Soder - 113: Irish Meat with Colum Tyrrell | Soder Podcast | EP 111

Episode Date: December 23, 2025

Support the sponsors to support the show! For a limited time, new Cash App customers can earn $10 if they use the code CASHAPP10 in their profile at signup and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Green, overdraft coverage, borrow, cash back offers and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures For a limited time, Ridge is having their huge Holiday Sale. Head to R-I-D-G-E dot com to GET UP TO 47% OFF your order. This is by far the biggest discount they’ve given all year! That’s Ridge.com for up to 47% Off your order during their Biggest Sale of the Year. After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. PLEASE support our show and tell them our show sent you. https://ridge.com/?utm_source=Soder&utm_medium=Podcast Bring on the holiday cheer and treat yourself - or someone you love - to Soul this season! Right now, Soul is offering my audience 30% off your entire order! Go to GetSoul.com and use the code SODER That’s GetSoul.com, promo code SODER for 30% off. The Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour is coming to your city! Get tickets at https://www.dansoder.com/tour FEB 13 - Orlando,FL FEB 14 - Tampa,FL FEB 28 - Buffalo,NY March 6 - Boston March 7 - Philadelphia,PA March 19 Dallas,TX March 20 - Houston,TX March 21- Oklahoma City,OK April 4 - Huntington,KY April 10 - Charlotte,NC April 11 - Durham,NC April 17 - Munhall,PA April 18 - Cleveland,OH April 19 - Columbus,OH April 24 - Larchwood,IA Follow Colum Tyrrell  https://www.instagram.com/columtyrrell/ https://www.youtube.com/c/ColumTyrrell https://linktr.ee/columtyrrell https://www.youtube.com/@ColumTyrrell/videos PLEASE Drop us a rating on iTunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soder/id1716617572 Connect with DAN Twitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoder Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoder Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedy Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoder Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy #dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcast Produced by  Mike Lavin      https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en

Hey, everybody. I want to thank you for coming and seeing me on the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour. We've announced the second leg. It starts up in February, February 13th in Orlando, then February 14th and Tampa. Going to be in Buffalo, February 28th, Boston, March 6th, Philly, March 7th. Go to Dan Soder.com. The whole second leg all the way through April is on sale, all available at DanSoter.com. I love you guys. This is Colin Turrell. You know him from the podcast, Cockfight. Yes, Cockfight.

And his own show, which might come back at any moment. My podcast? Yeah. Yeah, I'm bringing it back, actually. Did you know that? No, I guess. You just had a feeling? I just fucking guessed it.

I needed a break. I needed to unwind. Well, I was doing two hours solo a week, which was just... It was too much. That's insane. I think Bill Burr was the best of doing that. Sure. He did the best solo podcast.

So, every time I've tried to do it, it makes me feel genuinely insane. It does. And then you, one day you start saying something. And then even at the end of the sentence, you go, that was stupid. And I didn't have anyone to go, shut up. Yeah. I need guard rails, dude. Yeah, definitely.

You got to see someone's face go, what? A solo podcast would just be the rantings of a madman. I would start talking about like 1988 Survivor Series finishes. Sure. Where I'd be like, don't you understand, this is all connected. Yeah. It's all, it's like, um, whenever I think of trying a solo. podcast it makes me understand people that have lost their minds because you go oh they're just

podcasting yeah you go nuts they just podcasted off the cliff like crazy people outside they're just podcasting there might be a couple of crazy people that would have a better podcast and when i was so low is that the new network are we get me and you that were like bum hunters we're gonna like grab them and then like uh yeah wait with the help of pimp we'll like put a mic on them and then put out their episodes where you go this is this is jim from 26th street and six to happen he's like yeah he's got like one of those little furry mics attached to a cup well he's doing how many bodies you got sex he goes dead is this under a bridge i'm talking about people you kill dude one of my favorite videos i'll show i send this to sagelow when we're on the road

and we're about to smoke weed but this is this guy this guy's energy is the kind i was just thinking about it's this i found this video online and it's a guy and he goes smoke a bowl and he goes And then what? He goes, make your way down the slide. I'm going to show you. This guy fucking rules. First,

smoke a ball. Okay. And then what I have to do? And make it down the slide. He's probably figuring it all out. That guy fucking rules, dude. Like, if I were the kind of guy that would be like, you know,

going right for merch, there's no way I don't make a smoke a bowl and make your way down the slide. I'm sending it to you so he'll edit it right in. These guys. Some people watching to go. These guys are right, though. You smoke a bowl, go on the swings. Don't be, don't be too complicated.

Like, people are overcomplicating. Everyone's listening to Huberman about, you know, make sure you see the light at 6 a.m. or whatever. No. Dip your face in, dip your face in a bowl of ice with tape over your mouth. Scare a dog twice a day. They do do that. They go, I don't eat anything that isn't a super protein.

I wake myself up with an electrical charge. Then I do six hours of cardio where I don't have a sip of water. we'll just have a homeless guy do it yeah exactly box wine get you angry bottled wine get you horny and you go what a great way yeah it's like that huberman put out of business by bums yeah let's put like all those him and one of the other guys that do that uh huberman who's the other guy i don't know just try to think of that like uh the running guy oh guggins Gaggans, who is like, life is pain. And you're like, I don't know if I need that much.

Yeah, Gagin's always like, I ran on a sprained ankle for 200 miles. And this guy's like, my leg is leaking. My leg has been leaking since 1998. If the bones coming out, that means you ain't doing it hard enough. But there are, that's like when I see people that are into, like, tent churches. Which? Like, you know, like people that go to, like, churches where they dance with snakes.

Have you seen like Southern Baptists or any of these? I've never seen no. I've never seen no snake. Because what I love about Ireland is you guys got rid of those snakes. St. Patrick. Yeah. Be gone. You guys played it off and then they fucking came here and we took them and danced with them.

We're like, these are my friends. But it's like Pentecostal churches. Sure. Speak in tongues and they'll do a thing where they're like they're holding snakes because they're proving that God loves them so the snakes won't bite them. Okay. So they, like, dance and they speak in tongues.

