Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Sober at 17: Logan thought alcohol was required for fun in life.

Episode Date: September 25, 2025

In this episode of the Sober Motivation Podcast, host I welcome Logan, who shares his powerful story of sobriety from alcohol and gambling addiction at a young age. Logan talks about his early experiences with alcohol, the challenges of growing up with ADHD, and the impact of his upbringing on his addictive behaviors. He recounts his struggle with substance abuse, the consequences he faced, and his transformative journey through detox and rehab. Logan also discusses the importance of support systems, the role of faith in his recovery, and the hard choices he made to change his life. ------------- Logan's IG: https://www.instagram.com/newgenerationsobriety

Welcome back to season four of the Sobermotivation podcast. Join me, Brad, each week is my guests and I share incredible and powerful sobriety stories. We're here to show sobriety as possible, one story at a time. Let's go. In this episode of the podcast, I sit down with Logan, who shares his powerful story of sobriety from alcohol and gambling addiction at a young age. Logan talks about his early experiences with alcohol, the challenges of growing up with ADHD, and the impact of his upbringing on his addicted behaviors.

He recounts his struggle with substance abuse, the consequences he faced, and his transformative journey through detox and rehab. Logan also discusses the importance of support systems, the role of faith in his recovery, and the hard choices he made to change his life. And this is Logan's story on the Subur Motivation podcast. How's it going, everyone? Welcome back to another episode. Before we get into Logan's story, I want to share this other, incredible story with you. I've been working with somebody for, it's been months now. I don't know exactly how many months, but I would say a year or close to it. And the other day, yesterday actually,

September 24th, she celebrated one year of sobriety. We meet every Tuesday. And this Tuesday, she was like, do you mind if I share some of my journal entries? And I was like, of course, let's do it. And halfway. reading her journal entry from her first day. We both were just crying, probably me more than her, and I thought it was just so powerful to kind of go back and see how things were to realize how much things had changed. So I asked for her permission to share this journal entry with all of you, and here it is. This is her journal entry from her first day. Day one, again. I'm not sure this will ever end. It will when I am dead, but what a sad thing to not even

have really lived. I think back on my happiest moments, and they are all when I was sober for a while. The world was so bright, and I felt so good and peaceful. Why is that not enough for me? Why do I want a dull, half-lived existence? I don't know. I looked into therapy, and it's expensive, but I need to do something. I resist AA, and it may be because I don't want to commit. I want to do this thing my own way, but my own way isn't working. I am so frustrated and have endless tools. The one thing I don't have is a clear decision.

I stay half in and half out. To beat this addiction, I know I have to be all in, or I will continue to relapse. Relapse is awful, and I feel like I'm, the only one to take so long to get sober. Makes me feel alone, ashamed, guilty, and useless. I cheer other people on, but not really myself. I love sober stories of recovery and to see others succeed, but I haven't been one of them yet. Maybe someday. It won't happen until I decide 100%. Hearing that also brought me back to when I was trying to figure all of this out and is very well written from the heart, you can feel it there. And I think it's just a relatable entry to so many of us

where it can feel so hopeless at times. Am I ever going to be able to figure this out? Am I ever going to be able to string together some days or some years or maybe even a decade? I think we bring it all back to one thing, though. We just have to stay sober today. Tomorrow is a new day. You know, Yesterday we can't do anything about. It's just about today, staying in the moment. And I loved this. So when I first connected with this person in our mentorship sessions, I said, what do you need for me? And she mentioned, I need you to push me.

And she had joined the community, which she was resistant to do. Very resistant to do in one way or another. said, look, every time I see you at a meeting, I'm going to, I'm going to call you up to give a share. That's what I can do, you know, virtually to push you. And she always showed up and always shared and spends a lot of time listening and hearing other people's journeys and stuff. So incredible.

One year, it goes fast. So great job. And anybody else out there who's kind of in the thick of it all, maybe that can just be something to help you feel less alone with the struggle and to let you know that things do change and you don't have to drink today and you can stay sober today and your life can get better. It's not going to all happen overnight, but stepping in the right direction is everything. Small steps in the right direction. Everything can change.

Now let's jump into Logan's story. Welcome back to another episode of the sober motivation podcast. Today we've got Logan with us. Logan, how are you? I'm good, man. How are you? Yeah, dude, I'm excited to get into your story, share with everybody and hear what it's been like for you. Awesome. Let's get into it. Yeah. So what was it like for you growing up? I had a fairly, fairly good childhood. I played sports all year round. I had good grades. I, like, everything was fairly good. Bills were always paid. You know, I always had food on the table, stuff like that, and no complaints really there.

around probably around like in between grade eight and grade nine when I swit like when I went into high school is when like I had my first like drinking experience and that's kind of when it started happening but like no like I struggled with that when I kind of got into recovery like because a lot of people around me like they struggled with trauma or you know they were they were drinking or using drugs to to cover something. up and like when I when I first got sober it was really hard for me to realize what I was covering up because I looked back on my childhood and I'm like like my parents like they were good to me like I didn't what am I running from like it was hard for me to kind of pinpoint that but yeah you know yeah it's

interesting too and over the years of doing the podcast and working with people I mean you do hear you know two two different or maybe a hundred different experiences of how people grow up in in sort of their interaction. Was alcohol around growing up for you or not really? Yeah, it plays a big role in like where I'm from a small town. So like parents are always like having a couple beers at the friends or the neighbors or, you know, like parties on the weekends in the shop or like nothing crazy. But like, you know, like it was people around me seem to have been able to just have

a couple of drinks and stop, you know, like or like I rarely see my dad drunk. but you know you can have a couple beers here and there like um so yeah it was definitely around and like i very much like couldn't wait to be old enough you know yeah when did that start like when did you start to pick up on or have those thoughts you know probably after i had my first drink of beer like it was just like out of christmas dinner or something and i was like fairly young but like you know like those little situations where your dad or your grandpa's like here just just try a little sip like you're not going to like you're not going to like it but like just so that you know what it tastes like and like from that moment like yeah it was

gross but i couldn't wait from that moment like i was excited yeah to see what was next for it all yeah that's kind of how it started for you like great like you're like 14 15 then too right yeah like yeah like great eight yeah 13 14 yeah around there but leading up to this you'd been involved with sports and everything and a small town it's all year round yeah yeah hockey or what yeah i played hockey And then for a little bit there, like when I was younger, I played baseball. And then once, like, switched from pitching machine, it got really, like, boring. Like, everybody's getting walked all the time. So I switched to something a little faster.

