Soder - 136: IRL Kayfabe with Chris Faga | Soder Podcast | BONUS EP

Episode Date: May 29, 2026

The Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour is coming to your city!Get tickets at https://www.dansoder.com/tourJune 1-2 Key West,FLJune 5 - Newark,NJJune 13 - Mill Valley,CA - Special TapingJuly 9-11 Batavia,ILJuly 16-18 Stamford,CTJuly 31 - August 1 - Albany,NYAugust 13-15 Baltimore,MDAugust 20-22 Spokane,WASeptember 18-19 Manchester,CTOctober 2-3 Bernalillo,NMOctober 22-24 Calgary,ABNovember 5-7 Salt Lake City,UTDecember 10-12 Rochester,NYFollow Chris Fagahttps://www.instagram.com/chrisfrombklyn/https://x.com/ChrisFromBklynPLEASE Drop us a rating on iTunes and subscribe to the show to help us grow.https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soder/id1716617572Connect with SoderTwitter: https://Twitter.com/dansoderInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/dansoderTiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedyFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/dansoderYoutube: http://www.youtube.com/@dansoder.comedy#dansoder #standup #comedy #entertainment #podcastProduced by  Mike Lavin     https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/?hl=en

Hey, everybody. If you are in Key West, Florida, June 1st and June 2nd, I'm going to be doing Comedy Key West. Go to Dan Soder.com to get those tickets. Got a huge announcement coming up of all the clubs I'm going to be hitting soon, including the Comedy Vault in Batavia. We got New York Comedy Club in Stanford. That's going to be awesome. The Port in Baltimore and a bunch of other clubs where I'm working on the building the new hour, so we're going to have an announcement soon with a poster and everything. It's not a tour. because it's not really a tour. It's just me on the road,

building a new hour. Dancerter.com for tickets. Enjoy the episode. Because for those of you that don't know, wrestle kingdom is New Japan Pro Wrestling. It usually is their, it's their WrestleMania. Yeah.

It's always on New Year's or like a couple days after New Year's, but it's on crazy time. Oh, it's Japan. Yeah, it's Japan's time. And they sell out the Tokyo Dome, 100,000 people. Some of the best matches you'll ever see happen. I mean, Osprey, Omega.

I'm an Omega guy. So Osprey Omega. That was great. Okato Omega. I mean, but you go back to like Shinske Nakamura, all his matches when he was like the I.C. Yeah, him versus AJ Stiles is a great match. They like completely flubbed in WWE. That WrestleMania match, I don't, if for those of you that remember the

WrestleMania match between Nakamura and Stiles at WrestleMania, it was before WrestleMania broke out into two days. Yeah. And it was like a nine hour pay-per-view. And you felt the audio. go like and that was the match everyone was stoked for yeah yeah yeah because it was two indie guys or a new japan guy and an indie guy it's four and a half hours in though it was so tiring i can't imagine like sitting that was was that in the one in new york yeah i remember that was that met life

i hung out with you like even like i was like people were like do you want to go to that there's like you can get tickets online for not that expensive i'm like dude i've watched five live wrestling shows like i went with you to the busted open thing that you did great and then catal it uh cataly cataly Wrestling did a show that I worked. And then I, like, went to Supercard. And then I was just like, I didn't even want to watch WrestleMania. I was just like, there's just been so much indie. I went to like random indie shows in Brooklyn.

Oh, that week of? Yeah. I was just so exhausted. I remember, like, Scott Chaplin went to like, he was like, we were watching something. We were watching NXT doing live commentary at gas. And Scott was like, I got to leave now. I got to go to a show. And I'm just like, didn't you come from a show?

It is like, um, when you grow up and you meet dudes that are really horny. Oh, yeah. And you realize you go, oh, I don't think I've ever been horny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where they go like, no, I need it again right now. And you go, what? You're not satiated with, you just, you know.

Guy whose girlfriend leaves and calls a hooker. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like those guys, I'm always like, man, that to me in my mind, as someone that can't drink anymore just because I do it too much. I think that's the worst of all.

Food addiction, I think, is the worst. Like when those people are like morbidly obese. The only thing that broke me of food addiction was COVID restaurants clothes. Because I was like a fancy food addict. Really? Yeah, dude, when I started doing open mics, I would get so depressed. I'm in my 30s. And I was like flush with cash at the time.

Sure. I would literally do an open mic and then go to like Maraya by myself and eat a 12-course meal and then go do two more open mics. Just to take the beating? Just to get through. That does sound almost like a sore, like a weird. weird way of S&M with food and comedy. So like because I used to be so fat and like by that point. I was 300 pounds at my fatest. And then I just like I don't think I ever knew you fat. You knew me like chunky.

Like I had rechunked. Okay. Like you know what I mean? Like it's and my weight has gone up and down like a bunch, but like it's been like pretty steady since COVID happened. But like I was like the way like you know like a heroin addict like lays out their needles because they just got out of the joint. You know what I mean? Like that's how I was with food once I got skinny. Like I was like method. I was like method. with it. Like I was like, what would you say? Because you always need to ask, if you were a sex addict, I would ask, what's the best night of sex you ever had? If you were, uh, alcoholic, I'd say, what's that? La Bernadden. Also by myself, I would go to these restaurants by myself. So that's the best, hold on. Hold on. Three Michelin restaurant in Hong Kong alone. Okay, let me ask, so let me ask the question, Clean. What is the best meal you've ever had? The Leberna den was my favorite. And where is that? That's in Manhattan. In Manhattan. Yeah, three-martin restaurant. Three-star Michelin restaurant? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What kind of food?

It's like mostly seafood, but it's like a 12 course thing. And then I like ordered some all the car. They just like threw me stuff. My favorite place to go though for a while was there was this place Boulay, which was two Michelin Stars, but they had the best deal for lunch. Oh. It was like, that's like a sex. That's like a sex addict in those strip clubs.

Yeah, yeah. You go on a Tuesday so you get more attention. When I was fat, I was like a strip club guy because I was eating junk. Yeah. And then when I lost the weight, I was like, I can get pussy now. Yeah. So I was just like, I'm just going to fucking fancy as restaurants. So.

My feeling with fancy restaurants is the same feeling I have whenever I've gotten behind the wheel of like a very powerful car. Okay. Where I go, this is wasted on me. I see. Give me a Nissan Maxima and I feel like I'm in a race car. Okay. Like I go to like a decent restaurant and I'm like, this is really nice to me. But guys like you, Tim Dillon's very similar to that.

