Sober Motivation: Sharing Sobriety Stories - The Sober Journey - Updates from Melissa and Tiffany

Episode Date: May 8, 2025

In this episode, we catch up with two previous guests, Melissa and Tiffany Jenkins, to hear about their progress and insights since they last appeared on the show. The discussion includes experiences of sobriety, community support, personal growth, and life after addiction. Melissa shares her achievements and the sense of freedom she feels living sober. At the same time, Tiffany opens up about her recent divorce, the challenges of maintaining sobriety, her new book, and the importance of a support system. Both guests emphasize the significance of community and resilience in their sober journeys. Join the Sober Motivation Community: https://sobermotivation.mn.co Melissa on IG: https://www.instagram.com/thesobernewyorker/ Tiffany on IG: https://www.instagram.com/jugglingthejenkins/ 00:00 Welcome and Introduction 00:28 Podcast Review Request 01:31 Introducing Melissa: The Sober New Yorker 01:57 Melissa's Journey and Achievements 04:12 Challenges and Reflections on Sobriety 08:23 Generational Drinking Culture 12:48 Overcoming Limiting Beliefs 22:45 The Importance of Community Support 28:11 Reflecting on Progress and Future Plans 28:32 The Journey of Sobriety: Small Steps and Big Changes 29:26 Embracing Sobriety: Challenges and Rewards 30:53 Melissa's Final Thoughts and Gratitude 32:00 Introduction to Tiffany's Update 32:32 Tiffany's Sobriety Journey: Overcoming Challenges 33:43 Shifting Focus: From Videos to Podcasts 37:35 The New Book: A Personal and Vulnerable Journey 40:54 Maintaining Sobriety: Daily Struggles and Triumphs 44:26 Concluding Thoughts and Future Outlook

Welcome back, everyone, to another update episode with two of my friends here, Melissa and Tiffany, as they share with us what things have been like since they were on the podcast last. In time flies, it's been a while since they came on the show and shared their full story. Those episodes you can also check out of something that they share in the update episode here that you can relate to. Incredible stories, incredible journeys, so grateful to have them on and share this update with us. There's two other quick things I want to mention right before we get into this episode. If you haven't left a review on Apple or Spotify yet, please jump over there and do that.

Leave a written review on Apple, five stars on Spotify. That would mean the world for the podcast if you're enjoying it, if you're getting something out of it. And also, if you're looking to plug into an incredibly supportive community, I would like for you to consider joining sober motivation. It's an incredible community. We have meetings every day over Zoom. also a 24-7 chat community, a lot of great people. The relationships are a big part of what helped me stay sober. And there's a lot of people out there with different circumstances and maybe struggling to

find that connection with others with similar stories. And I promise you that somebody in the sub-motivation community is going to be able to relate to your story. And a lot of us are going to be able to relate to a lot of aspects of it. So if you could use some community, some extra support in your journey, I'll drop the link down to the show notes below. Check out the free trial and see if it's for you. Now it's here from Melissa. Welcome back, everyone, to another update episode on the podcast. Today we've got my good friend, Melissa, aka The Sober New Yorker. How are you? Hi, Brad. I'm great. You didn't say the

accent. I tried, but maybe it's the sickness. The Sober New Yorker. Come on. I'm awesome. Thanks for having me back. Yeah, of course. I mean, we've gotten to know each other pretty good over the last year or months or whatever it's been. And it's been exciting to watch you grow and your journey and everything that you're doing. I can't remember exactly when we connected the first time on the podcast. You probably have a better idea of it. I do. I have a memory like a tortoise. It was June of last year, June of 24, so almost a year ago. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I can't believe it. A lot has happened in a year. Last June, I mean, I was just getting underway with my coaching certification. I think I had just started my podcast with, you know, you did that podcast, a mentorship course. And I think I had just started maybe my first episode or two. And now I've got, oh, man, like 32 episodes. have rolled out. So yeah, it's, that's been, that's been amazing. I just love sitting down with people. And sometimes I know their story ahead of time. There's a lot of people from the sober motivation community. I shouldn't say a lot, but a handful that have sat down with me. And then there are

some random people that I've been following on Instagram. I reach out and say, hey, like, I want to, I want to hear what you're all about and they come into the studio and I have no idea. And that's, that's exciting for me because it's often, you know, a really good, interesting story. And I can relate to so much of it because I've done the same thing. You know, anyone who removes alcohol from their life has a pretty good story to tell. So that has been a really fulfilling part of my life, uh, that podcast. Thanks to you. Well, thank you. Yeah, it's great work.

