Soder - 121: Evel Knievel Americana with Craig Ferguson | Soder Podcast | EP 119
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The difference between an emergency and non-emergency situation can sometimes be hard to spot.
An emergency, like breaking a hip, requires a call to 911.
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If a water main breaks, contact 311.
And for an incident like a past break-in, dial the non-emergency line.
The right call gets you the right help.
Learn more at Toronto.ca.
slash make the right call, a message from the city of Toronto.
All of the remaining dates for the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour are up.
If you live in Boston, we added a 9 o'clock show.
If you live in Philly, the tickets are there.
We also got Durham, Raleigh, February 28th, Buffalo, New York.
Me, Sean Murphy, Pete Ravello.
What a fucking show.
DanSoter.com for tickets.
Thank you very much for watching the podcast.
The most important is thank you for coming out to the shows.
It's been so fucking fun.
Do I need an intro?
Should I do it? Should I do one myself?
No, we don't do intros. That's what I'm saying, but I'm saying to anybody.
Maybe we should do one now.
You want to try it?
Yeah, fuck it.
Why no.
Let's try an intro ready?
It's been a while.
It's like, my next, my next guest.
No, my first guest.
My first guest.
Yeah, because if you see, because if it's my next guest, then I'm on second, which
what kind of a fucking loser am I?
Maybe the late night shows should die with idiots like me taking a,
Maybe this is the point.
I don't think they are dying.
They're just turning into this, and I'm okay with that.
You're okay with that?
Because I'll say, by the way, let's work on the intro first.
All right.
You might have known him from his work.
Many stand-up specials from the late, late show,
and from one of my favorite all-time shows, the Drew Carey show.
You're a carry show.
Craig Ferguson.
A great show.
Criminal.
Unbelievable, right?
It's criminal.
It's not remembered the way it should be.
Let me tell you what it did.
It made me a huge fan of every single person on the cast.
There wasn't a weak spot on that show.
No.
You and Mimi is in the office.
We're still pals, you know.
Kathy and I, still pales.
Really?
Kathy is one of the best.
You should have her on this podcast.
I would love to have her on it.
She is so funny.
Yeah.
She's like, she's one of the best improvisers I've ever seen.
Why do you think the show doesn't get remembered
is one of the greatest shows of all time?
because I would argue it's up there for me,
and I mean this.
You know,
I base a show on how much I love it
by how much I want to watch it when I'm sick.
Okay.
And I would say the Drew Carey show is up there
with Seinfeld for me
as a show that I can put on
and enjoy while being in a lot of pain.
Do you find that,
and I found this with Seinfeld,
that after all the curb your enthusiasms,
Seinfeld is even funnier.
Yeah,
because you realize that it's Larry.
You really,
realize Larry's George, which I think watching Seinfeld the first time, you just go,
George isn't a real guy. Right. But then curb is the proof that Larry lives as George.
That George is Larry. One of the greatest regrets in my life, Hague, was asked to do curb,
and for some reason I couldn't do it. Really? Yeah. And I've no idea what the part was,
because it was like, I just wasn't available. But they said, we do curb, and I was like, I can't.
I'm not in time. I couldn't do it. When you guys were doing the Drew Carey show at ABC,
Who else was on the lots making stuff?
ER.
Crazy.
With Clooney?
Yeah, with Clooney.
He used to play basketball every day.
And he would come by and pretend that he didn't smoke,
so he would not smoke with Ryan Stiles at Ryan's trailer.
Ryan Stiles.
Again, this, the two-carriage.
A giant, Diedrich.
A giant, Diedrich Bader.
He's one of the best actors in America, by the way.
One of the funniest.
He has.
The pants in Napoleon Dynamite.
And number two.
I was going to say office space
where he goes,
I believe if you say something like that,
you get your ass kicked
is one of the greatest lines of all time.
So anyone ever say you got a case in the Mondays?
He goes,
I believe you say that,
you get your ass kicked.
It's one of the funniest.
He's a great comedy actor.
He's a great actor.
And they're all really cool.
All of you got.
You were the complete sitcom.
The Drew Carey show was the complete sitcom.
You had Drew carrying it.
It's so funny.
Yeah.
you know, do you remember Ian Gomez in that show?
He played Larry.
Yes.
Yeah.
One of my favorite fucking lines in that, ever in show business.
Didn't him and Drew hate each other?
They hated each other, yeah.
And they were real rivals.
There was an episode where it was a kind of race episode.
Drew had to get to the top of the Winford Louder building by noon in order to get his promotion.
And he goes through all the adventures and it's all hard and all that and stuff.
And he gets in the elevator and he's just going to make it and Larry's in the elevator.
And he's one of the greatest lines ever in the show which the elevator's door closed.
And he says, well, Drew, you made it.
Even all the gods with their so-called power couldn't stop you now.
I love that.
And of course, the elevator like, boy, yeah.
I always thought Larry was taken off a character from a Drew Carey book called Dirty Jokes and Beer.
I don't think so because Dirty Jokes and Beer he wrote when we were doing the show.
I remember that book coming out.
That was a book that...
It's a great book, actually.
I read that in, it was high school.
I was in high school and I read it.
And I loved it so much because I was like,
realizing I wanted to do comedy.
You know, I was the funny kid in school.
My friends would come over to my house and smoke pot and I'd make them laugh.
Your friends still come over to your house and smoke pot.
I will not be smoking pot with you today.
Do you smoke pot in this house?
Yeah.
Oh my God.
I thought I could smell it.
It's right over there.
Yeah, no, I don't.
Just look at the corner.
Just look at the corner and go.
Yeah, you're right.
Let's hope that's the only truck you do it here.
my God.
It's kind of weird.
It's a funny thing for me,
Pot, because even when I was drinking,
I didn't really smoke pot.
Really?
See, I smoked pot the entire time I drank,
so when I quit drinking,
Pot stayed.
Pot was like, I knew you come back to me.
Yeah.
Well, how long has it been since you quit drinking?
In next week, it'll be 34 years.
Whoa.
Ah, it was fucking great.
How did your family of Scotsmen react to that?
Well, most of them were,
reasonably supportive. There were one or two
people that will remain nameless
who said,
we've all get drinking problems, Craig.
Some of us, some of us just fucking muscle
through it, son.
That's a way to look at it, I suppose.
That's a vibe. When I first,
you know, when I quit,
my mom's reaction
to it, she makes her own
Baileys every Christmas with a lot of
Jameson. Wow. And I went home for Christmas
and she went, I made some
Bailey's and I went I quit drinking it my mom I swear to God took a beat and went
forever like that and it's like well it was a problem now now I know you're a real
proper died in the wheel comedian because you've got to have a very specific mom yeah you know
it was like was once we were I was driving down at down the street in L.A. and my wife was
with me and it was remember the Sasha Barron Cohn movie where he was wearing the mankini
yes you know the lime green man key right there's a billboard for that I
driving by my wife looked up and she went,
his mother must be fucking awful.
To be able to put a bikini on.
It's like,
that's a fucking comedian right there.
You know what my mom said that truly unlocked it for me one time?
I had a really horrible taping for a TV set that ended up not being aired.
And I had a joke about it.
I wish that had never happened to me.
Yeah.
And then I was like,
I had a joke about her dating and I called her and I was like,
is it all right?
I'm doing this.
and she was like, I put you through it.
If you can make a joke about it, I'm fine with it.
That's kind of evolved, I think.
That's pretty cool.
It was a cool.
You know what it did is it made me go like,
oh, your support was actually genuine.
Like, yeah, that's great.
Because I know other people that have talked to their family about jokes
and they're like, you have to edit that, you need to take that out.
Have you bumped into that?
Well, a little bit at the beginning.
I mean, no, I don't think they even fucking pay attention to what I'm doing.
I think it's like, I see, can I exactly?
Italian America again.
There's sikes he's fucking great.
Well, he's no great.
He's shite.
