Soder - 106: PH Mickey Ds with Mike Lawrence | Soder Podcast | EP 104

Episode Date: November 4, 2025

Support the sponsors to support the show! Eat smart at FactorMeals.com/soder50off and use code soder50off to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year. That’s code soder50off at FactorMeals.com/soder50off for 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year. Get delicious, ready-to-eat meals delivered—with Factor. *Offer only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto-renewing subscription purchase. https://www.factor75.com/pages/podcast?c=SODER50OFF&mealsize=1-8&utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=cpm&utm_campaign=podcast50off&discount_comm_id=ae97cdba-b315-4752-8023-6a6a77bae942&utm_content=act_podcast_podcastads This month, don’t wait to reach out. Whether you're checking in on a friend, or reaching out to a therapist yourself, Betterhelp makes it easier to take that first step.Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com/Soder https://www.betterhelp.com/get-started/?go=true&slug=soder&utm_source=podcast&utm_campaign=1378&utm_term=soder&promo_code=soder&landing_page_img=https%3A%2F%2Fd3ez4in977nymc.cloudfront.net%2Faffiliate_images%2Fc8f1e33eccfdd97908db536def2e7dbd2d9ae59240ff77c0f1ee89f46ed7f544.png&aff_channel=podcast&discount_rate=10&discount_period=P1M&date_interval=P1M&percentage_off=10&amount=1&amount_spelled_out=one&unit=month&gor=start Get $10 Off @BRUNT with code SODER at https://www.bruntworkwear.com/SODER #BRUNTpod https://bruntworkwear.com/?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=influencer&utm_campaign=SODER The Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour is coming to your city! Get tickets at https://www.dansoder.com/tour NOV 7 San Antonio, TX NOV 8 Austin, TX NOV 13 Iowa City, IA Nov 14 Minneapolis, MN NOV 15 Madison, WI NOV 21 Kansas City, MO NOV 22 St. Louis, MO DEC 5 Vancouver, BC DEC 6 Eugene, OR DEC 12 Columbus, OH DEC 13 Royal Oak, MI Follow Mike Lawrence  https://www.instagram.com/mikelawrencecomedy/?hl=en https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLZAW5O34Qidad_C7WJqKGAa620-FRTYyU PLEASE Drop us a rating on iTunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soder/id1716617572 Connect with DAN Twitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoder Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoder Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedy Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoder Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy #dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcast Produced by  Mike Lavin      https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en

Hey everybody. I'm on the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour. It's been awesome so far. Friday, November 7th at the Empire Theater in San Antonio, Texas. I'm going to have a hell of a time. I'm excited for this show. November 8th, the Paramount Theater, Austin, Texas. One of my favorite theaters in the country, this shit rules. I got to open for Hannibal Burris there like 10 years ago and I loved it. Came back, did it a part of his moon tower. Well, guess what? I'm back, baby with a full new hour going to be with brendan sagelow and matt ross have a hell of a show november 8th at the paramount theater austin texas at part of the golden retriever of comedy tour go to dan soda dot com to dance soda dot com don't go to google don't be an idiot dan soda dot com it's for the best

deals people don't realize on the road that that's such like a fill for people is just playing video games that's why i love my steam deck That's what all the wrestlers do now. And then everyone's like, oh, we used to party. I'm like, yeah, and then you died and we learned. Remember everyone who's dying at 35? Yeah. Wrestlers now live too old.

And then they're like out there saying opinions where you go, I think you took too many chair shots. Yeah, now waitresses say that we could have tipped a little bit more for, for, you know, so they could feed their kids, but they know that they're not our kids. Yeah. That's got to be. Do you think that was the most fun time to be a professional wrestler was like 70s,

80s because no you think it was horrible i think it was one of the worst times to be a professional wrestler you more than like uh so like when they do that oh the good old days thing oh it's bullshit well because nobody respected you yeah you know the the schedule was the worst insane and no video games yeah right before video games you said to do cocaine you know there's like stories of um if you read that book american scream about bill hicks he got like super into nintendo when it first came out and would like take a Nintendo around with him and you're like amazing oh that what a what a forefather because we all do that now you know you to forget he was what 32 and he died yeah so he would have been and that was 94 so in 85 he would have been 23 yeah so he

would have been like yeah and it was right when he quit drinking that he got super into video games and i was like hey that's how it works but i mean all everyone says that they want to see comics like that now when I go, I don't think you do. No, you do, and they're sad. Well, I don't think it would have been the thing that people wanted. You wouldn't know what the most powerful thing in the world is? Someone who can leave. Oh, my God.

It was so great. We were at the... I have a fantasy of later in life leaving and having a beard like yours. Just living off the land with a dog. Yeah. And my lady. Just living there. But what are you saying?

Well, once I get divorced. I'll be living with a dog that is my lady. And I just call it Lady Dog. Lady Dog. That's why I always love when you see Stone Cold talking to his animals. There's nothing better on the internet than watching Stone Cold talk to a cat. Unless you're one of his kids. And you're like, oh, you got all the time in the world for the fucking dogs, but you haven't.

Can we hang out? That's got to suck. Social media watching a deadbeat dad. You never think about that. He missed another birthday. Stone Cold. Stone Cold. I would love if he has a family no I don't if they um I can make these jokes right the show

didn't sell yes I mean the show sold it just didn't get made having a deadbeat dad now with social media must be so much harder watching their stories if you see your kid watched your story you're like oh fuck I posted I was at the waterpark with my new girlfriend and my son saw it on my like I couldn't imagine growing up with my dad and checking social media and like in the 90s and seeing my dad being like hammered at the bowling alley again and he's got like a fucking Steve Windwood song scoring I mean I know someone like who abandoned that boy and the whole thing was like they're like yeah but they're probably doing this and this and then I looked up and like no they're not and it's like it's what do you mean they're not they're not doing okay

you know they they they kids doing okay because there's a lot of narcissists right who need to believe that like like well I had to leave my son because I had to leave, but also because I'm a great person and they're not, their life must be terrible because I wasn't around. Sure.

But then there are people who... Go up with that mic in front of you. There are people who end up still having great lives. Sometimes, you know, to spite their family. And yeah. But you know what I mean?

But it's like, you can see, it's like, yeah, did you do it right? I mean, I know, I would go as far as I know a lot of people that had abandoned fathers that did fantastic. Yeah. And it's probably because of that. Well, and it's interesting,

like people will ask, like, you know, we have an adopted son and like how transparent are we and all of that. And besides the fact that he genetically does not look like at us at all. I mean, yeah, you're raising a,

you have a, for those that don't know, Mike and his wife adopted a, uh, a black child. Yes. You got a black son. Yeah,

yeah. Which is going to be awesome. Yeah. I mean, you and your son. Until he wants to watch wrestling and I just had to be like, well, we should skip this and this and this. That's pretty racist. Hey, let's watch WrestleMania 6. Maybe not Piper and Bad News Brow.

Well, the guy does come out half black. And he's like, I'm a whole Kogan fan. And you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no. You can't be a Hogan fan. Okay, fine. I like the Ultimate Warrior. Even worse. No, no, no.

You can't like any classic wrestlers because you're like, ah, there's just, he's like, junkyard dog? And you're like, okay. An older warrior didn't have a lot of nuance. He wasn't like, oh, yeah, but black queer and does make the world work. But I mean, you haven't, you were saying that you have to explain. Do you do people ask like, how to it's, I get crappy comments. But what I was going to say was that with social media and 23 and me and all this stuff, it's like that, that generation of adoptive parents who, who lied to their kids, which all it did was end up breeding resentment anyway.