I mean, it is really, you get to hear the resilience in people and what they build and where they've come from and what their journey's been like. And there are so many similarities I feel to a lot of the different stories that we hear. Where you're at now in your journey, what are you experiencing? Gosh, I just, I'm experiencing still so much joy, so much profound happiness. And I also feel like I'm to this place where if I want to do something, if I see or feel that there's something I want to do, I'm just going to do it. I'm going to figure out a way to do it or dive in and if it scares me, it means I should do it. If I want to get uncomfortable, I grow. I'm just to this place where I don't know, life is short.

And maybe because I'm a few years older and I came to this sobriety thing in my 50s, maybe I'm making up for lost time. But I live in one of the greatest cities of the world. And I have so much opportunity just at my fingertips for getting out there and doing things. And so for the last year, I have joined the New York Toastmasters Club, this public speaking club. A year ago with you, I had no idea what a Toastmaster even was. And now I am an official member and I'm ready to give my first speech next week. I can hardly wait.

And it's a community that only knows me as a non-drinker, which is really cool. made up of incredibly diverse people because it's New York. And all different ages, all different ages. They go across the street to an Irish bar after every meeting. And, you know, at first I thought, eh, you know, do I, I mean, I could do that, right? But do I really want to? Well, it turns out the head of our organization, the president, is 26 years sober. we came to find that out about each other.

So now, when he makes that announcement about going across the street to the bar, he looks right at me and says, we go across the street to the bar for non-alcoholic or alcoholic drinks. And, you know, he never did that before he met me, because maybe there are some other people in that room that are thinking the same thing. And I've been to that bar now a couple times. And it's so natural to sit in that bar and connect. with people I don't know, have a seltzer and grapefruit, and just feel like a normal person

who doesn't have to sit at a bar and chug drinks to get a buzz on. That has been a really big, beautiful part of my Monday nights in New York. Yeah, if there's something I want to do, I'm going to do it. I'm at this point in my life where my children are growing up and leaving the house and launching, and I am cultivating my own experiences. And the fact that alcohol is no longer here holding me back gives me time to do a lot with my life. And it's just a beautiful thing. And I don't regret one day that I wake up and, you know, that I made the decision to stop drinking. It was just been, the most beautiful decision I ever, ever made.

Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing all that, too. And it's interesting. A few things you mentioned there too, right? Like, I don't know the exact terminology used for it, but a little bit older in kind of getting to this point making that decision. I mean, come on, like 80% of the people that I talk to probably are in or close or near to your age in a sense.

What do you think that's all about? Oh, boy, I think that's about the, you know, the age, the decades we grew up in. You know, I came of age in the 80s and early 90s, and that's what we did. We gathered and we drank. We didn't have social media. We didn't have those things right at our fingertips. we socialized in person, right? And that meant grabbing a few beers and going out and doing the same thing.

The kids today, there's a decrease in drinking. And a lot of it might have to, might have, you know, to do with that. The fact that there isn't that in-person connection as much. I don't know. That would be an interesting study. but it's definitely a generational thing. And then I think as we got older, the mommy wine culture, at least for me, was a huge, I came of age with my kids when that was emerging.

And we got sold this bullshit that raising our kids was really hard and wine at the end of the day was going to make it easier. and all the merch that went with it, right? The tea towels and the rosé all day t-shirts and the birthday cards you got with happy birthday, Mom, it looks like you really need a glass of wine. And it was really, we were in the middle of that. So when we get to the point, the pandemic too. The pandemic socked us.

It sucked us. The women that I work with, they are not, for the most part, in their 30s. I've worked with one woman in her 30s. The women I work with are like 43 and up, 43 to 68. And that's my age range. And that's sandwich generation, I like to call it, where our children are growing up and leaving our house. But our parents are getting older. so we're we're caring for them as well.

It's a really, it's one of, it's, we're stuck in the middle. And are we caring for ourselves, or are we constantly putting our priorities into other people's care? And we lose sight of ourselves. I mean, I'm speaking 100% for myself and a lot of women I know that we just stop showing up for ourselves. And before you know it, we're sitting on the couch, chug and rosé, doom scrolling, waiting for my husband to get home, wondering where the hell my life is going to go. And is this it? Is this it for my life? And that was a very bleak picture. It doesn't have to be that way. You know, this gray area drinking, you don't have to wait for a rock bottom.

it doesn't have to be that way yeah 100% yeah it's so interesting to kind of look at sort of to um you know how growing up plays a role and in sort of what we see and how normalized alcohol maybe was in that generation i mean it's not one that that i'm necessarily a part of but how normalized it was and you know i think if you just see a one off thing right of a you know targeting a mommy wine culture you see one thing okay you see one thing but the reality is yeah it was everywhere a lot of people have mentioned that So when you see something over and over and over and over again, it just makes it very normal to kind of get wrapped up into it.

