Soder - 116: Internet Booze with Mark Normand | Soder Podcast | EP 114

Episode Date: January 13, 2026

Support the sponsors to support the show!Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at square.com/go/soder #squarepodhttps://squareup.com/us/en/campaign/audioHead to FactorMeals.com/soder50off and use code soder50off to get 50% off your first Factor box PLUS free breakfast for 1 year. *Offer only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto-renewing subscription purchase. Make healthier eating easy with Factor.https://www.factor75.com/pages/podcast?c=SODER50OFF&mealsize=1-8&utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=cpm&utm_campaign=podcast50off&discount_comm_id=ae97cdba-b315-4752-8023-6a6a77bae942&utm_content=act_podcast_podcastadsYou can’t step into a lighter version of yourself without leaving behind what’s been weighing you down. Therapy can help you clear space.Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/SODERhttps://www.betterhelp.com/get-started/?go=true&slug=soder&utm_source=podcast&utm_campaign=1378&utm_term=soder&promo_code=soder&landing_page_img=https%3A%2F%2Fd3ez4in977nymc.cloudfront.net%2Faffiliate_images%2Fc8f1e33eccfdd97908db536def2e7dbd2d9ae59240ff77c0f1ee89f46ed7f544.png&aff_channel=podcast&discount_rate=10&discount_period=P1M&date_interval=P1M&percentage_off=10&amount=1&amount_spelled_out=one&unit=month&gor=startThe Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour is coming to your city!Get tickets at https://www.dansoder.com/tourFEB 13 - Orlando,FLFEB 14 - Tampa,FLFEB 28 - Buffalo,NYMarch 6 - BostonMarch 7 - Philadelphia,PAMarch 19 Dallas,TXMarch 20 - Houston,TXMarch 21- Oklahoma City,OKApril 4 - Huntington,KYApril 10 - Charlotte,NCApril 11 - Durham,NCApril 17 - Munhall,PAApril 18 - Cleveland,OHApril 19 - Columbus,OHApril 24 - Larchwood,IAFollow Normandhttps://www.instagram.com/marknormand/?hl=enhttps://x.com/marknormhttps://www.youtube.com/marknormandPLEASE Drop us a rating on iTunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow.https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soder/id1716617572Connect with SoderTwitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoderInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoderTiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedyFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoderYoutube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy#dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcastProduced by  Mike Lavin     https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en

Hey guys, Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour is starting back up in February. February 13th, we kick back off in Orlando, but we're coming to Tampa, Buffalo, New York, Philadelphia, Boston, Dallas, Houston, Oklahoma City. The list goes on and on. Go to Dan Soder.com and see all announced dates. All dates are up and the tickets are on sale. Go buy tickets right now. I really appreciate it.

And I hope you're doing okay. I think we'll go comedy. first half and then I really want to talk about McDaniel, but... McDaniel? My buddy. Oh, the dolphin. The former dolphin. Oh, sorry. Now he's a porpoise. You know, I'm a little longer as a porpoise. Out of all the comics that we came up with,

you have consistently done the funniest shit in late night situations. Oh, hey, thanks. No one else were friends with whatever do. I'm Kevin Hart. closing the set with I'm Kevin Hart Sure The wiping your Oh the Conan tie Was he mad about that?

He didn't love it Because his mic was on his tie So he was like What do you doing This could ruin the whole show But I had to do it I just got like a weird Did he calm down?

Yeah he was cool It wasn't the end of the world But I asked to do his pod And he was like we're good So I can't get on there either Oh really? Okay okay

No I think it's level of fame Okay all right I think you I mean you're fucking pretty famous So are you No I'm believe you. So we got to look at how it's going. To get on Conan, Conan, have us both

on. How about that? That would be great. We'll talk about your late night sets. Yes. He did one of the coolest things that I've seen in the business where the second time I did Conan, I didn't like my set. Yeah. Just didn't like it. Didn't feel like it went well. I didn't like it either. He called me to the couch and, uh, you know,

like Sega night. Yeah. Because they'd do that. It's not like Carson. They're just doing it. I thought the same thing. You're like, we're going to chat. And he's like, just shut up. up, I'll do this. Yeah. But he did something really cool where at the end of the show, he went, all right, that's all my time. He thanked the guest.

And he's like, Dad, Soto, thank you guys, good night. And he went, and, you know, it's like the crowd's clapping. He goes, how'd you think you did? And I go, I hated that set. And he just looks at the crowd. He goes, they fucking sucked. Whoa. And it made me feel so much better.

Whoa. Instantly. That's amazing. Just to have that, like, kind of. Yeah, that's huge. Because you don't think these guys are. You think they're just robots just out there like dancing monkeys, but they feel it. Yeah, they're still comics.

Yeah, exactly. So they still feel like Conan's still a funny person, so he knows when they're laughing right or not. Well, Conan changed his opener, his warm-up guy. And that chance, I've done the show, I did the show like seven or eight times, and it was like night and day. Really? From the new warm-up guy. And I don't want to shit on the old one because he's a funny guy. But the new one just changed the whole dynamic.

The crowd was way hotter. Really? You noticed a significant difference. Completely. That is crazy. Because you got to think this is 5 p.m. Universal Studios, fat, you know, Cleveland people coming in on vacation with Mickey ears on it. Yeah.

You know, and light-sabres. Yeah. And now they're, did you see Ryan Reese's documentary about warm-ups? I told him I have, but I haven't. I'm going to tell you it's good. Okay, okay. If you're a fan of comedy,

yeah, it's fucking good because it really shows you like, those dudes are necessary and they have to be good at it. Sure, of course. But then it puts them in this weird position. Where they're going after. Because when we were coming up and all I wanted to do is not have a day job and be a comic. Yeah.

I remember the lure of warm up. Yes. Yeah. You get dental benefits, health. You're doing a show every day in front of important people. Yeah. You're working on it. You're getting, you don't, you know.

And then you see it and you go, it is a trap. Oh, completely. Completely. I know the girl does the view. And she's like, it's tough. You've got to be in there early in the morning and you got to deal with all those crazy coos later. And who does who do you who do you think is harder to warm up gutfeld or the view? I would say the view because I think liberal audiences are too like don't say that and it's all ladies.

Yeah. It's all like ladies who don't work because they're there in the middle of the day. You got to be like hey fuck your husband. Yes, exactly. And you're a husband. You're a white guy. They don't want that. Yeah.

And then and then I got filled must be pretty easy. That's got to jingle keys. You just go, hey, my kids in a Somali daycare. Yeah, you go, trans, and I said trans am, and they go, ah, yeah, every opening for Gutfeld's audience, you just have to do my pronouns are proud American. They're like, fuck, fuck yeah. The view, they're like, it's like walking a minefield. Yeah, exactly.

He used to go out there, Maduro, we got them. Fireworks going on, American flag drop. Just show them a gun. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. The view, you have to. to be like, I am incensed.

Yes. With the pronouns used. Exactly. Did you see the way that gay dog was treated on the internet? You're like, no, I understand. That's crazy. I know. You should do a roast battle with the opener, the warm-up.

Is it Mackey that warms up, gutfeld? Oh, he's a writer. I don't know if he's a warm-up. He's a weird warm-up. He'd be a lot. He's so fucking funny. He's one of the great joke writers of all the time. I watched him at the cellar a couple months ago, and I was like,

This fucking guy. Just did a special recording. Oh, great. Finally. Such tight jokes. He's never done a special? No. And that great.

