Soder - 101: Plastic Furniture with Earthquake | Soder Podcast | EP 99

Episode Date: September 30, 2025

The Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour is coming to your city! Get tickets at https://www.dansoder.com/tour OCT 3 Tucson, AZ Oct 4 Denver, CO Oct 9 Knoxville, TN OCT 10 Atlanta, GA Oct 11 Louisville, KY Oct 24 Providence, RI OCT 25 Nashville, TN NOV 7 San Antonio, TX NOV 8 Austin, TX NOV 13 Iowa City, IA Nov 14 Minneapolis, MN NOV 15 Madison, WI NOV 21 Kansas City, MO NOV 22 St. Louis, MO DEC 5 Vancouver, BC DEC 6 Eugene, OR DEC 12 Columbus, OH DEC 13 Royal Oak, MI Follow Earthquake and go watch his new Netflix special "Joke Telling Business" https://www.therealearthquake.com/ https://www.instagram.com/therealearthquake/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaYRTs_TYOvq7SIpINbN8eA/videos PLEASE Drop us a rating on iTunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soder/id1716617572 Connect with DAN Twitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoder Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoder Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedy Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoder Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy #dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcast Produced by  Mike Lavin   @homelesspimp   https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en

It's the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour. Come on out to a show. We got Tucson on Friday at the Rialto, October 3rd. Tickets still available. Paramount in Denver, October 4th, might be sold out. If there are tickets, there are a few left. Again, Dancerter.com. And then the South, we're coming to get you.

Knoxville, Atlanta, Louisville. I said that correctly. Louisville, Knoxville, Tennessee, Atlanta, Georgia, and Louisville, Kentucky are going to be October 9th, 10th, 11th, Dan Soder.com for tickets. Go to Dan Soder slash tour for all dates, all tickets, buy the tickets through my website.

Don't go to Google. Please don't go to Google. This is how secondhand resellers get you. Just go to Dan Soder.com. And right there on that ticket link, we'll send you there, and we're going to see you. These shows are going to be fun as hell. I'm bringing a lot of fun people. Sagalow is going to be on a lot.

I'm bringing Matt Ross, a couple surprise openers that are fun that I'm very excited to bring along. Dan Soder.com slash tour, Golden Retriever of Conrad. comedy tour. Oh, also, merch. Might be selling some merch. We're talking about it. It's pretty cool. Might get a hoodie or a t-shirt for you. What I love about the commanders specifically is that you genuinely had a head vampire situation where you killed the head vampire and then everything, you know, in like in movies with a light

returns to the forest. And all the darkness goes away. Snyder's selling that team. The entire NFL was like, well, let's see Washington win now. Right. Everyone was ready for that. Yes, he was terrible. And when you guys got Jaden Daniels, who I love, and then you guys just got a team where the NFC East is filled with a lot of, like, bad guys.

Cowboys, the Eagles are getting cocky. I love you guys. I think commanders, man. Eagles is Doc Vader, man. Yeah, they are. Well, the way they're built. Doc Vader. Through like 2028, and I'm a 49er fan, so when we got, when Purdy broke his arm.

It's going to take us three years to beat the Eagles. Yeah. It's going at least three years. Or a major injury on their end. Oh, yeah, either or. Either or. Either or. Evil or.

If Sequin or Jalen goes down? The foundation is so strong. When did you move to L.A.? 2000. 2000. So is it being a East Coast, a fan, because I'm going through the opposite. I'm on the East Coast, but I love the Niners. You go through these pains of, like,

hoping they come to your town. But do you do the road where you go? Yeah, when the schedule breaks, then I can go to this guy, I can go this game, I can go this game. But I don't rearrange my schedule for them. I ain't got that kind of money yet. I know.

That's where you get crazy. I will never. It's got to match up. Oh, yeah. If it doesn't match up, you're like, well, then what? Can't lose money to watch them make money. That's the rule

That's the way to say that Because I spent so much When I first, I saw Bill Burr do that The first time of being like You do it with Bill? I know, but like I'm a huge fan Just like a big fan of yours But coming up watching comedy

Especially being a younger comic I remember listening to Burby like Yeah, I planned my schedule around games And I was like The thought of that to me It was like And then I tried doing it too young headlining And it ended up costing me money

Where I was like, this is stupid It would, I, I predict in another two years, then that'll be, I'd be able to just like, I'll let you know what my fall schedule's gonna be. That's pretty great. You know what I'm saying? I'll let you know. You know what that's kind of like, that's the hope young comics should get is that you go,

you can control, as, I remember when I was a waiter, right? One of the best parts about being a senior waiter was you would get to control your schedule. Right. And I feel like that's like being a senior comic. When you get, when you put enough time in the business, you go, I'm going to let you know when I'm going to be there. Well, it's certain caveats that, you know, benefits.

It's like I will always say it's like America Express, certain levels in our thing, membership has its privileges. And you become a demand headliner that you can say, I'm waiting to the NFL schedule. Yeah. And you go, you know what you'll get my schedule? is when they announced where the commanders are this fall. Okay, I would do Tampa in September of the 15th. You go, oh, it looks like they got the bucks.

Yeah, you got the bucks. I'll see you down there. You know what I mean? That's what I'm going to strive for so I can go, where the Niners at? Addie Indianapolis? Yeah, all right. I'll come by Indian.

Get on your agent. Yeah, okay. Take the soon as the schedule. Or just forward in the schedule. Match it up. And match it up. Yeah. Looks like I'm doing the bay eight times.

You can't do this? I think I'm about to leave. What's the AA up there? Yeah, let me see what we're in Morrison is. I mean, that is one of the things where you go, like, I made it. That's it. Like, you go, I made it.

I made it. You can have all the cars, all the money, or whatever, when you go, like, oh, I can go to all these games. Yeah. That was, like, in my head, a thing that I would be like, if I could grow up to even go to two 49er games a season. Right. And now I'm like, I could probably go to, like, four or five.

Right. And sit in nice seats. Right. That was, like, the best part, too. Right. Being a sports fan is you just want to make your life outside of sports catch up to where you can go watch the teams you want to see. Yeah, you want that accessibility of, you know, hit the field. Oh, my God.

I mean, I'll tell you right now. I got spoiled, like I told you, my buddy, Mike, is the head coach for the Dolphins. Yeah. But he was bouncing around the NFL. And then when I got the call that he was going to San Francisco, I was like, he was like, do you need stuff? I was like, yeah. Yeah, everything. One of everything in Excel.

I'm trying to track down Magic Johnson. We're friends, but I just can't. You know, Magic went from a millionaire to billionaire. Is that a different phone number? Yeah. You don't get a call back on the money. When he had just the theaters and the Starbucks, I can get him. He'll pick it up.

You can get tickets to rush hour too for free. Yeah, he'll pick up the phone. But you think if you got a hold of him now, what would you want? You know, he's part on. owner to let him know accessibility Wait, part of the Dodgers, right? No, he's part of his other commanders.

