Soder - 132: Nacho Cheese Person with Red Richardson | Soder Podcast | EP 130

Episode Date: May 5, 2026

Support the sponsors to support the show!Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zocdoc dot com slash SODER to find and instantly book a doctor you love today. That’s Zocdoc.com/SODER Thanks Zocdoc for sponsoring this messagehttps://www.zocdoc.com/?utm_medium=audiopodcast&utm_campaign=soderGet up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at square.com/go/soder #squarepodhttps://squareup.com/us/en/campaign/audioNamed #1 by Wirecutter, you can save on the gifts moms love by visiting AuraFrames.com For a limited time, listeners can get 25 dollars off their best-selling Carver Mat frame with code SODER That’s A-U-R-A Frames.com promo code SODER.  Support the show by mentioning us at checkout! Terms and conditions apply. https://auraframes.com/Your new wardrobe awaits! Get 20% off @chubbies with the code dansoder athttps://www.chubbiesshorts.com/dansoder #chubbiespodhttps://www.chubbiesshorts.com/?utm_source=Soder&utm_medium=Podcast&amount=0.2percentThe Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour is coming to your city!Get tickets at https://www.dansoder.com/tourMay 15-16 - Omaha,NEJune 1-2 Key West,FLJune 5 - Newark,NJJune 13 - Mill Valley,CA - Special TapingFollow Red Richardsonhttps://www.instagram.com/redrichardsoncomedy/https://www.redrichardsoncomedy.com/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-fLDYIUO4kPLEASE Drop us a rating on iTunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow.https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soder/id1716617572Connect with SoderTwitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoderInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoderTiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedyFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoderYoutube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy#dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcastProduced by  Mike Lavin     https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en

Hey, everybody. Thanks for watching the podcast. Netflix is a joke festival. It's going on this week. There's a ton of shows in Los Angeles. If you live in Los Angeles, you should check out those shows. You know what show you should really check out? At the Avalon Theater at 9.30 on Wednesday night.

Me and Tim Dillon watching Maiden Manhattan. How fun is that? We're going to sit. Me and Tim Dillon, one of the funniest human beings walking the planet, are going to sit and watch 90, minutes of J-Lo rom-com slop. We already got the movie approved. We're going to come by.

We've got some, maybe have some guests coming by to take shots at the movie. But I know you're going to be watching a ton of stand-up comedy, a bunch of sketch. Why don't you come watch a little mystery science theater 3000 style? Watch me and Tim Dillon make fun of J-Lo's made in Manhattan. If you

think the ice talk is going to be little, you're wrong. Extra ice talk. Hey, everybody. Thanks for watching the podcast. You know, we got the special taping coming up in June. I know tickets sold out fast. We are probably going to be releasing tickets when we find out kind of what the setup of the room is. So stay, you know, keep your ear to the ground about that.

We'll probably put it on Instagram, maybe on the podcast. We'll let you know. But we're going to release more tickets for the tapings June 13th at the Throckmorton Theater in Mill Valley. However, I am running the shit out of this hour before we tape it. October 5th, October, May 15th. and 16th, I'm going to be at the Funny Bone in Omaha, Nebraska, bringing Brendan Sagalow with me. June 1st and 2nd, I'm going to be at Key West Comedy in Key West Florida. It's a Monday and Tuesday night, so if you're there on vacation or you live near there,

we're going to have a fun show at Key West Comedy. And then May 5th, we're going to, or sorry, June 5th, we're going to be at New Jersey Performing Arts Center. Those tickets are almost sold out. DanSoder.com for all the shows I mentioned. and then we will be coming up soon with an announcement, a bunch of club dates, including Batavia, including Baltimore, including a bunch of clubs that are kind of tiny

that I'm going to work on a new hour. We're going to be releasing those. That announcement will happen soon. But to focus, to focus my ADD, Funny Bone, May 15th and 16th, Comedy Key West, June 1st and 2nd, New Jersey Performing Arts Center, June 5th, and then we'll see in Mill Valley,

June 13th for the Netflix special. taping. Thank you guys for watching this podcast. I really appreciate it. I'm sorry if I interrupt this guest. That's where I play video games. Yeah. People don't know that. Even my best friend that I grew up with who watches the podcast was like, that's not your living room. And you're like, come on, man. Really? That's a bookcase for an office. You can't do that in a living room. People would think, you know, they're like, what the fuck is? Soder is slightly special with all of his knick-knacks. Yeah. Do you guys have? Do you guys have You don't have blizzards in the UK.

Not too. We don't, you get snow really, hardly. Did you have the moment where you were like, enjoy it at all? Yeah,

I went out in it, like sort of, just before I got really bad. Did you do a circle and stick your tongue out? No, I was, but it was fun.

It's hard on your face. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, also the blizzard that happened on Sunday was like,

it wasn't that cold, so it was more wet than snow. So it was just like, just like spitting on it. It wasn't as bad. I thought like, oh, I got to get inside because they were saying like 60 mile per hour winds. I thought it would be people being blown around the streets. Just watching people.

Yeah. Because also you're like, what is that in kilometers? I know. He goes 60 mile an hour enough to lift a human. Yeah, I was going to order an Uber Eats and just see how he got that. You know, what's funny, man, is that is the thing where you, on Sunday I had to walk the dog. Yeah. You know, during the blizzard.

And I saw Uber Eats drivers and I was like, which piece of shit has done that? this. You better be getting, they better be handing you cash to. Cash. Just don't even report that. Well, imagine seeing a blizzard. You know what I fancy a pizza. A very, a slide, a disc that slides in a box. Bring that in the worst weather possible. Yeah, it's, um, we don't, because we, England barely snows anymore. Are you used to? I remember being a kid and you go like, so, but it just doesn't anymore. Because I always think about like, um, so uneducated. I mean, I've been to to London, but like, I think, of English Christmas is like a Christmas carol.

Yeah, it just doesn't happen. Like Ebenezer Scrooge, like fat snowflakes falling. It used to, I think it's been about, I can't remember when it lost snowed, but when it does, even if it's like this much, all the trains are cancelled. So we're not ready for any weather. Like, most shops don't have aircon. So if it's a heat wave, you're fucked. I was in London for the hottest day ever recorded.

It was like summer of 2022. Yeah. And I was doing shows at the Soho Theater. Yeah. And your guy's air conditioning sucks. Yeah, yeah, it's horrible. And you don't have ice. You don't have the two most important things for the summer.

None of it. How did you find something there? I liked it. Yeah. I liked it. I was working on, I was like building up the hour, so it was perfect. Yeah. Because it was just like every night go downstairs work on the hour.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The same reason I liked fringe. Yeah. Oh, did you do the fringe? I did fringe in 2019. No way. And you just do that hour. Where were you?

I was at the medical school. I was at the Edinburgh, um, med school it was like fuck I forget what the name of the stage was yeah but it was cool as far what the not pleasants there's pleasant's gil bloom underbelly I was underbelly underbelly I was underbelly

yeah I was in like one of the lecture halls that sat about 115 people it was fucking cool haunted as hell yeah but really cool very funny feeling UK audiences not like specific sex jokes yeah what what would you find I talked about eating ass

and everyone was like, you know what it was? You know when they... Vulgar American. Yeah, really. It made me feel like nacho cheese as a person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I was going like, poor fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my. Edinburgh especially for that. Yeah. So Edinburgh is a arts festival, which means a lot of it's rubbish. But that's what I mean. I think if I would have cried after talking about it, they would have given me a...

If you said, I've got an addiction. It stems from when I was six. my ass was eaten. By my uncle. He called it a bowl of chili. Then you were the king of the end. It's a weird place. They just start taking it back.

Yeah. We have a different system to you. So like we, Edinburgh now has kind of died, which I'm glad for. Are you wanna, did you, have you done it a lot?

I've done it twice with full shows. I have a real, I've never had a great run. I've never been the, I feel like, and this is just an outsider's perspective. Yeah. But I feel like,

Edinburgh, the fringe festival specifically, the UK comics is like the comedy, the UK comedy version of the CIA, where they get people who go, we can indoctrine you pretty easy. And then you're like natural police. You're like a murder detective. The corrupt cop. Yeah, you go, yeah, I take some bribes on the side, but that's to keep my heat on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I am doing? I'm putting cases in the black. Yeah, yeah, exactly. No, it is that. I feel that energy from red where he's like, By the way, this is Red Richardson. Go watch Bugatti live on YouTube right now. The link is below. It's fucking hilarious. Thank you. There was a joke that it was so good that I was fucking mad at you.

Like when people write jokes and you go like, oh, fuck you. I was trying, there's like two, one joke I wanted to compliment you on is I saw your, don't tell joke about old guys watching, talking shit about sports. And then when you watch Bugatti live, the jokes like completely evolved. Oh, wicked. Thanks, man. But the dildo line, I was really mad about you finding your sister. Go watch the job. I don't know.

Oh, yeah, yeah, watch that. But you watch it and you go, fuck, that's good. What a good fucking punchline. I actually was going to open with, I opened a tour with that. And then with YouTube, you go, they've got five second attention spans. Great way you did it. I love the way you did with the Filipino kid playing the guitar. But then going into it, but then, uh, yeah, dude, I mean, the joke about Uber and all that.

I loved it, man. Oh, wicked. Thanks a lot. A lot of times I watch, I call, like watching stand-up for me as like a rodeo. I just see how long I can hang. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I made it through. I mean, I watched your whole special.

All eight minutes. No, no, no, no, I watched Bugatti Live. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I watched the whole special. But don't tell, I was like, let me start with this. No, yeah, well, there are a lot of the same material. A bite size. Yeah, yeah.

That's it. I know, I find. It's a key bump. Comedy can, comedies can be horrible to watch. I find it. I'm surprised it's as popular as it is. I'm, I'm always really impressed with, like, like, die-hard comedy fans.

Yeah. Right. You can take that much in. Yeah. Well, there's a whole YouTube for your scene is a whole ecosystem of fact. We don't have that in England. Really?

And I'm glad we don't. I don't think my stuff would stand. I don't think, but personally I could stand the scrutiny. Oh, yeah. Well, you can't. You know what I didn't think about that. It's almost like Spartan training for American comedians.

