Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Sam had his first drink at 13 and couldn’t get enough - connection and honesty changed everything.

Episode Date: December 7, 2023

In this episode of the Sober Motivation podcast, we have Sam. Originally from the UK, Sam talks about suffering from health anxiety from a young age and turning to alcohol and later drugs to alleviate his fears and anxieties. Sam talks about his gradual descent into full-blown addiction which eventually cost him his home, and job and nearly resulted in his death. However, Sam turns his life around through cold water therapy, connection, joining fellowships and immense support from his family. Sam credits openness and connection with others as major contributors to his progress. Today, 27 months sober, Sam uses his experiences to inspire others and raise awareness about sobriety and mental health. His message is that it's never too late to start the journey towards sobriety and personal growth. -------------- 👉 Follow Sam on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dare_to_dip/ 👉 Check Out the SobahSistahs Retreat Info here: https://sobahsistahs.com/bali-2024 👉 More information on SoberLink: www.soberlink.com/recover 👉 Grab Charmaine's ‘Delicious & Doable ~ Recipes For Real and Everyday Life’ Cookbook: 👇 https://www.amazon.ca/Delicious-Doable-Recipes-Real-Everyday/dp/1989304559

Welcome to Season 3 of the Subur Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible, inspiring, and powerful sobriety stories. We are here to show sobriety as possible one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode of the podcast, we have Sam. Originally from the UK, Sam talks about suffering from health anxiety from a young age and turning to alcohol and later drugs to alleviate his fears and anxieties.

Sam talks about his gradual descent into full-blown addiction, which eventually cost him his home job, and nearly resulted in his death. However, Sam turns his life around through cold water therapy, connection, joining fellowships, and an immense support from his family. Sam credits openness and connection with others as major contributions to his progress.

Coming up on 27 months sober, Sam uses his experience to inspire others and raise awareness about sobriety, and mental health. His message is that it's never too late to start the journey towards sobriety and personal growth. And this is Sam's story on the sober motivation podcast. Getting sober is a lifestyle change and sometimes a little technology can help. Imagine a breathalyzer that works like a habit tracker for sobriety. Soberlink helps you replace bad habits with healthy ones. Weighing less than a pound than as compact as a sunglass case, sober link devices have built-in facial recognition, tamper detection,

and advance reporting, which is just another way of saying it'll keep you honest. On top of all that, results are sent instantly to love ones to help you stay accountable. Go after your goals. Visit soberlink.com slash recover to sign up and receive $50 off your device today. Here's a quick update from Sobysistas, your go-to community for women's sobriety and empowerment. Megan from Soba Sisters is hosting two incredible sober retreats, Bali in April and Vermont in May. These retreats are all about empowering your sober journey

in magical settings and building friendships to last a lifetime. If you're interested, head over to soba sisters.com slash bali dash 2024 for more details. If you've been a fan of the show for a while, going all the way back to episode number two, Megan came on the podcast and shared her story. I'm definitely grateful for the friendship that Megan and I have developed over the years working together on several projects.

Check out these retreats that she's putting together. She's already done a couple, and they've been nothing short of incredible. And I've got to give another huge shout out to her other new sponsor. Charmaine cooking show hosts and author of delicious and doable recipes for real and everyday life. Charmaine prides herself on living a drug and alcohol-free lifestyle, and she's also a huge fan of the show. show. So if you're hungry for fun, delicious, and doable dishes, Charmaine's collection of over 70 mouthwatering recipes will be sure to please your hungry gang. Pumpkin muffins with coconut

crumbled toppings, lemon walnut, tuna melts, cranberry turkey burgers with sweet horseradish mayo, and grilled chocolate sandwiches are just a few of the fabulous and flavorful dishes. You will enjoy preparing and devouring with ease. Check out Charmaine's cookbook today. I'll drop the link in the show notes below to the Amazon listing. Let's go. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast today. We've got Sam with us. Sam, how are you? I'm very well. Thank you, mate. How are you? I'm good, man. I'm glad we could jump on here, connect and share your story. Yeah, appreciate the opportunity to share my story, mate. Thank you. Yeah. So what was it like for you growing up? So I'm from the UK and I had a very happy childhood. We've got a brother

and sister, mum and dad, but from a young age I noticed that my mind was very different to my brothers and sisters. I'd developed from a young age this health anxiety was a hypercontract, and I'd overanalyze thoughts and feelings and just become obsessed with them. And then from an age of 13, I'd be hanging around the shops with my friends and waiting for someone to come along that was older that would go in and get some cider. and from the first sibsider I had over the field and I was 13 I just felt all these feelings and fears and anxieties just slip away and I honestly remember thinking this must be what normal's like what other people were like because always was very aware that the feelings and thoughts I was having were not normal so it quickly become a problem and it became a reliant

whereas my mates would only drink over the field at weekends that was the same with me to start with but I just could not wait for the weekends to start and get that drink down my neck and it just become very progressive very quickly and I'd end up starting on a Thursday, call it a dirty Thursday, make fun names for it so it didn't seem as if it wasn't as normal. And then I've been drink to the Sunday

and then eventually it progressed to the well I was drinking every single day. Interesting. Thanks for sharing that with us too. Looking back, though, I hear a lot of these stories. See, I didn't start drinking. drinking when I was younger. Looking back, though, are you able to put a finger on it? Like, how did this idea come to be at 13 years old wanting to go hang out outside of the shops?