I played lacrosse. It was a box lacrosse. So I liked it because it was rough and it was a lot more of my speed. So I was hockey and lacrosse for a while. And then, unfortunately, due to my drinking, I had to give up both. Yeah. So you started out with this first time you drink. and kind of heading into this, like, being really curious what sounds anyway, like what things are like.

I mean, that first experience, are you just having a sip of a drink or you're going all the way with it? Yeah, man, I went all in from, like, obviously, like, you're only given a couple drinks because you're young. Like, you're told to be responsible. And, but, you know, like, you always figure out a way you get more or you, like, I just remember the first time. Like, it was around COVID when I had, like, a couple friends. over and like no one was allowed in the house, nothing like that. Like it was just out by my campfire. And, uh, yeah, I got pretty wasted that night. It was, um, like, I have some memories in my Snapchat, like, that I could go back on and look at. And it's like, from day one, it was like,

holy. Yeah. What was it? I mean, have you kind of uncovered that at all? Honestly, at the beginning, like, it was, uh, it was always just like this, I just loved a party. Like, I didn't, I didn't realize that I was, uh, it was i didn't realize it was more than that you know like i thought it was just like i thought i was just like everybody else like because the average teenager the hockey player and lacrosse player like that's what they do like you're it's girls money and and drinking and partying and stuff right like cars and like that's what's what you think about so i thought it was kind of normal but like and the people i was around were somewhat doing the same thing but not to the same extent so like yeah

I struggled for a while. I thought it was a phase and I thought, like, this is normal. Am I just doing what every other teenager is doing? But, you know, I had to really get honest with myself and look in the mirror and it was much, much more than that. And we'll go a little deeper into that. Yeah. Where to fit? Like, how does the rest of your life look outside of this too once this thing's pick up speed here for you?

So from like from grade eight or great when I got into grade nine, I always had good grades. decent grades um i was like a high 70s student like mid 80s um but to me that like i struggled with that because my sister she's really smart she's like a 98 average like on the dean's list like so i was always like hard on myself for that but uh you know like i had decent grades i had i had two like i started corner castling as early as i could so from like 13 or 14 i had a job and then I started a Canadian tire right away when I got into grade nine. So I had two jobs, sports, I had a girlfriend. I had all the things.

It seemed like my life was put together, you know? But I knew one thing for sure. I knew that I loved to drink. I loved. I could not wait for the weekend so I could go drink as much as I possibly could. Yeah. Yeah, just like the escape that it provided? or yeah honestly i think like now that i look back

i think it like it kind of uh a guy of ADHD and stuff so like growing up i was always like the loud the loud and hyper kid people were always like lower your voice like slow down or stuff like that but then when you're drinking like no one says that stuff to you it's like it's like an excuse to do all those things like everybody's like oh look that guy i'd keep doing that stupid stuff like like you can be like it's just an excuse to be louder, to be funny, to be all these things that, like, in a normal setting, like, I was always told, like, you know, like, relax a little bit, like, slow down.

Yeah. So, like, for me, it was, it was a little bit of an escape. And honestly, like, as it progressed, like, further down the line, like, man, I couldn't be without it. Like, I just, I couldn't pinpoint why, but I knew that I was, I just didn't want to be sober. whatever it was like I was the kind of guy that like I was a binge drinker so like I had I um like I couldn't even cut the grass without having like slamming three beers before I did it you know like just because I wanted to have a buzz because it would be more fun it was just it was like a boredom

thing I thought so I thought at the time yeah yeah which is I thought I was just because I was bored yeah which is with all the other stuff you listed off there too it's like oh man you know like playing sports, working, girlfriend, school. You know, it's like, how much time do you have in there to be bored? It's interesting now. You bring up ADHD. I mean, it's definitely my language. What was that journey like for you?

When did you uncover that? Or did you get any support for that throughout your life? Yeah, man, it was just super tough. I probably, I think I was diagnosed around nine or ten with like a pediatrician or something like that. And they put me on medication and stuff. And like, for the first little while, it didn't bother me. but like, probably for maybe like five years, man,

like I struggled hard with like not, like fighting the fact that I was on medication. And like I did not want to be on meds. I, uh, I would try and get off them all the time. I just, and it was, it was to do with the fact that I just,

like I just wanted to, I didn't understand why I had to take a pill every day to, to be to function. Like I just wanted to wake up and be myself and like, be like everybody else. So I struggled with it for a long time. And like another thing I didn't realize is probably you're not supposed to drink on those medications, I don't think. So like it probably increased my, like it probably affected the way I was drinking as well.

But like what I'm getting at is like now like I've accepted it. Like I realize that the medication helps me and like I've tried to go off it many times and it just it never goes well. Yeah. So yeah, it's been a struggle with accepting it. But, you know, like I've, I've kind of learned to embrace it now. Like, there's like tons of people in the world that struggle with it. So like I'm not alone for sure. And like to just talk to another person about it, like makes you feel so much better. Someone that can relate, you know. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm in the same boat with you, man. I mean, I didn't plug into anything for a decade and tried everything else. you know, holistic, and there's nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong with, with, you know, getting support through medication and other things, too. It was so interesting. When I looked back at my life, I was about 17 in high school, and I was on medication, ever since I could remember for ADHD, Adderall, Ritalin. I mean, we tried at all. Everything,

right? You know, I grew up in doctor's offices of trying to figure out how do I just kind of get by, right, for the school system and the behaviors and everything, right? Because I was just so far to control. And when I was 17, I had missed a dose of the medication. My parents used to watch me and make sure I took it. I remember in the early days, I'd go up to the office. I don't know if they had the extended release then. So you'd go like kind of at, you take it in the morning, go at lunch and blah, blah, blah, you know, it's life. But when you're younger, you don't know any difference. So it's like, you know, my parents said, you know, and the doctor said, I didn't really push it too far. But I, but long story short, I miss this one dose and I felt like all

of a sudden, I came alive, man. It was the wildest thing. And ever since then, I just pretend that I was taking it, you know, the tail end of high school. And, man, let me tell you, dude, my life got out of control so fast. And I had no idea why, though. I had no idea at the time. I look back now, it's clear as day. And I think for what happened is when I started drinking and using drugs after that, it was a big self-medication thing because the chatter, you know, one of the ADHD things that affected me was like confidence and self-esteem. I didn't do well in school and it was like everybody really valued excellence in the classroom and I couldn't care less and I never went and I feel like my impulse control as well was really impacted. And even later

into my adult life like making impulsive decisions, you know, not around substances but around other things that I should have slowed down and kind of looked at pros and cons. So yeah, very relatable in a sense too where in there was this study I looked at a little while ago about sort of the increased probability of somebody with ADHD struggling you know with drinking or with substance use and I mean the stats I don't know exactly what it was but it was massive like I want to say 50% oh yeah I've seen I've seen all the numbers man it's crazy yeah so yes you have that going on too you know without even kind of realizing it that's I could relate to everything you just said, man, like with the whole school thing.