First time I read my comments on YouTube. Yeah. Was the second time I did Conan O'Brien. Oh. And I didn't do well. Were the bad comments? Here's the thing. I bet most people, if they read them, they would go,

that wasn't so bad, but it's how it makes impact on you. Yeah. It's just how it's like, yeah, but it got. They can get you. It just got right under my rear. I get some, I don't care.

They'll be like fat. I don't give a shit. And someone will be like, this guy's not funny at all. I'm like, at all, like a little bit. It's an objective. And a guy with the other day wrote, don't quit your J job.

And I was almost, this is my job. This is what you're making. So good. You're actually being supportive. Yeah. I should stay doing this. He actually told me I need to do it.

It's funny when it, because you shouldn't. And everyone goes, oh, I don't read the comments. Everyone reads the comments. Everyone knows. Every single human being on, because it's the curiosity of insecurity. And the curiosity of insecurity wouldn't make you do stand up. No. Unless you wanted to read the comments.

But I will say you do develop a like scar tissue over it. Where now it's not really worth my time to go do it. Because once in a while you catch one and you go, Oh, there's the usual ones. And it's weird how easy you can start to deal with it. But the surprising ones. And then, you know, my fiancé will come in the room and I'm looking at my phone and it's got the wind knocked out of me. But it's like, I'm trying to talk to her.

She's like, what do you want for dinner? I'm like, you know, whatever you want? And she goes, what happened? I go, hey, guys, said my premise was weak. Timmy 69. He said, when does the comedy start? Dark Lord 54 said, I'm glad your dad's dead not to watch this. but the second comment on Bugatti Live is hilarious

where someone wrote, this guy looks like he's good at bowling. Oh, yeah. And that's the flip side of the same coin. Sometimes they're hilarious. I've had one longer I call me John Snow Globe, which I thought it was fucking good, man. That's fucking fantastic.

That's fucking fantastic. Some of them are really good, man. That was one of detonated in my brain after you said that. It was like, like you walked away. Whoever wrote that comment, I just want you to know that when Red said that, you in my head, you're the guy that flicks the cigarette behind him and it explodes.

Because I'm with John Snow, God damn, that's a great joke. When someone does something like that, he's not even a comedian. He probably could be, but he just can't be out. He's too cool. Those are the people. This has been talked about ad nauseum, especially in the American scene,

but it's true. It's the guys that are like on construction sites or bartenders or people that are always way funnier than us. Yeah, and they write the best. I check out the comments. on every video that you know when you see someone they've got a weird head or something like oh god why have they done this why yeah it'll be like they'll be like a really fat girl or something being like 10 things i don't like from men you're like oh no what those are the best and the comment section

has become an art form yes where there are people that can hit it yeah like uh they're like 50,000 likes for her she showed me a video of a dog right dog on the beach curly hair and And the sun is going and the dog's doing that with its eyes. But it's like shot from behind. And you're looking at it in the top comment. It's like, girl looks like she just got through a divorce. And you're like immediately. The comments are like, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.

And it's great. So people that act like the comment section doesn't exist. You're being an asshole to those that are good at. There's a guy who's got a big head and he sings. He's unfortunate. But it's like a pro, like a, I can't remember what the syndrome is. Oh, he's got an asshole problem. He's got an answer.

He's this Aussie guy. and he likes to sing and it's so the worst thing is I always check the comments on his and he likes the one out of every 100 that's nice so he's going to go, which means he's going through that. And the top comment on one of his videos which wrote, this guy's a sniper's wet dream.

That's great. That's fantastic. And then someone wrote, ignore all the positive comments. I always think that's like, that's the part of the disson. disconnect that people get where they go, I don't read the comment section.

It's like, well, at least be honest. At least tell me that it causes you. Sometimes. You know, it's feedback. You know what it is?

Sometimes it's easier to give advice when someone's not looking at you face to face. Yeah. But you also should take that with, with, you know. There's going to be some guy who goes, this is fucking awful.

You should kill yourself. Don't do that. But like with the, I think in a roundabout way, they don't turn on people for no reason. It's not just. With there's smoke, there's fire.

Yes. If people are shitting on you this hard, maybe go, why do I suck? Maybe, maybe something's wrong. Because, dude, I've had notes. Like, I just did a podcast and one of the comments was like, Soder needs to talk 20% less. And I was like, great note. Maybe you're right.

I go, great note. Yeah. Because you know who hates me more than anybody? Buddy, that position's filled. Yeah, yeah. I got, I got me, I got another me in my head at a desk being like, that sucks. Yeah.

This guy fucking sucks. So bring it. I know. Well, they are us, aren't. that. You know what I mean? It's just, you just,

you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, I don't be surprised there's a comic

who has a burner account and imbues themselves on it, you know what I mean? That's so many weirdos in comedy. I can't. And then he logs back in to fight

with that same one. Fuck you. Hey, fuck you. I'm trying out here. Logs back. He puts on a different shirt. Comes back. Hey,

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Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today. My mate does, um, Josh Well, a good comic. He does, uh, like, he will do, like jokes about like music and stuff like that but he gets genuine death threats he's like I don't know why so because you're fucking with someone's grandma's funeral song or what you know what you know what you like music has such or like he'll make a joke about film and they go why don't you die people like well there's the emotional connection yeah it's uh if you talk about music or like beloved people yeah

in a funny way they'll be like what are you doing yeah we see that you know Taylor swift like yeah anybody that brings up Taylor Swift they're like you got a hit out on you comedian in England to call the police. This woman in Vietnam would say she's going to fly over and kill it because she made a Taylor Swift joke. All the way from Vietnam. Yeah, yeah, she's not going to fucking kill you.

And it ends up like, she ended up talking to the parents who are like, look, she's just really into Taylor Swift. Sorry about that. If you're on an international phone call, yeah, apologizing for your daughter's murder threat, I don't know if she's just a big fan works. It is mad.

I don't know if that's the way out of that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She goes, hey, you know, I can't deny. You know, your friend is like, no, I can't deny. He's got an album. Yeah. She's because our fans are really nuts, though. I think people have like.

I think there's a bunch of different musicians who have that kind of, because like what you were saying, it's like their wedding song or when they were getting out of something, they had a song and you're like, fuck this bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It made me feel something for the first time in 15 years. Yeah, that's, comics should never have that emotional attachment. No. You should just go on.

I don't think we ever do. I don't think anyone gives a shit. Jokes don't age well. Yeah. I think the best I've ever hoped for is being the guy you're excited to work with at a shitty job. Okay. Yeah. That's the energy I want to have.

Yeah. Like going in and you're putting your apron on and you're going to go fill the ice and you see I'm working, you go, all right. Okay. Yeah, there is. You want to have a smoke break and talk shit about everyone we work with? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

very hungover. It's all I want. Your comedy scenes way more, like I went to Los Angeles just before I went to L.A. first, then Vancouver, than here. Have you been to L.A. before? Yeah, once, two years ago.

But it's mad. Like, I followed their thing on Instagram, like the Comedy Store page. And there'll be, like, Tarantino will be in there and stuff. We don't, comedy's not cool in England like it is seen here.

Yeah, I think L.A. has the advantage of all the famous people live there. And so I think there's just like famous people want to go to see stand-up because sometimes we'll have that here in New York. Yeah. But it's like the seller. So it's always, the famous person

is always wearing a pea coat and a Yankees hat. Really? And it's like, yeah, fucking Leo was there. Yeah, yeah. And they're like, cool. But they don't. Who just did a show for 11 from Stranger Things? Millie Bobby Brown.

Okay. She came to like a show because one of the guys at SNL was on. it and the other comics are like it truly shows what kind of animals they are because they all just freeze and like look at her like really yeah yeah yeah yeah I did um the laugh factory and I didn't see her but my mate was

there and he was like I was sat behind Sydney Sweeney she was there damn you just thought you were in the same room why are you here just to just to fuck your game up yeah do you think your set would have been fucked up if you knew she was there yes yes because... You would have been thinking, like, making a joke about big boobs.

Yeah, yeah, I'd be like... Oh, I just start saying loads of MAGA's stuff to try and get on a good person. You go, you know who's doing great work right now? The men and women of ice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm taking myself out. I got a flight.

She's like, this guy... This is the best. Take his pants off. Yeah. But she was there with a guy, so I think she's dating that guy who was managed... The Swifties want to kill him.

Oh, Scooter Braun. He had Bieber and Heard, didn't he? What a stable. That's the guy you want to like you. I know. He comes in, he goes, have you ever thought about joining the Illuminati? Yeah, yeah. I have thought about going publicly crazy.

Yeah, yeah. That would be. But she, I did a soap advert in the UK. And at the same time, she was the American. So she was, it was Dr. Squat's soap. Okay. And we were like, my mate was like, why don't we stay and see if she knows that you did the English? I was like, let's just leave.

That's, because I was. Going up to, so you know you did, I was the UK and you in a way. And she'd be like, I don't know who. Or you just lead at the handshake, you can go, Sasquatch soap. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, also, they sent me her bathwater because they had the, you know, the, so I've got three bars of her bathwater. I could have said that.

Could I go, that's great. You go, now I'm going to drink it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just blow her head up. Yeah. Oh, that's cool.

I'm not washing this until I drink your bath water. Yeah. Good to put a face to the bath water. Yeah. Hey, Sidney. What the fuck is there? You know, what's crazy is you don't smell like your bathwater. No, at all.

And that's from the drain. And she's like, oh, geez. What are you talking about? Yeah, man. I probably think one of the worst existences would have to be an iconic sexy lady. What? Trying to. Just be out in public.

Yeah. Just to be out in public. Oh. Just like. Well, because everyone wants to fuck or kill you. It's horrible I need you as a trophy The amount of like

Even like even like Even sort of average looking female comedians Get their in box They get death threats Imagine being Sidney I mean it's got to be The things people want to do to you It's like being president

If I think through your Sasquatch relation Sidney Sweeney Should give us her Instagram And let us go through Not the requests No The hidden requests Hidden requests, yeah.

That's the really deep part of it. I want to know the crazy shit. Sidney, let Red and I read your hidden requests on Instagram. And we'll unredacted. So many cocks. Oh my God. Oh, I can't wait.

