Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Sobriety Years Later With Dave and Les. - Updates

Episode Date: August 11, 2025

In this episode, I reconnect with two guests, Dave G and Les, from the Sober Motivation Community. Dave G shares his journey to becoming 2056 days sober, detailing his struggles with alcohol and its impact on his life and family. He reflects on how sharing his story has been cathartic and has helped others. Les, who has been sober since 1981, discusses his journey from being a daily blackout drinker to finding a sense of belonging in the sobriety community. He emphasizes the importance of continuous progress and learning in maintaining long-term sobriety.   00:00 Introduction and Welcome 00:19 Dave G's Sobriety Journey Begins 01:47 The Struggles and Realizations 05:02 The Turning Point 06:58 Maintaining Sobriety and Reflections 11:05 Challenges and Coping Mechanisms 23:26 Community and Personal Growth 26:37 Final Thoughts and Reflections 29:21 Embracing Life's Journey 30:50 The Power of Sobriety 32:55 Les's Sobriety Journey 48:43 Finding Community and Support 55:54 Maintaining Progress and Moving Forward 01:08:13 Concluding Thoughts and Community Spirit

How's it going, everyone? Welcome back to another update episode. Got two of my good pals with me today. Dave G. and Les, both members of the Suburmotivation community, and it's been just incredible to get to know them over the months and the years in all the meetings and everything else. So I hope you enjoyed these two stories. And now let's start off with Dave G's update episode. Welcome back to another update episode. We got Dave with us today. Dave, how are you? Doing great, Brad. How are you? Yeah, man, I'm well. I'm glad to connect again. The first episode we connected onto. Vaguely, I remember to, like, I don't know if it was that you were unsure about sharing the story,

but it was probably the first time, right? It was really cool experience, man. Yeah, it was. I'll be lying if I didn't say it wasn't cathartic for me because it was good, but it was, it's not something that comes naturally to me. I'm glad I did it. I got a lot of great feedback from the community. I didn't anticipate that. But it was nice to see a lot of people relate to my story

and hopefully I was able to help in some small way. Yeah. Oh, I know it did. I know it did, man. And I think at the end of the day, too, like I always go into it with this, right? To keep the pressure off, maybe myself and the guest that join is, it's going to help somebody we know that.

But even if it doesn't, let's just say it doesn't. I think both of us have an opportunity to grow in that moment. that we spent together and how things have been sent. So I look at it like, okay, if it helps people in the world gravy, but at the end of the day, it's going to help the two of us that are here. That's right. It's a good thing. It's the right thing to do.

And that's any more. That's how I try to live my life, do good things and just do the right thing. Yeah. For anybody who didn't catch the first episode we connected on, give us the Cliff Notes version. Yeah. Cliff Notes version is, today I am, Two thousand, fifty six days sober.

So about five years, so I'll be six years in December. I, after decades, almost three decades of drinking quite a bit. So started when I was, you know, probably 15, 16. And my drinking was, I hear a lot of people talk about, you know, drinking to fit in or relieve their social anxiety and things like that. Mine was a little bit different and everybody's just different, right?

Mine was I, for whatever reason, I grew up. up with a lot of feelings of guilt and shame and I still struggle with that. But, you know, when I started drinking, it was the answer for me, right? It slowed my brain down. It really calmed the chaos in my mind because before that, everything was so urgent right in the moment. Yeah, I started drinking when I was 15 and partied in high school. I had a great family life. still do. But yeah, just had that guilt and shame feeling and the alcohol really was able to quell that. Yeah. So ramped up in my late teens and 20s of college, like so many people it always does because

you're off with no responsibilities other than going to class and getting an education. But that gave secondary to drinking. And my drinking wasn't necessarily a party thing. Yes, we partied, but I was drinking every night because it became necessary. And that's probably when I can really point to now I can in the moment, but I couldn't. But now pointing back, that's when I know a problem is really developing. I don't know if people are born alcoholics or if they're, or if they get created as an alcoholic. But I think it's always been inside me.

And I really, I really fostered it. in my 20s. But, you know, I graduated college, did fairly well. I've always had a good circle of friends and good family life. Got into my 30s, and that's when it really started to ramp up in terms of consequences and motivation, which to me is what my alcoholism really comes down to is, is motivation and consequences, right? Why are you drinking and what price are you willing to pay for your drinking?

and, you know, I needed it. And my brain became dependent on it. I couldn't function without it. And then the consequences were, you know, I was, first of all, my health, not just my mental health, but my physical health. And the pain and struggle I was putting my family through. My career was, I wouldn't say suffering, but I just wasn't, I wasn't sharp. I know I could feel my cognitive decline after just years. of just poison.

You know, we all, I try to quit several times like we all do. Try to moderate the same old story as old as time. Try to switch from booze to beer. It never really worked. The moment I got sober, it was a moment of clarity, a true moment of clarity, but it wasn't born from some, you know, love for myself or desire for me to get better. It was born from the knowledge that I was that I was hurting my wife and my family. I wasn't there from my daughter.

She was five years old at the time. I wasn't there for my wife. It came down to a critical moment when she found a receipt for a bottle of vodka that was just dated the day before. One of the many bottles I had hit around the house, right? And at that point, there was no anger, no, no, I'm going to leave you, kind of thing. At that point, she said, I'm going to Al-Anon.

And that one hit me like right in the chest. Because up until that point, I was naively, I just naively thought that this was just affecting me, that it was my issue and it wasn't having consequences on anyone else. And the knowledge that it was affecting her, it was affecting my daughter. And the fact that she still loved me and she didn't want to leave me, but she had to learn how to live with an alcoholic. That was sobering for a lack of a better term. That was finally it.

I went and I did an outpatient therapy, which was great. And I learned a lot in that. One of the big things was alcohol does not discriminate, right? There was a wide range of people of different backgrounds, different ethnicities, just different personalities. So I learned that it doesn't necessarily target one type of person. And everybody's got a different story, right? Everybody's got a different journey and a different reason to treat. But more importantly, everybody's got a different reason.