Like, I had trouble with communication and, like, being misunderstood a lot. And, like, I always knew, like, I had the answer in my head, but when I tried to write it down or tried to tell somebody at it, like, came out wrong. And then they look at me like, I'm crazy or, you know what I mean? Like, I was, I'd have to re-explain myself 100 times and to finally get to the point. And it's like, yeah, that's what I was, like, trying to say the first time. Like, so, like, longs for sure, they gave me an IEP and all this stuff. And, like, I hated it.

Like I like going to resource all the time like usually it was all the troubled kids that were getting brought down to the resource to like get helpful with learning and stuff and then I'd get the note on my desk as well and I'm the guy that's like on the sports teams and all this stuff and it's like or I get called out in the middle of class to go to meet with the resource teacher or you know like it was always I always looked at it as a bad thing but yeah you know like now that I look back it's like it's if someone in was in my shoes, I would tell them to take the help. Like, they're, you know what I mean? Like, I was so against it for so long, but like, now I realize that it was only there to help me. So, but that's kind of where, um, like I struggled though was with that communication thing. And yeah, I still struggle with it today. Like, like, I'm still, like, I just kind of uncovered something with my sponsor the other day. And, uh, we're really looking into, like, going back to when I was younger and being misunderstood and how that still affects me today and why I'm maybe afraid of confrontation or afraid of this and that. And, you know, it's still a process.

I'm still learning every day. I'm still, I talk to my sponsor every day. I can relate to everything that you just said, though. Like, yeah, which it's such a tough journey, man. It's such a tough journey to sort of have those struggles. And it's also like you're struggling with something that's not visible to even us or to the rest of the world. And I think that's what you mentioned there. I remember I was on probation when I was 16 in part of my probation order, but the probation officer used to show up outside my classroom in high school, make sure I was in there, you know, sidearm, jacket, everything. It was so embarrassing. And I put myself in that situation. So I'm not going to cast blame on anybody.

He was doing her job. But part of it was to go to class. And I couldn't understand. I would still not go to class facing going to jail. And I was just like, I can't really, I don't really know what is going on here. You know, you're so like on this confused place and everything. And it's just like, man, and then you feel bad, right? Because it's like, okay, there's going to be consequences.

There's going to be problems. You know, she really held me accountable to. these rules I had to follow and I was just like man I don't know why I can't just follow through with the simplest things in the world and I mean when I introduced alcohol into my life it was kind of like another realm opened up you know another world it was just like okay all of the chatter can quiet down I can be accepted by people around me for doing you know sort of reckless things but I was like hey if this is what it takes like I'm all in I love this feeling of fitting in.

I love this feeling of being part of a community. I love how easy it is to get in to be a part of it because I wasn't a sports guy. I wasn't into the academics. I didn't really have any hobbies or stuff. So like this whole partying stuff, I was like, this is my lane. I can really make a home here and make a name for myself.

And, you know, it sounds like in one way or another, it's relatable to you, but you know, journey. For sure, man. Like, I was kind of, like, it's kind of different, but, like, I was kind of the same way. I kind of, but also being like the sports guy, I could fit in with the sports guys, but I could also fit in with the guys that were getting 98s in class. But then I also fit in really well at the smoke fit. You know, I fit in kind of wherever I needed to be at the moment, you know? Yeah. And, uh, made it work. Yeah, I just, yeah, I just, yeah. I did what I had to do to be accepted, I guess. Yeah.

Yeah. How do things look like for you kind of moving forward? So like I'll mention probably around, like after I got sober, like it wasn't easy. Like I had to go to detox and rehab and all this stuff. Yeah. What was that like? Well, I mean, did you have any consequences too before you kind of took to sober? What was that like?

I mean, anybody around you noticed stuff? Like share some of that with us. So, like, obviously, like my girlfriend, she's my, she's my person. Like, she's grown on seven years. She's been stuck by my side through everything. A lot of times, like, it took me to, like, to almost lose everything to, like, get to the very, very last straw to kind of surrender. Like, everything, like, everything that my parents said was going to start happening, started happening. They noticed it?

They noticed things. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they noticed. What did they say? What did they say to you? Well, like, at first it was like just, like, they noticed that I was drinking every weekend kind of thing and that I couldn't wait to go on the weekend and I was asking for, like, excessive amounts of booze and stuff. And, like, so I'm sure I raised a lot of red flag, sorry, but, like, when it really started to kind of, like, hit, like, it was when I would, like, I started helping myself to people's liquor cabinets and, like,

family members and stuff like that but um like just when when i started getting caught doing those things and like i eventually i lost my license i got a DUI and that that made things very difficult um i went from having like complete freedom going to hockey practice on my own going to work on my own going wherever i needed to go you know like and then all of a sudden i'm going to snap of the fingers it's like someone else has to be free and available and you have to have a backup plan if you want to do anything like um so like yeah losing my license kind of changed a lot for me but you know i didn't stop me from drinking i kept drinking um and it was it was weird right in the middle of covid right so i don't want to put any like excuses but like we were kind of like

there wasn't much to do really so it was like just because the gatherings and the like couldn't go see our friends anymore and party and do all this stuff. I still wanted to drink. Like, and I would just keep drinking. And then I honestly, like, I don't know, like part of me subconsciously liked it more by myself because I didn't have to share the booze. I didn't have to worry about what people thought about how drunk I was, all this stuff. And like eventually I just started like blacking out like every night and I couldn't go to sleep without it. Like I started to rely on it. Like I couldn't, couldn't go to a friend's house and have fun without. you know like drinking or doing drugs or I couldn't I couldn't do things without with like I

couldn't do things sober and have fun I couldn't envision a life sober that was like possible you know I don't really know when like what point exactly it flipped like it was always it was always just like oh I love to party and I couldn't wait to like hang with my friends and do all the social stuff and drink and, you know, like, and then eventually it kind of just, I couldn't, I just couldn't be without it. Like, I, it happened kind of very quick. Like, I, I've never even had a legal drink before. Um, yeah. I quit when I was 17, so. Yeah. So this is like, this is like 14, 15 to 17. And I mean, a couple years. Yeah, it really progressed very quickly. Yeah. Things pick up for you. Yeah. Yeah. And I'll talk a little bit about detox and stuff.