Was there something you saw or experienced at home or something? Do you know what? I have no idea. I have no idea why I just got this overwhelming urge to have a drink. And I almost think I manifested alcohol into my life. And I think later on, I've done exactly the same with cocaine, because before I knew what cocaine was, I would always envision doing it. I have no idea where it come from.

But both things become a massive problem for me later on in large now. But I have no idea where it comes from. It's a very good question. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. I always wondered that sometimes.

Because I know for me later on, it was like pure pressure. And as I got older, a lot more people experienced. And it was like a thing to connect with other people. But I'm thinking it, you know, how does that come about? My eldest is 30 now and it worries me.

But I do think it was an overwhelming thought to get out of my own mind. I was so uncomfortable with my own skin and with my own thoughts. So I just learned a little bit what alcohol is about. And I probably was aware that it would help me escape from reality, which it did. But the trouble is it helps you escape from reality. And it gets rid of all your fears and anxieties. But when the substance wears off and then fears, anxieties and thoughts come back twice as much. and they're heightened them, exaggerated.

So then you'll chase very much of a vicious circle, I'll call it a helicopter blade, which is this vicious circle. Yeah, no, that paints a good picture for it. Yeah, the helicopter blade, that's dangerous. And a lot of people, too, share that this stuff, it works so well in the beginning. And then one of the scariest moments of their entire addiction cycle

or when they were struggling with stuff is when we hit that place where it doesn't work anymore. And that's a very scary place because it offered us some comfort in a sense for, so long and then it's like boom now we have all these other problems that it's causing us and then it's just not providing the relief it once did how were things for you in school growing up so i i was suffering so much with my mental health and i'm very vocal about it now but i wasn't i wasn't it's a different time back then as well people wasn't talked about it i think especially with men

you're told to man up and be a man so i felt very scared and alone with my feelings and it wasn't until later on in my 30s when I opened up about my mental struggles, other people opened up back to me and I thought, I'm not the only one that feels like this. So I, even though I was the class clown and I put a front on it and I was always making people last on the inside, I was absolutely riddled with fear and anxiety. And when I opened up about years later, my friends and family did not know that I was feeling that way because of how well I got hiding it. But I was, it was, it was, it was, it was torture for me. It really was. Yeah. I can relate with you on that sense too. I converted to that

class clown approach for acceptance. And I felt if I got to the joke first, then maybe I could avoid others making the joke on me and picking on me and all that type of stuff. And felt like I could sort of be a part of something when I felt like growing up and maybe something like for you, I just felt like I was so far on the outside and so far away from how other people were doing. I never did well in school either. So that also brought upon shame and guilt and everything else to wonder, what the heck it? Why can't I figure this out? Why can't I be interested in doing this? Yeah. And never was interested in it. Yeah, and I can relate to that as well. And it was difficult as well because my brother and sister that were doing so well in school and never got in any trouble. And

then I was coming home late because I was always in detention and always getting into spaps and always having, getting trouble. And they were having, having none of it. And I was thinking, why am I so different? And I felt out of place that I can never put my finger on why. But it's just so I was wired up differently. Yeah. And it's so interesting too, because when I reflect back hindsight's 2020, now I can see it clear as day. But at the time, I really had no idea what was going on. Like I wasn't able to put the pieces together when I was younger, like even up to probably 15 years old. I couldn't put the pieces of the puzzle together to what was really going on. And then to your other.

point too is that the conversations were much different. Anytime I would maybe try to open up a little bit, it would just be, it would be pushed back to just doing well, following the rules. And like, I understood that was important to people, but that was really hard for me to do at the time. Yeah, absolutely. I'm exactly the same. It left me feeling quite worthless, to be honest, and it was scary, a big place to be. And I even remember from a young age thinking, when I grow up, I'm not going to have any idea how to be an adult. And it used to scare me. I mean. And when we started drinking and experimenting with drink and stuff, I really thought I'd

arrived and thought, oh, this is the thing. And it gives me confidence at first. And it gives me the boost that I felt like I needed to become and function like a normal person. But like your point earlier, very quickly, it's your best friend. And then it turns its back on your alcohol and it will stab you in the back. And that's why I feel alcohol, because it's so accepted, it's even more dangerous than then the other drug there is because it is a massive gateway drug, I feel, because I was

experimenting with alcohol. When that stopped working, that's when from a young age I ended up getting on the harder stuff like cocaine and speed and stuff. Yeah. And that's such a valid point too because it is, it's almost frowned upon. And things are improving, which is good in this light, Sam. But it's frowned upon in a sense that when you say you're not drinking or if you're not getting involved with the boys at the party or whatever it is for the football match or

you're almost looked at as more of an outsider and that's tough and we're younger and we're trying like you know i think like guys like you and me we're trying so hard to fit in and just be part of something i was willing i was more than willing to sacrifice my own self-respect just to belong somewhere because i wanted that sense of community so bad and then over time that looks different right then that looks like getting arrested or losing jobs or burning relationships to the ground. When we're younger, it might look like suspension, which I'm with you too, like that hopeless feeling.