Yeah. Just not being honest. If I found out later. But now it's so easy to find out. find out. Yeah, because now you can just do the testing and go like. Yeah. But it's not like you're an NBA player ducking the financial responsibility.

Yeah. It's like just people are finding out. I didn't even think about that, that now people are much more open with adoption. In the 80s, they were like, if your son was like, have I adopted? And you're like, no. Yeah. He's like, I'm black. And they're like, well, that's the.

No, you wait until they're like 13 and tell them they're from Planet Krypton. Yeah. That their dad and mom were so dumb that they can only. only make a baby-sized spaceship. It's all we have is this junior spaceship. Yeah, that was like a sketch I would have to write is the mom being like, you couldn't have made one big enough for us. He's like, no, I mean, I just couldn't think of one that could fit me, you, and the kid.

No, just me and the kid. Not all of us. Just me and the kid. You know, you're a little bigger than you think, oh, wait, well, now you're fat-shaving me. But then you think if Collelle and his mom make it to Earth, single mom. Oh, God. Her trying to date with Collel.

Yeah. And he's like, hello, Collel. I've heard a lot about you. And he's like, and he's like, he fucking zaps him. Having Superman is your stepson. And she's just snoo-snewing a bunch of like guys to death at bars.

She's just like, I bang guys and I just rip right through them. Like that element of the boys where they, like, in the comic where they like fuck people to death. And he's like, I've gone to like six step dads by the time I was 10. Let me just tell you something about my pussy. Paper never be drunk.

He's like, I'm going to come and she's like, I can handle it. Actually, paper does beat Rob. You know what I mean. Yeah. You know exactly what I mean. It is, yeah, I've never thought about the spaceship and Superman is only built for a baby. Yeah. It's the toughest thing.

No wonder the civilization just was destroyed. Yeah, you guys didn't have the thought to maybe build a couple different spaceships. And they're like, oh, damn, you know what? We only got the baby one perfected. Well, because then Supergirl ends up on a adult. sized spaceship and she's okay and she how are they going to explain that crypto are you a fan of james gun taking over dc yes yes yes you think i mean because dc was in disarrant oh it's brutal and i mean what about the rock though what if seven bucks would have got the the he tried he tried so hard

look that story up thankfully thankfully black adam only made seven bucks i mean dude if you read up on the rock trying his whiskey premiering at the uh yeah yeah at the premiere he had his whiskey black adam oh yeah it's it's amazing because like you know we are we are the perfect intersection of like wrestling and comic fan that we like i understand both worlds oh yeah and the fact that the rock tried to book a superhero franchise like a wrestler yeah it doesn't work for me brother where it was like we're like we got shazam coming and he's like yeah no no not's a mid carter yeah and then he's like i got i got to i got to work with the top guy. I got to work with Superman, but it's like, but it doesn't make sense. Like,

you literally say Shazam and turn into Black Adam. You, and you're from the Shazam comics. Yes. And he goes, yeah, brother, I don't know. Did you not know that was what happened? So Black Adam, they wanted a cameo from Superman. And DC was like, we're going to give you Shazam because you're in the Shazam world. And they wanted him to debut in the Shazam movies. Yeah. And he was like, no, I got to my own thing. And he's like, no, I want the top guy in D.C. Give me Superman. Yeah, yeah. And he made. And he made. And he black adam a baby face when black adam's a heel yes yes so that's also the most rock thing the best part of the movie is that i never watched it shout out mo hammer though he was in it yeah yeah yeah good job mo get that check yeah yeah and watch mo on netflix i'm just plugging mohamer's shit

right now he's fun in it but no it's um that's that's a great thing is that you can have friends in bad movies but they're good in the bad movies so when oh henry zabrowski's in a couple that i was like that one sucked and he's like it was fun to make though dude i mean sharing stone you know my autism it's like i can't lie and i remember kumeo was like what'd you think of eternals and i was like you were great and i was like i did it you did it i did it he's he is great but you're learning yeah you're learning you got to understand mike and i go back 20 years you were one of my first friends that i made in new york city when i moved here you and dan st germain and i outside of stand up new york yeah doing an open mic we're all

wrestling fans so we ended up just talking about pro wrestling here's my specific autism we met on um january january 8th 2007 at 5 30 p.m at new york comedy club that's exactly what i moved here tino and i moved here i moved to new york january 6th was the host yep i moved here january 6th 2007 yeah my first open mic was january 7th i also went back on the 8th the the more important porn in January 6th. It's when I stormed New York. It's when I went after New York. No, I tell people the story because...

I also, too, tried to hang Mike Pence. But that was when I was moving here. He was just an upstart fucking congressman in Indiana. But Mike and I have known each other. No, so we met that day because we... It was both of our first open mics ever in New York. And, no, I tell people the story because we didn't see each other again for, like, another two years, it was like you went on to do like the clubs and barking and working at

clubs. And I just did every awful open mic. You would do 10 a night. Yeah. Because we'd bump into each other. Occasionally we'd bump into each other. But it wasn't for a while. It was like we didn't hang until the creek. Yes. And then the creek, we all started going to the creek. Yeah. And that's when you and me started. In fact, you came over to my house in Queens to watch a UFC. Yes. Yes. We watched, I think it was Brock Lesner. Yeah. It might have been. It was not. No, that was what? It was 100. Yeah. No, it was it was another, no, it was the rematch. It was It was Chick Congo, I believe. It was a Chick Congo fight, but was it against Lesnar or no, no, you came over and I remember it was against the tall Stefan Struve or whatever. Yeah, the seven footer that looked like the alien and Romulus. Yeah.

But I remember hanging out of the creek and then I remember you pulled a move where I was like, I'm a, I could be friends with this guy. where you had an empty 20 ounce of Coke. Yeah. And you just went behind the bar and filled it. And then you put it in your backpack and you're like, let's go watch UFC. And I was like, I fuck with this guy. You did that? I was like, that's a great move.

And then we went to my house when I was living under the train. I think you'd say that as if I had a choice. I know. No, but I, you know what it was? It wasn't that I thought you were, I thought you were doing it because you needed the soda. And I was like, what a brilliant move. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would have just gone, oh, I'm out of money and this is an empty soda.

but you were like, watch this. And then you got, I forget, I think it might have been Rojo was bartending or someone. And they were like, all right, go ahead. And then you're your go, body. Yeah, buddy. Now you go body. Yeah.

But I think you were the first person that I knew that discovered they had autism. Yeah. And then it all made sense. Yeah. You were a person because. I mean, you know lots of people with it, but I'm the first one who discovered it. You are the first person who went like.

Lots of people flew kites with keys. I was the first person. So we got to suck my lightning. Yeah, you're Ben Franklin, baby. Yeah. But I remember because you had a woodshed. We get our own, we get our own almanac. Yeah.

You were, you were doing a woodshed. Yeah. And the, the criticism of Mike was, as you just said, you couldn't lie. Yeah. So people would go like, was that a good joke? And Mike would just go, no. And he'd be like, it's a weak premise. It has no setup.

Like, in a way that actually was helpful. But a lot of people didn't take well. A lot of people that weren't good at comedy couldn't understand that criticism. Yeah. So they were just like, but I was always like, I loved it. There are people like, is that a punchline? And you'd go, oh, it's below you. Like it would be an easy punchline and we'd be at the pit.