I'm going to run through her hidden request through Dick, like a gladiator when his hand goes through weed. But it's just random, ugly, weird, bent penises. Be like shark made of just with dicks. There's a dick growing out of these dick. Yeah, her inbox, any like really hot girls inbox. Yeah. That's a great way to blow up someone's life.

It's just to show up at their house and be like, here's your husband. Do you remember fraping? I was thinking about this the other day. We used to do it in England. I don't like that. Fraping, yeah. Anything with aping, you know. Now, this just sounds like a different flavor of,

yeah. It was basically a trend. You'd leave your face. Facebook on in someone's laptop and they'd go on and go, I need eight cocks in my mouth right now. Shout out my friend Brian. Yeah. This is how old I am. I was in college when Facebook came out and you had to be in college to join it.

And that was like you had to sign up with your university email. Yeah. To get a Facebook profile. It was brand new. Dude, when that shit hit the market and you went home for Thanksgiving or whatever and you're like, are you on Facebook? Oh, yeah. And I'm like, for once you could show profiles of girls that you knew to be like,

you know, check out how this girl is. I have a fucking friend that's grow on Facebook. Yeah. And I got, I got, I got freighted. Yeah. By, uh, we're at my friend's house. And I log in and my friend watched me log in. And then I logged out.

And then I left. And then like, I fly back to Arizona where I was going to school. And I, I would always, it wasn't, you didn't have smartphone. It wasn't on your phone. No. I literally had a flip. I had a phone. You guys three days with it up.

I signed on to Facebook and a girl that I had like a major crush on, I saw her name in the inbox. Yeah. And immediately I'm like, this is it. It's happening. Yeah. Right. And I click on it.

And the message is, that's really great. I'm here for you anytime you want to talk, it could cough. And I'm like, I'm still thinking like, oh, I got a shot. Yeah. And I look at my buddy wrote her like, hey, I'm having a hard time telling people this, but I'm gay. Oh, yeah, cool. And I really, but he wrote it in like a sentimental way. And then he copied and pasted it and just went to girls that I was friends with and just dropped it.

So I had messages from girls that were like, this is brave. Yeah. And you had to be like, no, I'm not gay. I actually want to fuck you. I want to fuck you. And they're like, sure you do. Now they're going to go, oh, not only is he not gay. He's also so immature because this is.

his friendship group. She goes, that's your, that's your, that's your, and by the way, Brian was my smartest friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's my smartest, and you go, it's actually pretty smarty. Thought to watch me log in. They go, no. He used to be faced with me like, tag a friend who's gay.

Up until my early 30s, it was still, still the best chucking down. It really worked. I mean, I still think it's still think it works. It's still good. It still works. I think it's still going to be funny. I don't think, yeah. A mention of your name and like drop your friend's name that really needs

gay sex. today and you're like, hey, tag you in. Yeah. But I think that's what we broke, like I think if you're under the age of 30, you don't realize that Facebook was everything we have now all condensed. Yeah.

And then we broke it. It was a joke. It was fucking, like the internet was literally chat rooms, me and my mate go on and you just start a fight with someone in fucking Romania and you'd be like your country's dog shit. And then it'd be back and forth. Or you're 12 and you're like age sex location, like on AOL and you'd be like, do you want a cyber?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember telling this girl I was like 21. My mom's like downstairs cooking dinner. And I'm like, yeah, I'm a 21 year old guy. I love sex. And the girl was like, yeah, let's have sex. And I was like, oh, we're typing. And then she was like, ooh, my underwear is full of come.

And I go, women can't come like that. She was like, what? And I was like, oh, can they? Just kidding. Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit. My mom's cooking dinner, I'm going to go. Yeah. You're a fucking badfile.

I'm 12. It was the boomers joining ruined it all because no one was on there. Journalists weren't on there. It was like, when Twitter became a thing, suddenly people had it. So politicians started, you know, before it was literally for us to call each other gay. That's it. That was the only reason.

It was a giant place to go. Look at this meme someone made. You're gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then suddenly it was winning elections and stuff. Yeah. The cops came in. They were like, hey, cool party guys.

They came with a beer and they go, oh, this is where everyone's friends hanging out. And then you go, that's a sci-op. You're not real. You're not a real friend. Yeah. Hey, we're turbotax. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Follow us.

Why? I don't want to talk about taxes. No, it's been ruined. But I don't know where it goes from it. I wonder if the new kids will go. This is so lame. Yeah, it's going to burn off. We've talked about that a bunch on the podcast of like,

kids are going to respond in a way that we responded to stuff like. Flats. Lead in the gasoline. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, that shit ruined our parents. That's why boomers have no emotional control. I bring it up all the time because you go, once you realize, look up, for anyone that's curious,

look up the Duke University co-study with Florida State University on the toxicity level of lead. Okay. that was in paint and gasoline in the United States in the 70s. Yeah. All the movies of the 80s make sense. Okay. Because it's all,

they're doing Coke and they have lead brain. Yeah, yeah, and they're like, what if they just killed everybody? Yeah. And then they were raised by people who went through a war, but they didn't go through the war,

but they just had the residue of it. Exactly. And then they sort of, your parents, I mean, we had Vietnam. My dad is, World War II is his religion.

They say it about England. They go two religions in England, and NHS in World War II, but my dad, in his mind, England is just some jolly, if we just dig this tunnel under there and did it,

none of the fucking, like, concentration camps in the Burr War, or any of that comes into his, it's all cycling through a village. Yeah. You know, old lady solves a murder. You know what I mean? It's that sort of,

it's, ignore everything else, you know? In his mind, he's like, well, we're going to go save these people. We're the best in the world. You know, And you go, what about all the colonization? Of course. We taught Indians cricket.

Hello? And look how they're doing with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's, that is like, you know, that is the one thing that I love about the Olympics is that you can remove everything and just go like, I want my country to beat the shit out of this country. And that's all I want in a game with rules that are going to be monitored. It's just like safe war where no one gets hurt and you're like, yeah, fuck you. you Norway? I have no problem with Norway.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But if we're cross-country skiing, those sons of bitches of the Third Reich. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so true. Yeah, and it is like, I think that's what... We got up with the World Cup. The World Cup's going to be... So, like, an England flag, weirdly, like, outside of football, a lot of people would go,

oh, that's, like, a racial statement. If you, if you put up an England flag or, you know, St. George's cross on your house, you're kind of... The implication, you're... would be like, this guy hates black people. Yeah. Really?

Well, it's a shame because it shouldn't, but like it's come to sort of for some people to represent that. And it like, well, that's like always the thing that blew my mind when I would see like, uh, protests or whatever and they're, they're waving like flags that aren't American. You're like, fly the American flag. Yeah.

Own it. Yeah. Hey, we're American. Well, that's the thing. If you just, you just, you're, you're, you. You can say the flag can mean like racism or it can mean the fucking Beatles or you know what you're talking about. The American flag can mean baseball.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the whole thing that people don't realize is like it's, there are so many people that are stupid. Yeah. That they only go off what they see. Mm-hmm. Or they see and they're, uh, my, yeah, man. In both ways, they could be like, that guy's racist.

And meanwhile, like, oh, I'm just proud of England. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like your dad. I love the NHS. Yeah. And there are. guys where you fly around you go that that feel like that guy's now for us what we have is the confederate flag yeah where people go where they go hey yeah i'm letting you know something without

letting you know something yeah and anyone that tries to go it's just sweet dixie it's like you guys tried to overthrow the government and you lost don't tell me it's somehow patriotic it's because you couldn't keep slaves you know they go no it wasn't it was states rights and you go bullshit that's the one benefit of the Epstein files? Yeah. Is it just shows you all the little crooks and things they hide behind to go, no, no, no. Each side has ignored involvement. That's the left are like, Trump's in it, the right, like it's all Clinton.

And you're like, well, then get them both. Yeah, get him. What if we get them? That's what Pam Bondi recently was like, if we went after everybody, this system would fail. Yeah. Great. Yeah. Power for a new system it looks like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Build something up. Because if all these fucking perves are running it, get the fuck out of here. And then there's people that defend it where you go, buddy, I don't think you're listening out loud to what you're saying. You're straight up defending pedophiles. Yes. Like, oh, so they want to do business. Like, what the fuck are you talking about?

It's a weird one, isn't it? Because it's like, how, the internet's so, now they're like, oh, there's trap doors. They went out to the sea and Epstein would feed kids to sharks. I don't know how much is real anymore. Tim Dillon did a fantastic job talking about the Epstein files and he shows the shark door and he's like, who's going through the door? And you're like, yeah, I want to know who's going through the door.

Also, that's crazy. That's a James Bond villain. We're a billionaire pill. He's a James Bond villain. The resources. Now, just being like feeder to sharks. Yeah. Damn.

Is that real? How real is that? Honestly, at this point, I think it's very real. Yeah. I think it's very real. It's like the first time I saw Snatch and Bricktop gives the speech about pig farmers. Yeah.

And I went, that feels real. Yeah. That feels like if you want to get rid of a body, six hungry pigs. And he says that thing is like, bite through a bone like butter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I bet that's a real thing. Of course, yeah.

So, yeah, a shark door. And what you just throw off? I don't know, listen. I know this feels a little apathetic and maybe I might. might have Mike cut this out of the podcast. But in a way, these people that are detached from humanity like that, it's a garbage disposal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever had a sink without a garbage disposal?

I don't know if you have them in the UK. We have these things where it's a switch and it's a blade at the bottom of your sink and it goes, and it just grinds everything up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you saw that and then you went back to England, you'd be like, well, I want a garbage disposal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So Jeffrey Epstein's out another pet. house.

How do you get that? A shark door? He said, you know, I'm a shark door? He goes, I got the, I'll, I'll give you the guy's number.

He's showing it as he's opening it. He goes, this guy, and you know what's great? He works quiet. You won't even know they're in the house. But yeah, it's just like an open door to the sea.

Fucking shark door. And you go, I don't know. The casual friends of Jeffrey Epstein. It's mad, just trying to get a movie made and you go, oh, that's a shark door.

How do they meet each other? How did you find out someone else is a pet, you're just on the, off chance. But I also, I think like, to me, everything I'm reading, it looks like the pedophilia was like the VIP lounge where like there were people that were partying with Epstein where they're like, it's like Diddy party.

