Soder - 104: Weak Ankles with Sal Vulcano | Soder Podcast | EP 102

Episode Date: October 21, 2025

Support the sponsors to support the show! Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at square.com/go/soder #squarepod https://squareup.com/us/en/campaign/audio This World Mental Health Day, we’re celebrating the therapists who’ve helped millions of people take a step forward. If you’re ready to find the right therapist for you, BetterHelp can help you start that journey. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com/SODER https://www.betterhelp.com/get-started/?go=true&slug=soder&utm_source=podcast&utm_campaign=1378&utm_term=soder&promo_code=soder&landing_page_img=https%3A%2F%2Fd3ez4in977nymc.cloudfront.net%2Faffiliate_images%2Fc8f1e33eccfdd97908db536def2e7dbd2d9ae59240ff77c0f1ee89f46ed7f544.png&aff_channel=podcast&discount_rate=10&discount_period=P1M&date_interval=P1M&percentage_off=10&amount=1&amount_spelled_out=one&unit=month&gor=start F*%k your khakis and get The Perfect Jean 15% off with the code SODER15 at theperfectjean.nyc/SODER15 #theperfectjeanpod https://theperfectjean.nyc/?utm_source=Soder&utm_medium=Podcast&amount=15percent The Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour is coming to your city! Get tickets at https://www.dansoder.com/tour Oct 24 Providence, RI OCT 25 Nashville, TN NOV 7 San Antonio, TX NOV 8 Austin, TX NOV 13 Iowa City, IA Nov 14 Minneapolis, MN NOV 15 Madison, WI NOV 21 Kansas City, MO NOV 22 St. Louis, MO DEC 5 Vancouver, BC DEC 6 Eugene, OR DEC 12 Columbus, OH DEC 13 Royal Oak, MI Follow Sal Vulcano https://www.instagram.com/salvulcano/?hl=en https://www.tiktok.com/@salvulcano?lang=en https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbQVO27kh6dRqLR0inUwc9Q PLEASE Drop us a rating on iTunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soder/id1716617572 Connect with DAN Twitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoder Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoder Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedy Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoder Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy #dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcast Produced by  Mike Lavin     @homelesspimp   https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en

Hey, everybody. I'm on the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour. It's been fucking awesome so far. We're having so much fun going and doing these shows in these awesome venues. Got some coming up right now. Providence, Rhode Island, Nashville, Tennessee, San Antonio, Texas, and Austin, Texas. All tickets available at dansoder.com. Just click on that live events or the tour thing, and it's right there. And by the way, please go through my website. Do not Google. Don't go through 22nd sites because they are going to try to fuck you. I'll see you soon. Providence, Rhode Island, October 24th,

Nashville, Tennessee, October 25th, and then in November, November 7th, I'm at, uh, in San Antonio, Texas, and November 8th in Austin, Texas. Dan Soder.com for tickets. I love you and enjoy this episode of the podcast. I, they're going like now everyone's using AI too freely.

Well, this. new, whatever that, the sorrow, too. And they're just making things. I think this was legit, the beginning of the end. Can I tell you, though? No one tells you the end. It starts with a sugary, sweet taste.

Yeah. Because when they were doing Biggie and Pock and WWF. I saw it. I love it. I was like, this is crazy, but a good use. But, uh-oh. Oh, cool. But, uh-oh.

When Biggie's, yeah. He was like, oh, I got to say something. I was like, yes. Yes. And then it's so funny because I like it, you do wonder if you're like every time society collapsed was the beginning of it like kind of awesome was everyone like this fucking rules and then you're like oh no no no no no no yeah because big epoch great but now it's too much well then I well after that I end up seeing like just every single celebrity that was

dead or not in every like you know I saw like I saw Bruce Lee doing stand up oh no I saw Martin Luther with the king he's like water junior what's the deal with water it bends it can crash it's in the same thing yeah they do Martin loser king junior doing stuff and then I saw Muhammad Ali on Rogan and I was like

and then I saw like myself and I was like now this is not good yeah I um they'll do like ones Lewis has been posting a lot of them and they all Lewis Lewis I did text him I did text him when I saw him Roller Blading on 9-11 I laughed at that

whoever made that It's like, whoever made that. Oh, he, Lewis did it? No, he just replaced it. That's even funny. Someone just took the story from Legion of Skanks of Lewis, rollerblading back to, I think it was Westchester or Rockville Center. No.

Where was he? Rockland County. It's so funny when he gets on his rollways or his little, like, one foot big skateboard. Dude, I saw him get in. You know that? Yeah, the banana board. That's the size of his own chew. Who's the banana board?

Is it a, I thought the banana, is that a long, that's called a banana? It's called a penny. It's called a penny. I don't know. He was a penny board. He was obsessed with it. I saw Lewis get into an argument, this is 15 years ago, into an argument with a cab driver in rollerblades. He was trying. He was late and he was trying to get a cab and the cab driver was like, you're not getting in here with rollerblades. And he was like, fuck, he was right outside the cellar. After, you know what day.

Every once in a while, he'll have a big, big, like one-on-one showdown with somebody. It's great. And that's why you have AI, because now you can recapture it. Oh, that's really, dude. My thought. You have a rollerblade? Oh, I tried. in the 90s. So you've owned them. You own them? Yeah. Can you believe I never even own?

Well, you can't believe it. But I played hockey, but I did the quad skates. So you did old school roller blade, drop it, clap. Yeah. Like you might also find me at a roll of disco. Could you still do it? Could you still boogie? I recently tried and I am happy to report.

No, I cannot. I'll be a return. I want to get back into it. I actually have been looking for skates. I feel like once I get my groove back like Stella that I can then

become this guy Have you ever gone to The wiggler? Yeah. Yes. We need you wiggling and clap at There's a new skating rink in Brooklyn

And it's dope Let me tell you It's so Have you know It's so good But have you ever been I don't mean to No

Continue to Have you ever been To Central Park And seen the outdoor Roller Skating Escapade no that is there okay i've seen people roller blading and roller skating down the paths that the bikes go down no i haven't seen like shit damn you gotta go deep into central park this culture is thriving really they do it

now that i guess the cold with the cold i don't know if the cold winter stops them i don't know if they're like the post i don't know you you warm up roller skating you i stumbled upon it i heard fat beats coming from somewhere are these guys doing performances in roller skates no this is open skating in a designated Incinated rink not enclosed. It's like they put up cones and there's a DJ and every walk of life because it doesn't matter if you have were bitten by this culture It doesn't matter that you all come together. Yeah, and it's all walks of life ages everything and these people They only know one thing and that's roller skating and that's all they care about and having a good time and having a good time, but yes and I know two things Yeah, they know they know they know they know they know they know so many breaking breaking's real big so many things I couldn't never roll I could never roller skate I skate city was a this goes back to a core memory yeah I a birthday party yeah skating

a early 90s skate rink birthday party yeah you go rent them the brown ones yeah yeah where they were like they were like dank yeah yeah yeah and I put them in and there's older kids and they're flying by yeah it's like being on a social highway yeah you're like you got to know you're roll in there. You know, I don't know, you mean it, I didn't mean it. You bring it out of me. But then the circular, you know, the swinger seats that they had in roller rink where you sit and put your skates on.

Yeah. All of it. It was all carpeted, too. Yeah, all carpet. I love wall to wall carpet. I love it. I mean, it's wall to wall carpeting. And sometimes skate rings even have like the walls of carpets.

Yes. Well, that was a big thing for me. Yeah. Because getting on the skating rink, realizing I couldn't skate, I had to be one of the ones that goes around. And then there was a. wall of carpet where you had to like grab it to get people are just fucking whizzing by you i do feel like though people uh you know hold space for the people that can't i don't believe the politeness

is thin oh it is and it wears out quick okay i believe it's a lot one guy like with his hand behind his back like doing that one showing off clearly showing up when they have the extra long roller blade yeah yeah you go all right that's all roller blade i don't need you here it looks like a snowshoe yeah No, stop touching the ground as you turn the corner. Yeah, something else is going on in his head while he's bobbing and weaving. This is his domain. Yeah, and he wants you to know it. But everybody else.

Yeah. I'm just a scared little boy grabbing the wall. Yeah. And I never learned how to skate. So that's where I learned how to roll a skate. It was called Starstruck. It was a... Stad Island?

Yeah. And you would hear like, like, uh, like, uh, who's that? Like, give me to know. Night, then if you don't want to stay good, I just tell me, I'll give you all my Give it Little Sal just screaming at it. Yeah, you know, when I beat you off, it's like, we started dancing and love to do. Dan, you guys had like rhythmic, like disco.

