getting sober is a lifestyle change,

and sometimes a little technology can help. Imagine a breathalyzer that works like a habit tracker for sobriety. Soberlink helps you replace bad habits with healthy ones. Weighing less than a pound and as compact as a sunglass case, Soberlink devices have a built-in facial recognition, tamper detection, and advanced reporting, which is just another way of saying, it'll keep you honest. On top of all that, results are sent instantly to loved ones to help you stay accountable.

Go after your goals. Visit soberlink.com slash recover to sign up and receive $50 off your device. incredible episode. Headed your way, everyone. Look, if you're enjoying the show, be sure to leave a review on Apple, Spotify, get involved with the polls and the questions that are asked about the show. Also, if you're in a position and you could donate some funds to support the editing process of this show, head over to buy me a coffee.com slash sober motivation or check out the link in the show notes. And if you haven't checked out my 30-day sobriety motivation journal. I'll link that down on the show notes also. You can download it instantly digital

PDF file and that'll take you through 30 days, over 70 pages, journal prompts, and some accountability for you heading into each week and each day. Now let's get to the show. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. Today we've got Justin with us. Justin, how are you? I'm good. How are you doing, Brad? I'm well, man. I'm glad we could jump on here and do the show. Me too, man. Me too. I'm excited. Yeah, how we start every episode, though, is the same. What was it like for you growing up? Yeah, I mean, growing up was I had the basic, you know, my parents were using.

So my dad was an alcoholic. My mom was dabbling with him. You know, we grew up, though, in West Palm Beach, Florida. That's where I was born. It's in South Florida. And I didn't really understand, you know, what was going on as a kid. And now looking back on it, you know, I can definitely see some discrepancies in my childhood because I became that.

At first, I blamed my parents a lot. I was that victim. This is why I am the way I am. I use it for an excuse, a driver for my whole life. But they did the best they could. And now that I've been through recovery and I've had some time and I've had some healing, I know that they did the best they could with what they had, just like me. We're all human trying to figure this whole life thing out.

As I said to you, Brad, earlier, we're just winging it. So my dad was a contractor. He built houses for a living. He built our first house. You know, we lived in Wellington, which it was a bougie area. I think they lived beyond their means. I don't know, but that's how I feel. And we had money.

And we went to the country clubs. We did all that thing. My mom was a pretty active mom. We did soccer. We did swimming lessons and things like that. But the disease of addiction manifests and it will take over your life. And I feel like that's what happened. You know, they lived beyond their means and they lost everything.

They got bankrupt. and we lost everything. And I think that's where all the crazy stuff happened. But throughout my childhood, my dad was an alcoholic. I've been bullied my whole life. And that's where it started with my dad because he was drinking and he would make fun of me for everything. To be honest with everything, like I peed the bed,

he made fun of me. He called me a wiserwee, man. I was scared at the dark. He'd sit outside my window and freaking make noises and, you know, try to scare me. And it really affected me and I had no clue. I had no clue that it really affected me that bad. But as I said, going through recovery, I figured out that was the reason I was picked on because I had insecurities.

I attracted those things because that is pretty much what it boiled down to. My mom and my dad divorced when I was 10 years old and we moved up here to Newport, Ritchie, Florida here in Paso County. It's like central Florida with my grandma. And there was a lot of abuse in my house, but it was never like crazy abuse. You know, it's just your normal abuse, I guess you could say, but that sounds even crazy to say. And so my mom, her biggest drug was codependency. So she left my dad, came up here, and she met this guy.

His name was Michael. And this dude was insane. But me, being the young kid I was, the young boy, I needed that role model. I needed that man figure to look up to, I need a mentor. We all need mentors in this life. We need people to guide us and help us. us and show us the way because we're all winging it. But these older ones know a little bit more than the younger ones.

So this dude, I tried to like get close to him. And we did. But he was like a biker. Had the ponytail. He got his foot shot off. And my mom, you know, was like all into it because he was a biker and bad boy, you know. And he was everything he was crazy. They would do drugs.

I started with alcohol with him and I was smoking with him. And then it went past that. and went to harder stuff. And they were doing meth and they were doing Coke. I was 13 and I did it with them because I just wanted to fit in. I wanted to fit in with them and if they're doing this, I wanted to do it too and I acted all tough and I wasn't at all. I was a scared kid that didn't know any better.

But at 13 years old you think you're grown, right? I got a 9 year old that says she grown. So that's where it all kind of started when I was like 12, 13 years old is when everything started and drinking was everything and it went out of control. Like there was times where my mom would be drunk and we'd be all drunk and we'd have like core bottles of O.E or St. I's special brew. I don't know if anybody knows what that is back then, but the St. I special brew was like a mixed drink beverage, malt liquor kind of deal. We thought we were like cool because we're stacking bottles up and made a pyramid in our closet of how much we drank. So it's like a contest almost with ourselves, you know? Yeah. Hold on there for a second. Because what you're describing at 13. sounds like something that you might do in college, right? Like you go to the college parties and stuff,

everybody had the cans. I remember when I went to college parties, everybody had the boxes, like stacked up or puts places or the bottles on top. But at 13, Justin, what's going on? Are you staying with your grandma? I know you said you moved up there to grandma's place. Like, is it nobody else seeing this situation at 13 drunk?

What's going on there? So my mom actually eventually moved in with my stepdad. We did live with my grandma for a while, and then she moved in with this guy, Mike. And then, yeah, I mean, there wasn't really any adults. I mean, there was adults, but to a certain degree. And my grandma would come over all concerned, and she didn't like anything was going on.

But, I mean, there was really nothing she could do about it. And it was kind of like brushed under the rug, I guess she could say. So she kind of knew something was up, but didn't know if something was up, but that makes sense. Yeah, for sure. The thing you share, too, about divorce, man. I'm telling you this. I don't want to say every story.

