Soder - 138: Friction Maxxing with Johnny Pemberton | Soder Podcast | EP 135

Episode Date: June 9, 2026

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We're taping the special next week. I'm very excited. For those of you who have tickets, I'm very excited for the show. But then in July, I'm back on the road, writing a whole new hour, building it up. I'm very excited to do that. That's one of the fun parts of doing stand-up is just trying new stuff and hoping that it works. So check me out. I'm going to be at the Comedy Vault in Batavia, Illinois, July 9th through the 11th.

New York Comedy Club in Stanford, Connecticut, July 16th through the 18th. And then in Montreal, I'm doing club soda on July. July 25th. All these tickets are available at Dan Soder.com. And then the full list of clubs for the rest of the year is on this poster. Go to at Dan Soder on Instagram or go to Dan Soder.com and see where we're going. But, I mean, we're talking about everywhere. Albany, Baltimore, Spokane, Portland, Hartford, Connecticut, all the big dogs.

I'm very excited. I'm going to be in Calgary, in Winnipe. All these places coming to run and build a new hour. Dan Soda.com for all those tickets. Thank you for watching the podcast. Are you married? I have a living wife. Yes.

Yeah, she lives in. She lives in, dude. She stays there. How long have you been married for? A while. Yeah. We've been together a long time. We've been together so long.

We've been to people's weddings and then they got divorced. Really? Yeah. I've had three of those. Dude, that's... How old are you? Forty-four? Yeah, I'm 42.

Mid-40s is. where you start seeing them come, like weddings that you remember having a hard time getting to divorce. Yeah, like, how dare you? There should be like a rebate, like a 10-year rebate or something.

Yeah. Like you send in a coupon and you're like, I'm gonna need Delta Miles because I bought a plane ticket. The destination wedding show, I think I'd never been to one. Really? Yeah, I mean,

the one I went to that was the most destination is still together. So I'm very happy about it. went to Guatemala. But it was a beautiful wedding. She Guatemala? No. They're both white people from the United States.

Oh, wow. How dare they? How dare they? But it was, I didn't realize it was like kind of a, like a, like not a, I guess a cottage industry where people are like, do you want to go to dangerous Central American countries and get married? My friend got married in Iceland, but that was like an elopement and he just had like, you know, his parents, her parents and like a few, you know, really close people.

Yeah. That was cool. had a beautiful wedding at like an old church and it was like really fucking great your dollar goes far yeah that goes real far yeah i think that might have been one of the reasons because it was a beautiful wedding and it wasn't that big but it was like definitely uh it was the most destination wedding i've ever been to what was your guys's wedding uh we went we eloped went to hawai that's great it was the great i mean it's the greatest idea we ever had anytime someone's like oh we're gonna have a wedding i'm like Don't do it.

Yeah. Because it's so much money. It's like so stressful. Because the wedding isn't for you. It's for everyone else. Yeah. It's like your fucking parents and stuff. I think it's a bad idea.

We keep joking around that that's like, what are we doing? Let's just go to the courthouse. Go to the courthouse. Go to Hawaii. It's the idea. You have a party later. That's what it is. It's the idea of like setting up the whole wedding.

Yeah. It's like, oh, it's daunting. Especially both of us are. busy. So you're like, are you doing it? We haven't started even setting it up.

Don't do it. Honestly, don't do it. Because you can have a party for a third the cost. It's more fun. You're already married. You don't have to do all this stuff.

Everything about it is, everything about it's better. I've also heard in New York City, if you say it's a wedding party, they will charge you 30% more. Of course. Because they know. That's what Liz from the seller told me.

She was like, don't ever fucking say you're doing a wedding. You're having like a fucking like a bereavement. Say like, oh, yeah, my people are happy, whoever died. We're doing a pre-brevement. My dad is dying. And he's a prick. Yeah, he's, we hate him.

People are looking real forward to this guy going in the dirt. If you could serve his food cold, make sure he gets cold food. But also we're going to play a lot of songs you might hear at a wedding, so don't be alarmed. Yeah, it's because he used to be a music producer. So he's reminded of the money he lost. We're trying to push him into the grave. And he's also behind some of the biggest hits. at weddings like the song celebrate.

But he didn't get the money. He didn't get the money. And that's why we want him to die. We want him to remember. Yeah. Cooling the gang. If I, that would be a stupid thing that I would do where I would like meet a party event space and go,

this is our like wedding party. And they'd be like, that would be like, that would give up that info. Yeah. That I would tell a smarter friend and they'd be like, why would you say that? I have a friend who was a pretty famous actor in England.

And whenever he has someone come over to his house to do like work, he has to hide. Really? Because if they know it's like, oh, oh, it's you, mate.

It's like they're gonna fucking, oh, money bag here. Sir Roger Dalton. What is it? Sir Timothy, Jason James the fool. Oh,

your father was a duke. And his father was a duke. Oh, I'm charging you eight times. Does he have like a hiding room? Or does he just like, you know, keep going into a different room as they walk into the room?

Gosh, I didn't think about that way. Because I would be, I would be like, I wouldn't, if it happened, enough. I would have to set up a place where I go, I'll just be down in the panic room. A panic room? Yeah. The contractor panic room where you hide from. Contractors are going to pick

the backyard. You're like, I'll be in the panic room. Let me know when he leaves. I hate it. Because I like, my mailman knows me. And it's like, it's cool, but it's also kind of like, that's old school. Yeah. But you're right. He does. He can go through your stuff. He can. Yeah. I think it's good. I think it's kind of a good thing. It's kind of like, like having someone has your back in a way. You know, I don't know how to describe that. It's good and bad. I would,

it does give the feeling of a neighborhood. Yeah, I live in like a real neighborhood though, for real. Yeah, in Los Angeles, right? Yeah, it's like very neighborhoody. Like, my neighbors are regular people who have like normal jobs and stuff. That's great.

This is like, I don't know any of my neighbors. Really? Yeah, and we've been here for a couple of years. And it's like they leave. And then what happens is sometimes the maintenance guys will be fixing the locks. So you can walk around.

their empty apartment, which we've done on a couple of the things here. They tell you, like, hey, Dan. Yeah, they like me. Hey, Dan, this place is empty? You want to sniff around? Well, I'll be like, hey, is it cool if I go look around? They're like, don't do anything. But then you go and you go, holy shit, this is nicer.

What we've realized is we are the tiniest apartment on this floor. Buy a lot. Like, the way our apartment is constructed with like the hallway all the way down and then it opens into a room, you go, this is like secret family apartment where they go, Just walk in, the kitchens all the way back to the right. There's a room right there. Don't fucking make any noise. Because we went to the one over here, and it was like the sweeping views.

How beautiful the living room was. I was like, oh, this is way nicer. Is it rent control? Not rent control. There are rent control apartment in New York, but this one isn't. This one is a big company that owns it. I don't understand anything about New York living. I feel like it's like the most daunting thing.

It is. I can't imagine. You survive it. survive it. You don't like thrive in it. When I go to LA, Pimp's not in his head, but it's true. It's like you go to L.A. You guys have backyards. Oh my God. It's so nice. It's ridiculous. Like I was living here for about a year for the first season of fallout and I was I stayed three different places and one of the places I stayed was a high rise. Sure. I was going nuts because you wake up and you have to go. I need to go outside immediately when I wake up. I have to go. I have to go

outside. It doesn't matter what the weather is. I got to go out there, put my feet in the dirt. Get grounded. Here you have to go through a, it's like leaving a spaceship. You have to go through like a decompression chamber. And then they're like, release them to the outside. That's what it feels like.

But the one thing I will argue New York over any other city is the availability of anything you need at any hour. Yeah, that's true. It's just a giant city. And also all the best stuff is here. It is a better place. I do say that a lot, that New York is quite, literally better.