It's fucking wild. But what I love, no one gives American, Americans credit for when we take your guys' shit and go crazy with it. Jazz it up a little. Jazz it the fuck. That's why I'm so proud to be in American. I get it. It's because we take something like Catholicism, which I could argue, it's the Italians

and the Irish perfected it. Sure. The Italians had the Vatican and they had all the power. You guys were just straight up super fans. Ireland was like You know You're like You guys is Catholicism

We just needed it Because we used to be the Celts You know So we were like worshiping big stones Like that was like kind of All these white guys with dreadlocks Was worshipping stones And then these guys showed up

Oh yeah Our guy can do magic And we're like alright That's better They go what He got a son that walked cross water And you're like It was so easy

This rock hasn't done shit Imagine how mad you are If you're the rock god And you're like This is going pretty good Well if we're wrong We show up after there's a bunch of rocks going what the hell you guys had it you were right in the

beginning it's us it's the rock the devil one the devil is walks across the water you go but like like you know like my mom always says she was raised irish catholic but she wasn't raised irish catholic she was raised american irish catholic which is like it's like more flavor more sugar yeah yeah i don't know i always get confused i go over here and then i i was i was going to church for some holiday with my in-laws and then in the middle of one of the sermons the guy turns around and he's talking

about life and difficulty and then he's like like the other day I was talking to my wife and I went, what? Yeah. I go, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? No, no, no, no, no. We got him. He's not a priest. He's a liar. He's wearing a wire. He's got the way. He's got the way. We're listening to a guy who eats pussy.

He doesn't know anything about Jesus. I'm like, yeah, what do you know? I need a guy starved for human touch yeah i need a guy who's not allowed around kids i need that's what that's jesus yeah they go you think they want to fuck those kids they're doing it because it's really the easiest option i don't want a guy who's like pretending that he has to go to mass because his wife's nagging him he's like oh no i got a big funeral i got to go there yeah i got to give big ups to the big guy yeah you know women yeah that's so yeah because it's i thought it was catholic priests aren't allowed to marry

don't ah so i'm episcopalian which is very funny Okay. The Episcopal church was created by the king of England so he could get divorced. Okay. I thought the Church of England, is it? Yeah, it's like pretty much the church. It's like, I don't know if you can look that up, but the Episcopal, the Episcopal church is like. The Episcopal.

It's like Catholic, they've joked around. It's like Catholic light. Yeah. But it is like, they allow divorce. They're like, I don't know. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, condoms and stuff. That's what the, yeah.

I never even know. They allow the priests to get married. Yeah. Which is, I think, is. probably it's way better. Yeah, for the priest

and then all the victims. But I don't know. I truly do believe I'm listening to someone who's not munching bucks more. I feel like he's pure. He's closer to heaven.

Because he's not fucking. Because he's not. He's just blue ball to the guilds. And they can't jerk off either, can they? No, they're not allowed to do nothing.

But he's crazy. No. Let them. No way. Let the air out. You know, you can blow. low up tires if they're pumped too full of air.

Yeah, but this, no, he's on a frequency. He's like, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's talking to God daily. That's humor. That's where the air is the first Huberman stuff where they're like,

don't touch your dick. You're going to get so much done and everyone's like, it just seems like a lot of work. Yeah, for sure. I feel much more comfortable talking to a guy that has empty nuts. You do? About God.

About God. Yes. Yeah. Because he goes like, it's chill, baby. I just got my dick sucked. Yeah. God's beautiful.

But also, there's a lot of priests are banging chicks, especially in Ireland, yeah. So that's the thing. That's kind of the thing. So do you think, like, you know how they say married men attract women more? Do you think priests attract more women because they go like, I know that berries full of juice. Do you think that? No, because they'd come over and go, tell me about your temptations. Oh, what?

And they'd say to the husband, I'm just going to do a little prayer with your wife today. Yeah. Put your hand stuff. Yeah. We're going to put our hands together in different ways. Yeah, she could. The husband comes home. She's soaking wet.

It was just covered in holy water. He goes, sorry, he blessed me. He goes, I don't know, it smells like, the blessing smells a little like piss. They called squirt. You know, it's mostly piss. I don't know if you know. Yeah, I didn't know that that would make sense if you were a priest and you wanted pussy. Loads of them were banging left, right, and said, especially in Ireland back in the day.

So this is like when my parents were growing up, maybe it was a little bit. out of that but certainly my grandparents you had an obligation to give the church one of your family members what they as a priest or a nun so one of them had to go they they pretty much essentially they were they were socially pressured into it so you'd have nine kids one of them would die of polio the other one would leave to england and then whichever ones were left usually the dim ones or the or the or the pigs ears as we'd say you know the queers right so the pig they'd send the pigs here to the church because so you'd have some one kid gone hi dad you're a priest fuck off daddy i just believe in stuff and he goes you're a man of the cloth yeah exactly

the first day he's at where he's like dad it was just down stairs by the river he goes pigs here we're sending them there was all the all the priests were had a little bit of fucking show a little oh yeah yeah they had a little jazz to them yeah for sure yeah because it's not that's not allowed in catholicism so they're like you better joy you better put on a robe well you have to give they they would show up and go which one do you want to give us and they go I don't I don't like that one. Yeah. He dances a little too good.

But I'm always amazed with how much shame that breeds in sex. Yeah. Specifically, Catholicism seems like there's like, if you jerk off, you're like, God, watched me. Everyone's mad at me. Yeah. Whereas, like, I was talking to Louis Katz about this. And I've brought this point up before. He, he, like, talks about how horny he is all the time with an air of like, yeah, dude, I'm just hornier.

And I go, you don't have any shame. I go, you just fuck. And he goes, yeah, because in Judaism. they don't shame you yeah they're like sex is great have sex you should have sex and you're like oh okay and that's why they're all like yeah like i talked to ari about this i was like you don't have any and he goes no why do you think i'm showing my dick and nuts all the time he's like because i don't have whereas like i grew up obviously not catholic i grew up like episcopalian but not even barely but there was still shame sure don't show you penis you don't show you dick yeah yeah

absolutely but also the jews like i think they don't have like an afterlife right so this is there and this is like what are you saving it for get it yeah we're we're being good boys so we can we can live in the clouds for a while but we don't even know that's gonna happen i'm willing to bet i'm gambling i know you're gonna look like a fool when i'm with my rock gods dude i'm telling you right now

me and you have the same parlay ticket so i'm hoping it cashes yeah because if not dude i like i should be whipping it out if it's true if the jews are smoking them because they got them and that's it is or they're like smoke it if you got Let's fucking rock this shit. You can't spend it when you're dead. I always wonder about that.