Yeah. When I finally went, it was, like, I got my DUI on August 28, 2022, and I went to detox, I think, October 15th, like a month in there, a month and a bit that I kept drinking. And it wasn't, it was not good. It was like, I was ruining family events, like, because I would show up sober and then help myself to liquor or something and get drunk. And, you know, everybody would know, and I would, like, it would just be a shit show, you know? I got to the point where my parents couldn't even leave the house. We didn't even have booze in the house, but they still couldn't even leave because they knew that I'd get my hands on it if I wanted it.

They had to babysit me when I was 17 years old pretty much for a little while there and for that month. And then the last straw was like my last drunk was like I was like my cousin's birthday or something and we were all out of family gathering and long story. short I got like I got drunk and I went home and when I woke up in the morning like my mom was like you need to call your aunt and apologize and when I was like thinking to myself like oh god I sure what like I didn't even know and going back to my DUI man like like I don't even there's there was like 30 minutes of driving that I did there and I blew three times the legal limit and I don't remember

a single second of it like I don't remember getting in the car I don't I remember briefly like pulling my arms apart and realizing that the handcuffs were real and like that it wasn't a dream. I remember, that's all I remember from that night really. So like when people asked me, it took you a half hour to go two minutes down the road, like, where'd you go? It's like, man, I don't even know. I can't, I couldn't tell you. And there was like scratches on top of my Jeep and like all over it. It almost looked like I rolled the Jeep and then kept driving.

And like I got, I just pulled into a gas station or a truck stop gas station to get gas, which I didn't even need gas. and like fell out of my Jeep and all this stuff like it was completely embarrassing like but I'm like today I'm really thankful that it happened because like it gave me like I don't think if that didn't happen I feel like I might still be doing the things I was doing or you know like I don't know like I'm really I connect with my higher power and I think something was definitely looking out for me that night yeah and uh but what I was saying before like when I went to detox and everything like I woke up and I was like

you gotta apologize to your aunt and I'm like for what? And my other aunt came over and she was like she's probably one of my biggest supporters and uh she is like they kind of mentioned detox and you know like I just I was sick

and tired of fucking sorry I swear I was sick and tired of being being sick and tired man like I was sick and tired of waking up and wondering where I hid the bottle or like who had to apologize to and for what? What did I do this time? And my girlfriend was eventually, like, finally going to leave, like, for real this time.

Like, she always threatened it, but, like, I always, we talk my way back into keeping her around and I'd always get better for a little bit. And then I'd get all my dominoes lined up and then I'd kick them over right when things were going well. And it's like my girlfriend was threatening to leave and I lost. my license and I was burning all my bridges and my parents didn't trust me and like it was just I had to look around and you know I just woke up and I was like okay let's go so I just started packing some stuff and I just accepted it and we went and I was like I was crying my mom was crying and like but I went sign myself into the detox and I stayed for five days I wanted to stay longer

like I didn't want to be there to begin with and then by the five days when it was done like I didn't want to leave where was that in London and Chatham They have a really good program here in Chatham. Oh, they do. Okay. Yeah, it's actually just opened up recently and maybe like two or three years ago. But I've heard like nothing but good things. And I had a great experience there. Like they really introduced me to the program, all this stuff.

And for a bit, I was biting it. Like I thought, okay, I'm just going to go to detox. I don't need to go to rehab. I don't like I'm fixed. Like I'll be fine. Yeah. And like I was sitting there. night looking out the window and like thinking to myself like I shouldn't be here like like

what am I doing here and then like all those thoughts in your head are like you know maybe maybe you're not like you're just drinking wrong or you're like no like and then you really the light ball went off it was like okay you don't you don't end up in a detox at 17 to more reason yeah then I really look back at all the things I was doing like daily drinking all the stuff like it was time for a change and like at that moment I just accepted it like I had like a spiritual awakening or something like I just accepted it like I signed myself up for the rehab and I went like a month later I don't remember the exact date that I went but I got it on like Christmas year or something like that but when I was in the detox center like I learned a lot I don't know if I mentioned on this on this episode but we

would go for smoke breaker like to gape or something and like I would be walking into the spot and I'd see my buddies across the road walking for lunch. And I'd have to, like, turn around, put my hood on. Like, it was like, what everybody else was doing at my age, it was not what I was doing. And I had a hard time with that. But, you know, like, the way I was going, it was not going to lead anywhere good. I go to jail, institutions, death. That's where I was headed.

And, like, I was heading there really quickly, man. Like, I was having liver problems. I was having, the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with me because I wasn't being honest about how much I was drinking and I'm sure they knew, right? Like, they know, but, like, I was getting all these ultrasounds and all this stuff because I was in so much pain, but, like, it couldn't do anything because I just kept drinking. Where did you go to the rehab at? I went to a place called Westover Treatment Center in Thamesville.

Okay. It was an awesome place. It was a 19-day program. and a lot of great people unfortunately some of them passed away now that I went there with some of them relapse you know I'm only in contact with one of them

and he's doing really well he just hit his three years so nice what's it like I mean we chatted sort of off air a little bit too about 17 and kind of getting into you know all of this right no it's definitely not easy man

because like I said earlier like you don't see when I go into the to the A rooms or to the rehabs or stuff like you don't see other the closest people in age that you see or maybe like 25 like 26 a lot of people that I connect with and relate to or like in their 30s like 40s they have kids they're married you know like my sponsor's 30s I think he's 38 it's definitely hard because like and then when you do when you do meet that one other young person it's like like please stay please stay man like yeah but a lot of people don't at that age no they don't they come and go i've seen a lot of people come and go a lot of people what was and don't make it back right yeah well even when you went to

rehab too i mean you know i used to work in a rehab in a laura and um what you said there is i mean it's a tragedy man but there's a lot of people that i worked with teenagers i used to work with 14 to 19 year olds, you know, for years. And they stayed there for six months. And, um, and a lot of funerals, man. How, what was it for you, man? I mean, if you kind of dig in a little bit here, like, how were you able to take this seriously to see how this was going to play out? Because it's really easy, I think, when you're 16, 17, 18, even 20 to say, I'll just grow out of this, of course, you know, I'm going to start to take life seriously. more serious down the road this is just a party this is just a phase like i'll get over it i mean

what really helped you in these moments to like take this serious to understand kind of the old motivational thing if nothing changes nothing changes right kind of like just uh i looked back and just like the repetitiveness of like what what was happening in the patterns um like it was happening over and over again it was literally the definition of insanity like doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. That was me, man. And, like, the one, like, when you say, what made me take it seriously?

