Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - She Thought She Was Stronger Than Alcohol | From Relapse to Recovery

Episode Date: July 21, 2026

Trisha never thought alcohol would take over her life.She survived three brain surgeries, built a successful barber shop, and raised two daughters as a single mom. When life became overwhelming, alcohol started as a way to cope with stress. Within months, she was physically dependent—drinking before work just to stop her hands from shaking.In this honest conversation, Trisha shares how alcohol slowly took control, the guilt of losing her daughters’ trust, rehab, relapse, and the moment she realized there was no such thing as moderation for her.Today, she’s rebuilding her life one day at a time through recovery, AA, faith, community, and a commitment to becoming the mom her daughters remember.If you’ve ever wondered how someone can go from managing life to needing alcohol just to function—or you’re trying to quit drinking yourself—this episode is a powerful reminder that recovery is possible, no matter how far you’ve fallen.In this episode: • Growing up in a military family in Okinawa, Japan • Surviving three brain surgeries and overcoming prescription opioid dependence • How stress, divorce, and business ownership fueled alcohol addiction • High-functioning alcoholism and morning withdrawals • Rehab, relapse, and starting over • Rebuilding trust with family after addiction • Finding hope through AA, faith, meditation, and communityRecovery isn’t about never falling. It’s about choosing to get back up.If this episode helped you, please follow the podcast, leave a rating or review, and share it with someone who needs to hear that they’re not alone.Trisha on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/steez.finebarbering/Sober Motivation Mobile App: https://apps.apple.com/app/sober-motivation-app/id6759266291Sober Motivation Website: https://www.sobermotivation.comSupport the Podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivationContact me anytime: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I need something to calm the shakes down. And so I would have to take a little bit of tequila. And then a little bit went to a little more, to a little more. And then by evening, I'm cooking dinner, drinking out of the freaking bottle, you know. But I just didn't have a choice because I couldn't stop shaking. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to ask for help. When Trisha's daughters told her we want our old mom back, she realized alcohol had taken far more than she ever thought possible.

This is a story about addiction, relapse, hope, and the long road to rebuilding the people in the life that matters most. And this is Trisha's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation podcast. They've got Trisha with us. How are you? I'm doing good. How are you all? Yeah, I'm great. Thanks for being willing to jump on here and share your story with us. Of course. So what was it like for you growing up? Well, I was born in Okinawa, Japan. I lived there for about 17 years. My dad was a Marine. And so I grew up a pretty strict lifestyle. My parents were pretty strict. They both worked a lot.

I kind of helped raise my little sister. Part of living in Japan is, you know, there's no real age on alcohol. You can just go get it out of a vending machine. I mean, we were smoking cigarettes at like 13 because you could get those out of vending machines. We were just a bunch of military kids kind of just running wild on an island, really. Wow. Did you live on a base or anything or no? I lived on a base for a little bit, but then we,

ended up moving off base. Yeah. So you can get alcohol and cigarettes from a vending machine. Oh, yeah. That's different than the way we grew up. I grew up mostly in the U.S., but yeah, that's a different, different way of things. What are some of your earliest memories? Did you visit, like, the U.S. at all, or did you just spend the whole time in Japan? One set of my grandparents were from Eugene Oregon, and one set was from Bridgeport, California, which is up by Mammoth Mountain. So every Christmas and every summer, we would come back to visit them. It was about a 16-hour flight there and back. And so we kind of grew up the best of both worlds.

We had the island, and then we had the mountains, and then we had like the rainforest, I guess. Yeah. Did you see a lot of drinking growing up or no? I mean, my dad was a Marine. And he joined the Marines at 17, and that is kind of part of the culture. At least it was. I don't know if it still is. But a lot of military people, you know, they're so stressed out and they're all together

like a brotherhood, almost like a fraternity. And so they all drink. And, you know, so my dad definitely drink a lot. And my mom was not for it. So they constantly fight growing up about it. And my dad would have to hide the booze. And then my mom would hide the credit card bills because that's kind of how she dealt with it. Yeah, wow. When did you start drinking?

I was pretty young, but I wasn't like, I was just drink here and there just for fun not to get, like, wasted. You know, have a few drinks here and there. Probably like 13 maybe. But I didn't really become like a hard alcoholic until like the past two years ago. Yeah. So walk us through that after like high school and stuff. What do you venture off to do? after high school I got married and I was married at 18 and had my first daughter at 19 years old my ex-husband joined the military we were married for about 13 years during that time he did a deployment to Iraq and I ended up getting serious bells posy and so I went to the hospital turns out I had a brain tumor and so Red Cross sent him home from Iraq and I had my first brain

surgery and then I had a second brain surgery and then I had my daughter, my second daughter, and then I had a third brain surgery. And so after that, you know, I kind of got back into the real world. We moved to Hawaii and I was a barber out in Hawaii and doing pretty good. And then we ended up getting orders to move back to Fort Lewis, Washington. And in that time, COVID struck and people were just stuck at home and everybody would kind of party a little bit. And that's when I had walked it on my ex-husband with my neighbor. And so I decided to pack up my stuff, pack up my kids. And after 13 years of marriage, leave and move down to Southern California to get a new start on life.

