Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Simon's lifestyle was killing him and alcohol played a massive role. Sobriety changed everything.

Episode Date: January 22, 2025

In this episode, we have Simon, who shares his harrowing yet inspiring journey from teenage grief to getting sober and completing Ironman's. Simon opens up about his struggles with alcohol and painkillers, the wake-up calls that spurred his transformation, and the profound emotional rewards of his sobering journey.  Simon’s story underscores the transformative power of small, consistent actions and the support from loved ones in overcoming life's biggest challenges. ---------------- Simon on IG: https://www.instagram.com/keynotemaguire/ Visit: https://www.sobermotivation.com

Welcome back to season four of the Sober Motivation Podcast. Join me, Brad, each week as my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We're here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode, we have Simon, who shares his harrowing yet inspiring journey from teenage grief to getting sober and completing Iron Man's. Simon opens up about his struggles with alcohol and painkillers to wake up calls that spurred his transformation and the profound emotional rewards of his sobriety journey.

Simon's story underscores the transformative power of small, consistent actions and the support from loved ones and overcoming life's biggest challenges. And this is Simon's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. Welcome back to another episode of the Sober Motivation Podcast. We've got Simon with us today. How are you? I'm great. Thank you. Thank you for having me on. Yeah, of course. Thank you so much. So what was it like for you growing up? up. Yeah, so I'm from England. I've got my two parents, my dad was English and my mom was French. And, you know,

I had a really beautiful childhood. I was really lucky. My great parents lived in a, you know, a nice place in England just outside of London. And things were going pretty smoothly. I wasn't great at school. I wasn't a great achiever. And I also struggled from quite an early age with my weight. You know, I love my I love my food with a French mother and, you know, she was a great cook. I probably, you know, ate a little bit too much. I think that's fair to say and took a bit of stick about that as a child. And really, I guess my journey with alcohol started when I was 15 years old. My mum sadly passed away from cancer.

At first she had breast cancer over a couple of years. and then we thought, you know, that had been solved, but sadly they then discovered it had gone to her brain and that part went quite quickly and we lost her. And that was really the day, that exact day, I ended up going to see a friend in the afternoon after it had happened and we cracked open in England. We call it hooch. It's like a alcoholic lemonade. I don't know what you call it out there. but and yeah had a couple of those and I suppose instantly got this this feeling of numbness like oh okay I can handle this a bit and that was really where my journey started with it yeah well thank you for sharing that did you attend any type of boarding school or anything I've seen that like as some people's stories from from the UK but no yeah no I didn't in boarding school just a kind of normal UK school

if you like, but yeah, I didn't, I didn't go to boarding school. So I, so I, that meant I had a really good relationship with my parents as well, you know, that I saw them those days. Yeah. Yeah. And as that kind of, you know, happens at 15 and you're, yeah, I think whether you realize that at the time or not, but that you were looking for an escape from everything you were feeling like you found it in alcohol. Yeah, yeah. And it really kind of, I suppose, took off from there and never really slowed down. And, you know, at 15 at that type of age anyway, you're starting to get involved in parties and all of that. But I and also the food element for me that, you know, my dad worked away a lot. So I was kind of left to fend for myself.

And I had an older brother, but he'd gone on to university. So, you know, I would regularly find myself at home for maybe a week on my own where I was cooking my own. food or more taking it out of the box and sticking it in the oven and you know i had access to alcohol there was alcohol in the house and so but but i suppose i quickly noticed maybe it i was i was drinking differently to other people and i think you know it's kind of early on in my drinking days that it was definitely my way of dealing with that pain from my from my mum's death and i would drink right to the right to the end, if that makes sense of an evening right to the limit until I felt sick or until I passed out. And I never took a pause. I just, I just carried on from the age of 15 right

through to to the age of 38 and 39. And I never really put, I suppose I never really put two and two together. You know, I struggled with my, my weight. I got right up to 22, 23 stone, but I always blamed it on the food. I always, you know, I always blame that on my relationship with food. And I never really, because I think alcohol's so ingrained, the way it's advertised, the way the messaging from the media, that everyone that's drinking alcohol on the telly is so slim and sexy, right, so it can't be the alcohol. Yeah. And so I, and so I, I never put two and two together that they were causing me a problem. Yeah, that it was the food and two.

Eating a lot after drinking, I mean, we used to do that a lot, too. Eat a lot of junk food, go for takeout or whatever it was. Just for the math, 23 stone, what's the range in pounds? Oh, yeah. So in pounds, that's nearly 320, 330 pounds. Yeah. So, yeah, I'm down to 200 now. So yeah, about 330 pounds, I think that's what it is.

Wow. And even going back to when you're growing up, I mean, how did the weight, did it impact your life too, such as relationships or any other areas of like things at school? Yeah, I think I always lacked because of it. I just lacked a lot of self-confidence. I was really not kind of comfortable in that body. And, you know, so then you get, you get bullied or, you know, people call your names or whatever. But even without them calling you names, you're self-conscious, right?