That's why I'm always amazed with people who claim to be after life experts. Yeah. Like, after like people that die for a minute on an operating table and then they come back and then they write a book about what they saw. Yeah. What is?

That's like just a DMT trip, right? Isn't that the same? You just got a little DMT in your brain. Whatever that. Yeah, that's what I won't smoke. You're a little. Yeah, your third eye. Your little third eye gets wiped open.

Yeah. I, that's why. I won't smoke DMT. Have you never done it? No, I don't want to do it in case that there is no afterlife. And that's the hit your body gives you. And I've already done it. No, now you're,

it's like, you know, like how the first beer is always the best? You're like, the first beer, you're like, ever in your life, though? No, I'm just talking about it in a night. First beer, you go, you're like whistling about it. You're like, that's cold.

Look at that. Then the second beer you don't give a shit about. I think it's going to be more like riding a horse or something. And you're going to be like, oh, I can get booked. And I'll be like, follow me. Oh, you're long, I've been around. Your long heaven hair?

Yeah. How many times have you done DMT? Probably a seven or eight. Really? Yeah, yeah. Have you seen the thing that everyone claims where they all see the same thing? I've seen stuff that, yeah, because it's like you don't see a physical. In my opinion, I never saw like a physical kind of guy, but I saw like the idea.

It's like a dream almost where you go, it was my house, but it wasn't my house. You know, I saw people, but it wasn't people or something? And do you think that was it? Do you think they like let you? Do you think DMT lets you look at you? to the afterworld? No, I think it's just a chemical in your brain that gets released and it looks cool. That's what I'm saying.

But I will say, last time I did it, I smoked it, and I don't know what happened. You know, you kind of passed out, I woke up, but I had a little recording. Talking about cash app, talking about money. No, man, I am, I was on a show about money, but I am stupid about it, especially with these apps. But if you get cash app, I'm telling you right now, very easy way to send. to get money. It's just one of those ones where there's not a lot of headache. You can buy stuff with Cash App. And Cash App just released a new status program for the way people actually spend

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Visit cash.app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosure. I will say last time I did it, I smoked it and I don't know what happened. You know, you kind of passed out, I woke up, but I had a little recording on my camera to, like, to try. Like a paranormal activity thing?

No, I set up the camera like a podcast. Yeah. Essentially. Okay, guys, welcome to the Compturl podcast. And this is smoking DMT. This is dealing with my drama. Yeah, this is trying to find love. Down, down, down, down.

And you're smoking, go. And yeah, but somewhere in that trip, I just over, you got this sense of sadness. And then when I came out, and I was just like, man, I just feel so sad or something. And then I just started crying. And I just cried for like 30 minutes. I mean, like, bawling my eyes out. And then at the end, I'm like, oh. Then I just like, turn down.

That's so funny. That move. It wasn't like fun. I was supposed to be like, I saw an alien and he was juggling the sun. And I was just bawling my eyes out for 30 minutes. And then when you're picking it, when you're finally packing it up and you're like, yeah. Yeah, I just like, share, subscribe.

I'm not going to go off to the Patreon. That's why one of my favorite videos, a great subreddit is cringe TikToks. Oh, nice. And they show just like crazy TikToks. not always they show other shit but something they'll show where people in cars having breakdowns yeah one of the funniest one was like when your partner of when you come out as polygamous to your partner of six years and they deny you and it's like a girl that looks like she works in a williamsburg

bookstore and she's like oh oh and she's like really like pulse crying and then a guy duets it and he like shows himself setting up his camera and then going like yeah and you're like because you did the whole DMT trip and ended up in the cry but there are people that set up to cry and then they go there was a mother when her kid was

and she goes like fucking cry better yeah and she got they got like Captain America she forgot the end of the though yeah they got Captain America to say hello to him he was like they went by being me and she's like and he was going to cry more come to cry

I feel like if you see someone doing a rant on their phone in a parking lot, it should be mandatory that you run up and go right on their window and just in the real,

like, don't get killed. But like, you know what I mean? If someone's like in the thing and they're like, and I'm going to tell you why Donald Trump is taking away, just come up and go,

do, do, do, do, just on their window. I'm like, oh, is it? I just, I want, we need to come up with a word just to like for them to yell out so that if I see it on the internet, they can go like, Zorro!

And you go, yeah, That's one of ours. Because more people need to start pushing back to people doing public TikToks. Yeah, they're always dancing over Penn Station now. All the Asians, they are all Asians. I don't know what to tell you. Listen, I'm not booking it.

I'm just telling you who's there. I'm just telling you who's. You made that racial. I just say what I saw. I'm just telling you if you walk into Times Central, you'll see it. There's a new thing over Penn Station, the Monaghan Hall or whatever. And then at the end, they all get together. And I think they all, like, that's like where they hang out.

And then they'll all be in a little, like a pyramid thing. Yeah. And then I'm just walking by, go, get out of my country. And they go, what was that? The guy goes, I'm from Minnesota. Is this an Asian guy? I grew up in Minneapolis. Yeah, they're, uh, when I've walked through TikToks.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Because New York City, you can be recognized too. Because it's like, oh, Dan Soda. Like in the back. That's why you got to stop and look at the camera and go, fuck these pussies and then you keep walking

I stop and I look at the camera and I go fuck these kill these people this sucks yeah this fucking sucks give me all your money

but I've walked through like quickly and they're like they act like you're rude yeah when you walk through a TikTok they get like mad at you they're like hello

and you're on 6th I do I must say I get I get I get I get hooked when they have those the gym ones, you know, some chicks sets up the gym. And she's like this. And then some guy walks by just like scratch at his belly button. She's like, excuse me?