Wow. A lot of things happen there for you. In that 13-year stretch, though, what is it like, you know, having these brain surgeries and stuff? What's that process like? It was pretty rough because my tumor is low. located on my optical nerve. So after the surgeries, I was kind of blind from the swelling. They can't completely remove the tumor. I will be completely blind because it will scratch my optic nerve. I had a seizure while I was pregnant with my youngest daughter, like a grandma seizure. And so they had to

operate two weeks after she was born. I think the hardest part definitely was the recovery, but the medication. They put me on a lot of medication. I was on fentanyl. I was on dilaudid. I was on any kind of pain medicine. Hydrocodone, that was probably the hardest one to get off of the 10 milligram hydrocodones. I was prescribed them like candy. I had military insurance and they just give me as much medication as I wanted. And as much as I wanted to say, I wasn't addicted to the medicine after taking it for so many years, your body does get addicted to it. And so when I moved to California, I was determined to just get off all pain medications. And so I went and got a pill cutter and I would cut my pills in half and dose myself down slowly. And I had the pharmacy calling me saying,

hey, your meds are ready to pick up. And I'm like, I'm trying to get off of these medications, but I didn't want to tell them because I didn't know if I really did need it. But then my thought process was maybe I need it because of the hangover from coming off the meds was causing more pain. So I was determined to see what it felt like completely with no pain meds. And I did a lot of meditating and mind over matter practices and I was able to get off all medications completely by myself. No rehab. Nobody knew about it. I just sit at myself. I'd be sweating in the closet secretly. My kids had no idea. I had restless leg syndrome. I had dreams about the pills because I had been on them for so long. It was just inevitable. Yeah. And was there like were you experiencing pain when you got off of them

or these other strategies were helping you? Oh, absolutely. I have severe occipital neuralgia. So they slice through my occipital nerves. So I get a bunch of like random pain in the back of my head. And then I have a titanium mesh in the back of my head. And where the points are where the mesh connects, I definitely get sharp pains. But I just learned how to deal with it, to be honest. I learned that I don't have to suffer through pain. I can just feel it.

And so I built kind of a pain tolerance around it. It was either, you know, I'm on pills and I'm still in pain, but I feel a little high or I'm not on pills. and I feel full of energy and I'm in pain. So either way, I was in pain. Yeah. How does your drinking look throughout this stretch? Like it's not, you mentioned too. It wasn't until a couple years ago, but like, are you drinking too or no?

No, not during that time. No, I was not drinking. Just taking lots of pills. Yeah. So where do things go for you after? It kind of sounds like, I mean, is there anything else from this stretch of 13 years that you feel is important for the story? Um, not necessarily. I mean, I had two kids. I was an amazing mom. Um, I did everything for my children. I mean,

even after surgeries, I was doing everything I could for them, cooking for them, cleaning for them. I went back to working. I'm a barber. So I worked out of my garage cutting hair when I had to. Um, I, I just kind of bounced right back into the mom and working life and being an army wife and just taking care of what I had to. I have a very, like strong spirit that I'm just like to push through things. And I think that's having like a Marine as a father. He's always been like just get through it, bite the bullet, you know, don't swallow it. Yeah, yeah. What is your connection to being a barber? Where did that start? Well, it was a job that I could do with being able to like be flexible with my daughter since I had her so young and I would cut my ex-husband's hair because he was in the military and so I just continued to

you know learn and get real good I'd cut all the military guys every Sunday they'd line up at my garage and I'd chop them all up and then when I moved to Hawaii I got a job working at a barber shop at the mall and that's where I really got immersed into like the barber culture which was pretty cool yeah which I feel like is just really come on the map like in the last decade or so like before that I don't know that there was a barber shop. There was a few, but not like it is now. Yeah, it's definitely a culture. There is a lot of partying behind it.

I mean, they drink at shops. They do cocaine. They smoke weed. Like, there's a culture behind it as there is, I'm sure, other jobs, like tattooing and stuff. Because we get a lot of free time. And then we also kind of can make our own schedule. And then it's kind of like a cash business. You get a lot of cash.

And when you got cash on hand, you don't feel as guilty. spending it on stuff you shouldn't spend it on you know yeah true true so covid hits where to where to go from here you make this big move with your kids um me and my ex-husband we owned a house in hawaii that we were renting out and so during the divorce we sold the house and split the profit right down the middle um i took my half and i decided that i was going to open a barbershop originally i was going to work at a barbershop first and kind of build a client's hell but then it was like coven and everybody had to start from scratch. So I was like, you know what? I'm going to do it. I ended up having to go back to barber school to re-up my license, which was crazy because I had been doing

hair already for like, I don't know, 13 years or so. So got my barber license and then opened up my very first business in Carlsbad, California called Stee's Fine Barbering. Stee's means style with ease. It's kind of someone's impressive or different kind of style. And I just jumped right in. by myself seven days a week open to close i didn't know any barbers that i could hire yet because i wanted a five-star shop so i wanted like good barbers and so for the first i want to say six months i really worked by myself until i finally found like a good barber and started to build a team yeah and when is when is the drinking kind of uh pick back up is that in this phase or now um i mean i drink here and there like at different barber events but it wasn't like to the point of my

alcoholism drinking. It was like two different kind of drinking. Yeah. So this is more just social, like things are together. You're not experiencing any consequences. No shaking, you know. I didn't have the shaking yet. Yeah. When does that, when do things pick up for you as far as drinking goes? Like, was there something that happened? Um, yeah. So I had full custody of my children, but I told their dad, like he can see them whenever he wanted. It was just easier because he was in the army. And, um, about I don't know, a year, two years after being divorced, he ends up calling me and he's like, hey, I'm going to prison, I'm getting kicked out of the army. I won't be able to pay child support anymore. And, you know, I'm a single mom in Southern California running a business.