Yeah, where they're like, this is just, same thing with, there's parallels with the Diddy parties where you go, oh, I'm at the party, everyone's wearing white. Now the lights are off. Everyone's on round beds covered in oil taking ecstasy. Have you seen that video when Diddy comes out? It's a daytime. And he comes out in the balcony with a megaphone. And he's like, all the kids have got an hour to leave.

He's like, it's like a fucking bird. I just took a fucking fight. Yeah, he's about to kick it. He took a boner pill and I'm wearing white silk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's going to be pretty obvious what's happening in about T minus 13. I need everyone who's little to get the fuck out of here. Yeah.

It's also just sounds, uh, exhausting. You know, I'm an alcoholic. I love your, uh, joke about quitting drinking and loving sugar. Yeah, yeah. You're like for that week of that. Then I'm like, fuck that shit. Yeah. But it's true.

Yeah. Like love sugar. I'm so glad I'm not a sex addict. It's the worst one. It's the worst one. Someone had a good joke is, uh, is it Glenwall in, he's unbelievable. I love Glenn Wall. Yeah.

He had a joke about Russell Brand and it was, uh, he said, I've never met an addict because I've talked about his rape trying because I never met an addict that didn't steal the thing he liked. That's a fantastic joke. That's a fantastic joke. I can't remember exactly how he put it. I've put it. Yeah, so true.

He's the fucking man. He's great. But yeah, that is the, like, that's an addiction where you go, yeah. Oh, you'll blow your whole life up. But people do. And the weirdest ones are the sex addicts who don't drink or anything. That's always been the one to me where I go, ew.

Yeah. So you're like in that zone? But you're also in the bars and everyone's drunk and outwe're like, when you're sober, the worst thing to be around is drunk people. I don't podcast with people that just woke up. I don't stick a mic in there and go, hey, we're talking for an hour. They're like, what? I was just with my grandma.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just flying kites with my grandma. Why are you in my face? And me and Mike got giant lights. Hey, we're trying to sell ads. Yeah. It's a tough, tough decade for the sex addicts, I think. Yeah, well, everyone's waking up and going like, wait a second.

You guys are all friends and you're doing worse things. Yeah. Yeah, because that, like, getting invited to the VIP section of the Epstein thing, where he's like, so. do you like kids? And he's like, oh yeah, I got a couple.

And they go, right, right. How he got Andrews, the fact that where were his handlers and stuff like that, you know what I mean?

That's how horny Prince Andrew was. Yeah. And he was like, get off on me. Yeah. I got to fuck some teens. No, I just,

because he's clearly been played and he's got arrested last week. Yeah, you guys are actually doing something about it. He might be, you know, they're actually going after. His brothers just hung him out

and fuck him. You know, he'd go kicked, him out taking his title so he's just Andrew but I appreciate the royal family for that yeah the just pure backstabbing out in the open only England could go

kill him yes you guys are the only country they're like that's my brother I made a lot of good shit with him I love him yeah England you're like take it it's so it reminds me the scene in Braveheart where he's like Shane and I was talking about the scene where he's like like, fire the arrows.

They go, sir, they'll hit our men. They goes, it'll hit the ass too. Is that long shanks? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll get business taken care of. Yeah. But we're not doing anything. We're going like, well, we're still going,

we're rubbing our hands going, is it everybody? But who, because the thing is, is what does it mean to be in the files? Like, there's comedians in the far. I'm in the files. Oh, really? That's amazing. Line up from Comedy Central's,

uh, comedy underground with David. Tell. He was hosting it. I'm on the lineup. Pete Davidson and I are on the same lineup. And Pete texted me the picture and he goes, look at this lineup. It was me, Pete, Kurt Metzger, Davidel. But there's a bunch of comics. Lewis, Big Jay, a lot of my friends. Yeah. Because there's seller lineups. That's so funny. Because he lived here. So they were just sending him like, hey, here's who at the, I'm getting closer. I'm not to kill you. What you don't know is my fiance is a massage trained assassin. And you will be taken out the second you go in the hallway. Yeah.

Yeah, it's just, that's the thing where you go, I'm a people pleaser. Yeah. So I feel like I could have been caught up in that shit in my 20s if they were like, if you meet this guy, he's pretty important. Well, he's a billionaire. And it's like he was like, who's not going to party on an island with a billionaire? There's a British comedian called Michelle DeSwart. She was a model out here during 9-11.

Oh, yeah. And I'm familiar. This is true. She did, she's done a whole routine on it. But she, her modeling agency got a call on 9-11 from Jeffrey Epstein. Because they're all like 15.

And he's like, I have a plane. The models on your books want saving on my plane. So he was going to rescue them from 9-11. Jeffrey, who should we get to us? Young hot 15-year-old. We need to go save them.

He just sees the plane go and goes, fuck. I need a plane. I need a plain full of young, new, vile girls. Please. His first full, not his mother, not any relatives. Kicks her out of. Get out of it. Oh, sir, please.

I'm your loyal house. I'm your, I'm your maid. Bitch. Don't buy the middle school. What do you guys need? It's 2001. What's in right now? What's in right now?

I think iPods. Get them an iPod. Imagine fleeing 9 and they'd be flying out in New York. You know, buildings have collapsed. And they just turn around. Epstein. just pulled his cock out. Oh, fuck.

Oh, God. Well, we got out of that one. Oh, Jesus Christ. What's also, one of the work, you know, obviously, these guys are piles. They should all burn in hell. They should be publicly executed. I'm always like, the part of the failure that blows me away is that these guys can have with kids and then still hang around them where they're like, what are you doing?

What's that? He goes, don't touch that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Don't please don't tell you. Who are the rolling stones? Oh, you wouldn't get it. Prince Andrew being like upset, being like, you stupid bitch.

That's Mick Jaggy, you fucking idiot. Do your dad never show you the stones? You just got shit taste of music. Maybe if your dad had better taste of music, you wouldn't be getting my shit right now. You go, Jesus. But there is like that thing of like, so you're so horny. You're going to fuck kids and hang out with them. That's crazy.

Dude, I'm around my cousins, teenage kids. I'm like, Yeah. We've been like a 24-year-old. They suck. You're like, you just shut up. You know what I mean? Dude, they were, um, just at the comedy cellar there last week, there was like three

22-year-old girls right to the stage. Pretty, like pretty. Yeah. I say that mean. Pretty. Mm. Ruin the show. He was there.

Yeah. Ruined the show. They're just like talking and they go. And then what, remember when I went up, they were like, yeah. Like I was going to be like, ooh-hoo. And I was like, shut the fuck up. Yeah. Oh, no.

And then like, uh, No. It's the worst when Because a drunk woman can ruin a show Because the problem is Men want to be put down Like you have a group of men And they're like They'll come and go to my mate's birthday

Can you call them gay? Facebook him in real life? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Women will go And they'll be like They're at the show But they're also the show They're adding to it. Four glasses of wine

And then you make one of you'll say something To one of them And they'll start crying And then the fucking other friend to be like, you piece of shit, she's an angel. And the problem is, you can't carry on because the minute they start crying, it's an unblockable move because

no matter how much the crowd hates them, there suddenly it's a crying woman. You're hurting a wounded animal. I did a show in Bristol in England. It was this tiny room. It was like 40 seats. You know, the crowd is kind of pitch black. This woman's just ruining the show,

and I said something to her. ORA frames. What's your aura? No, we have an aura frame. I love an aura frame. it really is one of the most futuristic things you can think of where you go, oh, digital pictures that are uploaded from your phone. That's some stuff that someone from the 90s,

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I really need to do that. I need to send her one. That would be so funny. I want to send her an aura frame and then just it's Myrtle's butthole the whole time. New picture of Myrtle's butthole. Name number one by wirecutter.

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with our code, Dan Soder, at chubbieshorts.com. That's code Dan Soder at chubbies shorts.com. Support our show and tell them we sent you. Don't blend in with a crowd. Stand out with chubbies. The crowd is kind of pitch black. This woman's just ruining the show and I said something to her. And everyone laughed.

You know, I got an applause break. And then I carried on. I went to carry on them. We just heard, uh, and I just was like, oh, I just was like,

oh, I'm just coming out of the dark. after a punchline where there was just like a low. Oh, for fuck sake. And it ruined the gig. Yeah, because you hit a punchline. And I'm like, I said broccoli,

more like your pussy's on fire. And then it stops and you go, oh, oh, I'm like, excuse me, who's the wailing woman? Excuse me,

this ghost of a woman is in your fucking comedy show. You try and do other bits. Anyone, anyone been with Uber recently? They're, are they getting worse? Or is it just me?

Going into a bit after you made a woman You cry? I'll say, what's crazy right now is the stock market. I don't even know what's going on with this. And she's like, oh, she's still crying. Yeah. Nice.

So that's the worst. I used to always like never want to have conflict with the audience member. So I'd always be like, just let it, they're talking. Yeah. I'll just let it carry over. And then I got really into kicking people out. But it's harder. I'm doing a theater run, which is ending in April.

Yeah. But clubs, it's so easy to kick people out. Yeah. Because you're like, you, out of here. Yeah, yeah. Theater, you're like, it's dark and you're like, who did that? Kick them out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are you? And then they've got to get down and walk down. Walk down the island. Yeah, yeah. With their flashlight, you're coming in it. Because I always find it, I can't, I don't kick people out. Because when I do, well, I have done before, but the problem is,

is you're no longer the fun guy. Do you know what I mean? So, away around this. Something that I saw Patrice O'Neill do back in the day in New York clubs was someone would be talking. He would engage with him. He would like shit on them. They'd keep talking. They kind of wouldn't catch the point that this is over.

The interaction's over with. And they start to ruin the show. And then you go, hey, can you be quiet? They keep going. And then you go, you know what? I'm going to pay for your bill. How many people are with you? You're like, oh, four people pay my bill.

He's like, great. I'm paying for your bill. Please leave. I've taken care of your bill. I don't want you at the show. And I watched them do that in awe. And when you actually pay for the bill? Yeah.