So I was learning, right? So I remember my dad took me, but there was older kids, you know, but you stay, you fall back, you get a hot pretzel, maybe some mustard. Oh, man, you can get an icy. Sometimes I got icy shit. Shout out Skate City for having Mortal Kombat, too. Yeah. It was huge.

I was, and I was all over the crassel. I was leaving there with tons of stuff that I didn't know how to skate so I wanted as much time away from the ring as possible yeah but you also had kids hooking up for the first time it was a lot of French kissing yeah it was a lot of tongues slamming into each other yeah it was like you go there and it's like a lot of things happening there's a lot of coming of age it's a lot of learning it's something that you and I talked about with Jay on the bonfire but it feels similar to the foot clan hang out and you're on wheels. Yes. Yes. It's the foot clan here on wheels. On wheels. So your dad took you.

How young are you? Yeah. So at this stage, I'm in like middle school. So I'm talking like maybe, maybe fourth or fifth grade, something like that. All right.

So you're like nine, it was before like, you know, people were like going there and be like, my friend wants to go with you. You know what? You know that, right?

Yeah. So I remember like I got my bearings. And, uh, I know look up he's going to give me every time so you get well Pip is there

I got appeal to him yeah yeah yeah we're playing to the audience yeah I know my audience I got my bearings and I got a little hot with it right and so I remember I'll never forget it ended up being a cool memory because I think I was mortified in front of the people and my own father

so I skated around it was like I got some hot track on and my dad was at the end like you know lean in on the outside leaning just watching me and I started skating toward him And I decided to crouch down, right? So I crouched. So I wasn't upright.

I lowered my hands. And then I did double jazz hands. Oh, wow. Yeah. Like I was, down double jazz? Yeah. And I was like,

showing a flare. How close to the ground are you? I was like, my butt was probably like, uh, so you dropped it all the way down. I dropped it like I would say like eight inches to a foot from the ground. Okay. You know, and I was going all one level.

Yeah, I was down. I'm looking at him and I'm going like this. And like I could even, it was from some freestyle song playing, right? And then I just completely like both. what as I got toward him with the wall I realized I really didn't have any stopping capabilities

from that angle and so I just I just slammed right into the wall in the middle of them and my jazz hands and like a little gay car accident right below your father you're just crumpled and you're like it's like when the blinker's still going off after accident

your hands like it was exactly that I was like beep You know, beep, beep, beep, beep, look out. Your dad's like, just let him crash. This is how the boy learns. And then the horn keeps going ahead. They're like, beep.

Dude, that's so, going like, and you know the sound in hockey when they hit someone? That was the sound. And, like, everyone looked over there. Ooh, that noise. And I was like, there's no way I should have been doing. Even at whatever age I was, I was like, the jazz hands was a mistake. No.

I was showing off. Dude, that's when every kid does that. They try to brag. than they eat shit. And the smart ones learn immediately from their lesson. Never did jazz hands again. Ever, dude. This was the first time I did them.

I was riding. Since that day. Oh, my God. Where you're working through it. And I almost thought I was going to fall. You just slam into the wall. You just keep slamming yourself like I am legend.

Like, I get back. I remember riding my bike and then like trying to do, I was like, one summer I was real confident about riding without my hands. Yes. So I could get going and then be like, oh yeah,

the riding out of the hands was big. And you're like looking around and the kids on the block and you're like, I don't know. Well, you, now was this already

where you had pegs and mags? This is like right before then. Okay. This is right before then. So you would, before my mongoose. Okay, okay, okay.

I got the mongoose in seventh grade with my own money. I'm no nepo baby. Nice. Dan mongoose. I never got it. Mungoose. Dan Mungoose.

My father, Richard Mungoos made the BMX fortune. Sal Huffy. Finally, the families are together. We had to take like a gang photo like this where we go. GT and Mungoos families have connected. The Mongu's and the Capulets are cool. But I was like riding my bike, you know, no hands or whatever.

And then I like tried to hot shit do something. And I, with my op. I crossed my hands and I hit my brake. And I just went, like that in front of a group of friends and their siblings. Yeah, you could die. So the neighborhood. Yeah, you could die. Yeah, I just went.

You could die. But little kids, this is what saves them. I always think this is what saves little kids is they get up so fast without recognizing the pain. Yeah. It's almost like an Eastern philosophy. It's like if you do not accept the pain, the pain does not accept you. The pain does not accept you. The neighbor kids didn't see you fall.

I got up quick. I remember scraping like my chin. really fall in my and I got up and I was like I'll tell you one of the worst rollerblending ones I ever had please rollerblading huge I mean mighty ducks too comes out

it took the nation by storm if not the world it was blades like they didn't exist it didn't exist before that right it did in the homosexual community but outside of the homosexual community but I remember even when the homosexuals didn't have them yes it was quads when I grew up

until some like it's until like the mid like late 80s Early 90s. Yeah, early early 90s. I was, I would say, I would tell you, I think it stacks up with Mighty Ducks too. I think Mighty Ducks too came out and then when they're rollerblading in that mall scene. And you could go faster apparently. I don't know.

I think you could. I never really truly learned. I didn't have my feet set. I would do the thing where I turn them in. Yeah. That's when I got on the ice. What happened to me? I turned them in.

Yeah. And you can't do it. I had weak ankles. I guess I have weak ankles. Yeah. Well, we now know the episode title. We gangles. Yeah, they were fighting for my life.

Oh, yeah, they went in. I look like a moron. So with the quads, you're comfortable. With the quad, your feet are on these aircraft carriers. You're on two little tables with wheels. Yeah. Skates your table with wheels.

That's all it is. If you think of it like that, like furniture. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The blades were like blades. Bar stools. You know, you can sit on a bar stool, but to do it, sometimes you have to lean weird.

Yeah, yeah. So I would lean on my roll. roller blades and I would push off but it would look like a baby deer running like yeah or like a new baby duck like you were trying to get your footing I couldn't get around but then I eventually could get around but I wasn't great at it yeah then ramps came into the play not the veg not the veg right because ramps right now the veg are having a something they're having a moment yeah they're having a moment good luck finding them in a decent market value you'll never do it but they and my friends that are good rollerblading yeah love the ramp and they find the concept in the suburb of ramping into a front

yard so you're landing on grass yeah so they're doing stuff and my friends are like they end up becoming skaters so they're good they're pulling their legs they're jumping and i'm going they're gone come on soda you got this and i was like i don't know don't you dig it on a ramp when your legs aren't you're straight yet you need you can i never i just put this right i never fuck with ramps well this is why i needed to live on the east coast Because just the New York positivity, you said that, while also tell, you don't need no ramps. Yeah.

In Aurora, they were like, bro, fucking jump, son. And I fucking, I went, and I went off the ramp. But I didn't jump. I just went. Yeah. And I didn't know that when you go off a ramp, you have to, it's timing the jump. Yeah. You have to.

You still have to bend and jump. I thought you just went. Me too. I was like, it was like, I had Hot Wheels brain, where I was like, if you just drive it, yeah, it flies off. So I thought you were going to enter the ramp and the ramp was going to do the rest. Exactly. Yeah, no, that was.

And honestly, I know that's false ramp logic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we're in the post-truth era. Maybe I am right. But I never really even put thought into that until right now. Yeah. You know, like, but this is the reason I knew it because I went and I didn't jump. I just went up and I came right down.

right down and I had wrist guards on yeah because this oh wow so you even but you were outfitted i had the risk cards that was the one rule my mom was like because i was 11 she's like you can you can roll away but you need wrist guards i would love to see an 11 year old soda risk guards on going up going sideways side feet side feet down the street yeah shout out nassau drive and then i landed and you know the little the because the risk guards had a little bump on them yeah do you remember that no i never put the risk guards in they they they held you your wrist but on the inside on your palm there was like a little bump

I don't know what the bump was for maybe if you landed it wouldn't bet but there was a bump nonetheless a big plastic bump and I went off the ramp and my hand went right here when I landed on the grass so that bump was right into my solo place and so when I landed I went yeah yeah

and then I'm like I dude Ryan Hamilton used to have the best joke about getting the wind knocked out of you yeah yeah do think you're going to die yeah you do like And they're like, what did you do? They're all, they're disappointed in me and I'm injured. Yeah.