Yeah. Tim Dillon's the only person. Ralph, too. Yeah. But Tim is the only person I know who's. pocketbook caught up to his tastes. So like he would do that, but he had no money. But he'd be like, we're going to go get this fantastic meal.

Yeah, yeah. So now when you're around him, you're like, I feel like you're the only other person I've ever met where we need to get your, we need to get your pocket book flush again. Oh, it's going to be a problem. It would be a really? Somebody was just describing to me. They had like a guest Nigerian chef at Keens.

My buddy keeper was just saying he was. Keene Steakhouse. Yeah. And he was like, yo, he's like hanging a tomahawk. He's like, I ate a tomahawk for two to the fend. face on my birthday and he was like it was just basically they hang this steak they chargrile and then like the uh the juices all drip into this plate and then they make a ju at it out of that put it over the time i was like i would go eat that alone right now i would sit there no headphones

on yeah just sit there methodically eating just like a serial killer just casually hacking it apart and i would go to this place because i'm like a fucking mook even like the places you have to wear a jacket like that place le bernadden i'm in there and i'm wearing a nice sport code or whatever sure and this guy's looking at me weird from like a another table he's I was just like, why is this guy looking at me? And then I realized, like, he's like, oh, I have like a $200 watch on and he's got a $20,000 protect Philippe on.

And he's like, how the, why are we eating the same meal pee on? That's got, that's got to be, that's the jealousy, uh, in the strip club where the old guy that comes and gives a lot of money. And then the stripper sees a cute young guy that's paying her.

And then he's like, no, I'm the one giving you the big money. That's the same jealousy. Dude, at columns, Bachelor Party, uh, Pimp was there.

This girl was just sitting and talking to me the whole time. Like a young girl, pretty. And she's just, like, didn't get a lap dance from her once. We were just chatting the whole time. Sure. And she's just like, you just remind me. And I finally just go, is it your boyfriend? Are you talking about your boyfriend?

It's like, I don't care that you have a boyfriend. She's just like, yeah. And I was like, that's fine. I was like, you were saving me so much fucking money by sitting here. No, nobody else has asked me to get a dance. And I would have wasted because I was fucking, you know, it's a bachelor party. I was all fucked up. Yeah.

I was like, did you guys on Legion of Skanks? When that group, you guys like stopped by Legion of Skanks, I think, before you went out, the Coke eyes on everyone when I watched that episode. Because Colin was like, come to my Bachelor Party. You got to come to my Bachelor Party. And I was like, I don't know, man. I don't really do well in Bachelor. I would probably say the two things I don't do anymore at all are Vegas and Bachelor

parties. Okay. Because I don't drink. Yeah, without booze. And I've been to, I've been to him with it. I can't go without it. So the boot, like, that's the thing. It's like, you can't, I can't be around strippers without booze.

Like, it's like, when people are like, you know, this place is bottomless, but there's no boo. I'm like, yeah, but I can't suspend the disbelief. Like, I can't, like, you have to suspend disbelief. And the only way that you're suspending disbelief in a strip club is like three shots, seven beers. You need to be rap video. You need to be so drunk, you feel like you're in a rap video. Yeah. Where they're just dancing because you're so cool.

They just want to dance on you. It's for you. Yes. Yeah. Because when you go in and you have. any sort of connection of humanity in a strip club, place feels way different. Place feels way different.

Yeah. You just go in and you're like, oh, you're dancing because you're sad and you need the money. But when you're drunk, you're like, God damn, I make you horny don't I.

Here's 20 bucks. And they're like, ooh, Daddy. The funniest was, I mean, shit, I'm still mad at Chris Rock

for lying to me about the no sex in the champagne room thing. Yeah, that's an absolute lie. What a lion piece of shit. That is an absolute lie. I'm a little smacked him in the face.

There's a L. lot of sex in the champagne room. Yeah. There was, they're weirded out if you don't try. Have you ever, did you ever go to Montreal to those strip clubs? Because you grew up in New York.

I went to one or two when I was up there the last time. But it's like, here's the thing, it's like if you're in a spot like that, so it was like, oh, it was when I, I saw you in Montreal that time.

Remember I was up there with a bunch of my boys randomly when JFL was going on? And we were just drink. It was before I was even doing standup. I was just drinking, but I went to, Stanley was doing Bennington.

You were doing comedy 101 and paperface closed it. So he's a strip club guy So you need a guy like that I've seen him tip strippers With a mozzarella stick Like you know what I mean Like what is there the reaction To getting tipped with a mozzarella stick

Dude he's just such a strip club guy That they're into it like He speaks the lingo Dude it's just like they just see him And they're just like oh this is gonna be fun Like he walks in with a box on his head Like he'll do it He dude he did a rap show

At this place liquid assets That was on one of those like haunted Fucking Place shows like he did a strip club He did a Wait it was a haunted strip club It was a super club It was on one of these like haunted place shows.

The owner was like a character, like an Italian guy. But they would have like Jada kiss there and like Juel Santana would do a show. And then the guy just saw Pape with the with the bag on one at the club one night. And he was just like, oh, you rap? Why don't you do a show here? And then at one point, he got paid in a bottle of sarac. Great.

Yeah. What flavor? Probably grape. More than likely. More than likely grape. And then I remember at one point like the strippers were just annoyed because it was just a bunch. of us that were there to hang out with him and then like some of us were kind of like getting lap dances and stuff but you could tell that like the regulars were pissed off because it wasn't like a

famous rapper no it was just this guy yeah and all with the mic you hear this old italian guy go yeah that was paper face uh you're gonna see paper face again real soon because even if you don't like paper face i love paper face great that's what you want you want the owner of the strip club being like i had a great time tonight yeah this was a blast the girls are mad but i'm having a blast yeah i basically own that yeah he goes They don't know where their real families are. I got them out of a shipping crate. That's the reason, like, booze does help those things.

With meals, do you like to drink? Yeah, I'll have, like, a cup, but, like, I'm not getting drunk. Yeah. Like, it's, like, I'll, like, order a drink while I'm waiting for the first course, and then I'll have, like, a glass of wine. Like, maybe, like, 11 Madison Park does, like, some really good cocktails. And, like, I knew the head bartender at one point. So I would do the cocktails there because the guy even, like, kind of knew what I liked.