They're like, who's coming on the late show?
That stopped in 2014.
Yeah, that's a fuck.
People still come up to me and go,
I saw your show last night.
I'm like, I stopped doing it 12 years ago.
What you said was you were on tickety talk.
That's what you were on the ticketing.
You saw an old clip.
Yeah, he's an old clip.
Was that, um, what show was more of a hangover
to leave?
Was Drew Carey or, I mean, obviously you're much more involved with the
late, late show. But the Drew Carey show,
I assume you hit his schedule.
Yeah, and that was kind of like a family thing as well.
There was a vibe to it.
And, you know, I mean, like Kathy and I are still friends.
Drew and I are still friends. And the,
the, uh,
it was a kind of a group of us.
And so it was kind of tough, but
I was drifting out of that show.
So the last couple of seasons, I,
I'd started writing these movies.
Sure. And the movies were getting
made. So I was kind of like disappearing.
And I had to, and they were great with it. But I was,
I was like, I kind of have to leave for, you know, eight episodes.
And they would be, okay.
Would they film you in blocks?
Would they go, okay, if you're going to be gone for you?
No, you had to be like, oh, Mr. Wicks, pregnant or something.
And then I had to be gone.
Because that was at the time, uh, Joel Walsh was on the show.
Do you remember that?
Joe was on the show.
That makes so much sense on, because you know what's, what I miss about the sitcom era
was that you would find out these real world things would happen.
And you would go, oh, well, that explains why that character was gone in these shows.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was like stuff goes, I thought that, I was watching Brooklyn Nine-N-N-N-N, which is a great show.
Great, one of the last great sitcoms.
An amazing show.
And Chelsea Peretti disappears.
Yeah, and she wouldn't have a baby.
Oh, is that what it was?
Yeah, I think.
Because I was trying to figure out.
I'm like, well, I don't know.
Yeah, her and Jordan Peel had a baby, and I think she left the show for a little bit and then came back.
I could be wrong, but I think that time's upright.
Right.
So you were saying on the lot, you had ER.
ER. We had Lewis and Clark, not Lewis and Clark, Lewis and Clark. Dean Kane and Terry Hatcher.
That's the one. I remember it. I loved it. Watched it weekly. And there was a show called Friends.
So you were on the lot when they were doing Friends. Was there like...
When we started on the Drew Carey show, they said we were the ugly friends.
That's so funny. Isn't that fucked up? Like you try fucking saying that now. It's like ugly friends, huh? That's right.
Can I tell you, though, that is for me that was a bigger fan of the Drew Carey show than Friends.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like that.
Yeah, you know, you guys are the ugly friends.
We were the ugly friends.
You know why?
Because you guys were way fucking funnier.
We were pretty funny.
You guys were, that show is so, I'm due for a rewatch.
It's pretty, there's parts of it.
Did you see the Full Monty episode?
Yes, of course.
Oh, my God.
But the guys from the Phil Monty were on the show.
Yeah, because that was a big thing.
I think now celebrity is so like, um, it's all.
all mixed together. It's all packed together and it's not back in the early 2000s in the 90s and
early 2000s, everything was so separated that when you got someone like the full Monty, it was a big
deal. It was a big deal because everything now is kind of like, and I'm kind of okay with that a little
bit because I think it demystifies it a bit when you do like a podcast in your house, but it's like a
huge fucking show. I think there's something really awesome about that. I think there is. I think
I think the celebrity used to almost be.
like a form of currency.
And I think now that's switched to authenticity
because there's just...
Authenticity's a form of currency.
I think that's the new form of currency.
Yeah, I think you're right.
Like if you're being yourself,
the fans can reel it, realize.
They know I'm sitting on a couch that I smoke pot
and play video games.
And you know what I mean?
And I would endorse that as, as, uh, that's true.
Yeah.
But I'm not in a, some people come here and they go,
oh, I thought you were in a studio and you put a fake.
I'm like, no, this is all stuff that like fans give me
and I just put up in front of my books.
Because it's like, yeah, I got an Anthony Bourdain candle.
I bought that one.
That's very close.
But there's stuff like, I think in the age of, there's too many celebrities now.
Well, I think that's, I think actually being famous is shit.
It is shit.
All my friends that have become very famous or miserable in a way that I go, oh, well, that's.
Well, there was a time, like, you know, back in the day, like maybe in the 1920s when you're a silent movie star, being famous would be great.
Like, you snort cocaine off little people.
You weren't even doing, but by the way, they were doing like, back in the day.
back then they were doing cocaine for headaches.
Yeah, yeah.
So, like, they weren't even mad at you.
I have a terrible headache.
Is there a little person?
Yeah, get him over here.
Here's the thing, though.
Put the tray hat on.
But now we've kind of, we've kind of looked back on it.
And now we think, wait a minute, it was good for the famous people.
But how was it for the little people again?
And I think, you know, if Charlie Chaplin was snorting cocaine off of my head, I'd be like,
this is kind of fun.
This is, this is kind of anecdotal.
But that's how they also had secret families, because that energy translated to women going,
You know that, you know, Buster came through, Buster Keaton came through and did more than just let a house fall down.
He busted in me.
Yeah.
Now I got a little kid.
Yeah.
Buster nuts.
Yeah.
He's busting nuts.
But I don't know if that happened.
Can his estate sue you?
He's been dead for a long time.
I don't think so.
I'll just push a house on their estate.
And then they'll pop up through the window.
Yeah.
It runs to the family.
It's crazy.
It still works.
It still works.
It's a situation.
No way, buddy.
That's AI.
There's no way that's fucking true.
I know.
Now people like Buster Keaton don't get the credit for pulling off a stunt because they go, that's AI.
You know, but that's the thing.
You remember back in the day there would be like evil can evil.
You probably, do you remember evil can evil?
I grew up with a stepdad that loved evil can evil.
So we would watch him try.
I think that's what you say about evil can evil.
He tried a lot.
You know, the thing about evil can evil is like one of the reasons I wanted to be an American was evil can evil because I was like, Jesus Christ, this guy's.
fucking nuts.
It is.
And he's great.
And he just goes at it.
And that's when...
He's like,
you want to watch me
jump this river?
And it was on the wide,
wide,
wild world of sports.
It was on the one
of the four channels.
Yeah.
And back then,
getting fucked up
and riding on a motorcycle,
was a sport.
It was a sport.
It was a sport.
You can jump,
you know,
I know a story about
Evil Kudable.
I'd love to hear it.
Well, it's a little tricky.
Okay.
But so I'm going to disguise
who it's coming from a little bit
because there's still people around.
But this is a story
about evil
and evil like he's doing a jump and i have i knew somebody who was really good friends with him
okay with somebody who knew somebody who was really good friends with so he does this jump right
you go to the top of the jump and they're going they're looking at the jump before he does it it's like
25 double-decker buses in london or some stupid shit and and he's they're looking at the jump
and and evil's looking at it and this other guy's looking at and the other guy goes you can't do that
and he went yeah i know he went what he said yeah i know i can't do it but you know
everybody's here.
That's so...
I was like, fuck.
And so he does,
they're watching it,
he does the jump,
fucking last bush,
bam,
fucking bragged,
that dragged out of it.
Yeah,
the way his body
always would just like,
and he does that
and he lands there,
and this guy that I'm not going to say this,
he runs over,
and he's like,
oh my God,
he's dead, he's dead,
he's dead,
and he runs over,
and he get the helm up,
and evil can even says to this guy,
hey,
get that broad out of my room,
well,
yeah.
That's so funny.
He's worried about his wife coming when he was dad
I just remembered I fucked away from the Playboy Club
There's a broad in my room
Get her out before my wife gets there
He goes before the road rash sets in
Can't you get that fucking slot out of my room
I left her drinking champagne and doing coke off a midget
No no we don't say that
Yeah there you go
A little person
I don't see I don't
That's not a good one is it
The midge
Yeah you can't say that
I don't think you can't friends with little people
And I apologize to them
The smallest apology.
