Soder - 120: No Rings with Shaun Murphy | Soder Podcast | EP 118

Episode Date: February 10, 2026

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Access Storage presents ski cross racer, Reese Howden. Hi, my name is Reese Howden. I'm a member of the Canadian ski cross team, and we'll be going to the 26th, Malato-Cortina Olympics. Being able to represent a country that has done everything to support my dreams is unreal. Being able to stand on the podium and hear the national anthem and hold the flag, I don't take it for granted at all. I'm really happy to represent Canada at the Olympics.

Let's go Canada. Access Storage, proud partner of Team Canada. Hey, everybody. Thanks for watching the podcast. Hope you had a good Super Bowl Sunday. And I don't know who won yet. But if it's the Seattle Seahawks, fuck you. And if it's the Boston Patriots, thank you. That's how I feel.

That's genuinely how I feel. No, for real. This is a very fun episode. This is Sean, right? Yeah, it's just Sean Murphy. He's one of the best. Speaking of Sean Murphy, he's going to be with me on the road. Come see me on the road.

Orlando, that is February 13th. That's this Friday. I'm going to be with Matt Ross and Brett and Sagalow. Saturday's Tampa, same lineup. Then February 28th, Buffalo, New York, me, Sean Murphy, Pete Ravela. What a fucking show. Dan Soder.com for tickets. All of the remaining dates for the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour are up.

If you live in Boston, we added a 9 o'clock show. If you live in Philly, the tickets are there. We also got Durham, Raleigh. We're all over the place. Dan Soder.com for tickets. Thank you very much for watching the podcast. podcast. The most important is thank you for coming out to the shows. It's been so fun and enjoy the podcast. And I'm sorry for the sports talk. A lot of sports talk. Heads up. Sports talk.

But you know what? Sean and I were talking. Sean's a giant from Buffalo, a favorite son of Buffalo. Go watch Sean Murphy's special on YouTube right now. He's fucking hilarious. He's been on the road with me. I've known him forever. He's hilarious. And he's a sports fan from Buffalo. So you have our rivalry is done. That's true. That's true. I brought out the Sabres are good, so I brought out the Sabres swag. That's what people don't understand that about sports fandom. For those of you that don't know sports fandom, a lot of it is the merch. That's big. Yeah, yeah. It's very big. I, I, uh, the Seahawks just blew out the Niners in the

playoffs and I was like, well, the 49er hat will be retired for a little bit. San Francisco Giants, welcome back. You're like, we're bringing out. Is that what you do? with the bills. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, if the sabres are doing all right. Yeah. Which hasn't happened in 15 years.

Yeah. Great. Good colors. I like your original colors. I like your new colors, the black and red. Back and red. With the Buffalo head.

Yeah. That was my high school logo. Oh. It was the Buffalo Sabers. When you guys switched, we switched to that. Wow. I was like super hype to get.

But our high school colors were red and green. Mm. Christmas colors. Not great. Tough. We were a maroon. Pretty mad at my high school for picking green and red.

Not a great combo. I guess this will probably come out after the Super Bowl, but you got to root for Boston, right? Yeah, Katie's a huge Patriots fan, and I'm anybody but the Seahawks. I'm also willing to admit that the Seahawks are very, very good this year. Fans got so mad at me

because I shit on the Seahawks fans after they beat the Niners. And watching people get like, for real with you when you don't know them when they're like, hey, see a lot fucked up shit about Seattle. And you go, yeah, I was just mad because you guys beat the neighbors. And they're like, it's not cool.

They're like, yeah, it is sports fandom. Yeah, that's where you're supposed to get out the mental illness. Not to your neighbor. Exactly. You're supposed to go like, what colors do you like? You fucking suck. And then they go, no, I don't. You go, no, no, you don't.

The amount of hate I have for Boston sports is like makes me mentally ill. Like, I'm trying to work on it because I think I have a problem. Is it because they've done nothing but succeed? And Buffalo has just done nothing. nothing but lose in the biggest moments. Well, I saw this Instagram real once, which is an embarrassing way to start a sentence. This is how most hate started.

This is, you know, a guy told me once. They broke down the teams Boston sports have beaten by number of victories. And like one's the Yankees. Great. Two's like the Knicks. Three's the Tigers. Don't mind any of those.

Four is the Bills, which is insane because they played the Bills twice a year since the 70s. The Yankees and the Red Sox have played like 20 times a year since like the fucking civil war. Like they shouldn't be on the same. That's how bad they just beat the shit out of you guys. So I've just become like sports joker when it comes to Boston sports.

And I have like a problem that I'm trying to work on. Because I, it goes to every, like, I hope Boston kids lose. Yeah. Well, like if the World League, Little League World Series is Boston versus San Antonio, I hope the Boston kids lose so bad they quit and become artists. But that's, see, that's crazy. That is a lot of hate.

That is a lot of hate. I would, but what's crazy is when you hate your own fan base because of it. Like, I bet there's a lot of old Red Sox fans or old Patriots fans that resent. Obviously, they want the Patriots to be good. Right. But then they resent the kids that were born in like, oh, two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I used to catch that with 49ers fans.

49ers weren't good in the 60s and 70s. It wasn't until Bill Walsh came along in 79 that the 49ers started improving. So I was born in 83. So I had friends of my dad and like people that we knew from the Bay Area being like, you don't fucking know. Yeah. You don't know what it's like to grow up through three decades of losses. And Patriots fans have to be like that.

Patriots in the 90s were like not a threat. Oh yeah. 80s, 90s, you guys were great in the early 90s. And they were just like a laughing stock. Probably in the early 90s there was people in Buffalo like, oh, got our two wins this year against the path. And then now they're just absolutely deep-dicking you for the last 26 years. They've just been in it that that's what happens.

I'm going through it right now with the Dodgers. The Dodgers are so good they're going to break baseball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, also, they're not that good. They just buy everybody. Well, I've always been- They buy everybody. And if you're a Dodgers fan, you can't even argue that.

Yeah. You can't go like, no, we really built up mooky bets. Fucking, they just paid Tucker them more. They paid more to their sixth batter in the lineup than the star of the Mets. Yeah. That's how much money the Dodgers have. Well, I've always been a sports fan maybe coming from Buffalo. I don't care about greatness, about dynasties.

I only care about fan bases winning for the first time. Oh, like that. Well, that's because that's you. Yes, but I have no interest. Like, I haven't watched a Super Bowl in eight years. Really? I don't care. Because like, it's too heartbreaking.

And like who I, who am I going to root for? between Seattle and Boston, like Al-Qaeda? No. I don't want- Why do you hate Seattle? Because, but I don't hate them, but they won it 12 years ago. There's no- That's crazy.

That's only something a Buffalo fan could say. We haven't won it in 30 years, and I think that's crazy. I go, so what? They're Seattle. Like, I don't have a problem with the Patriots because they never hurt the 49ers. The Seattle Seahawks are in, are playing the Super Bowl in our stadium and beat the shit out of us, to get there. Yeah.

Fuck them. I hope they lost. I know it's going to come out after. They might have won, but I hope they fucking lose. And I don't want to see my fiance's ad. So I don't really like. Those are good reasons.

Yeah, but like Chiefs Eagles last year. Yeah. Well, I just do the lesser of two evils. The Chiefs beat us twice in the Super Bowl. The Eagles beat us in the NFC championship game, but I have a ton of friends that are Eagles fans.

But to me, it's like watching like who's going to win a million dollars, Elon or Bill Gates. I'm like, I have no interest. and that. Well, that's the interesting part about the Dodgers and what they're doing the baseball is,

there's no salary cap in baseball. So they're paying Otani like 900 million, but they're giving them a dollar a year. And so they can go like, well, we can afford it. We can go get the Diaz, the closer from the Mets, or we can go sign Tucker. Like, they can just go buy people. And it's like, we had Blake Snell,

and they just paid him a shit ton of money and he went to the Dodgers. And then they do a thing where they win the World Series and they go, I always wanted to win a world. It's like, shut the fuck up. Rich kids. You make me feel like rich kids.

