Soder - 114: Rules 2 Life with Ali Macofsky | Soder Podcast | EP 112

Episode Date: December 30, 2025

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Hey, everybody. I want to thank you for coming and seeing me on the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour. We've announced the second leg. It starts up in February, February 13th in Orlando, then February 14th in Tampa, going to be in Buffalo, February 28th, Boston, March 6th, Philly, March 7th. Go to Dan Soder.com. The whole second leg all the way through April is on sale, all available at DanSoter.com. I love you guys. I assume I'm always being recorded. Yeah, that's smart. That's why you won't ever... I'm like, you guys are filming me.

Because I don't know if you know my controversial Shia LeBuff, He Will Not Divide Us video. No. Yeah, I was like, do you remember this? Well, I remember when Shia LaBuff went through a lot. The guy went through a lot. So did I. Went through a lot.

As a result. Yeah. Well... So he was like in New York doing this, like, He Will Not Divide Us thing. I remember that. And there was like a 24-hour, like, live broadcast. from where this was happening. And I was in New York just randomly doing shows

and I'm like, I want to meet Shai LeBuff. I want to be there. And then of course I'm like indoctrinated the moment I step in. I'm like, you will not divide us? Like I got so into it. And I forgot that like anything online stays online forever.

And so by the way, stuff that isn't even online will stay online forever. Yeah. Because people will upload videos of shit. So I'm just always assuming that I'm being recorded. What was the fallout of that? There was no, I mean, no fallout, aside from like embarrassment and like pure cringe. I don't know, man, he, I bet, I bet if you had Shilabuff give a, like, pregame speech to a high school football team, they would run through a wall for that guy.

Oh my God, yes. Because he has that. If, yeah. Actors can do that, but him specifically. He's powerful. The way he speaks, I'm like, I'm in. There's a guy that does an impression of him online. I was about to bring that up, and I'm like, I'm not going to bring up internet.

You bring up all the internet stuff you want. Hey, listen to me. I can't let you have this chocolate. I know you want it. No, no, no, I know you want it. But you can't have it. And because there's some things in life that are good for you and some things that are bad for you.

And sometimes the things that are good for you taste bad. But that guy does, my favorite impressions are impressions of people I've never heard done before. And this guy does Shailabuff, perfect. The Shailabuff is great. You've been doing me. That's comedy. All right.

I like that. I like that. Just the way he does. you're like perfect and you could picture it you're like it's not just an impression it's like what i imagine he would say which is the best kind of impression as a guy that does voices the only fun part is saying shit that you think would yes like kind of hit the reality of who they are the other way where it's like so bonkers like when james austin johnson does like trump talking about like nintendo yeah that's also fun having it be the full having friends that do voices is very fun yeah

Shane, when Shane and I would go on the road together, we used to do this thing. It was like 2018, so Trump was already at office. But we would do a thing where we were driving of him getting Obama to call him, like actually say the word. Yeah. And I'd be like, I don't want to say it. And he'd be doing Trump and he'd be like, I love, you love me.

And I'd be like, you're not like a real. And we'd just like get him to say words and go, oh, oh, you said it. But having him do Trump doing that. made me laugh so hard. That's so fun. Yeah, because he's just like very, he's like perfect at doing the voice. Yeah.

So you're like, oh, it would be funny if Trump said that like, oh, I got you, I got you to do it. And you're like, ah,

that makes me laugh. I feel like when I was a kid, I loved doing impressions. And then I think, I don't know if this is like a girl thing or just a me thing, but there's something clicked in my brain where it was like,

do not embarrass yourself. Oh, you know what? That's not a girl thing. Because I used to love, to do voices when I was like very young because of the Simpsons. And I remember in eighth grade

when it starts getting real, when you're like trying to go, I remember, it might have been seventh grade someone being like, don't do that, girls don't like that. And I'm going like, oh, well then never mind. It was it was voices in pro wrestling. Like hide those things. And action figures. It was like hide those things. So then when did you dip back in? When did you lose that like self- When I started smoking weed a lot

And then it became fun Then it became like I can do this voice And it would be like Ralphie from the Simpsons And they'd be like Just Ralph Wiggum And they'd be like

Oh that's fun And then it was like Smoking weed in college Doing like family guy voices And you're like Oh and then it's like You're past the point It's just early high school

Middle school and early high school You start acting like What voices you used to do? I mean nothing like a major It was more like I feel like mostly physical where it's like I feel like I could copy

the way that people sing pretty well like I could do good impressions of people singing and I'll like do it in the car with my boyfriend because I'm like this is a safe space and sometimes this is so embarrassing sometimes like if I'm in the car

with friends and we're listening to music I'll like try and sound like the person to see if anyone notices just to subtly be like you want the cookout moment in the movies and I never get it where the old, the old black auntie goes,

come on, baby, you got to sing. And you go, I can't sing. And she goes, come on, baby. And then you go, ha, ha, ha, and you go. Yes, yes. I get that. I get that. I caught Sagalow doing a run.

He was like, eh, and then me and Katie made fun of it. We're like, do you do runs? And then now he'll do it as a joke. And it is so funny. I could have so picture that. He looks, I don't even know how to describe this, But as soon as you said that, I'm like, he looks like someone. He would have been in a sister act.

He would be the only white guy in a black church and everyone loves him. He doesn't even live in the neighborhood, but he goes, because he feels more a part of that community than he does at home. Why are you coming down in and singing? And he goes, because I got to lower my heart. And they go, baby, you sing like you do. Yeah. Yeah, he'll do a thing where we're on the road where he goes, hey, I'm about to go on a run. Do you guys need anything?

It's like, because I always argue it's worse to be a singer than a voice person. because a voice person you could or no I flip that argument it's worse to be like if you're a singer you can go like can you sing me a song if you're a voice person you're like can you do rodney dangerfield for a little bit and they're like well and there's something about singing where it no matter how good you are it feels so tryhardy dude there's a great talk about internet stuff did you see the guy that sets up singers where he plays the piano and the second they start singing he stops and they go oh it is that would crush me

it is so funny he's like playing an outdoor piano or whatever and a girl come up and be like and he'll go no and let's get up and leave and he records his phone's mounted he records their face and they go like I could imagine myself

building up the courage to be like you know what just try it like stopping so hard on yourself like you love to say just go up there share your gift he's playing he wants you to join and finally I get up there and I'm like, and he goes, no.

Yeah. And then, of course, as the internet, it gives you and it takes away, I read in the comments, someone was like, he tells them to sing and then does it. Of course, I think, same, okay, I have like rules to life, okay? One, you're always being recorded. Great. Two, every video that you're watching is fake. I think I...

It's very true. And I still, there's still joy in my viewing of videos, but there's all... Always a skeptical side. You should. That's the safe way of living your life. Yeah. You're going to enjoy things more by doing that than just like, there's this like romantic idea of just being unbridled and like, oh, I'm whimsy and I throw myself. It goes, that's how you get hurt.

