Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Sober Life Updates from Ryan, Todd, and Jerzey Mike

Episode Date: March 24, 2025

In this episode of the Sober Motivation podcast, previous guests Ryan, Todd, and 'Jerzey' Mike share their powerful stories of life in sobriety. Each offers insights into their journeys, including milestones, challenges, and transformations. From repairing relationships to finding joy in sober vacations and starting new families, these updates provide hope and encouragement for anyone seeking motivation on the path to recovery. Listen to Ryan's Story: Episode 172 - Ryan started as the party guy and then alcohol took over his entire life. Listen to Mike's Story: Episode 121 - Mike's consumption of alcohol nearly took his life. After being in a coma for three weeks, Mike was given a second chance. Listen to Todd's Story: Episode 109- Todd struggled with the confusing place of grey area drinking for years. Instagram Accounts: Mike: https://www.instagram.com/jerzeymike/ Todd: https://www.instagram.com/tkinney111/ Ryan: https://www.instagram.com/weber.m.ryan/ Join the Sober Motivation Community: https://sobermotivation.mn.co

Welcome back, everyone, to the first installment of the Sober Motivation previous guest update series. In these updates, we have Ryan, Todd, and Jersey Mike are going to share their updates with us about what has changed in their life and what things have been like since they first came on, the Sober Motivation podcast. Really incredible stuff to dive deep with these guys on the progress that they've made and also some things that have come up, but also offering some words of encouragement for the listeners out there. Three different takes in some way of sobriety, three different journeys about how they got where they got. And I'm excited for all of you to hear it as I was getting messages here and there wondering how in the heck people were doing.

I was wondering the same thing. I wonder how everybody's doing out there that has come on the podcast and shared their story with almost 200 guests. It's going to be really tough to get everything. everybody on here for an update, but I'm spending about 15 to 20 minutes with people in the background here to build out these update episodes. So I hope you enjoy it. This is Todd, Ryan, and Jersey Mike's update story on the Subur Motivation podcast. We got Ryan here with us on this clip here. Ryan, how you doing, man? We're doing great, doing great to be on the podcast again. It's been six months. I know, man. It's flown by, though. It's been a fast six months, man. And you

just crossed over 18 months. And I'm just so curious too about throughout this process, what have you learned about yourself and what's been working for you? Yeah, there's been a lot of change, right? I think when you first start out, you're walking on pins and needles and you're really focusing on everything you do, what you're doing next and planning your days out and what stores you're going to and pass your ticket into the store.

And as you get a little bit more time in, not that you become lax, but you have a little bit more freedom. I know a member of the sober motivation community. I'm typically on meetings. I will say probably three, four days a week. And it's not that I absolutely have to. I want to be on those meetings. I want to be there for support for people if they need it. But it does help me too, right?

It's those stories. I don't hear those stories of people that are a month in or a couple days in and remembering what it was like, how those early days were that keeps a focus for need to stay sober another day. So, you know, a lot of things changed. Luckily, some of the main drivers with me getting sober have improved. Thank God, relationship with my wife was probably number one. That is, you can always get better, right? But that has definitely got significantly better over the last eight, nine months.

So that's a huge win. Still got some things to work on. I think probably every marriage does. But the relationship with kids, my kids is growing daily as well. Currently, we're actually down in Florida. Took a break from Iowa for spring break. So we're spending some time in the beach, getting away a little bit and relaxed. and have an opportunity to do some sober vacations as a family.

And this is now my second or third and sober vacation. Good. I remember previous vacations and spending the amount of time trying to scheme ways to sneak alcohol or sneak drinks and stuff. How much time and effort it took to do that was mind-blowing. And it just seemed normal back then. So lots of things have changed. But again, I try not to get out too far and firm myself.

because the second I start getting way out in front of myself is the second I know. I revert back to my old ways. I think I said this morning on this morning as being, I post this, right? I like the cliche one day at a time, right? But it's still the truth. You really need to focus on today, keep things simple. And it's something that I have really tried to do even 18 months in.

So. Yeah. Awesome, man. Thanks for sharing that too. yeah, and the sober vacations. You did mention in the meeting too. Like it's just, you're able to be there present, enjoy it, and like actually create a memory as opposed to before be maybe not have that impact and be present and just be worried about how we were going to make drinking possible and maybe lose sight. I think we just lose sight of everything else around us,

man. I'll never forget to when you joined the community back then we were sober buddy and you joined on your first day. But I always remember you plugged into every opportunity that was offered. I remember Paul had his early recovery life skills, right, where it was really showing how to use the tools more on a practical smaller group basis. And you were always there and you're plugging into that. You really made this a priority for your life from the beginning of joining the community. And now it's incredible to have you like hosting meetings and giving back and supporting other people. And it's so full circle, man, because I'll talk to people. Welcome to the community.

How are things going? And it's so often, man, I don't tell you enough. but it's so often, they're like, I already talk with Ryan. And there's so many people that have been through the community that credit, even though it's weird, right, we can't take credit for somebody's getting and staying sober, right? People have to do that themselves. That's just, we don't have that type of power. At least I don't have that type of power to keep people sober. I'm not, naive in that sense, but so many people credit your support to them sticking around and helping them feel comfortable. Why is that something that is so important to you?

Now, it's funny you bring that up. You're right. Ultimately, it's up to the individual to take. I have had people in my life that tried to help me out tremendously through the years, and they love and continue to love me dearly, and they couldn't change my ways. Number one, they didn't understand me or what I was going through, and that's no fault to them. I think for me now, and one of the reasons why I try as hard as I do, is just, I didn't know at the time.

I think a lot of my struggles is because I just, I felt alone. I felt like I was the only one that acted a certain way. I was the only one that would go to the liquor store every morning and spend $4 on a bottle of vodka and would drink that bottle by noon or sooner and go out and buy another bottle. And I thought that my actions were something that nobody else. alive would do. And so I think by me reaching out to people was, is just more for the fact just to make people feel like they are not alone. And I think that's my main motivation,

my main motivation to connect with people because that's, it's a loneliness healing, right? Just to feel like you're on the aisle and trying to do this by yourself. Think that our actions are only affecting us. even when I started this stint that I have now of 18 months, 500 some odd days, talking with my wife, I still felt like my actions were only affecting us. I didn't think it was affecting my wife and my kids at all. And now I know it.

