Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - Stage 4 Cirrhosis From Alcohol: Chelsea’s Sobriety Story

Episode Date: August 28, 2026

Chelsea was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cirrhosis after nearly a decade of heavy alcohol use, but even being told she could die wasn’t enough to immediately make her stop drinking. She shares the progression of her alcohol addiction, liver failure, ascites and the moment she finally got sober on September 29, 2024. Chelsea eventually received a liver transplant and today shares what recovery, sobriety and a second chance at life look like.Chelsea on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chelseablake_85/Sober Motivation Mobile App: https://apps.apple.com/app/sober-motivation-app/id6759266291Sober Motivation Website: https://www.sobermotivation.comSupport the Podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/sobermotivationContact me anytime: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So I'm standing here and I'm full of ascites. I mean full, huge, stomach, big, legs, big. And I'm kind of yelling at this nurse. Like, what's going on? This isn't right. And she's like, I know you're upset. I know. And she's like, you're sick.

And I'm like, but I don't get it. I don't understand. She goes, it's your liver, dear. And I'm like, but I don't believe you. How can my liver be dead? doing all this. Chelsea was told she had stage four liver failure in about three months to live. She kept drinking for another nine months. In this episode, she shares how alcohol took over her life, what it felt like to know if she was dying and still not able to stop, and how she

eventually fought her way back. And this is Chelsea's story on the Sober Motivation podcast. If you're enjoying the show, don't forget to subscribe. Now let's get to Chelsea's story. Welcome back to another episode of the Subur Motivation Podcast. Today we've got Chelsea with us. Chelsea, how are you? I'm good. How are you? Yeah, I'm doing well. Glad to connect. Thank you for being willing to share your story with everybody here on the podcast. My pleasure. So what was it like for you growing up?

Well, usually when I share my story, I always say that my childhood was somewhat normal, but every time I say that, and then I realized that my childhood wasn't that okay or normal, even though I think it was. I grew up in South Florida, raised in a middle-to-uperclass Jewish family. Parents were married. I have a five-and-a-half-year older sister named Jamie. And when I go back to the early years, I want to say things were good or normal-ish. But then parents divorced when I was five and a half.

I was a full-time model and actress as a kid. And then I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease when I was seven, eight or nine years old. Yeah. And very active. Again, I was the top child model in South Florida when I was a kid. So I was very busy. Yeah. But I think it was normal, but a lot of mental health issues in my family that I can, for sure.

say. Yeah. Thanks for sharing that too. When do you pick up on that of mental health struggles in your family, a lot of drinking or no? So mom and dad were both sober. I was actually raised in recovery. Mom had five years sober when I turned five. And I remember giving my mom her five year medallion when I was five years old at an AA meeting. So I was brought up to know, no, no. drinking, don't do drugs. But mom then relapsed when the divorce happened with my dad. And then that's when I start remembering my mom really struggling with mental health, bad. Yeah. Divorce comes up so much in these episodes. Like, I feel like it's, I would take a guess at 60% of people's stories. What was that process?

like for you. Everybody has sort of a different experience with it and how that looks. What was your experience? Again, mom mental health. So when dad and mom divorced, it felt as if dad divorced me, but really dad was just, and now I can see this, dad was just trying to protect his own peace. and unfortunately that felt like abandonment even though now I can see that it wasn't yeah so I missed my dad I missed him a lot and I was I don't want to say I was stuck with mom but I was stuck with mom who just struggled big time addiction alcoholism and mental health big time. Yeah. So you and your sister, your sister live with your mom as well? She did until my mom kicked my sister out at 15 and my sister went to live with my dad and my stepmom

and then I was alone with my mom. Okay. Gotcha. How did things look like for you in school? I did well. I was very athletic. I was a, cheerleader and a swimmer. And grades were great, very popular, kind of too popular. It was kind of just attention seeking in every way I could, men, women, anything. I loved attention. Yeah. What's the reflection back on that? Unhealthy. I just think that looking at it now, I just craved unconditional. Whatever, however you want to fill in the blank, I just desperately wanted unconditional. And I never felt it in any way, whether it was unconditional love or unconditional stability.

And part of my speech, I just had my teeth fixed. Finally. And so I'm still learning how to talk with new teeth. Yeah. So where do things go for you after like high school and stuff? I mean, do you start partying it all in high school or? Yeah, but normal, I think now like we, I would love to see like what my friends at the time, what they would say about me. Because reflecting when I catch up with someone who I haven't seen in like so many years and they tell me stories, I'm like, Like, really?

Weekends, again, I was very athletic. But mom moved me from the school that I grew up going to. I grew up going to the JCC and Nova down in Davy, Florida. And all of us kids, we grew up together. And then mom moved me to Boka, which is about 45 minutes north, because I had a scholarship to a private school for my, cheerleading and swimming. And I drank on the weekends at parties,

but from what I can remember, it was nothing crazy or too much. Yeah. You mentioned, too, like last time we talked, like you had went to a treatment or some sort of experience in high school and out. And I'm also curious, too, to ask two and one here. What were your thoughts of drinking,

with seeing what your mom was going through because I know some people are like, yeah, I'm never drinking. And then they find themselves struggling. Some people sort of connect the dots. Some people, I don't, it's like, well, that'll never happen to me. I'll know, like I'm smarter than that.

It'll be good. But did that affect you in any way what you saw? And what was the other experience like? I don't think it did. I don't think I put the two and two like mom drank. I shouldn't. I don't really recall, but I will say that when mom moved me from Broward County to Boka,

my whole environment changed. I grew up middle class and then we moved to Boka, which is an upper, upper class area, and it was a culture shock. So moving to Boka, I loved it, though. I went to Grandview Preparatory School and I loved it. but it was just my mom and I. And when I turned 14, I started having my own thoughts, my own opinions. I was raised to be my mom's best friend.

So now that I'm 14, 15 years old and I'm thinking for myself and I have my own opinion, mom and I started clashing really, really bad. and mom said I was out of control. Was I disrespectful? Probably, I think. But mom would take me to psych units and say, Chelsea's going to kill herself. And I'm like, no, I'm not.