You're, you can look in the mirror and you can see that you're a bit different to a lot of people. And I think that's the other reason alcohol was so attractive to me was that you could take that drink. And all of a sudden you had some confidence, you had a feeling that, not that you were untouchable or, unbreakable or anything like that. But I had this feeling of, okay, actually, I'm not so worried about my weight because I've had this drink and it's given me a bit of a superpower and I feel like I can go and talk to people now. And that was really attractive to me and I couldn't dream of going on and I out and not having a drink because I would just feel so awkward, so self-conscious about you know, my size and the way I looked. And so that was another reason I think.

that alcohol played such a big part in my kind of daily life. Yeah. Does the word feel like we belong? Does that relate to how you felt at all? Yeah. Well, it made me feel like I could belong. It made me feel like I could belong. And, you know, I looked up, or you kind of look up to a lot of friends who,

you know, didn't have a weight problem or whatever, and I wanted to be part of that. that kind of cool gang and alcohol seemed to unlock that you know people who might not normally talk to me would talk to me and so alcohol was a good entry point into that and and otherwise i felt at school or at university i felt a little bit embarrassed about who i was i wasn't i i wasn't enough um is is probably a fair a fair statement yeah so you you mentioned there to university so after high school, is that where you had? Yeah, yeah. So up to Scotland, I went to university in Glasgow, and Glasgow is kind of known as a bit of a

dark party city, you know, and it really was. And I think if already my drinking hadn't, wasn't in a great space already, this only accelerated it. You're away from home. There's a good reason to go out pretty much every night. I didn't have a lot of willpower, so I was regularly, you know, I was regularly convinced to go out. And also, I don't know if it's the same in Canada, but, you know, with university, you don't have to attend the lectures. So you have to attend school, right?

You kind of, if not, the teachers tell your parents and there's a meeting. But at university, if you didn't show up, it really didn't matter. and, you know, so I would regularly miss large chunks because I couldn't get out of bed because I was too hung over and hence I didn't do brilliantly at university. I left early. I was supposed to do a four-year course. I did a three-year course. I certainly didn't fulfill my potential in education.

Not that I was brilliant anyway. So, yeah, it wasn't a great place to go for me. in terms of my drinking and my weight, you know, that carried on the kind of pattern. Yeah, you hear that story a lot on the podcast, too, when people go off to college, it's kind of like, I always picture a bowling lane. And, you know, when you're younger, you play with the bumpers. And is that what they're called the bumpers? Or the ball.

I know exactly what you mean, yeah. Yeah, it can't go off the course, right? Yeah. But then when we leave for college, it's like, now those are gone, right? There's nobody saying, do this, do that. Or, like, not at the end of, like, my high school that my parents. were doing that, but they were still keeping an eye. I knew that there was that level of accountability. But in college, yeah, you're right. It's just if you're struggling already and then

you're, you're into that environment, it's like, oh, it can go one or two ways, right? Make things a heck of a lot worse. Or maybe for some people, you know, help them out. But I'm with you on the story to where things just kind of unraveled. How are you feeling throughout all of this, too? It's like other things going on in your life. You know, how are you feeling about your mental health and, you know, take us a little bit into the side of that. So I think, you know, with a heavy weight and all of these things, you only realize it now when you reflect back. But those weight, that weight or heavy weight on my body had a lot of consequences.

So, you know, I had problems with my knees, my ankles, my knee would dislocate. I would, I had problems with my ankles, twisting them. And so, you know, you could never really, and I think the thing, I've always enjoyed fitness. I love fitness. I loved sport. Like sport is just a massive passion of mine. And I loved playing sport. And what happened with all of this is that, you know, I'd regularly be injured.

I'd regularly have because I was too big. I wasn't fit or healthy enough. and what alcohol does and what kind of being really overweight does is it stops you being able to be consistent in any way, shape or form. So, you know, you might be good for two days and then, you know, you hurt your knee or you go out on a big night out and then all of a sudden you can't do any exercise for a week and then you get back into some bad patterns. And, you know, mental health-wise, probably I didn't suffer from it so much until

later, you know, as I, as I've got older, I've suffered a lot more from anxiety, but I did, I did suffer about what people thought of me. I was always questioning, you know, do people just think I'm this fat loser is probably the best description? It's a bit brutal, but that's how I felt. And I think my, again, something I've learned in sobriety and I'm just loving is about the way you talk to yourself. And I was, I was cruel to myself, you know, I, I wasn't a nice person to myself. And that would probably come out sometimes in the way I treated other people as well, you know, I was probably quite selfish. So yeah, I wouldn't say my, although my mental health, I, always want to be careful about how I positioned that, but certainly in terms of my self-talk was

really degrading to myself. Yeah, you were struggling in, in that. area of things that, you know, probably even a lot earlier than college, I would have a guess too, right, with the things you were going through. Did anybody mention anything or is there any red flags from the outside, like in this part in your life? Yeah, I think probably a few red flags. I went on a trip to, I think I must have been 22, 23. My dad had wanted to, had always wanted to go on a trip to Australia. It was like a big deal. for him and he asked me to come along and we went along for sort of three weeks and a couple of occasions in Australia. You know, I didn't know anyone. It was supposed to be a holiday, but I went out

and on one occasion I got really smashed. I mean, properly, properly smashed. And I came back to the hotel and we were due to take a flight the next morning. I probably came into the hotel about four or five o'clock in the morning and I just couldn't get out of bed. I couldn't. I just physically couldn't. And I remember him, he actually went and took the flight. He was so annoyed. He just was like, I'm taking the flight to the next city. We were flying from Brisbane to Sydney. And he just took the flight. And I remember waking up that afternoon. I think someone was like knocking on the door to get me to check out or something. And I, and he was so annoyed. He like left me, he's like, you're booking your own flight. And I remember that, so that was a bit of a red flag.