Yeah. Thanks for sharing all that, man. It brings back the memories, two of the first time we connected to and, you know, obviously getting to know you in the community and stuff over the month since. Interesting question I have for you too. I think for a lot of people share and maybe relatable to you, just the idea of quitting is just, it feels impossible.

Like, it's just, it's like, I'll be drinking till, you know, the end of time. And then, you know,

you have this incident with your, where your wife is like, I have to learn how to, you know, live with you being an alcoholic type thing, and that hits you, you know, right in the chest there.

Even a week before, I mean, did you even, a week before you quit, did you think that would be your reality? No. No, and that's something that people really need to realize, people who are listening and may be thinking that that's not possible. It is. And I'm living proof of that. I didn't think, I thought that it was going to be my life. And not because, mostly because of an acceptance, right? Because I accepted, that's how I lived. And it could, because I wasn't bottoming out. Yes, I had issues with the law over the years. Yes, I've, I've had terrible experiences where I almost died. But, you know, when I quit in my early 40s, it was, I didn't, I wasn't experiencing that anymore.

It was just a constant state of go to work, come home, drink, go to work, come home drink, go to work, come home drink. Go to work, come home drink. So I thought that was my life. So I accepted it and the knowledge that I could quit wasn't there. So when I was finally able to do it, it is the older adage. It's one day at a time. You know, every day is a fight, right? And to this day, like I said, I'm over five years sober, and every day is a fight.

But it's worth it. The fight is worth it. And if you can just fight for that first day, to fight through that first day, you're going to find the courage and the strength inside you that you didn't realize you had. And then every day after that, it's when you wake up in the morning, it's the knowledge that you won the fight from the day before. So I live my life with that knowledge, with going to bed saying, okay, you did it, do it again tomorrow. Yeah. One time, right? Yeah, exactly.

Before we scoot forward, if that's okay. Yeah, please. I just wanted to touch on that too because a lot of us, too. I mean, I never knew the last drink I was going to have would be my last. You know, it's so weird, right? It's so, you know, the thing about it is this, Dave, that kind of baffles me is we try all of these different things, right? Time and time again, you talk about, you know, moderation and switching this and I'm going

to quit. You know, of course, Sunday or when Monday comes, I'm going to quit. And then you have these series of events, right, that kind of happened. And everybody has different events, right? For you, it's, you know, that conversation with your wife and everybody has this thing. And then you get on this journey to quit. And I think we get so hard on ourselves, right? Because we've done all of this stuff.

A lot of us have anyway. And it just didn't work out the way we wanted it to. and then we have something happened and then we quit drinking. But I think that's a good point, like you said, to hit home for people because if somebody's listening and they're in that spot right now where like, oh, my life was going to always be drinking. I can't even see a sliver of my life without drinking to let people know that like, we were all there too. It wasn't like, I think, for a lot of people, like, you know, things just, we saw it and

it just like we manifested it and it came to life. I think it was something happened and it was like, okay, now I've got to head in this direction. But it's so possible that you never know when that's going to be. It could be today for somebody tomorrow and then all of a sudden you're heading in a different direction. So I think that's just an interesting part of the story. Yeah, I think you bring up a good point. It's not some fairy tale movie thing. It's not some glorious moment where the clouds part and you're struck by lighting.

Maybe for some people it is me. It wasn't. It was a slog. Life is hard. tough and it's messy and it's beautiful and it's special and it's worth fighting for. Yeah. All the good and all the bad is is worth the fight and alcohol and drugs just kind of make you unable to win those fights.

So that's what's so special about it and the ability to feel that makes you stronger. And if you can't experience that specialness of life, including those bad feelings, which are special too in their own way, you're not aware of the joy that you can feel on the other side of it, right? So there is that on the other side. You just need to get to tomorrow. And if you can't, like I said, every day is a fight, but it's beautiful and it's joyous and it's satisfying. If you can't overcome those challenges and win those fights, you might not even recognize that you have the option, the ability to fight back.

So just do that one day and get to that next day. And it never gets easy, right? I heard this somewhere. I've heard it in multiple places, but it never gets, for me at least, it never gets easy. It just gets less hard. So I know some people don't even think about drinking anymore. I do. I still do every day.

But it's not like it's constantly like, you know, gnawing at me. It's just a reminder that it's always there and a reminder that you need to put in the work. You know, and normal people don't necessarily have to worry about that. Everybody's got problems and struggles in life. but non-alcoholics, they don't have to deal with that fight every day. We do. So finding that reason to quit holding onto it and recognizing every day that it's worth fighting for for me, the key to long-term sobriety.

And it's something that's kept me sober. Yeah. No, that's beautiful. And I mean, I think even after five years, I mean, there's just your general stats out there, right? That after five years, it really, you know, you jump into kind of a new category. I don't have it in front of me, obviously, but I just know from memory seeing it too, you know, that long-term sobriety. And, you know, for things to keep going in this direction, too.

Yeah. Looking back, it's not discouraging to anyone because after five years, like I said, it is still a fight, but it's more special than anything. Just for me, though, it's like, and again, it's not like I feel this kind of. buzz about me that I have to grab a bottle. It's like an example is my dad died two years ago. And what I've noticed is about two or three weeks before he died, like the anniversary of his death, I'll start feeling jittery and I don't know why and I'll get moody.

And I'm not thinking about his death, right? It's the chemistry in my brain knowing that that's coming up and saying, okay, this is what you need to make that anxiety and that depression go away. Like I said, it's just a reminder. He's like, oh, there it is. It's always going to be with you. You know, so just feel it. Make sure you take it in and you folk with it.

Because when you are able to overcome it, when you're able to fight it, that's when good things happen. Yeah. Oh, great job. Great job explaining that too. You know, I feel like that sometimes can be a thing. People get into this journey and then feel like, you know, after whatever, wherever they're at, they're like, oh, I was thinking about drinking.

