Soder - 103: Dirt Cup with Noel Miller | Soder Podcast | EP 101

Episode Date: October 14, 2025

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October 24th, Providence, Rhode Island. I'm coming to the Uptown Theater. Bringing the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour, and I'm bringing some funny friends. We're going to have the hell of a time. October 25th, the Polk Theater in Nashville, Tennessee. I'm very excited. I haven't been to Nashville in a while.

I have a brand new stinking hour for you. Something I don't think you've seen. Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour is coming through Nashville. October 25th at the Polk Theater. Dan Soder.com. tickets get them and I'll see you there right I'll see you there I think I'm seeing you there sometimes people have jokes and you don't even laugh you just go fuck that's a good joke when you're like Matt where did you film it in Philly at the helium that was at

helium yeah dude yeah really you made it look like that yeah full stage design we just were there he just did a ghost thing you know that place is crazy haunted really dude we got to tell him about this. Noel, you got to hear about this. We can't get in this before I have my dirt cup. Y'all got my dirt cup? That was on my list, dude. I need my gummy worm. So before he said to that, I need my golden grams or shit's about to go fucking sideways.

So we're waiting for Noel. And that is, his very lovely publicist was like, do you guys have snacks? And I, for real, I like, in my mind had to do the math where I was like, is this an L.A. thing? Have New York? Because, listen, I will take full responsibility. Sure. New York comedians fucked up during the podcast boom.

That's why Rogan, Segura, Bert, Tom, all of them. I mean, Theo, they all became multi, multi-millionaires. Because L.A. is better at asking for shit that you need and getting, like. Do New York Comics not do that? No, because they think it's like, there's like this. Oh, it's the pride. There's like this unhealthy pride. Yeah.

Where you're like, bro, I brought my own fucking dunk it. And I'm, listen, I'm guilty of it too. Yeah. Sorry, I don't want to kill you off, but is it true? Because I've been told, like, back in the day, if you, like, in the true essence of, like, New York when it was just, like, raw stand up, if you came to town and you were like, I have a TV show, everyone was like, get the fuck out right now. Yeah, well, it was like, I think I was, I was at the end of that, you know, like, I was in New York, like, 07. So I wasn't there at, like, the peak of the cellar days where there was, like, bus balls. But they definitely, the L.A. vibe was more, you could tell.

Like, they were walking and be like, hey, they were, like, very, like, networky in a way where we were, like, all shut off. And I would give credit to R.E. Shafir is the guy that bridge that gap. Interesting. He moved out to New York, and he was like, no, you guys are way more similar to us. And, like, he was bringing Big J. and, like, a bunch of other comics out to L.A. Got it, got it. But I always, you know, kind of secretly really. admired the way that L.A. Comics

would be like, give me that. Because I don't have that. I don't have that. I've never had that. And L.A. Comics would be like, yeah. Yeah. Give me that. Give me my fucking dirt cup. Yeah. When she was like, do you have any snacks? I was like, that is some shit we should be doing.

We're coming in here with, we're fucking running on empty. We're trying to podcast. And this is the way to go, pudding cups for every podcast there. How many people like that listen to your show? Do you think it's more listening or watching? I think we do more listeners. Okay. But we get a good amount of people that watch on YouTube.

But I've even been told that people that watch on YouTube just put it on and play video games. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the watching. It's pseudo watching. It's pseudo watching. But I do understand people that like to watch. Once the video element was added into podcasting, it's like, yeah, why wouldn't you? Yeah.

Why wouldn't you watch a clip of them? Yeah, I did. Also with AI and shit. Dude, that's what I'm saying is death is a phone mode. some of those premises, I was like, dude, they're coming true. When you were saying, like, first off, the race war shit,

you had a line that I was, like, mad about because it was funny. Wow, right. You're like, white guys get Republican money, and then they're like, what's Asian pussy like? And you're like, that's exactly. Because when you, so I grew up in Colorado.

Yeah. Right? So I'm, like, moving to New York. Yeah. That people in New York, he's from Queens that just know. Yeah. I didn't know Jewish dudes love Asian women until I moved to New York.

Yes, yes, yeah. I just didn't know. Yeah. I knew like Colorado shit. I don't know how to tie a knot or whatever, but like I moved out to New York and you just see like Jewish, like very, very Jewish guys with like very Asian women. Oh, yeah, dude. Oh, okay.

And then after a while, you're like. Because, you know, that income. Yeah. I think it's because they don't have, they're so used to having a mom that's like, where are you going? What's you doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I just have a Japanese woman that's like, I don't care where you were, I love you.

Yeah, yeah. And they're like, finally. Well, this is a good way for me to bring up. You know, when we're talking about that, the one that's dangerous for white guys is Filipino women. Why? Because they break you dudes like racing horses. Now, see, I would say, I kind of,

there's a part of me that just the back of my jaw went, oh, yeah? It's that white guy challenge. is the reason Captain Cook tried to take Hawaii is because he goes like What do you mean? There's an island of dancing warriors

I'll fucking go get it Like say it like a Filipino woman You're like, oh, well shit You're probably right That's the one that it can't be overcome Filipinos I worked in Alaska for a summer I did like up in Anchorage Yeah, what we were doing there

My aunt was my aunt lived up there And I didn't want to work at Applebee's Yeah sure Because that's what I was going to do I was going to go back to Colorado In between freshman sophomore year I was going to Alaska to Dude I did

just was like trying to find a job. I tried to do landscaping. I tried to work at this other place. And I got hired at a fish cannery, which is mostly Filipinos. Oh. So I was, dude, I was learning all. That was my summer where I picked up words in Tagalog. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was learning about like, uh, boiled chicken hearts. Oh, yeah. Like eating food that I don't think I would have ever. And I was like, dude, Filipinos fucking rule. I'm like all about the Pino pride, dude. That's why when Pachial started going up. In, like, weight classes? I was like, dude, I got my guy.

You started painting on the Filipino colors on your forehead. I was like, dude, soccer. I need a woman to break me down. But is your mom, Filipino? Your dad? The world may never know. Oh, really? I love that.

Mystery. Mystery, dude. Yeah, fuck it. You find it out. Dude, I'm in Hollywood. I can't give away secrets. This is some other L.A. shit that I never knew about. Dude, you can't.

In New York, we play our hand. Oh, yeah. I'm holding three jacks. You go, I don't know what I got. I might discard some of these cards. You got to keep it here so you can get casted. So when the casting director is like, what are you? You're like, duh.

What do you want me to be? Ukrainian. Yeah, what's this for? I'll be it all. And you go like, oh, shit. Because you were talking, what's funny is something I learned about in New York that you, when you were asking about someone brought up Albanian. Yeah.

And you were like, oh, yeah, Albanians. And you're like, what a lot of people don't understand is how fucking scary Albanians are like Russians are scared of Albanians yeah and I know people will be Russians in the comments but not but when you're in New York no one fucks with Albanians no I had this joke that went viral about pretending to be Russian to get out of a mugging yeah and everyone was like oh but that the real reason those guys left me alone when that happened was because I was in the Bronx and they thought I was Albanian that's crazy they were just like yeah yeah no problem and you're just like I don't even look I was just like go to

train no problem and they were like Like any white people in that area are usually Albanians, and they will not. When I was younger in New York, I had a short Caesar cut. Yeah. So I could do Russian or plain-closed cop. So you could just, you're kind of fluent. That was my, I wasn't mixed race, but I could go like. You were a mixed operative.