he was he was kind of saying you've got to take it easy a bit but I think my dad never wanted to be hard on me because with what had happened with mum he didn't want to like break that connection in any way so he probably wasn't as tough as on me as he wanted to be but I think red flagwise again you know in the UK binge drinking and heavy drinking is pretty is pretty accepted and I think you know it's kind of laughed at or you know it's a bit of a joke So not too many red flags were probably sent in my direction. Yeah. Even interesting there too, where you say like in the UK for the binge drinking,

it's real acceptable. It's almost like, in my story anyway, it was encouraged. It was like celebrated. It was like in those, you know, when I was younger, it was just like, wow, I can't believe all that. You know, this like celebrated for just trying to be nice to myself. here, but just acting like not how I should be, you know, just doing ridiculous. Yeah, it was that thing that was cool.

And for somebody like me growing up, different things brought it on for me in my life. But I was looking for a place to fit in. And I can relate to your story so well that alcohol was like an easy ticket in. It was the easiest way to get into these different groups of people that I never would have maybe had the opportunity to otherwise. and then, yeah, be celebrated for a lot of the madness or, you know, the talk of the school the next day after the party. And like for me, for someone who feels like the world didn't see me that I existed for so long, well, in my mind it made sense. Now we're getting noticed,

even if it is at the sacrifice of our own self-respect or what we know is right. I was like, this is beautiful. People are noticing. But then that, you know, like, do that. I could anyway, only do that for a little bit, right? Because then there's consequences that come with sort of the silliness after time. But I can relate with you on that in a sense of trying to find our way. I think there's a lot of pressure too. I don't know if you felt it too, but I felt a lot of pressure in high school of like I had to have my whole life figured out. Like, where are you going to school? What do you do? What do you want to do? And I was like, I have no idea what I want to do or if I'm even going to school. And it was just like that made it kind of made me,

even maybe want to fit in even more. Going through like your, so you do three years, do you start working after university then? Do you go back to the UK? Yeah, yes, I went, I went back to, I moved to London and I do what, I suppose, every sensible person who's got a problem with alcohol does. I get a job in hospitality. So, yeah, working in in hotels and restaurants. And, you know, those go hand in hand, really and and I was good. I was I was good at my job because I was good at speaking to people. I was able to talk to people. I was able to make them feel relaxed and good about themselves. So I kind of, I kind of thrived early on in my in my career and I really enjoyed it. It was the first thing. I really felt at home. And so yeah, and but with working in restaurants and working in hotels,

you know, every night, whether a customer had bought the team a few drinks, we would go out sometimes with the guests, you know, sometimes, you know, I looked after the, we looked after the food fighters for a week at one of the hotels I was working at. And, you know, they took us to a concert. And then we went and had beers with them on the roof and at Earl's Court. And I had this access to this really cool, like, hotel group. And we just had all the famous people staying with us. like and so yeah and and I kept I kept drinking and you know I didn't I didn't stop on that front and and then my career kind of evolved and I started to take bigger roles and and be in more management levels and and when you're in that scenario it then becomes

acceptable to drink at work because you're you're drinking with the customers or you're you know testing with the wines or you're having lunch with someone important, like a client that, you know, could bring you some business, so it's acceptable to drink at lunchtime. And so then, and it's always free. You know, when you're in hospitality, it's always, it's always free. So I didn't, I didn't have to worry about the fact if I was broke, I could, I could still, I could still get access. And, and then I took on a job, which for the first time meant I had to travel a lot. So that kind of had consequences that I was driving a lot and I started to get a bad back. I was big. I was driving. I had this bad back. So I started to take some codeine, salpidine it's called in the UK. And that had this same effect

as alcohol, this nice, numbing effect. But even better, I could take it in the morning. So, you know, there was nothing stopping me, if you like. I could wake up in the morning. I could take some codeine, it would have that kind of relaxing effect on me. I could numb out. And by this stage, you know, I'm highly anxious. I have ridiculously low self-esteem and low self-confidence. And I'm basically just medicating my way through the day. Yeah. Codine, food, over-intake, you know, alcohol. By the time I get to maybe mid-afternoon, evening, and if they're has to be a day where I can't drink because I'm driving or something like that. Well, I can just take code in throughout the day. And yeah, I'm kind of then stuck in this cycle that's going nowhere.

And I started at this age, I started to get some real red flags from people around me. What age? What age is this? So kind of 35 now. And I'm starting to get, you know, comments from people about, you know, my drinking. I'm starting to get comments from people about some of the painkiller stuff is coming to the four when I've asked someone, or can you run out and buy me some or my wife finds it in my bags at work. When I come home from work, she finds it like, are you still taking this stuff? I thought you said you'd stop taking this stuff.