The most adorable apology.
Do you remember?
You know David Tell's album?
Yes, thanks for the memory.
I still listen to it.
I had to, the first time I heard that I was driving in California,
I had to pull off the side of the road when he does that thing about the,
you know, dude stuff, a little person.
Take me to your major world.
He had a great joke.
He had like almost like a follow up to that joke where he goes.
They don't want to be called midgets anymore.
You know what they want to be called?
Little people.
Well, that's fine.
If you call them little people, then you call me a sky god.
I control the lights.
And he's like talking about the lights, which, and you're like, dude, fucking, that hell is the best.
I mean, hotel is fucking amazing.
When you, when you do the late, late show, how do you get approached to host?
Because I'll tell you, an American late night, pretty big surprise to see a Scott holding it down.
Nobody more surprised than me.
I mean, what happened was that I had been on Craig Kilbourne's show a couple of times.
Who was the host of the show?
Who was the host of the show before me?
And the Daily Show, man, if you follow Craig Kilbourne,
get ready for your pockets to get fat.
If you're following, if you're getting Craig Kilbourne sloppy seconds,
you're going to be able to buy a boat.
Yeah.
You, John Stewart.
Yeah, I won't lie to you.
The money was different then.
I mean, it wasn't podcasting your house money, but it was money.
I don't mean to brag.
but I'm sponsored by Better Help.
You know, Better Help, it's never too late to get therapy.
You know, it's never, it never, do you get the florist one as well?
Oh, no, we don't do that.
We do, the big ones we do are Better Help.
We do a Zock Dock.
That's a big one.
I'm not familiar with that.
You want to talk me through Zok Dock?
This is where he's in editing whiz.
Drops the Zock Dockery right now.
Nice.
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But how did you get approached to do...
Well, I done a show a couple of times,
and Craig Kilbourne quit.
He just up and quit after five years.
And so they had this idea
that they were going to have rotating hosts
and a sort of bake-off,
like America's Got Talent Thing
to see who'd be the host.
And they said,
would you like to do it?
And I went, yeah, all right.
So I did two nights.
And I was like,
oh, I fucking love this.
And then they boiled it down
to four guys
who were going to get the job.
It was D.L. Hugley.
Great.
A great comic.
That's who I thought was going to get it.
Michael Ian Black,
also really good.
Right. Demi and Fahey,
also really great.
Yeah.
And me.
Oh, wow.
Not, but doing a job.
that real Americans don't want to do.
That's what we do with all immigrants.
Yeah, yeah.
So picking strawberries and hosting a different time.
Yeah.
It was a different time.
I mean, now, oh, oh, oh, oh.
You could have been on a farm in Fresno.
But, fucking backbreaking work.
But I, they had this.
We all got a week each.
Yeah.
And then I thought, I thought, D.L.'s going to get it for sure.
Because he's, like, established famous guy.
He's a king of comedy.
Right.
He's one of the kings.
He's one of the kings of comedy.
The original kings of comedy.
And then I thought,
Michael Ian Black, he's right in that
late night world. He's very much
that thing. He was also phenomenal
on Best Week Ever, on I Love
the 90s. He was great as talking
head stuff. I mean, he's also like
improv master. Right, exactly. And he's one of the
what's the name of that guy?
Oh, yeah. The three, Stella.
Stella, right. He's great in that.
And then, and then
the night I was there to check
out and see what it was like, Damien Fahey
was doing his show.
And I was like,
this kid's fucking great.
Yeah.
There's no way I'm getting this job.
And I got it.
Wow.
And that was really it.
They boiled it down at four and I got the job.
And it was in L.A.
You were living in L.A.
I was going through a divorce.
Okay.
And what happened?
I was making these movies.
Yeah.
And these movies,
are the independent movies,
so you have to be out of town.
I was going through a divorce.
And I had a young son.
I thought,
I need a job.
It's going to keep me in town.
Yeah.
So when they said,
you want to try out for this.
I'm like,
fuck yeah,
because...
Get your creative juices going.
You're in town.
Stay in town.
And late night,
from what I've noticed,
is one of the only schedules,
it's a schedule.
So you actually have a schedule.
It's not stand up where they go.
We need you to go to this city.
We need you go to this.
You're there.
A little bit of that.
But even when I was doing it,
and even the Drew Carey show as well,
all through all of it,
I always did stand up.
Yeah.
Because you kind of like,
you're a comedian,
so you understand this.
If I don't keep doing this,
I'm going to lose my child.
Yeah.
And also,
I have to maintain an autonomy
with the corporate overlords.
You had to be like,
I don't fucking need you.
I got my own money.
Right.
So like if you fuck up,
if you,
you know,
I mean,
we didn't call it getting canceled back then.
But,
you know,
it's called getting fired.
Yeah,
it's just so.
Stop something canceled.
You're not a sitcom.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's right.
So,
so it was kind of like,
I always felt I had to go out and do it.
So even although I was doing the show,
I would go out, you know, every other weekend
if I didn't have custody that weekend.
Sure.
I was like out on the road.
I was in.
So I was doing, I remember one night,
John Stewart was hosting the Oscars for the first time.
Sure.
And I was doing Tommy T's Steakhouse and Comedy in Pleasanton.
There you go.
Pleasanton, California.
Shout out.
That's where my family lives,
Bay Area, East Bay.
Steakhouse and comedy.
Well, yeah, yeah.
I don't mean, yeah, that.
Have you ever played that room?
No, I never, I would love to.
My dad graduated high.
school in Pleasantonville. You've got to go. It's an L-shaped room. It's impossible. It's
really it's an it's like a fucking Rubik's cube under war with shocks. It's like oh my god.
When they put together rooms that don't work in stand-up and then have stand-up there,
you're almost impressed where you're like are you trying to get us to stand-up for ourselves
or to say something because you got this can't work because you have to pivot each way?
You know what I like to do you ever get this one because this is when I started this was the thing.
There was no comedy clubs in Glasgow.
And they used to say, all right, it was music clubs.
So it would be one band on, and then they would change the equipment, another band on.
So they would say, all right, go up and do five minutes of your stand-up comedy while we change the equipment.
Oh, my God.
I was like, and these are clubs that there wasn't comedian.
Sure.
Like Billy Conley was a comedian.
Yeah.
And then that was it.
Yeah.
And so I got up with these punk rock clubs and they'd be shouting before I hit the microphone.
They'd be like, fuck you.
fucking fucking.
You know, I just wanted to tell you about my dad.
Funny thing happened all the way here.
Let me tell you, I just bought a house.
It's like, fucking hell.
What got you into stand-up in Scotland?
If there isn't a scene, I'm always fascinated by,
because I think for, you know, my generation, it was easier.
We had watched all this stand-up.
We kind of knew what to do without knowing what to do.
Yeah, I think that's right.
I think when I came up, there was the Jackie Robinson effect of Billy Conley.
right, Billy Connolly.
One of the graced of all time.
Graced of all time.
It aged well.
Yeah.
You go about watching Billy Conley.
You're like,
motherfucker that guy's funny.
Amazing.
Amazing.
And how he started is he was a folk musician.
Sure.
And he'd be playing in bars and he would talk between the songs.
And he was,
people used to just go for the bit between the songs.
He just stopped playing songs.
That's how he became a fucking stuff.
Yeah.
I never knew that was how he got into it.
And then the other,
so there was Billy who I kind of,
he's 20 years older of me.
Yeah.
So when he's getting.
famous, like in his early 30s, I'm like early teenage.
And he's the guy that we're not allowed to listen to.
Like, so we get the album and we're like listening to it.
And so I'm like, oh, fuck, I want this.
I want to be part of this.
The coolest comedians are, are two prepubescent boys.
Because they go like, this guy.
This guy fucking rock.
This guy doesn't eat his vegetables.