Yeah. That's how you get hurt because you go like this video is real and then you find out you go the whole thing with stage. You look like a fucking idiot. Yeah. I think the beauty of coming from a tumultimate. Home growing up is my skepticism and I think and I think it's good I'd like to shout out I fucking get that Jennifer and Larry because I will not fall for an AI video Which I the son of my tumultuous was different because they were getting fucked up

So I will fall for it because I go like they're happy and then I go they're drunk And you go fuck what was tumultuous about just they were just fight all the time? No it was just like you know alcoholism and divorce. Who is the bigger drinker? My mom. Really? Mom, I was lucky. My mom drank and she, you know, we've had conversations.

I could diagnose it as alcoholism, but I wouldn't go as far as that. I would say she towed the line a couple times. Always is capable of pulling you back. I'm lucky I had a dad that drink. I don't think I could handle a mom that drank. Dads who drink rock. They're so fun. Well, and because dads, it's like you expect them.

to be bad. Like, no one expects a good dad. Yeah. And so when you're also, like, drunk, you're like, oh, they're seasoning on this? Oh, my God. What a silly guy. Oh, what did you have too many?

He's a blast. So alcoholic mom, though. Alcoholic mom. And I think it's, like, not even the alcoholic part. It's more of the, the, when you're a kid and the, um, the hiding of it. So that's why. She would be sneaky about it? No, because you could always, like there's tells, you know?

It's like a poker player. It's like, you know the tells. So it's not that part. What was your mom's tell? Oh, if she cusses. My mom's not a cusser. She's a sweet woman. I love my mom.

Everyone loves my mom who meets my mom. She's a blast. Sure. But if she's cussing, I'm like... Would you have a couple? Yeah, I'm like, what's going on? Yeah, that's like when people get drunk and they like start saying shit

that's just outside of their realm where you go, why do you keep talking about water skiing? Uh-huh. And they go, I just want to go water skiing. You never want to go water skiing. Are you drunk? Yeah. That's all, yeah.

And you know there was something in their childhood where they went water skiing. Yeah. And so now when they're drinking. Like we got to go on the lake. We're going on water skiing. I got to finish some things out on the water.

Didn't you get on a beach walk? And they go, yeah, that's why. And I'm drunk. And I'm going to tell you about it. Yeah, exactly. So your mom, how old were you when you realized? I don't know. earliest memories.

Like your mom always was a boozer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Always. But I think that like the like, oh, we're going to dad's house this weekend. And it's like, why, the suspicion arose. So I think now when I see videos, I'm always suspicious. I'm like, who's drinking in this video?

Where are they hiding their booze? Who's not picking me up from preschool today? I don't think they're excited to meet that burn victim. When you see a celebrity meeting that, you go, they're probably drunk. Yeah, that's a good skepticism. That's the thing that sometimes people don't talk about trauma can be beneficial. I think it is. Because it gives you almost like a spitey sense.

Yeah, you get special. skills. It makes you good at sex and it makes you horrible with trust. Like trauma. Some people can aim it, dude. Some people can aim trauma into sex and you go like, I remember in college there's a couple of women that I was like, they would tell me about their past and you go, yeah, that makes sense. You had sex like the, like that. I think I got non-sexual trauma. I don't think it's, I don't think my trauma has helped me sexually. I think it helps. I think it comes out in different ways. I think some people use like strippers. There's like a thing like that

where it ends up in script. There are other kind. There are other people that are like CEOs. Yeah. That got like beat as children. And then they go, I'll never get beaten a merger. Yeah. And you go and that's how they became a fucking, you know. And I just got the trauma that makes me skeptical of fun viral moments on the internet. And I got the one that

makes me a little nervous to do voices of other people. Uh-huh. I got the trauma that made me go, I can't talk as my own voice. Maybe I can express myself as Matro Man Randy, Seth. Yes. Don't you feel like as a closeted voice scroll? Yeah, which is, this is great to find. Don't you feel like sometimes when you're doing a voice, you almost you feel like you can tap into their psyche?

Like based on how they talk or like mannerisms, you're like, oh, I know why they're doing this. And you could be wrong. I understand that feeling. Do you know what I mean? I think it makes me want to use words that they use. And it's almost like, I'd never get to use this word in my regular life. What's a fun word you like to use? Like Sam Elliott, you can always use, like, old, like, cowboy terms where you're like, I'm a little tuckered out tonight.

I love tuckered out. I might lay down, because I'm not, it's not really agreeing with my stomach, you know? I would never say that. Dan would never go. I don't think that meal's agreeing with my stomach. What is that? I'm a bit tuckered out. I'm tuckered out.

I need to hit the hay. I'm going to hit the hay. But if you're Sam Elliott, and you're like, I want to hit the hay. I don't know if that steak's really sitting right. I don't know what to do with my face while you're doing it. I'm really. I don't like looking at you. Can I be honest?

I don't even want to look at you. I don't go like this. Because I'm enjoying it so much, but I'm like, should I be doing something? Well, here's the problem with voices for me is I only enjoy doing them on podcasts

because the people are listening. And if you do it on stage, then it feels very 80s and hack. And you have to like mesh your set into a way to do it. And no matter which way you get into a voice in stand-up, it feels,

fucking hacky. Yeah. Like you're like, that would be weird if he was here and he was, yeah, and then you're like,

kill me. Yeah. I suck. Yeah. That feeling. I, I have tried to weasel any way I can sing

on stage into a bit. And so there's one joke. There's one joke I do where I like sing the punchline essentially. Sure. And I do think it's a good joke. And I stand by the joke.

But the other day, I'm so, I'm so starved for, validation and attention. This is the trauma, by the way. This is the trauma. That's where the trauma results. Neil Brennan is sitting in the back of the comedy store and I'm about to go on.

And so I turned to Neil and I go, would you like give me some notes or whatever? Because really, and when I break it down, all I wanted was for him to go, you're good. Good job. That's all I wanted. You just wanted him to go, very funny. Yeah. And he was the wrong person to ask. Well, Neil will give you notes.

He'll deconstructed. He's in fantastic. It was so helpful and I do and I did get the validation because looking back I go if he didn't think I was funny he would not waste his time giving me tags and but the my singing joke he goes you could you he goes you should just stand the joke by saying I just wanted to sing and I was like yeah that is what I want to do um that's a little too on the note that one hurt yeah thanks Neil I'm like I'm not sure if I'm ready to be that honest on stage you go I was just doing that because I lack the feeling of the feeling of validation because my mother was an alcoholic and so I feel like I need to sing in order to get your yeah you don't want to end with all that yeah and then I did try closing the joke because he's like use it as it like you should just end the joke by saying I just wanted to sing that yeah and I tried it and it didn't work so I'm just going to keep singing keep saying it's like what Colin would say to me he we were talking about jokes or whatever and he's like

whenever someone gives you a tag and it works you don't want it to work oh yeah you go like and then if it works you go son of a bitch you're like one time I think Nate gave me a line and it just absolutely made a joke so much better. And I was like, every time I tell that joke, I'd be like, yeah, I laugh. Saglow gave me a tag that he used and I go, it fucking works. But doesn't it feel so good when you give someone a tag and it works and you see them do it multiple times? Yeah, that's me, all me. I wrote that.

I wrote that whole bit. And all you did was go, say br-l at the end. It's like the least helpful tag. Yeah. In the day and age of getting all these different razors, You get lost, you know? I think I gave up on commercials once they introduced jets into razor commercials. I'm like, I don't need to know this.