Businesses are not easy to run in California. We have crazy amounts of taxes, insurances. It's just a lot to run a business out here. And so losing my child support and I like to give my kids a certain lifestyle, I was like, shit, you know? And so I started drinking because I was stressed out and I would still try to give my kids the lifestyle. Like, you know, they love to go to chilies and I would take them to chilies and I would eat the soup and let them get out whatever the hell they want to because I didn't want them to know I was struggling. And so in order to hide like my stress of struggling, I drank because it put me in a good mood. You know, I wasn't stressed out and made my worries kind of go away. Yeah. Where do you come up with that?

idea though because I think people are going to take different approaches like where where are you able to connect those thoughts with drinking not really being a thing and then at that at that shift to where it's solving this problem for you or making you believe that it's solving it for you honestly it just made me not care so much about like the stress like I still dealt with it but I was it was easier for me to deal with until it wasn't and I realized it was definitely creating a lot more stress. But like in the time that I started, it was kind of helping me like be the fun mom. You know, I'm down to go to the beach at 10 o'clock at night.

And, you know, because I'm drinking and let's go have fun, you know, like have your friends over. Let's have a party at the house. You know, I'm like the fun, cool mom. I'm young mom. And then it just started going to shit. Yeah. Walk us through that a little bit. I mean, what does going to shit look like?

I just kind of picked up drinking a lot, a lot of tequila. That was kind of my go-to. It's weird. I didn't drink any other alcohol. Like, I didn't drink beer. I wouldn't drink vodka. It was just strictly tequila and one type of tequila. And that's all I would drink, it was cost amigos.

And it got to the point where I would spend more money buying airplane shots because I wouldn't want to buy a bottle because I knew if I got that bottle, I was blacking out. You know? And so I was just trying to like keep it. somewhat leveled. I was a very high functioning alcoholic. I still handled business. I paid the bills. I cooked dinner, got my kids to school. I did everything that I had to do, but I was drinking alcohol. And then it just kept getting more and more. And as a barber, you can't have shaky hands. And so it got to the point where my hands would shake in the morning. And I had no choice. I'd be booked out with clients.

And I'm like, I need something to calm the shakes down. And so I would have to take a little bit of tequila. And then a little bit went to a little more. to a little more. And then by evening, you know, I'm cooking dinner, drinking out of the freaking bottle, you know, but I just didn't have a choice because I couldn't stop shaking. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to ask for help. I had no idea. I have always been like the strong one in my family. My whole family has always been like super proud of me. And so I don't want them to know I was slipping. So once I was at my freaking worst, like I got this scar on my chin because I blacked out and hit the ground pretty hard. And that morning, I was trying to get the blood to stop. I was gluing it back together, trying to get it to stop. And I was just praying. I'm like, God, please help me. Like, I don't know what to do. And then after not talking to my dad for, like, a little while because he wasn't happy with my drinking, my whole family knew I started drinking. All of a sudden, I heard a knock at my door that morning. I hadn't seen my dad in like a month. And he sees my chin just dripping in blood. And he's like, get your ass in my truck. I'm taking it to rehab. And I'm like, no, I have a business to run. I have the kids.

like, I can't do that. And he's like, we will figure it out. You are going to rehab. And I'm like, okay, well, he literally takes me in my freaking pajama shorts. Like, he won't even let me go back in the house, which I'm glad he didn't because I was going to go take another shot before I left. And so we're driving around and he's on the phone with my older sister, who is also in recovery. She went to rehab a couple different times and she had been sober for two years at this point. and she's helping my dad try to find a rehab to send me to. So we're on our way to this one in Hemet and they call and give me like a, they analyze me and they say, are you suicidal?

Well, obviously I'm not happy with my life. I'm super depressed and I'm coming down off of drinking a little bit. And they're like, well, then you can't come here. This isn't a mental place. This is only for substance abuse. And I'm like, oh, you got to be kidding me. And so then finally my sister ended up finding this one in Delmar. called Casa Plamera, and they do mental health and they do substance abuse. And so they were able

to check me in there. And I went straight into treatment. I don't really remember the first week. They put me on Ativan, and it just seems like a huge blur, to be honest, until I finally started coming out of it and really immersed myself into the therapy. And I was doing really good. You know, I was connecting with so many people. And there's actually a lot of really rad people that go to rehab. And then I ended up meeting my fiancee now in rehab, which I know everybody's like, oh my gosh, you shouldn't meet someone in rehab. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

It went quick. I mean, when you reflect back on that time frame, though, like, what was it? Like six months for you to start drinking and then it gets to? I think it got really bad from like February timeframe. And then I checked into rehab around October. Yeah. What? Yeah.

I mean, there was the stress involved too. Anything else to put a finger on that sort of kept you in that direction? I know something big in February, what businesses have to go through is tax season. Yeah. And California does not polite with the taxes. And so I was just really overwhelmed. I remember going to my tax appointment taking shots on the way. You know, I was just so stressed out.

Yeah. Did it just become like your way of dealing with life? Sounds like it. And I isolated myself. I just spent time with my kids. My family started not wanting to be around me because I get super cocky when I drink and I'm loud and obnoxious. And so I stopped getting invited to things. And they were like, you know, they kept telling me, Tritory, you need to sober up, especially my older sister since she was sober. She kind of saw it. She's like, your face is puffy. You look like crap. I know that you're drinking. You need to get help. And I'm like, no, I got this. Like I'm a business owner. I'm a single mom. I have every right to drink. And I'm stressed out. you can't walk a day in my shoes. And, you know, and then I'd get all upset about, about everything. And then I want to talk to them. And then it was just a cycle.