But in so many people's stories, like I obviously knew that there's a lot involved with that process and it has a really big impact on everybody involved, especially kids involved. But it is just very, very common for so many people that have been on the show, especially, that that is part of the journey. Did you have any siblings or no? Was it just? Yes. I had an older brother and a little sister. So I was the middle child, you know, middle child syndrome. Yeah. And did they all live with you or did anybody say your dad? No, we all stayed together and And so they were in it with this. I believe my brother did do it with me. The 13, I'm shooting up Coke with my stepdad. So he never did that with me, my brother. But the drinking, yes. The drinking was all day long.

And the married thing, it is big in people's. It's trauma. Whether we can look at it or not, it does something to a child. It does something, man. Like when you have two parents, and most of the time it's ugly, you know, and it's sad that it's that ugly, that two people can't just get along for the sake of a child.

And it does something to them. You know, you have both your mom and your dad, and you need both these people to actually bring you up and function. And that's something like me and my wife, do this recovery journey. Like, we weren't on good terms. And so we have worked hard to get to a spot where we have good communication because that's all it is.

We don't know how to communicate as individuals, as human beings, with each other. I'm always fantasizing about what she's thinking. That's a dangerous place to be. I'll tell you right now. A mind reader, Justin, you're a mind reader trying to be. Yeah, I try to manifest that in my life, but it never works out for a problem. Yeah.

So, okay. Yes. Yeah, the siblings. Yeah, go ahead. I'm just wondering how this thing progresses from there. Yeah. So, you know, my brother and my sister, we kind of got along, man. My whole family, it was been drug-induced.

You know, my brother and my sister are. actually still out there. So this growing up, man, my stepdad was very, very, very violent. He would beat my mom senseless. She had seven skull fractures. He had gone and shot the waterbed one time when my brother was on it. He almost killed me a couple times. He choked me out and I freaking blacked out. It was the most insane time of my life and this happened from a age of 12 to 15. So in that three year span, it was intense, insane. And, you know, one time me and my sister, didn't come home right away, right? We were at a friend's house down the street. And she goes back and I said, I'm not going back in there. And she goes back in. I hear screaming. He freaking jumps on her.

I have ran in. I kicked him in his head to get him off my sister. And that whole night, he tried to kill me. He threw a bar at my head and like barely missed me a metal bar. I didn't go back. I stayed on the streets. So I was pretty much 15 years old. I think it was 14 or 15. I ran the streets, get in trouble, auto burglaries, pretty much anything that I can do to try to get money, hanging out with the wrong crowd, because I didn't want to go back to that house. And then I got arrested too many times, and I went to a juvenile home. I went to a boys village, and I went to Pinellas County boot camp. And I was 15 years old. And at that time, you know, right before I left, I got this girl pregnant. So now I have a kid on the way, and I barely know how to manage my life. I finally got

out of that boys home and the Pinellas County boot camp and all that. And, you know, I tried to straighten up. I tried to shoot the right way. The stepdad was in prison when my mom left and I don't know exactly what happened. There's a lot of discrepancies. Like, I block a lot of things out that I can't remember everything about my childhood. Like, it wasn't all bad, but it wasn't all good moments, especially. I thought it was bad with my dad, but my stepdad, it was just insane.

It was almost like a war zone, to be honest with you. And that's crazy to say, but it was for me anyways. So 16, I got out of there. I didn't go back to school because I was just too cool for school. School was just not for me. I just hated it there. Again, I got bullied all the time. I got made fun of.

We didn't have clothes to go to school with. And it was just a bad situation. At 16, I got a job. I started doing tree work. I was like, I'm tired of being broke. Having one pair of socks, I told myself, and that's why nowadays I have a drawer full of socks, like ungodly, unrealistic amount of socks because of that.

You have the Puma socks from Costco? No. No Pumas. What kind of socks do you prefer these days, Justin? I do a black and white. Oh, okay. Shorties, no shows. Oh, okay.

Cool. Yeah. So I told myself I was never going to be broke again. That's something I told myself. I'm going to be self-sufficient. I don't ever want to feel this way, like not having any clothes because that's where I got bullied. So in my eyes, if I made money to buy my own.

own stuff, I would never have to worry about that again. But in this whole time that I'm getting money, I'm also partying. And we got on the rave scene. And the rave scene, it was ecstasy. And we were just dabbling with ecstasy forever. And it was, I'm not going to say like doing drugs was all bad. At that time, that was my favorite era. And I always try to get back to that feeling of that love, of that joy.

Ecstasy was joy for me. And everybody's like, oh, a bad. drugs, bad drug. Well, that wasn't bad for me. I loved it. It was like we had big parties, big raves. We had 40 people. It was just a good time, man. I was young. No worries in the world. Sure. Yeah, yeah. I can relate with you too on that. Everything to the partying and everything wasn't bad right out of the gate. Like it served a purpose. I mean, probably my life on a few occasions, too. I couldn't always count on the outside world, but I could always count on the substance, whether it was booze or pills or heroin further down the journey for me,

I could always count on that stuff when I was really struggling. And my mental health obviously was down the drain. And that stuff helped out sometimes, you know, until it didn't. The dumpster really exploded. But I was a loner. And on the outside of the world and I was like share some of the same stuff. You know, I mean, I was picked on and bullied and never felt like I was good enough. But then when I started drinking, I turned into like this person people enjoyed, right?

because all the insecurities, it wasn't necessarily the people told me I wasn't good enough. I just never believed that I did. I never did well in school. I never was really good at sports. Like I was like an average sports player and I had like average friends and stuff. But I was really hard to connect with people. I was really uncomfortable when I started drinking, Bing, Bang, Boom. I mean, that was gone.

And now I'd be like this Looney Tune character that people really enjoyed this like comedy guy and like I didn't really care about consequences type guy. and just an entertainer in a sense, I guess, right? Like, I was an actor. I was an actor and people enjoyed it. That part of things were good. Because for once, I felt like I was a part of something in my life. The only problem, I guess you could say is that I was never able to find other healthy ways to feel like I belonged somewhere.