I was being extremely selfish. But yeah, that is my main driver. And we're not going to be able to get everybody. People have to go their own way and learn their own lessons. And it's very painful at times. But that's just the way this stuff. But yeah, that's my main driver. And it feels good to connect with those people.

It really does. Yeah, I think that's too, one of the things that can help us stay plugged into how things were. Because sometimes that amnesia can kick in and we can forget how bad things were. What did it actually look like? Because life right now, 18 months into it, I like the point you made there too about, there's still things to work on. I'm with you on that 100% man. I would like to say I have this thing figured out, but I don't at all.

Relationships have always been a challenge for me. relationships and making sure that it's a two-way street and making sure that my communication is where it needs to be. Because I sometimes get stuck in assuming other people know what I'm dealing with or struggling with or going through. And I have to be reminded that they're not mind readers and I have to share with them if I'm feeling certain ways and I need maybe more support. But I love that too, man, because we do feel so alone like what we're doing, nobody else will understand or nobody else is doing it, but when you hear that you're not, it can really make a world a difference. You shared earlier too about the relationships in your

life changing with your wife and with your kids. What about internally? I think that it's the relationship in our life that for the strangest reason we overlook sometimes. We kind of look outwardly, but what about if you look inwardly for a minute to say, how have things improved with yourself. Yeah. That's great, great question. And I guess two things come to mind. One is communication.

And I'm going to wrap this up into something that you hit on earlier. I've never been a very good communicator. And I, again, hitting on it already, something that has helped me communicating my emotions. I still struggle with it and still working on it. Paul in those early recovery skills groups, he shared, it's called like an emotional wheel or something like that, but it was a way to help visualize and break down emotions a little bit better and a way to describe emotions.

So I've used that just being able to, in my own ways, being able to describe my emotions to myself a little bit better. So that's one growth, communication. The other thing big change from me is I left my job about a year ago. actually about exactly a year ago. I really wasn't happy with where things were going. I probably wasn't the most efficient at work the last couple of years either. Sure drinking had something to do with it, believe it or not, who would have guessed?

So I took a little bit of time off and was able to get a few things done around the house, which the wife appreciated. But over the last month, I started up a new role. Working for a similar company doing actually a similar type of role to what I was doing before, for however, it's just completely different size of company. And I'm loving what I'm doing now. I think having a little bit of a break and being able to look at myself and doing some reflection and getting into a spot that I felt valued and appreciated and that

I had a voice was something that getting sober allowed me to look at. If I wasn't sober, I probably would have kept just trudging along, going with the status quo, just kept putting in my time, and getting sober just allowed me to really reflect on what I truly wanted to do and think about my ambitions going forward, my goals, and actually do something about it rather than sitting back and waiting for something to happen. and relate that back to sobriety, right? Like early on in sobriety or trying to get it's over, I always just thought sobriety just clicked just happened, right?

Not willing to put in the work and stuff like that. And you have to put in the work for sobriety. It's not something that just maybe for some people, it just clicks. For the vast majority of people, you absolutely have to put in the work on a daily basis. So there was just two things that's come to top of my mind. Yeah, to keep working at it. It's such an interesting thing too because I think you've,

you definitely have put in the effort, the time, made the commitment to doing it. And sometimes we hear right and teach their own, obviously on this, but sometimes we hear, I'm too busy. I'm too busy to do that. I'm too busy to go to a meeting. And it's just,

I get it. We're all busy in our own ways. But it's like, I was never, personally, I was never too busy for picking up six, eight, 12 years. But I was never too busy for that. So my earliest mentor always told me, too, you got to figure out what you want, Brad. You can't have the best of both worlds. You're either

going to show up for this or that stuff is going to creep back into your life. When it was always important to me and I see you really carry that forward in what you do and in now with hosting groups and giving back and holding that space for other people to be vulnerable and to be comfortable and to share and to not have all the answers. I think that's another thing when we get into this. We want to have all the answers like before we start. We want to know how to do it. I can't count the amount of messages or it's like, how do I get sober? It's simple. You just quit drinking. What else you mean? The other question is how do we stay sober? That's the real question because I sobered up a lot. My life was still a mess. Even with that. I wasn't doing any of the

emotional work on the emotional level with things. Just wrapping up here. Ryan, just thinking about two, 18 months is incredible. Has there been anything that surprised you over the last 18 months? I mean, I've done a lot of things over the last 18 months that have surprised me, right? I couldn't stay sober for a day. That being sober for 18 months is a surprise. Being able to repair a relationship, a marriage that's been a surprise, being able to get into a career and a job that I like.

It's been a surprise. Everything that I've, looking back at it now, right? And we don't always have this perspective because I think when you think about getting sober, right? And I was this way too. He looked like, oh, man, I'm not going to be able to have any fund anymore. My friends won't be able to hang out with, don't want to hang out with me. And you look at all this potentially negative stuff you think might be associated with getting sober. You look at what I've went through in 18 months. Yeah, there's been some bad things too.

Maybe there's some friends that we used to drink with quite a bit I've lost touch with. Were they truly friends? Probably not. Was that really a loss? I don't know. But boy, there's been a lot of great things that have happened in 18 months. Big thing for me being present for my family. That's huge.

being able to have my wife and my kids be able to count on me again. Like, huge. There's just so many things that I think we take for granted where we're in active addiction that I've, luckily I've started getting back. But I have to continue putting the work to maintain that. It's not, all right, you got it back, you can stop doing the work. I know I've tried that.

I have put in the work for three, four months. I've started to get some of that back, And I went right back out again. I drank for years. Years, I've ruined it again. I don't know how I got trust from my wife to this day. I do. I'm not going to lose it again.

I have to keep putting it in the work. So, yeah, there's a lot of good things that are going for me right now. But again, I just need to make sure that I keep putting it in the work. And that's why I keep going to your meetings, man, the sober motivation meetings. There's a lot of other tools out there, too. But I think for the supermotivation group, I just, it's been a very good welcome, no judgment-free zone. It's just I felt like from the get-go that I belonged. And I think just feeling that connection with the other members there has just been huge.

Yeah. Yeah, I love that, man. And it's fine in that place, right? Especially you share with your job and with life being alone and just showing up and doing what you got to do, just getting by at the job and stuff. So it's nice to show up in a place where people, I think, appreciate our presence. And we can give back a little bit and maybe help out a little bit, help somebody ignite the flame because it is so beautiful.