Well, he had eight of them, but then he would be like, they're not good. It's rapping. So he couldn't, he couldn't live with it. A port. Something I don't believe in.

Make sure. It's the only time he likes a Porsche. Yeah. You got to bring that special to term. If you filmed it, you got to fucking. If you're pro comedy, you better fucking release it.

I mean, it was late term, too, because that thing was edited. It had like art on it. In the ninth month, he slid in and aborted it. You hypocrite? I love this. We're back to busting balls.

They can't stop. Dude, I did a podcast episode with Tommy Pope. Oh, nice. Love them. We talked about the NFL. He's a big Eagles guy. I'm a big 49ers guy. They're playing this week.

And then I talked about what it's like having a friend who's an NFL head coach. Yeah. Because you got to deal with. with sports shows talking shit about your friend. Ooh. Like us joking about Joe, we all know it's, we love Joe. He's fucking hilarious. He can text us and be like,

that wasn't funny. And that's fine. Sure. When you watch like cable sports shows and they're shit talking your friend. Right. It gets you, I got me, I can't handle it.

And also sports, what we do is subjective. So you go, that guy sucks. You're like, to you. Yeah. He's not funny. To you. Yes.

You lost that game. There's no way around that. You fucking lost. Exactly. And that's already painful enough. Because you want to see your friends do well. Exactly. Then what sucks even more is all these people coming in and going,

I'm going to tell you the reason they did list. Oh. They last because they bad, and, like, Katie is, you know, obviously worked in sports forever. Yeah. She kind of helps me navigate because I'll get mad and you go, no, it's there's people that are analyzing them and people that are criticizing them. Sure.

Those are the two differences. Yeah. But, man, I. Pimp I had to edit it out of the Tommy episode, but I was like, because I'd go on the Dolphins Reddit. Oh, no. And they were like,

because I've stopped going to all comedy Reddit. Good for you. It's, it's, you have to learn how to not do it. I know, it's touching a hot stove. It's one day at a time.

It's one day at a time and it's touching a hot stove because the second you do go and you look and it's bad, it'll fuck your shit up. Totally. I just deleted two videos the other day because I read some shit.

And you read, and I, And I think everyone, Katie used to have a theory that everyone, like this is an old theory she had, that everyone should walk around with over, I think, 500,000 followers on Instagram just to see how it feels. Oh, that's good. To feel how everybody is criticized. That's good. And I feel like everyone should have a subreddit post about them.

Right. Because you read that. And the first time I experienced it was the Opie and Anthony subreddit. because they liked me and then when they turned that day I like had a coffee and I was like let me check the opening Dan Soter and then you go in

and there's like a hundred and ninety three comments and you're like you see the amount of punches you're going to take they're right. They're absolutely right. I had the same thought before I went to bed last night and you just said it. Yeah and so it's but there should be

you know how they do those things with like a period or pregnancy where they put it on a man and you feel the pain? Yes, yes. They should do that with Reddit comments. Like somehow it fires your synapse that causes anxiety and doubt. And you're like, now there you go.

That's what happened if you put out a bad YouTube special. Did you see that video of the woman who was like, it's got to be so easy to be a man? I wish I was a man. And she dressed up as a man like full crazy. What is that Rick guy who does all the special effects? I don't know. Rick Baker.

He does an alien and all that shit. Oh yeah. He's like the special effects guy. So they got a guy like him to, make her look like a man and she went out for a week and she killed herself. No. True story. No way.

Look that up. Look it up. Because that's like every time you bring up that situation, I immediately think of Eddie Murphy dressing. I know. I thought the same thing. That's the best one where he goes, with the newspaper. He goes, just keep it.

Eddie Murphy's day as a white guy on SNL is one of the fun. Top five. It's got to be on YouTube. Oh, easily. It's got millions of views. It's so fucking funny. No, no, no. Keep it.

Take it. I remember being a kid in very little, and it fucking made me laugh. So Google says the story you're recalling refers to journalist Nora Vincent, who lived as a man named Ned for 18 months to explore male privilege, concluding in her book, Self-Made Man, that men's lives weren't easier and men faced unique emotional burdens and later died by assisted in 2022. Oh, sorry.

Though her death was due to major depression, not directly proven as a result of the experience, but the experience contributed to her mental health shock. So I don't think you're wrong. I don't think you're wrong. Well, there's also, there's like a popular TikTok of a woman that went on a dating site as a man, and she, like, blogs about it, and she's like, yo, this is fucked.

Oh, really? Women are asking versus, like. That's hilarious. But everyone, that's, I think, what the internet kills off, that we need to fight for is empathy. Yes. You don't. The reason, because I get sick of hearing comments,

like comics go, I don't read comments. Sure. It's just like, yes, you do. You do. It's like the Epstein list. Yeah. You go, you know, if you're a very powerful person, you know a very powerful person that's a bad for you.

Right. Don't act like you don't. Yeah. Help me you do. Then we start working forward. I know family members who are, you know. And they should be castrated and put on an island. Yeah.

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It's like the Sadie Hawkins dance. Yeah. And they are, not to shit on all women and generalize, but they are terrible with pickup lines because they never had to do it. So they'll be like, how's your Tuesday? Yeah. That's what you got? How's your Tuesday?

Get out of here. I had a real lonely point in 2016, probably my loneliest. And Match.com, which if you don't know, when you sign up for Match.com, it's harder than applying for college. Really? Yeah, because you have to write like essays about yourself. or like give and like what you want. And they're like, that's why it costs money because I think they actually try.

Okay. It's not just a Bumble algorithm that's just firing off. Yeah, I'm just getting like women with blue hair. Yeah. It's like, oh, but I made the mistake of being like, I work in comedy, blah, blah, blah. Man, women trying to. Oh, yeah.

I bet I'm funnier than you. Oh, that was a big one. Bitch, you ain't. I'll tell you right now, bitch, I got hundreds of hours of podcasting. that I'll tell you that you ain't. Yeah. That doesn't make me want to fuck you.

What? Like, oh, yeah, the negging. If I, on our first date, Katie was like,

I'm funnier than you. I'd be like, you're out of your, what, this is just a weird thing to say. Yeah. It's hilarious. And I would be like,

ugh, it would just turn me off on you being funny. Yeah, I think they're trying to bust balls and be naggy and all that, but it's just, it's weird. It's like a weird,

combative thing to come at me with. Like, what if I was like, my tits are bigger. Yeah. Or you go, I'm a more emotional monster than you are. Yeah, right. Why would you say that?

But it's like people should have to go through the empathetic feeling of it sucks to go online and read something about yourself. That's great. Because everyone thinks I want more followers. I want half a million. I want a million. But if you have it, you get shit on all day. Dude, and or what you do is it's not even you get shit on. It's just the random ass stray you catch when you're at the airport at 7 in the morning.

And then you get comments on a video. And you go, I wonder who commented on this video. Yeah. And you look at the comments and they go, this guy fucking sucks. Yeah. He should himself and you go, I really should. I know. That does.

I'm outside of a Hudson news going, I really should just fucking end it. Well, it's surprising, you know, because society is up, by the way, in our society. And I wonder. Hey, something's up. Yeah. There we go. Yeah. Oh, fucking not the employment rate for people making decent money.

Right. We got one thing, but it's comments have got to be on the list. Why is the one? I'm talking about that. Oh, I think that's proven. I think, that's why Australia did that thing where they tried taking kids off social media. Oh, that didn't stick? I don't know where they're at with it.