I was really just connected with the substance. I can relate with you on that that, like, there was purpose. I did the ecstasy too, only handful of times, but I would always hate it the next day. because like I was already depressed and then the next day I was like really really depressed. It was one of those things my buddy's like, yeah, you just kind of have to wait a day or two because like there's

really nothing. I would try to drink coffee or have a shot of vodka or something and nothing helped. It was like you're just going to be kind of down and out but yeah, it's interesting. Yeah. That's what it is. It does serotonin dopamine, freaking that joy and that pleasure that it just intensifies it like crazy.

So the next day it's ate up, you're eight up, you're feeling low, low, like super duper We're selling ecstasy out here. At 17 years old, I was in this raid for ecstasy. But we knew they were coming so we didn't get busted. But yeah, that's how my life was. And that was normal. It was normal to do all these crazy things.

But like you were saying with the putting on that mask, you know, when I was drinking, when I was on drugs, when I was on all this things, I didn't have to be me and I wouldn't get picked on. I was the cool guy. Finally. And like you're, A, wasn't the guy in sports. I wasn't good at anything. One thing I was really good at was doing drugs and getting high and having fun.

I was really good at that. And so I kept going with that. And then when the XSC days kind of like diminished, what else is there? You know, you got to try to be that cool guy. So drinking throughout my whole life was a part of everything, no matter what. Everything, every endeavor, I would be the guy that's drinking a case of beer or a bottle of liquor or anything like that. I'd go harder to paint on everything no matter what it was. And that even goes throughout my whole life.

Anything I'm into, I get hyper-focused. Hyper-focused on things. And I freaking want to just obsess on it. And I was like with drugs and alcohol, I obsessed, obsessed. And I was manageable for a while. I started a business at 21, you know. I got into doing construction. I own a dry-wold business right now.

And I've been doing that for 24 years in my life. I'm 40 years old. I started when I was like 16, 17-ish. I'm 41 right now. but I've been doing construction my whole life. So I started a business at 21. And we were doing well, but the one thing I didn't know how to do was how to handle money. And when you start a business and you start that influx of money, I didn't know how to handle it.

I'm still this I want to have fun kind of guy, you know, I want to party. And then you give me money. So that's throwing gasoline on the fire, you know, because there's no rules. And that's when all the opiates started coming around and stuff. And I remember I fell two stories at a job. and I sprained my ankle, like really bad, though. Like, the ladder slid out and I went down on a tile floor, and I sprayed my ankle really bad,

and I was out of work for a week, but back then, man, they'd give you freaking 60 Lord Tab 10s for spraying ankle. And I never really was the pain pill pharmaceutical kind of guy, but when they gave me that, bro, I was like back to Superman and having that fun, and it was almost like a hint of what ecstasy was like. So I wanted that feeling.

It made me feel like Superman. It made me feel like I was untouchable. So I got hooked really quick. So that started the opiate phase in my life. Yeah. So that was like what, 21, 22? Yeah. And that lasted a long time.

Well, yeah. I mean, before everything kind of came out, I mean, that was a little bit before I got started. But yeah, you could get definitely, I mean, just routine dental surgery or dental anything. They were giving out stuff. And, you know, like you said, a bad sprained ankle, you're getting stuff. And had you done these before, though? You knew what these were, right?

Or no. I knew it like morphine and stuff like that, but it wasn't a thing for me or us, you know? I like that might click until that time. And then next thing you know, like people start coming out of the woodwork. Like, oh, I can get these and I got those and it doesn't come to your attention until it comes to your attention. Yeah. And then after that. It exploded, right?

Oh, it exploded. Like, I don't know. I made a breeze. As soon as I started doing it, it was just boom, there goes. Yeah. So take us on that journey, man. What the heck was that like? You know, after you start doing stuff, you want stronger stuff because the opiates

start wearing off. So it went from Lortab Tens, it was like hydrocodone to Percocet Tens, which is oxycodone. And from there, it's like, then you find the people are like, hey, I got these little blue things and then the oxycotts. And next thing you know, it's gone from there. The oxycotts and the roxy's, that's when it exploded. And that was like when I was like 23, 24, and I was nonstop doing pain pills forever, and we were doing crap loads.

And then eventually we lost the business. And when the business went under, I went under as an individual. I went down a spiral that was so destructive and out of control. We lost our house. My brother was my business partner, and he left, and I started smoking dope. and we started doing anything. I became a dumpster of drugs because I wanted to cover up these feelings

and I was so depressed and I lost everything. It was like, how do you come back from that? How do you actually come back from losing everything and being homeless and all that? So I went way down. My girlfriend cheated on me and that sent me into an even bigger spiral.

So I became homeless for like three years and all I did was smoke dope every single day. I eventually started shooting up everything I possibly could. And my full-time job was stealing from Walmarts, Home Depot's, gift cards, anything. That was my full-time job after that. And I never even thought that I'd ever get to a point in my life where I would be that. That's why now, today, I want to help those people because I know exactly what that feels like. I know what it feels like to be at your lowest and you don't want to be there.

But you see no other way, no other way out, and you're literally possessed by this disease of addiction. And there's no hope and everything's dark and no one understands you. And it sucks to be in that place. Yeah. What does it feel like? God, I don't know. Being locked in a basement would freaking hear that drip in the back and there's no light and it's cold. That's what it feels like.

And it's a sad place, man. It's almost like being in solitary confinement. you're just locked away from the world and nobody knows you're there but everybody's around. And with the business too, right? I mean, it sounds like in your story, you're striving so hard to kind of be something. And that was sort of something. I mean, you still have the substances on the side, but this was maybe one thing that you could feel like you have a purpose in this world and then bang, boom, that's gone and you've got

nothing again. You know, you're back to where you started, right? And then it's that overwhelming feeling of now what am I going to do? How do I ever bounce back or come back from this? And then, you know, what we do is we kind of go to what we know will work. And the drugs, alcohol, I mean, that stuff works to cover up the pain, right? Leading up to this point, like, we're around, what, 24, 25. Did you ever talk with anybody ever about the stuff with your stepdad, with your mom,

