Soder - 119: Camp Counselor with Bert Kreischer | Soder Podcast | EP 117

Episode Date: February 3, 2026

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Hey, everybody. Thanks for watching the podcast. I'm going to Orlando, February 13th. I'm going to Tampa, February 14th. That's Valentine's Day. And then February 28th, coming to Buffalo, New York. DanSoter.com for those tickets. Go get tickets now. There are seats left, but a few seats left. Also, if you live in Boston, we added a late show. DanSoter.com for those tickets. Man, I'm very excited to get back on the road. See you soon. See you very soon. Thanks for watching the podcast. Thanks for Following on. Even if you're hate watching this. Hey, thanks for hating. I love you too. What's crazy is out of all the Red Rock shows I've done and there have been...

You did four? Four, yeah. That's fucking sick, dude. I know. Four Red Rock shows is someone that grew up in Colorado. Yeah. It's fucking sick. The last one was my favorite.

Because I didn't... That was this year, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was my favorite because I think I had more material prepared. Sure. And I had my hour with. further along. Yeah.

Every other time I feel like my hour just started and I did Red Rocks. It was always at the beginning of routing. Routing always starts in September, August, September, and I'd always, because of the weather, you got to do it September, October. Yeah, because I used to go there for Easter service. Like, you could go to Red Rocks and watch the sunrise

and they do Easter service. My mom was raised Catholic, so that was like her thing that she wanted to do. Hated as a child, because you have to wake up at like four in the morning. Oh, yeah, to get to Red Rocks. to get to Red Rocks from Aurora and then sit in the freezing cold. And then they're just talking about Jesus while the sun comes up.

And all these old people that have done drugs and fucked without condoms are going like, oh, a new day rises. But little me is like, yo, this shit sucks. So going back with you. That was, okay. So out of all my Red Rock's appearances, I have moments that I never forget. Right. So the first one was they said, hey, are you going to be like Sebastian or do you want to hang out?

And I was like, what? and like Sebastian does Red Rocks and he just leaves. I take a jetpack out of there. Yeah, well, because you either get off stage, they escort you to a car and you leave before the fans. Well, because for people that have never been to Red Rocks, Colorado, getting there is a, it's a switchback. Yeah.

You just got to keep going back and forth because you're going up a fucking small little mountain. I don't even know if you call it a mountain. And they're like, or you can stay. Which is such a cool venue to hang. But you got to hang out until like one in the morning. And I was like, oh, I'm fucking hanging. Do you know who I am?

Yeah. And that night I went out to the stage by myself. I did Red Rucks for the first time. I had a vodka soda and a big glass and I had a joint. And I just sat out there by myself on the stage. And I was like, it was like, I can't believe I achieved this. Yeah. The next year was with Norman and Gillis.

Yeah. And we stayed. That first one was for Jimmy Buffett. Jimmy Buffett was, and I met Jimmy Buffett, talk to Jimmy Buffett. He is a Florida guy too. A hundred percent. Like one of my heroes. my heroes. I like if you talk branding like like of comedy like if if you could give a brand to me,

I would love that Jimmy Buffett brand of like beach, chill, fucking relax, fucking boats. Like that's my thing. It's not who I am really. Do you know my Jimmy Buffett story? No. I could tell it now because he's dead. There's no fucking legal thing. When I did my HBO special, I had a long joke about my dad died of alcoholism, but he was a Jimmy Buffett fan. So it was fun. That was the whole point was like, My dad died of drinking, but he's a parrot head, so it was a fucking blast. So I can't cry about it. Yeah. So I had a whole joke, and the joke was like, I had a joke about my friends losing their parents in 9-11.

And like, it was a joke about Pete Davidson's dad, about his dad was a firefighter. And he was like, I need to save those people. And my dad's last words were, I like mine with little Santa Mater. So I did this. Saifa sounds was DJing my taping at the Bowery Ballroom. This is 2019 for my. my HBO special. At the end of my set, he's just fucking DJ.

I didn't tell Cifah to do anything. I was like, you're one of the greatest DJs of all time. You just let it rip. He finishes the first show and he fucking hits Margaritaville as I'm going offstage. My mom, everybody that I know, but my mom, especially when I saw her, she was like, you have to close with Margaritaville. She was like, the way it hits after that joke, it's such like, it's an extra punchline. It's like the joke hits.

So I was like, yeah, you're right. So I asked HBO. I was like, I was like, I. I would love Margaritaville. And they... Is this on the special that you shot at the Trachadero? No, that was Comedy Central. Okay.

This was at the one at the Bowery Ballroom for HBO. And so I asked him, I go, can you get Margaritaville? And they were like, no. It's $150,000 to license that song. And I was like, okay, we're not doing Margaritaville. I go to town, Nate was doing town... This is how long ago it was. Nate was doing town hall.

The guys... One show. Yeah. Nate's doing six on the moon next month. They're cratering out the moon. So Nate goes, I've never done it in zero gravity, but I know Cussin doesn't go well up here. So I go to town.

Actually, you know what's funny? Nate was doing two at Town Hall. He was doing two. Everyone else does one. Nate was doing two. And I went and I was just hanging out. Katie and I were hanging out with Nate backstage. And I tell him, he's asking me about the HBO.

And he goes, you got it locked, and I was like, yeah, we're trying to get Jimmy Buffett, Margaritaville, but cost too much. And then Nate, you know, and this, I've watched it with you. When your friends get famous, they're all of a sudden friends with people that you didn't think, like, Shane's friends with Christian McCaffrey in a way that I go, I'm nervous about this playoff game. He goes, oh, I just played checkers against him this morning while he was on the training table.

And you go, that's an insane. I never thought I would even be that close. So Nate went, oh, I'm friends with Jimmy Buffett's like one of his best friends. Do you want me to ask them? And I was like, that would be incredible. He's like, great. And sometimes those situations you go, they're never going to reach back out. Nate reaches out and he's like, hey, buddy, guy wants to send this guy an email and send

him the clip of the joke from the special. And he's going to send it to Jimmy. And I was like, this is incredible. So I was full on book report voice. I write an email, it's like, Mr. Buffett. I've grown up hanging out in bars and listening to your music. Mr. Buffet. You are delicious.

I would like another spoonful, please. But I wrote this email about how me and my dad would listen to his music while we were going to open the liquor store that my dad worked at or when he was bartending. Jimmy Buffett was always on. And then I send the clip. And then Nate, this is how funny Nate is. Nate goes, I'm just going to send you the texts I got. And Nate sends one text that's pretty small

And it's like, hey man, just read this guy's email What a beautiful story I love this connection. He has to Jimmy through his dad. Let me ask Jimmy. Maybe there's a chance we can get this to work. And then there's a huge long text And he goes, I just watch this bit absolutely not.

There is no way. Jimmy doesn't want to be associated with alcoholism. And I went, Motherfucker, you're going to be out here selling your own fucking tequila and all this shit. And then you go, but whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, drink responsibly. And you go, come on, dude.

Yeah. I wanted him at least to go, hey, I can't, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't want him to go, oh, I have nothing to do with that. And you're like, you're the Pied Piper of cirrhosis. He was the guy. He was the guy. He was the guy.

Big Jay and I, when we first started the bonfire, we went to a Huey Lewis in the news opening for Jimmy Buffett. I'm a huge Huey Lewis in the news. Everyone should be. Everyone should be. Listen to sports, the album. Listen to American Psycho. Listen to, I mean, front to back sports is an unbeatable album.

DeRosa and I have argued against people. There's so many facts about Huey Lewis that I have learned over the years that I'm not remembering. Do you know about his giant penis? There we go. Okay. And I'm with Jay, the penis whisperer. Yeah.

And we're at the show. And we know this. We talked about it on the bonfire. brought up the clip of the woman on stern saying that he had the biggest penis she had ever been with we're on stage we saw it through his jeans big jay it was like it was like one of those things where jays hit me and he goes dude dude he goes left and you just see it sitting there in your like dad is can i tell you what it made me go i don't no one would want to dick that big no no no no no can we just can we can we can we take a step back and go i want to go back to a world where jimmy

Buffett and Huey and Lewis in the news were our icons. Yeah. Like, because life was simpler back then. It was fun. It was like throwing sunglasses and go, the weekends here. Yeah. And every uncle had a personality. Let's bring back Garfield. Yeah. That's our holy trio. Yeah. Jimmy and Garfield. Dude, every, it was so easy. Life was so easy back then. Yeah. And I think it's because we have too many media outlets. And I think we have too much coming at us to, and it's so much to like and then so much to hate. I was telling, I was telling someone the other day, they're like, do you think you'll ever do another, or do you think you'll do another special after this one?

And I was like, I don't know. When I did Secret Time, yeah, I remember, can I tell you this is how few specials there were back then? They sent me your special that you shot at the truck. Yeah. And they're like, Soder shot his at the truck. There's only a couple places you could really shoot it. They're like, this is the stage you built out.

And maybe that year, there were like 75 specials released. When I released a secret time. I remember the year in 2016. when I put it out, Comedy Central put out seven specials. Total. Netflix put out when I did Secret Time. Netflix put out, I think, 40 specials. Yeah.

40s, and that was a lot. That was a lot. That was 2018. 2018 you put out Secret Time. 20, I think you filmed it, 2017. Yeah, you're right, right. Yeah, yeah, you're right. Truly is one of the only things I'm pretty good at.

But now you look and you go, and there's no, I'm not saying like, like, oh, there's too many stores. What happened to the mom and pop shops? I'm just saying like there's a lot of specials coming out and it's and it and I had a young comic on the bus. He's like, hey man, I'm getting ready to shoot my special. What advice do you have? I go, don't shoot a special. Yeah, hold it. Yeah, hold it.

Hold it. Let it get really, really, really good. Yeah. Like, let it get really, really, really good. Yeah. Like, that's the problem. I'm going to be very honest and say, I put out from 2018 to 2024, 25, put out like six specials. That's fuck. That's a lot of work.

I mean, like, a secret time. razzle-dazzle, hey big boy, lucky, and maybe five specials, maybe one more. But that's in less than six years. Yeah. And I stand by them. They're all good. See, I would say I regret all of two specials. All of two specials.