Oh, he is? Yes. I didn't know that. Yes, he's a part of him. Yeah, magic, pick up. If earthquake is calling you, pick up. No, I ran into him and six months, eight a month, and told him, and he's like, got you. Gave me a number, and I ain't

got him since. That that motherfucker was like a suicide hotline. He's going to have one of those. those numbers that girls give out at bars where you call, you go, you've been tricked. Yeah. I've been knowing magic so long. I mean, I've been known them since the Lakers.

That is insane. And when he brought in into the cat, I was like, I gotta get in time, so I've seen him. And we talked and rapped and said, take the number, and I haven't yet be able to track him down. How many times do you press that number? Once, twice? I give you, it's certain people don't call you back.

Like Kevin don't call me back. Dave Chappelle calls me back. He does. Yeah, Dr. Dre calls me back. Already two great ones. What a cool list of people to call you back. Yeah, I call now, Dre or call me, Dre or call me, Dre, Dave. Yeah.

You got to hit Dave on time. Is Chappelle one of those guys where if he calls you, you're in, like, you know, those friends when they call you, you go, I'm going to be in a conversation. No, Dave is one of the most sincere. Sear people in the world. Yeah. But everybody pulls them. So you have to understand, it's only 24 hours in a day. Yeah.

And he has multiple of people such as me in his life. Yeah, absolutely. So I have great, even for care of him, the rest of them. But, you know. I mean, the special he produced years was fantastic. Yes. And I started that whole, that whole series he did off with, like, being like, oh, this is fucking great.

Yeah. Everyone, I know New York comics, we were like, did you see the Earth? Immediately, so everyone's like, you see Earthquake set? just being like fantastic because I do feel like there is the idea of this special isn't what it was because it's just you're able to release it now

Right It's kind of like what like SoundCloud did to like rap Where you're like well now an album isn't as important because your people are just putting shit out right all the time So when you see a good special now I think it means more

Well I think you know you're a comic So you understand some of us Stick with the job description of it is, it's comedy special. Yeah. And your words have meaning. Yeah, you want to take a couple of years to work on it. Well, whatever way, you just want to make sure

whatever your process is that is ready. Yeah. And unfortunately, with the new one I got right now, the only thing bad about it is you know how being a comic. I had a respiratory effect, so I had to pull through at the same time when I was getting it done. But you know how it is. And my son was like, who was this reschedule?

I said, well, you got the production money to get this all the When people find out how much specials cause, they go, holy shit, and you got, you ain't got no time. And it's something we all do. We, you know, I try to explain on my radio show that, you know, there's a lot of times comedians, we didn't got the deposit. That money is already accounted for. It's gone. It ain't no sense you're talking about. Let's reschedule.

Yeah, you can't get that back. I can't get that January 15th date back. Explaining to my friends that don't work in the entertainment business, like, what it costs to actually, like, the difference in touring in a comedy club versus a theater and how there's money that you have to pay, that I'm renting the microphone, I'm renting the fucking stool, I'm renting the lights.

You're hiring the director, the camera, the people that are taking the tickets. And they're not coming back next week for the same money that you gave before. No, so if you reschedule, you are gonna take such a hit. Oh, a hit. And that is the thing where you go,

I would, you don't think I would love to be at my, best health. Dude, we shot, me and Mike shot our last thing that I put up on YouTube at a comedy club and I got, I was at a comedy club and I got COVID and I was like, I'm gonna have to fight through it. Got to fight through it.

And I mean, I was over it by the time we filmed it, but I was still sick. I was coming through it. I wasn't like clocking positive but I was still breathing weird and you're like, we gotta do these three shows. We gotta do it. Because it's set up, he brought the camera out,

he hired the people to film it. That's why I was calling it. It's my flu game, Michael Joel. Yeah, hell yeah. It's my flu game. Don't you feel like you do a better job in that situation? Because you almost can't think about anything but that. Well, it's bad when your voice is gone, you know how your voice cracked.

You can't get the reflection that you want. Oh, man. If you go high and then hurt your head, hurt your head and you can't in it. But it's just like with no disrespect to a woman, just sit back and relax and take it like a, take it to the face. You got it. You just take it to the head. Put it on you, you know what I'm gonna get out of here. Let's get on out of here.

I ain't gonna help you back. Just put it in. You understand? I'm hurting. You do all the work. Go ahead, you do all the work. So you want me turn over, put my leg up. Give me a minute.

I can't do that. I'm not bulldogging you tonight. Yeah. I got to lay here. You got to get it. What's funny is after we filmed one in one night and then we filmed two the second night. And after the first one, I felt so good about it.

Right. That I feel my body was like good. And then the next night, it was the, you know, sounded like Steveo hitting jokes, being like, hey, my parents, right. And you're like, I'm fucked up. I can't be doing this. Right.

But the drilling of it and the understanding and the opportunity, very few people in our career, in our profession, I'm sorry, has the clout the same. Yeah. I see y'all in two weeks. I'm not feeling good. You know who did that prior

at Live at Sunset Strip? Yeah. But that was, like, the last guy to do this. You know what I mean? He bombed on that when he's got to see y'all back. I'm going to come back. Hire them again. Hire them again.

We're going to reshoot this shit. But he was already prior. Yeah, I mean, that's what I mean. He had the clout to go. He had the clout. We're going to fucking leave this. Well, I think we got a couple people. Dave could do it.

Dave, absolutely could do it. Chris could do it. Seinfeld could do it. Louis could do it. Louis could do it. Burr could do it. I'm trying to think who else has that kind of power. Yeah.

Gaff again, I feel like could do that. that can look Shane's up there now Shane could probably do it but you're right to shut down a whole production or something and then sit back there and renegotiate it well what I mean by of course you can do it

these are the people I feel that can do it and don't have to take on the financial responsibility they don't sweat about it not only sweat about it the network that they'll the distributor doing it would eat it just for the relationship of it

You don't understand what I'm saying? I'm not there in my career. Had I been Dave? I mean, you know, they were like, don't worry about it. I feel like Dave could shut down a whole production and they would like enjoy it. He could go like, you know what I mean? I don't feel like doing this. I'm going to take a nap.

Yeah. And they go, we're going to watch you take a nap. We're going to watch you. It's like, I'm bleeding out of my ear and they're like, the show's on in five minutes. And that's another achievement like. The sports thing. The sports thing. That's another degree of where you want to be.

Your money, fame, you go, I want to shut down productions. I want a bad walk in that motherfucker say, not today. I don't like the wind. The wind is blowing weird. Yes, the true story. Yeah, it is funny. Because you know what's even funnier is the longer you're in comedy and you do watch someone, you know, like people that you know raise up to these levels that you've never

seen anybody go to, watching the like people, like the networks and stuff, the way they go. Yes. They're just like, uh-huh. Let's see, that started with me. me in the business when only reason why I wanted to be a headliner because they had to come to club early. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You had to be there when you're opening. You had to be in there with the waitress and shit. And then this motherfucker just walked in here. You're rolling silverware with the waitstaff. How he comes? Well, he's the headliner. Well, how do you become that?

I remember the first club I started out, I wasn't allowed to sit in the green room. It was a small green room. I wasn't allowed as the MC sit in the green room. And the feature wasn't allowed to sit in the green room in your room. Right. All right. So being a headliner means I gave a little small room where I can hang out. Right.