I mean, 18 months, like in the grand scheme of things, it's a long time, but it's not a long time. And all these things are coming into your life. And we can't be fooled to think it's not directly related to not drinking. You know what I mean? But I love it too. You hear a lot of people saying, I got this back and I got this back and all this stuff. The way I look at it is that we've earned it, especially for you. You've showed up consistently for 18 months, man.

Like clockwork, man. You've showed up for yourself. You've showed up for others. And you've earned everything that's coming to your life. And I'm proud of you, man. I know a lot of people are too, and I know you are. And it's just great to see things come together for you, man. Anything else you want to mention before we sign off?

No, it's been a hell of a ride. A lot of emotions over the last 18 months. And still a long ways to go. Tomorrow's another day. We're going to go out and get it again tomorrow. But it's been fun and looking forward to what's in store. Appreciate you having me on again. We'll have to do this maybe a full episode in the future.

Another full episode. But yeah, it's been great. Yeah, awesome. Thanks, Ryan. Huge shout out to Weber. That's what I call him anyway. Ryan Weber. Thank you so much.

A lot of great stuff there. I was so thankful that Ryan was down in Florida on vacation at the time because his Wi-Fi in Iowa. It's not the best. But really great stuff. I mean, Ryan's been part of the suburb motivation community and now hosting groups in there and supporting so many people

and they'll still work it on himself. And it's just incredible to see the progress that we make when we plug in when we just decide we're going to do something different and not just try the same old tricks or tactics or, you know, things to not drink anymore when we mix it up and do something completely different. something usually completely out of our comfort zone.

The sky's the limit. It really is. So let's pop in next and hear what Todd has to say. Welcome back, everyone. We've got Todd with us today. Todd, how are you? I'm good, Brad. How are you?

Yeah, I'm doing well, man. I'm glad we could connect. As always, I love chatting with you. Me too. I enjoy it every time we connect. Yeah. So, I mean, it's been a while since we connected on the show and we're obviously doing these short clips

just to give everybody an update on how things are. I've always enjoyed the gray area drinking aspect of kind of your story and what you relate to. And I think there's a lot of people out there who can relate to that. Share with us a little bit too, even since we connected last time about, you know, things that have improved in your life and kind of how things have changed since giving up drinking. You know, it never ceases to amaze me. And I hope this doesn't go away. but how grateful I remain for my decision to quit drinking every single day.

And I'm not kidding. Like at least once a day, usually more than once a day. I am reminded or I say to myself or I just stop and think about how grateful I am that I made this decision. So, you know, I remember feeling kind of a flood of that at the one year mark. and I remember thinking, oh my gosh, I hope this never goes away because this feels really good and it has a way of kind of propelling you forward and it hasn't gone away. I mean, it's changed obviously. Like, I'm in a different spot now than I was at the one year mark.

But the gratitude that I feel has not changed and it hasn't gone away. and it's just, I mean, when you think about it, life is going to throw whatever life throws at us. And some days that looks really messy and some days that look not so messy. But whatever it is and whatever season you're in and whatever you happen to be dealing with in that particular time, there is nothing out there that life is going to throw at you that my decision to quit drinking hasn't made better. And it hasn't made me better at dealing with that. And so that's still as true today as it was, you know, when I quit five and a half years ago. Yeah, I love that.

It's about staying plugged into that gratitude to being grateful for it. Wondering to here, like, what fears did you have about getting sober that never came true? There were a lot of them. Every one, every fear I had didn't come true. And I had a lot. And I put a chapter in my book about that very topic. and it's called none of the bad things happened. But the main one was,

I just thought my life was going to be kind of boring. And that, like, nobody wants to sign up for a boring life. I just thought it was going to be kind of dull and not very exciting. And I was 100% wrong about that and was very glad to find out that I was 100% wrong about that. But when you're in that spot of thinking about giving up drinking, it's terrifying.

It's a terrifying decision. and you feel like you're about to take a step off of a cliff and you don't know how long the fall is going to be or what it's going to look like when you land. But when you've come from a life of drinking and incorporate whatever you're drinking look like and incorporating it into so many facets of your life, you know, good times, bad times, friends, alone,

everything in between. you know in our society drinking is supposed to be a part of all of that and so the idea of taking that away and doing life without that was terrifying and I just thought things were going to be dull and boring and like

you know that it just wouldn't be very fun and as you probably heard me say beforex if I knew then what I know now I would have done it sooner and if I knew if I could bottle you know, what I've discovered since I quit drinking and sell it, you know, I would, I could

make millions. We all could. They cut me in on that deal, Todd. Yeah. Yeah. It's just been, it's been the opposite of what I thought it was going to be. You know, it is, there are times early on when it seems boring and annoying and that not very much fun. But when you get through that part of it, it just, everything just opens up. And like I said, it's the, I see, opposite of what I thought it was going to be. The way I do life now compared to how I did it when I was drinking, I wouldn't trade that for the world. So that was my biggest fear.

The life was just going to be dull and boring, and I couldn't have been more wrong about that. You know, I thought I wasn't going to have fun doing social things. All the life activities that I thought you, that had to involve alcohol, don't. I discovered. And I actually enjoyed doing all those things that I couldn't imagine doing without alcohol.

I enjoy doing them more now without alcohol than I did when I was drinking. I never thought that would be true. Yeah, and you hear that a lot too. Like there is that kind of dip too to where maybe it's the chaos we're used to. Maybe it's just like what we use to kind of fend off boredom. But there is like that thing in the beginning, that period too. A lot of people share about it like, what do I do now? Like how do I get plugged in?

But you're right. You have to stick with it because you learn how to do things differently. And you find different interests or you plug into things you already like. I mean, I think a lot of the thing that keeps us stuck is our beliefs, right? Like you share about that, like our belief that life is going to be dull, life is going to be boring. How am I going to meet people? How am I going to start dating again?

But like if we zoom out a little bit, there's a lot of people who don't drink and like they figure these things out. Where we get caught up is I think we get ahead of ourselves and we want to figure out all of this stuff in the first 30 days. Yeah. I'm like going to do all this stuff and it just doesn't work like that. What's the response been? I mean, now that the book has been out for a while, what are you hearing from that?