And it feels like maybe they feel like they're doing something wrong. And it's like, man, you know, especially for you, right? I mean, three decades, this was how you went through life. And I mean, I think there's some hard wiring, you know, that takes place. And it's like, okay, this was the way I dealt with all the things in my life, you know, for three decades, you know, for it to just go away and never be there. But I think it, even as tough as it can be sometimes, I think it's a good reminder. Even where you're at and, you know, where I'm at too. I was recently on the trip with my kids, right?

And I take my daughter out. It was like 10 o'clock, right? This little beach town. They got the patios out on the, you know, right on the water, whatever. And we're going by this little patio. My daughter wants to go there. It's just a bar at this point. I'm trying to explain to her.

I'm like, you know, usually kids can't go in places after nine. So I was like, you're not going to be able to go in there and get water. You know, when I caught myself for a second, man, just sitting back and we're walking by this place and by this place. And I'm like, you know what? like, man, it's the good old days, right? I tell myself this story, the good old days, you know, kind of, you know, you catch yourself, right? It's like, Brad, you know, it was not what you thought it was, man, you know?

So, and it's still there. And I mean, that's the reality of our, I think, you know, this is the world we live in, right, too. We're going to be, we're going to see it. It's just going to be people around us and everything. And, you know, and that's all that. But I think being honest with ourselves and which I, you know, I think is incredible, the view you have, but being honest for us.

ourselves, you know, and there's nothing wrong with that. And I love what you mentioned there, too. You kind of feel it to heal it. You kind of feel it to work through it. Don't just ignore it. And, you know, because that's what I think we can get in trouble, right? When we start to suppress everything and say, oh, yeah, just forget about that. It's not a big deal. I think it's good to work through it, you know? Yeah. Along the same lines, yeah. And because when I was drinking and, you know, when I put myself in those scenarios, right, when going to the bar and stuff, Like, that's when, you know, bad stuff would happen and I'd regret it. And I have regrets.

A lot of people, they say they don't have regrets because, you know, if things were different, then they wouldn't end up where they are right now. And I get that. I understand that. But my brain doesn't work that way quite, it doesn't hit me the same way. And I'm kind of jealous, to be honest with you, because it would alleviate a lot of shame that I have. but I use my regrets, right? I, if I can take away, I use the regrets for the motivation to get up every day and try to be better that day.

I always try to be better today than I was yesterday and I always think about being better tomorrow than I am today. And a lot of that goes along with using those regrets, remembering the hurt you caused, and doing what, you can to, A, make up for it and B, make sure it never happens again. Yeah. I may take that to an extreme sometimes. I know, you know, my wife says, you know, you don't have to pay penance anymore. Because I do do that quite a bit. Like, I feel like I have so much to make up for.

And I got to keep that in perspective. Normally, there's a fine line there, right? there's a healthy zone of using regret to be better, but not taking it so far as to where it can be detrimental. Yeah. No, that makes that makes total sense, you know, to not repeat sort of the things before. I'm interested here with what you shared there. How do you work through? So you share like, okay, I got to learn from yesterday to do better today. How do you work through when maybe that equation doesn't always work out? Yeah. Does it always work out for you? No, it doesn't always work.

Because if it does, tell me, man, I need the secret day. No, no. I mean, you've got to, if you can, it doesn't always work out. Sometimes you have bad days. Sometimes you struggle. Sometimes you fail. But as long as you know that you tried, that is, that's the most important part, right? Hey, it didn't go my way.

If it was out of my control or I just failed, that's the, disappointing, but as long as I know that I tried to me today better than yesterday, that at least gives me hope and motivation for the next day. If I somehow disappoint my daughter because I made a promise to go camping with her night, wasn't able to do it because it would work. It was, it's, well, okay, well, how do you, how do you remedy that? Okay, you try, you say, hey, let's, let's set this date. I'll take you fish and we'll go camping and and you commit to it, right? Yeah.

So it's the effort. It's not necessarily the results. The results are great, but the biggest thing is the flight. It's the effort. It's making sure that you can look yourself in the mirror and say, I did my best. Yeah. I love that, man. Yeah.

And I mean, that's the approach I take with it because I'm thinking, yeah, I mean, there's a lot of days where I come up short with, you know, whatever it is that that I want to do. But I think it's, you know, it's trying, man, showing up, trying. That's right. realizing too that things are not always going to go our way. And I think that's a learned skill, man. And in something we learn sort of on this journey too about how to work through, how to work through realizing in life what we can control and what things we can't. You know what I mean, questionable of how many things can we actually control. I mean, and I think our response and our

reaction to things are something, you know, and that's like with the kids and, you know, with you being a father too. Like it's been, you know, my oldest is seven now. And like, I feel like, man, I should know. Like, you know, I should know. But like sometimes I still don't go about things the way I always would want to, you know? So it's kind of like learning and getting feedback from my wife or getting feedback from them and like asking them, you know, how could I, how would you have liked me to go about that differently? But also like being humble in the sense of like, I don't have it all figured out guys. We're in this together. But asking questions that I think reflect my willingness to grow in different situations. And that's only one, but there's many, right, when things don't go

the way I want. I think that's a massive, like, part of growth. I never, when I was drinking, I never really, I mean, I obviously cared that it was impacting other people, but part of me was so selfish and self-centered, I think, where it was just like, yeah, you deal with that, whatever. right like I wasn't I never really came back to the table if I had a problem with somebody or I had something in argument or a disagreement I rarely ever came back to the table to say hey you know what I'm sorry for the way that that went how could we how can I do it differently next time and now I do that like in my life I'm trying to grow like it's uncomfortable but yeah I love that it's growth yeah I think I can really with so much so much with what you said especially I mean we're flawed we're all

flawed. Everybody's flawed. And to deny those flaws is, I think it sets you back. And then for those who are alcoholics and addicts, there's a different, there's a different beast that you have to deal with. And that, you know, addiction amplifies those flaws. And so the knowledge of that, the self-awareness that you need to have to first acknowledge it is that's the most important step. And then once you can acknowledge it, then you can take the next steps to alleviate them and to make sure that those that those flaws, while they're still there, you don't let them impact yourself or the people you love. I'll never claim to have this thing be. I'm not recovered.