And that's why that's important. You're right. So you want those perks. Yeah. That perks. And I'm there with the waitress and ain't no crowd here. And I'm sitting in the corner. Yeah.

And then this motherfucker just walked in like 15, 20 minutes before he going to stay. And I'm like, hey, man, why are he? They already got him a drink. Yeah, got him a drink. He don't have no drink ticket. And everybody sitting there kissing his ass. They're not marking it down. Yeah, they ain't marking it down.

When you get a beer and they go, all right, that's one. That's one. You get one more. Oh, no, they give you the ticket. Yeah, dude. I mean, I came up in New York doing bar shows where it was like, the second someone handed me money, I was like, this is incredible. Right. I'm used to getting to admit one movie ticket to go get a cheap beer.

Exactly. That's the one that. And you got a tip on that, so now I'm losing money. Not only that, a beer with the mint one is a beer, but if you want a beer, but if you on a strong drink, you needed both of your tickets. Yeah, that's hilarious. Holy shit, I haven't thought about that in a while. We go rubbing Coke.

Rum and Coke. I need both of them tickets. You couldn't get one of that. That's just for it. That's just a bobbing. It's so funny because you're right. We're talking about all these big steps of like rearranging your schedule and stop in production, but you don't realize that it, the most important part is when you're

young getting that like, can I get two drink tickets? Yes. And you're like, oh, my God, I can go later in the show. Yes. I can do all that. I mean, you've bet, you know, I think you've affected definitely my generation, the generation before me and the generation after me.

Are there people that come up to you and go, like, I'm a huge fan of you that blows your mind, that you're like, I never thought you would be a fan. It's always humbling with anybody. You know what I mean? Especially people that shoot, like Dr. Trey have a fan of yours. Crazy. Different people that you're a fan of.

Yeah. And different of people that you knew them. yeah they didn't know you yeah now they know you yeah that's what I'm saying and it's it's it's um it's a bit it's furry humbling did you ever have one like a martha steward or someone where you were like what the fuck oh you're like yeah I had a couple like just out of right yeah out of fucking right field um because I mean I had pastors that's fun you know what I mean that's fun yeah I because there's something there's something about outside of the

actual description of the job. Right. But a pastor, you don't understand they have crowd control better than any comedian. True. Like the way that people listen to them is like, if they say you're doing a good job,

you're like, oh, damn. Damn, yeah. And you're moving, I mean, they say it's, they're telling you that you're also doing God's work through laughter. Yeah. And to acknowledge our gender and put it on the same level

as a man of God is the most humbling thing. But that is, from a black pastor, unbelievable. A white pastor, you go. If it's like a Joel Osteen, you go. Yeah, yeah, you're bastard. Just a white pastor with big white teeth going, and what you do for the Lord? And you go, I don't believe any of this shit right now.

If I had an old black pastor tell me good job, I'd be like, this is odd. I knew I was feeling myself on stage, but I didn't know I was doing that good. But a white pastor, you go, What devilish intentions do you think I have? You're a Christian National. Yeah, they go, I think you're doing a fantastic guy.

When I was at Sirius XM, when I was doing the bonfire, I tell the story, but it's true. Joel Osteen came through the lobby. Yeah? When I was walking in to do the show, and I've never seen someone with more heavy artillery around them in that building. I'm talking about rappers, movie stars, politicians. I've never seen someone with, he just had like a circle of people that got into a bulletproof SUV.

And you're like, dude, the energy was wild. To the point where you're like, that man is worth a billion dollars. No, but see, it reminds me one of my jokes before. I said, I always had a problem with religious leader, but I wrote it for the Pope. I say the Pope is in a bulletproof limit. Dude, I mean, I'm obsessed.

That's your comedy Central presents. Where he goes, he's coming out there, tossing out pieces? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's your faith? Dude, that's crazy. If you're all so good, why are you trying to delay your day to meet him? I was, as someone, I used to come home, Comedy Central Presents was so important for my generation. Right.

Because I was just like a teenage pothead, and I would come home and put on Comedy Central, and then I would see, like, Dave Attells or yours. Yeah. I used to think that was, that hit me in a way when I watched. at the first time that I was like, that's the funniest shit in the world. And so whenever it would be hot at night, I'd be like, they got a different sundown. They got a different sun down.

When I was living in like Tucson and shit. Yeah, Tucson. But that is, like, you see those pastors and you're like, why do you got bulletproof? Don't you have trust? No, where's God? Should you be shaking hands? You say you talk to God every day.

He don't tell you with assassinate. You don't think he's going to move the bullet a little bit? Not only that, don't go there myself. There's nothing that he put in the universe. You know what I don't think. I want to go there at that. Jesus didn't have his apostles and he goes, I need all of you heavily armed.

Yes. And I need you to walk around. You know what I mean? Wish your faith. That's what I felt when he walked through the lobby. I was always like. That doesn't seem Christ-like. No, not at all.

If you say you talk to him and if heaven's so beautiful, it's the best. Then put me there. Why are you delaying your day? You get what I'm saying? I would tell my security squad I'd go, you guys got the day off. If I had that, which I had my connection,

action with my Lord and save it, don't get me wrong. Yeah. But the direct, what you say, because you're a man of God, and you say you talk to him all the time, and you're anoint it with the spirit. If I know that you got his phone number, I think he's going to call him. Yeah. He's going to call you back. He's going to call you back.

You're talking to him regularly. Yeah. He's not the owner of the commanders. He is the commander. So he's going to have to get a home there. And yet, you talk to him every day, but you don't believe he's going to tell you that this devil. You out of anybody should be walking in the last. We're not going to Tulsa.

You're going, listen. Ain't no problem. And I do want to go see him, but I don't want to go see him right now. And he told me it's a little hot right now. See, I'm starting to wonder. That is so funny. Especially if you're a preacher, you could probably mess with the people around you by going, Lord told me it's probably not a good idea.

See, you don't have faith, but you tell me, hold on with it. It's coming. Put your lads in this basket and everything else, and you will be blessed because I talk to the Lord. Yeah, you go, I'm telling you. But he didn't tell you. you where that sniper was at. He didn't let you know that it was up there in the fuck. He didn't even give you a heads up.

He ain't tell you. That would make me think God hated me if he didn't give me a heads up. Well, that would let me know. I don't know if you can talk to the same love. God goes, yeah, go ahead. Yeah, go ahead. Why'd you go ahead? Go ahead.

Oh, God said, come on up here. I need to see you in the office today. That was the thing I think that soured me on Osteen was there was that flood in Houston. And people didn't have anywhere to go and he wouldn't open his church out. Oh, I heard he said, look here, don't come this Sunday. He said, yeah, I ain't want to come last Sunday. Don't make this Sunday. That reminds me of like when your grandma wants you to come visit,

but she doesn't want you to go in the living room. Yeah. Where you go? I thought you were just so excited to see me. Why can't I go in this room? Just this little section right here. I want to envision you under these terms. When my grandma passed away, taking the plastic off some of that furniture was wild.