And then we also have like the alcohol being a drug that's addictive, right? And then that happens over time too. And then you share where people might find themselves. What do you feel like is the biggest challenge? And like was for you even too, right? Because you hear some people mention it's the way it's always been, it's always going to be, you know, can't teach you old dog. tricks. You know, you kind of hear those things maybe too. How is it that you were able to say

accept this is where you are and be honest about moving forward? I think for me, I just had to cut through all of those limiting beliefs that said, I won't be able to have fun without alcohol. I won't be able to have those big weekend getaways with my family. I won't be able to have vacation. I won't be able to enjoy myself at a wedding, at a family reunion. I won't be able to enjoy myself at a party without alcohol. That was just a huge factor in holding me back, because I was the party girl. I was the party girl. In fact, I spoke to a quick story. I spoke to a friend over the weekend, a college friend, haven't spoke to him in a lot. long time. He was connecting with his dad, mid-80s, with dementia, and his dad was asking about his old

college friends. And he was going down the list, and he said, now what about that party girl? And my friend Scott said, you mean the tall? Was she tall, blonde? Yeah, that one. That was me. That was the party girl. Here, this guy is 85 years old with dementia. And he still remembers me, the party girl, from 35 years ago. Like, that was me. That was my narrative for so long. That was a big thing holding me back. Like, I looked forward to those parties.

I looked forward to those weekends away because that was my right to relax and have fun and kick it. I didn't turn into a mean, angry drunk. Listen, the next day was another story sometimes. So how would I do that? that without alcohol. That kept me stuck for so long. And the breaks that I did have, those doctor breaks when my liver enzymes went up, those three or four weeks here and there, I felt so good that it gave me an idea that maybe, maybe this is possible. Because the feeling that a good feeling in my body, in my head, kind of started to outweigh that, you know, very short,

artificial, fake, drunk feeling of one night. Yeah. Yeah. So it's the, and I love that you brought that up to, the limiting beliefs about how all kind of like myths, quote unquote, the myths of alcohol, well, life's not going to be fun anymore. And how am I going to do this? And of of course there's like that learning period that takes place probably in the first six months about reintroducing ourselves to, you know, these different events and stuff we have to go to and how are we going to get more comfortable? But I always mentioned to people too that identify with that gray area drinking. Their life may be not completely derailed from drinking, but this is what I see one of the most damaging things of keeping alcohol in our life.

If we're in that space, every time something comes up, we're not getting uncomfortable in developing healthy strategies of moving through stress, overwhelm, disappointment. The longer we keep alcohol in our life, the more we lean on it, the less and less we develop the other strategies. And that's why a lot of people relate to. We used to talk about it in this one addiction program. I worked out about, you know, sort of the growth, the emotional growth. You know, a lot of people relate to it that things stopped.

You know, they feel like they stop. growing emotionally in some sense when they started drinking, you know, and as they became a, you know, maybe a solution or a pastime of dealing with life. And the longer that goes on, you know, and then when we quit, it's like I always say the magic can't happen if we're still drinking. You know, you have to quit drinking and allow for the rest of the stuff to flow into your life. And it's going to be tough. What were some of the big things that helped you out or continues to help you out if you're still plugging in? Also, too, when you share that every time, Melissa, I don't know if you've ever had this experience in life, but you hear people have changed their life, right?

And they're sharing what life is like now. And for some reason, I can't see you being any different than kind of the go-getter you are right now. But you're telling me that's been kind of a big shift in some ways in your life. Yeah, here's the thing. I, listen, I have been a go-getter for sure. But have I been as big of a go-getter as I am now? Not in a very long time. I have a client right now, and I don't want to take credit for this,

because she said something so poignant that I am constantly bringing it up in groups and with other people. she came to me and she said, I don't know what it feels like to be firing on all cylinders. I don't know what it feels like to be firing on all cylinders. And I think when you're drinking, even if it is that gray area drinking, it's still, it could be, you might be firing on 60, 70, 80 percent cylinders, which is a pretty good percentage. but what about that 30, 20, 10% that you're missing, right? What if you remove the booze and then you make it 100%. And I just love that visual of taking your car into the shop and there's a blockage. I have no idea about cars, so I'm just kind of making all this up right now.

But if there's like a sock stuck somewhere in your cylinder and they remove it. And they said, oh, my God, there's a sock stuck here. Well, no wonder you were only operating at 70%. So having that, now you're at 100%. Holy shit. And that's what it feels like for me. Yeah, I was super high functioning. I could show up to my work.

I could set goals. I was going to the gym. I was keeping in relatively good shape. But once I took that sock out of my cylinder, I mean, we're talking like jetpack rocket fuel because there's no block in my way. And that's what I mean when I'm saying, like, I can do anything. There's no block.