I'm in recovery, right? I still feel it every day. I can go through some pretty dark spells, but it doesn't always present as self as thirst for alcohol, like I was mentioned before. It's physical response. It's an overwhelming notion that something's not right. right and I have to fix it. And that's the flaw that lives within me. So I took a long time to admit, you know, use the A word, right?

I'm like, no, I didn't necessarily have. And I wasn't necessarily an alcoholic, but I can't drink. And I'm like, I'm setting these weird parameters around myself. I'm like, just embrace it. Just embrace that flaw and use it as motivation, use it as fuel to make the world around you better. Because I think we all get so caught up in every. day life and big huge problems. If you just do what you can to affect the world around you,

I think that creates a better world collectively, right? It's the old analogy of the ripples on the pond, right? You just, you create one ripple and everybody else creates other ripples and then they all converge together. And if you're able to affect your own world and everybody does that in a positive way, I think that's how. we get through this thing together, which is the, which is to me the definition of community. Yeah. Yeah. So true. Yeah. Everybody kind of do their part. Everybody do their part to like, and there's one quote too, and I don't know who to give it credit to, but it's like if you want to change the world, like change, show up differently in your own home or change your own home. Like that. That's

just really what we can do. And I mean, in doing that, you have a massive impact sort of on the world. I was reflecting the other day, you know, for a second or two, my life without sobriety. What does it look like? You know, and I was looking at a picture of my wife and my kids, you know, on this little vacation. And, you know, just thinking about sort of the generations, right? I mean, not only what I see today, but what comes next and next and next and next by me decided to get sober and staying on this journey and meeting incredible people. And I was just, I just felt so empowered by that. It was just, it was that thing of like the kind of the ripple effect of like how things continued to go.

I mean, my life, if I look back at it and I don't decide to get sober and put in the work and the effort, you know, over the years to stay on the journey. I mean, my life doesn't look anything like it does now. And even if I was still around, that would kind of be a part of the thing too. You know, I mean, there was a lot of people, you know, my early 20s who were. were counselors, therapists, everybody, you know, it was like, you'll be lucky to make it past 25. I mean, you keep living like this. The wheels are going to, they already fell off a long time ago, but I don't know if I was down to the board, you know, the skateboard at this point, but, you know, everything was coming.

It was unraveling fast, you know, and at the time, I didn't think much of it. Like, who were they to tell this? But, you know, when I look back now, in the position I'm in now and what I know now of working with people for 15 years, I would have a pretty good spidey sense. of where things are headed for people. I mean, obviously, I don't have a crystal ball and predict the future. But these people back then,

they had a pretty good idea. They worked with a lot of people. I wasn't some unique. I think when I was really struggling, I thought I was one of a kind or so much different than everybody else or they don't understand it. But the truth was, I mean,

I had my own unique journey, but my behaviors were right in line with a lot of people, you know? As a human, we have a set of things. So it's really interesting, man. Well, that's a great point. And I think you mentioned that you have this spighty sense when you're talking to people. And I think what it is, and people can be defensive when you start talking about the drinking. I think what it is is alcoholics and addicts are liars. But the biggest lies are the ones we tell ourselves, right? And when they're in the throes of addiction, you know, you're lying to yourself to justify not changing, to not putting in the work, to not facing the fact that, you know, you're hurting yourself and those around you. So to deny that, like I said, if you deny that, then you don't even realize there's a problem to solve. Yes, very true.

Any closing thoughts for us, Dave? Amazing. It is always to connect with you. Oh, one more thing. And then closing thoughts. Do people know? Like, do you share with people in your world? Yeah.

Dave is the guy that doesn't drink? Yeah, they do now. I mean, I don't go out and shout out from the rooftops because, like I said, my recovery is. It's just not my personality to be that outward about it. But if it comes up, I'll say, no, I'm sober now. It depends on who I'm talking to. I may not share that I'm alcoholic, but I would say, you know, I'm sober. I don't drink.

But it's not because I'm ashamed or anything like that. It's just I have a hard time opening up to people like that, which is very ironic since I'm talking right now to you, to one of the most listened to sobriety podcasts out there. But not to get off on a tangent, but, you know, I'm doing this because sobriety has brought so many great things to me. And I think the universe, I owe it to people to pay that thing forward. So to be able to talk on this platform, be in the community, the sober motivation community, and at least share my story and somebody that may be on their first day or their, 20th day or their thousandth day, they find that they can relate to something, then I'm paying

back what life has given me. So yeah, but. I love that, man. I love that, dude. You know, for being, you know, not what you're regularly doing and that you jump on here too. And I think it was an email you, you must have sent me moons ago, was it? Yeah, it was. You know, I just talked about, yeah, well, the first time I was on, man, I can't delete. I remember sending that email and I hit the button. I was like, what did I just do? I hope he doesn't respond.

So, yeah, but now I'm here for a second time. And yeah, it's funny, funny how those things work out. Isn't it, man? It's, you know, I was the other day, we'll close with this. The other day I was really wondering about the timing of everything. You know, I was kind of fast forwarding, you know, to these main events in my life, right? meeting my wife and having kids and when I got sober, all of this stuff. And I'm like, one little thing changes, man. I mean, one little thing changes and we don't end up where we've

ended up. I mean, a left turn instead of a right, like literally that small of a thing, one second difference, one minute more in the shower, things could change, right? I mean, tragedy and accidents and all that are waiting around every corner. You know what I mean? And that's why when I end up in places, and I'm sometimes wondering, how did I end up here? Why am I here? I always hear like this little weird whisper. You're exactly where you're supposed to be. Yep, exactly.

Because it's too, like, how can you make sense of it all without just with like, they say football is a game of inches, right? And how can you make, you know, life too? And how can you make sense of it all? And I spent, I think, so many years questioning where I was in life. Am I where I'm supposed to be? Am I in the job I'm supposed to be? Am I, am I, am I, whatever? Am I where they're at?