How long were you taking it for? Like how many years? Yeah, coding I was probably taking for three and a half, four years. Yeah. curious too, how do you stumble across the codeine as sort of a thing to check into? Yeah. So I was looking for painkillers and paracetamol and ibuprofen is what we normally use in the UK. And then I think my dad was using it for like a bad back or something like this. And I said to him, oh, what's this? And he said, oh, it's a really strong painkiller. But be careful.

Don't take too much. It's addictive. and that there you go wise work um and i tell you like when you buy it yeah and when you buy it it says on it highly addictive and every time you buy it at the counter they tell you so but you just go to a different pharmacy like and i'm traveling so you know there's hundreds of pharmacies around the UK so you're never like it buying it the same place and if you do it's a week apart so oh the restriction is you have to wait a week to get it from the same. No, there's no restrictions, but, but if they saw you at the same place over and over, they have a right to ask you some questions, if that makes sense. But it's,

but it's pretty easy to, to get hold of. Yeah. You can order it online. You know, it's, it's, it's not, it's not difficult to get hold of. So, yeah. But you found that that was sort of helping you for that, the emotional pain that maybe you were, you were, like, or were you. Yeah. Yeah. I think, as I mentioned, I started to get more anxious and particularly work-wise with my weight. And if I was going into a boardroom with, you know, what I felt were really serious people and like, I don't belong here. I'm not, I don't have enough to contribute here in this, in this room. I'm, I'm, you know, fat pathetic Simon. Like, what, what am I doing here? And if I could. have some of that codeine before I walked into that meeting, I would numb those, those anxious feelings. It would, it would literally wipe them away. And then for that meeting, I could feel like, okay, I'm, I'm numbed out here. So I might not be completely dialed in to the meeting, but I can handle the pressure of sitting here for two hours, even though I hate it. And so that's

what that did for me. But I kind of, you know, I'm getting to the age. of 38, 39, I've got two young children. At the time they were eight and four. You know, I was letting them down. You know, Brad, I was really letting them down. And, you know, from everything for, you know, at bedtimes, finding bedtimes annoying because it means I can't have a drink. From, you know, Saturday and Sunday being hung over that I can't play with them, you know, I was letting people down in my life. I was letting my wife down. I was, you know, sometimes I'd call her if I was at work and I'd plan to come home, but then I didn't kind of come home till three or four o'clock in the morning and I might not text her where my whereabouts or I would and I'd lie

or whatever it might be. But I really start to, my financial situation was poor. I just wasn't being a great human. I wasn't being a good dad. And I had this one particular day where I'd kind of, it was the Christmas party the night before. I'd got pretty hammered. I woke up. I felt terrible. And I'd ask a colleague to go and get me some codeine from the pharmacy. And he kind of came back and he gave it to me. And his name's Gary. And he said to me, look, Simon, it's none of my business, but you're going to kill yourself if you carry on the way you're going. And I remember that just like, bang, hit me. And I was driving home.

And it just really hit me that I've got to sort out my life here. I've just got to get a grip. Or I might as well kind of give up because I'm just not being useful to anyone. Yeah. So that was something kind of from the. outside. And you shared too, and the last sort of share you had there too, which I found interesting, is you're connecting the dots on, yeah, I think you used the word, like letting people down, right? Your wife and your kids and, you know, maybe in your job too. How were you, like,

did you feel at that time you were also letting yourself down of like maybe goals you had in life and, you know, maybe your health and in areas? Or was it more focused on like how it was impacting other people? Yeah, no, I kind of felt like, I suppose, you know, when you're young, you're excited about your future and, you know, what you might do. And, you know, I thought, you know, I'm going to be this big star in hospitality and I'm going to rise to the top of the ranks. And, you know, I'd made a great start, but I'd become very stagnant. And people weren't promoting me because, frankly, I wouldn't promote myself either, you know. I had a reputation of, you know, drinking and all of that sort of thing.

So why would you trust me with a more important job? So yes, I felt like I was letting myself down as well. But I was because I was so dialed into drinking. So it was less I'm letting myself down. And often I would blame other people. So I didn't get that job because that person doesn't like me. not because, Simon, you're not performing or you're not good enough. I think when we're in addiction, we're not as self-aware as we could be.

And often we're more likely to blame or we're more likely to have anger towards people because of our own failings, if that makes sense. And blaming other people is so much easier than having to look at yourself. Like blaming other people is so easy in comparison. So I'd probably say, yes, I was disappointed with where I was, but it was probably, in my mind, it was probably other people's fault. Yeah. You know, interesting too.

I can relate with that a ton too. I had this mentor early on in my journey. He said, when you point your finger at somebody, you have three pointing back at you. It's not everybody else's fault for where you are in your life. I mean, for some things, there's elements. of that, but it kind of goes back to that thing. We can't control the world around us. We can only control how we respond to it. Like, I can't control the weather and, you know, everything else, right, that's going on. But how we respond to it makes all the difference. But yeah, I do hear that a lot.