Yeah, I regret doing anything except the HBO special and my YouTube one that we put out in 2024. The YouTube one was fucking phenomenal. Thanks. But those... The YouTube one was, hang on. YouTube one was fucking phenomenal. And I would say the reason it was phenomenal is you were,

were on this tear where it was like you want, I'm saying to see younger comics, you want other comics to be talking about how good you're getting. Like that is like the thing is like, I remember hearing Ari of all people, whispering to someone about me. Yeah. And I remember hearing it, overhearing it and going, and by the way, I think, I mean, in that group was like a wild group of comics. And he was like, no, if you're having a problem with stories, you should go to Bert. Bert is one of the best storytellers. I've heard Ari say that directly himself. Yeah, and so, but you want that.

And if people aren't saying that about you, hold off on your special. Yeah. And by the way, I got to be honest with you, people haven't said that about me in a while. Well, you know what's funny about that? It's because I think we're in this different realm now where if you aren't putting out stuff consistently,

people forget about you. And what sucks about that is, it's crazy you're bringing this up because I had this exact fucking feeling this morning while I'm looking at my phone taking a dump. And I was like, oh yeah, if you, the art of the, going away is gone.

How excited. Like, when you announced, when you announced your show, I knew you were filming it because we had been texting in Atlanta. So I knew it was going on. Also, you were on social media. I was trying to get you on as the, I remember. As the guy. Yeah.

Yeah. And then we were, we were texting about it. And then I knew you rapped or whatever, but then it kind of went away. The excitement I was when you were like, show's coming out. And you go like, oh shit. Yeah. It's so fun. I think what has happened is.

behind the scenes has became front of this like everyone okay this is a brilliant conversation so no because okay so here's what happened money got in the problem in the way of everything sure so because money went directly to us now the motherfuckers in the middle aren't holding on to it they're not holding back they used to tell us when we got to put on time out but i remember rogan called me i got offered the man show they said hey won't you do the man show the people that own the rights They were re-I remember when they were rethinking about after the Stanhope Rogan one. Yeah. This was like 2015.

Yeah. Maybe even earlier than that. Sure. And I got a call from, I got a call from Rogan. And he goes, hey, don't do it. And I said, why? He goes, it's not going to be good. It's never going to be as good as Jimmy and Adam.

That's the truth. Yeah. And he goes, Stanhope and I tried. And you'll get put on TV timeout. Those were his exact words. And I was like, TV time out. And he goes, I was on TV timeout for a while after that. and I was like, that's crazy.

But the, and then what happened is, I'll tell you specifically from my perspective. Sure. I did travel channel for all this time. I got maybe $7,000 an episode. I think, I don't remember really. I've never paid attention to money that way, but like I'm making good money.

Yeah. I had to travel for two weeks to make $14,000 to do two episodes. My first ad sales moment, I had $1,500 a read and I did five reads. And I remember doing the five reads, putting them in the episode. I edited it. put it in and in all my time I went, wait, I just sat with a friend with Joey Diaz and I just made

more money that I'm making on travel channel because I'm not paying agents, managers. And then all of a sudden, the money numbers came into me and I went, whoa. Now here's where it gets complicated. In order to do ad sales, you have to commit to every single week. You have to do an episode every week. That's how buyers buy. And they also buy it and they throw that number at you for, and this is behind the sheets of podcasting, you'll see where they go, we need 54 episodes, and you go, oh,

it looks, it's a lot. It's a lot. Because you go, that's weeks. Those are weeks now, granted it's, you're hanging out with your friend and you're filming it.

But when people wonder why shit's getting stale right now. It's because, it's because we are forced to put out something every week. And if you're like me and you're a fucking idiot and you decided have three podcasts,

you're like, I got a cooking show, a birdcast, and two bears. Then all of a sudden by the time I get to Tommy, I'm like, did I, did I tell you about, have I told, and you're like, what the fuck am I talking about? I figured.

And then he goes, you told me that story an hour ago, and you go, my brain's fucking fried. Yeah. And then you have to say, and you have to say, and I know everyone goes, the big thing you hear is people go, how much money do you need? Yeah. Well, then you really have to ask yourself,

how much money do I need? And do I want this podcast to be good or do I want to make money off of it? Yeah. And then that's the same thing. And by the way, I don't want to ever sound like the guy. I never want to talk negative about comedy in general or anything going on in comedy because you forget how quickly those are your friends doing it. You know, like I said something shitty about political comedy, guys are doing politics comedy or whatever. Yeah.

And then I see Steve Byrne doing great political comedy and I'm like, oh, never mind. Why would I say that out loud, right? Well, it's also like I've shit on crowdwork. Okay, let's talk about crowd work. But then I watch Big J's specials. Amazing. And I go, oh. Stabi, amazing.

Mark Norman, amazing. Sam Marell, Manasing. Nate Jackson, fucking incredible. And then there are people that are just like, the way Stavi does it, you go, oh, this is fun. I don't do that. I can't do that. And that's okay.

I think there's also, I think what happened when all the money came in is we all got mushed into the same ball. And so now you go, I'm competing with this guy. When you know you don't do the same thing as it. So it drives you crazy. Hey, everybody, if you're listening to this, you know, I love Zoc Doc. Why? Because I worry too much about what's going on with my own body.

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Get started today. Oh, yeah. And what happened with the crowdwork kids is, and I just clumped them all in together, is because there's a ton. And they're just trying. Hear her licking her ass. Sorry, I had to hit my dog. Katie, stop.

Someone's got to do it. What happened is they're in this race to put out a clip a day. That's where, that's, I think, where we're starting to see the burnout is I, I'm one of the only people that'll say COVID probably saved me because I was burning out. Yeah. I've watched you hit the brakes in a way in the past. couple years where I go, smart, he's doing it. Leanne made me take a year and a half off a stand-up.

Yeah. I took one, because here's the deal. And this is really inside baseball. But you can watch the structure of my specials and see that the structure, while be it the story's different, the structure is somewhat similar. Sure. I got a crazy aisle story. Yeah.

I got a sex story about Leanne. I got a black guy interaction. I got like, it's my thing, you know? When it happens in real life, you go. I just got my black guy interaction. And black guy goes, all I have are black guy interactions right now. I have so many that are so fucking good

that I might call this next special black guys. Please call it black guy interaction. BGI. But I took a year and a half off stand-up because I felt like as I was doing lucky, thank God I did six shows. Yeah. Because had I done...

I remember that when you filmed it. That was when you filmed it in Tampa. Yeah. Yeah. Had I done four shows, it would have been the same as all my specials. Sure. But I did six shows.

in the last two shows, I changed it up. I told the story about putting down Priscilla, which I never was going to tell. Yeah, which was a great story. And I was on the road with you for fully loaded, and you were thinking about doing that. That was like way before you filmed the special, and I remember you had like trepidation of like,

it's a fucking sad-ass story. And you're like, yeah, but that's a good thing about storytellers is they can pull you down and then bring you back up. Yeah. Well, when I look at like taking time off And thank God. I didn't do it for stand-up. I did it a little bit for stand-up.

But I did it because the girls went to college. And Leanne and I needed to hang out together. We never lived in the same house together, like just us. Yeah. And I remember talking to Rogan about it and being like, I'm like, I feel like I need a reset. Dude, thank God I did that because I'm looking at this new hour going like. And I got the opportunity. And I think this, I think you can do too many things at one time.

Yeah. Do you remember my brain during fully loaded when I'm like, promoting, trying to check ticket sales. I remember jelly roll coming in. I got first rule, what I remember specifically is before you guys launched Porosos. Oh my God. I remember waking up on the tour bus and we had been up to like three smoking weed,

watching YouTube videos. Me and Jay were showing you butterscotch swirl. We were showing you all our favorite videos. It was so, we were watching the live feed of Kensington and Philly. We were watching like people legitimately. You were DMing a trap rapper Oh yeah Where you were like, yo dude

I'm fucking watching you and Jay and were like Yeah, yeah, no, Jay's daughter when we told Isabella that She was like, yo, he's like an actual drug dealer And then Bert goes, I deleted all those DMs He goes, I didn't like those. But I woke up to piss on the tour bus And you had your readers on Going over like fucking graphs and shit

On the phone with Tom You were going like, all right, well And then I was like, I remember grab it. It was one of those things where you're like, I'm not hung over because I don't drink anymore, but I was like weed hungover. I was like a little confused.

And I remember popping a zero sugar A&W and going, what are you doing? And you're like, I'm in the middle of a business meeting. And I drank the A&W and just went back to the bed. I was like, this is fucking crazy. You can do too many things. Yeah.

You were a guy where when I came home, I went, I'm very lazy. Oh, but I'm lazy too. I think I just got to the opportunity where I got to the place where opportunity was there. And I seized it as much as I could. And I was like, anything.

Look, I'll stay awake. I'll push. I'll push. And the first canary in the mine was Bertcast. Was like, I started noticing that like, views were down. And I was like, and I wasn't really that into it. Yeah. And I was like, and I was only into it if a band showed up.

And like everyone else, I would be like, like, I did the one I, I mean, like, you're pretty important in my life in that. I, the one I did with you when I came in and I was like, I'm not drinking, but I'll drink. if you're going to smoke. Maybe I'll smoke. You're like, hey, maybe just smoke and see if you, like, know that you can drink if you want, but just smoke and see if you can smoke.

That's fun as hell. And then we had one of the best podcasts, but that's where my head was with that. And then I started looking at everything going, so I need to take time off from stand-up. I need to take, and then especially if you're going to do a TV show, I was like, I need to take time off entirely and just focus on this TV show if I wanted to be good.

Yeah. And I think you don't realize, and this is for people in the business or just anybody that likes comedy, I don't think you realize other guys are doing that. They're just not saying they're doing that. Right. Because I didn't know, you know, I went down to when Shane was doing season two attires,

Katie and I would take the dog down there to his farmhouse or whatever, and he'd be like, yeah, I'm just doing this. And I was like, good. Because you, I think sometimes your friends can be strung out and you don't know they're strong out. You think they're just working really hard. And you go, oh, shit. But I remember before COVID doing billions bonfire stand up. It was just, you're going, I loved it.