Where other people are at. And I think it's brought a lot of peace to my life over the last, you know, maybe five years, really embracing this idea and this mindset and philosophy of like, I'm right where I'm supposed to be. And I bring all that up to say, like, the email you were, you sent, like, I was supposed to. and I was supposed to see it because I'll be honest with you and everybody listens to the show. There's a lot of emails that I don't see just because there's so many. There's some where I'm looking at it here and I might read a little bit of it,

but then my kids are like, hey, dad, dad, and I don't look at it and I didn't switch it back to unread. So it kind of goes away and if people don't message again, it's nothing personal. I just move on, you know? So I'm like, there's a reason for it, man. And I've enjoyed every time we've been able to connect. Yeah, no. I can relate with everything you just said there. And if there's one thing that getting sober has taught me is things happen for a reason.

I'm not talking about fate or something, you know, that ethereal. But things do happen for a reason and the fact that you and I were able to connect. Like I said, if it's because I can help somebody else out there, great. But it also helps me to see her and talk to you about it or to talk to people. in the community about it or talk to somebody that somebody in my life that I love and respect you know this as well as anyone right sobriety doesn't solve all your problems it just empowers you to handle them more effectively um the reasons we drink don't go away right but drinking and using takes a match to those reasons right it makes you helpless and weak against

that fight or makes you believe that you you have no fight in you so embrace that those feelings the good and bad, use the regrets and just fight every day because the fight can be beautiful. Yeah, love that man. And then kind of wraps up with that other part you shared to it in your story there where you get to that acceptance point. I think that's a lot of people's journey. It's just like, this is my life and this is the way it's always going to be. I see it around me all the time, you know, just accepted that this is the way it's going

to be. And yeah, I mean, you run out of gas, I guess at some point with kind of battling back. But thanks, Dave. Great to see you, man. Thank you. Thanks, Fred. Well, there it is. Dave G's update. Always great to connect with Dave. Always really great.

Thank you, Dave. I know you shared in there, too. We chatted about a little bit. This is not really your wheelhouse in a sense, sharing publicly. And, I mean, so honestly as well, which I always appreciate about how things are going and how things were. So thank you so much for stepping out of your comfort zone and sharing with us because I think it's, an incredible story and a great update so hope you guys enjoyed it now let's have a listen to less welcome to this clip with my pal less want to give you heads up i had to use a lot of editing

for this one i don't know what you had in the background less a fish tank or aquarium of some sort so bear with the audio a little bit i think it turned out pretty good but there's definitely to get rid of the background maybe some of the voice too might be a little bit different in some parts of it. But incredible to have Les join on the podcast to share an update. Been sober since 1981. Yeah, let's get right to it. Welcome back, everyone, to another update episode.

We got my good pal, Les with us today. Les, how are you doing? I'm doing great, Brad. Thank you. Yeah, well, thanks for jumping back on here. Give us an update, a quick check in with how things are. Just thinking if anybody didn't catch the episode or just needs a quick memory check on it. Give us the Cliff Notes version of what things were like for you.

It was fun, and then it became not fun anymore. Well, you know, so the bottom line, I became a blackout drinker daily blackout drinker. And it just, it was one of those things that I, when I jumped into alcohol, it fixed a lot of my insecurities. I found people that I could fit in with and because it was something that I had traced for a long, long time. One of the things that I will say that I talked in the past about the fact that

The kids in school on my first day of school, said, you know, when we introduced ourselves, talked a little bit, who told them that I was born out of town. They said I don't belong there because I wasn't born there. And the thought was, I don't fit in, and I wanted to fit in. and I can remember even now that I think about it, I'm not even sure I fit in in my family situation.

I kept thinking to myself, God, am I really a member of this family, or did they adopt me? Because I just didn't feel like it was that comfortable. So like I say, I did find the alcohol made, took the square, edges off for that peg and I was able to start to feel a little more comfortable. Yeah.

That was a relatable story too. I mean, even when you share that when you got that feedback from your classmates and maybe other places in life too about feeling like you're not fitting in, it was like, man, I relate to that so much because that's what I felt my entire life. And then it was like, I knew I was destined to try to find a solution to this uncomfortable internal whatever it was. And alcohol came along at the right time in my life. If it would have came along, maybe at a different time, I don't know.

I mean, either way, it checked that box so well. And I heard this song the other day, too, about part of the lyrics for it is about, you know, bringing alcohol places and drinking and stuff, created maybe that connection for us. Like, maybe it was not the realest thing in the world, but it felt good at that. the time. You know, it was kind of, for me early on, it was, it was worth the consequences that I was experiencing because I had felt like for so long I didn't fit in. So alcohol comes along. Now I feel like I fit in. I'm getting in a little bit of trouble, but I was just like, this is obviously worth it. Yeah. Yeah. And like I say, at the end of the deal, the last two years of my drinking was

by far the worst of it all. And, you know, when I got alcohol, I dove in full bore and it was, you know, man, I went to the bottom of the bottle and I was not coming up until I was all gone. Yeah. That was my theory, you know. Yeah. How old were you for those last two years? That was 20, I would be 23, maybe 22.

I knew I drank different than other people and I knew those last two years things were not working, but I didn't know what to do. I had no clue that I was going to stop. That was going to be the answer. I did know that I had a lot of problems and I didn't know what I was going to do. There's something that I have told a few people that I didn't tell

in the past. I'm going to open up a little bit about this in respect. So approximately six months before I quit drinking. We had had discussions about me backing off drinking, quitting drinking, so and so forth. And I tried and I couldn't. I tried and I couldn't. And the thought was, I can't do this.

I'm a failure. And I'm not going to put anybody else into any more misery. So I took a 357 Magnum Ruger pistol, and I loaded it with a hollow point bullets. and I pulled the trigger. Put it in my head, pull the trigger, and it didn't go off. Wow.

I pulled it again, it didn't go off. I pulled it a third time, it didn't go off. I sat the damn thing down on the table, and I said to myself, that's what kind of a failure I am. I can't even kill myself. Wow. So now I'm going to have to drink myself together.