Which sucks, because you're just like, oh, well, we were and then that was it. Guys, if you have listened to my show, I've, I've vocalized that I think getting on stage and telling jokes, I'm lucky I get to do it. The hardest thing in the world is starting a small business. I truly believe that. It, like, gives me, when I think about even attempting it, it gives me a level of anxiety. where I'm like, you got balls of steel. But there's technology now that helps it make it easier. And square hardware telling you, it's the way to go.

If you run a business or you're starting your own small business, get some square hardware. And that way you can take purchases. It can help you. You know, they have like, listen, they're behind the scenes. I've always seen them on like cars or like when you buy merch at a concert. But you don't realize it's because it runs so simple. It works from one location shops and businesses with multiple teams or service areas.

You don't need an IT team or a degree in accounting. And basically what it is, is they just help you with your sales that everything is smooth. And they accept every major payment method. They let you see sales and inventory in real time across every channel. And they help you access your earnings immediately with Square banking. So if you're starting a business or running one that deserves better tools, Square helps you sell, manage, and grow without slowing down. right now you can get up to $200 off square hardware at square.com slash go slash soda that's

sq u a r e dot com slash g o slash soda run your business smarter with square get started today this episode is sponsored by better help um you guys know i'm all about therapy i truly believe that every single human being on this planet should go to a professional and talk to them to help organize, analyze, and understand their emotions. We are complicated creatures, and these supercomputers in our hands are not helping. But October 10th is World Mental Health Day. That's came and gone. So I don't know why I looked at that right at that time.

I thought I was going to give you guys something awesome and you're like, well, that's coming and gone. But that doesn't stop the point that therapy can help and better help makes it a lot easier. World Mental Health Day, celebrating the therapists who have helped millions of people take a step forward. If you're ready to find the right therapist for you, BetterHelp can help you with that journey. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash soda. That's better, help.com slash soda. I remember the first time I got the wind knocked out of me.

I didn't understand what was happening to me. I think you're dying. I have a scar from it still into my gym. Oh, yeah. Hair doesn't grow right here. Yeah, that's a fucking. gnarly one dude it's across your whole bottom it's like a line yeah i don't know you could see it you can see it yeah it's actually pretty prominent even with like yeah yeah even with scruff

you could see it i just i um i might have been on no i know what i was doing so my i was my stepmom we went to the supermarket she went in i stayed in the car okay dangerous yeah this is why smartphones are good yeah yeah because now kids just look at their phones right right No, no, no, I got out of the car I got out of the car Yeah, I got out of the car Free race You didn't have a phone

You were like, all I got that's time I don't know when she's coming back I was an organic chicken that day Oh my God Yeah, so you get out of the car I got out I shouldn't know How old are you? I'm gonna put this again

Somewhere right around that time I wasn't making smart decisions At this time apparently No So she went in she also might have had CTE From the roller rig crash Might have had it yeah You could have dark spots on your brain for crashing his head of your father.

So she went in. I remember waiting a bit before I got out, but I don't know if it called me. So you know when you're at the supermarket, when you come out, maybe not at every supermarket, but at this one in this time of my life, this was common, they would have like up these gates where you couldn't get the cart past those things. So they would. All like restricting things. Yeah, they would have up these black poles that were like boxes that like almost

look like a gate, a fence, and you can get your body through there, but not the cart. Oh. Right? So you could, so people couldn't bring the cart into the parking lot or steal them. Because back then, people stole carts like nobody's business. The hobo market for them. Yeah. Every kid had, I mean, it was like, I don't know, people just took carts.

When someone showed up in the neighborhood with a shopping car, you were like, we lived by grocery warehouse. Yeah. And I remember someone popping up with like a blue grocery warehouse with white riding, shopping cart. And you're like, so we're going to go down hills in this. Yeah. You're immediately like, you guys all want to attempt to break our neck.

Your balls are immediately blown on. It's, oh, my God. You're like, this is amazing, like that we are in possession of this. It's a car. Yeah, it's like they pulled up in a car. They pull up in a car. The only other feeling that ever gave me that besides a car was someone pulling up in a go cart.

Yeah. That someone's stepdad made and they're like, and they come around and you're like, you're flying. But the card is like, we're not, we're going to go downhill. Yes. We're going to crash this thing. We're going to crash with it. Yes.

Into things. We're going to jump out of it. Yeah. Jumping out was big. Jumping out of it was big. We would put, keep it, where we would hide it in someone's yard. We'd even use it to transport things.

Yes. We'd cover all functionality. Everything. Yeah. It truly was the modern era wagon trail. Yeah. There's the wagon wheel. And they weren't,

I don't know, when I was doing it too, they weren't plastic yet. They were all metal. Yeah, okay, that's interesting. They were all metal. This is the age difference. Yeah.

I got plastic, but I got that late 80s, fat plastic. Yeah, and a fat plastic, yeah. Fat plastic, skinny plastic's in now. Yeah. We had those big-bodied plastic back in the late 80s. Fat shit. Even the football helmets were fat plastic. Indestructible.

Yeah, I got up to that thing. So you are in the store? No, so she went in the store. So what I did was, so they had all those gates up, but then at the foot of them, they had these like metal poles that you'll still see today. And then there was chains connecting the metal poles so you couldn't get through with the chain, right? And I saw those and I said,

those look like hurdles. That's a fun thing to hurdle. Oh, no. Yeah. So there were poles with chains linking like four or five poles in a row. And so I got out of the car and I walked in front of the thing and I just start running and jumping over them like hurdles. Were you in the car?

Now, I just want to follow the thought process. Yes, yes. So you're in the car. Right. turning the radio got nothing i would imagine the car was off okay so then you look over and you go i can jump that yeah i saw the chain i was like that would be fun to run and jump this is what now we did the positive the positive of phones this is the negative of phones because you only have that energy young when you're very young of let's see how fast i can take this body yeah let's see how

high i can jump this body yeah let's see what kind of damage this body can take and i can get back To be fair, I just thought I was going to jump it. You just thought you were over here. Never in my plans was getting the wind knocked out of me. Was there any fantasy of someone coming outside going, you can really jump those chains? I'm sure there was. Like a subconscious reason.

In my head, I was just going to be like, I was buying groceries. You're very good at jumping those hurdles. Yeah, I think Flojo was big around that time. Yes. Like the Olympics and stuff. And I was like, I'm going to do. I had track and field on Nintendo.

Who didn't? You know? By the way, you could. run if you're a fucking fool or you sit on the ground and do it with your hands. Yeah, or you buy a turbo controller and push one button and then light the fucking light up the Olympics. That's PED.

Yeah, exactly. You have all your accomplishments taken. You used to be so funny to see their little legs go at hyper speed, but they do still hear the pitter pat? Yeah, like when they're running and they're going to go. Yeah. And I would really feel like I would take some of that on like I'm fucking fast. Yeah, dude. So you have

to prove it. Yeah. So you're at that way I just, I'm catching your mindset and it all I'm like, this is track and field right now in my neighborhood. I've been training at home with Nintendo. Let me show the people of Staten Island what I can do. I do it there. I can do it here. Yes.

And I got out and I remember I'm pretty sure. Actually, I'm pretty sure I never achieved. I'm pretty sure it was the first jump. No. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Now I'm thinking of it because I, I, I, yeah, because it was, it was too high. What was the? Oh, so what did you?

The chain was too high. Did you measure twice and cut once? or did you just try it? I just tried it. That's where it is. I just tried it. Yeah, because that's a lesson. So you go next time I'm going to stand next to it.

I'm going to look how high it is. Dude, I ran and jumped and my foot clipped it. So if you imagine this is the chain and I go to jump it and my foot clips it. Dude, I want to, this is my foot. I clip it. I went down like this. Yeah. Just, I mean, my foot stayed up on the chain and I just went.

Oh. I hit the cement. Oh, chin first. Oh, right there. Right there. and literally all the wind got knocked out of me now I had never experienced a sensation before getting the wind knocked out of you because your head contact is crazy yeah my my and my chin so I just literally like remember feeling like I went to go breathe and I couldn't breathe and like I like a little

bit of panic sitting and like that stays with you for like a good too long like 30 seconds what's time Joe List explained to me when he was telling me the shitting in the girl's shoe store worry, one of the first times I heard it. That he shouldn't, yeah. He explained that he was so drunk, he woke up in an apartment, and he didn't know where he was. And I go, I've done that. He goes, not for five minutes.