I go, you think I got, you think I'm a pull badge? Go, where to fuck you go, my buddy? That's what it is. And now they got gray in my temples. And when I try to, like, I've always been teaching. shirt and jeans. Yeah. But now I straight up

look like a plane clothes. Yeah, dude. I mean, if I saw you on a plane with sunglasses. Yeah, you go, that's a Marshall. Yeah, yeah.

A thousand percent. Dude, I've reached for my side. Speaking of, I feel like you're the perfect person to talk to about this. Because when it happened to me, I didn't really get to talk to anyone about it.

I fucking, I was flying with RFK. I was sitting behind him when the bear story broke. No. Yes. Like. About him killed. For people that don't know a little context,

RFK told a story on Roseanne's podcast they're just kicking it in the kitchen eating something and he tells a story about finding a dead bear dry he had to go to an airport it was like a little kid lie yeah where he's like and then but he took a dead bear and just dumped its corpse yeah in central park yeah and then people looked it up yeah they found the news story where they were like bear corpse discovered dude i tried to make it walk like we got mauled dude it was the most surreal thing ever. Was he talking?

So here's my question for you. You sit behind him on the plane. Well, I'm actually diagonal so I can see through the crack to him. Brother. No earbuds because you're listening. Oh, thousand percent. Yeah. Or earbuds in no music.

So you... I typically don't have any. And I was just unapologetic. I didn't care. I'm like, I'm watching this unfold. It was crazy because getting onto the plane where I noticed a bunch of like big ass dudes. Sure. And we were flying to Virginia.

So I just thought, oh it's probably like a military base there or something i'm thinking about it and then i get on the plane i'm pulling my laptop i play some stupid game and then um i don't notice him come in but i feel like i feel his weight in his chair it's just like a yeah i'm like what the hell so it just piques my curiosity at this point i can only see like he's got that fucking tan yeah he's got like pro wrestler tan yes he does dude where you go like oh shit yeah so i'm just seeing the orange through the gap. Yeah. And then

his publicist is with him and she is, dude. She's in a spin. It's completely. I mean, what a nightmare for you that would be. If there's a dead, if Noel had a dead bear story. If I did. You'd just be on the plane, you'd be like, okay, so I got Howard Stern that says

that they'll give you 15 minutes. Is she, were they just spinning? Brother, she is like full house of cards. Like, I feel like I have to turn away from you so you can get the vibe. And I apologize to everyone watching. It's really lame. I'm about to do an act out on a podcast.

No, dude. I'm all about act out. You got to be fucking kidding me. No way. No way. On an airplane? You got to be fucking kidding me. Oh, my God.

This is unbelievable. This is unbelievable. She's on her phone. She makes a call. He's not answering my calls. He's not answering my calls. He fucked me. She said that.

Really? Oh, my God. He fucked. That motherfucker. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Dude, the fact that you got front row seat because here's the thing that everyone knows about publicity, you can never let him see you sweat. No.

And RFK did a fine job of getting around that, but his publicist in that moment. And this is happening on takeoff. Oh, my God. So the plane is lifting. Our internet's about to go out. She's like, it's coming out. Everyone's plunged it. You know, and I told him.

I told, if you pose, you're fucking dead to me. You're fucking dead to me. So she's losing it and then swear to God, he leans over. And at this one, I'm still not believing that I'm in this situation. But he leans over and he's like, it's fine. It's fine. You got me, sugar. It's fine.

I'll handle it. It's fine. Like he's just trying to calm her down. Wow. So then, so then I'm staring and it like, you know, it's like, is this RFK? I think it would have been the voice where I would have gone, dude, that guy does a solid RFK.

Like, I think that voice, the first time I would have heard that voice, you go, yo, who is doing the damn near perfect RFK? What are you performing out in Virginia tonight? Oh, my God, was this Frank Kellyanne? No, who's in the fucking front row of me? Well, that's going to be okay. And you go, oh, shit.

Oh, my God, you are him. Dude. He stood up to piss, and that's when I, and honestly, since I saw him I like I tamped down talking bad about him yeah because you know I'm not I'm not a big guy yeah and so because I've I've I have brushed shoulders of the devil now I'm not I'm you know I'll impersonate him but I'm afraid to talk bad because I've seen it dude he will break me there's something so funny when you meet someone and you see that they're bigger than you thought

you're like where you go this changes how I talk about them publicly hey man like someone's like shaking someone's hand and they dwarf it and you go oh fuck like i remember the first time i met rogan and you just like shake his hand and you feel how heavy it is you go yeah you can't talk shit about you and you know and you know karate nah dude fuck that fuck that do you like fucking snap my arm and shit no no yeah people uh people forget because of the internet that talking about people can result in stuff like the the keep the same energy is gone oh yeah because people are on the internet and like what any end there and now these It's like the young Gen Z people,

Gen Alpha, they don't give a fuck. It's season four of the wire. They're just like, yeah, dude, we're badder than you guys. They're like, you thought Avon Barksdale was bad? Marlowe Stanfield's like 20. It's like, it's wild. Careful with that one. What's that?

The hand, it just was like. Oh, yeah. Trust me. Trust me, brother. It's the time to hit the hand now. Yeah, it's back. If there's time to hit the hand, it's right now. You're trying to get subs? Yeah.

I can't talk with my hands. I have to keep it. tight. I got to go back to Bill Clinton phones. I'm like, I did not. Oh man, remember when shoving a cigar

in a lady's pussy was the biggest problem? First off, gross. Yeah. Cigars flake. I don't know if you know that. I don't.

Are you a cigar guy? No. But you just been around. I've rolled blunts. Yeah. When you crack one open, you're like, you shouldn't put this.

In high school, that's what I thought. When I was like rolling a blunt in the Monica Lewinsky thing, I was like, what was you think it was like a swisher? That's how my wife. wife got me we're hanging out and she was like hey babe check this out she goes and she lit it yeah

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promo code, Dan. Are you married? Yeah, dude. How long you've been married? Um, gosh. It's such a blur. No, I think like three or four years now. Yeah, we just had a kid.

Fuck yeah. Congratulations. Thanks, man. Yeah. That's awesome. Beautiful, all that stuff. And are you sleeping? I mean, as the husband, you're always going to sleep.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Especially as a comic. Yeah. You go, yeah, go on the road. I have to perform. I got to go do my songs. My little, my joke words.

I have to say stuff tomorrow at 11 p.m. I need eight hours of sleep. It's funny because me and my fiancee when we talked about having kids, we're not having kids. Because both of us work and she was like, can I be honest with you? You'd go on the road and I know you'd just like chill

and you'd come back and I'd be tired and then the kid would get excited to see you. That would make me hate you. And I was like, I appreciate that honesty. Yes, yes. I appreciate that she was like, I just have a lot of resentment for you. And I'd be like, oh, then we'd end up getting divorced. And then we'd be my parents.

Dude. Where I just fucking, we'd talk shit about each other through the kid. It's like, which is, you know, is a classic. Yeah. I mean, that's. That's a classic American family setup. Yeah. You having good communication skills is a Canadian trade.

Americans, you learn to resent one parent through the other. Yeah. And then you learn like, it's like little mafia meetings all the time. You just become the mediator. Yeah, where you go, dude, I mean, I don't know. Were your parents divorced? No, no, no. They weren't.

They were married? Well, they were psychologically divorced. I love that. Yeah. Sleep different bedrooms? Yeah, maybe different times. I like, I always respected people that were like, we're staying together, different rooms.

Yeah. And really, I don't like you. Yeah. And you go like, riding out the contract. Yeah, they would, they would sign out on that bed. It's so funny. You didn't do the cleaning. I just got in here.