Oh. Excuse me. I'm doing my weight here. Yeah. And he's like, oh, sorry. Yeah. You know? And then it turns around to that guy in the car going, how dare you? Oh, that really Jerry, Joey swallow. Yeah, Jared. And he goes, I'm going to tell you right now, if this guy's getting to the gym, he's already accomplishing something. He doesn't need you

pushing back. That's the voice you to have. You don't own the gym. This isn't a private gym. I hope you do better. hope you do better. Yeah, he goes, we all got to come together or do better. Most of us, both of us will be much more successful if we start using that tone a lot more. Oh, yeah. I'm Dan Soder, and I'm going to show you how you can live like a homeless person in New York City.

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I'm two weeks away from doing like fucking hamburger reviews around the Lower East Side going Oh my colleague 6.8 Someone knocks on it Zorro you go I'm fucking doing a goddamn hamburger review I had to pay for this Volvo with my own fucking money anyways

back to this smash burger put your hand behind it I'm new muckbang videos in my car Thank you Royal King 19 all dip it French fries in it Dude that'll be great Yeah exactly pizza and milk shake Something and looking at comments

The streaming shit you were saying that Like you were saying like streaming's killed the rap game Like people don't want to be rappers anymore They want to be streamers This is the new thing Streaming's the most there was only one way out of the hood Now it's streaming now it's going like this What's up 24 hour streams

Yeah now hitting yourself with a pool noodle Hitting each other with pool noodles It's so funny because it is is like we watched uh you know i i you watch like the industry which is gone now but you watched people kiss ass in the industry sure like get favors to like with bookers that were doing like um letterman or conan when late nights were big so you watch people like finagle that and then podcast became big and you watch people like finagle that and like get in with people and have success or whatever but you wonder if the next thing is like just streamers just being like hey can i

show up at your house at 3 p.m. and do a five-minute set. And then Kaisanaat's like, yeah, I don't know. It's just like on his computer and you're behind it. And you're like, so I was on, uh, are you guys on the apps? He's got, right? Kaisanaat's like reading his stream. He's like, yeah, I don't know who he is either.

I don't, I hope he leaves soon. Yeah, just, I got Kanye coming by. He's going to take medication live on the air. That's like what he goes. This is lithium. Kanye live. all right see what it does

yeah I don't know I don't know what we're fucking headed it might yeah my I don't know I think it's all just I don't know what the fuck is going on me and you're so confused I think you to be streamers oh yeah

16 year old stream I could yeah it sounds nice to be some sort of streamer influencer thing where it's like something you want to do anyway somehow it's like

monetized but then the second that happens I'm like fuck this I hate fucking or whatever that's whatever you're monetizing but you know it is that's I think what you're describing right now is how we all felt about porn

when we were 12 years old and going through puberty you're like these guys just fuck beautiful women and they get paid to do it yes that's incredible and then you get older and you go it ain't that it ain't that it's a hard job you know mark pardon the pun but like

you are like I couldn't I couldn't get my boner hard if they're like you got to fill for three hours no you're like I don't want to fuck for three hours that's crazy I don't want to you know And now you see, like, Twitch streamers and you go, I wouldn't want to play video games for that long. I want to play live?

I just can't even be looked at that long. It's like, it's insane. And they do it for, what, like, six weeks? It's just fucking go. And they're just, like, snoozing on camera. Yeah, that's like, it's actually the self, self-made Truman show. Yes.

These guys watch Truman and went, that's a good idea. They go, I can do that. Mr. Beast goes, I've built an entire village so that I can stream 24 hours a day. I smile without moving my eyes. It's one of the most disturbing characteristics. And the short. Sign that I am a lizard person

And he just goes This smile He's like Are you gonna eat it? Yeah it is They did They took Truman show And they were just like fuck it

That got Mr. Beas is nuts too But I've heard of people I've heard of people Talking about being on those shows That he does And he's not part of any of it You know He just shows up at the end

He just shows up And kind of presents it Like for 30 minutes He's like This is day one And then he'll come around And go This is day two of us

And he's not there at all And then he just gets Flown back To wherever the fuck he goes To lay in goo I just assume that's what the ultra-rich do is that they just lay in some sort of cold but warm goo that feels good similar to when they pull Neo out of the Matrix

100% like that kind of like that he's working on something I always think about that shit with like Mr. Beast is a kind of guy where you're like who are you for real does he even have a part of him where you think this guy's doing horrific crime Or is it worse? He's not. You know,

they're doing a new Bond movie, right? That Amazon bought the Bond franchise. Okay. So they're recasting Bond. I just heard that Tom Holland's out for some reason. I didn't realize why. But they're like all the big UK guys are up right now for like who's going to play James Bond. I think a great Bond villain is a Mr. Beast type.

where a guy that looks like he's doing all this stuff but in reality he's like doing some crazy fucked up shit and James Bond has to go and defeat Mr. Beast it even sounds like Mr. Beast Your chocolate tastes like shit Yeah, what is it this time? Are you gonna set it on fire?

Did you see the one where he set the house on fire and the guy had to pull the money out? No, I didn't see that one? Can you bring that one up to day on my Mr. Beast videos? I thought we're over here to talk beast clips. I'm trying to catch up, sorry. It's the name of the podcast is Beast clips. I go, here he is not trying again.

Mr. Beast, I feel like could eliminate me. So this guy is like just tying this. He's got to leave a burning building. That's great. To get $500,000. I hope it, yeah, I hope the guy burns to death. Yeah. I want the guy to be.

He goes, and here the bad news is. Turns out he didn't know. It was pulled, not push. He got to. Trapped in there, smoke inhalation got him, and then the flames danced on his skin. The good news is he was passed out long before his face melted. The bad news is, is when the fire made contact to his face, it cut right through. The fireman made a choice to take the money out and not save the victim.

So that the environment was like, I just got $500,000. Are you fucking kidding me? This is a fucking salary for a year. Oh. Hey boy. I'm not going to fucking spatula up that thing that's on the floor. He's like, turns out he melted to the floor. All the boys are, yeah, all the boys are.

Like when a thousand, like when a thousand pound person fuses with the couch, he's part of the ground. Yeah. He's the world's biggest YouTube star. His next move is to start a bank. You can't. Mr. Beast. You can, you can, you can muscle in on the bank. Banking, dude.

He's going to have a tragic beast accident. We're doing a bank that isn't backed by the FDIC. Meaning if any of your money goes missing, suck my beastly dick. Hey, 12-year-olds, you should all... Hey, invest in Beast Bank. Yeah, he has his own stock market. In 20 years, he would, like... Probably.