And I had suicidal thoughts too, like a lot in high school. Just why can't I figure this out? And I ended up, I was hospitalized a few times for that. And I just felt, yeah, the same way, right? Because if you don't do well in school, it's preached that the rest of your life might not look so well. I can relate to you so much. And when you're talking and that.

that feeling of wanting to fit in. And I think that's why we put ourselves through it so much. With me personally, I'm so insecure and had all these thoughts and feelings going on that I needed that drink. And I'd even try and to encourage other people to drink as well. But when I did go sober, I've been going sober on and off for so long. But this is the strongest my sobriety's ever been this time round. And I haven't even thought of that having a drink, which is a miracle to me.

But the times I had and I was on the fence and I'd go out and my mates would be like, gone, just have one. I didn't have the awareness and I hadn't worked on myself like I had this time. So it was easy for me to go, all right, I'll just have one. But I can't just have one. I just realize that reason. But I can't just have one of anything. Anything that I put in my body that makes me feel better. I want more of it. And that first drink does make me feel better. It's just the second, third, fourth and fifth, which take me to them suicidal thoughts. It's like you're right. Yeah. So you go through high school, you're really picking things up. you get started using cocaine? So when I was about 16, I've got a family member, but he was older,

and I looked up to him, but he was on a bad path himself. He was the first person I opened up to about these feelings and emotions I had, and his advice to me was take cocaine. It will make you feel better, which at the time I thought he was right, because the first time I took the line of cocaine, I thought, wow, I've arrived again, the same feeling as what I got with, alcohol, but more extreme. I thought, this is it. This is the missing puzzle piece. But the trouble with that is the same as alcohol.

When that wears off, your thoughts, fears and emotions all come back even worse than before and heightened. And when you put a chemical into your brain and you get that massive dopamine hit and the crash, the dopamine hit is the thing you chase constantly, but that crash will really take you to an all-time low. And then you're chasing that dopamine hit for a long time and you do crazy, things to get it and it completely changes your character, it changes who you are as a person because everything becomes so obsessed on getting that high all the time and getting escaping from a reality and the reality you had was bad already with your mental health struggles and mixing it with drink and stuff. But when you mix it with a chemical, I think that everything

just becomes, your whole reality becomes different and it's a scary place to be. And I try to advise people never to experiment with cocaine because it might start off with harm as fun but you don't hear many happy endings when people have experimented with cocaine whether they use a little or a lot it will take people away from you it will take your money away from you it will take everything away from you in the end yeah now so much truth to that I got involved with the cocaine too for a bit it was a hand-and-hand type thing it seemed to go hand-in-hand with the parties and drinking at times but yeah right the crash is at the end. It's if you were sad and I already struggled with sadness or depression or anxiety before,

when you ran out, everything was 100x. Staying up all night and not sleeping. And then on top of all that, all your money's gone. Yeah. Yeah. It's a really bad, it makes a bad situation much worse, fast. Oh, absolutely. A heightens and exaggerates it. And I developed this fear in the end of not falling asleep. I didn't want to fall asleep because I'll always hear about something. celebrities and stuff that had gone to bed after drinking drugs and not woken up. So I just assumed if I went to bed, I wasn't going to wake up. I wasn't thinking clearly, obviously, because drugs can kill you whether you're awake or whether you're asleep.

But I would stay up days on end, drinking and taking drugs and would not fall asleep until I passed out about four or five days, and it would just drive me to the point of complete insanity. I would be hallucinating, I'd be seeing things that wasn't there and everything, and it nearly killed me and I expressed this on a podcast recently. If you get captured and in war, they will stop you eating and they'll stop you sleeping to punish you. And when you're taking cocaine, you're not sleeping, you're not eating. And you're at war, but you're at war with yourself, aren't you? So it's just crazy. It's an insanity and a crazy way to live. It really is.

Yeah, so true. So what do you do after high school? So I was a chef, but my drinking and drug taken after then I went to college to do catering and I was quite talented at it and my head chef used to get very frustrated because my mind had gone by then and I would spend most of my time in the college bar instead of the kitchen where I was meant to be and then I did stay in catering for a little bit but I just couldn't hold a job down and everything because my addictions were taken the better of me so I'd become very unreliable like completely different to how I'm today If I went out at the weekend, I wouldn't be in on a Monday. There's no way.

And you can't do that when you work in any job. So I ended up sitting on a for years. And I knew I should have been in a kitchen preparing food, but I was doing that. But I had two young daughters as well. So it was nice to watch them grow up. If you're working in the kitchen, then you're never going to see your family. So it helped on that side of things. But I didn't want to be there and I had no passion in it.