And you'd go like, nah, that punchline's below you. And I'd be like frustrated with Mike. I'm like, you're fucking. And then when you were like, I'm autistic, it's like, makes sense. You could see things much clearer than a lot of people that were on drugs. It just took me 11 extra years. Yeah. I could see everything but my own autistic.

What did that, what was that, was that like a relief? Oh, yeah. When you found out? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I did it because we were in the adoption process and I was like, you know, lots of people who were like, oh, I'd say three out of 10 insufferable people who say, hey, I'm just who I am, have autism. The other seven are just insufferable.

Have you ever heard Michael Chez joke about mental health in the black community? No. And he goes, there's a lot of people going around that they have mental health problems, but they're just calling themselves Gemini's. He's like, I'm just a Gemini's like, no, I think you got some deeper issues. It's fucking great. I'm fucking up that punchline, but it's a great thing.

I remember seeing Michael Chey at the Creek, and he did this bit about how, you know, the planet is fine, but we're fucked. And he gets offstage and I go, Carlin. Yeah. But it was great because he was new. He was brand new. Yeah, maybe it was like a year in,

but like he was like, thanks. Like some people hated it. Some people were like, all right. They don't do that now anymore. No. No one does that anymore. No. I tried to do it to another comedian recently and they were upset.

I went, hey, I just want to let you know. That's like a Seinfeld bit from like mid-80s. Yes. And they were like, okay? And then still doing it. And you're like, ah, shit. Yeah. And then what's funny is that then they'll do the bit on a special.

Everyone will say that. And someone will be like, well, how did no one tell them? Like, we did. Yeah, he just, they just ignored it. Yeah. Well, it is. We're in the age of like, that doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't matter if like, oh, Richard Jenny had a similar or like Robert, you know what I mean?

Like there's like jokes where you're like, there's been decades of stand-up. People have gotten to the same thoughts. Yeah. Well, actually was that Richard Jetty's estate sale the weekend he killed himself and I actually bought most of his jokes. So I can do them. I go, have you seen Lawrence very Jenny like. Yeah, it says he had a cameo in the mask. Yeah.

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it was interesting too because it was like you know i talked to my wife about it and she's like well yeah she's like i'm the only one who needs to know and i always knew so she always knew she always knew yeah yeah my mom like was your mom blown away yeah but i think parents take that kind of shit personal they really took it personal But my dad was cool with it. My dad was like, yeah, I probably messed up too, you know. Yeah. Yeah, you get it from me.

My mom was like, I didn't know you weren't supposed to smoke when you were pregnant. That's so. She's like the labels were so small. That's so funny. It was the best. I don't know. I went bungee jumping like six times in the second trimester. It was perfect because I was like, I want you to watch.

Because, yeah, this was when Love on the Spectrum was coming on. Sure. I want you to watch Love on the Spectrum. I think that this will help you understand me. And she watches and she goes, those parents are so brave. Oh, you're making it about you. Yeah. I was like, hey, you know how you can't stop with your bullshit?

I can't stop with mine. Yeah, so we're even now. But there is, that is got to be like, because I think so many people want to be diagnosed now because life is hard. Yes. So they just want the easy out. We got to put the work is the thing.

Like you have to do the therapy. You have to like actually, like, it's nice when people say like, oh, you are more mellow or you are nicer. because it's like, if you... I noticed an immediate change. At the time after I saw that, you were much more, you know what it was, you were much more comfortable with yourself.

Yeah. Because I've known you for a long time. The thing was you would always be uncomfortable in a way we're like, Mike, you don't have to be uncomfortable. And after I saw you get diagnosed like that, you're like, no, I'm, this makes me understand me better. I mean, to be fair, Stefan Shrews beat Cheek Congo

and Cheek Congo didn't defend himself. I would have every right to be uncomfortable. Yes, absolutely. You would have every right to do that. Yeah. And also, I wasn't living with Vecione yet. I think I had like two random roommates. So it was just like two random guys watching UFC with us after coming back from like a late creek.

Oh, his big boy. Oh, my buddy Vick. Yeah. Yeah, he's losing weight now. That's great. He's looking great. That's great. I got him tickets to shout out Pat Buck.

Yeah, because either, you know, I just remember seeing him 15 years ago and either he lost some of the weight or he was going to lose all of it forever. So I'm glad the. You know, man, he did really fucking good. I'm really proud of him. He's like a brother to me, but he's a sweetheart, yeah. I got him, because of Pat Buck, I got a Pat hooked up tickets for all in because Vic lives in Texas now. Yeah.

And I texted, Vic texted me and he's like, look, these are the best seats I've ever had. They were great. They were like five rows back from the ring. And I asked, I was like, Pat, thanks for hooking that up. And then Pat wrote, it's cool. I just told them he was a former luchador. and because Vic's Mexican. But he's like, he's big.

He's still big. And you're like, that's so funny that someone was like, this guy is a luchador? Yeah. Was that Matt TV? He was El asshole, white po? Yeah. But it was awesome.

It was like, it was funny thinking like, oh, people might have been treating them different. They're like, hello, sir. You know, they don't know. And he's like, cool, hi. Yeah. But that, man, that's crazy you remember the date we met. St. Germain.

That's part of my autism. I have very specific memory of days. St. Germain was where, or no, it was Matt McCarthy was also, they were, they were doing a show at stand-up New York after our open mic. It was a Montreal audition, I think. That, that day? No, it wouldn't have been. It was January, so it wouldn't have been.

And that was it, like I said, New York Comedy Club. That was that New York Comedy Club? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that was that Monday. Yeah. Why do I miss place? Yeah. You know what?

There was another time where me. you and Dan St. Germain talked on the corner of 78th and Broadway about wrestling for like 40 minutes. Oh, wow. And that's what I'm thinking of. Man, you really feel for those homeless people. They have to listen to us. They go, I'm crazy and I don't want to hear this. I don't even know if my thoughts are my own.

Am I gay if I like viscerous tears? I just want to suck on them, you know, us comforting Dan. No, that's cool, Dan. Yeah, that, um, I mean, living in L.A., you must see a lot of people that fake autism for, clicks. Yeah, they're called agents and managers. Yeah. I'm so autistic for this. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I, I get asked to be the detector. Really? Yeah. Do you make like autistic noises when you get closer to it? Are you like, beep, beep, pay, pay. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. I go, my mic is going off the meter right now. Yeah, it's $6 million dollar man jumping. The original Steve Austin.

he's got it he's got the opposite definitely definitely definitely definitely definitely but i mean you know we're in the age of like people i had a bit about it on my last special about people uh self-diagnosing online yeah and that makes people like i mean i think that takes someone like you who took years to get to that thing doesn't that cheap in it well it's important that you're using that word because there is a privilege to getting diagnosed. It was not, it was not cheap. Yeah. So there are people who don't have the means to do it. Yeah. It was $3,000. Jesus. Yeah. Golly. Yeah. So to go through that process and everything. Yeah, that does, I think, soften my opinion on people that self-dibus. Yeah. Ultimately, like I said, it depends on the outcome.