It's just, we are living in Beast World. He's, like, there's, like, blimps going by. I'm in a courtroom, shackled, and they're playing this clip, and I go, I was a comedian. I was choking. And they go, silence old man. You went against our beast's God. You disrespected. Mr. Beast.

Mr. Beast, what do you think? He goes, 70 days on a burning island. And you go, don't film it. I don't want my wife to watch this. 99 lashings in the public square. With a, with a whip, that's on fire. And you go, how are you going to do this? Remove his eyesight.

We're taking his eyes. And we're giving them to someone else. One thousand people. Eyesight removed. That's what it, I mean, it is, he would be a perfect bond villain. Mm-hmm. He'd be a perfect bond villain. Yeah, it's just insane what's going on.

Like, do people still like them when they, when they're past the age of like 14? It's just like something they watch when they go, where it's always just like, um, one man versus 12 dogs. Can I tell you? Yeah. Because I've tried to like shit watch and I get into it. Yeah. I go like, you're watching it. And you go, it's production value.

Sure. I keep going to click off, but then something happens. Yeah, you go, I don't know. They're good at it. Yeah. They're just like good at keeping you. It's just whatever that frequency is in your brain. They're just slowly, you just, it's like to zone out.

Yeah, you're like, it just is like. I was in a daydream watching this for five hours. You know how growing up the two things that they always warned us about that never happened was quicksanded getting hypnotized? Sure. Remember how much they made you worry about getting hypnotized when you were a kid? And it was like, it was just that swirly thing and you'd be like they did it they somehow did it that's what youtube videos do you go like i'm watching and then you go buy the mr beast chocolate bar i want

i need the chocolate bar as a pot head i eat uh an irresponsible amount of candy as an adult yes one time i was in a green room i won't say whose but there was a box of mr beast chocolate bars i tried one sucked yeah if a stoner puts down your candy bar you're in big trouble wow yeah if i went no you got into the burger business too yeah he want to call these burger reviews stay to stay tuned stay tuned oh you're astroturfing me you're fucking building this dude i do it stay tuned for my review i'm not going to tell you more but he did i got one you got click that button you want to find out what's on there i go i need to know what the secret sauces the older i get the more I'm like, man, I can't just keep smoking all the time.

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promo code Soter for 30% off. I didn't know what that fucking secret sauce. Yeah, he keeps launching businesses that all crash because it's not just the attention economy. It's an actual physical good. Yeah. So this bank is going to be an absolute nightmare.

Can you bet against it? How do you bet against it? I don't know. How can we short this bank? Dude, I would short it. I would short it. I would short it. That's what's so funny is being on a show about finance. I was on billions for like seven seasons.

People think I know finance and I don't know anything about finance. You don't want to be in. Quantitative easings. That's exactly. And they walked out of it. This is how stupid I was. This is how stupid I was. They had a guy on set, shout out, Ternie Duff, who would sit there and tell us what it meant.

Oh, so that your character could know. So I knew what the fuck. He would explain it to me an idiot. No, I like that. That's the means you're a better actor. You go, just give me the fucking fluff. I got, what is this? And he's like,

the central bank is law floating the, yeah. I didn't, I didn't even pretend. I can't even riff it. And then people, you know you're better than I'm doing it. But I remember like being at a comedy club after a show and someone was like, but you get all that finance stuff. And I was like, no, not at all.

And they're like, you don't know anything. Air squeeze, hostile takeover? Nope. Don't know. And I go, nope, don't even know. Honestly, don't even know what the stock market is. Can you even remember any, can you even remember any of your lines enough to like bluff your way through like a party in

the Hantons or. something. Now, did you like, if someone could, honestly, maybe if you would have caught me in like 20, 23. You might still. Like when this show was wrapping up, I could probably pull some shit from like, you know, episode 708.

I don't know which one I was in, but something where I say it, where I was like, his quantitative outputs were you know. Yeah, yeah. Season, dude, I'm going to tell you right now, you walk up on me in 2018, I'm hitting you with some fake financial advice. I'm knowing all the jargon. Yeah, you're just like, yeah, the

that was really doing something. Oh, my God. dude i think i might even been bullshitting about it 2025 i don't know a goddamn thing i've smoked too much weed my brain's too full of resin now i go dollars i don't know i don't know what was that what was that like was there was there was there was a times when you i've never seen the show yeah but was the times when you're like just acting with paul gmadi and then you just go like are you serious right now there was yeah or then you go fuck i suck yeah i suck so bad i did that with every scene.

Every scene. Because all the people, like, you don't understand this about shows like that. Giamati, obviously. Yeah,

you can. Maggie Siff, Damian Lewis, all the big dogs, but the people that are really good at acting, like really good at acting, are the unknown people that are around.

Like, the people I worked with, like Asia and Kelly and Daniel and like all these people that I worked with and you just watch them act and you go, oh, you guys are like.

They're just not popular. They're just, they're not famous yet. Sure. Like, Ilfinesh, the girl who played my girlfriend in season, she was like,

Bobby's she was Axelrod's secretary and we had like a romantic thing she's huge now she's in like she was in that new Spike Lee movie she's like everywhere and she's a fantastic actress but you like you know what it is it's like they were coming up these guys was it yeah it's like they felt like when I was in comedy and you saw the people that were just kind of doing it just to do it and not really in it and then they would see like the people that were in it and they're like oh you're in it you're like doing mics and writing bits yeah that's how it feels with like young actors is like I felt like I was like an influence we're trying to do stand-up That's how I felt in their world.

Like, I was like, are you out of it now? Are you gone? Are you never going to do? I mean, like, I would do shit. Trillions, the new one? Oh, yeah, no. You were the Saudi Arabian kings. I want to bring back billions, but call it trillions.

Where is my fee? Bring my fee to me. To beheading square. To my fee. And then it's me going, I talked so much shit when all those guys came over here. It is, it is like one of those things where it was like an awesome experience. Sure. also showed me that like I'm not yeah for that yeah like I'm just not I think like there's I think

I would act in stuff if people wanted me to and they were just kind of like hey acting this but I could never see a world where I'm like really passionate about audition out there because you got to especially now they're like the amount of jobs they have is so limited yeah and if you're like I would just be gunking up the works I would just be like I don't really even care about like I like stand up That's, like, all I want to do. 100%. So it is, like, interesting. But when I would watch, like,

when you're talking about doing a scene with Giamati, you're like, you're so good at this. He's so good. Even I'm watching. Damien Lewis. I did most of my scenes with Damien Lewis. And Band of Brothers.