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going to ask where you heard about them please support our show and tell them that we sent you I don't know, how are LA comics about tags? Because I know New York is like, most people are all right about it. I feel like this city, they would be like, uh, like defensive. Yeah, there's definitely like, I don't know if this is just everyone though. But like as someone, as soon as someone says, oh, I had an idea, your body tenses up. I think that's universal. Okay.

I think that's universal because when I'm in New York, unless it's someone I like, love like I'm a big fan of theirs and if they're like hey you should do this you go oh totally it's the way like when hot women would tell me to do stuff when I was younger I'd be like you absolutely I should get into synchronized women why aren't I into that you're gorgeous and you like that I would just like whoever's in the room and then you get older and you go now so now I'm more a little guarded but still I am like what's your idea I always take it into consideration like I'll always give someone the time to tell me what they think. Sure.

But it's rare that someone really nails my, like, voice. You know what's funny is when you do, when something does work, you have to go, like, I was at the stand and someone, a comic was like, oh, you, you ever talk about bringing up the, and I go, I've tried it. Yes. And then I did it and I went, that worked. And then the next time I saw her, I was like, absolutely great note. Yeah.

I had to, like, apologize to be like, I thought your note was ass at first. Kind of like the, like, if the thing would have worked with Neil, you would have been like, fuck. The next time you see him, you go, it works. Yeah. It really. I would have been, I'm going to try it again just to honor. No, I think you're already trying. You know, when you, like, don't want to do plans with someone and you, like, text or call and they don't call or, and you go, great.

This is actually what I wanted. I wanted to get out of this. That's where you're at with that. You can walk away right now and, and you're fine. I think in L.A., though, the difference with, like, getting a tag is it's usually the most, like, delusional, unqualified people saying, here's an idea. Yeah. It's never, like, people that have put years in the business. It's people who, like, happen to be at the comedy store for an open mic who walked by the room when you were on, or like, I have an idea.

Oh, my favorite one is when you put something out, like a special out, and then you get a fan that DMs you and goes, and this joke, you should say this, and you go, it's recorded. it's out and they're like at that point you should have gone like this and those are the only people that I want to go like come do a guest set yeah come do a guest set come do 10 minutes in front of me have you ever brought had someone do a guest spot like just a pure random person or for any oh for like a fan or anything yeah I've been too scarred by that I've I've had to feature for people where the emce was like uh the one I always talk about is Nate did this club. I used to open for Nate back when my language wasn't so dirty. But it was he was doing this club called Junior's Last Laugh in Erie's Pennsylvania. Is it still around? I've never heard of this. Google it. It might be. But they did this thing where they were like, you can't curse. You can't say anything worse than shit. Like anything worse than shit. Well, that's so weird because I feel like cussing is so ambiguous too where it's like who's to say what's worse than shit is bitch worse than shit is comes from i mean is but what if you're british well then what if you grew up with a british

yeah pussy is worse to them than like pussy and they're like oh and you're like well have you ever tried saying the word fanny in front of a british person yeah they're like fanny why would you say that i'm like calm down you're calling everyone a Yeah, you're calling everyone, yeah. And then you get like people who are like rural and they're like, what about coos? And you're like, okay, well, that's not accepted anywhere. Oh. What even is that?

I don't know. I mean, I heard it. That's like bars speak. Like vagina. Yeah, a vagina calling it a cooze. I think box is worse than all the above. Snatch is pretty tough. Snatch is rough.

Snatch is like, it's when you're not British, it is. Yeah. It is a tough one. That was the one I wasn't allowed to say at home. What? Fuck and prick. Huh. Yeah, prick.

Prick to me is nothing. Yeah. But I feel like your dad or someone probably got called a prick a lot. My mom was like in this house. You do not say. Your dad died, right? Yeah, but my mom, he was out by the time I was five. Okay, okay.

So it wasn't anything. But, oh, but we, so we go to Junior's last laugh. Okay. It's close. Yeah, I have a feeling. I'm like, I've never heard of this place. RIP. shout out to Dennis, the guy that ran it.

That was the guy that I knew. But this is like 15 years ago. This is right when Nate put out his Comedy Central Presents. And so we go on the road and we show up. And Nate like tells me, he goes, dude, you cannot say,

like going in, we're driving to Pennsylvania. He's like, don't say anything worse than shit. He's like, it'll be a fun gig, but you can do it. Like, Nate has this belief that I should be a clean comedian. Yeah.

And I disagree with it. Yeah. Every time he brings it up, I'm like, that shit's lame. I like to say shit and fuck way, way, by the way, he's not wrong. Sometimes I say it too much. When I'm working out new jokes, I go, too many customers. Yeah. So we go to, we go to Junior's Last Laugh.

We're there. It's the Thursday show. We're talking, Dennis, the guy's giving me the whole, don't say anything worse than shit. I'm listening. I got it. Nate told me, who's the MC? And he goes, this one who sees this guy, Dennis go, we do this fun thing here. where you could sign your friend up to emce.

And I went, what do you mean? And he goes, so we pass around a bucket where we get the, where we get the like cue cards that they fill out. You could sign your friend up. You got their phone number? You give them their phone number. We'll make them MC a show. You can come and watch.

So it's like a jackass stunt. Yeah. So they tell me they go, your MC is this guy over here. And when I tell you that he looked like, and I'm not joking, I've said this before and I will say it again. and Nate will back me up, probably not the proper wordage on this.

He looked like a mentally retired Bill Burr. He looked in a gray suit with a, he had a vest under a sports coat with a gold chain, red-headed, look like Bill Burr missing some chromosomes. And I go over and I'm like, hey man, how are you doing? He had a lateral lisp. And I was like, how many times this is how we meet? I go, hey, man, nice to meet you.

I'm Dan. I'm going to be featuring your MCN. He's like, yeah, yeah. He's at the bar. I'm like, how many times you've done comedy? He goes, oh, man, I've done karaoke like twice. And I was like, okay, so when you bring me up, say Comedy Central live at Gotham, Dan Soder. And then I'll come out and I'll do my 25 minutes.

And he's like, okay, for car, for care, for you. So I see him, he's like, this guy's insanely nervous. There's no one at this Thursday show. Nate sells arenas now, like they're fucking comedy clubs. This is when he was selling no tickets. There's no one at the show Except this guy's family And then a couple other tables

He gets on stage And immediately goes Oh fuck These likes is bright Fuck These likes is bright These likes is so fucking bright And I'm in the back

Like hitting Nate Like I can't say anything I can't curse But this guy's just dropping F moms Guy does maybe two minutes Yeah Full cussing Thank God though

He did two minutes total And then brings me up by saying Dan Soder from Comedy Central's Live of Gotham sits in the front row heckles me and I'm up there and I he's heckling me and I look I know Nate's in the back and I go

and I look at him like what are you doing? He's like ha ha because I was starting to get the crowd I was like starting to become a comedy show His family and his family and everyone and he was like getting into it and he's like fuck that and I was like all right and then when I finished that was when my biggest joke was that Russian joke and I went like ha ha I went thank you good night and he's like

and I was like hey come back up you got to come back up well now he's had a couple drinks he goes on stage and does like 16 minutes no no no dude it was wild to say in the beginning like thank God his like nervous energy made him only do two minutes no dude he came back a little drunk it was like I'm gonna stretch this out it was wild that was one of the craziest weekends I've ever seen in my life where now where I see Nate doing what he's doing I go he deserves that I watched that happen yeah like dude that room sat over 400 people no and we when we showed up and that dentist guy was talking to us he was like good news though this was in January he goes good news we got a Christmas party that held over sold out Saturday early show and Nate are like

let's go 400 people this would be great yeah We're at Buffalo Wild Wings that Saturday. And we're eating and we're like, who's the game tonight? And we're like Pittsburgh, Baltimore, playoff game. They're a Steelers town. We show up. Out of the 400 people, there's maybe 50 people in the showroom. Everyone else is in the bar watching the Steelers Ravens game.