So was that your next? So after that happened, which I mean, wow. And then after that happened, that was sort of your goal for those next six months. And you mentioned there, too, like we were discussing, who else was a part of the discussion with how things were? My wife, primarily, my parents and my brother. And I was, me and my brother were the only two that were in our family, our immediate family, with my mom and dad. So at that point, everybody was aware of, the downhill spiral of drinking.

And you've been sober now since July 30th, 1981. Curious for you. I'm curious over on my end of things. You've been a part of this for a long time. I mean, longer than I've been alive less. So great job with that. Do you think people who don't have a problem with alcohol question whether or not they have a problem with alcohol or not?

Not whatsoever. I doubt, I doubt if anybody are, that is not having a problem with it, would ever decide to go today, look on Google and say, do I have a problem with alcohol? Or am I an alcoholic? What is it, whatever it is.

If you do that, chances are you will have a problem with alcohol, is my feeling. Yeah, I mean, I definitely think there's a lot to look at there under the hood because, you know, I've always wondered that to where we can go back and forth maybe at times, you know, when we're going through that journey of trying to quit. Like, you know, some people will, you know, maybe they're not to the end of things, right? Things are not terribly bad for them yet.

And they think, oh, I'm just overreacting or this or that. But I can't think of a story off the top of my head where I met somebody who realized that alcohol was not helping their life in any way, shape, or form. and were able to drink again in a way that it was like a quote-unquote normie. What have you learned over all of these years less about all of this? The thing that I've learned the most about it is the fact that believe that life was never going to be fun anymore was nothing more than a myth. and I found out that there's nothing that I can't do today that I did before

except for not drink alcohol. I just don't drink alcohol. But I can do all those things and have more queer mind And I can remember things so much better than I ever did. So, yeah, it is the most wonderful thing has happened in my life today. Yeah, and that's something I think that, I mean, a lot of us come up to,

come up against that wall or that barrier or that speed bump about how am I going to enjoy life and how am I going to have fun? And like alcohol is just kind of convinced us, I think, in one way or another, that we have to have it. Somebody in the group that used to join us would always say that it felt like alcohol was the gatekeeper to joy or to fun. And it just wasn't true. Like you had to go through alcohol first and had to beat all the events. And like, it is so true what you say there is like life goes on. What I realized, I thought I was having a ton of fun.

And like, don't get me wrong. I don't want to put it out there that like, Sometimes weren't fun. Like, of course, there were good times. At the beginning, whatever. It was a little bit fun. We had a good time. But there were, when I look back at it, I think, like, I really wasn't having a whole heck of a lot of fun.

A lot of the times when I thought I was having fun when it came to drinking. I hated it towards the end the most because I knew when I got together with my buddies, once I started drinking, I couldn't stop. And they would just carry it. like they would. You know, the football game was over. Everybody's like, okay, see you later, have a good night. And I was just like, that's when it would just start where I couldn't stop.

And I knew that from the beginning. And then it was going to be another day of just the same old madness. Yeah, in the beginning, I got to say I was able to stop. But it was usually a case of in the back of my mind, I always wanted. more. You know, I never got enough, shall we say? In the beginning, I could do that, but there came that point where I crossed that magic line that people talk about.

Yeah. And I got to say it didn't take me very long. I was drinking underage from around 16 to when, when, when, you were. And I was able to start going into bars. They had lowered the age, drinking age, to 18. So I was able to start going to the bars, 18 years old. And I became a case of I could go to a bar, I could have a couple of drinks, and I'd leave and go home. But again, I wanted more.

I knew I wanted more. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and I mean, I can relate to that all too well, man. At first, we're able to kind of put the brakes on it. With like, okay, I have to work tomorrow or can't have too much. I got to drive. I mean, like, I was able to do that too for some time.

But then all that went out the window and I was just like, once I got going, it was just like a bowl in a china shop. And it wouldn't be reckless. Like, it wouldn't be like I think what a lot of people see on TV, like you build tolerance. So at first, where three beers or four beers, I might get a little bit wobbly. Well, towards the end, I mean, I was having a dozen 15 and I would be walking a straighter line than maybe some people that had two. You know, so it wasn't like anybody knew, you know, and then the sneakiness came into it, right?

So I'd go to the fridge and everybody thought I was just having one beer, but I would just slam one beer really quick and then walk back in the, you know, the house or the room or whatever it was, you know, with the one. And then maybe I'd even have two when people weren't looking and then come back with one. And because people are always like, Brad, you know, because then it would, after a while, the scales would tit. And then it would kind of catch up with you. You know, you drink so fast. Or I did anyway drink so fast. It would catch up with me in like two hours, three hours later. And I don't know what happened with you.

You didn't have that much. And I'm like, no, no, you're right. I didn't have that much. I don't know what happened. And I would just come up with, oh, maybe I didn't eat anything today. You know, just, just BS all the time. So that was kind of your thing, right? Going to the bars throughout, you know, I mean, the surprise.

too and you share about that you know that uncomfortable feeling too of not fitting in and not belonging and all that stuff right that's heavy honest how have you come to terms or worked with that worked through that over the years and have you found a place in your life where you feel like you feel that sense of belonging oh yeah oh yeah yeah uh yeah yeah um got me that feeling you know I belong with the bars and stuff like that. And then it got to a point where I knew there were some problems going on. And even though I, in my mind, thought I could drive better when I was drunk. In the back of my mind, thinking, you know, man, one night I'm going to get pulled over by the wrong cop.

and he's going to throw me in jail for DUI. So I decided to hell with this. Now, I would, when I got off work, I would run straight to the liquor store, grab the knife full of booze and head home and do all my drink in there. He had gotten that point where I was that nervous about being out on the road

because I just knew something bad was going to happen, you know. So then it got that point, again, where after I went to A.A. To get my deal. And because of my drinking, I heard it put one time this way in it fits. Because of my drinking, I became the black sheep of the family. I went to AA and found the rest of the herd because every one of them was the black chief of their family. We all, but the thing that impressed me the most was

they thought like I thought. They felt like I felt. They did similar things. Some of them went a hell a lot further than I did. but the bottom line was I finally found a connection with people that I actually could fit in with. And through that, developed a lot of very close friendships. Yeah. And we talk about doing the work.