This is a science experiment. I'm like, this couch hasn't. breathed air since 1975 and then you took it off and you watched it like like expand you watch to go like I was just taking stuff off being like damn this couch has never fell just rubbing it because we were like gonna donate it you're like look at this shit yeah it's going in the room checking she's dead to make sure to be like I'm in the room right yeah it was wild man my grandma was uh she died at 97 and she had like held on to everything so we're We're going through like decades of stuff finding out that like she held on to like

birthday cards that me and my cousins gave her when we were like six. Dang them. And then you have to decide what you're going to keep. Yeah. Because the house got foreclosed on. So we're like, we got to get everything. We got to get it out of there. And then you're like looking at it and you go, this is nice birthday cards, but.

But who's going to kill? Exactly. I barely have room for my own. That's the part that no one talks about when you're cleaning out a house when someone dies as you go, it is sentimental, but you go, I just don't have the right. I can't go back in there. We just gotta donate it. Let them take it off.

I left stuff that I was like, I just don't even want to go through with it. And when I found out it got cleaned out, I was like, thank God, I just didn't want to. You just don't. Because I think when you're young, you're like, we'll divvy it up and we'll have this thing. And then me and my cousin were like, let's get the fuck out there.

We have everybody in my family, we got one family member that he's going over there, the scavenge. Yeah, we call it. I'm not going to give names, because I'm not going to give names, I don't think she watches the podcast, but we had one cousin specifically that started making... We went up there, my grandma broke her hip. We put her in the hospital.

This is in California, like up north. And we put her in the hospital. And then we go to her townhouse to get her clothes and stuff. So that's what we're doing. Right. But we're also making sure the stove is off. The water is turned off. You've got to make some of this because she might not be coming home.

Right. No time soon. No time soon. One of my cousins is going like, oh that's great-grandma's China and she like puts it in a little pile and me and my other cousin are going are you noticing this shit

that she was doing a little like so this is mine this is mine preparing for the stuff when they die yes you know what I'm going like and fight over lawn more yeah and me and my cousin Lisa are going like well we're just here to grab other stuff

and our other cousins going like huh these plates are uh and just keeps returning to the same pile got a little pile yeah we didn't want to and when she died we didn't want to tell her And that, no, and this is the thing about him. Grandma would have wanted me to have this.

Yes. She told me I could have this. Well, it was. She, when she was living, she said these are mine. Earthquake, you're saying exactly what she was doing at. Grandma wanted me to have this. The why wasn't in the will? Because in the will, it says it's all mine.

You know, grandmama don't like the right, not putting down. You almost are hitting, I'm not joking when I say this. You're almost beat for beat, hitting the excuse. Of course. Where are you go? That's not too long. And they go to every relative. Yeah.

And then what the best part is? And they always get them when they're in Hobsters care. That's it. It was exactly in the hospice. Yep. Where they go, we're just going to come by and get the plates. Get the plates. So then what happened was we kind of got hip to it and we're like, all right.

And then we went all down to see my grandma at the hospital. And then as shit progressed, I called my other cousin that was talking to my way. We're not letting her know when she dies. No. And we're going to go up there. You got to go get it before the birth certificate. I mean, the death certificate is assigned. Because she's going to be over there.

Yeah, taking it on. And we got one family member, got everybody stuff when they died. And we got, we got in there, we got our stuff, we got the U-Haul filled. Right. Then I had her with the text.

Nana passed away. Yeah. And she was like, I got to come up, I'm on the way. I got to come up and go, you know what? Crying on the way. I was like, dude, I have so many miscalls from her.

Because she was like, where are you guys? When are you guys going up there? We're like, where do you want up? Can I get the key I go and then, That's exactly. You understand?

I know y'all. I know. You guys are going through a tough time. You guys are going through a tough time. Just give me the key and I go in there. And I'm telling you right now, we got in there, got the stuff, got out, like a heist. Yeah. And then we called her, we're like, it's done.

I felt like Ocean's 11. I was like, it's done. The key part about it is, and you get it and then let them come over y'all say they see it. Then they try to steal it. Dude, if she tries to take that gravy boat from my cousin Lisa that we had is going to be the funny thing of her going like so this looks familiar yeah oh dude it was man going through a house like that there is this like weird thing of you're sad but then you're also like do i have room for that you know what i mean yeah that moment where practicality breaks into emotional response where you go

i can fit that in my living room i think i know i'm in a one-bedroom with that pool table i can fit it somewhere in tape measure out and you go yeah he's wide and a tight shot get rid of the dining room He'd go, was it three pieces of slate? It might be heavy going up my walk-up, but I got this. Got it. Yeah, that is the one thing that no one ever told me about with family dying is like it almost becomes a flea market. Yes. Instantly.

Instantly. Yeah, that's a thing. With your kids, how many kids do you have? I have three. You have three? Yeah. Do you think which one of your kids is going to angle for your stuff? Do you, because you know them the best.

All of them. See, I got a wife now. Okay. There you go. So that trumps the kids. I just got married about a month ago. Oh, really? Congratulations.

Yeah, well, thank you. So I have a wife. And she goes, that's my stuff. They're not even going to get inside. You know what I mean? They're all grown up, right? Yes. When you get married, when your kids are all grown up, is there like, what is the, because I was

raised by a single mom, so I remember the introduction process when I was little versus when I'm grown. Right. When I'm grown up, there's this little. of like, it's more like, this is so-and-so, this is so. When you're a kid, you do like the, I want you to meet somebody. Right, because you look for the approval of a kid.

The oldest they get like, listen, you're fucking up on your dating, allow me to fuck up on mine. And hopefully we both get it together. And you just said, man, once you get to a certain age as a kid, to me and my humble opinion, as a parent, how you feel about who I date has no concern on me? Because you're out of the house.

You're out of house. We already did this. You understand? Yeah, our time and our band is over. Yeah. You're not on the album anymore. And I'm not recruiting you a new mama. You got your mama.

Yeah. You understand what I'm saying? Yeah. And so have a good time. And, um... Did they get along in a way that... Yeah, they get along. But I don't expose to them too much anyway.

You know what I mean? Smart. You know, I don't expose them at that point. Because your kids are fuck your relationship up. They would. Just what? Just like, talk. No, just

They're territorial. Yeah. You know what I mean? You're, they're possessive of you. Exactly. And if someone's coming to take that away. Yeah, and they feel there's not enough of you to spread. Sure.

And if you get a strong woman, which is your woman. Yeah. They'd be like, listen to it, motherfucker. This is mine now. Do you, but does that ever get, I guess my question is, does that ever get confused as like possessive in a way where they get combative, where they get, like, she's not right for you.

Like, they don't like it. Oh, definitely, they're going to sabotage it. Yeah, that's what I mean. At that point. Again, the opinion don't matter. Yeah. Because they... That's got to be a great thing to say to your kid after a certain age.

Well, you don't even... You just live it. You just live it and let them catch you. You don't even introduce them. You, they catch you at Rouse or whole food. This is with a lady. Oh, this is my wife. The fuck?