I think we get stuck in that cycle, too, of roughing ourselves up a little bit and, you know, thinking it's all this other stuff that ended us up here and, you know, really struggle with that willingness to to start making different choices and taking different actions. So your friend here goes and gets you this, this codeine. Other people around you, it sounds like it anyway at this point, right, with your wife finding stuff in the bag and other people are picking up on it that maybe there's a little bit more going on here than just the bad back maybe at this point. And that's kind of sets in for you, probably the honest truth of where, you know, things were headed for you, right? Like just hearing a little bit of your story here. And this kind of seed here, does it start to

grow a little bit? Yeah. Yeah. So it really, it really kind of triggers this thought process in my head. And again, I think my brother, you know, me and my brother, we're very close now, but we probably drifted apart a bit, you know, during this time. And I think he was concerned. Maybe my dad had flag something to him, I don't know. He walks at me one day out of the blue, maybe even a week before this with a couple of books. He said, you've got to listen to these books. They're brilliant.

I've just listened to them. And one of them was this naked mind by Annie Grace. And the other one was the Rich Roll book. I can't remember the name of it. Do you know who I mean by Rich Roll? Yeah. It was his book. And so I'm kind of driving home that night.

I remembered my brother had sent me these books, and I thought, right, I'm going to listen to one of these books. And over the course of the next few weeks, I listened to both of those books. And the Annie Grace one was like, shit. How did I not listen to this like years ago? Because is this what alcohol's been doing to me? And it was this kind of real realization point. And the same with the rich roll book. And I just kind of said, look, I've just got to start exercising.

I've just got to start trying to take a better care of myself and started with a five-minute walk and then a ten-minute walk. And there was a boxing gym just around the corner from where I worked, like nothing glamorous, like five-pound to get in, cheap boxing gym, no frills. And the guy there, the coach there, Wayne, was like hard as nails, you know, no emotion, just get on with it. And I just started to, I just started to love it.

You know, at this stage, I'm massive. I can't, I can't run. I can barely box for about a minute without feeling like I want to vomit or keel over. But I just started to feel better about myself. And I'd said to myself, I'd made a real effort. You know, I'd opened up to my wife. I'd been really honest with her. I told her where I was.

Her reaction was amazing. you know she she kind of laughed at me at first and said do you think i'm stupid like because i was telling her like i'm addicted to this i do this and she said do you think i'm stupid like i know wow and you know she kind of put her arms around me and she was so supportive and then i opened up to my to my dad and you know he was he was really supportive and and so often i think when we're kind of in that cycle we're so ashamed and embarrassed about where we are and who we're letting down. And, and, you know, we almost don't want to admit it to anyone.

But actually talking to them was, was like such a relief for me. Yeah, just interesting thought on there, because you hear it all the time, right? People want to talk to their partners or their family or whoever. And then there's other people who are just terrified of it. And I think that oftentimes we work up the story of how it's going to go between our ears. And then when we share with people, it's like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, It's tough to do, but when we share it, it's like they've got our back. Yeah.

And it's like they're not viewing us the way that maybe we thought they were or they thought they would. And it's like in those moments, the shame has the opportunity to die a little bit about how we feel about ourselves. I feel it is a really empowering thing to go out there and share with people and get that support and just, you know, stop for us to stop holding it all in. Interestingly enough, though, people already know. They already know.

Yeah. You know. Yeah. And she was super supported. And I said, look, I'm going to make a massive effort to not drink from kind of Sunday to Thursday. And she really helped me with that. And, you know, I kept myself busy. And in the evenings, I'm like washing the dishes.

I'm walking around everywhere. I'm just doing anything to keep my mind off it. And I'm finding it really hard, like super, super difficult. I'm listening to podcasts. I'm listening to books. I'm just doing anything I can, but I'm still allowing myself to drink at this stage on a Friday and a Saturday. The codeine kind of my wife was like, look, that is a non-negotiable. You have got to finish that straight away.

You've got to, and that was difficult. You know, I didn't, you know, I slipped back on it on a couple of occasions. But I'm starting to feel better about myself. Even if I'm failing every so often, I'm starting to see the difference. I'm starting to what I call stack days. I'm starting to stack them one after the other. And with that comes some confidence. The weight starts to come off.

I'm feeling more confident. My job's going better. I feel healthier. I'm sleeping better. And all of these things start to mount up. My skin is better. And all of a sudden there's like this piece of evidence that's like, wow, okay. So this is what not drinking does for you. And I'm hearing it more in podcasts. I'm hearing it more.

And literally, from that point on, it has been revolutionary. My life has just completely flipped. I've lost, you know, 120 pounds. My fitness has gone from not being able to get up the stairs without being out of breath to go on to complete two iron man's. you know, I, I wake up every day and run or cycle or swim. You know, I can, I've swam across the sea from one island to another in the UK. I've cycled crazy distances and I then start to develop a confidence to talk to people, to talk to people about it. And then all of a sudden my wife says to me, like, you should try and go on stage and talk about it. And so I reach out to an old boss and said, look, would you mind if I came and do this?