with any of that stuff that happened? Do you ever talk with anybody about that? There was times where, like, I went to the harbor when I was younger and we talked about it. There was stuff talked about, but was it, it never did it? anything like no therapist no counselor no we did and it was never a follow-through so it never really worked and i never went to treatment it was not a thing back then i've never been to treatment or detox in my life but i went to outpatient stuff but i never took it seriously so i didn't go back it was like one of those things you never talked about you know too you kind of covered up under

the rug especially back then you know when it was happening you never talked about it you kind of brushed under the rug and just let it be because that's what you do isn't that though like when you go to bed with that every night, right? You probably, I'm just guessing here, but maybe you look forward to going to bed because maybe the madness was over for the night, but then you wake up the next day and you're interacting with people and stuff like that,

especially when you're younger. Like, that's got to be a little bit strange, right? Because then you're like, fourthly bottling it. And I'm thinking, like, that's probably causing a ton more damage to you just to avoid, like, let's just not deal with this. And then you probably carried that

into the rest of your life with other situations. Hey, this is tough. Let's just bury it, bottle it and not deal with it. And then I don't know. I'm only guessing here, but. No, you're on point. It's exactly what it is. My whole life, I would just rather not deal with it and just move on.

And that's been my whole journey. And you have to address things because if not, it's going to keep you sick. And secrets keep you sick. And then the more we shine the light on those subjects and those things, the more we're going to be able to actually heal from these things. And people like, oh, you don't need to heal. Yes, you do. You got to heal from these things.

These things happened and you can talk about it and get it off your chest and like it's coping with it. My identity was so in these things like the chaos, the madness. That was my identity. I was so familiar with it. It was my whole life. So like to reverse the things, the damage that was done, well, it needs to be addressed and really thoroughly pick through. And that's why this recovery thing has changed my life. And so coming up on at the end of like I went through on a bender for.

six years and I didn't get finally somebody rescued me and I called it a rescue I was arrested a bunch of times for petty thefts and all my record is petty thefts and possessions and just all minor drug-induced stuff right so the girlfriend that cheated on me we were together for 11 10 years from 17 till 26 so nine years and when she cheated on me and then it was like we would see each other we'd kind of be together kind of not and I was like holding on and again I have codependency issues as well. Anyway, she got pregnant and she moved over Orlando and I followed her and I was trying to change my ways. I couldn't and I got worse. That's when I found this dude dead, one of my dealers. That scared the shit out of me. I went to Houston, Texas to this free homeless camp that was like a

Christian rehab kind of, not really. I went all the way there and I stayed there for six months. That was the only rehab I've ever been to that was free and was like a homeless outreach. And we did like praise and worship three times a day, Bible studies, all that. And I'm not that guy, but I needed something. I needed to change and I just didn't know how. So I went all the way there and I didn't have insurance or anything so I couldn't go anywhere. So I went there and I got out and went right back to the same stuff because nothing changed. People, places and things, nothing changed.

Once I went back out, then I went back to my mom's and my brother, my sister and my mom were all using together doing opiates. They all got scripts and I never got a script because I was a friend that if I got a script, I'd die because I was the only one that was shooting up. And then at 29, that's when I got rescued from myself by Pass the County Sheriff's Office. I got rested two times in one month and I was 130 pounds soaking wet. I looked like Smeagel from Lord of the Rings. I didn't even know I looked like that. I was so bad, so strong out, so just depleted, a shell of a human being.

And that was the lowest point of my life and I had to do something different. So I said, I got to change. So I called my own boss that taught me how to do this trade that I did. And he let me live in the back of his house in a tent for a month. He trusted me to come inside the house and then came inside the house. And from that moment on, I never shot up again. I never smoked dope. I never did opiates.

I didn't do opiates at the time. But I never shot up and never smoked dope from then until now. But everything else, like, I was like, oh, as long as I don't touch this, I could be okay and I just touched alcohol. And I tried to like totally cut off the life that I was that. I tried to kill that dude that was 130 pounds and just start over. But it never worked for me. Yeah.

So they arrested you and that was sort of the eye opening thing. That's where you're saying you were rescued there by them. How is that though your entire family? They're all living together too, mom, sister, brother. Like everybody's lived together and everybody's hooked on opiates. They've got scripts for it, which was like a very common thing, especially in Florida, man. I used to live in North Carolina and I knew buddies. They get five of them in a car.

Everybody drive down, 500 bucks. cash in your pocket. You go in and see the doctor with a bad back. I mean, there's a 23-year-old healthy individuals and they would go in and got a bad back and they'd come back up to North Carolina with the trunk full of these pain pills. But what was that experience like when your folks there and you guys are all struggling with this? I mean, how is that feel? I mean, it's just a party house and it was the most toxic thing because we're all tit for tat and there's no good at all, Not one bit in that house. And it sucks that it was like that.

But we were so familiarized with it. It was normal. It was straight normal. We'd feed off each other. Toxic feeds off toxic. Healthy feeds off healthy. It's just the way it is. And if you're around toxic and you're healthy, you're probably going to become toxic.

You know, it's about your environment. What is it? Environment always trumps intent. I could want to get clean all I want. But if I'm in the wrong environment, I'm going to get sucked into that no matter what. But I never really wanted to get it. I never really knew a different way. I thought this is the way it's going to be.

I'm just going to be a junkie, an addict for the rest of my life. I don't like those terms. I hate saying that, but that was my identity. That's what I put myself as that's who Justin is, and that's all I'm going to ever be. I was made messed up. I have a dysfunction in my brain and there's no fixing it. It is just, this is my fate. And you know, it's funny.

I hear that from a lot of people. I actually was editing a video yesterday. all the stories same deal this is my fate and i accept whatever it's going to be and that's just it not knowing a different way yeah that's so true yeah i mean i can relate with that too yeah you end up at a spot where just failure is just everyday thing right you get comfortable in that life as wild as it sounds i got comfortable living like that like success was scary to me having a job and doing those little things that like everyday people do with no problem that stuff was scary to me because I was just so used to not doing well

that that just became comfortable and to do well was scary. And then you come to that spot, which is like so terrifying that now we've accepted that this is the way things are going to be and that things are going to be like this forever. And then, you know, I think that's what gets us kind of stuck for a while.