I loved doing all of it. I mean, I loved the bonfire to call it a job is unfair. It wasn't a job. I got to hang out with one of the funniest human beings ever walked to planet. Billions was such a cool thing at first that felt like a job by season seven that I went, I got to step away from this and stand up. So the reason that I think my YouTube special was so good was because I shut everything down and then I'm just going to do standout. But that was the word on the street.

Like everyone was like, do you have you seen? and Dan stand up and then everyone yeah that's the thing it's like I remember I remember Joe telling me one time we were back it was just like got to be like 2016 17 to 2016 17 and he was like you need a Netflix special I was like that's not how that works yeah okay I should also get good at Brazilian jiu jihitsu there's a bow hunting that was in the same conversation by the way he's like you're a problem with conversation you need to be in a jitsu I was like yeah he really does feel like Like your uncle that comes in and checks you on shit, where you go, I don't know, I'm afraid to do that. He goes, then get over it.

Do the fear. I'm terrified to tell him about my blood clots because I know, I know Joe so well. And he's going to go from Fun Joe to serious Joe. Yeah. And be like, hold on. How much testosterone? Did you get vaccinated? How many times did you have COVID?

Like there's a list of things that get reasons for blood clots. More than your doctor. Yeah. And you go, my doctor doesn't even have a questionnaire this big. He's like a big brother that really gives a fuck about you. Would you, when you found out about the blood clots, is that a moment where you go, what exactly caused it?

Because whenever I have a health problem, I immediately go, I don't want to change my life. What caused this? No, so, so, okay. I'm going to take it one step backwards to get there. Sure. So there's,

obviously, my lifestyle is out of control. I don't think people, listen, you can follow a bird on social media. You can go to a, his shows. You can fucking meet the man a couple times. You have no fucking clue how this guy lives. It is impressive. And to the point where you go, I think I have low tea. I think I look at him and you go, I think I have energy zapping where I'm not getting done because Brendan Sagalow is about to go on the road with you. Yeah. And he's on the road with me. And I love him to death. And I go,

you're going to do stuff with Bert. And he goes, what do you mean? I go, you do stuff. With me, we wake up, we get a coffee, we smoke a joint, we walk around the town, and then I see you at the show. Bert, you're going to like race cars. This is how I described Bert on the tour,

and I meant this. You are if the little boy from blank check grew up. You are, someone gave you a blank check, and they're like, go nuts. And you're like, we're going to rent goat carts today. We would wake up on the bus and you go, we got a whole amusement park for us. And you're like, what the fuck is this?

We took Ian Finance, we were in Utah, and I was like, hey, get up. And Ian's like, why? And I go, we're going VR flight suiting. It was so amazing. Insane. You put on the VR goggles, headsets, and you put on a flight suit, like a squirrel suit, and you jump out of the back of a plane and you fly. They have a fan.

I mean, when they open the door of the plane, cold air hits your face. And you're like, oh, and they're like scoot over to the edge. And it is so real. You've done skydiving. Yeah. It's so fun. It's, you didn't like it? It's, it's the, I'm afraid of flying.

Are you really? It is so terrifying. That's where the clots came from. The fucking planes knew. Plains. Well, okay, so good to go back. All right. So I never want my lifestyle.

You're the person I want to talk skydiving with. I only think the people that enjoy skydiving are the people that really hate flying and are afraid of skydiving. Oh, I think it's, I have streaks of suicidal tendencies. So when I was skydiving, I went. If this is it, this is it. There's, okay, so that moment. I went like, all right, I'm going to go splat.

That moment. So if you're a control freak, right? Yeah. And you don't want to go skydiving. You're listening to this or your wife is. That's who needs to go skydiving. Because there is an epiphanous moment when you're screaming at the earth at, what, 9.8 feet per second. Yeah.

And per second per second. For second and you realize the dice have been rolled. Yeah. Like you can't take a medication. You can't stop drinking. You can't, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I'm going to change my lifestyle. No, no, no, no, no.

You're either going to live or going to die, and you can't pick which one it is. And you have to face that. You have to go like, and you either fall apart or you let go. And in that moment, I let go. I went, I went, this is life, man. And you're just flying through. I will, you know what I'm not proud of?

My two moments facing death, I got bitchy. I got like, when I got robbed, at gunpoint and the guy had me hog tied and he had and he was like literally putting the gun in my face I got to the point where I was like, okay like that kind of bitchy and when I went skydiving the guy

fucked my harness up and pulled it too tight on my leg so when he pulled the shoot I went it's too tight it's too tight it's a harness like he's going to change the harness while we're flying through the air two times I almost died I'm like can you help my hip out a little and that's where I'm like if I'm almost dying

I'm going to be kind of bitchy I think I'm going to be like Fine. But blood clots. Because I want to... Oh, okay. So I'm afraid of death. I'm afraid of death, but more importantly, I'm afraid of being the cause of my own death. Like, that's why I kind of measure my lifestyle and I work out as hard as I do when I go to doctors. Do you have an ultimate way you would like to die? Is quiet in your bed? Rescuing kids.

That is a good one. Yeah. Fighting off an animal. Fighting off an animal. Like, I'm on a path and there's a bunch of kindergartners, and I'm walking past them, and a bear is chasing them. And I go, you guys run. I'll take care of the bear. but there's someone's filming it. I need it filmed. Yeah.

I need that content. Because I'm selling merch on my deathbed. I need somebody. I got the mic on. Hey, don't talk to me. I got a mic on right now. Ooh, it's cold out. Ooh, ooh, it's cold out.

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Get out of those uncomfortable khakis and jeans. Get into the perfect gene. I can't like, so I've always been cognizant of like, my fear is that they're going to go, your liver failed. And then everyone goes, you saw that coming. You know, and there's no, like, there's no empathy for your death. That's how my, that's how my dad died. Yeah.

My dad died in a way where my mom went, could have called that. And you're like, don't have your bitch ex-wife. Yeah. Don't have your bitch ex-wife saying to her boyfriend. Fucking told you. Or the people that hate you going like,

we saw that coming. Yeah. Fucking typical. Called it. Called it. It's like sports. It's like the worst part of sports is when your team loses in a bad way. And then one of the talking heads goes,

I knew they're going to do that. And you go, fuck you. It still hurts. It's my, my, I have a fear of death, but I,

I, I, I've, I realized one day that my death is going to be hard on my girls, but it's going to be really hard on them because as a comic, everyone's going to make fun of it for like a week. So for my girls,

they're going to have to literally disappear for like a month from society. Especially how you die. Yeah, how I die. And so if I die rescuing kids, then they're like, dad went out noble. Oh, my God, we got to do the Burt Kreischer benefit.

And then I got to meet all the parents of the kids you saved. One kid with scars and no eye anymore. And I go, I know Bert got, and he goes, Bert, Bert saved my life. And I go, oh my God. And I got to shake their weird hand that was bit off by a bear. And I got to go, it was so, I'm so, he was a good guy.

I got to say that to all the people you saved. And he was a good man. Thank you. You just want to be remembered fondly. Yeah. And you want people to miss you. Like I'll tell you this, this breaks my heart that, Um, this is going to come out weird, but like, no one really brings up Ralphie anymore.

And like, Rob, really sucks because Ralphie was the fucking man. He was, and he was such a great comic and such a generous guy. Yeah. Like, I mean, I gotta be honest with you. And I don't know if this is real or not. Sometimes I talk out of my ass. Sure. Check out my club shay-shay interview where I call Kevin Hart Lucky.

Did you hear from him? No. You didn't hear from him? I'm going to hear from him soon. I, I, I just heard. Like, Heart Lucky. Listen,

greedy is one thing. No, hold on. But Lucky is not. You ready? Yeah. Okay. I've been saying this for a long time. Sure.

I know this is going to get clipped out by the fucking miserable people online. Or we're like an asshole. No, no, keep it in. Okay. There we go. This is podcast consent.

Yeah. I'm going to leave it in. Oh, I already said it on Club Chee Shee. I'm going to get fucked. Is it? Club Sheet came out, though. Came out today or tomorrow. No, maybe the day.

So anyway. Don't you have anticipation? Oh, I have. I'm terrified. Isn't your fucking dick up in your body? I didn't know it didn't come out yet. He goes, oh, you just gave me second hand fucking anxiety. He said to me, he goes, he's doing a great interview.

It's such a great interview. Tell me about your dad, this and that, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I'm like, I'm killing it. Will Smith. I tell my Will Smith story. I'm like, fucking murdering. And then he's like, you think Kevin Hart's lucky. And I was like, and I know what I said.

I said it nine years ago on a podcast. And it's just lived. Yeah. But it's, okay. Kevin Hart, it was a period of time where Kevin Hart said, I'm the hardest working man in comedy. In a time where we're all working really hard and no one seems to be succeeding.

And I was, I read that, I read that as a, as a like, dude, we're all busting our ass. It's like to acknowledge your luck. And I said that casually and an agent goes, you know what Kevin Hart's luck is, right? I went, no. And they go, hold on. You didn't know about Kevin Hart's story?

And I was like, no. And like, he's great and he's talented, but he was put on movie time out after Soulplane. And I was like, what? And they go, that was his movie. And I was like, really? And they go, yes, Soulplane was Kevin Hart's movie. Yeah.

And it didn't perform well. So we got put on movie time out. He wasn't going to make a movie for another 10 years. And then they hired Kat Williams for Fool's Gold, which shot a year later. And they go. With Matthew O'Connornehy and Kate Hudson? And they all cast. And Kevin Hart?

All cast. Costumes bought. Wardrobe bought. Everything's bought. Cat Williams packs a gun in his suitcase to shoot, go to location. What a badass. gets arrested. I didn't know I was supposed to check it, pimping.

I thought it was a carry on. That's so funny that he's just like, remind me pimping. Does guns go and carry on or do they go in checking? I've been slapping these holes all day. Him not knowing luggage is so funny to me. So he just put a gun in his bag. Yeah, he clearly gets arrested.

Yeah. And the worst only place can't go on a gun in a bag is absolutely the airport. Productions sitting in Bermuda or wherever the fuck they are. And they're like, we need something small and black. What can we get? But then the week, and they're like Kevin Hart. Who can fit these suits? Who can fit these colorful suits?