This guy wears pants with stars on that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But they're just like this guy.
You watch it.
That's how I feel.
felt about the first time I saw Eddie Murphy.
Oh yeah. Another one. Yeah.
Or guys like Carlin. I remember him being like, man, this guy just speaks up.
He was so cool. He's so cool. Yeah, yeah. He was like, you know, I was obviously, I saw,
I saw older George Carlin, so he's bald with a ponytail. Yeah, yeah. And to me in my mind,
I was like, this guy, he's, he's bald with a ponytail and he's still cool.
Cool. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because most guys bald with a ponytail. You're a geography teacher.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that best.
Yeah, no, I mean, geography can be cool.
It's great. Let's be honestly, can.
It can be cool.
Mountains and rivers.
No one's caring.
Crop rotation, everybody.
Isn't that exciting?
Yeah, listen.
I don't want to hear about,
I don't want to hear about geography until I'm older.
The exciting world of kelp.
Yeah.
And then you get older and you go,
I do want to know about kelp.
Actually, I'm interested.
All the stuff that I look down my nose at when I'm a kid,
and now I'm interested in learning.
Fucking stick around, junior.
I'm 63.
I'm 63.
And now I'm like, you know, for a long time, I was like,
I'm an atheist.
This is all bullshit.
Now I'm like, you know.
I might.
Well, you're getting closer.
Yeah.
You start feeling the horseman on your shoulder a little bit, you know.
Like, I know, I'm like, hang on.
I never said it completely, you know.
That's what's interesting to watch my friends because I'm in my 40s now is I watch
my friends that were apolitical, punk, I don't care, anarchy.
And now they go, I just, just talk.
is under the Republicans might be a little bit better.
Yeah.
Oh, it's getting all of us.
Was it, Shane that did that thing about early onset Republican?
That fucking masterpiece of comedy.
It's one of my favorite bits.
Yeah, yeah.
He goes, you first see it where you go,
I remember the state farm guy used to be white.
And then he goes, and then he's like,
and then you're watching a doc.
It's on beautiful dogs.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, my God.
That guy's fucking great.
He's unbelievable.
That's what I love was like my favorite part about standup
is seeing stuff that you go,
I'm going through that.
Yeah.
Nate Bargettzee had one of my favorite lines years ago.
We were on the road somewhere.
I was opening for him and he was talking.
You know,
he does a lot of joke about marriage.
And at one point we're driving,
he goes,
man,
comics in the 80s and 90s,
they nailed it about marriage.
You go back and watch all that material and you go,
they're not wrong.
They got a lot of it right.
It's pretty good.
I know it was a lot of it was like,
take my wife,
please,
but then you listen and you go,
well,
I used to take my wife,
please.
That was the Henny Youngman.
Sure.
And I thought, you know, because people got so fucking literal for a while there,
if he'd have gone up and said, take my wife, they were taking his wife.
They were like, oh, you said it.
We fucking got him.
It's because it's that whole thing.
I mean, like, isn't this skill?
And Anthony Jaisalnik talks about this.
And I think he's a great comedian.
He's fantastic.
And he's doing that thing.
No, the job is to say a horrible thing and get away with it.
Yeah.
It's a bank robbery.
Yeah.
Go in and get the money.
get away with it.
You can't shoot the teller.
Yeah.
That's not a bank robbery.
That's a slaughter.
Yeah, that's murder.
Yeah, you got to go in and like,
the best comedians are the ones
that hand the teller the note
that says I have a gun.
And then they do the,
they go, fuck, empty the vault.
Give me the money.
And you don't have a gun?
Do you have a gun?
No, but I had a very difficult mother.
I had a father that didn't care.
Yeah, there you go.
So when you're getting in,
you see Billy Connolly going.
And then you go,
I might be able,
were you getting in trouble in school?
Were you that kind of?
Yeah, I dropped out high school when I was just after my 16th birthday.
Just being like, I don't give a shit.
I was fucking, you know, I was a little crazy.
Sure.
And, you know, it was drinking drugs.
And there was, punk rock was very vivid when I was that age.
I came of age during all that.
Americans love to suck our own dicks about music, but UK did punk probably better than anybody.
It was pretty intense, man.
Because to me, I, I, it's the snobes.
It's the UK snarl.
It's that fucking.
You fucking.
Yeah.
It's that.
Yeah.
Boy, you fuck you.
And I understand that like you get the Henry Rollins and the black flag and you also get
nothing wrong with that.
Nothing wrong with that.
Bad brains.
Yeah.
Which I talked to Eric Andre about.
But to me for some reason in my head, punk rock music is like the pinnacle of it is
UK.
I think 76, 77 UK, you know.
You also had the queen.
You had something to go like, fuck you.
you.
Yeah.
But it was,
it was fuck you,
your majesty.
Queen mum.
Yeah.
Fuck you.
But she is good for tourism.
That was always my,
the thing where like,
in America we can rage
against the president and then they die and they're like,
fuck you,
fucking rotten hell.
And then it's always funny
because when royalty dies,
everyone except the Irish are like,
oh, rest of peace,
the Irish.
You're like,
up the wrong.
Oh, that's a lot.
See, there's a whole mess of stuff that I don't want to fucking talk about.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, I bet.
Yeah, but the, I grew up in all of that, too.
Yeah.
Like, the troubles were going on.
I'm in Glasgow.
Cetarian violence, sectarian hatreds and fucking.
So there's...
Real shit.
Pretty scary.
Yeah.
And so, doing comedy, it didn't seem like an option at first.
And I was a drummer in punk bands.
Okay.
Right?
So I would be playing in these bands and people would be spitting on you and all that.
Dude, do they...
See, that's never coming back after COVID.
That's spitting.
They're like, oh, you fucker now, I've got to go test.
Yeah.
How were those fans or just people that just didn't like punk music?
And there was like, fuck you, I'm going to spit on you.
I think column A, column B.
I think there's a lot of that.
Because if you're feeling the need to go spit on someone, I would just be like,
what was a punk show down the street?
Yeah, yeah, let's go spit.
What it was was, it's kind of like podcast.
No, I mean, look, this is a proper big podcast.
But podcast really, yeah.
I mean, I've got a fucking podcast.
I forget by it.
This is great.
You know what I mean?
This is great.
I had a serious X-XM show for.
seven years and then I come here.
I didn't one for two years.
I hardly noticed it.
Yeah.
I'm telling you.
And then people now are finding it.
They're like,
I just found out you did the show with Big J for eight years.
You're like,
it's all online.
You should go back and listen to the catalog.
That's amazing.
Do you have people doing that with the late,
late show?
Oh, yeah,
all the time.
People will come up to me in the street and say,
I watched the show last night.
Oh, yeah.
I stopped doing it 12 fucking years ago.
With the stand-up.
So this is,
I'm glad I get to talk to you,
the person,
because I always wanted to do the late,
late show, but they told me that you filmed in clumps that you would film stand up like four
at a time. Yeah, that's because the studio was small. We couldn't get everybody in. So if there was a
band on or there was a standup on, we had to move. I mean, honestly, it was, it was about maybe four
times the size of this room is fucking tiny. You know, when Carol Burnett was on, yeah, she said,
this was the wardrobe when I worked on. Yeah, that's crazy. Back in the day with like,
The big studios and shit?
Yeah, it was crazy.
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We had to film the stand-up in odd ways.
And we had to film, like, musicians were on the show that I never met.
See, that was, and I'll tell you, because we could talk about it now,
but that was the reason I didn't want to do the show was I was like,
I'm not going to meet Craig.
Yeah, and I don't blame you because.
They were like, no, you're not.
Because then you don't get the come on over thing, which you need to get.
As a guy that grew up without a dad, I am seeking the approval of successful men.
That's why I didn't do Colbert.
Right.
Because when Colbert came on the air, it was really big.
I was like, I loved Colbert rapport.
I love Stephen Colbert.