if you get self-diagnosed and then you're now just justifying all the behavior you had and doubling down and not trying to improve yourself socially or you know or try to help other people then yes you're an asshole but if you know but there are people they just want a license to kill yeah give me that license to be an absolute piece of shit yeah yeah yeah i mean there are a lot of people that do that well you know it's just like It's interesting, like in stand-up, I feel like there's a contingency of comedians and people who, it's, I know, I know I'm going to be called a cuck or snowflake or whatever for this, but I say R word. I don't use the R word because it has been ruined by this group of people who diagnoses themselves just so they can say it. Yeah, where they go, it's okay, I say it. Yeah. Instead of saying it, knowing that there's a risk that someone might be like, hey, that upsets me. me in which case you have to take the accountability to go i'm sorry i wasn't trying to hurt you with that one so now i go out of my way in my act to never say it because it's like i want it's it's it's

it's the thing of just like it feels it feels easy too it's like you know it's gonna get a reaction and then it's also a lot of times the audience just likes it because they're being given permission to say it. Yeah, there was a thing about when I did that joke because the punchline is that anyone that called that self-diagnosed themselves from a TikTok, we should call them retarded. Yeah, yeah. And then I remember people being mixed on the review of that joke. Yeah. There were people that were like, I don't think you should be saying that. But then there were other people that were like, my child's autistic. I'm glad you're saying that. Yeah. Because I feel like it does cheap in their diagnosis and it makes them. But see, Woodshed Mike

Lawrence would say you're a better comic than to need to say that word true and I would have taken that and gone it really works though I know the comic in me I go I know that Mike the joke is murder but no I get what you but you did the next time you say it you would have seen my head pop meter Dan don't do that yeah I'd have been like all right why am I a dead dog I don't know it sounds like a cool voice yeah and by the way I was I was basically he's doing St. Germain. Yeah, yeah. This is you as St. Germain.

Oh, man, call me when you can. The new predator trailer's awesome. He's my favorite thing about... You ever realize sometimes the hunter is the hunted? Oh, man. We're both very close with St. Germain. Yeah. So I'm sure we both get the same amount of UFO videos that he sends.

Yeah. Where he goes, you got to watch this. And I'm like, dude, I'm not watching a 45-minute video of a scientist talk about isms, like possible. Yeah, well, that's how I know you work with him professionally, and I don't because yours are only 45 minutes. That's really funny. He says you're like six hour or less.

Because he's like, he's like, here, four, I want you to watch this, but I also want you to respond to my fucking emails. I told him on his podcast. I was like, dude, there's just times where I don't want to know the world is either ending or, and he's like, I get it.

What do you say it to Dan? See, that's the difference. Well, I mean, he knows not to ask me to go on that podcast. Yeah. I mean, you are a much bigger draw than I am, but either way, it's like... But I would like to see your autistic authenticity face-to-face with him and Sean about aliens. No, they just have other shit in their life that they are avoiding and using aliens as a fun way to be distracted. Damn, you need to go on UFO podcast and just deflate people.

He goes, he goes, I should call my cousin that I haven't talked to in 10 years. Hug your mother. That's just, that's what Mike does. You're just a UFO, ufologist buster. We just go on there and you go, why don't you call your daughter? And they go, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's something out there.

No, there's something in Parsipany. And she needs a fucking hug. That has your blood and it hasn't talked to you. There's something from beyond the stars. No, there's something that was in your ball sack and what you needs to do. Do you like living in L.A.? Yes and no. I mean.

You're a Florida guy. Yes. Which is crazy. Yeah. Like, Mike is a Florida guy in the way of, like, you came up in a tough part of Florida. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You came up, I mean, trailer park, right? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's why when people are like, they try to glorify it or whatever, you're like, talk to Mike Lawrence about that. Yeah. You know what it's like. I remember I used to have a bit about waiting tables, and this is my comedic autism that I'll show you. It was at O'Handlins. Yeah. We were doing hot soup when it first started. Yes.

And it was with Andy Haynes, Mark Norman. I think I know where this is going. And I did a joke about waiting tables. and not it was oh 2008 so it was it was after the dollar collapsed and I was just waiting on euros and I went up and had a great set but I closed about waiting tables and it got this big response and Lawrence was after me and Lawrence went on after me and just went you think waiting tables is bad I worked at McDonald's and then just did six minutes about all the shit you saw at McDonald's and it got off stage and I remember I had a beer and I was like well I guess waiting tables isn't so bad I was like she I mean, you worked at McDonald's before smartphones, before you could just go, like, go in the back and like, how long were you at McDonald's for? Um, I was technically, so my, my, my, my, I started May, May 16th, 1999 to December 28th, 2006. I had a, seven years, dude, you got your doctorate. Yeah, yeah. You got your doctorate. I had my, my Ph. Mickey D's. No, uh, no. Uh, no. Uh, no. Uh, That's absolutely got to be the title of the episode. I'm learning nothing.

Yeah. Did you do all the jobs there? No, no, because once they find you're good at something day to day, they keep you there. What were you good at? The drive-through cash was my thing. So, but I went to college in Virginia for one year, so I left. But then the week that I came back from college, I just, I remember like interviewing. It was a different manager and the guy was like,

yeah here's your uniform he's like yeah you worked here you can work here we need somebody yeah yeah and so the nice day yeah yeah i remember yeah the the week that i started was around like when phantom menace came out yeah episode one and i remember complaining about it my dad was like yeah you're not spending my fucking money on that shit you're gonna go make your own money really yeah it was your dad a star wars fan no it would just be funny if he just didn't want You know, he goes, I'm against the prequels. And you're like, oh. Hey, no son, am I going to use my hardworking money to support them goddamn dunk guns?

Maybe, maybe if they do a reissue of episode four, maybe I'll pay for it. If Lucas adds effects to it. There, Mesa think you need a fucking job. So you go work at McDonald's. Yeah, yeah. And they found out that you were good. Now, do you think being good at? the cash register was the tism?

Yeah, it might say. You're like, was that like part superpower? Just the tip of the tisom. Hi, today, today. Ah, tip of the tisom. Yeah, ha, he's a good counter. Put him on the register. Or do you think, like, do you think McDonald's has a better system of recognizing

autism than the American Medical Association? Yes, because there was a little like, this guy's autistic. Put him at the cash register. Yes. They can like, you know, like, the way. You know how they recognize it? When you say, hi, I would like to work here. I figured the application.

I figured they were like old gum shoes where they could like taste the ground and go. Yeah, he's got a little autism. Let's put him in here. Ah, you signed your, you signed your application with red balloons. Welcome to the McDonald's family. No, there was a woman that I worked with that they never gave a raise to,

but they gave her every free happy meal toy. And I remember telling her one time that she should ask for raise. And my manager, he always called me mackle. Macal? Yeah, yeah. So it's like the mackle, like, so like when McElmore. Oh, yeah. Became like, you know, a big rapper.

I was like, that's how my manager would have complained about the director of Fahrenheit 9-11. He's like, Michael Moore. Maclemore don't know shit about America. He goes, oh, that fucking, maybe Columbine was good for us. Michael Moore. Yeah, you know what was good for America, bowling and Columbine? Yeah, keeping score. Oh, guys.