It's not even made. Yeah. Who did this before the looking at the sheet? Who was there before? Well, it's your eight hours. So fucking, you know. Yeah. Yeah.

My parents were divorced. So it was like you just were, it was like every time you hung out with them, they were podcasting about the other one. Yeah. They're like, we got an interesting development. That's part of like my new hours. I joke about like, you know, like I joke about the lineage of family separation in my family. And then I'm like, I just say like, my dad didn't leave, but he just told me he wanted to all the time.

That's, which is, there's part of me that I'm mixed on that because I feel like part of me respects that for the honesty, but then part of it's like, well, then like shit or get off the pot. Yeah, yeah. Just go. Yeah. Because like sometimes I think it would be better if people were like, they were just going to divorce. Yeah, you're like, bail. Yes.

Yeah. Go get second husband and second wife energy. Well, because then at least in that respect, they would be happy. Yeah. And then they're not like sitting with you at a dark dinner. And they're like,

it wouldn't be alone if he was here. Yeah. Dude, there is a thing of what does suck about that, as I'll tell you is someone who had watched my mom date, watching your parents have dated. energy, oh, sucks. Oh, dude, yeah, watching your dad try to be cool?

Yeah, did they get, like, lame? Like, my dad, dude, my dad was just trying to get pussy, and I would visit, and I saw the age where I got too old that he could use me to get pussy. No, no. I saw, like, 12 years old, he's kind of like, I don't know, man, he's like a little guy now, and I was like, you, dad, and he's like, yeah, I don't know, you're not assisting me in any way, but when I was like, eight years old, dude, that was when I was a bar kid. My dad would just take me to the bars, and he'd be like, oh, there's something.

my son and you're like he's just like do your little routine yeah you're like i'm harmless my dad doesn't have diseases he i'm so good at pool because he takes me to the dive bar do you love to come because that's all my dad makes ladies do and he's like good peeling me off a five he's like good one go put Castlevania do the line do line do it i go dad says conalingis is second to breathing I didn't even teach him to say that. How you do it? He leans over. Gary.

Come on, Dan. Can you do the thing? What's better than making women come? Nothing. Dad, why do you have so much money in your savings? Dad, why do you always pick me up and drop me off at school with a smile? Thank you for all of your worldly advice about everything. of financial.

Just looking at some lady. Yeah. She's like, I kind of like that rap. Let's get dinner. Let's talk this over. That's crazy. So the point where you could no longer be the wingman for your dad.

I remember it. Was he just like, Hey, man, go to your room. Yeah, he was just like, you should go hang out of grandma. Because my grandma lived in the same town and he'd be like, yo, you should go stay at Nannis.

And I'd be like, yeah, I kind of thought we'd like hang out and watch TV. He's like, I don't know. And then he took me to the lake, like he lived in this lake town and july fourth was like the biggest deal and i remember him being like where can you hang out oh like we're back in the day when i was under under 12 because i i saw him when

i was 12 the last time i saw him before that i was like 10 or 11 and it was still i was still a little kid enough that he was like hey let me shoot pool in the bar and shit yeah yeah yeah and then this time he was just kind of like i don't know maybe you just go to your grandmas and you're like damn oh that's so Come on, we got one more in us. I'm like trying to talk to hang it. Come on, I still got my good stuff, Gary. Let me get in there. Oh, I can't say my awes.

He goes, look, I still got it, baby. What do you want me to have a lisp? Dude, that's like, I don't know, it's like your big bro, like you play outside with. And then you get in high school and he's a senior. You come in as a ninth grader. You're like, we're in the same school now. No, we ain't, man.

Dude, my neighbor, Crystal, she was so nice to me. And then I went to high school. And she's like, you're a freshman. And you're like, I've known you since you were 10. What the fuck you? What is this shit? I remember when you see your pants once. Be quiet.

You're scared of fireworks. I know that. As a fact. Because I live next to you for so long. Damn, man. You believed in Santa too long. Yeah. And that's all right.

What about you, miss? Remember who thought Santa was real? It is really crazy. You think about high school, like what it would take to damage someone's reputation. Not much. Not much, dude. You could make shit up where you'd be like,

he loves vegetables. Yeah. And people would be like, ew. Well, we used to roast this kid because apparently his dad was the voice of the dinosaur and toy story. I don't even know what that was real. That's not even a bad thing.

Yeah, I don't know. That'd be awesome, dude. I don't even. I'd be like, yeah, my dad's Gilbert Godfrey. His dad sounded like Gilbert Godfrey. That's so funny. That's even better because you go, you don't even get none of the clout with it. He's like, I'm picking my son up.

If you, if he came to big a love, he's like, dad, don't talk like that. He's like, what are they making fun of you? Why would they make fun of you? He's like, please, stop picking me up at school. They're all roasting me about it. Yeah, that's your dad. Yeah. It's your dad.

Doing dino arms out of it and shit. Hey, hey, this is your dad trying to pick you up from school. That's so funny. Yeah, we just buy Buzz Light ears and hand them to him. You're like, Hey, man.

Dude, names. Yeah. They go, what's your name? If it's even a little weird, they go, I'm just gonna fucking. It just slam you for it.

Here's one Nolan talks about. Pooping. Oh, bro. Yeah. You'd get harassed for pooping. Oh, yeah. had to pick your time to shit dude i sixth grade passing period first off middle school's

already terrifying yeah because you're like were you a big kid no i had a big head oh dude tiny body air nucks nice how big what size fitted at brother i think at i think at maybe 11 years old i probably fit like a seven and three quarters okay i'm not joking okay i'm not joking okay yeah i was i was a seven and three fours around six seven seven grade and everyone when i peaked eight yeah when i hit eight a solid eight on a fitted hat i had to hide it like like you're going to live you're going to listen they're pulling their shit out the closet like i go yeah you got any eights i go shut up shut up i look for a san francisco giants in an hey man this kid need an holy shit your mom stay drinking and you're like no i don't need you to

say that i need it you guys have it in an you know your hat comes out of like it's a single hat in a box We've been waiting for you. We only got three of these a year. We've heard of stories of your fools coming. Like, I'm a fucking myth. My liege. Oh, the head is here. Dude, the worst was picking a helmet for football.

Oh, because you would go into the equipment cage and they'd be like, what size hat you wear? And I'd be like, where is that? And they'd like, they would do this. They go, a genuine. I genuinely don't know if we have a helmet big enough for you. And then they'd go in like the very back and get one with like an old face mask. And they'd be like this. And you're like,

they got the ones from like, you know, 1940 where it's like a pilot's helmet, the Amelia Air hardship. I go, am I going to get a face mask? They're like, uh,

you're a pussy. Yeah. You know, that the head's big enough. You can take those shots. You'll be all right, man. But pooping,

I remember in sixth grade, I was like the first time I ever pooped in middle school. Yeah. At the school, I was like, I just got to go. Yeah. And I went, and then it was like enjoying my poop, and then you hear the door open and you're like, fuck.

And then just two eighth grade, they had to have, they were older. Was that, was that sure the, they tap the bottles together? What's that bro? Warriors. Yeah, war, they're like, Daniel, come out to poop. You're like, oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. But dude, I just heard him and they were like, oh, look, someone's pooping.

And you're like, no, no, no. that will stop you from pooping. Yeah. Your butt hole will be like, we're done here. So I was just, so I like had to, I pulled,

because I didn't know what's coming. Yeah. Because middle school kids will do foul shit. Don't come under. I was curious what they did, because my stories, I think, are absurd.