Yeah. What are your thoughts on sort of that phase, you know, reflecting back? Like, what are your thoughts today on it? Well, I'm grateful that my dad stepped in. You know, my parents took my children. I have a 17, almost 18-year-old daughter. And I have a 13-year-old daughter. And, you know, their dad's in prison.

And then here I am in rehab. And so my parents really stepped up to the plate as well as my sisters and like being there for them. But then I had to deal with a lot of guilt. Like I felt super guilty for what I did to my children, you know. Yeah. Like as a mom, I think that's pretty common for, you know, for moms too to, you know, just reflect back on how things went and stuff too. Yeah. So you end up going to rehab.

But before this, had you attempted to quit or go to meetings or go to therapy? I did. Yeah. I got sober for like two weeks, I think in April time. And then I just kind of fell right back into it. I also got sober during my sister's wedding because I didn't want to, she didn't like me drinking. So I promised to stay sober. And then we went to Lake Tahoe for her bachelor at party.

And I didn't drink at all. I sat at the bars and everybody was like waste. and I was sober as a gopher. So, yeah, I just, I tried and I tried. And I'm like, I just kept falling right back into it. And it was like, I know we have free will, but it's almost like I would plan it in advance. I'd be like, okay, I'm stressed out in a little bit. I'm going to stop at the liquor store and I'm going to get a couple shots.

And then after that, it just would turn into binge drinking until the point that I was, like, shaking and sick and horrible feeling. Yeah. When you, like when you first started drinking in the earlier days of this, were you aware of the withdrawal that would happen from quitting? Well, from my sister, my older sister, I was kind of aware of it from her. But she does ketamine therapy right now. That helps her with her alcoholism. So she kept trying to push that on me.

But I was so strongheaded that I was like, I don't need anything. I'm just going to get sober with nothing, you know. and then it just, it didn't happen. Yeah. And I didn't breathe in AA meetings. I thought they were a joke. I actually went to one while I was drinking and sat there and talked and I don't think anybody knew that I was drunk, but I would definitely was.

Yeah. I felt really bad after. So you were trying to get ahead of this thing. It seems anyway, you were trying to do a few things, trying to, you know, work it out. What would happen, though, when you'd get this week or two weeks and then, you go back to drinking? Like what would happen in that, that phase? Honestly, just stressed out. Like, my kids would be fighting. I would get a crazy big electric bill. Just something that had to do with stress. You know, one of my barbers would do something.

And it was just like one thing after another. And when I got stressed, that was kind of like my go-to. Because, you know, my dad growing up, you know, every time he was stressed, he drank. And like, he hid his alcohol around the house. Like, you know, us kids always. saw him hiding alcohol around the house and chugging it or whatever because he was stressed out. I get it. He has three teen daughters and he's a Marine and has a wife that shops a lot. And so he was always super stressed out and drink a lot. And so I always envision myself a lot like my dad. Like everybody in my family says I'm just like my dad. And so in the back of my mind, I almost thought like, well, it's okay. Because my dad's very successful now and he's sober. He doesn't drink. He calls

himself a teetotaler. He never went to rehab, never did any of that. He just, just decided to get sober for his health, but it wasn't until like his 50s, you know. And so I figured that was going to be me. I'm like, well, if he can get sober without like going to therapy and this, that and other, well, then I could probably do the same thing. He opened a business. I opened a business. Like, we're like the same person, you know, but definitely not because he wasn't a single parent. Yeah. So just all of the life circumstances, you know, weigh on you too. And then, yeah, the drinking works. I mean, it quiets the voices and provides that escape. I think for most people until it doesn't, you know, then it starts, things start piling

up on the other side, right? What once relieved the stress causes stress. What once relieved anxiety causes anxiety. Then you start waking up, you get stuck in that cycle of if I wanted to go away, I have to drink again. And then, you know, you start in the morning and then, you know, it starts to affect more and more areas of life. And it's so interesting, too, the tequila.

I mean, how do you land on tequila of all things? things to, you know, that's your drink a choice. You know what was real detrimental is the fact that DoorDash delivers alcohol. And so I got to that point where I would order alcohol on DoorDash straight to my house. I drank tequila because that seemed to be the only one that didn't hurt my head. Like, yeah, it gave me the shakes and sometimes I drink too much to where I felt sick, but I wouldn't get a massive, like, migraine from it. Like I would with other alcohols, like a beer, I think it just has too.