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Yeah. Oh, yeah. So he, so I told her, like, you should ask for a reason. He's like, Mackle, she is very happy with her toys. She's like, we have a system in place that works for both her and us. Did you ever, no, McDonald's, they're, they're franchised. Did you ever meet the owner? Did the owner ever come in? Or was it all just management? It would be franchisee. Yeah, so there was like someone who owned like five of them. Yeah, and would he like come by to like look at it? Oh yeah, yeah, there was like inspection day. That was like the one time he'd be like, please shave. That's where I started, well, you know, I started growing a beard,

but then it was like, it was like a defiance thing. It was this, it's this funny thing. Like I stayed there so long and I never got promoted because I was like, I just want you guys know I could leave it any time if I wanted to. Oh, that was yours? Yeah, yeah, you're like, I'm right here, but I could leave. I could leave this place in a second. I showed up 10 minutes late every day.

damn yeah but did in free food they gave you free food oh really no no no I stole it McDonald's doesn't do they give you a discount a half off it's not bad it's not good but it's not you're making you're making McDonald's money yeah yeah yeah so how would you what's the process of stealing it do you wait how would you what's the process of stealing it do you wait I've always been interested about it's the dumbest thing because you're out now you're fine Yeah, yeah. You've written on successful TV shows. You're one of the funniest human beings I've ever met my life.

You've got a great life. People know to bring you in as the fixer. If you ever need Mike to write jokes, I'm telling you right now. We'll get back to McDonald's, but Mike, Mark Norman and I wrote for Amy Schumer for the 2016. 15. 2015 MTV Movie Awards. And we would go into a room and write jokes all day. We did like a week of it.

Yeah. and they were like to meet to all of us they're like hey if you can get 15 to 20 jokes a day they don't all have to be killer but that's what we kind of do mark and i were on average hitting 17 a day each like some days i would hit 20 some days you'd hit 15 same with norman you know he'd be like i don't know and then fucking laurence would be like i got 60 and we're like all right and then by the remember when we went out to steak yeah tads after that ads with neil casey Neil Casey, shout out, Neil Casey. Villain of the 2016 Ghostbusters.

Yeah, he was the lady ghostbuster villain. Yeah, he was. Well, besides the internet. Yeah, well, that was the biggest villain. He was the secondary villain. Comment section was the biggest villain of that movie. Yeah, the main villain was the slurs thrown at Leslie Jones. Yeah, I was just saying, though, like that showed me in real time that I was like,

holy fuck, Lawrence has an incredible talent for this. But it was funny, too, because I remember being in that, that room you guys talking about the spots that you were doing later and it was like that that simpsons when bart sells his soul and he's in the raft by himself and everyone else has the souls pushing them and i felt like that yeah of just like empty and like i don't i'm not past to the cellar i'm not doing this shit and that shit and so it was that thing of like i was like so angry in a way mark didn't even bring his computer no he had to ask for paper yeah he was one of those kids yeah i at least brought my laptop. Yeah.

Yeah. Norman went like, hey, I don't know. Can you rip me? And I had, like, a couple writing jobs before that. And I was like, what are you? Yeah. What are you doing? And I was like, hey. Yeah, I have that charisma to not need this. But you do. He's like, I mean, I think I literally he came in. He was like, Neil, can you rip you off a paper? Yeah. But he did. I mean, he like filled it front and back with jokes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, we, we did. I think we did a great job. You, what's funny is watching the monologue. Yeah. It was your monologue. It was like every joke was Lawrence's. And then I got one in. and Mark got one in and we were both like

I saw Norman he's like hey we got one in he's like it was all Lawrence but we got one in but yeah that was the thing was like I need I need to do

well at this because it's like I can't do what those guys do I mean you dusted us but that was so impressive to watch but then ticket sales and that's like a different I'm telling you right now

I know I appreciate it in the room pen to paper oh yeah yeah holy fuck and you were coming up with jokes and I was like that's incredible like you were coming up a jokes I remember I'd be like fucking scratch it.

It was cool was that like I got hired because I know Norman was opening in for her and I guess you guys were just friends or I I had written on something she'd uh okay that she produced okay I wrote on something that Rachel Feinstein thing yeah I was one of the writers on Rachel's pilot okay cool so then I was in there because she saw me do a roast paddle and she came up to me and she was like how many of those jokes did you write yourself and I was like I wrote them all and she's like okay good to know and then I got that job like six months later yeah you i mean dude roast battle you were a monster and then she ended you were a

mom didn't you ruin a friendship because of rose battle didn't you get someone too bad yeah there's been that like people he was so good at roast battle that people afterwards he'd have to like go talk to them and they'd be like i mean ralphie never talked to me again really yeah no he was furious yeah because that was the one that they did on comedy central yeah in montreal with all the industry god and i'll tell you right now dude This is why anyone that's, if you're a young comic and you're watching this and you, like, right now or like everything is TikToks and all this, I'll just tell you right now, stuff comes and goes. Roasting was so popular for like four years that, like, at Montreal, they were like, it was the biggest thing. They were like, I wasn't up there that year, but everyone was like, it's the fucking biggest. And you came through or just leveling motherfuckers.

And that's what I liked, because I was like, release Lawrence. Well, you knew me from back there. Yeah, I mean, I've known you since, since 2000, 2007. Now you look at it of, like, being an autistic person roasting is like being on PED. Like, it's completely unfair.

I feel nothing. Yeah, you're, I go, test them for autism. Because this guy's crushing everyone in roast battles. And you just see the thing, you're just saying the honest truth. I want to look me in the eyes when you say that. But I can. that's his weakness

eye contact I contacted accountability no I'll never forget it was yeah when I was battling Ralphie and I it was the line that fan beat you on last comic standing

that was people are always like I was this divorce thing it was that divorce thing I'm like no it was when I brought that up that fan in his kickable pants yeah because my thing is everybody has that one moment that bothers them so much

that they can't get over no matter how successful they get it's ego yeah you just got a strike where their ego's stuck on yeah and you find it yeah and you fucking everyone has it did you try to talk to ralphi did you after the brosco ralphi my bad yeah i mean i try and he i remember seeing him at the store like a few months later and i was like hey hey you know yeah and i mean and then you know the day he passed people were like you killed him and this and that oh yeah really i was like i don't feel good at someone's dead but at the same time you should have I'll tell you what you should have done is you should have gone with the wave,

not against it and gone like, so don't ever roast me. Like that should have been like, and let that be a warning. What's so funny is the, yeah, they're like, fuck,

dude, Lawrence is, because then you look, if you roast in peace. Oh, oh, yeah. St.

Germain next to you, he's like, oh, he's like, oh, yeah. But that, I mean,

that's crazy that he wouldn't talk to you after that. Yeah. Because you just hit his ego so long. He was, well, it was, it was that thing, too, of, like, remember the day of, like, he was already, like, cranky, clearly using, and, you know, and it was, and I remember asking him, I was like, hey, is there anything off limits? And he goes, I'm an open fucking book. And I am the kind of person. Like, if you tell me, that it's like, all right, I'll rewrite a set. That's fine.