Yeah, that's the guy's fucking done a ton of shit. And I would watch him act and I'd be like, yo. I would like want to talk to him about it. I'd be like, that was crazy. You like did it completely different. But it still worked.

One time it was a, it was like season two and he was like yelling at us in this lecture and they filmed him first like giving the speech at this lecture hall and then they turned it around like because he like yells at me and yells at a couple people in the crowd during it or whatever and a lot of the times like big actors they'll turn it around and they'll just like stand there and read their lines like they won't this motherfucker was like acting while we were doing it yeah and he was like off camera and there was like a crane shot that they were doing and i remember he was yelling doing his monologue and then he dipped under the crane mid yell and came back up yelling and I was like

in my head I was like I almost missed my cue because I was like that's a motherfucking actor but I every time I'd be like I suck we're doing an episode that same season where John Singleton the guy that did Boys in the Hood like a legendary director yeah he directed an episode and the scene was like me Ilfanesh Maggie Siff and Damien Lewis and I was just sitting there and I was like why am I here are they're just waiting waiting for one person yeah I was waiting for like

John Singleton's assistant to go why are you here because I was just in a chair and I was like I don't know I genuinely all I want to do is go outside and take a one hitter and come back and to watch you guys do this scene I don't even want to be a part of it

so funny but it is like yeah you can see it happen Tim was talking Tim Dylan's talking about that time he got shout of that on Batman oh yeah where he was like say your fucking lines right oh he was in Joker 2

which I never saw but Tim is like I don't know like Tim could be if Tim popped up and stuff Tim is such his own personality that he pops up in stuff as Tim Dylan

Yeah He's not like he's talking to the He's talking to the Joker I get it I get it He goes listen what you guys are doing I think is fantastic Yeah why he's got to do something Gotham City's been giving away money

Why not take some of it I think burn a little What do what do we do Yeah Yeah, it is like, you know, when, you know, similar to, like, Trump showing up at Home Alone, too. Where his cameo isn't like, oh, my God, that's, they don't have to say, oh, my God, that's Donald Trump. He goes, go down the home and do that. Like, Tim is like that.

He's like Charles Barkley. He, like, shows up in something, and he goes, Charles Barkley isn't going to play, like, the sheriff. He's going to be like, oh, Charles Barkley. He's like, what the hell is going on here? That's Tim. He just shows up, and he's like, where am I? I love it. I love that he's that big.

Yeah, it's great. he also like Tim's going to get to the point where he can maybe fix big problems in your life if you go listen there's a rezoning happening in Colorado

with my mom and I'll go let me talk to him I got it guy I can make yeah and then you go he's gone this and you know no no

no no put him back I wanted an extension on the application he would be the guy to call me that goes you and call him talking about Mr. Beast has got yourself

into some trouble and you know oh no he reached out to you I got a guy on the inside I know beast i know mrs beast we go to the hamptons we go to the hamptons quite often that is the weird part about like watching your friends get so famous that like um i don't know there is a there is a point where you go like oh the movies were right where you go like ain't it about the music anymore man

oh yeah yeah yeah not like what happened to you yeah chain is stayed shame sure and i think that's we always joke around that it's because of it's also deep level of self-hatred. Yeah, that's a nice one. It's also been like four weeks of like being the most famous guy. Like it's been so... Nate's only been famous really for like five years. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess.

But when you see the other people, you go, damn, it really does like long term. It's like the presidency. Like when they show a picture of Obama before the presidency and then after eight years and you're like, whoa. Yeah. That's what I think... I wouldn't even need to be have fame. If I just owned my own house, I think that'd be enough for me to be a shit hairtale. everyone yeah if i just had my own house i'd be like fuck all of you i'd be i'd be you would

you would hate me i i would feel like i'm better than everyone else go see try take it i own it i own it and it's i got a gun dude take it if you want try it i absolutely understand that energy and i want it so bad yeah i want to own a home and be like get off my i'm treating my life like the walking dead yeah people are i go get off my land brother there ain't no community no more He's the level of that where I can never get to that level because I have, I, I would want to walk away too easy. Like, if I made, like, what those guys make in a year, I would be like, bro, I have a compound and I just outside of Billings, Montana.

Oh, my goodness. And I, and I've got, yeah, a couple of my cousins are hired a sniper fucking snipers. No one's coming for me, but I just want them to be there. You'd be in Durango, Colorado, and you'd be like, is that Dan Soder? I just have a giant beard and I go, shut the fuck up. Yeah. Shut the fuck off or I'll kill you. The going away thing is real big.

People, I don't think celebrities right now, because of everybody, I'm not talking about comedians. I'm talking about just in general celebrities. I think celebrities in general lost a really important tool they used to have in the 90s in 2000s, which it was probably easier to do because there was an industry of leaving. Like going away for two years and then coming back out with something. And you go. because like I like Ryan Reynolds

I love like any of them are just like post like Sydney Sweeney's just like posting on a boat every day everywhere and it is and you know I don't really know I don't think as far as the individual goes it's harder to blame them because it is how

society's built right now and everyone I'll tell you like once people are watching you to get everything you can yeah yeah yeah but then you think about people back in the day and you're like I used to get so excited when Chris Rock would be like I have a new special coming out

Yeah. Like, I haven't heard from you in like five years. I forgot you were around. And now I'm like super excited for your new thing. So I think people are just hanging around too long. And I feel like I do that all the time. Even like with this, I feel like I'm like, is this me hanging around too much? Yeah.

Are you guys getting too much of me? Yeah. Like people are like, no, that's like, people will be like, you should do the regs every week. And I'm like, but that's not the, that's not how it is. You want us to not see each other for a lot. So when we see each other, it's authentic. But it is. It's like a weird place we're in right now.