It's an open road. And if I want to set a goal, I have completely become this goal-oriented person, which before, you know, not so much, maybe in my head. But now I'm thinking like five years down the road, 10 years down the road. That never happened before. That never happened before. I'm thinking big. Alcohol kept me small.

And I don't want to play small anymore. Now that I'm not drinking, it's big or go home. and I'm firing on all cylinders. And if people can just get that in their head, that don't you owe it to yourself to just try and see what that looks like? Yeah, I would say 110%, you know, try it out and figure it out. You know, that's the other kind of, you know, flip side of things too, is I think there are a lot of people who do try it out.

And not to say they're doing it wrong or, you know, you know, they're doing it right. But a lot of the stories I hear, too, on the side of things is people just want to do it all on their own. You know, I mean, for decades, for decades, Melissa, people will just kind of secretly try to just go at this all on their own. And I think it's the shame and everything that's involved with it, right? Not wanting to share with other people.

But my goodness, doesn't it blow the door right off the hinges when you get in a room with other people, whether it be in person or on? online or wherever. And it's like, man, they're sharing my story. They're talking my language. They understand. We do it in all other areas of our life, right? Like a simple example, right? If I need my oil change or I need my tires change. I have no problem going to the mechanic and asking for help. Like I just don't have any problem. And there's that struggle, I think, with a lot of us, too. And I think we all kind of, you know, in one way or another kind of go through that phase, right? I always had the thought process of I got myself here. Oh my gosh, if they knew, you

you know, the people close to me, what was really going on in my life. Like, maybe they'll think differently of me or think less than of me. But the reality was I had to put that aside and get the help and support that I needed. My earliest mentor, Andy, because I was, even when I started kind of trying to tread water a little bit, you know, come out of this whole light, dug for myself, I was still doing, wanting to do everything my way, right? I would pick up on the things that were easy, you know, that wouldn't push my comfort. it's too much. And Andy pulled me aside after this meeting one day where, you know, we're in this church, which, you know, it was a whole other thing. But he said, he told me, Brad, he said, your best ideas, man, your best thinking, dude, look at where it's landed you. You're going to

have to listen to some other people. You're going to have to follow a couple ideas that other people have because you're not going to be able to think your way on your own out of this. How did that change for you kind of plugging in and thoughts on any of that? That was huge. That was everything because I gave this a pretty valiant effort right before the pandemic, four months on my own, following a couple communities on Facebook, you know, that kind of thing, listening to podcasts, quit lit, all that, all that kind of stuff that people do initially on their own.

And that, you know, that day that pandemic kind of started in New York. I didn't have anyone to call on when I said, I want to have a beer. And if I did, it could have been a lot different. So building that muscle, having that community, which leads to, you know, you enter a room, whether it's virtual or in person, it leads to relationships. It leads to people you start to know. some you get to meet in person. I've met a lot of really incredible sober people in person,

through retreats, through my coaching program. We all got together. I mean, talk about like the vibe. It's just electric when you are with people that don't drink alcohol and are just bettering themselves. I mean, it's just hard to. describe, I'm not doing it justice. But when you get to know these people and you exchange numbers and you check in, I mean, just last night, I got home and I hadn't heard from someone in a while.

And actually, she texted me and I totally forgotten. So I texted her back. And then it was like, how are you? And we had this exchange for a while. And we know we can depend on each other. And we have those relationships. So I know if I'm in a crunch, I know if I need help. I have a whole rolodex. How about that word of people that I can call on? But that's also a muscle that you need to work. That's also a muscle that you need to build calling for help. Because you're right.

We use that. We use, you know, people help us with all sorts of things. Your dishwasher, your, I go to my local grocery store, and I'm usually the tallest person. I'm always constantly helping people get things off the highest shelf in the grocery store. I am. Can you get that can of beans up there for me? I swear to God.

But it's a great way to think about it. Why wouldn't you ask for help if you're stuck in a spot where you think you're feeling that you might drink or you're going through a tough spot and call a friend, text a friend? And I mean, that's what we're there for. You have to lean on the people that know it. And community was a game changer for me. Game changer. I'm going to be two years sober in August.

That's just unfucking believable. Really? August, what, what's the day? August 14th. August 14th. Well, that's a good thing after my birthday. Your August 13th birthday. Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. That's cool. Well, I'll never forget that now, the day after. Yeah, there you go. I'll celebrate my birthday really quick and then we'll celebrate yours. Yeah, let's go. Yeah, I think that that's a big part of it too.