Are people kind of relating with your journey and your story and how you're sharing things? You know, the response has been awesome. It's been so meaningful and fulfilling for me personally because the main reason why I wrote the book was I was helped so much by reading people's stories when I was deciding whether or not. I wanted to give up alcohol. And after I gave up alcohol, and reading people's stories, hearing their stories was always a huge help to me. And around the year mark, I felt like I'd kind of passed some magical, you know, imaginary line where I kind of got through to the other side. And I felt this, I felt a really strong pull to want to help people.

I was very passionate about, I was, you know, I was thinking, oh my God, I quit drinking. I thought it was going to be, I thought all these bad things were going to happen. They didn't. And I love this new way of living I discovered. I wanted to tell the world about it. I wanted them to know like, oh my God, you can quit drinking

and you actually might end up loving where you end up because that blew my mind at the time. So I wanted to write something that sort of describe that process just for me anyway and just to help people in the way that I was helped by other books and other stories. And I feel like I've done some of that just by some of the, I love when people reach out to me and I get a lot of messages on social media and through email. And I just, I love hearing the stuff that they say because that's why I wrote the book.

You know, I was in their shoes not that long ago. and to know that I put something out there that, you know, I hear a lot, your story sounds just like mine, or, you know, you drank just like I do or I did. And that means a lot to me because, as you know, when you're going through something like this and you're trying to decide if you want to take what seems like a very terrifying, drastic step, knowing that there are people out there who have done it and who feel the same way you, do, it's huge. Because for a long time, you feel like at least I did. I felt like I was on an island and that I was dealing with things with my alcohol use that nobody else was dealing

with. And of course, that's not true. But we don't know that all the time. And so, yeah, the comments I get and people reaching out, I just fill me up. It's been great. Yeah, that's it. You know, I mean, that's incredible too. And you're so right. We do feel alone and we hear that a lot, right? Like, everything that we're doing is it's hard to find like to believe that other people can relate to it because I taught with somebody this is a while ago and they asked me this question and it is always stuck with me this question and she was like why am I aware that alcohol is getting in the way of how I want to live or you know it's having this negative impact on my life and all my friends around me they drink the same it looks the same why are they not thinking about it and I was like

you know, that is a really good question. Why does some of us become aware to the level that we want to do something about it, you know, and then like not feeling alone and plugging in to make those changes? It is. That's a really good question. And I've never really thought of it that way. But I went through something very similar early on where I would look around at everyone else and think, why this is not fair.

Why am I the one not drinking? Like everybody else is having a good time, enjoy in life, drinking without issue. It's not always like that, but you think it is. Why am I the one who has to give it up? And I have these little mini pity parties for me for myself that I would get through. But yeah, I felt some of that. And that is an interesting way to look at it is why, you know, because there is. There's something inside all of us who make this decision that just gnaws at us.

And I think in the book I describe it as like, you know, for me, it started out as a whisper. And over the years, that whisper gets a little louder and it gets a little more intense. And then you quiet it down for a while. And then it comes back, it always comes back. And then eventually it just comes back and it's screaming at you and to the point where you can't ignore it any longer. But I'm grateful for it. I don't know where exactly that comes from. But I'm extremely grateful for it because it led me to this place.

Yeah, and that's actually kind of where the chat went with her because I was like, I have no idea. I don't know why some of us have that awareness about it and want to make changes. But I was like, you know, we could flip it around and look at it like what you just mentioned. Like, thank goodness. Yeah. And we had that sort of those thoughts or those feelings or things happened that way so that it came on our radar that we could make changes. There was like this quote that I saw a long time ago. It was just like I would rather be aware of sort of what's going on than just be in denial forever, like for entire life.

You know, and I think that's a real possibility when it comes to struggling with alcohols. We could, you know, I mean, you can stay in denial for like for our whole lives. We could be and just push it down and just not want to like look at it at all. But it keeps coming up. Like you said, it's like kind of like even when people, you know, get a little taste of sobriety too, you hear it a lot, like, you can't change what you know. So even if you get a little bit of time without drinking and then go back to it, like there's kind of that spot to where it's like,

I don't want to say that it's ruined all the way, but it's ruined a little bit, right? Because you're like, I know a better life. I know I can feel better. And I know that things can improve and now I'm, you know, kind of back to it. Yeah, I think I didn't necessarily identify it like this at the time, but I think some of what it comes down to is just,

you just want something better. something inside you is like, I think there's something better out there than what I'm doing right now. And at the time when I was in the thick of it, you know, I didn't identify it as that. I identified it as I'm tired of what drinking is doing to me. I'm tired of how it's making me feel. I'm tired of how it's making me feel about myself. And, you know, I'm just, I got to the point where I was just like, the negative started to outweigh the positives. And that's how I was looking at it at the time.

But I think as you get some more perspective on it, another way to flip it is you want something better than what you're doing in the moment. And that's a good thing. That will always lead you to a good place, no matter what it involves, whether it be a personal relationship, a job issue, whatever.

Wanting to move forward and wanting to grow and wanting to evolve and wanting something better if something is not, you know, living up to your internal standards, you know, that's never a bad thing. Yeah. No, so true. But it's always that fear of the unknown, you know, because we get comfortable in sort of what we're doing. Even though it's maybe providing consequences or having consequences in our life, it's breaking that cycle.

And I think there's a big part of that goes into not drinking is about stepping into the unknown of how things might be, right? and challenging maybe our beliefs around alcohol, that it has to be involved and that it's so connected maybe to our identity, right, and our social lubrication that it provides for us connecting in, you know, different areas and everything. What have things, as things come up, I mean, as you're working through this, how are you navigating social situations? Does it even come up anymore that you're not drinking, that people notice?

I mean, what does all of that look like as you kind of go through the years of not drinking? Yeah, you know, it gets a lot easier. because the social part was tough for me in that I didn't, I guess I didn't see some of it coming. You know, when I thought of quitting drinking before I quit, I was confining it to kind of like, how am I going to do this?

How am I going to, you know, do Friday nights and Saturday nights without putting a drape to my lip and going down that road? What I didn't account for was kind of the mental exercise and the mental anxiety, the psychological, how weird it felt to be in a social situation and not be drinking. That was very strange to me,

and that it was awkward and it was uncomfortable, and I thought it was going to last forever, and it didn't. And so the social part has gotten much, much easier. I've gone from, you know, wanting to hide the fact that I'm not drinking in a social situation to actually wanting people to know that I am a non-drinker in social situations.