And he goes, you worry. And he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Count out five minutes. Yeah, count out five minutes. That's a long time to not know where you are. It's an eternity. Yeah. And when you're doing that, you're like,

it's been an hour and I can't breathe. Yeah. And then I, I, I like, they couldn't even move my body, not just breathe. How much did you feel the blood? so there was so much blood so but I didn't know at first so my chin was down so I was there and I just was like struggling and riding a little and like I I finally gathered myself to like put my hands in front of me and like try to get up with my knees and when I see it at the grocery store I I don't know if anyone saw it actually happened that I can't recall but someone rushed over

to me the second I got up because blood just started pouring out of my chin when you picked yourself Yeah, just pouring out, and someone ran over to me, opened their bag and ripped open their paper towels. Great. And then gave me a big batch of paper towels. And I put on, that was also burning and, like, this hurt really bad. Yeah, gravel. Yeah, you got to wash that out.

Yeah. That's like rocks and dirt. It was like, yeah, there was shit in there and everything. Oh, my God. And so I just put it on. And, you know, I don't remember, I don't remember after that. Like, I don't remember, like, my, I don't remember what my stepmom coming out and seeing it or. I think the reaction, if you're the stepmom,

now that I'm in my 40s and I'm assessing this, if I'm the stepmom, come out immediate to panic, immediate panic, fear, hope you're okay. Also, it's not your kid. Yeah. So there is like, I would say there's more pressure. Sure. If it's your kid, you're sadder and you're more upset.

If it's your stepson, you're more like, fuck, this is on my record. It feels more like a DUI. I don't think there was any fear of that like I just like I don't remember it I just I just I wonder if I got back in the car the hospital no and I and I and I never got stitches and so that's why it healed all weird is like if I really show you you can see it's like a line I don't know yeah no I can see it perfectly yeah it's very it's very prominent yeah right under your chin yeah it is I'm gonna tell you right now the falls that get you are the one where your feet are taken out from under you

and you're when I was when I turned 21 I was downtown Denver and we were I was coming down the stairs of a bar and tried to lift my foot over like a homeless guy was playing guitar and I was like trying to get out of the way and I lifted my foot back instead of going forward and over I went back and I was so drunk I went face first into the ground and it fucking split my eye open but then you get up and then it's the warm where you go what's that warm yeah yeah oh my god oh my gosh and I was drunk yeah yeah I was drunk yeah I was pulsing blood. Yeah. So you don't even go to the hospital? I didn't. I didn't. Well, you just go home and they're like put ice on it? I guess so.

From what I recall. Yeah. You heal good though. You think so? Yeah, that's pretty clean. It's like adamantium? Yeah, you're like, shealed up in front of your stepmom. Yeah.

Your son has the ability to heal. Telling your stepdad. My uncle, Charles Xavier, can help you. Yeah. Oh, I was just complaining about jeans. I guess you know where to drop this, I read. But honestly, the perfect gene, I just need to go by like six of them because they are soft like sweatpants and then they fit good.

It took me a while to find the perfect gene. But what I did, I was like, you know what? I'm going to order a couple of these because they don't crush your nuts. They don't sag like a dipey. Over 400 old, young, and big and small people agree that perfect gene might be the way to go. Actually, it is the way to go. And for a limited time, our listeners get 50s. percent off their first order plus free shipping at the perfect gene dot nyc or you just google the

perfect gene use soda use the code soda 15 for 15 percent off 15 percent off for new customers at the perfect gene dot nyc with the promo code soda 15 after your purchase they're going to ask where you heard about us please support our show and tell them we sent you now let's get back into us complaining about jeans yeah i think i think that's like the thing about phones that I know a lot of parents like it because you can always track where your kids are but there is something like about that stuff happening

and then you having to come home and tell your parents you fucked up and then you learn a lesson in real time as opposed to like them stopping stuff sometimes it's better to have stuff happen so that you can explain what it is so that it doesn't happen right I still have scars on my knees from like playing

like you know football in a parking lot and falling and getting all the like like the, um, like the tar and stuff in there. Like there's like black marks on my knees and stuff. I've never been a beacon of fashion. Yeah. But in elementary school, it was wild. It was Holkogen Target shirts and sweatpants.

It was just a real matted hair. Just not a good look. Trish tried, but she worked a lot. So I got out of that house looking wild sometimes. I got out, especially with zoo bed pants blowing up and shit. Yeah. I had a wild look at like 1992. And dude, I remember.

remember you know school you would line up before school and you're like class lines yeah and then everyone go yeah i remember my first day ever of lining up yeah yeah go i got stuff i got to go when you're all outside right and this is colorado this is when shit would so it's winter yeah everyone's outside and it's frozen and my friends the ones there's that were better at rollerblading before then yeah they're running and they're jumping on ice and they're sliding so they're like they're going on their feet and they're sliding and it looks it's a not it's a not it's a not is when you pull it off, it's wonderful. Oh, did it look so cool?

Yeah. Chris and Nick are doing. It's like one of those people run on a puddle with the wakeboard or something like that. It's like, you know. Yeah. It's exactly what it is. And everyone's like,

oh, it's fourth or fifth grade, but it's ice. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm too scared to try the foot thing. So I run and then I go on my knees to slide. Oh, you home alone did it. Yeah, and it just goes, because it was so thin.

It just like to tears my sweatpants. And I still have scars. on my knees because my knees were so bloody and I had to go into school and I remember picking out pebbles being like oh man it was just like they were like are you right only one side ripped but the other one when I like lifted it up

because I could feel it yeah and you're bleeding underneath and it gets stuck to the yes yes dude like pulling I think I was wearing like I I think I kind of remember the outfit it was purple sweatpants and a mighty duck shirt yeah like an Anaheim mighty duck

because they had the sickest gear yeah when the ducks It was like, all bets were off. Yeah, I'm not a Charlotte Hornet guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not tough enough to pull that off. Those are for girls getting fingered and guys getting in fistfights. Yeah. I need a mighty ducks.

I'm still a little bit of a boy at this point. So, yeah, lining up for schools. Do they still do that? I think they, yeah, they do. Yeah, yeah. Good. Well, I remember my first day of kindergarten. I remember it, dude.

You remember it? I remember it. Why, because of the pressure? I remember, well, I remember two things. One, I didn't want my mom to leave. Okay. Because in preschool, I remember the first day of that, too. My dad took me in his light blue Chevy Nova, shout out to Axel Foley.

He took me with my, his cousin, George, and they brought me in. And it was like, alphabet land. It was called. And I went in and I was like, you know, like the whole time, like, you're not leaving me, right? And he was like, no, I'm not leaving you. And like, right, because we're going to go with it, but you're not leaving. Because at that point, you're spending every day with your parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I never really broke away from him. He said, no, no, I'm not leaving you. And then we get in there, right? And we get in there. And I, you know, I'm talking to the teacher. I turn or whatever. And the guy's gone. that's crazy and i just started crying i was crying my eyes of course yeah your best friend and i

i remember they played like uh we played three little pigs and then the teacher wanted to stop me from crying so she built this big house made of wooden blocks and i was the wolf so i blew that shit down but then he came back later and i was like to this day i tell him like you scarred me like i i'll never forget it you still feel you said you weren't leaving and you did another thing he did to you one time when there's one cookie left in the cookie jar and he came and he and he took it out and i was like oh i was i want that cookie. I was a kid or whatever. My dad's like, no, you want it. And he goes, I want to show you a magic trick. And he spun around. And as he spun around, he put it in his mouth. And when he spun back around, he didn't have it. And then he was like, and I was like, what the

hell was that? That's not magic at all. That's cruelty. I just, you ate it. Like, this isn't funny. It's not funny. Hey, it's not funny. Hey, it's not funny. You ate that last cookie. It's abuse. Yeah. I don't have a license. I can't go get more cookies. What's going on here? You fuck. Don't assert dominance. What did you do? You could have given. I'm your son. There was only one. Who was this for? Yeah. Mom, you're already married. She was right there she didn't laugh either yeah okay suck you're striking out dad so i was on hyper alert for first day of kindergarten so because you're like i've been left before so now the line i oh maybe okay so maybe um so the first day of kindergarten i remember because my mom brought me to this

one and then she said she wasn't going to leave what's up with them why can't they find a new strategy i don't know there was eight tables four kids at a table i'll never forget because i was in alphabetical order and so i was sitting at the last table and uh my mom was like i'm not going to leave him like i don't and then when i went in she started to walk away And I literally, you know, I, I remember, like, having self-awareness to not, like, cry or plead in front of everybody, because they, you know, because they're a little older, closer to five or whatever. And so I remember, I just went, mom, and she, and she was around again, and she was still, I'm like, you said you weren't going to leave. And she goes, I'm not.