That's why him and Cat Williams hate each other. Really? That's what I've been told. Now, that's all here saying. There's two white guys on a couch in New York. That's what I've been told. And so I said that nine years ago. Sure.

And then Shannon Sharp brings it up. And now I know what I said. I can't go back on what I said that. I don't ever said that. What did? Because then the clip comes out like, all right. I said it. So I stood by it.

say every comic every i'm when i i then get behind i go every comic has one lucky moment in life that changes their life for me the machine story goes viral and the girl writes the first comment uh i was in this rushing class the story's 100% true i was on this trip he fucking robbed us that's mine uh jim jeffre he gets punched in the head at the comedy store in london he brentz it happens to be his manager who knows how you uh myspace works takes the steals the footage from the security cam posted on myspace fucking viral bill burr he's the philly the philly the philly fucking rant. No, I'm not done. I'm still selling merch. Joe Rogan. Yeah, Carlos Mencia. Fucking, that's what I'm talking about is every comic's got that fucking moment. I said to Tommy,

I go, what was yours? And he goes, Comedy Central passed on my hour. I said, what? He goes, Comedy Central passed on my hour. Went to Netflix. And he went to Netflix. Bill Burr was the only comic on Netflix. If they said, do you like Bill Burr, which a lot of people do, you may like Tom Segura. Holy shit. Every comic has the luck. It is. And if you don't acknowledge, your luck or that your luck hasn't happened yet. I mean, my luck absolutely was doing an open mic in New York City with a writer, who was just a writer, thought he was just like a regular guy. Turns out he was the writer of Rounders, Brian Cobbman.

And then he puts me in billions and you're like, oh, shit. He's like, yeah, just, I know, I wanted to get comics involved. And you're like, oh, fuck, I wouldn't think this guy that I just met, I thought he's just a regular dude. And he's like, no, I'm a pretty big screenwriter. And you're like, fuck, that's crazy. To sit at the mountain top and go, like, like I deserve this is irresponsible.

Well, it's, it's, it's, it's almost like, um, an NFL player going, every play went exactly the way I wanted it to.

It goes, sometimes the, the ball bounces off your hands and you fucking catch it. Uh, so Shannon Sharp brings this up. I say it. And then I'm like, and then a second I walk out of the interview,

I'm like, this is going to be a long fucking month. And I go, but, but, but, you know, here's a deal.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe that never happened. I think it's a good point. I think it's a, very good point. Yes. And I think what it does is it's important for people who are successful to show humility

so that they don't think they're bigger than their success. Listen, it doesn't mean that Kevin Hart isn't a hard worker. It doesn't mean. I mean, I almost wish he would stop working so then I could like him again. Because I don't need to see him in Royal Kingdom ads. I don't need to see him in every fucking ad possible.

I think he is so charming. Now, granted, I have different feelings because I love Big Jay and I feel like he could have been a better friend to Big Jay. Yeah. So it's a personal. thing, but do you know my Shaden Sharp story about when I got high when I was a teenager? And he caught me.

So Mike McDaniel, the now unemployed coach, he'll land somewhere and he'll fucking win a Super Bowl. He was at Yale. He was going to Yale. I was at the University of Arizona, came home from Alaska. It was like I was about to go back down to Arizona. I was about to drive back down there. And McDaniel's stepdad.

worked for the Broncos. Neil McDaniel and Kyle Shanahan at the time, Kyle Shanahan played receiver at Texas. Was there a Shanahan at Indiana last night? Mike Shanahan is the name of it, not related. Okay, keep going. Keep going, I'm sorry. So Kyle Shanahan, at the time,

Mike Shanahan's coached the Broncos. Kyle Shanahan and Mike McDaniel are going up to Greeley, this is where their training camp was, to work out with the strength and conditioning coach, before they both individually go back to their own. colleges, Texas and Yale. So McDaniel's like, well, I'm going to go up to Greeley and work out with Kyle Shanahan. Do you want to come up and watch the Broncos practice, which is like, if you get any access

to the NFL team. I'm a 49er fan. I didn't give a shit. I've made people that aren't interested in football. Catherine Blanford, I go, we're going to see the Seahawks. She goes, I don't really care. I go, come out. It's fun.

Maybe DK McAvill hit on you. He did. He did. And then she caught a punt, and it hit her in the tit, and it went viral. That's great. Catherine Blanford is gold. She's hilarious. She punched Kyle in the stomach.

I saw that. And by the way, where Kyle tried to jump with it and then Catherine still fucking buried it. I was like, that's a Southern woman. That's a Southern woman with a follow through. My favorite is in the slow motion. You can see her go from smiling to. Yeah, she goes. And when she leans in watching him try, watching Kyle try to push back and her pushing.

So this might have been between senior and freshman year of college. But I was friends with, at the time. there was a special teams coach for the Broncos and his son Derek had moved from Decatur Georgia to Aurora, Colorado, to Aurora, Colorado. So he was hanging out with Mike and us, our friend group.

And he had a thick-ass southern accent. Black dude with a thick Atlanta accent. And we were at another high school's house party. Remember when you go to another high school's house party? Oh, yeah. The feeling of like an away game. Oh, yeah. Where you're like, shit's gonna pop off.

Oh, you were never comfortable. Never comfortable. Back against the refrigerator in the kitchen going, I don't know anything of these motherfuckers. You know, like a guy you, to play football with and you go, hey, Cody, you go to school here? So it wasn't between my senior year and senior year, high school, freshman year of college. That's such a specific feeling that everyone can identify with.

Oh, yeah, I know that feeling. Yeah, where you're just like, so we're just, I remember. It's like the first time you put your dick in a vagina without a condom and you're like, oh, this is amazing. This is why so many men get in trouble. Yeah. I was like, ah, it opens a world. I remember the first time, this might, we might have to cut it, but I remember the first time nothing in a woman. Like, but I mean like without a condiment, it's cool where you go like, go ahead and then you go.

I remember just eating. I went to a diner after and I was with her. And I was just smiling. And she was like, what a feeling. I feel alive. Sponge. She called the sponge, mine. Yeah, it was.

Oh, yeah. Mine was, uh, I was like, why don't we get more? They stopped making the sponge and I had to stop nutting in her. Spongworthy, dude. That was the whole Seinfeld episode. Is he sponge worthy? Did you ever see that episode? No.

where Elaine is their limited amount of sponges and she's dating and she goes, is this guy Spongworthy? That was real. Yeah. That was real. They stopped making the sponge. Yeah. Couldn't get sponges in Tallahassee.

So Seinfeld did a whole episode where Elaine was choosing which guys were spongeworthy. Oh, shut the fuck up. Might have jerked off to it. Once I found out it meant Elaine was getting busted up inside of. Maybe. Yeah. I never thought about it that way.

Yeah. Dude, she's getting busted up in. And I'm like, ooh, Elaine fucking, Elaine's a little cream-filled fucking joy. Dude, I have. Oh, you could totally blow loads in Elaine. Oh, my God. She's my number one. Elaine Benis is my number one.

Fantasy crush of all time. Later seasons, Julia Louis Dreyfus is one of the hottest women of all time. She's sexy. You cannot convince me otherwise. Even the bad dancing, I was just like, so when I found that sponge thing out, it was like, oh my God, that's peak me jerking off. And I was like, what? Elaine's getting, what?

So, Derek, I don't want to get. gave away his last name because he's an adult man now. But Derek had this thick-ass Decatur accent. We're at another high school party. His dad was the special teams coordinator on both Super Bowl teams. So you can look it up. You can put it together. But he wore his dad's Super Bowl ring out.

He just had the 98 Super Bowl ring out. And this is in 2001. And we're at a house party and you just hear him over the music go, you think I'm going to smack you in your head with my Super Bowl rang? That's what I hit. And I looked over and he was talking shit to this kid from another high school. and I was like, Derek, you're going to cause a fucking melee in here. But Derek was the man.

And he, we, him and I would smoke weed together. We'd always get high. So McDaniel's like, I'm going to go up to train camp. You want to go? And I was like, yeah. And he's like, Derek's going to come too. And Derek's like, Soter, why don't you drive? We'll smoke blunts on the drive up there.

Mike's got to go train so he can't get high. Why don't me and you drive up there and we'll fucking smoke blunts? And I was like, it's like a 90 minute drive. You're like, beautiful. So driving up there, listening to fucking, like, backbone, listening to like Atlanta, Southern shit, you know, listening to do or die and shit. So we're getting high.

Do you want to ride? And we're fucking smoking. And we get there. And I am like, for white people that have never smoked with black people, they get. That should be the opening of a novel. Like it's as good as, as good as, as the opening of Great Gatsby.

On my 30th birthday, I knew I had to stop lying to myself. If you've never, I would say the way white people drink, sometimes black people can't hang with the way we drink. Yes. Smoking weed, we can't hang. They call it white chick wasted. White chick wasted. Black dudes will go, I'm getting white chick wasted.

Get black dude high. Oh my God. Because you fucking good luck. And I'm a seasoned vet. I'm a lifer. And there has been times with my friend Joe up in the Bronx and this time with Derek. I was far too high. Because we smoked a little,

and then we parked and smoked like two blunts. He goes, you know how black dudes call their dead daddies? Yeah. They call their dad daddy. It's always weird to me. Because also I didn't have a father. Leanne does it.

And it might be a southern thing. Leanne does it. She goes, Daddy, Daddy, they don't say it like, Daddy. They go, like, my daddy. They go, Daddy. So he goes, Derek goes, I got to go drop my bag off in my daddy's room. I'm staying up here.

So he wasn't going to drive back with me. And I was like, yeah, sure, whatever, man. And they're staying at the door. at the University of Northern Colorado dorms. This is where the, where their training camp was. So I'm like, yeah, whatever. I'm so high that walking is a problem for me where I go, I'm just following you.

We go into the dorms. Derek drops his bag off. I'm not even thinking about it. We get on the elevator. The elevator goes down A level, opens up Brian Greasy, Rod Smith, Shannon Sharp, and I think Howard Griffin all get on the elevator. So four starters on the Broncos get in.