And that's just getting more comfortable with it myself. And we just got back from a spring break trip with a bunch of other families and our kids, and I was the only one who doesn't drink. That kind of trip would have been unimaginable for me, you know, five years ago. I would not have known how to navigate that. And now I do. And it just takes time. And you just got to do the things sometimes.

You just got to do, I always tell people, you know, those first time sober things, whether it be a concert or a work event or a, or just a Friday night out with your friends. But the bigger ones, like trips and vacations, sometimes you've got to do them. And you'll learn, like, what works and what doesn't. You'll make mistakes. And that's fine. It's just a process, I think.

But that doesn't mean I'm 100% comfortable, you know, I'm always, I'm usually. always aware that I'm usually one of the only persons in a social setting not drinking. You know, I'm still aware of that on some level. But I don't have anxiety about those situations like I did at one time. I've gotten much better at knowing how to handle them. And, you know, I get to bed earlier on trips now when, which is nice. I'd feel better in the morning. Yeah, there's always that bigger picture of things too.

Yeah, because that's a big thing. A lot of people get caught up on, I think, too, is how are we going to approach the social situations? And I love what you said, too, right? It's like practicing. It's just like anything else. You got to go in there, have a game plan for yourself, have some support ready. And like, I think it's, you know, it's getting, there's a lot more and more people that are choosing

not to drink. I think in today's world and kind of talking about it more, which, you know, I find for me anyway, like, makes it a lot easier, right? To share and stuff, right? But I noticed, too, you know, when I go to a lot of places, like, I think we're all worried that, you know, we're going to have a target on our back because we're not drinking. And I notice places I go to, like, nobody even notices half of the time. You know, you're right. I just bring my own stuff, whether it be any drinks or, you know, a root beer, whatever it is. And I have something. And like, everybody's just carrying on. And sometimes I just work it up in my head to be this thing. Oh, yeah. I'm just like, oh, my gosh. Like, come on, man. I did a lot of that. that, you know, working up stuff in my own head that was unnecessary and unwarranted. But yeah, we do that.

We tell ourselves stories, and we think we know how something's going to go, but you're right. People don't care nearly as much as we think they do. And, you know, the other thing is, I drink NA eight beers. I know some people don't, and I'll have a mock tale every once in a while.

The availability of those drinks is so much better now than it was even five years ago. And that helps, too. You know, when you're sitting by the pool and everyone's having a drink, for me, having a mocktail or an NA beer just makes me feel a little, one, I like them, but it makes me feel a little less, you know, odd man out sort of thing. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, I mean, it's kind of like getting plugged in. I'm the same way. If I go hang out with buddies or neighbors or whatever it is, right? Yeah, just bring my own stuff. They're all doing their thing. Yeah. You know, for me, too, I just look at it so much differently than I once did. You know, I mean, this is a, for me, this is a choice I'm making.

I don't come from a spot of like, I can't drink. I mean, because the reality is I could leave this meeting, go to the store, whatever. There's nothing stopping me. And I just look at it as an empowering thing for myself of like, this is a choice I'm making. And it's not like I'm missing out on something. And it's not like, poor me. It's just like, hey, this is a choice you're making because you know that this provides a more stable and better life for me. for my family, for everybody around me.

Everything is not perfect by any means. But this is how I like to show up. So I find that when I go into those situations, it's like I just tell myself, hey, this is a choice you made to improve every aspect of your life and be proud of it. You don't have to hide behind this big story that people might think the way your life looked and everything.

It's just like this is a choice I'm making it. I feel like that really helps me build and have the confidence to, you know, go forward with it. That's a great spot to be in because you, I mean, you said it. Once you, I feel the same way, and you mentioned empowering, and it's funny because this is, and again, this was something else I didn't expect to feel from making the decision to quit drinking. But when you do something that at one point you thought was impossible, and I did at one point think quitting drinking was nearly impossible.

Not because I couldn't necessarily physically do it, but because like, why would you do that? Why would you ever want to take drinking out of your life? It just seems so, like, it's like someone asking you to cut off your right arm. Like, why would you do something like that? And so when you think that, and then you do it and you kind of conquer that mountain, I mean, that makes you feel like you can do just about anything. I mean, it's been the most empowering thing that I've done for myself in my lifetime.

And once you make a decision to do something that you think at one point is impossible, that's incredibly powerful. And to your point, when you get to a stage where this life you've created, at least this is how I feel, is so much better. And it's so much better for me and my family. and my kids and my wife and our relationships. I'm a better dad. I'm a better partner.

I'm a better employee. It's improved every part of my life. And you're right. So when you get to that point, it's very, it's much easier to live that on a day-to-day basis. And, you know, I know some people say when you're asked the question, do you think you'll ever drink again? You know, some people will say,

where you're only supposed to talk about today. But, you know, the way I feel about it is, hell no, I'm never going to drink again. Like, I have, I have no desire, no desire to go back to that because what I've found on this side is so much better for me. And I just love it more. And why would I give that up? Yeah.

It's also about incorporating the lifestyle changes, too, to where, like, I talk about it sometimes, creating, like, that massive distance between us and in the alcohol, right, is all these things we do and all these other things we learn throughout this journey is creating massive distance. But changing our lifestyle to one to where alcohol just doesn't really make sense. I think for me, like, you know, it is always like that percentage. Obviously things can go sideways. But I'm just like my lifestyle now is so far away. Alcohol doesn't fit in. But like as previous, the way I was living, alcohol was everywhere, right? I didn't really want to

go out to places where they weren't serving alcohol. and I would do it, but I was always like, oh, that's kind of a... You were annoyed about it. Yeah, I was like, come on. Like the fair, like they don't start serving alcohol until like one o'clock or something. I was like, well, we'll have to go after one, you know? Right. But all these things, you...

But at the time, I was kind of in the clouds about it. I didn't even really realizing that my subconscious was like wanting alcohol to be involved in all these areas and sometimes it would creep over to what I was actually thinking. But it was like working 24-7 to keep me safe and keep me... where I was comfortable even though I wasn't, you know? Yeah. So it's like making those lifestyle changes as well to where it just really doesn't make any sense to go back to it. You know, like it's just the dreaded anxiety.