And for me, again, I have to say, you know, it's AA. So, in the case of my doing the work was working a 12-step program Alcoholics Anonymous. And it worked for me. It works for me. Yeah. It got a seat over a long time with the basics of Alcoholics Anonymous. But there was a portion in our book that talks about, we haven't got all the answers, you know.

He doesn't have all the answers. And so I got a little open-minded about things and started looking around a lot and finding so many other avenues that people use other than Alcoholics Anonymous to get and maintain their sobriety. And it's cool. As far as I'm concerned,

if that is keeping you, sober. Whatever it is is keeping you sober, you keep doing that. If it doesn't work, try something else. Give something else to try. Don't get so blinds, put the blinders on to thinking that this is the only way I can get sober. Yeah. There's a lot of other options out there. And again, I tout this community, sober motivation community for doing exactly that.

This brought together so many aspects of people. I, every meeting I go and there's other people there that have found different ways of getting sober.

Yeah. And that in itself, I have said this too, that finding your community. Originally it was sober buddy, yeah. But when you took, and then you took it over to sober motivation, this community gave me

a shot in your arm. It gave me a revitalization of my sobriety to where, I'm my man. From now on, it's the case of I'm going to shout it out from the mountaintop that you can stay sober. You don't have to drink. You know, I am very active. On Instagram, with that, throwing that out. Along with other aspects that are going on.

I mean, give mental health, so on, all kinds of things. The mental health has a lot to do with our alcoholism also. So we have to remind ourselves that just taking the drink away doesn't fix everything. Yeah, no, so much truth to that. And you're right, the community is a melting pot of different, you know, different things, right? And I, you know, I think it's so great to see, man. I mean, when I used to work in a rehab and all that stuff, like you only, you only really see one way. You know, and I think if you go to fellowship meetings or you go to church or whatever it is, I mean, teach their own.

There's nothing wrong with whatever path somebody takes. But that's all you see. So if that's all you see, that's all you know. That's kind of it. And I think when we explore different avenues of so many different things people are getting connected with these days and, you know, so many backgrounds, right, are people going to therapy and all these different kinds of therapy and people going to outpatient programs and inpatient programs or people plugging into fellowship meetings. You know, all of this stuff, right? I look at it as like spokes on a tire. I believe the more things that we are connected to, the better our odds are at making this be a thing. of sobriety be a thing of our life other than maybe just one avenue and things don't work out

and and then you're just like, okay, this is never going to work out because I tried that and it doesn't work. Well, you know, keep like anything else we would do in life. Like, oh, I didn't get that one job. You don't just never get a job again in your life, you know? You would go and put out another resume and another resume and try here and try there. But I also think from my own story, when things didn't quote unquote work out, I kind of use that as an excuse to keep the wheels going on the drinking. Because I would say to, you know,

my loved ones or my counselor or therapist or whoever it was, I'd say, I already tried that. It doesn't work. And then, you know, it's like I didn't really try stuff though. I showed up and I took up,

I kept a seat warm, you know, for different things I did. But I didn't really apply myself. I didn't really get out of my comfort zone. I didn't really get vulnerable. I wasn't really honest with people. And I didn't reap any of the benefits because I wasn't doing those things.

You know, the benefits come after we open up and share and just get honest where things are. You know it's always been great having you. A part of the community has been incredible to connect with you on this journey. Thinking about somebody less, I mean, because you've been sober since 81, been to a ton of meetings. There was something you said in one of the meetings recently, man, and I'm not even going to try it because I can't remember it word for word, but it was something about why you go to so many meetings still. Do you remember what that was? As I loved it. Yeah. Yeah. I figure as long as I have been sober, I probably only need one meeting a month. The problem is I don't know what meeting that's going to be.

So that's where I tend to a whole bunch of meetings. Yeah, I love that. And that just really hit home for me, too, about, you know, why it's so important to keep that maintenance thing going, right, when it comes to this journey. Maintenance, and that's going to look different for everybody and as time goes. But having some element of support, accountability and be around like-minded people that understand what it's like. Because sometimes talking to people that haven't been through this, we hear all the time, right? They don't get it.

And it's not like it's their fault or it's anything like that. It's just that they just haven't been through it. They just don't understand. how difficult it may be at times and sort of all of the layers to it and everything. So it's great to be plugged in with other people. Thinking about that too, Les, somebody who's, you know,

I hear it all the time, man. I hear it all the time from podcast listeners and people. You know, it's like, I just can't get it, man. I get a couple days.

I'm back at it again. I just can't seem to get past that. I just can't seem to make it stick. I mean, what are your thoughts? on something like that. Yeah, I know that early in my sobriety, they talked about doing whatever it takes, whatever it takes.

And I, there were days when I would sit on my hand. So I would not take that drink or I wouldn't get up to, go to the damn liquor store. And I would sit on my hands and I'd wait until it was time to go to a meeting. And I just have to sit through those feelings and those emotions and deal with them and keep telling myself, this two shall pass, this two shall pass. And maybe, maybe I have to do that 30 minutes, you know, and then all of a sudden the feeling was gone. Now, I'd be okay for a while. Once I get through that feeling, then it gave me a little

bit of encouragement of, man, I just got through this intense feeling. Maybe I can get through this thing, you know, and it just keeps, every time you go through it and you go all the through it and you don't take that drink you get a little more hour, shall we say. Yeah. Yeah, you get a little bit more confidence too.

Your ability to do it. And I think that's a big part of what it comes down to. I mean, there's layers to it, obviously, but it's new. Like, it's something new for us. Just like anything else. Like, the first time we rode a bike, tried to ride a bike.