They wetted toilet paper. There you go. Okay, the wad. And then they just were like dumping it over. The wad is so rude. I got like sixth grade angry where I go, who will you stop?

It's passing period. And you say something. And then they go, ah, and then you're like, fuck, 40 wads. It's like, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, dude. Dude, it's just like, our arrows will blot out in the sun. It's like, like, that shit would stick on the side of those walls. It's so disgusting, dude. And you'd be like, fuck.

The funniest shit, I think, um, uh, in my high school was they, the trash can over the. That is, that's a nuclear weapon. Yeah, it's so rude. And you are throwing a nuke at someone if you do trash over the stall. Dude, reaching under is a wild move. It's so nasty, man. I remember kids reaching under. I remember one of my friends, the friend that, you know, I think became a heroin addict.

Yeah. One of them's bound to. One of them is one of, I mean, it's America, baby. Yeah. And one of them reached under, and he just pissed on the kid's hand. And I remember him being like, I remember Scott telling me about that and being like, that's a good move. I mean, it is. I'm like, that's a quick thing.

That's problem solving. That is, that's, like, just a wit I would not have had. I wouldn't have, it's like asking for a snack

for a podcast. Yeah. I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have, which, by the way. I am fading. I need a red and blue worm,

by the way. This is where we find out that you're like, incredibly diabetic. And I go like, dude, I think I killed Noel. He's so fading you.

She goes, you stupid fox. This wasn't an ego thing. This was a blood. Chuck our thing. And I go, Mike, Mike, boo!

And then the rest of my life is his comments. You killed Noel. I'm like, I ain't fucking know. You're gonna give him his dirt cup, Dan, you piece of shit.

Oh, look, it's dirt cup Dan. Who else are going to kill, dude? Maybe got him a Mississippi Marty be fucking here with us. Oh, it's diabetic

death, Dan. Diabetics are just protesting my shows. I'm like, get this guy out of our city. Fuck you. You're probably

taking Osempick. I am. Oh, you got to start doing that now that you're here. No, hell no, dude. I'll get fucking naturally fat. Yeah? That's how you're going to know I'm successful. That's what it is.

That's like tree rings. Yeah, just the classic. If I get big, you go, Dan's eating good. Man, do you remember when people were like being mean a chief keef because he put some pounds on? Yeah, that was funny. I thought that was funny. I was like when rappers get fat.

Yeah, I was like, why are you hating, dude? Yeah, dude. I think it's kind of cute. It's awesome. It's kind of cute when rappers get fat. And you go, ooh, you having snacks? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

He's like, oh, this is so funny to get all that money. And you're like, Doritos. Yeah. Nacho cheese. I'm in these streets munching. Yeah. Ice cream. Oh, yeah.

Also, someone that's like, cool and tough. Yeah. Getting fat is you're like, what do you do it? You want to poke them? Yeah. Like, remember when 50 got fat? Oh, yeah. And then he slimmed back down for that role where he played that cancer victim.

Yeah. But he got so insane. But he was so jacked. And then he got fat and you're like, oh, this is fun. Have you seen those pictures of 50 at like 18? No. He looks like a grown-ass man. Yeah, I mean, he was like, you know, fucking terrifying.

I always think it's funny that there was an age of rap where people weren't actually doing it. And then real, like street, like street guys came in and they're like, no, we're actually doing it. And you had to be like, and I said, what? They're rapping and they're going And I went on down to the start And you killed people I always think that's funny Because it's like damn

Like Easy E came in It was like no I deal crap And they were like Oh Okay We're just friends that hang out at parties And we sing songs with each other You Sean Price fan?

No He's from Brownsville But that was like a He had like this era Where he referred himself As the Brokest rapper you know Yeah And it was just such like a fascinating period

where he's like putting out mixtapes and he had like a major label deal and then his career kind of taking a turn and he's just like making albums just openly being like I'm selling crack right now you can call me this is a current thing and I will sell yeah I always think it's like it's funny when you realize like the the entertainment industry energy how quickly you can walk through that if you've been in the street yeah like oh I had people trying to kill me and you go well we tell secrets here yeah you say you're mean behind your back and they go I'll just shoot you that's why I was funny like big X the plug

he's just like oh yeah I'm kind of good at this I'll just keep doing albums and I don't have to sell drugs anymore yeah and then other people who are good it's just funny that it's like someone that went to like Berkeley or Juilliard is in the studio with a guy thinking about it yeah and they're like I killed the guy and they go oh real passion okay I always felt like I felt like that when there was like sex podcasts, you know, like girls talking about sex. Yeah. And then you had women that were sex workers starting podcasts.

And you're like, that's, that's the podcast version of real. I got sex in a car once. I just had sex with five dudes. She goes, yeah, I got smuggled onto a boat. And they go, whoa. You know what it was? It was the exact clip because Big Jay and I talked about it. It was when the girl went on and she was like, I sucked off all the Phoenix suns.

Oh, yeah. And you go, that was a turning point. Jesus Christ. That was like the first time someone was like, I killed a guy. And they go, I think he fucking did that. I think he fucking did that shit. And she's just on a podcast going, suck Devin Booker and the entire son's off. And you're going, holy fuck.

And then other girls are going like cosmopolitan lists of ways to drive your man crazy. She goes, I don't know, pull up to a lakinta. I'll blow you. And you're like, holy shit. Zock, doc, baby. Zock, baby. know why. I love ZocDoc. Because when you got to remember that you got it in a doctor's appointment and you're like, dude, I don't want to go do all that. Where do I even start? That's like sometimes

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within a day, one to three days. It's pretty quick. It's pretty damn quick. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments. Go to Zock.com slash Soder to find an instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's ZO-C-D-O-C.com slash soda. Zop-D-O-C dot.com slash soda. But that was like 50 when 50 came out because he did like the how to rob. Yeah. And he did all that shit. And he was like talking shit where he's like, what are you going to do? You guys aren't real gangsters. Yeah, man. Oh. Yeah. That's why that's always funny. That's what I love about comedy when you hear someone's life and you go like, oh shit. Oh, and then you just like you fold up that little idea you had.

You just sit next to a comic like, yeah, man, I actually did a few years in prison. Yes, exactly. That's exactly what it's like reading. But then you're like, you're like, oh, like, they're like in India. You're like, they don't even have rules there.

He goes, I know, I didn't eat for six weeks. He goes, so that's why you wanted the snack before the podcast. So that's what, that was like, you know, Ali Sadiq is one of the best work in comics. I mean, he's like unbelievable. I love Ollie Sadiq.

And every time I've hung out with him, there always is this moment where he brings up something where you go, yeah, I'm a white kid from the summer. I can complain about my parents being divorced all I want. I'm not going to put all these business out there because, you know, but, you know, I know Houston comics. Yeah. And they just tell me like the secondary stories. Maybe this one's safe to put out there. Okay.

We can edit it out if you feel later. No, I mean, I'll put it in sanitized terms. Okay. So someone was heckling him a little too aggressive. Okay. And basically the person telling me the story was like, I think this person thought because Ali is, you know, a smaller stature. Shorter man.

Shorter man. Sure. That Ali is somehow not about it. That man does not, has not listened to any of all these previous works because the things he talks about are very real. Yeah. And what he talks about is, in one of his first specials, is whooping a dude's ass over the span of 15 years.

Every time he'd see him in the street. he would just fuck this guy up. That's the kind of mentality that you don't fuck with someone like that. Yeah, so someone told me that Arley pulled this man after, after the heckling. Just very, you know,

what's up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he said, that guy found out. Oh, my God. There's nothing worse. There was this kid, there was this kid at my high school that was Russian.