You got fucking married. You got fucking, yeah. You should have been there. The ceremony was beautiful. Cabo San Lucas. Oh. You like Mahi, Mahi. We had Mahi, mahi, mahi.

Oh, it was perfect. I was wondering where you was at. I remember when I was very little one time, I fell asleep on the couch where I was staying with my dad, and him and my grandma had dinner while I was asleep. Right. And the feeling of betrayal that I had when I woke up was like, you just ate a full meal and I was just sleeping here. and they were like, well, you're asleep. We don't want to wake you up. Which is a rational answer.

True. But I do feel like I still felt betrayed. Well, no, me, where's my plate? Yeah. Yeah, I should have just woke up and been like, where I think I was little enough that I was like still in shock that they would do that.

Well, I understand that. But that's the feeling of if they don't meet your girlfriend until they see you at Ralphson, then they're like. But I don't want to give them the false sense that their opinion matter. Sure. You understand what I'm saying? Very smart.

Very smart. So if I don't introduce you, then that already is letting you know. Live your life like your daddy's living room. I'm going to introduce her when I need you to meet her. Well, when you catch us. You know what I'm so funny. And whole foods. Does she have kids?

No. Okay. So that's because I always wonder with grown adults, the introduction of grown adults to grown adults. Kind of like you have a stepbrother now, but is that really, is the brother just a guy that my dad married your mom? Well, the dynamics is different when you're the male. Yeah. You get what I'm saying? She has a kid.

She has to make sure she's a mother. It's a protective thing. A protective thing. That was the exact way my mom was. You know what I'm saying? She was kind of like, he's going to meet you, especially when I got bigger and I, like, grew up. It was more of like, well, this is a security check. Right.

Like, I'm coming through just to make sure that you're not. Because you're the custodian parent. See, I was never the custodian parent. I was always the financier for the, you know, the ADU. Yeah, but that's fun as hell, though. You know what I mean? Because then you're coming through off the road being like, what do you guys need? Yeah.

Financier's bag. Finaniceers, and you know, you're the Santa Claus father. You go, we got the financier coming through if you guys have a pitch for new shoes or anything you want to get. And you had to do none of the discipline because you only get to see him for that weekend. Yeah, that's. You don't want to spike the purse of your kid if you only got them for that Friday and Saturday. You know, I do regret my dad never actually doing parenting, but the older I get, the more I understand that he was like, I'm just, here to be fun. Yeah. I just go out to the Bay Area and he'd be like, we'll go to a Giants game. You'll be

fine. Yeah. And you're like, it did rule. Because to be honest with you from a man's point of view is, it's a, it's safely for yourself. Because down out of the team, you might be dealing with a woman to be holding your kid as a hostage. Yeah. And then the package deal aspect of it. So, you know, oh, I mean, they were very honest with that being the case because my dad wasn't paying child support at all my mom was like, well, then you're my bargaining chip. Exactly. I was the bargaining chip. Exactly.

Where she goes, well, then why am I letting you go see them if I'm not getting my money? Exactly. And then I'm in the middle like, well, this sucks. I want to go to a Giants game. Yeah. And if you want to take them to a Giants game, I need that four hundred. It's negotiating with a terrorist. Dude, it really is so funny with it.

Like, if you ever want to see your son again, pay me my child support. Child support. Or he's never going to go to a 49ers game with you ever again. Ever. And I'm going to let him know exactly how I fuck. I'm going to turn them into a Broncos fan if you don't let them. Dude, that was the, being in Denver as a 49ers fan, just trying, because my mom was raising me in Denver, but my dad was in the Bay Area. Right.

And I was always trying to go out to Niner games. And that really was the thing where it was like, what if I pay the child support? You know? I'm like, I got a summer job. Yes. What if I save up? And I pay his part so I can get out there and catch a game. Right.

Yeah. And what's she say? No. She's like, I'm going to, I believe the answer was, I'm going to garnish his wages. Oh, yeah. She was like, if I find out where he works, I'm going to fuck that up. Before the internet, they had to be like private investigators. Yes.

She had to, like, call around. Yeah. She couldn't Google where my dad was working. She was calling random bars and seeing if he was bartending. Right. You got a Gary there? You got a Gary there? You got a Gary Soder?

Yeah. And she's like, all right, well, guess what? I need to fill out some of his paperwork. I'm his ex-wife. And don't tell me you only making $2.13. an hour. Put them tips on that goddamn financial. I'm going to come down there. I need you to pour the tip jar out, and we're going to go through it together. My mother said, bless his heart, she said to get her child support, she would dress all of us up in the ragless clothes and take us down into his job at lunchtime now and say, go say something to your daddy.

That is. You get daddy, and we in there look like Huckleberry Finn. That is. You understand what we're doing with with the pants, cut. off and the thing off of it. The CIA would pick up something like that. You know what I'm saying? And the ragged shoes with the hole in it. She'll put

all up. She'll go to thrift store and buy all the stuff cheap and dirty it up. Buy it too small? Yeah, take it down too small and everything. And take us down there. Yeah. And wait to everybody's in the break. Oh, fuck. And run them in there.

And they said, Riches, those your kids? Yeah. And you know he just wanted a relaxing lunch. He and then shop an attack. I mean, he's shopped. He got everything on. And the next day she got all of money. Yeah, because he's going, like, hey, let's not do that again.

Let's not do that. Let's not do that again. I remember one time visiting my dad, and it was like, bringing up child support was a cock block of going like, well, mom says you don't pay child, and he's like trying to fuck another lady. He's like, what are you doing? Yeah. This isn't how we're doing it. What are you doing?

You're here right now. Why don't we keep this between us when we talk? And you're going to believe your mother. Yeah, dude. That was real big of my house. I gave her money two years ago. That was real big of my house. Are you going to listen to her?

You're going to listen to her? Or my mom would go, you know your dad's a liar. Now that I'm a grown man and a father, I always say I least should have heard his side of the story. Yeah. You know what? Yeah. Because you took your mother's side like it was the gospel. Yeah.

You know what? That was the thing. My dad died before I could get his side of the story. Because I was 14, so we weren't at that age where I was talking to him differently. I was still a kid in his eyes when he died. But see, you come to the realization as you mature and become a man

that two things can be true. Absolutely. Your mother's a good mother, but she also was a fucked up girlfriend. I can also, yeah, you also, that's so fucking perfect. Because you grow up in a, listen, my mom's the best, I love her to death.

And I believe her, I believe her perspective. Right. But I also can think that his perspective had some truths in it. But see, if you get honestly, if you really be objective and look at your mother, not through the son's eyes. But just as a lady. Just as a man, as being out here, experiencing women, and don't look at it with your mama's, your mommy eyes. Yeah. You look back and say, my mama is a scoundrel.

My mother, you know what? My mother has been shaking down motherfuckers for a lot. My mother's the type of motherfucker going and say she's pregnant and give me the money for the abortion and go to the club. I'm just not saying mine's person, but if you sit back, you just start looking at the characteristic to go with it.