And she kept walking, like, she kept going to the door. I'm like, mom. And I remember I went, don't leave. She's going, I'm not. You go crazy. I'm just backing up towards the door. And then she fucking left. At what point did you realize she was still going?

Was it when she like walked out the door? Like, who are you talking to? I'm not, I see walking. You're not even breaking stride as you're telling me you're staying. Like, treat me with a little bit more intellectual respect. Buddy, watch out. I'm just stepping back over here by the lights. I've already been duped with this.

It's crazy they did it twice. Yeah. That's crazy. And I remember I walked over and sat down on my table alphabetical order. I was sitting next to this kid, Frank Santonello. And as soon as I walked over, he was rapping. I'll never forget it. He was like, table number eight is great.

The best, the best, the best. And he started beatboxing. Sal's mom left. Says she wasn't leaving you go. I like that. You take real life and you're turning an art. Yeah, that's a part of like, how do you do that? How does anyone execute that property?

I don't know. How do you leave your kid a daycare? I brought my, I brought my daughter to her first like two's program. and it was hard like the first she was going two days a week and the first like month and a half every time she'd cry and I'd have to just be there and be like I'm leaving but I'm coming back that's the way to go I mean yeah yeah I think in the 80s and 90s they didn't yeah they tell you they were coming back they just punky bursted you

they went like just learn it yeah I don't I don't want this I don't want to Mr. Belvedere and I remember being that day like not feeling like I had to get acclimated so I wanted everyone like I was like so I started prom I love to get that I started promising every girl that I'd buy them a puppy. That's great. I got popular fast. Dude, that's like, you're like the mayor of preschool. I was like, I'll get you a puppy.

I'm going to get you a puppy too. We own a puppy farm. What do you want? I had no means and I had no access to puppies. And they were believing. Yeah, they were believing me fully. There's a woman walking around right now in Steylon. I've been being tricked since I was a little girl.

I remember I was in kindergarten. And this guy said. Promising me shit. He promised me a dog, never got a dog. And I'm upset about it. Motherfuck is run their mouth. And that's why I set my boyfriend's on fire when they're sleeping. You're not going to fucking hurt me along this.

You're not going to fucking hurt me. You're not promising me no fucking door to disappearing on it. I've been here before. I'm motherfucker. This is how I was made. That's how I come down of it. Yeah, that's wild. Promising kid shit.

Dude, I remember. uh like the way you would lie as a kid was what your birthday party was about to be like if you were like like i remember kids being like dude we're going to we're gonna go to discovery zone and we're getting like mcdonalds and you're like you're getting McDonald's at your birthday party he's like yeah i'm getting cheeseburgers and then you got it'd be just shitty cake and ice cream and you'd be a i mean discovery zone always rocked right but you or there's a place in denver called big fun where it was like a leather straps you'd climb it was called the spider web very dangerous. Yeah. That's also was the better part, too, is you learned how pliable your neck was because of these places. Sure, kids got injured, but a lot of kids also learned that they could take a hit. Yeah, they still have these places because I go. Yeah, they have them. And, like, a lot of them feel unsanctioned.

Yeah. Like, there's a lot of, what is the governing body of these places? I just went to the Liberty Science Center, which sounds like it should be the most boring. Accredited place. Liberty Science. And, and. I believe a school should be behind it.

They built a spider web from the roof that you got on from the fourth. floor parents aren't allowed in it it's all netting and and and it's big it's really big and these kids are like jumping around in there thank god she didn't hit the high requirement because i was like you're gonna like i lock up my legs lock up with heights like i would have to i would have to go in there and get her out of the spider way they build these things yeah like you said it's like four stories up yeah and it just is it's i've seen it online this kids jumping around there like no it's no big deal Yeah, little lost boys, just running around. Of course adults kick it in there.

Because what would happen is an adult, like me at a roller rink, would grab the side of the wall, and then I would compromise the structure. And then kids would cart spilling out of it, like fucking crumbs out of a pocket. They'd just start fucking dipping out. I don't, I didn't trust the giant rubber bands put together. I don't trust netting on.

Yeah, no. Because there's like, you'll see that on Instagram, Well, they'll be like, check out the play place. I love like home restoration shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's in my algorithm and people will be like. Oh, remind me to send you a link of this guy, this house I saw yesterday. It's got like 70 million views.

The guy made his house into a fun house. Right. I mean, as soon as we're done with this. I love productive content. His name is Justin Flam. Great. I've been following what pops up in my algorithm. Dudes.

doing landscaping for old people. Shit hits. Old man comes outside. He's like, what do you want? Oh, like just roll up. Yeah, he rolls up. I mean, I'll do this for you. I go, I don't know, man.

He's like, more of that. He's like, more of that. And then what they do is they do the time lapse where it's like, you watch them edge and you watch them pull out all the weeds and you watch them clear. It's very satisfying.

Very satisfying. Yeah. And it feels good. Now, has at the end, you go, look at this guy's clean yard. Yeah, it's really nice. I know he'll fuck it. up because his wife died five years ago but have you ever seen these uh i feel like they're like uh

i don't know what country i forget what country my cousin showed me this they're like indigenous people but they they make like literal rooms out of clay like right away like like no they work like all night and they make like a four bedroom home with a fountain out of clay hit that forward they dig with their hands yes and they they mold it it looks like literally it looks like an architect drew up plans and a contractor designed it and they just do it with their hands and they put in like pools in there and have you seen this it's fascinating to watch and you they do time lapses and dude you'll they just go into a big area with mud and they just start digging down like i'm not like 15 20 feet this they make stairwells and it's all in one sitting they just sit there

meticulously and they form the thing and then it solidifies and they put candles in there they go to sleep It's unbelievable. I want you to put on, I almost want you to put on sunglasses and I'll grab a metro card to give you my hot take. We're just going to do our own. We don't need hot take.

We have hot take at home. We have subway takes at home. I think the internet should only be informative and not social. I believe socially, socializing on the internet should be banned

because it's not helping you in your community. And I think informative stuff, like how to build stuff and that stuff. You came to the right guy. Yeah. I don't want to,

I want the exact same thing. I want to strip people away of the rights to socialize them. No comment sections, no nothing. Nothing. But if you're in the comment section, go off.

Just immediately be, comment if you agree though. Engagements. Engagement. But it is, engaged and shit. Knock the wind out of this show. But it really is,

I feel like we would do so much better if we weren't socializing online and we were only in being informed of like stuff and like yes because the socializing is what screws it all up because you can find anybody to have the same opinion you have you don't have to go into it it's it's just a fucking mess it's go to a roller rink yeah get scared by kids whizz and pass you 1760 roller skating wow can you bring up a photo of that they must have thought that person was a witch yeah he moves he glides spend glides What is this? What is this fuckery?

He like a ship through water. He glides. Burn him. He had wheels, sir. Burn him. He had his own wheels. He can't breathe. Oh, my God.

Also, dude, what a gay ass. What a gay ass. For his eye. Edward Rolerskate. Hello, boys. He was murdered. Yeah. But she can't put you.

a penis in my box. Catch me in the cab. Shout out to him, dude, because they aren't roller skates. These are motherfucking roller blades. This is a one line. That guy was definitely like he was frowned upon and the coolest person anyone ever saw. Really?

Oh, he knew what he was doing. He knew what he was doing. He had that on his calendar. He knew what he was doing when he rolled up to the spot. He's finishing his dinner and he goes, Give me a second I have something to share you One second

Who's done? Who's down for some post Dinner hygiene? Clear the floor please Remove all the carpets I'll need you to sit for this I'm coming down the hole I haven't figured out stopping yet It just goes by

Yeah that's got to be nuts at that dinner party? How's the dinner party with the Fredritsons? And you go, he can move on the ground in a way that I've never seen. Not to overshadow the mutton, but lovely gravy. Now look at me fly!

Woo. Yeah, dude. Also his little game stance. Shat, cha, cha. I call them roller skates. What do they go? I don't know. You skate by like ice.

Ah, anyways, don't shave your pubic hair. God will be mad. Yeah, dude, that's wild. I didn't know they went that far back. And it's crazy it took, it took until the 80s for rollerblins. Yeah. We're like talking 100 years before someone.