You know what I mean? So it was, like, kind of that. People that move through the restaurant world in New York always impress me. Because he always like nowhere to go. My friends like that. I got a buddy I grew up with that moved here. And he's like, he moves through the world where he's like, oh, they got a new chef. Like that sentence where he's like, oh, they got a new chef at this restaurant.

How do you know that? What are the trades that you're reading? Well, have you just worked, I mean, because you only worked at the one restaurant here, right? I worked at, I only worked at one restaurant in New York. And it was like Dos Caminos. It was at the time a BR guest restaurant. Okay. B.R. guest owned a lot of restaurants.

They owned like Ruby Foods. But all those are kind of like high-end grill, blue water grill. Those are all like high-end chains, though. You know what it was? Because you're a fancy restaurant guy. They were nice applebees. Like a McCormick and Schmix or something like that. I would say, yeah, I would say it's a little below that.

It was, so when I lived in Arizona, you would watch these things. When I lived in Tucson, you would see these apartments. complex go up because it's the desert you can build wherever these apartment complex would go up and they'd be huge with a pool and it would be like the coolest apartment complex at the University of Arizona for two years everyone would be like you're going to you're going to like star ranch are you going to like all these like uni house you're going to go to these and it's these giant buildings but then you would go and like I had friends that lived there I lived at one eventually okay and then you go in and you go oh this is made shitty. This is made like they pop this up, they put a pool in, they made it a party place.

The dry wall is like paper thin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The cabinets are falling off as soon as you move in. Yeah, it looks really nice for the first two years. By year five, you're like, this is a shit apartment complex. Okay. So that is kind of the feeling. Now, it was Tucson like, so I've only been to Tucson once. It was also to visit somebody at U of A who was managing a strip club in his spare time. TDs, TDs probably. TD's West or TD's East. Maybe. No, it was only one. location. I met the guy who was the son of the owner of TDs, like just in the street that night. And he, like, pulled a fucking gun out and just ran away. That's fun. I was like, whoa, that was the weirdest. He just, wait. He just pulled the gun and there was like, I'm out here.

I was wearing like a Yankee hat. So we started talking to me and my boy who came with me and my boy who was out there and you just started talking to us about New York and how he's been here a bunch of times and he was like, he's like, yeah. I don't even remember the name. My buddy Kevin was managing the strip. I don't even remember the name of the club. But he was like, oh yeah, who owns this one? Centerfolds? Centerfolds is Denver. What was the other one? Dude, it's like over 10 years ago.

There's no way I'm going to remember the name of this strip club. But he was like, yeah, they own this one. And then he was like, my dad owns this one and then this one. And then he goes, and we're talking for like 10 minutes. And he just goes, oh, yo, I got beef with that guy and just goes into his glove box, pulls that at a nine, clocks it and just starts running. And I looked at my boys and we're like, we got to go. Yeah, dude, just cut up the, I didn't hear any gunshots.

I don't know what the fuck happened. Tucson was wild. Tucson was down, though. Not for nothing. Like the bars are fun. Very fun. Great college town. Great college town and very fun if you're, like,

going to live there and fuck around for a little bit. Yeah, inexpensive. The desert's fucking great. You just go out in the desert fucking blast a cactus with a shotgun. Did that. I got to do that with an AK-47. Which is also a- Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, dude. You just go out to the desert and shoot shit. Yeah. My buddy- to go to the dollar store and buy a bunch of shit and just blast it. Dude, my buddy, my buddy Jersey Mike, do I still see?

I'm not going to give his legal name because I'm... Well, that we owns this chain of sub-shots. You are, dude, that was so, that came out and he was like, fuck. Because his nickname in college was Jersey Mike, and then now Danny DeVito and Eli are pushing his commercials. But he had an AK-40.

He had a couple of guns. Okay. But he would, you'd be hung over on a Saturday. Yeah. And he'd be like, you go out to the desert and shoot shit. Exactly what you do.

You go buy a junk store. Yeah. You know what the best time was doing is now, January, because it was warm enough to go outside. And all the Christmas shit was like 75% off. So you buy like those plastic. In Arizona, you can get a black Santa for like a,

nickel. They don't even want it. They're like, that's a misprint. You go, Santa can be black for black people. They go, that's a misprint. You don't have any here. That's the prior joke. There are no brothers in Arizona. Yeah. But they really, we just go shoot shit and you would like go out to the desert and like, he had a truck. You just put his bed down and you like lay out all the shit. You know, shoot guns, smoke a joint and go back into the city. Also, you could go to gun ranges there, which is something that I would do. Because you can rent guns and swap them out, right? Man fun. You could rent like really cool. cool guns and be like, well, I'd never be able to shoot this.

You could do that in fucking Colorado where you're from, right? Yeah, but not as easy. Okay. Arizona, it was like on every block. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could, it was a stone's throw from anywhere you were. You're like, I wouldn't go shoot guns over there. Yeah.

It was, dude, my old roommate. It's like, it's like pool halls in the 90s in New York. Yeah, they were just everywhere. Dude, we, uh, my roommate who I, if you watch the Comedy Central story about us getting robbed when he sold weed, the gun he bought, he just, like went to a gun show and was like, ah, just some Long Island dude.

And he's like, yeah, I'll, what's the cheapest gun you got? I remember the guy at the gun show went, what? And he was like, cheapest gun that you have.

And he's like, that's not a good thing. Yeah. And Amir thought he was getting like a deal. He was like, no, I want a deal. And then he bought a gun that we took,

that was one of the reasons we went to the range for the first time. Okay. Because he's like, I want to try this out and it shot, like, it shot bad. It like carried to the left.

You had to do the, I don't know what that is in the gun world, but I was like, this doesn't work. You did you do the Angela, Lena Jolie and want it, like spin it? Yeah, they got like, just to even, just even to clip the target. But yeah, I would,

Tucson was like a great place that's, that has a feeling of lawlessness. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It has a feeling of like, people that live here. The guy that, um, Mario Puzzo, based the godfather on,

retired in Tucson. Oh, really? Because they had, you drive by, you know, this was like when you would, drive around and smoke weed. And my friend were always like, Godfather House. I forget where it was in Tucson.