And it was a very toxic environment, which just, give me even more of an excuse to smash myself to bits of drinking drugs and loaning. Does anybody mention anything to you about what was going on? I think we get very good at hiding it, don't we? They knew that I was troubled, but not to the extent of where I was, and I certainly put enough of a front on for people not to know that I was suicidal and that at first, but the disease is very progressive, isn't it? And I could only hired it for so long. And when I was losing stones of weight at a time and very drawn in the face and not turning up to work, and then I ended up to stop paying my bills and everything

because getting a fix was more important to me than paying my bills, and I lost my home and everything. You can't hide it anymore, you know, so my family were, the thing is, I was trying to protect them for so long and I didn't want to speak to them and open up. And as soon as I opened up and spoke to them about it, I wish I had a long time ago, because your family had. going to love you no matter. And they proved that to me. My mom and dad took me back in. My brother and his wife took me into their home through one stint as well. I relapsed on both of them times, but they got me back on track quicker. I moved out to my mom and dad's house at 17. I moved back in in my 30s and it was a shock to the system for everyone. But without them, I probably wouldn't

be here now because I was having some really dark, deep thoughts at that time. And I felt like I was a burden on everyone. And at one point, I thought instead of telling my family how I feel, it would probably be better off if I wasn't here. And that is crazy thinking that now. And when I look back at that time and I was having them thoughts, I can really relate to how people feel with suicide and I never got it before. But my best friend when I was younger took his own life and I was filled with anger for

a long time and never really understood it. And it wasn't until I had them dark thoughts myself. that I finally got it and I truly do believe and this is why I try and push people do that. People say you need to talk about how you're feeling and that. It's so true because I remember I walked around to my mum and dads and sat in front of them

and I told him everything and I could feel the way of the well come off my shoulders and that was the start for me to get back on track by the long bumpy road after that but that really started it off and like I say your family are going to love you no matter what and it's about getting honest not only with them but with yourself

And I think once you do, that's when the healing journey begins. Yes, there's so much truth to that. Yeah, the healing journey. Yeah, we have to be honest with ourselves. What do you feel looking back, right? Because there's going to be somebody who listens to this show that's right there in that spot. Maybe not to the point of suicidal thoughts, but maybe to the point of we don't feel there's any way out of our current situation. Looking back, what was blocking you, what was preventing you from having that conversation?

sooner? Because I truly believed this, that I was not only addicted to drink and drugs, but I was also addicted to the chaos and I was addicted to the emotion of being down. And I got too comfortable with feeling worthless. And that is where I felt comfortable at, it's self-pity and stuff. And it kept me stuck there for a long time. It wasn't until I realized that I was going to die if I didn't change things around and leave my two daughters on this planet without a dad. And I went to the doctors and my body was producing too many red blood cells and not enough white, which would have led my blood to clot. And one would have traveled, a clock would have traveled to my brain.

They said, or it would have traveled to my heart and it would have been game over. And I thought to myself then, I was too late for me and I almost accepted my fate. And I come home and I sat there and I was just thinking and looking at pictures of my daughters and stuff. And I was thinking, you're going to die and leave these two girls without a dad. or you can just dig down deep and have one last fight. This is the second time I'd lost a house and everything. So I'd lost everything once before, got sober for two years, lost my house, lost my money, I was in so much debt.

And I lost it all and got it all back and I lost it again. So I had to start from rock bottom a second time. And it was absolutely draining and I thought to myself, I can't do this. I didn't have the energy to just start all over again. I was in more debt than I was at before. But looking at them pictures of my daughters, I thought you've got to do, you owe it not even just to yourself, but to them to fight one last time. So I just thought to myself, give it another go. Reach out and tell people exactly how you're feeling and leave no cards on the table.

Just tell everyone exactly what is going on and be completely honest for the first time in your life and just see where it's age you. And I was suicidal and on death door with all these health issues and stuff. And now I look back at that. I'm 27 months sober on Sunday. Not only this is the longest I've ever been sober, this is the most at peace I've ever been. I still struggle some days. I still have the health anxiety and stuff. My worst days in recovery outweighed, my best days in addiction. There's no comparison to it.

And the difference this time around is that honesty, I got honest with myself and my friends and my family. And I started chucking myself in the cold water and everything as well. And that's really helped this time around. But connection with other people, two years ago, when I was sober. I'd never be having this conversation with you because I was still very much like trying to do it on my own. I didn't want to speak to anyone.

But if anyone is listening to this now that was in the situation that I was in or you was in, I would very much urge people to connect with other people in the same journey. Because even this conversation, me and you were having that will keep us both sober. You can ring another addict up. If you go to meetings and stuff,

you can ring another addict up. And if you're having a wobble or 10 minutes, where the disease is on top of your. Speak to someone on the phone who's in the fellowship or on the same path as you were in. After 10 minutes, then feelings have gone away. So connection with others is key, I think.

Yeah. It's interesting, too, how you're connecting the dots on that, like the last time you had the two years. You weren't doing that. You wanted to just, what do they call it, will your way through it. And it's interesting because a lot of us, too, at some points were really good

and we're really high functioning in some areas of our life. And we can do a lot of things. I know the last guest we had on the podcast, he was in a lot of people that have been on the podcast. They're able to keep a lot of things together. So it's like we can keep some things together and they can figure out all this other stuff and make all these other things happen.

But when it comes to the drink and when it comes to the substances, it's the one thing that we often find ourselves trying to just will our way forward. I'll just push myself through. but getting connected to a community and asking other people for help and being honest with people and talking about your feelings and what's going on. It really helps out so much. So when you got the two years sober, how old were you then, like the ballpark? The two years, do you know what? I can never remember days and dates and it's all such a blur to me. I've had multiple years of sobriety on and off. And this is the first time, 27 months, and I'm 37 now.

This is the first time that my sobriety's been safe. I haven't wanted to drink. I haven't even thought about it. And that's connection with others. And every other time, I've had two years. I've had 18 months. I went 11 months once and ended up relapsing on a holiday. So I don't know the ages of what I am and everything.