Yeah, it's kind of, and you know what, bar shows kind of died out, I think, because of this in New York, because it used to be a time when, like, say, you, Samarrell, whoever was coming up, people were like, oh, that guy's sick. We got to go see them at some, like, Hannibal's Club, because that's who you see. Now someone goes, oh, there's a new Dan Sodor, you just immediately go on their Instagram page, just seven and a half hours of them doing jokes. And then you go, I'm never leaving my house. And that's why I think I'm like pretty

I'm pretty Like I'm a stickler for what I release stand-up lies Sure Because if you come like I'm on tour right now None of that shit's online No None of that shit's online I don't do any of that

And you know what's great about that Is the one thing that If we did have the taser This is when Pimp would tase me about comedy No No we can't Because it'll give me a heart attack And I'm not dying on air

Did you come up with a taser thing No I bought one And then I read... We had a Nerf gun on our podcast for any time someone got too serious we'd shoot them in the face but then it turns out

it was just the whole thing it was the whole show was just us yeah just I bought there's a Mexican standoff the whole pod I bought a taser

for any time I talked about comedy too long he didn't over and fucking yeah and I'd be like I'm sorry but then I read the instructions and it was like this is for a hog

if you do this to a person they'll die and I was like so I just have it in there because then if shit pops Oh, can I get, are you, you literally can't tase me? No, it'll kill you. What, really?

No, it says like, and I looked it up on. How did you get it into this state? Amazon. You could buy it on Amazon. Shout out, Bezos. And it looks just on the thing, it says, do not interact with you. Do not do this on a podcast for a bit. Do not.

Your sponsors will be very mad. Whitney Cummins died years ago doing this bit. She got brought back. We rebuilt her. You think that's why she's a little weird right now? We rebuilt her. She was on the other side. We brought her back against her will.

but it is it's like too much money would have been lost but I feel like with stand-up it's like everything I you know I don't want anything online because how shitty that would be to like see something and then go see it's the opposite of like yeah yeah yeah yeah 100% music music you want to know what you're going to see but stand-up it's like it's a trick I get that and but I'm about to I am literally because I have to I'm about to just be a content queen dog I'm about to queen it up I'm gonna be in a fucking van talking about how Show your butthole. I'll subscribe to your own.

I'm doing some shit. There is a moment where you do have to decide that. I'm just going. I can't. When I was talking to Pimp, when I left the bonfire, there was like a year where I had nothing. And it's like people that love stand-up

are going to come out and see you, but it's the other people that fill the seats. Sure. So you have like your core audience, which always is going to want to watch you do stand-up, which thank you. Thank you, thank you. You're the fucking best.

Yeah, shout out to my two. But it is funny. and then you watch like the people that are like with you when you put out shit and then like leave and you go yeah why don't I do this and we talked and he's like well I'll just put out shit for you because you hate doing it yeah and you're like yeah great be my butthole just poop stuff out for me because I am such a tight but I'm constipated as far as like but then you do have to be like conscious of like well I don't want to put out that stand-up I don't think it's ready to be filmed yet yeah because I feel like there are people that are like blah and then I got more I got more and it's I

I'd be mad as fuck if I was like, you didn't even work on this. Yeah. You're just like, son, what do you guys want to talk about? I don't know. I think that could be just like this idea of waiting for this perfect standup might be just like an old thing. That's whatever the equivalent of these old guys going, you're burning your hour. Yeah.

That's the act. Yeah. Now we're like, no, no, no. It's the first thought you have comes to your head. Shrove it out there. This time next week they'll forget about Charlie Kirk. Poop isn't supposed to be solid. It's supposed to be loose and liquid-like.

And you go, I think that's diarrhea. We're like, force it out. Dude, because, like, I can sit here on my couch and talk all the shit I want about fucking burger rating videos or whatever. Yeah. Watch me six years from now being like, hey, guys, I'm reviewing old, I'm reviewing old action figures. These ones are pretty sturdy. Bro, I'm about to get into, like, survival content where I just, like, go out to Montana and try not get eaten by a beer. And it's like, worst-case scenario, I get eaten by a beer.

You know what I mean? But guess what? Your lovely wife is going to have to edit that footage. Either way those bills are gone. Yeah, that is crazy. Did you ever watch the movie Grizzly man about the guy that lives with? I've known about it. I know about that guy.

Yeah. I am organizing a hike, though, too, Wyoming. We're in the beers. I'm going to do a solo like eight-day walk. Like I'm... As someone from Colorado, how experienced with hiking are you? I've done some hiking. I think I'll be going to...

I'm not going to go in. raw. I'm not going to just like a survive a plane crash. No, it's not wilderness. You're not doing naked and afraid. No, no, I'm not bare grilled. We have to like make a bomb. You're going to have like a pack but. No, you have a pack with you and then there's like a, what are you going to do in Wyoming? You're going to do the

you're going to go up to the national park? It's Southeast Yellowstone. There's a place called the Thoroughfare, which is the most isolated part in the lower 48 and it's an eight day hike. But like I've watched loads of videos of people. It's literally like old women who are like 60 go. And then they walk, but they walk and then they have to go, hey bear. Hey bear

Hey bear And then the bears go Ah And they run away From some old The ones that don't The ones that don't Yeah

The ones that are The biggest problem Bears are just Scary as fuck I'm like I'm like Mr. Bear or whatever I'm like

Oh you're like Grizzly man I'm grizzly man He's like that's Quincy Yeah I'm not gonna The Vorner Hursog documentary

He goes He goes Quincy Quincy doesn't like To be done And that's the one That's the one that kills him Yeah Yeah absolutely

That's my friend And then the bear's like, watch this. Yeah. When I lived with my aunt, she lived in a town in Alaska called Soldatna. Oh, yeah. And she, like, you know, had a house, but she owned like an acre behind it. And she had a neighbor that was like maybe 50 yards next to her. And they had a house, they had an acre behind him.