And I think we have to get warmed up to letting other people help us. You know, you ask people, I do anyway, ask people a lot of the time when they're in this journey. I say, when you were going through this, did you know any sober people? Most people are like, no, I didn't know anybody who wasn't drinking or that was sober. And that's why, that's another thing, I think. We'll just plug in, see what it's about. wherever people land too i mean you can you can land in it a ton of different places but i was thinking to i'm just looking at where i live here and um in ontario you know we have a lot of great services for

addiction and mental health and everything um you know but just listening to this recent minister of of mental health and addictions and i don't know if it relays across the u.s you know but a lot of these services and the places where i used to work they're for like crisis so if you're in a crisis or there's not I don't know that there's really the exploration services out there of like hey I just kind of want to dip my toe in and see where I'm at I want to talk with somebody and get involved with other people it's not really like that it's kind of like the hospital or the detox or the six month you know treatment program and then there are like therapists on the side so I think that's a big role that you know online communities and in coaching and in all of those

things can help people sort of explore because I think that's a really important part of the process. You know, I meet with people too in my mentorship program and everybody's like, I'm so unsure where to start. I don't know what this is going to be like. And I'm like, we're going to have a conversation and just see where things are at. What are your goals? Where do you want to go? I'm not here telling people what to do. Like, you do this and you do that. And it's not like that. That's not going to get so, you know, very far, right? It's just about seeing where where people want to land, you know. It takes time. But getting some support in somebody who's kind of got the vision for the roadmap and how it goes, I think can be so helpful.

Anything else, Melissa, two years too, like, wow, you know, time's flying. It has been great to have you in the sober motivation community. And it's so incredible to watch everything that, you know, you're moving on and you're heading over to see our friend Sober Dave here soon, you know, so many cool things. Anything else you want to mention before we sign off? I think that's it. I just thank you for having me back and checking in. And, you know, I just want to remind everyone that it's never too late.

Like, that's what I get to say. And that's a good point you bring up about you don't have to dive in and say, I'm going to be sober right now. It's a process about getting curious with yourself. It's trying it on for size, right? It's, let me try this on for size. Let me see how I feel. And take it small goals at a time.

Give yourself seven days. Keep moving the goalpost. See how you feel. After, you know, keep moving that goalpost. And try it on for size. And if it fits good and if it feels good, then keep it on. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm trying to wrap my head, my head around the other side of that too. I think we have to be honest for ourselves, but like it's going to feel good. It's going to feel really fucking good. Yeah, like you have to hang in there for a bit. You know, obviously, like some people relate to the story of things can get worse before they get better because we've been avoiding emotions and numbing them. And, you know, we can then when you stop drinking, things can really kind of flow in so it can feel a little bit heavy. But like you stick with it, you develop as you go.

And then I think at, you know, when we first start, you mentioned earlier, when you first give up, you're like, how in so many areas of life, how am I going to do it without alcohol? Now in my life, I'm to the opposite of that, to where in the beginning I felt that like, oh my gosh, this plays such a important role in my life, alcohol does. And then now I'm at this place where I could not imagine my life drinking alcohol. No. It's completely, it shifts. It takes time. But then you get to the other side of it to where it's like, oh, my goodness, I see it for what it is.

And, you know, my life is improving in all of these areas or has improved in all these areas. and this guy's really the limit, you know. It really is. That's exactly it. Yeah. And I have a place on the moon. So if you ever want to come visit. Well, if you do, then can we get Starlink for our buddy Ryan if you got connections

for that too? That's right. Yeah, we need to get him a better connection for sure. Well, Melissa, thank you so much for dropping in and in sharing with us. I'm great to see as always. A pleasure, Brad. Always. Always good to see you. Thanks for having me. Well, there it is. Incredible update from our friend Melissa. Hopefully you guys are all right. I'm a little bit under the weather, if you couldn't tell,

from listening to that highlight there when Melissa and I recorded this. But thank you guys for checking it out. If you enjoyed or can relate to any of it, be sure to send Melissa over a message on Instagram. I get to see a lot of Melissa, not only hosting a meeting a week inside of the Sober Motivation, community, but also attending a bunch of meetings and really plugging in, you know, these, these are the people I got to be honest with you, who I see really make big strides in this whole journey of sobriety and giving up drinking. And it's, it's incredible to see. It's incredible to see somebody else make, you know, so much progress, right? I think a lot of us go into this,

like, come on, Ken quitting alcohol, really improved my life. And there you go. That's a story of it doing just that from getting sober. Now let's check out Tiffany's update story. Welcome back to another update today. We've got my friend Tiffany Jenkins with us. How are you? Hello. I'm doing great.

I'm so happy to be back. Thank you for having me. Yeah, of course. Thank you so much. It was a great time when we connected to for you to you to share your full story. We're here for an update to see how things have been going for you, you know, since. And is there somewhere you want to kick things off with too?

And you've got something else in the works too. Hopefully you'll share with us. Yes. So much is new since we last spoke. I'm still sober. Last November, I celebrated 12 years. I went through a divorce about two years ago, which was really one of the toughest things I've gone through on my sobriety journey.