And my mom would be like, see, she forgets. And mom did that a lot. I was in a lot of psych facilities at the age of 15, 16 years old. Like hospitals or like longer stays? Like just like the three days or? Both. There's a place in West Palm Beach, Florida, it used to be called Columbia Pavilion. Mom had dropped me off there.

If I say 15 times, that's probably an understatement. but I would say at least 15 to 20 and I would have inpatient stays anywhere from three to five days as long as a month. That was the longest I was in that facility for, even though it was a in-and-out kind of place, not a long-term care facility. Okay. But there was a time mom sent me to New Orleans for four months to a psychiatric unit, to Lane Behavioral Health Center. And I was there for four months.

Yeah. And this is all after the move to Boca. Mm-hmm. This is when this all started. And do you see your dad much or no? No. No. He's not in the area or you just weren't seeing him?

He was in the area, but my mom was really sick. Yeah. Really sick. And she made everyone's life hell. and I used to be very angry at my father like no excuses you show up for your kid why didn't you get me out of there but now being sober talking to my parents and having an amazing relationship with my dad and my stepmom they're like we tried Chelsea your mom just won and then it got to a point where it was disturbing their health, their sanity, and I'm not angry at all, not resentful at all. I can understand where they were coming from. Yeah. Yeah. Where do you go after high school? Did you have ambitious plans for yourself? Or where did you go? Did I have ambitious plans? I don't think so.

You're also doing the, do you say modeling? Yeah. I was not anymore though, not as an adult or as a teenager. Modeling consisted from the time I was about five to nine, but then I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease between seven and nine. And I was very, very sick in the hospital. three or four months almost died. Then I was homeschooled for two years back in elementary school. So then when I graduated, I moved out.

I did go to school for massage therapy. But I also worked at a rehab facility as a behavioral health tech. And this is before drugs even entered into my life. Really? Okay. but I was also a bartender, worked in a restaurant. So, but I don't ever remember thinking to myself, like, I need to do more or I need to do better. It was just my whole life had been survival mode, that fighter flight, how to get through the day, what am I going to do to get the bills paid now?

There was no long-term plans. It was just survival. Yeah. So you move out on your own or like with friends or, yeah, just your own, your own thing? I think I moved out when I was 16, actually. And my sister was married. Yes, my sister was married. My sister had just got discharged from the army. She was 21 married with a new baby. So I couldn't, my mom and I did. not get along anymore. So I moved to Virginia to be with my sister and her husband and my niece. And I wound up graduating with my GED and then I went to massage therapy school. But when I was in Virginia, that only lasted six months. I missed Florida. I came home. And then a month later,

my sister and her husband and my niece, they moved down here as well. Oh, okay. So back to Florida, sunny South Florida. Yeah. So at this time, though, you're not really leaning into drinking or anything that you would look back and say it was problematic or substances or drugs or anything like that, like where it's causing ripples in your life or like, is that accurate or now? I don't think it was, but it was probably not contributing.

No 16-year-old, I don't know. I really should do some sort of like a maybe sit with my sister and we should brainstorm of what. Because again, then when I talk, get more in the depth about my story and I'm like, oh, well, that wasn't normal. Ooh, that was kind of toxic. But the overall picture, it's like I think I was okay. but I probably felt just the constant need of validation. And I probably wasn't making good choices to better my life. Again, just survival.

Yeah, and that makes sense. I mean, I think that that translates to probably a lot of young adults and teenagers, right? Like we're trying to push the boundaries or trying to see where we fit in in the world. Something that kind of comes to mind for me, and maybe this is relatable and maybe it's not, but a feeling of worthiness, like maybe not feeling that. So these other areas of validation, maybe help check that box in one way or another. It's just a thought. Yeah, for sure.

I definitely sought attention and validation a lot in people. Give me attention, tell me I'm pretty and I love you, you know. Yeah, yeah. Do you feel like you lose it? your identity, though, in that process? Like, do you feel like we lose genuinely who we are, or we just wear so many masks, different ones out into the world to kind of fit in here and be that person there and change maybe who we genuinely are at times?

I've always been me, brutally honest and me. I don't think I've changed who I am. I might have gotten lost, but I don't, but I always think. I think I've been very strong-willed and very, this is it, this is me, love it or like it, hate it, whatever. But I always held an enormous amount of passion in my heart for whatever it is. Animals, helping people, even when I was an active addiction, if you were to call me and tell me you needed something, I will do anything in my power. and that will be my mission now is to do for you. Yeah, that makes sense.

Does it? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, it does. It does. It's interesting. It makes a lot of sense. It's kind of like I'm sure we'll get into the story of how we do that for other people,

but struggle to maybe do it for ourselves in some way, you know, like quick to kind of help and support other people. But then it's like to love ourselves and we're, help ourselves out. It's like, that's so relatable for me. It can be a challenge at times. So where do you go from there? When do you feel that drinking substances, you know, really does come into your life and you start leaning into it? Yeah. So, okay, so when I share my story usually, I normally, and I have just learned this recently. So I share that I didn't touch drugs until after my son died. But that's not really the case. Because,

Because now, after telling this story just recently, I realized, wait a minute, I remember when I had my daughter and I had a C-section and they gave me Percocet's and sent me home. And I was a single mom immediately with my daughter and a bottle of Percocet's after a C-section. and I remember that feeling. So that was my first feeling of, wow, this helps. But I went back to work when Riley was four weeks old as a bartender. And I'm just recovering from a C-section. These percissets, I would take one and I would kill it at work. I had energy.

I wasn't in pain and I felt great. Yes. So now, but again, I normally tell people I didn't touch drugs until after my son died. But that's when my son did pass. That's when the drums came into play. Yeah. And so again, 2010, I get married. my daughter, Riley, was three years old.