Yeah, self-sabotage is real too. Because it's so scary. Even on subconsciously, we will self-sabotage just because the familiarity of it is there. Your old boss, this is an old boss you had, like you live in the tent. Yeah, you were tight though. Justin, you're lucky in a sense that you're in Florida, man, because you don't have to battle the snow and stuff. So this is like, you know, you could pull this off, man. So you're in the tan, he gave you a shot. What I'm hearing from you too is, but you're wanting to continue on

with the drinking, right? As long as you just kind of close off like, quote unquote, the hard stuff, even though like I think we do that. A lot of us were like, oh, like the booze is not hard. But I mean, if we look at all the names of the booze, it's like, yo, hard lemonade. Hard it is, hard that. It's like it's in the name, you know? And I think a lot of us, we bought into that sort of that lie, right? I know I sure did.

I bought into that lie that this was socially acceptable, right? So that's where you are as you're getting rid of like the pills and stuff. And you're just going to maybe dabble in the booze and try to do that. So how does that all play out? So, I mean, not good. So we tried to figure out what a problem is, and I try to hold on. I didn't want to give up everything, right? My dad was in AA.

By the way, my dad did get sober after my mom left. So my dad was in AA, but I told myself, I never want to be like him. I never wanted to admit that I was an alcoholic because I never want to be like him. I had resentment so bad. And that's what kept me sick for a long time too. And so the alcohol, man, was even way more unmanageable than anything else. Like when you're just using the hard stuff that drugs, you're isolate. You don't want to be around anybody because you don't want to share.

With alcohol, you're around a bunch of people and you can get heated and just crazy. You think you're 10 foot tall and bulletproof, right? After I got arrested, I got sentenced to drug court. The drug court down here is you do outpatient treatment and counseling and therapy and all kinds of stuff. But before I started, I was drinking and then I went to my mom's and my sister was at this house and I thought I was Captain Sabo, but I'm not. And just because I thought clean was or sober was me not using the. hard stuff and I had a totally ass backwards. So I go try to get my sister out of this house and

I don't know. I mean, something set me off. I was on tequila and I fought this dude and I was winning and then we'd come out the house and like I had to cut on my shirt and I thought he stabbed me and I was like, this dude stabbed me and I threw a rock through the window and I see anybody comes out and this dude comes out with a knife. I got stabbed nine times and it was put an ICU. That was a crazy moment in life and did it stop me? No, I was more pissed off that I missed a New Year's Eve party the next day than anything that we were planning. And it was December 31st, New Year's Eve of 2011 when I was pretty messed up. But they sewed me up.

It didn't hit any major organs or anything like that. So I was good to go. You know, I still have issues with it on my side. But I think I didn't die. And I didn't even think like that. I was just like, it was just a bump in the road. No big deal. It's crazy.

Wow. Yeah, that is, man. I mean, I'm sure there's many times. I think you shared a little bit before that there's a lot of times throughout your life that you might have just buy a hair or a little bit more escape sort of not being here anymore. Oh, many times. There's so much to this because there's 23 years of addiction, man, I want to get into the recovery part. But there's so many times where like Florida doesn't get cold, right? But one time I did too much and I was sitting in my car and it was like the coldest winter

ever. One night I got down below 32 and I don't know, I freaking woke up frozen, like literally frozen and most people on opiates and whatever else and Xanax and all that, they probably wouldn't woke up. But I did. And it was like, looking back on it, I was like, man, there's a purpose, there's a reason, and that's what keeps me going. So after that, man, I did the drug court. I actually completed drug court by the skin of my teeth because I was drinking all the time. I just never touched the hard stuff. I covered it up real well, I guess. But, you know, I always thought I was getting over on them like I was got away with something. But the only person I was getting away with, I was getting over on myself.

I never really took anything seriously. I was always that I want to have fun, you know, and not worry about anything. And I didn't want to deal with problems and anything like that. I never was really good at that. But my wife now, I met her throughout this process. And she got pregnant. No, not drug court. She wasn't one of those.

It was a mutual friend. She heard I was the fun guy. So, you know. Uh-oh. Yeah. But she got pregnant real quick. And I tried to straighten up. Like I said, I was just drinking, so it was kind of manageable and kind of not.

And then I dabble here and there, you know, after drug court. And then things got out of control and I was drunk one time at a freaking party and it broke my leg and right back to opiates, right back to opiates. And that sealed the deal until I finally decided to surrender and get clean in 2018. But through that process, man, I started another business. You know, like I said, I was manageable. I was trying to live this proper life with cheat in the system and wasn't doing anything. anything but the opiates, man, they're a dollar in milligrams. They're expensive, man.

And trying to hold the family down plus do this and have this secret life. It was a lot. So you have your career and drugs and alcohol and you have your career and you're trying to bounce it all on. It was just a mess. It was a mess. Wow. Dude, huge congrats in 2018 for turning the ship around. Walk us through that though. What was it like? What did your wife say about everything? How did that all work out? What was it like the day before you got sober? And then that day, like, when you said enough was enough. Okay, so Tiffany, that's my wife, she is not like me, but she's kind of like me. Everybody can understand the disease of addiction in some form or fashion in your life.

And if not, then you're unaware of it, and that's okay. But me and her would drink together. And it would be like that tit for tat thing. Like, I drink more. And then she'd be like, let's just do one. And then we drink bottles. And it was just a mess. And I was the guy that won more.

Like drinking just wasn't enough, especially after I got an opiate. So I wanted cocaine. I want to go run to strip clubs and all kinds of crazy stuff. So I wasn't doing anything correctly in my business. The state of Florida was called on me because you have to have a license to advertise and all that. Well, we weren't doing things correctly. So this dude called the state of Florida on me. So I had to do something.

And that's something I decided to go take my license. And in the midst of all this, things were hitting the fan. I was getting worse. And my wife was going to leave me. She wasn't my wife at the time. we got married after we've had some time in recovery. And she was about to leave me ultimatums. Everything was hitting the fan at the same time.