Like, what comes to mind is that this one thing that I always thought was, like, okay, if this is how I'm going to, like, handle life right now when I'm 17 and 16, like, what am I going to do when, like, when I'm married and have kids and the real stressors, stir-ahidden, like the real, real-life problems, right? Like, the stuff that I'm experiencing now at 20, like, if I was still drinking right now, man, and all this stuff that's going on in my life right now, like, it would not be good.

And I just kind of realized, like, if that's how I'm going to deal with my problems now, like, what am I going to do when I'm older? Like, it's going to be a divorce. It's going to be me going to jail. It's going to be losing my kids. It's going to be losing the car. And, like, going to AA and stuff. see like you see all that stuff you see the people that are coming in talking about they just lost

their house or their wife's leaving them or they see that and and you can relate to everything you're saying like all the things that they're doing you can relate it's like man I do not want to like I did I came here early and people always uh like I gave this a shot really early and people always like praise me for that like oh I wish I came in when I was your age and you know all this stuff I got take a guy I don't take that for granted like but at the same time it's it's uh it's some somewhat difficult because like a lot of these people have the things already or they're they've lost the thing they've had them and then they lost them like the house the cars the wife the kids or yeah you know I mean I don't I'm still planning for all this like I don't have to do this yet so it's like

part of me is like okay if I can just stay sober and I can you know not do all that reckless stuff Like, because I know, like, even now three years later, like, I'm, today's 1,070 days since I drank. And even today, like, if I know if I have a drink, like, it's just going to open that category back up. Like, it's kind of, I don't want just one even now. Like, I don't want a social drink. Like, it's never been an option in my mind. I would drink to get drunk to have fun. It is, you know, relatable.

And, too, I mean, a lot of people in, you know, fellowship meetings talk about the yet, right? like you haven't been through it. I mean, we lose ourselves through like this whole process of drinking or numbing with substances, you know, which is like all the material things, like those would be gone, but like losing ourselves, man, and belief in ourselves and trust in ourselves and everything is like, man, that's really hard to work on. I'm really curious too what, if you're open to sharing about it, what role your parents sort of played in supporting you?

Because I know that there's a lot of people who listen to the show. that are like, hey, maybe they're your age, maybe they're a little bit older, but they're like, hey, how do I help them out? Like, was there something, anything they did that you're like, man, was so helpful? Um, you know, like, just the encouragement, it was, it was difficult. Like, it wasn't, it wasn't easy right away, but, like, I had to set boundaries and all that kind of stuff. But, you know, like, if you're serious about your recovery, like, you can seriously set those boundaries. And, like, they were very supportive of me going to meetings, you know, like, I didn't have my license,

so they'd always drive me there or they would help me find a ride or yeah they were i don't know they just were i'm very lucky in that sense i had i had a super supportive family like my parents my sister my girlfriend my aunt i had a lot of very supportive people in my corner so i think that played a big role and and me getting sober and i know like it's it's unfortunate not everybody not everybody has that and like i i pray for those people that don't have that support because it must be a lot harder on your own, I can imagine. But like the rooms of AA, you're never alone, man. Like you got, you can get a sponsor.

And I know it's not easy to get a sponsor. I didn't get a sponsor until eight or nine months in. Yeah. But get a home group, get a sponsor, you know, just get a couple phone numbers and text them and call them and just stay connected. Because for me, like the opposite of addiction I learned was connection. And I've learned that time and time. again like it just keeps proving my point when I'm not connected I started to go back to my old

thinking I like the old things start to creep back in and like I'll share a little bit about my experience of cross addiction and like around my two years old remark uh I got like I got that new job in London the union and I was apprenticing up in London and so I had to move from Chatham to London I was hanging right with my cousin. And I was living on my own. And like I stopped. I started making excuses, you know? Like I started not going to meetings as much or at all because I didn't like the ones that we had in London.

Or just making excuses, you know, I wasn't talking to my sponsor much. And like the one night we just, I was out my buddy. So I was after work. And we just, they were doing like online slots. And I, I always knew that I like, I would never, I had never gamble. Like I was old enough to gamble, but I'd never, I didn't buy it scratch chicken on my birthday. I didn't do all that stuff. I never went to the casino because I knew that like if I won, I was going to love it.

And like, I don't know, once I was disconnected and like not going to meetings and everything, like it just crept into my head and I just didn't even think about it. I just did it. We just did it once. Like it was, oh, it's just so innocent, 20 bucks. Like, yeah. And right away, like, turn that $20 and they're like 100 bucks. And like at the time, like I said, I was just moving out of my house and living on my own.

So like $20 to $100 is a big deal. Like it was a little bit more financial premium. I could get full thank of gas. I could get. So like very now that I look back again, you're so blind in the moment. But when you look back at it, you're like, okay, the addict tendencies were there right away. I was saying one, just one more, just one more. And my friends were like looking at each other.

Like they were just stopping. And then very quickly it started, like it was all I thought about was the first thing I did in the morning. I was spending all my money on it, blowing all with paychecks, borrowing money. Do you like trying to get money on, like I dug a very deep bowl for myself in the span of like eight months. Like I only gambled for less than a year and I don't want to say numbers, but I blew a lot of money. And like I wagered in the millions. Like I was on like every every site I could get on. And I was in like using my overdraft, using my credit cards to gamble.