Or should I say, I got pregnant. I was 21. I had my daughter at 21, became a single mom instantly, immediately. And then I met my son Ashton's father, who became my husband when Riley was only 18 months old. So Eric and I get married. We're happy. We have a home. We're raising Riley and I get pregnant. And life was good. We had a gorgeous wedding. But then my water broke when I was six months pregnant. And nobody prepares you for what that would look like or feel like. So when my water broke, I go to the ER thinking I'm going to be on bed rest. the remaining time of my pregnancy. But an amazing doctor comes in and he sits and he talks with me and he prepares me for

what the next few hours are going to look like and that I'm going to have to bury my son. And yeah, I'm trying not to cry because every time I say this, I cry. But it was not fun. It was hard. And my son passes away October 17th, 2010. I had never used, like, real hardcore drugs at that point. But I know the feeling. I knew that feeling of those Percocet.

I do remember that. So he passes away in October. My sister, who was going through active addiction at that time, comes over to my house on. New Year's, December 31st, forward slash January 1st, 2011. And my sister was shooting a percassette 30. And I watched her go elsewhere. Like, it was like, I can't.

What is that thing like when you're watching a movie and it's like, ah, and it's like these lights. It's like, ah. that's what I saw when she did that, this like magical place. And I run to my husband. I'm like, I found it. I found it. I could, we're going to be better now.

And I had my sister shoot me up for the first time. And I, for the first time since my son died, so for the first couple months, I was able to get up out of the bed. I was able to go to the gym. I was able to clean my house. I was able to actually be a mother. So I thought, because how can you really parent when you're shooting drugs? But I had been so depressed in bed for months. I couldn't function.

So when I shot the drugs, it was just like everything's going to be better now. or so I thought. Yeah. Well, initially, I mean, I think for a lot of us initially, things, it's like, yeah, we've, we finally found something that takes this away. But with time, it usually creates more problems than anything it ever kind of, you know, air quotes, kind of solved or helped us forget about. Do you like, is there a process of when you lost your son of like counseling or is there anything that's offered for you to, you know, work through that with somebody or is it just? I think so. I think they sent a counselor to the house.

I know my church, because I was going to church. I was involved in church at that time. I do remember my pastor coming over. I do remember my church coming and helping making food for us. My pastor, we did a funeral at my house for him, and they cremated my son for me. But I don't think I was able to see. I was so that that is the turning point in my life that really fucked me up. big time.

Yeah. Where do they go for you from there? Like you start this out with your with your sister as well. Mm-hmm. I don't think any of us know really where it's going to go when we first start something. I mean, you don't know it's like, hey, this is going to be disastrous predicting it down the road. But where does it go? Does it become like an everyday thing or?

Yeah. Every day is an understatement. And I will tell you how bad it got. and how quick it got. So again, January 1st, 2011, I put a needle in my arm for the first time. And by January 28th, I was in my first treatment center, 28 days later. 28 days, I had completely emotionally, financially, mentally lost it. So I go, and my Riley goes to stay with my mom.

and I go to Naples and check myself into a facility for 28 days. I come home within an hour, I'm using again. I stay home. I want to say a week maybe two, using, using, using, back in treatment again for another two weeks. Get out, use back in treatment again. And after the third or fourth time, I come. home, every time I come home, it's getting worse. Really bad. Selling one time I sold everything in my house. Now, mind you, my daughter is safe. Let me clarify. My daughter is safe. She's, when I went to treatment the first time, she stayed with my mom and thank God for my mom at that point because she took care of my daughter because I couldn't.

and so I come home from treatment and my daughter's not there and my son's dead. What was my point? What was the purpose of even how do you climb out of the hole that you just dug for yourself when you're already in it? How do you stop? How do I go to work now when I can't because I've a needle hanging out of my arm? How do I? And again, every time I got back.

from treatment, it just stopped so bad selling everything in my house to the drug dealer because he got an apartment. So I was like, buy everything from me, my couch, my bed, my dishes, my silver, everything for $500 worth of crack. And then he said, don't you sell it. I'm going to get a truck. I'll be back. He had to go get a U-Haul.

and by the time he came back, not only had I smoked everything that he had just given me, but I then called East Coast Furniture. It's a furniture company in Delray Beach, Florida that buys used furniture. So they came and bought all the furniture that I'm now supposed to give to the drug dealer.

And then I take that money that East Coast Furniture gives me And then I go to another drug dealer. And as I'm pulling into my house, the initial drug dealer pulls up. I run in my house and start smoking what I got. And it just progressed. Gunshots and my car getting shot at. And now I go to treatment again and I come home. But there's padlocks.

We lost our home. Now what? Your husband still? there? No, no. Where did he go? Where did he go? Oh, he went, that's right, he went to treatment too, and then was in the halfway house. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay, so. So we split for a few years because the both of us were on our own individual drug addiction addiction pass. We wound up getting sober and coming back together and having our son, Ashton, but then it got bad again and we are now divorced, but best friends, best friends. Yeah. What are your thoughts? Like,

looking back at all the rehab stays and yeah, you show back up to an empty house and you think to yourself, what am I really trying to get cleaned up for? It's kind of like everything's, everything's gone. So. Right. There was no thinking of what am I going to get cleaned up. That was I wanted to die. I didn't have my daughter and I just buried my son. I just didn't want to feel.

And did it help you with that? Did these rehab stays help you with anything? I mean, I think like the ultimate goals, of course, like we go to rehab and we stay sober. happy ever after. But I think we know from the, you know, any stats out there that the percentage of people that go to a 28 day program and they stay sober for the duration, call it five years, is pretty low. But were you learning anything or picking up any skills throughout that process? Definitely learning, for sure, about more about addiction and healthy coping. And I think my intentions were in the right place.

So when I was in treatment, I remember actively engaging, wanting to stay sober, wanting to better my life. I always share this with people. My intentions are always in the right place. So at that point, they were because all I wanted was Riley back. That's it. I wanted to be your mom again. But I kept getting in the way every time. I left, I didn't do the things that were needed to continue on a positive uphill road of success.