And I've done it. And it works. Really? It's worth the money to pay the bill to have a better show. Well, if they've ordered like eight bottles of crystal. You talk to the manager and you go, maybe police the room a little bit better. I'm doing your job for you. But if it's like a lot of the times club managers would be like, I'm sorry.

We told them to shut up. they wouldn't go. And you're like, fine. And most of the time, club manager are like, we'll comp it. Don't worry. We'll comp it.

But I think I was in Virginia Beach. It was like hot. I kicked this woman out. She was a problem. I did that though. I was like, I'll pay for your bill. I get off stage and a waitress just hands me the bill.

And you go, very fair. Very fair. You put the credit card in there and you go, you know what? But that is the, if you're going to run that play. You got to risk it.

That's what happens. But it keeps the energy good. Did you get with Patricia in a lot then? No. No. only watched him. Yeah. I met him less than 10 times.

Yeah. Like I wasn't boys with him. My friends were friends with him. But I was a, you know, this is like, oh, I was here, 07. He died in 2011. Yeah. I maybe had like four experiences hanging with him too good, too, too negative. Okay.

He was just, it was like depending on how you caught him. I watched the, uh, was it Comedy Central to do a documentary on him. Yeah. Phil Bowers. Yeah, yeah. Comedy Central. But yeah, it sounded like he could be, yeah, if he decided to go for you. What was he, what was the too bad with him then?

Um, both bads were after the goods. Yeah. And then I heard Colin Quinn explained it on Opie and Anthony where he said, Patrice is up in heaven right now feeling, making 50% of the people feel comfortable, 50% of the people feeling uncomfortable, and then he's flipping it. Like he used to love to do that. So if you thought you were comfortable, he'd be like, he would just fucking. What, yeah, just go for you.

Oh, God. One time, it was after the first time, first time I met him, or like talk to him, I was by myself at the bar at stand-up New York. And like the show had emptied out and he was on the show and he was just sitting there. We just had a conversation about porn. He was like, who are you watching? And I was like, I'd like name the girls and he was like, I remember him being like, he was flipping through New York Post. And he was like, okay. Like respect.

Yeah. I like named a couple girls and he was like, yeah, I fuck with him too. And they were talking. And then he was like super nice. because I was by myself. I was doing the check spots. I was just drinking a beer by myself. He was really nice.

And so I'll, he's fucking, I'm like, 20, 30. And I'm like, I'm friends with Patrice now. And I, like grew up loving tough crowd in O&A.

Yeah. And I come back in and I see him against him New York. I go, Patrice, what's up? And he goes, what the fuck? Patrice, what's up?

Who the fuck are you? And I was like, oh. Yeah. And you're like a new comic. Like, okay. Lots.

So I just went outside. stalked a cigarette like fuck and then i and then you can but you kind of learned they're saying in your head over it but you why would you fucking say that you idiot we're talking about ladies sexy ladies together even i saw bill bar talking about him and he goes sometimes i walk in i'd see him and if he hadn't seen me i walk past because sometimes he just couldn't handle it yeah i mean that was that was like the ball busty scene we i caught it on a much lower level yeah i caught it on i caught it on it fading out i would i did um the staff Yeah.

And it was one of the guys from that group. Rich Voss? Yes. Yeah, he's great. But he walked in and the MC was there and he was like, oh, you fat, fuck. And I was like, this is straight away. Exactly what I've heard about it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it is fun. It is fun. I made Colin, Colin was last night, Colin was at the, we were at the cellar or whatever. And I made fun of the MC and I was just like his dead,

lifeless eyes. Black eyes. The doll's eyes. And I get off and Clint's like, you fucking Carl Joss? Yeah, yeah. I fucking love it. But you're like, that's what we grew up loving.

Yes. Yeah. We joke around now, like me and Lewis and Joe, and we joke around that all those old O&A guys and like tough crowd guys were so vicious to each other that it's like, you know, old boxers. Yeah. You've ever seen old boxers where they like get punched

and they go out quick, like Chuck Lidale. Oh, yeah. Oh, BFC fighter. Well, your chin goes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we were joking around that they're,

their ball busting chin goes. So you got to let them punch you and you're like, oh you guys are so good and then you land a hard one you go i didn't mean that i didn't mean like they get sensitive about it i'm not going to name names but we've had i've had private phone calls with a couple of them being like that don't fucking come in there fucking swinging like that really yeah that's really funny i did go a little hard in the paint yeah it's funny hearing them talk about it as well they're like you couldn't even wear a t-shirt without getting destroyed you know it was true yeah and by the way that culture even after patrice died stayed alive for a little bit i wore and i have

told this story before so I'm sorry if you're hearing it again but I bought with like I got a little bit of money from being on MTV too yeah like that was like my first paycheck where I bought a couch and then I went out was dog sitting for Bobby Kelly and so I was up in hell's kitchen and I walked by an adidas store and I was like look at this hoodie it was like a hoodie it was blue but like changed colors on the arms and I was like shit looks sick but it was striped yeah just a striped hoodie from Adidas and I walked into the cellar and I went up the steps of the cellar and it was like pretty empty in the olive tree and Sherrod Small and Joe De Rosa from the back of the room were like what the fuck is that sweatshirt? And I was like what? And then just and then everyone jumped in.

Norton Keith. Everyone's like that fucking sweatshirts. Thanks. Keith was like you look like you're shoveling trash on the side of the road. You look like a chain gang member. And then I saw that and I was like on it. I threw. Yeah. I think I warded in the house twice more. And it was like, This is fucking dumb now. Yeah, that's what they meant. I got a bad haircut one time. Oh, man, I remember one time Sherrod tried shitting on Nick Topalo when I was at the cellar. And he was like, Nick, what are you doing or whatever?

And Nick's just sitting there and he looks up. He goes, shut up, you look like a retired Celtic from the Boston. Everyone was like, oh, you do. And everyone was laughing because Sharad was a little overweight at the time. It was great. But yeah, it kind of what killed it was the mid-teens when everyone started getting real sensitive. Everything became very sensitive.

Trigger words. It was funny watching. I used to listen to Opianci and stuff for sort of my generation to suddenly have that. And I go, wait, what, I thought this is what you did. You know what I mean? That's exactly the feeling where you're like, no, no, no, I don't really hate them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you made fun of them for being black and you go, yeah.

This is my friend. Yeah, I wanted him. It didn't help anything. You look at now. It didn't create. The pendulum's going well. about the other way. You're fucking idiots?

Yeah. You guys held it and you're like, let it go, let it go, let it go, it's good. Dang, and it's like, and look at us now.

It's like, it's just. You're like, you wish for a ball busting. Yes. You wish for a ball. Yeah, it didn't, it made everything worse. It was a pressure about.

It was like, and then it just fucking everything's gone bang. Maybe the ball busting was what was keeping those pedophiles alive wherever was going, yeah, look at this guy. This guy's a real.

This guy's a real. This guy's, am I right? Yeah, yeah. I do. Yeah, yeah. I fucking do it. I think we're back to that, but Gis Lane is not,

she's kept her mouth shut. Have you seen the theory that she got spotted in Canada? Oh, I saw blonde lady. That, you're right. Let's take it down both roads. The first one is,

absolutely would make sense. And they think they've seen Epstein in Israel. Absolutely would make sense. If both of those people were not in prison, at all because of all the blackmail that they hold on everybody. By the way, this isn't an American problem. This isn't an England problem. This is a worldwide problem.

So get your fucking, you could take your flag down. No one's coming after your hot dogs or fireworks. We're talking about the elite having a cabal of control over the entire world. Of course they would let them out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go get out of here. We got a fat heroin addict that kind of looks like you. And we're going to kill him.

He's going to hang himself. He wanted to hang himself. Yeah. We gave him Narcan. Yeah. So we could make him look like you to kill him. Yeah. Just don't post on social media.

Don't go to the Oasis reunion. That's the only thing. But Galane, you were like, yeah, that's her. Like you saw that video and you're like, that was. And she, when the lady comes up and she's like, Elaine, she goes, no. Do you think you have a hard time if you were hiding? And you, like, got jaw surgery, you know,

so you have, like, Squidward, handsome Squidward jaw. And then you, like, shave your head and if someone came up and went, red. My fucking, I'm Harry. You're, you're like the dog in the Odyssey, where you're like, I know that person I can't recognize it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's horrible.

You go, please. But I would immediately crack. She was hanging out at someone's house. Remember, before they arrested her, she was staying at someone's house. I can't remember. I think he was, yeah. And she was just, yeah.

And she was just living there. And I think she's all over the news. And he probably sat there one day just going, I think you've got to go. You know what I mean? Imagine your Cato Ceyto Ceylon is Galane White Maxwell? Cato Ceylon's like in showtops. He's in like CineMax porn.

Yeah. What's he doing now? He's just, I think he's around. He'll do like. You know, he was nearly Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber. So he says. He was done to the final. That's a whole Cogan lie.

Yeah. That's a whole. That's got to be a whole Cogan lie. Because I've, I've watched too many behind the scenes of Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels talking about it. Yeah. Hulk Hogan, I don't know if you know, he used to make these up,

these lies that were easily... Well, just, you could go... Yeah, he said, uh, they wanted me to be the basis in Metallica. That's so funny. And they just asked Metallica, and Metallica was like, no. No. No.

What? But it's weird. And we were also alcoholica for all of the 80s, and we, that wasn't true. So... So... Hulk, like saying, we're just like blackout drunks that we even know that didn't have. What did you mean that the...

Well, they said that to Metallica, and they're like, no, that wasn't even kind of true. And they were like, oh, yeah, you sure you didn't forget it? because you were drinking and they're like, no. But he's also famous enough that you think, why do you need to lie, you're Hulk Hogan? You know, you've done enough.

It's like Obama being like, oh, by the way, I'm a... Do I ever tell you? I was in SWV. I was in sisters with voices. They couldn't call it that because I'm a brother. I'm not a sister. I was the sixth member. I was the fifth member of Ang Vogue.

That'd be great. Obama, Hulk Hogan, lying? Yeah, yeah. A lot of people don't know this. Almost stop 9-11. But I was too busy at practice with Envoke. Was Galane Maxwell hiding out of this million dollar home paid for in cash? Who was it?