And I didn't even conceive of them until I saw them. Like I was like, what is this? Dude, I'm telling you, those speed skate ones, the ones we were talking about, the guys that had the extra long ones, those motherfuckers couldn't move. They cook. When they would do those races,

you'd be like, this is what I'm here for. Yeah, they'd probably go on like 40, 50 months now but when they would wipe the craziest ones were the guys that and i feel this way about ice skating like when we're in chicago katie's brother grew up playing hockey so he's like still awesome at skating yeah we'll go watch he's in like a league and we'll go watch games it's actually awesome we got a bar there you're like fun people get beers yeah we get popcorn just get stoned and sit in an ice rink and watch people play hockey i'd like to go to that it's great they have a couple places in chicago but he'll like move in a way on ice skates that in my mind

I'm like, there's no way I could do that. There's no way I could like turn around and continue. It's like the ultimate chewing bubble gum and walking. Yeah, you see, sometimes you see a move and you see it with your own eyes, but you don't understand how the body is performing it. Yeah, that's how I felt about the first time I had sex. Yeah. I had no idea.

I had no idea. I kind of knew about it. I knew how the body's supposed to move. And then you take, you know, 23 years to find out you're not doing it right. Yeah. And you go, no, this wasn't it at all. I think, like, I wish, there's stuff, like, when I go back in my head, I wish I would have tried to have learned how to roller skate.

Like, I wish I would have actually, like, I think I bailed on shit. But you can still do that. Like, I want to learn an instrument and another language. No insurance. Yeah. Well, language, they say that your brain's, like, closed. Like, your daughter can learn language, but I don't know if you can. She's already.

She talks in Spanish and Russian already as well, yeah. Really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, not fluent. Okay. But she knows words. It's not just like... Spanish is the most valuable.

It's the dumbest thing I ever did was in middle school when you picked. I went French. Hot girls. French, hot girls speak French. And then you're like, the hottest girls speak Spanish. Nobody's doing French.

The hottest girl speaks Spanish. Yeah. Learn Spanish. Yeah. It'll just make you, dude. When I went to the University of Arizona, there used to be this place called Los Betos. It was just in Tucson.

Shout out everyone that came out to Rialto. I drove by it. It's a different. burrito place, but Los Bezos was like by campus. It was this scene on Friday nights because it was 24 hours. So you go in at like 12, 30

or like one and everyone would be blacked out and you'd just be waiting in a line of blacked out people that want burritos. My friend Jay, we go and he speaks fluent Spanish. He goes, watch this. It just goes up to, because it's like Mexican, Mexican. They're not speaking any English. And he goes up and just in Spanish is like,

hey, I know all these fucking white kids are waiting in line but like really me and my friend just want two breakfast burritos and in Spanish they're like absolutely got you coming up next and then you just get your burritos and you're like oh man I wish I knew Spanish yeah um I have a problem with this poor before yeah that's that mic recede

he's like I'm allergic to dairy um piquito but it was like he's fluent so he walked in and it was like man that was so valuable I was conversation at one point when I was in high school taking it and both living with my Spanish grandparents okay and then I went to Cancun, my friends, and I was the go-between, between the local gals and them.

And granted, it was fragmented, but I, I, I, I had enough in me to carry the night. You're a charmed. Yeah, I was, I was, I was, I was like, you and you next. And I was like, you know, given like, yeah, you're, a matchmaking. Yeah. Yeah. My one friend, they thought he was, um, they thought he was someone from in sync, one of my friends. And so my friend just, my friends just went with it.

It was, it was like, I want to say it was, well, no, this was this one, this particular one was Acapulco and the trip was 2001. Shout out. I think we were. Which you can't even go to Acapulco anymore. They'll just cut you into pieces, I think. Really? Yeah. It's not a destination.

Remember the show Acapulco Heat? I know that name. Yeah, you do. I know the name. Yeah. And what you're going to do is, you're going to remember. Yeah. Acapulco Heat.

Yeah. Acapulco Heat. I'm pulling this up on YouTube. We'll put it right below us. Alcapulco was Cancun before Cancun was Cancun. And it was big in the summer. Acapul... You found it?

I mean, I just found it. Yeah. Yeah. That's what you want, though. Acapulco. That's what you want. Acapulco Heat. Let's see if they have a trailer.

I don't see. I hear that name. I'm watching. You know what I mean? sexy oh fuck yeah oh fuck yeah oh

show girls wild horses fast cars guns everything you need everything you need I'm already sold and the cast was stacked Catherine Oxenberg

who tell me where you get more of her computers early computer surveillance humvees pineapple drinks Brendan Kelly This guy

Everyone's holding two pistols And shooting at the same time Like Lara Croft Because that was early 90s dude I'm diving across something This is great Spence Spencer Rock Oh this is

This is I mean it's You can't Even satirize I bet you could You could skate to this Oh yeah I love a deep vocal house

music you know like Yeah A strong black woman with a deep register. Church voice. She goes on them runs. She goes on them runs. I feel like my bolts.

Dude, they did a little karate too. Of course they did. I'll tell you right now, I'm going to go watch that. Oh, he's just doing outside karate for no one else. Yeah, just with the beach

behind them like that as the sun setting. Yeah, that's how you do the karate. They were so occupied. It's how you do karate. Sucked. But man, I'll tell you right now, if you're starting to get boners,

the show ruled. That was it. There was a, even just in the, That was the intro to the show. I saw at least six bucks and bosoms. Yeah. Tell you right now, big fake titties.

Yeah. A tan lady. Yeah. It was all that show was about. 11-year-old dad was all about it. You ever go to like the school or the neighborhood fair? And you would play like those Carney games. But when I was young,

but they used to give you like there was a time where this was all the rage, whether it was a sports player or like a woman cleaning a car in a bikini or like fixing a car with oil on her. And she had on Daisy Dukes with like, a bikini top and it was a glass it was a framed glass poster in like some really cheap like gold like plastic frame and i had those my room was lousy with them i had them i love it because i because i because of satan island italian thing you could do our school have a bunch of meat pictures on your yeah you go look at that broad yeah you look at that broad good night other hot broad

good night hard broad dude my friend my friend tony had one like a little girl in a lamp bikini. It was a, I think it was a Budweiser or something, and they had mesh jerseys with the bottom boob sticking out. The first time I saw it in his room, I stopped and admired it like it was a painting. Like it was the Mona Lisa. I stopped and I was like, what is that? He goes, that's my Budweiser poster and you're like, I need a moment with this.

This is completely changing my DNA. Underboob? Underboop. That was the first time I saw Underboob. Fascinating. And I went, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's the bottom. Yeah.

it's the top dark thing it was it is inverted yeah I remember the first time I saw that and I remember the first time in the woods we found a porn magazine why was there so much porn in the woods conspiracy theorists where are you yeah what was up with the amount of porn in the woods in the 80s yeah 90s if you walk 70s 2 60s probably if you entered the woods you would and then you walked where I was from if you walked four or I would say under two minutes, you would find a porn magazine in the woods. If I were doing detective work on this, I would say the motivator of the person that put the porn there, they wanted to get deep enough into the woods for coverage.

Yeah. But fast enough to get down to business. Yes. And then to leave it there. Oh, you come now you're disgusting. Are they paying it forward? Like you don't hold on to that? Old Japanese culture.

Yeah. It's like, it's going to leave. The person who needs to find this was going to find this. I've planted this for the next generation of horny little boys. I remember it backfired because one time by I used to have to go to this athletic club. Yeah. That was like had a daycare center. Shout out Cherry Creek Athletic that also became Hartwood.

But it was a place for like, it's gone now. It's a mosque. Yeah. A lot of people in my old neighborhood have a problem with that. Might be some Islamophobia and Aurora. But I would get left there every day. I would go there after school. Yeah.

And then during the summer, that's where I would hang. That's where you were. My mom would drop me off when she was on her way to work, and I'd just be there all day. But it was an athletic club, so there was people working out and shit. But sometimes we go free range because they wouldn't have our eyes on us. And we could go, we'd climb around in the bushes. And one time in the bushes at the athletic club, we found a gay magazine.

A gay magazine. A gay mag. Gay mag. Gay mag. Gay mag in the bush. In the bush. Yeah. Closited gay mag.

Right. remember being like under 10 seeing it and going like guys can't have sex with guys like that was like my whole thing is I was like what is this this isn't real and then going like oh I just remember it was a dude like strapped to a table with a boner but it was like a cartoon and I was just like I don't fuck with this I just remember being like I don't know what this is I'm not down with this shit and I threw it and then the first time we found like Like a naked woman, I remember being like, like Gallum. I was like, I'm missing.