It just, we have like the premier Broadway show. Like you want to do Broadway. You want all the concerts to come here. All the big bands come here. Coffee. Coffee. Best coffee. Best restaurants.

You just go and you eat and you go, this place is unbelievable and not a lot of people know about it. What's funny about New York is, and I'm sure LA is a little bit like this, a restaurant will get written up in like the New York Times that wasn't supposed to. It just happened with this sandwich place that I like. And then you show up and you look at one of the employees that go, We got a ride up and you're like, fuck.

It was bad. And then you have to like wait for the people to not go anymore. I don't do that anymore. I can't wait. Yeah, you're like I need it now. If I go to a place, like, I have a coffee shop by neighborhood. If I go by and it's busy, I'm like, oh, I'm not gone there. I just don't want to, I just hate it.

I'm about waiting in line now. I think it's that. That's something that's broke humanity. Yeah. Our patience is absolutely zapped from Instagram. I think it's patience, though. I think it's patience. I think like young people especially.

I mean, I don't know, I'm not young, but a lot of the bitching is, no, I'm very old. I'm 70. I lied to you.

70. 70 years old. The shades are drawn. You gotta have like, no sign. And then you see it. I'm all fucking old and shitty. But like I watch videos and they're like,

oh, we can't afford houses. It's like, yeah, either can we. Yeah. But also you're like 21. Chill the fuck out.

We're in our 40. is still waiting. Like, we've been waiting in line for houses, a lot of us being like, all right, any day now. And then 21-year-olds are like, I just go on here. And you're like, fuck you. I don't have time for that. I kind of go back and forth on it because I also feel like the whole patience thing is, I don't

know, it feels like it moves around. It's not like exactly. I feel like I'm pretty patient. Do you remember the DMV before phones? I haven't been the DMV in. Probably since before cell phones. I got I I've I've what do you call I tricked the system I somehow was able to renew my license for the past like 15 years really I have to go now when I get home for the first time since I

moved to L.A. But you have a phone you just go look at your phone you can't do you have to get my picture taken see check this out my photo on my ID I want to see this ancient it's an ancient photo because you're a young looking guy so this fucking photo man I mean that's crazy that's from 2005 isn't that crazy that looks like a missing child it does it looks like a missing child it does it It looks like you showed back up. And I'm going to get a dots here. We found you, John. That is going to the DMV for the first time in 15 years.

I know. It's easier because you have a phone. Back in the day when you had to like sit there with a magazine and you'd wait. I still do that now. That was impatient. That was patience. It's like waiting and being like. You ever do that though?

Yeah. You would do something called friction maxing. You hear about this? No. You're going to like this. Friction maxing is this. Obviously it's an online idea. Like everyone,

everyone's maxing. Everything's maxing. Everything's max. To the max. It's the 80s again. For 80s. Everything's to the max. Friction maxing is when, instead of like making it easy on yourself, you make it the hardest way possible.

So if you need, let's say you need like a roofing contractor, you don't Google that. You ask someone. And they're like, oh, I know a guy. You're like, okay. You check them out. You just do like everything. It takes the longest way as opposed to the easy way. I'm kind of thinking I might be into friction max.

I think that's how I live. my life. Me too. I'm into friction maxing now. Like, if I go to the doctor's office, I'm like, I'm not looking at my phone the whole time. I'm just going to look at people. Now, they call that raw dogging, right?

Raw dogging, yeah. I mean, I like friction maxing better. Friction maxing does sound better because raw dogging is sex without a condom and that's the coolest thing in the world. Which is also just known as sex. Yeah. Like for thousands and thousands of years it was called sex and now we're like, oh, that's, you're raw do.

You're raw. That's just, that's just what you do. Yeah, no, using a condom is the weird part. Yeah, that's fucking weird. on your penis. Water on your dick. Top padding. I'm fucking,

I'm top hatting. That's it. Turns regular sex back into sex and then if you use a condom you're top hat. Oh, you top hat? Oh, fancy boy.

I'm a top hatter. Yeah, natural. Natural. Tip of the top hat. You pull it off. Tip of the cap. I filled it. Tip of the cap.

Wag of the finger. When you're on a show like, did you play Fallout? I didn't until I got cast. And then when you got cast on the show, what a cool, what a fun. That's so fun.

It was cool. I mean, I've seen the game a bunch because I had, back when I had roommates years ago, they played the game. I watched them play it. So it's pretty familiar with like the way it looked and like,

so you kind of knew what the feel of the game was post-apocalyptic. Yeah, and also like the humor of it too, kind of. When you do the show, how much of the game did you play before you film the show?

I played probably like maybe, I don't know, 20 hours, 30 hours of Fall Out 4. Great. And a hotel room in Brooklyn. That's very fun. That's very fun.

And then is there stuff like when you play fallout and then you film the show? Is there stuff that comes up in an episode where you go, I know that. I played that in the game. Yeah, I guess so. But there's so many Easter eggs. It is, I mean, everything's an Easter egg. Yeah. That's what you have to do.

To do something, to turn something from like a video game to a show, you have a fan base that's going to be like, I need to know that you know the important shit. So that's what I like about Easter eggs. Yeah. Also, it's like that thing where there's no amount of fallout I could play that would be legitimizing, would like legitimize my fallout fandom. Like, I just can't. There's people who played that game for thousands and thousands of hours who know they get into arguments about different stuff. And I have, you know, I mean, I just can't. I'm not even going to try to do that. So it's better for me just to be like basically no. Have you bumped up against the fan base in any way like that? Now, they're so cool. They're so cool about it. Nice and people.

Sometimes that can be a real, like I'm a wrestling fan. So I understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I understand, I know how bad it could get because I am one of them. And you like see it. And sometimes you're like, chill the fuck out. Sometimes fans are the most critical of other fans. But sometimes you have fans of something that ruin it for the fan base because they're assholes.

So it looks like that's the representation of the fan base where you go, no, it's just a dickhead who also happens to be a fan? of fallout. There's just so many fans that kind of run the gamut. Yeah. It seems like... Have you had just positive interactions, though?

Yeah, totally positive. Everyone's been really positive. That's it. But it's, I think it's because it's a, you know, it's a good show. Yeah,

a lot of... If they ruined it, they would have been just, you know, put on a pike or something like that. Yeah, dude, that is... That's where it's like God of Wars.

They're making God of War. Right, right. I think it's, uh... They're like filming it right now. I think, or did they... What's the name? Cretos?

Canos? Yeah, uh, Cratos. Cretus. Cretus. Whoever, they cast the guy who plays Cretos and you look at it and you're like. Is this someone famous? Uh, I think you would know him. He's an actor that's not like off the top of the head famous.

It's not Dave Bautista. That would be sick. Dave Bacistas. I mean, he's great, but also he, I feel like he's too, he's too known. Yeah. You know, like, you want someone who's less known. You need him right on that cusp. Ryan Hurst.

Yeah. That's great. But you see that, you know that guy. You've seen that guy. I mean, that man is, I always see as a beard. Yeah. It's like pure. That man is just a beard.

That man's been on an island. Yeah. Look at him. That beard is cool as shit. Is that a Sons of Anarchy guy or something or what? I don't know. Can you look up? I think he was in Sons of Anarchy.

No disrespect, Ryan. But I don't, I just don't know. Yeah, he was in Sons of Anarchy. Who do you play in Sondon of Anarchy? Fuck, he played it. It was like a big character. What's funny about that is as someone who's played a shit ton of God of War, the first time he says, boy, you're going to be like, you need,

what's crazy is you're going against a voice. actor who's really good. So what do you take from that? Like some skinny guy, you know. All those guys are super deep voices. I mean, you have a deep voice. Yeah, that's, I mean, ideally that's who I'd get to play is like a cool. Right.