She was hiding at 156-acre property in New Hampshire. Awesome. Sounds good. But it was paid for in cash through a limited liability company. Of course it was. Damn, it really is under a company. Because you know whoever is that rich that owns that was like, give my fucking name off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

I don't need this shit. Just being like, turning on CNN on the, on the giant sectional couch. Yeah. And you're like, room with windows on it. And you're like, Jeffrey Epstein's running her rest of it. And you go, you know him. Yeah, yeah. And she goes, yeah, we have, Jeff.

Jeffrey. I remember him. I think the amount of selfies that they all took as well. They were like two girls traveling Europe on the gap. It's like Trump and Epstein. It's just, and Clinton as well. but no one googled him why didn't no one just go maybe I'll Google this guy

because when do you get convicted 2004 first? The first one I think it was in 08 it was an argument in school There's a high school, there's two high school girls fighting You're a whore! Yeah, she's fucking this billionaire, what? Yeah, he gives her money for massages and they're like what and then they found cash.

Did you know that? There was two girls in a Florida high school I swore to God, they started I think I wasn't in Hollywood Florida I forget where it was but they were at high school fighting and one of the girls was like she's a whore, she's a whore. She's like, she's not a whore.

And then the girl's like, no, she gets paid to give massages. And the teacher went through her bag and found like a bunch of cash and was like, where's this cash from? And she's like, that was this guy that I just give massages to. And they were like, okay, well, you're 15. Who are you giving massages to? And she's like, Jeff? Just going like, Mr. E?

Yeah. Did Trump meet Melania through that? They're going to kill off with his lawyers on this case. they're going to kill off any. We'll never know. We will never. But his fans completely ignore it. Yeah.

Have you seen that rapper Tom McDonald's Canadian? He's like a Canadian-American. Can I tell you there is, I don't know, man, because there's people, you've heard of the term anglophile. Yeah. Have you heard of that? Because of Americans that are obsessed. The UK.

The UK, they love the British culture. They think it's all down to abbey and stuff. It's all down to Navi. They want to speak properly. They want to speak the Queen's English. They want to do all. this shit. I've always felt

as an American that it's like that's embarrassing. Yeah, of course. Yeah, like that you, America is such a melting pot of culture

that you can pick different cultures. If you want to be a wasp in New England, well sure, that's like an anglophile. You can get traces of English culture of that. But like,

selling your soul for another country. We have it in England now. So there's a lot of people who love Trump in England. Why? But they're like, they think they've act like their patrons.

You're like, No, you just shit on this country, every opportunity to get you ramp up how bad it is. Yeah. And it's also really funny. It's sort of like they just, it's, it's a, it's this bizarre, like, it looks pathetic. It looks weak, really, you know what I mean? Listen, it's the same way that liberals that are obsessed with Mom Donnie and they don't live in New York City. It's like, you're fucking embarrassing.

Oh, there was a lot of that in England. My mayor, and I was like, you live in fucking Shropshire. Your mayor is a fucking guy with fucking welts on his. head. Like one of those old British mayors. It's like, today is today. You're not, mom,

Donnie's like a little kid from Queens. Yeah. And also the rule. Wasn't he a rapper? Probably. Here's a rule about New York City mayors. Once you get elected, we all hate you.

That's just the rule. Fuck you. Why aren't the road's clear? Fuck you. Why's an MTA cheaper? Fuck you. Why isn't all this shit? Town New York runs.

It's a giant fucking machine. It's not Sweetville, Indiana. Yeah. Where the mayor's just a guy. Well, He was a cobbler and he just wants the bet. It's like this is a machine.

Liking our mayor or opposite, disliking him, because that's happened. I was on the road and people are like, how you doing with Mom Donnie? It's like. Nothing. It's the same. This is exact.

My bus is five minutes later than usual. Where's your dumb mayor? Yeah, yeah, yeah. In liking politicians to that extent is fucking pathetic. And Trump's managed to do it, but we had it in England. There was a guy Jeremy Corbyn, who was kind of,

I'd say Bernie, but not. He was further than Bernie. You know, so he kind of, he kind of like, but he had this huge fan base, so Glastonbury Festival. They would all, he went on stage. Oh, I know, Blasenberry. Yeah, and they all would chant,

oh, Jeremy Corp. But it's, when they do that, you're like, this is so pathetic. You're chatting for a, yeah. You're friends with the cops? Completely. Also, what it does is you know, you can no longer think objectively

because you're blindly chanting someone's name. So actually he should be held to task by his individual actions, not just this round package deal. You know, it's so obvious now who's grifting to what side. Yeah. And I think it used to be a lot, people were a lot better at it and like hiding it and being like, no, I just, this is how I can feel and I'm convicted to feel this way.

But now it's obvious like a grift where it's like, if you're going to be loud about anti-Trump and you're going to call Trump fans stupid and dumb and shit like that, then don't be over here being like Obama was the man. Yeah, yeah. He drone struck Yemen in a way that you're like... There's just... There's just people that were like,

it was the best day of my life until I heard of... Whee! And you're like, I take you to be my... What is that? It's like... Just that noise?

And you're like, don't... You get it in comedy on both sides. People on the left who can't do comedy so they'll go, words of violence, this is offensive because they can't do it. They can't do it. And there's people on the right who can't do it

who are going, you can't do anything. because they can't do it. That was the thing I said when Trump won is I was like all those people on the right that were like, I'd make that joke but I'd get canceled. Yeah, yeah.

Well, he won. What do you got? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're now... And then it turns out it's Capone's vault. You're now the house dog, you know? Yeah, it's... There's nothing in there.

They go, I just wanted to call gay people the F word. You're like, well, just admit it. And that's fine. Yeah, yeah. But it really is, it's like, funny watching English people be into Trump. Yeah. It's funny when, like, Canadians

moved to the United States. Yeah. And they want to talk about it. politics. You know, I had John Oliver on and he was like, and I was like, at what point do you feel weird talking about another country? I know. And he said it, you know, it was through marriage. He was like, I lived here long enough that you became we. And I was like, I understand that. If you live there long enough and you're in the culture, but also, don't forget, you can close ranks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could be like, you're not an American, but yeah, yeah. There is that.

Like, English do that. Every country can close ranks and go like. Of course. So if you're going to going like if you're if you're not from a country and you're anti-immigration yeah yeah yeah buddy yeah that ain't gonna fucking go well for you no and that's what that's what you see now with all these people that are like Cuban Cuban community that was pro ice and then he comes around like come on well I came here two years ago and so in England the the view of Trump was that it was like this white supremacist all his followers were white sort of hicks and you get here and I first thing I saw was a disabled guy in a wheelchair and he's black and he's just covered in Trump merch. And I'm like, okay, so it's a black disabled guy.

It's a cult of personality. Yes, it's a feeling. It is, he is the best at getting people to blindly follow him, which is going to be, and the punchline is, and for anyone that's like, fucking sort of got political, blow me, dickhead. It's in our laps every fucking day, every waking minute. I'm going to have opinions on it. I promise you. when Trump dies, just the way the Democratic Party died.

When Obama was out, they had nobody left. They had fucking skeleton Joe Biden. And then super cop Kamala Harris being like, I'm actually a cool cop. No, you're not. Bitch, get the fuck out of here. What a horrible. Hillary Clinton.

You know, I did a lot of fucked up shit in the 90s. The Clintons did so much fucked up shit. Well, look at them. Go look at their policies. I'm talking about from a policy standpoint. What the Clintons did from 90s, to 2000 is criminal. Wasn't she?

She was a big, yeah, anti-gay marriage. They were fucking, they went so hard on people and people forget and they go, he played the sacks and did, first off, fuck him for not inhaling.

Yeah. Pussy, who takes a puff of weed and doesn't inhale, you fucking dork? Yeah. But it happens. This is what happens in politics. You get these people that are lightning rods.

And then the real shadow movers get behind him and push him. So Trump isn't, the problem. It's the people around him that are doing all the fucked up shit. But when he dies and he's gone, you think J.D. Vance is going to fucking take that? That uncomfortable guy who's like, oh, hey, everybody. He's like, shut the fuck up. It was the exact same thing. It just switches back and forth. The left will probably get a guy that's very charismatic and, you know, brings people in. Yeah. And then we're going to have problems because of him. Yeah. Are the

problem's going to be as bad. I don't know. But that's the whole thing is like people, the internet's got people thinking second to second instead of like, this is long. This is a long. Also, England's been around thousands of years. We're hitting 250. That's crazy. And people are going like, it feels like a thousand. Everyone in America's like, this feels like we've been around for a thousand. I watched the bits of the kid rock Super Bowl. Who didn't? And that guy, I'm obsessed with this guy. I've never heard of me. He's got like a million followers. He's obviously a big kind. Oh, the guy there.

I just want to catch my fish. Which sounded like kiss, kiss my fish. Yeah. I just want to kiss my fish. But he got up and he said, was he, Charlie was shot just for giving people a microphone. Give him a chance to say something.

Now I've got mine. Oh, my God. But that's, I think, what, in England, that's the view of what Trump is. That guy is who everyone assumes is, you know what I mean? I mean, they're not wrong. You know, it's like, dude, Kid Rock in 1999,

great shit in the world. Yeah. Kid Rock fucking devil without a cause. Every high school football team was playing that album. Really? So he wasn't very big in England. We knew him because he was married to Pamela Anderson. Sure.

He was like, like at the time, the definition of like, fuck you. I'm going to fuck shit up. And everybody was like, yeah. It was awesome. Devil without a cause. Do you see the workout video he did with a? So that's the whole point. Is that he gets older and you go, no.

No. And he looks like a methette. Well, what's crazy about him is he grew up very, very rich. He grew up insanely wealthy. His father owned. Same with the rage against machines as well. Yeah, I don't know about rage. Look up, I don't know if Tom, I mean, they went to Harvard and shit.

Yeah, one of their dad was, I can't, I might be wrong, but yeah, go on, sorry. Yeah, this is what do you always do, though, follow the money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just follow the money. And then you realize Kid Rock's, dad owned like a bunch of car dealerships. Really? Yeah. He, like, grew up, you should see the house he grew up in.

Really? Like, had a tennis, like a tennis court in a swimming pool. Nice. And then he just grew his hair along. He's like, I'm from the trailer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck the system. But at the time, it fucking ruled.