That's a devious behavior. You were like, she was a loving mama, but I wouldn't date her ass. I wouldn't date that scandal. If I did, I put all my money and leave it in the car while we sleep together. There was a moment, there was a moment before my stepdad and my mom broke up

where my stepdad and I both had that, moment of being like she's I can see she's running you down yeah and he was like she is yeah and then you know you give him that like I see it and you look him in the face they leave yeah just get out here we're get out of here we're good take you listen I'm full we can pick this back up when I'm 18 yeah yeah let's know let's be friends when I'm older yeah yeah I'm not gonna hold it against your daddy just get got caught in the trick bag you know what I mean pack it up pack it up get out yeah she's never gonna appreciate yeah I'll tell her I don't know that you

disappeared I tell her I'll cover I tell her I tell look, I put myself up for adoption. Yeah, you really don't look at your parents until you get older. I think that's a big thing with a lot of people is they keep the perspective of their parents from when they were kids. And then they never let it evolve so you see your parent for who they really are.

Well, especially in my community, you can't tell nobody about their mama. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Their mom would consider right here and shoot head by in a synagogue. And they're still at them. What did they do to my mom?

It's so funny because it is polar opposite with white. White people would be like, Mom! Yeah. Stop! You're like, well, you can't do that shit. No, black people be sitting there. Well, how my mom? They must have did something to her.

I bet my mom was a bitch. This is white people giving the absolute opposite energy. Y'all role models for us, the way y'all have the reaction and the candor and just the openness. Oh, calling your mom by the first name? Yes. Trish and she'd be like excuse me what's funny is she did out she did check me on that one time I called it and she was like what is this she goes if you're referring to me to someone else you can call me that right I'm mom always always and that's not get this mistake and she and she said it

very sternly once then I was like hey that's a good rule you ain't we ain't got it and I'm never breaking that rule like hey mom I'm never going to be like hey Trish you know what I mean it's funny to say her name and jokes and stuff. Right. But to her, I'm always calling her mom. I never like, hey, I had a friend that called his parents by both their first names, and I thought that was the weirdest shit in the world. Yeah, and I don't know

how you get into that. What moment do you break into that? When do she say, look, fuck it, don't call me moms. I'm Linda. I'm Linda. And we're going to the club tonight. Yeah. That's Ron. I'm Linda. We're going to go get up. You just hang out here. Yeah. I mean, where do you get that?

I think that's either, you know what interesting, that's either a very rich white thing or a very poor white thing. Like trailer trash will do it because the parents do the, I'm not your parent, I'm your buddy. You're buddy. It will smoke cigarettes, drink beers

and they go, I love Cindy. Cindy, that's my mom. I love or very rich kids where they're like Diane. Diane is Richard home. That's what it is. Middle class white kids will always call their mom mom but you get the like very rich or very poor and then they're going like oh where's stephen yes i'm here to talk to step and you're like dad dad yeah he's out on the golf court he'll be back

don't worry don't worry tell him to come to my my chambers i'll be the east wing upon his return tell him my polo match got rescheduled yeah and i don't want to do it and also my trust fund money is little short yeah now you've gotten decades on the road Is, are you sick of it at all? No, what is getting times in now? The mode of transportation. Okay. That's another thing.

Yeah. I want a jet so I can just, not for... The simplicity. Not for the status of it. Yeah. For the convenience of the track. That's exactly it. Just to show up somewhere.

Man, when you go on the road with someone that has a private jet, I was opening for Shane Gillis. I did a couple gigs with him, And we're flying private arena to arena. And you go, the travel's nothing. Yes. Show up when you want to leave. You land.

You go right to the hotel. There's no de-plaining. There's no baggage claim. There's no fuckery. And in certain places, you don't want to stay there that night. But you can't, you got to stay because the first flight is in the morning. Yeah. Man, I'm going to tell you right now, Tulsa, Oklahoma, I'm sorry.

But that 6 a.m. will always be the flight I take. I mean, first thing smoke. I do that for every show. Yeah, every show. People don't understand. People think it's crazy. I'm always blown away when people in comedy are blown away by people that take the first flight out.

First flight. There's never delays. Never. That plane is going to leave. Yes. Because it has to. It has. Because there's a flight in the city that you're going home and they need that plane.

So it's gone. And it's less delayed. Yes. And it has to go. And I have learned it keeps you out of trouble being on the first thing smoke. Because you don't stay out Saturday. Okay. Yeah.

Saturday you can't stay and you have to tell the hook, I would. I would. I snuggle on Fridays. I've got to go. I snuggle on Friday. And you're a working girl. You're gonna find. There's a new one coming in.

Yeah, that is, I've noticed that with taking the first flight out, the Saturday night, the last thing is the show. You're eating earlier. Right. You're eating better. Right. you're already packed up and you're like let me just get out of here and you want to get the hell out of there quick yeah you know what I like what I like doing is if I'm east of the Mississippi I'm getting back to New York before noon and then I have a whole day at home right

but you do be dragging ass oh that's why NFL season is the best yes because you go all right when is my team playing like Niners would be the 4 p.m. game and I'll go great I'm going to put the 1 p.m. games on. True. And I'm going to fall in and out of sleep. And then my adrenaline will carry me through the 49er game. To the show time. And then 8 p.m. show, you go, all right, great.

Okay, I'm ready. We're great. Yeah, and that's the beauty of it. Yeah, because you go, I got something that'll, I'm still entertained. Right. I mean, I'm lucky with my fiancee now that she understands the road schedule where I've dated women where you come back on a Sunday and they go, I have a whole day planned. Oh, yeah.

We're going to go to the farmer's market and get dinner. And then now with my fiancé, she's like, you good? You want to sleep? I walk the dog. What do you need? You need a meal or anything? And you're like, I'm going to hang out. Everyone might have ever dated.

I let them know after I come off the road. I need 24 hours to decompress. Thank you. If you... All my ex-girlfriends that are hate watching my podcast, listen to Earthquake. I don't want to talk. Listen, I've just been talking to 4,000 people. I don't want to see no people.

I just want to sit in front of my podcast. on my couch, lay on my crows, in my house, find me something that allow my mind just to rest. I'm not going to be worth shit till Monday morning. Monday morning if I'm not going to be worth shit until Tuesday money if I did a show Sunday. And I came back on Monday. I stopped doing the, oh, dude, the Sunday show is coming back.

It's brutal. Coming back on a Monday. You know what it reminds me of is when I would be out drinking in New York so late. that people would be going to work. Yes. That was, like, I remember one time I got, I drank the waitstaff from Carolines on a Sunday show till like five in the morning.

Yes. And then I walked this girl home and then I took the train back and I'm on the four train and people are just in suits going to work and I'm standing there like. You're standing there just, I'm trying to get in my bed. Is it?

You're going to work. I just got off work. I remember that day so specifically because that was when they put out that 30 for 30 June 17th, 1994, about the OJ Chase with the Rangers winning the cup.

They did that like beautiful documentary where it jumped from thing to think. And I remember being excited that came out so I came home and watched that immediately until like 8 in the morning and I was like, what am I doing? I'm a piece of shit. I got to go to bed. Well, you had interests. Yeah, that's what it was.