Jesus. I'm high as fuck. Shannon Sharp is a very large man. Very large man. And he stands directly next to me. Derek is on my right. Shannon Sharp is on my left. And I'm very high.

And Shannon Sharp looks over at Derek and he goes, Derek, I know what you've been doing. I ain't going to tell you, daddy. That's all he says. And I went, and that fucking elevator ride, I was like, Shania Char knows I'm fucking stone

Shania Sharm knows I'm stoned And his mouth was right here Yeah so I watched him go I ain't gonna tell you daddy Like that and I was like Oh and then I'm like We get off the elevator I'm like Derek Are we in trouble?

Are we it? Because this is like weed's still a drug It's not now It's still a drug And so we're like I'm like Derek are we fucking in trouble He's like no man Shannon Cousel He ain't gonna say shit

And then we're just chilling And then he goes come on Let's go out to practice And we just walk through the locker room So there's just Al Wilson, buckass naked, DJ Williams is like getting dressed. All these guys that you're like, All Star, All Star, All Star, All Star. Shannon Sharp is getting ready for practice. His locker is open.

And Derek's friends with him. So Derek comes over and he goes, What's up, Shannon? And he goes, oh, this is one of them, Jacob de Jewelor watches. Remember those with the face where they had the yellow, red and blue? Yeah. And Derek goes, God put that on? And Shannon, we're high as fuck. Shannon goes, yeah, yeah, put it on, Derek.

And Derek's like, damn, it's nice. And then Shannon goes, happy little white friend put it on, like that. And I put it on, and I have skinny wrists, and it's just sliding. But I, for a moment, lost myself in the moment. And I was going like, I was doing the P-Ditty Mace from Mo Money, More Problems. And then I looked down and Shannon Sharp's looking at me like, what the fuck? And I go, this is very nice. And then I went outside and watched practice.

But that was the most, I was like, the most awkward high I've ever been. And being like, Shady Sharp fucking knows I'm ripped. But he's cool. He's cool as shit. I've loved Shannon Sharp ever said. And then he went to the Ravens. He was the fucking man. He's he's he's one of the it was one of the, it was one interview I've been wanting to do. This is an interview I've been wanting to do. This, your show's murdering right. I mean, just I, I don't know. I wonder what the sweet sauce and podcasting is. And I, you know what I think it is. I think it's, um, being excited, being excited about it. Being genuine. Like I only have people on my

podcast that I want to talk to. I did. I'm doing that. So with Burtcast, I denied ad sales this year. That's fucking big. I will, I did. That's what we did for the first six months. I can only speak for myself right now. We did that first for the first six months. I'm not taking ads.

I'm just going to do a podcast. I have my friends on or whatever. And then you, it's truly is the thing. It's all come back down to middle school and getting girls. Yeah. If you don't want them, they want you. If you go, I don't want it. They go, but why?

I got really lucky in a couple of people that I got on early in their careers in music that went on to be a little bigger. Marcus King, Red Clay Strays. A couple, yeah. Yeah, fucking jelly roll. Stephen Wilson Jr. is the fucking man. Everyone needs to listen to Stephen Wilson Jr. That song, Gary, if you have a problem with your father, go listen to Stephen Wilson, Jr.

Goose. I got a few bands that I really liked. And then some more legacy acts like, like Warren Haynes. Sure. Warren Haynes is the fucking man. And everyone should watch the Opie and Anthony where he plays the guitar and Patrice sings. It's so good. Yeah, it's really fun.

And so I, and when I went to Nashville, I did. He was in Government Mule? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they're fucking sick. When I went to Nashville, I had a bunch of publicists coming up to me going, how do we get dot dot, dot? Like, how do we get the first one that came up, they were like,

Hey, how do we get Luke Brian on your show? And I was, I'm a big Luke Brian fan. And I was like, are you serious? And they're like, yeah, yeah, we'd love to get them on your show. And I was like, great. So at that moment, I was with Leanne and I said, you know, I love having comics on my show and I'd have comics like you or Jay or people like Legion of Skanks.

They have a shorthand way. It's not an interview. But like, I don't want to try to break young comics anymore. Sure. There was a period. I know that no one really probably sees us this way. And maybe I'm imagining it. But there was a period where I was having young comics come on and it was

fun like Mark Norman never he was he was like I'm really bad at podcasting yeah this is like 2015 I remember you had me on in the old man cave yeah because Ari was like yeah Bert'll have you on and I was like oh fuck

because I was promoting my Comedy Central special special and fuck L.A. was like the movie I didn't know anybody it was when L.A. was hot I mean I remember Tim Tim uh Tim fucking why am I

Tim Dylan Tim Dylan I mean like having Andrew Schultz. Andrew Schultz on, like when he was young. I don't think it even started his podcast. Yeah, he, yeah. I don't know how old his podcast is, but yeah. I mean, I don't think, I don't maybe, like, I mean, he doesn't seem like a guy that was late to the game on anything.

No, he's always been ahead of the curve. But at the time, you'd have them on, and then you didn't know them. I didn't know Andrew Schultz. And I remember he talked wild. He was like, I was like, so what's like, what's your five-year goal? And he goes, be the goat. I mean, he said this specifically to me. And I was like, so weird at the time.

I was like, whoa, don't say that out loud. Yeah, what's so funny about that is seeing someone's success like that, you go, oh, yeah, they've always had that focus. And also, he's like, Burr, Chappelle, I'm coming after them. And I remember going like, hey, do you want me to add that out? And he was like, no, that's my goal. And I was like, wow. And then you watch his success and you're like, that makes sense.

Those days, sadly, are a thing of the past where you're going to find a Tim Dillon or a Shane Gillis or a Mark Norman or a or a or a, or a, you. or a Big J or a Lewis or like and have them on and it be gold and then say to your friends, yo, you got to get this guy on. Yeah. And then those and now it's like it just feels like and also I wasn't successful. So it was a real genuine conversation. Sure.

Now when you bring someone to that, that house, I have that house and people are like young. So feel like an interview? Feels like a job interview? A little bit, a little bit people come in. The first thing they're like, how did you get this? And then the interviews have flipped a little bit worth younger comics where they're like, So when you promote it. And so it became less of a hang and more of like a weird thing.

I'm going to be honest right now. I bet there's a lot of podcast fans that feel less crazy hearing you say that. Because I think as podcasts have become as commodified as they have, I think fans are going, why does it feel different? It feels different to me. And you have to be honest. This is a business of like if you're dishonest, your shit will blow up in your face because people are waiting to do the video where they go, this isn't who he really is.

Yeah, birds change. And you're like, you know, I know I have, but like, also I'm trying to say the same, but it's like things have changed around me. Yeah. And so, and so. You're also a force. Like, you're unlike a lot of people that I know, you're just like a fucking avalanche. Like you, the way you hit and the way that you, I would say something that you don't get

complimented on is you do a great job of making. the situation yours in a way that feels like, like I think about you, when I knew we were doing this podcast, I was like, what would Bert do if he wasn't a comedian? And it would easily be the greatest camp counselor of all time. Oh. You would, you would, you're the guy.

I, listen, and we can edit this out if this becomes a real thing. I would 100% write a movie about you going to, like, gay conversion camp and becoming their fun counselor. where it just becomes a scene where you like break these kids out or like you're a camp counselor and you break the gay conversion kids out and they're just like, yeah!

And like you just banging a drum. Remember those fun 90s comedies? Yes. Meatballs. Yes. Meat balls. Camp nowhere. All this shit where you were like,

I think we need to return to summer camps. We need to return to like kids in canoes and fucking chicken fighting in the water and get, poison ivy you got to return to kids i have i have a thing about me that is like i like being a pied piper i like yes in charge i like not in charge but i like i like i like i like being the momentum sure i'll give you a this is a great brian compliment story and brian obviously everyone's truth is whatever truth yeah i can slide into my dms and read them aloud but

brian compliment after i did the machine wrote me apart in billions oh my god he wrote me apart for me. Yeah. And he DM'd me. And he goes, yo, I wrote a part for you in billions. I think it was about a guy that was like a CEO that eat cheeseburgers or something. Yeah. And then he was like, and I wrote back, I'm going to pass. And he went, you haven't read it. Yeah. And he's like, hold on. And he wrote back like, this isn't how that works. If someone writes something for you, you do it. And I said, you know, I think I'd be bad at this because I'd like to be the star of the thing so that I can go into everyone's dressing room and I can change the energy and I can dictate the fun energy. Like when we did free bird, every Friday, every Friday we've worked all week. Every

Friday I would plan an event to make the crew lose their mind. So one time I bought 700 crystal burgers. Great. And so I was like, I bought so many crystal burgers that when they went to pick them up, crystals had chains on the door because they were still making burgers and they couldn't allow anyone in. Do you know, do you ever think about the causality of like what a great gift for the crew? And then you think about the fry cook that's down there and he's just like covered in sweat. And he's like how many more? And they're like, you're at 423. And he's like, we got to get to 700?

And they go, yeah. And we're also only paying you 725 an hour. And he's like, ah, 400 cheeseburgers for McDonald's. Oh, my God. 700 crystal burgers. I get fucking 20 pizzas at like at the end of every Friday. I just order like 20 pieces from one place, 20 pieces from another place. But I love that energy.

When I was doing the movie in Serbia, I said, money was so, everything was so cheap there that I was like, yeah, what would it cost to have my house cater? I had like a four-story house. I go, I want it catered, and I want a sommelier to come out with all their own wines. I want to buy all their wines for the whole crew and cast, or the whole cast. Sure. It was like, you know, 20 of us.

And they're like $400. And I go, all right, I'll do it. I go and get a DJ. And so in my house I had. Because that is the chef as well in Serbia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He also is a cobbler. And by the way, the DJ came and he was like,

this can also be a karaoke. He goes, I also, you want girls? Yeah. No, you keep those. But like that, taking what you, you know, that energy is what I, is the only reason I do a movie or TV show. I like acting. I like writing.

I like making a project. But that energy of like this nuclear family, this camp energy is what I enjoy. And I like being the Pied Piper, the camp. I don't know. It's like being on tour when we did fully loaded. I love that energy of going, I remember sitting down with all of us We're sitting at this table in Boise, Idaho, and it's the funniest human beings alive.