I was a huge fan of them on The Daily Show.
And they're like, oh, he's going to be doing it in the old Letterman studio.
I never got to do Letterman.
So I was like, oh, I'd love to do Colbert.
And they're like, we're filming it in.
We film it in chunks.
And then they're going to put it on episodes.
And I was like, I'm good.
I just don't want.
want to go. I think that's the right choice because what happens is if you just do it in a chunk,
you don't, it's not the same. I actually feel this now about stand-up specials.
Sure. I don't think I'll ever do another one. Really? Yeah, because you know, the longer I do
stand-up and I've been doing it now for a long fucking time. Yeah. The more I kind of love the purity of it
as the immediacy. When you talk about authenticity, you know, that's it. You know, that's it now.
Yeah, you're saying something to a crowd and they're going to choose.
They choose collectively if they're going to laugh.
You like it, you don't like it, you feel the room.
It's an art form which, look, I've made some specials, some of them better than others.
I've seen some great specials and people do really good ones.
But it's not the same, man.
It's interesting to me when people, when I hear people online talking about going to their first live show, stand-up-up-wise.
Because a lot of people just take in specials.
They just take in clips online.
Right.
And then they go to an actual live show and they're like,
this is incredible.
That blows your fucking head of.
Yeah.
It's also why a lot of people are hypercritical about certain comedians stand up where they go,
he sucks.
And you go,
I can understand you don't like watching his special.
I've seen him in a room.
He kills.
You know who's that?
That Lano is like that.
Yeah.
Lano's one of the great standups of all time.
Oh my God.
I did a bunch of gigs with Lano and Arsenio Hall.
That's awesome.
Yeah, it was fantastic fun.
But I was watching him.
I was like, God damn, I didn't know he was that good.
Well, I was one of the guys that came up loving Bill Hicks.
And I knew about Bill Hicks' bit about the Doritos and him killing himself.
You're off the artistic roll call because you took all this money.
And I was always like, you know, I was young and angst, full of angst.
So I was like, yeah, fuck, go after Leno.
Fucking corny asshole.
He took it from Letterman.
But, but, but.
And then I find out the reason that Bill Hicks was so angry at Leno was because he loved his stand-up
when Leno was younger.
Yeah, he felt he'd sold out.
And then people would talk about it
and be like, oh, Leno would come in the comedy store
and just bury everything.
Yeah, he's pretty fucking good.
And he still does it.
Yeah.
I mean, it's interesting, though,
he's very odd, Jay,
because I said to him one night,
we were talking, you know, comics talk backstage,
you're talking about, you know,
bad ones, he's his good audience, his stories.
And Jay said this thing,
I thought, that is fucking weird.
He going, you know, I say, yeah.
Everyone does the laugh.
I was wondering if you're going to do the Lano voice.
I was wondering if you're going to do that.
He said, you know, if I have a crowd there a little, if they're a little crap, I increased by 8%.
That's correct.
That's a scientist.
I'm like, 8%?
I don't even know what 8% is.
Yeah, because my rear engines are not firing.
That's 8%.
8%.
It is, I think that is a sign of iconic, an iconic career when someone can make a noise and you know.
You know who it is.
Yeah.
If I was doing something, I go, huh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then you go, it's Jay Seinfeld.
Yeah, yeah.
Or like, she feels like, I don't know.
And you go, that's good.
That's good.
But Leno really is like,
so-wa-la-la-ha-ha-ha.
And you go, or you're doing Jay Leno.
It's like immediate.
Mine would be like if people are trying to do me, they're going,
oh, yeah, yeah, that's mine.
That sounds a little bit like a nature documentary to me.
Okay, well, that's all right.
I'm still trying to find out.
Wait, I just accused you of not being able to do yourself.
Which people were accusing for years.
Yeah.
You can't even do yourself.
Then I went into therapy and now I'm authentic.
You know what's interesting I think about comedy that always struck me about it is the one thing, because it's so subjective,
stand-up comedy, people will say, when you said that thing, people say, oh, he sucks.
Yeah.
You go, they will say this thing and go, that's not comedy.
And you go, well, what are all these people laughing at then?
It's not comedy to you.
Like, you don't see to music.
That's my...
That's not music.
You know, you came from the music world
and then you get into comedy
and I think I grew up idolizing comics and comedy.
Like, I was a comedy.
I still am like a comedy nerd.
Like, I fucking cared.
Listen to albums.
I go back and listen to old albums.
And there's something about it where I took it too seriously.
Yeah.
And then I moved to New York
and it became this thing of like,
I hated people that I thought were doing it wrong.
Oh, yeah.
Of that whole like...
Yeah, I know that feeling.
you don't realize that you've become the asshole.
Yeah.
Because you're going like,
you become the film student.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We're like, no, he doesn't fucking care.
He doesn't even know.
He didn't even, he never listened to Lenny Bruce.
He never,
it's like,
no one listens to Lenny Bruce.
Shut up.
You know what I mean?
But that idea and then what set me free was,
and this was a recent epiphany,
whereas I was like,
oh,
well, it's just like genres and music.
Yeah.
If I'm a singer songwriter,
I'm not going to be mad about a pop band.
No.
Or a rapper.
Well, actually, what I noticed now, and this is great about your generation of comics,
is you guys actually are getting like musicians is you'll cross over.
Yeah.
You'll actually, I mean, like, you know, 10 years ago, talking to a 40-year-old comedian about Lano,
all I'm going to get is hate.
Yeah.
You know, and now you're like, well, no, he does this, he does that.
It's like, I think it's a little more educated about what it is.
Yeah, because I think that is one of the.
the benefits of the industry losing its absolute power.
I agree.
Because, you know, we're talking about studios and stuff, and I think it's crazy when you look
back to those old Hollywood icons and you realize, well, the only reason they had a mansion,
that was the studios mansion.
Yeah.
That Rolls Royce was the studios.
Yeah.
Like, the industry had so much control over the individual that they'd go, if you want to work
for Warner Brothers, I better not see you with a black guy.
And they'd go like, that's amazing voice.
I said, why I say, I've ever heard a voice that so defines an era just like that one.
But that was exactly it.
Where they'd be like, I heard you smoking cigarettes.
A lady doesn't smoke cigarettes.
Better not catch out and they go like, well, I can't smoke or one of the big film companies is going to take away my shit.
I still feel a little traumatized by that now.
Absolutely.
You were the last.
We were in that.
You were the last generation to go through your career by going like, I watched the industry crumble.
Yeah.
I came up under the industry.
Great.
Comedy Central's here.
Yeah.
the booker for, you know, when the Booker for Letterman would be out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
For Letterman or the Booker for Conan, you got to have your tight set.
Yeah, get your set and all that.
And now late night is like, please, please come do stand up.
And you're like, it's very weird to me because also your show is very big.
My friends getting on that show, it was a big moment in their career.
Ron Funches.
I remember a lot of comics going like, I'm doing late late night with Craig, I'm doing Craig Ferguson.
What's funny is, I'm trying to act like this is all formal.
you go, I'm doing Craig Ferguson.
Everyone said they were doing you.
I'm doing Craig Ferguson.
Sadly, none of them were.
But I remember that feeling of like, oh, oh, now you might get fans.
It was like this access to fans that now doesn't exist.
Well, I think the whole idea of the word fans as well, I think, like, you know who has fans?
The Yankees has fans.
You know, I mean, maybe the Rolling Stones have fans.
I feel like if you're a comedian, if you're a proper comedian, that's not a good vibe.
You know, because you need time.
You need to make them laugh.
And if they're just laughing because of your fans, I, dee.
But see, that's also where we're at right now,
where you say kind of a crossover of like rock and roll,
where there are comedians that are just names.
Oh, I know.
So they just go, yeah.
So they just go, I'm just going to go watch this guy.
But that's always why I argue,
because a lot of those people will catch hate and other comedians will go,
well, he sucks.