I think there were the first country to try it. Good for them. But they were the first ones that did the gun laws. I mean, they've had like, I don't, I'm not even going to talk about this because these fucking gun nuts jizz out their ass when you talk about it. But they did like, John Oliver did a piece on the Daily Show years ago about how their gun ban work. For the most part.

Yeah, it went 40 years or whatever. But I haven't heard of a school sh** in a while. Are we turned in the corner on that? Or are we just, you know, do they just, they're not even news anymore. Did they move on? Was it like a thing where it's like, that's not even cool anymore? Exactly, exactly. It's not cool to spray up your school.

You know, hip hop. I just saw that hip hop has not hit the top 10 charts for the first time in 30 years. Really? No hip hop song, which I think is a crazy shift. What is going on? Well, you know what it is? It's all that. ass country.

Country is huge. Because it's the easiest. Especially for white dudes. Right. You're going in country, you don't have to deal with anyone else's culture. You're just going in and being like, I'm a white dude. Right. And then you just white it up.

Yeah. You go, I'm from a rural part in a loved beer. I got a girl that's cute and man, I love my country. And these guys jizz for it. Damn, you could open for Guffelt. Dude. I might. I might start doing that.

That's the pivot. You see on me on Gutfeld? Print and cash. Yeah. That was what was fun about Red Eye was he used to have everybody on. I know. I did it. Sam did it.

Schumer did it. Everybody used to do Red Eye. Yeah. It was like a fun thing to do where you'd go and fuck around. Tom Shaloo. You talk shit, but he always had it balanced. It really was. It would be like.

Yeah, that's true. Andy was like pretty libertarian. Right. Schultz. Bill Schultz was like wild. Right. He had like just a bunch of different people. Yeah.

It was great. That's where I met Dave Smith. I saw all kinds of people on there. Yeah. I met one of like the Maxim magazine ladies that was like older. And I was like, oh, the things I used to do to you. But watching McDaniel go through this is like a head coach.

Yeah. It's like been my buddy since seventh grade. Wow. That's crazy. And it's like awesome. He's an NFL coach. That's incredible. And he worked his way up to a head coach.

But he'll get a gig. Right, somewhere else? Absolutely. In fact, I think he's better off because I think, and listen to me right now, I think it's a shit organization. I think it's, I think it's ran by an old fuck that stab Mike in the back after he told him he was going to be all right for another season. And fuck the dolphins.

And honestly, fuck Miami as a comedy town. Whoa. What have you ever had a good show in Miami? Well, I got to say, I just did it because I went on vacation with the wife and the kid to Miami and I was Jonesen. So I set up a private show after. she fell asleep. And she...

Like you're creeping with a comedy show? That's my new stepping out. Like putting a jacket on it. How you do it? If she comes in, I knew it. You do it in the middle of a bit. Instead of lipstick on the collar,

I got notes on my hand. She's like, I knew it. I saw your set list, Mark. I knew where you were... I'm kidding about Miami. I know a bunch of great people from Miami. Yeah, for a show and a bunch of guys.

Oh, my God. And you go down there. The vacations are awesome. Sure. I've just never enjoyed doing stand-down. Well, have you done the comedy in? No. It's in a days-in, and it's the best room.

Big J. told me about it. It's the best room in Miami. Really? It beats all the other ones. So go down there, do the days-in. You look at the lineup. No, not for at least. McDaniel needs to get hired somewhere else.

I need to get over this heat. My, the close, if you live in Florida, Orlando, February 13th, Tampa, February 14th. Oh, that's a great town. Tampa's the best. The best comedy town. One of the best comedy towns in the South. What is that?

It's something about the old. People, the Jews, the Cubans, they come together. It's wrestlers, it's sluts. Yeah. It's monster trucks. Scientology. Scientology. It's just a bunch of crazy motherfuckers in the swamp.

Yeah. And they're great. They don't give a shit. I love Tampa. I love it too. I love going to Tampa. So there you go. If you live in Florida, October 13th, Orlando, October 14th, Tampa, Miami, TBD for a very

long time. If you ever down that, check out the end. But go to the comedy in. It's tough. Check it the comedy in to see good comedy. Yeah. Norman's signing off on it. because comics talk shit about Miami more than any other city.

Yeah, New Orleans is tough, but yeah, Miami is number one. But you're from New Orleans, and you admit it. It's bad, it's bad. But just comics are like fight clubs. We have these weird little rooms like go here, take it right down the alley, you know, blow a guy, buys this. And you're in, but the clubs in the mainstream doesn't work there. You've got to find these weird little back alley rooms.

Yeah, so maybe that's the way to go in Miami. You've got to do these secret cheat on your wife's shows. Yeah, exactly. She's asleep and he's putting a knife under her to make sure she's breathing. And then he's out. He's like, I get to try a new one. Yeah. That's the new blow job.

I tried a new one. Really suck me to completion. Exactly. For those of you, you know, you're watching this on Tuesday, but we taped this. I just found out McDaniel got fired. Like right before you came over. Probably an hour and a half before. And I was hot.

Yeah. Because they told him he was going to be all right. Yeah. They were like, you're going to get one more season. We're searching for a new job. GM. I think Troy Aikman fucking got Mike fired. Really?

Yeah, Troy Aikman's helping him with the GM search. And here's what I'm going to say. When you watch football as a fan, you notice when broadcasters are slanted for or against you. Okay. Like you watch Chris Collinsworth. He loves Patrick Mahomes. He's going to bring up Patrick Mahomes any chance he gets because he just wants to

slob his knob. Got it. Just loves the dude. when having a friend that's an NFL coach, you notice you listen more when people talk about your friend. Uh-huh. And Troy Aikman shits on McDaniel in a way that I'm like, he doesn't like Mike.

Whoa. And me and my friend Chad, who grew up with Mike, we're like, Chad was the first one was like, I bet Aikman had something to do with it. And then I was just like, fuck Troy Akeman looking like white JZ. Have you ever seen that? No.

Can you bring up a picture? They said Troy Akeman looks like white JZ. Oh, I can see it. So fucking funny. you see the picture. But that's what I mean. That's at the stage of grief I'm in right now. Damn.

I want to fight everybody. Well, wait a minute. You're our sweet friend. You're sticking up for your buddy. But what if you get trashed on Reddit? Is he coming at you? Is he coming at them? He's too busy.

Okay. But now that he's now that he's unemployed, probably. There you go. Probably. What do we got here? Oh my God. That's dead on. That's so funny.

Wow. Fuck white JZ. How about that? Fucking white JZ helping get my friend fired. You fucking prick. Damn, that's crazy. I was so mad. I was so mad.

Jim Florentine is a huge dolphins fan. So once McDaniel took over the dolphins, is that noise? This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you're me, if you know me, you know I talk about therapy and the benefits of therapy. I've been seeing these people that are trying to be cool now. And they go like, I don't need therapy. Therapy doesn't work. whenever someone says that, take a look at that person's personal life, guarantee they need therapy.

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Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash soda. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash soda. Let's get back to the show. Yeah, but it's like how you feel when you see your friends get trashed online. Yeah, yeah, it sticks. You know, like, shut the fuck. Like that, when Shane got fired from S&O, I got so mad at everyone that was talking shit. That was crazy.

people that I knew that sucked. Yes. That were talking shit. The piling on is wild. People go, oh, we can do this. It's a green light. Let's go. And you're like, you've got to see the guy.