It is the funniest human beings alive at a table with my daughter, Georgia, and we're busting balls. Jay, someone sat in a chair and it broke, and Jay went off on this soliloquy about how only fat guys intimately know the feeling of what that laughter, that fake laughter you're doing is. And it was so good. Can I tell you one of my favorite moments I've witnessed in comedy

was at Skankfest watching Jay Tape Dog Belly. and it was the second taping. And second taping, Jay knew they had it. They're filming it. This fat guy broke a chair. And Big Jay in the middle of the set goes, why are you sitting on the ground? And the guy goes, the chair broke.

And he goes, you're living my nightmare right now. And he just called it out in such a perfect Big Jay way. Yes. That you're like, it was so funny. And I was like hidden behind where the cameras. It's so vulnerable. I was laughing. He did that at the fucking breakfast table.

Yeah. In this vulnerable. call out and it was brilliant right we're all laughing i want to say stavi mark norman big jay santino i did one week of that tour and that was the ralph barbosa santino barboso sent yeah yeah i know it that was the gorge yeah yeah and georgia's sitting at the breakfast table and everyone goes off we're going to go tubing or shooting gun whatever we're going to do next it's like 10 in the morning and georgia looks at me and goes i've never laughed as hard as i just did yeah and i went yeah and she goes is this is this every morning.

And I said, yeah. She goes, is this what your life is like? And I said, yeah, maybe that's why I spend so much time with these guys. Isn't that great? And she goes, no wonder you never came home. And I was like, yeah, these guys are the funniest. That's like a country song. The funniest human beings.

And then my daughters slowly started to fall in love with the comics as like uncles where they go like, like, like, Shain busting Isla for having beers or who, Georgia. It was Georgia having a beer and Shane going, you drinking beers. He goes up to, he goes up to Georgia and Daisy. This is like the first year maybe And he just got last night And he goes

You guys sneaking beers They're like 18 And he goes no And he goes come on I'm not gonna bust you And they're like no no no I'm not sneaking beers And he goes guys I'm not your dad I'm Shane

What are you guys doing Sneaking a little beers Little BLs And they're like Yeah we're sneaking beers And he goes okay And he goes sits down right next He goes Georgia sneaking beers

Isla and Big J Isla and Big J On the bus After like Ila's supposed to be working And she's dressed as Big Jay. They look like twins. Yeah.

They look like twins to this day. She looks like if Big Jay, if she was Big Jay's daughter, their house burned down and the only clothes available was dads. Yes. Isla and Big Jay on the bus

sitting in the two recliners watching YouTube videos together laughing hysterically. I walk on the bus. And then the bus for a full year, I couldn't get out of Jay's algorithm. Yeah. So it was Jay and Ila's algorithm.

So if you ever turned it on YouTube, it was like some dude getting lit on fire. Oh, too. file bus. You go, why do I have a nine hour file bus in my own feed? That was the,

like that. When we're on the road with Shane, it's, it goes to our old school hangs. Yeah. Where we're both opening for Shane and, and, and, you know,

Shane does the thing where he goes, like, we land and he goes, all right, I'll see you guys, pick up at the hotel 6 p.m. And Jay and I will be like, you want to get high

and go watch YouTube. And then Jay will be like, fuck it, we'll just smoke a joint in the hotel room. And we're like, buy the elevator of a very nice hotel. And we're just sitting there and he goes,

you got to hear this and he'll put it on his beats he's like you gotta hear when the guy gets caught and we're just sitting there watching peddum bus like a four star smoking fucking gas it's so fun but that is the summer camp when I thought about that I was like oh Bert would absolutely be a camp counselor I was fully loaded I mean it's it was

so fucking fun dude it was I mean it was so big Jay and I and De Rosa there was one show where we went like hey someone put a special out and you know the rule with me everybody and the rule's always been the same when i when you see me live you can ask me who it is and i will tell you i will not tell you via dm i will not write it down

but i will tell you in person there was a special that just came out that i almost i almost texted you and jay and i was like can we watch it together we'll talk after the podcast because we still do that i tried to buy it and i was texting with joe and tom and i was like from in our group i watch all the specials first and then I give notes. So like I watch a special and I just send notes and then immediately they're like more more notes, more notes. Dude, Shane, Shane and I's conversation is always the same. Starts with football immediately goes into whose special we just watched. He'll go like, and we'll like trail out.

Well, he always does a thing whenever he picks up the phone that we do sports talk calling. Yeah. So we'll pick up and go on the phone. We got Dan Soder. We're talking 49ers. We're talking Mike McDaniel. And I'll go, and we're talking to AFC East Shane. I don't think.

So that's how we're. always start but then it immediately goes, yo, did you watch show special? And you go, I did. And here are my notes. I cannot wait to talk about. We're going to cut the mic soon. And me and you are going to go,

before your next thing, we got to talk three things before it. Because I got one that I have six points. The second the mic's cut off, we'll talk about it. Comics love shitting on it. David Costable, who's on Billions, who plays wags.

Yeah. He's one of the great. greatest character he's one of the greatest actors of our generation i will argue that david costable was um gill he was gill in breaking bad he was one of the editors in the wire season five he's in lincoln he put i know him from playing wags yeah on uh billions first day in hair and makeup season one my first day hair and makeup i'm there me and costable or both in hair and makeup and i went hey man i'm dan i'm playing mafee i'm not an actor i'm a stand-up comedy i'm a stand-up so I'm going to be asking for a lot of help.

I was very overwhelmed. Yeah. Very overwhelmed. When I first started on at Billions, I'd ask for help. And through all seven seasons I did. But Costable is the man. Yeah. And he goes, you're a stand-up comic.

And I go, yeah, he goes, second meanest group and entertainment to each other. And I went second. And he goes, only behind Broadway dancers. He goes, they'll push each other downstairs to get a role. Comics will do the same verbally. And I went, you know a lot of stand-up comics like that he goes i do i was like he's the fucking man that was that when he said that to me that

crystallized it in my head where i go we are just fucking we're like we're bitchy we're like well it's it's like it's like you're doing the same thing i do sure and i have notes on and i have notes yeah i have notes i have notes i watch someone special i watch someone special recently within the last you know six months sure and i always whenever they come out i'm always in the gym that morning and i'm with my trainer and my assistant and I hit play and I predict what their open's going to be. Oh. And I, I predict his open to a fucking tea. Love it.

I did it before they saw it. I said, let me tell you how this is going to go. Yeah. And I hit pause and I did it. Oh. And then I hit play. And it happened and I went. You know who's the master at that?

Big Jay. I bet. I bet. I bet. We, one of our first, like, bonfireish hangs was Nick Cannon put out a special. I remember this. I watched Nick Cannon special with Jay. I watched that special.

And he could pause it and go, I'll tell you the, I'll tell you exactly what this punchline is. Because he did all rehashed black circuit jokes. Yeah. Where he's like, we didn't have, we didn't have Tony the Tiger. Things weren't great. We had Tyrone. And, you know, and Jay was like, Jay at one point paused it and went split out. And then hit it.

And then Nick Cannon goes, splat out. It was, dude, it was one of those. I watched that with Jay. Is that the one where his shoes were all untied? It's where he gets undressed eventually. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where he starts in the tuxedo and by the end, he's like just in a wife beater.

We were obsessed with it. Big Jay made me laugh the hardest I've ever laughed in my life. Pete Davidson was opening for Nick Cannon. And we used to just bust Pete Davidson's balls about how little he gets paid by Nick Cannon. And Nick Cannon was working out new material at governors in Long Island. And this is when Jay was living on Long Island. And Jay goes, Pete was like, I can get you guys' tuckets if you want.

And we're like, yeah. And Big Jay's like, come out to Long Island. And I took the train out. We smoked like two joints at his house. We go to governors. We sit in the very back. And at one point in the show, this is when Nick Cannon's hosting America's Got Talent. So it's a lot of older white people are in the audience.

And Nick Cannon's doing this bit where he goes, I'm serious, y'all. We could end racism if we want to. We could end racism tonight. And Jay from the very back goes, and starts a slow clap, Bert, that the audience popped off. And I had to go into the lobby because I was laughing so hard. Because Jay just stands up and gives one. And then you just see everyone go, yeah, we can add racism.

It was, oh, take me back. That was one of the hardest I've ever laughed in my life to the point where I was like, my ribs hurt when I got in the car. It was great. I'm bummed that I don't live in New York because I miss all you guys. Sure. Like I watch, it seems like so much fun. I feel like New York's having like has had for the past few years a minute where it's like everything fun seems to be out of New York.

Well, it's just that you can get to it so fast. Like what it is is like I'll be doing a set at the cellar and then Lewis would be like, can you come do Legion of Skanks? And you go, oh, it's five blocks away. Let me just walk over. And then or someone like, for instance, Shane will be in town doing something and then he'll just pop it on Skanks. Or he'll just be like, you got the cellar? Let's eat wings. and you're like, oh, this is the shit.

Yeah. It is a great city because there's so much, the reason I would argue New York is so great is there's so much shit happening here that people are here all the time. I got a text for, I get to see three L.A. friends this week. You, Santino and Adam Ray, all in L.A., all doing different cool shit. Yeah. And you go, awesome.

Also, Shane's doing the garden. So all these people are coming in. When's Shane doing the garden? Thursday, Friday, Saturday. This week? Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah, I'm doing it with them Friday.

I think the lineup is me, Atele, Michael Che and Shane. Wow. I know Thursday is Santino, Colin Quinn, Big J.

And McHusker. Holy shit. And Saturday, this is going to come out after the shows. Saturdays are Louis C.K. Two other people. I don't know who.

Shit, I'm doing four at the garden, but I'm the same guys. You're just kidding. I'll be at the beacon in April. By the way, you're doing multiple. I,

see, here's what's fucked up about comedy. Jesus Christ. You're doing my dream gig. Oh, everyone's doing everyone's dream gig. But you're doing two at the beacon, three at the beacon? I don't know. Saglow told me you're doing like two or three at the beacon,

and I was like, oh, I'm hanging out for that. I'm going to come and fucking kick it. I mean, obviously, you know, I think what happens is you got to go to the top of the mountain to see what it looks like, right? For sure, but then you realize the air is very thin up there. Very thin. And by the way, and by the way, I will tell you, you're standing by yourself.