My feelings, my brain, my thoughts, my cravings, they took over and I engaged in everything, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when does, so I remember last time there was a shift where you got off the drugs. And then the drinking became a thing, right? Because throughout this time, the drinking is not like the big red flag, right? It's all this other stuff. But then you had got off. Okay, walk us through that a little bit.

So 2011 to 2012 was inpatients, rehabs, detoxes, and jail. multiple stays at multiple places. In August, it was August 25th, 2012, I remember calling my mom and stepdad and saying, you guys have to help me. Please. Now, I had already been begging them to please let me come home because I dug this hole so deep. How do I climb out alone? Where do I go from here?

Get a job. How do I get a job, mom? I don't have a car. Figure it out. Where do I live, mom? Figure it out. Like there was no, I couldn't figure anything out on my own. I felt so deep in this hole that there was no, I felt like I couldn't climb alone.

I needed someone's hand. So my mom, after months of begging, please let me come home. And she let me come home. And that was the motivation I needed. because I had rightly. She was my motivation to do better, and I was determined to make up for lost time and to never, ever leave her again. And I never left her again, but a few years later, the drinking started.

And the rationalization was there because I don't have a needle in my arm. I'm not smoking. I have my house. I have my car. I am providing. I suit up. I show up. I take care of my family.

So who cares if I'm having a drink? Yeah. But it wasn't just a drink. It became my lifestyle. Alcohol. My identity. Everyone knew me because Chelsea always had a drink like a baby. That's how I carried.

or like that, just in my arms like a baby. And so no drugs since August 25th, 2012. But the drinking started after my son was born, which was March 24th, 2015. And at first it was normal, a drink at night as I'm cooking dinner. and then I would start experimenting, making my own drinks, because I liked frozen vina coladas and frozen margaritas, so I would go to produce stands, get fruit, and make my own drinks. But then I would start getting hangovers. And then I was like, oh, the only way to kill a hangover is have a drink.

And it just progressed, and it progressed to where I'm now 10 years deep in alcohol, 24-7 drinking and 10 years. 10 years of drinking, but yeah, it doesn't necessarily start that way, but it's kind of like back to maybe the, you know, maybe the pill thing too, right? We don't know where anything's going to end when we start drinking or whether it be drugs or, you know, where drinking is a drug anyway. I feel like, I feel like for the longest time, we always separated the two, right? Like, let's make it, you know, the alcohol company,

did a great job at convincing all of us that, hey, these are two separate issues, right? I mean, drink responsibly. What does it feel like, though, as you ramp this up, you're kind of getting into it. And what you mentioned there, too, of going to the fruit stands and making these margaritas and fancy drinks, like,

there's probably a lot of people who do that and their life doesn't sort of derail. Like, what do you feel, was it that kept you bumping to the next level other than maybe saying, oh, well, this is kind of getting, a bit out of hand, like I should scale it back or something. Is there anything you put a finger on that it was like, okay, this, you know, keep this going? I had zero consequences because of my drinking.

Zero. I functioned. Nobody called me out on it. I was honest about it if you ask. Of course, I'm drinking. Yeah. There was no DUIs, no jail, no accidentally hurting somebody, no being wild crazy and physically fighting.

I was able to pay my bills. I was able to function from the outside. It looked fine. Even if you knew me, it looked. I mean, there was always chaos in my life when alcohol was a part of my life. It was always chaotic. Again, I was always in survival mode. What do I have to do now to get this bill paid?

What do I have to do now for this? I need a ride. So immediate fixes, not long-term solutions. That's been my whole life until I was told I had stage four liver cirrhosis and I had three months left at liver. And that still wasn't even the eye opener because I continued to drink for nine more months. After you got that news. Is that the video where you show yourself in the hospital and the nurse is like, Like, you're, you're, what are you in a panic?

It kind of looks like a panic. Like it's, you can't believe it. Like, there's no way. And I said that. I said that. I go, so let me paint the picture for your viewers that I'm in the hospital. I'm in my underwear. I could put the video up here too, like somewhere so people could.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can overlay it. And I'm in the hospital. Now, mind you, I had known I had fatty liver. I had known when I was at stage two cirrhosis. I knew when I was at stage three. And then the video that you're speaking of, finding out I was stage four in liver failure.

I'm in the hospital. I have a weed cart in my hand. And I know for a fact I had alcohol in my purse. I know for a fact. So I'm standing. here and I'm full of ascites. I mean full, huge, stomach, big, legs, big. And I'm kind of yelling at this nurse. Like, what's going on? This isn't right. And she's like, I know you're upset. I know. And I'm like, she's like, you're sick. And I'm like, but I don't get it. I don't understand.

She goes, it's your liver, dear. And I'm like, but I don't believe you. How can my liver be doing all this. And I'm big, full of a sight. And it just, I, and then the next video that I made in my phone right after that video was a video to my dear friend, who I actually ran into the other day for the first time in years. And the next video I made was, hey, Tiff, do me a favor. Go get me two mics.

Bring it by. Visiting hours are over at 3.30. Who cares? walk by the desk, come up and give it to me. And she couldn't get past security. So I pulled out my IV and walked downstairs and got my mics harder from TIF. And security was called. But yeah.

What, like, explain it to me. I mean, someone who's never been through this and maybe the listeners as well. Why in that moment was that hard to believe of like you see it? you're there in the hospital and it's like called denial, delusion, whatever. Like, why is that hard to believe that you're three months to live if you continue the way you're going? So what I said in the video was this has never happened at home. Why is this happening now? And I was referencing the yesaies.

And she's explaining it's my liver. And I didn't understand why it was happening. happening in the hospital. What I thought was, was that the IV, you know, IV hydration, IV fluids, I thought it was the fluids doing it to me. I said, because I'm not walking around. So now the fluid's making me big. And she goes, it's because your liver isn't working, dear. Yeah. And you, but you had been to doctor's appointments before as you went through the process stage. one, stage two. No doctor.

No doctor. Hospital visits because I was so sick. Yeah. A lot of people I hear that go through this, they start throwing up. It seems like maybe as one of their initial symptoms, like was that your experience too? Exactly. Every day. All day.