It was like, I got to do. So for you the road is you want the convenience more. Your war down on the whole. airport well i mean i like traveling i just want more effective traveling you know what i mean if i's no reason for me being in the tosa oklahoma after the show why i mean how much it costs for you to fly me back home you know what i mean today yeah right now i say good night i want to say good night to your whole city you understand goodbye goodbye good night goodbye bags already on the plane there's something that always is funny there's something that always is funny

to me about Saturday late crowds if they are tough in any way I always remind them that my suitcase is packed and in a lot of cases the check is in my pocket so this doesn't have to go well at all I want it to yes but it doesn't have to

the mere fact that I am talking to you mean I got my money that means that that check is somewhere on me have you ever had a city on the road that you just don't want to go back to to do comedy No, because

My mentality If the check, right, quake there every night You know, I I love the business And I think you should always I'm not a Christopher Columbus type guy I don't go all out In the city that I'm in

Yeah You know what I mean? Yeah, you go and do your job Do my job and I'm gone So I could be there Did that start at a certain age Like after a while of touring? Because I think once I stopped getting high

Okay You know what I mean? When I was high, you go to the club. It's a rock and roll, drug, sex, rock, roll. You know, what's funny is that's how I was was drinking. When I was drinking, when you, I quit drinking about 13 years ago. When you quit drinking, when you drink and you go to a city, everybody wants you to show you that city. Yes.

Because when you, they go, no, no, no, I don't care if you were in Tulsa last night. Tonight you're in Buffalo. Yeah. And we're going to show you what we do in Buffalo. Right. So for them, it's this big event where they're going to. going out. But for you, it might be the third night in a row that people are showing you and you're like... Right. Because you got different friends and then you drink with one and they

give you to always this sad-ass story. Man, I might not see you again. That's it. We got to celebrate. I ain't seen you in five years. Come drink with your boy. You had a great show. You got a good show me and we didn't come knee high up. Yeah. Rubbers and stuff. You ain't drinking with your boy? I ate one drink. And then that one tastes good. And you started talking, Hickle him to sack him. I jumped the gun early in my career headlining. I was in Washington doing shows. I was outside of Seattle doing shows.

This is like Facebook is pretty new. And I see this guy that I used to real little, knee high. Guy I haven't seen since sixth or seventh grade. Follows me on Facebook. I don't think much of it. Month later, I'm in Seattle, outside of Seattle, and I'm drinking. And I'm doing the thing where I'm drinking too heavy in between shows. Right.

So the late show Gone gone gone I get through it But I'm blasted Then the staff is done So the staff's like no now we want to go out Because they're watching yeah So we go out More drinks more drinks and then the lights go out

And then cut to me waking up on a futon Dressed with my winter jacket on And I'm like The fuck It's maybe like 830 in the morning And I'm like where the fuck It's not my hotel room I go to smoke a cigarette

And you know those picture frames that are like long And they have like six different pictures Right I'm looking at this picture and I'm going Who is this motherfucker looks like Scott Thompson I haven't seen him in 27 years And just from behind me I hear Hey what's up dude

And I look around and I go Oh Scott And then it turns out he came out to the bar Right I was blacked out And he was like do we talk to like four in the morning And on my back patio drinking whiskey And I was like, oh, shit. There it is.

There it is. And that was one of those moments where I was like, yeah, it's time to take a meeting. Yeah. I might need to start going anonymous and meet with some people. That was the worst hangover I've ever had on the road. Really? I remember the football game I was throwing up to.

It was Notre Dame Pittsburgh. And it was an overtime game. And I remember being in the bathroom of the shitty hotel being like, this is the worst day of my life. Yeah. And I had shows that night. Yes. Where you're like, oh, God, to get it back up.

Because as you get older, you're like, I don't want that ever again. No. If I'm on the road, I want consistency. And then it's, for me, even with everything, is the reason for doing it no longer courage to wait for doing it. Yeah. So anyway, the hang over, the feeling. You understand?

The anxiety, the depression. And it was not that good to deal with all those repercussions. As a white guy, what am I giving four woo-hoo's? Yeah, exactly. Four woo-hoo's in a night, and then I'm spending the whole next day hurt. And then when you stop drinking in it, then you start looking around and say, find out, I was only hanging with you because we drink the guy. That's a crazy thing.

I only go to this par, this place, or this bar because I drink. And then you're sitting there, and you're in there like, oh, man, can y'all turn that music now? You know what also is the worst? part, the worst part that no one talks about is when you disappoint the staffs of the clubs when you go back and you're not partying. Oh, yeah. And they go back and they go, we've been talking

about you. We couldn't wait. And you go, bad news. I'm going, I'm going to get a sensible meal and go to my hotel early. What I'm going to? You sit? That's what it is. Because they're like, last time you fucked a midget. Yeah. They're like, last

time we had to pull you out of an applesauce wrestling tournament. And this time you go, is there anything like a, I don't know, light that I could eat around here. Yeah, exactly. This fucking guy. Yeah. Salad. Put some avocado in there.

But it is, I mean, you are one of the guys, man, that you are like a guy that we all look up to. And it is nice to know that you still have the love of comedy and the touring of it. And I think that's what makes you still relevant and still good at it is that you still love it. Well, it's who I am. Yeah. I mean, I love the, I love where I'm at now, okay, the process of it, you know, I dropped the special when it comes out on the 30th. Okay. So now, what's coming out on?

NextFlex. On Netflix. Yeah. Netflix. Netflix. Earthquake special, the 30th of September? Yes. Okay.

It's called joke telling business. There you go. What a plug. Joke. Joke-telling business. I'm fucking pumped that you have a special coming out. Yes, it's coming out. I just, because honestly, when they were like earthquakes available, I was like, no fucking way.

When I was in L.A. and I gave them, like, they were like, here's your weekend book, and they go, we have Earth. And I was like, there's no way Earthquake can do my podcast. And they're like, Earthquite will do your podcast. And then to find out that you have a special? Yes. I'm very happy. It's coming out on the 30th. All right.

So I'm at the process. Where did you filming at? Atlanta George. Okay. Um, birthplace of my comedy. Yeah. Yeah. I'm from D.C.

But, you know, you had this process and now the building it back all up again. And that's what, yeah, it gets, I think when early on, especially, I mean, I'm speaking for myself, but early on, it was terrifying. Very much. You release an hour and you go,

what the fuck am I going to do that again? But now as you get older in the game, it's the process of it. Yeah. It's to me, to me, boxing metaphor. I'm in training camp. I love it.

I'm sparring. You're enrol. And I haven't signed another fight, AKA which is another special for it. So I'm just training. And also you get to do this fun thing where, you know, I feel like as you work an hour, you get tight till it's like a train tracks.

Right. Where you go, I have the train. It's on the tracks. You want to watch me run it? Right. There it is. Yeah. My favorite part is when you're just in a field.

After you put out a special, you can just run whatever direction you want to go. Yeah. Or not run at all. Or not at all. And just sit right there. What y'all want to talk about. Exactly.