But, you know what, that's like where you want to do that pause and then have that Morgan Freeman votes over and he goes, but he wasn't an open book. in fact he closed the book that day and no one ever read it again i mean that's got to be when when you did the joke right at the taping yeah did you is it the um crusty anniversary special where you can pause it and see his heartbreaking you know no wait wait look lisa you can actually watch his heartbreak yeah you saw it i saw it you delivered it and you're like i think about sometimes really yeah because it was that was it was that clean of a hit yeah well it was like it was weird because at the end of the day like i love comedians and we are you know all we have in a lot of ways right the industry comes and goes and all of that yeah the

industry's hot on us right now trust me it'll in five years that we'll be back to just be in night if you ever saw buster scrugs like they'll leave the the uh armless legless guy for the chicken yeah any day that is the best depiction of show business that that sketch yeah um but no it's to me was like it was weird because i was you know it was montreal so there were all these uh man and to be a part of someone else's screw job as a wrestling fan that's tough yeah the um it's no but what i was going to say was montreal has that energy too of the industry and all these people like pushing me and people who had agendas with ralphi club owners you know uh executives are like yeah wait i was like i didn't

do it for you yeah i did it because i just want to be good at roasting well it was like i did it because they you know they put me in a cage with him yeah it's like a ufc thing right where it's like it's if you're a ufc fighter and you see that the other guy is like weak but the bell rings you got to get him he's still coming towards you yeah you're in a fucking gauge and i so i don't feel was that the finals or was that no that was the because you won it right yeah i won the tournament yeah so my The first battle was with Matt Broussard, and that was great. Yeah, he's great. Yeah, he was awesome.

That's such a fucking great joke writer, too. And I hated him at the time because I didn't know him, and it's just when you look at him. Well, he was on the podcast, and he even said, like, oh, first impression, you would have no idea that I'm a math nerd. And I just love, like, like, like, writing jokes. You know what I mean? Yeah. He's like a true, he's a guy that I will defend is like a true, true comics comic. Yes.

Yeah. Incredible joke writer. And a person's person, man. He's a really sweet human beings. He is. He's a good dude. There were more funny people than good people. So we've got to point that out when it happens.

That's very true. It's very true. Sometimes people hide behind it and you go, oh, that's why you're hiding behind it. Well, you see, you see when they're given the inch to stretch it into a mile and they'll take it. And some guys are like, I actually do like women and black people. But so you, it was Broussard first and then who did you go up against second? Then Ralphie. So, so I beat, so I beat Broussard and it's, um, Mrs.

Miss Pat and Ralphie, and I get the winner of that. So I had jokes for her. Yeah. And I had jokes for him. And you went first. How quickly were you, how quickly did the matches happen? Was it like the next day or the same day? Oh, that was the same night.

Same night. So they would do their, you did your battle. And then they did theirs. And then you did yours against. Ralphie was the next night. Okay, so they gave you a whole day to pretty much write jokes. And I had, yeah, my last joke was the long joke that had the, you know, I make fun of your way because it's the only thing you haven't lost, right?

Yeah. So, and I remember. It's like showing you a blade that you got to kill the guy with and you go, holy fuck. But it was funny because I was running it by people and there would be people who were just like, nah, man, you know, it's like, I just feel like that's too long. No, you know, that's like a New York style joke that'll work in New York. York, but like LA, but we're not in, we're in like a mutual ground. It's like it's okay.

And then my thought, because I had this joke about Broussard the day before that I didn't do that was too long about his dad having Parkinson's. Sure. And it was an act out. Holy fay. You know, and, you know, and, and the basic punch was, you know, and now he has a son who looked like he dresses at Abercrombie and Twitch. And incredible.

Yeah. Incredible. I don't even need the long version. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, I'm just thinking if you, like, are a regular person that works, like, obviously a regular, but like if you're not a comedian and you work at a job and you have someone you hate, I would kill to hire you to like take. This is what I did to customers all those years.

Oh, why? So there's people that walked into a McDonald's in Florida and they go, that's where it came from. The guy on the drive-through cash register handed me my ass. Well, no, what I would do, we would play a game because I'm the one. That's your training. You're like, ah,

it totally was. It's slumdog millionaire. Jaiho. When he's answering the question and he goes back to that. I mean, it's true, but it's like, and I was bullied,

so there's that. But when I was at McDonald's, so I take your order and I take your money. Then I drink it up. I take your milkshake. I take your milkshake. I had to clean the machine. I would not drink your milkshake.

But I. of the wise. And I love McDonald's. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know. Yeah, go to Dairy Queen. Yeah. Even when it's fixed, it's broken.

Yeah. Much like the people that work there. So I saw, I saw what the customer look like. Then the customer goes to that final window where they're getting the food. My job was to get the person that hands the food to break. So I start doing jokes.

I start doing voices. about the people that you just took the money from. That I know what they look like. So in the time they go from... That employee does not know what they look like yet. So in the time they're going, window one to window two, are you on a headset or are you telling them this in real life?

I'm on a headset. And you're on a headset. You see the person. Yes. You use your super brain to fucking put a joke together. I wait until they, window two, sees them. Then I do the show. Oh, on the headset.

On the headset. And you hit them with... As they're looking at them. Do you remember any specific jokes that you hit him with? Oh, yeah. I mean, well, there was like a catchphrase I had, well, not catcher, but a slogan. Oh, yeah, car tours. Car tours were people who were so fat.

They're like centaurs. But they're have cars. I love it. Yeah, yeah. Car tors. I need my chase bar. Calling someone a car tour and then in the headset and being like, oh, fuck. And then they pull up if they're fat.

Yeah. Did you have people, so you had people break in front of these people? Yes. You would get them to break, I'm assuming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. More than not. Sometimes, yeah. Was there ever anyone that didn't break where you were like,

that was a good one? You should have broke on that? Because I feel like sometimes that's the thing with comics is when you have one that you know is good and they don't accept that you go, no, come on, that was a good one. Yeah, but then it's like some people where they're like, I'll show you.

And it's like, I respect the willpower. Yeah. You must have been real fun to work with. I'm serious. I mean, I wrote when I started Standable, I was there, I wrote all my first jokes on receipt paper. head and I would write about what I said but the first joke that I did that people were like that's a good joke was I come from a long line of alcoholics my family tree has a car wrapped around it that's

great I wrote that when I saw a guy with a bottle between his legs at McDonald's yeah yeah that's great yeah it's always fun when you see those jokes where you go like where you see like where it came like I did I had a joke about uh on the last one about my parents being divorced and I talked shit and I was like a little traveling shit talker for them and that was like one of those things I'm in therapy and he was like well yeah your parents interacted through you and you're like oh that's a joke like you just see it and you go like oh that's absolutely a bit well you just I just saw you last week and you did a joke and I guess I should have spoiled okay about it was amazing it's like I was like oh this is what like what great comedy is where you said a secret out

loud yeah that's my favorite thing because i think sometimes with stand up one of the funnest things about it is you will admit to something and you'll hear someone in the crowd go like oh fuck i do i had a joke i forget which joke it was on my last special on on the road yeah and katy and i were at chicago zanis yeah yeah and she was sitting in the sound with she was just with me for the weekend and i did i was working out a joke yeah and it wasn't working but i did the joke and Katie watched a girl in the crowd hit her husband and go, you do that. Yeah. And she was like, I just want to let you know, someone reacted like, you do that.