Because this is before you can just watch it on your phone. So everyone is at the bar. And for some reason how it timed out, my set was at halftime. So they all went into the room I had a great show And then I finish in the second half starts And I watched Nate's set Being like this is one of the craziest things I've ever seen

He was doing a set for like 25 people And the bar was reacting to the game While he was doing his set That's crazy Yeah it was nuts That's brutal But I always think about that MC was like Oh yeah they

That's the kind of guy that would probably write me now and go You should have a tag on this end of this thing. Yeah. And it was like... Do you think he talks about that? Like he says like... No, I think he's dead.

Yeah. I think that guy's probably dead. Yeah. I think he probably either got, you know, probably Narcan back alive a couple times and then... Or he's doing well. He pulls his tongue in now and he says things like spaghetti and slipping slides. I love that you knew lateral lips.

Oh, it's where the tongue bleached out to the side. The there's the front one where the tongue goes in front. I love a front lisp. That's the cute one on kids. It's cute, yeah. It's with the tongues. But the lateral lisp is the one that makes my heart I feel the most for. Yeah.

Because it's adults with lateral lisp. Yeah. And your tongue is getting in the way. Yeah, it's got to be tough to be an adult, like, willing to go to speech therapy. And then to tell your coworkers, I got speech therapy on Thursdays and they go. But I think they go. Oh, do you? No, they go.

Oh, why's that? Is it because your essence are tough? Oh. Just say, you're like, what's that? You're like, sucker and suffrage, dash. Yeah. Please stop doing that. You're really hurting my feelings.

But imagine cleaning it up and like the first time you go, like, I said that's slippery. I, it's like when I got LASIC and I was just outside, like, look at the street signs. Can you read that? I can read that. It's slick. It's slick and it's like, stop bragging. We get it. You fixed it.

I don't know. I never had any. sort of lisp. No speech impediments? No speech. I mean, but here, here's what I will say that I have only noticed because of comedy and people commenting on it. I didn't realize I like do S, I like whistle my S's. Oh, you're kind of like the pervert and family guy. We're like, hey, strong old. I never noticed it. Yeah, so funny. God, it was, it was like the, uh, and Winnie the Pooh was the mole. Oh. Do you remember the mole and Winnie No, I didn't even know that that was a character.

Yeah, he would talk like that, he'd be like, whoa. He'd be like, do you know where rabbit wouldn't? That's the annoying thing about comedy or like doing anything public is you'd notice things about yourself that you would have never noticed. Like people bring things. Every times I text him, because he'll clip the show. Yeah. And then I'll send it to him and I'll go, the amount of times I say that you'll say something

funny and I'll go, that's so funny, it makes me want to kill myself. Because it's like an autistic tick Where it's my brain literally Checking the joke and going That is very funny Noted, acknowledge I see you I agree with what you have just said

It's humorous I also notice while I'm doing this Yeah now I'm noticing that Because I brought it the fuck up But I love that you shut it Because hey strong home Got any good news for me today.

Dan Shoder. Dan Shoders podcast. Do you know what it is? What's causing that? How would you stop that? It's the way your tongue is moving. Like a lot of, you can, it totally, it's on you. You can like.

Do you have to be a lesbian? So I can start working on my tongue. There's only one way out of this is you sucking coos. You got to suck coos on your way out. No, it is, it's all like, like speech therapy is all about how you move your mouth. Racine's wife is a speech therapist Oh yeah He's got a great job

He's a great joke about Staten Island Speech therapist And she's like Now say it again with me The dog went out It's very funny But yeah It's like all

You have to like learn how to like move Because yours is It's just probably like the way you just I don't even know I was like looking at myself in the mirror Trying to talk Without doing it And it's not

It's like trying to watch yourself dance I love watching myself dance Do you? Yeah I'm like a dancer. You want me to call something gay. The fastest I'll call something gay is me and dancing. I go, stop it.

Stop it. Like I'm John Lithgow and footloose. I'm like, stop fucking dancing. Dude, one time we were at, we went to Shane's Halloween party in Pennsylvania last year, and Katie and I dressed up as the Sticky Bandits. We're the Sticky Bandits. She did great.

I didn't know they had a name. I thought they were just like the Wet Bandits and then the Sticky Bandits. Yeah, Marvin Harry. And we dressed up as Marvin Harry, but Shane's girlfriend invited all of her hot friends. So that became the distraction. So we were just dressed like the bad guys from home alone.

And we thought it was really funny that these young hot girls were watching Marv freak on Harry. And being like, like, she was like dropping it on me. And I was like, but I had so much fun. She said this the next day. She goes, you were like dancing, like having. fun dancing and I was like because I was in costume yeah I felt like well no one knows it's fucking damn whatever dancing Sam Elliott tuckered out it was exactly it yeah where I was like

I feel like dancing with you and I feel like dancing with you and I was like I fucking let it loose but I had so much fun dancing's a lot of fun dancing's a blast and guys I know it's gay but it's fun it's a black do it I was I was performing the other night and and I'm like trying to work on this thing where guys are so afraid of things they do seeming gay. Yeah, we were just talking about this with Dana Gould where I said the gayest thing is it's all for other men. Yeah. It's just like you're like doing this for

other men. And all of the things that straight men think are gay are just things that are fun. It's releasing yourself. And I'm like, have fun. It's crazy. I didn't know and this is interesting with me. I asked this question to Louie Katz. Very long-term friend. And I have a lot of long-term friends that are

shorter Jewish men. And I asked him, why do you guys always so horny? All my friends that are short Jewish guys love sex. And he immediately was like, because there's no shame in the Jewish religion about sex.

And I went, dog. I didn't even realize people are out here having sex enjoying it. Yeah. Not just doing it to do it and then have it be done. There's people who fuck and they go like, this is like, it's like stretching.

Yeah. Like I didn't realize until I was in my 40s, stretching rules. I love stretching. I stretch my hips every morning. What are you doing? In bed or out of bed? In bed.

I like pull my hips up and I like do it across and I like. You have some good cracks? Oh, no cracks because I'm, I've been doing it for so long that I'm like, and also I'll sit with my legs crossed and guys, trust me, comment section on this episode, that shit's gay. I would love to see you crisscross applesauce. Dude, I do it. Yeah, it's how I sit all the time. I can do it.

I don't think I've ever seen a man and a full grown. man. That's so sweet. I'll sit like, and by the way, it does look juvenile. And it does look. But that's so nice. But guess what? I got hip range, baby.