And on other podcasts, I've said this time, and then I've remembered that I've got it wrong. It's all a bit of a blur and a whirlwind. But what I can tell you is every time I've relapsed, the disease has been on me and said, you can handle just a drink this time and don't touch anything else. And I'll convince myself that and just one explanation in Egypt, once I'm on that 11 months.

So I thought to myself, I'm just going to have one drink while I'm on holiday and then I'll get back to the sobriety after. And it doesn't work like that. I had one drink and then after that it was game on. and I don't remember the last three days in Egypt and I had a drug dealer waiting for me in the UK when I got back to the airport and I smashed myself to bits for another four months

before I got sober on my own again. It just escalates and every time you relapse, your thoughts and your feelings at their high end, they're even worse. Every relapse I've had, I've just ended up back at square one very quickly and to go on your point that you made your thoughts, I wasn't a high-functioning addict,

which I think is lucky really because I stopped going to work and stuff and then losing things and everything, which made me try and get sober again and sort himself out on and off, which to an extent I think may have saves me. And I don't know your thoughts on it, but I think sometimes people that are high functioning addicts are in slightly more danger because they don't realise to what extent they're, well, danger they're putting themselves in. Some people think you have to lose everything to be an addict,

but you don't. There's addicts that are in every profession that just go to work every day, they can just handle life better. And I feel that's more dangerous, really. Yeah. Well, yeah, there's definitely two sides to the coin. Yeah, if you can keep things together. I don't think it's an always thing,

but I think the longer we stick around, the more likelihood is we're going to experience more unmanageability in areas of our life. And I think some people are maybe going to come to that conclusion sooner than others and then some of us are going to get grabbed. Yeah, I was never, personally, I was never really a high functioning, high-flying person. And I couldn't even get dressed in the morning.

But a lot of people, it's interesting. They share their stories. They're still able to do like incredible stuff. And for me, it probably the same for you. It blows my mind that they can keep it together. I just think everybody's been this different journey. And I also think that there's trauma involved. There's other things and there's other circumstances and there's maybe things that we're on the run from.

And everybody's a little bit different. A lot of people share that they didn't really experience any trauma growing up. But whether that's true or not, if you're in this cycle of addiction, wherever you land on the spectrum, I think that's traumatic in itself, right? I think that's traumatizing no matter where it is. If you're doing something that you don't want to do, that's in getting involved with that shame spiral and stuff. But to your point, yeah, if you're not getting arrested and you're not having all these serious consequences, I admire everybody who gets sober. but even the people who didn't experience the blowout of all the tires to turn the ship around, I think is incredibly inspiring as well as those of us who burn everything to the ground as well, right?

Yeah, exactly. And that's why I think it's so important that people like you do what you do, because people can listen to all these different stories and they can relate to whatever stays there out or whatever how they drink. Everyone used to drink in different ways, I think. But that's why it's so important that you have so many different guests on as well because one story that might not relate. So someone doesn't relate to this story, but they can go back and listen to your other

podcasts and might be able to relate to that. So that's why I just think it's incredible what you do. I think you do a wonderful job, mate. I really did. Thank you. Thank you, Sam. So when you decided to get sober this last time to get this 27 months, what did your life look like leading up to it in the day that you made that decision?

What did that look like for you? So I was at probably, I'd been at some lows, but I was probably at an all-time low. I've been to the doctors and they said that, they said that I wasn't going to make it much longer. If I didn't sort it out, I had all that problem going on with me, blood and everything. And I was just desperate. I've always had health anxiety and then the pandemic come along. And I just didn't know where to go, what to do. I was in a job that was unhappy and I picked up a drink again.

I was crazy enough to think that I could just control it in that. be it and I didn't, I learnt the hard way, it really killed me and I thought, I've got to do something about this and I looked into natural ways because just me personally and only my personal journey, medication doesn't work for me from doctors and stuff. I've tried all of them, they make the situation worse for me personally. And I looked at natural ways to help of anxiety and stuff. So I looked into this cold water therapy stuff and I done 30 days of cold showers and I noticed that my anxieties were lowering a little bit. And in true addict style, I was walking along the prom by the beach in the North Sea where I live. And I said to my cousin,

there's something to this cold water thing. People are struggling with the pandemic, with their mental health and not just addiction, but all sorts of mental health. I said, I want to try to inspire something and give myself a bit of purpose. I said, I'm going to go in the North Sea every single day for a year and see if I can inspire other people to do the same thing. And he said, and he said, said, no, you won't. And I was going to do it in a couple of months, but because he said, no, you won't. I started the next day. And my mum and my nephews and my sister come down and watched me. And I got into that water and it was freezing cold. It was the 15th of March. And I thought to myself, this is going to be the start of my recovery. It was a bit of a slippery

slope up first as well because I was still drinking, which I wouldn't recommend getting into cold water when you're doing that. But the second day, someone else in my hometown, reached out and said they were struggling with their mental health or off work. They've been a car accident and whatnot. He got in the war with me. And then the third day, there was four people on the beach. The fourth day, there was six people on the beach. The seventh day, it just grew and grew. And over the year-long challenge, which I completed, I went in the water every single day for a year. Over 400 plus people got involved in my hometown. There was people that were signed off work with anxiety and panic attacks. They ended up going back to work off the back

of it and that. I used to get arrested in my hometown all the time. I'm looking at a mayor's award for outstanding contributions to my community. There's a thing called Pride of Britain over here. We got nominated for that. I was a finalist to that. And it really gives me a purpose. And there's a group we're still doing it now, going to water. I'm doing a challenge at the minute there to dip December where we're all going in the

North Sea every single day. And it's really got me back on track. That and the fellowship this time round as well, when I'd relapse and before I'd started all this cold water stuff, a good friend of mine who we used to use and drink with Kyle Brown, his name is. He was reaching out to me because he'd heard I'd relapsed and I was canceling his call and canceling it. I didn't want to hear from him.