much preservatives or something and then vodka I just don't do well with vodka and so it was just Casamigos repasado tequila they knew me at the liquor store they loved to see me um I was there all the time just picking up my tequila you know I managed life with with tequila really until it was about to kill me yeah yeah that other part you said too like high functioning I feel like that could be a confusing place to be for a lot of people because a lot of people who struggle with this are able to keep the business or keep the job or, you know, do pretty good, you know, with things. So maybe it shields us from believing that there's a problem or that the problem is not as big as it actually is, right? But I think the people around us can see it for what it is. Yeah, absolutely. I looked very

unhealthy. Like my face was starting to just look old and dried out. And I was real skinny because I wasn't eating. I was just drinking, you know, um, I just looked like crap. My face looks kind of like swollen down here just from the alcohol. Like my hair was falling out. Like it was just, it was crazy how unhealthy I looked and everybody could see it. Everybody in my family, they're like, you look unhealthy. Because I've always taken very good care of myself. I mean, I'm a barber and I'm into like fashion. and style. And so I've always upkept, like, how I look. And so when I was in that state, I was just like starting to look horrible. And it wasn't me. I was losing myself. I was losing my personality. I became just the alcoholic, you know, it consumed me. Yeah. How easy was it for you

you to get to that point to say, like, I'm an alcoholic? Was that just the natural progression of this for you? When you go to rehab and stuff, you're like, yeah, yeah, I see it clear as day, of course. Yeah, I knew I was an alcoholic once I started door dashing alcohol to my house in the morning. I was like, I got a freaking problem. And that's when I would pray. Like, I prayed so hard. I would get down on my knees on my bedside and I would pray to God. I'm like, please help me, guide me to help.

I don't know how to get help. Please somebody help me. And then ironically, my dad just randomly shows up at my house. And he never comes over to my house. You know, he just shows. I usually go to his house. And he just shows up on my house. And it happens to be the day that my chin is just pouring blood out.

I mean, you can still kind of see the scar right here. It's pretty gnarly. But, yeah, he came in and he, this is him right here. He's literally, even though he was, you know, hardcore when we were younger, I understand why he was because it's kind of generational curse. Like, you know, his parents were strict on him and, you know, for all that. And being a young Marine, like, around a bunch of other young Marines, they're like, if your kid acts up, whoop their ass, you know?

Like, and so he was, he wasn't getting like the good guidance. He was getting guidance from like his fellowship that were also like tough asses, you know, hard asses. Yeah. And so he really changed a lot when he stopped drinking. And he's just an amazing person now. And I'm super grateful because he's helping raise my two daughters. And actually my oldest daughter, she leaves for the Marine Corps in August.

So she's joining the Marine Corps now and she's going to be a helicopter gunner. My kids are amazing. I will say that I raised my kids very well. They are very loving, very kind, very smart, very good kids, like super good. That's why I feel so guilty for what I put them through. And my oldest daughter, it was her graduation two weeks ago and I actually wasn't invited because she wants me to be sober a certain amount of time before. she invites me back in her life.

And then my youngest daughter who's not talking to me, I actually ended up in the mental hospital the day of her 13th birthday. And so I felt really guilty about that. And I understand why they're not talking to me. I got to prove myself, you know. And I think it was just real hard because they would always say, I miss my old mom. Like I miss my old mom.

I want my old mom back. and I didn't know how to find her, you know? Yeah, yeah. Oh, thanks for sharing that. I can't imagine it's easy. So they're with your dad then. And so when all of this kind of fell apart, I guess, or came together, whichever way you look at it, when you went to rehab too,

this had a big impact on them. Yeah. My whole family is not talking to me right now. After my relapse, everybody kind of alienated me and cut me off. I've been sober since April 1st. I'm determined to stay sober. I'm going to A.A. meetings. I'm going to church.

I'm being as healthy as I can be. I'm just determined to get my family back. And I think just me relapsing was like they thought I thought everything was like a joke, you know? And like all my recovery was a joke. and like my parents watching my kids while I was in rehab like it was just for nothing you know yeah so you went to the rehab and then you stayed sober for a bit after that and then you had your relapse yeah um around like January time frame maybe like late January I want to say I ended up getting like really sick with a cold and I went and got mucinex and drink some and then I was just out

for like three days of the cold and I was just out for like three days of the cold and I remember like back during my drinking days anytime I started to get like sick feeling like a cold I would just take a couple shots of tequila and I was good to go to work and so that kind of got in my head and I have a liquor store literally right across from my house that I just moved into it's literally viewpoint of from my window which is insane um and I walked on over there and got some alcohol and then I just couldn't stop I just kept drinking and drinking and drinking and And then my fiance, he ended up relapsing with me. At first, he was, like, doing really good.

And then he was like, well, if you relapse, I'm going to get back on your level and I'm going to relapse too. And then we'll build up from there. But once he relapsed, he couldn't stop either. And so it just became pure chaos. I mean, we were bumping heads because we were drunk. We wouldn't remember the next day. Like, we just went full blown.

Like, I hear like when you relapse, it's way worse. It's way worse. Like we were full blown like drinking like just blacked out nonstop. And so during that time, my mom had taken my, I dropped him off at rehab, but I was like, I can't go to rehab. I have to go back to work. There's no way I can go back to rehab. Like I can't miss any more work. I'm going to lose my business. And so I dropped him back off at rehab. And my parents had my youngest daughter. And I came, well, they had my oldest daughter too. She was already there. But then they took my youngest daughter as well. And I came home to my house and her room was like completely empty. Like they came and just

took all over stuff. And so I started drinking even more while my fiance was in rehab. I was just sitting at home drinking a ton. And then I got so like guilty and depressed that while I was blacked out, I managed to order a helium tank to my house. And I had planned on putting a bag over my head and committing suicide through helium. I looked it up. It was the least messiest way. I was ready to go out. I, you know, I said my goodbyes to my parents. And they didn't say anything. And then I told my fiance, I was like, I'm, I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be here. I'm causing too much harm. Like, I'm out. I'm done. And he ended up calling the cops on me. And my door was kicked down with and I was 51-50ed with a bag over my head literally like that close to the helium starting.