Greek god or Roman, whatever it is, Greek or Roman god. But I think when there is something made, like your character is in the video game. No. It isn't. None of the characters are. Oh, yeah. I forgot. Except for maybe a few NPCs.

Like there's a guy. Which, that makes it easier, I think. Yeah, because it has to be, because that's the nature of the game is there aren't, there's NPCs and stuff you encounter, but there's no, like, you play as a character you make. You make your own load out. So there's no, which helped a lot because they didn't have to emulate anything existing. They just had to get the world right, and the characters are like, is this character exists legitimately in the world?

If it does, it's like, you did it. Otherwise, it's like, you know. Hey, everybody. When people hear that Mitt Mobile plans are only $15 per month, a lot of people wonder, what's the catch? I bet no one else has asked you that. I bet no one else has asked what's the catch. Well, I, me alone, can tell you first-hand experience.

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This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know my thoughts on therapy. I think you should use it. I think it's incredibly helpful if you're going through stuff, being able to talk to somebody that can help you figure it out in a way that isn't personal or has their motives behind it. Therapy to me is just the way to go, especially in this day and age when you have supercomputers in your pocket, getting your brain all riled up.

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So you don't have to say yes to everything this summer. but find support in therapy. Sign up, get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash soda. That's BetterHelphelp.com slash soda. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, I don't really, yeah, you think about that because when you're doing an existing character, you're like, oh, fuck now I got so pissed.

His hair goes left. His hair goes left. It's like that is left. It's like, no, when you're looking at it, that's his laugh, not the left when you look at. Now I'm out of it. Now I can't lodge it. Nope.

Her breasts aren't big enough. Her breasts are too small. Remember when they got mad about Lola Bunny not having giant titty? Who's Lola Bunny? From Space Jam when they redid Space Jam with LeBron. I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm not like,

I'm not really looking at a bunny's tits as much, Dan. I'm sorry. I'm not really into bunny's breasts. Sorry, I'm a furry. Then you look over the corner. She stacks of rabbit heads. There's like,

I'm going to raccoon costume masturbating. I go. I'm like, oh no. Sorry. His pleasure. holes open so he can show me his little red rocket. But yet they were like when it was during the pandemic that space jam came out with LeBron and they were like mad about it because they said they made

her too athletic. Oh God. I get wait which one's the which one's the new one was the first one. Okay. From when we were kids got it. Yeah. That right one. They made her the second one. The second one. And they were like immediately they were like what where's your tits dude? Yeah. She doesn't have much of my waist. Treated that is out of his mind. Then he was like, Spicerlo's tits are gone. Kind of a hero, though, too. He said it.

He's like, I don't think you could ever argue you love tits more than that guy. I'm going to say it. Everyone's thinking it. Excuse me, council member, where are our breasts?

Where are Lola Bunches big, beautiful bunny tits? This is the Bronx City Council, sir. I don't know why. But it's also like, remember when they changed when they did Sonic to Hedgehog? Oh my God, people lost their mind.

With his eyes and his teeth. I heard a theory about that, that they did it on purpose to get press. Oh. Because it was such an outrageous. People got so fucking mad. So pissed, but everyone knew about it. Like, I knew about it. I'm not like a huge Sonic person or anything, but I heard about this.

Like, what are they so pissed about? You're not in the Sonic lifestyle? I know. I'm not like, I didn't roll in here. Yeah, that's what they did. They turned them from the left to the right because they were like, but you think, so do you think they on purpose make the one on the left? I mean, that's a pretty deep conspiracy,

but that would be cool, right? You know what I mean? Like the whole idea of doing something. I don't think it's a conspiracy. I think it makes more, it makes more, how we see everybody move now, that makes sense.

Yeah. I think like 20 years ago you'd say that, and you'd be like, what a weird thing to do? But now you go, absolutely. Yeah. Everything's done to like the whole PT Barnum,

no publicity's bad publicity thing. Everything's a work now. Yeah. They're all trying to get you to work. They're trying to get you mad. So you pay attention. Because what sucks is a lot of people realized people pay attention when they're mad.

Oh yeah, because it gets you in a higher emotional state. Yeah. So you're like, I saw somebody. Sweating. Yeah, I saw somebody online saying like,

there was a certain point where they went, why are we selling pleasure? Let's sell anger. Anger gets people way more on board and it gets way people. As opposed to like, enjoy your life. Like, enjoy your life. Have a slight,

like they used to like, I know this is like a lot of what used to be isms, but it is true, they would be like, hey, if you work hard, you get a nice house that you can enjoy your life. And now they're like, everyone's against you. And you're like, oh, fucking kill everybody.

But it does. It gets you to pay attention. We both know about the Sonic movie because people were mad about the TV eyes. Yeah, they were so pissed about it. Never saw the movie. I didn't see it either. I should see.

It's supposed to be great. Really? Is it one of those ones where they go, there's actually a message. And then you find out it's about pediatric, pediatric cancer the whole time where you go i thought it was about him collecting rings and have you ever seen uh chris angel live no i saw him live about let me forever ago this is in Vegas dude it is rough really because he brings out a cancer kid and you're just like oh god i'm i'm a couple

beers deep i came to a magic show in Vegas and then we got a we got a cancer kid out here also it just doesn't being the dangerous, spooky magician and then bringing out something that's actually dangerous and spooky. Yeah. Like you go, what's wrong? Can your mind not handle? This kid has stage four lymphoma.

And he's wearing a Batman mask. And it's supposed to be his kid, but I don't think it is because obviously his kid's not doing three shows a night for... You don't know. You know. He goes, I'm so magical. I pull the cancer from him and put it back in. Oh my God. I put it into my motorcycle collection.

you got to walk by on the way in. Yeah. Is that what do you do? You walk by a collection of all the motorcycles that are increasingly not drivable. Like they're like, you know, like Batman style where that doesn't move. Yeah. You're like, that's not street legal. That can't be street legal.

I would love to go just go to Vegas and do street legal or not with his motorcycles. Oh my God. You can do it with is Gary Oldman because they're friends. Oh. Isn't that funny? Gary Oldman and Chris Angel are buddies? Like best friends? Or just like beer friends?

Because I feel like sometimes you find out. to like Ben Affleck and Jimmy Kimmel drink together or like hang out. That makes sense. But Chris Angel and Lieutenant Dan is pretty crazy. Lieutenant Dan. Gary Oldman. Oh no, Gary Oldman. That's Gary Sinney.

My bad. I'm sorry, Gary Oldman. I'm sorry, Commissioner Gordon. I'm sorry, uh, White Boy Day. It's okay. It's okay, Dan. It's okay, Dan. It's pretty good, oldman.

You've been working on your oldman. That was my Sinist. Oh, no. That was an oldman? That was an oldman. Oh, I thought that was your old man. That's my sin. I can't go on the Apollo mission.

I got sick, guys. You know what? Framed differently, like seeing people in public? My old man is, I'm seeing, here's my old man. What the fuck? I don't know. It's pretty good. I can't do it.

Honestly, I like cold, I like cold trying celebrities. I can't do old men. He's such a chameleon. My old, he is. Because my oldman would be, it ain't white boy day. But that's, is that what's his name? What's his name of all time? Which is the greatest character of all time?

What's his name in that character? Something Youngblood? Something sliced. Look up true romance. God, that's the best fucking character, man. He's got his eye all fucked up.

Dude, that would have been me if I was that age. I would have done that character. I was Brad Pitt in that movie. Just a stone roommate that lives with a guy going through shit. Such a great character too.