Yeah. You know how much better it is instead of what having like, having like hips that are locked? But this is my whole life, I was like, oh, I didn't know people were enjoying sex. I masturbated and I was like, I'm filled with shame. And you go, no, there's people that are like, explore. I had an ex-girlfriend that used to do this. that I owe her so much because she would be like,

will you just relax and enjoy your body? And she'd be like touching me and you're like, that right, you know? Yeah. She lived here. She lived in L.A.,

but she would be like very much like, just relax, be naked. That's such an L.A. thing. And I'd be like this. I don't know. I feel, dude, I remember this girl in Queens that I was dating. I wanted to sleep in my underwear.

We had just hooked up and I was putting my underwear back on to go to bed. Yeah. And she was like, why are you putting your underwear on? And I was like, go to sleep.

And she was like, sleep, what are you doing? We just had sex, sleep naked. And I was like, I don't want to. Why? Because you were like embarrassed about being naked? Well, I was in her bed. Yeah. And truth be told, there's nothing sillier than it,

like a soft penis is, when you're a man and someone sees your soft penis, that's like, you're seeing me vulnerable. Yeah, but women, I feel like women are so empathetic. They are. I love, there's nothing cute. You know what's scary? a not soft penis.

A hard penis, that is disturbing. I know. Put it away. It's a weapon. Yes. And you're like, well, it's like when someone comes in holding a samurai sword, you go, hey, I know you're joking. Yeah. This could hurt someone. And they go, look at it. Look at it. Yeah. But I was insecure and she was like, why are you putting on your underwear?

And also, the real reason I was secure, it wasn't the soft penis? It was because what if I have a poopy button? I don't know it. What if I have a poopy butt? Does that make sense to me? I like, I don't, I don't want, I don't want my lips out to the world. I don't want a spider coming into the bed and crawling inside my couch. I don't even thought about that. You guys have spider holes.

Yes. You guys just fucking, constant spider holes on your, imagine getting like a bug bite on your coat and then you just start it all the, I, I, I, I, I, you look like a, you look like a train track lady. This lady lives on the train tracks. I don't want, I don't want elements coming into my. I, and, and it's so funny now because like Katie, we sleep the same like I'll sleep in my underwear and she sleeps in her underwear and like a t-shirt

but we're not like but when you date people that are very comfortable with their bodies they're like be naked yeah it's free and you go I understand how good that must feel uh-huh I can't do it you know what I think would be great for you what naked dancing in the mirror alone that's I think that would like I'm gonna tell you right now I agree with you Allie I agree with you that's gonna have to happen on this tour when I'm in a hotel and I'll tell you where it's going to happen I'll tell you when it's going to happen I'll tell you when I'm at my closest to dancing naked in a in a mirror smoking a bowl before I get in a shower before the shows yeah when I get a little high and I put on some tunes might be a little pandora it's going to have to be yacht rock or billy

ocean radio yes shout out billy ocean radio out of all the oceans I sail the the the billy ocean and Caribbean queen coming on and I will do that okay good I'm gonna do text me afterwards I'm gonna go I have freed myself yeah and I think it would be good and honestly Katie seen me naked dance I haven't seen myself naked dance yes it's once you see it I'll come out with music I Rob Thomas was on the podcast and I kept playing uh give me a so I'd come out naked and shake my wiener at her and I'd shake my wiener at her and that. And then it became Myrtle's entrance song into the room. I think once

you're saying yourself to it, you're going to go through so many waves. It's like, first you're going to be giggling. You're going to be like, this is ridiculous. Who am I? I'm a dummy. What am I doing? And then you're going to get into it. You're going to lock in and be like, oh, this is. You're going to start like touching yourself.

I'm like, yeah. Yeah. Occupato! When they're knocking on the on the bathroom. No service today, please. And then but they're like you said, it is cyclical. Then the next stage will be, who are you, you gaywad? What are you doing? Stop dancing. You know a joke I think about so often? What? Dane Cook's joke about crying and then wanting to look at yourself in the mirror crying, but then it makes you stop crying because you're looking at

yourself. So then you have to try and get sad again to keep it going. Like, rework it back. That's such a fantastic joke. It's so good. Because you do. You like see it. You go, oh. Yeah. And then you go, come on. That's why I think it's so psychics. talking about your skepticism, the videos of people crying in their cars, because it's like, yo, you had to sit that up. Yes. And I've seen people make that video where they go, where they show like, I'm having a breakdown and they show the lighting and stuff.

And then they go, oh, I just had this moment where I would never post it, but I wanted proof that I was so emotional and worked up about something. I was performing at hilarities in Cleveland. Shout out. Shout out. Love it. Love the hotel. What's up, Scott?

What's up everybody that works there? Everybody, but Nick, the owner. Yeah, did you get that baseball bat? No. No, I didn't sell enough tickets to get any gifts. If you're looking for a way to unwind after work, check out using soul. What it is is it's a hemp-derived CBD and THC drink.

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Give yourself the gift of a healthier unwind right now. Soul is offering my audience 30% off. your entire order go to getsole.com use the code soda that's getsole.com promo code soda for 30% off but Nick the owner I love him yeah he's so old and he's so funny and like just cares about comedy and is just the most beautiful man and I love him and he walked me back to my hotel after the last night And I was honestly like you can come up here and do what you want. I love him so much.

And he's just such a gentleman and so sweet. And so I'm inside the hotel. He's outside. I'm waiting for the elevator. We're both like waving. Like it's like a movie. Like we both keep looking and waving. And when I got into the elevator, I immediately started sobbing.

Why? Because I'm like, what if I don't see him again? Oh, I get that. He's in good shape and I think I'll have at least one more visit. I understand that. That like this is a moment I'll think about. Like a fall could take him out. Like, who knows?

Like, I don't know, but I was just so moved by his. I get that. You know what it is? I had a moment like that with my grandma a couple years ago where I hugged. It wasn't even the last time I saw her. But the way she hugged me, I go, this is going to be, this is what made me cry is I went, this is going to be a moment I think about 10 years from now where I go, I had a moment with my grandmother or I went, I love you.

And she said, thank you for all you do for me. I love you. And then you hugged. And I went, go to bed and I'm watching your little up the stairs. And I was like, and I had that moment where you're like, yeah, but you recorded it? I didn't record. I wasn't like filming myself, but I was like, I'm going to sound crazy if I try and tell someone that I, like, cried. Like, it just sounds dramatic.

So I was like, I just need a photo of me. Oh, dude. And then it's like, of course, I, like, kind of am trying to look like beautiful in the photo. Like, I'm still trying to be, like, kind of cute. You're like, mm-hmm. So I'm like, no one will see this. I'm so sad. but am I?

Yeah. Am I really set? Oh, that's what a lot of it is, is like, oh, you caught me doing this really cool thing. Everything is porn.

That's what I've been talking about on stage. Everything is porn. Everything is set up where it's like, this is such a situation that you caught me in. Once you find out

all those videos are fake and shit, you're just like, man, fuck everybody. Yeah. It really does give you this, like, nihilistic view. The only thing that I trust

is videos with animals. No, those are the ones you shouldn't trust. No, but let me. Those are the least trust. Because you think they're trained? I'm talking about like when a dog goes nuts for a trash guy. And they go, my golden retriever loves our trash guy. And I go, we don't deserve dogs.