It's just like, shut the fuck up. I don't care that you went through anything bad. You bought it. You bought everything. And now there's going to be a collective bargaining agreement. Like it's up and baseball is going to shut down because they're going to have to go, you have to put a salary cap. Yeah.

Which is what we're learning in America. But then the billionaires go like, that's communism. And you go, it's really not. Yeah. I think Jeff Bezos is okay with a hundred billion. million dollars. Right, right. Anybody that argues for more than that, you're a bootlicker.

Yeah, I agree. You're sucking his dick. I don't have respect. After the Epstein files dropped, I have no respect for anybody that caps for fuck or goes to bat for any of these fucking millionaires. Whatever the modern word is, whoever fucking sucks their dick, I don't have respect for you because it's out there now. It's all proven that they were fucking with us.

Yeah. And if you can't go, wait a bit and be, Barack Obama, fuck him too. I know he's not in the files, but he committed war crimes in Yemen. It's like, why are we, why do we like the teacher now? They've convinced us to like the teacher. It sucks. Yeah. And that's my sports thing is I can't the 1%.

So many sports teams are the 1%. So championships to you. Yeah. You know what's funny though, man, is I did that. I think Boston sports is the Elon Musk of sports. And I, but I get that because you go, the guy, the guy's evil. And you go, I bet. And you know, it's fun.

is that's what happens to, you know, we only know comics, but actors and bands and musicians when they get famous. And then they're in the room with them. And then they go, he's not bad. It's like, if I took you to a Patriots game, you go, Gillette's not a bad stadium. Oh, yeah. You know, pretty good. They got lobster rolls there. That's pretty fun. That's fun. I haven't had a lobster roll. That's the thing. You know, you're doing comedy. You have friends from all over. So you're like texting Boston friends and you're like, all right, good luck. Yeah, I love you. But let's just not talk for a while. love Joe list.

But if the Pats win, you don't want them to be like, yeah, you're like, shut the fuck up. It's just what people don't realize is the internet stopped you from seeing people face to face. So you have different energy about everybody. Because it is one, everyone talks to it.

Dude, I get frustrated. I have, I go through moments where I'm mad at friends and then I talk to them and realize I was completely wrong. Oh, yeah. But the internet never gives you that.

That's true. Talk to the person. Well, how much do we do that in comedy where you're like, You're like, ah, that person's probably a hack, and they're probably mean, and you mean him like, man, it was nice to me. He's pretty good guy.

By the way, that's how all this everything shit happened. They go, I know, I heard crazy shit, but dude, I went to his house. He's got a water sign. Come down to that shit like, it's like everyone's mad at all the comics who had Trump on. And it's like, well, their problem was saying yes to having him on. Because then he's going to be in the room. They expected him to be like Frost Nixon. and be like, why did you do all that stuff?

And it's like, I don't think silly boys have that capability. And comics are such people pleasers that, like, I've always said if I got off stage and Cosby was like, good set, I'd be like, were we wrong about this guy? Yeah. You know, just because I'm so want to be liked, it's like a problem most of us have. But I'm not excusing it.

Yes. I'm just telling you why it happens. Yes, yeah, yeah. Because it is like, you know, it's funny when, I think boxing ruined that a lot because they used to love watching the way-ins. And I'd be like, these guys really want to fight. And then after the fight, they're like, no, we're just selling the fight. Yeah.

They tell you they're lying. Yeah. We don't really hate each other. We're just lying just so you'd watch it. And you go, well, I did watch it. And now I'm finding out I was lied to. Yeah. It's only so many times you can do that before you go like, I don't think you guys hate each other.

And then when it's real, you go, they're lying. Yeah. It just gets all everything diluted. Well, that's why comedians and politicians in the same room. It's a disaster because comedians, often are people pleasers and politicians are like salesmen. men. Yeah. They're not public servants.

Yeah. They are straight up there to get rich. Yeah. They are like, it's funny when you watch other politicians. It's like the same thing with comedians where like, um, when someone just like gets in trouble and a comic is worried about their money,

they'll stand up for that person that they normally would go, right. They go like, well, hold on a second. Yeah, we can't get away from the fair. That's what politicians do when you go. You guys shouldn't be.

trading on the stock market. They go, well, some of us, some of us have given up good jobs. It's a guy. You go, fuck you. You fucking pieces of shit. Well, hold on now. They're good people. But it is.

It's true. It's like I, fuck it. I've never had the balls to some. I know people that have that and I respect the hell out of it. Yeah. Sean Patton has that. I've seen him say something and someone walked into the room and he says this same thing to their face.

And I was like, whoa. It's crazy. It hits like a stiff shot You're like, huh Fuck, dude, you set it right to his face It's very impressive It's very hard It's very hard when someone walks up and smiles

Yeah, 100% Have you ever talked shit about someone And then you're at like a comedy festival Or a comedy show And they go hey you go hey That's that Chappelle joke Where he goes, hey how are you doing? He's like good

He's like I don't even fucking talk like that But that is the truth It's just like you do something And you go fuck it I'm a phony Yeah But I think we start admitting we're phonies.

Yes. By going like, dude, I don't know. I'm full of shit. Well, that's the thing I think we're missing a lot in comedy is comedians trying to be cool, comedians trying to be smart. There's so many comedians talking to like the Secretary of Defense and I'm like, you should be ranking fast food burgers on this podcast. Like, you don't have the capacity to do this.

You should be telling me if Ruby Tuesdays is a better Applebees. Because those are the things you know. Yeah, exactly. I want to know what's the easiest way to get an Uber at L-A-X. I don't want it out, you know. Hey, if you're at the funny bone, there's a good store in the mall. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think it's like, um, everybody, the internet just,

everything became a KFC bowl. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just everything got mushed together. That's true. Where you're like, no, it's supposed to be the side of mashed potatoes. Yeah. That's not the base of the meal. Yeah, yeah.

You can't put chicken on is like, like a crouton. The chicken is the chicken. Yeah, everything just got mixed. Everything's a garbage plate now. Everything's a garbage plate now. Everything's a garbage plate. Yeah, you motherfuckers. That's Rochester.

We don't take that. Is that where, is that the line between Buffalo and Rochester? Garbage plates. As you go, don't bring that. That's like, your dick is out. That's like, you guys say that. Rochester's like, I'm fucking nuts. By the way, if you get crazy high, a garbage plate is art.

Yeah. What is it? I think it's just like, it's basically a KFC ball. It's just, but it's normally macaroni. like cold macaroni, but people just throw whatever and it's like a hot dog or hamburger patty and it's chilly. Yeah. But then there's a white, what is the white?

Is that ranch? I don't know. Look up on what a garbage plate is. It's just so we know the exact details. I love it. I love it. It's something you would make when your parents are away when you're like eight or your wife is away. Yeah, or your grown man in your wife is way.

It is absolutely detective single dad. food. Yes, 100%. If you're alone eating it with a gunholster on and a wife feeder and you just hear the guitar riff lethal weapon, you're just like, oh, fuck. All right, here's the ingredients of a garbage plate. It is a base of macaroni salad and home fries or french fries, topped with two proteins, usually cheeseburgers or hot dogs and covered in a spicy meat-based hot sauce, raw onions and mustard.

Now. Eat that and then get all the pussy. That's the opposite of the Mediterranean diet. Yeah. Whatever people are wearing in linen pants to fuck, shirtless dudes in linen pants that could show their wean bulge are not eating that. Yeah. But boys in thick jeans and sturdy sturdy hoodies.

That's the giving up meal. I love it. You get me, dude, you get me like a big ginger ale and a, fucking garbage. I mean, I'm talking about a big old doinks. I'm smoking big old doinks if I'm eating a garbage plate. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. It's my time to talk about therapy. I had a good one today. What did I realize today? That I was taking the emotions of my childhood and putting them on people that had nothing to do with it. What a breakthrough. Listen, everyone needs to talk to someone. Our brains are too powerful for these monkey bodies of ours.