And there was definitely moments where the idea of escaping was very tempting. But thankfully, thankfully, I had a really good. foundation of recovery and really cool friends around me who kind of helped come sit with me all night while I cried. And so I'm really grateful to the people who helped pull me through that. So yeah, so everything is different. I have my children half the time now. So there's a whole other half of my life that I have to figure out what to do with my hands when they're not around because I'm so used to being a mom all the time that, you know, to have a week without them, I'm trying to discover who I am. But yeah, other than that, I've kind of slowed down on making videos

and I've been doing podcasts more. I host a couple of podcasts and wrote my second book. Yeah, which is interesting. You've been doing that just on that note for, you know, making videos and social media and all that stuff. I mean, you've been doing this for some time, right? Is there something that creatively is sparking you in the direction of podcasting instead of maybe the short form video that goes so quick that everybody seems to enjoy? Well, that's the thing for me, without sounding too much like a whiner, the videos that I used to make were longer. They were around four or five minutes prior to TikTok becoming a thing.

And so people would actually sit and watch these videos. And then TikTok came out and all of our attention spans shrunk. And it was like quicker, bite-sized videos that go really fast. And for some reason, it just didn't interest me doing videos in that format. I can't explain it. Maybe it's because it was right around the time where my divorce happened. And I wasn't feeling funny to begin with. So I kind of stopped making videos altogether.

But I think it's hard when this becomes a career, quote unquote, somehow magically, it becomes a career and then you have to do it in order to keep all basically I've been really struggling with figuring out what I want to do for a career. I, the things that used to interest me, like making comedy videos and things like that don't anymore. And so I am pivoting and I am thinking about becoming a certified peer recovery specialist and kind of focusing in more on addiction and that sort of thing because that gives me purpose. And I feel like the silly videos haven't in a while. Sorry, that was so long and rambly.

And I was sorting it out as I was saying. No, I mean, thank you so much for sharing it too. And I feel like this stuff you used to do because I've been a fan of your stuff for a lot longer than you probably have any idea. Right. When Facebook sort of first dropped Facebook watch with the early videos, it was like you. It was like you and Jay Shetty. We're like the two that were out there, right? sort of the early adopters maybe in a sense of like that longer form like five minutes plus or

right absolutely but i um yeah it's hard for me to fake it you know what i mean if i'm not feeling funny or if i feel like i don't have a message to put out i can't just make content just to make content and it has slipped me into like a little bit of the background now and you know things have slowed down tremendously for me in the way of videos and things like that. But yeah, I'm at a pivotal point. That's why this book coming out is so crazy because it isn't the book that I had meant to write. I had written this book and then life kind of got flipped upside down and I had to rewrite it.

And so now, you know, going around and talking about it, it's like it's all so new to me also, all of the events that are happening that I'm still kind of trying to figure out who the heck I am and where I'm going. But I've been putting my recovery first because I know that anything I put in front of that, I will lose. And so that has been a constant where nothing else feels sure. My recovery and my friends in recovery have been a constant. Yeah. Well, and I think that's a great point to kind of hit home to even as things get. Like, we don't have all the answers moving forward, but we know that, too.

The sobriety has to be there. I'm plugging in and getting support to. I think you mentioned that, too, with the divorce and going through that difficult time, plugging in and finding, you know, people to talk to and all that stuff makes all the difference. What can you share with us about your new book? Well, the book is basically you don't have to have read the first book in order to understand. this book. I tried to write it in a way that they were independent of each other. This book kind of picks up where the other book left off. So my first book was about my time in jail and the things

that led up to my arrest. And this book is about being released into the real world for the first time as a sober adult having to start over from scratch when all I've ever known is drugs and alcohol. And so it kind of journeys that it follows my journey through the halfway house and then my whirlwind marriage and pregnancy situations. And then unfortunately, you know, I had to touch on the divorce and the things that led up to the divorce because it was, I couldn't put a book out that didn't match up with what was going on in my life. And I didn't want people to be reading a story about two addicts living happily ever after while looking at my page and being like, wait, she's single.

What is this? So I had to make it true to me. But it reads like fiction. Hopefully it's a quick read. That's one of the compliments that I've been getting is people couldn't put it down. And I love that. Yeah, well, that seems to, anytime I see anything pop up about your first book, a high achiever, is that like so many people relate to it.