Yeah, those are sweet. When they're just like nice. Oh, God. But like the bunnies on the trampoline were AI. That was AI. That was AI. Oh, brother. You want to talk about it.

And that used to be a bit of mine. But animals being friends, this shouldn't be friends. here's an elephant and a golden retriever that for some reason or like this golden retriever grew up around all these Puma cubs and now they think she's her mom and you're like I live for that yeah humans on the internet kick rocks my sisters for the first time have thought that I was maybe on the autism spectrum okay because we were just on a trip in Montana and there were so many dogs out and about. Yeah. And so I stopped to pet almost every single one of them. Great. Not the ugly ones. I do have limits. I don't think all dogs are beautiful. No, there are. Some dogs are really

gross and I won't even acknowledge the dog exists. I feel bad because when my prejudice comes out for ugly dogs, it's, I'm very cold to them and I don't like being cold to a dog. I don't mind. Really? If I see it, I'm like, I'm not going to pet you. I'm not going to say, oh, I go. And that makes me think everyone thinks that about you, which makes me think you don't have the, the right amount of pets. So I feel then like I need to pet you because everyone else is going this ugly motherfucker. I'm not going to pet him. And then I go, oh, I don't want to. But here's my thing. And cute dogs are just come on. I see how my dog gets it. She's just living in it. But the ugly dogs I do like because they're ugly, it's the dogs that I won't pet, I won't pet a doodle. Yeah, we get it. They're too,

like, they're like a fake manicured dog. I like a fucked up. Listen, I understand you love your doodle. My mom had a doodle for 17 years. They're cute. They're great. It is the picture of all the white women in the tan hats with the tan boots. You're a basic bitch. Yeah.

Pumpkin spice poodle. Pumpkin spice ass poodle. And I know we're going to catch heat for it. But you know what? You got to hear the fucking truth. I'm willing to die on that hill. Guess what? I dance naked.

Cancele me. Yeah. Cancel me. I don't like your golden noodles. Sorry. I don't know if you heard, but I dance naked in the mirror. I don't give a thursday. I'm allowed to say what I want.

Free speech. But man, I'll tell you what, you know what really changed you about a doodle? Yeah. Big eyes. Big eyes on a doodle and then you lock in, you go, come on. Or if you, if I go to pet a dog,

I go side hand on their face. If they push in. Like a horse. Yeah. Yes. If they push in, there is no dog ugly. I'm there.

Do dogs go in your crotch or just mine? That dog yesterday, when that crutchman when we were going to CVS. Remember that big ass fucking bulldog? And I was like, ha! I think women, it goes near your crotch more. Yeah. Yeah, because I'm like, at first I was like,

oh, maybe it's because I'm a stinky girl. Because I know that about myself. I'm like, kind of a stinky girl. I don't shower every day, whatever. Sure. So I'm like, when the dog goes to the crotch, I go, yeah, of course. I'm a stinky girl.

Yeah, of course. But then if I shower and the dog still goes, I'm like, okay, do I need to go to the guy now? Like, is it internal? I'm such a hypochondriac that if a dog sniffs me too much, I go, is this one of those cancer dogs? Yeah. Like, does this know? I have a joke about that right now because my dog will sometimes lay directly on top of me and I go, oh, great, I have one of these gifted disease smelling dogs.

He'll like, look me in the eyes and lay directly on me and I'm like, I have a special sickness smelling dogs. So you're sharing our weird shit that we do. He knows the setup usually when we do the podcast in our apartment. The Myrtle's kennel, right? Pimp. and you know where the window is. So I get, you know, every night I get high and I play video games

and we open that window and I smoke a joint. And Myrtle always is in her kennel when I play video games. Just playing her. Sometimes she will come out of her kennel and she'll look out the window and we're on the 30, like we're high up. She looks out the window

and gets alarmed in a way that I'm high that I go, is she seeing a UFO? Is she seeing a UFO and it's cloaked? to human eyes, but dog eyes. Because there's that new horror movie coming out called Good Boy about a dog that sees a demon and it's through the perspective of the dog

which, no thanks. Yeah, that sounds bananas. The perspective of a dog? But no, it's like watch the trailer. It's freaky. Like you see the demon coming up and the dog. But it's like the camera like ground level? They do a little of that and then they do like,

they do some found footage and they also do some other shit. From what I can tell, I might be wrong. But she'll come. out of her kennel and then she'll freak out and come up on the couch around me and then now I'm fucking spinning and I go what did you see in the sky it's weird that you go to UFO because mine is like a haunted like colonial woman sure mine is New York City they're going to have to have a cloaking device you think UFOs is going to float around like it's fucking Omaha Nebraska they can go braz off in Omaha you're in New York you better have a boostier on because

motherfuckers are staring up in the sky a lot so I I just worried. That's my worry. That like Myrtle sees aliens and she's kind of like, ugh. Yeah. You know? Because, man, if she got sucked out of that window by a flying saucer. What if she committed to?

Ooh. I've thought about that. Imagine her just jumping off. Oh, dogs committed. He left like a little note in her kibble. Oh, she was like, this was hell. Yeah. She goes, Myrtle was here.

I think my dog's depressed. Why? Heavy sign? Yeah, heavy sign. Dog sigh, though. He's got sad eyes. If you saw, people have commented, they go, he looks sad. Oh, man.

Don't you always take that personal? A little. I'm like, we love him. We give him everything. We used to live in Hoboken, and there was this dog, it's a really good dog park that we really loved going to. And this, like, model, this, like, lady. There were people in Hoboken that were, like, just normal. It was just, like, normal people.

And then there were, like, these, like, really expensive buildings with people that you could tell how to fucking shit, ton of money that were like down by the water so they're like penthouse looks out at manhattan and this woman you could tell like always came dressed immaculate hair was always perfect you could tell she was like either herself rich or dating a very wealthy guy and she had like a almost like a husky mix very huskies i don't like yeah if i see a husky i'm not petting it why they smell they're hairy they shed they drool those are all dogs gross those are all dogs I will not pet your husky. I will.

And I'll go, oh, and your dog will go, this guy's. Wow, you do dog impressions good too. Dog voices.

It's not just humans. You got huskies down. Oh, oh, you got such a good base. But we're at, we're at the dog park and Myrtle needed a haircut.

Yeah. And she's already kind of like a, she already looks like a. Can you do a Myrtle impression? Now I'm really hooked on. I'm fat. I'm fat. Give me a treat.

What's your dog's voice? We don't have one. I can't figure out my dog's voice. It's the hardest to find your own. I still owe my friend and his kids. They love that I do the voices for their dogs. So I'll send them voice notes of like, oh, I think Ranger's voice would be this.

And then I'll have it sometimes and I'll change it. I still owe. So Jenna, if you're watching this, I will send a voice memo into the kids because they get like upset. They're like Uncle Soder hasn't sent new dog voice. But Myrtle, we used to do. Southern, because she's from Nashville. Okay.