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This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Guys, it's winter. And it's, I mean, it's like, it's winter. It's like February, which means that's when that shit hits. And you're like, oh, there's no holidays to comfort me. It's just a cold. Maybe you're out there working. If you're out there working, you need good gear.

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do us a favor. Let them know. It was us that sent you this podcast, for it was I and Michael that sent you with Myrtle Watching. It's crazy that you are from the place with the best high food and you don't get high. Yeah, that's true. Buffalo wings are the best.

Yeah. I mean, I do eat all that garbage food. Because you grew up there. Yeah, yeah. Being a pothead and finding that place, it's like finding Narnia. You know, like, whoa, you guys put ranch on everything. Yeah. It's fucking awesome.

We'll have to go. We'll do some wings. Oh, yeah. February 28th. Yeah. I don't know when this is coming out. But if February 28th, Sean's going to be with me in Buffalo, one night, it's me, you and Pete Ravelo.

Oh, hell yeah. It's a fun show. Yeah. It's going to be a great show. It's going to be a very good show. We go to two wing places. You could do one before the show and after. We might have to drive all the way out to Rochester

to get this fucking divorced dad plate. I'm about it. I love Buffalo. I love Buffalo because it is a city for comedy. It's cold and there's nothing else to do. Yes, I think those are the best markets. Every time. Yeah.

Madison. Cold, there's a little bit of sadness there. There's a little bit of like used to be something, used to be a bigger city. Chicago's a great city for that reason. Yeah. Where they go like, we get kicked around enough. What do you guys?

That's why Miami's a bad comedy city. And I know Miami. I know that clip of the podcast went viral. You should have got Miami? Norman came to record the podcast. I found out McDaniel got fired an hour before he was here. Oh, okay. I was a little angry.

Yeah. See, the sports, you got to get it out sometime. Dude, I'll tell you where you don't get it out is on your own podcast with your producer who doesn't really care about sports. So he goes, I don't know, Sodor's pretty fired up about this. And then I got guys with like podcasts with helmets behind him going, who the fuck is this guy? You're like, don't worry about it.

You don't got to worry about me. I don't got to worry about you. You don't got to worry about me. I was friend. The one thing I was very pleased about when I, when you see something get picked up from your podcast on something else, you go, fuck. Yeah.

And it was like, contains. It goes somewhere else. Yeah. And awful announcing put it on. And I like awful announcing. So I was like, oh shit.

But then I saw. But then a lot of the comments were like, yo he's a good friend and I appreciate that because I love my friend and I was very very mad that he got fucked over. Truth is Miami's a great city to go hang out in and the people they were awesome. The fans were super excited about McDaniel

and I've seen a ton of people really regret that he got fired. There's also people that wanted it and I don't blame them they didn't make the playoffs last few years but in that moment being so fired up and then having it go out on a podcast and other people be like bark back at you.

go, I'm not mad at you at all. I'm actually not even. The only person I'm mad at is Stephen Ross, their owner of the dolphins. And now he gets to go, you know, with Justin Herbert. He gets to. Do free Madison bear concerts? Is it beer or bear?

Beer? That's how old I am. Yeah. I just went through the Grammy new artist list. I didn't know one. It's like seeing new faces at Montreal. I haven't met one of these people. Or you go, that guy got out of way late.

But, but yeah. And then he gets to get out of the division with Josh Allen, which I told you was going to be. was undoing when he was hired. I was like, you can't go against that. He really did. He used to think about Sean. We'll talk about how angry he hates Boston about how he's not a lovable loser.

These guys get good. He's talking shit. Anyone that knows Sean. Sean knows ball. He'll fucking, they'll text you talking shit. He'll text you. It's fun.

The one thing I like about sports and I know people get upset when we get bogged down talking about sports on this podcast, but it is a thing that I love and it is a thing that you relate to other. people with. So it's like I love the different shit talking styles of you and Shane and like my friends that love like Nate Bargetse, like people that love football or like sports and you like talk to him about it because everybody has this like, dude, I am such a psychotic fan that Big Jay was mad at me when we played the Eagles because I didn't talk shit. He was like, uh-oh, looks like we're getting into this again and I go, what's the point? We got fifth, sixth and seventh string linebackers against you.

what Tommy Pope was over here. And I was like, Tommy's a great guy to talk shit with. He loves football. And it was like, we're just so injured. So then when we won, I didn't gloat.

Yeah. I truly kept the same energy where I was like, dude, I don't know. And then when Seattle beat the fuck out of us, I was like, see. Yeah. See?

I did that thing where I was like, say, I fucking told you. Well, you were saying when you went to that Bill's playoff game, there's a sadness in Bill's fans. You guys are haunted.

Yeah. It's not sadness. Motherfuckers are haunted. I don't know if Landmark was built on an old Indian burial ground where they're going to knock down landmark and be like, oh, never mind. Yeah.

Oh, what are all these bones? Like, I'll talk a little shit, but it's, it's, there's a hint there, more than a hint. I just know they'll never win. I'll know they'll never win. That's in the back of my brain that it's impossible.

They'll ever win the Super Bowl. To give you some positivity, that is exactly how I felt being a Nuggets fan, especially after Mello left. Because he was like our Josh Allen, where he immediately improved the franchise We were doing good with George Carl. We were like doing great.

We get to the NFs Western Conference finals against the Lakers. The Lakers. And of course they win. And then it just goes to shit. But then during the Taco Bell commercial, we draft one of the greatest big men of all time. During a Casarito commercial,

we draft Nicole Yokic and he's the greatest big man of all time. Arguably one of the, I mean, obviously Will Chamberlain and Shaq and shit, but greatest white big man of all time. But I'm saying, and then we win a championship, and I'll tell you it doesn't even feel real when you win it. Yeah.

We beat the Lakers in four games that year. The year we beat the heat in the finals, we swept the Lakers on the day that Mello retired. And I was like, great, because he fucked us over. And it was like, great. But then you win. And when you're a fan of a franchise like that, you go, yeah, who am I now?

The parade happens, and you go, wait. And then by the time it's finally settling in that your NBA world champions the next season starting. You go to the parade? No, I was in Denver. I wanted to. I couldn't make it. I had to do something.

But it was like 40,000 people went out. No one in Denver, if you're a Nuggets fan, you can like act like you be like, every year we're going to win. You're a Nuggets fan. You know what it's like. You get to a place and then Phoenix sweeps here. The Spurs had us for like seven years. Tim Duncan was bouncing us every year.

And the bills have that. Yeah. So when you get there and win, you're still not going to feel it. It's the opposite of the movie when the guy gets shot. And he goes, is it cold in here? And then he looks down. That's going to be you. You're going to be like, what am I holding that's big and so?

Oh my God, it's a Lombardi trophy. And I honestly, you know, when Cleveland signed to Sean Watson and fucking trashed Baker Mayfield, I was out on Cleveland. I was like, fuck you guys. Because of how they treated Baker Mayfield. I was like, I don't want that team to win. But you guys are a team. I stay loyal to the fans, baby.

That I want lions. Yeah. I want to see the lions win. Yeah, of course. there are teams I want to see win. I don't ever want to see Seattle win another one. They've won one. One. Maybe two.

Fuck two. I hope it's not too. I hope it stays one after this podcast. And I hope it's Seattle. Fuck you. You piece of shit. You piece of shit. Yeah, it is, I think that's what's like with society having all this fucked up shit.

It's kind of like you drop down to sports to have feelings that maybe should have been reserved. Yes. Yeah, 100%. And also. I mean, I've heard people talk about it, but more people need to talk about the fact that we've sportified politics. Yes. It's like it's not sports.

Yes. You guys are, it's like almost ridiculous to put that spin on politics. Our side is right and your side is wrong. And you go, well, then that just opens them up to both be friends and go, these fucking idiots. It's, it's boxing. It's the thing I said in boxing. Where at the end of the fight, they go, I don't even hate them. They're having steak dinners in Washington, D.C.