And like, there's just so, I see so many good things. about it too for the impact it's had, you know, anytime it pops up or I see, you know, your reviews on Amazon or anywhere. So that's great. I'm sure people are going to be, you know, excited for kind of the next leg of the story, right? It's kind of about the rebuild. You know, I had this story of too of, you know, I was in prison for a year. And, you know, I mean, I think for a lot of people, they're like, oh, that's so difficult. For me, it was like, I'm really good in those structured environments. Like, of course, it was difficult. I was away from my family, for all the hall.

holidays, my birthday, you know what I mean? Like you don't really get to decide a whole lot what you do. But there was some elements of that that I was like, well, this is kind of great because when I decide, when I'm kind of steering the bus, like I crashed this thing all over the place. When I got out, though, was really when that's really when the work, you know, really, really kind of started about how am I going to navigate sort of the real world and kind of the rebuild from nothing. Yeah. And it's a lot. And it's tough. for people, especially coming out of jails and coming out of rehabs, because chances are before you got to either of those places, you spent all your money on drugs. And that's why you end up in jail, you know, at least for me, that's what happened. And so when you're starting over, you don't have much to your name. And it's really easy to want to give up and to say, screw this. I'm going to go back to all I've ever known. And I think that the fact that I didn't, you know, yet, is incredible and I can't take any credit for it.

It's all the people, it's all my friends, really, they have carried me through. Like I have, so right now I'm going through a little bit of a tough time. I'm actually in trouble with my sponsor. I have an extra assignment because I have been isolating and not really talking about what's going on with me. I've been throwing pity parties for myself alone. So finally, when we had our sponsorship family meeting, I just got honest and let everybody know my truth, which was I'm struggling to leave the house. There's days I don't want to

get out of bed. I don't want to socialize. I don't want to talk to people. It's too exhausting. And I told her all this. And so she's making me text the group chat every single morning, a full gratitude list. And I have to text her every day and pray in the morning and pray at night, which is something that I also got away from also. So I can't sit here and say, like I'm a shining example because I am struggling also, but I'm not getting high over it. And that's the biggest thing. Yeah. Well, and I think that's sort of what we realize as we go through this too is like the whole, the big mountain to climb at first is to sober up. And then it's like, okay, you know, life keeps happening. And we have to still, you know, learn. There's like, I'm a firm

believer, too, that there's levels to it in a sense. You know, I mean, the first level of Mario is a lot easier than the 100th level of Mario. You have to be a different player. You have to have different strategy going into the different things. I mean, in being honest about it, like, I'm with you too. I'm, I do a lot of these shows. I work with a lot of people. I'm no expert. I don't have it all figured out. My life is not in this perfect picture real that, you know, people might see on Instagram. I got three little kids and, you know, I'm just trying to figure it out, figure things out as I go and trying to, you know, do the best, but I think what kind of even circling back

to what you said before, right, is sobriety's got to come first. Yes. I know, and from you sharing that, you know that without that, like we start losing stuff and we start losing stuff fast or giving it away.

Some people say giving it away, but it starts falling apart fast. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And there's times where I will wonder, why am I so upset? Why am I so uneasy? Why can't I just be happy?

And it's because I stopped going to meetings. I stopped calling my sponsor as much. I stopped connecting with other people. Those things are crucial for me and my recovery. And so it doesn't take long for me to realize like I'm straying too far away. And that's why I feel uneasy. And so I'm back to the basics of doing the exact opposite of what the old me would have done. That's when I first got sober, that's what my sponsor said. You know, when you have

trouble making decisions, just do the opposite of what you would have done before. And that really helped me. And that's kind of where I'm at now. I'm trying to do the opposite of what last month me would have done. You know what I mean? Like let the laundry pile up for weeks at a time and then complain about the pile of laundry, but not do anything about it. The NUME still definitely complains for sure, but does something about it. And so I'm, I am. I am. I'm back to the basics right now. And it's good. It's really, I'm happy that they have so many simple, easy mantras and daily things that you can say and do that are quick to just grab out of the air and remind yourself, like, keep it simple.

You know what I mean? One day at a time. All those things that used to annoy me. Now I'm clinging to them. Yeah, they say there for a reason, right? Right. And I think that that's such a, you know, a great place to ground ourselves, right, with just keeping it simple. and obviously kind of the foundational things

and those things that we can kind of track and see how we're doing to see you know, my making progress and kind of, I love that feedback you got to from your sponsor about like just doing the opposite. That's what, you know,

one of my earliest mentors always told me, he's like, Brad, your best thinking got you here. Like, yanking yourself out. You got to rely on some other people's experience and it started,

you know, taking suggestions from other people. You don't have to like everything. You don't have to do everything. But just be open and have, have a little bit of willingness to try something different. Absolutely. Yeah.