Because at my high school, we had international baccalaureate. Yeah. Which was like advanced class. So we got a lot of like great. That's like a Star Wars Academy. Yeah, but it was like crazy. My high school was so big. Yeah. That it was like, uh, people were siloed in a different thing. My high school was like, I think 3,200 kids. Okay, you're like the first person I've met that is in this range. You know, I met up with a high school buddy. I always thought our class was 1500 the entire

school. And my buddy from high school, correct me. He goes, no, bro. That was that was our graduating class. That's insane. 1500 kids. Mine was 800. And that is like, that is like, that. That's half of yours. And ours was, I was at high school graduation going, never heard of that kid. Never heard of that kid. Like, I'm in line going, who's this kid? Yeah. Four years?

I've never seen this kid. Well, that's where I, my, you know, my Asperger's because I knew everybody. You're like, I know all of their shit. They could line up the whole school and I'd be like, Adam, Gordon. Yeah. Eric. Show me that just the, just their hands. The backs of their heads.

Show me the earlobes. I got them all. I got them. I got them. I got it. Dude, Noel's got this skill. The principal. He sees their earlobe.

Oh, fuck. But, dude, there was this Russian kid that came because of, like, you know, he was like really good at the sciences and the maths. Yeah. But he was, he did Russian Sambo, like Sambo. Oh, oh. We had, we had, our Asian clique in our high school was very dangerous. Asian pride. Oh.

Do not fuck with them. Oh, yeah, dude. They would have like fast and furious cars, but they would also have, dude, this is a real thing for my high school. People that went to high school with me will. We'll corroborate the story. When I was a freshman in high school, so where I grew up in South East, I grew up in Aurora,

which is like southeast Denver, right? And so what you do is out, like southeast of Aurora, it's farmland. Yeah. So you, we genuinely had cowboys at our high school. We had farm kids that would like drive to our high school,

but they would wear cowboy hats and shit. They're 13. They weren't, yeah, they weren't posers. They were like, I work on the fuck in my dad's ranch out east of Parker. And you're like, holy fuck. Opens a book.

He's, but he's, sorry, I'm just picturing he sees fucking, I don't know, a dinosaur. He's like, man, what the hell? Made up. He goes, when are we going to learn at it? When are we going to learn how to change horseshoes? And they go, we're learning about science. But this kid, uh, you know, probably racist.

Yeah. Um, said some shit to the Asian group in my high school. Yeah. And my friend's older brother took a metal baseball bat to him and, like, paralyzed. them. So it was like, you do not fuck with these kids. Like, they are fucking terrifying. That minute that Steelebat came out, the people around, this

the closing window of, he's not gonna. Dude, the, the contact, the noise of metal baseball bat makes where it goes, tink, when you hear an Easton go, even watching baseball, it goes, kink, and you go, ah, I don't even like watching college baseball because I'm like, that shit, fucking, that sounds like it comes on violent. that skull. It was slightly muted.

Yeah, like, but you still hear the metal and you go, oh, like, oh shit. So this, that group was like notorious. You just like didn't fuck with them. Yeah. So they would bully people. Yeah. They would like, and they bullied this Russian kid. They were like picking on them. Dude, they fucking locked the, like before gym class, locked the door. This fucking Russian kid beat the shit out of five of those Asian pride kids to the point that it was like known in our school this was my junior year

it's known in our school the football team I was on the football team they went and recruited this kid and we were in stretch lines and our coach was going it beat the shit out of five kids in the locker room that's the kind of energy we want on this football team leave it to high school goes to take it too seriously

What the fuck is that energy? That's exactly it. Dude, I promise you, I will reach out to Dany, my best friend who's on the football team and he'll tell you, Chad will do, that that happened. This guy was like, this guy beat the shit out of five people. I don't know if it was my sophomore junior year, but dude, then this kid was ass at football. Oh, of course. Because he's just like a Russian kid.

He looked like Khabib. Yeah. He like kind of had the Dagestani thing or whatever, but he was like already growing a beard. And then I just remember he had an old football. helmet on and he was like, I run over there. And they're like, run over there. He's like, okay. And he just sucked. Can he kind of like a wobbly run? Yeah, he couldn't

run. He didn't run cool. He didn't have like the athletic run. His little side to side. But no one wants to critique him because you're like, that kid will fuck us up. Yeah. Then the coach is like, he did beat the shit out of five Asian kids. That's like everything, dude, we're all like, dude. We're everyone's like trying to be friends with him. We're like, yeah. Yeah. And he's like, oh, do you know there. You're like, this kid's badass. But it's funny because

in high school, you were like, that story before the internet got around by the end of the day. Yeah. Like 3,200 kids knew this Russian kid had kicked the fuck out of five kids in the locker. I mean, if he did that now. That's awesome. And went to Snapchat. Oh, my God. He'd be on, um, what is it? Like,

posting L's on Twitter. I'd be on a subreddit and watch it like, cringe TikToks being like, oh, that dude gets. Because, dude, the amount of fights online, that's always a joke that I've seen stand-up comics do that I truly agree with where it's like i don't want to fight because what if someone records it oh yeah i don't want to i don't want to obviously you think about getting knocked out but think about being winded

oh no dude all the that's the thing that you know think about logan paul it took him years yeah to erode he tried to embrace it that high-res image of him getting oh yeah and everyone's like nah man it forced him into boxing it forced him to like really go on an arc yeah yeah where now he's like dude logan paul as a wrestling fan i'll tell you he's great yeah he's like good at at in ring shit yeah but you're right they're like people don't forget the internet like getting punched i think what what do you think is the worst case scenario being filmed in it having it online between pooping your pants being racist losing a fight crying because crying dude if katie brine

up with me and someone was filming it. You can't fucking do this. If that went out. Oh, like hysterics. That's what I mean. Like breathing, weird crying. Not like, not like a single tier pollution on the planet. I'm talking about like, like, honking.

All right. I feel like hysterics, you maybe get a pass because I feel when you see a dude in hysterics, there's a bro part of your brain that goes, someone should have turned that camera off. that's the only humanity in you yeah it's like let a man have his privacy he's like what the fuck man

who's putting this on kid I feel guys get weirdly you know yeah yeah he used to use ass crime hey man leave it alone hey he's going through

he's a cancer yeah yeah that's all we start doing that he's Sagittarius stop it dude dude stop his mercury's in retrograde that's the only time

we go for that to just support to the friend hey dude you don't understand his blood sugar's low yeah it's dirt cup man come on man

he's diabetic give him a fucking break what the fuck you want on right now. You cry before bitch. Why are you talking slick, man? Stop being a dick. I think, um, let me combo it. Okay.

Okay. I think getting your ass beat and somehow your pants falling down in that process. No, dude, there's, dude, I think he nailed it. Noelle might have just nailed it because there is that video of the guy whose kid got bullied. I don't know if you saw this. And then he goes to the. confront the kid and he's like yelling at the kid I'll find the video so you can edit it in he's

awesome like when we talk about a video he'll edit it in and post where like but this dude his kid gets bullied he goes to school and he's yelling at the kid and another kid fucking yanks his pants down and he has no underwear on and his dick is tiny and you're like oh now we know your dad's got a little dick too that is that is a nuclear missile it is for that kid's reputation That is... It is. It's worse than when people get slammed on the ground and they try to act like it didn't hurt.