They ripped it off my head. They chained me to a hospital bed or a gurney or whatever and rolled me out, took me to the hospital. And then I got put on a 72-hour hold in a mental hospital, which was absolutely insane, super freaking scary. I mean, it's co-ed and it smells. awful in there. Like, it was just, everything was padded. The only thing that made me feel safe, because I was scared, you know, the only thing that kept me saved by, I swear I have guardian angels always looking out for me was this necklace I got when my grandpa died. It's an infinity necklace that doesn't come off. It's soldered on. And so they wouldn't, I wouldn't allow them to take

it off because I said I got it like when my grandpa died and I didn't want it to be cut off. And so they put me with a nurse that had to be on one-on-one with me the whole stay there. And I felt so much safer with, like, her by my side, you know, like, I couldn't do anything without her by my side, but I wanted her by my side because I was really scared, you know. And then the fact that it was my daughter's 13th birthday just ate me alive. Like, I had made plans to take her out for her 13th birthday and just all of that just went to shit because of my choices. And so when I got out, I was, out like my whole kind of family just alienated me and they don't want anything to do with me until I could prove for like a certain amount of time that I can stay sober. Yeah. Wow. That's

and that was in April. Yeah. Yeah. My birthday was April 7th and not one person in my family besides like my distant family like my distant aunt and cousin said happy birthday to me. That was my first birthday and my parents didn't say happy birthday to me my kids didn't say happy birthday to me but i felt like i deserved it because i wasn't there for my daughter's birthday either so who am i to be upset about not getting a happy birthday you know yeah did you realize in the moment too of like 72 hours like are you reflecting back on i mean this all seemed to happen pretty quick like how did i end up here absolutely i was just i i i felt horrible i was like i can't believe that i put myself back in this situation. And I just, I don't know, I just felt like a horrible,

horrible person. I let all my family members down. And I'm very close. Growing up in Japan, like even though my parents were hard on us, we were really close like me and my sisters, because in Japan, like, we don't have our cousins out there. We don't have our grandparents out there. It's just us, my mom, my dad, and my two sisters, which made us like a really tight unit. And everybody would always look up to us. They're like, you're such a brat. family, you know, and like little did they know. My older sister was suffering. You know, she lost custody of her son over alcohol. And then I used to look at my sister and I'm like, how the hell are you drinking fireball shots? This freaking like nine in the morning. Are you nuts? Because I was an

alcoholic then. You know, I didn't understand it. I would door dash your food to her house because I was worried about her not eating because she'd just be drinking. And so when I came to that situation, I'd never thought in a million years that would happen to me. I thought I'd always be able to overcome alcohol. I always thought I was stronger than alcohol, period. I never thought I would be in the position that my sister was in. Yeah. Until it happened, you know.

Yeah. And I think that would be pretty accurate for anybody who finds themselves struggling with this. Like, I don't think that I've ever heard a story of somebody, you know, saying, oh, I, you know, I can't wait till the day I wake up and I need a drink to be able to, do my job or need a drink to be able to get out of bed. Like, I don't think that anybody starts out at that point, but that's the, that's the reality of it and how sneaky it can be, right? Where it can just creep in and then take over with time and us not even maybe realize what's happening for some time too.

I feel like it just like happened so fast and it just took over my whole soul. Like I know they call alcohol spirits. I literally felt like alcohol was numbing my own. spirit and allowing like this demonic spirit and because I just was not myself like I'm such a loving caring person and when I drank I was just worried about my next drink you know how am I going to get my next drink and you know what time can I take my next shot and so that I won't be blacked out drunk but I'll be like stable you know and like I said I wouldn't buy the big bottles because if I bought the big bottles I was drinking the whole thing until I was puking you know and I would have to

Sometimes in the morning when I, you know, had to calm the shakes down, I would take a shot and throw it right back up and then take another shot. And it seemed to help with my shakes in that time. And I never thought I was going to be able to like feel good again. Like I just thought it was the end. I was like, okay, I'm not going to feel good again. I'm going to always feel like this. And then it's just like something in my brain kind of switched. Like I look at the, I have a different perspective. Like before when I got sober, I was like still have that hard mindset. that I was like, maybe in the future on vacation, I can have, you know, a drink once I get a hold of this and I've been sober for a little while, blah, blah, blah. No, I've come to the realization that, like, once you're an alcoholic, you're always going to be an alcoholic. There's no going back to being, like, one or two drinks. I don't care what anybody says, like, you can't turn a pickle back into a cucumber. Like, you're not going to be able to drink as cool as a cucumber. You are a pickle and there's no going back and that's how I feel. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's the story for most. What do you do after you get out of the hospital? Like, what's your, what's your next move?

So after I get out of the mental hospital, I end up going and getting a bottle and end up drinking again because I was so depressed that my whole family wasn't talking to me and my fiance at the time was in rehab and I'm like by myself, you know, I'm like, well, going back in the liquor stores right across the street from my house. And so I end up drinking so much and I drink something different this time, though. I end up getting this tequila that has like coffee in it. It's like a coffee tequila. I end up getting like three bottles of that and drinking it. And I guess because of the coffee in it, it made me so violently sick. Like I had never been that sick in my whole entire life. Like for a good three days, I was back and forth from the toilet. Like, I couldn't eat anything. I couldn't

do anything. Like, I thought I was going to die. I thought I was throwing up blood. I was Googling what it looked like to throw up blood because apparently it looks like coffee grounds. So then I didn't know if it was blood or if it was the coffee tequila or what was going on. And then I just kept pushing through and I drank some water, drink some water, drink some Yaterade. And then my fiance called me and he's like, get down to my house. You need to leave that house right now because it's It's depressing because my daughter's room's empty. There's a liquor store across the street. So I end up going down to his house and I end up basically moving into his house in the

meantime. And then eventually I end up coming back to my house and I've stayed sober. Even looking at that liquor store gives me the hebi-jee-jeebies. I have no desire to drink any alcohol. I just think back to that violently sickness that I had. And I know I'm not trying to be cocky and say, oh, I've been sober for this long because I really haven't been sober that long. but my perspective is different this time.