But it was a former head of the mob, you could probably look it up, retired to Tucson. Damn. So there's people there that you have that feeling where you're, like that guy pulling the gun out, you go, well, you're too crazy for New York. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because if you just did that in New York, you'd be in jail. Forever. They just put your Rikers and they go like, we're not letting you out. Yeah, yeah, you're going to die of starvation somewhere. Yeah. But Tucson, there's almost this like embrace

of the lawlessness. Yeah, yeah, it's very cowboyish, which is like the opposite of, I was actually gonna ask you this. Like you said, there's things would be shitty in two years. Does Tucson have the same need for places with divorced dads

that, like, Phoenix does? Probably, probably, I just didn't know it because I was in college. So I was just witnessing that where I was like, oh, they just build these apartment complexes and kind of let them rot.

That's a little bit of what Beard guest did. They would, like, build these restaurants that were, like, super cool. And, like, in demand. When I, I worked at Dos Caminos. Yeah, I lived in that area. Like, 50th and 3rd.

I thought you worked at the, wasn't there one also downtown? There was four at one time. Okay. There was meat packing. There was Soho. Okay. There was, um, dose third.

Okay. And then there was, um, I think Vegas. There was one in the, like, in one of the casinos for a while. So they would build it and they'd be really cool.

But then within four years, you were like, shit's starting to rot. I was there. for like five years and I watched it go from being like really cool to being like there's a cooler restaurant down the street because the workplace culture in a place like that is not great like it's not like even like turnovers is non-stop yeah because that's what you said you like you like you don't like know if there's a new chef in a place or whatever it's like is that a lot of that because like in

a restaurant like that you're not getting these people that are like sort of service industry lifers no you're not you're getting people that's a fucking great point yeah you're good restaurants rely on lifers yeah you want someone that wait even if they're just you're just just passing through. Sure. I just need somebody with that experience. But they take waiting tables seriously. Yeah.

And when you wait tables, you see the people that do take it seriously and you go, go to a steakhouse. Like go do something. But that was like, it was gringo Mexican. It was white people serving you Mexican food. So they want like,

and it was like, did the remixes that they would play, it'd be like a Mexican, it would be like a blend of cold play with mariachi. And you're like, I'm going to kill me. myself. There were some songs.

There are songs that I get triggered like a Manchurian candidate. When I hear them, I'll hear them from that playlist. And I'll be like, I'm double sat. Like you just hear the choppers going over. It's how like nonvets probably went nuts with Creedens for a while. They're like, don't play credence around me. You're probably playing right now. They're probably playing that Dolly Parton Pipple song nonstop.

Yeah. Oh my God. It would be like shit like that where you'd be like, I hate this. Or like lower level. indie rock songs that just made weird noises but sounded cool. Okay. So they'd just play that all the time, but the clientele was all

Wall Street people. Yeah, it's these guys who think they're classy but don't know anything about anything. They just want to know that they're spending money. Yes. So that's how you'd make money for me is you'd sell them patron margaritas. Because we knew, like, you had to do like, by the way, I'm not saying be our guests, slapped shit together. They trained you at Dos Camitos to like, you had to learn tequila. You'd have to, like, learn shit, but they would, because they're trying to get you to upsell.

Sure. But there's also, it's also like, they're, they're training you, but they're really just being like, okay, we have all these actors. Let's just give them this script. That's exactly it. Like, it's exactly it. And then you have, you have all these like actors that want to make it or comics. And then you have just like high priced drinks.

But dude, they would hire like girls that were like hot actresses. Yeah, of course. And then they would sell a shit. on a tequila because all these businessmen are like, I have a career. Dude, watching girls get picked up because you know the turnover in the restaurant in the show. Oh,

yeah, but you'd watch a cute girl start and then you would like watch her flirt with like a couple of the Wall Street guys and you're like, they're absolutely going to start dating one of them. Oh, yeah. That's why they're there. Yeah. It literally was like them,

like the Wall Street guys were coming by for enchiladas and to pick up a girlfriend. Yeah, yeah. Like, who's that girl? Oh, dude, I had. 21, right? Yeah. I had a table. I used to work doubles.

And so, like, I would close lunch, take my break, but the dinner shift would start because, you know, you close lunch all the way up until the dinner takes over. So I'd take my break, but the dinner shift had already, like, had like a half an hour, 45 minutes, which I'd give a couple people at my tables, that's fine.

But one time I was coming back on the floor, and I think I've told the story on the podcast before, but this cute girl that I worked with, like came up to me and she's like, I started table fucking whatever, like 3-14, four guys, four double-marked, He does two double guacks. It's like the bill was already sitting at like $200 before entrees.

And I was like, let's fucking go. And I walked up to the table and I was like, hey guys, I'm your waiter. And collectively they went, oh. And I was like. And I went back to the girl. Some of those double guacks. Yeah. And I went back to her and I was like, why don't she take the table?

And then at the end she was like, they were so nice. And I was like, to you they were. Yeah, I was working at a bar at one point. a long time ago. And I remember some girl just left a resume. She was cute or whatever. And I gave it to the owner and he was like, there's no picture on this resume.

And I go, I mean, she's gotten a lot of experience. She's like, if I don't know what she looks like, I can't hire her. I mean, I might even call on this phone number.

Some restaurant managers are pure slime balls, but some of them have a little slime on it because they know that's how you grease the wheels and make the restaurant work. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We hired, we used to have a large turnover of managers.

We had a lot of great managers, like people I became lifelong friends with, some of my managers, but some of these guys that, corporate would bring in because they'd be like hey we want them to train on the cafe okay at 50th and 3rd and then break with this dude I don't remember his last name just like a bulldog of a man but he was very very short very muscular and very like strip club manager okay was the vibe he had but he had his suit and he would like you know hit his little zip card to like okay

fucking uh to void shit or whatever yeah his void capabilities is jay calls it, Big Jack, but he would just void shit or whatever. This girl started working there that every straight man on staff was like, like jaw dropped. She was like just thick as, like, she was like spilling out of her top and wore like a very small dress and was very, very flirty. And she had this one manager around her finger. She was a horrible waitress. She was a horrible waitress and he would give her like six table sections and other waiters would be like what are you doing she would be so in the weeds and he would be like jumping in and helping out that that's where it gave up that you were like oh you want to fuck her so bad you're back waitering for her wow like

when we saw it because it was lunch so the lunch pop is like it's all at once okay but watching him like go and like pre-buss and drop shit and like run stuff to her table and you're like, but he's not helping anyone else out. And we're like, you fucking, and by the way, she loudly had a boyfriend, loudly, who's like a fucking huge Albanian dude. So you don't want to fuck with that. You know what a barrel somewhere on the Belt Parkway. I'm not getting, I don't want to see the last thing I see is Adidas pants as I get

stuffed in a bag. But I was like, every guy that heard that like me was like, ah, fuck that. Fuck that. I'm going around the corner to CV6 and I'm having a beer. I'm not talking to that bitch. That was like always the vibe. But watching that, I, Michael was his name. I always remember watching Michael backweight for her in a way that I was like,

she's not going to fuck you. Dude, when I was a door guy, I used to end up having a wait tables all the time because like just the owner started banging the waitress that was on my shift. And I was like, wait, so I'm not getting, so we had a slow night. I just got fucked. Like he'd be like, oh, it's slow. We're just going to leave. and I'd be like, oh, fuck.