And that's all I needed to go like, so there is something there. Yeah. And then I like worked it out and you build it into a joke that like everyone can do. Oh, that is funny talking about autism and symptoms and seeing like where I watch love on the spectrum like, oh, I do that and I do that. And now I talk about the things I do and I could see like, you do that. Yeah. You know what it was?

was the joke about she caught me watching porn on a Bluetooth because I left it in the shower and it was connected to my phone and it wasn't really working. It was a real story. I was just trying to find the punchlines in it and this lady was like to her husband and then you're like, oh, a lot of, because of Bluetooth, a lot of people have accidentally heard porn they shouldn't have heard. Yeah, yeah. And that was like very gratifying. Yeah. Oh, that was a thing where it was awkward between Katie and I for like weeks because it was during the pandemic. And I was like, yeah, I was watching porn. And then you're like, and then you're like, and then you just turning into a joke yeah but McDonald's you must have seen shit where you were like well that's a bit

yeah car a car tour or a fucking guy going through that might have been my dad going through with a fucking bottle in between his legs oh I saw all sorts of crazy stuff I'd be genuine like real racism you know a woman who wouldn't leave because we gave her a black Barbie uh yeah she would say she's a hero and that and that and that woman went on in her Barbie and that woman went on to be Marjorie Taylor Green and that's the rest of the story. You filled on to you and that little girl was Marjorie Taylor Green

who now, that's what's weird is like now I'm on her side because of the Epstein list where I'm like it's like wrestling where you go I can't believe they're tagging together they hate each other but it is a common good

they've got to stop this faction. Yeah it is like wrestling because Vince is probably on there too and he's like I want people to know release the last 13 year old girls all over me his um he's gonna he's got a he's got a poop yeah all over their trust when you what was the day like quitting mcdonalds did it feel like why we why did you leave to move here yeah and you got to do like the i'm moving to new york city

yeah so when i met you i was there less than two weeks before yeah and did you get was it satisfying Yeah, yeah, it was, and it was scary. Yes. Because I, you know, I didn't know what it was going to be like here. When I moved here was the first time I saw snow. Really? Yeah. Remember when New York used to get snow?

Wasn't that cool? We haven't had that in a couple of years. We barely get snow now. Yeah. It just rains. It's still brutally cold. Kind of. It's not as bad as it was.

When we moved here, like some of those blizzards. Yeah. I remember going to like shows in fucking Bushwick. It's like a blizzard, and you're like, why the fuck am I doing this? I remember a blizzard where I took the train into the city and went to Broadway Comedy Club. Remember the world next to it? I was late, but I literally ran through a blizzard, and I was like, there's no way there's a show. And I got there, and the guy that ran the show was like, oh, sorry, man, Mick Foley's on stage.

And I was like, this feels like a nap nightmare. And I walked in the door, and that was when Mick Foley's first started doing stand-up. For you, it was a blizzard. for him it was a fog of CTE. Yeah, he goes, well, I went from the cage to here. You're like, no, you had years in between then. So when you tell them you're quitting McDonald's, are they like, look at Mike, go on, Mike,

or are they like, what the fuck are you talking about? I used to do a bit about this. It was, it was true. It was one of my first bits when I moved to New York because it was, I was like, you know, I told my manager and he was like, Mackle, so, you know, he's like, you'll always have a place here.

And then the punch, I was like, and I looked him in the eyes and I said, don't you ever fucking threading me like that again? That's great. There is, you know, when I quit, when I first got hired in radio when I was 19, I was like busing tables at Outback. And I got hired at the radio station. Like I went to the radio station, though, like you're hired. You're going to start next week.

We need your training. And I went to Outback with my shirt in my apron. And I was like, only there for like four shifts. And I was like, hey, I just wanted to give this back to you. And the guy took it. And he goes. I just want to let you know I'm not going to hire you back

and you're like yeah I don't what I don't ever want to come back here I hate you I don't hope I hope I never see you again but I mean that is like a lot of jobs when you say you're going to do something like fucking moved to New York to do stand-up they're probably like

well who's gonna who's gonna roast all the people on the in between window one and window two you know how much did you ever think about that about how bummed some people at McDonald's were that you weren't there making jokes because i'm sure you made work a lot easier for some people i think for some people but i think i was annoying to other people yeah but that's fine but there was a moment when i um you know

i was doing you know the bringer shows right we had to bring like 15 200 people so i did one at the hard rock fort lauderdale and my some of my mcdonald's uh buddies came and they didn't know what comedy club prices are. Oh, boy. But they know what alcoholism is. They didn't know that about them 750 Bud Lights. No.

Yeah. And that's in 2007. Yeah. We're talking about when Bud Lights normally costs about $2. Yeah. $3. Yeah.

The bar that they all went to was a place called C.M. Boomers. Sick. That's what punk is now. Yeah. That's his whole fucking gimmick now. Yeah.

See a Punk and CM Boomers. I thought you were making like a Superman reference. Like this is what? punk rock is no i meant like c m polk is now cm boomer yeah maybe a bar with shitty beer is the real punk rock yeah yeah yeah cm boomer yeah definitely but i mean and so they went and they're like upset by how much everything cost oh yeah when the bill came because they didn't look they just kept ah i'm fine and and i remember you know uh two of like the next day they were like you know you you were funny it was not

worth it damn it was like a course it was it damn and then And then so then when you say you're moving to New York, are they like, was anybody supportive? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They all weren't like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, they liked the act. And I did a few McDonald's jokes and they thought that was fun.

Yeah. You know, and I'd say it was like six or seven employees that came, which was awesome. That is great. Is there anyone from McDonald's that you still talk to? No. That you haven't. When's the last contact? Was it when you left?

And then it like dried out? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was like when I went back for like, but then the, the one that I went. went to um got destroyed and they built one like 10 minutes away and that's too far but but yeah my McDonald's doesn't exist I did bring my uh wife to it before uh it got taken down yeah and you're like this is where it all happened no yeah it was funny just like with the autism she's like yeah yeah i get you now so that was the moment in forest gump where you're throwing rocks at the old

abuse shack where yeah and then adina got AIDS some reason it's weird and then like but we had a bulldozed and everything's all right you know we adopted half black haley joel ozman you're like is he like me and you're like what critical of wrestling yeah absolutely is he now that your son is getting older yeah yeah he's almost three yeah are are you seeing is his tastes align with you at all does he love comics does he love wrestling he loves spider man i don't know i don't know what like i mean i made the joke before i don't know how i feel about getting him into wrestling. Really?

Yeah. Why? Because. So we both got into it since childhood. I mean, we're both lifelong fans. I know. And look at us. I think we're doing all right.

It's not good. I mean, yeah. We're sitting on a couch talking. Yeah, that's true. It's pretty good. Yeah. It could have gone a lot worse. Yeah.

But my problem is that it's like there are like two or three moments where wrestling is as good as everything else. You sure? and then nothing else like that everything else kind of sucks disappointment yeah so you're saying like you get Cody finishing the story and then you have to wait years for like something else and then you get Travis Scott running in you know you know but but I'm saying it's like yeah like I am you know like it's interesting knowing guys like like Dan and we're wrestling you know or you like where wrestling was our common thing right sure you also have football I don't

he likes football but like but then you find it like he also has aliens yeah like me you know for me my other thing is comic books sure and there are comic books that are literature there are comic books that belong in the smithsonian like watchman is a work of art right there's very little wrestling that I think deserves that that you think is that should be idolized like that yeah what now would you be upset if your son got into wrestling by himself or would you be like oh great now we can share it yeah i just like if he's like 11 and he goes dad i really want to watch money night raw yeah also what about the figures dude i mean growing up with a figure dad like you yeah you and gregg stone are the two biggest action figure guys i know yeah yeah so you i mean you guys have to be for for your son