So when do things launch for the book? So the book is coming out June 3rd. And I'm very excited and very nervous. The first book I self-published myself and then it was picked up by a publishing company. And nobody knew me, really, so there was no pressure. But with this book, you know, there's a lot of fans of the first book who are expecting so much out of the second book or maybe they're not and I assume they're expecting and I'm just overthinking and making it crazy on myself. But I think it's just, it's so weird to put something

so personal out into the world and know that like, okay, on June 3rd, everybody's going to know what went down. You know what I mean? In the most private parts of your life, everybody's about to know. It's very, it's very scary, but it's super exciting. And I hope it's helps people. That's the biggest thing for me is even if one person reading it is like, okay, thank goodness, I'm not alone. Then it kind of makes it so that all that stuff that I went through wasn't for nothing. Yeah. It's like I'm just, when you were saying that, I'm just like picturing living in a glass house all of a sudden where it's kind of like everything is visible, like not actually doing that, but you sharing on that level. And I was going to ask you that too,

what are you hoping? You know, what was the motivation and the thoughts behind it as to be that vulnerable with the world about things that went on. But you kind of, you mentioned it right there too, right? To help somebody to support people, right? Yeah, the intention of the book changed. Like I said earlier, like I, the book was going to be about two addicts surviving life together and living happily ever after. And then that did not. Turns out, that's not actually how the story is supposed to end. And so then I found. myself having to tell another story and it's something that I struggled with because I wasn't necessarily ready to tell it at the time. And so the new message is, you know, life is unpredictable.

And if you are somebody like me who is used to reaching for a crutch in times of crisis and feel like a life without that is impossible, hopefully through really, my story, people will see it is possible to do motherhood sober. It's possible to do marriage and death and divorce sober. It's all possible as long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other and reaching out for help when you need it. Yeah, wow, that hits. That's powerful. Yeah, one foot in front of the other. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for for jumping on here, for sharing. I'm excited for you. I know it's going to be great. I know people are going to love it. I mean, it's so important to put those stories out there, I think, too.

You know, I talk with a lot of people, right? I think sometimes people can feel like if they're not doing sobriety a certain way, if it's not the way that other people are doing it or they're not experiencing, maybe what some people are sharing or like questioning ourselves or questioning themselves, are questioning themselves, am I doing something wrong or am I not working hard enough, or doing it right? And I think, you know, these real life stories about even where you're at with your sobriety about how, you know, things can still be tough at times. I think just really validates

sort of the struggle that a lot of us go through even on this journey of this personal development and growth and in life's curveballs. So I appreciate that. Absolutely. Thank you so much. And thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about this. I have no friends. I have no adult grown-up friends. So to be able to talk about my stuff, I mean, I have my friends in recovery, but they've all heard me whining. They're in solution mode now. So that's what it is. They're like, we can only listen to you complain about this same problem so many times before

you got to start doing something about it. So thank you for giving me the format to talk openly and honestly. It's new for me. I'm used to coming on podcasts and pretending like I have it all together. And it's just nice to be real because I feel like you get it. And I feel like your listeners probably understand there's ups and downs. Yeah, 100%. Before we jump here, if, you know, from where you're at, right, and from where I'm at, too, with everything. I'm with you on a lot of this stuff, right? Like, it's work in progress. There's levels to it. And I'm working on things. Coming from that stance, too, I mean, what would you mention to somebody, too? If they're kind of coming out, you mentioned earlier too, right, coming into the halfway house and sort of that story, kind of like starting over from scratch. I mean, what was something when you look back that helped you? maybe just believe that things could change to keep you around long enough for them to do that?

It was definitely the promises. People in the rooms promising me, you know, all these blessings will come as long as you keep doing the right thing. Everybody in recovery seemed so optimistic and hopeful and happy. Like they knew something that I didn't know. So I kind of looked to them for that inspiration and that faith because I couldn't see it myself at the time. But the biggest thing that helped me in the beginning was, I tried to fix everything the day I got out. I wanted my license back, my family back, my relationships back, my money back, trust back. I wanted it all back. And when it wasn't

happening quickly, I got really impatient. So I think recognizing that like it took a lot of time to get us to this low that we're at, it's going to take a little bit of time to get out. But as long as you take it, it's so cliche, take it one day at a time. It really helps. Yeah. Beautiful. Thank you so much. Tiffany, wishing you all the success on the launch. Thank you. Thanks for hanging out with us today. Thank you so much. Bye, everybody.

There it is. Tiffany's update. Gotta be honest. I was really impressed with the honesty about where things are for Tiffany and with this new book coming out. And I can only imagine how scary that could be to put everything out there so personal into a book. But I love the mission and the drive behind it to help one person. who's struggling to maybe see or believe that there's a way out. You know, I can relate to that mission too as well for the things I try to put together.

Thank you guys for listening to another episode here. Got a story episode coming up next. And yeah, like I mentioned earlier on, too, if you could use a little extra support or maybe a lot of extra support. And it doesn't have to be that you're just in the beginning of your journey. We have people as part of the sober motivation community from their first day. and we've got people who have years, and we all work together to do the same thing,

which is get another day. Thank you guys for tuning in, as always, and I'll see you on the next one.