Yeah. He has feelings. I don't get it. It's all about compassion and being nice. But then they're like, fuck this guy. What's funny as Shane would tell me all the ones that would shit on him publicly and then privately be like, hey, sorry about that. I didn't really mean that.

Yeah, there's a lot of that going on. There's a lot of those people. The internet brings out, the internet is like the new booze. You know where you're like, oh, you know, you go. That guy got. drunk and like yelled at his wife. Like, that's the real him. Yeah.

And then you see Twitter at 4 in the morning. You're like, what the fuck is Jeff tweeting? That's, it shows the real you. Yeah. You see people out in the wild on something and you're like, you'll like run into a Twitter account. You're like, I think I know who runs that. And that's crazy.

That's how they are. Yeah. That's how they can. You can really hide. I think it, uh, it might have killed empathy, but it ruined bullshitting. Yeah. People being like, hey, how are you? That's true.

That's true. It's also that stamp of time. Yes. People talk shit. That's why I'm glad I've never been a hot takes guy. Good point. I'm like, I'm wrong about most shit in my life. Yeah, yeah.

I'm so wrong about stuff that I just know. I'm not going to have a hot take. Right, right. Same. It's going to age poorly. Exactly. And then someone goes, this you? Yeah.

Five years later, you're like, no. Dude, everybody needs to get disused. I know. Because by the way, the this you has existed in arguing, especially in couples since the beginning of time. That's true. Bringing up old shit. Bring it up old shit.

Why you bring it up old shit? Yeah. Why you bringing up old shit? You know that one time you said you would never let me go to your mother? And you're like, okay, but I didn't fucking pay that. That's the new this you. With a woman, though, with my wife, she's so good at arguing that I always want to be like, you said this.

She's like, I never said that. I wish I had a fucking tweet. So it's so satisfying to show that proof. Just to bring it up. Yeah. And you're like, I fucking got you. I know. Katie is very good at arguing.

Yeah. And when we argue sometimes, she'll just have me dead to rights. And then I did this new thing where I go. over here and she'll go what are you just what are you doing you know like distracting you and most of the time it'll break uh it'll break the argument yeah she's like can i just fucking fucking say that i go up up over here yeah like you're trying like i'm a rodeo clown yeah yeah yeah yeah and i fucking run at me and then get up on the wall right he's like whoa yeah because arguing and the internet is built for you to argue

It really is. It wants you to engage. That's why engagement culture that. I know. Like, what a waste. Comment below. I love doing stand-up.

I love the chance to just be funny for a living. Yeah. I don't want to engage. No. No. God no. My engaging is going to cities and doing shows. That's my engagement.

Exactly. And this shit online, I read all of it. Don't get me wrong. With Lamar and all that, I'm like, Woo, baby. And I didn't see it.

That's what's nice. That's what I mean about being on Reddit and getting off the comedy shit. Yeah. I didn't even see it until we did the regs. And I think the episode comes out tomorrow. Yeah. But they brought it up and I was like,

I didn't even know. And I love Lemaire. Yeah, me too. I would have known. I probably would have intervened had I known. Yeah. Oh, don't intervene. Now you're in a thread.

Then somebody goes, you know what? I hate Dan. Yeah. Oh, buddy. Then he's going to go, that dolphin's guy should have been fired. Yeah. What the fuck?

When it gets brought up out of nowhere, someone's like, yeah, and fuck that guy. They go, what did I do? Yes. But watching, you know, because they were spectating that McDaniel was going to get fired at the beginning of the season. Because they started really bad. Right.

And then he pulled it together. Hey. He had a quarterback that was falling off. Tua stinks. But people, listen, I think McDaniel got fired because he tied himself to Tua and they lost. Ah, Tua. Hock Tua. Huck Tua.

Yeah, fucked him. Get brain damage on that thing. But I think that's a sign of my friend being loyal. So, like, as a friend, as a friend, I go, fuck yeah, he's stuck with him. And I hope the next team he goes to, the quarterback goes, well, this guy stuck with him. So I believe in him. Yeah. So I'll fucking play for it for it.

I just hope McDaniel goes and wins 10 Lombardi trophies and then shoves them up the owner of the dolphin's asshole one at a time, just like he's pack in the back of a fucking SUV. Hell yeah. Fonk, funk, just shoving Lombardi trophies. And I hope the dolphins never win another game. Woo. Your old logo's better. Your new logo looks like a penis jumping through a new vring. Hey.

Your fans don't know ball. A couple of them at the stadium. It was like crazy watching them not know when to cheer on third down. Jesus Christ. Fuck them. Fuck that whole organization. I like Dan Marino and Ace Ventura, but that was about the end of it. That was it.

And you know what, Marina lost his only Super Bowl of the 49ers, and he should have. He wasn't as good as Joe Montana. Gee, this is like a Reddit thread. This is- Fuck. Yeah, hey, Dolphins fans, here's my Reddit thread. Whoa. It's just me commenting on you. Fuck you.

Your Reddit thread is fucking shit. Wow. All it is is like, well, if we can get Joe Burrow and then we can get this guy and then we can do this and John Harbaugh, I hope you never win a fucking Super Bowl. Suck my dick. Fuck you. Team McDaniel. Your owner stabbed them in the back.

but there are dolphins fans that I love. No, there are dolphins fans that genuinely were like sad that he's fired or whatever. There you go. But the rest of you, Euro-Trash, fucking losers, they want to just dance to techno, go fuck yourself. I hope a shark eats you. I hope shark attacks go up in Miami now.

Peter hears this. This fucking guy can never come to SeaWorld. This is crazy. What an asshole. Who hates dolphins? That's going to be a text where I send him to my car. can I go, edit the shit out about the shit. And I'll let it ride.

Fuck it. This is engagement. It's all about controversy. Are you going to keep your kid off social media? Oh, I think you're going to say, are you going to keep your kid? Yeah. You know, late term abortion? Yeah.

Oh, for sure. No phone, no nothing. I'm going to go try to ride into the sunset to like 16, 17. Are you going to be one of those parents that like, um, not in my house? You're not going to have social media in my house. Yeah, definitely. No, I don't want it anywhere, to be honest. Yeah.

It's going to happen. Like, my. brother has two kids. He's like, when they get on the bus, it's over. The bus is like Reddit. They learn curse words. Sex shit, porno. It's all over on the bus. Smoking cigarettes. Yeah. Fingering, whatever it is. So I'm going to try. And the kid is already, he's 11 months and he's already got a better attention span. Really? Like he'll just play with a toy. Like I'll hold it and look at it. And I'm like, staring at him going, boy, I want to look at my phone. Yeah. And I'm like, this kid's better than me. Does he, do you guys do a lot of screen time with him? Nothing. Nothing. I don't even put the TV on

front of them. Really? Yeah, just because I'll let him watch TV and movies eventually, but right now he's exploring, he's learning, he's playing with things, he's got a drum kit. I love that. Yeah, it's fun. He's got blocks and he just does blocks, which is at first I was like, am I being abusive? And then I'm like, no, this is normal. Yeah. This is how we live for thousands of years. Yeah, because now you go to the airport and if you're at a restaurant in the airport, you'll see a kid with headphones on, a phone and a screen in front of them. Totally. Like they're Wall Street brokers. Yeah. Like little kids now have screens like they're fucking trading. Yeah, they're doing crypto. Yeah. They're like, this is nuts. I love that you're doing that. I'm trying. I'm trying because it fucks you up and fucked us up, I think. I'm,

remember how joyous life was? We just walk around and look at things. I remember the like, the pure feeling of anxiety I felt when social media came out of being like, so what do I got to do? I got to post something. Oh my God. I got to post and I got to stay active on it. And it was like, Yeah, yeah, it was weird. It felt a little like when I started, like, drinking. Right. Where I was like, I drank because other people were drinking. Yeah, and it's a little social loob.