There was a period where when I was drinking, I want to say it was back in 2020 to 2020 to 22. I threw up from the second I woke up all day, every day. I couldn't leave the house because I couldn't get off the bed. I just drank. I sat on the bed 24-7 with alcohol in my hand because I knew when I wake up, I'm going to puke, when I have a sip, I'm going to puke, I'm going to puke while I'm drinking. It was just constant. I couldn't. I could not stop throwing up. Yeah. Wow. but you never went to see anybody or you did go to some hospital visits but for that or no or like for COVID so I would get I didn't have a voice for a few years because I was so sick so um I started

losing my voice the first time I had COVID in 20 was it 19 or 20 and I had the raspyest voice for years So I thought it, I blamed it on COVID, that it ruined my voice. But when I talk to people with cirrhosis, currently they have that same voice that I have. Yeah, yeah. I had a guy on the podcast, he has that. He does. He's waiting for a transplant. But yeah, he has a voice, yeah, a raspy voice like that.

Cough, like constant cough. Yeah. So you had that too. You had like all of these, like a lot of symptoms. It wasn't just like kind of one day. It was sprung on you. Oh, no. I knew back all the way.

So I had, so 28 days after using a needle. So January 1st and then my first treatment center with January 28th. I found that I had hepatitis C. And I never treated it. So hepatitis C attacks your liver. and if you leave it untreated, followed by 10 years of heavy drinking, cirrhosis. Yeah. So, but I knew I was actually like over, not sensitive.

I saw every symptom that throwing up, I started getting discoloration in my legs, like very blotchy looking. I would get rashes all over me. I was itching. Some days I would look so swollen. Some days I wouldn't. Then I had this metal taste in my mouth for like two and a half years. It felt like it tasted like I was sucking on a penny. Yeah.

Oh, along with the vomiting, along with the drinking, along with the chaos because I couldn't function. So we were homeless living in a hotel with my kids. It's like just unhealthy after unhealthy after unhealthy until finally I just said, I can't. Yeah. When you look back at like that decade, what kept you in that loop? You know, I think people listen to these stories too and I see some of the comments. And I think it's really hard for somebody who hasn't been through it to understand why you keep going. Like, what would you mention for that about, you know, why wouldn't you just quit when you could see where kind of this is headed?

Are there any thoughts there? Of course, there are. So, again, I had no consequences. So I was rationalizing my behavior to myself as to why it wasn't an issue. So now put me where I'm at now at almost two years. you're sober. And I'm talking to somebody who's an active addiction, very minimal, just the very beginning stages.

And I'm like, and they're telling me, I'm not you. I never used a needle. I only do it occasionally. It's only once in a blue moon. My life is together. I work. Unfortunately, you can't learn from others' mistakes. I wish us addicts could, but it's like I think us addicts, our brains are wired differently to where we just got to figure it out because your mistakes, yes, I could hear you.

Yes, I could see what you're telling me. They're valid. I can see how you started at this and it's it. But until I face those. consequences myself, I rationalized it. Yeah. Yeah. You know, but I wish, I wish that we couldn't learn from others' mistakes. I wish that I can tell this addict that's using, if you touch this stove, you're going to burn

yourself. Don't touch it. You know us. We're just going to be like, but why? Why? Why? Yeah. Yeah, I wonder if it has anything to do with the survival element, too, that you, you know, you share about of, like, trying to survive and if one thing works and changes our brain chemistry to now that we're, you know, this is what's making sense to keep us around. And yeah, I mean, you're right, though. It is.

We can. I think we have this thing built in for us humans, right, where it's like, is everybody else. You know, I'm smarter than that. I've got all this going for me. It's not going to happen to me. Of course, we see it on TV. And I think we all have that person in our life, too, whether it be drinking, that they've drank for 60 years. And they never had a problem.

So like, yeah, of course. That'll be my story, too. I'll just keep it going. Like, they've never had a problem. But then we also have people who have had problems and serious consequences. But I don't know if we give that as much mind as we give the guy who's been added for a bit. but it is really hard to connect the dots. And people, like I always encourage people

when they listen to these podcast episodes, the listener might not be where things got for the person sharing, but listen to the progression. It all started somewhere. It started as going to the farmer's market and getting the, you know, fresh fruit to make margaritas or stuff on the weekend, you know, and then it escalates.

and we don't really know where that's going to kind of land. So you're talking about being at the hospital and you have that video of your current situation of how things have played out. And then you mentioned too, I think what you said, it wasn't enough. Still went back to drinking after that. What did that look like? They tell me stage two cirrhosis. I knew I had stage three. And now this video that I had posted shows the nurse is telling me I'm sick.

and I'm looking, I'm recording with my phone, I'm looking at myself with a Citis, edema, I'm very upset in the video because I wasn't understanding what was going on. But I was told you need to stop drinking. And I just couldn't. But at that point is when the desperation started. setting in that holy crap this isn't going away holy crap these symptoms are getting worse holy crap i'm sick and now i want to stop drinking but now i can't and it was frustrating and hard and overwhelming and depressing which just kept me in the loop more yeah explain that to somebody who might not understand it, you can't stop at that point. What does it look like

and feel like if you do stop? Like is that, because that's the fear that keeps the loop going, right? The withdrawals and what that looks like. Because I think people from the outside, they, that haven't been through it or haven't been in that situation, it's like, well, you can. You make a choice to stop. And like, that's why aren't you doing that? Like, you explain sort of thought process in those moments. Of course. So how I explain it to people is put yourself in my shoes for one moment. For 10 years, from the moment I woke up till the moment I went to sleep, I had alcohol

in my hand like this as if it was water. Okay. Now, imagine what day one looked like for me. imagine the thoughts, imagine the cravings, imagine the feelings, the emotions. I know, I knew I needed to stop. But the obsession, the cravings, the anxiety, it was, I wasn't so scared of the detox more as I was scared of what I was going to feel like if I didn't have it. This was my comfort.