Like, so it's a slow night, I'm not getting my $20 an hour that I would get as the door guy. I'm getting fucking just in the tip pool. So wait, this is, you're a door guy at a restaurant? Bar. At a bar.

But it was like cocktails. Okay. And then he started banging one of the waitresses. Yeah. And then. Like, I would show up like later. I'd show up at like eight. Sure.

The door. So now I'm working the door and waiting tables. And like, if it was a slow night, I'm making less money. So they wouldn't let you stay. on the $20 and get tips. I think at one point I was just like, hey, like, so when this is,

if it ends up being a slow night and I'm making less money, I don't think that's really fair. And they were like, okay, like, you can choose one or the other. Like, or you get a half, or you get a half a tip share. That would make me so much. And I was like, that was fine. That's okay.

Yeah. But I am doing two jobs. Man, restaurants really can just, you just start working for them and they go, here's how we're going to treat you. Yeah. Like you. Like absolute shit.

I say this about every, about every like, um, independent like restaurant or bar. It's where a team until all of a sudden there's money. And then it's like, I will fire you. Yeah. Like it's like we're a team.

We're all in this together when there's no money. And then all of a sudden there's the amount of guys I know who like opened bars who were like promised sweat equity. And then all of a sudden there was money and they were like, I don't remember talking about that. Yeah. Oh, fuck you. And now I need this job because it's finally starting to pay.

Yeah. especially like that because the restaurant industry is so many misses. You know, they always say like you start something, you're going to go in the red for the first like five or six years until if you're lucky to go in the black. Yeah. And the second it starts going to the black, they go,

we're bringing in better employees. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you think? But that feels like that happens with almost everything in America now, where it gets good the way it is and then they make money and they switch it. They're like three card bond. They like switch it and they go, oh, it's not the same product.

This sucks. Yeah, but if you do that, like, people eventually figure it out and now you're not making money again. Yeah. Like, that is my fear with the WWE

that we were talking about. It got taken over by TKO, which owns UFC and stuff. Yeah. And it's like, listen. And PBR, don't forget PBR. They own PBR?

Not the beer, the bull riding company. Oh, yeah, they owned. We watched that one day. Katie and I were bored and we just watched. I went to it at the garden.

It's a blast. It's very. The team, rodeo thing? What a concept. As someone that used to go to the Western Stock Show in Colorado and watch the actual rodeo, teams makes it way better. Oh, yeah.

Because you go, this guy's going to ride the bull longer. And then they have like a really good one. And then he gets kicked off and you're like, someone's got to step up. I think they had to make teams just because, because at first it was just the individual guys. Now they have the team version. And it's like, that just makes it easier to gamble on. Yeah.

They need the gambling sponsor. Every sports league needs a gambling sponsorship. Well, did you see now they're starting to do gambling on like ending of TV shows? No. There's like like, yeah, like politicians. You can like pick who's going to win, which that's always going to think. Polymarket is just doing that. Yeah.

And it's just insider trading essentially. Yeah, that's it. You just lay a heavy bet. Like they like said, uh, it was like some corporate guy was like how he would end his speech and then literally ends the speech and went, sorry, Polymarket. Like, so it's like, what did you lay on yourself to not do this thing? Crazy. That's what I mean where it's like,

man. Also, I would make the argument. If you got into sports because of gambling, you're not into sports. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's fair. It's like, you don't like ball. You just like betting on it. You just want the... Just get a racing for them. Like, what are you doing? They literally have entire sports that are built for this. Horse racing. Horse racing and high lie. Yeah. There's high lie down in Florida. It's just a gambling day. But now it's all on the internet. You can just do it. Yeah. Like there's a thing. There's like a dark thing that Katie showed me. There's like a whole Russian industry.

Someone did an ex, maybe John Oliver, someone did an expose on this, but it's sports just for the sake of gambling. So it's like two guys sitting down, kicking a soccer ball at each other. And they're like, one's wearing red,

one's wearing blue, and you just bet on it. And it's like, students dystopian. It's like 70 videos of watching people gamble on like, they're just like, it's like, remember the casino?

I was literally thinking that when you said that. This is a different kind of casino. Guess the number. Yeah, he's war. He keeps playing war. Yeah, the buffet there. Yeah. Oh, yellow's looking mighty fine today, Clark.

But it really, America's becoming that. The casino, the casino from, just, you're just like, yeah, let's bet on it. The fact that you can bet on a TV show, I have a friend, my friend Carlos, shout out Loz, legitimately unbelievable at predicting shows. He's a writer. but his we met working the does and he's a writer and he's like when i tell you he is predicted

he would predict seasons of billions okay so like i was just a guy holding a copy of save the cat like fucking biffing back to the future too with the he's got all of them and he's just he's got someone visited him from the future but he would guess like we would film the season of billions and it would be like starting to come out and he would like text me and i would never tell him if he was right or wrong until the end. One season, he got like four out of five things right. Okay. One season he got like three out of five things right.

And then he comes back and goes five for five. And you're like, dude, this guy knows his shit. Okay. You should be getting on this app. Yeah. Why wouldn't you? I don't know. Did they limit those bets like prop bets at least?

That's what I don't know. I don't get in the mud that much. Because it must like be a thing where it's like, if the writers of the show find out, what's to stop you from laying money on your own show? Go hurry up your money. Yeah. You dumb.

Double your money. Or just call your sister. Yeah. Hey. Want to make some. Remember that Marvel show I was on? Yeah. Go here.