Like I racked up a lot of that. Like, and it was, at first it was just like I viewed it as like an easy way to make money, right? Because I was like just joining the union. I was kind of off a little bit on late off here and there. Like when you're just starting out, things are slow. And so honestly, like at the beginning, it was just boredom and like a source of money, honestly, because I got a couple big hits at the start. Like, it's weird how that works the first time you go to the, like every gambling act that I've talked to,

when the first time they go to the casino or the first time they play, they win. And it's weird how that works, but like the first time I went into the casino with my buddy, like I just brought in 20 or 40 bucks or something, and that was all I plan on spending. And I didn't really have much of a problem yet. I didn't think. Like, I was doing a little bit of the online stuff, but I could, I wasn't doing it every day. And, like, long story short, like, I hit the wrong button. Like, I put, we walked up to this machine and I put my 20 in and I meant to hit the lowest bet that you could place.

And I hit, like, the third button or something. And it was like, like $3.25 a bet, or a spin. And it triggered right away. Yeah. And I got the bonus. And I was like, what just happened? And I won like four or five hundred bucks. And it was like, sweet.

And like, we left or I don't know if I left with the money or not. I can't really remember, but I think I might have spent some of it. But. Oh, yeah. I left up, but. And then, like, from that point on, like, I don't know. Like, I was just obsessed. Like, I wasn't going every day yet.

But very quickly it turns to a, like, everyday thing. Like, doing it at any time I could. I couldn't go two hours without placing a batman. And if I did go two hours without placing a bet, it was the most miserable two hours of my life. And it was all I was thinking about. Yeah. Near the end, like, it was very unfair to my parents and my girlfriend and everybody around me. I have this really tight, it support system.

And, like, it was hard because, like, they were getting their last straws, man. Yeah. they knew what you were going through? Yeah, yeah. It was pretty. Like, I hit it for a while, but once I started, like, not having money for rent and not being able to pay my insurance and eating gas money and this and that, like, they kind of started to put two to together.

Like, I stopped going to the fucking casino. But they didn't know I was doing it on my phone playing every day. Like, they didn't know about all those times where I'd put in 100 bucks and I'd win $4,000 and $5,000. And then that would make me financially free for like two, three days. And then I would slowly, like over time, be putting it back in and back in and back in and back in. By the next thing you know, I have nothing left. And I'm back in negatives.

I'm back eating my cuttaker. And all this stuff. Yeah, like I racked up a lot of debt. And I hit it for a while, but once it was known, it was, I want to say, I didn't fight it for too long like I did. And I, it was a lot of it. It was a much more of a struggle than it was for like when I realized I had a problem with alcohol and then when I stopped. Like I realized I had the gambling problem and then I kept gambling for like a while like that I knew that I needed to stop gambling But I couldn't stop and I didn't know why and I just needed to do it like it was a compulsion like I yeah

And like that's that's why I needed to go to rehab like I fought it for a while but like I tried therapy and all this stuff but I didn't help because I wasn't being honest. I wasn't, you know, like I needed the inpatient, like, treatment because, like, everybody around is, like, minded. They're all trying to do the same thing. You have support all around these counselors, and you physically cannot gamble while you're there. Like, you don't want to have a phone, you don't have.

And they'll help you with the self-exclusion and all that stuff. So, like, I did all of that stuff. And, like, when I went in there, man, like, I wasn't planning on stopping. And like, I gambled at 11 a.m. The day I went into rehab and I went in at 1. So they have a rehab for gambling. Yeah, up in Windsor. They do.

They have a hotel de grace. It's like gambling disorder and digital dependency. So 19 day permanent. It was very good. Yeah. And I kind of gave you like a break from it at least and maybe. Yeah. Like even with the detox, man, like I couldn't get, I couldn't stop drinking.

I felt like because I, I was doing it every day and it was like a routine. Like I needed it. Like I thought I needed it. And same with gambling. Like I was doing it every day. And like when I went to detox, it gave me those five days without it.

And like I started to realize that it's possible to laugh and smile and do all this stuff with no alcohol. Or like when I went to the rehab in Windsor, they like the first, like I said, I gambled at 11 a.m. And I went in at one. And like for the first probably two or three days, man. And like I told everybody that I had self-excluded from it, like, banned myself from all the casinos.

But there was one that I didn't, like, I left out, like, because I knew that, like, I wagered so much and I was going to get this much money back and whatever. Like, there's going to be money in my account, and I'd be able to play when I got it. And for the first three days, that was my thought process. And very, very, very quickly it changed. And, like, just like that, like, the light bulb went off, and it was like, okay, I'm, fucking, I'm done, man. Like, I can't do this anymore. Like, instantly, like, when I got, like, I got a sponsor.

When I was in there, they run, like, meetings every week, like, where people from the outside, like, that have been through the program will come in. And that's where I met my sponsor. And, like, I actually asked them to be my sponsor on the last, or the day I got out, I went to a meeting the next day, and I asked them to be my sponsor. And we met for coffee the next day. And, like, I was just bare and unclean it for the first two days I was out. like I had that casino open and I was not open but it was there and I was just avoiding

logging in because I knew if I logged in I would see the balance and I would want to play so I was just avoiding logging in and and then when I met with them like we talked and within the first five or ten minutes he asked me like so do you still have any casinos on your phone and man not a single part of me you wanted to tell them yes but I you just slept down in my I just did it. I told him yes. And we went on that casino, like, right there. And then it was hard for him, too. Because he was only a year sober, and he'd never, he'd never,

like, I don't think he'd been on a casino app since he stopped. So, like, it was a way to do it together. Like, we sat there and we logged in, we hit ban, we closed it. And that, like, that was it. And since then, I've accepted it. And it's been a journey, but it's, you know, why life's better than it never has.

has been like I've got like connections and like I'm getting closer with God and all this stuff like all my relationships are shortened to repair and like it doesn't happen overnight like as as an alcoholic or an addict like we want things to happen like this yeah when we want good feelings we want it now like yeah so after I did all this damage I was like okay how can I fix this but I want it fixed now but that's not in the reality of it like it's not how it goes, right? Like, recovery is a journey. It's an everyday battle.

Just because I'm not craving a drink every day, like I'm still struggling. And I need that support from this podcast. This is helping me tremendously. Sharing my story, like, I need this kind of stuff. I need to go to AA, and I need to connect with other alcoholics

and like-minded people. And, like, all that stuff's very important for me. Yeah. Oh, thanks for sharing all of that, too, man. It seems like, I mean, different things. but it seems like a lot of the same, you know, behaviors at the root of it, right? Everything that I did while I was drinking, all the negative things, they came right back when I started gambling.