I've put together this keynote. And she said, no, no problem. Come along and do it. And you get this confidence back about reaching out to people or asking a question or, you know, can I do this? And I get on stage and my whole body's shaking and I'm nervous and I've got it all written down on paper. And I'm like referring to the paper and not looking at anyone. And it was awful. but I was like, okay, I've got to do this again.

I've got to get better at it. So I ask someone else, can I come and do it? And this time I feel better about it and I do better. And then I post about it on LinkedIn and another colleague comes to me and says, oh, do you do this? We'd love to hear from you and whatever. And then I go and do it for Amazon at their head office. And they pay me like £5,000 to go and stand and speak in front of a room of 500 people.

and then another 10 people reach out and say, can you, can you do it? And this journey is just like crazy. I'm just like all these opportunities are coming and I start my own business and like to keep myself accountable, you know, helping other people as well, just wanting to share and talk about it has just been so powerful. And you just realize when you do that how many people are struggling, like how difficult it is. And when I was back then and I thought I was this one person who was struggling that actually how mistaken I was, that actually it's one of the most common problems out there.

Yeah. And everybody wants to talk about it and everybody wants a bit of help. And it's just been a really powerful journey for me. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for sharing that too. And when you started to get curious about things or moving in this direction. Was it 2019? Was it around there? Yeah. Yeah. Because I mean, you see it, right?

Because I saw your Instagram profile and saw the pictures you posted and then saw, you know, you here right now. And I mean, you notice physically, right? Weight loss, like that you've lost a lot of weight. You can tell. What's changed on the inside that we can't necessarily see from a picture? Yeah, I think so much has changed. And I don't know if you experience this, Brad, or if this is just a me, if this is just a me thing, but probably the number one thing is that it doesn't happen all the time.

It doesn't happen every day. But sometimes I just get this feeling of peace. I just get this beautiful feeling of peace that I might be sitting and having a cup of coffee with my dog lying on my lap at half five and three. the morning and I just think oh my god last night I didn't drink and I didn't fuck something up I didn't say something I shouldn't I didn't do something I'm embarrassed about and and I and I get this quite a lot this just this sense of peace this this feeling in my stomach that I'm a good person you know and I was probably a good person back then but I did a lot of things wrong and it's It's just this, it's that sense.

And with that comes, you know, more self-confidence, more, and I feel more confident than I ever have in my entire life. And I feel, I feel better about myself. And that's probably the big changes for me. Yeah. No, I love that. That piece I can relate with you, but I have a follow-up kind of question to it. When you get that, that warm, fuzzy feeling of at peace,

Do you feel emotional or do you ever get emotional in those moments? Yeah, I feel, I feel emotional. I kind of, I look back at that boy that was 15 that was dealing with something that was really, really difficult. And I never gave him the chance to properly feel what he was feeling. I didn't let those emotions come out. I drank them out instead. So I feel for that guy.

I also think about, you know, a lot of the missed, probably opportunities in my children's early childhood to be a better dad. Sometimes I feel a bit of regret towards that. But I also feel incredibly present sometimes. Like I feel present in my body. And so it's, it's a bit of. mixture and and but then overall I think the the feeling is also of pride that it's a really tough journey and a lot of people don't make it a lot of people don't do it a lot of people will go

till they're 75 80 years old now they won't go through that sobriety journey and that that's fine that that's that's good but I know if I hadn't done that I would have missed out on a lot I know I would have missed out on even more. And so it's a feeling of pride as well. Yeah, I'm with you. I mean, for me, it's just a short stroll in the, you know, on a trail. And I'm just thinking, it kind of happens fast in my mind. I just go back to like how things used to be.

And yeah, it's just like, sometimes I'm finding myself holding back tears of like this. There's no way. There's no, there's absolutely no way this can be my life. and to where things are at for me today and the changes that I've made, but also still the challenges that are ahead and the ones that I still face, even on a sober journey, but that I'm willing to show up and that I'm aware of where I can, you know, move and make adjustments and make improvements and things that,

you know, I'm not, I'm not perfect at everything just because I got sober type deal. I'm not that magical. No, I mean, isn't that, is it? It's not what you're, perfect, it's that you got a willingness to try, a willingness to try and do a bit more and a willingness to get over those hurdles. Yeah, 110%. And I think it's incredible that you touched back on to that really important time in your life at 15. I saw this other quote this week,

and it kind of mentioned, like, we grow up or we evolve into what we needed when we were younger or the person that we needed when we were younger. And like, I think part of it, it kind of brought it up from you when you shared that about now you're, you're feeling emotions, you're going through this, you've overcome so much and are going to continue to do so. And it's like when I look back at my story of the person who was so worried about fitting in and so worried about belonging and had such low self-esteem and like that stuff just doesn't live in my life anymore, you know? And it's like, man, I just wish, you know, just, wish that I would have obviously had that stuff back then, but I think not having that stuff

also sent me on a journey to try to find out who I really was. And maybe, you know, some might argue I took the long way around, but I ended up here. And for that, I just can't trade anything for that. You know, it's so interesting in your story too, right, of all the progress and everything you made. And I really love how you started out there that when you first started on this, you know, this exploration of is there more, you know, to life than the way I'm living is like I started with a five-minute walk. I started to go and ask for help at the boxing place. I started with these small things that over time make a huge difference. And I think sometimes people when they want to put down the drugs, put down the alcohol, whatever it is, I think that it can become

so overwhelming that I've got to change everything in my life overnight. And I think the truth is the things that we, you know, those small actions that we take every day, like you said to, stack in days, right? It's about stacking all of those things together. And I think that you're an incredible example of the outcome if we zoom out a little bit. You know, in the moment from day to day, it might not feel like I'm making the biggest progress in my life. But when I zoom out for maybe three months or six months and, you know, now Iron Man's, two Iron Man's. Did Rich Roles book inspire you in this direction at all?