That was like the fucking ultimate. People say about Brad Pitt, right? He's a character actor who just happens to be. Yeah, his name was Dricksl Spivvy. But was his real name, though? Wasn't that? I'm thinking,

I'm confusing him with the character from, what's it called the professional what's his name plays that white dude who's got the dreads I got it open right I got a IMDB open right here same is like like Mickey Two Steps or some bullshit like that from what movie from the professional

yeah that movie is that movie is real tough to watch when you get older because you go oh this is kind of about have you seen the French version of it Leon Leon the professional yeah it's a little difference even more than that Really? Yeah.

Like full romance? Yeah, because it's the French version. The French, like, oh, you know her age. There is beauty, beauty, exited every age. She's so beautiful. We are, we are, where are we? Stan's field is Gary Oldman's character. Stan's field.

Does he have like a nickname? I don't know, man. He's got like a nickname like Mickey Youngblood or. Something cool. Stansfield. So I, Keith. Also, it's funny is I've smoked so much weed that when you ask me from a movie from the 90s, I go, it's kind of in there.

I remember Natalie Portman was around my age. But so the French one, they full on have Leon and the girl. It's just a different cut of the movie. I think there's more of the romance. I don't know. I haven't seen it in a long time. Doing one of those movies that ages poorly and then like doing press tours where he go, well, I just don't think we knew that that's how that was going to go.

I also, I mean, I can't even say it. I don't know if it ages that poorly. I feel like it's one of those things where did they have a romance? He was kind of a simpleton. Yeah, I think he's like more like a. It's like a shut-in, and she was actually, I mean, I'm talking about what I want. The American version is like her child-like wander and things and her like trying to learn about the business and he realizes how bad it. Maybe I'm forgetting stuff.

He's a protector more than a. He's like like a-killing savant. Yes. Like asexual, killing savant. And she teaches him how to be a human. Yeah. But I wouldn't be surprised in the French version if they're like, but they are in love. They want to have, oh, she is a new biol.

You know, yeah. She's a newbile young girl. Because you think about, man, what's your name? I'm kind of uncomfortable with this, guys. Especially with the Epstein files out and stuff. I just don't know. Oh, right. I heard about that.

Did you hear me? Oh, yeah. Someone told me about that. Oh, my God. You know, I just remembered. Oh, those came out. That's like a New York thing, right? Because didn't he?

Jeffrey Epstein, he's from here. That was the funny. The Jim Downey, the Jim Downey on Conan's podcast. Where he goes, Jeffrey Epstein, the New York financier? Like, that was his. Really? Yeah, it's so funny. It's one of, Jim Downey on Conan is one of the best episodes of a podcast that I don't watch that.

He just goes through all these old jokes that he wrote for Norm and all this shit. But yeah, he does the, man, he goes, Jeffrey Epstein, the New York, the New York financier. Oh my God, it's summer time to travel if you want to or just stay at home and learn a new language. Traveling would probably make it easier. But if you want to learn a new language, try Babel. Babel, just 10 minutes a day can help you start having real conversations. in as little as three weeks. Phrases you use ordering dinner,

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It's just been everywhere. Yeah. Because it's been underground being pushed by like Q and on and then like 4chan and A and shit. That's the problem. And then then people are like, oh, you think people have it in their minds is like, oh, it's just internet. It's like Pizza Gate.

Yeah. To them. It is. It turns out might not be as false as people are saying. Isn't that crazy? It's like everyone has egg on their face now about that. It's exactly what we were talking about with the sonic thing. It's just like a way worse.

evil version of that, where you go, I bet it is true. I bet there is parts of it that are true so that they can go, that was a crazy conspiracy. Well, there's a CIA technique they use called poisoning the well. Yeah. Or they take something that's true and add a bunch of crazy psycho shit into it. So everything associated with that seems like it's nuts. And it worked. It worked with that.

I would have loved to have known that technique in middle school. I could have made myself sound so much cooler. There's so many CIA techniques where it's like middle school kids would be like, yes. Yes, okay. Ego prop, hoctor prop, straw man. Well, teacher. Well, teacher. Actually, what happened was my father, I don't know, can't even.

Yeah, that is. But that it really is truly. Like a thing where you're like, I think I was dosed to learn your, like the MK Ultra. So if I miss one day of school, what if I miss a week? That way it really sells the, like going too far. bus on a version of this. So this is my group that I'm working on. They're like, you MK Ultraed your whole bus?

MK.K. Ultra. Yeah, that's the big one. The ultimate. Which was really just like mine fuck. Oh, yeah, because Ted Kaczynski was a, he was a victim of NK. Ultra. Have you been looking into him recently? I know all about him.

Are you really? About Ted? Are you really? Are you for real? Yeah, no. Because I've been reading a lot about him. So if I'm going to go into some stuff where you're like, if you don't know about him, we're getting into a lot.

a place where... I think I know a good amount. He wasn't wrong. He wasn't wrong, but also... You should not bomb people. You should not send explosive devices. I just want to... There's a statement from the Sodor podcast.

Here at the Sodor podcast, we do not approve of sending bombs in the mail. That is a felony. Felony. I think that's... Don't hurt anybody. You're going to get mandatory minimum on that. But if you read his shit? I haven't read the manifesto, but I do...

There's parts that you go. Some of this shit. Lines up just about technology, about the eroding of society, about how it will kind of take away our basic functions and make us reliant on this fucking thing. Yeah. And then you see, there's a lot of people that were on Kaczynski's list that he sent bombs to

that were on the Epstein files. Oh. That were collaborators with Jeffrey Epstein and a lot of shit. And you're going, okay. In fact, one of the guys was a professor at Yale and Kaczynski sent him a bomb. that blew out his right eye and took out his hand. He almost killed him.

And he just recently was a Epstein co-conspirator that had to leave Yale because of his ties with Epstein. And you're like, dude, this motherfucker, Kazitsky was doing this in the early 90s. We didn't even have dial-up yet. And this motherfucker's like, no, it's going to be a problem. And he was a virgin. Was he really? Oh, yeah.

You don't know about this? That's, I did not know. Have you seen the miniseries they did? No, because I was feeling it's good. Is it? I mean, I think it's true. It's not like, obviously, they don't make him a hero.

Sure. But they do explain everything and they go into the M.K. Ultra of it all. So if you think about Ted's what he did, he was a victim. The government is essentially responsible for him. Sure. Because they created him. Yeah, with the MK. Ultra shut,

they made him lose his mind. And he is brilliant. Yeah. Also, I'm not like a Kaczynski fan. I'm just like, It's crazy that there were parts of his shit that you go. Yeah, for sure. It's not wrong,

but also he was taking wide stabs at what technology was going to be. But yeah, the government created this fucking insane genius. They created him. And then he had to go live in the woods because he was so paranoid. Yeah. But he never fucked? Do you think that stops the bomb?

I think definitely, yeah. Unfortunately. Good pussy stops. Yeah. I think it does. I think it's a thing where that, like,

that much build up is going to, it's like a bomb in your pants. And he had to get it out. And he needed to send it to someone. And he just couldn't get it out alone. And so I wonder if like a lady, a lady laying in on a mattress with a sheet in this cabin is like, Ted,

will you come back to bed? He's got those. And he's like, just bombs. I got to make. Yeah. And he's like, I do want some pussy.

And then like six people are alive. You know? It was something where, I mean, I don't know how true it is, but in that mini series, he makes like a handmade, gift for some woman he knows her child and he sees the kid like loving this electronic thing.

It's probably a narrative device. It's probably not real. Sure. It's just that thing where you can see. I'm not going to lie. I know you came here to promote something, but I'm going to watch the Kaczynski miniseries now. I'm going to look it up. Watch Mermaid and then watch that.

Watch Johnny's movie Mermaid. Yeah, and going to Kaczynski. It's a Kaczynski tie-in. It's a great appetizer. It's a nice, umuz, booze. It kind of is in a weird way because the character I play in that movie is sort of, it's like a Kaczynski, Florida man. Okay.