And you go, well, maybe he's just indoctrined by his fans.
But go watch him in the room.
Because if you watch them in the room
It could be different
That's why you always have to do
And I think real comics
Always will play clubs
Doesn't matter if you're playing stadiums
You've still got to go by
You have to smell the chicken fingers
And fucking get your
Get your fucking joke
Past the fucking bill coming out
In the end of your set
And you need a random glass breaking
And a setup
And then they're going
No, finish the joke
And you go well it's a whole thing
Oh you're great
What?
I'm saying you're great
That's the worst
is when people are talking and you go positive heckling it's very bad what are you talking about
we're just saying that you're great it's like well you're fucking up the show yeah it's when people
come down the front and talk to each other but you got to deal with that that's part of it were you
was there any part of you while you're doing the late late show that was you were just like I can't
wait for this to be over so I can just do stand up like it was that by the end by around like
yeah by the end of it it got a little different the beginning of when when you first get like
famous like that.
Like the Drew Carey Show,
you know,
you're kind of famous.
You're a guy on a sitcom,
you know.
I mean,
I,
you know,
I was a huge fan of it
and I probably would have been
one of those assholes
that saw you,
and I would have been one of those assholes that saw you,
and you're right.
Yeah, yeah,
but,
my character has a name.
But you would say Drew Carey show,
that's it.
When,
when the,
the late night show
kind of kicked in and started doing well,
I think,
I think I went a little crazy for a while.
Like,
paranoid.
Sure.
You know,
and I used to,
I don't know if I've ever told MD this,
but I used to do the show every night
I had my passport in my suit.
Yeah, I was like, if I need to get the fuck out of here,
I go straight to the fucking airport.
What kind of Jason Borgheim shit is that?
I don't know, man.
They arrest you you of six different passports?
Yeah, yeah.
Who is this man?
There's six different identities.
Jesus Christ, it's Craig Ferguson.
Craig Ferguson was the top cocaine runner for the Lacka.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
He doesn't have a limp.
What the fuck?
Kaiser Soz.
This guy was fucking
He's not even Scottish.
He was fucking with us the whole time.
He's from Jersey.
He grew up in Parames.
We all knew that Scottish brogue was famous.
That's rubbish.
But what it was, I think,
that it's,
that kind of whole thing,
because your life at that time,
I felt like everything was in the power
of the TV gods that are no longer there.
That's what it was,
where they go like,
that's what the cancer.
for all these people that use the word canceling,
it's from that thing.
I think it's from that.
These execs would go,
it's a bad look.
We're going to have to let you go.
And again,
they had the power.
Yeah,
and it's funny.
I remember talking to my tour manager.
I still have a tour.
It was just me and the tour manager now
in a RAM 1500.
That's how I fucking wrong.
I love that.
That's what I want.
Yeah,
no,
it's the fucking bad.
Simplicity.
Listen,
I'd tell you at one point,
I had the G4,
the bus,
the fucking the entourage,
to all that.
And two things.
One,
you don't make any fucking money.
No,
because all the money's going to that.
Right.
And two,
it's weirdly not as much fun.
But when...
Why,
you feel like it's isolating?
Yeah,
it becomes about something else.
Yeah,
you're a circus.
Yeah.
The one thing I'll say,
and I'm very vocal about this,
you know,
Shane's one of my good friends.
And I've been very,
very happy to watch him
keep his humanity
through all this of like,
but like he's putting an effort
to stay the same guy.
You got it.
And so his name.
where you go
this is, yeah.
Well, I'm kind of finicky.
I like, I think I, uh, I, I enjoy this so much that I don't want anyone fucking with it.
Because I just like doing this.
I get to have, I mean, when I told Katie that Craig Ferguson was coming over and she's like,
I'm going to the airport and you got fucking Craig Ferguson.
She like is such a big fan.
But to me, it's like, I'm still blown away with the fact that you'd come and hang out on my
couch and talk to me while my dog choose her toy in her kennel, you know?
But what you were talking about and what's so great about it is the authenticity.
What happened when I was doing late night, people that became my friends,
like really became friends, were weird.
Some of them are very big fucking stars.
I became really friendly with Carrie Fisher, who was fucking...
It was an unbelievably nice woman.
And one of the best cameos in 30 Rock.
Right.
One of the best episodes of 30 Rock is her coming back as a writer.
She was great.
One night she had done a tour of Australia and she came back to the show
and she was just talking about it
and she said, I got you something
when I was in Australia.
I was like, you did?
She got me a pair of dried kangaroo testicles.
What a good gift.
It was beautiful.
Did you ever think in the 70s
when you're in Scotland
that Princess Leia
would give you a sack of nuts?
I had some ideas, but...
You thought she was going to dry out different nuts.
I didn't think she'd be handed me
testicles from a kangaroo,
but it all worked out.
But I understand because what you're basically doing
is you're living in this sort of nap dream.
that is your life.
Yeah, it's weird.
It's kind of, it's weird because do you ever get now and again
when you meet someone super famous
that was famous when you were a kid?
Yeah.
And you think, what if I just like punch him in the fucking face?
Jerry Seinfeld?
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So what if I fucking just knocked?
He was rude to me and I was like, what if I just knocked out
Seinfeld?
Yeah.
And he'd be like, what is that?
He had led with a jab.
I tried to snap the jab away.
And then Lano comes on.
He's got alive.
This guy's not.
No, Jerry.
Come down.
Come down.
You keep your left hand up.
That's what it is.
You're dipping your shoulder.
You got to keep your feet.
You're getting knocked out.
You've seen this?
You heard about this?
Apparently, these people are getting knocked out because they're dropping the list of here.
I got to say, your Lando's getting a little camp.
It is camp.
What you got to go?
It's a day.
I'm sure.
I have cars and stuff.
You're not.
You seen this?
You heard about this?
That's a little sassy Lando.
I don't quite like it.
Honestly, I still am Pistty Ticket from Latterman.
Honestly, with the late I won, Dave was my guy.
I saw I am.
Dave was my boss.
Oh,
I got to tell you a Dave story.
This is fucking great.
So Dave is a complicated guy.
I don't think that's going to make the news if I say that.
I think that's,
I think that's been written in at least seven books.
Yeah, he's a complicated guy,
but he's,
the reason I was able to do late night was cause of Dave.
Because he owned the time slot.
He physically owned it.
Well, because he got fucked over.
Right.
And then he was like,
guess what?
I'll make your life a living hell and I'll go to CBS.
And he owned,
they gave him,
two hours.
So he actually,
CBS couldn't do much about me
because Dave owned the time slot.
Really?
Yeah.
And because Dave owned the time slot
and Dave was making his own show,
he's not paying attention.
CBS aren't paying attention.
So I'm fucking fucking dancing horse,
robots getting up.
Yeah,
yeah,
seriously the robot?
Is that when you bust out the robot?
Yeah.
You go, guys,
I'm pretty sure we put a robot.
We won't even get a note.
Nobody's even coming.
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't fucking matter.
Let's get the fucking robot out.
Yeah.
But it was,
it was an odd kind of feeling.
because I've always revered Dave.
And I still do.
And he's the cool.
I'm a little scared of him.
He's my friend's cool older brother.
Yeah.
Because I would say Conan was the one that I took possession of.
Right.
Okay.
That that was like growing up with the Simpsons.
Yeah.
Him starting at that time was the time that I was staying up late.
Yep.
And I was like,
oh,
and he was silly in a way that I went,
it's like a band.
Again,
it's like a band that you claim ownership of.
Right.
You become part of the.
Conan is my guy.
Right.
It's your,
so Dave,
if I had anyone,
sure.
It was, I didn't really have anyone because I didn't grow up here.
But, but, but Dave, I was like, oh, my God, this guy's fucking great.
He's genius and all that stuff.
And he is.
He's kind of an asshole, which I really like.
So anyway, so about two years ago, I was doing, I was in L.A.