Like, I want to stay sober and there's no going back. Like, I will literally lose everything if I go back. I feel like this is my last chance to try to at least prove to my, I know my oldest daughter is leaving the boot camp, but at least my youngest daughter, if I can at least get her back and, you know, at least get my oldest daughters, like, be able to talk to her because she won't even talk to me now. If I could at least get that back, that would be amazing. Like, for her graduate.

day, I snuck over to my parents' house and I put a bunch of flowers and a card with money for my daughter. And she did email me and say, thank you. But she said that I have to prove to her that I really can't stay sober before she wants to build a relationship with me. And, you know, my kids mean everything to me. And so I'm very determined to stay sober. Yeah. But I do have to continue to go to meetings, you know, when I don't feel like going, reading the AA book. I have an AA workbook. that I've been doing. Just, you know, praying. We pray every single night, every morning I pray.

You know, meditation. I feel like praying you talk to God. Meditation, you listen to God. And so really finding the time to do that because we're constantly in overdrive. Our brains are constantly like, oh, the table's there. Oh, there's a tree here. And you don't even realize your brain's an overdrive. And so you have to silence it.

And you have to like just shut off and come to. I like the water. sources like the waves or rain or some kind of water because reverting back to when we were children, we were in a sack of water. And so that's really healing for me where I like to meditate with the sound of water and really get lost into that. Yeah. Yeah, that's a great strategy. A lot of people are loving, you know, plugging into that, you know, meditation and meetings. And you mentioned that to your perspective change. I mean, there's a, it sounds like it anyway. I mean, I'm just hearing this all for the first time and I really appreciate you, you know, being so open with us about your story,

but there's a lot on the line here for you to, you know, to get back here or to potentially lose the other way. It's my children, my health, because I do have a brain tumor condition still, and we know alcohol sources, brain tumors, my business, like my respects, my family, my fiance, say, like, I can loot my cat. Like, where would my cat go if I wasn't here? You know, like, I have so much that I need to live for. You know, I have way more to live for than I do to die for.

And the only thing that was killing me was tequila and it's not worth it. Yeah. Where, where does, do you as a person fall into, you know, this list? Because you had mentioned, too, I think before you felt like you lost yourself along the way here. Do you have anything internally that's inspiring you to stay on this track? Yeah, I do write a lot of poetry. Like, I'm always writing poetry. And so that seems to help me because I express like my emotions.

I guess in a way it's like journaling. And so that seems to really help me because it kind of inspires me, you know, like it gives me something that like I enjoy doing it. Like I'm excited to do it, you know, working out. like I'm excited to go on hikes. I'm excited to work out. I'm excited to go to the beach. It's just like having something to look forward to, you know, rather than looking forward to the future being stressed out. Like, oh, no, I got bills to pay. Oh, no, I got to do this. Instead, it's like, hey, it's almost the weekend. I can go to the beach. Hey, you know, I got a good workout in this morning. Hey, you know, I can do some poetry when I get some downtime later. And like, honestly, being a barber

has really saved me because as much as I'm a therapist to others in my chair, because each person spends about 45 minutes in my chair every two weeks. And they're telling you everything that's going on in their life, and they don't know you on an outside source. So they tell you everything. Well, same goes for me. I tell my clients everything. So we're basically helping each other out, you know, and that's been like, I haven't told all my clients about this situation, but a, you know, a handful that I have told are other people that struggle with alcoholism as well. And we've kind of almost been like a support team like, hey, how long have you been sober? Hey, how's it going?

Let's go. Let's do this. You know, I went and got a sober gopher tattoo on the back of my arm. You know, there's no going back. Sober gopher. Yeah. Where is that from? Where did you?

Is that you coined up that or? Well, actually, me and my fiance, we went to an open mic night. and I rapped on the open mic and one of my lyrics was about being sober and I was like, I don't need a chauffeur because I'm a sober gopher. And then afterwards, someone was like, you guys should get sober gopher tattooed and we're like, let's do it. And so then we did it. And so I feel like keeping like that adrenaline still in your life and realizing you don't

have to be drunk to get a spike in your adrenaline. You know, you can go do something crazy or, you know, I did a talent show in front of like 200,000 people on TikTok. Like, I was nervous as heck, but it was like that adrenaline. Like, I was sober when I did it, you know, and it was, like, exciting. And, like, I look forward to cutting hair. I have so much passion in cutting hair. Like, I love cutting hair. I love being a service worker and being at service to my community. I love the kids. Like, I used to want to be a teacher. I love kids so much. And watching these kids grow up in my barber chair, like, they start off in a booster. And before, you know, they're taller than me and like it's just cool you know and I always tell them don't drink alcohol

ever it's not good for you especially the ones going to college I'm like don't do it and I I'm super vulnerable person like I don't mind telling my business to people um because I feel like in the end if it could help somebody that's why I went through the journey I feel like everybody goes through a journey like you can take a hardship and turn it into your testimony to kind of help other people and I'm a strong believer in that. Even going to AA meetings, like when you share your story, one time I shared my story, and there was this kid in front of me, and he was like, well, I'm just saying I'm relapsing tonight, period.