This was my normal. This was my every day. I do know that, and I think we can agree, that change is hard. Change is uncomfortable. Change is different. So how do you think I felt on day one after the evening before when I poured out the alcohol and now I'm on day one and my anxiety has kicked in. I want to have a drink because that's all I've done for 10 years.

That feeling of I can't get this to stop. And the only thing that has made this stop is alcohol, but now what? Yeah, I'm dying, but I can't get this to stop. I can't get this to stop. What the fuck do I do? Yeah. That's like the best way I can describe it. Yeah.

I think there's a point too in the addiction where things are a lot less logical or if it's logical at all. You know, some people I think reach that point to where like, okay, this makes sense. I know that if I continue on this path, okay, this gets worse and, you know, things don't work out for me. And then there's, but getting to that spot is so difficult for. so many because you know it's like, okay, this is what I have to do, but doing it is a completely different ballgame. So you go back to this drinking for like nine months you said before, was anybody at that hospital with you too? I feel like in the video, somebody else was there. Was a, was my wife? My wife was behind me. A lot of people say who was that guy behind me,

but it was my wife. So what is she thinking about all of this? Oh, she caused on my bullshit. it all the time. Her words in the video were, come on, let's get the fuck out of here. Let's go to a different hospital because I thought they were doing nothing to help me. I kept saying it's the IV that's making this happen to me. It's the fluids that's making me huge. It's you guys' fault for making me big. I wasn't big with the CITES before I got here. So I wasn't able to take accountability for my actions and I didn't see that it was me that did all this to me. I was blaming the hospital and my wife, because she loves me, because she didn't call me out

and be like, Chelsea, it's you that's doing this to you. So she enabled me. She would bring me alcohol in the hospital. Yeah. What ended you up in the hospital? time like uh did you uh COVID COVID again I've had it three or four times each time resulted in a hospital stay I see you every time really so the whole thing where you you can get the buildup of the fluid that just so happened to be happening when you're in the hospital that's the first time it happened

that was the first time it happened when your liver doesn't function nothing else works properly. So because I was getting enormous amounts of fluid to hydrate me, I'm dehydrated, my liver can't filter it properly. And then the edema and the ascites come, which is fluid buildup, because my liver's not filtering it right. Gotcha. Okay. So if you were getting the hydration, and say before you went there, that could have also been it? Or is it just like they know. It's all because of my liver. And yes.

So I guess essentially, yes, it just happened. Just happened there. Okay. So that's why you were like, okay, yeah, something's not adding up here. I've been okay in this sense. And then you show up there and now this is your experience. Yeah. Okay.

That makes sense. So where do you go from there? How do you end up turning this around? So the drinking was nine more months, but at this point I wanted to stop. I just couldn't. I was reaching out to people asking people for help. Honestly, I found a product that helped me stop drinking. It's not for alcoholics to stop drinking, but I needed to find something else that could.

quenched my thirst the way alcohol did. And then I found a product. And it's hydroflex. They're vitamin-infused electrolytes. And today is 697 days without alcohol. So walk me through, walk me through the last day, like the night before. Was it a planned thing on X day? Tomorrow I quit? Or what did that look like? No. So, and violently. throwing up, ascites, eczema, the metal taste. I was in bed for two years because you're dying. So you feel like death every day. And I was on the phone with my mom's childhood best friend, who I call her my Aunt Rhonda.

Aunt Rhonda is a therapist in substance abuse, specializing in domestic violence victims, women. And she goes, Chelsea, I've never yelled at you. I've never cursed at you. But what the fuck is it going to take? You have two kids in the other room that didn't ask to be here. And how selfish are you? How dare you take their mother away from them? How dare you?

And she said, you have two choices. I'm going to lay the backs out for you. Two choices. You just go give your kids a kiss good night and just tell them you're sorry that you're not going to fight and that you can't do it. Or you put on your big girl panties and you fucking go tuck your kids in right now and fight for them, Chelsea. Because if you're not going to fight for them, how are you teaching them that anyone's going to fight for them? How are they going to fight for themselves if you're not fighting for yourself? And I don't know what clicked that day.

I just think I was just done. And I didn't want to die because I didn't want to leave my kids. And I kept thinking about, oh my gosh, they're going to bury me. What is Riley going to say at my funeral? How is she going to get married without her mama there? How is anyone going to teach it? How am I going to teach my son to treat a woman if I'm not here? It's my job to make sure I raise a man worth marrying.

And if I'm not here, who's going to do it? And I just, I went to the fridge and I dumped it out. And I was like, I'm fucking done. I'm done. I can't. Yeah. Wow. What was it you were drinking at the end?

Um, at the end, Mike's harder. Mike's harder. About minimum of 10 a day. I mean, and stopping, like, if I would leave the house, because at the end, I really wasn't leaving the house at all, unless it was just to pick a child up from school. Yes, while drinking and driving all the time. Which is embarrassing to admit, but it's how I lived.

But yeah, might's harder, but I would stop, grab sushi, grab a lichy martini, stop and get tacos on Taco Tuesday and it's a margarita. But the first five years, I was going through the big, the handle of vodka. Yeah. And a 750ml bottle of Amaretto every 24 to 48 hours. Yeah. Wow. A lot of people land on vodka. Is there a rationale to that?

Taste, flavor. Yeah. Like flavored vodka or just? Did I have a favorite? No, flavored. Like, did you drink flavored vodka or no? No, no, because flavor lowers the amount of alcohol that's in it. Oh, okay.

Gotcha. That was my, well, that was like probably the first thing I drank was Burnett. I don't know if it's a thing anymore. Burnett's orange vodka, it's probably not a thing. It was the cheapest. No. Years ago. Okay.

So your first day, so you decide you're done. I mean, I think that decision element is such an important part of this whole process is deciding what is it we're going to do here. And like you said, like fight for your kids to be there and be, you know, the mom that, you know, you want to be and show up how you want to show up. What do you do that first morning? Cry. Agitated, anxiety. I think it's important to say them.