I remember recently I was teaching my seven-year-old how to ride a bike. bike without training wheels. And she was just like, I'm never going to get it. And like literally an hour later, she's cruising around without training wheels. But initially, she was so frustrated and so upset, like in tears that she would never figure this out. In an hour later, there we were, right? But it's anything that's new is just going to feel overwhelming, but it's breaking it down into very manageable, you know, times, time spans, right? If it's an hour, if it's two hours and if it's one day.

You know, I mean, we hear that a lot in the space of sobriety, too, is like one day at a time, you know? Like, we don't have to have, we don't have to have the next wedding or the next summer vacation or everything down the road figured out. It's like, let's just get, let's just stay focused on what's right in front of us for right now. You know, and that bike, a bicycle deal is reminds me of this, you know, in respect of you fall down

nine times you get back up 10 you get back up you get back up you get back up you get back on there you try again you try again no matter how many damn times takes you just keep trying eventually

eventually it sticks something happens you know I've said to myself You know, in the past about my drinking cure, it took me every drink it took for me to be able to a state of reasonableness where I could understand and realize that I had to have help. And the bottom line was, man, all this time, it took me.

All I had to do was what I say, surrender. or accept, shall we say, the fact that everything else in my life that I was able to do, our sheer willpower, never worked with this one substance. I couldn't understand that. That I could not understand the addiction. Yeah. and it gets it'll get to you and it's that devil on this thing and the angel over here and they're fighting with each other you know which one is going to win and you got to want this at least as much as much as you

wanted to get drink yeah yeah there has to be that there has to be that there has to to be that willingness for sure, obviously, to get to that point of acceptance, too. I mean, for me at the end, too, it was a simple acceptance of, you know, I feel like before I quit drinking, I had tried so hard to quit drinking, which is so interesting. And the last time I drank, I didn't try that hard. I wasn't trying that hard in the sense of willpower. I was leaning into support and just kind of throwing my hands up like boys i've tried it all like i have tried to switch i have tried different days i've tried this i've i've tried that i mean i had tried i tried everything i could possibly think of to figure things out on my own and just always ended up

at the same place i promised myself i never would end up again you know but at the end it was that acceptance of look this is how it was drinking for me every time wasn't a disaster Often it was. I could go a week and have no problems. I could probably go a month and have no problems and no risky behavior. But there were times where I could have slid a sheet of paper between living and dying. And that was not every day. But I knew I came to accept that at the end. I may not get there for another six months, but there's a guarantee I will get there again with the poor decisions. That's what was happening in my life is that I was making poor

and taking riskier and riskier decisions when I was drinking. And that was really becoming the scary part, you know, compounded with everything else that we know goes on, right? The anxiety, the problems with, you know, heart racing and feeling like having a heart attack or something when people talk about or panic attacks or anxiety and all of that other stuff as, well, you know, sweating all night, waking up at three in the morning, you know, just

all of that other madness. But that was what was really scary to me is I never really knew when I was going to black out or when I was going to push it too far or, you know, how things were going to look. And I just kind of towards the end, I think I got tired of just sort of living like that. You know, I just was tired of like not being in control. And that's what was happening when I was drinking. I was losing control of my choices and just making really so far out of character choices in life. Anything less to wrap us up here, man, and I really appreciate you hanging out and sharing a quick update with this.

I do have a couple things that come to mind, and that is that there's a statement that says, you know, good decisions come from experience. and experience comes from poor decisions. So in other words, you're going to make mistakes. Hopefully you'll learn from those mistakes, right? The other thing was, earlier on, you mentioned a word that kind of bothers me to a degree and that is maintenance.

The way I look at this thing is, If I am maintaining, I am not moving. And if I'm not moving, I'm not progressing. And it's getting closer to me going back the other way. I want to make a little bit of progress every day. So I don't look at it as maintaining. I look at it is learning something every day. And the bottom line is, you know,

it may be some little itty-bitty thing that I've noticed in a day that, but even after all this time, I'm still looking for those things. So never stop going forward. Keep putting that one foot in front of the other. Yeah, good point there. too, looking for, we hear like a 1% better a lot, looking for areas to improve whether it's a,

you know, I'm with you on that too, like looking at, you know, reacting to different situations. How could I go about things differently, right? With all these kids running around crazy all the time. Come on. Maybe I can make some improvement in that area. Yeah, I love that less, you know. It's good to be moving forward in making progress too. And I just really appreciate everything you give back to the community, not only.

only sober motivation, but in your own community and in all the areas of, you know, things you're part of, man. So really appreciate it. Anything else for, you mentioned earlier, too, there was one other thing that that stood out to me that you had mentioned earlier. And now I've forgotten it magically here, Les. And I'm not, I'm not going to be able to remember it. It's long gone.

But yeah, thanks, Les. Yeah, you probably remembered about 10 minutes. I know. I mean, that's the way I am. That's the way. Man, listen, buddy, if I'm hosting a meeting, I've got a hunk of paper sitting beside me. And if my camera goes off, I'm writing something down.

Okay? I am writing something down on a piece of paper because something triggered a lot. And my mind ain't near sharp as it used to be. I can't remember everything. It's funny, I can remember my phone number when I was a kid, but there are times I can walk into a room and think, why are they all am I in here?

What did I walk in here for? You know, and then have to walk back out because I can't figure it out. You know, I'm like, what hell am I doing? It happens less, it happens, man. But, yeah, thanks again, man, and keep things rocking. Thank you, Brad again. I appreciate you ask me to do this. Yeah.

Well, there it is. Another incredible update episode. Thank you again, Les. I want to share a quick story really quick with Les. Les always wanted to take one of those NASCAR for a couple trips around the track. Gabe from the community got wind of this and was like, hey, why don't we see if we could make this happen for Les? So we collected some donations.

A lot of people contribute. to it and we got less a little package so he could take that NASCAR around the track and sounds like he had a lot of fun that's what community is all about though community connection it's beautiful and it really makes this journey a lot easier than it is without it so thank you guys as always for listening to the podcast some full stories coming up soon and i'll see you on the next one