I was bitter, resentful thinking, I'm sobering. It's an ego thing. I'm not sobering he is. And he never give up on me. And he reached out to me while I was doing this challenge. And I was drinking and I was doing drugs. And I went over the other side of town and I come back from this house where I'd been taking loads of coke and drink.

And my mate was, I see him. He'd been trying to get hold of me, but I wouldn't answer the phone. I see him outside this shop, and I darted and jumped inside this shop, and the shopkeeper's trying to kick me out, and I didn't want to see him. When I here you go, I must have hid in there for about 20 minutes. And when I come out of that shop, he was just sat on the bonnet of his car with his arms folded, and he was like, do you want some help now, Sam? And I was like, yeah, please.

And he walked around this church with me for about 45 minutes, and he told me about sobriety, and he told me about the fellowship and the 12-step program. and he said to me there is a way out, there is hope, there is health. And he took me to a meeting the next day. I haven't picked up a drink or a drug since then. And about six months into my sobriety, that same church, he walked me around and spoke to me about. I delivered a talk in front of about 20 addicts on the other side of the window

from where we were stood outside of at the beginning of that journey. So it's sort of come around full circle. But it's been 27 months now. I haven't had a drink, a drug or a cigarette. But more importantly than all that, I haven't. without a suicidal thought. So sobriety is so powerful and there's so much on offer. If I would have committed suicide or died from a drink or drug overdose,

I would have missed out on so much. Not only me, but my friends and my family and my daughters, more importantly, would have grown up without me and that would have been criminal. Yeah. Well, huge congrats on 27 months. That's incredible. And it's always interesting those full circle moments to where you're at the church. What was different that time?

Was it just that you were just at the end of your road there and you were just willing to try something, try anything at this point? Do you know what? When I was avoiding his phone calls and everything, when I look back at it now, I was thinking if I speak to him, it's over because I knew that I was going to put the drinking drugs down. But I was scared to.

That was my escape from reality. That was my crutch. What I was using to get away from all my fears and anxieties. And it is daunting and it is scared. very sobriety, but I knew once I spoke to him, I've made my mind up, I knew that I was going to enter these fellowships, which I'd never done before. I just had to let go of all my ego and all my trying to do it on my own and hiding how I was feeling and everything, because it wasn't getting me anywhere fast. And when I was trying to go out of it alone, every time I walked past a bar or a pub and everything before, I would have me eye on it. I had one eye on the pub, even if it was behind me.

I don't have that now. I can walk into a pub and sit there with friends. I'll go to the pub with my dad and brother, and they'll have a beer, and I'll have an orange juice and lemonade, because the difference between them is they can have one beer and go home. If I had one beer with them, I'd go to the corner shop and get the gin. And then once I've got the gin, I'm ringing the drug dealer, and then I'm not going to work Monday.

There's the difference. It's about learning and accepting that as well. And I don't miss alcohol anymore. What I enjoy is connecting with people like you and other people on this journey and learning about all this and why we drunk and self-developing. That is my new thing now. I was going nowhere fast for a long time using drinking drugs, but now every day I think, right, how can I not only improve my life today, but how can I inspire other people to do this? the same and that's what surprise has given me. It's given me a purpose. I've been growing me social media platforms and been inspired by the great work that you and so many other

people do and I try and do the same and now my inbox is full when I speak to other people daily about and just tell them what I've done. I think, I don't know if you'll agree, but I'm pretty sure this is why you do what you do. When you've been to as darker places as me and you have been, you get this overwhelming urge to help other people out of the dark and turn the line. light on for him because we know how bad it gets and that's probably what drives you to do what you do and it certainly drives me to do what I do because we know how bad and how horrendous it is at rock bottom or even if you're not at Robbottom on the way there can be horrible as well so when you get out of it yourself you get such an urge to just help other people a backup because you don't

want anyone to feel the way you've felt yeah no 100% because we can relate with how lonely and isolating and how hopeless it feels. Yeah. Just to share the progress that we can make. It always impresses me people that make the decision to get sober, the progress that so many people make in such short amount of time. Some people will share that they've done more in their life and 30 days of sobriety that they did in 10 years.

Yeah. The addiction side of things. And I'm like, wow, I wasn't that quick to the game. It was slow and steady for me. But hear that from people is just so inspiring. did you ever think you'd be in a position to offer any insight to other people? No, because I almost gave up. I couldn't see a way out.