Republicans and Democrats. And how do you have a conversation with someone who's so easy to change their positions? People's positions used to be a little more locked in. Well, that's when they would get outraged. But now it's like, oh, you hated Kaepernick, but you're okay with the UFC on the front lawn. You know what I'm saying? It's like people used to at least have some type of semblance throughout. I completely agree.

There's no one holding like, that's like people in sports. Again, if you don't like sports, I'm sorry. I really am sorry. I hope I talk next week about art graders. I'm playing that a lot. But I think with sports, it's always pissed me off because I liked the 49ers and the Giants because of my dad. I wasn't born in San Francisco. I wasn't raised there.

But I would go visit them in the summers and the winters. And I loved the 49ers and the Giants, but I lived in Denver. And I fought that my whole life of people going, will you live here now? So you need to like the Broncos. and then the Rockies came along and they were in the Giants division. I'm like, fuck that. Go Giants.

I've been a Giants fan since I was born. And so I fought that so hard that when I was growing up and I saw people be Bulls fans and Yankees fans and Cowboys fans at the same time, I was always like, fuck you. Yeah, yeah.

Fuck you. They wanted the glory without any of the work. Oh, boy, I want a woman. That's like when you hear young girls now go, he needs to be six foot four, and $250,000. He needs to be open and honest and listening. It's like, shut up, bitch.

That's how I feel about these people that want sports like that. It's like, no. Well, you even see that when the sports documentaries were, I'm kind of like, hey, we're good with the 80s Celtics. At this point, I've known every time Larry Bird took a shit in the 80s. We've heard everything about, they're all about Boston and LA. Give me a 10 part about the fucking Brewers. You know what?

Something different. Well, that was the one thing I liked about 30 for 30. was they were doing documentaries about shit that wasn't like the June 14th night 1997 great you go I didn't know all that shit happened on that day great the way they edit it the way they do it the style the way it's directed and then now it's just like it's just print and repeat yeah did you watch the 49ers one I watched the first two episodes I really liked it it's gonna get me yeah yeah yeah obviously you want my honest opinion as a 49ers fan we did this already with the Montana doc.

The five-partner on Peacock that NFL films was producing. It was great. But I got it all. It's the same story. There is more stuff about Ronnie Lott and Jerry Rice and like guys that I really want to hear about. But it's like it's scratching the same itch. Yeah.

So that's all you're doing. And it's like, I think Jordan did the last dance and everyone was like, I want my last dance. And then now they're like trying to cram it. The L-Way one? I watched the L-Way one. And it's just like they're giving these people too much. That's too much control.

They're like not even documentaries anymore. They're PR puff pieces. It's like when you watch straight out of Compton and you go, so Dr. Dre wrote this. Dr. Dr. wrote this movie.

You watch straight out of Compton and he's like, I got an idea for something. And you're like, what about all those women you were beating the shit out of? Are we not talking about all the women you beat the shit out of? Because if you wrote that movie and you put that in, I'd go, this could be, this is a real piece of art.

This guy's talking about all of his problems. Yeah. Johnny Cash's documentary, they made it. It was about his heroin addiction. It was about him being a bad husband. It's like, I don't want, the L.A. Doc was, he was like,

I didn't win a Super Bowl. But I was still really good. But then I won a Super Bowl. And now everything's okay. Motherfuckers straight up cut Wade Phillips out of the documentary. It did not go Dan Reeves, Mike Shanahan. I lived in Denver. It went, Dan Reeves,

Wade Phillips, for three seasons, eating shit. Yeah. Mike Shanahan. Yeah. In the documentary, they go, Dan Reeves left, but then Mike Shanahan came and I was like, what? Also, divorce with his wife. Look into that. Oh, man, I forgot. I said yes to this. And it's true, because I do need help with my fashion. I need help with fashion. And if you're a guy like me, maybe that part of your brain never clicked and you never learned how to match. Thank God I have a fiance because she can go like, what are you wearing?

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And when I see him, we like have a great time. Judd Apatow did his movie and made his dad die not in 9-11. The fuck are you doing? Hey, Dan, we're going to do a movie about your dad dying, but he's, uh, he's sober. The fuck is that? That's not, you know what I mean? Like, if they do a Bill's documentary and they do the, they did the worst one to you guys, the what if?

Yeah, yeah. Go watch that. It's the way to me, I'm not even a Bills fan. I'm just friends with Bills fans. That made me mad. This is at the end of Four Falls you're talking about. The 30 for 30. Yeah.

Where they go, what if, but what if they did win? What would Buffalo look like? It shows that like futuristic city. Your guys just stupid accents gone. People got mad. You want to talk about a clip leaving the containment area. McDaniel's first season when, you know, I went up there. I went to the dollar.

dolphins at bills and I told a story about this woman I told you that story about the woman in the parking lot going like Skyler thompson was starting and she's like are you guys going to leave if we're up 35 to nothing at halftime and I was like are you going to kill yourself if skyler thompson beats you in the playoffs and she went you know just be part of being a bills fan but I told that story with doing a horrible my horrible version of the buffalo accent thrown like a plaza yeah I did like the midwestern like oh god Bill's fan have so much venom in them that they were like,

that's how the fuck we talk. Fuck this motherfucker. It went, and it went like Bill's Mafia, Instagrams were posting it and be like, they fuck it. And it was like, you guys are missing the point.

The point I was saying is even in your shit talking, you admit your losers. Yeah, it's so funny. Yeah, exactly. It's so funny to be like, okay, we are losers,

but we don't talk like that. Yeah. They go, fuck yes. We do nothing but lose. I don't see my ease like that. And you go, you don't.

If you ever made a documentary about you, your life. I want the bad shit in there. And I just want to know all this shit. Like I remember there was that one point in the doc he was talking about how much he loves was it John Wayne. Oh yeah.

And it's like and you want to be like, well, why else do you love John? Like is there any other reason they love John Wayne? Is it because John Wain shoots bad hombres? Yeah. Huh, John? Yeah, I mean, it's like, I think there's so much cooler stories that guys don't want to tell because they're so aware in the age of clips and stuff that they're like, of course.

This is going to make me look like it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I understand the like, I understand the like, oh, I need to edit this.

Yeah. But at the same time, you're like, but if I'm a fan of yours, I know it. Yes. And I don't want to watch just your PR. That's 90 minutes of PR for you.

And I think people right now are really good at PR. Sorry, the sun's hitting your face in a way. where you're getting like a ray of, it's winter. It's filming in winter around this time. I don't know. Moving. Did you resent New York City growing up in Buffalo?

No, but there are definitely a contingent of people there that do because they're like, that's all tax dollars going there. And like, people are like, yeah, if you didn't have New York City, we'd be like West Virginia. Like there'd be nothing. The rest of the state is like three cities. Yeah. That's always something that makes me laugh. is when people try to shit on big cities.

Yeah. They go, what is you? You're big city. And you go, the thing that generates money? 100%. Yeah. It's a big fucking deal. I understand not liking it.

I understand not wanting to live in it. But like talking shit or like, and what do you do? And you're like, trillions of dollars. New York City makes trillions of dollars. When we've been on the road and I've heard people being like, well, you live in that, the liberal New York City. And you're like, you wouldn't have. do you think Panda Expresses

home offices in fucking Omaha? You know what I mean? Do you think the people that make the decisions? Also, it's always been three companies making the decision. Yes. There has to be a big city somewhere. It can all be,

what would be the point of just like, like would you want a million Omaha, Nebraska's out there? Well, that's what I think people that are good at politics sell that to people. Oh, 100%. Where they go,

this is just done. little village. Yeah. A little village that doesn't care. And you go, well, you need infrastructure and you need an economic center. So there's a lot of stuff. That's what was happening with the ice raids when at first they were going like, get them all out.

Because listen, I'm all for, you're an illegal immigrant and you commit a crime here, boot that motherfucker. Jazzy, Jeff, that motherfucker over to back to the country that they came from. If they're here breaking the law. Because that's a very, that's the part where you go, hey, left side, just say that. Just go like, yeah, dude, you break a law. We're going to have to kick you the fuck out. That's a normal thing to say.