I was like, Miss Precious. That's how I know gay isn't a choice. It's because I saw it and I was whatever that nonsense is. And then I saw tithies and I was like, Lisa. Oh, I'll move over. I'll move so. And they're like, what are you looking at, Dan?

I'm like, my love. I loved it, dude. Yeah. Shout out Adam Hill for never getting mad at me for taking his Cinemax tape when I first saw it. Yeah. Because that was the next evolution. That was. Or the watching the TV, like scroll up or whatever.

Shout out Mitch Clary had a black box. I don't know if it's illegal to unveil in 2025. But I just saw him and his brother Nick at the show in Denver. They had a black box and we watched Spice. Yeah, Spice. This is the thing. We may have talked about this before. I don't know.

And we're running it back. Yeah. Guess what? If you know that that well, take a break. It is funny if the last time I was on there, we talked about spice, but I feel like we did. Welcome to the spice market.

Yeah. But I remember, I remember him putting on spice in us. This is what freaking out was when I grew up and people were like, you never had jerk off parties. And it was like, dude,

we were checking each other. Like people, like there was, I was getting a full on boner. And then like being like, ha, just like positioning myself. And then I remember my friend Jason had a pillow on his lap.

And they were like, oh, Jason's getting a boner. And he was like, no, I'm not. He was like, tits, moving tits. And you're like, I am, I am. I don't know what the fuck's going on. You should be ashamed. Yeah, everyone's like, ah, and you're like, oh, fuck, I'm feeling all so much stuff. Yes.

But I remember not, I remember wanting to be alone with the black box. Right, right. And then, let me have it. Yes. And then Cinnamax the free weekend. That was the first time. Yeah. When they go, it's a, from your cable provider would be like,

Here's free. Yeah, there was a lot of soft lighting and saxophone. And steam. And steam. A humidifier, blaren. Red shoe diaries or something like that. Shout out, David DuCovny. Yeah.

People don't forget. Also, there's an episode of Red Shoe Diaries with Cato Kalin in it. And I only know that because as the OJ trial was going on was my heavy soft core jerking off stage. That aligned perfectly, 94, 95, huge in a series. I was, no joke. I was invited to a. party tomorrow in

LA, I'm not obviously not there, tomorrow birthday party that Cato Caelan will be in attendance at. You could have talked about his episode of Red Shue Diaries

where he plays a mechanic. I wish I was doing an overnight that's like, I just roll up and I need to talk to you about something and it's not what you think.

Mono on mono. And I don't want to talk about the juice. I want to talk about an episode of Richie. I'm about to blow your mind, bro, but I want to talk about NatoJet.

Brother, no one throws this pitch first. Red shoe You ate a lady's box on a red corvette. I always was like, what does this guy do? It was always funny. Like those things, it was always, Cinemax always was detectives,

scruff detectives with rich, horny wives who were never satisfied. And for an 11-year-old boy. But that wasn't the woods. We got to get back. Where did the wood? So the first mag I saw, remember I had, I don't think I,

at that point, I don't think I really either saw an erect penis. Yeah. It's like seeing violence for the first time. Yeah, or like, saw it photograph from the angle it was. Yeah. Because it was like an aerial shot. And I just remember like, like, I remember like doing a double take like, because, you know, you look down.

Yeah. You look down, you understand that angle. Sure. But like, it was like this angle I had never seen before. Yeah. And it almost looked like a turtle. Yeah. You know, like the bag.

The bag looked like the shell. Yeah. You know, and I was like, I remember being like what? don't understand like what angle is this yeah and but i was also just like eh you know i don't know what this is yeah that was my dad worked at a liquor store and they had a um nudie mag rat like rack yes in the back and i stole one and went into the back this was at dan's liquors in mill valley and i i took it and i went to the back and it was maryland chambers who was having like a resurgence so she was like coming back i remember that i remember i remember

And what she did is she would, this was the first time I saw a vagina. Yeah. And she had her like lips spread. And I just remember being like a little boy and being like, it seems very invasive. Yeah. That's all I remember is being like,

yo, that's crazy. I'm looking inside your body. It's a bit much. It's a bit much. It's a bit much. It's a bit much. It's just boobs.

Yeah. Listen, I'm, I know, show me your tip. I, I saw, I already saw a body double at Melanie Griffith.

Oh my God. That was my first, that was my first tits on screen. I already saw tits pop out of a cake and under siege. We're past this. But this I was like, my Lord, it felt so medical. Medical, yes. Medical.

Yes. The first time I saw hardcore porn, I was, this is why it is bad that kids have access to porn now because I was probably 14, 13, 13 or 14. And the first time I saw hardcore porn and I was like, this feels like a surgery video. Yeah. This just feels like I'm watching someone get like an appendectomy. or something like this doesn't feel it's crazy back then it was only narrative it was it was strictly narrative you had and they took a minute to get there too like you had to sit through

the narrative they go they might fuck they're flirting she's in a towel yeah but what's funny is i think we've removed that this is something that i a point i made about uh with geoffrey asmiss that everything is porn now we've taken the front end of porn and chopped it off and we just put the sex online and then we use this for everything else where we go this is everything this is we're gonna make like the stuff even we're talking about that we like where they clean someone's yard yeah they make it a little porn where they go right is this lonely man gonna need his lawn clean right right right and he goes my wife dying it's like down yeah they should put 70s porn music to all the stuff yeah yeah he's like brr mowing I'm like fuck you fucking cleaning it up but it is it's like but it wasn't even like the

typical stuff in the early days. It wasn't even like, oh, pizza delivery, I see where this is going. It was like a family struggling for power. You know what I mean? Yeah. They're like, oh, this is about workers' rights. Yeah.

And now they're having sex? Yeah. This is insane. I didn't even realize they were going to have sex in that strawberry field. I thought this was a holy sister. Yeah, that is one of the things where now they just go cut it off and put it right in there on. You need to go back to just enjoying stuff. It's the instant thing.

It's like ordering, I wanted to tell you, I feel like we should shame companies now, but in better for it. We need to aim our shame better. Okay. Ooh, that's a nice. You got a slogan in there somewhere. You got a catchphrase.

Maybe it's a new segment. It's time to aim your shame. Yeah. But I feel like people now, because everything's instant, it's like a lot more dishonest. They're like, they don't tell you everything about it. You just order it and you get it and you go,

I have fucking. Like what do you mean? I order jeans. I like, Katie bought me for Christmas a couple years ago. She bought me a pair of Gap jeans. I mean, I myself have to get my body into those jeans prior to ordering. And this is. Or at least know that I can send it right back prepaid.

But that's, that's why I, I found a pair. She got them for me for Christmas. She did the, I don't know if you're going to like them. Loved them. Went and got another pair. Love them. I always double up when I find something that fits me good. Because you go, I just need more of this.

Yeah. So now it's starting to come now. I'm on tour and I'm, you know, I'm a, I'm a, I wear my jeans until they fucking rock. Yeah. I wear them. I'm still that. That's how we grew up.

Yeah. You have a pair of jeans, then they fall apart and you get another pair of jeans. And then you get another pair of jeans. Yeah. So at the point where they're all, they're starting to both fall apart at the same time. I did laundry and I lifted them up and I saw a little holes in the gene pockets.

I was like, I got to get new. Yeah, but sometimes that's a nice patina. It is. You know, you want that on there because you can only get that through the wear. Yeah. I mean,

sometimes they try to manufacture that and sells you off the rack, but you know it's not the same. I need my touch on that. They've been lived in. So sometimes it's nice, but there's not a, sometimes there's not a lot of a window between when they begin to fray and when they finally are gone. That's like the golden window right now. My favorite pair had no golden window. Yeah.

My golden window, my favorite pair, the golden window, non-existent. All of a sudden I see it's thin. I wash it, belt loops breaks on the back, now we're fuck. Orders from Gap, say, I take a picture. You can go to a local tailor and. get that belt loop is not you can there's not not not no other parts stops me okay because i go i'll fix this and then everything else i've brought jeans i've brought the jeans that i love to to the tailor three times like it's a patchwork job like it's a frankenstein also i feel like tailors aren't getting a lot

of biz right now so maybe i do bring that in i had a blown out hole in the crotch just ripped open i might i patched in from the inside a patch here a patch in the back when the belt loop started to rip and started to have a hole. I took care of it because I was like, I have to have these forever. I like this. I think I might do that. But I ordered,

I took a picture of the inside pocket, same make, same model and everything. And ordered them. They got here. They fucking, they threw me a curve ball. That's how they got you.