So that video that we were talking about with the nurse and showing my assyadies, that was taken January 7th of 2024. This is when they told me liver failure stage four and that I need to start seeing a liver specialist, which I did. I started going in April. So from April of 2024 until September of 2024, I was actively wanting to stop drinking, going to my liver doctor weekly with alcohol in my hand and would tell my liver doctor, I'm so sorry, I'm wasting your time. She's like, I'm glad you're here. I would show up two hours late to my appointment with alcohol and say, I want to stop. And she's like, just keep coming. So the first day that I didn't have it, it was hard.

I drove to my doctor's office and cried. I didn't have an appointment. I just went in. And I was like, I need to see you. I'm not okay. And Dr. Olson, I said, her name is Dr. Sancho Olson. And she literally has like a piece of my heart. forever because she really believed in me when I was so lost and she saw this Chelsea when I had no

idea who this Chelsea was. She like never made me feel bad or guilty or crazy or nuts for all these crazy thoughts. She just answered every phone call and made an appointment every week and I just kept showing up. So even though the emotions were big, the feelings were big, everything was just so hard, but

I just kept showing up a little bit at a time. And as just time passed, it just gets a little bit easier. You know? Yeah.

I have hard days still. There's days I want to drink without a doubt. People ask me that all the time. Do you ever crave alcohol? Yeah, I do. But I don't act on it. And the craving comes, as quick as it comes,

is as quick as I kick that craving's ass out the fucking door. Because get the hell away from me, I'm not feeding into this. I'm not doing this debate in my head. Oh, it will only be once? No. I tell it to get the hell away. Go away.

I don't act on it. And I go about my day. Yeah. Yeah. That's beautiful, too. It's the relationship you had with your doctor there, too. You know, just showing up. And yeah, I think that that can really equal change down the road when we decide.

I feel like sometimes people on this sobriety train beat themselves up. Like, oh, I'm a year sober and I was thinking about drinking today. Like, maybe I'm not working hard enough. Or, I'm not where I should be, but it's like if I followed through with everything I thought in a day, I would probably be in a much different place. Like we're allowed to have thoughts. That's human.

But I like your point there too of I'm not feeding into it. I'm not believing that rationalization of it's just going to be one. It's going to be this great time and it's going to be all this stuff. I was like, no, no, no, I see it for what it is. This is where it's got me. You ever think I'm curious? You ever think of how far that all of this had progressed, do you think, to yourself, like, what's even the point of turning things around?

Like, even if I do, even if I do get sober, are they telling you like, okay, you'll, you'll get better? Or it's like, we don't really know. No, I was told that even though you stop drinking, you still need a new liver. You're never going to be better. You're, the damage you've done is permanent. And you're not going to survive unless you get a new liver. That was.

Yeah. Being told that I did this to myself. I couldn't blame anyone. I couldn't blame my dad for disappearing. You know, like I said, you know, I used to be mad at my dad. But now I understand it's not his fault. He had to protect his peace. Like there's no more blaming.

There's no more rationalizing. There's no more making excuses. Like I can own it. This is what happened. But I never said what's the point. Why should I not try? I never said that because my kids. Yeah.

Yeah. The accountability too of how things played out. I feel like that's so important. I feel like sometimes we dodge that for a bit. You know, like, hey, yeah. I mean, I'm kind of accountable at the end of the day, right? Not for what happened to me, but what I do with it, how I choose to move and operate. Yeah.

I have to take accountability for everything. My life is the way it is now because of everything I've done or have not done. You know, and now being almost two years sober, clear head, all the brain fog is gone due to the ammonia buildup from the I now just got my smile fixed. And now the only thing I think of is, holy crap, Chelsea, why did you wait so long? Like, because now all I'm focused on is what can I do for someone else? What can I do to help the ones that are still sick and suffering?

Because I get it. like when you when you kind of reflect back on that what do you think it is like for anybody out there who's kind of waiting around like what was it for you like what it wasn't fear it was

complete because I was just it was like a routine I didn't stop like I even though I wanted to I knew it was adding no value I just physically and mentally couldn't, but that's another thing. I kept telling myself I couldn't. I kept reiterating that negative behavior.

If you keep telling yourself, you can't do something, well, guess what? You sure is hell are not going to do it. Yeah. I had to change my thought process. I had to change the way I approached everything. And you can't change what you don't exactly. knowledge, cognitive restructuring. I learned that at the Florida House.

One of the treatment centers I went to back in 2011, I was there for four months, and it's not a very cushy treatment center like, ooh, talk to me about your problems. No. It's not confrontational. It's they confront you with who you are. So your personality traits, your defense mechanisms. And that's it. You can't change what you don't acknowledge.

So I had to learn that I was very self-involved. And I didn't realize I thought I had the biggest part and would listen to everyone. But I didn't listen. They did a group. exercise one day. There was like 20 of us and we sit in the room and my therapist said, everybody tell Chelsea how you're feeling today. Okay, they get to me and she goes, Chelsea, repeat how everyone's feeling. And I'm like, I couldn't. She's like, because you don't effing listen. You think you know it all. So ever since then, I make a conscious effort

because or else I wouldn't I guess how are you and how are you doing and I listen so I don't just hear I process what you say it yeah it was a huge game changer yeah that sounds like it and it was accurate sort of the assessment of where you were currently in your life from what you're nodding your head. Yeah. So you have to acknowledge things that you're unwilling to that, hey, this is the current situation. And you're able to do that with motivation of, you know, how you want to show up for your kids and their life and everything like that. How long into the process of not drinking do you go for the transplant?

So it, I stopped drinking September 29th, 2024. But it was four months of testing, but mind you, in these four months, every hospital, I'm still battling stage four liver cirrhosis and I'm still dying. So I'm still actively puking blood, volcanoes of blood, get hospitalized for a week in ICU. They had to bandage the, I had esophage ovarices. they're like blisters in your esophagus, that rupture. When you lose that much blood, you can die. I almost did because I did not go to the hospital after because after I was done throwing up that much,

you lose that much blood, you're tired. So I slept for almost 48 hours. I thought it was 24, but my wife corrected me and said it was almost two days three. And when she came home from work, She was like, get your buck. We went to the hospital. So every time you have a hospital admission, your transplant getting on the waiting list is like paused because you can't get listed with an active infection, something like esophageal varices.