And I was doing a podcast.
I can't remember what podcast it was, but I was doing some of these podcasts.
And it was being filmed and I was like really fucking grungy.
I thought, you know what?
I'm going to get a new pair of sneakers, at least.
I want to get a pair of sneakers.
So I go to the Grove.
Yeah.
I think if I go to the Nike store at the Grove,
just when it opens at 10 a.m.
I'll get a pair of sneakers.
Nobody there.
I'll be able to get it done.
So I go to the Nike store at the grove at 10 a.m.
And you open the doors and I walk in.
I'm looking at the sneakers.
And I feel this hand on my shoulder.
And I turn around, it's fucking Dave.
David Letterman.
And he said, this is the most beautiful thing.
He said, how long have you worked here?
That's great.
That's correct.
That is great.
That is like, what the fuck are you doing here?
That's great.
He was always, to me, that's the, that is exactly who Letterman is.
He's got the best joke at the right time.
Yeah.
And it's like, like when he, I know a lot of people in hindsight were like,
um, mad at him for doing that to Paris Hilton.
But when Paris Hilton gets out of jail and then tries to go sell her perfume and then Dave
was like, got any good story?
He just immediately like said something where he go, he is the coolest.
funniest in the moment.
Yeah, and he's not afraid to own, you know, when he thought, you know what, that
wasn't great.
He was okay about that.
He was, what was great.
I want to tell you what he said in the store, though, because after he said, how long have
you worked here, I'm like, Dave, what are the fuck are you doing in the Nike store at the
grove at 10 a.m. in the morning?
He said, ah, doing some fucking podcast and I thought I better get a pair of sneakers.
No way.
The same reason.
He's like, I need to do a podcasting.
That's fucking great.
Unbelievable, right?
That's so funny that he's like, I got to do a podcast.
Yeah, I got fucking fun.
Podcasts are making two late night legends.
Go to the Nike store.
Just buy some Nike airs.
Then in the morning.
I was like, oh my God, this is fucking weird.
If anyone's angry about podcasting, look what it's done to your heroes.
Yeah, yeah.
It's bad.
By fucking shock treatment shoes.
You know, it's funny.
I think podcast, does it even get called that now?
It's just a different kind of media.
I think it is a different medium.
I think the Golden Globes trying to give it an award is fucking
stupid. I think it's just stupid.
You ever met any of them golden globers?
I don't care. The best part is not caring.
You know what it is because I got denied so much early on in my career that finally when I got
stuff to make that was cool or people gave a shit about, I was just kind of like, oh,
well, these people are unnecessary.
I've never had one of those people book me at a funny bone in Omaha.
No, they won't.
Or book me at somewhere where I need to go do five shows because I just want to tell jokes.
It's weird.
The first time I came across the Golden Globe people,
I had done an independent movie that was doing pretty well.
It was the late 90s,
and I had written the movie,
and I was in the movie,
and it was doing great,
and I was very excited about it.
Actually, the lead actress was nominated for a Golden Globe.
So part of the press thing,
you have to go and meet the Hollywood foreign press, right?
The people of it, it's 100 people.
I was like, this is like a fucking geriatric ward.
They were all old?
Well, it's not just old.
they're, like,
geriatics don't right.
Like,
this is kind of like a,
like a mental hospital or something.
It's like,
these people are,
they just wheel them in and they're like,
they're like shouting and stuff.
I'm like,
what the fuck?
So what was it?
Was it,
was it,
was it,
you on a stage and then it's like a hundred?
Yeah,
it's like,
a hundred people and I was like,
and then they all come up
and they want to meet.
They're kind of like from the,
you know,
the Athens penny save.
I'm not talking to Athens,
Georgia either.
Yeah.
You're talking to where,
you know,
it's like,
where they invented arithmetic.
You're right, exactly.
We're Galileo.
The Cairo Gazette, all that kind of stuff.
It's so funny.
I'm like, oh my God.
Qualim Poor Weekly.
Yeah, it's all that.
Like, what the fuck is going on?
And I looked over at the side of the stage, and the guy who ran the film company at
time is a guy called Mark Ordesky.
And he ran Fineline.
He went on to make a series of films called the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
Oh, not.
Anyway, he worked for them.
He was like, I remember at the time.
I don't like little people in rings.
He said,
I remember I'm saying at the time,
I'd really like to make the Lord of the Rings
that's a series of movies.
I'd really like to get that done.
And I was like, you're out of your fucking mind.
Yeah.
That'll never work.
Anyway, we keep in touch.
But he was a nice guy.
And I was standing up there
and I'm like, look at us,
and I looked over and he was laughing his ass off
because he knew I was going to go,
what the fuck is this is?
And the second time I was there with him,
I was there with a,
I used, I did these house.
train your dragon movies,
the voice in that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I was there with
Jerry Butler and I
and Jiamen Highsuit and Kit
Harrington and was like,
it was a bunch of fucking big-timey actors.
And this guy said, you know,
he said, you know, there's a question from the floor
and he said, okay, everyone,
going down the line,
save what project,
what you're going to be doing next after this show.
And I was like,
oh, fuck, here we go,
I was stuck here.
So Jerry started up,
Jerry and I've been friends for a long time,
but Jerry started talking about
this movie he was working on it's called the gods of egypt and he was like oh the gods of
egypt and he talked for about five minutes and he was talking about this film he was doing and then
it comes to me and i said i'm thinking again a cat
and jennie was like fuck you man he's like in egypt the gods were different
you're going i don't know how to name of mr nibbles yeah you know you know you go for scrappers
or you go for a human name you know what that is is when you were saying you stayed doing stand-up
because it kept you sharp even during the late late show.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, when I was doing billions,
that was kind of always my thing that I would go,
you're not taking me off the road.
Yeah.
And like to the point that on the show,
there became a moment in between,
I think like season two and season three,
where the producers were like,
hey, we want to make you a part of the like full on cast.
Right.
Instead of doing a guest,
because I was just a guest star every episode.
Yeah, that's kind of happened with me in the Drew Carey show as well.
Yeah.
And the caveat was,
I'll get more money.
but then they control your schedule.
And I went, you can't.
Not only did they control your schedule,
but they control the perception of you publicly.
Yeah.
Or they want to.
Yeah, and I saw that.
I saw,
that's what my agent at the time said was like,
you know,
they'll control your schedule.
And I was like,
absolutely not.
Because it was really funny when they would be like,
hey,
we have a very intense scene.
We need you.
And I wouldn't even be,
I would just be like sitting background for it.
But they'd be like,
you need to be on camera for this.
It's an intense scene.
And I'd be like,
no.
I'm going to yuck yucks.
And they'd be like,
there was,
I remember what the club was.
It was rumors in Winnipeg.
And they were like,
we need you to film Thursday and Friday.
And I was like,
I'll be in Winnipeg.
I'll be in Winnipeg.
And it was,
to me,
I'm not a very like fuck authority kind of guy,
but it was the first time of my life
where I felt like I had ground to stand on
where I was like,
no,
Hollywood machine.
I'll be going to Winnipeg,
Manitoba.
I think it's fucking great.
that that happened, that that freedom happened for young artists to do that.
It's funny that I hear older comics, I've heard a couple of, you know,
complaining in private about younger comics and saying, well, all they do is crowdwork.
I mean, they only do this crowdwork.
A lot of them do.
You go, that's not all they do.
That's all you see.
Yeah, because they don't want to burn the material.
You don't want to burn your material on social media.
So you just burn up some crowdwork.
You're not going to do that again.
Yeah.
And I understand that.
It is, you know what it is?
It's kind of like, to me, the way I'd compare crowdwork clips and stand-up is when they used to put lead in the gasoline in the United States.
Yeah.
And you go, I think it made a whole generation of serial killers, but also at the same time, it fueled our cars.
She made a big fat person.
And they go, what do you do for a living?
I'd fuck me.