And that's the beautiful part about it. You're right. There is this cyclical thing where you learn the next time you go, enjoy this part of just sitting in the field. And then I'm at the part right now where I have the hour. We're going to tape it after this tour. But I have it where all the work is done. Right.

So now it's just a fun part. So now I can just fuck with it and make it better. After you get rid of that hour and you sell it. Yeah. And you sell it. Yeah. you allow yourself the grace to say, all right, I'm working this.

Because see, some can, every comedian feel, every time they see you, you post a slam. Yeah, there is, you know what there is? That's the thing that I'm working with, I'm in my 40s now, and I would tell you in my 20s, I would keep jokes just to kill. Right.

Just because I want that impression. But I feel now in my 40s that I'm, I actually kill harder when I'm not trying to. True. When I just go like, this is, if I'm entertaining myself, it's better than when I was in my 20s trying to entertain all the guys in the back of the room and go like, look at me.

Well, you're certified. You made it. You've done it. There's nothing else you can say. It's the confidence of like, it's like almost like being like a restaurant. I assume when you're a restaurant and you're new, you're trying to make good dishes all the time. Exactly.

But then when you get that rating and the neighborhood knows you and the people, you become the favorite restaurant. You go, I'm trying something new. Yeah. We're going to do this. You want to try this? We got this right here. Try that.

Exactly. I don't like it. But then they go, this is the best thing I've ever had. There it is. Great. I'm going to put it on the menu. Yeah. I'm going to put it on the menu.

That's probably the way I think about it where you go, oh, shit, okay. Well, I never did a swordfish before. It looks like I know how to do swordfish now. So I'm going to put that on the menu. And then when it's done, I'm not going to do the same dish again. No. So you can move on to something else. Yeah.

And you continue on to just sample samper. And you're at the ability now where you're like a, you're like a chef where you can come in and do the, you know, when they do the back, the bottom of the spoon, the handle part of the spoon, and they do the taste, and they go, no, needs more. Like, you can do that. And that's where, that's the point where I'm looking up to now, where you come in calmer. You don't have, like, I still have the chef energy of like, I need that, where's 26 minutes ago, like that frantic energy.

I still have a little bit of that. Who step, love, left's a zucchini in the oven? I said 10 minutes, damn it. You're like, I need it. Fire it. But you're the chef that you come in and the sous chefs have it all down and you go, that's pretty good.

We can work on that. Yeah, let me get behind there. And then when you're on the line, people go, he's on the fucking line. He's cooking it up. That's the best part. That's why I love living in New York is because the comedy seller,

you see chefs working the line. You see guys going down going like, you see a tell, you see rock, you see Louie. You see him coming in the, or even Kevin Hart when he comes in, you see him going like, let me get on the line.

Let me try to cook this. They're not doing the, like, welcome to my big, fancy establishment. They're like, no, I'm down there. I'm cooking. Right. And that's what I love to watch. Yeah, I mean, because everybody had a process. Yeah.

And I will always do comedy clubs because that's what the creation is made. It's the kitchen. It's just perfectly built. It's the kitchen. It's just the way they design it. Everything's built. You can go and you can build it. And then you take it to the, you know, when you go to the theater, that's like you open in your own restaurant.

True. Where you go, look at all the bells and whistle. This is fucking neat But you're right You want the comedy club to go Like come in, sit down What about this? What about this?

What about this? And it is fun. It is a very... Because I think growing up I always was envious of bands For having the ability To go to a recording studio Right?

And then they write something And then they go in the room And then they plug in and they go That's pretty good. I mean, we have to wait For a whole new crowd To sit down, get their drinks Then we try it.

Right. You know what I mean? Right. We don't have that thing where you can just go like, try that again. Do that again and do it like this. You have to wait for a whole other show. True. Do it again, do it like this.

But the comedy clubs is the closest we get. It's the closer to get. And for me, the intimacy of it gives me the best place to create. Yeah. You know what I mean? You can't create in no theater. No.

Or no arena. I mean, arena shit is wild. And I've only been doing, I've, you know, opened only a couple times in arenas, and you see that shit, and that whole feeling, is like a like just a morphius blob laughing at you and you're like this is crazy I'm like looking up at jerseys that are retired while I'm telling jokes and you're like this is fucking

strange right a comedy club you're like looking at them right in a smaller theater you're like yeah what I like about theaters and I'm doing I'm on my first theater tour so I've never even congratulations thank you no no no it's it's you need to be applauded for that thanks Because that's no small feat. You know, people don't understand. You're in the theater. See how we talk. It's getting bigger and bigger and bigger.

Yeah. And you're going like, come on by. Come on. Come on. But, you know, what's interesting about it is the different growing pains. It's a little hard. You got to work harder to sell tickets. Yes, you do.

You got to work. But then what's great is the act is locked. So you just go, oh, well, the energy isn't like a comedy club where you're putting all the energy into the act and what the jokes are. Now you go, well, I got those. Right. Now I got to like, hey. Come on in. Come on.

We got a restaurant. They're looking, the promoter said. I've never been so scared of so many promoter emails being like, here's the numbers. And you're like, you can always tell when the show is doing well when you don't hear from the promoter. Dude, there's a couple cities that I haven't even heard peeps from. And I'm like, right? You're good. Great.

You're like, I'm so glad Denver. I haven't heard anything from Denver. I'll see you there on October 4th, you know? And you're like. How long is one is your favorite market, though? I mean, for me, it's interesting because I have family in Denver. I grew up there. And my friends are there.

It's a great comedy town. Did you start there? No, I started in Tucson. Okay. I started in Tucson. And that's fun to start. I'm going back there. I'm doing the Rialto Theater October 3rd.

But then my favorite markets are the ones where I don't know anybody. Because I feel like I go in like Madison, Wisconsin or like I love like Chicago. I love just going in and being like, hey, it's just us. I'm here for you guys. You're here for, I don't have to worry about after the show, so-and-so is going to come back and say hello and do this. But I would say, like, probably Portland, Oregon and Chicago, Illinois are my two favorites. Sacramento.

Sack is getting better. I used to go outside early. I haven't been to Sacramento in a while. You know what Sacramento's got? The Bay Area got priced out, so it's got all the regular people from the Bay that couldn't afford. Because East Bay, you can't even afford that anymore. So now they go up to five in right in Sacramento. And I like what I like about it is they're they've got,

they're close enough to a big city to have big city sensibilities, but they're farther enough away to have like a little like, you can get nasty. You can get nasty. And the prices are not what it is. Exactly. And they come out. And they come out and it's not struggling off.

But I do love, go back to Sac. I'm going to go. Give Sacramento another chance. Come on, they can't. Well, you know. Soon as they sent off. The special is out November, sorry, September 30th. Yes, it is.

On Netflix. The joke business? Oh, no, joke telling business. The joke telling business. Yes. I mean, it's earthquake. Watch it. It's going to be fucking great.

I can't thank you enough for coming on, man. Well, thank you for having me, man. I've been a fan. Like I said, I was obsessed with the Comedy Central Presents. Everything you watched, it was just, you were always a guy that if you came on the TV or I saw it, I'm going to watch this and learn. But you're the man, and I appreciate you coming by. Thank you, man.