So it took four months of testing and then I was on the transplant waiting list for nine months. Wow. And then from my understanding, it kind of works. You just kind of get a call. Do you have an idea or they just call you? They just call you when some, and I hate this part when someone passes. Yeah. So what's that like?

I mean, what's that like for you to live? Yeah, that's the flip side of the coin. How is that or how has that been for you? So I did receive one phone call. that a liver was available, got in the car, went to Tampa, getting ready for surgery. As soon as I get there, I'm told that the liver was no good. So I only had one call that was not a good call, like that I went to Tampa, it didn't work out. The second call I got is my liver.

And, you know, looking back, I thought to myself, yes, that's sad. somebody has to die for me to live. I wish this. But then when I went through it, I really battled depression after my transplant. Like I felt really fucking guilty that I accepted this liver. Why was I given that gift of this woman who passed? And now I get to live and this poor innocent woman

died of a heart attack. Like that really fucked with me big time. Yeah. And I didn't want to live anymore. And then I'm mad at myself. How can you be so selfish and want to die when someone just died for you to live? Just these crazy thoughts. But then, so my surgery was January 31st, 2026.

And it was hard. But then I had a four-day hospital stay in June. I had to go back to Tampa. My meds were a little off, my levels. I went back. Ever since I got out of the hospital in June, I am finally back to the Chelsea I was when I was 20 years old. Like my brain, I feel so good.

I and I'm like it's not even like I'm mad or sad at myself but I'm like the first 40 years of my life for what now I'm on a mission to like what can I do for others I want to do something with my life you know I don't want to waste it I don't want to waste this poor woman who was 55 or 65 who had a heart heart attack. I don't want to waste her liver. I wanted to go to good use. Yeah. You know, I want to leave my example for my kids on what I want, I want them to be proud of me because I know that I'm proud of me, but I want them to be proud. Yeah. Yeah, thanks for sharing that too. Of course. What do you feel helps you stay on track? I mean, just heading towards kind of wrapping up and any of the thoughts that you might want to share. But I mean, you think this is from the outside looking in, right? Somebody like myself who's never been through this experience, I think it'd be easy to say,

well, I mean, of course you're been through all this. Of course, you know, you're done drinking, right? You know, you know now. But I've heard stories, lots of stories of people who went through this and one way or another find themselves drinking again. And I only say that just to say, hey, that's. That's a realistic possibility. It doesn't necessarily mean I don't think anyway that, you know, so-and-so is completely out of the woods because of this.

And that just kind of brings me to the point of what helps you stay on track, all things considered of how life was, what you went through and where you're at now. Well, I am human without a doubt. And relapse for anybody is so real. it could happen to me at any moment. But I feel like I've built this platform to share my story to help others. And by me sharing my story, it's, I feel like I'm not feeding the addiction anymore. I'm feeding healthy Chelsea. And as long as I keep doing.

what I'm doing when those intrusive thoughts come in, one drink. Oh, I was at the beach the other day for the first time in years. And I'm like, I looked at my wife. She was like, do you want to go to, she's like, do you want to go to Benis on the beach? I was like, no, because I would probably want a mango margarita. So, no, we are not going. And I have my water and we're going home and I'm cooking dinner. Like, yeah.

Like, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, banyes. Do you feel like you found a purpose for yourself? Yes. Yes. You feel like you were missing that before? Yes. Yeah.

Yes. Like your whole life or do you feel like you had it at some point? You did a lot of sports and stuff, right? Mm-hmm. I did. But I think I just had a lot of trauma, a lot of, you know, questioning myself. I'm very indecisive with a lot of things, but now learning who I am sober, I'm learning what I like and don't like. My thoughts, my opinions are mine, and I'm open to have a healthy discussion.

We can agree to disagree. I'm able to see other people's perspectives now, where before I was very close-minded, but now I'm now I'm able, because of everything I've been through, I'm not a judgmental person, nor will I judge. I sympathize. I empathize. I have compassion. It doesn't mean I lacked those things before, but they were just clouded from the alcohol.

Yeah. Yeah. That brain fog, too, you talked about. I mean, that's a real thing for a lot. lot of people like a year later of drinking there a lot of people can struggle with that say why isn't getting better why am i not out of this yet and then it just for a lot of people i talk to it just kind of randomly happens and they're just like wow like i they're like i never thought it would ever get better and then it does what message do you leave anybody with that has hung out with us for this

episode maybe they're struggling or maybe they're looking at like should i get things started here To the people that are struggling, people say to me all the time, like when I'm on live on TikTok, they're like, I don't know what to do. And I'm like, it's really simple. You either continue to dig your hole. Keep digging it. Keep, these are your two options. Keep digging it. You've already dug a hole.

Just keep digging deeper. Or you climb out. Stop blaming. Stop making excuses. Stop just the fucking. And this goes for everything. If it doesn't add value, say goodbye. And it's not easy.

It is hard. But you are, it can be done. I did it. And it's uncomfortable and change is hard. And you're going to feel like crap. And your thoughts might be crazy. But anything is possible. Anything is.

Yeah. Yeah, just kind of get it over. I think you had mentioned earlier on the episode, too, about kind of getting out of your own way or getting out of our own way and doing something different. It's uncomfortable or it's hard. But it's the way forward. I mean, it just really is, right? There's always going to be that excuse to stay exactly where we're at. And that's just which way do we want to go if we're working the road. Thank you so much for hanging out and sharing your story. Of course. Thanks for having me. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Well, keep rocking. Two years you mentioned is right around the corner for you. Yeah. Yeah. It's exciting. Very exciting. I'm proud of myself, and I don't think I've ever said that until recently.

Yeah. Great job. Thank you.