Yeah. And they will come right back if you don't deal with them in another way. Like, you have to deal with, I've been taught. And I'm still working on it. So, like, I'm definitely very far from figuring it out. But they say you have to deal with what's underneath. when I went to rehab in Windsor, they did this little theory. It was like an iceberg.

And like, you write down, have you seen that theory? Yeah, yeah, different aspects, yeah. Yeah, like, there's like all this stuff underneath your iceberg that you're hiding or you're running from or whatever. And, like, you have to deal with that stuff or it's just going to come back. Yeah. What is it? I mean, what do you put under your iceberg or what did you put? Oh, it's hard.

I don't even remember right now, but it was, like, a lot of it was like that struggle with, being misunderstood. The way, like for gambling, the way I, the way I viewed money, man, was always a problem. It was always a means to get more things to get. And the more expensive, the things you had were made you cooler. And that stems back to being in hockey, like, just the people with the most expensive sticks,

they were always, like, the best player. And, like, I just had this twisted view on money that, like, money was love and all this stuff. And, like, I really had to look at that and realize, like how to change that. And they say like when you're to get so over, like you got to change one thing and that's like it's everything. Like you got to people place this thing.

You got to change it all, man. You can't go to the same places around the same people doing the same things, expecting to stay sober. And if you can, all props to you. Like, I've never seen it. Yeah. Well, I mean, you lose interest, right? Yeah.

I think as we evolve and grow as people, you kind of outgrow places where you use the, You know, I used to hang out at the bars and stuff, whatever, until two, three in the morning. Like, I, I don't do that anymore. I don't have any interest doing that. It's extremely boring. I can go out, like, just because I want to be around my girlfriend and she's a university student and, like, see my friends for a bit. But, like, yeah. Yeah, great, right.

It's not very long, like, crazy hours on my out, man. Yeah. How has your life changed? I mean, since you, you don't mean, at 20 now. There's so much ahead of you, but do you feel like you're getting a good foundation, man, for things? Yeah, man, for sure. Like, I struggle a bit with, like, still struggling a little bit with, like, self-confidence. And if I'm doing the right things or, like, I listen to a Mel Robbins podcast recently.

And she said something about, like, it's not an abnormal feeling. Like, apparently, like, everybody has that feeling at my age right now. Like, the generations have changed, like, the time. are different like to have doubts about your future and like insecurities and all that's normal I guess but you know I struggle with it a lot like I struggle with okay where I'm like where what job I'm gonna have in five years like I got back and forth between two jobs right now like the Union and apprenticeship and a different job and like just like all these like these unknowns like I have

like a huge fear of them and like I struggle with that but it's definitely it's much easier than it was when i was drinking gambling like i would not trade a single day now for a day before you know what i'm trying to say yeah yeah like the worst day that i have now is much better than the best day i had before yeah yeah which is so interesting i mean i'm i'm i just turned 38 and i'm like oh i wonder what i'm going to do for the rest of my life but something that helped me out so much man is you know and you've kind of brought it up too with you know faith and stuff like that you know it was kind of hammered into my head for the rehab in everything i did you know that i'm exactly where i'm supposed to be you know and i kind of draw a lot

of strength from that because of course i want the answers and i want to see the roadmap and i want to have everything figured out and just make it all work perfectly but i mean the reality is like how much control do we actually have over our life? You know, I mean, at the end of the day, like, I mean, we can plan everything out and have this vision and set these goals and consciously work towards them. And I think all that stuff's incredible. But I think at the end of the day, it's like, man, you know, where are we going to,

you know, be five years from now? Like, it's good to have a vision and something to work towards, I feel like it's not a bad thing. But I'm like, my life, like, I don't even know what I'm doing tomorrow. Yeah, I agree. And it's like, it's being so young, like when I look at that kind of stuff, it's okay, but I get a little reassurance from the fact that, like, I don't drink and gamble anymore and stuff like that. Because, like, the possibilities are endless. Like, yep.

The potential is endless if I'm not, if I don't have that crutch because I'm not going to say everybody, but like chances are throughout most people's lives, like, are going to encounter. something like and they might reach for a crutch and I'm just I'm so grateful that I've I've learned everything that I've learned and that I know all that I know like now and I've seriously like given it a shot and I'm like I've taken it seriously and uh because like I said like the possibilities around this like I used to think like a life without drinking or alcohol or this wouldn't be fun or like it would be no fun like Yeah, of course. Because that's the way it's perceived.

Alcohol is everywhere. Like alcohol is, you go to a hockey game, everybody's drinking beer. You go to a concert, everybody's drinking beer. You go, everywhere you go, everybody's drinking. Like, it's like, but now, like, I look at a life of alcohol and I see so much, like, good and potential. And sure, I still think about a drink here and there, but it doesn't take very long for me to talk myself out of it. And, you know, like, I do the, I follow the steps I was taught, and I used the tools I was given. And I just tried to do the next right thing.

I'm for sure not perfect, but my sponsor would tell you that for sure. Yeah. Who is, man? I mean, come on. Nobody's got, I mean, it's fairly human, I think, to not have all the answers, not have everything figured out. I mean, but, yeah, I agree, though. I definitely, I'm like you, I want the answers, and I want to see that roadmap and I want to, I want to know where I'm going and if it's going to work out or, you know, like,

yeah. But how much thought would that be? No, yeah, exactly. You know what I mean? Like that? I feel like we're, I feel like if we know that, we're taking away the whole adventure. Maybe the whole silver lining to it is like, let's see how bumpy this road can get. And like, can we keep going forward and what's going to kind of be around that corner and that

corner? Yeah. It would be good to have it all kind of mapped out. But, yeah, it's like, I think when you'd step back and look at it, it's. It's like, oh my goodness, you know, like that wouldn't be, where's the thrill, man? No, 100%. And also, part of me, like, I, what, that passion that I had for drinking and gambling before, like, that desire or the will, whatever you want to call it, like, I don't know, it's almost switched to a passion for, like, recovery. I cherish that, man, because it's definitely special that, like, now instead of being, like, that person that's getting drunk all the time or this or this,

that I'm wanting to like help other people that are going through what I'm going through. Like when I see a person that shares something similar to what I went through, like it, not going to say like it makes me feel good or something, but it like, it almost like that I can help them, that makes me feel good. Like the fact that I can put myself in their shoes, I've been there and like, I'm not going to say you can fix other people, but you can give your share your story and what you did and what you went through and they can take what they need and leave the rest, right?