That's easier. It's the same with the phone. It's something to go to when you're uncomfortable. Remember, like you never smoked cigarettes. No. Smoking, that was always the way out. You could just go, I'm going to smoke a cigarette. And you could leave, but the phone's the new out.

It's the new out. You're in the elevator like, oh, this is awkward. Dude, all on my elevator, if I'm walking the dog, I won't even look at my phone and it feels weird. Yeah. Because people are all on their phone. I'm like, am I the creep or my joke book? When I'm writing stuff on the train.

Oh, yeah. I'll be writing something on the train in my joke book. And I'll be like, I think people think I'm a psycho. It's like a manifesto. Yeah. It looks weird. And then you're like, and it feels more comfortable to go in the notes app. Of course.

And write stuff down because people don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Yeah. List used to do this thing when we lived in Astoria. When we'd be coming back from something in the city and you go from 59th in Lex up to Queensboro Plaza, like you come outside. Phones back in the day didn't work under the ground. That's right.

You would go underground and your phone would work. So I remember one time coming back from like, you know what, dude, and we're coming up out of the train and list, you know, that shit he does where he's like, two tickets, please. You know,

those listisms. We're coming out and he goes, phone time. Like that chokingly? Yeah. And I watched as everybody went, yeah, he's right.

Oh, boy. You're like, oh, fuck. The two things I heard were don't use it in a transitional period. Like if you're walking from here to the train, no phone. You can look at it on the train, but not from there to there. That's a good way to start. And then no, no shitting phone. Really? Which is so hard. You're just stare to your knees. You're thinking, it's horrible. I'm reading

Ajax. It's brutal. But the thoughts that pop up are fascinating. You're like, oh, third grade. Oh, yeah. I bet it's better for joke writing. Way better. Your brain can go to that area because it your brain's like hovering right here with the phone. And then when you let go of the phone, it has to go other places. And now you're off in different quadrants. I'm going to go no phone poop. Try it. Text me.

When you get done. When I'm done. Yeah. And send me a photo. Yeah. I'll show you how healthy it is. Yeah. But it does, that does feel like we got to bring boredom back.

Bortem's big. Yonis used to have a great bit about that. Oh, yeah? You need boredom. You need it. We got to bring it back. You got to just sit there. Over Christmas,

The break, the holiday break, we do a road trip, but I drive a lot. Yeah. You know, we split the shit. Oh, driving is big. You go real meditative. But you don't even, you're not, I didn't look at my phone. You know when your phone tells you how, what you average screen time? Yes.

I averaged like an hour of screen time. Damn. But it was because we were driving. Right. So the only time I'd look at my phone is when we get to the hotel, like, look at my phone. But then we're eating or like watching something else. And I felt better. Yeah.

It was when I got back home. I started like, wake up. Look at my phone. Yeah. That's what happens. Because a couple of years ago, I started put my phone in a different room at night. That's big too.

Because on the road, I would wake up and look at my phone. I know. Three in the morning. And Reddit is kind of like the final boss of the phone because it's mean. It gets your blood pumping. It's hot.

There's tits. It's everything. I will say, I know I've been like joking around about reading about yourself and your friends on Reddit. But if you like something, Reddit's great.

That's true. That's true. That's why you have to remove yourself from the comedy. That's the good point. Because you go, I work there. I don't want to talk about it. Like, as a 49ers fan as a Nuggets fan, I love reading the Reddit.

You read like stories pop in, video games, movies. Right, right. A lot of the times, that's where I'll find out about movie trailers. Oh. It's on Reddit where they'll be like that new Russell Crow Robin Hood. And I'll be like, I want to watch that trailer. Yeah, yeah. Or the Christopher Nolan.

Oh, yeah, Odyssey? The Odyssey. That looks fucking awesome. And you're like, oh, yeah. And I get, like, pumped. Yes. I don't have the feeling of like, oh. Yeah, that's good.

Because I got completely, I post on X.com, but I don't ever go on it. Post and ghost. Post and get out of it. That was, this is the second football season that I stopped reading Twitter. And it has been way better. Really? Dude, I used to get so mad because I love, dude, first off, I love the 49ers. but I love my friend Mike

and I wanted to win and I would go on Twitter on my phone and they'd be like fuck this guy and then now I'm looking at some guy's Twitter profile trying to find his IP address because I want to split his head with a fucking Easton bat. Damn you get that anger I mean

everybody's called a coat said fuck you to a coach That's my dog though dude yeah Also Mike is like it's it it truly is different when you know the guy Have you talked to him what does he think Is he just like ah what are you going to do? I mean he's probably reading it What's that?

Do coaches read this shit? No. They shouldn't. No. He's not, he's nowhere near his phone. Good. Football season, I text him knowing he's not going to get back to me. Of course.

It's only now, it's literally, what's funny is this week. It's, you know, because again, it just happened today. I found out he got fired because he was told he was going to be given another season. Yeah. I was doing, I was on the, I was on the toilet writing a real nice text to him. I had a long text about like, hey, this season started like shit. You pulled it around. Yeah.

I think you're a fucking great coach. You're going to do. But I was just giving him like a friend, a friend buildup. Yeah. And then someone called me and I, you know, got off, like, hey, let me call you back.

I got up the toilet, called him back when I got out of the bathroom. And then forgot to write the text. Yeah. And then today he got fired. And I went to text them and I saw this long thing that I didn't send. And I was like,

Oh, God. You saw that. Yeah. And it was like, oh, fuck. Oh, my bad. Yeah. So then I had to send him one that's like,

dude, fuck this. But I'm, I probably, he's, he's probably getting like 6,000 texts today. Oh, completely. Yeah,

yeah. But imagine a football coach with like that obsessed with his phone where he's watching it during the game. You know, and so I was like, what do we do now?

He's like, I missed it. Yeah. Let me ask Twitter. Oh, like when you get called out by your wife for not listening. Yeah.

Because you're looking at your phone. You go, what is you saying? You go, well, good point. Yeah. That's true.

I, uh, I think that would drive you crazy. I, I think it's, I don't know, man. I think we're going to reach the age by like when your kid is hopefully 20. Yeah. That like social media is just completely gone or.

Or has like a governor on it at least. You need it. You need it. Yeah. Because it's also just not good. No, no. If you remove social media from the internet, the internet's great. Right.

Well, you know, they say like two parent household. It changes everything or privilege or whatever. I think a kid without a phone versus a kid who's doing the iPad. headphone at the airport all day, they're going to have different lives and different upbrings and different careers. Yeah, because I think the kid that's rooted in reality and sees stuff will probably just hopefully be a more logical thinker. Sure.

Where those kids are just like, because it's dopamine. It's dopamine. They're gacked out. You're just absolutely just putting your kid on a fucking huge thing of blow. Yeah. But I can't talk shit because I don't have kids. But you have a kid. Yeah.

So do you see, do you feel the lure of screen time? I do, but of course, because they're so annoying. So you just want to, like, give them a pacifier. But also, I feel bad because I'm on my phone. Sure. And then I'm telling him not to do it. So it's just weird thing. It's smoking.