She's from Tennessee. Uh-huh. So we used to have Miss Moodle. Oh, Miss Moodle. And then it became Scottish because of the eyebrows, which is always fun. Yeah. But we don't really have it because she's her own,

she flies by her own, you know, sales. Me and my boyfriend have very different ideas of our dog. Got it. What's your idea of it? Like my idea of my dog is like he's like maybe like a professor, like an old kind of. Yeah, kind of. like a little bit more like not as peppy as that like a little more slow because he's sad

oh the understanding that the world you must understand that everything that lives but then he's also kind of gay which i think everyone thinks their dog is gay yes but i kind of like that yeah life isn't really worth living unless he sounds like a like a old poet like a like a 17th century poet totally It's like if I was to live, it would be to die. That's what I think it is. And what does your boyfriend think it is? Like a sassy gay man. Like, bitch!

Yeah, he better run out. Which is fun because my mom, RIP Riley. Riley we said was a little gay man. I haven't said Riley. Yeah. Who was a gay dog. And he was very like, bitch? Yes.

I used to call him, it was a boy dog, but I'd call him my sister. I'd go, there's my sister Riley. We thought our dog Riley was like a gay man, but like kind of maybe closeted, transgender because we're like there's a lot that you don't understand about what I'm going through it's very fun yeah myrtle does have a little lesbo energy yeah she's got it like hey I don't know she humps I love a dog that hump so I'd probably do Myrtle a little more masculine probably Dom you know like a probably like a butch she's got a toolbell yeah where she goes hey I think that's

pretty cool I'm pumped about the upcoming WMBA playoffs and honestly I just love Carol. Carol and I get along. We eat each other's pussies. Wait, so Myrtle Humps. Yeah. And do you... She does it when people don't pay attention at the dog park, when dogs don't pay attention to her. And do you like acknowledge it or do you let it happen? Oh, I break it up immediately. Oh, okay. Why? Other people freak out about it. Yeah, why? Because they don't know it's a girl at first and their initial thing is it's... Okay. I think their dog's so I have to go, no, no, no, she's just a little lesbo. She's just a little lesbo.

She just thinks you... She saw your dog from across the park. She started singing a little Melissa Etheridge and she walked over to pump your dog. She was singing some lesbo tunes. I like watching people get humped by dogs. Watching people? Yeah.

No, like... It's traumatic for me. I think it's so funny to see how people react to it. I had... I used to walk to school, an elementary school, right? And I was walking to school. Scott LaCaptain who lives in the real government name lives in Los Angeles he can he can in fact last time we had dinner he brought this story up we were walking to school and we were like we're looking at the school we're in the field on the other side of the playground and out of fucking nowhere a golden retriever runs up puts its paws on my back shoulders and starts trying to fuck me Johnny Jones and Scott LaCaptain my few friends that were with me, think this is the funniest thing

ever. I'm like, no! And I have a golden retriever at home. So it was like I was getting molested by a family member. So I'm like, get away from me. And the dog was like, paws like arms, like a human in a dog suit would. And I was like, and they think it's the funniest thing. And they're going, sorry's getting humped. So that's why I'm

like, I don't like dogs hump of people, man. Fuck that. And that's why you wear underwear to sleep at night. I'm not letting a golden retriever butt fuck me. My sleep is little red rob. Damn. I just think it's so funny when people get humped, how they react. Dude. Because they have, they like look around. They think that like someone's actually having sex with them. Meanwhile, it's like a little pomeranian on their arm and they're like, I don't want this. I don't want this. It's like, no one thought you did it. No one's like,

oh, fuck, look at this. Oh, should I push back? You keep putting your arm back? You can push back. Oh, I'm gonna fucking take that. What is that? What are you fucking doing? Yeah, it is dogs humping you is the funniest one is Katie and I were watching something on TV one and it was cringy. It was like a lady singing on a thing where she wasn't a singer. She was interviewing Garth Brooks and she started singing

and we both were like, oh! We were both like, oh! And Katie literally was so cringy, Katie jumped over the couch because she's like, I can't watch this. She's joking around. She jumps over the couch and I'm like, no. And Myrtle at the moment was like,

this is my time to seize power. She just grabbed my leg and started trying to fuck it and I go, I go, Katie, look at the dog. And she's like, went, what are you doing? And Murdo was like, what's up? I snapped out of it. And she was like, you guys are cool.

What's going on? I don't know. I thought people were freaking out. I don't know. It's so funny. And then one time we left Myrtle with Katie's mom. And when we picked her up, she goes, yeah, Mertl would like rub a chest on my leg. And Katie was like, Mom, she was humping your leg.

Yeah. She was like, no, she would grab it and she'd rub it on a chest. And you're like, now she was full on. She's fully humping you. Yeah. I mean, when you see it, you go at a dog park, you got to. to go like you have to run across and be like no no no no well someone brought like a like a like a like a what's the girl when they don't get fixed is it spayed or neutered spade it's spayed neutered is boys spade

okay so there was a girl dog with like full pussy yeah it's crazy when they're in heat they like they like they'll it's truly like animal kingdom they go nuts and this person brought their dog in heat to the park and so all these dogs are going crazy they want that pun not me oh my god it was so funny to watch. You're like, Bella of the ball. Well, because you see, like, I think the reason why it's funny

is because it's like, humans have so many layers of like, what's good to do, what's not good to do. Also, you have to, like, introduce yourself. Yes. You have to go to a dinner.

Yeah. You have to have conversation. And so to just see a dog be like, I fucking want your leg so fucking bad. I'll do anything for your fucking legs. Oh, I fucking need it. You're, fuck God, I'm hot because you're in heat. It's incredible.

Yeah. You're like, it is very funny. My, I was staying with my uncle in Aspen. He used to live outside of Aspen, Carbondale. Okay. Very nice, very she, she had a really nice house. And he had a backyard that was property. But it had a fence.

It had like a wood fence within like a chain link around it because of all the animals. You're in the Rockies. There's like a ton of shit, snakes and shit. And he had a golden retriever. And she was in heat. And he and his, wife went out to this new year's eve dinner and i remember this specifically it was new year's eve 97 into 98 and chris rock or no it was 99 when was it was it was uh bring the pain

chris rock's bring the pain and he put it out so it might have been like 96 into 97 and i was obsessed with it like he had HBO we didn't have HBO and i put it on and i was like i caught it was like young people won't understand this before digital cable. If you caught the back end of something, that was it. You just had to watch it. And you had to hope that maybe it started again from the beginning because you weren't going to, you couldn't just go to the beginning or dial it up on demand. You had to like watch it. So what happened was it was the end of Bring the Pain and I was watching it. And I was like, this is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. And then it started from HBO was just playing it again. So I went sick. I'm going to watch

this whole special. My uncle before he went to dinner was like, watch the dog. Like if you let her out watch the dog and I was like totally and I let her out and then just watched over an hour of Chris Rock doing stand-up no couple months like no more than a month later he's like hey my dog's pregnant because she was in heat wild dogs like came to the fence and then fucked her through the fence no I don't know how I didn't see it I wasn't there but she prison style like a CEO like when a CEO gets caught fucking a prisoner like dude straight up through the bars they brought the pain. Yeah, they brought the pain

and got her pregnant. Oh my goodness. And he was so mad at me. He was like, dude, what the fuck? What kind of dog? What dog after? It was like a mix. It was like a black dog.