But not as, you know, not as violent. Is this a movie that you made your set, like, with a bunch of other people? Or is this an indie film? Indy film written directed by Tyler Kornack.

He's a great writer-director. He did a movie called But Boy. Have you seen that? No. The title is, you know, indicates something else. Yeah.

But it's a hilarious, amazing, incredible indie movie. He made about six, five, six years ago. super funny just very dark yeah i was a big fan of that movie and we became friends and he wrote this movie and uh we made it and uh it's i love it yeah it's super great do you think that's where um the industry is going is just people be like i'm just gonna go make it and then absolutely we talk about this all the time it's such like uh you make something and then the big

companies go like give it to us yeah i mean we've got money give it to us and then it always something always happens but i feel like indie movies indie music indie comedy specials everything is going the way of there's too much bureaucracy with the big corporations there's not enough money in the studios anymore either it's all going to their CEOs they're not like oh yeah money back into the company it's absolutely terrible uh i've even talked to the woman who is like sort of on about to retire from i think lionsgate or something like that and she's like it's the worst it's ever been. Yeah, no one's positive about it. Terrible, terrible, terrible. Kind of deserves it, too, because it was very opulent for a while and they really were feeling

themselves telling people how to behave and act and vote. And then you go, you guys are a business that is dependent on people wanting you around. And I don't know, I just feel like the entertainment industry, especially in the last 20 to 25 years, really got like... Well, last six years. The last six years, it has taken a dive that is... That's what I mean. I'm saying, like, I'm saying, like, I'm... I think the last six-year dive is because of the 25 years of like, hi. Yeah. I'm Anthony Hopkins.

Here's how you recycle. And it's like, why are you telling me how to live? You play other people. I think people just got sick of the entertainment industry and we're watching the fall off. Definitely from COVID for sure. Sure. Well, everyone was consolidation. No one had anything to do.

So they were watching everything. And from the strikes. Sure. And the strike's not really resolving anything. The strikes like, oh, how about, can we have two more dollars? And like, yeah. Okay, he's like, oh, he did it. It was so funny watching them be like, no AI.

And the studios were like, we're using AI. And the actors were like, just not that much AI. You said a little bit? Yeah, and they were like, maybe. But I don't feel bad for the studios. I don't feel bad for these companies. I feel like the true thing should be, fuck it. Let's go full nepotism.

Let's make the studios kids have to make the movies now. Like, you work there. your dad runs 20th century Fox. You're the director of their big, you're doing the new Bond movie. Amazon studio. Bezos's daughter has to do the, you have to make the Bond movie.

They could do that. They could also just make everyone, no one gets paid, you only get back in points. That's great. That's the case. Then, like, you know how Todd Phillips did that with the hangover?

Did he? Yeah, because they didn't want to cast, like any of those guys, they didn't want to cast Zach or Bradley or any of the people he wanted. The studio did not want them. but he was like these are the guys I have to have them I will you can pay me the minimum minimum rate and I'll just take more points this is I mean this I think this is true it sounds true and they're like okay fine and you know he kind of won that one didn't he that's like that's like

what Ryan Coogler just did with sinners okay there's always like that thing where people get mad and they go like why is he doing it but South Park set themselves up years ago I believe this is true, but they did something like where they got the George Lucas deal on their merchandise, where they were like, we want 90 cents of every dollar. Less upfront, more later, because you're banking on it being a success. Yeah, and I think the reason they went with Comedy Central was Comedy Central was like, we'll give you that merchandise deal. Yeah.

And then South Park merchandise became like, and now they have their own studio, now they can make their own shit. Now that, you know what I mean? It's like they freed themselves. Pretty great. That's the thing that always is it's like, if you ever want to make something, you have to find a certain freedom that can let you make a movie like Mermaid. Yeah, well, we have, you know, we have a financier.

I mean, it's an indie movie. So the financiers come around the set? Yeah, but he's great. Our executive producer is a wonderful guy. He's like a DP himself. And so, you know, I was just wonder if it's like very rich people who are like, I wanted to make a movie. I mean, sometimes it is.

I think it's all over the map, but sometimes they're good, sometimes they're bad. Sometimes they have great, great taste and they like someone's work because he, he financed Tyler's other movie. Okay. And so it's just, you know, getting bigger and bigger movies. Yeah, that works out great. It's $2 million movie. That's our budget. That's great.

And the guy goes, I got that. You want to make that? And then you go, fuck, we can make this movie. Have you ever been on a sec? Because you've been on some big shows and big movies like 21 Jump Street. Have you ever seen a financier come around and go like, oh, this guy doesn't realize that he's only here because of the money? I mean, well, those studio movies is different because those are like, you know, They're like producers from the studio there.

Sure. Those guys, I don't know. I don't think I've ever been on something where it was like that. I mean, I've heard stories about it. Yeah. But I don't think I personally. Because I'm always fascinated by those people that are so rich that they don't understand that their help isn't needed or wanted.

Like get out of here, man. Just enjoy it later. Yeah. I mean, we never really had any, we had a lot of like business people around billions. Yeah. But they never like, they were always. is like, they treated us like they were at the zoo.

Really? They just like walk around and be like, whoa, this is pretty cool and show you, like they, you know, poke you and shit. Like,

oh, so you, you play one of the finance guys. I would fire a guy like you. Like, that's what, yeah. There was always a big laugh.

Yes. You have to laugh with them. Like, you would, huh? That is what, that's the Hollywood phoniness that I've absolutely participated in.

You gotta do a little bit. Oh, yeah. And then I walk away in your face. drops. You go, all right, well, I'm here for another time. But those guys, if they do that, those guys are never that cool or effective. Some of the biggest producers I've ever met were like, nicest most chill dudes ever. Yeah. I remember meeting Neil Moritz once in a makeup trailer. He said,

hi, Johnny. How you doing? He's getting a haircut. I control the world. Yeah. You've made the Fast and Furious movies. Yeah. And he's like such a nice guy. That's always what I'm interested. Like, it's funny to me when friends of mine have had success that they can touch these people, that are like very successful. And you're like, like Tim Dillon's a guy where you're like, I can't believe all the people you've had lunch with that have probably affected world policy. Yeah, like arms dealers and stuff.

Yeah, exactly. That's the joke I always make is when you hang out with Tim, you meet someone that's like despicable, but they're nice, where they're like, I'm Anna child soldier. My family put children soldiers and you're like, that's one of the jokes I always make because it is always someone like that, where they're like, I'm from Dow.

And you're like, oh, God, so you pour forever chemicals in rivers. And they're like still doing it. But I love the way Tim just tells it like it is. I love your podcast. You're so funny. But that billions had a little bit like that. Like you'd be on set and they'd be like, I was talking to this old guy one time and he walked away. And one of the creators was like, you know, that's the guy that shorted Enron.

And you're like, whoa, I would have had a way different conversation if I knew that. Yeah. I would have been like, how the fuck did you know? He doesn't want you to know that, does he? No, he was trying to talk to me about like. metal sighting. I was like, what was this guy's fascination?

We were like, looking at this building. Really? Talking about metal sighting. I was like, yeah, I don't know. That metal siding, he's like,

do you think he could come down? And I was like, I don't know. That might be what they call an artist. Yeah, maybe. And then he like saw a head. He like touched the computer

and was like, yeah, it's going to crash. But that's always amazing to me where there's like, people that do crazy shit but then have just like social lives where they're like,

like, all the Artemis people now are like coming back. Really? from going around the moon they're getting laid now kind of they're like all coming home and having like these like weird things

where they're like hey it's good to be home and you're like well I want to talk about the moon I don't want to talk about they're like trying to have regular conversations you couldn't pay me to suck a space dick yeah that's what it is

you're like that's the conversation I want to have like aliens up there I don't know I'm always like I'm always fascinated that people can compartmentalize shit when they've done really cool stuff because you're like

well that's just all I want to talk about. But I also could see how that would be boring where you're like, please don't bring up that thing again. I think that's the case. I always feel like those people don't want to talk about it because it's not, unless you're, unless you want to really get into it. Sure.