But then when they turned and they were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing? Farmers. Whoa, like all the farmers are like, hey, hey, my guys aren't coming to work. Or like guys building buildings in construction. They're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, we can't get drywall done. I saw a really funny sketch of like an Instagram. It was a Mexican, like, construction worker. It's very funny.

probably knowing how shit's going now it's AI, but I thought it was funny. But the sketch was, he was like in his knee pads and his work stuff, you know, these guys like bright yellow shirt on. And then he's looking at a backyard and he's going like that with his camera.

And he's going like that. And another Mexican comes up and he goes, what are you doing? And he goes like that. Trying to like how social media people go, this is what I did in my basement. And then it cuts back to him doing the ground. Doing all the work and you're like such a funny idea for a sketch because like people that like influencers are so edited that I think people believe it's like um I brought this up on another episode but we've taken from porn and put it everywhere this idea that stuff is supposed to happen like um in porn they go oh the plumber is over and he's hot and he has a 13 inch dick and he's gonna fuck this housewife with double d's that can take ain't

without grimacing. And it's like we're just supposed. And then, but like our generation was raised of like, yeah, that's sex. Yeah. Yeah. I delivered pizzas. A woman answered the door one time in a towel and I was like, I don't know if I can get it up.

Like I was like 16. I felt the weight of pressure. I was like, fuck, I don't know, dude. But I remember that. Like feeling like, oh, it's happening. And she didn't. She went like, hold on real quick. I got to write a check and shut the door and wrote a check for a pizza.

And I gave it to me. I was like, I'm going to trick off for this. I'm just letting you know, I'm going to trick off to my car to this. That's crazy that we're so old that people paid in checks for pizza. Yeah, dude. I remember when credit cards were a hassle. Me too. I remember I worked at a fast food place and they didn't have credit cards.

Did they did the shun-shun? Have you ever had to do that? I never had to do it. We did no credit card. We did all cash. All cash. Great place to rip off. 100%.

I was young enough in high school that credit cards were a problem. Yeah. So people weren't calling it with credit cards. They were calling with cash checks. And I'd be like, hey, we're only, we're only, accepting cash right now. It's very illegal. But I worked for a place

and they were in a chain. I think they got bought out by a chain. You could find it on another podcast. But I used to take, I used to take the calls, write down the order, make the pizza myself, deliver it with other deliveries.

And keep all the cash on that one. And it'd be like two large pizzas. It would be like, you know, $20 plus the two liter. And they'd give me like $30 and I'd just pocket it. And then, I buy an eighth of weed after my shift. It was great.

That sounds great. It was great. Honestly, for a 16 year old in high school, it was a great fucking hustle. Because I was making all these pizzas, and I was like on week nights, like working by myself or with one other person, and they didn't care.

I'd be like, and I'd be like, I'm going to make an extra pizza. And they're like, great. And a lot of times we just make pizza for ourselves. Just like sitting around. You'd be like, you want to do like pepperonian sausage? And you go, yeah, and you sit there and eat smoke fucking swag weed on the back patio.

And they'd be like, oh, we got two orders. So if there were like orders coming in and I had two orders. And the third one, I'd go like, I'll make it. Just keep the money. Decent pizza? Yeah, really good. New York style, big slices. It was for Colorado, it was really good.

Yeah. What's your go-to pizza order? I like, I'm Hawaiian, which I know people hate. Not my go-to, but it's one of my favorites. I like, I like pineapple and ham. I know, I know. You're like bumping into someone that likes olives on their pizza. I could do olives on my pizza.

Fuck both of you. Fuck all of you. So that might go-to, but I could do it out. My go-to is probably pepperoni, basic. Yeah. Basic bitch shit. But if they have a good meatball, I love a meatball pizza and a good sausage, depending on how they do the sausage.

If it's thin and it's like the strips of sausage, it's the best. Chunks of sausage I can do. Yeah. The little cup. I don't like the cupped pepperoni. You don't like the cup. I don't want you charred with the grease. That's a buffalo style.

I don't want eight bowls of grease. Oh. See, that's where me and you differ. You bite it, it hurts. Give me the grease. I'll put pineapple in it. What is it about the pineapple? You just like it?

I think it's a nice change of pace. It's like, I don't know. It's, it does it for me. It's not my every time, but it's like a couple times a year. When did you start experimenting with pineapple?

Because I just. When I was in college, I didn't look experimenting. I had a roommate. He was into some stuff. But I do imagine living in Buffalo. You bringing that up as like coming out of the closet. That's what.

You go, Dad, I want pineapple on my pizza. He's like, Oh, son of I. It's going to eat that gay shit. I'm going to dip it into ranch. Not in this household.

I feel like you guys came up with that, though. We're blue cheese. You guys are blue cheese. So who's ranch? I don't know. I was always... Wisconsin? Yeah, I think it's more Midwest.

I was always conditioned with ranch as a little like white trashy. Which is crazy because you guys have molded cheese in ranch. That's all blue cheese. Yeah, but it makes it way better. It is great with wings. Yeah. But you're getting like that. When you get a, where's Hidden Valley?

That'll tell you, that's El Dorado for ranch. The street posts are made a ranch. Wheeling, Illinois. I want to know where Hidden Valley, where like the true, where the ranch comes from. Yeah, I can't do ranch anymore. Why? It grosses me out.

It just feels like bad blue cheese. See, blue cheese I've never gotten sick off of. I mean, bad ranch. Oh. Bad blue cheese. think I've caught bad blue cheese before. Yeah, I guess that's true. You can't do that.

It's molded cheese. So what makes it bad? If it's already molded, wouldn't you think if it's already molded cheese, you're fucking fine? So what makes blue cheese go bad? It's already rotted cheese. You guys are fucking complicated.

Also, who put that together? Some Frenchmen in Buffalo? That's a good question. I don't know. Because I do like blue cheese, but it is straight up just molded cheese. Yeah. Do you just do it wing?

I could, some blue cheese. I've done that before. That feels crazy. That feels like playing basketball in a suit. You go, I just can get dirty. My hands can get dirty from the ball. I don't know. Hidden Valley Ranch started

in Santa Barbara. Yeah, that does remind me of some California. That's pie in the sky dreaming shit. The California way. But they go, I'm going to go out to California. I'm going to find a valley that's hidden. You ever had blue cheese? What if I took that bad cheese out? And there's a pop John's that does like the butter or garlic sauce garlic sauce I'll fight my mom for pizza with garlic sauce the first time I tried Papa John's oh dude I would order extra garlic I love garlic oh that shit

rules have you ever had it I have it that's it's it's not Papa John's pizza's passable it's okay I think that's the problem is you're getting it with passable pizza so it's just buttery garlic oh it's fucking great Papa Johns man you know, I know he was slinging the N-word, but then Shaq, but then Shaq bought up all those properties. It's craziest that the biggest black guy bought all the fucking pizza stores. He's in every commercial these days.

I know. It's crazy. Yeah, but Shaq was like, do he say the N-word? He goes, I'm going to buy it. The guy that you would never say it to his face, but all the,

he's like, Papa John, you want your pizza back? Say it to me. Well, I can't. Have you ever seen Papa John when he was all red and drinking? I don't think so. Oh, dude.

He's a wild boy. He's a documentary that I want to see. Yeah, let's see the Papa John, Doc. Yeah, I'm surprised Netflix hasn't done a seven-part series. Narrated by Sam Elliott. When you're the, look at that guy. The same color as his shirt. He looks like he shaves his chest.

You know what I mean? He's the guy that looks like he prefers to fuck on a waterbed. Papa John. It is nuts because he's like when he's young, he's handsome, but then he has that like cross, you cross the Rubicon with surgery to where you go, oh, you're trying to look young. Because like look at him young, right?

It's not bad. And then you see him now and you're like. It's a little bit honestly, Trump, not that bad as a younger man. Like, you know, has a had a handsomeness to him. Who Trump? Yeah. And that kind of did that too much. It's almost your thing about a little too much work.