You know, when they get back up and they go like... How good, bro. Where they get knocked down? They go like, I don't know. What are you doing? You know, and that was bad too because when you start trying to... It's cool. And when strangers start grabbing you, that may, bro.

Is it guiding you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, no. You lost it, man. It's okay. It's okay. It's like walking over there. When four strangers try to huddle you?

Dude. Oh, dude. Well, just stay here. It always happens in the parking lot of the gas station. Not where the gas pumps are, but where the cars are. You will see, that is 90% of where you're going to see videos of people getting slammed on the ground and trying to stand back up in a respectable way. Just stay on the ground, have a couple water.

You reminded me of a really niche. This one I've had difficulty finding, okay? This is like- This is where we're at, by the way. It's no longer porn clips. It's people getting fucked up clips. Yeah, it's niche punchout clips. Dude, niche knockouts. That's a new Twitter account, or X, excuse me.

New X account, you can make it niche knockouts. Niche knockouts is, oh my, that's like higher quality. Dude, this is like, this is a maybe 480p max. This was filmed on a flip phone for sure. I love it. It's two guys probably in their 40s and they're chirping a guy at the pump. They're drunk. It clearly got hammered.

They went to the gas station, probably get more. And for some reason, they're just in this guy's ear at the pump. and the guy at the pump is like you don't want these problems oh my god there's nothing that I love watching more than a video where I know a man is confident in his fighting abilities and I can tell before the people that he's about to get in he's like fed up yeah he's trying to give them a chance and they keep going and these guys had clearly come from they're they're dressed nice I believe the guy at the pump he just kind of sweats sure one one of them keeps going and he's like, all right,

wow, clean knockout, just, you know, yeah, probably, with the arms, with the arms,

bet weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's got them cerebral palsy arms. He's like, action figure, inverted fists.

You hit him where he's going to need those arms, you're like, when they just look up and they're like, that, that dentist fucking breathing.

Oh, dude, and when his skull hit the payment, oh, yeah, he lost, he lost function in his left toes. There it goes.

So then his boy, also drunk as I, I mean, you didn't just find my boy like that, bro. And guy at the pump goes, all right, man. Boom. Then the two of them on the pavement. And I believe he just like racks the pump. It gets in his car.

And then just waking up and being like, but like next to your friend and being like, do we win that? What happened? Did we win that? Have you ever passed out? Oh, yeah. Dude, I mean, I've passed out because of substances.

But in seventh grade, we used to do the pass-out game. Oh, dude, the pass-out sleep. Where you were like, dude, like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I was showing kids. I swear God, I remember this. Shout out Casey Kiggins.

I hope you're still, I hope you're alive and good. Because she was like, what do you mean you do a pass-out thing? And I was like, in front of my seventh-grade science class, I go, you go like this. And I went, and then the next thing I know I'm getting up off the ground.

And I'm like, and I'm like, I was like. And you felt like you slept eight hours. Is it Wednesday? Oh my God, I'm refreshed. Yeah, but the pass out, it was so dangerous. Yeah.

Well, I was just going to say the pass out sleep is incredible. Oh, yeah. I was one of those, you know, groomsmen compilations. Oh, yeah. I passed out of my buddies. Yeah. So I was a groomsman. I locked my knees.

Yes, dude. I locked my knees so embarrassing. People don't realize that. If you, uh, if you're like starting to do comedy or you're performing on stage, move. Move. Yes. And what I've, what I heard, uh, early on was if you, if you, if you just, just bend your knees a little.

Even if you're standing there, you bend them a little, you're fine. Yeah. You're like, get the buoyancy. Yes. When you lock your knees, there's something about it. So it was really funny was his brother is a firefighter. Okay. So I lock my knees and I feel my body started getting cold.

Yeah. And they're at the vows. Oh, no. And I just look over my shoulder. Did they write their own? Huh? Did they write their own? No, no, it wasn't lengthy.

Okay. Just thank God. Oh, you don't need her going like. With every sunrise. Dude, I, and you go like, I thank God to every day that these two, I love them to death. Shout to Paul and Jill. They're just so chill as people. You know, their vows are very just like down to earth, straightforward.

Yeah. Yeah, like they have nothing to prove. Yeah. It's like, we love each other, man. It just is what it. So I'm watching them do this and my knees are locked. I look at his brother and I go, hey, man, I'm about to pass out. There's something about saying that casually,

that he's so funny to me about going like this. Yeah, I'm about to bang my head off the country. Yes, yes. And then his brother, his brother clicks this time. He goes, man, about to fucking pass out. Shut up. I said, no, really. I'm about to pass out.

Just like that. Dude, that's yours right now. Lutz are about to go out. All right, bye. Okay, bye-bye. Dude, they do the I-dos. They kiss. They turn.

They're walking down the steps. We get, everyone stands up. We are parallel. And it was like my brain new. Now's a good time. Yeah. I'm waking up. up on my back with my legs in the air and my because my buddy's brother's a firefighter he just

to my back lift my legs up and he was like returning me to consciousness within 10 seconds that's great that's the best person you want around for that so the only people that saw it was like um his like cousins like dads was like his uncle sure and like one or two other people that was it yeah but i knew his uncle and his uncle comes over and he's like hey man you need some water man the road just oh yeah oh my god what the fuck this wrong with you but what's crazy about that is getting saved at that moment yeah cost you everyone known about oh yeah yeah that's like you know in movies where they snap someone's neck and they lay them down but they go like shh like we're trying to get past the guard completely

it's like the reverse of that where he like brought you up like shh like snapped you back and he's like go dude about to pass out is the craziest feeling it sucks it sucks and I feel bad when people around me do it one time we got high she's gonna kill me for telling the story we were at Zanis in Nashville after the show we were just smoking weed in the green room and my fiance

she smokes weed but I was smoking a lot of weed and we were with like a couple other comics that were smoking weed and she was like and I just saw her and I was like

do you want outside and she goes yeah we should go outside and then we went outside and I was I got so high I was like oh the Uber the Uber took a wrong turn

and then she passes out and her friend was right there to grab her man nothing made me feel worse than not then i was looking at the uber instead of checking on did i that that haunts me that still haunts me that i was like what a shitty boyfriend and i was like this guy took the left and then she's like oh oh no no i just feel that was classic dude shit though yeah you're always on your phone and your lady's getting mugged i look over i go it wasn't katie here it's over the shoulder of a guy he's like running away over there you're like oh fuck you know that clip that clip of you guys

arguing about in the hotel that one bro that is that was the one where I felt bad for putting that out because I was like I'm kind of a dick

in this clip no no dude she was like but that those are we don't fight those are the arguments we get in sure sure she goes

it's not in the hotel I go it's in the hotel it's not in the hotel it was connected to the hotel she's like it was in the hotel it wasn't because you walk in the lobby

you still got to go through a weird fucking side thing to get shout out that Benigan's though we're coming back Iowa yeah we're coming back I just as I said to say I sent it to my wife I was laughing I was like dude you're Dan and she was like yes yeah Mrs. Miller good dude she gets in oh no alina you guys would have a great time arguing the semantics well dude katie crushes me

she's way smarter than me so she'll like I'll walk myself into a track and then she'll go got you and you're like god damn it it took me a while to get over the ego of it where I go You're cunning. Bro. Clever girl. You know, I've built up an ego about watching movies and explaining things

that now I have this like cunt attitude like in the middle of the film Alina will be like, wait, but didn't they? I'm like, no. And I'll say very confidently what the plot is

and she'll go, like the other day we're watching the new Alien series. Dude. Don't say anything because I'm on the last two episodes. I'm not even that far in. The season finale is last night.