Then you can't get into it. So let's talk about something that's like fun, like dogs or like, you know, oh, actually, yeah, I'm doing my own coffee now. I do, I'm roasting my own beans, you know? I don't want to talk about this. But this is what you want to talk about. Because I'm like, I think I get that way. When I meet, like, fans of comedy that want to talk, I'm like, oh, yeah, I'll talk comedy all day.

I love talk comedy. I don't. Really? Oh, my God. It's like the worst. See, I like it when they're like, I like this standup. I'll be like, oh, okay. I think it's like interesting because you're like finding out.

But I'm also a wrestling fan. So it's like a fandom thing. Yeah. I think I've been too harsh on L.A. because L.A. does have a lot of cool stuff where you bump into people that are also making, like, that whole city is. Yeah. The thing I don't like about it is something that as I, get older I'm starting to turn on, which is that I do like it.

I felt like everyone was in the business every time I went there. You just be a hater of L.A.? Oh, yeah. Really? Big hater of L.A. of L.A. of L.A. of L.A.

New York, right? What? You send that one, it's from, I think it's from, uh, what's the show, Don Draper show, you know, um, oh, it's like we don't even think about you? Yeah. Yeah, it's like, I hate you every day. I fucking love New York. Yeah.

I don't live here, but I fucking love coming here. I love it so much. Like, I can't handle. can't live here man yeah it's too cool i but all these new yorkers are like fuck l a it's like why we like you i know we like you a lot you know what it is i think it is early in the business everyone you have to move to l a lot of people like but i don't i like living in new york and they're like you got to go there and then it's like honestly i think it's like um it's like going to a place and only seeing a shittiest part where you go yeah i suppose that's true because once i had friends

move out there and they live there and they have backyards and shit and you're like you go and they live like you say you have neighbors that aren't in the industry you just live in a neighborhood oh you have the meme uh i mean it's it's pretty well known yeah L.A. New York yeah i don't even think of you at all other way around oh it's quite literally the way around yeah they're gonna fucking lives in your head man they do you know what that's the wrong that's the wrong fucking meme man misinformation literally just make that yeah it's funny he's over there he doesn't give a fuck about New York because they're a bunch

of like, you know, I will say what L.A. people. That's the wrong direction. What L.A. Oh, I'm walking here. Returned you for. I'm fucking walking here. Johnny moved here. Johnny lives in Brooklyn now. It lives in a three-floor walk-up in Brooklyn. God, I used to watch that movie all the time. I want to just bang on a cab so bad.

Then you do it and you go, oh, these motherfuckers are from a country where they will fight me. Yeah. They go bang on me. I paid a hundred thousand dollars for this medallion. I'll fucking kill you. And I'm going against Uber now. But it was It was the thing that I will admit as a reformed LA hater that I was just like Fuck LA, it sucks, blah, blah.

Then you go out there and you're like, I think the reason we say it sucks so bad is because Your quality of life, maybe not quality of work. It's a different quality of life. It's a different thing. As you get older, you go, it's quiet. Oh, it's so quiet. You go out there and you go, they have a backyard. You can go hiking.

I live in an apartment with my 50-pound dog who's like, like, can we please go to grass? And you're like, I think as I get older, I understand it, but I couldn't live there because I'm too lazy. I would get a backyard. I would get a house. Stay there. And I go, I'm not fine.

I mean, I don't leave. I've left the house in the past three days. A house, I mean, my hotel. Yeah. I've left it. I've done more than I've done like in almost a month in L.A. That's what I mean. Like, LA, you get somewhere.

Do spots in L.A. And you're like, oh, do two spots. And you go, it's great. There's like two hours in between it. And then it's 50 minutes of traffic. And you're like, why did it? And then you go, I thought I could do a show in Santa Monica. And everyone in L.A. goes, oh, yeah, I'm like, it's like a different planet.

I know. So I can never live there. I did a spot had the greatest chicken sandwich I've ever had. And then my friend's like, you know, this movie's starting in 10 minutes. You want to go see it? I'm like, it's right on the corner. I'm like, okay, let's go. That's what I mean.

I saw a movie. Like, what the fuck? That's wild. I came home last night and I was like, Katie was like, how'd the shows go? And I was like, oh, like, and then I realized I did five spots in one night and didn't even have to like pretty much leave an area. That's nuts, man.

You go, oh, I had three good ones too sucked. And I said that. I went, three were good too. Holy shit, I did five spots. I did four at a club and one at a bar show. And it was like all within the same area. I think that makes the type of stand-up in New York different. Yeah, you guys perform.

your ass is off. And I will say that. Yeah. I think that's something that New York comics don't like to admit, but we're starting to come around on too is like, man,

LA comics, you guys stay in the bit, you perform it, you actually are in the bit. We are so concerned with laughs per minute and punch lines and shit that we're just like,

blah, blah, blah, all right, bye, bye, blah, and it's like the next one. It's also so crowdworking here. It's kind of, oh my God,

it's insane. There's some shows that down where... Oh, no. This is like when you don't know you got fat. And there's also, Then you see a picture and you go, oh fuck, oh fuck, I'm so fat now.

It is, though. It's the kind of thing where there's certain audiences where if you don't talk to them, they're just not going to laugh. I hate that. I fucking hate it the most. I hate it so much. Oh, no. It like hurts me. This feels like a doctor diagnosis where they go, we found something in your blood.

And you go, was it crowdwork? And they go, lethal amounts. You have an extremely high amount of crowdwork. You have a lot of, have you been doing a lot of how did you two meet? Have you been doing that? It does. You've been doing a lot of, what's that necklace? Oh, that's a nice necklace.

What sucks is following crowd work, and it's your friend, and you can't get off stage and go, you fuck me. Yeah, because it's so live, it's so, like, engaging. Well, people like it now. Everything is social media's engagement. Yeah. Yeah. I don't even think about that shit.

I don't think of the whole, like, people complain about, like, oh, you have to do crowdwork for clips. It's like, I don't get it. give a fuck about that shit that's like a different thing you're living in uh that's your world i don't know that's like for me i don't care about that but can i tell you someone that's confronted other comics about crowdwork clips you yeah it doesn't go well what do you mean like confront like saying like you're you're kind of like full of shit sort of like you're not full of shit i just go stop what are you doing you're like you're sloping up the world yeah you're like

making it where everyone thinks stand up and this was like a person i've known for a very long time and it did not go well. So I will not do it again. But I was like, yo, and I tried to joke around about it. I was like, yeah,

it's like you had a crowdwork clips and they were like, why would you say that? And I was like, well, it's true. And then it was a couple months of, but you see what people say about it,

though. The comments on them are, they know the rules. Listeners know the rules. You see me live. You can ask who it was and I'll tell you. I won't say on the podcast.

I bet I bet I'll get, I bet you can guess afterwards. Either way, the people don't like it anymore. There's a lot of comments that they're saying, like, I came to see, I don't came to see you talk to a guy for one guy for 10 minutes. Because that's not,

it's so, you know what makes me fucking furious. It's truly, like, Pavlovian makes me angry. He's when I'm at a show and someone's doing crowd work, and they do the thing. Because I've watched Big Jay do,

like, some of the greatest crowd work I've ever seen in my life. Like, truly a performance. do it. He has that energy. He could have been an interrogator. Oh my God. He could have been a CIA interrogator. He has that thing that, you know, I have a good friend who's even bigger than him. It's like a really big guy. Sure. Well, Jay Skinny now. You were there at the bonfire yesterday. You saw it. Yeah, but he's still like he has the presence of a guy who if he sits down to talk to you at a table, you're going to play like, yeah, I stole it. I, um, I stole the, yeah. It was just, you know, let's get down to business.