State was called, all that. So I decided to get the books and study to try to get this license because it's the only thing I know. So I got the books, I studied, I passed. And then from that moment of passing to waiting for them to accept me because I had to put all my criminal charges and everything on this piece of paper, I drank myself and pilled myself stupid. Because in my head, the rat wheel,

the hamster wheel that goes over and over saying you're not good enough. Everything of my past and all the people in my life, the bullying kept telling me you're not good enough, you never amounts to nothing, they're not going to accept you, what are you going to do? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then finally they accepted me. And it was

the same weekend my wife was like, I've had enough, it's either you're going to do something or I'm gone. So it's like this perfect alignment happened. And I was like, you know what? I can't do this anymore. So I checked myself in that patient treatment. and I did 90 meetings in 90 days and I set the foundation for what it was, man.

And my recovery date is 316, 18. And I always say Justin 316. That's got a good ring to it. Right? It does. Okay. All right, all right, Justin. Hold on a second here.

You're making it sound too easy, man. All these years. I mean, because you've tried before, different things, right? You've probably been in ultimatums and you've been arrested countless times and stuff. I mean, what was it about this? You got the license and everything. That kind of lined up, you know, because I'm hearing a lot too and tell me if this relates at all because I don't know if it does.

But I can say my story, dude, I only really figured this stuff out when it was my idea. For so many times before that it was the judge's idea, probation officer's idea, my folks idea, this girl, that girl, the college professor, somebody was like you guys trained up your life, whoever it was. And it would work for a little bit. But the final time, it was my idea. Yeah. There was other people and other noise. That was all kind of blocked out. You know, when I woke up one morning and was like, I got to do something. I don't know.

What, like, what was it for you? But somebody that's there right now, they're like, yeah, I'm listening to this story. I'm like, I'm stuck. Just as making it sound so easy, you just picked up the phone. He went to 90 meetings and like, what was it like? What was it like? And nitty gritty there. I got beaten down enough. I'll tell you that. But all these things that I went through, like I did drug court a couple times and these meetings. And it might not have stuck then. But the seeds were planted. The seeds were planted along the way. Just because like, and anybody out there that's struggling or that may be your chronic relapser, I was a chronic relapser. It wasn't like, this is my first go-around.

I picked up the white key tag. I do the Suboxone. I dose myself down. I really was serious. Like I said, that didn't change anything. I didn't do anything different. So I dose myself down in Suboxone and I go right back up. Finally, it's just like, man, I just had enough.

I was tired of getting beat down. And I was to do those beating me down. as they call it the gift of desperation, that was the best thing I ever got because I finally was so fed up with who I was and what was going on in my life and I was losing everything and everything was just crazy

and I hated who I was. I hated every aspect of who I became. And I knew that I was meant for more. I just knew it, but I just didn't know how to get there. And I went to this, dude, three days in to this event, this is what stuck for me. somebody was speaking about the triangle of self-obsession. The triangle of self-obsession was the resentments of our past.

It's our fear of the future and it's our anger in the present. And that's exactly who I was. I had one foot in the past, one foot in the future, and I was pissing all over my present. And I was so angry and so pissed off of the world and so just uncontrollable. And that spoke volumes to me. I need to grow the fuck up or I'm going to die. That's what it spoke to me. I need to forgive. I need to have faith and I need to be present in my life. And that's sealed it for me.

It's just those little things, man. The more we show up for our life, the more we go out there and go to these meetings and something's going to speak to us that's going to hook us. And if it doesn't, it's going to happen. We just have to keep showing up. Yeah. So it sounds like, yeah, you just started to take some action, right? You started to move towards where you wanted to be. You know, most of us when we start out, we have no idea, but we just have to keep showing up and be relentless, right? We're relentless when it comes to the substances. I mean, just put a little bit of that effort. Like some people were like, well, just put that much effort, but you don't even need that much.

You just need like a little bit of that because the first thing I did every day was when I woke up was figured out how I was getting more. And if you just wake up with that intention of like, how are you getting sober? And a lot of this, I hear from your story too is like this old quote, they gave me this in rehab. We used to get like these focuses for the week. And they gave me this one, wherever you go, there you are. And it sounds like that's part of your story.

story too about you would try to move in these different situations, relationships, jobs, business, whatever it is. But ultimately, wherever we go and you talked a little bit about environment earlier, how important that is, you hang out at the barbershop long enough. You're going to get a haircut. You know, and I think that's what some people have to understand, right? You want to get sober. You want to give out the drink. And you might not be all the way in like Justin was, but you've got to change these people, places and things because you want to get three days sober. And now you want to go to a party that you were invited to on a Saturday. Let the people, down and tell them, no, sit this one out. But so many people seem to just want to hammer it. Well, I got to go.

There is absolutely no party or get together. You got to go to. And that's when I started taking it serious. And when this stuff started working for me, I started to for once in my life, look out what was best for me, not look out what was best for what I wanted people to think I was. And I see people missing the mark a little bit on that. Wanting to still be a people pleaser and fit in. And that's one of the things that's really sucked for me at first is because I realized that I really just didn't fit in many places. And now it's perfect. It's great. But at first, it kind of sucked. It's like, man, I just don't fit into those places anymore. But I love your story, man, and you sharing it. What's things been like in sobriety and recovery for you? What's that all been like, man?

Is your wife happy that you figured this out and you're on this journey? Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, yeah. Dude, I tell you, man, you want to talk about just living my best life. Like, I could actually say that. I'm literally living my best life. Like, it is not all sunshine rainbows. We've been through a lot, a lot in these past, you know, five and a half years.

So I started this nonprofit organization that I do, which is on Facebook. But this all started because somebody took my mugshot and started plaster around the internet. I wasn't supposed to do this. Like, it wasn't supposed to start video. podcasting and live shows and pages and stuff. I wasn't supposed to do that, but I wanted to get these people to stop plastering my freaking photo on the internet because I was being successful at business

and they weren't even going after me. They were going after the people I was involved with. But who they go after? The least, the ones that have the weakest link, the criminals, you know, the ones that have the past. And I was like, okay, if you can do that, let me at least share the whole story. So that's where it all started.