I'm not even that far in. How fucking great is it? I love it. And then I get always people in comment sections that are like it sucks. It's like, go fuck yourself.

Yeah, as a lifelong fan of the franchise and a guy that loves no holly it's fucking unbelievable i mean for sci-fi it is very good for tv for tv and sci-fi very good you're not doing a movie yeah every week is a movie yeah have you done when they explain what happened on the ship with no no i am just into the first episode all right we're going to be texting about yeah a thousand percent i'm telling you right now it is i am so excited i'm starting the tour this week and i'm more excited to finish the season of alien yeah yeah That I'm like, I got to get home so I can watch it.

Oh, yeah, bro. And there's too many bugs. Katie hates bugs. So there's too many bugs in the show. Alien Romulus. We watched that when Alina was eight months. Oh, no. No, no, no.

You know what's funny? You can watch an alien movie while your wife is pregnant? Dude, this is how, like, ice cold she can be. She's, like, watching, like, the baby get ripped out. And I look at her. Romulus at the end. I looked at her to see her vibe. And she just looked at me.

She's, like, hilarious. But then the part that grossed her out was when the alien breastfed. Oh, yeah. She said, uh-uh. But that was the one where she goes, nah, turn it off. I love that. That's that weird. That's at that end where it's weird.

And all of a sudden you get an NBA center just walking around in like a gravel pit. And you're like, this is fuck them. And then the only fans girl walking up like, hell yeah. Dude, we watched that. Me and St. Germain wouldn't watch that. and his wife was like picking us up and she got to a car accident as the end of the movie

it wasn't a bad car accident it was like a fender bender but it was so funny to watch Dan go like where Romulus is ending and he's like my wife got into an accident and I'm like what the fuck I'm like there's like too many things going on and you're pushing it just finish out

just two more minutes too much it's funny you say that about the ego thing because I love sports like a huge sports fan but Katie works in sports yeah so I had to lose the ego of oh real quick she knows names better than I do.

She knows stats more than I do. She knows ball. She knows ball. She just knows ball. She is a baseball enthusiast. Okay. And I'm getting back into it. And Big Jay had the perfect line on me where he's like, you're the only couple I know where the wife goes, I got to go in the other room, watch baseball.

I can't watch this shit anymore. And it's like me being like, fine. Fine. I'm going to watch my story. And just turning it up and it's two naked guys. Watching wrestling. And then she's like, I got to go watch. the Padres and I'm like, but letting go of like, there'll be moments where I say a name

wrong and she corrects me. And when we first started dating, I'd be like, uh, yeah, and I have to let go with ego and I go, not, you're right. Yeah. How do you say it? Yeah. Okay. It's you Darvish. Got it. That's basically me now because with TV. Yeah. Because, you know, my wife is just better at listening. Yes. Women are better listeners. They also understand pronunciation better than men. We just like blazed through it. Yeah. And they're like, that's not. you say that. Fuck. And I like, I don't know why.

I think I grew up with a... By the way, this segment is called wife glazing. Yeah. We're in, this isn't even going to be released. Yeah. We're just, we're just clipping this and sending it to our respective ladies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is to let them know that we think about them on the job.

I'm across the country missing you, girl. Mike, clip it. And they're going to get down and she's like, I miss you. And you're like, after I have a really good set, I sit down and I go, what was my wife doing? I bet her night was hard. I bet her night was hard. Clip it.

I hope she gets some sleep tonight. Clip it. Thanks for walking the dog. Clip it. Yeah. Now I'm seeing if you two had a kid, it'd be a nuclear bomb. Oh, yeah,

it would blow it up. I don't, I'm too immature and, and she would have to come home with like, you know, trading cards and figurines and shit. My kid would be like, this guy always has presents.

You just yell at me. and make me eat shit. That was what, and that was the difference between my mom and my dad. My mom was the disciplinarian and my dad was like, when I'd go visit him in San Francisco,

he'd be like, you want to go to a toy store? And you're like, yeah, absolutely. And now, even talking to you, I've realized he was just buttering me up to help him get pussy. Of course.

I didn't realize that. Yeah. This guy, this was a, I was a mark the whole time. Dude, a sham from day one. I thought we were cool. I thought we were father and son.

Man, I could, I feel bad. I, Magic the Gathering cards. So we could bust them open on it. But you know. The card thing is fun. We just started fucking around and doing that.

Yeah. People like got really into it. And what's funny is I disappoint a lot of people because they'll be like, so did you ever open like a fleet 93 and you go, oh, I don't actually like care. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just funny to make fun of old players and they'll go like, what? You'll be on the road and they'll be like, fine. And they're just putting away a collector's box.

Dude, card people. That's why those Pokemon videos are so. viral right now. Yeah. You know, and like, they have like a nervous little girl and you go like, oh, you're trying to get and then they'll give it to it. Oh, yeah, another one you're talking about it.

You know what I mean? But there's a lot of them. Yeah. And because we do need kindness content. We definitely do. And that's one of it. Well, they'll be like, I don't have any money for this. The guy's like, here's your charzar.

And they're like, it's on me. And they're like, thank you. I'm nonverbal autistic. And you're like, this is the nicest video. Card people, I think, and I could be wrong. In general, what I've come across, they're very nice.

Yeah. But they'll show up and they'll be like, I'll be on like a four city run and they'll be like, here's a box of cards. And you go, I can't. Yeah, I can't take this with it. I don't have that.

And they'll go like, oh, I hit it from my grandpa who fought in war. And you go, and now I'll take it. It's like traveling with a carry on and they're like, sorry, you only get two. And you go, this is a classic fleet from 1988. Yeah, dude.

That's too bad. I heard this Asian kid to sit in a truck from Milwaukee to bring it to me. Oh, dude, I meant to tell you in death is FOMO, you do a great Philly accent. Oh, bro, thank you, man. Shout out to my tour manager, Tom. He, I was actually talking to Cusker about this.

Yeah. He infected me with the, now I understand it would be the Delco, dude. Yeah. They got Dave and they got dead in water. Yeah, water's the thing. Because I didn't even realize, this is another thing where you don't realize

until you move, like, I didn't know Philadelphia. if you had an accent. Yeah. Until I moved to the East Coast and became friends with a bunch of Philly guys. And they were like, oh, yeah, we got that Philly accent. Well, then the other one that's like really subtle is the yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. There was a run where like last year, me and my tour manager, we were on the road so heavy that I would be catching myself at home being like, yeah, dude, this fucking. Yeah, you don't even fucking go. I got fucking friends down here and you're like how am I why am I talking like that I'm literally pulling my tongue out of my head like what's crazy is I didn't realize that it's called a mid-atlantic accent so why it's called that is it's the philly accent is similar to the baltimore accent oh and you don't even realize that got it because ball like you know like stovian shit when he does it he'll be like yeah the fucking ravens they were fucking supposed to win and you're

like oh it's very similar to like super if jalen hurts wasn't on my team i'd be fucking calling different names but i love philadelphia is an east a thing about east coast where did you grow up uh i first grew up in l a yeah which what i like about east coast audiences in what i learned moving out there is like they're tough crowds specifically philly boston new york but when you win them like baltimore and shit they're like the best audience oh dude yeah Yeah, yeah. It's like having in-laws from Boston. Yeah.

It's like, once I want them over, I'm like, you guys are the best. Well, I just, I also love their cynicism. Yes. And like their anger. Yes. And like the sarcasm. It's Bill Burr energy on everybody. Bro.