Yeah, yeah, I would definitely say it did. And the other thing was my brother. So my brother is fit, healthy. He's always kept in good shape. And he'd said to me, you know, when I was at my prime, when I was at my biggest weight, he said to me, I'm thinking of doing one of these Iron Man things. And I asked him, I said, what's that? What's an Iron Man?

He said, oh, you've got to swim this. You've got to cycle this. And then you finish running a marathon. And I was just like kind of, that isn't even humanly possible. And he's never done it. he's going to listen to this and say you bring this up all the time. And so there was this kind of competitive spirit in me that I was like, I'm going to do it before him. And I think, you know, the fact that the distances were in my mind unfathomable is another thing about sobriety and another

thing about is you do not know what your potential is. And you haven't hit yours, Brad, and I haven't hit mine. You know, we're so good at putting limits on us. ourselves. We're so good at, you know, talking ourselves down, but actually none of us know what our potential is. And that Ironman journey was kind of like, oh my word, I can go from a five-minute walk to doing 15 hours of non-stop exercise in the heat, you know, starving hungry, and I can raise, you know, thousands of pounds for charity while doing it. And I can do that. My children were watching me. I can set the most amazing example for them. I can cry halfway around the marathon and still get it done.

Like, it's, yeah, it's. And the other thing I just wanted to say, you know, you said about the five minutes and the kind of layering in is that, you know, the failed attempt, I didn't probably allude to it. Like I failed on a lot of occasions. And looking back why I failed is always because I felt like I would wake up in the morning, you know, 4 a.m. I was telling myself, how did you let that happen again? You drank like an idiot again. You did this again. And then I'd say, I'm stopping. I'm never having another drink. That is it. And I think what was different about this time was that I layered things in much more. I didn't go like cold turkey all out in one go. And I kind of layered in the habits a lot slower, whether it was exercise, you know, reducing alcohol, getting my diet better.

And I just found that more sustainable. And eventually I kind of realized on that journey, I realized that alcohol was, so I was still drinking on the Friday and still drinking on the Saturday. And then I woke up and I realized, wow, I feel great Monday to Thursday, but I feel like shit on a Saturday and Sunday morning. let's put two and two together here it's the drink and so slowly then i was able to to put two and two together and drop the other nights so yeah to anyone who thinks that you know there's there's so many different ways of approaching this and you've got to find what works for you yeah and that's the most important thing and i think too like you're building up all these other areas of your life you're feeling better about yourself you're gaining that confidence and so many

different things, right, physically active. I think if you do all of that, if you're working on all that stuff and you really know the truth about alcohol, like the two can't live on forever and us not to be consumed by it. You know what I mean? It's like at that point, after you read this naked mind, it's kind of like, okay, you have the information and you'll start going to work on it, right? And, you know, those two things kind of come back around and you're at this crossroads, right?

if I want to get here, I'm going to have to let the drink go. Yeah. You know? And I think a lot of us do kind of, you know, end there. I mean, I wanted, I'll be honest, for the longest time, I wanted to be able for this thing to work out. I wanted to be able to drink the way it once was. Like, I wanted to be able to just let loose, escape the world for a little bit, you know,

not have a problem with it, not waking up. But it just, like, I tried all of that stuff. I tried to, you know, do it here. I tried to do it there. I tried this. I tried, the clear stuff, the dark stuff, the beer, the light beer. I mean, you name it. I kind of, well, you know, my journey, I kind of went through the cycle of like, let's just, let's give this our best effort to keep this around. And I always ended up back at the same place. I could keep it together

for a little bit and things weren't bad, you know, maybe one out of 10 drinking sessions were rough. Maybe one out of 20 were rough. But when it was rough, I was just like, you know, people would give me feedback and stuff. And I don't even know who that person is. I don't know what, I don't know what said. Yeah. Yeah. Like I don't operate like that on a regular basis and stuff I was doing.

And you become a lot riskier. I did anyway. I became very impulsive and a lot riskier in my decisions to where sometimes it was like, dude, like, well, you're pretty close to like not being around anymore. And I was even thinking of it. So I love that though. The approach that that works for for the individual is so important in starting to work on those small things. How are you feeling, you know, in today's world? I mean, 2025, looking back at it too, I mean, is there anything that surprises you about, you know, this journey that you've been on and how you've been able to make in so many ways a huge, huge turnaround?