Having life revolve around something and it's so nice for me to wake up today and, you know, for years to not. The first thought I used to have was like, how am I going to drink today kind of deal or when can I drink again? feeling like garbage. And I'm just like, come on, this is, this is unbelievable, man, that this is the first thing you're thinking about. It's just great freedom, man. Anything else, Todd, do you, anything else you want to mention before we wrap things up? The only other thing, I always try to tell people if they're contemplating,

making a change, or they're early on, and they have decided to quit, and they're early on, or they're taking a break and they're trying to decide what to do is, you know, And I realize words from other people only go so far. You know, something you just got to do them yourselves. But I always tell people, you know, quitting drinking was the hardest decision I've ever made because of all the stuff we, you know, we've talked about before. And then we talked about today, but there's so much baggage that comes with it in our society, so much baggage.

And as we've talked about, it's a terrifying decision. It was the hardest decision I ever made. If I had known then what I know now, it would have been the easiest decision. So, you know, if you're wondering, take a little bit of a leap and, you know, check back and I'll bet you in a year from now or six months or whatever. If you're out there and you're thinking about doing this, you'll feel similarly that. Yeah. And you're right about that. Like what we share with people is only going to take them so far.

things in life, you're just going to have to give it a shot, check it out. Yeah. Yeah. It kind of report back, right? And they kind of reflect back to where you were. You have to go into the weeds with things. You know, if I had the power to do it for them, man, I would be out there working 24-7, man. I would be nice, yeah. But it's just not the reality. I mean, at some point, we have to show up for ourselves in that sense, right? We have to make it happen. So I love that, man. Well, thanks, Todd. Great connecting again, as always. Thanks, Brad. Thanks for having me.

Keep doing what you're doing. You're doing a lot of good work, my friend. Well, there it is. You hear from Todd. Ever since I connected with Todd, he's been an amazing supporter of the podcast. Always love connecting with him. He's joined us in the community, too, as well, to share his story. And a lot of people have checked out his book.

I didn't believe it either. And if you're looking for a book to read, maybe that's the next one you pick up from your audio books or from Amazon. So thank you again, Todd. And it's great to hear where things are and how it's still going with you, that alcohol was once a mountain that just didn't seem possible to climb. And now here we are. All things are possible. Let's check in with Jersey Mike. Welcome back, everyone.

We got Mike, aka Jersey Mike, with us today. How are you? What up, Braz? Hey, man, it's been too long since we've, uh, we've, connected here on video, man. It's great to see you. It's good to see you too, brother. Yeah. And third time father, man, and husband. And husband too. Yes, man. Congrats with all of that, man. Another beautiful story of sort of like the whole sobriety recovery thing. You know, we were chatting a little bit before jumping on here. And I find it, you know, from where I said, an interesting

aspect of your journey, right? You have a lot of people know you for your clips in the hospital and what you went through there and the toll alcohol took on your life, especially when you came on the podcast sharing. And I remember like it was yesterday, man, the paramedics showing up and just wanted to finish what you had, not wanted to go get help. And then even after that, too, we chatted too, you know, many, many times about where things were for you. Even after all of that stuff went down, right? You're in sort of this spot. I'll let you share the story of that to just highlight the progress that you've made since then. Yeah, man.

I remember back then when I first started sharing my story, how kind of, kind of nervous I was that I still was trying to drink in moderation and try to shed some light on the dangers of alcohol. And you were first person. Because I had spoken with Sober Dave and things kicked off with Sober Dave in a direction. and we went over everything, but I definitely know that I feel like I made the sober community a little uncomfortable with the fact that I had almost died from drinking and was still living a life trying to find a safe place in moderation.

And I remember talking to you, man, and how just great you made me feel like how supportive if you were and you just made me feel great about what I had done, even though I was still in a kind of dark place, still trying to find out what I want to do here. And that just kicked off my entire fucking life back then, Brad. Like, yes, you know, it led a chain of events that that support put me in a place to not feel under so much pressure and allow the idea of sobriety kind of flow into my life organically, man.

And that was all through talking to you back then, you know? The voice chats, yeah, man, the voice memos on Instagram. You know, it's so interesting, man, because, I mean, I've worked with so many people, especially when I worked in a residential rehab setting. Looking back, we would have people live with us for six months. And their first day out, they'd be back doing what they were. maybe not to the degree, maybe not the same substance. But it always kind of baffled me, man, to be honest, like, how can we be doing this?

And like, people did well and then go back to it. I really, when I reflect on that, I really understand that this thing has to happen when people are ready for it to happen, when they're at that spot where they get it that they're going to end up in a place they don't want to if they kind of keep it going. So I've always been one to have sort of that approach in some senses of like, I could sit here and tell you and I mean, everybody else, hey, don't drink alcohol. It's not good for you. But it doesn't really work as simple as that. But you always hung around, man. That's what I always loved about you. You're always asking questions. You're always hung around. You're always honest with where you're at. And I think if I just had to guess here,

That just takes down a lot of the guilt and shame that going through this can place on us and really keep us stuck, man. Just being honest about, you know what? This is where I'm at with my life. And I've always appreciated that with you. Well, thank you, man. And that was the, I guess that was one of the tougher parts for me was that, that guilt and that shame because I still had an urge. Still had these, like, thoughts. I still had FOMO.

and for most people when they look at my story they think man for him to want to have a drink after what happened to him he must be out of his mind he must be you know completely gone but this is what the pressure of not only addiction can do but also society you know one of my biggest things back then was and i remember we talked about it was was dating was getting back on the social scene, you know. I was single and I was trying to figure out how I could navigate in social settings. And I remember, you know, as scary of a story as it was with what happened to me with alcohol, the other scariest night of my life second to almost dying was the first night I drank after getting sick. And I had a date that I was going to be on and I got a bottle of alcohol

and, you know, took it out and, like, started crying, man. I started crying looking at that thing because I felt like there's no way I'm going to be able to navigate socially in this world without it. And I remember just taking that first shot and just how intense it's scary it was because I had no clue what was going to happen to me or my body and after everything I'd been through. But being honest and having people like yourself still show me. support and still give me positive feedback from where I was to where I was at, even still

moderately drinking is what really made me feel like the doors opened by themselves for me to step into sobriety, you know, like it made it safe for me. Yeah. Help keep you around, right? And then when you're ready to make the move, maybe an easier transition. So how do things look like for you now? I mean, give us a snapshot of the last couple of years in your life and how things are going. So, dude, after meeting you and I think it was like six months went by that I was still navigating,

trying to find my plan out here without goal, I finally got sober, man. And that door of wanting to be sober led on to. to me meeting a beautiful woman named Natalie that was also to, you know, the responsibility to is given to your show, man. Not only did my sobriety, I feel like came from our relationship and from sober motivation, but meeting my wife did as well because she, you know, Natalie found me on your page. And that's how we met. As crazy as it is, that's how I met my wife was through you, man. It's a small world out there, man.