And you're like, yes, sir. No, sir. Yes, sir. Like he carries himself, he's not hurried. Sure. There's certain people who are, have a deep voice. They're like substantial physically. Sure. And if you're unhurried, there's like a confidence in that where like someone like

me's and like, yeah. Uh-huh. And I'm so desperate for approval that I go, well, here's the thing. And then also if you're not mad, you can leave it any time. Right. But you're right. People that can just sit in it and go like, we don't have to make anything happen. We can just, he's great at it.

But. So I like crowdwork when it's done well. But the thing that really makes me mad is when I hear someone ask somebody something and whatever the person says, the comic just repeats in a silly voice. Oh, right. Where do you work? And they go, I work at a financial firm. They go, oh, this guy went, oh, we're going to financial firm.

It's like, I want to shoot you. Yeah. I want if this was the old West, I would draw on you right now. I would be like, because it's like a trick. People will always laugh no matter what. It's like a parlor trick or something. Fans of comedy that are listening to this right now.

Do you're Johnny Pumperton and I have favor? Go see movies and don't go to comedy shows. No, go to comedy shows. You son of a bitch, you cut me off. Go see mermaid. Go see mermaid. Absolutely go see mermaid. Johnny's an unbelievable.

You can also see me do stand-up too. You're hilarious. Here's what I don't like about you. Is that you're good at everything? No, I'm not. As someone, I had to like kind of learn how to act to get through billions. Yeah. You can act your dick off, but you're also a great show.

Yeah, but my stand-up is not, like, I say this, I'm not, I mean, no, I'm not proud or ashamed of it. I've done probably half or less the amount of stand-up that someone who's been doing it as long as me has done. Like, I just don't have that many reps. But what I like about admitting that honesty is that you go, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, being honest in a way that I think people in your position don't have to be. Where you go, I don't have as many reps, so it comes to me to stand up,

I'm still kind of figuring it to this out, versus like, and I hate to say this, a lot of L.A. people. They'll go, like, I've been doing comedy for 30 years, but you find out they haven't been on stage in 10 years. Yeah, there's definitely a ton of bullshit like that. It's definitely from the comedy boom. Yes, it is.

Oh, my God. Some of that stuff I'm just like, fucking get this over with. It's dying. It is dying. It is dying. I do you think that like legitimate, I don't know, you know, I'm putting it in quotes, but like legitimate stand-up.

The kind of thing where people aren't doing that thing where they're saying like, I don't even describe it, the thing where you say something sort of like that crowd work bit you're talking about. Yeah. Where you're just going up there, you're doing stuff where there's no takeaway. Yeah. There's no takeaway at all. It's just reactionary laughing.

Yeah. It's breaking the uncomfortable silence. It's not actually funny. Yeah. It's just this. weird human response they're generating. Well, the funnel is, and what I was going to say

before that is, if you are at a show and someone does that crowdwork thing, call them out on it, please. I'm setting my own little soldiers into the field. Call them out on that, this is how I, this is how, this is my Ted Kaczynski.

These are my little pipe bombs I'm sending. Your pipe bombs. Where I go, ask, it goes, don't say that in that tone again. I call that out on crowdwork would be fantastic. I mean, I think, people are just they're going to go away well that's what it is sustainable it's the pipeline of uh what used to what used to feed into like DJs in like the 2010 oh my god because I was a DJ

for a long time and I wouldn't I wouldn't tell people I'm a DJ so embarrassed of it I would say oh you're DJ right you spin like I play records sometimes yeah that's that's that's the because I just so embarrassing but like oh my God being a DJ is but it's gone now everyone used to be a DJ. Now no one's a DJ. Before that, everyone was an MTV VJ. Yeah.

Like everyone wanted to be on MTV. Like Jesse? Yeah. But guess what? Now, if Jesse came along, you'd go, I'm doing stand-up. Oh, my God.

And it's pretty crazy. I got an hour. And you're like, no, you're not, though. You're just like, so I think this will stand up, it'll pass by.

People will go to another thing and use that for clicks and views and fucking money. And we just have to remember that. We just have to be like, it's almost over guys. True fans of comedy, we're almost through it.

Cream always rises. Yeah. True heads always know. Well, I knew it got too big where a couple years ago there was a comic that was like, what am I just gonna like keep doing this and work comedy clubs until I'm dead?

And you're like, you'd be lucky. You'd be lucky. It always makes me think of the scene of office space where he's like, what do you guys want to work at in a tech the rest of your lives? And Samir goes, that kind of security would be nice.

But you're like, that's how I feel. If I knew I could sell out to Funny Bone for the rest of my fucking life. Like, give me that. Give me that all fucking day. I kind of feel differently about that. Really?

Yeah, I don't know. Something about certain, um, road stuff where I just like, excuse me, I ate oatmeal, um, I'm a big old meal guy now. It's saving my life. We're looking at oatmeal. But you wouldn't want to do that. You wouldn't want to go work comedy clubs. It's just the traveling.

That's the road. That's what stand-up is. Yeah, and I don't love that. You got to go do your act. You got to go, you got to go work the act. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Actors will say, I'm not. an actor and comedians will say I'm not a comedian.

Yeah. Because of what I just said. It's like this thing where... Oh, I get that. You're in like a weird world where you're not like, I don't want to do that. I don't... Well, because for a long time, I didn't like doing the road because I didn't have fans. And so when you're doing...

When you're in like, fucking Columbus, Ohio at the Funny Bone, and you look like you're like a 16-year-old girl like me, people are... They're not respectful to you. But don't you feel like you're at a point in your career now where you could go on the road and people will come see you? Yeah. now I am, but I still have this like, like I'm doing Honolulu on May 28th at the Blue Note. Blue Note.

Yeah. I've heard that great shows about. I mean, who cares? It could be the worst show ever. I'm a fucking Hawaii, man. I don't care. You can throw a chair to me. I wonder if Hawaiians get mad at that where they go, can you bring it?

Can you fucking bring it? I'm going to bring it. Because every single person I know, I have the same reaction. I go, I don't know. I'm doing a show in Hawaii. Who gives a shit? I'm going to be in sandals. And the people of Hawaii are like, it would be nice to.

you really tried. It'd be nice if you actually showed up and fucking tried to have a good show. Why does the people of Madison, Wisconsin, get a tight show? Oh, they really get it too. Yeah, but then Hawaii. I'm also doing Madison in July 9th

through the 11th. Go to Comedy on State. Yeah, that place, man, holy shit. Best club in the country. It's nuts there. It's very good. But I understand what you're saying. You're kind of in this middle ground

where actors are like, you're not going to, you're not doing Shakespeare in the park, you're not doing all this stuff. And then comics are going, you're not at a fucking chuckle hut in Oklahoma's, city for $2 a weekend. I've done some of that.

And I've, I felt the burn. I felt the burn years ago. But now I can, like, I have fans coming, which is great. So I really appreciate.

I really appreciate the people being on board with what I'm doing, because before, you know, I would do like weird stuff. And if you're doing weird stuff to people who are wasted and got comp tickets,

they just don't give a fuck. They will talk over you. Trying to do personal material or the drunk table doesn't care. Oh, God. Junk tables like, what were you saying? You're like,

I was talking about how my uncle was bastard. Yeah. And they're like, I don't even know. It's her birthday. But that shit is, that shit is so incredibly terrible.

There's no reason to keep, I think if that keeps happening, then I don't know. That's not good. That's not a life. I would argue, my argument against that would be when you do comedy long enough,

people know you now. Like there's not. There still will be groups of rediscovery or people that don't know you. But it's, I've always, last night at the cellar, there was this audience that Ravello and I were texting about because he went on before me and then he left. And later in the night, he's like, did you like that crowd? I was like, absolutely not. They were like sensitive and dumb, which is like the worst. Ultimate worst combination.