And it's grown. and I absolutely love it. We're a nonprofit organization here in Florida, and we're helping a lot of people, and it's amazing. But through that whole process of doing that organization as well, my wife got sick, and she got diagnosed with ovarian cancer. And that was one of the hardest times. You're sitting here doing recovery,

and I had about three years, and she's just dying inside. It was horrible. She had a 20-pound tumor that grew out of nowhere, just grew out of nowhere. And we were doing healthy. We're pretty active and kind of healthy. No, we're not freaking doing crazy stuff. And 20 pound tumor grew and she had to get surgery and get it out.

And then she had to do chemo. And chemo is just horrible. But today she's cancer free. And it was probably the one of the scariest times, man. It's like, you don't know. You're going through all these emotions. Like, is she going to die? Like, I always joke around, but this is how I feel.

I'm a quarter, bro. She's three quarters. I can't find another three quarters, bro. Yeah. I hear you on that. Because you have kids too, right? Yeah, we have a boy and a girl, man. nine and seven now.

Wow. And then we have, she has one from before and I have two from before. So together we have five. Only five don't live at the house, though. No, no, no. We only have two live here, ours. My other one is 25. Oh, before we even finished, I'm wondering too, right?

Because things with your folks were Rocky to begin with. How are things with your folks today? Rocky. I don't talk to my dad. I don't talk to my sister. I don't talk to my brother. My mom passed away. She passed away from this.

So I literally don't have any family, but that's okay. That's why my relationship with my wife is so important. And we've worked hard to make this a healthy relationship. So we don't go through exactly. Well, I don't go through what I went through with not having a stable home. Kids need a stable home. And one thing I honor my mom, because I have that survivor's guilt sometimes, I wish I got clean when she was alive and I could have saved her and all this,

but I could not save anybody. I'm not that powerful. everything has a plan and a purpose and I'm just needing to get the hell out of the way for it to manifest in my life. A tribute to her memory is me raising her grandkids in a proper healthy way.

So we stop the cycle that we keep passing down from generation to generation. I listen to a lot of meditations now. I do a lot of meditating. I'd tell you right now, it's not been all sunsines, rainbows, and recovery.

I was in a dark place a few months ago, like three months ago, I was in a really, really dark place and it's either I was going to use so I was going to freaking live the misery for the rest of my life. And I was clean and I didn't use. So I had to do some different actions. And sometimes we get stuck in our recovery too, man.

It doesn't have to be like the drugs and alcohol is just a solution to our problem. My problem is me. Even in recovery five years, I had to pull my head out of my ass and I had to do something about my misery. And so I do meditation. Well, in this meditation of one part was like these agreements that we passed down from generation and generation. like how we were raised, how we were talked to, how these things were implanted in our brain,

our programming. We are programmed by our adults that are raising us. And we need to reprogram our minds and our beliefs and us as being. We have to reprogram and find out who we truly are, what we truly believe, and that not everything is fucking true about how we were raised and things evolved. So you have to get down to that nitty gritty. That's what meditation and all that does. That's what self-work and doing the action steps to reprogram who we are.

And that's what it's about. And like I always said that I was fucked up. I couldn't get past this and I couldn't do this and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'll never be anything because I'm wired differently. I'm screwed up. There's like a recall on a Justin from 1982, right? And they just never picked it up. I figured out this three months ago that I'm reprogramming.

myself as we speak. Now, I did some reprogramming, but there's deep, deep rooted stuff inside of me that keeps getting brought up. And as soon as I stopped doing the work, as soon as I start thinking that I got this, that's when it comes back up. And then it literally is right back to the same crazy thinking, chaos that I'm so familiar with. And so the meditation has definitely sealed a deal for me these past three months. And I'm trying to break down those belief systems and start putting some truth inside of me. Yeah. Well, that's beautiful. And it's a great point too. I mean, just getting sober doesn't iron everything out, right? Life still happens. And there's still things that you have to address. It's a process and you got to keep working on it. Every year it's going to be

evolving too. Every year is going to be a new form of change and a new form of learning and a new form of just being present. And you have to like nurture who you are and figure out what that is because you're learning who you are. I had 23 years of addiction. I'm just finally five and a half years of consciousness. I can actually find out who I am, what I like, what drives me, what doesn't, what I love, and taking, as I say, I'm letting my weirdo, authentic, naked self out into the world and showing who I truly am instead of covering it up by all these masks and the drugs and the alcohol

and da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. You've got to let yourself out. let it out be vulnerable. And that's the key to true freedom. When you said let your naked self out, I'm thinking like in actual life there and all the news, they read on the radio here like news from Florida, you know. No, no Florida man.

I'm thinking like, here goes Justin, man. He's like actually doing this thing. No, I'm with you on that too. There's an old saying too, man, that says, what got you here won't get you there? And I think that it can go two ways. You know, I mean, you can just kind of be happy with where are you,

vend it up or you can always dig deeper. I mean, they have a saying two more will be revealed as you go through the journey of things. But like, dude, I mean, so much of the stuff you're sharing I can relate with too, man, about not being good enough and about comparing with other people and where they're at and you'll never get there, you know, and you believe that stuff sometimes about yourself. And it's like working through that about it's good enough. Things are good enough. And I mean, at the end of the day, just do the best you can. And I struggle with that too, myself, man, about my being a good enough father. Am I being a good enough this? You know, and things don't always go well, dude, you know? I mean, I've got three kids under five.

Dude, let me tell you. It's chaos, man. It's yeah, I bet. And, you know, my wife and I are trying to figure it out. And I mean, she works full time. It's a heavy job and it's draining and she's out of the house for 10 hours a day. And, you know, I'm doing all this. And it's not perfect, man, but you got to be willing to look at it. I think the biggest thing, too, is accountability, man. And I'm not the best at that either, dude. I'm still learning and it's not even about like sobriety. And I'm not thinking like, oh, I'm just going to go and drink or I'm going to go and do drugs. That's not.