It's so small. Sometimes anyway, feels that way. Yeah, man. And, you know, we met, hit it off, fell in love. She moved all the way from Detroit to New Jersey. We got married. She got pregnant. We have a beautiful baby boy now.

Now we're a family of five. My two boys. And Kai, so Jade and Mason and Kai and Natalie and her cat. my dog Nala and Angelica man and it's like wow five years ago I was 280 pounds swollen dying from liver failure and in the air I'm a I'm a new father and new husband how crazy dude how crazy what a trip huh it is man it's so wild how like sobriety can collapse time in some senses about what we can accomplish um just how it allows us to be president attract different things into our life.

You know what I mean? We're putting that energy out there for all that sort of stuff and to get back good and make these things happen. And I mean, what's it like now family of five plus two pets? I mean, that's like family of seven, man. What's it been for you, that experience? Wow. Yeah, man.

It's all just such a trip that sometimes I don't feel like I got a just a second chance. I feel like I got a second life, an entire second life. because the two lives are just so completely opposite of where I was before and where I'm at now. And I would have never in my like deepest dreams, man, would have thought before that I could be here. In any timeline, nonetheless, you know, five years, somebody would have told me when I was sick back then. You're going to have a kid. You're going to marry someone. You're going to get sober.

You're going to get your life together. Your boys are going to grow up. you're going to have your kids. I just never would have thought that these things would be possible, but it is all due to this journey of loving myself and caring about myself for the long run and not this fomo shit and all the shit from the past. Yeah, the fomo, yeah. Interesting question here.

I don't know if you're going to relate to this at all, but I often think back to how everything went for me in my life And some people, you know, they ask you from time to time. Like, would you go back and change things? And I'm so skeptical. And my answer would be like, just a quick one, not given a much thought, would be no. Because if you told me like 15 years ago, this is how my life was going to be. Like, for one, I would say, okay, that's, you know, that's a little bit wild here.

There's no way that's possible. But it's so good now and just so much peace and there's so many opportunities that I never thought were possible in my life. and to feel a certain way and to look at myself a certain way, and to show up in a certain way. I'm not talking about the zeros in the bank account or anything. That stuff doesn't really matter rather than to keep the lights on. But I wouldn't go back and change anything, even though it was reckless and everything,

because the way I look at it with that sort of question is like, if we change one little detail, I mean, you think about one little detail in life, we don't meet the people that we have in our life, now. You know what I mean? Like, hey, that's literally all it would take was just one thing. What are your thoughts on that, man? I completely agree with you. I wouldn't take it back either, man. Not only do we not get the people in our life if one little details changed, but we don't get who we are today to be, you know, fully, fully there as well. It's like, we're only the people

that we are today because of the experiences and the things that we went through. And I've been asked that question before and people put comments on the video. Like, how could you not regret becoming an alcoholic and, you know, your kids seeing that and all of this stuff? And I'm like, well, this is what I needed to get to where I'm at today. You know, unfortunately for others, it may be worse. Unfortunately for others, it may be less. but in my case, it was exactly what I needed to get here.

So I don't regret anything, man. It's all to be cherished as a gift in what makes us who we are today, bro. I completely agree with you. Yeah, I love that too about those previous experiences sort of built who we are today. And it's still work in progress for me anyway, definitely. And I know you're on the same wavelength with a lot of that stuff too. is like we're still learning, we're still growing, we still make mistakes, you know. I still don't get it right all the time with the kids or with my wife or with everything. But I have a ton more

willingness in my life today than I ever did before, willing to learn, willing to not always be right and willing to put the ego and everything else aside to be able to move forward and build a relationship. Man, one thing I was thinking about that just came to me before we were jumping on here. Man, I remember so many times when we'd post up your story, man. I would always see mama in the chats. Like, how are things there where your relationships, you know, with your mom and stuff? Her support for you and everything. I mean, it's evident if you've ever read. I don't know if you've seen the comment. Yeah, right? But I mean, I think it's just incredible, man. She's so proud of you for how far you've come. She, she is. And I love my mom to death, you know.

She's actually visiting right now. She's in New Jersey. She's at her friend's house. I love my mom to death, man, and I'm still a work in progress as well in all aspects of becoming a better man, a better son. You know, I feel like I could never repay her

or take away the pain of the things I put her through. And she's always there, like my biggest fan in every video, I do and every live I do she comes in and jolts to like give me support and you know she's like a inspiration to me on how I want to that kind of unconditional love I want to give I want to give my kids but all of this man is like where the work is you know like you said before the getting sober part I thought even after a year's sobriety man I'm like where's the fucking magic where the where where is everything right supposed to be happening

And it's like, man, now was the time for me to like start working on my anger issues, my patience, the way that I speak to people, my tone. I've been trying to work on cursing, like all these, all these like different parts of myself that like the doors of sobriety open to start working on the deep stuff, the real deep stuff that like I hadn't looked at for most of my adult life. and still working. And I feel like I'll be working forever. I'll be working until I die to try to be the best man that I can be because the sobriety has allowed that kind of positivity and love to flourish in me. I want to be a good man.

I want to be good to others. And I want to change in a positive way and help others too. Not just be an example for my kids, but help others. Yeah, it's just a work in progress too and about, you know, the sobriety and not drinking increases our level of awareness to what else we could potentially work on. I share about this from time to time. It's like that double-edged sword right now. There's no running. There's no hiding from it. We're always aware of, you know, where we can improve. It can become a lot at times, right? It can become a lot. Yeah, I'm thinking as somebody, Mike, who's kind of feels stuck

in that moderation hamster wheel or the back and forth of let me try this and maybe things will be different. I mean, was there anything really key in you breaking free from that cycle that you could share? Yeah. The biggest thing was for me, putting my thoughts to rest at a place where I was open to the idea of sobriety, but I had still a flood of thoughts, especially when it comes to authority. It's like, I remember even in the first podcast telling you like, when I go out, I just want the option. Even if I'm not drinking, I just want the freaking option. I don't want to feel odd in comparison to others and feeling like, man, if I give up the option, I'm not like everybody else. I just finally got to a place where my energy was drained of fighting for this