Daredevil dies at the end. She goes, oh, fuck, okay. All right. Well, I guess that's a ruin.

I was looking forward to that, but okay. Oh, no. Yeah. I love that show. The Daredevil, the new one?

Yeah. I thought it was pretty good. Yeah. Well, the whole sense. As long as I never have to see another season of Iron Fist, I'm good.

That was trash. That was like, that was like when a celebrity is feeling them. and they do a music album and you go, it does a crossover. I was like, Luke Cage, I liked. Yeah, it was good.

But then Iron Fist are like, what were you guys doing? It was rough. And it wasn't bad enough to watch and make fun of in a fun way. And also, if you're going to just make a character or another ethnicity,

just make Iron Fist Asian. What are we doing here? Iron Fist, just do it. Like, he was just supposed, like him and like Shang-Chi, they were all just supposed to cash in

on like the Kung Fu movie crazy in the 70s. That's it. Like Luke Cage was just like, Oh, like black miller. Black story. It was the black exploitation films. Yeah, him and Black Panther.

That's just what that is. That's what, yeah. That's all, it's, what's up? 300K1 for betting a gay couple would be the first featured kiss at New Year's, NYC New Year's countdown show. I mean, what the fuck? The odds must have been against you on that one. Like he's like, of course it is.

Yeah. What are you talking about? That probably wasn't even a good bet if you looked at that on paper. But the guy also's in a maga hat. It's like, I think he's watching that so he can also jerk off to it later. Yeah. Because those guys that are, are so obsessed with gay.

It's a love meat watch? Yeah, you go, I think you just want to fuck dudes. I don't think you actually think this is polluting our society. Yeah, yeah, you don't want trans women in the female locker room because you'd like to see them in the male locker room. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we get it. That's always like the Doth protest too much where they're like, they're just fucking

everywhere and their butts are so nice. And just the way they really make. The dicks just taste so goddamn good. I can't get them out of my mouth. And when they fuck, they just keep going. He said there was a tootsie roll in the. middle. The guy sucked it like he needed it. But it is like watching stuff get built up and then watching it like suck and then they sell it like, oh, this doesn't suck anymore. And you're like,

I hate that they do that to almost everything. Almost everything. Anything you kind of like, and it's just like, you know, like with marble. Like Disney just bought him. And it like, it was like, the whole thing was like, oh, we're going to go out of business if we don't try something. So we're going to take Iron Man who was never a popular character. No. I liked Ironman because he was like a drunk. Yeah. Just like drunk driving armor is fucking hilarious. Dude,

having a space suit and you're hammered. Yeah. You've had a three martini lunch and you go, those thrusters hit way different when you know he's hammered. When they took that out of it. It's like, oh, the Hulk's not mad.

He's just emotionally distressed. You're like, no, the whole thing about anger. It's about alcohol. Even like the Sheeulk thing, women are always angry. It was like the whole point of Bruce Bannon in the comics,

Bruce Banner got like beat to death by his, like near to death every day by his dad. That was the whole thing. Yeah, his anger was from abuse. Yeah, you know what's weird man is, you know,

we grew up in the same era of like loving comic books. Death of Superman coming out, like it being a big thing. And I remember like the Batman craze, the Tim Burton Batman craze. And then I remember it wearing off. But if you would have told me

at 11 years old that I'd be sick of superhero movies, that I don't even need to... Especially after. After, in between Batman Returns and Batman Forever, if you had said that to me, I'd be like, get the fuck out of here. I'd be like, you're out of your fucking mind.

You mean they're going to do them connected, like the comic books? I don't have to watch the same origin story every fucking movie. Oh, they're going to, if you would have told me that after Dark Night, if you would have gone, you're going to get sick of comic about you. I don't know. We're hitting our stride. You got one of the best directors doing the best version of Batman.

Dude, if you told 12-year-old me that they were going to do the infinity gauntlet over six movies, I would have fucking jizzed myself. Yeah. If you would have told me even in my 20s when I was reading Planet Hulk that they were going to do a version of that with fire. With Thor? Yeah. They're going to do the Thor storyline from Planet Hulk?

Yeah. I would have been like, fucking sign me up, but then you watch and you go, sorry. Yeah. It was, yeah. It's not as good as Planet Hulk. Yeah. You know, it really is. It's like how excited I was for fake boobs versus the first time you touch fake boobs.

Like not good ones. There's so much better. now. Yeah, that's what I mean, but I'm talking about early 2000s. The first time I touched fake boobs was maybe 03, 04. I was young when I touched fake boobs for the first time because it was my dad's restaurant was in front of like an hourly rate motel. Nice. And like one of my jobs could get real sad to shoe hookers out of the parking lot. Like, really? How old are you? 12. And your shoeing hookers? My dad was just like, get out there, kid. What would you use a broom? I would just be like, Guys, you just go over there.

Like, just go by the door over there. Like, I was like, I knew the manager's name was Terry. I was like, Terry doesn't give a shit. Like, just go over there. Shout out Windjammer motor in. The thought of one hooker having her lowest moment is a 12-year-old going. What do you eat that on? And she goes, what am I doing?

Yeah. I got a kid this age. And I'm blowing guys for 20 a pop. So, yeah, like in between like washing giant amounts of dishes. Yeah. Get shoot outside to. kick hookers out of the parking lot. He's just like, they listen to you.

You're a kid. Yeah, yeah. Like, it was just like, the innocence of, yeah, from the mouth of babes. Well, because my dad also, when my mom first kicked him out, he lived in that motel.

So it was like, I was like desensitized. Oh, I remember seeing girls that would show up first and how hot they were. And then like a month later being like, ew, I was jerking off to that lady. That's crazy.

Dude, and it's like, the fake tit was like, this lady came by and you could tell she started smoking crack while married. She, showed up with all of her jewelry and a coat, but crack mouth. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The pinched, not like bad teeth, but like the pinched in wrinkledy. Yeah, it's where their lips disappear and everything fucking kind of collapses in. She goes, she goes, I'd rather do this than sell any of my stuff. She goes, and also these, and she kept pulling her tits out and they were just like, the ripples on the side. She was like older at that point. And she was like, you want to touch him. And I probably touched one real boob at that point in my life.