It's smoking. People have done the bit. Ronnie Chang did it. Great bit. Trying to think who else did it. Social media will be the... You watched Twitter when you were pregnant? Yeah.

That was the big punchline. That's great. So good. But yeah, it's awkward because I'm like, oh, look at those. It's Sidney Sweeney. And I'm like, hey, don't look at that TV. Yeah. But I also think even for grown people, even like people that are older that grew up without the internet and then got the internet that want to act like it doesn't affect us.

Yeah. It's crazy to open your phone and see a guy or like a lady gets shot in the face. Yeah. Like that lady in Minnesota got shot. That's crazy. You couldn't open your phone without seeing. I know. Same with Kirk.

Yeah. He got shot at the neck. Oh my God. Whoa. When they first popped up. Yeah. Because you're just scrolling and you go and, you know, he would do those debate. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. She always he did. Oh my God. I know. It's like the red wedding from Game of Thrones randomly all day. Yes. You just open it. Or sometimes it'll be like, this guy fucked around and found out.

Yeah. Him just getting hit by a car. I know. Do you remember ban from TV? Of course. I love those. Those were crazy. Guy got hit by a train.

Yes. This guy. Yes. What's his name? What's his fucking name? Fuck. I always first. forget it.

He shot himself in the face. Yeah, he was a politician. Yeah, filters, nice shot is about him. Yeah. What's his name?

I get, but it's funny because we had to get a videotape to see three, four, five random things. That's just the morning. That's breakfast.

Yeah. It's seeing that shit. No, not Joe Francis. It was, Mad, Bud Dwyer. Dwyer.

Dwight fucking Dwyer. But yeah, like Bud Dwyer was on that. Yeah. He also a band from TV had a, a news clip from Brazil where they were releasing hostages. This is one of the ones I remember.

And one of the terrorists dressed up like a hostage, but the Brazilian police knew who it was. And they're all coming out of this building with their hands up, and as the guy comes out, one of the cops just point blank rage with a shotgun to the chest. And that was on the video. Pull it up. I haven't seen that.

Yeah, sure. Why not? From TV, Volume 1. I haven't had my coffee. But that's, but you're right. You just wake up. Yeah.

You wake up and you're just seeing Bud Dwyer every day. Right. Every day. And we used to, I remember we went to my friend Adam's basement. We had to make sure his parents weren't home. Yeah. And we put it on. And it was like,

Oh, it was crazy. What are we going to see? Yeah. Faces of death was the same way. That was a big one. I've talked about this before, but it's crazy when you think that the internet is just that in your pocket. Yes. Faces of death.

All the time. You're waking up. I'm trying to find out who's injured for the 49ers against the Eagles. I don't know how the outcome is. Go Niners. I hope we did all right. but you wake up and you go, oh, execution in Iran. Yeah.

That the world's talking about. How about the knife cutting with the guy's head off and it was like a dull blade? That was the first one. That was the first one that was on Twitter and shit. Yeah. Or on YouTube where they were like, dude, check out this link. And you're like, I don't want to watch an ISIS beheading video. I know, I know.

Because it's crazy that. But there's going to be kids who saw that and then there's going to be kids you see that every day and then kids who never saw that. And they're both going to grow up in different paths. I think you're right about the two parents. household that it does feel like because I as someone that grew up with a single mom I see where the lack of dad is oh really I see where the lack of like confidence or like just like a reassurance but you're pretty well adjusted because I've been in therapy for 15 years still going yeah oh shit I'm lifetime man

I I pulled out yeah you did well I haven't raised the prices on me that did he did but to me it was like I had to negotiate because oh did you yeah because I'm like dude this is too it was like a 30, 40% jump, but I'm like, he's like, I saw your Netflix. Don't try to get that one by me. And I'm like, no, it was 200K. You don't understand. It's a licensing fee. You don't even know what they do.

Yeah. But that goes into editing. Yeah. So, that's all lights. That's all lights in venue, baby. Yeah. So I had to fight with him and he was like, you're really pushing back on this. And I was like, you taught me this.

Yeah. I'm asserting. This is what you taught me. Hey, that is great. Yeah. That is awesome. Yeah. So he, he fucked himself.

Yeah. Sorry, Sense. Yeah. You shouldn't have taught me out of fight. I'm the master now. I've got the upper hand. Because I really like, he was like, I raising it. I was like, that's too much.

And then I was like, what, what are we? Yeah. What do we do? And we found something that I was like, all right. But finding a therapist that works. But you're right. Like having a two-parent household in that balance versus having phone or no phone. Yeah.

I think it's going to make a big diff because two-parent household. We don't talk about that. That is a, we talk about privilege everywhere. That's a privilege. Yeah. That is a luck. the drug. Can I argue, though?

As someone that grew up in a single parent household, I see people with married parents that shouldn't be married. There's a lot of that. And I think the damage is greater. Interesting. I think they don't learn how to speak up for themselves because they watch. I think they, I think a lot of people are in shitty relationships.

Yeah. Because they watch their parents be in shitty relationships. It's something I've always really valued. I'm just kidding. Everything I've always really valued was my mom was like, you know, been married three times. Yeah.

Once when she was really young, just like straight out of college, I don't think, but watching my mom know when something wasn't working was very valuable to me. That's big. That's big. Because it was going like, I don't need to be around this. I'm not getting anything. And I didn't, dude, I fucking know people whose parents, I mean, I'm talking about like years ago I knew people whose parents were sleeping in other bedrooms.

And not because they, not because one snored or one, not for reasons. They just couldn't stand each other. Yeah, but they, then, but they just didn't want to be. Right, right. Well, divorce is very healthy. I think if you get a divorce, it's usually for the best. It's that Louis bit. It's the Louis bit. He says you should get married just to get divorced. It's like the feeling of, Rock had a great bit that he cut from his last special about divorce that I'm really mad about. Can we hear it? It was, I don't know, it's not recorded anywhere, but the premise was like, it's crazy to have an arch nemesis. Because when you get divorced, you then have an arch nemesis. It was such a good angle.

That is great. these bits that he does that he throws away. I know, I know. And it makes me, his old one that, um, he didn't do on shoot the messenger was, uh, AIDS ain't shit. And he like, he like really, Chris rocked it. That's a funny t-shirt. AIDS ain't shit.

AIDS ain't shit. He'd do the hand. AIDS ain't shit. I saw him do it at the cellar and it was like one of my favorite jokes I've seen live. He was like, the AIDS made magic, AIDS made Magic Johnson retire with two good knees. He's like, Tom Brady could have AIDS. They would expect him to play in the second half. Right.

And he's like, and they wouldn't, the announcers wouldn't even take it easy on him. Wow. They go, I know he's got AIDS, but he's got to pick up that weakside blitz. Damn. It was such a good bit. And he's one of the great stand-up comedians all the time.

He's my number one probably. Really? Well, he's the best with angles. He had went with, uh, best premises easily. Easily. Sheppel's my number one because of the hours he's put out his full, like kill him softly for what it's worth.

how important those hours were. That was like Zeppelin to me. I know, that was huge. But I still could do the Sesame Street bit in my sleep. Verbatim. Yeah. And, but Rock, you know, like I'll only ask him comedy questions because I have more like immense respect for him as a stand-up comic.