All 99s, maybe you can't do it. You can't do it too much. You pass the Rubicon. I know. It comes a moment where you go, Bradley Cooper did that at some point. And there was one moment where he got facial surgery where he went, ooh,

what did you do? It's like, this isn't, I don't know you. And now every time I watch your movie, I mentally have to do the thing from Hook where I go. There you are, Bradley.

But it fucks me up. Would celebrities do that? That's the thing that I'm talking about. They were talking about documentaries and stuff. Celebrities get shit done and then they lie about getting it done. I'd love a doc about all the work done and all the celebrities. Tell me who got what done. Oh, yeah. You like put it out like a laundry list.

Yeah. They did this, this and this. I want to see AI take people that got all that stuff and go, what would they look like if like, if they didn't do that? If they just age naturally. Yeah. I'm not, you do AI much? I've never used chat GPT. My goal is to never is to just die, never using it. As a boy raised on the Terminator franchise.

Yeah. Skynet will never talk to me. You know what is funny, though? It's exactly what we were talking about was sports and comedy and shit where like I talk shit about AI and I'm in need it for something. And I'm like, it's actually not that bad. Yeah. It's actually what you're using.

It's pretty cool. Because I was stuff, dude, I got got. Have you gotten got by AI? Like truly got. I think so. I say. Even just questioning it. How sad is that you see anything and you just question it now?

I saw something and it was crazy. I sent it and I showed it to Katie and she went, is that AI? And I go, but look, look at the grill. She goes, that is a good point. And then I sent it to Shane and Shane was like, that's AI. And I was like, fuck.

And it was a, look like an Insta story. And it says, I told my Tito, the railing was loose and it's a guy falling on. I'll show it to you. And it's a guy falling onto a working grill. Like,

oh my God. And I went, oh my God. And it looks, dude, I'm going to show you because I sent it to Shane. And he was like that, yeah.

That's, That's AI? That's AI. That's why I. Do you think this is AI? Because it's in slow-mo. He drunk... Him falling into that dude is so funny.

And then I look at the last message and it's like, that's fake. And you're like, son of a bitch. Man, it's going to get brutal out there. We're fucked. Yeah. People like, we love to brag. Our generation loves to brag. People that were born in the 80s because we go, can't out smart us.

we were offline first. We're fucked. We're fucked. These Gen Z kids are barely going to be able to hang on. We're fucked. I will say though, maybe good for stand-up, because I think people will get out of the house

to experience something real. Depends how good they make AI. Because like I truly am, and I mean this, I'm glad my dad and sister died without recordings of them around. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I couldn't see AI pictures of my dead dad.

I wouldn't like that. You know when they do that for like, they'll do that as like feel good content where they're like, I used AI to show my grandpa his whole life at 90. And it's like his dead wife and him kissing. And he's like crying. And they go, look, he's crying.

And go, yeah, because you're making him feel horrible. Yeah. You're making them watch him kiss his wife. He lived that memory. That's there. Yeah. He's watching AI and he goes,

well, why is the picture doing that? Yeah. They show the picture coming to life And they like Have you seen the one where the guy shows prisoners in life AI of them doing gay shit to each other? No Dude, I'll show you

Sagalow and I were talking about it yesterday Because I was like, dude, watch You end up in prison is what I'm asking I got life sitting for two bodies So it shows him AI Man, what the fuck? It shows him kissing another dude Man, what the fuck?

What the fuck? Who the fuck? Man, what the fuck going on, man? Who the fuck this is, man? Man, you did that, man? Huh? I found the video on the internet. That's why I was just trying to show you.

Find you. Them gang and will come see your motherfucker. Dude, he shows him. He goes, I'm going to kill your whole family. He's in prison for life. And he goes, yo, that shit. He goes, I'm going to kill everybody in your family. And I sent it to Sagalow.

And I was like, dude, I would be, I just sent it to you right here, Pimp. I, uh, and he was like, that man, at the time. Top of the clip is going, I killed two people. And he goes, cool, here's a video of you making out with a white dude. And he goes, oh, oh, that moment told me, he goes, hey, that's going to happen to all of us. They're going to go, do you remember when you? Even Grock is getting in trouble for doing, they're like making more of like of minors because people can do it so easy.

Yeah. It's terrifying. It is really funny that like, oh, it's not. It's also disgusting. but like pedophiles are always the like the dog in space that they go like, what does he say I? Can I make it fucking. No.

No. Seinfeld used to have that bit where he's like, we always take technology. We go sex. He's like, copy machine, put your tits on it. Or is that,

that's a Seinfeld bit, right? Or is that Norman? I don't know. That's a good question. I genuinely don't know. But it is like, it is Seinfeld because he did it on comedian.

Okay. He did it on his letterman when he comes back. back on Letterman and he's like, picture, take a picture of my butt. It's like, we do everything with sex, but the truth is it's like pedigones go first. They're like the way gays go into black neighborhoods to gentrify them. That's what peddlers are with technology. They go, can I fucking with it? And they go, no.

Okay. Okay, it's all right, everyone else, rich whites, you can move in. You can use it to manipulate. But that's like everyone will or could have them like a porn, them in, porn, them doing like all the shit because it's so easy to do. The only way you notice is if your eye like droops down a little and you go, that's terrified. I never had sex with Betty White.

It's just me clapping. It's me having a reverse gang bang with the golden girls. I'm kissing B. Arthur while Sophie's sucking me. And then Blanche doing finger work on. You go one on. Watch this young man take on the golden girls. And you go, I never fucked them. I only love their show.

for their crisp writing, for their crisp writing and their callbacks. Son of them, bitch. It is like, that's like the new, you know, you'd like draw like someone

and go like, hey, fuck him. Even cave drawings are like, yeah, pussy was looking at the sky. That's going to be like AI videos and you're like,

damn, dude, did you know that Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson and George Washington lemon partied? He shows all of them suck at each other's dicks.

Oh, you know what I mean? Oh my God. Hitler and Stalin are docking, just them putting their foreskins over each other's dicks. Probably all exists right now. I mean, I just gave. You a lot of ideas out there.

I just gave about four or five phenomenal prompts that I never want to see. That I never want to see. But yeah, because I mean, I feel like that's like people that make that stuff, it is funny. I do laugh at it, but you really go like,

well, you're just like turning. That's what family guy does. with The Simpsons. Like you turn jokes into stuff. Right. But you're turning it into like immediate slop. Yes.

And like the work is what makes it good. It's like doing the work to get to the end product. You could just type it into a machine and have it be done. Who gives a fuck? Like, you know, 3D guns work, right? But what's a 3D gun versus like a Smith and Weston or like a Ruger or like a company that's made guns for hundreds of years that they know all the mechanics of it? they know all the parts of it, like a real gun versus a, I don't know, this could be a stupid

comparison, but I'm just saying like, I feel like the real gun would work longer and better than a 3D gun. 3D, you know, like a 3D printer, like those guns, what are they called, invisible guns or some, ghost guns? Like a ghost gun versus a fucking Desert Eagle 45, like, I'm, I assume the Desert Eagle would win. Well, and I assume gun guys are into them because there's like some artistry and craftsmanship behind that. Jeff Asmus has an awesome bit about gun guys are nerds.

Yeah. You're like all the scope and all scientific and shit, but you're like, but they are, but they're into it. Because it's just like being in the cars, but a different way. You're into the mechanics of it. You're into like how shit's made. And I'm sure the mechanics of a ghost gun are interesting of like printing stuff off and working.

Well, and like people that are in the movie stand up, we're all nerds for that. So if you make just the slop thing that you put no time into, who would, who gives a fuck about that? I don't even understand who any of that's for. You know, we were doing, we were going down this whole road about when I talk about stand-up too much, I bought a taser. It was too strong. It would have given me a heart attack.