And I was like, yeah, let's see what this is all about. Yeah. And I was old school. Now they're great because they go under the muscle and they feel real. But the first time I remember touching a fake boo. It's like when you pull a kush ball that was like with the squish in the middle out from under the couch after six months. You know what I mean? It's gotten like scale somehow.

You go, how does this thing hard? What is this made of? But I remember the first time I touched a fake boob like maybe, I think like 0, oh, three, oh four. It reminded me of one time when I was visiting my dad in San Francisco, he lived with my grandma. and she had a bowl of wax fruit. I didn't know what wax fruit was. So I go, this apple looks fresh. Just grabbed it and I was like, ah, like the bite in and you're like, what the fuck?

That was how I felt when I grabbed it where I go, boobs are supposed to move. Tidis are supposed to jiggle. Just a shake, right? Yeah, and you just grab it and it was like firm as fuck. Aggressive? He was like, fucking grab me. And it was. It was a girl that worked probably at TD's.

Okay. She lives in my apartment complex. Shout out Erica. Hope she's safe. But she had ripples on the side because you could see the bag. She was a skinny girl, but she had like the ones that were like over here.

And she just lived in my apartment complex and would come by and get drunk and hang out. Let me grab on her boob one time. And I was like, this is sick. But I remember grabbing it being like, whoa. But then like looking gay because I was like, I was like, sorry.

Oh, yeah. Fucking dip. Drew me off. Yeah, drive it on. I mean, I bet she was kind of used to that at the time, right? Like that girl had a dark life. Oh, really? She's, she, we'd be drinking and she'd tell me a story one time and I'd be like,

How old was she, was she your age? Yeah. So, yeah, if she had fake tits, you're in college. I was 20. 20. So she's 20 already with fake tits. Yeah. Like, especially back then when it was like, like, now it's like, you kind of see 20-year-olds

with fake tits because it's like so much more common. They're doing only fans. They're doing fucking that kind of shit. Back then, when you saw, you were like, damn. It was like when a kid skipped a grade. You're like, damn, you're mature. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got fake ditties and you're 20.

I liked her, and this is, you know, most comics will always admit. A lot of comics loved, fell in love with sluts growing up. Like, that's a common thing. Sluts are awesome. Yeah, they're the best. But I remember I had this patio. When I worked Tucson, when I did a shout out to Rialto, Sagalow and I were driving around and I showed him where I lived in this apartment complex.

And I showed him where I lived, and I told them the story about, there used to be like the tree would, like, going to be. front of my porch and be outside smoking cigarettes and I liked that girl and she came home in the strip club limo like the strip club limo like brought her to the you know like the alcove where all the parking lot was and she got out of her out of the limo and I heard out of the front seat no backseat I was smoking a cigarette she got out of the front seat now you're like oh she was just bawling that dude yeah but at the time I was still I was 19 or 20 and I was still like yeah I know she strips but She's really cute and we have fun when we hang out together.

And I really, and she got out, oh, dude, she got out of the limo. And I was like, it was night and the tree was like mostly in front of the way. And I was like, is that what I think it is? I was like doing that thing. And she gets out and I just hear a, I don't know from where, just a dude's voice go, hey. And she goes, hey, what are you guys doing? And like, we're just drinking. We're hanging out drinking.

And she's like, hey, blah, yeah, nah. And then I see the door open to the apartment, her going and the door shut. And I was like, damn. That first feeling of like, I think I'm a loser. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'll happen. I've been there. Yeah.

That first feeling when you go, am I the sucker? Yeah. You know what's a great freeing feeling is if you're still banging that chick and you know she's a whore, but then you realize it. And you're like, wait, I can bang other chicks. So now I just have this. Very true. And now I don't have to worry about the other girl making me feel bad

because I could just slide into this to feel better because I'm a, dark alcoholic at this point in my life. Same. Yeah. I also wasn't getting a lot. So I was going like, so my thinking was like, at least you're getting some. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like just.

That's also fun. You just go, you just can't care about it anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the sensitive boy in me was going like. Yeah, it still hurts. It hurts. And also trying to like act cool, like, I don't even give fuck about that shit.

And you're like, I gave so much of a fuck when I was 20 years old. I was like, that really hurts. I thought we had a very fun. Yeah, when I was in my, like, early 20s, I would get, like, it's so funny because, like, and then I got, I got so desensitized by it. Yeah. So desensitized to it. And then I was just, like, kind of fucking a lot. Yeah.

And then it was, like, funny. Like, I got my chick now. And then, like, the first couple years we were together, we broke up so many times. Why? Because you would just break up with me. Just randomly? Because I was like, it was a fucking mess of a human being. I was, like, selling drugs and fucking living alone, fucking alcohol.

You know what I was like, I was a fucking nightmare person. When you can't blame them for leaving? When you go, like, I don't know. I get it. There's no future here. Like it's like, I get the fuck, why.

So we, she would just like break up with me and I would be like heartbroken and then she would call me in a couple of months and be like, did you hook up with anybody? Like, of course I did.

I drowned my sorrows in terrible. Yeah. I don't make good decisions when I'm heartbroken. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When have I ever gone like, yeah, I'm eating vegetables and running a lot?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was. I did do that once. Really? I, but you, because you thought you were gonna get her back. This was a different, first of all was a different chick,

who like went to study abroad And I was just like, she had stopped banging me. And that was when I was fat. And I was just like, and I was also eating too much Xanax and shit. I was like depressed. And I just like stopped doing that. And I felt better. And I was like, oh, I'm going to run in the morning.

Then I'm going to play handball in the afternoon. Then I'm to go to the gym at night. And I just got, that was the first time I got jacked. Yeah. And then like all these girls that were like, you're like a brother to me. It's like, you're already there. But now all of a sudden you don't see them for a couple of months because you're busy getting jacked. And you show up and you're just like, and they're drunk.

And you're just like. oh what's up and they're like what is this and then you're just like boom like this is they're like they're like I'm not even going to count this as a number because I should have just fucked you two years ago Chris you son of a bitch I think you just crack the code for insoles yeah go away and get jacked just go away and get like don't talk to them the first time you get into shape and you see the reaction on a woman's face that you're in shape you're like why was I doing this the whole time I should just been doing a lot of cardio yeah like I should have just been doing this the whole You can get a set of cheap weights for $40 and just do curls.

You could also do those like park works out workouts. Like dude, there's guys doing pull-ups on fucking scaffolding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can get it done. Yeah. But you really do. When you like commit yourself and do it and they go like, oh, it turns out improvement was the way to get.