They threw me a curve ball. Now they have side jeet and side pockets like a mom. Yeah, but meanwhile, I put them on, he's like, but those are mom, we were both laughing.

It was this morning. Yeah. I got so mad. But it was the same skew. It was the same skew number. Yes. Yeah, that's bullshit.

I was like, dude, what the fuck? I don't like when they do that shit. I'm returning them in person. I don't like when they do that shit. Because there's a gap about 10 blocks away. I'm walking them in. They keep the next season. It's not an identical product.

Dude, I fucking, it's not. Yeah. It's not. And this is why we need to shame them. Stop. If you have something that works, just keep doing that. Yeah. Keep doing that.

Bobby and them made fun of me on the regs for the stick collar because I like, but these shirts are Abercrombian fit. Let me face for the right now. I've loved you since the day I met you. Yeah. And every time I'm with you, And it reinforces my love. Yeah, thank you.

I'm a thick collar guy all the way. You kidding me? I hate a stretch thin collar. But I like it in between. That's nice. Yes. That's going to keep its shape. Abercrombie and Fitch did a great job with these t-shirts last year.

Their heavyweight t-shirts were unbelievable. But they're soft. They don't pill. They don't have some stretch in them. They're great. They're soft. They're so soft. And so I bought, I liked it.

And again, when I like something, my brain is like, get seven of them. This is all we wear now. Yes. That happened. with my Nike hoodies that happened with everything. It's partially a retardation I'm not aware of. But they say, they say very intelligent people wear the same exact clothes.

I don't know. I'm just, I'm like, I don't want to make the decisions. And I'm not fashionable. But then Habercrimian Fitch, I'm like, let me go buy more shirts and they go,

oh, we do a different version now. And it's the thick collar one. And you go, you sons of bitches. I know, you fucking, I feel like the end of playing of the apes.

You blew it all up. You blew it all up. You blew it all. You blew it all. I found my favorite. black t-shirt of all time the wash on it was that it was already faded from this place made well great i'm wearing this thing i look them up i'm wearing it left and right it's i'm dressing it up i'm dressing it down i'm wearing it with shorts i'm wearing it out at night it didn't even matter

it was on stage off stage it took pole position and i have 600 t-shirts and i was favoring this i would say you're uh you have an elite collection of t-shirts thank you thank you very much and so i went back to get more when I realized, oh my God, this is the shirt. Sure. And they didn't have it anymore. They had a different version. They didn't try to point it off as the same version, but they didn't have anything close to it.

I'm sad to say that about two months ago, my wife shrunk it in the wash. And you only had one of them before she did it. I said, please don't shrink this. And you only had one of them. She said, I didn't do anything different than I ever do. I did it in a cold cycle and I did it in like a medium, whatever have you. I was like, this should have never hit the dryer. It should have never hit the dryer.

Oh. This should have aired dry. Not even on a low tumble. We don't even want to risk you with a shirt like this. We don't even want to risk it. And your lovely wife's defense. And your lovely wife's defense. And I just said she's done two things in the last couple of years that really got me.

This one. And then when I was at the Knicks game, I wanted to tape me when they put me on the big screen. I told us seven times. Just be ready. Just be ready. What happens. I want to put on. So just be ready.

And it came up. She didn't fucking record me. She got the last second of it. It was up there for 10 seconds. All she got was this. Yeah. And I was like, babe, I couldn't have, I mean, this is why you're here tonight. Why you're here was to capture that for me.

But she was excited. I get it because you're within, you go, that's you. Yeah, no, she like halfway through. She picked it up, but I was, I was on the screen looking at her. My face on the screen was like, what are you doing? This is halfway over. So my advice, in defense of your lovely wife. Yes.

She's amazing. I feel like, but this was a real fuck up, if I'm being honest. With a T-shirt to become a favorite T-shirt, shirt it needs to be able to take a little abuse so you need to dry it first because then if it survives out drying and it still fits you well that's when you go back yeah and you fucking round up everyone now i have a mandate now i literally will make a pile i go these don't get i'm taking it into my own hands now all right she left me no choice she didn't she didn't but i understand that but next time you find a shirt you like before it's your favorite shirt dry it on a low tumble see how it goes

and then if it still fits you go back and go in as many as you can right because i'm made the mistake i only bought one pair when i liked these gap jeans i should have got for them some yeah because i if especially if they're running a deal yeah come on everyone were they running a deal if they're running a deal i'm speaking of which we're coming up on black you know those black friday deal yeah what am i you get ahead of that you get ahead of that but i'm still returning my gap jeans because they gave me mom jeans and i'm bringing them fucking back yeah return them i'm gonna return them face to face i found i was in france and you know this because you speak french yeah i was eight years of it retained none of it i was in

in Paris in like uh the fall of like 2017 okay and i found a place that had jeans that i liked and i was like i can't i can't believe the fit of these jeans and so i bought i bought six pairs i bought three pairs of jeans so it was uh and did you try them all on i tried them all on right there black very dark dark blue and like the traditional blue then i bought a pair of the same exact cut in a dress pant. Great. And then I bought two khaki pairs. They all fit amazing. Those are my six pants plus, this is the only one I've added since 2017. If I'm in a pant, it's one of those six pants. Can I tell you right now? Can you believe that? Can I tell you right now? I swear that's a morality that I strive for. That is what that is to me. What that represents to me

and my friend Sal is consistency. Yeah. Is understanding, more importantly, foresight. you saw what you liked yeah you got a bunch of eight years now eight years i had those six pants and this i swear to god you pull up any clip of me online ever it's one of those pants i love it yeah i absolutely i'm a little worried because i went back last year i realized that we're on like year eight and i'm like oh like i can get these tailored they rip unfix on it but let me just go back and just see what this company is up to now and they had a full rebranding see and now and now it's now and by the way like i i like a tapered leg i do i do you know and now the wide leg is really back in favor.

And I love a wide leg. Yeah, I grew up with the wide leg. I'm a wide leg guy. I don't want to be a wide leg now because I'm wider now. So the wide leg doesn't suit me. You know, but when I was in like colleges of the wide leg was, I was kidding me, they called me only wide legs, right? Like I had the wide legs, everything.

Finding good pants is like finding love. You stop looking for it and it appears. Yeah. And then hold on to it. Yeah. Hold on to those. You hold on to them. So they're not going to get me anymore of this company.

So now I know that one day, Hopefully not too soon, though, I'll need to begin the journey of finding the perfect pair of jeans. And I'm on that journey, and I'll let you know how it goes. I do wonder with stuff like podcasts if that company that made your favorite t-shirt would see this and they'd go like, I really fucked up. Clip it, Pimpy, please. Clip that shit because we're trying to get that T-shirt right. Because we need that T-shirt. Oh, fuck you.

You got a Yo MTV Raps pack? Dude. So we haven't done cards. First off, Salvo Cano, on tour right now. Salvocano.com. Salvoicano Comedy.com. Salvocano, comedy.com. On tour, go get tickets.

He's fucking hilarious. He's one of the best. And I'm so glad you came back on the show. I got tons of cities up there and I'm adding a ton. I'm going all the way to 27. But just to call out Chicago Theater, November 14th, if this comes out before then, Beacon Theater December 27th, the Riemann, April 12th, Atlantic City. and then I'm truly there's like 40 cities up there

and I'm adding more so check that out Salvocono.com. What's the name of the tour? Salvocanocom Comedy.com. God damn it. Salvocano Comedy.com. Everything's fine tour. Great. Everything's fine tour. And then I have a new talk show coming out called Minouche, which I want to talk to you about Pimpy,

called Manus in the late fall, early winter and I'm doing it in 10 episode seasons and it's basically like really big guest, really small talk, and it's kind of like it goes in and out of real conversation and sketch comedy. Nice. It's fun. It's different.

very fun yeah it's different is that gonna be on your youtube it's gonna be on my youtube and wherever you listen to the podcast let me go click that shit yes minouche salvo and i think you see what's in my hand so you know that this saturday there's a there's a there's a fucking there's a car we haven't done cards in forever but sal's back the last time the last time yeah you run it back with some yellow you were very kind to give to me yeah and i that's so nice because you could have kept that yeah but i love you go see sal on on tour right now go buy tickets Thank you.