Yeah, yeah, support other people. And it's a way to connect with others as well. Good way to connect. And you shared that earlier. I mean, that's a world famous line, too. The opposite of addiction is connection and getting connected with other people. When I talk to people,

I think what can keep people stuck for time is resistance to connect, resistance to connect with other people, resistance to. A fear, too, right? It's like a fear. Fear, too. to share with the world, what are people going to think of me? What's life going to look like? This is all

I've ever known. But there are challenges on this side of things, but I don't think it's ever as scary as we thought it would be. You know what I mean? Like, it's like, everybody's going to think this of me. Like, I think the reality of that is everybody's so busy. I would like to think people are wandering around in their life thinking about me, but they're not. They're not. They don't. They don't know. If I would miss a meeting or if I would do this, it's like, shit, all these people are going to be like, oh, he's drinking, he's drinking. No, man. They're not sitting there thinking about what Logan's doing. They have their own lives going on, like. Exactly. And I think the sooner we realize that, it's just like, I mean, none of us make it out alive as far as I know.

And we may as well just see what we can make happen to do this. And I think just living a sober life connects us in so many different ways to the world and to ourselves and to other people. the drinking life is one of distraction, one of this connection, but we believe that it's connecting us because we're going to the parties, we're hanging out, but it's so superficial. It was never really who I was. So yes, I was able to chuckle and have a good time and make people laugh and get invited places, but it was never genuinely who I was. I was very worried to let anybody see who I actually was. So I think getting a incredible head start on this thing, Logan, is just going to pay dividends, man, you know, as the years go, right? And growing up fast, too, man, this stuff, you know, I got into sobriety and recovery, you know, fairly early. And, you know, a lot of people kind of talk about the maturity, right, that that takes and that you grow up and you learn that. And you're having these conversations. I mean, how many other 20-year-olds are talking about their feelings and getting support and,

asking for help. And, you know, one of my, one of my first mentors was this fella, Andy. And he was like 45. And I didn't really hang out with 45 year olds, you know, in my 20s or early 20s, but hung out with Andy and he taught me a lot of things and just showed me kind of how to grow up. I didn't get sober when I knew Andy, but I picked up a lot of things from him that otherwise I wouldn't have, you know, I don't think that's sort of like maybe something that everybody's kind of experiencing. So, me, a lot of benefit to it too. for sure, man. I can relate to that as well when I got sober. Like, um, first, I remember there's times, like, for like months and months, like, I kind of had to cut everybody out. I didn't really hang

around a lot of people, but I hung around like those old timers at the meetings and like, I went for coffee with them and I spent like all my time around those people and I learned a lot from those people. And, uh, yeah. And like, I like what you said about like how many other 20-year-olds are like doing that. that, like, in the most humble way possible, like, it feels good to kind of maybe be an example or at least show others that it's like, it's not as scary as you think. Like, yeah, I'm not really sure what other people think of me and I don't really care that much. But if I can help one person or if one person can, you know, take one thing from what I said and apply it to their life

and benefit from it, like that's what I'm going for. Like, that makes me happy. So, yeah, that's the gold, man. Just heading towards wrapping up, anything you want to share, man. for anybody who might be struggling right now? I think, like, honestly, if I were to say one or two things, it'd be, it's not as, it's not as scary as you think it would be, like you said, be invulnerable and that stuff. Like, it's, it might seem scary and, like, it's going to affect you in a negative way. But really, for me, it's, it's opened up endless possibilities and endless doors for me. like positive things. I've just thrown from it. And like realizing these things and taking the

accountability. And one thing that my sponsor's kind of teaching me right now is like, you have to like take accountability for your actions. Like if you don't like something, like you can't just complain about it over and over again. You got to change it. You and a lot of times you're the only person that can change those things, right? So if you're if you're struggling with alcohol or gambling or and you feel like you're in this endless loop of I can't stop and I don't know why you're not alone just reach out and take that first step I know the phone probably feels super heavy and like it always does when you're struggling but pick up that phone and you just dial it and just push through and and you will not regret it because the help is there if you need it and

I've seen so many people turn their lives around but I've also seen a lot of people not make it. I found a lot of people that I was close with, like, commit suicide and, you know, like, they lose their battle to this, to this addiction. And, like, you just, you want to help them so bad and you want to, but the truth is you can't help somebody unless they want it, right? So it all starts from here. You got to want it first, but then, like, after you accept it and you want it, the help is there. And there's a community of people that will support you. And it is, unreal, the things that I've discovered through sobriety that I never amounting possible. Yeah. Oh, great, great way to wrap things up. Yeah, man, it's really tough. And I mean,

you're, you know, at 20 and you're going to have the rest of your life, man, of sobriety. And it is the tough side of things, man, when you do get plugged in with communities and you hang out to sort of see people come in and go and, you know, everything, right? It's tough, man. But any other thoughts, man, are we good there? I think, honestly, I just want to thank you for having me on. This was, I've been looking forward to this for a while, and I do want to mention, I just hit my, or I'll be five months from gambling coming up. And I know not everybody listening to this is like a Christian or everybody has their own beliefs,

but I just want to mention, like, the things that God can do for you in a very short period of time, you put your faith in trust in them, like, or your heart. higher power, you take accountability for yourself and you do the work. Like, things will change. Like, my life has changed dramatically in the last couple months and not where I want it to be. Like, there's still a lot of changes I would like to see, but it's definitely possible. And I'm grateful for the rooms and like everybody that's helped me along the way.

Yeah, awesome, man. Love that. Yeah, I mean, things change, man. Good stuff. Well, keep plugging in, man. And thanks so much for reaching out. Yeah. And thanks for sharing your.

story with us. I appreciate it, man. Well, there it is another incredible episode here on the podcast. Huge shout out to Logan. Thank you so much for joining and sharing your story with all of us. I'll drop the contact information for Logan down in the show notes below. And big shout out. Logan hasn't had a drop of alcohol since October 15th, 2002. And hasn't placed a bet since May 11th, 2025. Incredible job. Be sure to send Logan over a message. Tell him thank you for jumping on the podcast, sharing his story. Incredible job. Really, really incredible job with sharing everything and how everything unfolded for him. So thank you as always for listening and I'll see you on the next one.