There's some guy in Dahmerjacking going, would you fuck me?
That's his crowd work?
You.
You fuck me?
I'd fuck me.
Now that's all I'm going to see when I fucking see crowdwood.
It's just being going, hey, hey, what do you do for a living?
It rubs a lotion on it, chicken fring.
This guy just looked at me and he said this.
What do I do for a living?
You're fucking dead.
Oh, my God.
She's a great big fat person.
Yeah, it's, uh, I don't.
That movie is one of the movies that if it's, if I'm going through and it's on, I'll watch it
to the end.
Can I tell you one of the funny?
It's one of the best movies of all time.
Yeah.
Also, just funny.
He really goes,
what did multiple migs say to you?
He said I could smell your kid.
Funny, I cannot.
It's like one of the most
favorite Anthony Hopkins lines.
Here's a great fucking Anthony Hopkins.
So he told me the story himself.
He said, as he was talking about that movie
and he was very excited when the movie came out.
He said, oh, he made me a worldwide star, you know?
He's got an Oscar for an Majesty of Her Majesty.
Oscar.
And I got to meet Her Majesty the Queen.
And he was talking to that and he said,
He said, and when it came out, what he used to do was he would go to movie theaters where it was playing
and wait to the credits rolled at the end, and then he would lean forward and say to someone,
did you enjoy that?
That's crazy.
That would fuck me up if Hannibal Lecter.
Yeah, you're like, did you enjoy that?
You go, you would do your own fucking focus pool thing.
You would do that.
That's what I miss about the old system, was that Bill Murray could go to a wedding at a hotel bar
and buy a drink and go,
no one will believe you that this happened.
He would say that to people.
He would fuck with them and he'd go,
no one will believe you and he'd leave.
But now everyone's got camera phones.
I know.
So now Anthony Hopkins would have had a line down the theater of people going,
can I get a selfie real quick?
Yeah, yeah.
Instead of just,
someone walks around and goes,
you know, I saw signs of the lamps?
And Anthony fucking Hopkins was sitting behind me.
Yeah, yeah.
And it's a great story.
It's a great story.
It's a great story.
I feel like that's what camera phones are destroying more than anything
are good stories to tell each other through,
Like we're killing.
The anecdote.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The anecdote is.
But I think there's a, I think there's a feeling.
I mean, we talked about authenticity.
And I, I, I've seen this a couple of times now.
In New York City, young people in coffee shops reading books.
Brother, it's back.
I, I'm fucking, I'm like, God bless you.
It's, in you, it, it truly is like, I'm seeing young people do it.
And I, because I was yelling until I was hoarse back in the day of like,
You should always read books.
It's great before you go to bed.
It's just good.
Brain waves on it.
Yeah, it's also good for your concentration.
Yep.
And then I just completely fell into internet slop.
Sure.
And now I'm trying to crawl out of the pool again.
And I'm buying, I'm using Stephen King to get back in.
Yep.
But I made a mistake and read a hard book that took me,
fucking nine, ten months to read.
And then it felt like school.
So now I'm jumping back in.
I think that that's the same as where I did.
I think it's like stand up.
You lose your reading chops a little bit.
And you have to fucking get back into it.
But get it with a short book.
Colin Quinn recommended,
and I would say this to other people.
Read Frankenstein.
Read Mary Shelley's Frankenstein.
It's short.
Dracula.
I'm going to read Dracula.
Oh, my God.
You know what?
scariest fucking books.
And it's also way different than all the movies.
Oh, yeah.
Because I saw someone recently talking about Frankenstein
because Guillermo del Toro put it out on with,
and I haven't watched it yet.
Apparently that's much truer to the book.
Yeah, I haven't seen it yet.
In the book, it's the thing that everyone's blown away is Frankenstein's not dumb.
No.
The monster, not the doctor.
The monster he creates isn't like, uh, he speaks.
And he tells about how he learned how to speak and the family, the blind man that taught him.
There's like this great humanity, this heavy, heavy weight of humanity in that book.
And it's very short.
But Dracula's the next one I'm going to read.
Dracula's amazing because it's one of those amazing books.
And there's a few of them I've read.
So I read Bram Stokers, are you saying?
You Bram Stoker's Dracula.
All right.
And it's the sense of fucking menace.
Yeah.
Like, there are books that, you know, I spend time in New York City.
Sure.
And we have a place out of time.
In the place out of town, it's a little country-fied.
I can't read scary books out there.
It's too fucking scary.
It's too scary.
It's too scary.
I got to read it in New York.
There's no fucking, if there's a vampire in New York, it's at a club.
So there's a place.
We go to the cat, we like to go to the Catskills.
I think we know what we're saying.
Yeah.
We go to the Catskills, but I was.
reading, the book I was reading was, uh, um, Dante's, I was in, I was during Inferno,
because I read, oh, right. I read the, the divine comedy. I read all three. I've read
all three too. Paraduccio. And you know, perg, the purgatory in the heaven one are
harder to read than inferno because their inferno is so detailed and so yeah, it's scary.
There's like moments where, and it's like, it's a rhyming poem, but if you have it broken down,
you're like, the things he describes are fucked up.
Do you know what I think is?
The river of blood that Alexander is in.
You know what I think is amazing, though,
about Dante's Inferno's,
like when you get to the deepest level of hell,
what is the worst thing an Italian can imagine?
Ice.
Being cold, he's so cold.
He goes, you don't understand Satan.
He's so cold.
And it's so funny that people don't understand
at the bottom of hell is a frozen lake.
Frozen lake.
That's Satan's frozen in.
Yeah, yeah.
He's like stuck in this lake and he's got three heads.
Yeah.
With the description of the smaller stuff of looking into the pits.
Yeah.
And watching the demons.
Creeping.
You're going to love Dracula.
I'm going to,
you're going to love it.
Craig Ferguson and I are starting a book club.
Yeah, yeah.
It's a book club.
We're kind of like Reese.
Just bring your blankets.
What I call it, Witherstone?
That's not right.
Witherspoon.
Yeah.
Wither fork.
Wither knife.
I think I'm getting ready to join the Hollywood Foreign Press.
You know what I'm saying?
I love it.
I just got to tell you, man, this has been better than I expected.
You're fucking awesome.
I've been a fan forever, and this is one of those moments where you meet someone,
and you're like, I was right.
Because you don't want the feeling if I was wrong.
You know, I feel like there are younger comedians that I look at guys who are 20 or so years older
than me, and I look at me, you're one of them.
Yeah.
And Shane's one of them.
Yeah.
But you go, fuck me.
It's alive and well.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
I think, you know, and I know Shane would love hearing that,
just because as someone that grew up loving comedy,
maybe a little too much.
Yeah, I understand.
It is like, man, this is the coolest job.
And when I see people that have been in it that I've watched
from the time I was young, still feel that way about it.
Oh, yeah.
It makes me go like, that's just...
Do you know what's great about it as well?
Is if you're in it for a long time,
and this is one of the things I really love about it.
When I do clubs and stuff now,
or I just do like a theater and you do meeting greets,
the audience is getting old with me too.
Yes.
It's the weirdest fucking thing.
We're all getting,
we're all going through the same shit.
I remember being in my 20s
doing jokes about blacking out,
and now I'm doing jokes about my lower back hurting.
And the same guys are out there going like,
yeah, you got to stretch your hips in the morning.
And you go, I know, yeah, I know.
I know.
It used to be, you wake up with your keys,
and you're like, well, I'm only fucking sleeping in a room without a window.
You know, I don't give a shit.
Now you're like, do take a vitamin C.
Do take vitamin C.
Capital gains, am I right?
Am I right?
401Ks?
Fuck me.
Check out Craig's podcast.
Watch everything he's done.
And go back and watch the Drew Carey show.
These motherfuckers need more credit.
They put on an all-time classic and no one gets the credit.
God bless you, sir.
Thank you so much, Greg.
Thanks, man.