But it was up this, like, fucking giant hill. It's like light all the time. So it's like one in the morning. It's just 24 hours. kind of dusk you know yeah and they had this golden retriever that they used to fucking have chained in the back which i always thought was like weird because it's a gold retriever it's like it's an inside fluffy dog sure what are you doing having to keep it outside but there dude the dog like a Jurassic park situation dude almost it almost looked exactly like it because it was a

steak in the ground with a chain link thing and it was pinned and the dog was like and i look up the hill and there's just this giant brown bear yeah like looking down at the hill but like i want to see 20 yards between the dog and the bear and the bear's like oh no making this noise and i was smoking a cigarette and i was like i might have to watch this dog get eaten by a bear yeah like i i can't go inside and not know what happens yeah it's not a fucking you got a you got the bear ain't going to be like oh god what are you looking at yeah you're next yeah tell them what you saw but i also didn't want to go inside and then go to bed and wake up the day and there's just a chain on the ground

and I go, what happened? There's a bunch of dog legs scatter around the place. Just a hair and then a chain on the ground. And I watched dude and this fucking bear got a little bit closer growling, but the dog was just like and da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-ha.

And finally the bear was like, no, you're difficult. Yeah, yeah. Turn around and rain up the hill. These guys don't want the fuck. They don't want to shove. They don't want to smoke. Unless it's fucking Grizzly man

and he's doing a little selfie and it's right before, because that was nap right? They were about to go on their big long winter nap. And they're cranky, like toddlers. And this guy kept video and they said, right, fuck this. If I went into this. If I have to wake up and this annoying fuck is still here. I swear to God I'm going to bed for four months.

If this fucking guy is here, I'm going to fucking, you know what? Fuck this. I'm going to eat him right now. And then his poor girlfriend was dragged along with him, remember? Grizzly man. Yeah, yeah. He took her around. Not grizzly woman because he hadn't met her an honest lady.

Oh, sir, it's Ms. Grizzly, man. You have Mrs. Grizzly. And she, that poor woman was like, is you sure the safe? He's like, it's always gray. But he had never gone that time a year. Yeah. Because that was right at the end of the,

whatever, the feeding season where they start acting crazy. They also say that on the other end is when they get out. So the thoroughfare, I don't think you're allowed to do it in April because that's when they're all waking up. And if they see it, they'll just come charging it.

Yeah, they go, well, look at this big bag of meat. Yeah. They go, well, I'm a little pissy. Yeah. And there's a big bag of meat that I'm faster then. That would be funny, though, if like, we had to hunt like bears just hamburgers were slow.

You just saw a hamburger walking and a hamburger is like, Hey, human. Hey, you know. Oh, yeah. Confusing. I don't like that talking hamburger. But then one of us goes,

fuck this shit. You're, then you're like, it's so good. Do they do that? The first bite with bears, do they go, this is so good.

Oh, I was starving. Like a review. Yeah. Hey, what's up, everybody? I'm a grizzly bear. So today we're eating some Irish meat. Oh, this guy.

It's a little bit stringier than like the fat American meat. You can tell he smoked cigarettes for too long. It's marbled. It's definitely the fat is marbled. It's put his paw behind the piece so the camera can pick it up. Yeah, yeah, and he's ripping you up going. Now, you just rip up this rib here. This is where you get some really good lung.

This is a guy that grew up with not that many saturated fats in his diet. And I can really tell. Overall, not the best, not the worst. I'll give it a 6.2. My, my, my, bears. That's how you know nature's healing when animals are, doing review videos of humans they've killed yeah absolutely yeah dude

I don't know man we might be cooked there's one one human to kill the year by a grizzly bear is that what it is would I be that guy I don't think so the only problem is I'll tell you what this episode would do numbers please re-release this if I get munched by a bear if I survive and I'm

badly injured and that doesn't count the podcast cringes like now he's damn sad is sane to call him he wants them to die I mean can you be any fucking dama Can you be, they just said don't go hiking. This is Brandon Shob, level of stupidity. The fact that he thinks that bears won't eat him because he's Irish shows how incredibly stupid it is.

The problem I've heard of this is that the beer, because you'll startle a beer. That's the worst part is because they'll, that's why they're embarrassed. You see you, you son of a bitch. No, they go, oh shit, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, they book, they book out. That's what happens. That's what the worst is, because if they see it, they'll probably run away, right? but they'll get if they have kids they'll protect them but if they see if you scare them but what happens is you pull out your fucking bear spray and if the wind is going like

towards you you end up just spraying yourself in the face and then the bearer makes he goes well ah ah which is worse it comes over he goes I'm gonna get you yeah no he chasing you don't run away he's like ah this is kind of a I don't know it's kind of fun if you ran away yeah yeah I need you to be into it yeah 100% you know you just like laying there it just feels easy yeah I don't know he used to talk shit about movies because they'd eat plants and they don't move. I just feel like a hypocrite. Can you run?

Can you run for it? Dude, that's absolutely something I would do if Katie and I were on a hike and I was like, Katie, I got this. This is why I brought the bearer maze. She's watching it drift into her face and she's like, oh shit. She's running away.

Oh, God. The bear just pushes right by you look after her. He's like, wow, thanks for seasoning this one for me. 100%. Yeah, dude, I wouldn't want to, dude, fuck that. Be careful. I will see. I do have to, I do have to run this.

by my wife so there's a huge there's a big chance that she's just goes absolutely no when are you playing on doing it uh august i think i got to look into it more i do got to look into it more but we'll see but i would love to do it eight days me well you come back in the middle of nowhere come back i'll be like a year from now yeah maybe i'll come back i love that just like i've gone off to war come back come back come back to me make sure you see me hey uh hey write to me while you're out there I'm going to give you a letter with perfume that I wear. Open this when you get there. Promise me you'll wait until you get there.

You come back with a giant, well, dude, yeah, we set our watches to look at the stars at the same time. I just know Colin somewhere in Wyoming right now. I'm just, Ah! Help!

Soter! I hope he's getting, I hope he's looking up at the same moon. Just a bear eating your insides. Check out, go listen to Cockfight, the podcast he has with... Or I pay Colin to her old mauled by

Dead bear. Colmterl, dead from bear. But episodes alive with him, Lev, Ferd, and Drew Dunn. Check out a cockfight. Check out the Colin Turrell show coming back. If, if, if, we'll say. TBA. And also, it's special.

Just go subscribe to my YouTube channel. That's all I'm going to do. Colin's fucking hilarious. I've known him forever. Yeah. I'm glad he moved to America. Thank you. And I hope he doesn't get killed by a bear in Wyoming.

Thanks, guys. That's it. Thank you. Thank you.