Worst combination. But the saving grace was there were a couple people that I could tell the way they were laughing that they knew me. Oh, right. Yeah. So I just performed to them and it saved my time on the show because I went like, there was a guy like by the half bake poster that kept laughing. And I was like, this guy gets, he's laughing at all the right stuff. Right.

So I'm just, I'm not doing the four girls that are on a girl trip in the front row going, no, when you say something they don't like. You just go, I'm going over you. I'm talking to them. Fuck that. But I understand what you're saying. When the audience is all those people, shit sucks. but I think you're at a point now

where there will be people in the room where you just go, you're my friend, I'm going to talk to you. It's like being at a party where you only know two people. You just go, if I can know these two people,

I'll talk to these people. But sometimes it's like, you know, I feel like when you have people who are, you have to look at them. And it's so much, it takes so much energy. That's, it's exhausting. And a lot of times I'm like,

I just don't feel. I completely get that. The money is not worth that. If you can make it, elsewhere, it becomes not worth it. I wish more people had that attitude. I wish more people had that attitude. And I think if more people had that attitude,

I think comedy wouldn't be as polluted with people that are just doing it to make money. You mean hacks? Yes. Yeah, they're fucking, they're hacks. Yes. That's what pandering is.

They're doing it to, but so much of comedies built around pandering. I know. And it's, you're talking to a guy that pandered probably the first 30 years of his life. I mean, I've done it recently.

Yeah. You know? When you have a pander feeling, when you feel that pandering, pander you go. Ugh. And your soul, you go.

It's terrible. But I think there's people that go, shut up, soul. And then they just keep going until that, they don't make that noise. Because they don't give a fuck

because they're so, I mean, I think the biggest trick that comedy industry ever did was convince comedians that it was art. It's not. It's not at all. It's a service.

It's a trade. It can be art. We are a truck stop blow job. Like it can be, though. It can be artful. If done right in the right situation, yeah.

Like what, Richard Pryor did with some of, like, his first special, what Chappelle did with killing him softly. There's like moments like what Maria Bamford does. There's art there. You go, that is artistic. But there's a lot of times where, but we're not artists. It becomes, when you're doing multiple shows in a place that you don't want to be with people you don't want to know, you are not, that is not art. You are babysitting. It's a trade. And all these club owners who are, let's face it, these guys are crime tangential. They were like, they, they started. That's how stand-up started. If you read any history book,

the reason they're called stand-up comedians isn't because they stood up on stage. It was, I mean, you should read that book, I have it here, the history of comedy. It's fucking, this one, it's phenomenal by Cliff Nessero. This one right here, it's called, you should read this if you're a fan of comedy. It's called The Comedians. How old is that? Thieves,

scoundrels, and the history of American comedy. He put it out in... I think it's in the front, right? Yeah, where is it? It's like, but this is like the book. on comedy history. Didn't I was told... 2015 by Cliff Nesteroff, who was...

I'm probably fucking up his name. That's a crazy name. Cliff, K-L-I-P-H. Yeah, he's a Canadian comedian. But he does the best job I've ever read of where stand-up comedy came from. It's vaudeville beginning and all that shit. But it was for the mob.

The mob would have these supper clubs and it would have these things and they'd have bands and they'd need someone to be funny and tell jokes. And it's cheaper to pay one guy than it is to pay five guys. And also we're pandering fucking hookers. So they all knew this guy's not going to get out of line. And so the reason they'd say that is like, oh, he won't narc on you.

He's a stand-up guy. So it's like a stand-up comedian. Yeah, that's where it all comes from. They talk about it in this book. Oh, it's so fucked. You would work for quote-unquote the outfit. You would work for the mob. And they'd be like, yeah, that's what all the, you were like a lot of the times the first like circuits.

Old Tony. Oh, Tony. You got for old Tony. There's a guy in there that thought he was too big for the mob and they cut his fucking tongue out and he survived and he never learned. They cut his throat open and fucking put his, it's crazy. It's gonna be me. It's because you're saying,

talking too out. Yeah, ask where they're from. And then, but you don't want to do the Oklahoma funny bump? Okay. Pep, but it's too big. Yeah, you're too big. Maybe you don't walk around. Too good no more. Yeah, why don't you chew on this gum? Yeah. Yeah. It really is a fucking awesome book about the history

of comedy, though. And it's like, when you read it, you go, we're too comfortable right now. They talk about the Thodville acts, they would be in these beautiful theaters, these like pristine beautiful theaters. And backstage, it would just be like three feet of plywood and rats and shit. And they'd be like, you got three shows the night. And then they would have to like the Marx Brothers in this talk. There's like old, old interviews where they talk about sleeping in train stations.

So that they can make the next gig. And they're making like $3 a gig or some shit like that. And you're like... That's never going to change though, because people always... Actors, comedians, anyone who's doing something that they want to do. do will always get paid less because they know that you want to do it yes and so you'll you'll do you'll suffer yeah something like me if you feel like a new actor on a show or something they're like oh we don't have to pay you anything anything minimum we can pay there's a union yeah if it's a union

they go you got to do sag minimum yeah and even that you go it's pretty offensively low there's so many things we're looking back I'm like oh they got a fucking deal on me baby they got such a deal And you start realizing that with comedy, you know, when you don't sell tickets and you just go, I'm so grateful to be here. Then you start selling tickets. You go, you fucking crook. Oh my God. The money that they make, they don't have to sell tickets at all.

And they're still making handover fist off of this shit. It's crazy. Like the fact is, imagine going to any sort of art event and there being a minimum drinks you have to buy. That was like one of the jokes I made in my HBO special of like you don't, there's no two drink minimum. with the ballet. Yeah. Like we're not artists. We're just fucking mall clowns.

Yeah. But sometimes it, you know, sometimes it is kind of artful though. I feel like you sneak it in. I feel like there, it's like in the way that like, um,

it's like in the way that some, sometimes bad shit can be beautiful. Yeah. Like a fire can be beautiful. Like you're watching a building burn and you go, it's beautiful. Like that's so fucking good. I'm an orsonist that needs to come.

Who did this? I did it. Uh, make sure you watch the movie. mermaid. Watch everything Johnny does. He's fucking hilarious. I don't care that you're,

you know, you're like actors hate me, comics hate me. I've always thought you, we did Montreal together in 2011. Is that how we know each other? I did unrepped and you did regular new faces. I've been seeing you.

When's the last time I saw you? Probably. Before the pandemic. Yeah, long time. I want to say like 2019 when I was in L.A. I think it was the last time I saw you physically. That's crazy.

But I've known you a while and I've always been fucking blown away by your talent. I think you're, I think your special is probably one of my favorite specials. I think son of Gary is one of the best specials made in the last 20 years. Thanks, man. It's so great. So great. I really appreciate that.

I fucking really worked hard and it's awesome when people that I like are like, I like the shit you made. You go, thanks, dude. That's because I just shot mine. I was like, this is one of the examples I used for how it should look. I mean, I got real lucky on that because Chris Storer directed it right before he created the bear.

And so it was like a thing where I was like Well I think it was just luck Yeah but the special doesn't live on that Yeah it's you know It was just a really cool and you know When's your yours is coming out? We're still editing it right now

All right hell yeah Maybe this summer maybe fall Come back Come back to New York I'll be back Now that Oh come back Come back

Come back and we'll play far cry We'll play far cry We'll play fallout Play far cry Far cry fucking rule We'll just sit around and do drugs And play fallout for a thousand hours And a tunnel

who's got Adderall Let's fucking do it Do you have any? No I can get you to