I'm so far from that. Of course, it's a possibility, but I'm so far from that being a reality. But it's still like you get to work on stuff. But then there's like there's other people and I get jealous. And I'll be honest with you just. And I get jealous. Other people just seem to cruise, man. They're happy with status quo.

They're happy with where they're at. And I'm just so discontent with that life. But sometimes I wish. I could just kick it old school, man, and just be happy with just chilling. You know, just being happy with being regular Joe. I don't know, man. I battle with that sometimes. Do you meditate?

No, but after this and a couple other episodes, like, I might have to. Listen, that's one of my biggest flaws is not being content. And we're always searching for something. Like, there's a destination we have to get to. Like, there's this place of pure bliss that we're on our way to. And if we could just get to this point or we can get to that or if I just got there and this and I've had a couple of these and it's never going to be satisfying no matter what. And you have to enjoy the journey.

And if you're not, you're never going to be content and you're never going to be satisfied. And you're always going to be searching. And that's a horrible place to be. And that's where I was. And then I started doing this meditation and being conscious of where I'm at and how I'm operating as a human. I'm operating in the discontent. It's not being happy with life in the moment. In this very moment, are you okay? Yes. Okay. And just being okay with that. Like the future's not here. Tomorrow is not here. Where your goal is set might not happen. And they have to be okay with whatever it is

and its acceptance of life as it is. As it unfolds. Life is unfolding for us whether we're going to freaking resist it or not. And that's where the contentment I feel comes in is going with the flow of life. And meditation really, really does help with that. Nate got me hooked up on it. And Kelly, that does the hope shot with me. And it's a game changer. So I definitely challenge anybody that might listen to this podcast or you. If you're not into it and you aren't content, just try it. What's it going to hurt? You always go back. You don't have to like it. You know, get your misery refunded, right? That's what they say about recovery.

You always get your misery refunded if you need it. Yeah. Who wants that? I used to work at this treatment center of six months. It was a free program. So then, yeah, there was this one guy there. He said, yeah, if you don't like it, you get your money back. It was guaranteed.

Yeah, money back guaranteed. Look, Justin, this has been incredible, man. If somebody wants to reach out from you, they connected with your story. They want to say thank you. What's the best way for them to do that? Well, we have a website of Facebook, the Hope Shot. You could always go there. I don't know if you can post a link for us, but I can give you the link tree.

I'll post it in the show notes for anybody who wants to check it out. Yeah, I'll give you the link tree. They can find out everything we're about. We got a Facebook page and all that. And we do weekly things just like Brad. Brad's my idol. You're in trouble, dude. You inspire me.

So there's that. So you inspire me to grow, you know, and I think that's what we're all here for is to inspire each other to grow. So that's what you do for me, my friend. Thanks, buddy. I appreciate that, man. It's interesting, right, because I kind of started all of this idea of like what I was doing. It all just happened.

You know, most people share that story, right? It just happened. I don't know. I don't have all the answers. But I was thinking the other day, I'm like, yeah, I mean, it's great for me to like be the person sharing and providing hope and helping people. And, you know, that's great. But like, like, I'm not going to be here forever. And I just kind of like love hearing it.

And it's not even for like my own ego to like boost up. But the reality is if I can inspire other people, maybe, I don't know. and this isn't the case with you, but maybe for other people to like share their stories and get involved and get stuff. You know, it's like if it's just me doing it, yeah, I'll reach a lot of people. But if it's you doing it and Dan at Hard Knocks and Dan here and all the other people that I haven't necessarily obviously motivated directly to do it. But if we can all do it and I can help get a few other people started, that they can believe in themselves, that they've got some value to offer, the impact we can make is so much bigger. I mean, it's just,

wild, you know, so I'm like, man, that's like my new mission. Like when people reach out, I want to be able to support people with starting shows. I want to be able to support people with speaking their truth. I want to be able to support people so that they can do this stuff. So when the old boy here is long gone and me and Justin are hanging out on the next leg of this thing in Florida, in snow, in Florida or wherever, and we can look back and we can say, you know what, like it's still being done out there and people are still doing stuff. I know you definitely. definitely have that impact. You have an incredible team of people that you connect with and you work with and the stuff you're doing, especially there in Florida. Yeah, man. So thank you for all the

support and love and joining the show and stuff. It's been incredible, man. Yeah, I appreciate you, man. I definitely do. And thank you for having me on the show. Well, everyone, there you go. Justin from the Hope Shot Story. Be sure to check out the links to all of his information in the show notes. But let's just reflect back on Justin's story for a little bit. I mean, much trauma, so much tragedy, too, with his mom passing away from addiction, not being connected to any of his family members. I mean, that would be a really hard spot to be in. But look at Justin now.

You know, celebrating five years of sobriety, giving back and helping others, being an example, but also coming to us in the show with still being a work in progress. and I can relate to that so, so much about more will be revealed. I mean, that's what I was always told early on in recovery is more will be revealed. And that's never stopped. That's never stopped on this journey. But yeah, I just want to give a big huge shout out to Justin. And I hope you guys reach out to him and let him know you appreciate him coming on the show.

I mean, the guy's been stabbed, homeless, living in a tent, you know, lost his business, his family, almost his wife. And where he's at now is truly incredible. And the way he shares his story is definitely incredible. I've known Justin for a few years, you know, virtually here. And I didn't have any idea that things were like this for him. But, you know, a lot of people that lived in Florida during these pill mill days, there, a lot of their stories are like this, right? Because this stuff was so readily available.

I'm checking out the show on Netflix painkillers. And, I mean, it breaks it down pretty good. I'm only a couple episodes in. breaks it down pretty good about what the heck went on. But look, when I was, I was wrapped up in it too in about 2005, 2006, I think it was. And it was just crazy. I mean, if you didn't, it was just crazy. And I'm not going to get into all of it at the end of the show, but it was just bananas.

You know, everybody and their brother was on this stuff that I knew anyway. And how we were getting it would blow your mind. it really was. At the time, it was incredible, but it would blow your mind. Look, everybody, that's it for the show, though, today. Thank you so much for all the support, the kindness, everything. As always, be good, and I will see you on the next one.