Yeah. One of the greatest. And I asked him, I go, whatever happened to the AIDS joke? He was just down in the hallway. Oh, yeah. And he goes, I put it on the shelf. It works. And I go, yeah, but he didn't put it in anything.

And then he didn't want to answer me because I'm not famous. That is crazy. Let me just say his angle that I loved. I saw him at the cellar years and years ago. And he was doing the notepad thing where he's just trying shit with no energy, no delivery. The whole Chris Rock, like,

AIDS ain't shit. It was just talking. And he goes, Hillary Clinton's running for president. Weird. Why would you want to work at a place you got cheated on? Crazy. And you're like, oh!

How do we all miss that? That's so brilliant. That's such simple, great angle. And we all missed it. And he is. I mean, just like, that's the best part of working in a major city with a historic comedy club is you see the guys go up and do stuff. Yeah.

Where, like, I've been on the big, everybody misremembers Dane Cook. Everyone tries to shit on him like he was just some boy band and you go. Oh, he was a beast. He was a hammer. Killer is. And Drew Dunn opens for him. Drew Dunn's a killer. I love Drew Dunn.

And we were, we had the same flight. He had a layover. We were, me, Murphy. Sagalow were flying to Detroit, and he flew to Detroit for a layover. And he's like, I'm opening for Dane, and I was like, I think Dane is so funny. Yeah.

And no one talks about it. Because I saw him at the Patrice Benefit, the first one. Oh, really? That was the last show I bought a ticket for. What year? 2013. Oh, wow. That's pretty recent for a stand-up to buy a ticket.

2012, maybe. I think that's, I mean, he died in 2011. Dane died? No, but I remember going and Dane was on the show and I was like, it was like Bobby Big J. Norton, Ross, Colin Quinn, all like the tough crowd guys, New York guys. And I was like, and I really was like in the audience like, all right. Yeah.

Guy probably lost his fastball. That motherfucker got me three times. Really? Harder than most people on the show. Damn. Like he got me to the point where I was like, this guy is funny. Yeah. Well, you know, you forget these.

guys blow up for a reason. Yeah. The kiss of death in this business is being cool to hate. Yeah. It's one thing to hate a guy, but if it's cool to hate a guy, you're fucked. Because then people revel in it. They revel in it and they go, I got to hate them because I don't want to be not cool. Because what I tell Shane, I talked to Shane yesterday, I think it's hacked to shit on Austin now.

Yeah, yeah. It's just like hack. What are you doing? You don't live there. You don't care. I don't give a shit about Austin. I like it. I like going there.

I like going there. I like going there. I like seeing my friends that live there. Yeah, they have good comments. It's still, it's not New York. We'll just put that in cement and let it dry. It's not New York. We're better than Austin, but I like Austin.

But I mean even that. I don't care. I don't care either because it's such a, it's like a midget fighting jack. You know, you're like, shut up. What are you doing? I can kick you. But what I'm saying is like, I don't even like, we're even hating on Austin. I'm not hating.

I'm just stating a fact. Yeah. Well, this is where we get territorial. It was always L.A. versus New York. Yeah. Then the fires took care of that. Chicago. Yeah.

Like Chicago, because we never go like, fuck Chicago, because we never go like, fuck Chicago, fuck Philly, fuck Boston. It's always like, I don't know why, and I think it is, is because we know, because you and I both came up in New York. Yeah. We both know they're better at marketing and they're better at performing than we are.

Who? L.A. Comics. Oh, sure. And the marketing is off the charts. Yeah, yeah. They perform better than us. Right.

Like you go to the comedy store and you watch LA comics, they take the whole stage. They're burning calories. They're fucking moving. But some of them bring you into it. Yeah, sure. This is great. And you come to New York and we just stand there and go like, bap, bach, bach, bach, yeah. Well, they're fighting for a sitcom.

We're fighting for Dave Othell's approval. Yeah, it's a very different world. Yeah, a guy who looks like he runs a mercenary squad. Yeah, exactly. With his gloves. He's dressed like Hannibal from 18 with his gloves on and a cigarette. Yeah. He's like,

I love it when the new joke comes together. But it is, it's a, I feel like if we, I feel like if we, yeah, that was a good way. Next time getting into the mic.

I tried. I didn't know if I can get it low enough. You got to get the heads up. Next. I can't smell. So that's just pure comedy. Beautiful. And this couch is very absorbent.

It's the place to go here for years. This is like an ecto chamber. When Katie's making me mad and she's standing there, oh, hit it. No, Norman's old ass juice will come in and fucking braze her face. Yeah, I think like if we woke up with the internet gone tomorrow, it would be very, it would be very fun.

That's a movie. You just like, wake up no internet. And you wake up and you're like, how do I get food? Yeah, how do I get the directions and email? Directions is the biggest one. Yeah, yeah. People are going to be open almanacs and shit. What was that?

That map book? MapQuest. Or map quest is a website. That was a website. Oh, Rand McNally. There you go. They lost all their money. I know.

They're Kodak. They're blockbuster. They really are. They really are Kodak. I didn't think they were like, are you kidding me? Everyone's going to need a map. Where are maps going? No way.

It's pretty money. You're worried about McDaniel. McNally. He's in an alley right now. Suicide watch on that guy. Hope that guy doesn't go on Reddit. They're like, fuck this map. Map-ass bullshit.

When's the last time you used a map? Do you remember? I mean, I'll maybe use the one. You know, you go to a, crazy hotel where they're like here's the layout of the hotel that's about it you're like oh there's the pool i think that's last time i used the map too yeah it really is where you go okay so there's a chilies yes yes exactly i go out the hotel and take a right the chilies is right that's really the only map i do it's the last time maybe candy land you know all that yeah it always

or just fucking because like i visited my grandma one time and uh this is 2008 and i had to write down. I didn't have a smartphone. So I had to write down in a Mead notebook. Directions. Directions. Turn left at the Chili's. Drive 98 miles up to exit.

Yeah. So, and so get off. Go for this many miles. So then you're like looking at your counter and you're like, all right. I'm going to match up with 40 more miles. You're doing math. I know.

It's fun to use your brain again because we've lost all that. That's all gone. Remember phone numbers? Oh, they're gone. I had a million up here. I had. That was Rain Man. It was crazy.

I remember, I used to remember friends old phone numbers. Yes, yes, exactly. I do remember to this day, though, like five cell phone numbers from back to the day. I think my friend still has it. Call it. 2-0, 2-0, is it 2-0? Or is it 8? 0-0.

That's how they get you. Dude, my friend will call me and be like, motherfucker, I still have that. Yeah, my friend did that prank on me. They put my number on Craigslist when I moved to New York. All my jerk off New Orleans friends. And they're like, you're leaving us? Fuck you. He's selling his phone for $2.

His iPhone. Here's his number. I got calls for months. That is like Lewis does that to us. Yeah, yeah. I've had people text me like my old number. And they be like, hey, Lewis, release this on skanks. And you're like, oh, what a c-

And then I get mad at Lewis. But Lewis has like this like way of rationalizing it that made sense to me. He's like, it's just like your DMs. Just don't look at it. You go. Oh, yeah. In the moment it made sense. And I walk away and I go, why did I believe that?

No, it's not. It's my personal number, you dick, Ed. Puerto Rican logic. It doesn't make sense. A blade is a gun that you walk to the final destination. But back to the map stuff. Remember the old, see, you had no dad. Yeah.

So I had scary dad. My dad was like the dad when he pulled in. You're like, Dad's home. Get the fuck out. I would go like this. I'd be on the porch. Hit me. I want to feel something.