That's why. Well, he looks like a pimp from a movie that, like, Nicholas Cage has to kill because he's got a 15-year-old with him. You know what I mean? You're like, oh, my God, a white pimp? Yeah. This is crazy. White pimp's usually just, you know, higher planes of 15. year old girls to leave the island of Manhattan after it's been attacked.

But it is like, oh, it's rages upper middle. But yeah. Listen, you look behind art. Here's what a lot of people don't realize that's really going to hurt your opinion of a lot of artists you like. Very few of us made it on our own. Very few of us slept, you know, with no money, windowless rooms, just trying to do comedy, and then got a break.

That's why I think we all feel lucky. A lot of the times when people were like, where did this guy come? come from and you look it up you go i was parents were wealthy and they could just front a ton of money for them to be have you ever found that out like with an english comic where you're like there's we got people who are like oligarchs and stuff kids and stuff like that but a lot of the times i'm fine with you if you're up front about it but if you do like that kid rock shit or you're like i'm from the streets yeah yeah well so he's pretending to be like i think because with rap you can't really do that can't be like i grew up rich as fuck well

No, but like what he's doing is a contradiction. Do you know what I mean? I don't know much about his music. Was it like sort of... Yeah, he was like talking about like, this is for the people in the trailers. This is for the people that are on meth. It's like if Eminem was, turns out his dad was Goldman Sachs.

Yeah, you know what I mean? Like, you'd be like, well... Shout out my friend Mark, my friend from college, but we always joked around about if you found out, if you found like Eminem birthday pictures and he's like cheering in crystal champagne glasses with his dad and like a Mercedes-Benz, it would ruin everything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go by, like, you go by eight mile and you go, holy shit. Someone very talented came out of this. It makes it better. People love that story. It's a great story. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And even like, you know, people from the suburbs, that's even impressive.

If you go and make something of yourself. Where did you start in New York? Yeah, I started in Tucson, Arizona. Ah, that looks amazing. Is that with the, I swear, Google Images. I always look at that place. They've got different colors. All the buildings are painted nicely,

different colors. Tucson's not that nice. Okay, I've got the wrong place. Yeah, Phoenix is... I'm thinking it somewhere else. Arizona. Are you thinking you're thinking of Sedona?

There's like, it's in the desert, but there's like big cliffs all around it. And all the houses of paint, like purple, yellow. I think you're thinking of Sedona. Okay. I think you're thinking of Sedona or Flagstaff.

Because Tucson and Phoenix are painfully desert. Yeah. Where you go, the desert is all around you. But I started there. But I was just like, like a middle class. I grew up in the suburbs and I went to college and started to stand up there.

And what was the like that? That was just, you know, I just had a shitty father. Okay. So that was my touch to white trash. Yeah. It was like,

I'd go visit my dad and be like, holy shit. But I never, I also liked, I didn't realize. Where did he live in Arizona? Northern California. So you were born in Arizona?

No, I was born in Hartford, Connecticut. And then I, and then my family moved to Connecticut, uh, to Colorado. Oh,

my mom and I moved to Colorado when I was five. What was that like? It was great. Colorado was the shit. shit. Yeah, it looks amazing. It's great. It's like beautiful. I mean, I grew up in the 80s and 90s in there where you could live in a single mom could have a three bedroom house. Do you see any, do you see any bears? No, I've never, I've seen bears in Alaska, but I've never seen them in Colorado. That's the thing. We don't realize how land wise. Yeah. You go to England and you guys are

with tiny. You guys like the size of Maine. So I went to Vancouver. I was doing show there and I was going to go to the island, Vancouver Island. And I was, oh, it would just be, in my head, we'd drive around in a boat in like 20 minutes. And I found it's like six hours from... That's the... That's what it takes me to drive from London to... I get to Scotland in six hours and a car. You know what I mean?

That's the crazy thing about Europe is you can get on a train for seven hours and you're in France. You know, what the fuck? So we're tiny. Is that me gigging easy? Yeah, but no matter where you are, the time it takes is always like four hours is... You reframe how your brain thinks.

So for you guys, maybe four hours is nothing. That's nothing. For us, it's huge. That's here to D.C. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or here to Boston in the other way. You know the other way you're up in Boston or four hours? I'm doing a gig this Saturday and it's three and a half hour drive and I've been sort of

toying with pulling it for the last like three days in my head because it just, you just go, oh, that's seven hours round trip. That is really funny because I have a show in Boston. I don't know if this came out after. Thanks for the great shows. But I have a show in Boston. The next night I have a show in Philadelphia. New York's in between that.

We're driving. I'm driving up to Boston. to see her family, bring him the dog, and then the day, the morning of the show in Philly, we're going to drive Boston to Philly. Six hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Five and a half six hours.

So for you, I'd be like, what are you going to Spain? Well, I did a UK tour and most nights where I drive home. Really? Yeah, we drive back from, even Liverpool. I mean, that was stupid, but it was six hours. I just wouldn't, it may as well get back. Sure.

And you live, do you live in, like? I live in London. Yeah. They opened a top secret here. Yeah, I did it. Very fun. Did it on Saturday. That's a very fun club.

Have you done it in London? No. So in London it's fucking amazing. It would be great here too, but they, uh, you've got three rooms. So you can just do three shows really quickly. That's always what you want as a comic is. Yeah. Like we have three different opportunities for you to bomb.

Yes. And you go great. But they've got, what's funny is in one of the buildings, there's two rooms. The upstairs, everyone bombs in. And then the downstairs is the best room. Like you just, the problem is you'll kill so much there. And you go, oh, they've got a new, and you don't. Yeah.

You don't have a new two. Oh, yeah. Do you have that false inflation? Yeah, but it's so good downstairs. Then you go, it used to be that you do upstairs first and downstairs. So you bomb, then leave, you have a great one and leave. Now they do it the other way around. So it's sort of like you end up with this.

We go, oh, I feel great now. I'm going to leave walking out. That happens. There's a club here at the stand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It did that. The stand is great. That downstairs room is one of the best rooms in the country.

It's just unbelievable. That full feels great. And then sometimes you go upstairs and just leave being like, I've heard that's hard that room. Yeah, you can leave being like, well, there's always tomorrow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get a lot of walks home because of that. Yeah.

I live just far enough that it's a little much of a walk, but I go like, it's good you guys. And like, I just can't get into it with the sort of... Driving? The fucking Uber's ever. People get a three-minute Uber, and an Uber will pick you up for a three-minute trip. Yeah.

That's insane. Wait till the Olympics are there. That's going to cost some shit. What about the World Cup? But I suppose it's a three-minute trip. spread out. Yeah, World Cup is like,

they're doing the road trip thing where it like starts here in New York and then it goes to like Chicago and then they're doing a game and then the finals are in L.A. The World Cup final is going to be in Los Angeles. The Olympics. Do you guys give a shit?

You don't really? We do. I, we would if America was a lot better. Yeah, okay. If USA was like a powerhouse in the World Cup, we would give a massive shit. But that being said, we have a lot of fans of football.

Yeah. of English football. It's getting bigger here. I mean, even when like Messi joined into Miami and you start seeing like Kim Kardashian's there with our kids. Beckham was, Beckham really fucking did a lot.

How big was, I don't think we understand the scope of how big he was in England. He was as big as the queen. You know what I mean? Like Michael Jordan big. Yeah, we have, but the thing of Beckham,

he's amazing football, he was never the best. It was just the brand and he was brilliant. But he wasn't like, I wouldn't, would he be in top five? time? No. No. Who would you put in the, I only know, here's what's fun

about video games is you can learn about sports, very quick, like I have friends in the UK that play Madden. Yeah. They don't really know about football, but they know how to play Madden. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You get it, that was FIFA for us. Yeah, okay. And I remember playing with Scholes,

Paul Skolls was, Paul Skolls was like, he was great. His speed was off the charts. Yeah. So you just slam that, you just hit circle, like fucking, go, go, go, go, go. who would be taught, I'd say Wayne Rooney Yeah, we're...

I mean, Beckham was fucking brilliant, but Lampard, Skulls, great. See, that's the difference. Hurricane, Shira, I guess we do it with... I guess we do it with Jordan, where we go, Kobe, Jordan, LeBron, but everyone's really like...

Who would your Becken be? So imagine Beckham was never... There was seasons where I think he came like third in the world rankings and stuff, I think in like 99. But he was just a very good look guy who got married to the pop star of the UK.

So it was kind of this royal and the press had like a love, hate being with him. So everyone loved to XK who's a fucking idiot and do impressions of him and they kind of they'd have like their wedding was like ogled, but like look at these, you know, working class.

They don't have to spend money at all. Give them money and look what they do with it. You know? These garbage idiots. So it was kind of like you know, his and hers thrones and so they were sort of this like institution but now I mean the kids are all fucking well the one over here he's a little fucking it's always funny dick yeah and well I think he's why front public yeah she she looks like a cat that's been thrown in the bar she's just a yeah an expensive cat but her I think

you're what you're watching is and what the inevitable Netflix document is you're watching her versus Victoria Beckett yes of course because I think Brooklyn Dumbass. I'm going to film myself making a sandwich. Why? And then David Beckham was like, I don't know. Yeah, yeah. I got caught cheating once.

Just leave me alone. I think it's probably more. Yeah, no, that's why he goes, I want that to remain where it's at. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to keep you that number low. Yeah. You do, like, you wonder,

because there's always a real story behind these situations. And then you read, like, she was a problem with her ex-boyfriend I saw. And then for that drama to get to me, I can't imagine how big it is in the UK. Yeah. Because you guys want that stuff. Listen, what we found out is, and this is why the Trumps and Obama's and stuff

are so good at politics, rage baiting works. It sells shit. If you get people pissed off, and that's what sucks. We got to get away from that. We got to go back to like, how about we just make good stuff? But that's boring. Yeah, it's, I think no one, and then we're done with good stuff now. I think it's over.

It's like trying to get pedigals to go back to missionary. Yeah. I know you fucked a 15-year-old model, but what about an age-appropriate one? and you're face to face with her. Yeah, it's, uh... It sucks. You're like, I want to go back. We want the big...