There's not a lot of people rooting for you. Yeah. There's a lot of people wanting you to fail. There's a lot of people kind of hating on you. Can I tell you as a guy that lives at base camp? I go up a little. I go pick some odd berries up on the mountain, but I come back down to base camp.

No, no, no. You know what you are? You are a well-acclimated Sherpa, who, by the way, could be at the top of the mountain if you wanted to. But right now, you're just making runs back and forth. I really appreciate that. And I genuinely agree with you. Yeah.

No, because I'm telling you, someone's saying... I just have my little wool hat on. I want to say on Club Shee-Shay. Yeah. I swear to God, I don't know who I said this to. They're like, I was like, I have a really good knack for telling you, but I think all comics do. Sure.

I go, all comics can tell you who's going to be the next big thing. I think Shannon Sharp said, who's the next big thing? I said, Dan Soder. The second, all he needs is that little luck thing where everyone's like, and you're across all platforms. I think I've got, I think, um, you know, something that really, really helped me that I don't think you realize is leaving the bonfire is very, very difficult for me.

It took, you know, I gave Jay a year advance. noticed. I was very anxious about it because it was true like bet on myself because the job was so fun and so great, but I felt myself being comfortable. And I said, I need to go do stand-up. And I need to go do a lot of stand-up. And I really, I'm burned out eight hours of broadcasting a week. Yeah. Being as funny as I can fucking, because I tried on that show. I wanted, I truly was like, took advantage of being able to be funny with Jay for eight. He's the funniest person I've ever met in my life. And I don't mean that on a knock on anybody else in comedy. Naturally funny, Big Jay is miles ahead of anybody I've ever met. And so it was such an

opportunity to do it. But I really got to tell you, when I went on fully loaded, and I remember the show, it was the Baltimore show, I got on the bus and I was getting a join out, and you and Leanne, both at the same time went, hey, you're making the right, you made the right decision to leave the bonfire. You need to go do more stand-up. Both of you said that to me, me. It was that and Bill Burr saying that to me that made me go like, all right, maybe I'm not, because I felt crazy. And listen, I'll always, you know, I would love to go do that show as much as possible, but I want them to have their, Bobby and Jay to have their own show and I want to fuck that up. I love those fans. I'm always going to love those fans, but that's what I needed. I needed

another comic going, I know that's really hard, but you're doing the right thing. And I can see it's paying off. I mean, I, I mean, that, that one tour was where I was like, I was like, wow, this is, you've, you've, you've made an absolute turn stand-up wise. It's like, it's like undeniable. It's like really honestly, like the first round of fully loaded when Big J. Sat on a stool and did material. Yeah. We were, Shane and I were in the back like, dude. And I know, fuck. I know Shane would never tell Big J this story. But I, I was, uh, in London. That's why I couldn't do fully loaded the first year because I went and did shows in London

and I came back and I was on the phone with Shane and I, and he's like it's the best. This tour is the best. It's me and Norman and Janet go, how Jay's doing? He goes, dude, he's fucking doing material and he's murdering. And he goes, it's so fun. And I know

Shane would never say that to Big Jay. Yeah. But it's like, dude, that version of Shane. That version of Shane. And there's very, every iteration. I love I love every version I've gotten ashamed, right? Sure. Like the very first version was this like a little bit timid, a little scared, very hat and hand, Shane.

Have you ever read his email to me about why we should be friends? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so great. About that, because they did the, you did the, Don't Come Into Work Show. Yeah, we did, calling sick to work show. Yeah, calling sick to work. And like that version of Shane's.

But that was when he's on the road with me. But the version, my favorite, out of all my favorites, and I love the, I mean, like, it's all gotten better. Sure. But out of all, if I could get a grab, Shane. It was that first fully loaded. I think he was on every date and his enthusiasm for stand-up. He was working on his what is what is beautiful dogs. Yeah, it was. And his enthusiasm for all stand-up, like all stand-up was so he loves the shit. Infectious. And I remember him saying

the very first show, he's kind of pacing with the bud light and he goes, you're not getting shit and walk out on stage, are you? And I go, what? And he goes, dude, we got a bullpen out there. We're playing and enter sand man you come running for the bullpen you come spring up on stage if you don't do that then what are you doing yeah this is like a professional and he got me so pumped and i was like for real he goes fuck yeah and i got in the bullpen yeah i remember that and i and i was like yeah and then he was like and i remember him just firing me up that and he was so pumped every single fucking night you know i think the thing you learn from different people when you bump into him in this business and you're a fool if you don't take away lessons when you leave.

Yeah. I was on the road with Shane for about two years, and he was my feature. And I mean, what I mean featuring for me, it's like, good luck following that. He made me raise my shit up by following him. But the thing that I learned about it and the thing that I took with me

was how much fun he had doing stand-up, which at that point in my career, I think I had lost a little. I think I had lost the, like, we're doing the DC draft house. And he's like, isn't this cool? We're doing two shows. And we're going to go play video games.

And I was like, Yeah, this does rule. And then he would be like, I'm going to do this joke. I'm going to do this joke. It's going to bomb. And then he'd do it and go, that joke sucks. But he would having so much fun. He was having.

That it made me go like, I'm a fucking asshole. I should just be loving this shit. I'm jealous that I'm not on this journey with him as a friend. Sure. Like I can't open for him because we're working at the same time. I think you can. But I mean, I would love to. I would love to.

I just don't have any time. Yeah. But I would love to see. I would love to see. because I've seen these weird iterations. I was with him. I was with him like when we did, we did Arizona, the slender theater. I remember you guys did, by the way, that was his like,

I would say you ushered him up into a different level. Because those Super Bowl shows that you guys did with Norman, you Norman and Shane the week before the Eagles Chiefs Super Bowl. But I just as his friend, I watched him, Shane's groupies, and no one understands this, Shane's groupies are professional athletes. They love shit. Oh, yeah.

Dude, he, I forgot about that Super Bowl. I was with him in celebrity theater. You brought out Big J. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. At the last minute, we got on a Super Bowl ticket for $120,000. Fuck.

No, I think that was the total for all the tickets. Like an idiot, I go, guys, the pay is not great because it was, it was like an arena, but it wasn't like a huge arena. You were doing where they play ASU hockey. So it was like 10,000. It wasn't like 9,000 or whatever, maybe 7,000. I don't know. It's a smaller arena.

And so I go, pays not great, but I'll get everyone with Super Bowl tickets. And they're all Eagles fans. So like, great. So, and I was like,

sure. Agent hits me up. He's like, I got you the tickets. I go, cool. It was six tickets, $120,000. I was like,

but then I was like, okay, so I just, we just throw every money I earned at this show. Yeah, you go, well,

I'm not making any money today, but my friends are going to football. There goes all my merch money, but so, but I remember being with Shane when we were at Celebrity Theater and he was opening for me. and as in 15 minutes he got a standing ovation

and he didn't know what to do with it. That's really funny. I remember those Super Bowl shows where it was like Mark and Shane. This is a nuance because I'm not shitting on Mark, but Mark wasn't ready for arenas yet because he moves. And in arenas, everything plays in the small screen.

So if you move, the camera can't keep up with you and it makes people motion sick. So the first night, Mark didn't do well. Shane fucking murdered. And then Shane, Shane came off like, and I went up going, I don't want to follow that. It's beautiful.

He's doing beautiful dogs. Brother, I want to tell you right now, I was on the road when he cracked the Special Olympics joke. Oh my God. You want to talk about following something. You, the first night he goes, we should be racing him. And you hear the crowd go, roosh. And I, you know what's funny about this?

And I think Shane would agree with me that this happened. It was at MGM in Springfield. that club in Springfield, that was the weekend. He cracked the joke because I went through a breakup. I broke up with my girlfriend that weekend and I was very sad. And I got bitchy at him and I go, just don't like kill too hard. He was mad and he went, okay.

And then after the show he goes, you're really going through with this breakup. I got, yeah, man, I'm sorry. I didn't it. He would fucking murder. I was with him. This is my favorite one. I'm going to tell the whole thing and just if it sounds weird,

just do whatever you guys. He's credit editing. So it's me, Tommy, and we're co-headlining the MGM Grand Garden Arena. I was there. It's Bobby. Bobby Lee, and when I'll tell you the lineup, but when Trevor Wallace, Bobby Lee, Shane, you. No, Tom, you. Yeah.

Well, so everyone was terrified about where they were going in the lineup. Trevor knew who was going first. Bobby did not want to follow Shane. No one wanted to follow Shane. Shane's at the top of his game, and it just got announced he's hosting SNL. like two weeks a week before. He was the reason I got to go to that Super Bowl. Well, him and Chee.

Che got me the ticket and Shane gave me the hotel room. By the way, with. Because Bud Light gave him like two hotel rooms. With Shane announced. No, Shane was unannounced. Yeah. Like we couldn't announce Shane because it would have complicated things. They would have wanted to add a show.

It would complicate things. We couldn't announce Shane, but we had to pay him. And so Shane, typical, Shane Gillis, and everyone should know this, I don't need money. That's Shane to a T. I don't need money. I'm good. I'm good. You got Bud Lights back there making my dad come back.

You know, Nate Diaz wants to come. Can I get tickets for him? I was hanging out with Phil. Phil McCusker and I sat in one of the empty entryways and watched that whole show. Yeah. Can I tell you my favorite moment from that night? Yeah. This is one of my, this is one of the hardest me of McCusker I've ever laughed.

So McCusker and I, Phil is watching the whole show. Yes. Phil Gillis is watching the show. And Phil, for those of you that don't know, I call him the prototype. You watch him and you go, I see where Shane comes from. Phil is the man. One of my favorite moments from that Super Bowl was late that night after that show. I gambled the blackjack table was me, Michael Che and Phil Gillis.