It was like literally like a wild dog that was like just living up in the mountains. And it just fucking got her pregnant. That's wild. And I still try to deny that it was my fault. There must be. So this is me admitting it. We must have like as human people.

There must be like, I know that we have pheromones. For sure. But I'm like, is a woman in heat? Like when she's on her period, do guys smell like the nickels? And they're like, I think it is like, I think, I think it's in different ways. Like, I think it's maybe not that. But I think it's like women, like, like, I think big tits are a sign that you're like, oh, that woman is, can make babies. Or she can make babies.

Like, she's got, it's got the feedbags on her. Yeah. You know? Feedback is such a horrible word for tits. But it is like, I think it's something like that. You know what always is... But I'm like, is there a time? Like, because we...

You know what I think about? And I know this is gross and I know this is, but I remember, I remember the obsession with Britney Spears. I remember her being like 17, 18 years old and people being like feral about it. Being like, yo, Britney Spears,

like America was feral for that woman. And then she had kids and it stopped. Yeah. And people were like, you had your kids. And then she was crazy. So do you think it's just an age thing that's the heater? It's not like a monthly thing.

where it's like when I'm on my period. I don't think it's a monthly thing. I think it's like an age thing. I think it's why barely legal, like all that shit. Yeah. Like 22 year old girls are, because it's like, oh,

you're just fucking ready to shoot a baby out. And that's why they're like, we're mean to women in their 40s. Because we're like, oh, you're not having a kid. And you go, oh,

she has a very good career and she's a wonderful person. But I think the animal part of our brains is like, fuck. That's like cheerleaders. And you go, shit because you're like oh you're fucking you're ready to have a baby that's our in heat and i also think for dudes it just doesn't end and old because we can make babies till you're like 70s so they're just

like that's why older men date younger women because they're like look at her she's in heat imagine if they called it that you're like oh she's in heat you're like yeah i'd like that yeah you go you go that kind of gets me hot i'm like i want someone to see me and be like are you in here I have this heard I'm sorry I know he just meant but are you in heat or just girls going

sorry I'm in heat and there's like a lot of guys been like, can I buy you a drink? I'm going to start using that. Yeah, I'm in heat I'm so sorry. Especially living in L.A.

When you see like an old guy, dude I saw the fucking living in New York in the neighborhood I live in sometimes you see older dudes with young like third wives you know what I mean where they're just like

And they're always, this is what I always notice about him. The guys always want to touch the young hot girls and the girls do not like it. Like I don't care. They can say like, I'm mature for my age. This guy was walking down by Broadway, like right around the corner from my thing, where the flat iron building is.

And he was like rubbing this girl's shoulder and he was like, ooh, and she was like, I swear to God, Ali. She was like 22 years old. And she was incredibly beautiful, might have been European and he was like older and he was just like oh and she was just like not feeling it that was in heat yeah because he was like oh oh la and she's like he's like he's like and she was like stop like he did that take me and um the last time I came out to L.A

dude I have pictures in my phone I'll show you there was uh when I see shit in public this is I don't know if you're like this with your boyfriend but when I see shit in public in my head I go I can't wait to tell Katie about this. So we can shit on this. And I was waiting to fly to L.A. And there was a young, hot girl with, like, scattered tattoos, super beautiful, weird bangs, that, like, kind of thing where they go, I'm so hot I can give myself a fucked up haircut and you'll still want to fuck me.

And then this, like, Jersey Guido, older dude, big belly, overly tan, just dripping in jewelry. he couldn't stop touching her at the gate and I was like oh and then we got in the seat and they were sitting in first class too and the amount of times they called each other baby where he's going yeah baby and Katie and I do that as a joke we go yeah you want to fucking want to order breadsticks BB

we always do disgusting shit with that voice yeah like we're gonna go puff candy baby so it texts Katie I go dude older guy younger girl baby in the shit out of this and she was like please keep me informed and then I watched this girl with her phone do like the shit where she was like taking the and then I watched her on TikTok do the like delta menu and like zoom in and then like show like the the slippers they give you and I was like oh this girl this girl's fucking for

this ticket yeah and then you know the partition in between it better have been one of those fully reclined lay it was it was Delta one how sad would it be to like hook up with a guy just For like A slightly more inclined. Just a wider seat. For leg room for comfort plus to L.A.? No, I have this on my,

I got to show you these pictures because I sent it to Katie and I was like, do this girl is full on like doing videos and then he would reach over and try to touch her. And she would be like, she would just like let him. Here, let me find it

because I'd send it reached out. Here it is. That's her making the videos in the thing. Oh, yeah. And I was like, and it's so funny because she did a TikTok

and then I noticed in her TikTok that it's just me and my 49ers hat just like looking at my phone but I could see her screen because she didn't have a screen protector on it.

Do you have a screen protector on yours? Yeah, you don't? No, I do, but people are like, oh, I was just with my sisters and they're like, that's so sketchy

and I'm like, I'm not doing anything weird. I'm just talking shit about people constantly. I don't want people also what kind of voyeur are you? Do you have blinds at your house?

Yeah. You have blinds on your window, right? Yeah. Then I got a fucking screen protector on my phone. Dude, I live in New York City. Do you know how many people's... I get on the subway.

I read people's texts. I'm reading everyone's text. I'm so nosy. I'm so nosy. And you know how you stop that? You get a screen protector. And then you get mad. Dude, Katie was trying to read my phone.

She goes, I forgot you had that fucking screen protector on. I go, you bought it for me. She was the first person that did it. And I was like, oh, yeah, this is great. I bought one for my boyfriend. And then I remember him using it. me being like, what are you doing on your phone?

What are you doing over there? What's going on? But it is, it's like for when you're on the subway or a fucking airplane, dude, Sagalow and I landed at this place and this old woman in front of me was going through her algorithm, but she was doing the, she was running the circuit. She was going Twitter to Facebook to email to Twitter. You know how our brains do that? We don't even notice we're jumping from one through the other.

So she did the Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Instagram, Twitter. Twitter, Facebook, and it made me, it gave me anxiety. Yeah. It was like worse than any trip I've ever had. You know what I love old people because they're fond? I could read it from 20 feet away. Keith Robinson, I can read it literally being downstairs. And also, old people send the craziest texts.

They're so horny. And they're big and they're like, oh, dude. They're mean and they're horny. They're mean and they're horny. And they go, I want to get away and make love to your bottom. Yeah, they act like it's like a, like it's like a war letter. They're like, once I see you back. I need you, my darling.

Yeah. I need you. We're, we've gone past the time that we've rented the studio. Sorry. Well, I won't be covering the overtime. You owe us 50 bucks. Ali McCovsky is one of my favorite comedians. You're fucking hilarious.

Make sure you follow her. Go follow her on Instagram. Do you have a YouTube channel? Yeah. what do you have the plug come see me on the road go to alleymokovsky.com you should see me do comedy live you should I'm vouching

she's fucking hilarious this is all I wanted from Neil Brennan and I got it from you so thank you Dan and now I learned I'm gonna dance naked in a hotel mirror yes no telling me and I ain't touching your fucking poodle You know,