I mean, like, I watched The Godfather the other day, and I was like, this just would never... The first scene's 20 minutes long. It's quiet. Yeah, let's do this in a minute. Well, they don't... And it's also like the thing they say about Netflix that Netflix tells people when they're making movies,

like, hey, keep saying in the dialogue... What the plot is. What the plot is, so people... God, it's hard being a Spider-Man. Did you see the rip with Ben... Affleck and Matt Damon. What was that? It's like they're two cops, but they...

Oh, that's a new film they've been doing a press tour for. Yeah. It feels like a parody. Really? Like, it feels like when I watched it, it felt like they were like, let's fuck with them. Because every five minutes, they're like, don't you understand, there's a ton of money upstairs

and a lot of people are coming to get it. And we don't know who's right and who's wrong. And you're like, right. And then the scene happens. Plus, I've gotten a divorce. Yeah. And my lady died. Five minutes later, don't you understand there's a lot of money upstairs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do we all have amnesia? Yeah, God, we shouldn't have a drink problem. And my lady's dead. You're like, I don't like this as a movie. No. Because there was a clip of them saying that. I think they were on Rogan talking about that.

They get all these notes. And it used to be, there was Matt Damon was talking about how it used to be like there was a set piece. And then set piece at the end. Now Netflix's like set piece three minutes in, da, da, da, da, because we can't be trusted anymore. Because the phones. Yeah. They got us. Yeah.

Whatever the phones. I've read a book in. years. I'm trying, dude. It's terrible. I'm trying back in. I look and you go,

why isn't this glowing in my face? It feels like jogging. It feels like jogging. You're like, get out there and you're like, I'm out of breath three. Yeah. You're like, I know I got to keep going to do this more,

but it's just so good. They got so good at the programming. It's crazy. I catch myself at least, I'm not joking, at least five times a week going, why am I scrolling? I was with Mike before this

and he said he's deleted apps off his phone. And he said the reason was he was waiting for a train and he was just watching a man type rope walking and he goes, why? Why? What's the fucking? I was like,

I remember I got on a flight or whatever and I was looking at it and the first thing is a blue baby being brought back to life like a dead baby and it's like I open my I open Reddit and it's like a guy slapping a baby's back and the baby being like yeah, yeah, I don't know, why am I watching this? And this mad, I've got in this algorithm on

Instagram with these cat videos, It's like AI. Yeah, I did. And the ones where they cheat, they cheat on the cat starts cheating on the cat with the gorilla. With the horse? Yeah, yeah. She's cheating with the horse.

And he's cheating with the gorilla. And I watched like 30 of them in a row. Yeah. I haven't done. What do something? What are you doing? They completely nullified you. You're just sitting there and you're like, it's so bad.

Yeah, you get caught in the algorithm and you're like, it's fucking pathetic. Hours a day. And then I would say we're at this weird time where I almost feel, empathy for people that go all in on social media creators because of the turnover they burn out so fast. It's horrible. We meant a post once a week.

We shouldn't be. I mean, we shouldn't even be doing this. Do I mean? It's like, I wish I'd been around. This is fun. I love having a conversation with you. I wish we were in a world where both of us just did stand up and this was a lunch.

We were just chatting. Yeah. I wouldn't have to worry about it. I wouldn't worry about a guy getting butt hurt because I made fun of Trump a little bit. Yeah. Even though I doled it out evenly, I wouldn't have to call him and be like, I'm a little too hard.

I just, there are people that are dumb and I want them coming back to the center. Yeah. It's just I fucking miss everyone. But there is, there's like no appeasing everyone. My, like I do a podcast and I get sent the clips from the producer and he goes, put this out.

I go, why is fucking shit. Yeah. Yeah. He's great at picking out clips where I go. I go, that's right. Yeah.

Because there'll be times where he'll send me stuff and I go, I hate myself. Oh, man. I hate the love. I do a laugh at the end, and I'm like, oh, you look like a... Because my algorithm is comedians. So it's just two guys on a sofa, and they'll be like, have you told you about the time I came in my pants?

They go, ah, ha, ha. It's not that funny. But by the way... But you know it is. And you can see it in their eyes. I love my favorite one is watching, uh, not unsuccessful, but mid-level successful podcasts. And their friends are millionaires.

And yet, but they go, we're doing the same laugh. You know, you can see it in their eyes. The same exact movement. Yeah. Where is my friends? money. Why am I not making any money? I just like, I enjoy it because I get to have, I get to have people. It's great to meet people.

To my apartment and talk to, like, you're going to leave and I'm going to play arc graders. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This isn't like a thing where I, we have a post-production meeting and we have to really sit down. It's like Mike and I break down the lights and cameras. When I did Pete Davidson's podcast, it's produced by Netflix. Really? And I went in and it was like a movie shoot. And one of the ladies, I was like, waiting.

Pete wasn't even there and I'm waiting for Pete and she's like, what's your podcast like? And I go, it's just equipment we keep next to my dog's kennel in my office. And she's like, wow. Like, it was just done with me. And everyone's in it like.

Don't you feel like you're ripping people off? The road, like, you know, Spotify paying $100 million. And it changed everything, I think, now. Yeah, because. Everyone's trying to get, and everyone has a podcast. We have reality TV stars

who were in fucking dog shit shows 15 years ago. And that will be them sat down talking about the mental health. You're like, why is this still famous? That's why when everyone, when anyone like shits on it,

I go, yeah, man, it's not for everybody. I'm awesome. I enjoy the conversations and I enjoy hanging out with people. And I really appreciate people listening to this. Yeah.

But this is all a commercial to come see me. Yes, that's why. I'm doing it because I want to sell more tickets. Yeah, it's like, like when I do more. I would hate if I were funnier, you know,

that's one of the reasons why I wanted to go concentrate on my stand-up. because I felt like I was on podcast being funnier and it's like I'm putting my time in the wrong place now I can do this but the work week is one day a week yeah it's an hour a week it's an hour a week we're a little over an hour and I'm gonna fucking go and then in an hour I'm gonna make another coffee and sit down and write jokes

yeah yeah yeah great go do spots you know what I mean so it is like there is an ends there is a means to the end but just every like the guy who killed bin Laden followed me the other day that's he's got a podcast you know I mean like it's number one I'm jealous. Number two, get me on that podcast. I want to go on it.

My favorite thing is the mob guys, the rats. Colin Quinn has the best joke about that. Really? What's he say? He's like, I think it's over when the mob started a podcast.

He's like, you know, they took an oath famously to never talk about it. And then you're hearing him. He's like, what's Colin's line? He goes,

hey, you know, and then I beat the guy to death with the tire iron. We'll talk about that later. Right now I want to talk about Dollar Shave Club. It's the best shave of your life. No,

it's better than the best shave of your life. Oh, That's so funny. But it is like you see that. You go, yeah, it's, because you can imagine the age

these guys like carrying a fucking body and a, you know, throwing it in the shark. Don't tell nobody. Yeah, yeah. And then it's like,

yeah, they're, they're their reader glasses and they go, they're sick of track. Yeah, yeah. He's got five million views. Sammy the Bull Gravano

does better help. You ever feeling depressed? Yeah. He's just fucking. He's like, you know what I do? I take blue choo. Blue choo.

It makes me fuck my gumon away. that I never thought possible. I'm loving it. She might be a sidebeast, but with my blue chew, she's the main squeeze. Now, don't forget, you tell anybody you comment,

dude, I want to start, let's, just the way we're going to start our Sydney, Sweeney, hidden request podcast. Yep.

We're also going to do a podcast of tough guys read comments. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and we're going to have mobsters and mafia bosses and all that stuff

and we're just going to scroll on a giant, with a crowd behind us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they can't kill us privately. And you go, oh, look at this one. This one hurt? You're like, highlight it.

This guy says you look like a can of tomatoes put on a soup. Put on a suit. Does that hurt you? Johnny the Strangler? Yeah. I saw one with, was it that Michael Francaze guy? Yeah. Him and Sammy the Bull having an argument on Zoom.

And Sammy Ball was like, you've never killed anyone. He's like, I've done stuff. And you're like, this is so funny, man. You're publicly doing it. If we had real police. in this country, would they be like, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They go, what do you got?

They go, play episode 47. It's mad. But even like, if you're a burger van, you need an Instagram now. Yeah, it's all, the, everything is shifted to that. So I understand people hating the overexposure. Yeah. But just like I was saying with the pendulum swinging and like how you have these cults of personalities and stuff, everything changes.

Yeah. Everything washes away. It's like, you can't stop erosion. It's just the water. the waves hitting you over and over again. This shit will be, dude, there'll come a time where I am like in my addict or garage and I find a podcast set up and I go,

what if for one, we take it back to 2026? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, let's talk about doggie style. This is the first, we're talking, we're sex positive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, it'll all change. And it'll go to something else. else.

And it'll be like... It'll be worse. Having a podcast will be like our parents being in like a hair metal band in the late 70s. They'll be like the flares... Sorry, the leather pants. That'll be...

This will be our leather pants. My niece, my niece at her wedding will bring up a podcast clip that resurfaced that she's embarrassed by. Yes. She was Uncle Dan, why are you doing that? And I go, I don't know. Yeah.

It was high. It was in the afternoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do you be able to... Everyone podcasts back then. Yeah. Yeah, it is. I mean, the...

analogy Ronnie Chang had a great bit about it, but I've heard it before. It's smoking inside. Yeah. We're just all going to look back and be like, fucking crazy. What the fuck was that? Who thought that was a good idea? Yeah. And I'll tell you who thought that was a good idea.

Cut to the ads. Red Richardson's one of the funniest dudes that I've came across in a while. You're fucking hilarious. You're standing up. I love your jokes. The joke about sucking dick. That was the one I was thinking about that I got mad about the Dubai. Oh, yeah.

You're like, just the king. Do you call the king? I really want to suck a dick right now. Watch Bugatti Live. It's up on YouTube. It's hilarious. Get it, you know,

it's got quarter of a million views. Get it to a million. Get it to a million. Get it to three million. Get Red so much money that he's on an island with a shark door. That's what we're going for.

That's why we do this. That's why you get in the game. It's not to create. It's to get to the shark door and ask questions about it, but not go through it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not go through it.

Thank you. Thanks so much for having me, man.