And I watched Phil and Chee become close friends as we're all gambling. Really? Shane and Gabe Davis and Austin Kincaid and all these guys are out. They're going to meet Jack Harlow. They're going to do shit. We are fucking down at this blackjack table. And Shane's like, are you guys still at that blackjack table? I'm like, you know where we're at.

And he's like, Jesus, my dad, he's like, he's my dad gambling. I'm like, we're having it. Dude, Che has one of those things on like this. Yeah. And he's just pulling out hundreds and putting them in front of me and Phil. And he's going, slush fund. And we keep calling it the slush fund. And he goes, slush fund.

And Phil goes, Michael, I'm ordering another drink and we're getting after it. The hardest I laughed, you were doing a joke about you and Tom being best friends. And you go, me and Tom are best friends. And then you start talking about you guys fucking or sucking each other's dicks. And you're just riffing. You go, I suck his dick, he'll suck. And I know he'd know how to suck my dick. And me and McCusker are standing behind Phil Gillis.

And Phil's standing there like a dad like this. And you go, and I'm sucking his dick. And Phil goes, that's enough for me. And just turns around while you're like, suck. And dude, me and McCusker were like, yo, Phil wasn't having that gay shit. It was one of the hardest I've ever laughed as watching him go. You go, and I'm going to suck Tom's dick like this. And he goes, nope, it just walked away.

One of my biggest memories of that night. That was a fun-ass night. So I had to close the show. And by the way, it's the stuff I put on Lucky. Sure. It's the first probably 30 minutes of Lucky is that show. And Lucky is one of my better ones. I think it's one of my best ones.

And so it was really good. My material was pretty tight. It was different than everyone else's. Shane's standing next to Michael Che and he's talking to Michael Chey. I don't know what they're talking about. And then I walk past and Shane looks at me and he goes, and I'm shirtless. This is at the after party.

And I was like, what's up? He was like, I go what and he goes you know man you're a fucking fantastic comic and I went oh thanks and he goes no matter what anyone says about you you're a fantastic comic and I was like

what is he really saying about me and he's like no I mean no matter what like he's like the shirt thing you know what I mean oh my god that's so fucking funny yeah that night was fun as hell that was a fucking dude it's like you don't get I'm not

going to get many more of those in life. Well, I think the point of it is that you've got those. I have them, yeah. And you have, like, a lot of those. You have four red rocks, like, what we started talking about at the beginning. Like, you got to do something. That's why I always say it's like, there's this idea of what's next. And it's like, fuck what's next.

Look what you've got to do and lay it and enjoy that. Yeah. Because I think what happens is our business, you rush to the next thing too fast. And then you look back, I regret not soaking in billions more. Oh. Like that was a fucking world-class experience. I regret not soaking in the bonfire more. I regret not having more time.

That's why this theater, my first theater tour, I've been very, very aware of like every day we go out, I go, how fucking cool? Ask him, he's been on the road with me.

Every day I'm like, how fucking cool is this? This is our job. That this is what we fucking do. And it's like, yeah, oh, I got to be at the fucking theater at 6 p.m.

And then I'm going to. Are you on a tour bus? No. Okay. We're doing rental cars, which is... You're saving a ton of money, probably. Oh, a ton of money, but it is a lot. It is like, I'm driving five hours between gigs, getting there, doing it.

I still love it to shit. You look at those favorite moments. Like, I said to myself, because we did last fall, we did an arena tour, and then this year was supposed to be all arenas. And I said, I was like, it was a lot of stress in selling arenas, but I was like, I was like, yo, I'm doing, I'm getting ready for a special. I should be doing two at night. I should be doing theaters.

And in my head, I was like, I'll never have a problem going back to theaters. And then I did two theaters this weekend, and I was like, fuck theaters. Really? But it's so funny, because it's like arenas are so, they're so easy. You wake up, there's bathrooms.

There's a gate. You have catering. You have everything set up. And then, but after doing the theaters, I was like, yo, and this sounds crazy, but like, I go, my act needs theaters. Like, it's, I've gotten to the place where. Well, then you'll see it sometimes where,

like I'll talk to Louis or something, and they go, then you drop down into clubs. And it's like very close, like tightening it up. Oh my God. But the thing that I said, especially with you and guys like you, Shane, guys that have toured with arenas that goes, well, we've done it. Now you get to go back to theaters and go, oh, this is, now we'll do two a night. We'll do four in a weekend. Yeah. Like I said, when you said the garden thing, I go, dude, you're doing the beacon.

To the beacon, beacon's a dream. I mean, Norman did two at the beacon and he's like, you want to do a guess that? And I was like, dude, this is my dream. Doing a guest set at the fucking beacon. Like, I'll tell you what's better than doing arenas is opening for your friend at arenas. Because you go, you go through 10 minutes. And then I'm eating chicken fingies watching fucking Shane tell the cliff story. And I go, this is where I'm like on the road with Shane.

I go, this is the best. And when I told Shane is I was like, when him and I used to go on the road together, he would always go, this is the best. We're just, I get the feature for you. All we do is we write jokes during the day. we fuck around at night. This is the best. He would always go,

this is my favorite thing. This is one of those things where I look back and I go, what a cool witness. I got to be a part of something where Shane, when he started headlining,

he called me. And in a very Shane way, he goes, I hate headlining. And I go, why do you do it? He goes, I hate it. Because I have to do a whole hour and they put checks out

and there's too much pressure. I want to go back to featuring for you. And then, so he always used to jokingly say that. And this is as pandemic happened. So the pandemic happens, he blows up or whatever. And then now, and I go,

thanks for letting me go back to featuring. And he goes, you son of a bit. And I go, it's the best. I go in an arena. I get a pop because I'm a special guest. I do my, I just compact my best jokes. And then I go, and now, sir, an hour in the arena, please.

I would love to open for him. Oh, do it. You know how much fun it would be for you to be a surprise guest? I would love to do that. Literally, Bert, it takes one text. And then they'll go, what dates do you have a video?

someone to reach out. But more importantly, thank you for coming on my podcast. Freebert watching on Netflix. I'm very excited to see this. I want to say this. Shot beautifully. Thank you.

I did. So I made it. I didn't want it to be episodic. Okay. So I made it. So I remember when I pissed it to Netflix, I said, I want to make black dubs. Sure.

And they're like, what? I go, when you watch black dubs or like slow horses, you watch that first episode and you go, at the very last second, you go, I'm invested in this character, I want to watch a whole thing. Yeah. And I've made it like that. So I hope you enjoy the first episode.

And if you do, you will watch, I hope you enjoy the whole season. How many episodes? It's six episodes. It's an arc. Great. So it's not episodic. It's not like Bert gets a birthday cake. And then we get a new dog.

And then the next episodes, we have a double date. You know, it's, it's not a sitcom in that. It's a series and that it's an arc. And all I can say is, you know, I'm really proud of it. And I hope everyone enjoys it. And if you do, and if you don't just play all six. episodes. Just fucking does it matter?

Just like, go in the other room. Was it like, wouldn't you give a little goodwill to a guy? Check out Freebert on Netflix. Watch all of specials. Go see them live on the road. It's, I don't know. The Party World Tour, when does this come out next week? Yeah, we're in the next two weeks.

Yeah, there's one and then another one. Tampa, Duluth. When are you in Tampa? I'm in Tampa the 30th of January. Okay. I'm doing the Tampa Theater February 14th. Oh, for real? I'm very excited.

Oh, the famous. That's the best place in Tampa. Is Tampa Theater? That's where the last time I did, this is how fucking quick everything happened with Shane. The last time I did the arena I'm doing this year, Shane was at the Tampa Theater and he had done two. And he was like,

I'm doing one and please tell those out. He goes, can I come over and hang out? And I was like, yeah, and he came over. I think he was with McKeever. Yeah. I think he was. And he was like, we were hanging out in the tour bus just drinking. And he was like, dude, I was like,

you're going to be in this arena soon. And he was like, oh, right. He's at the garden. I think he's at the, he's at MSG this weekend. Jesus cry. I wish I was here for that. It's going to be fun. I'm in Austin this weekend.

It's going to be very fun, but you, uh, you get a little, I get a little, like, I want my friend. So he's like hanging out with like, Seal. And I'm like, hey, I want to talk to Shane. Get out of here, Seal. Yeah, there is, there is a little bit of that. I'm sure that I'd be like, that it would be weird if I was like, hey, Shane, I'm working with her.

He's like, so good, Bert, hope your green room's good. And then he leaves. No, he's the man. I took a walk with him around at an arena and I was like, dude, and it's very similar to you. You haven't changed since I knew you, since you were doing, you know what? You're the same exact guy where we hung out and had lunch in Calgary. In Calgary. When you were doing yuck yucks and I was doing the laugh shop and then I came and hung out and I saw it.

I saw it with my own eyes. I was like, Bert's about to be fucking giant. We went to a bar. You had the whole bar bought out. Everyone came from your show at Yuck Yucks. You got me a non-alcoholic beer because you went, all you need is a non-alcoholic beer. You'll be able to hang for like two hours.

And I went, Bert, I have a very low time in bars. You got me such a good non-alcoholic bar. I actually remember this. That I went to the bartender and I went, did you give me a real beer? And he went, no. And he had to show me the non-alcoholic. It was Klauster, I think.

Claudehaust, I'm probably saying the name wrong. And then I went, I want two more of those. Do you remember this night, someone gave me a snowboard? and the owner of the club asked if he could keep it. Yes. That was our yuck yucks. Yes.

That was a yuck yucks at Calgary. He goes, he goes, hey man, I just want you to know that they've given you this snowboard. And I was like, cool. And he was like, if I figured it's going to be hard for you to travel with it. Yes, yes. That was after we had lunch. Can I keep it?

And I went. Yeah. Sure? Yeah. And then I went out. He's that lunch because you go, should I have let him keep it? And I go, I don't know. It's a weird thing.

You know what? My response, I remember exact. We were having barbecue. We got so much barbecue. We got so much barbecue. I didn't know what a dinosaur rib was. We got so much barbecue. And I remember the thing to you to make you feel better as I go,

shipping and handling on that too much. And you go, right? Right. And then we both were like, but he shouldn't have asked for it. He shouldn't have asked for it. That was fucking wild. You're the man.

I love you, brother.