And I shared a story, and then he kind of turned around and looked at me and was like, thank you. Like, that helped me a lot. And so that's what humans are. Like, we connect. We connect. We help each other. That's what we're here for to help each other.

You know, I'm not here to be ashamed of my journey. journey. I'm here to like present it and like God put me through this journey because he knew I was a strong enough person and I can help other people that are going through similar situations. You know, I'm an open book. You can ask me. I'm a brain tumor. I have freaking brain. I've had three brain surgeries. I was an army wife. I was cheated on. I went to rehab. I was a young mom. Like I grew up the military life. I grew up on an island. Like I've just had such a like crazy life that I feel like I have a a lot to share. And so I don't mind being an open book to people. Yeah. No, beautifully said, yeah, I mean, you definitely have worn a lot of different hats, it seems, and covered a lot of

ground, you know, over, over your years of life, too. What's next for you? I mean, how do you keep this going and not get back into the trap that you're going to be able to successfully, you know, figure this out because I would like to say that those days have come and gone, but just doing this for a while. I know that that stuff could still pop back up. I think really having goals, like having goals and my goal is to eventually in the future open up a barber school, like a high-end barber school and change the culture a little bit because you go to a lot of barbershops and they offer you a beer. They offer you like alcohol. And I kind of, I used to serve alcohol at my barber shop actually. And then after going through

what I went through, I'm like, that has to be hard when a sober person. person just wants to go get a haircut and then they're like, hey, you want to take a shot? Hey, you want a beer? Not thinking it's a bar, it's a barber shop. Like, why are you offering me alcohol? And so, I just want to kind of change the culture and, like, let there be, like, sobriety within it as well. Like, you don't have to drink to be a cool barber, you know? You can help other people not drinking, if anything, you know? And so I really want to open up like a barber school and help people in the future and I just want to help others. And so like I said, it's kind of just changing your perspective on things. And so instead of being stressed out, I'm like, I'm grateful to have this shop. I'm grateful to have

clients. Like, I'm grateful to have the opportunity to show my kids that I can be strong. You know, I can overcome this because who knows, maybe in the future, my daughter's joined the Marine. She's going to be around the culture too. Maybe in the future, that might help her. She might be like, wow, I've seen what my mom went through. And I never want to go through that. You know, I just, I think that everybody has a journey to help others, you know. Yeah. Yeah. I love that.

And it sounds like, too, from what you're sharing, too, I mean, that your family has been heavily impacted in maybe previous generations as well. I'm not sure exactly on that, but it does seem to run in families in one way or another until, you know, the chain gets broken. Yep. My grandparents both drink a lot. My aunt is a recovering alcoholic. Actually, a couple of my aunts.

Yeah, my cousins and alcoholic. Like, it's definitely in the family. I'm excited for you to see how this plays out. You're, what, a couple months into it sort of on this stretch of things. And I'm excited to see how things play out for you. I mean, if you stay plugged in and connected to other people and doing what you need to do, I'm hopeful for you. Thank you so much.

I appreciate it. anything else that you want to leave us with before we sign off? Honestly, just stay sober. It's not worth it. And if you are struggling with alcohol, go seek help. I didn't know how to get help. Ask for help because it's out there. I didn't realize there was so much help out there.

They have an app called the Meeting Guide, and you can literally download that free app, and it will show you all the AA meetings or NA meetings if you're struggling with drugs. in your area and there's such an open community like there's no RSD. Like you just show up and they're inviting because everybody is struggling with something similar and that kind of brings a connection between everybody. Yeah. And you've been able to make a lot of good connections there, I'm guessing. Oh, absolutely. I mean, I found my fiancee through rehab and I know they say that that's not a good thing,

but he's a big part of what's kept me sober too because he's like, listen, if you drink again, that means I'm going to drink again and that's not going to happen, so we were never drinking again. And so we almost help lift each other up. Like, he'll call me and he'll be like, you haven't thought about drinking today, have you? And then we're talking about getting a breathalyzer just for accountability to keep at the house and like just, you know, have accountability for each other, having someone that is there that wants to see you succeed just as much as you want to see them succeed, you know? Yeah. Why do you think that is?

You mentioned that a few times, too, that people might frown upon people can, connecting and rehab and all that stuff. Like, what are your thoughts on that? I just hear that a lot. And like, I hear that if you guys both have the same problem, you guys might go down with the same problem. And so,

which is he was an alcoholic too. I was alcoholic. Like, we weren't on drugs or anything like that. It was just strictly alcohol. And, you know, I went down. And then sure enough,

he went down. But then, you know, he got back up. And then I got back up. And now we don't ever want to be in that situation ever again. Like it was horrible, absolutely horrible. And I just feel so guilty for everything I put my family through and I don't want to live with guilt.

And so the only way to get rid of guilt is to like do good and you feel good, you know. And eventually that will be just, it was part of my life lesson, you know. And I got to prove that I can stay sober. And I went through all of that for a reason to help other people. Yeah. Well, thank you so much, Trisha, for. jumping on here and sharing your story with us. Yeah, for sure. It was a pleasure meeting you, Brad. Thank you.