option and going to dinners thinking, okay, everything was just still planned around alcohol. And I couldn't, like you said, once you're aware, you're aware, I couldn't bullshit myself anymore. I saw where I was at. I saw I was unhappy, even more unhappy in this pursuit of moderation. And the couple of times that I had stepped into stopping drinking, I was happier. And I finally said enough was enough. I knew living this way was not going to give me longevity and being here for my kids. kids given what my liver had been through and I knew what I was chasing I was never going to

find in that route and I finally gave up I gave up looking for the rabbit yeah so a lot of people talk about surrender right like surrender to win you know and it's kind of like this uh you know maybe different than other areas of our life but just like giving up just trying to make it all work trying to make it all work out and like we're getting the evidence every time we're trying we're trying that like the research is more and more research and it's like we're always ending up at the same place with things how is your health doing these days great man my liver's doing well my kidneys are well i'm in the best shape of my life even before my coma you know things as far as the way that i my health when i was drinking heavily even before liver failure i'm healthier than i

was then so yeah i have no no complaint to me I'm so, so happy to be here, so happy to be present, you know, and in the moment of things. It's crazy. It is, man. What are the thoughts you have, especially from some of those videos and pictures and stuff?

I mean, even your physical appearance, I mean, you can't even really recognize from one to the other. The thought I have and the thought that I try to give others when I see myself or go through, my videos is just like please really believe that if you want something, no matter where you're at, you can get there. Anything really is possible if you can surrender and let go. And much faster than you think.

It's like it's truly a magic power when you step into yourself and stop running from everything that's really going to allow you to break free from the chains of addiction. It's like anything is possible. Believe that. If you don't believe it, just look where I was and look at where I'm at now. And it's fair, man. Anything is possible. Yeah, well, what I mean with the right amount of work and stuff? Anything else you want to mention? Man, I just want to say how much I love you, Brad. I love the sober motivation community. I love the online community, man. It's the most comfortable, vulnerable, real place I've ever been in that, that kind of set my life to be on the path of where it's at. And that's from you to everybody that's in the community.

Man, it's the amount of support from people, even when I was going through tough times prior to getting sober is amazing. And it's completely changed my life. So I love all of you, man. thank you guys for for helping me get to where I'm at because I didn't get here by myself. I got here through, through God, through love, through friends, through family, and everybody that I talk to on a daily basis that I've met through through your channel, man. So thank you. Yeah, well, of course, man. Of course. You know, I can't remember the first time we shared something, but it had a great response, man. Had a really good response. I was happy to see it, man, because, yeah, like you said, you were kind of in that spot

of like, can I still have a life with that out? I think what we all really want is we want the life with alcohol that we had at one point in time. Like, I look back to like when I first started drinking and I was sort of like, not really a loner, but I was really uncomfortable and I was, I had a lot of insecurities and a lot of anxiety. And I remember the first time I drank, man, everything just melted away. And I was like the coolest kid at the party. It's like, you got to picture this, I go from like this pretty much nobody to like all of a sudden everybody wants to to be a part of this whole drinking thing. And I think for a lot of years, I was just chasing for that to like replay. And what I realized at the end is that it was never going to be that way again.

Like that ship sailed. And I think for a lot of us, like we're looking for that to be the reality. And then you mentioned another thing there too. I thought it was interesting about like it sounded to me anyway, like reservations, right? Like reservations about should I make these changes and what is life going to look like and my identity is linked up to this and how am I still going to, you know, make it in this world and be comfortable and stuff, you know, all like very real things that so many of us go to. It's just, I'm proud of you, dude. I'm just sitting here like I have all the videos playing through my mind.

I have all the times we connected and just to see your growth. But you know what, Brad, you couldn't have said it better, man. And that's that, I was in that same place. Me and Natalie were talking about that the other day. It's chasing that feeling. It's chasing, you know, that, that good time that we remember. But the cases were different people now. And we've been through a lot of, a lot of different things since those, you know, since

those experiences. And I guess that's, I guess that's like the, when you get to that spot of being aware where you see you're on a loop of chasing something, you're never going to find again. you have a moment to go deeper and keep looking or leave and see what's on the other side. And the unknown is scary, but you have all of us on this side to tell you it's much better here. So it's like, come out here, come to this side, man. And that's how you brought me here. And it wasn't by force.

It wasn't by, you know, telling me I'm doing wrong. It was just like, hey, man, we're here. And whenever you want, we'll still be here. So keep going, proud of you. And that's what brought me over to this side, man. Yeah, good stuff, man. Anything else, Mike? That's it, bro.

Fucking, yo, everyone kick ass. Do your thing, man. Live your life. Love your friends and family. And do what's best for you and get to where you got to get. You know, life is about happiness. And I'm much like you, the same love that you gave me that brought me over to this side is the kind that I like to share with others that.

You know, there's a whole beautiful life on the side of being sober. And whoever's ready to step on this side, you know, it's nothing but love over here. So, yeah, man. Awesome, dude. Thank you. Thank you, Brad. Well, there it is, everyone. Three updates for you.

I hope you enjoyed this podcast format, just catching up with some previous guests, maybe getting a little bit deeper. Huge shout out to Mike for just bringing the vulnerability and bringing the honesty. With everything he went through, he's right. It is hard at times, maybe for others to wrap their head around that he would be drinking again and considering drinking and trying to make it all work out. So happy, man, Mike, that you're in a better place now, brother. I'm always grateful for the friendship. If you enjoyed this format of this episode, be sure to send me a note over on Instagram.

If you're not enjoying it, save me all of the time that is going into scheduling, recording, editing. All of these episodes together, and we can do something else with all of that. And on a last note, if you're struggling and need support, just consider the sober motivation community. All three of these people here and a lot of people that have been on the podcast have, in one way or another, be involved with the community to help them get to where they are today. Sometimes it's that one thing when we step out of our comfort zone and do something that just scares us so much that might be the thing that we've been missing all of this time

to make this work for us. If you want to join, I'll drop the link down on the show notes below. If you have any questions, send me a message. I'll be there. I'll answer them for you and help you out with making your decision if it would be a good fit. But we do have a free trial. So my number one suggestion is just jump in there, check it out, join some meetings, meet the community members.

and you never know. Maybe there's one or two that can relate to your story. And I'll see you on the next one.