he has to be like what a jackpot oh and i let him play with him that's awesome he has his but he also has mine. I love that he's like, can I, can I? Oh, he knows that, oh, this has got way more articulation. Yeah. Because he loves, there's a, there's a preschool spidey and his amazing friends. Sure. That he loves, um, but he also, he's got like discerning taste. Like, he loves Paw Patrol, but he prefers the movies to the TV show. There's not enough gravitas in the TV show. There isn't. Yeah, that's great. But, but, but, but the animation quality is way better. They hire union voice actors. you get to see his taste you go oh my son has taste yeah yeah yeah he loves like movies and your wife is artistic she's got like great taste and like yeah and like uh i mean you know

artistic autistic he's got all the you guys are the tistics the tistics the tistics the mighty tisdick dick dick dick dick yeah yeah it's it's cool because like he also trolls me like um he he knows he knows my favorite superhero is the thing but whenever Ryan like point to him on a shirt he'll just go that's the Hulk and he goes no it's not no and the thing is in like they did a rasha shana episode goes the thing's Jewish it's like no thing he goes oh yeah he's so sweet yeah that's really funny he's he's incredible man and it it's like I would never I'm never going to be the person who tells people all you have kids and all that but it is like it's the best like it's it's also I had yeah the weird thing like my dad

died three months after my kid was born. Yeah. And so I got to be like, I got all the introspection out of the way. Yeah. And now it's just like, now there's that kind of like my, my dad in some ways feels like my wingman. Like, oh, it's awesome. I love that. And watching what it's done for you and Adina, especially it's like, you know, it's been

great watching you become this guy that's filling an empty 20 ounce at a bar at the creek to a guy who's like a dad who, I watch you with your son. Oh, you got an empty 20 ounce with milk for him. Now you, exactly. I got to fill that up. But it's been awesome being your friend and watching you like be coming to the, you know,

get diagnosed with autism, but then also to like embrace it and to grow from it. To go back to the autism thing, you know, which we never really leave, do we? You guys that we kept calling me the machine. And the more that I was working,

the more people would say that. And even that is something I've had to like reconcile with because it's like mechanical, you know, or it's like there's like an inhuman aspect. Yeah, you're like I'm a person of it. Yeah. I get that. I mean, it was flat out us, me and Mark. No, I know.

I, I, I, I, I'm not arguing it. Yeah. I get it. It's a nice, it's a really sweet compliment. And I remember other people saying that you guys said that about me and that would that genuinely helped me. Um, but it was this like. the fact that I kept getting it.

I was like, okay, all right, okay. I get it. I understand. I'm a person. But as much as that, you know, autism is the writing that much. It's the, yeah, it's the McDonald's of like nothing's beneath me. Sure. You know, and it's amazing because you'll get writing jobs where other people are just like,

they hate being there or this and that. Like I wrote on Love Island and I just did that. I did that years ago. Oh, you posted the picture Because you said they made seven seasons or something Yes So you wrote on season one of the American version of Love Island Yeah

This is crazy So when they call you they're like Do you just want to write on Love Island And are you like What do you give sluts things to say When they get talked? I don't know How do you write for a low island?

No, I'm the one who calls them sluts Yeah, no nice I write the VO Oh you wrote the voiceover Yeah, me and another guy Okay We were in Fiji We're in this like

You got to go to Fiji? Anywhere you work is work. True. You know that. You've performed some cool places that aren't cool because you're just there. Because you're there to work. Yeah, yeah. And they're like, oh, man, Portland must be great.

I'm like, yeah, until you talk to a club owner and he won't leave you alone. Yeah, you know, whatever it is. No specific one there. That was just, I picked the city and I picked a problem. That's where I love helium. Shout out Portland, helium. Yeah, yeah. It's where we filmed on the road.

It's fucking great. Yeah. No, but. Um, yeah, it was, you're in the shipping container. We worked one a.m. till noon. And because it's basically live. Noon is 8 p.m. the night before. Oh.

In, um, the States in New York. And it was live. It was like, it was close to it. So you would watch the footage that they filmed and then you're writing, um, jokes. 1 p.m. to noon. 1 a.m. to noon. And how long did you have to do that for? Six weeks. Did that absolutely butt fuck your schedule?

Yeah, yeah. Because you're going to bed at like 1 p.m. Yeah. Well, it was weird because like with the time difference, I had to remember like I had to call like, I had the time where but I had to call like at I would go to bed around 5 p.m. You know. And so that was like the last time I could like talk to my wife before I went to sleep and everything. It did. But it was also, it was cool in a way of like because.

you had such a deadline like whatever you wrote was like oh this is fine yeah yeah you kind of got it you had to let it go yeah and you're sometimes that's the hardest part is you keep wanting to make it better especially with stuff like stand-up you're like i can make and and the my co-writer was really like that he's like we have to make it better and i'm like we get to do the best we can and then we get tomorrow like it doesn't matter i love that i mean that's a very great way to look at that i look at everything that way now i look at roast like that i look at because it's just Especially like you, you know, you get older, right? Like, it's amazing.

Like, you and I have known each other enough where all we wanted and all we believed in and thought of was careers. And we got to see each other become people. Yeah. Because I absolutely agree. At a certain point, you realize, like, part of the, you know, this is in America, this is in a lot of countries, but part of the whole, like, love your job, care about your job is a way for you to get taken advantage of. Yes. Because then they go, you identify as your job. You don't identify as the person you are.

You identify as the thing you're doing. Which I'm very guilty of. I'm very guilty of doing that with stand-up comedy a lot. Oh, yeah. They want you to be. Yeah. Because then they go, oh, and then they have a thing to go, well, you're not loyal to this thing.

And you go, well, I'm just being a person. And it trickles down. Like, if a big name drops in on a show, it's like, well, we have to pay anybody. Yeah. We got the fucking headliner here for, you know. So then, so then when you realize, oh, I'm being manipulated and this and that.

And you're just like, wait let me just it's all work you know my dad died he was still working i'm like i need to like slow down but i enjoy things i take pride in what i do but it doesn't define me like if it's the most important thing i do in life is be logan's dad which i think it is that's okay yeah because especially now where you write on tv shows or you star in tv and they don't even exist they take them off for text right off yeah it's the whole it's a whole it's a the whole back girl movie and fucking can it. Well, this happened with wrestling, right?

And CM Punk called it out. You get the workers to be marks. Yeah. Because all of the wrestlers in the 70s, 80s, and 90s were failed athletes and shit. They came in, but they knew their worth. Yeah. And now it's like, oh, why don't you do this and this and we'll pay you even less? Yeah.

And that is, they're very good at going, oh, you want to be a part of this? We'll take less and we'll let you be a part of it. Yeah. Instead of you going, I know my value. Yeah. And I think I need to be paid. Like a human. Yeah.

So now I'm just like, everyone's getting McDonald's. Yeah. That's what's happening. Yes. Everyone's McDonald's like that. And that's the guy where you go, Mako,

she loves your toys. Yeah. That's exactly it for everything. And so then I'm at these jobs and I'm like, why does it feel like McDonald's? Stop giving me toys. Yeah. I'm like,

I know what it's like to be taking advantage of. I'll steal this fish filet and you won't even fucking know it. I mean, my leg will because I'm burning and I'm like, I beat the system. Mike Lawrence, you're one of my favorite people. I'm very glad you came out of you. Oh, that's very sweet, ma'am.

The Mike Lawrence on social media, right? Yeah, yeah. The Mike Lawrence, Mike Lawrence comedy on some places. Look him up. He's unbelievable. Watch his stand-up. He's the best. Thanks for coming on, buddy.

Thank you, man. That was sweet. Yeah. Thank you.