Yeah. Strike me right in my fucking chin, dude. Oh, my dad was crazy. But he would do the. like road trip and they'd pull over, scratch his head, lay the map on the hood and be like, all right, all right. The old fucking...

The old school way. You know, he's holding like a warm beer, looking at the map. And then a guy would pull over and be like, you need a hand. And he's like, all you got to do is go two rights and da-da-da. And it was a fun time because it was like communal.

Yeah. Everybody was in the world together. And I recently had a car breakdown on the Jersey turnpike. Sure. And two guys stopped to help me. Really? Crazy. One guy was like, oh, it's your flipper rod. That's your problem. And I was like, oh, what's a flipper rod? And he's like, just tell him that I got to go. And I was like, okay. Then another guy pulled over and goes, I have a trailer. I can bring your car to my house. And then you can figure it out from there. And I was like, oh, my God. So I went to his house with him, random guy, ate dinner with his family. Because I was there. And his mom's like, come on in. It was like way out in Jersey. they were just nice, regular people. Had dinner with his family.

I'm talking to him. He's like, well, leave the car here. You got a mechanic. Tell him, here's my address. Come pick it up here. And I was like, okay. And I took an Uber back to the city. And I got a mechanic to go to his house.

Then here's the crazy part. Right when I was leaving, I was getting the Uber, the guy went, comedy. No way. He knew what he was the whole time. That's great. That's great because that guy, I know, is just like, that's fucking Mark Norman.

Yeah, the whole time was like, that's crazy. And then he's like, gab, that's so fun. Got me right at the end. Also, that's what we need more of. It's like just people be like. People being people. It's so easy to just go online and be like,

you'll fuck everybody. Yes. And I feel bad for people that don't have people in their real life. Totally. And I'll tell you, it opened up something in my head because I would never be the guy to stop. You drive by, you see a guy pulled over or broken down. You're like, oh, that sucks.

Yeah. And these guys are the people that stop. And he saved my whole day. More of them less of us. Yeah. We need more of those guys that are fucking pulling over and be like, what's your trouble? Exactly. Yeah, dude.

I don't know. Also, what I don't like about the internet is like even now with this conversation, like when I get riled up about stuff and then you calm down, you go, I feel different now. I had to go through that emotion to feel different. The internet's permanent and it's very first reaction. I know, I know. Everybody flies off the handle and they start typing. But that's how this is, this you happens.

Because you go, I was fucking reacting in the moment And I said this, I didn't have all the information I didn't know what the fuck was happening. Yeah, yeah. So, like, you can get this used so easy because, dude, Dude, if I found out, if I talked to McDaniel And he was like, it's best for everybody Yeah.

That I leave and take the job. I'm not even that. I don't know. I haven't talked to him yet. But I'm just saying if that were the case, then I'm like, Troy Eichman was a good quarterback. Exactly. And the Dolphins franchise, I like your colors.

Well, you need like a breathaly. are for anger for the phone like some kind of like a bit bit the way they fucking start yeah yeah people get too many DUI exactly but your blood pressure is too high your heart's pumping you can't use the phone they go your adrenaline spike it you can't post

yes exactly or too horny oh that's good so much blood's in your dick phone won't open you got to prick your thumb on the phone and they go you're too horny or you're too angry either way you got to calm down before you can post too horny too angry

That's my memoir. Two Hormney, two Angrees. Absolutely going to be the name of this episode. How lucky are we to have came up with the friends we did? We had a great class. Bill Burrow always said after his group, he's like, ours is one of the best he's ever seen, which is such a nice thing to say.

That's an awesome compliment. But like, I'm so lucky. It's like fun when you watch, like before the podcast, we were talking about, you know, when we see people doing Norman impressions of young guys coming up. Crazy, crazy. I love it. Because I go, ah, that's fucking.

I know, I like, I saw you become that comic. I know, but I feel like Oppenheimer. I'm like, I'm destroying worlds. This is horrible. No, no, don't be me. Go be somebody else. Go be Shane or Jezelneck. But even Shane, like, when you see someone doing Shane,

you know, like, hey, man, you're doing Shane. I mean, how many behind the back hands? But everywhere I go, I'm counting behind the back. Let me just state for the record. And Shane will agree with this. I know what you're going to say. The behind the backhand, Bargettze. Nate did it first.

And I, because I used to call it. the Admiral. Oh. I go, you're doing the Admiral. Admiral. Where he's, yeah,

where he would stand with his hand behind his back like that. Yeah. Well, Nate has a joke about that. His shoulder got injured. Oh. Because of how he was standing.

You were still on the road of them and he was doing that. Wow. You got a whole bit about, I hurt my shoulder just by the way I stand. And it was because he did the Admiral. Wow. Yeah.

And then Shane does the Admiral. But to me, Shane is the double clasp. Double clasp. Double clasp with the out every now and that. The out, everything. class stay in

Mattel. Oh yeah, yeah. Double clasp out in chain. And Burr is a cutting right hand down. Yeah, yeah. But also the mic shift. Yes, yes.

And the elbow on the mic too. And the elbow on it. And what do you got? Bargetse is the both hands. Crazy. Yeah. We'll throw it up. Crazy.

Bananas. Yeah. I'm trying to think of whoever does the what does list do? list us the hand in the pocket sometimes. Yeah, that's true. Jay does the sit. Yeah, I'll do a chin rub.

I do the hop back and forth. You do kind of a hand like this every now and then. I'm a little wavy baby. You kind of do like a wrist thing. Dude, when we were coming up, this is what it was great. This is why I feel like honesty needs to have a resurgence. Yeah. Bargetse one time came and pulled me aside.

He was like, hey, you're doing the burr shifting. Oh. And then you just like watch it and you go, oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Then you're just lifting your hand. Yeah. Because there were comics that I go, hey, you're doing the Shane delivery. Yeah.

Even if you don't know and they go, oh, thanks. No, I'll actually. And you're not saying it's shit on it. No, no, no. You're just going like, swat your hand, dude. You're like, it's like the way basketball players like change their shots. You can put your elbow in. Somebody told me I was doing norms over here.

He'd be like, oh, over there. He'd be like, you know, Norm's like, you know, Norm's like, so a homeless guy over there. Or this guy's being a dick over there. And I started saying, so I was fucking my wife over there. And someone's like, that's norm. Yeah. I was like, oh, shit, you're right. And I had to drop the over there's.

Just because, I mean, how many people did we watch start doing the knee slaps? Oh, after Chappelle did it. We don't like when he does it. Yeah. So, don't start doing that. Yeah, dude, that was the one thing about that last special where I was like, it was like, I was like, stop. I know. I know.

I didn't want to hear you. Yeah. I miss you. I miss you. Yeah. He sort of grabbed his face like hook and be like, where is he? Come back. Here you are, Dave.

You know what he moves his face. Yeah. Oh. Jumping mics? Yeah, I wasn't. Oh, that's your thing. I got, you kind of do like a this, this, this, little web shoot. I do a little limp-rists.

Spider-Man. Just having a dead daddy's hard. Dead daddies are hard. Craves. Bananas. It's nice. Bananas. Yeah.

We might be drunk Tuesdays with stories. The specials on YouTube, the specials on Netflix. One of the best out there. A real mensch. Hey, it's good to be back, baby. Norman. Sorry my fart on the couch. Oh, no, dude, thank you for giving me ammo.

Comedy.