I think probably the thing that surprises me the most, and I kind of alluded to it before. So, you know, it's a sensitive topic, you know, talking about alcohol, talking about weight. It's a really sensitive topic. And so when you go up on stage and, you know, there might be 400, 500 people there and you start speaking, you know, I often think, this is really sensitive, but hey, ho, let's go. And I think what always surprises me, whether it's straight after or whether it's, you know, by message later on. And I always put my details up on the last slide. You know, if anyone's struggling, if anyone needs.

I'm always so surprised how many people kind of stick their hand up or come and talk to me afterwards or send me a message and say, you know, I couldn't say anything in the room. but I'm really struggling and it might not be alcohol they're struggling with. It might be drugs. It might be, you know, family problems. It can be anything. But I think what I've been surprised by in this whole journey is just how many people have problems. When I just assumed that most of the population had their kind of stuff together, you know. And so I think that always supported.

surprises me just and that's why you know things like your podcast you know I think you've done nearly 190 episodes now and if you think about how many people are listening to that on on each time and you know they might not relate to everything but they'll relate to certain bits from certain people and that stuff so powerful when I think you know I've listened to you know lots of books and lots of things you know that that stuff has helped me so much it's so it's so powerful and And I hope you don't forget that when you're putting these together because I think that's what surprised me the most is just how many people, you know, need some support and need some help or want some help and want to talk. Yeah, there's so many people with so many backgrounds, too, so many different stories about what's gotten them to where they're at. And then, yeah, I mean, it's kind of a bummer, but that's the reality is that people are struggling to feel safe.

in their environments, especially to talk about alcohol, right? Because then it's like, were you an alcoholic or you have a problem or all this other stuff that's just is a lot for somebody who's newly exploring their relationship with alcohol and in other areas in their life too, right? Nobody wants to be judged by others and people who don't understand or people who lack empathy in it. It's just, that's the tough thing. I think that's one of the things that really motivates me to keep this show going. Yeah. Is that we can just normalize these conversations and just say, you know, here's Simon, here's Brad, you know, good people, making better choices in our life today. And there was a couple things in our way. And here we are. And, you know,

it's a rocky journey at times. But there's a ton of upside, an unlimited amount of upside to things this way. If somebody's tuning in to the episode here, and they're struggling to get or stay sober, is there something you could draw from your own personal experience to share with them? Yeah. So if they're struggling, I'm going to give a really practical tip here. Okay. So I'm, I, there was this one like, I guess you call it a hack or a practical tip. And I have to share it because it helped me so much is, you know how you have outlook or like a calendar or Google calendar or whatever you have to have your day and you have your work meetings in and all of those things. And what I started doing was I, every morning I'd make a meeting and I'd call that

meeting sober day or one hour's exercise or no salpidine, no codeine. And then I'd come back to it the next day and I'd turn it green. So on my calendar, it would be green. So I didn't drink last night. I did exercise and I didn't have codeine. I'd turn them all green. And I kept doing that. And it was kind of that stacking thing. And that felt so good to go back every day and just like ticket green. I don't know why. Just turn in the box green. And then you can then kind of look back at it like over two weeks and you go, wow,

I've done 14 days in a row here or I've done 20 days in a row here. And I know there's apps and things for that, but I found the calendar thing really easy for me because it was visually there in front of me often. So that's my practical tip. It's quite a cool little motivator. It's a way of kind of counting days, I guess. Yeah. I think it even takes counting days to like another level too, right,

about tracking our progress and the other things. Because I mean, a big part of this journey too is it's not just going to be about not drinking. Yeah. It's like not drinking now what? And for a lot of us, we spent a lot of time drinking or planning for drinking or all that stuff. And now we get on this side of life of not drinking and we need to find something that we're going to do to find the time. I mean, we can only do so many dishes, you know? I'm just thinking back. I mean, that was, that was probably great, right? You're just helping out with all the housework and everything

in the beginning. I mean, you hear so many people, right? It's trying to stay busy, right? Organizing the closets and got the garage figured out. And I'm thinking like, oh, the partners out there, they're just loving this. Anything that we missed before we wrap up that you want to share? No, I think it's really enjoyable talking about it. It's a point of self-reflection for me and as well. So, you know, thank you for taking the time to have me on the show. I really do appreciate it. Yeah, of course, 110%. Well, enjoy your skiing and snowboarding later this week.

And thank you for jumping on here and sharing your story with all of us. Great. Thanks, Brad. Well, there it is. Another incredible story here on the podcast. Just going through the editing and thinking a little bit more about everything that Simon shared there. It's just so incredible about how much of a difference just getting started, make. on our journeys of sobriety or anything else we're trying to achieve in life.

It's sometimes the biggest hurdle to overcome are those first steps in the direction that we want to be going. But that's where the entire journey starts. And even like Simon's journey, a lot of us will fall down and get back up and fall down and get back up and just keep doing what's working. Look back at those situations and ask yourselves the hard questions about what wasn't working as there's some other areas that I could give a little bit more attention to. But as always, guys, thank you so much for tuning into another episode of the podcast. I'll drop Simon's contact information down to the show notes below. And I hope to see you on the next one.