It was a cattle prod. I bought a cattle prod, but it was a hog. It was for hogs. What did you buy it for for the pod? Yeah, anytime I was talking too much about stand-up, he was going to lean over and give me a little, little, and then someone said menstrual reenacted. Anytime I do that, I get my period. And I go, ah, oh, yeah.

Another good idea that we could put into practice. Again, these are not all off the table. That's pretty good. What about a BB gun? That. But the airsoft, airsoft ones. Airsoft on. Oh, I have many a time.

That was my whole college is. I would, I would fucking larry at homeless pimp. If he shot me and it broke my TV or my PlayStation, if it ricocheted. They don't ricocheted. The air soft ones can hurt. Dude, the airsoft ones can hurt. They can't hurt. They can hurt.

No, I want some of it's like, eh, I just about that. But I brought that up, and a bunch of people have been like, dude, I love when you guys talk comedy. And I love about that.

And you go, because there are people that love comedy the way we love sports. Yeah. And they want to hear people that do it, get into it. I've realized that's the problem with comedy. There's a lot of people

that are doing comedy right now that aren't fans of comedy. 100%. That they're fans of money and they're fans of selling tickets. They're not fans of the, the dork shit. Yeah.

Well, we talk all the time about like when I even first moved to New York City 10 years ago, everyone would be talking about who's killing, who's bombing, who has a good new bet. Can you help me with this bet? With some tags. And like no one talks about that anymore. Now it's all followers. Now it's all like when do I post who has followers? You see what this person commented on this person's shit?

And I get that that's important. But it like, yeah, there's not as much comedy nerd talk even amongst comedians, which is a bummer. Well, the people that are good at salesmanship and doing that. that shit moved it away from the stuff that's hard to do, which is write jokes. That's the hardest part of this job. It's just like, you know, I thought of that. We were talking about building a gun versus printing one out. It's like, there's a lot of 3D printer comics right now.

Yeah, yeah. There's just a lot of people that are like going up and being like, what did you say, sir? What's that? This guy said this. This guy went, we're, I don't know. That's half your clip. Okay. I get it.

You don't want to burn material. Yeah. just probably write more material. Yeah. And then just post when it's ready. Because there is like this, you got to fill the void and you're like, we're filling the void with poop. Yeah, 100%.

We're not filling the void with stuff where you got like, I, my favorite part of stand up, and it's not a, it's not a pleasant experience is watching someone with two bits in a set that I get fucking jealous of. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. Kurt Metzger used to make me feel that way every time I watched them. Yeah. I'd walk away and I go, fuck. Yeah. Louie. there's a lot of people that I watch like that. And someone has a new bed and you go,

oh my God, that's so good. Why didn't I think of that? Yeah. That's, yeah, that's the best part. And it's,

because it's the most uncomfortable part. Yeah. Because you go, fuck, I got to go right. I got to go right. But then you write a good joke and you feel good over a little bit.

And then it passes. And you got to do it again. But then people are like, well, that's too hard. How do I just get good at posting myself? How do I chat GPT comedy? Comedy.

There's going to be a fucking Nuremberg trial for those people. I've heard, like a friend was like, I was driving with this comic and he was like, oh, yeah, I put all my stuff through like chat, GBT just to make it a little better. And it's like, it goes back to what we're saying.

It's like, then why are you doing this? Just do something else at that point. Especially when you're good at other stuff. Yeah. If you're good at other stuff, just go do what you're good at and what you like doing. If you don't want to do this,

I'm not fucking, you don't have to. Yeah. But the problem is, is the devil in the room is the agents. That when you have a lot of people, they go, you're leaving a lot of money on the table. Katie got approached by a huge comedy agent. Huge comedy. If I said his name, you'd know it.

And this was when Katie was getting famous on garbage time before she moved to ESPN and he was like, you should do stand-up. She was like, no, I love stand-up. She's like, no way, I can't do it. I don't have the time to go do it every night. He goes, you don't have to do that every night. You'll sell tickets.

Yeah. And it was like, oh, you're not. they're pretty open about it. Yeah. They go, no, I'll just make you a lot of money. And then there's just, I mean, I can name six people off top of my head right now, which again, if you see me live, see Sean and I, February 28th, I'll give you, I'll give you the list.

That's always my rule. I'm not going to keep secrets from these people, but I'm not going to put it out there where it can be clipped and misused. Yeah, yeah. Ask me, we run into each other. That'd be funny that your merch has just a list of the soda list. The questions. Where I go.

They just sent it to me out. I remember that. Come here. And they go, that? And I go, that's who. That's who it was. And they go, huh. Next person.

Hey, nice to meet you. What's your question? And they go, oh, fuck. Go to service meet. It's half shit talking. Half picture. Because like, I don't do meet and greets because I think it's weird. Maddie Healy from the, from 1979 is five.

Thank you. I'm old. 1975. I signed an interview with him. And he was like, yeah, meeting greets are weird to me. Why would you meet a fan and have him? He's like, next time you do a meet and greet, make them pay you when you meet him.

Because they're paying to do it. So the next time you do a meet and greet, have them hand you $100 and feel how fucking weird that feels. Yeah, yeah. That's why I don't do meet and greets. It's like if we bump into each other, back, stay behind the theater, going into the theater at the fucking coffee shop the next day,

fuck yeah, say what's up, take a picture. I would love that. I would absolutely love that. I would absolutely love that. I understand that. If I'm outside smoking a joint and you're walking back through the alley to go home, grab a fucking picture. Yeah.

Ask me the name that I wouldn't say on the podcast. But I'm not going to stand in a line and take your money just to go like, hey, how are you? Yes. Yeah. I think if like if you were selling merch and you're by the merch table and there was like, hey, come say hi. You don't got to buy anything. Buy something if you want, if not, no big deal.

Like that makes sense. But like, you know, you're doing theaters. You'd be mobbed. You'd be there all night. Well, there is just a point of like, what am I going to give back? Yeah. Is it going to be a phony? hollow.

Yeah, because there's so many people. It started feeling like that way after a little bit when there's so many people when you're done with the show that you're like, hey, hi,

how are you? But also I fucking love these people. People that come out to my shows we're hanging out. Yeah. I'm doing an hour of my jokes. I hope you like it. That's the whole agreement.

You buy a ticket. I'm going to try my best to make you laugh the artist. And if it doesn't work, like when people don't like my stand-up, I'm like, dude, you got a lot of options. Thanks for trying me.

I genuinely feel that way. Like, thanks for even trying me. me out maybe five or ten years down the road it works but like yeah that's a and that's a good maturing thing like because i'm to a point if i'm doing some like sea level club and you you're you're on stage and you could tell the person's like i came up for comedy this is not my person but it's like i feel bad too it's like i want you to like me and you wanted to like me and we just you know it happens sometimes you sometimes you go see a movie you don't like the movie it's it's you know

that's part of the world yeah no one's 100% on anything yeah also uh i remember being so insecure going like, what? Can you not handle my jokes? Yeah, yeah. They can handle them just fine. They just don't like them. Uh-huh. And that's fine. And like people get up and leave or whatever. People get mad. Yeah. It's always weird to me when someone, uh, gets mad about a joke because I go, I don't, I think you're, I think you got other stuff going on. A hundred percent. Trying to joke around. Yeah. Well, that's why I say a lot of times when people, they negatively comment on like a video of yours like to you. It's kind of like, I almost don't take offense at it anymore. because I'm like, oh, you have some shit going on in your life that you have to put this.

We need to start acknowledging that people have shit going on in their lives. Yeah. And that it spills over a lot of the time. Yeah. But like, I remember I was at the Addison Improv, which is a fantastic club. And I had this throwaway joke about like guns. And I was just like, oh, yeah, you'll never give up your gun. Like, you'll give your guns up to the Army because you love the Army.

They're like professional guns. it's like you would give your football up to Tom Brady if you came to your house like give me your football and you're like yeah dude will you sign it can I take a picture with it with you sign you know like can I have it back if you sign it and it was like this fucking

it wasn't even like it wasn't a like this is it was just like I think it's funny because it is this and this fucking guy was like fuck this give me my check fuck this shit and you're like buddy what's going on

I was talking about my dog being fat no less than three minutes later. So I wasn't harping on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just throw away joke. And if you feel different, like, and it started with liberals. Liberals were the first ones. Actually, no, I'm going to be honest.