And it's so, I keep repeating myself, but it is because I was trying to go at it alone and that stubbornness kept me ill for so long, even though I had bouts or sobriety, because I had no one to talk to, they call it a dry drunk, didn't they? And I was just white knuckling it so long. And I remember having two years of sobriety once. And I wasn't in a fellowship or talking to anyone else. So I took away the substance that was calming me down, which is good because it'd give my body time to heal. But I was just left with all these thoughts and feelings and everything and no one to talk to about it.

So it's very scary. So I even say that them two years I had in sobriety before were probably worse than active addiction. At least in active addiction, I was like off me not knowing what was going on. But I was sober for two years, scared out of my wits. so I can't stress enough to find other people on the same journey because what the fellowship's done and having conversation like this is done is growth. When you're going at it alone,

you're not growing. You're just like saying sober and it's a challenge. But now, sobriety is not challenged for me anymore. It's a journey. So it makes me laugh and I say that because sober Dave hates that word, journey. But it is.

It's a beautiful. struggle and it is a struggle and it's not always easy but if tomorrow my illness is on me and I'm struggling I'll think oh I can ring someone in the fellowship or someone who's on it we can have a conversation and I bet after me and you speak for 10 minutes that addiction is off you back that monkey's off you back it is a beautiful thing recovery and it isn't easy it is dawning when you first get into it but it's so worth it it is so worth it yeah so true how are things today you've mentioned a few your daughters and stuff, how are things today with them and the rest of your family? It's beautiful, mate.

I've just been to London, my daughter to a show, Matilda, and it's important as well to, at the beginning of that trip to London, I got very overwhelmed and very irritable and restless. That's the mind I've got in my head. And I nearly ruined the trip. And I have to look at my behaviours, even in sobriety. And I realised that I was just getting overwhelmed and stressed with everything, wanting to make sure everything was right that I nearly ruined. ruined it. But today, I went and took my daughters and sat down, I got a hot chocolate and explained

to him why I got a little bit irritable and restless and everything and it pulled the trip back. And we went and watched the show, we went on the London eye. We had a beautiful weekend where I was present and I've had so many moments with them in sobriety. I always get very emotional when I talk about my daughters. Sorry, mate. I just love them so much and people say you can't get sober for anyone else but yourself and I slightly disagree with that because I couldn't do anything for myself and I've got sober for my little girls but I stay sober now for all of us. I'm doing it for myself as well now but they were the motivation for me to get sober and they know that it's not easy for me sometimes and they know I'll get irritable and stress sometimes

and I've got that head on me but the more I'm learning about the way my head is widened than this disease and everything come open and I talk to them about it so they're not left confused of why I've snapped sometimes and shouted when I think you have to find a, you obviously have to tell them when they're doing wrong sometimes, but there is times as adults as well, where we will be irritable unless it's a snap at them. And I have to think hard now sometimes. I tell them off for the right thing there. If yes, then yes, they'll learn from it. And if no, I can sit and say, look, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you then. I'm just having, this is just going on for me. So it's brought us really closer together and it doesn't leave them confused as well. Why is he

told me off then when I haven't done any wrong. That's another beautiful thing, sobriety's done. It's really made me recognize my own behaviors. I was very quick to see other people's behaviors and judge other people before, but I never looked inside once of what I was doing. So I think that's what's that's what sobriety has allowed me to do. It's made me a better person and a better friend, a better family member and the

better dad more importantly than anything. Yeah. Well, yeah. That's so important too. And it sounds like from that. there is that what I love beautiful about that share in your story too is that the awareness and the accountability and the growth. It's always a process to grow, to learn, to improve areas of life. And I also love that too, where you mentioned a lot of times we do have this

idea of getting sober for ourselves. But, you know, I agree with that in a sense, but I also agree with you in the sense that if you're down and out that much, it's not really going to make sense to do it for ourselves. So we might need a way to jumpstart things. And I agree 100% if it's for a relationship that's important to us. I mean, it's better to start there than not start at all, right? And to build that and to have something that's important for us to work towards. What a great way to start things out if that's where it has to start out, right?

I love that. Yes. Absolutely. I couldn't agree more with you, mate. So wrapping things up here. What is you said it a bunch of two you said it a lot there too in the episode about connecting with other people is really important what could help people get to that sooner because that's what keeps us stuck literally that you mentioned it ego we're going to figure it all out you were stuck there for X amount of years I was stuck there for X a long time how could somebody get out of their own way that's what I like to say is we got to get out of her own way and get into this solution of connecting with people yeah do you know what there's no good time to be an addict or an alcoholic or whatever. But now is the best time to be one because of how much support and stuff there is out

there. And if you don't want to connect straight away with anyone, there's so many other options that you can get you there closer and that's what I always advise. You've got your podcast, yeah? I've just listened to Sober Dave's book on audio and that is so powerful when people relate to that. And if you don't want to speak to someone just yet, stick a podcast in your ear. Stick a sobriety thing on.

Listen to motivational speaking on YouTube. Start turning them clogs into a negative to a positive. And then once you get the ball rolling, you'll start building up momentum. And for me personally, I eat, breathe. Live sobriety at the minute. I listen to podcasts. I listen to sobriety stuff. I go to meetings and everything.