And like, why are you doing that? Like, no. Why are you fucking doing that? You're like, I'm sorry. I didn't know this is a thing. I like, I, uh, I realized so much how I don't know. It's funny because as I started doing comedy, I would get people coming up to me. He's like, you East Coast, dude?

Yeah. I'm like, no, they're like, oh, really, I swore on you, East Coast, dude. And I think it's because, like, I have that cynicism. Yeah. And then out here, I struggle so hard. Because for a while, I was like, take it out on audiences. Yeah. And, yeah, I get that.

I do, I would just open with that bit about being molested. I was open and just burn bridges. Yeah. And people are like, whoa. Yeah. Well, I'm just going to tell you. Yeah. You realize you can go dark too quick.

Yes. You realize that it's like, there is a reason why you go, maybe I should throw one or two out there. Yeah. Because I would do that thing, and then you go, I'm sorry. Did I bring it up too quick? I fucked up. But I feel like on the East Coast, I can go out there and be like, I'm glad you're all here. I want to talk about being molesting.

They're like, ah, this fucking guy. Who got you, got your girl. And I'm like, oh, fuck. You guys are fucked up. Hey, you're not special. We're Catholic, man. Everyone went to church, you fucking weirdo. But it's funny is I have a hard time adjusting when I come out to L.A.

It takes me a day or two to like, even when I go visit my mom in Colorado. Yeah. Because we're talking about things you don't notice about Philadelphia. I've lived in New York for so long now that I'll do the New York, the yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't realize I did that. Where my mom would be like, I go, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, okay. Oh, wow.

And you don't even realize it. Also, I didn't even know that was why Karen O named the band that. Because people in New York go, yeah, yeah, yeah. When they just like say shit, the yeah, yeah, yeah, they fucking blew my mind. But I didn't realize I do that where I go, yeah, yeah, I got it. Like, move on. Dude. Because they're like trying to hit A, like, on.

a video game where you're trying to skip a cut scene? You're like, go, go, go, go. I got it. I got it. Let's stick to the fucking task. But Mike watched it at the hotel on Monday night where we're checking in and a dude was staring at me and I just go, what's up? And the guy goes, whoa, bro. And I go, can I help you? Why are you staring at me? And he's like, bro.

I just, I listen. We got the elevator and I was like, dude, sorry. I was like embarrassed in front of him. I'm like, I'm sorry, dude. I don't know. I was kind of a spazz on that because we're just in line in the elevator. And dude's just fucking staring at me. And I was like, what's up? And he goes, I don't know.

And you're like, we should be asking these questions. Bro, because I was talking my boy the other night he was doing a show at the improv. He was like. Dude, Zibb is the fucking man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, we did the worst weekend in Syracuse. Oh, my bad. Please cut that.

I didn't realize. No, no, that's all good. You guys knew each other. He's the fucking, dude, he's the man. Yeah, yeah. We love that guy. Yeah, no, man. I like keeping that in because then people will go look for him.

Yeah, yeah. You see how fucking funny is. I'll get it clean. There's an L.A. thing. Can we get that clean? Yeah, yeah. You guys, get a room tone? I'm about to do it.

I'm really about to do it. So I got my boy Syb show the other night. Shout out of Sibh Singh. Go look him up. Sibh Singh is fucking funny. Hilarious, dude. He's fucking funny. We were about to go on stage, and he had just flown in, so he was just wiped.

Yeah. And he was gone, dude, L.A. crowds. I fucking, I just, every time I'm here, and I go, I finally realize what it is, man. I said, they're just. too relaxed. We're three hours behind on all political events. We tune out of everything. Yeah.

Like people were finding out about Charlie Kirk at 2 p.m. at like a shrimp restaurant. Yeah. Whoa. That's intense. Yeah. That's crazy. The vibes are off right now.

Honestly, yuck. I don't want to talk about that right now. And this is a man, by the way. He's an investor in a tech company. This is a grown man. I don't want to talk about this. Thanks, no thanks. Ooh, that's uncomfortable.

You know, it's funny you say that because we got here to do a couple episodes of the podcast like before I'm doing the show that we're starting to tour at Thursday at the United Theater. Yeah. And I was like thinking about going by the improv or the store and doing spots. But then I remember that I have this like weird thing. He's not wrong with L.A. crowds where they can throw me off. Oh, yeah. Like if I don't have a good set in front of an L.A. crowd, I'm like, I think Los Angeles hates me.

And then I'll like spiral. So I just wanted to do the show on Thursday to be like, you know, it's just a show. You're going to a theater, do a show. It's not like going to fuck with me. No, bro, because, you know, I've had plenty of bomb out here. Yeah. And the L.A. judgment when you're doing,

yeah, when you're trying to be ironic and do a molested bit in the middle of the night and it's a 30% sold room and Godfrey's the headliner. Oh, yeah. Shut out of Godfrey. Yeah, shout out of Godfrey's crowds going. Actually, no, shout out of Godfrey's crowds. Whenever I do that bit, there's always a, you know, 50-year-old black man in a very nice suit who goes,

and I'm like, thank you, bro. I used to do it. That's so funny because I used to do a joke about my gram. I still do it, about my grandma dying, and I've had old black women in the crowd. They go, mm-mm, they don't like it. I talk about his grandmother like that. And I go, I loved her.

In one time, I remember this specifically, at Helium in St. Louis, when I was doing the joke about my grandma asking what gluten was and in the joke I kill her instead of explaining what gluten was. There was a very old lady with her daughter

in the front row and I was like working on the joke like the joke wasn't finished. And that room is close quarters. That's what I mean. She was literally up on me and I finished the joke and she just, to her daughter goes, not loud. I don't like this. Like that.

And I went, oh fuck. And it got me. That woman took me out of that show. I was just like, fuck, dude. I got to make this nicer. That room, that room, you can hear each person's reaction to your set. Yeah, it's like over here. Yeah, just one guy being like, no.

But that woman, and she was, by the way, very polite. She, like, had her head down. She goes, I don't like this. And she was like, so good, man. Fuck. Fuck, that sucks. Honestly, man, I have like, I've always, you. You know, because you've given me so many compliments.

I'm, like, trying to be cool about it. But, like, I've always looked to you to, like, learn how to be nice about a fucked-up thing. Oh, wow. I've always looked up to you, man. Thanks, man. Yeah, dude. That means a lot to me. Yeah.

That means a lot to me because I think that's, like, one of my favorite things about stand-up comedy is you can really take some fucked up shit and make a room full of people laugh. Oh, man. Where, like, usually it destroys a lot of people, and you're like, oh, this is fucked up. If anyone's good at it now, I will say this to eternity. you are 1,000% the reason we know how to do that. Oh, dude, I'm not, I'm not going to retain that. I hate myself too much. I'm going to be in a half hour being like, you suck.

I mean, you fuck it. I will, dude, it was awesome. I'm so glad you came on the podcast. No, man, this is like. Check out his special. Go to his YouTube channel. Oh, thank you, man. He's just hilarious on his own doing his podcast,

but also make sure you watch death is FOMO. Thank you. You got like seven bits in there where I was swinging at the air because I was like, damn, that's a good joke. That is, oh, man, that's a big way. That's crazy, man. But I've also terrible in introductions. Noel Miller.

Watch Mel L. Miller. It's like, we're at the end. And by the way, they do that. You'll see comments on the podcast and we go, intro your fucking guest, dude. Noel Miller is fucking hilarious. And if he's on your podcast, you better have a fucking snack.

Yeah, you better have a dirt cup, bitch. Thank you.