It started with right-wing Christian conservatives. Yeah. They were the people that went, you cannot say that. You can't say that that's indecent. You can't say that. Yeah, that's why I kind of lose my mind when people act like the sensitivity thing is like a partisan thing. It's like I've been a long,

I've been alive long enough to, I remember fucking Shnade O'Connor. Yeah. Fucking, uh, freedom fries. I remember Dixie Chicks. Like all that shit was,

by the way, I'm old enough to remember parental advisory was a Democrat. A hundred percent. I'm old enough to remember that Tipper Gore didn't want our rappers cussing. Yeah. Like it's all fucking who's going to make money off it.

Yeah. And so it's funny is now, but then watching like right now, the right is like, yeah, we can't say anything. It's like, well,

we couldn't say anything in the, 80s because of you. And then now it was like, hey, liberals, you're not out of this. Because I remember in 2013 where you were like, that's a microaggression. You created microaggression. You're fucking losers. The fuck is wrong with you.

You know who's going to hurt that person that's made up in your joke? And then it's like, and then it became this rallying cry like, well, we can say, well, we're over on the right. And it was just people that didn't know how to write jokes, but they were just saying mean shit. Yes. And they go, well, I'm sorry. Because the thing you can always do is you can always camouflage mean for funny.

A hundred percent. And that's good and funny has a little meanness to it. It's such an amateur thing. Like we've all been in those early days of open mics where the comic like doesn't know how to write a joke. So he immediately goes to like abortion and whatever like controversial thing that's going to get like an ooh. Because an ooh is better than a silence. A silence is tough because you go, fuck, I didn't get a reaction. But a new.

And then you do the thing that I was talking about. They're like, oh, you can't take it. Handle me. There's a comic who will remain nameless unless you see me alive. He, a friend of mine, this is Austin pre-Rogan sphere, uh,

body snatcher when Austin was Austin. So Austin was like weird. It was like, uh, you know, very liberal, very like, very liberal.

And then like also like it was crunchy. Yeah. It was like Boulder. It like felt like Boulder, Colorado, which was like there was like a looming conservative feeling, but this like Blue Island.

Yeah. That's what Austin was. Used to be just like Blue Island in the middle of Texas. And there was a comic who was very far left and he was doing this joke. My buddy who lived in Austin

saw this happen. And he was at a very, is it the Velvita room? Very great room. Very liberal. He's doing this joke and he's bombing about abortion. He's doing an abortion boat.

And he's like, oh, I'm sorry. forgot I'm in fucking Texas. You guys can't handle this shit. And my buddy's like, you're in Austin. This is like where people go to get abortions. It's like, what the fuck are you talking about? But it was like that idea of like, I'm sorry.

Am I hurting your brain? And they're like, dog, we're on your team. Yeah. What are you talking about? Just these made up built in excuses for a joke's not too well. Because the joke isn't funny. Yeah. So, oh, fuck, instead of me saying the hardest thing possible,

which is taking accountability and going, And you know what else? Or when someone has a joke that's similar. Yeah. And you go, I've always been under the thing of like, well, let me see how similar. Let me see if mine's based on a personal experience. If it is, I'll probably fight for that joke. Yeah.

And if not, throw it away. Yeah. Although I have this thing. It's an observation. What do you think about this? I have this thing that like every other art form watches their art and is like inspired by it. I feel like comedy is the only one that like, that like we're very like, Like you watch a documentary about any filmmaker and they'll be like,

oh, I stole that shot from Godfather. It was a good shot. I just kind of took that. And like in comedy, it's like you have a joke about a microphone. Prior did a microphone joke in 77. And you're like, who gives the, you know, like. That's how it used to be. I don't think it's like that anymore.

I don't think the young kids give a shit about that anymore. And I think that's what's important about it is it's okay to be influenced. Yes. Yeah. So I was influenced by Dave Chappelle. I was influenced by Louis. I was influenced by Bill Burr. I was influenced by Joe de Rosa.

I was influenced by Nate Bargetse. I was influenced by Shane. I was influenced by Big J. By like when I'm around the funniest people that I know. And the way I go, I like, I know that. I like that, but I'm not stealing anything. It's okay. A lot of times people are like,

Norman and I were talking about it. And someone had a, I saw a conversation online but they were like, oh, they said they're stealing Shane's thing. It's like, well, they're not, they're just doing Shane. You can be influenced by it. But at a certain point, you have to go, I'm doing this too much. And it's okay to be influenced by somebody.

Yeah. That's a great compliment. Yeah. Because you go, oh, man, you did this in such a right way that I feel like that's the way to do it. Yeah. And that's fine. But you got to admit it's accountability. Like everything we're talking about right now is just people not accepting accountability.

Yeah. Like, yeah, it was probably, I watched my first paid weekend at Lafts in Tucson on like a micro DVD. I'm doing Dave Chappelle. Yeah. I'm doing Dave Chappelle. Yeah. I'm going like, man, I don't know. and then everything and you're like dude that's Chappelle.

Yeah. But that was my, it's my favorite comedian of all time. Right. So of course it's like, if you were a guitar player and you grew up listening to the stones, people would go, oh, you play,

you're like trying to do what Keith Richards does. Yeah. Oh yeah, I grew up. Right. And Mick Taylor do this fucking thing that I'm obsessed with. And it's like, that's cool. Yeah.

That's all art. Yeah. And I know there's a thin line between influence and stealing, but I think sometimes people go too much. in one direction where it's like, we're all going to have jokes about like a sex or a thing or, you know, whatever topic it is. It's like, Pete Ravello and I were talking about that. Pete Rovello, me and Louis all have jokes right now about people in our family over 90 dying.

And we all have different punchlines. Yeah. We all have different punchlines to it. In fact, Louise, I watched and I went, all right, I'm cutting some of mine. Yeah. He talked about living in a home. And I had like a lot about it. And I cut it just to what I had that was individually mine that I lived through.

So I was like, great. I'm going to keep, I'm not, because I used to with Louis and Rock and all them and Chappelle, I would, I would just bail on bits. Yeah. I go, he's doing it.

You know, but now I go, well, no, fuck that. My grandma did live at this home and I did have this experience. So fuck it. But I think it's just, that's the difference of like taking accountability for your act and just going,

like being a victim. Yeah. Going like, I don't know, he fucking stole it. He might have stole it. It's like, I don't think he did.

Yeah. A lot of the times, very few people are straight up jacking bits. Yes. And if they are, we end up finding out who that is. We don't need independent investigators to let us know who is doing that. I know that bit before. Yeah.

And I've caught, and there's polite ways to call people out. Yeah. You don't have to be a dick, but you can go, you know, so-and-so does that bit. And if they go like, eh, and they keep doing it, you're like, a piece of shit. You're not a piece of shit. You're one of my favorite comics. Oh, thank you. Go watch Sean Murphy.

It was a good segue. It was a good segue. It's going to be how I'm introed on shows from now on. This guy, not a piece of shit. He's not a piece of shit. But you just put out a great fucking special. Pimp did it. Yeah.

At the Fat Black. Yeah. Turned out fucking fantastic. Looks great. Looks great. It's funny as fuck. Thank you. It's great, man.

Go check out Sean's new special. In fact, the link is right below you, right here. Hell yeah. On YouTube. Go give them views. And you're on Norman's. I'm on Norman's YouTube.

It's called Long Story Thin. And yeah, I don't follow me on Instagram all that. Yeah, follow Sean. You're probably going to see him open for me in some places. Hell yeah. Me him and the sag. Daddy. Nice.

Daddy, Dagga. Make sure to do his formal name. His given name. And I hope the Patriots won the Super Bowl. I hope they lose by 50.

And I hope no Boston sports team ever wins again. Boston Sports.