I make it become part of my identity. My identity for so long and my COVID mechanism was alcohol and drugs. now my coping mechanism I've reversed it and it's sobriety and I've got a little app on my phone and I'll put positive posts up not for my benefit

well not just for my benefit but for other people as well to inspire other people you can really change things around your proof of that I'm proof of that I was a hopeless addict and now I're getting awards and stuff

and I'm helping people and helping other people is the most selfish act you can do because what it does for you personally. It is, isn't it? And I think that no one's too far gone and we're proof of that. Anyone can change it around no matter how far gone you've got, you've just got to get that ball rolling. And if you don't want to talk to people straight away and connect with others,

start listening to other people connecting with each other like this podcast or other podcast. It really is a game-changing. And once you start hearing other people connect, it might give you the confidence to do it yourself. But I really do think once you start connecting with other people, you'll start crawling and then you start walking. And before you know it, you're running through recovery.

Yeah. Well, it's so important too, right, to listen to those stories because I feel like sometimes we'll put ourselves on the outside. Well, I'm not this and I don't fit into this box. And I haven't done that yet. and we'll exclude ourselves from, hey, maybe we have a problem. And whether we identify having a problem or not, if you're in a spot and alcohol is preventing you from being who you want to be

or the father you want to be or the mother you want to be or grandmother you want to be or employee you want to be, then that's a reason to quit. You don't need to ride this train all the way to the last station. Absolutely. And it's always a yet, isn't it, with these things as well? And what I always try to, if someone comes to me for help, which I get quite a bit of people doing that, which I like.

I said it gives me purpose. But I often ask him to do an exercise where I get them to draw a line down a bit of paper and write alcohol above it or drugs or whatever it is. And right on one side, the positives, and right on one side the negatives. And if one outweighs the other, then you've got your answer, haven't you?

And nine times out of ten, it's negative. Do you know what I mean? It's not. Whether you drink a little or a lot, I don't think it brings you any benefit to your life. And it's a poison that you're putting in your body at the end of the day. He's like, why would you want to do that? I think once you get into Subrite and see you alcohol for what it is,

you can't unsee it as well. And I just think I was crazy to put that stuff in my body now, which is a good place to be at. Yeah. And what I got from two, your other thing, the last segment there is that, and I'm a big believer of that too, is you just have to start somewhere. You just have to start with something.

Because when I look back at my journey, the seeds were planted, long before I made that final move. That final decision was made. The seeds were planted and they were growing slowly but surely from, there wasn't really sober podcast that I was listening to, but I was going to different meetings. I was going to therapy.

I wasn't really giving it my all at the time, but I was showing up in different places and I would hear different things and I would take in different things and the seeds would definitely start to grow. So if you're in the earlier stages of curious about all this stuff, Like I'm definitely with Sam on that. Like just plug into something, start to plant the seeds and water them a little bit. And then things will come around. Sam, before we sign off, is there anything you want to leave people with?

Where can they follow you? Where can they check you out on Instagram? So, yeah, Instagram. I've got page there underscore 2 underscore dip. And then TikTok, I can't remember the name of it. If you put the link tree up for us, go. My nephew said it out for me. I'll send you the link tree and perhaps you can put it up with the post brother.

Yeah, of course. Now I get it, man. I'm with you too. I remember you shared earlier about the dates and everything because when I do the podcast with people like it's a guesstimation in a sense. And I'll even ask my mom sometimes. I have no idea. And I'm like, okay.

But you don't want to get anything wrong. And then somebody's, oh, you got it wrong. But I'm with you too, man. Some people remember it down to the day, these different events. for me, like I'm with you, I can't remember these exact days or these how things yeah. Yeah, I'll get it mixed up sometimes. I'll say something. I think, oh no, that was before then and that was us then. But it was all a blur in this. And I used to take a lot of drinking a lot of drugs. So it's all like the world would. But luckily, I remember things

that are happening in that. So life was good today. But there was a one point that I don't think I remember two, three years of me life at all. I mean, so that's another important point to be fair, that's what I'll leave you with. Recovery, for me, has given me an opportunity to make memories and not forget them. Light is too short. We get about eight years on this spinning rock, if we're lucky. I want to make memories and leave my family with beautiful memories. I don't want to go out, chuck a load of drinking drugs down my neck and forget everything.

And that is what is on offer with sobriety. You can have a beautiful life beyond addiction and at the minute I am. Yeah, beautiful. Well, huge congrats on 27 months, and thanks for sharing your story with us. Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity, mate, and I think you're brilliant. Huge congrats, Sam, on 27 months. Thank you so much for jumping on the podcast and sharing your story. I hope you guys enjoyed this one as much as I did.

I can relate to so many areas of Sam's story, and I'm sure that some of you can as well. Thank you guys so much for the continued support on the show. Got a really, really cool holiday episode coming up. I sat down with four other people, five of us total. We recorded a podcast, everything about the holidays. That's going to be coming out next week on Tuesday. So stay tuned for that. Some of the stuff I heard here, I wouldn't say it was completely new to me,

but it was a great refresher about tips, tricks, strategy, stories about staying sober through the holidays because some very challenging times could be coming up for you. If it's your first holiday season, you have the Christmas holidays, you have New Year's, you have some downtime, you're off work. It can be really tough. You have the parties, the family, everything to navigate. So check out that episode coming out next week. You're really going to love it. It was incredible. Thank you again, Sam. And thank you to all of you, the listeners. The continued support is what keeps this show going. And I'll see you on the next one. Thank you.