But it's also, I think it also has to be that stark contrast. You have to just be like busy or not return their calls and then just show up at a party. Yeah. And then they're like, then they're always like. Yeah, they can't watch the progress happen. Yeah. No, because then it's just gradual. Like you guys.

gotta like show up. Yeah, you just need to, you need to give them whiplash. Yeah, you got to fucking, she's all that, take off the glasses

and overalls with the hair out. But you got to do the, the shirt pull from the back. Yeah, and pull it off. And pull it off. Oh my God. Before,

I used to have a joke about that where I used to take my shirt off like this one arm at a time and be like, don't look at my fucking. Like the way a girl takes a bra off under her shirt? Yeah.

That's a, because I got to get back into shape because that's what I've been taking my shirt off around Katie is I've been like, don't look at me. Yeah, this fucking holiday season was horrible. I ate like a goddamn animal.

But yeah, I think that you just solve the cure. You just have the cure for insoles. Well, especially if you like are around chicks. Like, yeah, summer vacation's coming. Just go get jacked. Man, if you're younger and you're watching this and you're, and you have a girl that you like that you have a good connection with, but it's not romantic, pull back.

By the way, just the ignoring her will add to it. Pull back. get jacked. Yeah. I'm not saying like be a dick and ignore it. No. But just don't make as much time. Don't make as much time.

Fill the time that you would have for her with the gym. Yeah. And then you got spring break coming up. Now you're smashing. Well, make it happen properly. Go to spring break with them. Show up jacked. Bring drugs.

Dude, it's crazy. Bring drugs. I'm telling the youth out there. Yeah. Bring drugs to spring break. Guys, we're about positivity here at this podcast. We're trying to get you laid. We're not trying to shut you down.

and have you go on the internet and become more toxic. And if you're an adult and you're listening to this and you're just like, people will be like, really people just take an art class. I took an art class like in my 20s and if I didn't have like a, no, I'm like my late 30s actually. Yeah. It was like if I didn't have a fucking girl at the time,

it was literally me and 10 pretty girls. Like it's like go take an art class. Go take a cooking course. If you want to meet a dude, learn how to throw darts or shoot pool. I mean shooting pool is like or bowling. But you're not going to meet the guy you want to fuck. You just going to be fucking big guys with bellies.

I mean, you might like them. That can. crack that kid I'm done they're gonna put spin on the ball and they're gonna crack them fucking imagine I'm doing that to your nuts yeah yeah dude the pussy at a bowling alley is always like whoof that's where my dad would pick up is they're all named shirley somehow Cheryl yeah it was always a version of Cheryl it was always a version of show I love a woman with a pencil behind her here you know my dad would bring home women that like when I'd go visit them would just be that like the kind of hair that looks wet but isn't.

You know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about? It's like, it's like crunchy? Yeah, yeah. And just like a very light purple lipstick. And just absolutely. Dude, purple lipstick in the 90s is fucking nuts. It was brutal.

Where did you find a 40-year-old woman who shops at Hot Topic? Yeah, dude, my dad would fucking hook up with these girls. And I would go visit him. You know, like it would be years. I think like after I, I was 10 years old. It was once every two.

It was once a year and then it went to two years and then he died. But that once a year I would come back and he'd be like, first time I went to get a really hot girlfriend named Cheryl. Okay. Next time I go back, there's like Cheryl land or something like similar way worse. And then when I went back and she had her, he was staying with this girl that had kids. This was when I was 12. And the kids like my dad and hated me because I was taking attention from that.

Yeah. but she was like one where you're like, oh, this is the final boss of the Cheryl. It's like the Pokemon evolution of Cheryl where there was like little cute squirrel. And then it's like the bigger one. And then it's like Sherylton or something.

It was crazy. That was like when you're like, maybe don't go get pussy at a bowling alley. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he got Hep C and he died from it. From that chick? I think so. Got Hep C and then he just didn't go to a doctor and drank.

So you go. But he knew it? No. What did he found out after he died? Well, he found out when he got cirrhosis. He was like, how the fuck did I get cirrhosis? And the doctor was like, you have hepatitis C. He shouldn't have been drinking any alcohol.

I don't know, though. I don't know if he knew or whatever, because I wouldn't talk to him at the time. So I was like, I don't know. But that is bowling alley pussy. It'll get you killed. It'll get you killed. Art class, I think, is what we're learning. Art class.

Go to art class. There's chicks there. There are. Now you have the common interest with them. But I also feel like New York City has that specific thing where you can do little art classes or cooking classes. Oh yeah, true. Botany classes. But I think that kind of exists anywhere. Now, there's a paint and sip. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? Like, now you're drinking and there's just chicks there. Yeah, if you're an older guy and you kind of have your life together, but you're single,

yeah. Take an art class. I think so. If you're divorced, I think an art class. Yeah, just something. Like you just get, first of all, yeah, like just think online's cooked. I, well, I think, I think older guys can, First of all, there's like a Facebook dating now. So if you're just middle-aged and single all of a sudden because you got divorced, I think that might be an angle, but I've never used those things. Yeah.

I don't think I would be good on them either. I never was good on apps. I never was good on apps. I tried three of them, got a girlfriend off two of them, but really it wasn't great relationships. I like don't even know how to like, even if I know a girl,

I don't even know how to like text with them other than like you're trying to chill. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, it's like, that's all women know. And now they just get texts of dude just being like, want to fuck or what? You're like, no, I'd like to go out with you and have a meal. Dude, my girl once. I remember like, it was just like, it was this, when we first had, she would be like,

she's like, how come I always call you before you call me? I was like, well, I wake up at one and you call me at like 1.30 every day. So you. I'm like still on my second couple calls. Yeah. Maybe just chill out a little bit, dude. I couldn't go back. If I ever lost Katie, I think I'd just go sell a bit.

Just go live in the mountains. So you just go hook. I think. Yeah, you just show up with like a lady whose name is like a star. Yeah, just like low profile, get it out of you. Yeah, just pull the venom out of you and get going again.

Did you bring those cards? I did. You got them on you? You're in my back. Let me grab your bag for you. We got wrestling cards. Yeah, yeah. So we're pulling back an old...

And they're like, not even like a branded wrestling card. Oh, like classic all stars. I think these are from the early 90s. Oh, let me grab it.